Soder - 154: 4 Pieces of Gum with Are You Garbage? | Soder Podcast | EP 149

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

Support the sponsors to support the show!Better is a feeling—defined by you. And for BetterHelp, it's a BetterHelp therapist who really gets you.Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/SODERhttps://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&slug=soder&utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=1093&utm_term=soder&promo_code=soder&landing_page_img=https%3A%2F%2Fd3ez4in977nymc.cloudfront.net%2Faffiliate_images%2Fc8f1e33eccfdd97908db536def2e7dbd2d9ae59240ff77c0f1ee89f46ed7f544.png&aff_channel=podcast&discount_rate=10&discount_period=P1M&date_interval=P1M&percentage_off=10&amount=1&amount_spelled_out=one&unit=month&gor=startLet’s eat real. Head to FACTORMEALS.com/soder50off and use code soder50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. That’s code soder50off at FACTORMEALS dot com! soder50off at FACTORMEALS dot com. See website for more details.https://www.factor75.com/pages/meal-delivery?version=podcast&c=soder50off&mealsize=1-8&utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpm&utm_campaign=podcast50off&discount_comm_id=de62f522-6b3d-4120-a218-f3a5e6df2996&utm_content=act_podcast_podcastadsTo get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to MINTMOBILE.com/soder That’s MINT MOBILE dot com slash soder. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MINT MOBILE dot com slash soder. That’s it there’s no catch.https://www.mintmobile.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=mint_podcast&utm_content=soder&dnfemfkahqkdlf=soderGet up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/soder #squarepodhttps://squareup.com/us/en/campaign/audioSoder is building a new hour on the road!Get tickets at https://www.dansoder.com/tourSeptember 17-19 Hartford,CTOctober 2-3 Alburquerque,NMOctober 4-7 Fort Collins,COOctober 19-21 Winnipeg, CanadaOctober 22-24 Calgary,CanadaNovember 5-7 Salt Lake City,UTDecember 10-12 Rochester,NYFollow Are You Garbage? and watch their new special "American Garbage" out on Youtubehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77zGwlLffWkhttps://areyougarbage.com/?srsltid=AfmBOopYCyZuLQUbFEEwjQU1128czqOT8wSc9NEFKeFCj0qzh4IzO5_jhttps://www.youtube.com/@AreYouGarbagehttps://www.instagram.com/areyougarbage/?hl=enPLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow.https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572Connect with SoderTwitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoderInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoderTiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedyFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoderYoutube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy#dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcastProduced by  Mike Lavin     https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Hey, everybody. Hope you enjoy the podcast this week. I'm on the road this Friday and Saturday. Hartford, Funnybone, 18th and 19th. Four shows, all tickets available at Dan Sutter.com. And then October, 2nd, and 3rd, I'm going to be coming to Albuquerque, New Mexico, Cusada's doing four shows there.

DanSutter.com for those tickets as well. I'll see you on the road. I'm really excited. Hours coming together. Having a hell of a time. Enjoy the podcast. Hope you're having a good week. That's all that.

I got. Hope you're doing good. So much. Sorry, I blazed so much cron. Dude, blazing cron. It was like such a ninth grade. Yeah, you blaze cron. You guys can't. Sorry, you guys can't handle the fact that I blaze so much cron.

We call a kind butt background. Yeah, KB, dude. You got KBs, dude. You got some KB. So wait, you're saying dropping it. I was like, oh, but we, what's it called? What's it called? American Garbage.

American garbage on YouTube right now. How's that for a motherfucking pro? Oh, in your face. So you guys are dropping it. It's out now. It's out now. That's it. Thanks a lot.

Thanks. We'll be back at you. Kevin H. Foley, you guys know him. You love him. No, I was, what were you saying? You're dropping it during an Eagles game. No, it's towards the end. You know, you just, you started to try to like, you're like, oh, we just do it.

He's on the fan. He's on the fan. That would be sick. If you guys dropped in on the link. Yeah. But, like, unauthorized, obviously. Of course. You go, we used Shane to grease some palms. He could it.

So we're just going to run. We're going rogue. We're starting at Citizen Bank. And then we're going to fan in to the lane. Getting tackled by Big Dom. That's just saying. And then as we're getting tackled, you go out for you, Greaseball. But I've always wanted to meet you.

You seem cooler. Yeah. I like that he goes on press now. Yeah. He's like personality. Yeah. What's going to happen? He's,

here's my thing about Big Dom that I think is really smart. Sandwich shop. Sandwich shop for sure. That'll sell out forever. Yes. Car dealership, if you want. He wants it. Dom's used cars.

Sure. We'll do numbers. Slightly used. Dom's slightly. Don's just like new cars. Just like new. Just like new. Just drove off the lot.

Barely used. They drove off the lot. Drove him right back on. I think it's smart that he's burrowing himself in the organization in case Siriani gets fired. No one's letting Dom go. What's he going to go to fucking Minnesota? He's going to stick out like a sore thumb.

No, that's what I mean? He can't operate in Minnesota. Yeah. What would be the worst city for Domda? It would be like to witness relocation program. Trying to get a plate of Ziti over at St. Almost. Oh. Indianapolis.

That's really funny. Yeah, him just in like Chicago, he'd be fine. Maybe all right. Any major city. He can sneak in. Come up to New York. Green Bay. Dom and Green Bay.

Freeze my prickle. Oh. But I do. Man, how happy are you guys that football is back? Yes. Jazzed. College was great. College was awesome.

Yeah, just getting things started. It's pretty much professional now, too. Yeah, it is. It's all evened out now. The way they get NIL money. Come on. It's crazy. I love it.

It's also funny because the SEC, you go, oh, so you were just cheating. Yeah. Because they're like, well, and the SEC football just means more. We love it more. And it goes, well, how come now you guys can't win national championships that everyone's paying fairly? Very suspicious. Well, I do declare. Oh, well, to the Yanke.

is from the north have some sort of potion they give you'd have to ask your mayor mondami about that how your little socialist your little communist mayor i think about him at night when i'm on my porch it wasn't for bernie sanders we'd still be winning championships oh that i think i see a correlation yeah that would be fun to grow up like that though yeah because you see SEC girls when they show like the SEC games you go what yeah what Why didn't you go there? I was too, I don't know. Are they good schools?

I don't know. It's Alabama. Dude, my buddy's, my buddy's sister went to Alabama and she's like a couple years younger than us. And then like we were like, it was like when Instagram hit and we were just like, she'd be like at a party and I'm like,

this looks like you're at a swimsuit fucking event. It's crazy. And I went to Arizona and everyone's like, oh, Arizona is good though. It's not bad. They were in the sports. So, was it Playboy?

Playboy's time party. That's a difference. That's a difference. That's a. Arizona State. Oh. And Arizona can party, because there's a lot of coke at Arizona. It's Arizona.

The state of Arizona has a lot of cocaine in it. Arizona State hat hotter, dumber women. Now we're talking. Arizona's got. Big Domla fit, right. Oh, my God. So did Sammy the Bull Gravano. That's where he went.

A lot of people went. I heard he pledged Teak. They go, I think this guy. You girls try this jungle juice. Makes my mouth red. He goes, as red as I made that gabon from the families when I did him at Spark Steakhouse.

My name is Levinson. You have me misunderstood with somebody else. That is so funny. Him at a fucking ASU party. He's like, hey, I don't know. These older brothers are being kind of mean. I don't know if they know, I'll turn on these sons of bitches.

I'm your new equipment manager, coach. How you doing? I'm Sammy the Bull Grumano. You know what to look really nice on these boys, pinky rings over the receiver gloves. Something with a little class. Now, I understand the blacks. They love jewelry as much as the Italian.

That's what I was talking. You got these cornerbacks. They're all black. Can I ask you this? I noticed something on the clock. Are you doing Sammy, the bull? No. You were still kind of in them.

Can I ask you something to have my best friend? That's your real name. I go, are we Sammy? Are we? I didn't know where we were. Where are we in this? I'm sorry. We're lost.

