Soder - 19: Karate on Long Island with Dave Attell | Soder Podcast | EP 19

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

This episode Dan is joined by LEGENDARY comedian Dave Attell. Watch his new special HOT CROSS BUNS. It premieres on NETFLIX Mar 29,2024. This episode the guys talk about the Kate Middleton Crisis, The NYC economy is dependent on Taylor Swift, towns with 2 am last calls, stand up comedy road stories, BONO SUCKS, Karate was the rage on Long Island back in the day, Ai isn't scary, and more. Follow Dave https://www.instagram.com/daveattell/?hl=en PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Dan is on the road all 2024! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour March 28-30 Nashville,TN April 12-13 Omaha,NE April 19-21 Washington,DC May 31st - June 1 Columbus,OH Support the sponsors to support the show! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/soder50 and use code soder50 to get 50% off. That’s code soder50 at FACTOR MEALS dot com slash soder50 to get 50% off! Connect with me! Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by  @homelesspimp  https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Doing a special now, like in the year 2024, the podcast circuit has to be worse than the late night or the old promotion, right? I feel that, you know, it's funny because, you know, I never had a podcast and I know you guys like, you know, this is your thing. This is what you do. We're not excited about it most of us. I think you guys the the thrill is gone Oh, yeah, and now you're all adults So you got like wives and girlfriends and like you know you got a place and a dog and all that so like it's not

This kind of like you know hey, man. We're gonna like hang out. Sorry. There's like dirty underwear You know it's like you know you guys have grown. Sorry. Let me finish this beer and then we'll talk about done That's yeah now. It's just pleasant conversations for, you guys have grown up. Sorry, let me finish this beer and then we'll start talking about. That's done. Now it's just pleasant conversations for other people to listen to. Well, it's also like when I was out in LA, you know, I did Bert and Tom, Two Bears and Mark Maron, you know, these guys, I know these guys, they're really cool to help me promote, but it was like the worst weather and I'm driving a rental car through like flooding conditions and I'm like dying to do podcasts.

Like I'm dying, I car through like flooding conditions and I'm like dying to do podcasts like I'm dying Doing a podcast. Yeah, the way old sailors would lose their lives to find in LA. That's like a righteous death Yeah, hey, he was going to a podcast. He had to go, you know, give him a 21 retweet salute Yeah, that's what they're gonna do. So, you know, I mean I'm glad to like, you know I don't know how you guys do it. I think it's a lot of work. I mean these things what's great about this is you know Mike does a lot He does the actual work, and I just sit here and talk to my friends, so it's not well That's cool. I can't complain about this and you get to do it from your house Yeah

I just do it right from home And this is a one-two punch for me because I have a very dear friend right across the street Dwayne read I think you know and then we might go down to another guy, Trader Joe. Oh, all the buds live in this neighborhood. There you go. Do you smoke in a rental car? What? Do you smoke in a rental car?

I do. Yeah, I love it. I used to smoke in my rental cars. Is there a thing you do? I smoke cigarettes, by the way. I don't know if that's- I smoke weed in my rental car. Really?

Yeah, I don't smoke cigarettes anymore. So I just smoke weed in the rental car. Wow. But I think the weed smell goes away much faster than the Cigarette. Yeah, what do you is there a thing you do like Oseum or anything before you return the car? Yeah, I also I bring it in like a like a exorcism. I read the Bible in there You have an old An old Roman Catholic priest coming and blessed the car

I just like can you get this evil out of the car have they ever said anything to you when you return the car well I don't know if you're like setting me up for failure, but I'm just genuine to be honest I'm not the greatest driver and now that I'm getting older I have to wear special glasses to drive at night Yeah, and you know the guys that I tour with who you know really well Louis cats Yeah, great coming out like to you know Ian Fadal like all the different people I go They don't like when I drive, so they will drive instead of me driving. Like, it doesn't matter, they'd rather

them drive six hours than me drive two hours. That's how bad a driver I am. How old were you when you got your license? I was driving before I had a license. Really? Like, cause it was Long Island, I worked for my dad so we had to get back and forth, so it was like one of those like, he's got a learner permit, but you know, like, we need him here at the store store sure let's just give him the car

You know and I would just like 15 about 15 16 we all like learned we all like Had to drive so we did drive and like you know we have like all these clunker cars So nobody really cared yeah, if you banged up it. They're like it will give a shit No, any care. It's a hulk and we also like was gonna say you know Driving back then, you know on Long Island drinking and driving was like, you know important. Yeah, you know, we all did it Yeah, so now you know like in a car like I'm so nervous especially in New York We're like there's so much stuff going on here. Like I don't know how these kids get high or whatever and drive around here

I mean, it's very it's it racks you with anxiety kids get high or whatever and drive around here. I mean, it's very, it's, it racks you with anxiety, like driving in New York city where everything's coming out of everywhere. Even when you're like turning on right and you have the light, people could still be for hours. Yeah, it sucks. It definitely sucks. But I will always wanted to know if there was like a rental car place that you returned and they're like, did you smoke? Oh yeah, yeah, no, I've been, I've been bang for it. One of my favorite stories that Big Jay told me was you guys, it was right when they made smoking in all hotel rooms illegal.

And Jay told me a story that you guys were checking into a hotel he was opening for you. And they were like, it's a $250 fee if you smoke. And you were like, I'll just pay the fee. I'll pay right now. And they didn't understand. They were like, no, no, no, we can't. Is that true? Yeah, no, because I it was like you know it's like like a fine

Yeah, but then I could smoke the whole weekend, but you got that a lot like There's no hotels you can smoke anymore in fact I think even even the red roof ends have decided to say and they get so often be like really like no rules But now like as long as there's a roof anything under it goes like wrestling there You know anything went, but i was gonna say uh what was it in la where everybody is high everybody's smoking pot all the time yeah it's just weird how they like yeah no uh we'll find you five hundred dollars and this and that i get mad about cigarettes that's the one thing

you know uh i quit drinking 11 years ago congratulations not really is it though is is it? Grab an orb. Thank you. An orb of justice. These things don't even turn on anymore. Here's your golden globe. I wanna smoke so much more than I want, no cigarettes, more than I wanna drink again.

