Soder - 151: Hot Key Fob with Lev Fer | Soder Podcast | EP 147

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

Support the sponsors to support the show!Don’t sweat the heat this summer. Feel as effortlessly cool as you look with Mack Weldon. Go to MackWeldon.com and get 20% off your first order of $125 or more, with promo code DANhttps://mackweldon.com/Soder is building a new hour on the road!Get tickets at https://www.dansoder.com/tourSeptember 10-12 Portland,MESeptember 17-19 Hartford,CTOctober 2-3 Alburquerque,NMOctober 4-7 Fort Collins,COOctober 19-21 Winnipeg, CanadaOctober 22-24 Calgary,CanadaNovember 5-7 Salt Lake City,UTDecember 10-12 Rochester,NYFollow Lev Fer and watch his special Patch Workhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxa0Gd_07g4https://www.instagram.com/levfer/?hl=enhttps://levfercomedy.com/https://www.facebook.com/LevFersh/PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow.https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572Connect with SoderTwitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoderInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoderTiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedyFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoderYoutube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy#dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcastProduced by  Mike Lavin     https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

I'm in Portland, Maine, September 10th through the 12th at Empire Comedy Club. The early shows are sold out, but we still have late shows with tickets available. Those are at Dansetter.com. And then if you're in Hartford, Connecticut, I will be there September 17th through the 21st, doing five shows. No, I'm sorry. That's way too many days. I'm there at the 17th through the 19th.

Didn't mean to give you false information. I will be there Thursday, September 17th, Friday, September 18th. and Saturday, September 19th. Danzorder.com. There are going to be a lot of fun shows. Also, just go to my website. All the dates are there through the end of the year. And check out punchup.

Dot live. Got movie watchalongs. You can also sign up for my mailing list, so when I come to your city, you already know. And these little intros don't mean jack squat. Enjoy the episode. Have a good week. Now, onto that hat.

Yes. Now, here's the thing I am impressed with you about. And I've always, it's like the hot guy still lives in there. Is this not a hot? Okay. That's, that purple hat is a hot. I'm telling you right now, that is a hot guy risk. It's a risk, but it's not a hot.

It's not a hot guy. Yeah, that's true. It's not a hot guy move. This is still like when I was a middle school fat kid. This is the fedora equivalent. No. White fedora. Baby on a blanket at a picnic.

That's how you dress. You look like your mom just put you down That sounds like a great day You know what it is It's like I bought this stupid hat For my live streams I was like let's wear something dumb While I stream

Is that the new Do you think that is The new podcasting 100% Okay That's what I have to ask you like an old man You're gonna have to come And you're visiting me at my home Where I go

What's the new way to get people So you're podcasting But it's live to the paper What are you talking to? Who are you talking to? I can't wait for podcasting to die It's close. It's like, I was thinking about this today, and obviously I asked you to be here and I love you.

Yeah. But I'm like, we all have tricked ourselves into like having to do morning radio now. Well, we all turned ourselves into morning radio. Yeah. But the old dogs will tell you that picking the time is the victory. Yeah. Because I don't have to be up at 5.30 a.m. to get picked up by a club manager that's still on Coke. Yeah.

Driving me to talk to a guy name like Willie the Wiley. And he's like, yeah. How long? What made you want to get into comedy? And they're not even in the studio. They're remote. their home studio. Inexcusable.

Bill Burr used to do the funniest thing back in like 2007, if you went to his website. It was, his bio was like, hey, radio DJ, I'm probably sitting across from here. Here's what you should ask me about. And you're like, brilliant. Yeah, yeah.

It's like morning radio, which is like a relic now. Yeah. It still happens in some places. There are still, like, Preston and Steve. There are shows that are fucking great. But you know, you're fucked when you go in and the guy asks you why you got in a comment oh my god jesus christ and it's like wainsworld too they don't even look at you yeah but now streaming do you have to my favorite streaming thing is reading the chat oh it's so fun i think that but

no the way people look when they do it where they go like all right guys this game's heating up yeah that's right i did just miss that power up okay let's go it's like you know what i like talking. I like seeing like when there's a, there's like one of 10 comments will be mean and personal. And I'm trying to hide it on my face. Like you don't want to twitch. It's like when Trump got booed by the dirt of the national.

And then you can see like the twitch in his mouth. He goes, ooh. They love it. This is actually good. All heat is good heat. Yeah. I would stop.

That's why I can't stream because I'd immediately be like, why did you say that? I had the pause being Batman. Why do you say that? You're like Lego Batman. Yeah. Who's a man child? Hold on.

Now, before I switched to Nightwing for this mission, why? Yeah, they always hurt. I had a comment, rock me where I was like, I was like,

I'm just, I'm playing like Resident Evil. Yeah. And we're having a good time. And then like, all of a sudden one comment was just so personal in the stream. And it's like, it's one of these guys who like just lives to,

he comes into the streams. He just, he's trying to do the ball busty thing. Sure. But it's all just like, your mother watches this and she's ashamed of you or some shit like that. And I'm just like trying not to. blush while I'm running from fucking Mr. X in Residence.

Go, go, go, go, go. And then you're, it's funny to be scared and hurt. Oh, yeah. Go, go, go. No. You know, I don't even care if it gets me. Yeah. You know what?

You stop. Like, go to the controller. Take me ghost. I would be, I, you'd be a great life showering because you spazzing out and getting angry would be awesome. I've had to work. You know what's crazy is that Dan exists in very small doses. Yeah.

See these tables right here. They're IKEA, maybe $12. Okay. When we first moved in, I still had, there are two wolves inside of you. One of those wolves wants to punch a table when you lose in a video game. And I used to be a big spas. I used to really. Well, you got a real anger down on you.

Well, you know, what's funny is I started getting it out. And then I started getting chippy with people. Yeah, yeah. That was the last two years. I was starting to get chippy and people were being like, All right. Well, I tried, you just reminded me of this bit I wanted to work out and never did. But you were talking to me about therapy once.

And you were like, you should do therapy. And then you were like, it's great. Like I finally told my grandma to go fuck herself. Yeah. I was like, why would you do that? It sounds like the therapy is like hurting. That is, uh, Shane did a joke for a little bit where he's like I tried therapy and then they told me just to fight my dad.

