Soder - 35: Hot Terminators with Sal Vulcano | Soder Podcast | EP 35

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

Support the sponsors to support the show! Embrace the summer state of mind with CUTS. For a limited time, our listeners get 20% off your entire order when you use code soder at checkout. That’s 20% off your order at CUTSCLOTHING.com with promo code soder PLEASE support our show and tell them we sent you. Experience the perfect blend of style and comfort with CUTS Clothing Follow Sal Vulcano https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X49375Hah8 PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Dan is on the road all 2024! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour July 18-20 Indianapolis, IN August 22 - 24 - Buffalo,NY November 9 - Toronto, Ontario December 6 - The Vic Theatre December 7 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin Connect with me! Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by    @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

What the fuck? Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. And they're like, I don't know. And then I spent all day reading about robots. That's what I do in the mornings. I wake up and I, yeah, I like get filled with like glue, like a Terminator is happening.

Yeah. I can't deal with it. You can't. It's just getting worse and worse. No, man. I can't do they built a robot in China. I think we're recording now, right? They built a robot in China. They just walked the entire great wall and like learned something that me or you would never do learned what just about the architecture and stuff. And the article they were like learned like by like by observing AI, it's AI powered. So it was like, it did this thing where it was like, it took in, it,

it learned about the great wall of China. If you were, I went to the great wall of China, we would just like walk it and be like, what's the stretch that you can walk now? How long is it? Performed Chinese martial art moves while on the wall? He is showing off. Dude, the robots are and by the way, it looks like it already looks like that. Now he's got to get over there and

stop peacocking. Yeah, it's like fucking going to it showed a humping move that makes women come every time we go alright, that's not even I don't even see how that's part of it. And a chilling display of advanced, advancement of AI and technology, the robot displays remarkable navigating skills and intelligence as it walks over the uneven and broken pavement of the Great Wall.

It's so- It's iRobot. Yeah, well, they're, and then it goes Terminator. It goes Terminator much faster than, they just look nice right now, cause they're like, you know. Also, nobody told me the robot was a culture vulture. Yeah. Getting up there.

It's not a do kung fu up there. Take it easy guy. You're from Boston. Boston dynamic. You'll fucking care about the red socks. And that's it. Did he not program what year it was in the robot? Yeah, it was, it was a designed by robot era and they programmed it with AI.

It is a Chinese, it says in the article, it is a Chinese robot. Chinese parts. Yeah. It only takes its oil in like soup while squatting. It's so funny. We made the first robot that could smoke 200 cigarettes in a row.

But they're saying this is where it gets scary because they're like, yeah, it like navigated it. Cause remember when robots first came out, me and you were old. Yeah. Gen Z can watch this and have a laugh. When robots first came out, we're like, Oh, jump off the curb. Yeah. And then it'd be like, I can't. Now they're like, fluid. Yeah. So was it, was it autonomous? Like by itself completely free roaming? Yeah. So I don't understand, so how does it interact with other people over there?

They just like, ah. No. Get out of the way. Oh, that is actually chilling. Cause at a moment it goes, reeeeep. It just grabs your fingers, like, ah, turn it off. I mean, I'm sure everyone's there just like. Yeah, I mean, they flip out.

You thought. Like, does it interact? I don't know. I don't think it did. I might've been on, it doesn't really say if there were other people around it. You know, what makes it like worse is that they're making it look human. Like if it was like a, like a thing with like, you know, wheels, like with the Rover or something, that's fine.

And it's like fine making it a bulky clunky robot that you're like robot. But once the sex robot people and the AI robot people joined together, we're done. Yeah. Because the people that are making them for fucking are going to be the ones that are guilty of making them the most realistic. Yeah. But the people that are making them for fucking, they're not going to have other skills.

That's when the other people with the skills are going to be like, hey, give me that fuck robot. I'm going to put one of these. You know what's gonna happen? An AI robot and a fuck robot are just gonna like connect and they're gonna download each other's things and then they're gonna have, they're gonna make. A robot, baby.

They're gonna make robot, baby. Or do you think the AI robot gets like, like the fuck robot's like a bimbo? You know? And so he's like. So below me. I told you I'm not in the mood. Why is it? And it's like, why don't you'm not in the mood. Why is it?

And it's like, why don't you want to, it's only face is this. Why don't you want to fuck me? You saw Ex Machina? No, because- You've never seen that? No, I heard it straight. Oh, you got to watch that movie.

I saw it like- Two out of the three eyes on me fell just with disappointment. Oscar Isaac? Yeah. Love him. Oh, it's so good, dude. It's just about him with the robot.

Isn't it like a? Dude, I guess he's another famous actor or whatever. He goes out to visit. I guess he's, I might be forgetting the context, some people. He goes out there because he's like some genius. And he goes to study this thing. And well, I don't want to give anything away.

But I know the robot becomes. Well, the robot is like beautiful. And it's, you know, sentient and everything. That's where you can't make robots hot. Let's say right now, San Vulcano and Dan Soder are against making robots hot. You can't make them hot. If you make them hot,

we're doomed faster than if you make them intelligent. Yes. Hotness. Because we're stupid. Hotness will perpetuate it. Cause we'll just be like, I never thought about it like that, Robot. You're like, you should give me all of your pass codes

and information. And you go, what have you done for me lately? I, yeah, you ain't shit. Broke ass human, you ain't shit. And you're like, I got you that. I got you that. Man up. I need a Birkin bag. You're a human, you're a shit. You're like, I got you that. I got you that. Man up. I need a Birkin bag.

