Soder - 31: Family Scam with Gary Vider | Soder Podcast | EP 31

Episode Date: June 12, 2024

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Starting point is 00:00:00 It may have been the greatest scam for a sports fan, posing as a Sports Illustrated Kids reporter with your dad and getting into all the games, not to mention the locker rooms. In the 90s, my dad and I ran a con for years where we snuck into the world's most prestigious arena, New York's Madison Square Garden, and I interviewed some of the biggest athletes in the world, even Michael Jordan. Everything my dad did was rooted in lying. Gary, how did you feel when you saw the federal agents coming in to raid your home?
Starting point is 00:00:39 You're, uh, the podcast is finished, right? The podcast is finished. It's ready to come out June 10th. It's going to be loaded. Like, it's going to come out, like podcast is finished, right? The podcast is finished. It's ready to come out June 10th. It's going to be loaded. Like it's going to come out like each week, there's going to be a new episode. First week on June 10th comes out episode one and two. And then are you happy?
Starting point is 00:00:54 Are you happy with it? Yeah. I'm happy. That's nuts. But yeah. Did you interview him? So I can't say if I met my dad for, for a little part of it.
Starting point is 00:01:02 Cause it's a search and find out. I'm trying to learn more. Basically the whole podcast is I'm trying to learn more about my dad we share this great incredible you know moment where you know we I impersonated sports associate for kids reporter and he impersonated photographer and we went to games from 1993 to 1997 without tickets and I would go into locker rooms and I interview a whole bunch of different players. I mean, but you met the 94 NHL Stanley Cup winning Rangers. Yep. You were at game seven against the Canucks.
Starting point is 00:01:29 I was at game one, game five and game seven. Went to the team after party. Crazy. Yeah. I was in the locker room after the game, went to the team after party. And then after that, a few days later, they celebrated at Gracie Mansion. And then my dad gets past, uh, Giuliani was the mayor at the time. We get past his security detail and then, uh then we just go into the mayor's mansion and I'm there I'm like
Starting point is 00:01:48 having having basically well non alcoholic beverages at time I'm 10 years old. You're having sodas. Yeah and then my dad. You're like Forrest Gump. Yeah. Just drinking a bunch of Dr. Pepper. Exactly I'm just happen to be in like this great iconic like moment of New York sports being at that Ranger game but yeah I'm taking pictures with the Stanley cup, the mayor's there. All the Rangers are there. It's like a nice big barbecue going on. Who was the 93 to 97? Who is the athlete that you met that was like the moment? I mean, number one is Jordan. I met, so yeah, I was at the double nickel game.
Starting point is 00:02:22 The double nickel game is like, I mean, the double nickel game. The double nickel game is like I mean that's hands down the The most pressure I had in this con that my dad Basically drew up was that us going to the Jordan game was like because everybody was gonna be at that game every single You know press around they were gonna be at this game and the actual real sports illustrated for kids was at this game So you're impersonating sports illustrated for kids. Yeah. And the actual sports illustrated for kid, did you have to like beat him up and take their costume like in a movie? No. Did they come out? My dad made a point where we would went up to them and and I don't know what he said to them but I don't I don't think he
Starting point is 00:02:57 said that we're sports illustrated for kids also. He just like got their information and got their business cards just and when he found that out and then when the game ended He just made it a bum rush for us to get to the security guard so we could get in the locker room And they wound up just waiting to get in that we got in before them I don't know if they ever got in because when we came out they were still trying to get in it was crazy. So in case you didn't catch it if you're not following along Gary's dad is a con man. And that was one of his cons was involving you to go to all these high profile athletic events and meet these high profile athletes.
Starting point is 00:03:37 Yeah, this one was the nice con. This was a fun one. This is the kids movie. Exactly. Where at the end he changes his ways and becomes a regular dad But he uses his con skills to like be successful So I always make sure that they go they're financially all right because he's like still but your dad was like a con man Like yeah every sense everything that he would do
Starting point is 00:03:56 I mean it was a in a on a smaller sense who would be like Oh, if we you know, he got into like a little bit of a fender bender Now he's going after an insurance scam, but then in every business that he would have he would also make it a point to You know not deliver whatever he said he was gonna deliver on you know, he's gonna charge people without giving them their furniture which is like I brought some like I have a newspaper article and I have some like other stuff that I They haven't shared on the pockets that I could share with you guys, too But it was when he did a thing where I had to do a bunch of research just for the podcast now You're discovering you're discovering all this stuff While you're doing this podcast exactly she's gonna come out as he said June 11th June 10th
Starting point is 00:04:43 June 10th is episode 1 & 2 and then every week there'll be a new episode. Yep. Um, it's, it's serialized. Is it on every place you can get podcasts? Yeah, everywhere you can get podcasts, so just search number one dad. Are you, number one dad is the best name. Was there? He likes that. I love it.
Starting point is 00:05:01 As... Eh... Are you in therapy the whole time you're doing this? Yeah, so throughout it I was. And of course, like even leading up, like before, you know, I decided I was going to do this podcast. I mean, he was a majority of the reason why I was in therapy. I mean, you have to get over a lot of stuff that you did. You know, your father's supposed to be this great role model and, you know, we did share
Starting point is 00:05:23 this incredible moment, but everything aside from this sports illustrated con, which was so fun and memorable, there was so much like destruction. Yeah. There's a lot of shit on my family. Yeah. Are you, now here's just a question as someone that had a, also had a shitty day.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Totally. I sometimes would project this like fantasy image on him. I call it the John McLean. You're like, hope your dad is a detective in another city. Yeah. Yeah. And he's, he's solving big cases and that's why he's not around. It's not that he just doesn't care. Right. Cause then you grow up and you go through enough therapy where you go, Oh, he just didn't care. Yeah was there
Starting point is 00:06:05 You have this moment with sports illustrated for kids Did that produce enough of a fantasy image that you liked your father? You know the unfortunate thing about it was while we were going through it He would say that I couldn't share that with other other people because with what we were doing was obviously You know you nobody would understand it like especially a kid if I was like hey I just was at the Ranger game last night where they won the Stanley Cup and I was like we snuck in you know we did it by doing this thing and my dad wouldn't want us to convey that to anybody or them to share it with like their family
Starting point is 00:06:39 so eventually I like got so fed up with this that I couldn't share this incredible moment with my my friends or anything that I was like, can I just like, how could I tell them? And he goes, just say that I know somebody at the garden because he had these pictures to back it up. So you couldn't, he didn't want you sharing any of it. You couldn't even like, as a little kid, you know how hard that is to go to school the next day and go like,
Starting point is 00:07:01 I was at game seven, right? But you couldn't even say that. I met Jordan, I was at game seven. So you couldn't do any of that? Yeah, none of that, yeah. You had to keep it that tight under wraps. Yeah, until I became, like, by the time I was like 14, which is basically like the last year that we were running, I mean, I was getting a little old at that point.
Starting point is 00:07:18 No, but we're the same age. Yeah. So that's, I remember. So that's like 1997, it was 93 to 97. So 97, like my freshman year of high school like I'm a small guy so I was small then too yeah and I was still able to pull it off but I was kind of fed up with it and I was at that moment I was like you know these are things that I do want to share that I was able to meet these people at
Starting point is 00:07:40 that point you're like come on damn try to get some pussy yeah I'm trying to finger some girls let me tell them I met Jordan. Yeah, that's so fucking crazy that you weren't allowed to do that. Keeping stuff in is tough because it all it does is teach you to like, essentially I mean, I was lying to lying to my friends that something, you know, something took place in my life. Did you tell your sisters? They knew. Yeah. My mom knew my mom wasn't like thrilled with me going through this. Were your parents together while this was happening?