That's like what it's like hanging out with Robin Williams. probably. You go, are you riffing with me? Are we just... Hey man, just fucking order, will you?

We're starving. Oh, oh, jelly on the sandwich. Oh, jelly. Oh, jelly's shaking like a fat man. He goes,

dude, you're holding up the line. Today you all right. Rob. I think I'll have a hot dog. That's that. I noticed something on the coffee table out there.

Yeah. He's got nervous. He got real nervous. I thought he was going to bring up the fact that I was real. I thought you were going to call me gay for reading the book, Dracula.

No, that's hot. now. It is good. You got Twilight out there. I'm working my way through this series. Jordan Allman. Yeah.

Yeah. What's that all about? Katie. Really? I love them. Love them. I love my little crunchy lady, dude. That's my little little squirrel queen, dude.

Is that right? Wow. That is, is she Greek? No, she's Italian and Irish. Wow. And she's just walking through that bag. Shout out to her. They are.

You like them? I'm okay with them. I think my, the crunch is so heavy. You got to get through them. You got to, you need a tube of scents and I have to go through a bag of those things. It's a tough chill. It's true. That's exactly my fucking thing.

Yeah, they are. That's how I feel. Yes. I, the crunch is to the impact. It's a lot. And then when you break them up, it's like, like you're crushing an Anderson window and doors. Like you're smashed in your mouth. It's like bulletproof glass, but they're great.

When she opened the bag, I had to like angry eat them to get through the handful I got. I was like, fuck you. Cash. That's a very classy sign of a very classy lady. Well, it's funny. It's classy ladies, I think, put them in little dishes and leave them out. You put them in the little stocky. She's chewing them like she's in the bullpen.

Yeah. She goes, what is it? Bottom of six. She's having in and she's half drunk. She goes runners are in the corners. God damn, this guy's giving up everything. She spits the almonds out. Just goes for the crunch.

This sucks it clean. That's why I'm married her right there. I'll do that with a blow pop. If I have like three or four blow pops, I'll get down to the gum. It's a crazy number of blow pops, though. To leave the gum is almost crazy. No, but who has three or four blow pops? Because I like to crunch.

Then I'll put them aside and then go for the gum and get four pieces of gum in the mouth at the same time. Okay. So you're a four piece of gum in the mouth. I love a four piece of. I love that's what that's the craziest part of that story to you. No, I was actually bide more that. I think it's crazy to you. That's insane to me.

I think you crunch and leave it is weird. You set it aside. That's almost like serial killer behavior. When you're cooking. I'm not done yet. I'm going to make you wait for me to finish you. Now watch me kill your friends. Cronch.

Sour apple is going to get one. Take that watermelon. But I, she always freaks out because she loves gum and so sometimes I'll buy gum. But I chew like, I crush it. Three or four pieces at a time. Yeah. Minimum. That's the man's way, right?

Yes. I don't know. That and it was always, I was thinking about this the other day because I was pop. I was like four pieces of gum at a time in a car. just especially I'm like I got the whole family in the car I'm like I'm in full that mode yeah but that and uh multiple slices of pizza as a young kid was always reserved for a dad like to me it was like adults are minimum two slices kids you try his slice do you want a second slice but I remember being like when you start pulling that no crust

bullshit serve me two slices yeah and you got to eat your crust if you want to move to the next that's why you're not getting too yeah but you're right the multiple gum can I tell you that was dad shit The way you guys are making me feel so more sane for the amount of... Just call me. We'll do this all day. Yeah. I chew gum four at a time.

Crush them always. And I get rid of them quicker, too. I go re-up. I can have a pack of gum. Here's the thing. Makes me a jaw feel strong. It's not for the gum then. It's for the gum in 20 minutes.

Because the one piece in 20 minutes, that's like... Revives everything. It's disintegrating. No, but I'm just saying it shrinks down. You'll lose it. Oh, see, what I'm doing is going like three. Okay. And then I toss it.

Oh, you're freshen it up. And I toss it and then they all, they all. You want to hear something real gross? Yeah. If you put that in a glass of water and pop that gum back in your mouth, it refreshes it completely. I love the science. I love the way. I love the science of it.

I love the way your mind works. Because I'm absolutely going to do that. You put it. Jady, hit me my bubble gum in my water. I need my refreshing water. It's like dentures. Yeah.

And then, but then it runs out faster too. Of course. On the second run. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. and never get the legs don't hold that's like a boxer's been knocked out yeah it's going to happen again get him back up he's going right back down little c te gum but uh the special is out now on youtube on our youtube chan do you guys feel you've been doing the podcast now for a hundred years six years yeah yeah 20 21 or 2020 2020 yeah fucking weeks before the pandemic we started that's crazy

three dude it only feels like two huge losers as we were of like just struggling trying to figure it out. So many failed projects of like, oh, we're doing a short series. We'll do this. We'll do a little YouTube channel. We'll do this. Podcast. The play we did in London. That I spent 17 years writing the music for. The West End did not appreciate it. Those critics are garbage. Wow. That's how we think of it. Say that again. And your bio. Are you garbage? And he goes, these critics are garbage? And they go, but are you?

What are you? Are we all? What was that, Kevin? It was just this thing we were like, it was like we started it. And I remember we were like, I think we banged like two or three episodes. And then we were walking out. I think it was with, I want to say it was like Jared Freed. Like, so what do you think about this whole wearing a mask flu tape thing they got going on?

And I'm like, get out of here. I had no idea. And living in New York specifically, it was always like, there's Ebola. And you're like, something you were worried about like once every two years. Is this going to hit? Honestly, I've seen more panic for that. that cruise virus. I've seen them freak out more than that than when COVID hit.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, but you guys did it and it's awesome. But thank you. But at that moment, I'm like, oh, dude, we're like, this is fate saying we're never going to be successful. Like the universe is stepping in and going, nah, guys. So that leads me into exactly the question I wanted to ask,

whereas there are a moment that now you guys have done so well and people love you so much that you have to like do garbage stuff where you're going to. go like, I'm not really like that anymore. You know, like a little bit, but I got, I got, I don't know. I got a, I got a above ground. I got like one of those blow above ground pools for my backyard. It was like, 200 bucks or whatever. And like I said it's a lopsided.

It turned green a couple of times. It was like, and I like sent a picture to my boys of like, and I was so stoked. I like filled it up. I'm like, I'm like, I'm fucking getting in this pool tonight. It was a heat wave. I'm like, this is sick. And I sent it to like my group chat of like my boys from like outside of comedy. And they were like, dude.

You genuinely. still live this every day. Yeah. Oh, they like it. Yeah, they're like, this is you're such a dirt bag.

Yeah, I was wondering if you guys are like the rappers that still go back to the hood. Yeah, so I'm still selling dime bags. That's what I mean. Is they go, you're red man crossing the wires on cribs. That's how you ring my doorbell,

dude. I got a dollar box. I know. Are we different people? Like, you know, did I want to blow all my money on drugs? No.

I did it for the show. Did I want to go through a public, messy divorce, lose my home? and end up living in Ian basement? No, I didn't want to do that. It's for the show. Do you live on the podcast set?

I live on the podcast set. Right next. No, I live in the bedroom next door. But I'm right in the middle of show business. Yeah. Living with Ian. Yeah, I'm down in the basement. Is it like you're in a firehouse of just like,

people running downstairs be like, we got one. We got a four alarm fire. There's a lot of Ghostbusters stuff around. It's heavy ghost busters. Yeah. The cats are fantastic. That's fun. I'm Aunt Henry.