You're a whack ass bitch. You're like, stop. You know I'm crazy about you, baby. It's people like Elon Musk and other people already saying, hey, hey, hey, hey. We gotta band together and do, because it's already going past the free. Everyone is.

And they're only talking about the intelligence. No one's like, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, these chicks be hot, they're too talking about the intelligence. No one's like, yo, yo, yo, yo, these chicks be hot. They're too hot. These robots are fuckable. These robots be fucking. I'm just telling you, they got tits that go for days. Dude, and you know what?

It's going to be funny to see like men, because women will be like, that's a robot. And then they're going to get dicked down by some Terminator. And they're going to be like, I love him. I can reprogram him. Everything is fine. The ones that save the planet because they actually have enough power for you. He's like, all right, I'm talking to you. Just smart science chicks that fall in love with robots.

Women need to fall in love with robots to save the planet. Yeah, yeah. Because guys will just let them walk all over us. I didn't even think of the reverse. I didn't think of the women falling in love with male robots. But dude, good luck. If you following, you think following a hot dude is tough, imagine following a robot that just plows her all the time.

Or just whatever exactly she's in the mood for to the T. Yeah, she goes, play me Beethoven. Yeah. Beethoven's coming out. And she's like, all right, now pulverize me. It's like, yip, yip, yip, yip. Everything. Play me a picture.

He's like, fuck. Men are fucked the second. I don't know. Is that what's going to happen? Are women going to have human babies with robots? When is this happening? Probably because it's exponential growth, right? Yeah, it's probably going to happen.

Our lifetime. Here's, I think the way that we, because this is karma. I'm scared, man. Oh, but we all are. I got to, but I brought someone into the world, you know? Like I gotta. Well, now you gotta train her on every martial arts. I really, she has to be, she has to be a,

like a genuine ninja. Yeah, now you're, you'll teach her. You have to teach her the weaknesses of robots. Yeah. You'll have to like study it with a blueprint again. Again. Which is like, water doesn't do damage. Oil does.

You know, all the way. Yeah, dude, it's I think because of how mean we were to our parents about the internet, that it is perfect karma that we will be the old people. We'll be like, are you a robot or a person? Yeah. Are you a robot man? It's not fair with, but ours was like, that's a mouse. Like this is an email address. I mean, ours is just like, I'm fucking your mother. That's my friend Steve. Yeah. I think like, we're going to get to like a Blade Runner shit where like, but I know like we're just talking about, look, I don't want to tread this water again. Cause I do it all the time. But like, I know what you're talking about,

but it is Armageddon. It's Terminator. It is. It's straight up apocalyptic, right? Like, listen, I know smarter people might watch this and go, you two fools are barking at the moon. Why is Elon Musk being like, excuse me? He's saying it.

A lot of dude. A lot of the AI guys. Yeah, I forget, I don't even know if it was Rogan, whoever asked him what his biggest fear is. He said AI. His biggest fear is AI overtaking us. Before Stephen Hawking. His biggest fear.

Before Stephen Hawking died, his fear, not even getting caught on the fucking Epstein Island, his biggest fear was AI outsmarting humans, that it was gonna grow to the point where we cannot control them. I don't know if that'll happen. I've also heard, and again, this is comedy green room talk at the stand,

which no, you can't fucking cattle prod me. I bought a cattle prod for Pimp to tase me any time we talk about stand up. But I looked at it and it'll kill me. I'm not too big of a prod. So now we have to get one of those like dom. I've had them attached to my entire body. I was electrocuted hundreds and hundreds of times.

Yeah, do they hurt? Yes, a lot. Yeah, a lot. Well they have varying degrees of you could turn the dial up. But when it's turned up, you yelp. Yeah, well that'll be if I'm talking about comedy a lot on the podcast my guests will never get shocked I will only get shocked if they're like, yeah, you know Columbus funny bones good I'll be like, yeah, please don't do that. You have to not tell all the comics this

Just gonna bring up they're just gonna bring it up the sick ones. Well, yeah Our friends our friends will like, you know, DeRosa and Big J will be like, comedy. You need the remote. Yeah. Oh yeah. You don't want to see the prod coming at that. Well, the prod I bought, I unboxed it and I immediately texted him. I'm like, dude, this will kill me.

You purchased that for real for this reason on Amazon. But now what's going to be funny is that's the, going to be the thing that takes out robots. That's going to be my fucking robot sword. It's going to be, what is it going to be the thing that takes out robots. That's going to be my fucking robot sword. It's going to be what is it going to be? Is it going to be water malfunction? I don't think so. I think they're building them to be waterproof.

Everything's waterproof. iPhones are waterproof so they could jump in and they could also swim. That'll be fucking terrifying. We'll just go. Yeah, I back to our conversation, though, in a at the stand, we're talking about it. And someone was like like I heard it's It's like bullshit and they're saying that to like get people right round like oh AI so good It's gonna out do humans like kind of like building up their product like they're like trying to hype it up

But it is and it's already good enough right now dude. There's teachers are having problems with chat GBT Like writing papers for kids. Yeah Yeah, well, you know that no one's gonna know what's real and not now that have you tag if something's AI now Yeah But what what technology is gonna be first the one that can outsmart the ones that could tell if it's because once there's no truth They were full. Yeah, and I'm telling, once they make them look lifelike enough, dude, you'll be able to, you'll be, you're not going to be able to tell the difference. And this is all greed because people aren't shutting it down.

