Soder - 24: Nightmare Factory with Dan St. Germain | Soder Podcast | EP 24

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Soder is joined by comedian  @DanStGermain and they go full nightmare factory. Dan admits his dog ruins s3x for him! They also talk about ED and getting old, dying and the weird things that come with it, Kyle Rittenhouse on Guy Code, Dan's dad wrote for Bill Cosby, Aunt went to jail for 8 years, fresh outta rehab stories. Support the sponsors to support the show! Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code SODER at ShopMando.com! #mandopod Get timeless looks with modern comfort from Mack Weldon. Go to MackWeldon.com and get 20% off your first order with promo code DAN a special, (limited time) deal for our listeners. Right now get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription - but only for our listeners - at Babbel.com/SODER ● Get up to 60% off at Babbel.com/SODER ● Rules and restrictions may apply. Follow  @DanStGermain https://www.instagram.com/danst.germain/?hl=en PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Dan is on the road all 2024! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour May 10-11 - East Providence, RI May 31st - June 1 Columbus,OH May 16-18 - Grand Rapids, MI May 31 - June 1 - Columbus, OH June 12 - Macon, GA June 14 - Savannah,GA June 16 - Daytona Beach, FL June 20 - Canton, OH Jun 21 - Columbia,MD Jun 22 - Pittsburgh,PA June 28 - Camdenton,MO June 29 - Brandon,MS June 30 - Orange Beach, AL July 18-20 Indianapolis, IN August 22 - 24 - Buffalo,NY Connect with me! Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by  @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Hey everybody, I'm going to be at Dr. Grin's Grand Rapids, Michigan. I'm coming back. I haven't been there in a little bit, so it's fun to come back and work Grand Rapids at Dr. Grin's. I'm going to be there May 16th through the 18th. Five shows. Get tickets at dansoater.com and then Columbus Funny Bone. Two nights at the Funny Bone. One of my favorite clubs in the country. I love coming to Columbus. Last time was a blast. May 31st and June 1st I'm gonna be at the Columbus Funny Bone and then all

the dates of Burt Kreischer's Fully Loaded Tour. We're talking three weeks in June. Gonna be going from places like Canton, Ohio, Savannah, Georgia, Macon, Georgia, Pittsburgh, Brandon, Missouri, Orange Beach, Alabama, Indianapolis is later. I'll see you later just by myself, but fully loaded tour. Go to danceholder.com slash tour. Come on out. I'll see you. I'll see you there.

Right? Right? Right? I feel like Myrtle looks at you like the king dog. You come in here and she goes like, hey, this is a human dog. I love this guy. Myrtle, you're so fucking beautiful. Yeah, she is.

She got a haircut, so she wants it. She was beautiful. She demanded she be on the podcast today. She was like, look at me, I'm smooth. Look at her little nad neck, dude, like a ball sack. Yeah, she's got a little nad neck. Everyone's like, she doesn't have a fat neck. And you're like, dude, look at me. I'm smooth. Look at her little nad neck. Do you like ball sack? Everyone's like she doesn't have a fat neck and like look at it. She goes nuts. Yeah, she got a fat neck fat pussy. Whoa Starts off we're going like I think St. Germain wants a fuck a dog. I don't know

What I just start like texting people yo Soder's got a fat pussy you seen that dogs pussy It's my dog fat pussy get it an outie pussy Would you I mean, you know, we're already recording but when you were on the road and you told me that you guys bang with The dogs on the head do I mean I have to put her We have to put her in a kennel like solitary can find very bad He knows what it's coming cuz we're like, hey, like we get flirty and then we go All right, we're a little tiny go to your kennel and she's coming, because we're like, hey, like we get flirty and then we go, all right, we're at all time to go to your kennel. And she's like, what are you guys doing? Could that be part of it?

Like Katie sexily brings her to the crate? No, I fucked up. I'm sure Katie will be all right me telling this story. But I'm not good at starting sex. Yeah. Because I'm a giant goofball. I know. I'm sorry.

Every time we do, I go, Dan, just give it to me. But I'm really bad at starting sex. And one time, I think the mood was right. And Katie and I there, I just go, you want me to put Myrtle in her kennel? And she goes, no, that's fine. That's not how you start it. You see the frost forming over her crotch.

Dry city dude. It's the fucking, the bear in salt flats. After I was like, you want me to put the dog in her kiddo? You want me to put the dog in the crate? Because you and your wife bang with the dogs on the bed. Well, yeah. Is that common? I'm not gonna judge you. I don't know. It's like, I think it's common.

Sound off in the comments. But I was writing a bit about it and she's like, don't do a bit about it. So I was like, all right, I'll just talk about it. I'm like, yeah, well it's cool. I'll just talk about it on my friends. I'm just talking about it by Fred's podcast. Yeah. They, well, they, they, they have separation anxiety.

Cause like, well, Goldie's a COVID dog and she's also the pack leader. So they follow her everywhere. So if she has separation anxiety, the rest of them are like, if she's freaking out. It's bad. It's bad. She's the general. Falke, Falke licks. So like, I'll be like, I mean, this was like two weeks ago, Sarah was going down on me. Yeah. And then I felt another tongue. The worst kind of threesome. It would have been better if you go, Oh, did you invite a friend?

It was kind of threesome. It would have been better if you go, Oh, did you invite a friend? Well, well, well, looks like companies arrived. That's the worst cut scene from Beethoven. Just Charles groan. Beethoven. Are you licking my ass? But he's doing it like a St. Bernard's. I was like, sucking Groton's ass. Did you just go nuts? And sometimes it'll be like, and ass. He was like, did you? I just go nuts. And sometimes it'll be like, and then I'll be like,

I mean, the work, like I'll like, one time I was like banging her from behind and was just- Doing what you do? Just a weird thing to say about your wife, by the way. It's weird. When you love someone, doing that kind of stuff, which I know there's a lot of people that are fine with that.

Yeah. But doing the thing where you go, so then I'm just throttling her. I'm just fucking plowing my betrothed. I'm just fucking. You know my kindred spirit? I'm just absolutely slamming her. Oh man.

You know my slam piece that I'll do anything for? Do death do those parts? Like those pussy nips? All right. But I start like, I, you know, and then all of a sudden Mooshu, our three pound toy cup tea, Malty poo, just cause she was like bent over the, she was bent over the bed. It walked over her arm on her back and just sat and looked at me while I was like plowing as like a show of dominance not to mention Mooshu. But the fact that Sarah didn't move, did she just like held her

plank position? And the dog like the fact that the dog breached the back, got on the back, did it do a circle? Did it do a dog circle? It did a dog circle. Where you going? And then we- Is this uncomfortable for you Myrtle? She's like, I don't wanna know about this. I wanna know. So the dog sat down and looked at you?