Yeah. Yeah. He's daddy. It's a lot of fun. It actually is. It's the first time I've lived with somebody where they wanted me there. Yeah. I put it to you that way. Yeah. He likes having me around. Thank God. That's crazy. He likes having me around. What's that say about your personality? You're 50 and you're finally like, yeah, somebody can tolerate me. Right. Look at this. Not bad. A possibly mentally ill friend that I do very well around. Possibly. He is, I love Ian. Oh, he's the best. Ian is always shot out of a cannon. Is there ever like, do you? Is there ever like, do you? ever see like um slow mo in like we don't see each other that much because he's on the road great you know we're traveling b bop and back and forth great you know it's funny is i thought about you and uh i because i got back last night and he got back last night's the best i felt like i was like

we're like veckion and soda it was the best a little less funny but we're like veckiote you just as even funnier we that's all what we always loved about it was people are like you live with a grown man you go not really we don't ever see each other because a lot of times what would happen is the weekends I would be off he would be on the road and the weekends he'd be off I'd be on the road so it's just you had your own apartment and it was always like you get excited Oh what's all you can link up? Yeah, oh Sunday's coming

and I'd like text him like when do you land This football game's on we did the exact same thing Last night yeah and you go do you want to eat pizza We should eat and like Vecchio and you know he eats like Batman He only has like vegetables and stuff that'll help him fight crime Carrots, good for y' eyes You can spot a guy a million miles away Sometimes they can blend into the dark, not with carrots.

But he'll, but Sundays I'd be like, we're going to get a, let's let go a little bit. We're going to get a grandma slice and he'll be like, oh, that was always awesome. So that's what I'd missed. We linked up and we walked to the, we walked to the deli, get a Gatorade, chew the fat about the weekend. What happened is? Talks and shit. Yeah, a lot of shit being talked over there. Staring at you, Boldie.

I'm sure I was on the receiving. No, never. Never. Pretty bad. Yeah, you see, there was a real quiet walk over here to catch my drift.

I'm the A block. I'm the A block on the... See, that's what he thinks. I sing his praises. You don't want to be in my house last night. He goes, Ian talk shit. The cats were running their fucking mouths.

I said you were a good guy. Me and Ian are defending you. These cats are me out about how big of a bitch you are. Yeah, I always wondered like, because it is... How big of a bitch I am? No.

How, like, do you... When you have a podcast, based on like having shitty tastes. It's, well, like, this is, you know, we've, it's, money doesn't change it. If anything, money exasperates it. Sure. Case in point, you can make a bunch of money and end up living in Ian's basement.

Can't like, you know, I could get a real pool, but I'm like, no, this was 200 bucks and it's like, it's out of, yeah, I don't have to worry about it. It's a mind frame. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in you. It's in you. I, maybe my kid will be a little better, but it's going to be in them.

I also love that about your podcast is finding out how much people have that in them. It's in every, yeah. Because you're talking to people that are successful and they go like, I still do trashy as shit. Yeah. Yeah. I was talking about eating Burger King on Stavi's podcast and people were DM in me being like, I knew you're still a piece of shit. Oh, yeah. It's in you.

And you go, I'll go eat fucking, I'll go eat rest stop food. Yeah. I seek it out. Yeah, I don't think food. What did I get the king? Chicken sandwich, Wopper Jr. Old school, over one? Yeah.

All right. Gentlemen. Long one. This is such a, such a, this is such a, this is such a funny. on running, ongoing bid. I saw him and ask you. No, I know. It's just,

I mean, now we'll just talk about the premise of, I don't know why, but Burger King comes up. He's a big Burger King guy. We've talked about on the show all, I mean,

so much. Yeah, yeah, so much, obviously. But then on this, like, last podcast run, we've done like 10,000 podcast run, and I'm like, before the podcast run started, he goes, I got this new theory

on Burger King, and it's a theory he's been pushing for five years. And it's a great theory. I'm on board with the theory, but he keeps pushing it to me on air and I have to go, yeah,

yes and I'm like yeah I think I haven't heard this before the country's the coolest when Burger King and Pepsi are in the forefront of pop culture you can look back throughout history but then one of the producers did and was like poked a lot of on some show we're on this is a by the way let me let me establish for this and I don't mean to overstep this isn't a number theory based on feelings yes oh no for sure but which we which we corrected them because I have when Burger King and Pepsi are having moments the pop in pop culture, he's saying the vibes,

yeah, we're doing okay. Yeah. Michael Jackson. Pepsi. Burger King was huge. That's a win for you guys. Your scale's a little upside.

No, before the top charts were flooded with amazing songs. Yeah. Some kids had to lay on their swords and by swords, you know what I mean. But I think there's something to this. 100%.

I've been a Burger King guy that's been forced into a life of McDonald's. And I enjoy McDonald's. I love Mickey D's. but I love getting a Burger King and people are very adamant that I'm wrong about that. Well, Burger King has done it to themselves now.

Burger, it's not as good as it has been. And I really think I get if I could get the CEO in a room, I could straighten this guy out of him. If someone works in any way for Burger King, I've been saying it for a month. Because I'm going to tell you right now, I think corporations,

specifically in entertainment and in food and beverage are spinning right now. This is, damn, dude, fucking. I think they're spinning. This is a fucking economist soda just checked in. What sector are you guys currently heavily invested in? I'm telling you right now because they keep going to influencers. They keep going to influencers, right? And when a company turns it around, it's always because they took a fan that loved it.

Regular guy. A regular guy. And they bring them in. Let them get cooking all that. Let them, give them some real feedback. Yeah. Because if you let, you bring Foley in and he starts fucking, Shish, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh,

changes the stuff up on Burger Kings. Those fries go back to be in just as good as McDonald's. Uh-huh. Those, you keep your, your hamburger sloppy. Lose the crispy jalapinos and the fried onions. What are we doing? Get out of here. What are you doing?

Take, take my ideas to Columbus, Ohio for a couple of weeks. Shout out to Test City and see what the focus group says. See what the kids start saying. I would honestly put your knowledge. I'd put my money on your knowledge that you could correct the ship. Thank you. I'd go let them drive for a little bit. What do you got to lose, Burger King?

Because right now is your insurance paid up? You're going to bang that thing up a little bit. Great, though, because if you risk it. What are they called stress test? Taffer this thing. We're having a stress test. Get it in there. All new menu.

Learn it today. Let's go. What's one of the most popular things in appetizers at casual dining restaurants these days that everyone's talking about? Two things. smash burger sure and the slider sliders are big what's the original slider what's the original slider wop pimp you're done all right burger buddies you remember the burger buddies buddy's in the little box why are we doing burger buddies you're focused on the Texas

barbecue wopper with the jalapinos get the fuck out of here with that shit so where's the king at where's the king he was he was in NFL commercials he was all over the place he was popping up like Michael Myers. He was great. That was 20 years ago. He needed to redo him. We got through an unnecessary war because of the king. He got us through Iraq.

Very true. He was up in every commercial. Thank you for his service, obviously. Shout out to the king. Honestly, thank you for serving democracy. For the good people of this country. Thank you. I want to thank the king for serving democracy.

They had him on all the bases over there in Iraq, too. But did they? Yeah. Keep our boys fighting. Yeah. Gotta keep them fed. McDonald's just feels like an old rich guy that doesn't. care. They're almost admitting that they're there for the real estate.

Their hearts aren't in it. The most embarrassing thing McDonald's has done in the last six months is last summer they had this gold sauce, which was phenomenal. I don't know if you caught any wins for the Olympics. It was unbelievable. I never put that together all the times we've talked about it. Is that what it was from? Seriously.

Yeah, no, either of we. That's the summer Olympics. You know what their new sauce is now? What? You're ready for lazy? Oh, is that this summer? That was this summer of the Olympics. So maybe for you know.

This was last summer. They had a gold sauce. It was good on everything. You put it on chicken, beef. What was? I don't know. It was like that. Hell, it's in your boots, you bought.

It's all around us. Hell, it's in the boot you're walking in right now. Hell, it's in the boot you're walking in right now. It's on your shirt, your mustache, your hair, your fat son of a bitch. It was like a chick-fil-a sauce. That would be the best way I could describe it. You know what they did this summer? You know what was the big effort over at McDonald's?

Roo me out. Caesar. Get out of here. Okay. Caesar's better. around forever. Caesar is the hot new dipping sauce. They're trying to dress up a snack wrap with fucking Caesar. Because also, this is what happened with the pizza game, Papa John's before they were dropping end bombs. Sure. Allegedly. No, it's on. It's on. No, they got that shit recorded.