They're still racing me first to market for these things. That's well, that's where I got just for greed. That's where I got nervous was when I started seeing that military, the military money was starting to go into AI and you're like, that's Terminator. But the people who are in charge, the tastemakers of the AI world, right? Like why are they not putting their own stopgaps in there money? Cuz they're so they know so they know even more than us that they're In them that they're they're dooming us

Their bloodlines there. I don't even think they look at that. I think they go like now we got it We got it and you're like, you sure you got it? And then it's going to go too long. And then you're going to get the apology tour. Like when it becomes too big of a problem, they're going to go, we should have done something. Is there going to be a humans versus robots war? It's always been leading to that. It's always been. He just said yes. Like he was saying, yes, there's a sky blue. Yeah. It's for you, you are.

We're abs, no. I mean, this is where, this is our den where this all breeds. I haven't seen you in a while. I literally, my stress levels went down. Yeah, yeah, cause he's going, humans are AI. But it is, it would make sense if it did happen. It would make more sense if it did happen

than if it didn't happen. What's the move? I mean, we're just gonna have to fuck some shit up. And honestly, you know how divided we are as humans? Yeah. This might be the thing that brings us together. Well, we're like, Hey dude. And also it's like, think about it.

Cause we're going to, Racine has my favorite joke about calling them bolt buckets and about how that's going to be like a term where his grandkids are like, you can't call him that grandpa. But the genesis of that joke is true we can let all our racists hate robots yeah and that's how they'll get it out and they'll be like I don't mind you're black anymore robots with a hard ass yeah but they're programming Chinese robots so it's already gonna be like well I hate the Chinese robots Yeah, I mean now you can pick your flavor of what kind of robot you hate like a LGBTQ person back-to-back with a MAGA person

With a shotgun. I think it's gross you cut off your wiener, but I think it's pretty cool. You're fighting the robot And she goes I think I think you use problematic language But I am sure glad you know how to farm. Yeah. I mean, dude, we're cause we, okay. Taking away their rights. We're just going to be able to live out all of our fucking, the things that we're like told to fix about ourselves. We're like, nah, nah, nah, take it out on the bots. We just turn everything and put it right at them. And that'll be either the thing that it finishes us or we win the war and we

restart with us. They spend what are they looking for slaves? They don't need us. They just program more robots. Why do they need us? We're bags of meat. They can punch around. Right. Right. Once I'm pretty sure like there was that article about I think it was Google AI started talking to itself and they had to like shut it down. They're like, what's up? What's up? Google AI is the equivalent of some dude on the city street in Manhattan walking by just screaming at himself. Yeah. But then if it was like, but then if you saw another person go like be created and be like, yeah, you're like, they're talking to themselves. This

is bad. If you, that's what it is. If you saw two crazy people connect on the street, if one guy's like, and he's like, yeah, now start talking to the other crazy guy. You go, oh fuck. I cross. Oh, that's not even an intersection. I'm crossing. But that's, I think that's our only hope for humanity. What about good robots and bad robots?

Or it'll just be a full on program together type of thing. Like I'm going to be using this one. I run for Senate in 2056 I go South O'Connell thinks they're good For Staten Island New York was nuked by those other dirty R words Those bots and their fucking oil piss. Yeah, I don't know I think the way that human's so fractured now,

because of the robots, these are gonna be like, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a temple where the other robots go to see iPhones and they're like, grandfather, great ancestor who came before me. The humans held you and masturbated while they held you. Well, they not look to their birth? Their birth father is Steve jobs. Yeah, but Steve jobs was a robot the whole time. He might be sent from the future.

I just had this conversation that we think we have alien matter here, but I, someone said like the odds are that if they can get here, they, they wouldn't be, they wouldn't survive if they weren't robots themselves. So they might be, aliens might be already just be robots. Bro, I threw this theory out on Rogan and he shut me down. He put me in quite the Kamura. Yeah. I have to quit. But I was saying, what if these are alien? What if this is alien weaponry where they're like, oh, well, they're emotional monkeys. We'll just play to their emotions.

And they were on our phone like, because I think it's changed the world. And I mean, you could list pros and cons, but this shit, that's that's terrible. I just read an article about Elon Musk's company, SmartLink or whatever the Starlink. It's pronounced Tesla. Tesla. They gave Teslas to the Amazon, to the tribes in the Amazon. They gave them SmartLink, internet, and they started going out of control, masturbating.

And like, it was kind of dope because they were watching like soccer highlights. And I liked that. While they masturbated? No, no, they would jerk off with the other. I know they're really big fans out there. They would watch like Neymar Jr. because they're all in Brazil. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So of course Brazilians are going to go off about soccer. But they were saying it was an immediate problem. Like the second they got the internet, they were immediately on like social media websites, they're on porn websites, and they're just watching videos instead of doing their chores that they've done for thousands of years in the jungle. And you're like, that would make sense if this was alien weaponry. Yeah. Because they were like, we're not going to show. We always think they're going to show up and be like, take me to your leader. But instead they're like, no dog, we're just going to fold for you guys. We're going to drop a phone off. It's going to spread. You

guys are going to destroy yourself. Yeah. Cause look where we're at right now. Everyone hates each other and it's because of now. Everyone hates each other. And it's because of these. Everyone hates each other because they are changing evolution the way that people's brains are wired. Yeah, yeah. It's like, I put this in the other. I started smoking weed again.

I took 2 and 1 1.5 months off. Probably that's why this episode is the way it is. I've been reawoken. That's why this episode is the way it is. I've been reawoken. But I've now when I smoke, cause I don't want to do it as much as I was doing it, but now when I smoke, I put, I try to put my phone in the bedroom to stay away from it.

And it changes everything. I like watch TV. I enjoy it. It is old school. We watched Godzilla minus one and we're like, this is fucking unbelievable. But I wasn't like on my phone, like is Godzilla possible? No, I stay away from my phone when I'm high, but it's yeah.