Wow. Like I miss cigarettes and they're kind of becoming popular again. Yeah, I heard that the kids, the scenesters are smoking again. Cool kids. It always starts with cool kids. It starts with the ism pick now that they're all thin and slick They go we're hot. Let's smoke. We're all hot young and fuckable. How old are you when you start smoking cigarettes? I smoked like in my teen like a little bit But I always had like bronchitis and something that but I really hit it hard in my 20s

That's really when I started because of comedy. It was just I think it was it was also like, you know other So much downtime and like, you know, like nothing's better than booze and cigarettes together if you ask me There's no now it's just booze and cough. I'm sorry coffee and cigarettes, which is the second best combo. It's alright I mean, I'm so old now. It really is You know, my sleep is terrible like like for this one I was like so excited because I didn't have to go to see my mom in the hospital or anything like that I was like, oh cool, man. I get to stay up late, you know It's like not that I was gonna go to sleep early

But it's like staying up for eight in the morning just drinking coffee, you know, there's something wrong with that Yeah, I'm not an air traffic controller. Why am I doing this? You don't give a shit. No one's left in your head. Yeah, I mean, it's just like bad habits, you know? And I think the road also does that. Because I've had weekends, I'm sure you've had it too, where you land, you unpack, you do the show, and then you don't sleep again until you actually get back to your own place.

Yeah, I don't think you sleep comfortably until you get home. Like, I just did two weekends, and then my grandma died, so I had to clean out her place. Oh, I had to go do that in between. And I wasn't sleeping at all. I mean, I would lay down and try to go to bed, but it wasn't until I got home and went to sleep on Monday that I was like, Oh, that was actual real sleep.

And here's the things in hotels. Now I'm, I, I saw it right after the pandemic when no one was in the hotels and you ever go into the room and like You turn the shower and just like Brown comes out like it was clear when I touched that shower for two years Let it run. Yeah for like yeah, like a month basically it was that bad and now I notice that like all the other stuff is falling apart like the You know, the TVs don't work. Yeah the air conditioning like it's just rattling. It's terrible It's like actually fire is coming out of the air And then you question them about it. Hey, is there something going on here? And they're like no no no

You're the guy it's you know, we'll send an engineer Yeah, which means if you have anything personal out you gotta hide it because there's gonna be a guy in your room Mm-hmm, just going through your like looking at your stuff. hated that yeah I couldn't get hot water in Cleveland I was at hilarities that sounds like a great title for something hot water in Cleveland yeah that's a blues album that's uh so what did you do to change your old and I was like hey the hot water is not running and they're like we'll send an engineer up and I was like I'll just take a shower in cold I would I would rather oh yeah yeah by the way I let it run for like five minutes and it came back on.

Well, that's the thing when you're like, Oh, sorry, it's my fault. Dude, that's that happens all the time where I think something's broken in a hotel and I'll call downstairs and they're like, it's probably not. Well, how about like when you have to move rooms and you've already unpacked everything is like the way you want it. And then it's like, okay, uh, I'll move rooms. And now you're like walking through the hotel with like, you got like your snacks, you got your stuff on hangers. It's kinda weird.

Yeah, you have two shirts on at the same time. It's weird. Kate Middleton, is she dead? What? Is Kate Middleton dead? Where did that come from? I just wanna know. Oh, you mean because of the AI?

I wanna know about, yeah, cause it's a conspiracy that we're big into in this house. Wow. Because they've already kind of as Katie calls it, soft launched Prince Williams mistress. They're already like this woman. There's a woman, um, that she's like, they have one of those British names like the sonson berry of glass. It's like she's like a title woman, but there's like rumors that she is the

Prince's mistress really and they haven't seen Kate Middleton since Christmas that's why I picture with her in the paper but that's why they had to pull it because it was AI it was uh it was edited oh and they caught the Photoshop mistake god I hope that's not true because I really like her I thought that she really kind of energized that family there was like man he met this woman she's like it seems like pretty normal you know she's an attractive woman. You know accomplished well She's dead said wow no. I don't know she's dead. What about those kids are they doing okay?

I don't know. I mean that's got to be the worst family to have something go wrong and because they're like We're not gonna let anybody know the truth well the king of course isn't feeling good either. No. They're all fucked up Wow That's why they do those adrenochrome parties where they suck the bae, I'm sorry. I didn't know that was the conspiracy of the house. It's starting to get you into Q and O and I go, now really, where does it follow? But I think it's funny that they put out a picture of her on British Mother's Day.

And then they were like, oh no, it's edited. And then they made, the palace made a statement where she was like, yeah, I was just messing around with Photoshop. Like they're bad at covering it up, but they haven't seen her live. She had, she hasn't been public since Christmas. Wow. And in one picture they're like, here she is driving in a car, but she's like turned sideways. Yeah, I get it. Well, I'm stay on top of that up for me. I'm going to keep you running a newsroom here.

