Soder - 32: Slicing Ween with Michelle Wolf | Soder Podcast | EP 32

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

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I'm here with a baby. Yeah, you got a whole human with you. I know, and I'm like, I'm like. You stay here baby. Yeah, I'm walking like up and down the streets I used to always walk down and I'm like, this is weird. Well you gotta look at now with like, yeah you look at it with mom eyes now. Yeah, I'm like everything's dangerous.

Oh look at this. I was in a park and there's like, I mean there's like so many kids and they're all like chained together in a little chain gang's like, I mean there's like so many kids and they're all like chained together in a, in a little chain gang. That's really funny. You had the little ducks crossing the street. Yeah, and it's great because it's like, you see that and you're like,

that's the only way you can do it. Yeah. You can't have a bunch of wild children. Well you also wonder if like, if pedophiles look at it like a carton of eggs. Right. They go, look at that. I don't know, that's all conveniently packaged.

Or just like a group of gazelles, and they're like, which one's weak? Is there one with a limp? I can snap off that one and take it. I would have the fear of being a teacher, by the way, we just like start rolling. So there's no like, welcome to, I would have the fear if I was a teacher or one of those people

that like watches the kids then I'd look back and there'd just be like a missing link in the whole thing where I'd be like uh oh did anyone see where Deandre went? A man came and took him and you're like I got his shoe. Yeah you're're like, oh fuck, oh fuck. Yeah, dude, having kids at this city, when you're, New York City, when you're by yourself, single, is a completely different city than when you have a child, when you're married, or a dog. It's also crazy, because it's like, I remember I used to walk in the city,

and we work at night, and so a lot of times you'd walk, and everyone's lit up in their like apartment and you can see in and- Do a lot of watching. I love to watch. And I used to walk by and I used to see like all these like professionals with like a glass of wine, like winding down at the end of the day.

And I used to be like kind of jealous of that. Cause I'd be like, oh man, like it must be nice to like end work. To, oh yeah, to have, cause we end so late. Yeah. That you don't have a wind, your wind down is sleep. Yeah. And it's like, and then like you get, I don't know. It's like, it's like their work day is done.

Like they don't have to, I feel like our work day is never done, but then now I like walk around the city and I see people that's like, I see like the old version of myself, which is just like, I mean a prettier blonder version of myself, which is just like, I mean, a prettier blonder version of myself, but like wearing like yoga stuff and like an iced coffee. And I'd be like, I remember those days too. That's nice. Lack of responsibility.

I wonder, well, the thing that always blows my mind about you is you were a young professional. I was a young professional. Before you got into comedy, you were like doing that. You worked in finance. I wore suit skirts. That's hilarious. I mean, and when I started improv,

I used to go from work to improv and I'd wear my scoot-sert. Your scoot-sert? Scoot-sert. Your scoot-serts? But you would- My scoot-serts. Would you take, would you do that thing

like every commercial from the 80s where you'd take your high heels? I wore heels all the time. I never, I never switched to sneakers. And then I used to do improv in sneakers. That's why I mean, not me. Sorry. In heels, in heels.

I always, my mom was a professional lady and she had the shoulder pads, you know, in the eighties and nineties. But I always thought about that. Like it's like a gum commercial. They take off their high heels and put on. What you should do. Also, if you have to change your shoes for work, you shouldn't have to wear those shoes. You know, like you should, you'd be like, these shoes aren't good for walking.

Take off your foot. Yeah. It's like, it's like you can wear these eight hours a day when you're mostly sitting. Why high heels in a professional setting? I mean, it's, it's, it's like you can wear these eight hours a day when you're mostly sitting. Why high heels in a professional setting? I mean, it's, it's like, what is it also? What is the, what's the point of it though? Do you go like this bill, this deal will go through, look at those sexy feet. I mean, it's really, there's, there's gotta be, there's something, there's some sort of sexism by it, but there used to be, so at JP Morgan,

there was a woman who was very high up who if she saw you in the elevator with sneakers, she would be like. Like angry. Yeah. Like, because she had a real she had to do it her whole career. Yeah. And that's why it's not because she probably cares. It's probably because she is. I know exactly what it is. It's like she's like, well, I can do it. So you can do it.

That is most of the shit in this country. Yeah. It's like, everybody goes, I did it. You fucking do it. How dare you forgive student loans? I paid all mine back. That's exactly what I was thinking. All right, well.

I mean, dude, it took me a great amount of luck to pay mine back and I'm still for forgiveness. I, when I think about the amount I paid back versus the amount I took out, Oh, it's crazy. I get furious. Yeah, I took out. And then I'm like, but you know what?

This is how it should be sold. It's not, we're not just, it's not helping young people. It's a fuck you to the bank. Yeah. That's all it is. Yeah, the banks are mad. The bank isn't making money. So stop getting mad at the kids.

Well that's, I think that's like. I mean they also suck, but. Sure the kids suck. But I think what you're seeing is it's exactly that where the banks are like in people's ears where they go, can you believe? They're like, they're sitting there with a mustache. And they go, can you believe these kids?

And they're like, right? And they're like, definitely not the banks. The banks are cool. They take off their mustache, they're just right and they're like definitely not the banks the banks are cool. They take off their mustache and just another mustache under it. Oh man, we should go to the bank. And you're like why do you keep talking about banking? Man, can you believe they're just hurting all the banks? The banks just a little guy trying to help out the big guys. The thought of the banks for the little guys when they've just been butt fucking Americans the entire time they've existed. The whole time. And the crazy thing is like FDIC insurance, really I think, I don't know a lot about this

and I'm sure people will sound off in the comments. Yeah guys. Hey all you finance bros. Let us have it. Click and subscribe so you can comment. But you worked in, it's crazy, it's like you came, you went from the most serious job to the silliest job. And I went to the most serious job at the most serious time.

Yeah, oh, eight. Yeah, like I was working at Bear Stearns while it collapsed. Where was that? What streets was that on? This was on 383 Madison. Okay. So it was Madison and I think it was 46, there were 48. You were right by Dos Caminos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah 50th and third Yeah, cuz that's where a lot of people went the day that everything collapsed Oh, I know cuz you boys like I gotta get a margarine and your boy walk your boy walk with 375 that day on a lunch It was the hardest I've ever worked waiting tables It's also really funny that like the the banking people were like I need a drink but I can't go to the nice place anymore. When am I gonna go to O'flatteries? I'll go to those Caminos. It's crazy to think you want a vacation drink when your life is collapsed. Oh yeah I mean that it was such a crazy couple weeks like first of all the day it happened was this is how crazy the banks are. We there's like an internal video system

where like someone can give like a speech. And so the CEO of the bank gets on and he was like, I know, there's a lot of noise out there and you can see obviously our stock prices dropped. I mean, it was, I mean, it plummeted. The drop is a drop. It's like, it's like saying like grandma fell. And it's like, Oh no, grandma fell into the grand canyon. Yeah. She fell off the roof. Yeah. she's not, she didn't just like fall off the couch. Grandma had a slip.