We don't have the internet. Um, the garlic sauce. Sure. Then everyone else started doing it. And then they tried to change it up and it's not see-through anymore. Now it's like this weird thing. It's cloudy. Almost like a... Separated. Yeah, it's strange. No, I want it where it was like see-through and you're like, oh, damn, this is some hot.

Oh, man, that garlic sauce was fucking great. Like more butter-based or whatever it was. But again, they got away from it because they get greedy. They're cutting corners. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, you know me. I talk about therapy. I don't shove it in your face.

I don't make you. I'm just letting you know. If your brain feels like it's running hot, maybe go talk to somebody. it really does help because you talk to somebody and then they go, you ever thought of this? And you go, no, I didn't think of that. And then all of a sudden you have a solution for a problem that maybe has been hurting your brain.

Try better help. Better help. It will help you find a therapist. Really gets you. Its focus is on emotional well-being with thousands of therapists, millions of members in over 100, hundreds of countries. It's over 100 countries, but it's just fun to say, I don't even think there are 200 countries. are there? This is one of those things where you go, Dan, why are you talking? You're dumb. And I'll

discuss this in therapy next week. But if you need therapy, I think you should try it out. Check out BetterHelp. They can connect you to a therapist that you can do online or in person. If you're not vibing with that, I used vibe in my 40s. That makes me want to go to therapy even more. I'm just saying, you need to go talk to somebody. BetterHelp is there to connect you with someone. And if you sign up, you get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash soda. That's better help, help.com slash soda. Go, go try it. Factor meals, baby.

It's turning into fall and winter. So here's my long-term plan because I was a real fat mess this summer. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to eat right, right, around the holidays, even maybe in between, you know. and then next summer, you're going to be like, who's that hard body? But good thing about factor meals, even if I don't want to do a nutrient-rich diet or I want to, maybe I don't want to go Mediterranean. You can pick with factor meals. It just is like whatever your routine is, whatever you need, factor meals can adjust with over 175 band ingredients.

Every factor meal is designed around what supports a healthier lifestyle and nothing that doesn't. Every week you're going to find over 100 nutrient dense menu items to choose from and new options. They've got salmon burgers, shredded pork, collard greens, and more, plus add-ons. Maybe you want a pumpkin-flavored cheesecake. Maybe you need a protein shake for your gains. 90% of users agree that Factor Meals will help them live a healthier life, so you can feel confident that you're doing something good for yourself with every meal. Let's eat real.

head to factormeals.com slash soda 50 off. use the code soda 50 off to get 50% off and one free breakfast item per box for one year while supplies last until 1031.26. That's code soda 50 off at factor meals.com. Soter 50 off at factor meals.com. See website for more details. I have a question about this. I don't, I don't, I'm never, I've never been a big fast food guy. Do you think who, from like the service level, is there not love it?

Like, is it prepared? Is there anybody consistently preparing it poorly? Where you get it and you're like this. McDonald's. McDonald's is preparing. Oh, I got a Mickey D's on 21st over in a story that'll blow your mind. That's a small sample. I'm talking to like, like, you know.

I'm talking about consistent because what I do is. Like, who's really dropping the ball? McDonald's. Really? McDonald's is across the board. Cross the board because what they're doing now is. You might have rose color. You love you some McDonald's.

That McDonald's by my old apartment. You find a good one. It makes it all okay. But that's managers. That's, you know, that's top down. That's an individual store.

Because now what they're doing with a lot of McDonald's is you can't even order through a person. You've got to go to a screen. I'm not doing that. And then they just come out and give you a number. And there's no.

No. Yeah, it's, that's AI. That's a data center. I'm not going to a data center. You're going to fucking Big Mac. I'm thinking that right now. I'm sure.

This isn't a data center. This is just a touchscreen menu. You're using out of water. You're throwing a scene. Sir, I can't, I can't tell you this enough. This is not a doubt of it. Dude,

I ever tell you, then Wawa switched to the touchscreens? Probably late 90s. There was a revolutionary. I've only known Wawa for the touchscreen. Dude, my buddy's dad, we saw him in there.

He's fucking hot head temper. And if I'm going to Wawa for 50 years, and all of a sudden, he can't just go get a shorty-oogie. He's got to fucking type it in on a touchscreen. Like, At that, I got a spell to get lunch. He was so confused and so angry.

And they were like trying to help him. They were like, we can't take your order. It's got to go through this. We need the ticket. And dude, at one point, he just, bro, we were in the chip aisle. He just breaks down and goes, I'm not a dumb man.

And we're like, what the fuck? He just snapped and left. This thing might get me feel stupid. But there also is like, I, there was something nice about ordering. Hey, let me get a number one. Of course. best.

Well, Wawa used to be a place you go. You would get your, like, you get the community. Like, let me get a half a pound of American slice. We get our lunch meats there. Yeah. And now it's a fucking, a bendy machine. I don't like when they go, like, don't talk to us anymore. We're just, but we're just bots back.

Yeah. Don't talk to us anymore. And you go, what about that human experience? Yeah. Well, Wawa does have that. You go to the coffee, you know, and they have somebody just work in the coffee pots, keeping them fill. And they'll hit you with, hey, how you done?

You catch your game. Whenever we go, everything's broken. No one's saying hi to each other. No one's even just especially in New York commiss out New York it living in this building no one says hello to me I can imagine you just go like hey how you doing they go and then you now I don't ever want to say hi to anybody ever in that the other day the second I go hey how are you they go because for us that's so like I'm putting myself out of your man and you're gonna yeah we're locked in a box for 20 floors I'll fucking kill you how do you do at the airport

if somebody is is late for their flight and they got to go through the line like I'm sorry you let him go I don't know if they say hey thanks I'm so sorry that's great yeah I do that all the time I'm nice and shit to everybody when we were leaving L.A. I was it was for Labor Day was jammed up and the traffic was jammed up and I was running late for the plane at first time my life I'm late for a plane I had to do that and some of these people were such I would this one guy almost stopped turning around and punched him in his fucking face he was such a dick about it what he say nothing that was the problem I was like hey man I'm so sorry I'm late to my first time and he's like

I was like, yeah. Yeah, people that get up in a deal like that. I've had to do it. That's all I do. I give them moments of inspiration. I go, hey, go, hey, go get her. And sometimes they go, what? Oh, that's great.

That's good. There I go. You're going to get that promotion. She already left me. I'm just late for the plane. There I go. Okay. Oh, God.

Don't kill yourself. But I do that because I do that when I'm walking the dog in New York, other dogs. There's horrible dog owners in New York. Mm-hmm. No, I have to be, no, I thought you were going to say horrible dog. I have a reactive dog, and I have to be a very, I am probably one of the best dog owners. And you have to be, if you, I'm walking around with a fucking bazooka, he's a pit bull.

I got to fuck it. So like, I'm, I'm seeing three, I'm eating my carrots. I'm three, four, three, four blocks ahead. You got a gun named it everybody. You go, it's not loaded. Safety's on. Not friendly. Not friendly.

You just walk it through. You go, safety is on. And then every now and then I just let one pop. Just let you know, this is my name. Let everybody scatter. And I got eight more. No, but I'll get on the other side of cars. I'm, so there is no incidents.

So my problem isn't with that. My problem is with people who don't pay attention to their dog are looking at their phone while they walk their dog. And a lot of times it's the small dogs that just start yipping. I mean, you're going through it now that you have it. It's like they start yipping and sometimes they'll lurch or whatever. And I got Myrtle and she's fine. She's like the sweetest dog in the world.

She never has a problem with any dogs. But the new thing I do instead of getting. getting mad about it. It's all go, what did you call them, Myrtle? Like, as they do that, I go,

I go, damn, what did you say? Like that? And how many people don't have a sense of humor about it? Yeah. How many people go like, like that?

And you're like, it's your dog. Your dog's being the problem because I want to be a dickhead. I want to be like, fucking. Or if it's a tiny dog, I go,

a little Napoleon complex. That's great. A little Napoleon. They don't like it. They don't like that. But it's a fun way, I found out that talking shit and just being funny

instead of being a dick, goes a lot farther. When I say to my dog as we're walking, if we're coming up on another, it's dogs, his size are bigger. So we're crossing that. Yeah, he doesn't go out there a smaller dog.