Yeah. I love my dad. But the thing is is you don't realize like, um, dude, the way you're fucking, it's absolutely true. you get into therapy and they're like, hey, go argue with everyone you love. Really? That's really all it was for like the first 10 years. But I was an angry boy.

Yeah. But what I used to do is I used to get high and I used to push it down and then it would come out during video games. That's why I couldn't be a streamer. Yeah. Because I'd be like, oh yeah, it's an interception. But now maybe. Yeah. Now maybe.

I don't get as angry. I still get pissed, but it's more like adult. But you're a real shit talker too. Like so I do think you'd probably get yourself in trouble. That's why I paywall all my shit because I'm like, I'm worried. Oh my God. The amount of edits this poor guy has to do. Yeah.

I would be talking about something. I'd be like, this is our second take of this podcast. Because all we did was on the last one, well, the last one we just talked to comedy business. Yeah. Which is like I left and I was like,

dude, we can't do that. Lev's too funny. It's, I need them dressed like the Prince of blueberries when it comes back. And then we could fucking do a proper pocket. You said, let's be silly today.

So, I love it. I see a retarded hat. I'm like, let's do it. You got to trust your impulses. You see a dumb hat on your way out the door? Slap it on. But also, my thing about you is this, what I love about you is you have been to the other side of being a hot dude.

And you could have, where a lot of society's problems are is people get hot and they never let go of that key fob. Yeah. So they cause problems for everyone else. I didn't let go, Dan. I was carjacked. I was like, well, your fob ran out. There's a fat. There's two wolves inside of me.

And one is fat. as fuck. I like that one. He's a lot bigger than the other wolf. The other one is in the corner. That one's wheezing. One of your wolves is wheezing. I mean,

the big wolf is job. The hot wolf is just in the fetal position fucking chained up right now. I'm going to round up like five to ten looks maxers. Yeah. And then we're going to scared straight with you. I'm going to let you go fucking hog wild. And then you're going to come out eating the chicken parm going,

Just the life you want. I'm streaming Resident Evil with the purple hat. And the guys are hurting my feelings. And you guys, and I'm feeling my feelings. And they go, bro, smoke meth.

Yeah. Chiseled. They're all putting hammers on their chin. What does they do? It just like knocks your face down? It's fake. It's a fake thing. I think they think it like,

that's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, draw muscles on my arm when I was a kid in class and I'd be like,

find muscles they look like this and then I was just gangling my whole life. Well, the skin absorbs the pain. So they just do it like, hit it. Yeah, it's like a fake thing. It's autistic. Viral, yeah.

Oh, yeah, because that one guy. I think they think it builds up like feeling in your face or like your, the definition or whatever. Are you worried? Here's the worry about streaming. What if you get so popular on streaming that that's what you're known for and then you try to go do you stand up and everyone's like, stream, stream. Stream.

It's through the camera on you or watch something. Yeah, it's like you're doing an e-sport. You're just live sitting on stage with a desk. They need a monitor and. front of your face. Because that's like it's... I think that's a silly fear. I don't think I'll ever be much successful at anything, so I don't think it matters.

Oh, stop. I don't think it matters. I also think the difference is like if, if like nowadays it's like podcasters, they go out and do stand-up and then they get exposed as not being that good at stand-ups. People will come back. Stand-ups that go out and do stand-up and expose, they're not going to stand-up. Hey, let's not get topical. But they're right, but yeah, you're right.

As long as you give them the goods when they show up, like, who cares. Sure. I think no matter what, people who come see me, they're like, that was a good show, like, even if they don't. Yeah, I, there still needs to be, you know, the whole part of the morning show thing was to get people to come see you. But, like, that was also part of the whole comedy club thing where now it's like, everybody that goes to see somebody knows somebody. They're like, oh, I watch Love play Resident Evil. Yeah. Man, I'm going to start, like, wrestling alligators or something on live streams.

You got to start a stream. You, IRL stream, just fucking watch. I was streaming lost me was when I found out that they filmed, themselves sleeping, which is crazy. Yeah, the 24-hour thing. What is that? I wouldn't want that at all. You know how I fall asleep on this couch all the time and wake up so spooked? I was like, I would want people at home be like, ah, cut that.

Cut that and put it all over the internet of me being like, ah! I had a nightmare that the stream got cut. Are you still on? Me on the computer looking for my eyes all fucking red and shit. Well, you don't have to do that. You can fucking do it for an hour that have a place of, better to clip it up and shit. The Twitch almost was the one that got me during COVID because I understood that.

You streaming Madden, brother? Yeah. I mean, but you know, I would have been in big trouble by now. If I were streaming while I played Ghost to Sushima, the amount of dishonorable. You would have to be in trouble.

You'd be doing aren't. What are you talking about? That's, you guys want to see me do a Japanese voice? So I'm playing Dark Souls. Next thing I know, the material becomes. They only would recommend racial video games.

They're like, this one's on the underground railroad. And I was like, guys, I don't think I can do that. I'm Harriet Tubman on 43. Catch me streaming as Harriet Tubman. Yeah. I mean, you already like games? You already like this movie? I mean, I really do.

You know what? For me, that was my version of streaming was the movie watchalongs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I like, I do like a hang. Right. I do think the more internet that happens, people just want buddies to hang out with. Agreed, yeah. Once we fight against the robots, once AI turns and we have to, like, kill them.

Like, and bomb. data centers and shit that's when we'll come back to that'll be sick that'll come back to where you're like oh i work with a bunch of humans it's pretty chill yeah yeah we're gonna have to go like your kids or grandkids will but i do wonder like here's the thing you know in movies when the good guys bomb places yeah yeah they always go like fight club they go cleaning crew left 30 minutes ago there's no one in the building and then you watch the building blow up and you go yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah data centers aren't going to have have people working at them.

Right. You're telling me you're going to put them in all these rural areas where dudes love to just play with explosives and these guys aren't going to, you're not like. It's a very interesting thing. I think there will be data center attacks. It's going to be like, yeah. Can I tell you why? And I'm not saying you should.