Yeah. And you're like, what happened? She goes, well, she was skydiving and the chute didn't open. So it's a big problem. But what's crazy to me is a couple of things. Number one, you had this like futuristic evil screen thing that was like, that's what they thought in the sixties. It was like going to pop up and like he's like underlid under his chin.

And he's like, terrible news today. And then and then he goes, he goes, obviously, the stock is, you know, it's dropping. But he's like, but I just want to assure everyone we are OK. We are OK. Just putting bullets into his gun. And it's like, meanwhile, JPMorgan's in the back being like, like actual JPMorgan.

Like, he's like, he's like, he's like. Is my inheritance gone? Whoa. Is that, was that, I mean, JPMorgan the real guy. They, they, I mean, they bought Bear Stearns. JPMorgan did? Yeah. Was he ever a real guy?

He was a real guy? He was a real guy, yeah. John Pierpoint. When did he die? Morgan, I don't know. I wanna look that up. Probably less long ago than he should have. Oh, I bet he lived in a tank of some sort.

Like Darth Vader. Yeah, just like. Where they came in and they were like, this is JP Morgan and he's like, bring me my baby to. It's also so funny when they talk about like, you know, like some like people, the conspiracy theories about like liberals eating babies.

And I was like, well, if anyone's eating babies, it was like JP Morgan, you know. I love it just goes to his website where they're like, you try to look up JP Morgan, they're like, you want to give us your money? Yeah, and they're like, we have a library. Oh, he died in 1913. But his heirs were probably behind it going,

it's our inheritance, fuck. Yeah, it's our inheritance, fuck. Jamie Morgan was fine. Jamie Morgan was like, no, we're just gonna buy everybody. That's crazy. So you're at Bear Stearns and the day it happens, so that's the thing that happens is the video comes up.

The video comes up and the guy's like, don't worry. This is like either a thug's den. Out of range, there's just the gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're gonna be fine. Yeah, gun yeah yeah so we're gonna be fine yeah we're gonna be fine he's doing the thing that they do for that's fucking wild and were you with it did you feel like shit was did you believe his lie I I was like it was impossible to believe his lie because I worked with like I worked in due diligence but like we

worked with a lot of the the brokers sure and they were like grabbing their stuff and running out of the way like this guy's coming down from the screen being like everybody just chill baby we're fine baby baby baby oh man I used to be liberal media they're out of their minds. Relax, relax. Here, have another drink. And the guys behind you are on fire. And there's like, I mean, then there's people like, you just be like, grab everything. And I'm like, were there a lot of shredders going off? I didn't see, there was, well, I don't even think we had shredders. I think people were like, incinerators. Yeah. So there's like brokers. It was all black and peepers of paper. So there's like brokers grabbing stuff. And I'm also like, and then in my mind,

I was, I remember thinking, wait, isn't, why do they need to throw so much stuff in boxes? Isn't it all digital? And then I didn't realize that it's like, you can't, if you leave, they cut off all your access. Oh yeah. So it's like. It's like that video of that guy trying to get

in the New York Jets facility. And his lob doesn't work. He's like, boom, bang, boom, bang. He's pulling on the door. You leave, I bet if you left Bear Stearns that day without stuff. Yeah, you just, it's all gone. You can't access it. I know I probably would have left like a mug that I liked. It would have been something inconsequential.

It would have been something where I'm like, you can leave that. I'm like, I liked it. It was a Dilbert calendar. You're like, does someone important give it to you? No, I just really like it. It was a Dilbert calendar Yeah, that's I mean that's like a crazy place in the history of time It's like a crazy place to be in. Yeah is at Bear Stearns, which collapsed after this. And it was the only bank that really actually collapsed. Because everything else got bailed out, and Bear Stearns was like, nope, we're gone.

What was around us? Blackstone, Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns. I mean, that's a tough day. Because Lehman happened a little bit after, but it was... So you guys were the first to fall? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were there. It was insane.

But then also, I remember also thinking like, I'm fine. I'm not the guy who has to worry. Because I was, the banks, I mean, the whole thing, it's such a racket. I had like 20 bosses. There was like 20 people that were like VPs. It's crazy a racket. I had like 20 bosses. Yeah. There was like 20 people that were like VPs. It's crazy how much. And like so many MDs and it was like Vice Presidents and Managing Directors. Sorry. I'll speak to you lower forms. And they I mean it was just I was like we don't there's so many redundancies here. My day was always so stupid that I was like I immediately knew I was like these guys are fucked

Yeah, because like I'm constantly doing work. That's not Like it was just always like can you do this? Can you do this? I was like, can we just streamline this? This seems like there's seven people asking for the same thing because none of you actually do any work How much money were those guys like Those guys were making millions a year. I think the bottom salary for a VP, I think is like $250 a year. Whoa. And that's before bonuses.

That's where they really, that's where they get like. I remember thinking at the time too, I was like $250 a year, because I used to do the math and be like, oh, because that means you could spend this much on rent and still have this much left over. And I was like, that's crazy to me. You know, and that's just before bonuses. And that's where they really sucker everybody and they go like, oh, we gave our CEO a $90 million bonus. Yeah, they're like, of course there's

a salary cap. Oh, of course. But that is it's what you're describing. It's crazy that you went from one business to another business that's exactly the same with the amount of unnecessary people in the way. Cause then you go into entertainment and you and I have written a show together and we watched all the red tape and like all the stuff where they go like, we have to have this guy read it.

And you go, why? And then they're like, this guy has to give you notes. And I'm like, I can't, I'm gonna kill him. I used to get so angry both before and after those note sessions, cause I was like, this guy is dumb and not funny. Yeah, was there, has there, I mean,

I'm trying to think of what's the most streamlined job you might've had in comedy. Daily Show you wrote right on, I mean, you were like there to be like, here's the jokes, write to Trevor. but I mean Daily Show it like that is it's pretty streamlined until you want to talk about something the network doesn't want you to talk about there it is and then they're like then they're like um actually I know this is a news show but let's not talk about the news yeah well they that's what's always

funny but there is a thing of like, that's why I think there's been so much pushback on media, the news and all this stuff is because I feel like there's way more of this in every business. The amount of people you have to go through, the amount of people that exist in the middle that just don't need to be there. Right. But then they fight for their jobs where they go like, well, that's not true.