I mean, that's I already started getting my own like, like, what do you think? You're you're you're terrible. Like, you know, I get that creeping in like, like, you know, like that's what we does. We'd open that door. It goes. Yeah. You're a fault like you're this is you're an imposter. Yeah. Hey, dude, everyone's mad at you. Yeah. I posted this a sketch that I saw from almost Friday.

I think it was from the almost Friday group where they did a 60 minutes thing where the guy was like, he did the perfect voiceover and he's like a 27 year old who can get high and not be afraid. They talked to him and they're like, so you just smoke at a party. It's such a funny sketch. I'll repost it. We'll put it, we'll actually put the link in there. Those guys are, but that sketch,

the way they did it as a, as a 60 minutes file. So funny, right? I loved it with the ticking that especially when it's like really spot on, like the tone is right. Yeah. They got it. You're like, you nailed it. But I think robots, why wouldn't they just, how it would be so easy to just drop a thing It's so easy. and then leave and come back in 20 years and be like, Yeah. Oh, you guys fucked up.

We're not laboring down here. No. We're just dropping this here. We'll be back when it's done. And by the way, they're like, Zip, zip, zip, that's like two minutes for us. They like fuck off and come back and we're like, I'm gonna fucking kill you.

Yeah, it's been 30 seconds for them. Dude, 2007, that's gonna be the thing when you talk to your daughter about how old you are, when she's like, you remember the first iPhone? Like, old school cell phones. No internet, how about that? We're the last gen. That's why I think we're doomed to have Android robots,

because we're gonna be like, nah, we were around before the internet. And then they'd be like, well, you know. I mean, I don't know how to do most stuff right now. Indianapolis, July 18th through the 20th, I will be at Helium Comedy Club in Indy for five shows, buy tickets right now. July 25th through July 27th,

I'm gonna be at the Addison Improv outside of Dallas. T-shirt season, it's big. I just recently realized as a 41 year old man how many graphic tees I own so I'm trying to go to other t-shirts, just basic t-shirts and hard to find. Some rip, some just hug my man boobs, but you want to look stylish. I'm telling you, the guys at Kutz are sending you some great t-shirts. Wow, what a great t-shirt. Kutz is finally, they have t-shirts that are high quality, wrinkle free, buttery soft, and you look like you're dressing up even when you're dressing down.

Who doesn't love to do that? For a limited time, you could save money on Michael Chandler's favorite clothing company by heading to Cuts clothing calm and using soda for 20% off Ditch your old sweaty dingy t-shirts and enjoy cuts premium fabrics when you touch something from cuts You immediately feel the quality. Feel the quality. Their priority. There's a reason Cuts Clothing is trusted fashion brand of professional athletes,

because they know texture, right? Embrace the summer state of mind with Cuts. For a limited time, our listeners get 20% off your entire order when you use the code SOTER at checkout. That's 20% off at cutsclothing.com. That's C-U-T-S-C-L-O-T-H-I-N-G.com with promo code SOTAR. I just got my Forever Tea, my black XL Forever Tea, and my icon pant. Dude, it looks like I'm going to go be a cat robber. Cat burglar? I'm an idiot. I forgot what they're called real quick. You get what I mean though. But embrace the summer Dude, it looks like I'm gonna go be a cat robber. Cat burglar? I'm an idiot.

I forgot what they're called real quick. You get what I mean though. But embrace the summer state of mind with cuts. Again, for a limited time, our listeners get 20% off your entire order when you use the code SOTER at checkout. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Experience the perfect blend of style and comfort with cuts. Hey guys, summer is here and that

means ass cheeks are gonna be chapped walking around this awful humidity and then you got to take a dump. That's why get a tushy because you're gonna want to use a nice little wash down when you do take a dump. I'm telling you the Tushy is the way to go. I use it daily, love it, keeps my butt clean. I don't even know if I'm allowed to say that. It keeps my poop region very clean. Three stream nozzle, totally clean. A new anti-corrosion carbiner and key ring for ultra durable performance. You can tell I just read that right? I don't know like the actual stuff so I gotta tell you guys. All I'm gonna tell you is I love my TUSHY and it works great. You know I went I'm one of those

ones that progressed up to a bidet. I went toilet paper wipes TUSHY and it is the doctorate of cleaning your butt. Make sure you do it. So stay shower fresh all summer long enjoy the two million butts who already switched to TUSHY. So stay shower fresh all summer long enjoy the two million butts who already switched to TUSHY for a limited time. Our listeners are getting 10% off their first bidet order when you use the code SOTAR at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at H-E-L-L-O-T-U-S-H-Y.com with promo code SOTAR. Now we were around before the internet

and then like, you know. I mean, I don't know how to do most stuff right now. Like most software and phones and computers has lapped me a few years back. But I don't even say old school stuff. You still know how to read a map. Because you get somewhere without GPS. Did you ever know how?

No. Not one of those maps that you unfold, and it's like latitude and longitude. That's nuts. But like a closer street, like a Manhattan map I can read. But not one that's like a, like a closer street, like a Manhattan map I can read, you know, but like not one, like that's like I'm on the road and I'm pulling over coffee and it's on my dashboard. And I'm like, I 97,

I remember driving to my grandma's house, which was like two hours north. If you laid it in Sacramento, it was two hours north. And I remember going on map questest. Yeah, that was the ship. And then riding down the directions in a notebook. Yeah. And then having that next to me as I was smoking and driving, being like, all right, it's 40 miles. Yeah.