Just looked at me, but Mushu is dominance. Mushu's a three pound toy cup, T-Multipoo, who like whenever Sarah gets horny, it's this weird like Professor X thing where like he gets horny. So he plows my arm dude. Like every night. I'm going to actually, can I send, I'll send you with the video of him fucking my arm tonight. You guys can put it on the Patriot or the credits, just throw

it on. He'll put it on right in the middle of the podcast. He'll drop it right down there. Plows like plow every night, dude, not every night. Like plows, like plows. Every night? Dude, not every night. Like, it's like on our schedule. So like we hooked, we had a good week last week. Sure. Which is a married thing again. We had a good week.

By the way, once you're in a long-term monogamous relationship. It's called it's a good week. It's like a batting average. You go like, dude, that's kind of hot. I hit for the cycle. Yeah, dude, we had three last week, which is a huge week for any married couple. So he was like activated because of that and And so Moosu just gets on the back. He just fucking no he gets on my arm

He holds in is the only time he makes a little pause Yeah, and he makes it's the only time he gives me eye contact. So he'll just like Does he finish is he new and he's neuteredered. What happens is he feigns finishing and then he kicks back on my chest and then walks away. As like a way to be like, fuck you. So he'll fuck your arm and then does the... He turns around and then it's gotten so bad that he barks like he'll scream until I give him the arm. It's like a little Weinstein. Your dog sexually harasses you? he barks like he'll scream until I give him the arm. It's like a little Weinstein. Like he's like,

and it's got dogs sexually harasses you. Assaults, not just harasses football. He doesn't like, it's so bad at this point that I have to, cause Sarah has like no sympathy for me during this in the beginning. She's like, moosh you don't. Now she's like, just let them, just let them fuck your arm. Fuck your arm. Is there ever a moment that you just want to show how big you are and like raise your arm up? So he's like, whoa!

I'm getting right to that. Like I was like once I was like, and I moved it a little and he fell off my arm and off the couch and she goes, Mooshu! It's the only time she got, so now it's proceeded to when he fucks me on the couch, I have to hold him in place. Oh no. It's consensual. You're a spotter? It's consensual.

This is what Ted Cruz was nervous about when they made gay marriage legal. It's like, at some point, there'd be some dude with a beer getting fucked by a street pound. I don't know why I gave Ted Cruz a truck driver. I love it, though. But he's like, he's like, there's a man getting fucked by a dog somewhere enjoying it. It's as you holding Mooshu's butt by Myrtle. Myrtle's had enough. Myrtle was grossed out.

She's going to the kennel. What are you doing? She's kenneling herself after that story. That's wild. She goes, I'm not gonna fuck this guy's arm. She goes, next thing you know, this guy's gonna want me to, yeah, she's going, Myrtle, go in there.

Hey, pick a place. Dude, I've never seen my dog sell for a tire. Dude, that was, I feel so bad. But Myrtle was like, all right, we get it. All right, that's enough. She goes, I hump at the park, everyone freaks out. She humps other dogs at the park as a form of dominance. Well, that's what Mooji does to me.

That's what, so that's what he's doing. And just, just me. He doesn't think you're irresistible. Nobody else, just me. Oh, I thought he had a thing for beards. No, nobody else. I think he was like, you know what I love is just- He humps my arm.

Myrtle! She's trying to go through the trash This sneaky bitch humps my arm and now he tries and he tries to lick Goldie's pussy He what does he licks her pussy? So now like I have to give my mind a fucking You just have dogs on dogs you go we have everything you like dog on human dog on dog the ripping in the tear everything you like. Dog on human, dog on dog. The ripping and the tearing. The ripping and the tearing. The wild women, the wild women, the wild dogs,

the wild dogs, the ripping and the tearing. The ripping and the tearing. Good dogs go to heaven, bad dogs go everywhere else. Yeah, this is a fucking dog episode. Yeah, so it's gotten really, it's, it's, I, no, now I have to give him my arm so he doesn't assault Goldie. So. So you have to, your arm is his methadone. It's like when the older sister, like, no, now I have to give him my arm so he doesn't assault Goldie. So you have to, your arm is his method. It's like when the older sister like gets molested by the stepdad.

So she's taking the, yeah, you basically do the thing where in hockey, where they slide in front of the shot so that you'll take the puck. Yeah. So it won't score a goal. Yes. You're a team player. I'm a team player. But is it, does it happen like clockwork? Is it like every night? No, it's, it's like, it's once every three nights now. It was every night. And you said it's when Sarah gets horny Sarah, when Sarah gets horny, Dan Moosh is like time to fuck. He was never doing it until I came into the picture because I did.

Moosh was her dog. Yes. And then you guys started dating. I started dating. And I also asked, I'm like, has he done that with any other guys before me? And she's like, no. You know why? Because she's watched you dominate her mom. Or he's watching. Hey, come up here, fatso.

My mother-in-law is definitely not watching this podcast. Yeah. Oh, look at that. No, she's like turning her back. She doesn't have to hear the stories. She goes, listen, I know dogs fuck you I don't want that. I just want pets. I Mean that's gotta be like does it ever break your concentration

Yeah, she's down she's Antidepressants, so it's just like there's just like obstacles for my dick my dick. It's like my dick to my wife's pussy It's like little paper boy. You know, like. There's dogs licking me. Dog runs off the lawn towards your dick. Bad set, bad set. Oh Lord. I'm not thinking about eighth grade for no reason.

Yeah, that's the older you get. And I think young men watching this understand that when you breach the age of 35, erections become gambles because they're not as consistent. When you're in your 20s, you do the thing where you go like, hooked up with her. I didn't even really want to just because your boner is automatic. Right? You can't do that anymore. Yeah, you you have to be

mentally present. Hey, kid, you're really fucking this up. Why don't you go to your kennel kennel lay down? She's all hyped about the dog talk doors open though, so I'm not imprisoning her okay Okay, I want to go for an arena like advances podcast studio We had myrtle in the kennel for one of the first episodes and all the YouTube comments were like free myrtle Free murder like she was fucking meek male. Get her the fuck out of there. But she's just a problem.

What is going on with meek mill? Like, oh, I don't know. They like said he was part of the P diddy, you know, like, you know, it's true progress is when. Black culture has the same conspiracies as white culture. And now they're starting to breach into the whole like power and pedophilia and like making people like the Illuminati. Everybody's a pedophile dude.

Well, that's the thing. That's the new thing. This is the thing I've noticed is that that's the thing you can accuse, either side can accuse of. For sure. Cause everyone's like, it's kids. You can't be Matt.

Like, yeah. It's automatically bad if it's kids. Yeah, it's automatically bad. It used to be like, the left and right would be like they're thieves They're liars and now they just automatically go pedophiles and you go damn that really is the really that's the number one move together Yeah, but now we've got dog fuckers and you can just say dog That's gonna be in the my the my attack ad when I run for Dan St. Germain It's does he get dogs horny will he dominate Senate the way that he's? That's gonna be in my attack ad when I run for cop-drawer. Dan St. Germain.