Starting point is 00:08:05 They were together, but they were constantly, there was always something. Cause my dad was, he was involved in some sort of scam while, while this was going on in his business life. So there was tons of lawsuits going on, whether he was being sued or he was suing somebody. Does your mom know he was a scam artist? Yeah. But you know, I think it's like, she didn't know how deep she was in it until,
Starting point is 00:08:26 you know, you already pop out, you got a couple kids, and now it's like, how do you get out of this? Oh my God, it's like being married to a mobster. For sure, yeah. Where she was like, oh, there's no turning back, this is your life. Like, I'm sure part of being a con man has to be that you're charming.
Starting point is 00:08:41 Absolutely. Because you're getting people to believe you can't be a dickhead and con people. If you're a con and you're a dickhead, the degree of difficulty is like 12 out of 10. No, totally. Yeah, people will just turn away from you. But I think on top of being charming, you also have this ability to not care about consequence. Sociopath.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Yeah. So he would, you know, I think you get to a certain age, like, you know, when you're a kid, you're like, oh, I'll do this and then we'll see what the repercussions are. But the way I, you know, my father, at least from what I witnessed would operate was that he wouldn't care what the outcome was. It's worst case scenario, he gets turned down, but he most likely is not going to get, you know, found out. Like nobody was, nobody was going to not believe that, that we work for Sports Illustrated for Kids one it's
Starting point is 00:09:28 the 90s they're not looking this up on the internet yeah and so he kind of went with this notion and this really stayed true and you know people say that you know now because you could like search so much more on you know online and figure things out that people will be able to figure out a con man and for sure it's definitely harder now but my dad just had a way of talking to people and being able to get around these you know these barriers where somebody would actually think that they were even being conned. Did you ever see him get denied when you guys were trying to go somewhere? No it's it's crazy that
Starting point is 00:09:59 he was that good at talking. Yeah he was just he was able to figure out he just knew what to say and then he wasn't ever frazzled. He wasn't nervous like oh that's going to the Jordan game That's bigger than most games that we've been to and he knew how much that meant to me But it was just like anything else he he just felt like that was that's what he was built for Yeah, you know that was his that's his comedy Yeah Did did you request that? Were there like sports events that you requested? Were you like,
Starting point is 00:10:27 yeah, that Jordan's coming back to play the Knicks after being retired for those of you that don't follow sports, Michael Jordan retired after the 93 season, played baseball, was off 94 and 95 Houston Rockets that you're welcome for the titles. And then came back in 96 and we're in the four, we're in Yep. But he came back and played the Knicks, which he always, he was their boogeyman. Yeah. And then he dropped 55 on him and you were at that game. Was he wearing 45 when he was wearing five, a 45. Yeah. So,
Starting point is 00:10:56 and he dropped 55 and this was his on back game. This was everything. And so you didn't request that your dad was like no I did I requested that was like there There are games that I requested where there's big moments that were happening that I was so into sports that I was like All right, you know, I I knew Jordan was coming back I said to my dad can we go to this game and he was like I'll see what what I could do and This is like day of and oh day of you. yeah. Oh, yeah, he could just do that And they're like, ah, I got a poker game. I can blow. Yeah Yeah, let's go see Jordan play it right
Starting point is 00:11:30 Did he know people because you're you do the 94 Stanley Cup before you do all this stuff? Did he know people at the garden? Yeah, we became a familiar face So that that also led, you know played into our favor of getting into these games Especially, you know day of and walking and pointing at someone and knowing their name is an immediate where he's like, hey Frank! And he's like, there they are. Hey, Gary, don't stay up too late riding your byline. And you're like, okay.
Starting point is 00:11:56 Did you have a fake name? I had my name and my dad, so my dad would go as, he would use an alias and he wouldn't even go as my father. That was super frustrating and that would probably do it. Did he look like you? Yeah, you know, he would use an alias and he wouldn't even go as my father. That was super frustrating. And that was probably the end. Did he look like you? Yeah. He looked like me.
Starting point is 00:12:10 That's what's crazy. That's just weird to go like, nah, I'm just, because honestly now, with the amount of awareness of pedophilia. Oh, totally. You'd be like, that guy's raping that kid. 100%. That boy's being fucked. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:22 That's that feeling. But he's getting to meet cool athletes. Yeah. He goes, Oh, shake his Jordan's hand and goes to the van and takes it. Yeah. But that, that is crazy that like he wouldn't even do, cause I think it would make sense even in a lie for him to go, yeah, it's my kid. That's what I always thought too. Were you mad about that? Yeah, I would go, I remember after a while I was like, hey, can we just say that you're my dad?
Starting point is 00:12:45 And then, you know, but I guess it's just like, at this point we're going to the garden so often that you didn't want, you know, to change things up. Yeah, don't switch the play if it ain't broke. I think my dad even told me he's like, yeah, I'll do it. And then, you know, he just would never do it. So funny. Just as someone-
Starting point is 00:13:01 Because nobody's asking me questions, they're just asking him questions. You want your father's love so bad that even in in a con you go like hey can you be proud of me and be my dad in this and he goes yeah you want to be you wanted me to lodge on that's so fucking wild yeah and that's got to create so much shit of like like anger like frustration where you're like, I'm sure you're getting something cool out of it. But at the same time you're like Let me be your son. Yeah, you know there's things that you just I didn't understand that that he did and obviously You know, that's one of them
Starting point is 00:13:39 but you know You kind of just roll with the punches when you're doing that and you go with it. Cause it was like, it was successful and it's your dad. So you're like, you are doing something with your dad and I'm getting, I'm getting, I'm getting, yeah, I'm getting, I'm getting time with my dad and I'm getting to do something really cool that nobody else gets to do. Did he ever have to like pump you up in the car? Was he like, all right, Gary, there's the garden shuffle. There was, there was coaching.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Yeah, yeah, there was coaching of like, you know, these are the questions that you should ask. And there are questions that were coming right out of the magazine that their reporters would ask. By the way, what's interesting is that Sports Illustrated for Kids back then, they didn't have a kids reporter. So nobody even knew that. So he kind of was inventive.
Starting point is 00:14:23 Yeah, he figured it out. I wonder if they had a kid, but by the way, huge sports, all straight for kids fan. Yeah. That's what got me in the magazine. I love sports illustrated for kids because it was a way for kids to learn about sports, but it's crazy. Your dad invented. Yeah. The job. Yeah. The job. Yeah. Bureau. And could have. A desk at the place. And realistically, we could have sent in work that I would, because I was doing, you know,
Starting point is 00:14:51 essentially work, just never recording it. You almost should get a journalism degree. I know. I could have gotten something, but nothing here. It would have been funny if your dad made you wear one of those hats that said press in it. That's what gave it up. And I go, no one wears those anymore.