You need us. Well, look at like, I mean, not to get like a little conspiracy, but like, look at the people who did it on their own, you know, like, okay. So like Louie starts making his own specials and producing his own specials, stops using ticket master, uh, starts putting his own specials out on his website, you know, like he's, and then all of a sudden, like it's like, and they're, they really go after him. Yeah. And it's like, well, they want to prove the point of this, this episode is going to disappear

from the internet. YouTube's like, uh, we had a nice thing set up and you guys were running your fucking mouths, but it is, I mean, it always, that's always the reason I didn't wanna go into the corporate world was because it felt like there were so many unnecessary people. And then I got into comedy and I was like, oh, this is just everywhere.

There's so many people who's, I don't know, sometimes part of me is like, I mean, everyone needs a job. And then there's other part of me that's like, can they do something useful though? Is it? Well, now it's, it's surprising that we're all blown away that everyone wants to, you know, eat sriracha on Tik TOK and like rate it. And you're like, no one wants to do real work anymore. You go, well, being in that middle has got to suck.

But then it's also like the bigger that like, that like YouTube person gets, then the more people under him that are doing like useless jobs again, you know, that like YouTube person gets, then the more people under him that are doing like useless jobs again. There's so many barnacles, there's so many small fish to have to eat off the belly of a whale. Yeah. But I mean banking is one of the ones I never, eight seasons of billions or seven seasons of billions, I never understood it. I watched some billions. I finally got Showtime or like it was on it's on one of the streaming. Paramount Plus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I finally got Showtime or like it was on it's on good job Showtime

it's on one of the streaming Paramount yeah yeah so I finally got Paramount plus yeah and then billions is on it and I was like I'm gonna watch Dan I worked in finance and my friend was on this show and I was like I remember texting I was like oh my god you've had to sit in so many conference rooms so many so many but the fun part was it was like it's, it's like play conference rooms where you're like, it's really only half a conference room. And you look at it and it's just empty on the other side. I remember when we did like season one or season two,

I was at a house party with somebody and the girl who owned the apartment came up to me and was like, my boyfriend works in finance and he says it's nothing like that. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. And I don't care. I don't. I don't. Oh, no, I should go tell people. I was like, get the fuck out of my face. It's also it's like, it's if you really did a show that was like really about finance, people would like, they would be like this. We got to stop. This is boring as shit. First of all, it's boring, but this is insane.

Yeah. Like we gotta. How did you get into it? I mean, that's even crazier. I was a kinesiology major in college, which makes 100% sense for me because it's the study of how the body moves. And it's like all these people that get into like.

Kinesiology? Sports medicine or like. I've never even heard that word before. So, okay. When I was deciding that sounds like a doctor, Sue's name, kinesiology, kinesiology, all of those, the sports, yeah, and the Zudus and the kinesiology. So you so I before I went to college, I was like trying to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do.

Yeah. And I don't know if you remember those like old Gatorade commercials where like they'd have like scientists watching like people run with like all the like stuff attached to their body. And I was like, I loved, I loved track and I love sports, but like I was like, I know it can't be the professional. So maybe I could be the doctor who like does the tests on the profession. You could be the old member of the Gatorade commercial where they show the first one, the guy goes, so he called it Gatorade. Yeah.

Like that guy, that scientist, that was your guy, that was your North Star. And I was like, I was like, I was like, oh, that would be fun though. You're a sugar. I do love it. I'm not gonna like Gatorade, hire your boy when comedy collapses.

We'll replicate Glacier Freeze three different times, Glacier Frost. I am, so I would watch those We'll replicate glacier freeze three different times, glacier frost. I, so I would watch those and I was like, I want to do this. So I like looked that up and there was like a Gatorade Institute or like the University of Florida or like Florida State, one of the Florida. Gatorade.

Yeah, yeah. That's where they came up with it. Yeah, I think they made it for the football team. Yeah, that's what it is. That's what the commercial guy, when you watch the old school commercial, they like mashed it to make it look cool in the early 2000s, but it was like,

the players at Florida were getting a little tired. And then they just showed, it's funny when a scientist has a deep southern accent, because you almost go, do you trust that science? I mean, he sounds like, you're like, that doesn't sound like science. It sounds like old witchcraft. Yeah, he's like, my granny tells me, I's a nude eye and we got it in this bowl of gator piss. We get it from

we get it from the crops out in the swamp water that we put in the commercial. He has that accent and he goes naturally we call it gatorade because it's for the gators. So that's that's crazy that I've never think that Florida would have a gatorade department. Because it's for the Gators. So that's crazy. I've never think that Florida would have a Gatorade department. Well, it's also like when you think about Gatorade and you think about Florida, you're like, well, now that we know what's actually in Gatorade, it's just, it's sugary fruit juice with salt in it.

It's so good. It's so good. And I know it's bad for me, but I feel like, I feel healthy drinking it. It also, it's like so funny to be like It also, it's so funny to be like, yeah, it's for athletes and also like, I mean, mostly for the hungover people. Yeah, it's for hungover people and stoners

who have pot in mouth and they're like, I don't wanna keep drinking soda, I don't like bubbles. Yeah. Hi, person on the internet, it's Dan Soder, stand-up comedian and guy that wants you to come see me do stand-up comedy on the road. I feel like if I point, it does a lot more, it's a lot more efficient, but also maybe not.

I'm on Burt Kreischer's Fully Loaded Tour three weeks in June. Tour in the country with some of the best comics working. It's just a giant party. Check out all the dates at dansoder.com. If you're in the area, buy a ticket. And then Indianapolis, July 18th through the 20th, I will be at Helium Comedy Club in Indy for five shows. Buy tickets right now.

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And so I finally, like I found out that there was like this Gatorade whatever thing at Florida. And it was like kinesiology department. So then I looked up what other schools had kinesiology because I don't want to go to Florida. Yeah, you're like, dude, I want to live in that heat. I was also like, I mean, it's such a snob. I was like, I want to go to a better school than Florida. I don't know, man.

Gainesville looks a lot of fun. I mean, I'm on the dub end. And I would say to you, I would have gone to Florida. Looking back, probably a better fit for me. I, instead I go to William & Mary that has a kinesiology department. And it's like, it's like the best school that has a kinesiology. So you were like, I'm going to get, I'm going to do smart Gatorade diet Gatorade. And I was also like, I was like, I don't want to go to school and party. I want to go to school and learn. Yeah. Very fun. I was very fun to be around.

So you go to William and Mary and then just get into kinesiology? Get into kinesiology. Love it. Did you get to make your own Gatorade? No, but we... That was... That would be my first question. I go, I have a, I think a flavor I want to call Dan Rain,

and it tastes a lot like Mountain Dew. And they're like, actually you're gonna dissect this human, and you're like, oh. Wait, you had to dissect a human? Yeah, I dissected a human. Was it like the bodies exhibit? Was it like a political prisoner from the United States that died?