You should not ever be a tachshund. But you ever lived next to a parking garage? Yes. Yeah. Anyone that's ever lived next to a parking garage will tell you, those data centers are going to get blown up. Because when you have a car going off, there's nothing you can do about it.

The car alarm. And it's just, when I lived in Tucson, I lived next to a parking garage, and I would be very hung over. And it would be like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And if you don't turn it off, it just goes. Some cars just go. I would be like, do the noise that data center makes?

I just figured it was being like, did you hear me? Ha. Fuck you. Ha. Bam. Boise. You're going to rage when you throw an interception.

It's a car watching my street. Oh my God. Why are you watching me play Madden? Dude, I did. I had a parking garage repo my motorcycle. They snitched on me. So I got real beef with the old parking garage. Did you park it illegally?

No. I mean, I stopped paying for it. Is that illegal? Wait. You weren't paying the parking garage or the people that own the motorcycle. I wasn't paying either of them, damn. It was a, it was a exception. So you were justifiably, you were justifiably.

Well, here was my strategy. I bought a motorcycle for like 12 grand. Because you were getting hot again. I was like, I wasn't getting hot, but I was like, I can probably hide it. Maybe I can hide the fat on a Harley. I remember when you showed up at the stand. And you were, you had breached and then you were coming back down into the world of hot. Yeah, yeah.

And I think you, you thought it was going to speed run it. I just wanted a bike so goddamn bad. Did you grow up riding bikes and shit? No, it was just a total. I like, I'm playing trumpet right now. Like, I just like doing stuff that I've never done and that feels uncomfortable. That is a terrible. They're going to repo my trumpet any week now, too.

How much was the trumpet cost? $125. No, I got a sick to use trumpet for like $150. Here's my question to you. Can you, and that hat makes a lot more sense. Can you play notes? Yeah, yeah, I can play some stuff. Did you play trumpet when you were in middle school or anything?

Never even saw one in real life. And you just picked up. Are you musical? Yeah, musical, dude. Can't tell by the hat? You think you can just buy this hat, brother? No, no. It looks like you sell umbrellas before rainstorms.

But you, you could just play the trumpet. Because if I try to play the trumpet, it's go, it's hard. It's very hard. I can play like, I can play a few songs. Yeah, I do it right over my girlfriend while she sleeps in the night. I'll be doing it with Katie who's in the bathroom. I'd wait for it.

Time it. Yeah, make her sound like she's ripping crazy ass. Yes, I could do it because I could play guitar and I got bored of that. If this is a late night infomercial for selling your CD, now listen to Lev Fur on the trumpet. What songs are going by highlighted? What songs can you play on the show? It's like fucking ode to joy and like when the saints go marching in.

Like classics, like? What's the, when the saints go marching in? You can play when the saints go marching in. Yeah, what's the one that all the black girls sing? Amazing Grace? I think everyone's. It's a church song.

That's an exclusively black song. Only black woman. My mom ripped Amazing Grace one time at a fucking funeral. Really? Yeah. I was like, damn. My mom used to be able to sing, so I was like, okay. Wow.

Okay, Hyundai. She didn't do swing low sweet chariots. That would have been weird if Trish was up there like swing low. No, my mom's got some soul. She caught the spirit. Oh, summer ain't gone yet. I know you want it to be hoodie season like I do, but it's still going to be a couple real scorchers out there.

So make sure you're wearing your clothes that don't feel like you're wearing a wool blanket over you. go get some mac weldin air knit fabric i'm talking about light it's breathable it's got that four-way stretch so it stays exactly in place because i'm going to tell you right now if you're a dude in your 40s t-shirt shift on a sweaty day really exposes how much you don't go to the gym i'm speaking from personal experience of course but go to mac weldin go check out their air knit fabric for the next couple weeks you're going to need some clothes that feel light we're going to go through a couple more heat spells. But Mac Weldon started off as underwear,

and then they grew in a T-shirts and other stuff, so you know that they know how to keep you a light, fresh, and breezy. Plus, MacWeldon clothes are designed to fit your style and the demands of modern life, so it doesn't look like you're just wearing lounge clothes. You're just out and breathable clothes. Don't sweat the heat this summer.

Feel as effortlessly cool as you look with MacWeldon. Go to macweldon.com and get 20% off your first order of $125 or more with the promo code Dan. That's so nice. That's M-A-C-W-E-L-D-O-N. Dot com code Dan. So this was my, with the bike thing,

fucking, I bought this bike. It was like 12 grand. Okay. At 28% interest around there. On a comics fucking salary. So then I go, this parking garage, I get them down to like, I don't know,

125 a month or something for the garage. All of a sudden, I'm like three months deep. I'm like, I'm not going to be able to, pay for this bike. I'm like, this is $350 above. You were three months in when you found out that you had,

you paid more than you could chew? But I was still like in denial of it. I was like, I'll figure this shit out. How fun was the bike, though? It was genuinely the most, it was the best thing I ever bought. Because you're,

how old are you? 29. Yeah, dude. I'm going to tell you right now, I'm okay with this. Dude. Because you're gonna, you had a moment where you were 29 riding around on a motorcycle.

I used to like, I loved it so much that it'd be two in the morning and I'd be riding home I would just go past my house go all the way up to fucking Harlem and I just yell the N-word and then

yell out do a couple donuts and fuck it run out of gas loves a wild one that's why you're wearing the purple hat yeah

this is actually beating on to me it's just a hide a giant bruise you get out of me yeah a big fucking knob on the head so you just yeah I mean and the whole time I'd be riding around and I'd be thinking there's

like maybe if I'm unhappy with my career or no matter how much of a loser I feel like no one's having more fun than me right now. That's awesome. I don't care how rich you are. You could be the most famous comic of the planet. I'm having more fun than you right now. That is, it's a condomless sex activity. Yes. Where you just go

it might be dangerous and I might be in trouble for this tomorrow. I had a guy hit me on the West Side Highway and it was amazingly, I'm dry but it's like fucking were you in between the lines? No, no, no. Do you think I'd be, I wouldn't fit in between the layers. We just all of us and stop.