Starting point is 00:15:02 But I did get it. Michael Jordan over here, look at here, Jordan, 55,000 people in the back of the garden. The WordPress apps. Yeah, that's what I mean, the old school, you know, like a yellow helmet or whatever the helmets are that they have. But I would get, they would give me,
Starting point is 00:15:13 we would, you know, whoever you would talk to at the garden, we would have to check in when we would arrive and I'd wind up getting press passes. So we'd have seats at the garden, whether we'd have guaranteed seats up in the press office in the press area, which is up at the top. It's like the 400 level in the garden. And then, and you're just like looking down on the rink
Starting point is 00:15:31 or the court. But then my dad would be down taking, because he would be the photographer. He'd be taking pictures right on the court. So like under the basket. He'd be under the basket. Yeah, so he's there with every other photog there. And I would be in another place in the basket. He'd be under the basket, yeah. So he's there with every other photog there. And I would be in another place in the arena.
Starting point is 00:15:48 I'm only, you know, I'm 9 to 13 years old. I'm walking around the garden by myself. I'm either in that press area, or he would be able to locate a seat maybe in like the end of the first quarter. And then I'd come down there. Was he a good photographer? I think he was pretty good.
Starting point is 00:16:02 But we did have like people look at his photos. And they were very they were like no he wasn't great but I but I mean so on the podcast you had people look at his photos I did we actually we actually had a cut we had to cut those people but uh but they were like his work shitty but I think they were also just saying it but I think I think is there are some like solid pictures that's so great though that he's like, they're like, sir, you're not even aiming the right way. He's like, sorry. He had his lens on. That's so crazy though. Is that right?
Starting point is 00:16:31 You're a photogenic lens. What is it? The cap, the cap. Yeah, that's insane that he would just be down there. He's just making the noise. You're not even taking pictures. He's like, shut up. My kid's a reporter.
Starting point is 00:16:44 Right, right. Were you in any way, once you start meeting taking pictures. He's like, shut up, my kid's a reporter. Right, right. Were you, in any way, once you start meeting all these, who was the first really famous athlete you met? The first really famous. I mean, it was the first heist. Yeah, the first heist was we went to a Knicks game in the 93 season. And that one was when I met all the Knicks.
Starting point is 00:17:03 And so I met Patrick Ewing. And he was the biggest one Pat Riley so I was meeting like the entire team. Yeah, Starks was on that team. Were you like, the difference between that first game, right? 93 versus 97 when you're 14 was it like old hat? Yeah, were you like by the time you met you like giving them like half-ics like hey John L You want to take a picture? Yeah. No. Yeah, it was nothing at that point you really yeah You you could just you know fall into the role and you could just do you know, whatever it didn't matter Like I could meet after meeting Jordan Jordan's like really well, I was I was the peak. Yeah, I was nervous meeting Jordan. Was he cool He was cool. He was in a private room when I met him and
Starting point is 00:17:44 He was there with Phil Jackson and some other assistant coaches. So when I went in, I asked him, I could only remember a question out of my thing because I was so nervous. Yeah. Yeah, we took a picture and I got an autographed card from him.
Starting point is 00:17:57 So do you still have both? The card my dad has, obviously. He's calm, man. Calm, man, be calm, man. I know, of know of course. So your dad's like, and I'll take that. Yeah. Here's a picture.
Starting point is 00:18:09 Here's a picture. He goes, is that monetary value? Yeah, picture's worth a thousand words, the car's worth a million dollars. Yeah, dude, that's so crazy. That's so crazy that, I mean, Jordan in 96 was the return of Superman. Oh, it was insane, yeah. I don't care who you're a fan of. Everyone was a fan of Jordan in 96 was the return of Superman. I don't care who you're a fan of.
Starting point is 00:18:27 Everyone was a fan of Jordan in 96. Yeah, the NBA took a dip when Jordan left for that retirement, that year and a half. And then he came back and it was just like, every kid was so excited because we also, we were, and you know, like those first three championships, it's hard for our age to remember those. Yeah, because we were young. But like the return, I those first three championships, it's hard for our age to remember those. Yeah, because we're young.
Starting point is 00:18:46 But like the return, I think most of us, we were 10 when he retired. I think all of us, I had the actual Sports Illustrated of why Michael when he left. Oh, yeah. My mom got rid of it at a garage sale. I know she's watching this episode. Thanks, Mom.
Starting point is 00:19:00 I had a lot of classic Sports Illustrateds that my mom sold at a garage sale. We had like the first Broncos, Super Bowl, a bunch of classic sports illustrated. Yeah that my mom sold at a garage sale We had like the first Broncos Super Bowl a bunch of that stuff But I think we were old enough that we were like it was everywhere Yeah, it was one of those stories that transcended sports in the news Everyone's like Michael Jordan retired and he's gonna play baseball. Yep, and then he comes back You never see that yeah, well the craziest thing is, and this is what I found out, and we had-
Starting point is 00:19:27 We do see it, but it's like always shitty when it happens. Yeah, nobody like this. It doesn't come back and rip three in a row. I'll tell you two things that are pretty nuts. This is how big Michael Jordan was that when I met Shaq, and this is the time when Jordan was playing baseball, and Jordan was so big that when I went and I got Shaq to sign a basketball and a card, I go to meet him in the locker room.
Starting point is 00:19:48 Orlando Magic Shaq. Orlando Magic Shaq. I met Penny too. Penny was on that team. This is how big Jordan was that I remember, I can't get this out of my head because somebody went up to Shaq and gave him a baseball to sign. Just because Jordan was playing baseball, they went to Shaq. He just crushes it.
Starting point is 00:20:05 He goes, are you trying to joke around with me? This better be a job right here. I don't want to eat this. Why are you doing this to me? I don't play baseball. Throw it. I bet you throw like a girl, Shaq. He's like, I don't throw like a girl.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Why are you giving me? That's nuts. They gave him a baseball to sign. Just to sign because Jordan was that big and that's how much he meant to the league. Like if LeBron played baseball, nobody would give like Kevin Durant or Yeah, you're not walking up to Steph
Starting point is 00:20:30 a baseball. Yeah. Exactly, it makes no sense. Fuck off. But for whatever reason, that's, you know, and that's how much Jordan was like meant to the sport and whatever he was doing. And you couldn't go to school and talk to it
Starting point is 00:20:44 about you met Jordan. Yeah, couldn't share it. I mean we're 11 years old. Yeah it's wild. I had this amazing thing that happened. 11 or 12 and you're like. Out of fear of this would never, I would never get this opportunity again with my dad to go to the games and do that because he wasn't buying tickets. He couldn't afford to buy the, he just knew how to scam. Fuck the other thing I was going to share was, so we interviewed the editor over at Sports Illustrated and we had to cut this unfortunately, but he was, he said that so they, the Sports Illustrated ran an article when Jordan was playing baseball, the headline read like basically, I think it was like Michael like basically
Starting point is 00:21:25 saying that when he was playing baseball that he was like a cure like a straight up miss that he like I'm trying to remember though what the headline was I gotta look that up yeah but uh yeah there was a headline that that basically said that Michael Jordan was a bus playing baseball and Jordan took so offense to that that he said that he would never interview with Sports Illustrated again. And I met him the year after going at Sports Illustrated and then got that interview, technically. And I'm the last person, you know, that interviewed him for Sports Illustrated for kids. So he never did the rest of his career?