You know, they never told us who they were, but I mean, they're like, these people donated their bodies to science. And we're like, did they? Did they? Did they? Is there a milk carton with them on it? My mom wants me to do that. She wants you to donate her body or your body.

That's like, Hey mom, my body, my choice. She's like, even after I'm gone, I want you to do, you do your body the way I want you to dispose of it. She wants me to donate her body and you're kind of like, it's weird in me out to know some sophomores is going to be like cutting open her rib cage. I mean it was like we had an older, we had, there was two people, we had an older man and an older woman. Do they cover up their privates? You dissect their privates. Their ween? I will, I, this is gross, okay. Do you you give them a fake hand job before you cut it?

The first grown human penis I ever saw was the cadaver that I dissected. How metal is that? And I, you cut it open long ways. Ah. Ah. And that was the first human penis you saw? That was the first human penis I saw.

So many non-human penises. No, I mean, tons of squirrel dick. Squirrel dog, cat dick. Horse penis, dog penis. Paws of pain. You're like Dr. Dolittle with penises. Little hamster peen. But that also, the first living one had to have been an experience because you were like, you're like holding it and you go, you know the only one I've seen of this is I cut open and the guys like, I'm good. You know, I'm like, you know, okay, so now I know what to do. Your penis is out. And so I'm just gonna go down to the metal. That's crazy. Yeah. And by the way, if you're wondering your penis inside much cooler than the outside, I gotta say all you men out there penis inside. Pretty cool. A lot of tubes and shoots, a lot of shoots and ladders going on inside that. It's like a spongy. Yeah. Cause that's what fills the blood. That's, that's the, we call that the boner insulation.

Classic boner filling. You know when they're like putting the insulation, like the, what's the spray stuff that they put? When they're like talking. No, when they're doing like the spray stuff that they put. When they're like doing, no, when they're doing like roofs and stuff. Oh, I'm not a man. I'm not a man like that. I'm a boy.

I just know it from the home improvement shows I watch. Whatever Tim Allen talked about, if it's a Benford 500, I probably got it. So you had to like dissect a whole human body. Dissect everything. Yeah, yeah. Like the butthole. We didn't actually

get into the but you don't flip it over no that's the best part I mean we flipped it over we got like the the glute muscles and everything but we didn't go Look, she's twerking. Lifting the hips of a dead lady's butt. That's gotta be, that's wild. I would have been gross. Now, Dan, we were supposed to be very respectful. Yeah, impossible. Did you feel, did you ever feel in those moments like the flint or like the pilot light of being a comedian where you're like, I'm having a harder time being serious than other people.

No, I was like, I was, I was, I can't emphasize enough how little comedy crossed my mind and how into school I was. Yeah. Like for people that don't know, you are like, you get into something and you bust your ass. I mean, I, I was like, this is how much of a dork I was okay because I know people use that as like a cool like call themselves a nerd it's like a cool thing but I would literally like I lived in the track house right I was on the track team I lived in the girls track house and so there would be parties in the

house and I would lock my door on a Saturday night and study. What a nerd. I mean, such a nerd. What a nerd. I would have cheated off you so many times in college. This is how at school you could elect to write a thesis, to do a thesis project your senior year. And completely, just a choice you could make. You didn't have to do it, but you could.

And then you could graduate with honors, high honors or highest honors. Oh shit. And you picked the hardest one. So I wanted to be like, well, I want to do a thesis, but it only really going to count if I get highest honors. Damn. And so.

You remind me, you, there's, I'm glad we're such close friends now as we're adults, because I think in college you would have hated me. I remember. You wouldn't, I, you wouldn't even have known me because I wouldn't have talked to you. And I don't mean you personally, I mean anybody. Well, so I had this political science class at Arizona where I was just getting stoned and drunk as much as possible. And I, my senior year lived by this Starbucks and we had like a serious group

project. It was a UN simulation that was very hard and graded and I was part of France, France, France, but I didn't do anything. Did you do the accent the whole time? Yeah, I was like, oh, what are we doing? We are here to drink wine and make love, Gabi. The lady that ran my group, oh Gabrielle. Gabrielle.

She goes, Dan, stop, this is inappropriate. Why, why are you doing all this paperwork? But we love French. Oh, come on, smokey cigarette. I have a baguette. She really hated me. She hated me. And she was cool about it. But dude, she would run our group. She was like very like, I wouldn't be surprised if she's a politician now. Like I would not be surprised at all. She like read all the briefings. The guy that ran my class was a former head of

the, he was like right under the secretary of state. He did something massive in the government. So he's like, we're gonna run, I'm gonna teach you guys like how genuinely it runs in the UN and all this stuff. And I did fuck all. I did nothing. I was doing radio, I was doing standup,

and I was just trying to get that degree. I told my group if I get a D,'s a win and they collectively sighed. They collectively went... I think those are like there's some people in group projects though like like people like me yeah luckily I never had to do group projects. But there are some people in group projects who I think like people like you that are like they're like okay good I can do it on my own. That's great, that's great. You're gonna fuck it up, let me just do it.

I think that's what saved it. Yeah. And I think, you know, I'm gonna call myself a glue guy on this. I'm not a little fun to the table. I was an alcoholic, I was a lot of fun. But dude, I will never forget, we had this very important like before our presentation

Final meeting on a Saturday. Uh-huh. It was like very or was a Sunday. It was very very important I worked at KFMA the radio station till noon or till midnight the night before and then went out and got blackout drunk at the Golden Nugget playing shuffleboard, of course, and I Woke up. That's a hilarious thing to do so late at night. Oh man, all these like dangerous ass Tucson locals just playing shuffleboard and doing shots of Yeager. It's such like a dangerous group of people playing a very lovely game. Lovely game, and they always salted it.

It was a mini shuffleboard. They always had it lovely. It was very salted, it was always very fun. But what's funny is also like, I wasn't out getting pussy. I wasn't at like, I was at dirt bags till four in the morning. I was at a bar playing shuffleboard with people that probably had felonies. I was just like, whoa. It's like very clear you're close with your grandmother.

Yeah. I'm this man, I gotta call her. But I woke up, the meeting was at like 8.45 in the morning and I woke up at 9.10. I just remember waking up and being like, ah, but I lived right by the Starbucks. I put my pants and I had Timberland boots, shout out. And it untied. In Arizona?

I don't know why. The hottest shoes you can wear. I know, it was, and it was like March, so it was like hot. And I remember putting my boots on and my pants and like a t-shirt and lighting up a cigarette and running to the thing. And the head of the group goes, here he comes. Like to the other people.