Does he get dogs horny? Will he dominate Senate the way that his dog dominates his arm? Yeah, that's, it's funny because like the, so Mooshu is, Mooshu's Sarah's dog. Yeah. And then you guys get married. And I truly think it is,

because you have sex with the dogs in the room. The dog watch you supposed to do. It's like they scream if we don't let them in the room with us. Yeah. I just want to say, wait, where's the camera? I just, I want to say, I'm not like this isn't a situation where like I need the dogs. They're part of this. No, it's not. Stop shaking your fucking head, Mike. That's not what it is. I'm not a dog fucker. Mando is clinically proven to control odor for 72 hours wherever you sit in your pits, your package, your feet and beyond. Make the

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Weldon w e l d o n.com promo code. Dan. I'm not a dog. I think it's the ambiance. I think you need the ambiance. And also the way, whenever you get fired up and you push your hair back you go, I'm just saying man, I don't fuck dogs. I'm starting to act like, you know, Joe Pesci and JFK. He's like, it's a riddle wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a flea collar. It is funny though because there's zero chance, one time we had sex when Myrtle was out of the kennel

and then we were like, what's she eating? And she was just chewing the condom wrapper. She was like, no, no, no, no, no. She was like, I found this on the floor. And it was like post sex. So you're like, ah, god damn it. Pre-sex, I'd have been like, ooh. Oh yeah, ah, god damn it. Pre-sex, I'd have been like, ooh. Oh yeah, we're getting into it now.

This also doesn't help the conspiracy that white people love our dogs too much. Oh, well, I don't think that's a conspiracy. No, that's true. I think that's just true. Yeah, but then I think everybody loves their dogs. That used to annoy me when you would do that bit about how dogs don't really love us.

I stopped doing that. Exactly, I thought, I thought I was like, at some point, that cold heart is going to warm over. It was because of your note. Because Dan and I are on the road, and I was doing a joke about how dogs only love us for the food. They're like strippers. And dude, St. Germain and I have known each other

for like 15 plus years. And I get off the stage, and he's goes, I don't know, it was in Detroit. You go, I don't think that's true, man. I don't like that joke. It's funny because my mom has only gotten mad about a couple jokes and she said it in the same tone you did where he was like, I don't like that joke. Yeah, I don't like that joke.

That's the only one. You've talked about like your family members dying, your dad's alcoholism. I've never thrown in a, thrown in a flag. Dude, we just, you know, my grandma died and we went through her house or whatever. And then now it's weird because the bank is foreclosing on her townhouse.

Cause she took a reverse mortgage and didn't tell anybody. And then just borrowed it out until it was underwater. By the way, gangster move. Dude, she did. If, if you're thinking of hilariousness, my grandma might be the funniest person that ever lived, but I am the punchline and everyone She has never seen a comedy special of yours. She never watched me do comedy She never saw no idea whether or not well, she doesn't now but well now she watches, you know now she's in the she's watching

You're staying up in heaven She doesn't now, but she's doing it. Well, now she watches, you know, now she's in the- You think she's watching your Stand Up in Heaven? What? No. No. No. Huh? Huh? No. No.

No. No. No. No. Maybe down there. She, I've told this story before, but it was like the most kick in the dick moment where I started sending her money when I got guy code.

Yeah. Guy court. I mean, that's amazing. When I was doing guy court, I started sending her checks. I knew on that show it was hilarious. You were the only one who actually looked like they were in court. Yeah, I looked like- Like everybody else is doing a bro thing and you looked like you were there to get your

kids back. They got me a boxy suit. I remember that. And I had a bad short haircut you look like you were. They got me a boxy suit. I remember that. And I had a bad short haircut. I remember that too. And then was just going against the most charming people in the world. Yeah.

Little Duval, Andrew Schultz, all that. So it's funny that I'm just coming in like on a scooter. And then I'm going like, these are the rules. These are the rules. My, so I started sending my grandma money when I was doing GuyCourt, which does sound like a gay porn. Yeah. Where I was like GuyCourt and you're like, you're accused of being gay. There it is. Look at that.

Tell me that's not a guy trying to lock up a 16 year old black kid. Yeah. This is the least MTV two image. I've ever seen. If you told me that's from court TV, I court TV I'd believe it and if you did a multiple choice, right? Yeah You put multiple choice down and MTV to was one of the options you would be like, well, that's a red herring That's clearly not you look like you're about to say let them count all the votes Yeah, where I go you have to understand that my client was acting out of self-defense at those riots that my client was acting out of self-defense at those riots. I'm Rittenhouse's lawyer. You just don't know that's me defending Kyle Rittenhouse.

It was- He would have been great on GuyCode by the way. He would have been like, bro, they break the code? Rat-a-tat-tat. Break the code? Catch a bullet. No, no, no, Kyle. No, Kyle.

This guy's hilarious. More like Kyle Riothouse, am I right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Even the Michael Jordan and the Kyle Rittenhouse cry together for sure. Both good cries. Great cries. So my grandma would like do this thing. This is why she was so funny. She would like.

Ruin your life. Well she didn't ruin my life as much as she just never gave me praise. She was always like, yeah whatever. Like never watched my stand up. Never watched Billions. Never did any of that stuff. And it's like a big deal if your kid,

like people get excited if their kid is like playing, you know, Sublime covers at a tiki bar. Dude, there's people that get excited if your kid was interviewed on the local news. Right, and like you were just nothing but net for years. We bought her the- Could not give a fuck. Nothing but net.

HBO special, no. Didn't even try to watch it. Showtime has compilations of like the best of your character moments. Grandma could not give a shit. Dude, I offered to buy her HBO and she went, nah. Oh my God, and she took money for everything else. Everything else.

As soon as there was a chance that she would watch it. I'm not gonna watch that. So we go to, I go to Lakeport to visit. I can say the town now, because she doesn't live there. I used to say Lake County. You don't want to get her doxed. I just was scared someone would try to break in and kill her. I don't think that would happen in Lakeport.

I think they would get killed on the way to try to kill her. Dude, you don't know Lakeport. If they knew that there was some money in there, they'd be like, oh, this is fucking New York fancy pants is sending her cash. Let's kill the old bag. So I show up to Lakeport and my grandma's like, yeah, this lady at the bank wants to meet you.