I'll keep you abreast. Please next coming in. I'm gonna keep you running a newsroom here. I'll keep you abreast please next coming in. Okay tick-tock being banned go interesting because As a promoter of a special now tick-tock is important Yeah, and like I've seen those clips on it and I think the one thing tick-tock does well is short Yeah, you know, and so I'm like I'm like, this is good for me because I got like short jokes Sure, that's one of my specials short too. It's like 37 minutes. I'm like no one has the attention spanned anymore for an hour So we talked about this I think one time at the cellar like yeah

You know who you know like who watches a whole hour anymore people watch 50 minutes And they either say it was great or they turn it off and like I'm like 37 minutes seems right and now I'm like even That's too long. I think like a good 15 minutes would be the way to go We're gonna start doing two-minute specials something like that I mean clothes is two jokes I mean, I think all of our attention span is done like I'm watching like all these TV shows like You know Masters of Air. Have you seen that one on Apple? It's about like the bomber guys It's really really good, but it's like, you know, you got to take a break. Got it. Look at other things

What are you looking your phone? Yeah. Well, you know, luckily, you know, I still have the flip phone. I love it. That's why I haven't heard much about this Kate thing. You know, I'm still... Look at that. Look at that. I mean... So evidently the queen is very sick. That's how slow the Wi-Fi is. It's coming in on your old phone. Yeah. They're going to call you just from the landline. It's quite all right. David, you just say, hi, I'm fine. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Okay. Sure. You're on the road. Yeah. You and Louie were telling me you doing the you know Like you're out there doing the road. How much road are you doing? Like how much how long are you out there two weeks a month? That's not bad two to three weeks a month

Yeah, I don't do the whole month. I'll take one weekend for the city Yeah, then usually like two to three on the road. I'm always like, you know, I'm out here blah blah blah You know we add shows, you know, hopefully they sell out both and then I'm like I got to get back to the city and to be honest I think I'm getting more accomplished on the road than I am in the city I'm not really you know some of the shows lately You know I don't know maybe it's because it's more of a touristy crowd or whatever it is But my crowd gets it and they don't mind when I'm like out there You know swinging trying to come up with stuff trying most like in the city here

It seems like there's a lot of the moaning and groaning seems to be coming back. Have you noticed, when was the moaning and groaning the worst before, like 90s? No, I would say that that was kind of the end of the good times and then it became like, you know, just pretty much a lot of filtering of comedy. Really? And I'm like, you know, when I worked with Jeff all the time,

I was like, we can't do that. You know, I'm like, he's got the balls in that Jeff, I was like, we can't do that. You know, I'm like, he's he's got the balls. Sure. And that in that situation, he's like, no, it's funny. Do it. But I'm always like, no, no, I could see somebody getting upset. You know, that's not right. That's crazy. So I never think that you have that thought because I mean, no, I mean, I'm always like, you know, you can always rewrite it better. You know, that kind of thing.

But but still like your initial like thing that you come up with, or especially on the fly, is usually the one thing that a lot. You know, you're like, oh, no, you know, that kind of thing. But but still like your initial like thing that you come up with, or especially on the fly is usually the one thing that a lot, you know, you're like, Oh, no, I can't, you know, even though like everyone laughed. Yeah, but I think you can. I think we're at the page. I think we're returning. Yeah, it's like where you could say whatever the fuck you want. Are you worried about AI at all when it comes to like, there's rumors, AI keeps coming up over and over. What's it's everywhere. People are now I'm here and people are using it to write

jokes. Well, what is it? That's the whole point. It's like, what is it? Is it, is it a, what's it called? Is it an actual computer? Is there a robot somewhere that's doing it? Like, what is it? So I think it's a program that they teach to like chat bot. Is that what you're talking about? That's exactly what it is. Yeah. Like chat bot, where they take things, everything that's ever made and then they like produce a new. Sure. Well, this is what I've said before on multiple podcasts is that, Hey, there might be a computer program that can write poetry and music,

but can it work at a coffee shop? No, it makes it. I don't think so. Can it live off a girlfriend in Brooklyn until it makes it? No. That would be awesome if AI had to have a day job before it could do comedy. The frustrated. Yeah. It's got to wait tables at a cafe and then it might be able to write jokes. But you know, AI should also have that defensive mechanism where like people call it out on the playrooms like, no, no, no, I never read that.

It's nothing like that. Hey, you only say Hey Because I'm a this 101 zero zero Bullshit and then it like walks out of the room and makes the noise Yeah, it goes fuck this you don't if you don't appreciate me. I'm fucking gone Yeah, so, you know, yeah, cuz I don't think I mean like right jokes. It does all those different things I mean like look at the crowds. Do they really you know, like some crowds my crowd loves loves a joke You know I was talking to Norman and Sam those guys joke. You know like Louis cat they're all joke guys yeah, and like to me

It's like you know if it writes better the jokes in us then you know maybe that's something we have to step our game up But you know it's not like we're gonna be able to like go head-to-head against AI like in a game of go You know it would be funny if five years from now It's like me you salmon mark verse fork robots. Well what it is doing is it's definitely killing jobs. That's for sure It's killing a lot of jobs. He said it's gonna eliminate One guy said it he thinks in the next five years AI will eliminate 70% of animation jobs really so people that are working on animated movies Shows small stuff even commercials. Yeah, they're gonna be gone they're going to be able to do it so fast with AI.

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do I am excited to come back to the Omaha Funny Bone April 11th through the 13th and then I'll be at the DC Improv April 19th through the 21st. Go to DansOtter.com for those tickets and go to youtube.com and watch On The Road, my special. It keeps her fed. Isn't that right? Yeah! Fuck this dog rules.

What was I saying? That now is a great time to have tech skills in terms of like you're able to do stuff with your hands like you're a carpenter it's like all those old you know like blacksmithing all those kind of skills yeah cuz it doesn't have hands yet yeah well I don't know have you seen those Boston dynamic robots I love that they showed it once and it was just like walking around and you're like oh that's cool and now it like sits down shoots a basketball right easy. It's scary well I hate to you know brag, but when I was with Ian Vanan and Vegas we're playing wise guys great club by wise guys, so we went to the battle bout arena

Oh, yeah That's where that's where that show finally landed in Vegas within within walking distance of the sphere So it's kind of like its futuristic world over there And they have the arena there and like Ian of course who is over the top. Yeah, he said we're going in his VIPs So we had like a like a special area and they asked us for the robot with their like robot waiters Well, I think you get a backstage tour But I go please come on. Let's get out of here But it was just funny to see the robots going at each other

And I'm like where's the trash talk with all this AI and stuff like that. Why don't they like you know? Jack you're nothing but like a rumble with a blah blah I wonder if when the robots eventually take over, the humans that are left are like, you used to cock fight us and battle bots will be there. Like, you know, they're cock fighting. Well, it's funny how the battle bot, you know, like you can get the best of both worlds.