He wants, he's in for the fight. All right. So as we're walking up, I hit him with the training day. I go, you want to go home or you want to go to jail? How do you fuck are you playing this day?

You want to go home or do you want to go to jail? It's up to you. Yeah, these tiny dogs that want to bark at myrtle, I always go, damn, wrong side of the bed. I'll just say something like that. I'll go, oh, he's so tiny, but he's so ferocious and the owners are never like yeah occasionally there yeah but wait that's what

bums me out you'd expect more of them to be like i'll also hit if if they're if i see their dogs also also a little fucking kooky patuki and i got my guy too and we're you know we're staying on it they're they're hitting them with the treats or whatever we're doing to keep them locked in as we get past go good job everybody great i go good job everybody all four of them i go good job everybody live to fight another day great yeah great sometimes they like it some Sometimes they don't. But they're trying. We're trying out here.

Yeah. What do you do when you see a muzzle dog? Uh, so it's, my dog's borderline muscle. Really? He could be. We were, uh, this happened to Katie and I. We took Murdo this, there's like a nice park by Chelsea Pierce. And we went and this dog was like chasing another dog.

And it was like, I don't want to say a pit. It was like a mix, short little fat dog, but it was a mutt. And it like was running and it ran under our legs on the bench. And it came back out and it bit my gene. Jesus. It bit the bottom of my gene was baggy, so it just got gene. And I went, whoa, whoa, whoa. And it was just really old woman in one of those walkers that you could sit down on.

And she's sitting there and she was like, come here, come here, just screaming at the dog. She's like, you don't do that. And she put a muzzle on it. And I go, damn, that's a muzzle dog. And you were just letting go raw dog? Yeah, that's wild. There's just raw dog in the park. Good thing I had my skinny jeans on.

Dude, thank God I was wearing big and baggy. I got it was taking it back to 98. Because it just got jeaned. But what's funny is the muzzle dog started coming back around. And Katie was like, you forgave this dog in your head so fast that the muzzle dog was pushing its head against me. And I go, it's nuzzling against me. And then Katie noticed it was trying to get its mess. And the whole time I go, look, it's nuzzling me.

She goes, I love you. You're so sweet. That dog's trying to get its mask off. They're going to bite you again. Someone's got that screw out. Dude, it really did. Like almost out. And that's what I was like.

Oh shit. Oh, shit. He's got a dime. He's unscrewing the screw. He's like, yeah, buddy, I really like you. I'm gonna fuck you shit up. Yeah, I like those jeans, yeah, that's good. And that was when I was like, oh, I don't know shit.

I really was like, oh, this guy feels bad. He bit me earlier. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I feel better than get me flesh. I'm sorry, Dan. I didn't mean to bite shit. Come here, son of a man. Got I can't kill you this time and I'm not going to let go. What are you think this old woman's going to do?

Shit. Johnny old bag. I'm working over here. Which perfect segue to the thing I wanted to talk to you to. about, have you read the news story about this man that this Friday is going to fight a chimpanzee? Oh, I saw a tweet. Is that real? Yeah, I looked at it. What country is this in?

Cole Johnson. It's an American. He's an American man. I think he's in Minnesota. Cole Johnson. His name's Cole Johnson. He's an amateur mixed martial martial art. What I think he's professional? I don't know. What are they doing with the chimpanzee? And is the chimpanzee a trained fighter? Oh He's got three years of Jiu-Jitsu He's going Yeah, he's at Tiger Shultz I think he's an instructor

He's fighting out of the jungle It's a mixed martial art, Cole Johnson It's gonna Is it a random chimpanzee or they have They got them already picked? But I don't know his name It's always it's got to be something funny too Like it's like a bobo or something

So Mr. Marble I've got to fight honk honk honk September 11th I mean Crazy you're doing it on September 11th. Oh, it's for the America. I'm never

going to forget that. I'll tell you that much. Cole Johnson's never going to forget that time. He got his ball sack ripped off by a chimpanzee. With ease, dude. When his nose gets taken from him, like an uncle? Is he wearing any sort of, he put a mask on him or something? According to bloody

elbow, the match is reportedly the website. It's like the, you know, the fine reporting of bloody elbow. The authority on chimpanzee fights. He said, in a video he believed he could beat a chimpanzee. He later discussed the proposed fight during an interview. During the interview

they asked him about whether he was going to fight the chimpanzee and he said yes and then asked whether the fight with the chimpanzee was actually going to fight the animal. He said that it was originally made as a joke and then someone showed up and was like how about $500,000?

And he's like, I'll do it for that. So he's garbage. I got the chimpanzees probably hold now for someone bigger. People are like, well, you can get you Tyson. I think we can get you guys. One of the Paul brothers. Yeah. This thing will fly out.

Also, he's funny. The chimp arguing for a side of a B side split. He goes, I'm the chimp. People aren't excited that I'm fighting Cole Johnson. People are excited. This guy's a dime. It doesn't. That he's fighting Mr.

Tuxedo. Yeah. And I'm going to fucking rip his fingers off like jumbo shrimp. I mean, dude. It doesn't matter. No, I know. But they're like shorter, right? In my head, I don't know.

So then the money guy dried up, and then Johnson said he then told everyone that he could not fight the chimpanzee anymore, but then received another offer for even more money. And he said it's on. He said there will be tranquilizers present. Tranquil what? Tranclizers. Okay. And he said he didn't, he didn't, he, he didn't punch him. He said he wants to go against the wild animal to test himself.

That's crazy. He's going to get killed. Yeah. He wants to test how fast he can bleed out. So I read two articles on this, and one of the articles reacted where they reached out to animal rights activists, and they were like, obviously, we're against this. Wait, you guys are actually, you guys want a statement for us? Yeah, we're against it. Do you think there's any chance?

No, where do you guys fall on this? Fighting an animal. That doesn't, but then the other thing is they, like, reached out to scientists that work with chimpanzees, and they were like, hey, I can't stress how bad of an idea. Horrible. All the scientists in the second The first article Just a picture of taking their glit, wait what? They almost, their quotes read like that.

They were like, hey, hey, hey. So how they socialize, this is just a bad idea. Because they're like, they're actually polite towards humans until they perceive something as a threat. And it's a real. Or they haven't had their breakfast. I don't know. Just like whatever.

Dude, just imagine like the anxiety that chimpanzee is going to start. Once it starts, like calculate, well, this is weird. There's a lot of people here. When he starts going, what the fuck is going on? All right. They don't want to be in a weird, uh, I'm not wearing a weird sort of costume. Yeah.

I'm naked. Look at these chicks and bikinis with these big cards in their hands. What are these? Is that food? Are they showing me food? Yeah. He just starts fucking short-circuiting. Let me know.

Is that Dana White? What the hell's going on in here? Then I have a guy come up to you like this and he goes, he's going to take one or two and be like, wait. Oh, he's a Mexican fighter. Sir, I don't want to fight you. Please step away. He's absolutely.

He's looking at his corner. What's this guy's fucking deal? I'll take one to give two. That's all I'm giving. Dude, but the second that it's on, it's going to be like, yeah, dude.

And that guy's going to go. That was actually really good. And also, I think I actually have no idea. That guy's just going to be immediately like, triangleizer, triangleizer. Like it's not,

I don't think this guy understands that this isn't like, the monkey's not going to stop. Yeah. And he's probably not a technical fighter. He's not, a surgeon. He's not angling for an arm bar. No, he's going to stick his hand in your mouth and rip your face off. It's crazy. It's going to hurt really bad. I just thought of that. Like, say he

does try to, like, say Cody, what's his name, John Jones? Tries to like, just whatever. They say they're grappling. He goes, I'm going to arm bar him. Like, that chimp doesn't know that. Rip his cock off over his. That's going to give him a chip doesn't know like, oh, man, like, what am I going to do? He's going to go like your fucking eyeballs. He's going to give an over the pants Cocker it. That's great. Like the chim's going to be tapping out. You got me.