And so I was like, Oh, this probably a Billions fan. Right, right. That's immediately what I thought. It was like, Oh, she probably watches Billions. And so we got to the bank. My grandma has to make a deposit or whatever, a check I'm giving her. And we go into the bank and the lady's like, are you Mary Lou's grandson? And I was like, yeah. She's like, I, I've wanted to meet you for so long. And I was like, Oh, and you do the thing where you're like, what do you know me from? She goes,

you are just such a good grandson. And I was like, wait, this is because I'm a good grandson? And then she goes, by the way, what do you do? And my grandma, without missing a beat, goes, he's a writer. And you go, I would say that's the weakest part of my whole act is the writing. I would say I'm more of a voice guy,

but she just didn't give a fuck. Yeah, my mom didn't really. She liked a couple things. My mom's dead too. This is like the dead family. We're dishing on dead ladies. She would like some, she liked earlier on stuff,

but the last thing she wanted to read one of my screenplays and it was a thriller, so I thought she would like it. I sent her and she just like wrote back, like no likable characters hated the story. Just like, bone crushing. And I need to tell people that don't know Dan and I write stuff together. And I will tell you that Dan is an insanely talented writer. We've been working on stone cold law for fucking three years. This is, yeah, this is our, by the way, the big agent called me. Oh really yesterday. What do you like? What's going on? And I'm like, I don't know what's going on

Yeah, we've been waiting three and a half years to get a pilot I went on barstool and almost blew this whole thing I know I know I got Nick Khan calling being like what the fuck are they doing? So we're just trying to win and it's still when there's not. And here's my thing with this project, there's nothing. OK, I'm not going to keep talking about it, but I hope you know. I think that there's nothing that can green light it or kill it. I think it's just it will be we'll be working on this until the end of time. It is we'll get a greenlit and then we'll be diagnosed with Hodgkin's.

Yeah, I have written, I've written, Dan and I have written a couple things. This is the best script I've been a part of. It's the best idea I've been a part of. I've never had my manager and my agent go like, this is an unbelievable script. And then we give it to NBC and they go like, I don't know, we'll call you in two weeks.

And you're like, all right, but I think it's going to happen though. I hope. But your mom, your mom, yeah, we better get a pilot at least. My mom would have not like Stone Cold War. Really? No, I don't think. Maybe she would have liked it. I don't know.

I'm always interested about this because your dad is super supportive. Super supportive. My dad's a writer, playwright. He's got started. He was a playwright. He started on the Cosby show. That's nuts. So when he was a playwright. He started on the Cosby show. That's nuts.

So when you were a kid, he was writing on the Cosby show? When I was very little, yeah. Very little, like 85, 86? They told him, they told Cosby, it was actually really like layers of fucked up because they told Cosby that my dad was a black writer so that he could never meet Cosby. No way.

It was crazy. That's an 80s sitcom. That's like Soulman. Like your dad has to go blackface to meet him. Like the Benny Hill music where they're like running. He has to hire a black actor to play your dad and then like Cosby's asking questions all your dad but now he goes in the script you wrote that the man doesn't like raspberries do you like raspberries? And your dad's like, I'm just gonna do your voice as your dad, but he's like,

oh, Della Madone, raspberries. It's like your dad giving a black actor all these cues. My dad is Soul Man. That's what I mean, with Thomas E. Howe. He comes in, he's like, what it is? And he's cost me, he's like, no one talks like that. Did he? That's funny that at the time they're like,

man, this is the biggest secret about this show. This is the worst thing that can come out of this show is that Saint-Germain is actually a white guy. But actually, Saint-Germain could be a cool black last name. It could be like a French, a Quebec-quad jazz musician. Oh my god, yeah, like Andre Saint-Germain. Boop, boop, boop, boop.

And he goes, chill. Herbie Hancock just cut into him. He goes, chill, baby, that's my white-bearded son. Doodly, doodly, doodly, doodly. I was like, dude, that's so funny. So your dad never met him, so he couldn't do the thing where he was like, because if you worked with Cosby, there's got to be so many people that now

that that shit's out, they go like, I felt something. Everyone wants to act like they do. My dad never, no, but he had no idea. He couldn't meet him. So he was just remote? He just met the son. That was a bit, Malcolm Jamal Warner.

And did Malcolm Jamal Warner go, yeah, black? No, don't you guys, are you Mark St. George? It's like he figured it out, you know? No, what? Because he wrote a really good episode for, um, like Malcolm, I think about his hamster dying or something like that. So like, yeah, he, do you watch the episodes your dad wrote? I have, I, you know what? I've, I've seen that one, but I haven't seen all of them. I've seen a lot of my dad's,

a playwright. So it's like, he's like television. So pass a joke. I'm not going to give away. I'm not going to give away your new joke. You're doing about your dad, but it's one of my favorite new jokes. Yeah. It's try to practice on a boy. I don't want to give it away. It's also because like my dad would be competing with my grandpa's like a World War II veteran. Like he, he, I just found out he like liberated doc. He was one of the guys who liberated doc.

Al like really intense shit. And my dad was still like competing for who had the more who had like more trauma. So, you know, my grandpa would be like, Oh, that's my best friend on Omaha Beach. My dad's like, not as not as traumatizing as a bad review from the New York Times. He goes, when we unlocked the cages at Doc, how we realized that they hadn't eaten in six months, he goes, Oh, I the cages at Dachau, we realized that they hadn't eaten in six months. He goes, oh, I once had an intermission that lasted 12 minutes longer than it should have.

And he's like, I don't think you understand, son. I can't have, if a book hits the ground around me, I get PTSD. And he goes, I do as well. That explains why you never read mine. Yeah. So that was your dad's dad. That was my dad's dad.

Were you close to your dad's dad? And my mom's dad also was about to go to World War II, but he shot himself in the hand. The dude got, he was just hammered. That's the one I take after, just fucking hammered and just shot himself in the hand. I love finding out which grandpa you take after. That was that.

I love that you're after the one that got so drunk. Dude, you got kicked out of high school for fucking one of the teachers. Oh my God, dude. He was like, he could have been a doctor when he became a pharmacist. What's his name, Grandpa Cool? With a K?

Yeah, and then he's doing pharmacy when you could do one for them, one for you. Cause there was no counts on bills. That must have been the sweetest, dude. Oh my God, before computer registry? Oh my God. If you were doing fucking pharmacy, you could be like, I'm not, I'm not,

this day is going too slow. As far as like who got the most pussy, it was like Elvis then pharmacist. Oh my God, dude, just giving quail ludes and shit. Cause that was back in the quail ludes day. There was a guy, I won't say his name cause I don't want to throw his family shit out there, but this guy I grew up with, his dad was like a huge surgeon, like a major surgeon.

And you know, when you grow up in like a, like a mixed environment where there's like levels to economic prosperity, where there's like, we were right in the middle. Like my mom and I were fine. We were like dead middle class, but we knew really poor people. My high school had like 3000 kids in it. So you got everybody, you got like the rich kids and then you got the poor kids. But he wasn't like a rich kid. But you knew his dad was like a really successful surgeon. And then years later it

came out. His dad was just giving strippers, Oxy cottons and fucking yeah. And you're like, nice. Immediately go, I'd be a bad doctor. Fuck bad lieutenant. I'd be a bad doctor all day. My aunt went to jail for eight years because she was selling scripts over the counter. No way. And my mom and her weren't talking at the time. Damn, your mom's family partied.