Starting point is 00:21:58 Or Sports Illustrated. Yeah, never did it again after that article came out. You were the last, well, fake Sports Illustrated writer to get an interview with Michael Jordan. Yeah, I was the last, yeah. Because you were a kid. Yeah, I was a kid, so he said that he would never do it again, but I guess he knew that it was a kid, he said that it would be okay, and that was it.
Starting point is 00:22:17 So I'm technically the last person ever. That is fucking wild. I wanted to keep that in, but I couldn't because of time for the the podcast but yeah. Oh Yeah, this was it so yeah After Sports Illustrated published its baguette Michael cover story about his lackluster baseball career in 1994 Michael Jordan cut off all Communication with the magazine even to this day except young Gary Veeder except young guy Dude, that is fucking wild.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Yeah. I'm mad, do you keep that fact in the podcast? That, we couldn't, it was in there, it was just like, so we were, so what the podcast is, it's like on top of what, you know, the sports and these amazing sports memories that we had is that there was like, there was kind of, it destroyed my family,
Starting point is 00:23:03 well my dad's lying, and like, I don't really know who he is sure like I he called his family yeah exactly so you know here he is he's telling these lies that are constant and I'm trying to get to the bottom of like who my father actually is and on top of everything he and I haven't spoken in 24 years damn so that's where the podcast is that we shared this this incredible sports You know stories and everything and that only that are once-in-a-lifetime opportunity with my dad But one you know I haven't been able to really share it with anybody until now and then And then you know my dad and I we haven't talked and you know
Starting point is 00:23:38 I want to see what he's up to and track him down. What do you hear Olson pleasure? I think that yeah, that's why cast is your dad I would love when you're doing the story for the flashbacks, even for now. Yeah. As you know, I think we get like Elijah Wood to play you. We get Elijah. I'm just over here casting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, it's just, it's, it's like a movie. It's, it's so like a movie that you had this moment. And everybody was influenced. And honestly, I'm just gonna tell you from a human standpoint,
Starting point is 00:24:07 as someone with a deadbeat dad, I'm so jealous. I'm so jealous that I had to hang out at a bowling alley and you got to meet Jordan. You're watching the game on my... Yeah, I mean, there is a moment where I was probably watching the game. I mean, you met John Elway. Met John Elway.
Starting point is 00:24:22 You know, you asked, I think, just basically like how I, you know, was I ever nervous or like kind of like how I would go about this. Like the John Elway one was at the Celebrity Golf Tournament and we cleaned up there. It was like John Elway, Joe Namath, Mario Lemieux was there. Oh my, no, 66 and probably post cancer. Yeah post cancer. So he's back just dealing on the ice with a young yammer yager. Yeah, so my dad made it a point to you know When I knew that there was an event my dad would figure out how to get us there
Starting point is 00:24:54 Was there ever one that you wanted to go to that he could that he that didn't happen Hi person on the internet It's Dan Soder stand-up comedian and guy that wants you to come see me do stand-up comedy on the internet, it's Dan Soder, stand-up comedian and guy that wants you to come see me do stand-up comedy on the road. I feel like if I point, it does a lot more, it's a lot more efficient, but also maybe not. I'm on Burt Kreischer's Fully Loaded Tour three weeks in June, tour in the country with some of the best comics working.
Starting point is 00:25:20 It's just a giant party. Check out all the dates at dansoder.com. If you're in the area, buy a ticket. And then Indianapolis, July 18th through the 20th, I will be at Helium Comedy Club in Indy for five shows. Buy tickets right now. July 25th through July 27th, I'm gonna be at the Addison Improv outside of Dallas. DanSorter.com for all my live dates.
Starting point is 00:25:44 Go check it out. And if you haven't for all my live dates. Go check it out. And if you haven't watched my special on the road, check it out. We're almost there at 2 million. It'd be pretty sick to get over the 2 million mark. Tushy. I love doing this. This is a read where I'm excited to talk about Tushy. Badaize.
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Starting point is 00:29:16 that didn't happen? Not really. I mean, like I didn't get to meet Gretzky. My dad and I were having problems at the time. I went to, it was on the Ranger. That's like where you want to patch it up just to meet Gretzky. We were, so we were having our stuff. We went to, we went to a Rangers, the Rangers were in the playoffs. This is when Gretzky was on the Rangers. We went to the Rangers playoffs games. This is like one of the last times we did it. And whatever reason, my dad and I were just like, we were arguing like the entire time. And we went as Sports Illustrated for kids.
Starting point is 00:29:50 Gretzky actually got a hat trick in this game. It was a playoff game against the Panthers. And we just, me and my dad were just butting heads. And we just like, we were like, that was it. And we just like left before like going into the locker room. And I met like, I met Gordie Howe that day, which was great. Cause it was like we were in during intermission.
Starting point is 00:30:07 I would like go in the locker room too, but I didn't get in the locker room during your intermissions when they're like relaxing. And I would figure out a way to just go in. I mean, there, what's crazy is obviously it's shitty and destructive for your family. It obviously ruined your family, but there's this air of like,
Starting point is 00:30:27 a talent that's so extraordinary that your dad had this ability to manipulate and move through these places that no one else really could by just talking. And these are smart people that he's being able's you know being able to con so these people Hear bullshit all the time. I'm sure and whatever the reason my dad's bullshit is just better now obviously the podcast and I know because you know, we're friends and we've talked about this and There's you do a lot of different cons throughout his life that you covered
Starting point is 00:31:01 I remember the payphone one with AT&T you told me about. Yeah. There's like a bunch that you told me about. Yeah. He has a furniture business. Is there one that you read or found out about that you're like, that's a fucking good idea. You know what it is. So it's like a lot of them, it's not necessarily good. I mean, it's tough to say if they're like good ideas.
Starting point is 00:31:21 It's just like, he just has a way of like- I know it destroys your family. And it's like, it'd be like saying if my dad had a hot girlfriend you know like well yeah he fucked off on our family was out getting drunk and banging sluts but like was there what was there an idea that you were like okay dad I here's thing I think that what people when people think of cons they they think that it has to be like this elaborate scheme like the the Sports Illustrated with my dad when he was conning AT&T,
Starting point is 00:31:46 when he conned in his furniture business, I also found out he worked for Pan Am. Basically like a thing like, catch me if you can, like he was doing things with flights, it was insane. These things that he was doing weren't like that elaborate where you're like, it was a heist in any way. Do you think that's what made him work? Was the simplicity?
Starting point is 00:32:07 Yeah, absolutely. He was just smart enough to keep it simple and just the balls to try it. Exactly. And, uh, yeah, he was able to figure it out. And I brought like a couple of like news articles that I had and then, um, one out we'll do, uh, we'll do after, but I'll show you, but it's, uh. But it's maybe, if Pimp could put this up. Yeah, he will. He's just gonna text him.
Starting point is 00:32:29 Pimp, put it up, just do it. Right now, like it's real? Like we're watching the video. On the road with Nate when he's doing like background stuff, I'll just be like, cut right there and do that. I just tell him what to do. Throw that up on the screen and it will, because he's great at editing.
Starting point is 00:32:43 But it's funny to think of doing it in real life, it just pops up under us in a bottom third. You'll love it, this one's for you. Yeah. This is my dad. My dad took us to the whole trial. Oh my God, the steroid trial. It was on Long Island.