It's just burnout happening. It's like, oh, you know, the wheels starts going all fucking walking. You know, the other side of you just smoke coming up. You look like those twins on the tiny bike, but just one's gone. That's so far. So you're on the west side highway? I'm on the west side highway. I'm riding.

All of a sudden, I just look at this is like Dominican dude in a minivan. And he's just getting real close, like just merging right in my lane. Are you on the inside lane? I was right in the middle of my lane. Okay. And he's just fucking. merge and slowly, I'm like, is this asshole? Like, we're like next to each other.

And all of a sudden he hits me and I'm just going, please God, stay up. And my fucking pedals like hooked into his like bumper. And I'm like, just stay up as we slow down. Please God. And we're on the highway. And we finally get to a stop. His bumper comes flying off. I'm upright.

I'm okay. He went into my fucking knee. And I remember it. I go, he stops. He goes, oh, oh, no, no problem. No problem. Oh, yeah. No English.

Yeah. So, and I'm like, I just remembered my insurance expired that day. So I'm like, yeah, no problem, no problem. Let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah, bye. I was like, wait for you to tell me that. Oh, there's no problem. There's no problem.

You're never going to see me again. I was like, no, I'm looking this. Dude, it's fucking, yeah. That is the person you want to get in an accident with it. Yes. I saw some crazy shit on the West High Highway one time. We were in traffic driving up to Boston and we were like in gridlock. and these cars were doing,

you know, fight driving, where you can see, like, they're like driving up and they're fighting and they go, yep, yep. And then this dude, it was like, they're having an argument with their cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

they're like chipping at each other with their cars. They're just like chirping and fucking yelling. Well, what if I go right here? Yeah, yeah. And then this dude fucking pulls to the exit ramp and gets out and he has something in his hand and he just took,

the other guy he was arguing with had like a Jeep Grand Cherokee and he fucking breaks out the dude's back window. Wow. But like so quick that it was clear that whatever he had he had done it before. Right, right. Because he just went, boop. And it went, shh, like that. And then the dude got in his car and peeled off.

And Katie and I were like, yo. I was like, that guy rules. Yeah. Because that guy was like, oh, yeah, I got you. And then turned his car on the exit ramp. I was like, crazy. That's really accepting a loss. You're like, all right, you might have beat me, motherfucker.

But at least my back window works. Yeah. Yeah, good luck putting tape on it. Yeah. You got to put fucking packing tape around your back window. That's the inconvenience. That's winning the fight. Yeah.

It's how much they're, that's how much they're inconvenienced. You're silently driving. You just hear the wind whipping in the back. Or papers go up and you get frustrated. Oh, you're trying to slam on that. Oh, you're leaving out the window. That's a son of a bitch. That's when that guy says the N-word.

The guy that did it was black. That's when that guy says. The black guy breaks your back window. You're allowed one. I don't know. Not to his face. obviously. Oh, never, no.

Well, then he's going to break more than that window. Well, I'm working on a bit right now about, like, uh, stop workshopping your bits here. I brought up therapy and you go, well that, no, it wasn't. It's your second one. I didn't, I never did that bit. Because you go, you go, the therapy one. You're going to bust out your notebook and be like, all right, what else we do?

Well, now I'm not. I do have about it. I thought this is one of those podcasts where you guys work on jokes. Like, see. Are you not Mike for Bigley? That looks like, uh, that looks like, uh, that looks like you got called. that, I like Mike, but his podcast, like the way we film it, it looks like we're in a bright, it just looks like we're in a break room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like with a bookcase of a retarded child. His is like so nice that I feel like if I was a guest, I'd be like, what if this is yours? Right, right, right. I always wondered that with podcast studios. I go, do you own that? Because people. Yeah, what did a white lady intern put in here versus what did you care about?

Yeah, what did you do? This is all my stuff that like fans give me. So I go, yeah. And then when people make fun of it, you go, I don't know, it's pretty cool. People gave me that shit. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. It's like the Calvin and Hobbs.

Yeah, that Calvin and Hobbs was, I mean, I bought that. Outcast figures. And I got the complete far side. Were you too young for the far side? What is that? It's the single panel jokes. Gary Larson. I think you'd know it if you saw the anime.

I don't think I've seen that. Let's bust this out. Hold on. It's interesting because comics used to be popular. I think like you're the age where no one gave a shit about like newspaper comics. Yeah. But when you used to watch it, like in the paper, they were like good ones.

and Farside from Gary Larson was like he would do one panel jokes. So he's almost like a one liner of, but the whole book would be like, see what I mean? It's like two monkeys in a tree. One of them's going through the hair and he's like, oh, well, well, well, conducting a little thing with that bimbo. Yeah, that's funny. Making fun of him fucking Jane Goodall. And what's cool is that they are like single art pieces. It's a single.

So the thing that I always wanted to do is this is by year and date. I wanted to find some of my friends' birthdays and make him T-shirts with the Gary Larson Farsen Farside of the day they were born. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he did it from 80 to 94. That is cool. Yeah, but you read that and you go,

damn, dude, that's so much harder than joke writing. Because joke writing, you're like, and you can explain with words. He was like, I got one panel, get fucking premise set up and punch. And now AI will be like, I'll do it, and the style of Gary Larson. But it's still, it's not, never the joke.

AI can't do the jokes. Well, it's not creating. Yeah. It's taken from other things. Right. You're going to have to deal with, I mean, streaming might be next, but after that, it's going to be a podcast with an AI co-host. Oh, my God.

I'm here with Mahatma Gandhi AI, Mahatma Gandhi. Yeah, get away from the chat. Yeah, stop it. Don't sleep in a bed with you. The hologram Gandhi still stinks. Yeah, there you go. Jesus Christ, these things are real. How do they do this?

Did you see like green smoke in the air? That would be fun, though, to do the next round of podcasting is with AI. historical figures. Did you watch the, who just interviewed George Washington? Yeah, right? Who was it? It was either Tucker Carlson or it was the other guy from Fox News.