And I sat down like hurry. And I was like, hey, what's up guys, sorry. So I remember like my whole head being like walkie. And I was like, dude, I'm not built for group projects and she like explained it to me like I had a brain injury. Right. She goes this is what we're gonna say and that was the only time in my life where I was like hey I'm up I do comedy like I can public speak just fine I'll be a little drunk but I'll be but I might riffle at all but but that was like the kind of college experience

where. You Gabby you do the numbers, I'll be the forward facing guy. I'm gonna come in, I'll do a French accent for all of us. Teach me a couple sentences. It was one of those things where as I grew older, at the time I thought she was a dickhead, and now that I'm older I'm like, you were the villain. Isn't it really fun to look back at that stuff and just be like, she was such a fucking wet blanket,

and you're like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Yeah. I want to track her down and be like, hey, thanks for all that work, because I did get a D. Also, I mean, but being the Gabby myself, I'm also like, you could have cooled down a little bit. Yeah, I think that's what growing up is. I could have adjusted.

Yeah. I maybe should have just gone home after work. Maybe maybe should have just gone home after work. Maybe you should have just gone home after work. And maybe I should have made some friends. You know? Just go to the middle. Find a happy medium. Everyone needs to do it.

We should have both played shuffleboard at a reasonable hour. In the afternoon. With one pitcher of beer. Right. Just one each. Just one each. Not a personal. I'm just drinking out of the picture. I want

to bomb Spain. That's a point. That's a point. I'll rip your fucking finger off. Yeah. It's I mean, I feel like when I look back to college, I think that's just what life is. You look back and you go like I could have. Right. I could have been a better waiter. I probably could have done a lot of stuff. But when the collapse is happening, right? Are you like kind of enjoying watching it? I was like, I had no idea what was gonna happen. And comedy, I still hadn't really like realized

that comedy was a thing I could do. Sure. Like I was doing- Did you like it? But I didn't, I didn't start. Well, I didn't start doing improv until like 2010. So I didn't even like, I know I started, sorry, I started standing around 2010. I started improv like around the time the bank was collapsing. What a yes. And the stocks are falling and you go,

and we're going to be okay. And I was like, like I so I didn't really like it didn't occur to me that it was a thing I could do outside of work. So I was still sort of like I gotta keep my job I can't live in New York yeah just on a dream. It's like finding out you can build sand castles for a living. Yeah. You go who pays for a sandcastle and you go it's actually pretty fucking good money. You're gonna shit when I tell you what. Guys we pays for a sandcastle and you go it's actually pretty fucking good. You're gonna shit when I tell you what guys make real good sandcastles. Hey by the way VP

you know what you can make to and stand up. Then you start making a sandcastle then there's a guy below you that's got to bring you the sand. Now you got a sand guy. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys therapy is I'm I I it, I can't stress it enough. It's very, very helpful. Talking out your feelings, just getting everything organized and understanding it is without a doubt the best part about therapy. I call it the brain gym because that was how it feels. You exercise and you start feeling the benefits and then you stop going and you're like why do I feel sluggish and angry all the time? And you're like that's right I stopped doing therapy but therapy is so beneficial I think every human should have to do it and you know it's just I'm

telling you the broader benefits of it are listen I'm just going to sit here all day and just talk about how great therapy is but it's hard to get into therapy. If you're thinking of starting it, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is go fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists anytime

for no additional charge. That's massive. You're not gonna gel with everyone, and sometimes you gel with a guy and you're like hey this is great I found my therapist or a girl or whoever you use. But switching at no additional charge is massive. Take a moment, visit betterhelp.com slash Soder today and get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash Soder. right. Let's get back to the episode. Uh, so keseology, I'm sorry. I jumped, I jump around.

My brain's filled with holes. Keseology at William and Mary. Still sounds made up. When I get a word wrong, I go, no, no, I'm not going to learn that. Okay. Gabby group project. word wrong. I go, no, no, I'm not going to learn that. Okay. So you are in the science of the body and are at the end of college. So I was like, I, I do this thesis. I'm like working way too hard. I like, I'm so burnout from college. I'm like, I'm like working way too hard. I like I'm so burnt out from college. I'm like I'm like I'm like someone who's had like a a ten-year career at this point because I just studied all of the time This is where you needed I more of that shuffleboard right till four in the morning

And so I just I was like I was so burnt out I knew I needed to go to grad school of some sort, but I was just like I can't do any more school I'm gonna like yeah, I'm gonna die. school. I'm going to like, yeah, I'm going to die. Yeah. This is, this is awful. And so, uh, I started to look into like maybe being like an au pair or like, you know, like I was like, I was like, I got to do something else with my life. I need it. I need to take a break. So I was like, you just didn't want to study at all. I was like, I gotta get out of school for a while. So I was looking into being an au pair and then a couple of the girls

I lived with also on the track team Who they were like well we they were business majors and they were like we're gonna get jobs in New York and get jobs in finance and I'll move to New York and You know, that's just what we're gonna do You should come and do it too. And I was like I've never taken a business class You didn't take one business take a single business class I mean I was I was a kines've never taken a business class. You didn't take one business class. I didn't take a single business class. I mean, I was a kinesiology major and an art history minor. Damn.

So I was like. You were built to live in Vermont. I mean. You were built to live in some cabin in a fucking far off liberal state. I mean, just like working on like bicyclist knees. Yeah. And like.

And I also rehabilitate beavers. Right. Who might have had a damn knees. Yeah. And like, um, and I also, I, uh, rehabilitate beavers who might've had a damn accident. Yeah. Just like me. I mean, but it's really important to the ecosystem. I know they seem like a hassle, but I mean, Beavers, ACL split a lot. They don't realize. I mean the animal and the lesbians. Yeah. And a hardcore lesbo. So you basically run I run a practice called Beavers Only. It's for the animals and the lesbians. It's a short haired woman holding a beaver. And I'm like, what are both of your problems?

Okay, bring it in here. We can talk and work out. And both of you get WNBA tickets. We give WNBA tickets to everyone that comes in here. You don't even want them? You don't even want them? You know what the truth is? They need us more than we need them. To everyone that comes in here. You don't know what you don't even want

You know what the truth is they need us more than we need them So just get so tired to be like I don't like basketball I don't want maybe I like men's basketball I did what's wrong with me also liking they dunk. I like it. I like a put back I like a put back with some umph on it So you just basically followed your friends. Yeah, they were like, you can get a job. And what the thing was is like, I knew how much money they were gonna make. And I was like, I wanna make money.