Partied. It's crazy because you get one side. It was going to be a big news story. It was going to be a big news story. But OJ came out right during that. So I like to say, OJ may have killed one white woman, but he saved another. Yeah, your aunt went, sorry Nicole, thanks. She went to jail for eight years and she got-

Prison? Prison, dude. Oh yeah, yeah, women's prison. Yeah, it was like- Lady prison, that's all tickle fights and sex. Yeah, it's all tickle, it's just scissoring, that's the whole thing. It's all big permed hair and I'll take off. I just says Big permed hair and big fake My whole yeah, oh they did is fuck the hunky guard Seriously when she no, I'm taught in a prison. So my mom like that was that was a nice thing My mom did so she went and what oh she taught one which is the that's the one I weighed with not this one

Would you uh, would you? one which is the that's the one I laid with not this one would you uh would you go see your aunt in prison no I didn't see my aunt since I was like three years old and she just died a couple year my mom and both of her half sisters died within like a cut like my mom and my aunt died within the same year and then our her sister died like a year or two earlier than that damn like hey you know what it is, man? Because I got that, the party side. That's the dad side.

Yeah, it's all dead. All dead. Because they get after it. They just know how to do it. Yeah, if you get after it, you're going to clock out early. If you get after it. I get it. My mom's family, it's funny because my mom's family

is all Irish. And like they booze, but they drink in like a fun way. They drink in like a, they don't drink in a way where you're like, are you sprinting towards your death? That was like how my dad's family drank. My dad's family drank, he was like, the sun's up, we gotta get fucked up. We gotta get fucked up.

Yeah, I had like an uncle who died because he fell off a ladder. It's like one of those. Great, yeah, my dad, you know, cirrhosis by 48 by way of... Oh my God, that's a 10, dude. By way of hepatitis C. I'm still the 48 cirrhosis. Someone was telling me that I should, I think it might have been you was telling me I should have done that bit when my grandma and I were playing cards.

I was telling someone a story because my dad got hepatitis C and it turned into cirrhosis and then he gave my aunt, my aunt was taking care of him. She was a registered nurse and she got hepatitis C from my dad, but didn't know. And then kept drinking, cause she had a drinking problem. And she got liver cancer and that's how she died. So hepatitis C got both my grandma's kids and it was like, I know I'm laughing, but I'll tell you why I'm laughing.

I'm not laughing at that. I'm laughing at the fact that we were playing gin rummy in her dining room. Yeah. And Alabama was playing Auburn because I usually go visit her Thanksgiving. So it's the iron bowl and I have it on because I want to listen.

It was like a good game and we were playing cards and I want to hang out with my grandma, but I wanted to know what's going on with Alabama. Yeah, it's an Alabama game. And we're playing War Eagle, ROTAT, so we're playing, we're playing cards and a commercial comes on and the voiceover goes, hepatitis C is curable. Hepatitis C doesn't have to stop you from doing anything.

And my grandma goes like, like that, and I have to run to the other room and be like, no, no, no, lies, they're just lying, they they're just lying it's not curable both your babies died of that somewhere but she had a hand of cards and I was like no no no no no hepatitis can't hurt you anymore. Your mom just sheltered from everything she didn't want to hear it. Dude she did she did she moved to a small town it was just like dude I'm living alone we went through all of her shit. She had receipts from like 1985. We were like we returning this It's not even a store anymore. She purposely kept it or was just like great depression. They saved everything

I mean there was just boxes of papers that had nothing to do with anything Yeah, I think I have some of those boxes not your grandma's but that'd be funny. Yeah, I went to Lakeport I just did have all my grandma's well now we're at the point that'd be funny. Yeah. I went to Lakeport. Why does Dan have all my grandma's? Well, now we're at the point where like, you know, because she had a townhouse in this like, development. So she was a homeowner. So it was like a homeowners association. And yesterday, they reached out and they're like, your grandma's two months behind on her homeowners of things and I go,

okay, Katie heard me on the phone. The other one I went, so she went, well, who's going to pay that? I was like, the bank? They're foreclosing on our townhouse. Leave me alone. And Katie was like, how great did that feel? I was like, pretty awesome. What did they do after you said that?

They went, oh, all right, I guess we'll try to take it up at the bank. And I was like, yeah, why don't you do that? Yeah, I'm not going to, I'm not, I don't, I'm not Bain. I don't have to pay for my father's mistakes. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, why don't you do that? Yeah, I'm not gonna. I'm not, I don't. I'm not Bain, I don't have to pay for my father's mistakes. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, it was wild. It's wild, because when they, when people die in debt.

It doesn't matter. You can choose to receive that debt or not. You just don't receive it. That's what I mean. There was an estate lawyer that goes like, well, this townhouse is underwater. I had to hire an estate lawyer for other shit. And he was like, do you want the townhouse?

And I was like, what? Do I want to inherit $200,000 in debt? Are you out of your fucking mind? No. And he goes, banks gonna take it. And you go, yeah. Great. It's theirs.

Tell them congrats. Tell them fucking yeah. The only person where there's a foreclosure to having a party. It's the opposite of a Michael Moore documentary. I'm drinking champagne. I'm like, ah. It was funny because when I asked my grandma about it, she's like, she wouldn't tell me about her finances, even though I was helping her.

And finally I go, hey, what's going on with your mortgage? I saw a mortgage thing. And she goes, oh, I took a reverse mortgage. And I was like, yeah, you're in the, when I did the actual work and I found out, I go, hey, what's going on with your mortgage? I saw a mortgage thing. And she goes, oh, I took a reverse mortgage. And I was like, yeah, you're in the, when I did the actual work and I found out, I go, yeah, you're like in the hole. And she goes, oh, you'll call the bank and take care of that.

Hilarious. Hilarious. Yeah, before we put my mom in a, this is the first time I've talked about it, in a living facility, we found out she owed like 60K. Really? Yeah, and you really understand that you go like, oh, you owe 60k, but I don't. Yeah. But there's people that just take it on. Take it on. And they're like, no, I want

that house or I want whatever it is. It was like one of these things where, yeah, I mean, it was like, she had like, like, what? These wet bags in the attic. So like, it had like black mold spread throughout the whole house. Did they have to do like Jenny's house from Forrest Gump where they bulldoze it? I just catch you throwing rocks at her house. Far, far away. But it's you going, dear God. It was a tear down.

They tore it down? They tore it down. Did you go to that? No, I didn't go to that. I had no emotional memory. It was just like levels of sad. When you have so much sad hitting you at the same time, you have to like pick your sad. A sad burger.