Starting point is 00:32:57 Yeah, in the 90s, for those of you that aren't lifelong wrestling fans, Vince McMahon and the WWF at the time got in trouble for steroids. It's why they changed it. Well, the World Wildlife Foundation had trademarked WWF everywhere except the United States and when the trial started, this is just like wrestling knowledge, the reason they switched to entertainment was that it's not considered a sport so they can, if they wanted to do steroids they could because it's performance. It's not. But this was the whole Kogan was on trial for if he had and wrestler tells court, he used steroids for 13 years. That was massive. Right.
Starting point is 00:33:42 wrestling stuff, you see immediately when Hogan was off Royds. It's like, you know how now people have Ozempic face. That's like what it looks like with Hogan when he got off Royds. Why does your face look different? And you're like, oh, you're not juiced up. But this is an article where testifying in a courtroom, holy shit, Hogan's no heroes for them. And this is the, yeah, my dad brought me and my friend Eric there to just sit in there in the trial. Well, the lead is 10-year-old Gary Veeder traveled
Starting point is 00:34:10 to federal court yesterday to see wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan. He did not like what he saw, an athlete and role model admitting to a long stretch of steroid use. They were supposed to be our heroes, said Gary of Dix Hills. It turned out they weren't. It was all fake. That's incredible. Gary is one of dozens of fans in the union Dale courthouse to see Hogan
Starting point is 00:34:30 testify. So you watched him testify. Yeah, I was there. I remember watching. Did your dad get you in? Yeah, he got us in and uh, I don't, there were, I guess you were, I don't know how we were able to just walk into this like Gary's friend, Eric Santiago. Yeah. Shout out Eric. I hope you're all right. You're 40 going on 41 also fled at the courthouse in Uniondale, adding that he and McMahon had, okay.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Also 10. Yeah. That's nuts. Yeah. Continue on a 37. That's crazy. Yeah. So we did that.
Starting point is 00:35:03 And then, so I, at 10 years old, I remember going to school and being like, defending Hogan, the way I defend my dad to my mom. You know, my mom's like, your dad's a liar and a drunk. I'm like, no, he's not. He's just fun and you're a bitch. And then like, that's what it was like with Hogan. We were like, he is that big.
Starting point is 00:35:23 And brother, he wasn't. Yeah, I knew it was all fake, but you wanted to get in the newspaper. So I was like, let me just come up with that. I was trained. Yeah, well yeah, cause you're like a little- I knew exactly what I had to do to like get in the newspaper.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Well, if you think about it, you're kind of like a magician's assistant. You know how the trick works and you can't give up how the trick works So at 10 years old you're like an old soul smoking a cigarette and you go baby That's not how this thing works. The gardens got three shifts It's like you're like a little guy you're like a little Well, I was you know, I didn't realize it until you know
Starting point is 00:36:03 I was doing things that weren't necessarily moral as I got older, but I was groomed to be a con man. I mean, that's what I, you know, you don't want to be your parent, but I saw what my dad was doing and I was told that this is how life works. This is what you're supposed to do to get ahead. life works. This is what you're supposed to do to get ahead. And, you know, we were just given this kind of like, you know, short stick in life that we kind of have to now figure out a way. How do we get ahead? And you get it by being street smart. How good at cheating in high school. Are you? Oh my God. The best. Never got caught. I mean, there were teachers that were like,
Starting point is 00:36:39 I cannot bust Veeder. And you're like, I was trained by my sensei. not bust Veeder and you're like I was trained by my sensei you might know my sensei my father I was hands down I swear the best cheater nobody would suspect a thing and I would also call people like I would doubt that they would ever you know like whatever you could have a gun rapper this is like stupid whether it's like you have a gum wrapper and then I would have the answers on the gun wrapper of the gum that are just took out of my mouth. But then they could also, you know, maybe they don't see that and they're like, what's that? It's a gum wrapper. I would know just from my dad. They're not even going to come over here to look. I'm like, here's my gum. And here's my gum that's now in the wrapper. Go ahead. Open that up with my gum in there.
Starting point is 00:37:20 Oh my God. Did you help your friends cheat in high school? Yeah, well I was able to do every in high school and in college I was able to steal exams. I would know when like because the teacher how would you do that? Because they would have these cabinets in high school. I remember they would have these cabinets in in my English class and in my math class and I would just go in there after school and then take exams. Then one of the one of the teachers was smarter. I remember he's a math teacher, Mr. Van Der Beek. I don't think he's around anymore. James' dad. A lot of people don't know that. Dawson's Creek father. Right, he left after Dawson. And then so this guy would have three exams for the three classes that he was in that he's teaching and the first exam he would just
Starting point is 00:38:03 like leave out and just start putting him around the desk so I would go in to that class and while he was doing that I would go into his cabinet in front of the entire class and nobody busted me and I would just take it right out of his drawer and I knew which exam was ours because ours was the third class that day so it have a number three on it so I think what you know three on it. So I think what you learned, I think what you learned from your father though is what you're explaining is if you act like you're supposed to be there, people aren't going to push back. Just confidence. People don't want to go like, people don't want to look stupid. So they don't want to go, what are
Starting point is 00:38:41 you doing? And then you are supposed to be there and they're like, oh, I'm so sorry. So they just go like, yeah, it's like catching up again. People don't want to go, what are you doing? And then you are supposed to be there and they're like, oh, I'm so sorry. So they just go like, yeah, it's like catching up again. People don't want to look stupid. And when I stole exams in college, it was very similar to that. The way I just described in high school was there's two lecture halls and they would lay out the exams for the first lecture hall
Starting point is 00:39:00 and they wouldn't change these exams in college. So I would go into that first lecture hall and they would leave them out for everybody in alphabetical order And I just take one random person's test and I just walk right out and then I would have About two hours to give it to somebody and have them come up with the answers because it was like an economics class So yeah, it's a counting class actually. I mean dude. How are you not a CEO right now? I know Yeah, you're just an incredible comedian and you're like CEO right now? I know, why am I not doing better? You're just a terrific joke writer. You're just an incredible comedian and you're like, dude, right now,
Starting point is 00:39:27 you could be sitting on a yacht. I had to figure out where I'm going. You're gonna leave today? I'm gonna go, my wallet's gone. That son of a bitch. You're like, Pip's missing. Where's Myrtle? Myrtle?
Starting point is 00:39:37 There's just a cone there. He got my fucking dog. Yeah, that, I mean, it's incredible incredible because listen, is it horrible? Did it destroy your family? Is it immoral? Is it immoral? Is it all these things? Yeah. But like also, there's a cool aspect. You've got a skill set that, man, I'm going to tell you, people that are watching this that have deadbeat dads We don't all get that you a lot of times you just get anger and years of therapy of wondering why they didn't give a shit And sure you have that but you also know like well, I picked this up from my dad I saw him do it because when you see someone do it you're like, oh shit. Okay, I can do that
Starting point is 00:40:20 Yeah, you realize it's possible nobody would ever think that doing those things and you know, go into the garden and sneaking in and uh, is possible. But I mean it is, and it probably is still possible today. Yeah. I'm sure now it's like scanning QR codes and shit and you know, like they have like a lot more technology, but I think there is a lot, there is, there is almost, this is going, you can walk right in. there is, there is not, almost just going, you can walk right in.