What was the starting? The starting salary for a lot of people, this they were going into investment banking and a lot of those starting salaries were like 60, 65. I couldn't have met at what's the bonus at 21 22 years old yeah and you're like you're like that's more money than anyone in my family's ever made that's like and so I was like I was like yeah let's make some money you know like let's like like you

turn that switch yeah put down a dead cock and you go I'm ready to make some bang Done with this Dick old man keep half. I'll keep the other sponge keep your little blood sponge Still so wild that was the first thing Peeled a banana So when you move here do you move in with them? Do you guys all get like a place? And then this is the craziest thing

about getting hired at a bank with having no experience. Cause I was like, I'm never taking a business class. How are they gonna hire me? And they go, this is everything you need to know about banking. They go, Michelle, don't worry. You're an athlete. You have good grades and you're an athlete. banks want athletes because they'll do anything to win brilliant and I was like

they're like they're smart and really great and I was like I was like you're right that's like I will that that makes so much sense yeah that's like when you find out a comic has trauma and you go, beautiful. Yeah, you're like, of course. You'll never be happy. You're gonna need approval for the rest of your life? Oh, your father abandoned you? Oh, great. Oh my god. Trust me, we are never gonna fill that hole. But you're gonna try. Maybe a theater will make me feel better. Oh, more exposure to people. What? You're just going to look at the bad comments and keep going? Don't take in the good, only bring in the bad. That's wild. But that makes sense that banks would be like,

because you have discipline, you're driven and you want to win. You want to crush little people. God damn, do banks crush little people? Yeah. Yeah. Look up mom and pop stores anywhere in the United States. You wanna crush little people. God damn, do banks crush little people? Yeah, yeah. Look up mom and pop stores anywhere in the United States. Have you noticed since you came back to New York that every... There's not like a single place where you can just get

something that someone has made. All shut down. And I'm gonna say, I did go to the 7-Eleven right by us today and it was great. Cold, glacier frost, Gatorade. Coming from Spain, and like one of the first things I do when I get back to America, I was like, I want to go to a big grocery store. I want to go to a, I want to go to like a Wawa or a seven 11. I want some sort of convenience,

convenience. You know, like America does convenience better than any nation, probably better than Rome. Oh, I mean they, America is like if you want something and you don't care about the quality of it, come to America. Oh, I love it. We will just give you a huge bag of it. I love it.

Oh. It's not good for you. It's candy corn. Yeah, everything's candy corn. Everything is candy corn. You want circus peanuts? We don't even know what is made out of them. I fucking, I felt, I'm on a jelly bean kick. I just went and got jelly beans right down the block.

I don't even know. Great. Don't even know what flavor they are. You can't find those unless it's, you go to like an American store around Easter in Spain. Now you live in Spain. Yeah. My problem with Europe is air conditioning blows over there

We have great air conditioning. Good. Yeah, you got it. I mean there's just you just gotta find a place with air condition Yeah, you can't you can't do it. I know it's too it's insane Oh my god living in when I did fringe and they were just like no, it's fine You don't need air conditioning. You're like, oh, no, we've got it and it's just this thing going It's just a man going, Oh, are you chilly now? Oh, it's a pot of tea. They're just like, you know, to cool you down a hot cup of tea. I did. Um, I went over and did, um, shows at the Soho theater, like in 2021, I think, or 2022. And,. And they don't have like a lot of Starbucks, but they have pret a manger. Yeah. A lot of pret a manger.

And they don't have ice coffee. But pret a manger has my favorite sandwich in England because they don't have it in any of the prets in America. They have a mature cheddar. No, no, it's a it's a posh cheddar and pickle sandwich. That sounds made up in the most, no, it's a posh cheddar and pickle sandwich. That sounds made up in the most British shit I've ever heard in my life.

It's not pickles. It's like an onion chutney thing. Oh my. So it's just cheddar and this onion marmalade. It's so good. No. I guess you're not posh. No, I'm not posh at all.

Never been, never claimed to be. But I went to, across the street from my hotel was a Pret a Manger and I went and got an iced latte, but I was there in June and it was the hottest day in the history of London. Oh my God. That's, and like British people don't know how to be hot. They know how to be rainy. All day. They're like, I wear clothes that can get wet all the time. They're

like ducks. They just, they just shake it off. It just goes right off of them. Like even the queen, even the queen is just like. Queen mum. She's like. Um, but they, I went to a print of Angers and I was like, I'd get an ice latte. Right. Because that's the closest I could get to ice coffee. and I was like I'd get an ice latte Right because that's the closest I could get ice coffee and I was like, hey, can I get an ice latte? And they were like we're out of ice and I was like, oh cool You're making more. Yeah No What's up, it was the most

American I ever was. Oh, yeah. I was like, what the fuck do you mean? You're not making more ice. And they're like, I don't make more ice. You just go to Whitetail tomorrow. Like the UK in particular is known for like not giving a lot of ice, like especially when Americans go and they're like, yeah, I'd like a Coke and like a glass of ice. And they're like, mm hmm. And they give you like a Coke and then like a glass that has like a half melted piece of ice in it. And you're like, I said a said a glass of ice and they're like that's what we gave you a glass of ice. Oh look a glass of ice. You know that's an ice cube and I go right right

glass of ice yeah they're like we don't need ice are we're so cold as a people our souls are cold when our hand touches the glass, it frosts up. Like a Christmas movie? Yeah. Oh, well, you look at that. It's like the cold blowing off. And then you realize, like, oh, that's how you're able to colonize the entire world. Oh, yeah.

Is they'd go like, hey, we'll give you a little bit of it. There you go. Hey, can we have all your resources? You're like, well, if you need more ice, we're going to need all of your things. Now listen, this might not be a popular opinion, but as I know, like as we grow as a species, we see what was wrong about history, but you do have to give credit, some credit to the colonizers that they went to every part of the world and were able to pull that off. I mean the fact that their record was like 25 and 2. I mean look at British people.

Look at British people. They're pale. They're pale. They don't look like they can fight. No. At all. No. They don't. Versus someone like Samoans. Like where you're just like you're like you're 10 feet taller than me. You know, a cool dance? Yeah. They're doing a haka before you. You're doing like self tattoos. That's insane. And then like British people are like,

mm, I'll be ready to fight if I just could put on my six jackets. Hold on, this lace handkerchief around my neck. I need my fighting wig. Yeah, but then they just go, launch a cannon. Yeah, they're just like because they were nerds. They were just like finding out they took gunpowder from the Chinese. And then they were like, if I hold this giant piece of lead through that,

didn't they like never colonize China, though, isn't it? I mean, go read about the opium wars like you can like, you can go, you can go learn stuff from China. And I think that's what the Brits did they were like they learned stuff from China but then they were like they were like and China was like we'll teach you but if you fucking. I swear to fucking god. If you try to use it against us. I'll give you a pair of silk peaches and some firecrackers but I swear to fucking god. I swear to god. If you come back on us and they're like they're like don't worry don't worry. You guys seem fine. And then every other nation that was like, take everything around China.