It's like being in a sad buffet. You're like, I'll take a little this and a little this. Oh, abandonment. I could do a little abandonment. There was so many things to be depressed about. I couldn't give a shit about this house. Did you know learning actually makes a sound? It's true. The sound of you learning a new language with Babbel. Want to know what one of my favorite sounds is? Oh you have to put a sound in this one. There's a sound effect I guess. One in five Americans have learned a new language on their bucket list. If that's you, make 2024 the year you finally check

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Right now get 60% off your Babbel subscription but only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash Soder, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Soder. Rules and restrictions may apply. Also, I think the more that you talk about stuff like this is you realize how many more people are in this situation that you don't realize, like how many people have shitty family members that like you do so much.

Like you're a whole- Yeah, well my mom isn't shitty, but sure some things she did was shitty. We still at that phase of my therapy. I'm like this as one of your best friends, I go, yeah buddy, we'll get you there. Cause I used to do that with my dad where I was like, no, no, no.

He was like a good dude. And then everyone around me goes, my mom was just sitting behind me going. My mom had a psychotic break. That's basically what she had a legitimate psychotic break. But. So you can't get, you're not mad at that. No, I'm mad at, at times I was.

But it was, you know, it's just like a, and we've talked about this before. It's like, there's something too about like when your parent dies just tragically and not in a heroic way. Oh dog, that was the joke I did on my HBO special. It's like, I have friends whose parents died in 9-11, my dad died next to a lake with nothing. I drive by the town and I go like,

I don't even know if anybody knew him. I haven't had one person come out and go like, I knew your dad. Oh my God. Most people have that. I've had a couple messages but yeah for the most part well now I'm doing, I mean, jeez this is good. This is like, this started as like a really fun podcast and now it's going to like what the fuck. This is exactly what

our car rides are like on the road. It starts out so silly and then by the end you go like you know when the soul leaves the body there's a rattle. There's a rattle you can hear from a mile away. Like you said before, I attract, like remember that one time I was waiting for you in the hotel lobby and you came downstairs and I just was surrounded by Native Americans telling me their story. Dude, that was in Portland when we filmed on the road.

By the way, I was only waiting for five minutes, not like I was there for like two hours. And I come downstairs and the guy going, when the great eagle comes back, he will understand that the white man has taken everything. And Dan's going like this, well, they don't have Twizzlers in the lobby. And that I know for sure. It's like a guy going, hi, brother, I've been around a milk duds. And the white man understands what he's done to us. And he goes, goes, well, the burger at the restaurant in the lobby is pretty all right.

I came down and I looked at Dan across the lobby. I was like, what are you talking about? Dan's face was just, I'm gonna sit in his stomach. We were about to go to helium. We were going to tape on the road. It was tapir special. Yeah, we were taping on the road. And I'm just recreating the last scene

on one floor of the Cougars. Yeah, he goes, hey, this is my new friend. Can you do five minutes? He goes, I'm laughs with hyenas. I've got a good one for you. Yeah, but there was like an addiction meeting or like a- No, it was a Native American like meetup, tribal meetup or something like that.

But there was two things, there was like a Comic-Con. When you came down there specifically talking to me about the missing Native Atlantic. That's what it was, there was like a Comic Con. When you came down there specifically talking to me about the missing Native Atlantic. That's what it was. Yeah, Dan got sucked into Killers of the Flower Moon while I was coming down. And I had like my dress shirt that I was gonna wear and I was like, who's ready to make some laughs?

And they go like. With me it's Killers of the Flower Moon. Yeah, and they were like, and she was my niece. She was a good woman. And Dan's like, Dan's gonna be trying to get to be trying to get out of it just all the time, all the time. I always go to rehab that week. It was just like a combo. Can I tell you though,

one of the best sets I've ever seen stand up comedy wise was the late show at Cobbs. Oh yeah. And that weekend. Cause we went, you know, homeless pimp knows we went from Portland to San Francisco to do shows and you were going into rehab the next week. Yeah. And Saturday night late show, you were like, just, I saw you in the green room. You're like, well, this is it for a while. And you went on stage and your brand new Laker hat that matched nothing, nothing. You look like Eddie Murphy and coming to America. That's like, that's how you were dressed. Nothing you look like Eddie Murphy and coming to America

And you go on stage and your brand new Laker hat and close the door and you just go like hey I'm going to rehab and then you fucking rip for like 25 minutes where I was like on the side of stage like holy Thank God, I just taped us an hour Holy shit! Thank God I just taped us an hour so we could just do that hour automatically. But you do it so funny. It was phenomenal. Wish me luck. You were those tapings.

I mean, if you guys haven't seen Dan's special, well you probably have. Go watch both of our specials. I mean, his special is the best special of the year. Go watch Dance Fatty Dance. And On the Road. Yeah, both on YouTube. Get a double dose of Dan. Get a double dose of Dan.

Go get a train ran by Dan, a comedy train ran. Watch Dan Adderman afterwards. Just pick a third Dan. Get a dog on you. Get a dog on your arm. Good fuck. Pick a third Dan. Yeah, I mean, dude, you going to therapy was,

I mean, going to rehab was just like. It's a bummer because I missed the film work. No, it's all right. It's all right. It was cool. It was cool, man. I went to an AA dance that night. Dude. I was having a fun time. I was getting like. It's a bummer because I missed the film work, but yeah. It's all right. It's all right. It was a cool, it was cool, man. I went to an AA dance that night. Dude. I was having a fun time.

I was getting texts from you. You were texting me and you were like, how are the shows? I was like, show's good, yeah. Yeah, I met a guy in here that's got it worse than me. Like you were texting. I was like. I would be texting with Dan and be like, oh yeah, you're in fucking rehab right now.

Well, I told you the funniest thing that happened to me in rehab is I was, there was a couple days where they were trying me on nude meds and I was having panic attacks. And I was like on the floor, like hyperventilating. And there was a guy who just started comedy who came into rehab and he was pitching me new bits as I was on, he was like, hey, is this a bad time?

Dude, there is. I'm like, no, but this is the best time. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to eat a deodorant. Cause I need to get fucked up. Yeah. I went to rehab. I'm back four months sober. Yeah. He's doing great.

For those of you that are asking, he's doing all right. He could tell you himself, but it's fun. Real fat, real fat now, but everything else was fun. But it's funny. He could tell you himself, but it's funny real fat real fat now But everything else is fine, but it's funny because when you're like I Remember being a young comic and you get an older comic around you and you have so many questions you want to ask Yeah, but you don't realize that they're they might be going through something and I was 15 years older than me Oh, that's that's the that's the funniest thing. It's like I was younger. He had lived more of a life than I did. Yeah.

That's even funnier. That he's like, I got a joke about Nam. I don't know, I wasn't even born yet. There is like this, cause like I remember one time after his show was when I found out, like my grandma had like gone really bad. Yeah.