Starting point is 00:40:44 You know, you guys can't see him on camera. He's like, hey, you can still, still easy. But there really is a thing about confidence. Yeah. Listen, there's a way, people look at conning and you know, going back to the simplicity of what my dad did, it's like, you don't need to photocopy a ticket
Starting point is 00:41:01 that has a QR code like this. Like, yeah, you could know technology and you could figure that out. And I'm sure there are people obviously who could do that. But how my dad would go about it would be a way of like, he's not gonna come through the vent. He's gonna- He's not gonna see it possible.
Starting point is 00:41:17 What he's gonna do is he's gonna walk through the front door with a way of getting in that you're not even gonna know it's anything and it's not gonna cost him a dime and he's gonna get free food at the concession stand and he's gonna be on the on the bench coaching the Knicks. Yeah, yeah. Hey, who's our new assistant coach? I've never seen this guy before. It's also funny to think about you in four hours of makeup. Where you go? Like Mission Impossible. He's like, Gary, I'm sorry we gotta get these prosthetics on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or else you're not at it. I wish this was a fake nose. Yeah, you go, oh my god, you're Puerto Rican?
Starting point is 00:41:49 I didn't even know that. I've known you for so long. The comedy crew would be going better. Yeah. You'd be fucking, you wouldn't be sitting on this couch. Yeah. You'd be at Netflix as a joke festival doing the fucking Hollywood Bowl.
Starting point is 00:42:00 Yeah, man, that's something that I always, because what's crazy is I've known you for a long time. Yeah. And we were friends before I even knew this. And then just randomly one day you brought it up. And I was like, hold up, what? Right, right. It's fucking nuts.
Starting point is 00:42:13 But I'm so glad that you were able to do this podcast. And like, I'm genuinely excited to listen to it. Yeah, it was a lot of work. I mean, basically the idea for it came about. Like, my son was born in 2020. and the Jordan documentary came out the same time. Yeah, the last dance. Yeah, and I, I'm like, you know, this kind of like, just the memories of like, me and my dad going through like what we did and then having a kid and I'm like,
Starting point is 00:42:39 it's been, you know, at that point, that was like 23 years, like 23 years can't, you know, I'm curious, like what he's up to, has he changed, is he different? And you know, I'm, am I remembering what I think happened exactly how it happened? And am I going to meet family members who are going to like say the same thing? Like did was my dad, was my dad this like amazing con man, how I remember him Confirm your reality. Was my dad this amazing con man, how I remember him being. And yeah, he was. He lives up to the hype. And so this whole serial series, like I said, June 10th,
Starting point is 00:43:13 the first two episodes come out. And then every week there's an episode. How many episodes total? 10. There's 10 episodes. 10 to 30 minutes. And yeah, it just goes through like. And the whole point is you're trying
Starting point is 00:43:23 to reunite with him to see. Yes. Learn about him and see him again. Yeah, see if he goes. And the whole point is you're trying to reunite with him to see, or learn about him and see him again. Yeah, see if he changed and then. And I do not know if you did or not. And what I love is you didn't tell me. Like even off, walking in, you're like, I'm not gonna blow that. But it makes me wanna watch the, I mean, listen to the podcast.
Starting point is 00:43:41 Because you're like, I wanna know where this goes. I mean, because there is a- You gotta're like, I want to know where this goes. I mean, because there is a thing of- You gotta listen like everybody else. Yeah, sorry bro. Sorry bro, no family discounts. But there really is this thing of like, a lot of us, I think our parents' generation, the boomers and maybe even the Gen Xers
Starting point is 00:44:01 kind of did this like false, if it looks good on the outside everyone will believe that but everyone's got problems with their parents and so when you find out about this shit you kind of are like you're learning about who your dad is as a man which is interesting because parents and I don't have kids so I can't speak on this but it feels like parents hide behind the whole title of dad and mom for sure I'm your dad you can't speak on this, but it feels like parents hide behind the whole title of dad and mom for sure your dad You can't know that about me. You know on the racine episode We found I found a letter my dad wrote to my grandma
Starting point is 00:44:32 When he was fucking some lady and he was like pussy whipped on her. Wow, you're like, oh, this is a 25 year old That's getting some rebound pussy. Yeah, and he's like totally enamored with this girl and dated my mom two years later My mom's like I have no idea who that woman is. So you're like, well, it was clearly a fleeting thing. And I think that's really interesting when you start finding out more and more that your parents are humans and they have these different things.
Starting point is 00:44:53 But sometimes they have these extraordinary, even if they're fucked up, stories. Well, I wonder if that generation, yeah, they were good at hiding stuff. They were, and I think now, I mean, as a dad, where it's like, you want to be as true to yourself and, and tell your kid like who you are and not hide behind this wall. And I think that's what, I mean, I would say that my mom and my dad both, you know, did.
Starting point is 00:45:14 Did it bring you closer to your mom? Did you, did it give you a better understanding of what she went through? Yes and no. You know, it's kind of like a, it just, everything that happened really fractured the family. Like my sister, uh, both of them, I mean, It's kind of like a, just everything that happened really fractured the family. My sister, both of them, I mean, we kind of stopped talking and then it definitely hurt our relationship over time. We didn't stop talking right away once I stopped talking to my dad, but over years it just showed me that I could cut people off and go and pursue comedy and not necessarily care about what's going on in other people's lives because like you know
Starting point is 00:45:46 it lose like losing your dad and and not and being a part of your life or not not having that dad figure really hurts and I realized that I Didn't I could also lose other family members and whatever it didn't matter I think the pain of losing him made it like numb to lose other family members. Correct. Yeah, absolutely. So that's just basically like, well, I lost him so I can go through it again. Yeah. It's not the, it's not the, uh, the biggest deal in the world. If, uh, if I don't talk to somebody, I've been here, right. Been there, done that. Exactly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:17 I mean, I think it's incredible. Yeah. Are sports different for you now? Um, are you like less into sports? I'm not less into it. I love the Rangers. I love the Rangers. And I mean, I really liked the Knicks, especially, you know, this year.
Starting point is 00:46:32 I mean, yesterday for both of them. Yeah. Knicks and Rangers. It's been, you know, definitely been a fun season, but yeah, it's different. I mean, I'm also older. So it's like, you know, I'm rooting on people who are in their 30s.
Starting point is 00:46:42 Yeah. It's fucking wild. So that makes a little bit more difficult. With your sons, do you share that with them? Are they like, do you watch ranger games with them? Just like the three-year-old now, Sully. So he's like, the Rangers played the other day. So I was like watching that, and he was like into it
Starting point is 00:46:58 for like a minute, and then he started watching Toy Story. Yeah, I mean, you're not going to beat Pixar. I know. Three years old. It's weird if he's worried about line changes, instead of Woody and buzz are going to hang out, he was going like, what's your brain? Are you, do you feel like you, I know you kind of said it,
Starting point is 00:47:16 but do you think you did this for your boys so that they can not repeat the same mistakes or like, yeah, not necessarily or just know a piece about me that I wouldn't know how else so that they can not repeat the same mistakes or like, yeah, not necessarily, or just know a piece about me that I wouldn't know how else to tell them. Like this is a full story that they really get into like knowing my childhood and knowing who I am and how I grew up. So I feel like it's a nice time capsule.