Yeah. Like it's like, good form. Yeah. By the way, Cody John's just going to go take it. And then start hitting them with the other ones. He's like,

ah! And then probably go out to the crowd. You're fucked. Oh, man. There might be a, I might have to. Are they doing? Can we go?

The streaming? I'd want to watch that on stream. What I'm saying right now is, I might have to record a separate video as a warning to this podcast because this could go so bad that it's just me shaven with a haircut and I go hey everybody we've had a great time with Kevin and Foley on the podcast unfortunately that man did die and we said a lot of funny things at his expense knowing that he was going to die but we did warn him yeah I don't know I want to watch I want to see let me see if we can there's no way that happens there's no way that's

going to be legally allowed to proceed in the United States they're going to have to do it like on a boat in international I was just thinking of that ring of a little bit of style go old school J.T. Barnum. I mean, this is all within the last 20 Yahoo Sports. Hmm. Paperview fight. This is on Yahoo Sports. This isn't Bloody Elbow and no knock on their journalism.

No. I think they'll do a lot of good work. I even heard they're up for a couple Edward R. Murrell Awards. And I hope that they're fucking get. And the Peabody Body goes to bloody knuckles.com. Bloody elbow. A couple of Chuck Ladell Awards. Yeah.

But, um, guys, when we were kids, summer meant freedom. No homework, no teachers, no school. And as adult, summer still means freedom thanks to Mint Mobile's summer sale. Right now, Mint's plans are at $15 per month, even unlimited. So free yourself from big wireless and their gimmicks and gotchas. Switch to Mint for high-speed data and coverage on T-Mobile's 5G network. Mint Mobile took what's wrong with wireless, and they went, hey, stop charging so much. We're going to give it to people for 15 bucks a month.

And other wireless went like, you can't do that? And they said, yeah. And they put their arm over our shoulder. And they said, why don't you ditch that overpriced wireless and come with us? And I went, yeah. So to get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash soda. That's mintmobile.com slash soda.

Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash soda. That's it. There's no catch. Up front payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12-month plan required, $15 per month equivalent, taxes and fees extra, initial plan term only, greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy, includes up to 220 gigabyte hotspot, capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage varies. Seamintovil.com for details. Guys, if you own a small business, you better be using Square. I say that as a guy that doesn't own a small business, so you can tell me to go pound sand, and I'd agree with you. But if you are starting a small business, let me tell you about Square.

Square is the platform behind the scenes as so many businesses that you love, whether it's selling smoothies, fixing bikes. Square gives them one connected system to take payments, manage inventory, run payroll, and send invoices, and track it all from one place. Software for managing staff, marketing, and customer insights, and hardware that works in person and on the go. Businesses love it because it makes running a business feel a little less like putting out fires. Also, real seller stat, businesses using Square Online earn 36% more revenue on average.

So get the Square software. So if you're starting a small business or you're running a business or you're running a business that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. Right now, you can get up to $200 off square hardware at square.com slash go slash soda. That's S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash G-O-S-Soter. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. Oh, he does these, like, weird fights where he does, like, the one against six.

Have you ever seen him? They do them in Russia. Oh, that's this guy? He's done them. He's not the big guy where he fights the little guys, is he? No, but they do those. That's another flavor of the same thing these guys do. But it's like your dad's drunk and you try to take his keys and he's just starts up in the suit

and he's teeing. off on these two little Filipino guys. It's so good, dude. It's like America. Did you ever see the in shape female MMA fighter versus a big fat guy that's not in shape? Oh, I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That kind of stuff's all. We got to get into that, man. A pay-per-view has been set up for an M-MA fighter challenging a chimpanzee do the fight. Well, he's challenging him. It's called his name's, his name's Wavy. I thought that was the chimp's name because it says Wavy v. Chimp, which does sound like a court case.

Mm-hmm. That's just, yeah, that's what they're going to use. to never allow this again. Yeah, this is a, what a quote. Do I think I can beat a chimp in a fight? Yeah, I do. But I never thought I was going to do it. Then all of a sudden, all these people are in my DMs,

like, we'll give you $500,000. So I took a guy's offer to fight this chimpanzee in a country I can't speak about. Oh, wow. Canada. That's Saudi money. It's really something, huh? Listen, guys, Riyadh's not working for the season two.

Quick pivot, man versus chimp. Forget, bit of it. But I love him just as next as they'll be back next year. His new stuff here is great. It's great. But what I want to see, Chimphors Man. I imagine they're doing that kind of stuff in weird countries all the time. Yeah.

If you're like in North Korea, that's probably a Tuesday night for Kim Jong-un, right? Yeah. You go to Bangkok. You could find one of these. Well, like, where are those things you can like, you can like shoot the like the cows and stuff like that? They used to have a joke about that. Yeah, but that was real. That's one of why.

I know. That's one of why. Yeah. But they fixed the sites. It was in Bahrae. I think. They fixed the site so you don't hit it. They're going to waste a cow.

You talk. That's big money over there. Yeah, but it's like a couple hundred U.S. Bargetzzi's old joke was like, 15 cow for that. Bargetzzi's joke was like, 15 cow.

They count on you missing. Bargetz he goes, imagine if you're good at it. Like you take out the cow, you go, I'd do this a lot at home. That was always a line of the cow. You take out the cow.

One X user pointed out a chimp doesn't know to not use its teeth. Oh. Yeah. We're going to put a mouth piece and a chimp. This is going to be bad. That's awesome.

I'm in that. But I can't find out where we can watch it. It just says it's going to be on pay-per-view, but it's not giving us a... Yeah, that might be if that's like a... I don't think that's going to be on like the regular internet. You can't Google that link. You don't think it's dark. I don't know if it's dark, but it's not light.

It's the gray web. What if he wins? He just knocks out a chip. Yeah, that's also weird. Like, what are the consequences of this? There's no way. It only gets scientifically. Listen, I'm against Cal She.

I'm against a polymarket. I'm against all those prediction apps. That heavy on the chip. I'm going to deal a little business on this. This only time of my life where I thought about downloading that app or I go, I don't see this. Kimbo's slice, maybe in his prime.

Me. I'm a hot day in a backyard. A chimp doesn't know to like, oh, I got fucking rocked in the face. Like, and then he's just going to keep charge it. It's just like, well, now I have to kill you. I don't think there's an MMA fighter on the earth that could do it. No. You know who I think could do it?

Someone that works at the zoo. Someone that's better at. Someone that's probably had a couple of fucking run-ins, a couple of dust-ups with one that had to get out of the cage quick. That's exactly what I mean. Yeah. I used to work down at the Pittsburgh Zoo. Yeah. There's some guy with three fingers going, listen, what you're going to want to do is get to fuck out of there.

If I see him in his corner, oh, no, this guy could have a shot. You know. This guy brought in the right-house. He's got to the same. You're like, all right, that guy knows what the fuck he's talking about. Me and the chimp are drinking after work. Somebody says something stupid. We start talking politics.

I've been here before. Listen, I didn't know the guy was a libertarian. The next thing I know, I'm missing my ear. I'm vandau in it because this guy, fucking, this guy got touching about health care. Yeah, I make one bamboo joke. All of a sudden, he's taking a swat at me, huh? Stand up and fight me like a man. Yeah.

I threaten to dress as the man in the yellow hat. This guy goes right for my nose. Yeah, a noseless, fingerless dude cornering him. I go, you know what he's sick if he brought out the lady from Connecticut that got her face ripped off? Oh, my God. That's his Miss Elizabeth. That, that one call is brutal. Oh, dude.

Remember she was on Oprah? She ripped my friend apart. Right. She, uh, she fucking was on Oprah. Yeah. When she got a new face. She's like, that was.

All right. And that monkey was like, damn, I'm sorry. I was in a bad place. Come on, girl, it's all, love. Hey, man, sometimes I'm going to lose my shit. He's quit drinking since then. I do, like, have her come out with you. Make it a spectacle.