Fuck, who was it? Oh, was it the guy who, uh, it wasn't Bill O'Reilly. It was another guy like that, I think. Yeah, it's the guy, it's not the, it's the guy that's still at Fox News. But also like, you just project what you, Like, I think of Shane's bit on that. Glenn Beck. Back interviewed.

God damn. He's not at Fox News. I was wrong. But I picture, like, what would those guys actually be like? And I think of Shane's bit. He was just like toothless guy screaming. Six foot retarded guy with red hair. Yeah.

With horse teeth in his mouth. But somebody told me Washington was gay. They always do that. They do that to Lincoln. Yeah. They do that to everybody. They just, closeted gay men do that so they feel better about being gay themselves.

You know who else was gay? It was, uh, gangus Kong. And you're like, no, I don't think so. I think he really, well, they're testing it out at Thanksgiving. Yeah, they go, you know, who else was gay was, um, who do you like? Benjamin Franklin? And they go, notorious pussy hound. Yeah, yeah.

Benjamin Franklin was such a pussy hound that when you go back and read about him as an adult, you're like, oh, they can't teach you about, they should do Ben Franklin after dark. Yeah, yeah. Because he would just go to, like, he got syphilis. Motherfuck, it was so dark here to invent light, play. Yeah. We're going to edit and we'll be right back with that. That's Purple Hat Lev.

And we'll be right back. The voice guy? I don't get to do black voice. What do we do here? I love black guy. I love black guy voice. But that's not Ben Franklin Black. And you know that.

That's too modern. Okay. Fair enough. I was going to do a slave voice. That would be great. I was going to hit you with a real fucking plantation voice. Yeah. That is that thing about Ben Franklin.

You find that out. And you're like, well, that makes them way cooler. he was just out there fucking. Yeah, I love hearing that people are pieces of shit. It's humanizing. I mean, like, I was 25 minutes late to this. You know what I mean? I can't do a pot at one.

It's too early for me. And one of those days, I dropped the toilet paper roll into the toilet. So why were you late? Because of that? No, I was it paper roll or hat selection? It was everything. I just can't do an early thing. It's like I woke up on time.

Thank God there's no morning radio. You would have fucking pissed off so many local. Yeah. I don't. I tell them. I can't do it. There's like only only if I like really love a club if they got like if the GM's the man or something.

Then I'll be like, all right, we can do it. Buddy, this is, this is, uh, dude, I didn't get into this to wake up at an AM hour. Who the fuck did? It's not point of it. You have to, here's the thing. You have to keep eating a little bit of shit. Oh, I thought you were going to say, I just have to give getting fatter. So you can't fit into radio booth.

500 pounds. They go, you want love on your show? Do you have a flatbed truck? Because we can't get them that. Can you get a flat bed by tomorrow? All right. All right. If WNRZ can get a fucking flatbed out front.

If you guys can get a forklift in front of the building. You're streaming, but it's a helmet with a camera on. Or you go, they're going to lift me. They're got to lift me in. But I'm saying you, this is what I'm just going to say. You're going to have this picture they keep thinking of ways. Like, maybe we could slingshot them over? Could we fly them in like Dumbo?

drop. You're going to have to do shit you don't want to do. That's part of life. I don't know, man. I can tell you a lot of things that everybody in life does that I don't do. You know? See, here's the charming part about Lexes. Fuck all that, man.

Lev is going to be calling me going, hey, can you guys do a benefit? It turns out the IRS, listen to a couple podcasts. Oh, fuck them, dude. Fuck them if they can't take a joke. That's what I said. I can't wait to go to your trial. Fuck up. Who cares?

And you go, sir, will you please remove the purple hat in the courtroom? Oh, this purple hat dick? That's what you do after you make a point. You go, hey. Oh, Lord and, Lord. Oh, hot is a Georgia night. Now close your eyes. Now, what if I told you that little boy was what?

I played trumpet. But horribly. I go, you think this is the saints go marching in. Your neighbors have to hate you. Oh, yeah. doing the hallway. Do you really? No, no. Where do you play it in your apartment? Yeah, but I got to mute a silencer.

Oh, on it? Yeah. So if you're in the room with you, it's just you going, that's me trying to shit this morning. You go, sort of over to be like, she should play it. That's, yeah. Yeah, I was actually thinking about this of should I get my practice at while I'm shitting?

Honestly, can I tell you a fear of mine is a hypochondriac? You blow your O ring. that you're an asshole you'd have a you'd have a red sock A red sock You'd have a pro what is it called Pro lapped asshole

Your shit would just drop out It would like a fucking jar of grape jam You're like oh I need your help I need your help right now Oh God what note did I play What was the opposite of that note But you go I got there

I saw it This is what took Miles Davis All those years Yeah Here's a hypothetical for you fellas Yeah Would you, this, I don't mean to get philosophical, but would you rather eat my ass for 30 seconds or suck my dick for five minutes? What kind of kidnapping situation is this?

Because I'll tell you, the third option is kill everyone. Kill everyone in the room. If you had to do one, got to your head. Eat butt. Really? I can pretend it's another butt. Yeah. I can pretend it's just a fat girl's ass.

And I could, I would make a piece of it. No, but fat girl's ass would show me. I don't give a shit. You got, I know, I see your. curves. I don't pretend you're a fat. I have no ass curves. You would just, it would just look like an Indian guy's armpit. I'm freaking swamped. I'm hoping for half bag. I'm hoping to poison my blood. Sucking your dick is something that like, why, why it would ruin me is if I caught a groove and like you at the trumpet. I would be like, oh shit. Oh shit. I'm good at this. You know what I

mean and that's that would be the problem where you're like I don't want to do this five minutes is so long but it's a funny amount of time though I feel like you could be funny down there you set a little look up yeah I'll be going like hold on hold up hey hey

can I try some new stuff at one point I'd just try to put my finger in your p-hole yeah but I mean the thing on that's a what if of I just I'm not even you rather die than eat my ass

yes yes I would. That's crazy. I'm not, I, I would have to walk around, you know why? Because I would be on a flight. With a brown fucking face. No, they'd just be like, yeah, like I'm huffing gas.