You can go see battle bots with a stripper. You can go see, you can buy fentanyl and go see a battle bot. Bono might be there doing wall music. I see it. You can buy fentanyl and go see a battle bot. And Bono might be there doing wall music. I love it. I love that you- Is that what you call the sphere wall music? That's what I- it's wallpaper music. Did he just change the wallpaper?

Because Bono's always- Bono's one of those guys that does so many nice things, but also doesn't seem nice. He's just aloof. Yeah. He's like God himself. He's just a little, you know, he's not emotionally attached. Bono, you're like, I understand you're doing good things, but you're also kind of coming off like a dick. Well, like when they put the album on our phones.

Oh, right, right. Oh, that was years ago, right? Yeah. But that's, that's a kind of the moves that you too do. I remember listening to that with the real Kate Middleton. I'm trying to bring it circle around. I love it. For editing. I'm trying to bring it circle around. I love it for editing Oh, I hope yeah

I really hope the the the royal crown reaches out to you and they're like, do you know anything? Do you watch that show the crown? No, you know, that's way too boring. That's like Downton Abbey You well, I like a nice period I'm watching Shogun. Have you seen this? I watched the first episode. It's great, dude It's great and I didn't know it was a remake Yeah, no the original one in the when I was a kid. I was like man. This is so cool Yeah, and that was like at the height of Benny Hannes, too So like let's go down there and sword fight. Oh, it's not happening. Yeah, it was like a ninja fever Yeah, everybody's like I gotta learn more about Japan. You gotta give it up for them in that haircut. Yeah

How's the beginning how big was karate in the, like when you were- Well, I'm from Long Island. That was like, you know, everybody at least tried karate. I love it. But now that I think about it, like this, you know, MMA, so you- Well, MMA is massive, but I think karate, the karate boom of the 80s was more specifically like white dudes kicking and

chopping guys in bedazzled shirts, choking you at a hooters. Right. Well, it was also like a lot of people wearing geese that didn't fit like a lot of like, how do I, it was very stiff, you know, like, Oh, how do you fight in this kind of thing? But I, at my gym, when I see the guys do the MMA roll around, you know, they're like rolling around with each other. I'm like, how we got so comfortable watching that like it's just like nobody gives it any mind But just like imagine walking into a place like you just want to skip some rope Yeah, it's like two guys in a death crawl on top of each other

Didn't anybody who didn't know that go like that guy needs help I just want to do a set of three sets of 10 on an incline. And there's another guy like watching it. Like, what is this? The funniest thing I ever saw in a gym was in my high school weight room. We were like going to work out for football and this guy that no one had ever seen was in like black sweatpants in a black tank top. And he put out a mat and started doing the break dancing thing. Oh really? But then he never break danced. So he was just like, he would just like start it and all of us were watching him like go

What you didn't know we were watching him. Oh, and he would do the thing that now But it was in that in the locker room. It was in our high school Gym Wow in the weight room. Wow, we're like, what the fuck is this guy doing? Because breakdancing that was also another craze Yeah, but I was already kind of old for that. You were older for that? I think it's, by the time I got out to Long Island, it was definitely like two years dead. I always would love to find out if you had

like a breakdancing or karate phase in the 80s. Like a young David Tell. No, frisbee, pot, you know, Taco Bell was big, you know, like that kind of, just like normal, just normal loser, you know, kind of stuff. But I would say where I come from from it was more importantly about like jobs Like what kind of job do you got like you know that guy? He works for the you know city and this guy does this he's a this guy's a stockbroker this guy over here

Is a plumber you know everybody was their job, and it was like really important to have a job So I'm kind of glad that like I grew up in that world, but it's to this day It's like you know well. What's wrong with them a job. You know, like that's kind of thing. Jobs all the time. You know, it's funny is when they said today that the house of representatives voted to ban tick tock. Yeah. The, the thing on Twitter that everyone was saying was like, now they got to get a,

they're doing that. They're going, now they got to get a job, right? Go get a job down to the border. Yeah. Stop the border, get a job and down to the border. Yeah, connecting is stop the border get a job. Well, let me ask you this as a guy on the road. Yeah. So, you know, like Taylor, I think rules like,

you know, like they're probably going to study her career and her moves and like she doesn't seem to make a wrong move. Yeah, I know. I like the whole thing with green lights, reenergizing football, like which is what she did. Yeah, I know I like the whole thing with green light Re-energizing football like which is what she did basically, you know The ratings on them on the on the game like went up and all that kind of stuff

But I did like love like when they were like weren't wondering if she was gonna make the Super Bowl Yeah to see her boyfriend and like we kept making fun of it Like clear like her songs are all about like loss and regret that like she's in Tokyo doing you know to a sold out You know, whatever it is make dome, whatever it is. Yeah, it's like and whatever he left me Okay. Good night everybody. I have to get on a private jet and go see my boyfriend at the super bowl I'm not really a loser. Yeah, I just sing about it. Yeah, I just make a lot of money talking about it You stupid bitches are gonna sleep alone, but i'm not yeah I well there was a thing, you know, if you you guys ate ice cream you'd be eating it right now

Taylor Swift catches a lot of shit Taylor Swift catches a lot of she's awesome She's here from being old enough to be president 34. Yeah She's a year away from like she could run for president and she probably would win on yeah She probably would she probably could yeah We might get there we might get to the point where people like if they ever let people under 75 years old be a president, then yeah, maybe she has, we say it's 35, but really it is now they should raise it so it wouldn't look so odd. Well, they say they said, um, that on her South American tour, cause she catches shit for how much

she flies private. Well, she has to though. Yeah. She can't fly on. How's that? How's that? She's going gonna get on a regular airplane? People would scream. I mean, that would be terrible. She'd have to wear like... She can't even probably go to a real airport. There has to be like some Area 51 she has to go. Just 16 floors below the...