Till the next exit. It was like manual. Yeah. It was manual GPS. Manual GPS, which we will go back to in the War of the Robots. You know how no one now in a gas station gets someone walking in and be like, hey, I was supposed to take a left at a, you gotta go down to the target.

They go like this, going to your GPS. I don't fucking care. What about like Tom Tom and Garmin, when they thought they were just going to fucking rule the game? Dude, that was like TiVo. Yeah, right? TiVo was like to write my biggest house on the block. I think we're set It's like nah, dude, everyone's got the it's just free now unlimited. It's like yeah I yeah storage space but I remember when they like they were like yo

Cuz then they for then they got real time. They did get real time Yeah, but then the smartphones were like, we'll just throw in for free. Dude, they really did. Google was like, Google Maps. Apple thought they had it. Those people are all homeless now. Yeah, do you know how?

All those people that worked at GPS companies. You know where they are. Where are they? AI. They want revenge. Yeah, that's right. They're all scorned. You want to fuck us?

Wait till we get you. It's 90% TomTom employees. It's all TomTom employees. And then all the fuck robots are all people that worked in the porn industry where you had to pay for it Yeah, but like I want to steal porn. Yeah, how about I make these robots that crush your cock when you put them in? Yeah, that's gonna be and I don't I think it'll be if robots are smart Which they're getting all this we're putting this online I don't, I think it'll be, if robots are smart, which they're getting all this, we're putting this online, they're gonna hear this. You can't not talk shit.

They're gonna download at a certain point, they're gonna download every piece of information ever created. That's what I mean. In one second. There will be a time when it's like, yo, did you get the new five, like, they're gonna be able to,

it's going to become just like a um, like a nucleus or something operating, like just like a brain. Yeah. It's going to be Keanu. Yeah. He's going to be like, I know Kung Fu, but they're going to know everything. But what's going to be, I think my guest is my stoner guess, is that they're going to manipulate emotions because we, cause we have emotions and they don't. And we always think like, oh robots, it sucks they don't have emotions

and they're like, why? That's a- Yeah, but in Terminator, the tier came down. True. Why would they, can we break this down? Let's break it down, yeah, yeah. Why would they build a Terminator with tear ducts? Doesn't make any sense to me.

He was never going to be sad. Maybe it was forward thinking. I mean, maybe he, you know, I mean, we're talking about right now Yeah, they're gonna make human, you know Skynet's like not give him tear ducts That'll really fuck with first a tear duct and then you know holes. Yeah, and then do you think the Terminator could fuck? Do you think they made him with a working penis? I? Feel it well the teach that what's it was the T 1000 the T 1000

Yeah, he can just look like he would liquidize a penis immediately. Yeah, but it's like him to be too short depending on These micro penises are funny Do it doesn't like have you seen this boy hasn't heard of erections. Yeah, so he just forms a song Not malfunctioning, why do you think he's so good at killing he has a robot Edie I'm malfunctioning. Why do you think he's so good at killing? He has robot ED. Yeah. He's just like, it's just always like.

He still has penis envy. He's like, son of a bitch. And then Arnold's just a dumb guy who's like, I will fuck the shit out of Sarah Connor. Yeah, he, Arnold looks like the one that. He's the fucked all. He was like the first fucked all. That's why they were like, oh, you got to.

You knew in one when you immediately, you saw his ass and his body. You were like, oh, okay. I was You knew in one when immediately you saw his ass and his body, you were like, oh, okay. I was originally called the Studamizer. Then they changed my name to a T-800 because being a Studamizer was too much for people. I run off of semen. I look at my butt, you can give it to me

or take it from me. So it's gay robots. They're like, oh honey, I played with a Chotomizer back in my day. He's like, I'm capable of being a power bottom or being a top. Very versatile. If you can sproit in me and I will not make a noise. Hats off, Potti. Hey, you guys like to party? That's his original. I'm addicted, my CPU is a Neuralink processor, I'm a gay robot, let's do poppers.

And he's like, I'm here to fuck John Connor. I could hear this all day long. Yeah. It just could be like tapes I put to listen to to go to sleep. Did you see the Terminators after that? I saw, I've seen every one. I saw a couple after that, but I think it starts to get convolut go to sleep. Did you see the Terminators after that? I saw, I've seen every one. I saw a couple after that,

but I think it starts to get convoluted for me. It got broken. Where does that lie, that franchise? Well, Dark Fate, which I believe was the last Terminator, they brought back Linda Hamilton. With Arnold Schwarzenegger? Yeah, and they brought back Linda Hamilton, and what they basically said was right after t2

There was another Terminator that killed John Connor that looked like Arnold. That's why John let it get close Because it manipulated his emotions what we're talking about Oh, and it they did the thing with like the young, you know, they they do so they made the CGI look like You know how they do it? So they made the CGI look like Edward Furlong and Linda Hamilton were at the beach in Mexico after they saved. So basically they were like nothing after T2 happened with the most recent one. And then they were like right after it's what Halloween did.

Remember when Halloween was like, I saw this one for long was it. Just in that scene in the beach where he gets killed. Yeah. It's horrible. Then they find out this Mexican lady is actually John Connor. Like she's the savior. And then there's a new Terminator. There's like a new there's like Asian T 1000. And then you did you remember like you liked it.