Your face is covered in shit. You're like, I'm sorry, I suck Lebs dick. I go, it's just dropping in my hand. I go, a couple of licks I went right to suck in his pecker. I'd just be on a flight looking out the window. And they'd be like, we've been told we're clear for takeoff. And I'd go, I hate Leves. It would just catch me in that way where I go, oh, oh, why did I do that?

Guess I didn't want to suck his dick. And then I'm getting caught, and then I'm getting caught having a conversation by the guy in the row with me. He's like, is this guy talking to himself? I go, you know that Alonzo morning gif of him going, that's me going, oh, I hate love's butt. But I picture you go. You know, and suck his dick. The grass is always cleaner. Because it just, I feel like also sucking dick if I got mad.

I just picture you're like the lady in blue Jasmine where you're like having this conversation, not knowing you're like in the middle of the aisle. Oh, yes. Forgetting where you are. Well, of course I didn't fucking suck his dick. Because I wanted to eat his ass. And she's just picking out cages suit.

Yeah, I would. All homeless people are just guys who I asked this question to. I'll tell you, I know the guy in 25th because I've walked by and heard him talking about it. He goes, why don't even have a motorcycle anymore? How am I going to eat your boat when you don't even have a motorcycle? Dude, I'm sweating. When you went out to the garage, did you have like an alarm on it on your motorcycle?

Did you have like something? How did you find out it was repoed? Because here was my strategy. I was like, I can no longer pay the bank. But, and they keep calling me up, like threatening me. Like, we're going to find that bike. I go, yeah, good luck, asshole. Is that what they would say?

Oh, yeah. They'd be like, we are going to find it. You got to either pay us today or you're fucked. When you, so you see that number coming through. Yeah. And you know it's the bank. Yes. And you know why they're calling.

Right. Why do you pick up? For fun. I got nothing. Like, what are you doing? Do you pick up and you're like, what are you guys doing? Well, I'm also like, we want our money. But I'm also curious, maybe I pick up with today's the day.

They decide they're forgiving these loans. They go, hey, Leve, we're kind of tough on you back there. Pretty cool that you just drive around tonight. Was this for a motorcycle? Well, let it slide. I go, look, we can talk about the bike, but first I've got a hypothetical for it. Would you rather pay an interest rate of $1,000 a month for the next 15 years or suck my dick for five minutes? You go, I'll suck your dick for five minutes.

If you are good at sucking dick, you have to be great at hypotheticals. Oh, I mean, how do you like mine earlier? They go, I'll suck your dick and you go, don't answer that quick. I'll make you come. It won't even last five minutes. You go, well, now I don't want to do any more hypotheticals with you. Well, now that you have made your choice, I should warn you that nothing. Nothing makes me come faster than getting my ass eaten.

Guess what? So wear a hat. I'm going to be pushing that Play-Doh through. I lick your bung. Yeah. But when the bank calls you and you pick up, are you doing like a charming, catch me if you can way? Where you go, you know who I am, you know what I have. Come find me.

Now, did they know about the motorcycle? Yeah. That's what they were called. They were trying to figure it out. But my strategy, I was like, okay, I owe the bank money. But I also owe the garage money. How much did you have the garage? Probably like $600 or something like that.

So I'm like, but so the garage won't tell them where the bike is because that's their leverage. They need the bike. You know what I mean? You're good at being a shit hit. Yes. That's actually a really good thought of like, oh yeah, you can't lose the golden goose. If they lose the bike, then they're going to get nothing. Then I'll walk by your garage and go suck my dick.

Yeah. So or eat my ass. Which do you want? Five minutes or 30 seconds? Well, this is my strategy. Every time they call it, they start. snapping and unwinding. I'm like, all right, I bought myself some time.

That's funny. Listen, man, I don't even fucking own this bank. He's, you get this fucking money, and you're like, make a choice, coward. So how do they get it? So I found out that these cock suckers teamed up. They were in cahoots. They got together.

They made a deal. They took repo. They gave them the address. They came, picked up the bike. They sold it at auction, and then the garage got paid first. So they got a little snitch fee for letting them know the goods were. And that, how much do you think it sold at auction for?

$42 probably. At auctions, they sell for nothing. So go to an auction. Get my bike back. Yeah. What do you do it? It's the one with the stained seat. That's me.

Sorry, I got my ass sucked that day. I was driving around. Flood with the exploded wheels. That's residual cum on it. Just go buy it at a fucking auction. Well, next time, if I ever get my hands on like four grand, I'll just go fucking, and, you know, get, buy when used. That's the last.

You're spending habits tell me you're never going to get your hand on. No, never. Yeah. You are a guy where you're like, you're going to be. This hat was $1,000. You bought it at Paris Fashion Week. I flew over there for this hat. You will be a guy that will be a very interesting old man if you make it.

I will be, dude, if I ever get rich, there will be no one more fun than me. I mean, I'm getting Gucci sweatsuits for everyone I know. Oh, you blow it all. Oh, yeah. You'll blow it all. I just come over to your. house in a G-Wagon be like, get in, Dickhead, we're going to kill Tony. There's a guy that I, we're driving there.

That's a four-day drive. There was a guy that I knew whose dad won a million-dollar scratch-off and blew it. Yeah. Blew right through it. I think a lot of lottery owners do that. They just, are a lot of lottery winners. They like win and then they fucking. Oh, yeah.

Because if you never had money, you don't know how to keep money. Yeah, it's also you think you can buy stuff and it's just going to stay there. But also, if you win the lottery and then you like save it responsibly, like, edit this out. You're a f***. Like, that's, that's. Believe it. But, like, that's the whole point. If you do it responsibly, what's the fun in the lottery?

I'm a f***, too. And there's nothing wrong with fiscal responsibility. I never thought I know you say the N-word. Stans for, what's that? I said, I never thought I'd hear you say the edward. Like, I'm the, I'm a real. And you go, whoa. With an ER?

That feels self-hating. My God. My sweet Lord, the Appletails. I'll just fly them today. It stands for financial accountability. Great googly. Great guy. Great Googly.