She has to transport her or something. I bet she gets beamed to places. Yeah, probably. They already have that technology. Because if she went into a regular airport She would cause chaos. I would it would shut the place down. Yeah anywhere. She goes. Yeah public it would cause but they were giving her shit because She flew home every night of her South American tour That's what one article said that every night she would perform in South America fly back to New York sleep and then go back

So that's weird. I want to do that. That is well, maybe that had something to do with just like what's what we were talking about. You don't sleep until you get home Yeah, I guess maybe she's like listen. I'm doing I'm doing arenas. I'm doing football stadiums. So like when you think She probably went to LA like she didn't come all the way to New York. Did she I don't know The article was saying that she flew back to New York I think she's also the canary in the coal mine for this city. The minute she moves out of here, good luck. It is going to be barter town. Do you think we fucking leave?

I think she is actually powering this whole city right now with her taxes. Her economy is. I mean, come on. Yeah. That is so funny. The second she moves, I'm like, guys, get going. Yeah.

Back up, back up, back up. Just be yelling at Katie. You're going to see people breaking off just like things that just are, you know, like not that it's not happening now Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's well, I think New York was it's funny because You know after kovat I'm from Colorado So a lot of my friends would be like how's New York is it really scary and you're like, it's a little bit sketchier But it's still in New York. Yeah, it's not like horrible. I think it sucks

But I'm sucks as an old man now looking at it, but you know, that's always looking at things through old eyes. I mean, you can see it a lot, especially like down on in the village, like on the weekend where it's like, like 20 somethings of our time now are out. They're all dressed up, they're ready to party. You know, I know, I know they're smiling and laughing on the outside, but inside it's their student loan debt that really holds them back It doesn't look like any of that by the way Bottle service all that kind of thing but they're out it's like this is their New York now so for them There's this is what's gonna be normal that when they look back on it years from now You know when they're eating cat food in a place. They can't afford to be like hey, you know what I remember when like You know what cigarettes were only 20 bucks a pack When I quit 11 when I quit smoking 11 years ago is 1265 a pack. Oh my god. What is it now? You'd have to go to like probably Oklahoma to get that kind of a really bad like there's so many like places where smokes are like

Still cheap, but are they up to 20 bucks. Yeah, it's 19 something a pack for these 19 Yeah bucks. Yeah, it's 19 something a pack for these 19 for the American spirits. Yeah. 19 flat or like 1965. Like you give them a 20. I don't know on the spectrum. It's in the 19 to 20. Freak out day. Well, how about the price of weed now that they semi legalize whatever that talk about a horrible rollout? Yeah, I mean, it was horrible. By the way, a lot of those dispensaries you see walking around here aren't even real. Yeah, they're illegal. They're illegal dispensary. They sure are. Yeah, they don't even sell real weed. They didn't think about that No, that's what the beauty of this town is you have to look I'm powered by business by people who've never actually been in a business But why can't people just be honest?

The corruption in this city is so crazy that when they legalize weed you're like it'll take five more years to go here Yeah, like Colorado is already what drug are you guys up to now mushrooms mushrooms? So there you go. I think they probably are moving on to acid at this point I bet you I you know what that might be funny But I bet you they will have like LSD like a place where like you know like in Vegas you can throw axes and smash it I mean, it's like the LSD room. Yeah, a trip tank. A trip tank. Here you go, here you go,

we're just gonna put you in this room. You can trip your dick off. That'd be great, and you're wearing a special suit so you can't hurt anything. Yeah, you can't even go, and then when your acid wears off, they let you out. Oh, that would be really cool. They'll probably dumb down the acid

where it's just like, you know, take all the bad trips out of it. You know, re-engineer it. What they're doing now, because I brought a bunch of weed with me back from California, is it's so powerful. Is it? Yeah, that you're like, you smoke some weed and you're like, I think I'm genuinely losing

my mind. Wow. Like it's crazy, because I grew up, I've been smoking weed since I was 15, and it's just progressively got more and more powerful. Wow. To where you're kind of like, I can only have a little bit. What about those gummies? I hear about those all the time. Yeah. Are those more stronger. Wow. Where you're kind of like, I can only have a little bit. What about those gummies? I hear about those all the time.

Are those more stronger? Yeah. They're like up to like 2000 milligrams or whatever. And then you eat it. You go, you almost go mentally insane. Does your, do you smoke weed? You don't look like a weed guy. You seem like an al. He's a weed guy. Seems like an al man to me. Yeah. Just drink it all. Good al on the beard. It's in my. You have to wipe it like this. Like an old. Dog comes in and licks it off. He's actually a mead guy a mead man

He likes me like that too honey that is warm It's like just terrible fermented honey. Yes. Yeah Well, I'm glad that the weed is better. You know I think it's harder than these kids now They have to test all the drugs right there. Yeah, well they have to worry about fentanyl Yes, which is nothing back in your fun days. I have I have no idea what I mean. I play all the fentanyl towns. I was in San Diego, Portland I mean I play all of these towns where it's like fentanyl you can smell it. It's in the air All that fentanyl breathe coming in off the water When I was when I was in San Diego doing American Comedy Company one time, that's a great club

I love that club great club after the shows They used to do these like really organized meet-and-greets And this guy handed me a joint just out of it or whatever and this was like six years ago He just put it in my hand and he goes don't worry There's no fentanyl in that one and I was like I just started hearing about fentanyl. Yeah, I was like well I'm throwing this away Say it's not in here, but that part of town where the American comic club that is like this partyist Partying is party a part of town you go outside and it's insane. It's it's really like, you know to be honest

You know, I walk around a lot during the day. So, you know, it's That town is built for guys like me I have a look is it's like a lot of unhoused a lot lot of bad choices, that kind of stuff. So I blend right in with them. Do people start following you around like the Pied Piper when you go there? No, it's really funny. They go, our leader is back. Well, I haven't done this on stage in a while, but I was telling everybody, my crowd deserves

more than what just jokes. So here it is. And I would give the code to the bathroom at Panera Bread. I go, believe me, I've been there. It's a good bathroom. So that's like one of my jokes that I do now. But I was just like, you know, it's it's a town of winners. And then it has this this sadness to it with that ever. But that one area,

that party kind of spring break areas like always spring break there like like in Disney World, it's always like Christmas. So it's like always. And they're like fighting on the streets and the cops just whipping around and all that kind of stuff.