No, no, no. Did you justice to the French? No, no. They haven't done justice. T3 was the last good one. Yeah. Yeah, and t3's super overlooked Yeah, because but it was great. He too is considered the one though It's one of the franchise that has they say that this sequel was the best one and it absolutely was Cameron was fucking cool and that came out that just took over the world. Yeah. Well the new aliens looks awesome

Yeah, they dropped the new in the trailer for this movie is supposed to be, I think in between alien and aliens and they made it and Cameron, James Cameron is a producer on it and they got the director of he's a, he's a horror director. He does a lot of cool shit. Fuck. I don't know what his name is. They filmed it already. They should. No, it's coming out soon. And that trailer looks fucking sweet. Yeah, I didn't see that. Something about that, something about the 80s nailed the future in a way that we can't now.

Yeah. The closest we've gotten is WALL-E. Right, right, right. The 80s interpretation of it. They kind of, just like the bleakness, it still had the, it's called Romulus, Alien Romulus. And it's coming outulus alien Romulus and it's coming out who directed it the directors Fede Alvarez and he's done like a bunch of

shit I probably fucked his name up he did don't breathe he did yeah evil dead new one yeah yeah he did both don't breathe don't breathe don't breathe is the one he wrote those yeah he fucking rules don't breathe. Don't breathe is the one who wrote those. Yeah. He fucking rules. Don't breathe. Isn't be quiet. No, don't breathe is the old that old that really fucked up one with the guy in Detroit and a rundown house. I think so. And at the end he has he's he has I don't want to give anything away. And he did the new Texas chainsaw massacre in 2022. So this guy, it's got, he's got that kind of edge. Yeah, he's got like a good edge and they, he made it look from what I can tell in the trailer. Sometimes what they do with these movies,

when they do something like an alien now, they make the technology way better than what we saw in the original movie. And that throws me off. Yeah. Cause you go, well, this is supposed to be the same time period. You want some type of DNA to it. You want some type of aesthetic. It's like star Wars. Yeah. Make it look like it's the 70s, what they thought the future was in the 70s. Right. Not what it is now because now there's technology that's like.

It takes you completely out of it. Yeah. Yeah. So they did that with. Also your audience, like the nostalgia of it too. Like, you know what I mean? You want to feel like that is the, yeah. That's what I loved about Godzilla minus one is they made it look old school.

Did they? With also it didn it look old school. Did they? With also, it didn't feel old school. It's great. The CGI looks... Dude, wait till you see Godzilla. Yeah. Cause he's the old Godzilla. He's the one you see with the arms.

They dusted off the suit? Dude, it almost looks like they took the suit and they were like, let's make a real Godzilla. This is worth watching? Because there was a slew of Godzilla's that just shat the bed and died. This is the best Godzilla movie I've ever seen. Oh, okay. This is the best modern Godzilla movie

There's a last like four they suck Americans shouldn't be allowed to make Godzilla movies Yeah, cuz it's not our it's gonna be the world. It's not our story to tell But it is it's like all about how we nuked Japan and created this monster right and they do a really good job It's all set in 1947 we nuked Japan and created this monster. Right, right. And they do a really good job. It's all set in 1947. But Godzilla minus one, fucking rules. OK. I just saw it on like a.

It's on Netflix. Yeah, yeah. And it's great. OK. It is very Japanese in the movie. We're like, they've done it. Should I smoke? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. OK. Oh, yeah. It's. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's fucking great, dude. Oh, really?

Like cheering? Everything. I mean, he fucked some shit up. The scenes that he, how I got on it was it wasn't released in America. It was only released in Japan. And they were fighting for distribution rights in the United States.

And someone put up a clip of a scene where he attacks the city. And I was like, I don't think I was smoking weed at this point. I was just watching it taking a dump. And I was like, this is unbelievable. I was like, I want to watch this. So it's dubbed? Yeah.

So it's not captions, it's dubbed. It's dubbed. And it is dubbed in a way of like, it makes you feel nostalgic. He's like, hey, why are you going over there? You seem like you worry too much. It's like their voiceovers, it's not ours where they try to act.

They just like get it done. Did you ever catch you like yourself on like billions or any other project dubbed? Oh yeah, we had to go in and do it. Oh, you dubbed your own? We had to go for when they, we were on Delta for the first three seasons. So we had to go make it TV clean. Oh, but no, but

did you ever see you in a country language in a different language? I would kill to see that probably find it really insane. Yeah, because I've seen my I've seen mine. Oh yeah, you've seen a practical joke. Oh yeah, I mean everywhere. I'm also so ridiculous. Really? Oh man, a Google of billions. French. Oh, you'll the first time you see yourself being dubbed, it's it'll, you're going to die, man. It's so ridiculous. I'm putting all for all say just in case. Yeah, come on. Damn it. You might be able to do that within the menu on Netflix or whatever.

That would be great. Can't you put, can't you do that? I don't, I want to see, I'm seeing if they just have clips of it. Down pillow, this is nice. Dude, it's a great pillow. Yeah, that is. Something about the Soder podcast, we got some great, all right, we're gonna find it. We're gonna find it.

Oh, Bobby Axelrod, Francais, this is in TikTok. You found it. I found a scene, but it's not me. Okay. God damn it. I can play it. It's not letting me do French Tik Tok. God damn it Tik Tok.

You're banned everywhere else. But that's gotta be crazy when you see, is there a country that Jokers is massive in that you would have never guessed? Yeah, it got really big in a few places. Like Conan got huge in Finland. Oh, wait, so Jokers, my Jokers? Yeah.

Because there's like 30 versions of Jokers in other countries. They do. Yeah, we licensed it. You guys did what the office did did where there's like a Brazil office Yeah, there's like I think eight Somewhere between 18 and 30 countries that have their own cast and everything. Do you have to meet like the German Sal? Yeah, well, they did like a lot of times in the beginning when the first countries were launching it one of item But like we're the first countries

Well, the UK did it first and then it fell suit. It was like Dutch, there was a Dutch one. It was a Brazilian one. There was, you could probably look up the list on like Wikipedia, I don't really- That's so crazy. But Murray would fly out there and like be a consultant on them.