Starting point is 00:47:39 Yeah, dude. And it's also like, you know, you want to talk about that generation kind of hiding stuff. It was always like, um, we're the generation one or two after your father died in war, or like your grandfather was shot down in World War II. When really that might not have been the story. When really he might have been a piece of shit that just ran off. Totally. And I think there's something, there's a lot of value in being like,
Starting point is 00:48:02 hey, your grandfather did something fucked up. That's's cool but it's super fucked up right and here's the actual all the ugly details to it yeah and you you know I wonder I'm like does is it a gene almost like a genetic thing a little bit of like how I have obviously I have the ability to con but from witnessing for my dad but I also think it's you it is somewhat genetic so I think that like my son I think Sully the three-year-old the one-year-old me barely speaks Yeah, but one he's already conning us. I can't speak So he walks in the room he's like hey, give me more cookies Yeah, but I think like Sully, you know, even as a three-year-old you kill I kind of see there
Starting point is 00:48:41 They're all like little like connivers. Oh, yeah children just want the things they want right they're gonna try to get it however they can right so I think that they have that ability and but it could be groomed so anyway I want to share you know these things that we took that that I had in my childhood with them and make them aware of it but also know obviously that you know it's wrong sports illustrated that was obviously a really cool thing yeah dude and honestly if you're if you work at sports illustrated and you see this please send Gary a work badge like an old sports illustrator for kids work make it official and then put that
Starting point is 00:49:17 Michael Jordan interview on the record right you like can print it yeah you know they actually um so in the beginning when I I first put out a thing on Instagram and when I put this, like, just like the pictures and saying that we did this, and sports illustrator reach out to like verify like what happened. And then I wrote an article for sports. Yeah. So I officially was able to fulfill my duties as a sports illustrator reporter. And I was able to put in, you know, in writing, this is what took place and that article is, is available online. S I.com not written by AI. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:53 Check out GV wrote that not some other guy. Well, you brought a box of Reeboks. Everyone knows at the end of the episodes, we go through a pack of cards and I saved the last NBA pack for Wow. Okay. cards and I saved the last NBA pack for wow okay we're switching to tops baseball 97 killer but I got the last 89 HP NBA pack we'll do that later cuz we got about 10 minutes but you brought a box a Reebok yeah Reebok box filled with cards yeah so I haven't opened these box this box in probably I want to say 25 years. I know what some cards are in there.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Yeah. I mean, I just said, yeah. I got the box cutter. Don't let me in the cockpit. Yeah. I'm actually, I'm hoping these are cards and not like just like mementos from like a murder. That's a good place.
Starting point is 00:50:38 You're like, oh my God, your father took naked photos of you? But I was like, even see like, there's a name on this. It says Herman sporting goods which closed in 1996 I'll try to make a careful incision so we don't ruin the box, you know Again if you if you have a box cutter always remember to change your blades. It's very important Knife sharpening sponsor. Oh like guys don't forget to buy Stanley
Starting point is 00:51:12 Stanley Because the knife doesn't have to be just Jesus. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I have a feeling we're gonna get some bangers in here this feels like a mix my podcast has just become like a pond pond star Like yeah, dude, I don't know I go through old dead people stuff Tom Seaver, dude, you got a Mets Tom Seaver card coming right off the top. I'm saying that's like that's an old school Yeah, I want to hold on to that one pretty good. Damn, dude Dude, you got some old school. First off, Ozzy Smith. Oh yeah, Ozzy Smith. That's a rookie.
Starting point is 00:51:49 An Ozzy Smith rookie. What was his nickname? You do the backflip. The Wizard. Yeah, he did the backflip. Ozzy, I mean, in the... Look at that. That's in the case. This is actually Jordan number 45 right there. Look at that! Jordan number 45. He's back I wonder is that oh, it's against the Hornets
Starting point is 00:52:08 But look at that you got the little case. Oh, yeah that I don't remember Turn back the clock you stremsky wins a L triple clown His grandson is the right fielder for the San Francisco Giants right now. I actually met him with a list. Yeah Nate I forgot Nate's friends with all these people. with Joe List. Yeah, I met him with Nate. Oh, Nate, he's friends with Nate. I forgot Nate's friends with all these people now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Yastremski, this is,
Starting point is 00:52:30 you know, you could probably give that to Nate to give to Yaz, then he'd be glad to see you. Like he doesn't have a card that was verified. Oh yeah, I didn't find that. 1950, these are like some of these old school ones. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just grab a stack. And more Tom Seaver.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Tom Seaver, you, I mean, these you I mean these are a lot of Tom Seaver They're in specials. Yeah, Nolan Ryan That's pretty sick. Is that a Nolan Ryan? Angels. Yeah, yeah, dude. Look at that. That's it No, did your dad give you these cards? I remember us getting a lot of these old ones right daddy is we went to a garage sale my dad somehow old ones my dad we went to a garage sale my dad somehow conned them into selling this to us a box of a lot of these for like 20 bucks dude George Brett I don't know if that's actually signed but you know this story if you watch the YouTube
Starting point is 00:53:17 video of him talking about shit in his pants yeah yeah it's one of my favorite YouTube videos please cut to it. around my waist and I'm just standing there and it's just running down my leg. I got jeans on, black bucks, no socks and I just start fucking walking. Every time I'm walking something's coming out. It's water. Straight fucking water. Because he's walking through and he goes, I shit my pants last night. It's so funny. George Brett rules from that video alone. Dude, these are, you got some fucking bangers. First off, there's some NBA cards in here we're talking 93 94 fleet ultra and I mean look at you got Jordan Hakeem Ewing Thunder Dan Marley Larry Johnson Jim Jackson don't know John Starks Lututtrell, Spreewell, Scottie Pippen, Walt Williams, don't know.
Starting point is 00:54:25 I mean, dude, you got some bangers in here. Yeah, that's another one, yeah. And you haven't opened this since when? This has gotta be 25 years. Johnny Bench, I knew I had a lot of old baseball cards because from that garage sale. And your dad just walked up, that poor idiot that had a garage sale,
Starting point is 00:54:41 that was like, oh, just get rid of my cards and I'll make some money. And your dad's like, con time. Totally. Did he ever have a saying? Was he like, oh, just get rid of my cards and I'll make some money. And your dad's like, con time. Did he ever have a saying? Was he like, it's con mode. Going to con mode. Time to con. Con air.
Starting point is 00:54:53 That's. I don't know. I mean, I don't know DC con, like maybe that. I mean, the Superman card, pretty cool. The DC comic cards, you know, you bust out some Marvel X-Men. I'm jizzing in my pants. Yeah, Pete Rose.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Look at that, dude. Oh, look at this. A signed Benoit Hogg from the Islanders. I mean, so this is crazy because you have these cases used to come filled with cards where if you wanted to like keep them, these are still in mint condition. These are all signed hockey cards from the Islanders. Oh, those are. Aren't you? You're a Rangers guy yeah yeah dude you got a these are great Derek King March Mark Fitzpatrick the goalie these
Starting point is 00:55:32 are all you should give these to Patrick from the stand you'd come in his pants they would get some good yeah yeah I'll take them three Shaq rookie cards three Shaq rookie cards come on dude look rookie cards? Come on, dude. Look at this. He's like, I told you I don't sign baseballs. Oh, actually, I know what these are. Look at these, dude. By the way, this is going to be such a letdown
Starting point is 00:55:54 when you open this 89 pack of hoops card. Shaq signed card. A Shaq signed magic card. I'm trying to see if I have... Look at that, dude. Oh, the smudge, it was a Scottie Pippen card, but. if I look at that dude. Oh This smudge it was a Scottie Pippen card, but I mean this is nuts Larsa Larsa's like yeah, I can get you on I've got them all over the house Damn, dude, and these old-school 70s ones are awesome. Yeah, Joe Morgan from the Reds I don't know again if that signature is real or not
Starting point is 00:56:22 I don't know. I don't think they're those. Those are all on the car. Jamal Mashburn from the Mavericks. Yeah, I love him. If you're over the age of 37 right now, you're probably coming in your pants with all these cards and all the young people. I'll have a tick tocker on next week. I'll make it up for you. I don't know. I'm sorry. This is us being little boys again. Willie McCovey as the pirate Padres, which is sacrilegious as a Giants fan.