Great Googling. Great Googly-Ugly. Of tariffs. That's what spells our finance plan for you. But let's get into the business. I had one time. I was doing a show and there was a guy with a guitar like on stage like playing people on and I was like it's like a cool show in Brooklyn and I was like oh dude like if I call it some chords can you

play them and he was like yeah I was like give me an F and he plays it in the crowd goes ooh and then I go give me an A and then he plays it and the card goes ah I was like hit me with the G and I got what does that spell and then they all went oh oh even the guitars got upset he's like man you know how they do that thing they bring their hands down on the neck man they uh there used to be a comic on Last Comic Standing that got like, this was like, that was how you got, you know, the Kevin Hart, funny AF thing,

rogue people, but like, last comic standing, off the first episode, you'd get bookings. Oh, really? If you were like a segment they did, and they did this segment on this New York comic that stunk,

and she had a guitar, and she got like pretty big on the show, and she was at Eastville, back when it was in the East Village, and I was emceeing, and they were like, hey, you got to bring up her guitar. and I went, no, I'm not a roadie.

That's when I was also still drinking. And the anger was very much alive inside of me. And I went, I'm not a roadie. And the owner was like, no, you got to bring her guitar. Right, right. And I was like, no. And I was like, why does she bring it up? And they go, because then the audience expects her to play it.

And I go, is she going to play it? And they went, yeah, I went, great. Yeah, yeah. Bring it up. And it was the first time in my life I stuck up for it. But man, oh, man, right before I went, I was like, I should grab the guitar. Yeah, yeah. Because you don't want to get mad.

but you seem like the kind of person that would get the class in trouble. Oh, I would fight there. Just to prove a point, you would be like, why? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was that you? Oh, 100%. I had one time WME booked me for this, like,

shitty show at Soho House. And this is a funny one, but they were bringing up Emma. Willman was going first. I was going up after Emma. And the girl running the show, she's like, she's like, okay, so we're just going to start. You just go up and start the show. to Emma and I go, well, you should

announce there's a show and bring her on. And she goes, yeah, I think we're just going to start. And I go, well, she's a professional comedian. So you should like go say, hey, guys, things are coming to the show? Are you ready for your first comic? And then she's like, oh. And then for sure enough, five minutes later, after I hear some bickering, they're bringing her up.

I'm like, but that they're, they'll hate me forever, but I did the right thing. Yeah, but also, yeah, because that is something that I wish I had more of. Because when I was coming up, I'd be like, yeah, you're right, just bring me right up. And then I'm just bombing for fucking 30 minutes. And I'm like, why didn't anyone introduce me? I look crazy.

One of the first one-nighters I did was in, at this casino in Tucson. Yeah, yeah. And it was a sports bar. And they were playing Monday night football. But they had a stage in the sports bar, but it was really high up. And the game ended. And the guy went around and turned off all the TVs. And he went, all right, comedy.

And then I went on this stage. And I told the Booker I could do 30. I only had seven. Yeah, yeah. So I just bombed for like 25 minutes. And the guy I was opening for, Ben Creed, it was like a seasoned vet. I brought him up thinking like,

all right, ladies and gentlemen, your headlight on or Ben Creed. And I looked to the sides or whatever, and he's standing there and he goes, give me the mic. And I hand it to him and he goes, why the fuck is this guy on stage? It's a sports bar.

And immediately the whole crowd laughed. And I was like, oh shit. I looked gayer than I was. I was already bombing and I looked worse. Yeah. I was on stage being like, Like, you guys ever notice? Not only is that burying someone alive, that's like bonging them on the head with the shovel after.

It's like, he just went, give me the mic. And I handed it down. And he's like, what does the guy doing? Yeah. Like, shit, shit. I should have because I wouldn't have the idea of like, no, we'll be eye to eye. This is the sports part. They just want me to talk to them.

Speaking of the guitar thing, there was one time, there was a fat comic in a wheelchair. Fun. And the problem was there was like a ledge on stage to get up on stage that was about, this, a dick's length, I mean, four inches. And so they're like, they told me, you're going to have to help lift her, her wheelchair onto the stage. So literally me and Aaron Berg. Shout out.

Of being like, all right, I guess let's be nice. And also, like, if you're going to be in the wheelchair, being fat is crazy. But so we hoister. And like, I could feel this. But it also makes sense because how do you get them around? Yeah, but like, if people are going to have to lift you, if you're going to have, if I'm going to have to deadlift you on a fucking Tuesday night. Sure.

And like, literally, is I'm helping live. I feel the spokes of the chair ripping through my finger netting and we finally get her up and then she fucking bombed like How did she get off? We had to go back up and get her. No, you should be able to fucking jump. I'm sorry, but if you're

you know what I mean? But if I hoist you and then you bomb like that's crazy. That's crazy. But also she's in a wheelchair she can't go to you. If I hoist you on a stage you better fucking do all right. But also at the same time though you better hope you're not in that position where you're bombing and you're in a wheelchair because then you're

like, fuck you guys. Just trying to get out of there. At the open mic, I used to do in Tucson, Brian, shout out Brian. He died while I was doing open mics there, but he was in a wheelchair. And we would have to lift him on stage, but he would get himself off. He would go, move, move, move. And it was on the side and you go, that's a closer. Boom.

It was sick. His closer was he would do Christopher Reeve and he put the mic. It wasn't a good closer. But his real closer was jumping off that stage, which I did enjoy. He thinks this is his closer. He goes, he doesn't know. The exit. The exits is closer.

Dad, you have to suck, though, to be in a wheelchair and just be bombing and being like, anyways, you know how you nervously walk around? He's just like rolling around. I just turn myself around. Get me the fuck out of here. People being on stage and not being able to leave and bomb is a nightmare. It's like being trapped. That is funny.

Like, you were stuck parked in a spot. He's like, fuck. So. They just get up and walk. We were driving in New Jersey last Friday, and we were in traffic, and I couldn't move. And this guy was like, like, I thought he was going to ram our car.

His dude was just like driving, and he was just laying on the horn. Oh, I hate that. I can't go anywhere. I was literally boxed in, and I was like, I can't go anywhere. So then I just started waving at him. And he just started honking.