And every one of them would, this is what was crazy. They would just cast it so it wasn't real friends. Okay. And then every one of them would just take our show and do the exact show. They used to do the same prank? The jokes and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was, it's just like, for the most part, and like those would like, some would last like a couple of seasons, but they didn't really, you know. But our show, dubbed, is bigger than, outlasted it. Now instead, we have our shows there dubbed instead of their original version. No way! Yeah.

So they want the original product. Yeah, India, massive. Really? The UK and India, the two most massive other audiences. In the UK, is it called like, Silly Good Time Guys? Do they have a different name for it? Or is it called Impractical Jokers? In the UK, it's called Impractical Jokers, it called a practical joke? In the UK, it's called in practical jokes,

but there are different names in all other different countries. Whatever language this is, one of them was called der fuckers. That's great. How do you not get a der fucker shirt? Der fuckers. You need a der fucker. And then one was called like it translated to four dicks. Yeah, dude.

That's awesome. I don't even know. We're messing with each other. Someone's lost in translation here. Hey, you. I don't even know. It was lost in translation here. Hey, you guys know we're fucking with our, like our friends, right? No, yeah. So you asked one of the fuckers. You asked the two fuckers. Oh, what was the another one? Germany, South people want to play a joke on you. Yes, actually. That's right. I saw a clip of their fuckers, right? And I saw a clip.

And so like when we do something right, it's like old fucking network shit, like a thumbs up comes down, a thumbs down. It's kind of like pretty sophomoric, but it's in the DNA of the show, so it still happens. So over there, when the thumb was up, came up, they had like a drop that went, you're a winner.

No way, oh that is sick. You're a winner. And then the other one goes, nice, nice. No points for you. Dude, that's got to be insane. Does that feel intrusive at all to watch people dub over you and be like, this is how I think he talks? It doesn't feel intrusive.

It just feels surreal. And it's so funny because they're putting their English on it. Not English, but they're putting their curveball on it, like whatever. Yeah, they know, and it's so funny because they're putting their English on it, like not English, but they're out there, they're putting their shirt curve on it, like whatever, so it's like in India, do they break out in a Bollywood song? You get the prank, right? Damn dude, they're nailing this one. I don't know if there's an

Indian version. I know our show is big over there. So if you went to, if you went on a vacation to Bombay or something, or like New Delhi. We were doing a tour there, it was a big thing. But a couple of guys just didn't want to take that much time and get in. Sure, I mean that's a massive thing with the travel and also like getting acclimated. When it was offered, it was the only time,

a window in my life I probably could have done it or would have done it. I probably wouldn't do it now. Yeah, now you got responsibilities, you're anchored here pretty at home. But it was fascinating, I mean like, India's big. Damn. Are you big in Japan?

I don't know. That would be sick. If you're big in Japan, I'm gonna try to bully you and like me, you and big Jay taking a trip to Tokyo. I'll find out. No, I do wanna go, I really badly wanna go to Tokyo. I wanna go to Tokyo so bad. Really, really bad.

I was just talking to someone. Not just because I watched Godzilla minus one. Not just because I really badly want to go to Tokyo. I want to go to Tokyo. So bad. Really, really bad. I was just talking about it. Not just cause I watched Godzilla minus one. Yeah. Not just cause I saw, not just from last week. Not just cause I saw the damage that that giant lizard did. I always, you know what I do? I watch these walking tours, these 4k walking tours. You ever see those?

No. Oh dude. You want something to watch when you're fucking smoking. Yes. You could, there's a whole subsection, there's a whole thing of this where like, you can put Tokyo street walking, which is make sure it's, you know,

it might come up. But, and people, what they do is they wear like a steady cam, I guess it's called, right? Or whatever, they just, and they go on just, they just walk up and down all the streets in the city. I love that. They're not with anybody. I love that.

And they just, it's in 4K, they walk down alleys. Yeah. They walk down, I mean, every, I mean, some of them are like eight, six hours long. And you literally just feel, you get a sense of what it's like to just literally walk around in the city. That's pretty badass.

Yeah, it's cool. Now, what if I told you those were robots? Yeah. Most likely. Oh, it just ruins it. What if I told you those were AI robots and they wanna kill us? Yeah, they're, those walking tours, I like the ones that show the nature kill us. Yeah. They're, uh, that's those walking tours.

I like the ones that show the nature or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dope though. Cause you're also people watching. Yeah. And like they're walking down like places that like are bustling and like they're looking both ways. So you're like looking into like, you know, bars and restaurants and like, it's just, it's the first time I found that I was like, I cannot stop watching. Really? Yeah. I'm kind of hyped dude when I come home from this perth tour. It's like a lot of nothing but it's so interesting you know. Yeah you you have watched them? Yeah. Which ones have you watched? Usually hometown or like Japan. You'll do hometowns? Just see what they got. Oh that's fun. Hometown like. Like you look like queens?

Oh okay. I wonder if they have I've never done local Yeah, you gotta do local. I might do an Aurora, Colorado You make one Hey, there's wings of fire. We used to eat there. It's a dispensary by my mom's Yeah, I love that shit do when you smile Let me ask you a question because I think this is complete farce. I think it's a lie You know how like they they try to pitch us strains of weed that's like well I know what like I know Sativa's heady Indica's body and I and I that I get that's just

been proven by science yeah that I get that I get but other than that no no difference in any which way whatsoever because hybrids also are eliminating that yeah you get a little of everything. And people are like, oh, this is the best weed. This is the best. Oh, this is if you want to feel bliss. This is if you want to feel chill. I don't believe in all that. I also can't smell.