That's what it is, is they were almost like all the colonizers were willing to use the, like, I want, I think anyone that got colonized was probably nice. Where they're like, Oh, hello. It was like nice people who were like, we'll share. Like Thanksgiving is, is an example of being like, dude, don't do that. No. Yeah. It's just, it's an example of someone were like, we'll share. Like Thanksgiving is an example of being like, dude, don't do that. No, yeah. Don't share their meal. It's an example of someone being like, well, this is what we do.

We welcome people into our homes and then the Brits are like- And they go, here's alcohol. And the Native Americans went, I don't feel good. Yeah. And they were like, here's more. Great. Here's a cannon and here's a gun. Because at first they loved coffee.

If you read about Native Americans, they were like, they just wanted to trade for coffee, which I get it. As an alcoholic that had to stop drinking, you're just like, give me a cup of Joe, baby. I mean, it's delicious. And then they gave them fire water. And it really is that thing of to be successful, just like bankers, colonizers needed them to go like,

give me a little bit more. What makes colonizers successful is that they go to people who are nice. Yeah. And they are very evil. And they don't they're they're just like they're like, yeah, of course, we trick them. It's they have no like now they have a problem admitting it. Yeah. But back then they were like, yeah, we go to the nice people. We take all their things and then we put our flag up there. What it's just, it's their fault. They were nice.

That's how I always felt about the crusades when they were like, Oh, we're crusading for Christ. And you go using rape and murder. Yeah. It's like, no, you're kind of against what you're going against. I don't know if you read the source material. They said we can do anything they want. No, no, no. Shut up. So we raped and murdered. It says as long as they become they said we can do anything they want. No, no, no. Oh, shut up. So we raped and murdered. It says, it says as long as they become Christian, we can... Whatever, dude.

Any means necessary. It's like, I know I'm not supposed to, but I, and I know it can really fuck up someone's life, but when someone squats, I'm kind of like, yeah, just call it colonizing. I colonized your house. And it's really funny because like a lot of the people who squat now are just like, it's like, their parents are rich and they're artists and they're like, but I need this loft for me. Sorry, I'm painting.

Dude, that's gotta be the funniest thing to be like, I always think that's really funny when someone's a banker or does something that ruins people's lives. Right. And then they have a kid that's like, I'm an actress. Like when you find out like someone in the arts comes from someone evil, you're like, that is hilarious. Oh yeah. I mean, it's like, it, it must, it makes me happy and mad at the same time. Yeah.

I'm mad because I'm like, Oh, you had like everything to fall back on? Yeah. Yeah. That does suck. As someone that gets into the sillies, not having money, you're like, no net. You're like, okay. But then at the other time, I'm like, I'm like, until they became successful, their parents had to be like,

we spent all this money. Like, did you ever meet any bankers whose parents were like painters? Well, OK. So the other thing about Bear Stearns, and this is like the like kind of tragic reason for the like when it crashed, is that like Bear Stearns whole philosophy was like, we're just a bunch of like blue collar people who like worked hard. They were all from like middle of America and like they really like they had this like culture within the bank that was like

we're blue collar people who wanted to be in finance for other people like us real yeah dead real Jimmy Stewart and it's a wonderful life energy like real like and you know like yeah like you, as it like got more and more New York, it got more and more like that wears off. Yeah. But like it, it's like people who get into stripping for the dancing. Right. Yeah. They're like, they're like, I just, I mean, I like to express myself. I'm a very sexual person. 20 years in. She's like, if you don't pop by the end of the song it's over. I'm gonna dissect your sponge. Your love sponge. And I'm sorry I'm just making sure this isn't. Yeah make sure your child is okay. Yeah. She uses a phone she's advanced. Yeah she calls.

This baby's facetiming you like the Bear Stearns CEO. Mom, there's been a drop of poop in my pants. I need you to pay. It's so crazy when your baby makes eye contact with you while they're pooping. You'll just be like, I'll see her like squatting on the ground. I'll be like, and she'll go. Is there ever any grunting? No, no grunting.

She just like looks, she's like. You know what I'm doing. I'm like, all right. I'll clean it up. It's so funny, because that's what my dog does on the street. We'll show her poop and she'll be like, get the bag ready. You do it.

Dude, Myrtle does this thing and I know, like babies are humans. My dog has to be, I've talked about this before, she has to be this close to a car when pooping. So she'll like put her face against it and a lot of times... You think she feels safe? I don't know, probably. But there's, Katie will tell you, there's always someone in the car. She chooses cars with people in them. So it's just me lurking outside there. They

don't know there's a dog there. And I'm just standing there with a green bag on my hand. Maybe the car feels warm and she feels safe. But she just gets fucking right there and is like, shit's on the sidewalk. And you're like, god damn it Myrtle. That's really funny. But you were saying with the Bear Stearns,

so they were like middle class and then yeah I feel like they like so a lot of the older guys who work there like as like the weeks after the fallout like Because it wasn't like an immediate thing. It was just like every Thursday people got fired for like a couple months damn Yeah, it was it was like a slow burn. Did you get fired? No, I got I got picked up by JP Morgan and get fired? No, I got I got picked up by JP Morgan and because they they bought Bear Stearns and then like I knew I knew I was pretty much safe because one I was like one of the cheapest people sure that worked there yeah and two for the group I worked in I had made this like a Microsoft access program that like like did one of the things that our brokers need needed to

like make trades. Well you innovated something. Well someone else had made it and then that person had left and the people there when I got there, no one knew how to update it. And so like I just went in and I figured it out and I like, like updated it. And, uh, but I was the only one who knew how it worked. So I was like, they're not going to fire me because I'm cheap. And I know this program and no one else does.

Yeah. And I'm a genius. I just. And I just change the game. Just trying to please people all the time. That's what I mean. I mean, just. That is the heart of innovation.

The heart of innovation is making things easier. Just for one person to be like good job. Wow look at you. Great job. You did a really good job. You did that huh? Yeah that's fucking nuts. And so but then I used to watch all these like older people and one of the things about like the culture of Bear Stearns was they'd be like they'd want you to reinvest in Bear Stearns stock and that's like the culture of Bear Stearns was they'd be like, they'd want you to reinvest in Bear Stearns stock. And that's like the one thing they tell you never to do with stocks is like, don't have stocks at the place you work.