And I was just like, you know, I didn't grow up in that kind of world. Like we had a later last call. I think a lot of it has to do with this 1.30 last call. Yeah, it's the 2 a.m., 1.30 that really, because you're right, New York's 4 a.m. So people are, people don't care. They're just like gonna drink,

and then if they're up till four, well then they're up till four. The two o'clock feels like we're running out of time people. Yeah, they power Yeah, and then they get too drunk. What's it in Denver again? Uh to him. Okay, it's true I think it's 2 a.m. Most places I think 4 a.m. In New York is pretty rare I forgot how like how spread out Denver is I was at yeah at the comedy works And I was just like, you know, I want to do this and it's like, oh man It's like ten blocks away and they're like real blocks you know you got to drive everywhere Denver you know is a

cow town until it's drive or one wheel board that's another time I think that was the first place I saw like one of those one we all today I'll tell you right now man growing up in Colorado alternate forms of transportation for sure are always big fleece vests and anywhere that isn't just regular old car or walking or have it just a woman nursing yeah something something as she's on a boogie board because you know if there is like a hippie element yeah Denver but then there's also like the conservative outdoorsy type which which no one ever talks about where they're like, or there's people there that don't like the outdoors too. And I'm like,

so why are you living here? If you don't ski, like, I think you had to ski to live here. I thought that was like part of your like DNA to your skiers. And there's people like, no, I just love the other thing you do there. There's a populate, the weed, the omelets, the green chili, and the legal weed. There is a fraction of the population in Denver that resents skiing, but won't ever be vocal about it. Will they vote for Nikki Haley? Will Nikki Haley win Colorado? I don't appreciate skiing either. Back to Kate Middleton. Where is she? Is she eating enough? Is she sleeping?

Yeah, but I always loved your stories of growing up in Denver because I like that's another town that you romanticize Like how different it really is? Oh, yeah, but it you realize that it just doesn't have stuff Yeah, like you moved I moved to New York and I'm like, oh they every they have everything here That's why I could never live in another city. That's why people when they leave New York, they're like, now I'm into it. I want to go to a musical. It's too late. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really could use an art gallery.

Well, you had that. You didn't want it. I want a bodega that's the size of a closet that only sells Kit Kats and diet sodas. Yeah, that was the thing where when I'm living here, whenever I go somewhere else, I just go like, oh, they don't have everything. They don't have like, it's hard to get food.

You know that on the road. Oh, I've. Cause you eat late. Louie told me you usually eat after shows. Yeah, we go out like, that's like the hunt. It's like the hunt for late night food. And you know, they're like Googling stuff and we're asking like, you know,

the, the, we usually go to the biggest person at the club, meaning weight wise. Hey, you kind of would know this. Is there like a late night? No, I don't know anything about that. I cook at home. Yeah, like kind of weird things. People don't realize being fat is actually a skill. Well in Philly, which is a great food town, we were with a guy who was, you know, like a big guy and like we were using him almost as like a bloodhound. Like he'll smell it. He's gotta find it and he must feel it.

Yeah, you gotta be something open. Every time you go to a city, you gotta find a taste oracle. Find me, find me tasty things. Just listen to your gut. Where is it? Two blocks up. Oh, oh, you hear grumbling. You go, oh, which way is his nose facing? And the worst part of no late night food

is the one place like a Wawa becomes like a scene, like a circus, you know? It is. There was a Wawa on Market Street when you do fill it when you do helium When they would over by the hotel there was it's shut down now because so many people were Drawing it. Yeah, no like the teens were going in the teens And wilding in there, but they were they're wilding out They were like breaking shit and you're like, I just want a sandwich

I went there one time at like one in the morning after Friday night shows And all I wanted was a sandwich, and I felt like hours. I don't know if this is worth it This is yeah, this is a risk. You know it's like one of those where you're like I'm not pulling my credit card out because I think that's a tell I'll just pay cash. Yeah, you're just you're just doing it. You just a bag of change So no one fucks with you, but I think you know Louis who is a Louis cast a very funny funny comic You should check out his specials great on YouTube, but he's like a foodie like he loves He eats a lot too which is and and since we both go on the road with Louie You know there's moments where he'll be like I need to eat and me and you I eat just like you City act

The way he eats is like so what are you gonna do up there? Zip line or something? That's like no, I'm gonna talk to a microphone. He's flexing his core the entire time. That's right. He's just sitting there like, but he told me one time before a show, I think we were in Sacramento, he's like, I've got to eat something or else I'm gonna get very grumpy. Like, like he's, what? Like he's the incredible Hulk. What's the difference? Yeah, where I was like, all right, well, because I'm very casual about it. I'm like, ah, we'll eat after the show, we'll find something. But Louis was like, I have to eat now and then I'll eat after the show.

And I can't eat before I go on because I already feel like kind of like low and like I like the pop you get from like hunger. Yeah, I like they're bringing up, I absolutely agree. It gets me angry and it gets me ready to go. Yeah. I like the angry part, but I will.

I don't like eating because I do feel lethargic and sleepy. Yeah. And I don't want to like, but I might have to do a backflip. Yeah. Everyone knows you do a high acrobatic act. Things aren't going well. Then I'll backflip off the stage. Yeah, dude.

How else are you going to play that recorder? You need the fuel. I mean, I have a lot of tricks, you know, TSA ever fucked with your recorder. off the stage. Yeah, dude, how else are you going to play that recorder? You need the fuel. Exactly. I mean, I have a lot of tricks, you know, in my head. Has TSA ever fucked with your recorder? No, but it's funny because when you take it apart, it looks like a lot of other things. It comes apart three, there's three things to it, like an AR-15. Really?