And this guy was just like being really nice to Barb. But he was like trying to talk to me about comedy, but with like new comic energy where he was like, yeah, it's crazy that. And I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry. What? And I, I, I always, you know how we're always worried about what other people think about us. I'm always worried that this guy thought I was being a Dick, but in reality I was like, oh, so she's going to die. I gotta like take care of this, but you don't know the guy. So you can't like let him in. No, can't go like, you know, I mean, you're a green.

I did. The day my mom died, we found this. Oh, man, this is great in Jersey, in Ocean County. They sell they have like, what do they call it? They have the liquor stores and the beer. They have bars in the back connected. So you can get it and then go in. And it's the greatest.

But then I definitely was like, my mom's dying over there a couple free shots baby yeah dude it's so funny so your free shot my mom's gonna hear you brothers I was like oh this is what being a bum is I realize like on the subway it's like I'm the guy with the laminated, my house burned down, New York post article. And then you're going like a little bit, if you've been on that side bartending, like, yeah, they'll just tell you to be like, there you go, bud.

Have you ever, were you a bartender? I was never a bartender. I was actually, I was like a beer and wine, but never, but I've never had somebody like, like that didn't happen at hard rock, hard rock, rock right when you work there what? I didn't work hard rock. Where'd you those screeners? Those Caminos where somebody would like be like good rough day trying to get like shooters and stuff That happened the the one day it did happen was the financial collapse in oh wait

Oh, well you and they all you have to give guys, but you don't cuz these are fucking rich stockbrokers. That's true Yeah, so fuck you. Yeah, I really didn't have any sympathy for them. They were like I collapsed I'm like, okay, but here's the difference they had their AMEX cards they had their like business accounts. Yeah, so they were getting I mean One guy we found her in the bathroom at 3 p.m I mean, one guy we found in the bathroom at 3 p.m. throwing up because he had drank eight Patron margaritas. Yeah, that'll do it.

Because he was like, I lost everything. I lost everything. Bear Stearns and Blackstone were by us. So they were like, and Lehman Brothers. It was Lehman Brothers, Blackstone and Bear Stearns. And they were coming down and getting... Because you know when you're a waiter, you don't make shit money. The lunch close, I did only lunches,

you'd get the rush, that's where you make most of your money. And then the rest of the shift is you picking up scraps. So you hope to hit $100 in tips by making 75 during the lunch rush, and then like 30 bucks. Yeah. Or a little bit more so you can tip out look fuck capitalism, baby love capitalism and then they came in and were like

You know, it was all like CNN The housing markets collapsed everything it was like in a day and they came in and were like Two margaritas like and the cafe filled up because it was kind of nice and I was like I've never made that money, that much money waiting tables. That's amazing. I think I walked with over 300. I was, I mean, when that day happened, I was a security guard.

I forgot, there used to be a security guard at the Met. Three years at the Met. And I was on a bus just going cross town. I would take the cross town bus because I was living in Washington Heights at the time. Were you wearing a blazer? We had, we all had these polyester suits that we would wear.

And I would get mine dirty and they had this old guy, he was like Union Ind who like did all the suits. And I remember one, I got it so bad one day, he called me down from the shift and I went into the tailors and they had my suit laid out like a victim on one of our special victims unit he goes you see this do you have any respect for yourself you you are guarding the metropolitan where the greatest art is brought from around the world I remember your old Joker you were like Michelle Obama that's true came to the Met and they didn't let Dan be in the front

Yeah, they may be back. Yeah, it was crazy But I remember your punch line to go Michelle Obama Michelle Obama. Will you sign my? Michelle Obama action figure which is really just storm in a pants That was a code and I got on code yeah, I run the half- special when that mattered. Dude, we did our half hour specials together. Yeah, you crushed it. So did you. I remember about your, as you were. And then Dan's like, I'll stay with stand up.

And I'm like, this idiot, I'm going to go right on sitcoms. They're never going to go away. I remember Dan was fucking crushing during his taping. But we taped the same night. You and Lawrence taped first, and Joe DeRosa and I taped second. That was the tapings in Boston. It was Lawrence in Saint Germain.

That was a murderous row. I mean, Lil Rel, Nicky Glazer, Logan, what's her name? There were a lot of people on that. There's a lot of fucking killers on that. That Crystal Alonzo. Yeah, that that year may have been like the best half hour. It was nuts. It was insane. But they, you know, like when you go to do the walkthrough or whatever,

they're like, listen, they go, I just remember this specifically from our taping. They go, if you are sweating, we will let you know. Towel down and then we'll reposition and you can go there. St. Germain wore this really cool leather jacket while he was taping and he was just, I mean like preacher sweating. He was preacher sweating. They turned it red.

It was usually turned it red Everyone in the back of the directors going like this he's going he's not reading the fucking sign I was in video village and they're like, he's not fucking seeing it. It's like Like putting the beacon out and dan's like evan williams Oh, that's the same dude and he's got his jacket like kind of off because you were so hot. But dude you were murdering. I had a good set. It was so fucking funny. I remember I did to celebrate it. It was like I it was just everyone else like Mike Lawrence had a party a bunch of people in other parties. I just went to Mike Lawrence's house with my girlfriend at the time and just watched it together and just checked the comments. Dude. That was it. That was my part. That was my celebration. I had a crush on a girl

who lived in Texas and we were going to my cousin's wedding and I had flirted with her and she was like, oh, well maybe we'll watch your special when it comes out. Cause I was down in Austin when the special came out

and I was like, you know, like still middle school brain where I'm like, that'd be pretty cool if we watched it together. And then we're at this like party. She was at this part I didn't know at the time she was dating a guy and she was just like being nice like we were kind of flirting But she was also dating a guy and she goes like this. Well, I'm gonna take off and I was like, um So we're gonna be at like 10 p.m. Eastern. Oh

Oh, I don't know. I gotta go and then I just sat I didn't watch it It just aired that was the car is folks I was at that Hilton in Austin waiting for the moments that never come. Yeah the wire You're just constantly waiting for your dad to pick you up from baseball practice waiting for the moments that'll never come and I listen I don't I don't resent the girl at all. I actually thought it was the funniest outcome was to like have a special air That's why now when I put something out. Yeah, it's like I don't present the girl at all. I actually thought it was the funniest outcome was to like have a special air. That's why now when I put something out, it's like, I don't, like my HBO special came out.

Katie was like, you've got to at least celebrate the fact that this is on. And I was like, all right, I'll meet you in the middle. I want to watch it go from a movie into my special and then we'll stop watching. And Katie was like, that's fair. So you stopped like five minutes in? Because I knew that, I edited it.

So I knew what it was. Right, so you knew what it was gonna be. So when the HBO Old School. What was the movie? It was the one with Seth Rogen and Charlize Theron where they're like. Oh, that was pretty good, yeah. It bombed, it was really good.

That ended and then it like did the coming up on HBO and then it did the intro. Yeah. That's what I wanted. Because List was right. When I got the HBO special, List goes, oh man, you get to see the... And then go in.