If you're going to do this, don't have to be. This isn't a spectacle enough already. It's happening in a country he can't talk about it. Yeah, I know, which definitely means an Asian country. There's no way. I mean, there's probably a lot of countries that would play ball with this. Kazakhstan? Yeah, Kazakhstan.

You think the stands, one of the stands, Turkmenistan? Yeah. One of the ones where they don't let women drive. Sure. Men fight monkey? Oldest time. This is Tuesday. Oldest time.

I bet you, I bet. That guy smoking his sink for sure when he says that. I don't think anyone that handle is that chip doesn't rip heaters. I don't think there's anyone that handles that chip that isn't in a squat most of their day. Yeah, imagine if it's a fighting chimp. Well, what is that, though? I don't know. They fight them.

Do they fight them? Maybe. Somewhere. If it's a fighting chimp, brother, get your money. Is the chimp picked out, do we know? Yeah. Oh, that's a good cause. Or they're just going, whoever's fucking got up on the wrong side of the bed today.

I don't know. I poked a couple of the stick. This one seemed to be angriest. Because you're right. Also, you can't watch tape on your opponent. I kind of want to see him as an enclosure. You're better off with a chimp in captivity than just going out and grabbing a him from the wild and bringing him in fresh.

He'll be pissed. I don't know. He'll be pissed. Fuck about this shit. But honestly, just to argue against yours, devil's advocate, the bright lights and the humans might throw a wild chip off. This guy at least knows. For a second.

Dude, you don't think a guy's like, and the bullet start flying. Feeding the chimpanzee and he goes, I know his neck. His eye. I know what makes these pussies, you know, like that I can fucking. I've grabbed on the stuff. I've already, I see what makes them skinnish.

and that's what I'm going for. So I'm looking if there's where to watch. I'm going to type that in. Where to watch? Semi side note, my cousin, he's got to be written all over it. Oh, this is a zone. My cousin is a carpenter in Philadelphia,

a union carpenter of Philadelphia, and he's doing toughest of the trades boxing matches where it's like the pipe fitters, fight the electricians, the electric, and he's like, it's like, I don't think it's sanctioned by any means. He's never,

And I'm like, dude, I'm in your corner. We're fucking getting you a gold or you garbage robe. This is so fucking. But tell me what you did. When is it? That you got a couple. This guy got a couple of white claws in him and convinced him to do it. Yeah.

I was all fucked up. We were done a short, not a while wood. And, uh, your cousin, tough. Yeah. And he's a big fucking, he's a big fucking carpenter. He's not like,

he's not a very experienced fighter. He doesn't have a lot of fights. He's he and, you know, not even like street fights. And he's going in with someone who's like also not a boxer. Like they, they pair you.

It's like, Like, you know, they pair you up. Because he's not sending him to like, you know, some fucking Dominican from North Philly who's been fucking shadow boxing his whole life. A buddy of mine that I grew up with that was very tough. Went and won one of those tough man competitions. Jesus.

He was like a, like he got a lot of fights. Like to the point that he got sent to like a military school, came back filled with muscle instead of fat. Big problem. And then she kept fighting. One time came over to my house after he knocked an older man out in a 7-11 parking lot.

Oh, dude. He was driving his mom's minivan and a guy was driving home for, I've told the story before. It was coming home and this guy started shit with him. He was 16 and he just pulled over and dropped an adult and then came to my house to smoke weed. It was like, I just beat up a man. And I was like, holy shit. I just started Night Rider, so you got a whole thing.

I think that's fun. I'm in on that. I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm all the way in board. I used to go to FD. But he's my chimpanzee a little bit in this. I'm like, you can do it.

You can do it. But I used to go to FDM. NY versus NYPD. I love that. The idea of that's always been so cool to me. But you know what they do? FDNY got worked because NYPD brought in the COs from Rikers.

They counted them as NYPD. So they're ringers. Those guys just beat the shit. It was just like, it was like this bulldog looking Italian guy from Brooklyn from like ladder 28. Watch my head. But he's this fat little guy who's like, hey, I'm a fucking, hey, go, I'm a fire chief.

I got this guy. I got a bag in my basement. Giant black dude that worked at Rikers for the last seven years breaking up. Yeah. And he just got in the ring and just teed off on these guys. I was with Wyatt Sannack. We went and watched it.

And both of us were like starting to laugh by the fifth fight. We're like, oh, they just fucking, it was a ringer. Yeah, I love that. That's so, the idea of that's always been so cool to me. And by the way, the crowd's into it. We'll go. Yeah. We should go next time it happens.

It's always at the Garden. Let's go. They do it at the Madison Square Garden Theater. Love that. It's very fun. It's very fun to heckle. It's very fun to yell. Y'all A-Cab.

All cops are bastards. But if you're sitting on the FDNY side, they go like, yeah, you go, right? Thanks for being the real heroes. Yay, guys. Or I'll go on the NYPD

and be like, thin fucking blue line. Thin fucking blue line. That's a 515. Thank you for your service, gentlemen, thank you for your service. I always think of calling Quinn's joker.

He goes, hey, you know, the black teenagers are talking, talking like cops and the cops are talking like black teenagers. They're like, yo, yo, yo, homeboy. What's going on? He goes, no, no, no. That's a sergeant.

He ain't going to get out of the car for a 5-19. That's a 5-19. That's a 5-19. I always think of that. But this chimp, I really, I'm going to reach out to both of you. I'm in. Hit me up. Guys, I found a link.

Did they say what it is? I can't find it. But I will spend the rest of this week. I have nothing. That is my commitment to you. I promise you. I'm traveling to Portland. It's all I'm going to do.

on the flight. Find that it's important. Now that I have social media off my phone, all I'm doing is just... You're off? Off my phone. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I take it off.

I download it in the morning to post. Whoa. Can you try that brick? You know, our new guy Luke is on the brick and he swears by it. Let me tell you about the brick. It works for a week. Yeah, and then you brick the... I don't know exactly what it is.

It just locks your apps. It's a thing that you have with it that if you don't have this brick thing by you, you can't look at your social media. You leave it at the house. You lock your apps. And then if you go, you're out all day, you can't unlock it. You can't unlock it. And so to me, that was always like, nah, it's too.

I just need to delete it. I need to make it so. I understand. I need to make it so inconvenient to look at that I only do it when I'm at home and I need to like, if I'm posting or like if I'm like, if he'll be like, hey, someone wants to collaborate on a clip. I'll be like, let me download it and look at the clip and then go like, cool, I'll collaborate with it. Yeah. But I like, it just is better.

And so now I'm just like reading these random-ass news stories about Jim's fighting. But, but way better for my mental health. Way better for my mental health because I'm just like, I actually generally kind of want to see this. I think it's animal cruelty. I think it's fucked up. But listen, if it's going to happen, what am I not going to watch?

It's going to be horrible. I don't give a shit who got new faces. I'm going to watch this guy get ripped a shreds by a gorilla. Who sold out the Charlotte Comedy Zone six shows. Jesus. That's a lot of tickets. Yeah. You go, that's so much tickets instead of me.

I'm feeling like that chimp when I'm on fucking social media. Like, ah, hey, take it off. And I go, all right, this would be fucking cool. Yeah. But yeah, I am excited to watch that unless someone dies, in which case. Obviously. He's going to. If they don't stop it, he's going to get killed.

He's going to lose something for sure. Yeah. Yeah, which like I kind of, I want that to happen. Something that's not going to be able to be stitched up smoothly. And something's coming off. It's going to take them. It's going to take multiple incisions to put it back together. He's going to look, he's going to look crazy.

Take a picture of it. And he's like, I think they showed a picture of him. He's like a good looking kid. He's like in shape. You go, brother, there's no, I just don't see the plus side to any of this. Because you win. 500 grand. 500 grand.

That's a, that's a pretty big upside. Yeah, you're right. You know what? If you're willing to go, oh, I'm going to fight this chimpanzee, the 500 grand is. Yeah. That's generational change. Outside of that, you can't really talk about it. No.