Like, dude, dude, am I blindfolded doing it? Do you have, do you have like a little case? No, no, I got rid of that. When you put it together in the green room, like a sniper rifle? You know, it's really, you know, I was like, you know, the recorder, blah, blah, blah. I started before the pandemic and like, I knew some tunes, but I can't remember them because of I'm old now, but it really is good for two things.

They say dementia, like, uh, learning an instrument is the way to go. And then also, uh, for COPD, you know, this was like, it's a win-win, you know? Yeah. And I can tell when I don't play for a couple of days, like, it's like, I can feel like, all right, guys, that's it for tonight. Sorry guys, I do my warmups. Come see me. You know, it was fun.

It was during the pandemic. A lot of the shows here are outside and we were both people that were doing a lot of spots outside. Don't let paperwork stress you out this tax season. Take a deep breath because Record Express is here to shred your worries away. Record Express offers secure and eco-friendly shredding solutions for businesses and individuals of all sizes.

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Changing a light bulb should be simple. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh-oh, that's not supposed to happen. Quickly submitting and tracking a claim on the Bel Air Direct app actually is simple. Bel Air Direct, insurance simplified. And so what would be fun is you wouldn't really know because they couldn't announce it because comedy was illegal. True. De Blasio made it illegal. I can't wait for the movie about the pandemic comedy. You can't go outside. We'll be replaced

by marginalized groups I hope. Yeah. I can't wait to be played by a lesbian Asian. But the point of it was like we were like unsung heroes like the newsies. You remember that music? Like the news kids, but they're fighting the not. The funniest part was I've never bombed in front of so many heroin addicts. Just being outside during the pandemic and watching them be like, this sucks. I'm going to go do heroin in the park. Well, how about the, uh, just the sounds of, of, of, of, first of all,

ambulances whipping around with people who were dying and then Helicopters like all the time. It was just like, you know, I always bring up red, you know red dawn Yeah, and it's like so here we are in the reeducation camp and I'm gonna give you a little speech That was like when we did the car shows It was like another like nightmarish to do one with with Jay we drove all the way down to like right outside DC Yeah, like we're so excited like we're gonna get paid We're gonna show and when we there is just like one of those like whole you know like yeah Like it was like midnight Express like just terror

I did a show down on the Lower East Side and the guy was He was in the middle of the summer like right during Black Lives Matter and then we were doing a show Yeah, comedy was illegal and he right, if the cops go up, if the cops show up when you're on stage and you have the mic, just start protesting. I was like, about what? He goes, I don't know, make something up. And he goes, just start protesting.

That's such a funny way out of it. If I heard a cop car like whoop, whoop, and I'm like, and that's why the man can't be taking me down. But my favorite part about the pandemic shows were because you didn't know who was on the lineup, I would turn a corner and hear, Oh, you knew.

And I was like, oh, it tells on this show. Awesome. And I was almost mad that I missed your set because I was like, could you just be outside and just hear it like down the street, the recorders coming off the building. But I remember like the stand was, I would say, that was our Madison Square Garden for outdoor shows.

That's where I bombed so many times. But the but across is some kind of city agency. That's what the guy would always stand out there. This guy like with a million keys and he would just look at us like, man, that's just stupid. And then they started doing some sort of funding for underprivileged people. So there was all these people really going through it. Yeah. And then they were watching us go through it because no one was laughing.

Outside bombing. People love a failure like that. And then what was the other place? At the cellar when they put up the plexiglass, that to me was like a humbling experience for all of us. Because I've been to rub out booths, but I never saw the other side of the plexiglass. So now I did. This is what it feels like. I, yeah, much respect to the people in that trade.

Big Jay compared it to the tubes where he pick up dollars, the Blizzard Bucks. What are we getting into Blizzard Bucks here? But it really felt like you were in line, like you were a serial killer standing trial in the future. And how about this? Like Logan's run style. There is a place it's called Souljules. If you can get there, it's an but are you and you're gonna pay you and here's the here's the

honest-god truth when you did soul jewels you were like oh this is this is great this feels like if this is the future of comedy I'm in it felt like you were like that's real water yeah yeah yeah everyone was driving because then dude when people found out SoulJaws was good, it got booked like, oh, for sure. He'd be like two months from now. He is the Oscar Schindler. He saved a lot of lives.

I could have gotten four more shows, four more shows. I love that guy because he really like, you know, he's like a forward thinker. Like he has that new venue. It's like he's got an outdoor dome. He now owns his country club. Yeah. I mean, it's probably like they train spies there or something like underneath it is something else. You know that it was actually an Al Qaeda cell

in the United States. There's something underneath that, like these guys, you know, like ninja stars. There's just us going like, it's good shows. We're the write-off. But I was like, man, this guy, look at this guy. I'm like, how are you able to do this? And so quickly, isn't there like ordinances and stuff? And he's like, no, they don't care at this guy. I'm like, how are you able to do this? And so quickly, isn't there ordinances and stuff?

He's like, no, they don't care as long as this and that and that, and I'm like, wow, dude, you're going to jail. I'm like, that's crazy. Well, he built the giant dome, the Thunderdome, and then it just became a real comedy club. I did one without the dome, and it was great. And I immediately got off stage, I was like, can I come back and do that again?

And he's like, yeah, we're going to put almost like like a hanger it was like an airplane hangar yeah but it works fucking phenomenal and people knew to BYOB bring your own chairs all that stuff yeah it was him and then Chappelle was doing his shows you know which was like the cool the way he he kind of did that with the yeah you had to be a Hall of Fame white to get the invite. Chappelle wasn't letting no run of the mill whites. He was only doing. Hold it on, save it for the election. But it was cool. Don't worry, November will hear me.