And that was the coolest. That was the coolest. And I did the old school HBO intro because I saw Drew Michael do it on his when Gerard produced it. And I asked, I was like, can I do it on mine? And Gerard and Bo were like, yeah, absolutely.

We'll do the one from the year you're born. 84 or 83. Yeah. It was a, I mean, that's, that's cool as shit. Yeah. But that was like, that was the most, and now we're on YouTube. Now you're just like, now it's like a Cialis fucking ad before, like in the middle of my punch line, they'll cut to go and that, and the murder was, are you

having a hard time with the erection? Are you? Just some old guy in a tub trying to get hard. Yeah, just being like, oh, I don't know. Yeah, but your special's fucking hilarious. Well, thanks, man. Yours too, I saw yours, I mean, everyone's watching. It's over like a million views.

Yeah, but yours is climbing. Climbing, man, little special that could, baby. Yeah, dude, it's fucking, what I like about it is, what's similar about both of ours, we filmed it in a club, no, like no bullshit. Just like, here you go. It was, yeah, it was a very much old man hustle. Shout out. He wanted to do a premiere and I did cause I showed it in rehab. That was my premiere. Yeah. I showed it to the guys in rehab and it did okay.

Some people had some people were not into it. So I smoked like a half a pack cigarettes like outside and I was getting discharged the next day and like, and then they do like movie night for it. Yeah. Yeah. We got it on there and like, so they put it on the big screen. Yeah. Well, that's the best for me. The big screen. That's the best premiere you're ever going to have. The biggest screen was, uh, they were watching everything everywhere all at once, but then the girls, the girls couldn't watch us. So they watched my,

this is not happening upstairs and it wasn't going well. And I just like went outside and I started smoking with my, my, my, my, my man, Ria, I love that dude. I forget his name now, but he was like, he was just giving me cigarettes. And I'm like, I gotta quit. What the fuck?

I'm not strong enough to do this shit anymore. I can't fucking do this shit. This is killing me. And I was like, you know. So wait, when you came back in, were they like, yay? Some people liked it. Some people I could tell were like, yeah. But dude, when you came back in, were they like, yay? Some people liked it, some people, I could tell were like, yeah. But dude, that's honestly the worst.

It wasn't, it wasn't like, it wasn't a bomb, but it wasn't universally beloved either. Yeah, those are. Kind of like right in the middle. That's comedy. That's like when you have, like I'll have friends come out or whatever, and you could tell they didn't like love the show. Oh yeah. And they just just go like hey man, you're doing it and you're like don't don't I don't I

Specifically remember one of them said it's like afterwards. Oh man. That was pretty good. Have you seen Matt Reif dude? I had a roommate Old roommate come out who I hadn't seen in a while down in Florida and him and his boys were like, they're cool guys, they're like real, let's go get chicks, we're cool kind of guys. And I could tell, like my whole act is like, I'm a fucking loser. And I could tell that they were like,

bro, I don't vibe with that. But they were like this, hey, they did this. You're doing your thing. I hate that too. And then recently he put up a post of a comic and I won't say who, but he was like, he was like, this was the greatest show I've ever seen. And you're like, fuck you. In your head, you're like, fuck off. You fucking bimbo. I told, I was saying this before the podcast my next special I'm just because this is the new thing I'm

just gonna lie about a hate crime that didn't happen before that I'm gonna say I'm one of Sandusky's kids dude that's so funny cuz they're all sealed half those kids are sealed I can get away with saying it yeah call it call it wet in the shower or something shower claps do Just do it in the Penn State shower room. Oh my God. Do a whole special? Have Jared Freed do the intro because he went there. Yeah, he's like, Nittany Lyons, are you ready for your headliner?

This guy got fucked to death in his shower by Jerry Sandusky. Ladies and gentlemen, dad, such a man. And then have like puppets of Paterno and Dottie Sandusky. Like, hey, that's pretty good. Good for nothing. Ah, come to Penn State. He's like, ah, I was unaware of all the sexual allegations.

Shut up, puppet palm. He's like, ah, well, I was undefeated two seasons. Your butthole cost me a dynasty. Did you see the movie with Pacino? Oh yeah. He was actually pretty good as Paterno, but the whole, like there's no act, it was all he does is like,

Paterno, did you know this is happening? He goes, oh, I don't know. And then he like just scutters off to another room. Yeah dude, it's crazy. Cause I did an episode of Little Stinkers where we went into the entire- Little Stinkers. Mike Rainey in Philly. It's like Mike Rainey, his friends.

They have an awesome podcast where they go in like on a criminal and he read the Sandusky book and like laid it out for me. It is wild. He set up. It's the craziest. It's the most ambitious thing a pedophile has ever done. Of course she does. She had to like, even though she was like turning up, you know, the volume, the star search, every time he was down there with like a little kid.

He goes, and it's Matt McMahon going, and the scores are in. It's like, he was like six, four. Yeah, this is a big boy. This is like a big boy. This wasn't like Michael Jackson. You know me, this was like, this was like Freddy Krueger. If Freddy Krueger was a linebacker,

that's what Sandusky would think. And we are late enough in the podcast to say, if you're gonna be molested, let it be a tiny guy. Of course. You don't want a big old gorilla tossing you around. Yeah, well think about it. You either got, Jackson, you went to Neverland Ranch.

Great. Sandusky, you went to like Penn State when they weren't good. But I will argue this. I will argue you learned how to do a cover two better than anybody. I bet you knew your, he was a linebacker coach. I bet you knew to get to hook to curl on cover three, check the run first. I bet your fundamentals were off the charts Michael Jackson

There's no doubt in my mind. What a time. It was like 90% a great day. Oh my god percent though I mean you set a giraffe and then that's what you thought about Dusky was like get up drills This is making you do drills and you like, you looked forward to the fucking with Sandusky. Cause you were like, that was the shower. You know, that's the cool down. He called it and his book was called touched, right? That was the other thing.

Yeah. His, his, uh, his book was called touch. By the way, I did this podcast in like, yeah, back in December and we just like fucked around or whatever. And then I was getting tweets from people that were like, they're Sandusky truthers. That's what I was just gonna say. Which is fucking wild. I've gotten that too.

When we talked about it on My Dumb Friends and I got like a long email about how Sandusky didn't do it. There's people that are like, dude, you're a fucking idiot if you believe that. Mountain of evidence and they're going, nah bro, you don't know the real story. My favorite are people that go like,

nah, you don't know the real story. And you go, buddy, listen, I wish there was a real story The guy was a piece of shit. Yeah, piece of shit. That's a night. That's like the nicest thing like just human monster I got nightmare factory. Yeah, I'm surprised he hasn't been killed in prison. Yeah. Anyway, check out dance fatty dance dance fatty dance on youtube.com at Dance and Tremaine.