Never get high on your own supply. And so all these people were like highly invested in Bear Stearns and they worked at Bear Stearns. But then the older, especially the older people, they were getting fired and they'd like, their stocks had dropped to like nothing. Oh, fuck. And like, stocks had dropped to like nothing. So it was like and like just imagine you're like this like you come from like this blue collar family, you work in finance your whole life, you're like right close to retirement age

and now these fucking white collar pieces of shit they go sorry have essentially stolen all your money and they're just like. Hey, go Cubs. I mean. We'll see you later. I gotta go back to Chicago with nothing. It's just. Doesn't that suck?

Such a fucking racket. And hey buddy, what a life lesson. He's like, I'm 80. Yeah, they're like, I can't start over. And they're like, I mean, but isn't it nice? That's what my mom, my mom worked in insurance for years and was working with medical malpractice and she got unjustly fired from her company

and she was trying to go somewhere else and they're like, lady, why would we pay you $90,000 when this 24 year old will do it for like $30,000? And they're like, hi, I'm your replacement. My mom was like, this is the most money I've ever seen. Wow. I can afford a cable. My mom was like, so it's crazy. Like I feel really bad for those people. No. And it's like, it's one of those things that I think was really pointed

out well in the pandemic. I think people really realized it is like, oh, well, if a company doesn't care about me, why would I give a fuck? Yeah. And then that's what we're seeing like all these people are like, why does no one care about their job anymore? It's cause no company cares about its people. Cause we got, by the way, we, cause we wised up. Right.

Everyone wised up to the fact that you were just using us. Yeah. You can't, you can't during a pandemic call cashiers essential personnel. Yeah. And then, which they were, Yeah. but then to like go back after the pandemic and be like, oh, you fucking guys?

I wonder if we are. We're going back to automated. Yeah, sorry, computers are here. Bye. I wonder if we're near a fall of Rome type situation, if we'll have a Walmart uprising or an Amazon uprising where they're like they attacked Bezos and his new slut wife where she's like let them order skincare

and they're like we can't even fucking take a piss break in the warehouse and then like they're like fighting and Jeff Bezos just like honey what sunglasses should I wear today? I need more dude him getting all jacked on steroids is one of my favorite things in the world. He worked at the company I worked for after J.P. Morgan. Really? So after J.P. Morgan, I went to work for this company called D.E. Shaw Research.

Yeah. And so D.E. Shaw Research was like, David Shaw made this, he used to have this hedge fund called D.E. Shaw, and it was like this quantitative hedge fund that uses Used an algorithm. Yeah to like just I said those lines I don't know what it does, but I've said those you know all the words I'm a parent someone who like worked on the show ER and you're like, I'm a human parrot. Yeah, I go stat

I'm a human parrot. I go, stat. 50 cc's. How many cc's? 50 cc's of stat. That's what that means. So he was one of the first people to have a quantitative hedge fund and became a billionaire from the hedge fund

because it's just robots picking different stocks and not caring about humans and stuff. And they're just like investing in Saudi Arabia and oil and people murder and just like. in like Saudi Arabia and like, you know, like oil and like people murder and you know, like just like pretty cool stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, you know, ivory makes like a lot of money. Yeah. Just like whatever is just like, and he was there. And so, and so there's this story about how Jeff Bezos went into David shot.

He was like, There's this story about how Jeff Bezos went into David Shaw. He was like, he worked at D Shaw. And there's a story about how Jeff Bezos went into David's office and was like, no, no, no. They took a, cause the, this was also, this was on like 46th and like sixth. Okay. Which Brian Parks right there. And they went for a walk around Brian Park,

David and Jeff Bezos. And he was like, I really I want to start this online bookstore because you have to remember that's how Amazon yeah it's like I want to start this online bookstore which by the way I know I'm talking shit I use it almost daily I mean it's the best thing in the world I have to act like Luther created the greatest thing in the world it's it's so to because for people for Amazon to not work anymore, people have to want to be inconvenienced. It is wild. We're in this loop of like, I wish I could tag all the

things in this room that were from Amazon. So you know what, I'm like, Oh, slut wife. And I'm just making fun of the fact that he had clear second wife energy with this woman. Yeah, where he's like, Oh, dude, she's so hot. And his first wife was like, I believed in you. And he's like, yeah. But you also wonder, it's like the first wife got remarried and then like divorced right away and you're like, maybe she was the problem. Yeah, that's funny. Now she's got some hot hunk who's just like, baby can I have half of half of Jeff Bezos' money? He's like, um, so I've been really wanting to start a podcast.

Yeah, it's good. Here lover. So I've been really wanting to start a podcast. Yeah, it's like, oh, here lover. So they went for like a walk around Bryant Park and he was like, David, I want to start this online bookstore and I'd want to know if you'd want to be invested in it. But also, if you don't, just my blessing to leave the company. And he was like, I don't want to be invested in it, but you have my blessing. And now he punches his nuts every time he orders off Amazon. No, I mean, they go ship to your address. He goes, yes, ship to my address.

David Shaw is still a billionaire. OK, OK. Yeah, but how much of a billionaire? That's true. He ain't got that Bezos billions. He created Disha Research, I believe, specifically because he wants a Nobel Prize. Ah. Ah.

Because now he's doing like the Dijar Research does like actually like good like medical work. Like they're trying to like find like cures for like Parkinson's and cancer and stuff like that. Yeah. But I don't think from the goodness of his own heart. I think he's probably like there's a ton of money in medical innovation. And glory. And I want the glory And he's one of those guys that wears no matter what the temperature is

He wears khaki cargo shorts and a black t-shirt. I kind of like this guy I'm on board these These nuts that's what he should name his company Because I have a new firm and it's called Deez Nuts. I think you just clearly put the divider down for people who can become billionaires and people who are like, you maybe could have but you had to get into comedy.

You're one of my favorite people on the planet Earth. We've been waiting to do this podcast forever. I'm so glad you got to come and hang out. I hope I did okay. Yeah, dude, that was so fun. You just fire off in the comments. No, no. No talking.

People are gonna be like, be like, she's fucking women aren't funny. Yeah, I guess. This bitch and her. But every time I read those comments, I'm always just kinda like, eh, whatever, dude. Every time I read those comments, I'm like, I don't, don't enjoy me.

That's fine. You have so many choices. I don't care. Trust me, there's a lot of comedy. Also, come by me. I'll cut your penis vertically. Dude, get near her. She'll slice your dick. Check out her specials on Netflix. Check out Nice Lady on HBO. You got specials on HBO, on Netflix.

One of the best comics working here on the road constantly. In America? In America, in Europe. We're doing, I'm I'm gonna do we haven't announced this yet but it's gonna happen soon I'm gonna do a tour of Ireland in October so that's like they're gonna take to you like a moth to a flame I mean look at this going home yeah they're like you finally arrived we've been waiting for you fire ya.