Starting point is 00:56:48 She's the McCovey Cove. Ewing rookie. Are you a rookie card? Damn dude. You're going to open the last pack and be like, what a way to jizz down our thigh on this last pack card. You got some Lemieux, Gretzky cards. You got some Lemieux, Gretzky cards. Look at these. You got some wild ones.
Starting point is 00:57:08 So it's fine. These Shaq rookie cards are insane. I bet now we have friends that are famous enough, either Nate or Shane, that could get those rookie cards signed. Oh yeah. And then you get it framed. I mean, dude, some of these are pristine in a way.
Starting point is 00:57:24 Paul Valbury, Sergey Fedorov. You're a big hockey guy, huh? Oh, huge hockey guy. Look at this. Draft card. Yama. Yaga. I didn't know I had that. Come on. Look. Oh, these are these decide. Look, I see any Boston Bruins ones. I'm taking them for Katie. Marty Mario Lemieux. Remember hologram cards? That was like this was the future for us. When they dropped out Mario Lemieux. Do you remember hologram cards? That was like, this was the future for us. When they dropped out hologram cards,
Starting point is 00:57:48 we're like, what are we in, the space age? And now we have super computers in our phones, super computers in our pockets, and we're like, hologram card. I remember seeing those in a pack, I'm like, oh my God, this is killer. You'd be like, you're jizzing your pants for it. Look at this.
Starting point is 00:58:02 Signed Mario Lemieux.. Sign Mario Lemieux. Yeah. Two-sign Mario Lemieux. I mean, with the, these are, these are crazy. And you didn't know these were in here. I didn't know the signed cards were in there. First off, first and foremost. Just put a couple back there. Oh look, they fell.
Starting point is 00:58:19 Shout out Sean Kemp, dude. The god. If Shane's watching this, he knows how important this is. Shout out Sean Kemp, dude. The God. If Shane's watching this, he knows how important this is. Shout out Sean Kemp, dude. The dunk, OJ, damn! OJ Walter Payton. The juice and the sweetness. Took me a while.
Starting point is 00:58:39 Sorry, that was resin brain. Both dead. Pretty sad. This is a cool one. I love Penny. Penny Hardaway. Signed card. Come on look at these OJ by the way this is like I knew there were some OJ in there I didn't know how many you got to give these to the gold to the Goldman family
Starting point is 00:58:56 I'm gonna need those I'm gonna need to sell those that I mean are these worth here's the thing about cards I can be tricked into thinking, Oh, Mark Messier, Timu Solani. Come on. Got a Martin brodure all these hockey cards. Yeah, Cam Neely. That's going to either Katie or Kevin. Cam Neely. I'm holding on to these. This is my family is. They're all Bruins fans. So Dude, this is nuts The Nordiques a Joe Sackett Nordique. Oh, wow, is that a rookie or no? I don't know. I don't think it's a my I Think so the windress rookie
Starting point is 00:59:39 He's a baby dude. Look at that, which then they became the Colorado Avalanche my hockey knowledge is dog shit but learning dude Mike Madonna nuts yeah I mean the the the Shaq rookie cards yeah Shaq rookie cards agree you got some crazy ones Paul Vellbury again dude Eric Lindros yeah Lindros that's a rookie yeah this is a rookie yeah that's Lindros rookie You have a Lindros? That's a rookie, yeah. This is a rookie, yeah. That's a Lindros rookie. Damn, dude. What was he, like 6'6"? How big was he? 6'5", 225". That's a big boy. Gotta save the OJ. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:15 The juice is loose. Yeah. Damn, dude. You had some... These are great. Nice. I really feel like I'm gonna let you down with this 89 dude the shack appreciate you saving it George Brett the Tom Siever you know I'm sure there's a Mets fan that would I didn't know the order I thought some of the autographs were in there but I didn't know gotta give this to list
Starting point is 01:00:38 Carlton Fisk oh that's a big one a red sock and youastrem ski red sock got that list Joe listed I don't say I'm giving it to him. I just say yeah, that's great One of his short movies The Jordans are huge. You got to get those and by the way, I'm sure there's like the way people know comics and stuff Yeah, probably like hold on to that one, hold on to that one, but these are crazy. Yeah, I don't know the value of any of them, but it's like, I figured I was like, oh, just hold on to it for the kids.
Starting point is 01:01:15 Like, you know, I mean, they have more, you know, as time goes on, they have more value and it's also obviously sentimental value. Oh yeah, dude, these, I mean, these Shaq ones right here, you don't wanna hold on to those. That's a keeper. And then George Brett. to see sentimental value. Oh yeah, dude, these, I mean, these shaft ones right here? Yeah. I don't want to hold onto those. That's a keeper. And then George Brett.
Starting point is 01:01:28 Can I have the George Brett for the bookcase? Yeah, yeah, I got a whole bunch of them. There you go. You got it. I shit my pants. Dude, it's so funny. I watched that video at least once a year. This is him going through warmups
Starting point is 01:01:40 and he's talking to players and he's like, it's like he's a coach. And he's like, yeah, I had lobster last night, came back, shit my pants. Give those the list. Put those aside. Here's your Jordan cards, those are awesome. And then I'm holding, obviously Joe Sackett,
Starting point is 01:01:55 but I'm holding onto these. One goes to Kevin, one goes to Katie. Go B's dude, go Bruins. The podcast called World's Best Dad. Number One Dad. But if you like that better, there's still time. I like Number One Dad. Number One Dad.
Starting point is 01:02:13 Number One Dad available June 10th, first two episodes, then every week there's 10 episodes total. At Gary Veeder, you got this, what's the special coming out? Special's coming out May 28th. So the special, this might come after that. This might be after the special. Check out a special. Gary's one of the fucking greatest joke writers,
Starting point is 01:02:31 one of the funniest dudes I've ever seen in my life. I've watched you, we used to go on the road all the time and I'd watch you in rooms that were, we were working B rooms, like tough rooms. You would feature for me in fucking murder in a way that I'd be like. Thanks, buddy. You would make it an in fucking murder in a way that I feel like you would make it in a room because you were just so goddamn funny. Thanks.
Starting point is 01:02:49 Some of my favorite jokes, dude. Gary Veeder, the special is on YouTube. What's your socials again? At Gary Veeder, Instagram, all that stuff. Instagram, Twitter, check out the podcast. I appreciate you coming by. Thanks, buddy. And thanks for the Cam Nealies.
Starting point is 01:03:01 Yeah, oh, absolutely. And the George Brett, shit my pants. Yeah. Oh absolutely George Brett shit my pants Yeah

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