Because if they go, if he's buying like a Nissan Ultima and they go, oh, you're paying cash. How did you get this cash? He goes, so. I fought him for me. I thought. I don't want to say you shit of a bitch. It's all spit. And go, oh, fuck.

Sounds like Cobra Commander. You go, oh, I watch his teeth touch on the side of his mouth. It's all. He's going to have the one string. And then it's like tugger. You read that? I taught the young for help. And they let my tongue up.

Oh, dude, that's going to be fucking gross. I'm sorry. How much money would it take for you guys to each fight a chimpanzee? There's not enough. But if there is. You know.

You can go to a billion, brother. Yeah, probably. I mean, like, I'm never good at these games because I'm just, I'm so, like, absolute in my head. Does he have gloves on? Oh, the chimp.

The chimp might have gloves on, so he can't disfigure him. And might have a, might have a, might have a, might have a face mask so he can't bite him. Ooh. Then, then I'm in.

Okay, fuck Burger King. Get in touch with H. Foley about this monkey. Fucking. Reach out to Foley. Reach out to Foley. That's crazy. He single-handedly made it. I got my hair up.

I'm like, in real time, I'm watching it going. That's a guy going. That's a guy really weighing how much money he needs. If he's going, fucking get out of Ian's basement for fucking. If you put gloves on him in a lacrosse helmet, That's so funny. Quick, come down to the park. Foley's fighting a chip to get out of Ian's basement.

It's super unsanctioned. It's just real quick, like a meet-up. And if we're acting like Lewis isn't the one that would be putting it on, Lewis goes, all right, doggy, I got a guy that works with this New Jersey Zoo. He's going to grab the gym. He's 15 minutes. We got it for fucking three hours. We are under a deadline.

That's his Ocean's 11. He's getting Lewis to steal a monkey to fight H. And getting it back before anybody finds out. And we're going to record it. It's going to be on gas digital. sign up for the app. Promo co-chimp for one free month.

Core values, doggy. But yeah, dude, I'm going to find out about this and I'm going to text you guys about where the fuck this is. We should all be doing more stuff like this. We should all go to this. We all have the means to get to the Far East. Let's go.

We're going to go to NYPDFDN. Yeah. We'll start there. That'll be a fun one. We should do a recap on, are you garbage? Let's do it. Let's go right to the studio. Yeah.

Right from MSG. Boom. Hit it. Just go in and fucking break down what we saw. I love that kind of shit. Anytime there's just like people, I don't know why. Always from the departed to, I don't know if it was rugby when the cops played the fireman.

He's like, your first time getting pussy in the history of fire. Oh, pussy. I don't know. Just like I love that line seemed a little forced. Yeah. Which honestly, can I tell you? I feel like you practice that in front of the mirror.

But they do say that is like one of the things of that movie is that he was homosexual. And that's where a lot of his anger came from. And they, like, they use that line as, like,

as a deflection. Yeah. Like you get no pussy. It's also when he goes, you're getting married? And he goes, yeah, I'm getting married.

He's like, yeah, they like to see a man that's consistent. He's like, he's like, he's working overtime. Over time.

Yeah. He's working overtime. Yeah. And then he's sitting there eating his fucking weedies. And this fucking bitch has got a banana in her hand. Then he couldn't get hard.

Yeah. What the fuck is that? Is that the one she goes, do you want to talk about what happened? Yeah, she's peeling the banana. Oh, man,

Scorsese loves imagery. Yeah, then Leo got her and gave it to her. One shot. Woo. One shot. Put a baby in her. Out of the rain.

Out of the rain. All perked up too. Was he perked? No, he was perked. He wasn't pooping. I'll tell you that much. Oh, man.

What's so funny is it's because it's Leo and it's that actress. It's like really sexy. But if it was like one of Katie's friends from Massachusetts, who's like, I had a had week. I was doing percocets and then I fucked my fucking therapist. Like my brains out. And he goes, I went over to my fucking therapist's house and fucked her.

I'm pretty sure she's married. She's fucking, she's married to a state. A steady. I'm having a lot of trouble. I fucking went in there. I fucking raw dog. I don't know. I stole his watch.

The broad was moving. I figured who gives a fuck. By the way, I fucking took a dump in a house. so they fucking didn't even flush it. Fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fucking. Fucking Medicaid. Get the fuck out of here. He'd be such a shithead if that was real. She was like one of Mickey Ward's sisters or something like that. She would know of those MTV girls. And she'd be like, yeah, I fucked them. So what?

What do you get to do? Fight me? What are you a chimp? Why don't you go get him? You know, if you go find him, you're a cop. Yeah. You'll track him down. And she would go find you hard on, smart guy.

Yeah. She goes, you're a fucking queer. I know. you're a queer. You're fucking soft. You're soft serve. Every night. He's like, I'll fucking kill you. They always make it like sex. I told you not to talk about that. You fucking dumb bitch. Like Homer

was Bart. That's so true. It's so romantic. It's like the perfect version of it. It was raining outside. Yeah. And it's fucking comfortably numb being covered in a slow way. I've become comfortable. And I remember she said right before they start kissing

and she goes, I find your vulnerability something right now. And I'm I don't know what that is, but I've got to get some of it. Is that like Bluchew? Also, the least accurate part of that scene is him not before he does it going, you never fucked a black guy, right? Are we acting like these guys aren't from Boston? He goes, you're not fucking black guys, right?

Are we cool? Because you're fucking dealing with the court system. So I just want to make sure that none of the brothers from Dorchester coming out of your fucking ringing your bell. That would have been awesome. Ringing your bell. It would have been fucking so funny. Yeah, I don't want to insult you in nothing.

but uh you are this might uh it might come off a little crude but uh in that scene he stops he goes she's not fucking eat black eyes right she goes no

but he is he's such a piece of shit not once ever ever ever you ever you ever you ever even when you were dancing in show it would tell never yeah yeah no

you go to night school you never blew a black guy yeah dude him just on perks fucking his court order therapist fucking scratching his neck He's got the itchies? He goes, are those candle holders real gold? You got bedbugs or something?

Yeah. About a cop in this house? Yeah, you're fucking, you're gonna lose some stuff. You're moving. I'm just gonna say you lost it in the move. Oh, yeah, it was the night before the move. Yeah, he goes, so this fight, he's down back in south. You know, you could probably squat in here for a couple more weeks, right?

He goes, I know where we can go fucking do drugs. My old court-ordered therapist. She just moved out. With a queer boyfriend. I fucked her. The fact are in this house. And you go, oh, God. Also, but what world are you not?

cool with that. Oh, what? Come on. You're willing to break into the house and do drugs with them. And he's like, I fucked the right here and you're like, what, dude? Come on. I'm trying to break and enter and get high. Dude, come on. I want to tie up and push off. Not being fucking grossed out. Come on, man. Just crush those pills up, will you?

Yeah. Shut up. Stop talking about your romantic. I need to do a line of that. That's funny. You guys are the fucking best. Thank you, I love you. Watch the special. The link is below. Thank you. Are you garbage? She's one of the best podcast of all.

time. Two of the best men of all time. Aw. Also, I have to say, phenomenal fucking job on tires. Thank you, you are a great piece of shit. You as well, my friend.

Danny Sods. You as well, Danny Sods. I just played it. I just played it retarded. You were working. You were a real piece of shit. That was easy. I loved it.

I loved the whole taka, Taco Tires thing. Thank you. The thing with the, damn, dude. Thank you. Same to you, brother. They did, you know, John,

McKeever, Shane, and Gervin and all them. They did so good. Oh, dude. Great. And season four. Yeah, that's season four. Just announced.

So you know, your scummy ass is coming back. We'll see what happens. I love you and stov, man. Thank you. I love you and stov. I thought you and fucking O'Connor were fucking fantastic.

Yeah, they made me a nice white supremacist. The call I got was, the call I got was no Nward, no shaving head. You in? And I said, I'm out.

I'm out. Who's how we taken? I go, oh, so you're fucking laying out. Oh, so you lost your. So you lost your. So you lost your good. Are you garbage fucking rules?

Check out their special right now. Go click the link. I love you guys. Love you, but thanks.