I was like, hey, I can't go anywhere. I don't know what you want me to do. It's the black guy from earlier with the tire. Oh, dude, pretty close. He was flipping me off. And then when I let him go ahead, he stopped and his wife rolled down the window and threw a water bottle at me. I got, she hit, she hit the car, but I said, you missed, cunt.

Nice. Now, I wanted to follow them and kill them. But I don't have an anger issue. But I'm not angry anymore. No, I hunted them down, like the dogs that they were. You know what it was? It was getting old and losing your shit to a video game. there's a moment where you catch yourself

and you're like, I have gray temples. I can't be fucking punching because that was it. It was the last time I punched one of these tables and she heard me in the other room. It's brutal. What was that? And I went, uh,

I punched the table. There was like the two minutes of silence and me being like, I'm going to lie about this. I'm probably going to lie about this. Quick. Quick, what could fall? That's what I said.

I was like, I probably, looked around and be like, did the dog, could the dog do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I just were like, something fell. She's like, what fell? You're like, my fist through the table. You know what it was? Before I told her, I brought up IKEA and went to go order another table. Yeah.

And then I looked at, you know, that's exactly what I did. That's exactly what I did. Well, that's not the problem, dad. The problem's not the table. It's just almost 100% like you listened to it. Because I went, I like waited, I went, I got mad. Order. And then I went out, I got mad and I punched a table. But I reordered it. She was like, come on.

If you had a sweet hat like this, your wife would not be getting your gruff. Why should you get those pants off? The hat stays on. Let's break another table, dad. But in the fun way. And then she sings you, you can leave your hat on by Randy Newman. You can leave. You know what's all I'm talking about.

No, I know. Oh, that's a real song. That's what it goes. You're going to, it's funny to know you're going to try to fuck your girl tonight to this Randy Newman. song, I can leave my head on. She left years ago. Oh, no, she did?

No, no. But one of the last times I put, I broke our door in the last, oh, am I trying to fit through it? Fuck you. Damn, your ghosts are better than we are. So, uh, please score our whole song with this. The whole episode. You can leave your hat on.

But what did you do? So what happened was we were doing a fucking morning podcast in my living room, doing cockfight. And you know, Lev don't podcast in the morning. Play, I don't like that shit. Playboy, don't fuck with that shit. And then now every bad thing that happens to you, I cheer it on. So I'm like, God damn it.

I went to bed at 7 a. I have to wake up at 10. So now, and like, call him and fucking. You a hole miner. Yeah. How did you do it? It's hard work. So then I'm like already like so sleep fucked, you know?

Yeah. And then my girlfriend texts me and like I'm trying to get ready. And my girlfriend texts me, oh my God. So you immediately go, oh, fuck, something happened. She got in a car accident on the way to work. Something's going on. And I go, what? And then she sends me a picture of a cat.

And I literally just then just put my fist right through the door because it was like, I fucking hate the yo. Hey, oh my God. And then I hate one word texts. Motherfucker, what are you doing? It better be something. So I understand. But man, it's crazy that you saw a cat and immediately buried your fist and it was just everything.

It was too much. that I think my bike got got that week. I was just like, you lost your baby, your girls making you scared about gorgeous pictures of cats. Dude, I don't know,

like, I just, I don't function like well. Like literally, like this week, I'm like, the fact that I have to wake up two days semi early,

which is like hours later after everybody else wakes up. I'm like, I want to end my life. Have you ever worked in manual labor? Yeah, yeah. I did,

I mean, I don't have a, I'd call it manual labor, but I was like a server for years. Yeah, but. Did you ever work on like a work crew or like,

You know, we had to be there at like 7 a.m.? No, fuck not. I wouldn't be able to do it. Here's my question. Do you want to make TV shows? Movies? Eventually. So you'd like to do that.

Do you know early you have to wake up for that shit? Not if I'd fucking wait until you see my idea. At 1 p.m. Wait until you see my big idea, Dan. It's a movie that only takes place a night. It's a night movie. Guess what? Then you're going to have to fucking be up.

It's still going to suck. waking up early sucks but like no one will ever let me make a movie it's like so besides the point like i'd rather live conveniently you know what though i get that i'd rather live conveniently than fucking make stuff on the hope that someone lets me make a movie fuck him oh but this is what i'm saying man is like you gotta eat shit a little bit you got to wake up early to go to the set you're gonna be shit once we get this bed done 30 seconds tell you what i won't be doing yeah tell you what i won't be doing a blow an old live on the hat on munchie But imagine that must be the worst thing ever is while you're getting my ass, me in this hat. Like Jack Nicholson and Edgar Management.

He's like, and I'm checking time. What are we at? 29, Dan. Pips cornering me. You're almost there, buddy. He's dark. He's quick, but you could beat him, Dan. Smush the cheeks.

Smush the cheeks and block out all the noise. You got to get low on them, Dad. Get leverage. suck his ass you're sucking his ass like a vacuum you're a vacuum cleaner do you want it

in Teddy Atlas is like slapping you do you want to be a champion or not there can rinse my mouth out and then a mouthpiece so I don't nick your fucking hole with my teeth

one more round I'm so glad to ask you this because we're going to ask this on my pod this week I didn't hear no bell I didn't taste no taco bill I got it clean. I got a clean. I think my asshole,

the cleanliness of it would surprise you. Yeah, because every day I wipe it with a new guy's dick. Hey, I actually kind of like going out on that. I'm not going to lie. That might be the perfect fucking. That might be the perfect.

I will say, dude, the reason I try to give you sincere R. The reason I try to give you gay-ass advice like that, just because you're fucking hilarious. Go watch his, go watch patchwork,

which, you know, I did call a CCTV special. So funny. But you will, the next one. But how good's it looking now? It looks pretty fucking good. Pretty fucking good.

Stream is special. Levfer, go listen to Cockfight. A lot of dates. Levfercom. Cockfight podcast. Band from YouTube for being too fucking real. Watch on page on Spotify.

Yeah, but they rule. I fucking love all those guys. Call them and Tristan fucking rule. I heard Drew Dunn might be returning. I just want a great podcast. That was a great app. Yeah. You ruled, dude.

That was fun. That's good.