And I remember people on the road would tell me, I'm driving down to, I'm going to that show, I'm so excited and you have to test and all that kind of stuff. So there were a couple of hotspots. And I know in LA, from what I heard, of course they take it to the next level was like one of those we're like a parking lot with a circle and like you could buy the circle and they would have like some wine there for you some vetch like some some fruit. A crudette. You know

like it's like a VIP only gift bag for coming to see a parking lot show. Well Michelle Wolf was living like on Chappelle's property right so she was doing all those shows yeah and at first I was like, that's so awesome, this is so cool. And then I slowly started getting jealous because we were doing rooftop shows and all these shows that kind of sucked. And then she started posting the pictures of who was there.

And I was like starting to get jealous because it was like Louis CK, John Stewart, like all these guys or whatever. And I woke up one morning and I was just like, all right, I'm jealous. I'm just very jealous. I got like actually mad where I was like, what's the next picture Michelle you with my dead dad? What are you bragging about all these people that you got to do comedy with because it was when that happened It was like you were desperate to get stage time. But you know, she's super cool and she's a great

She's one of my best friends. How many other how how many other, how many other people were locked in with a guest? Oh. You know, it's like, it just came over like that day, like, hey, I want to see that new couch you bought and then pandemic, now they're trapped in this house with people. Now we're roommates. Yeah, I guess we can put them up in the attic or something.

I can't really complain because I mean, I got lucky as far as Katie and I had been dating for about six months. Nice. And it worked out, but I knew a lot of couples that were like at that same stage. What about the solo people? I know. Well, you came on the bonfire and I loved it because you just moved into your new place. Yeah.

Or at the time it was your new place. Right. And I love that you're like, I'm not smoking in here. I'm not smoking. Yeah, I didn't last long. And then by the second or third time you're on the bonfire, you're just smoking. And we're like, Dave, you smoking? You're like, I'm smoking in here now. Yeah, well, you know, I will say one thing that, you know, as that, as we move further away

from those times, you know, what I was gonna say, like, you know, I personally think that the crowds popped so hard after that, they were so excited to be back out. And then like that kind of powered this comedy boom. But you know I'm always waiting every day I wake up and it's like comedy over juggling in. I'm waiting for that news that

news story. You know were you in comedy the first time the bubble collapsed. Yeah I was there. Yeah. And was it was it like gradual or was it sudden. It was so it's like I passed the catch rising star and then the roof fell on me. No, the actual club falls on you. No, it was a gradual like slot.

Did you start seeing it because you were like out? I was working the door at the comedy at the Improv in New York and I could see it. And it's like, you know, from that Boston, that Boston thing, which I never was good enough to do that when it was booming. So I there on the on the we're already done with comedy yeah a cupcake whatever they call you you get in late they were done yeah it was the people coming out to see it now we're like the people who didn't

get the memo that comedy wasn't cool anymore so they were the worst of the worst yeah they're like I don't even know what this is and then it slowly started building again but I would say that it took to the mid 90s if not longer comedy central had a big part in the re redo a comedy But it also there was too much comedy and then there wasn't enough comedy then there was a lot of generic comedy So, you know like I don't know how people do it like how many hours a day can you devote to comedy? You know, like you listen to a podcast. That's that hour, hour plus, and then you go see your show. That's a lot. You know, I feel like you're good, you know. Well, that's a people then it's the TikTok loop, then it's something else.

Becky Ohn told me that he, you know, he's opening for Nate on the road doing these. Two great comics right there. Two phenomenal comedians. He's on the road with Nate doing these arenas and he said he was in Kansas City Super Bowl weekend. He just told me this and he opened for Nate. Nate was like, come by and do a guest set because he's doing a 3pm show at the arena. And Becky on at the end of his set was like, Hey, I'm at Kansas. I'm at the comedy club of Kansas City. And people came to his shows that night. So they went from a show to another show. Wow, which is crazy. Well, that's skank fish for you I mean those people get online in the heat go see a show Yeah out of the show really nice super fans get back online go see another show

Yeah, it's like hot in some of those rooms in you like I can't believe you guys are doing this I mean it really is like, you know I give Christine and Lewis a lot of credit for like, you know, it's sad what the loss of just for laughs you know or is that AI is it still going on is JFL our Kate Middleton what is going on with it has anyone been up there is JFL dead is it alive the mimes aren't talking How am I gonna go dress like a duck it is it is That was the funny thing about just for last where it was like you know I was there in the beginning when like people like Getting these huge deals yeah, and then it became like you know there's a lot of bookers Yeah, and then it became like could you fly yourself up and put yourself up and then kind of uh?

Jason born your way out of this town fight through the French biker gangs I don't care it's the giant minarets yeah they're just walking around then it's like you know they got something going on at Tim Hortons you might want to check that out and but the people who read it were big comedy fans it's just like it's kind of weird that that kind of fell apart yeah and it did kind of suddenly yeah I mean I was up there last year in the year before and you didn't think it was it Was like booming. Oh, well, there's really maybe a little read, you know reboot it, you know saying I'm sure they got some big minds I heard they're talking the guy who started we work and this FTX guy

Forget all the big brands a private sky. He wants in the special hot cross buns March 16th on Netflix It's great 26th. Yes, and then we don't spend enough time, butth on Netflix it's March 26th yes and then we don't spend enough time but when we do it's awesome so congrats to you and your lady I truly think you are one of the greatest comedians of all time you are my favorite one of my favorite comedians of all time Hulk Hogan loves you thank you so we do this thing I didn't know you were a child psychologist pick a pick a character off the thing who are you your dad and who are you? Father by my bookcase with all your analog books here if I would have had one guy go you're like a queer

I would have pulled down my little wrestling men And gone to work at a real job David tell The special is hot cross buns March 26th on Netflix. It's one of the greatest comedians of all time. And I'm on the road, so come out and see me live. That's always the best. So davidtell.com. davidtell.com. Thank you, guys.

Always brings awesome comics with them, like Louis Katz, Ian Fy Dance. Oh, so many cool ones. I don't know why I said Ian's name all fucked up. Ian Fy Dance. Check him out. He's the best. Thank you. best.