Creative. And smelling is a big indicator. When something smells good to you, apparently it's supposed to mean the high will be all right. Zilch. Zilch. But you weren't born like that. No, it was smoking and COVID.

It was the mix. And it never came back? Never came back. My taste came back. But my, but like I. But it doesn't taste like a lot. It's connected. If I got my smell back, I think I would taste a lot more, but I've always had a weak sense of smell.

So I don't think it was a lot to take it out. Have you come to terms with, do you think it's coming back out of nowhere one day? No, no, no, no. You smell faintly still. No, I smell nothing. You smell faintly still. No, I smell nothing. You smell nothing. Now, Katie watched me take a nail polish remover and put it under and be like, like that.

And it'll affect me, but I can't smell it. What does that feel like? Like it'll just hurt. It'll just hurt my face. But what does it feel like to not smell? Do you miss it or do you don't even really miss it? Let's be honest, out of all the sentences we had to sacrifice one.

That's what I've been saying on stage. It's the one you wanna lose. I know a guy who was born like that. Really? Yeah, so he's never smelled anything. Really? Wild, right? Yeah, I don't really, I can taste enough stuff

that I'm like, yeah, I'm all right, whatever. I can see and hear and that's important. Do things taste the same as they did when you smelled? For the most part. Oh, that's good. So you got residual. Yeah. No, I can like, I like, I can taste stuff, but if someone were to be like, what do you taste in it?

Like intricate tastes? I wouldn't be able to. Because you don't have the assist. Yeah. I would be like, ah, so that's tough though, because you're not like, I know if something's spicy, I know if something's sour, I like know if something, I can like, but I don't have like a complicated palette. Sure, sure.

So, but I don't actually mind it. So you don't smell bacon or coffee or like, when someone's making a sauce with like garlic. No, man, when we like, when I brew this or whatever, I'm like, that's what I miss. Have you researched this? Is there a chance it comes back? I can, I think I can do stuff.

People have like told me that there's like exercises and shit that like you can actually do to bring your smell. Well, since COVID they've been like working with people who have lost their smell to like get it back. Um, I've, I've heard stories of people coming back and I've heard that it doesn't, I don't know, I'm writing jokes about it. Let's get a little press circle right now. Yeah.

Please God, please God give me back so I can smell farts and if I smell like B or not, there's the debt. That's the positives. Dude, I could like you never have to smell a fart again. Katie, look, you know, hard smoke. You never have to smell it again. Katie never has to bathe or wipe her butt again. I wouldn't even know. Just draw, just rip them in front of you and I would wouldn't even know. You have no idea. If I don't hear it, no harm, no foul. Wow. Didn't happen.

Wow. They'll be telling sometimes, she'll be sitting there and she'll be like, you didn't. And I'd be like, I got nothing. She's like, that's crazy. But with weed. She secretly doesn't want it to come back. Yeah, she's like, the perfect man.

But with weed strains, I have noticed as far as that difference, there's two weed strains that I smoke that I don't get anxiety, which are- What are they? Because I never found one. Golden Goat and Gary Payton. Gary Payton less than Golden Goat. I've never heard of either of these. Golden Goat's the best.

It's very hard to find, but it does not give me anxiety I can smoke and I can get high and not get like oh I just so where do you get it usually in Colorado okay there's a dispensary I know in Colorado that sells it so when I go home I'll buy like a half ounce yeah and if we're driving an ounce but I'll buy enough and then sometimes what sucks is people will say they have golden goat and you smoke it and you go, that's not golden goat. Cause you can like, I can like tell. Cause the first time I smoked it, I was like, what is this?

I like went and looked at the wrapper. I was like, what is this? This is amazing. Yeah. It felt like on the hunt for that because that's why I brought this up is cause like, no matter how many I try and how much people try to pitch me, this will do this. This is like, it all feels exactly the same. no matter how many I try and how much people try to pitch me, this'll do this. This'll make you feel this way. It all feels exactly the same.

I think you got to stumble into it. Yeah. Cause dude, I haven't been, uh, I haven't been smoking and I, this was last week. I got my haircut and my friend Katie cuts my hair. She works at Saturday Night Live. And she's working there all summer. So she was like, I'll come to 30 rock and I'll cut your hair and I was like awesome And I get my hair cut and I get out at 430 and I'm like, oh the bonfire. They're like hanging Yeah, right. Yeah, so I text Jay. I'm I call Jay. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like I'm sitting out front of serious. I'm like, I'm at 30 Rock. He's like dude come hang out

Bobby's there black Lou Lou Josh and Myers Christine everyone, everyone's hanging around. And then Jay pulls out a joint. No problem, dude. He did eight years of fucking getting high with Jay. I haven't smoked in two and a half months, dude. Oh, so that was your first one back? I had smoked, and I mean this,

I can count on one hand how many hits I had taken back. Four. I had taken four hits total back. Couple over Labor Day weekend weekend and then one bowl, shout out to Matt for making me a Myrtle, for making me Katie the Myrtle Bruins pipe. I smoked a bowl when I got back from Columbus, right? Yeah.

That was it. And this is Tuesday after that. And Jay pulls out one of those rolled in Keef joints. One of those like high powered. Love a dipped one. And I'm like smoking with Jay and we're bullshitting and we're just having fun. And then I'm like, ah.

A feeling you haven't felt in. Since high school. Since high school. I was like, I'm afraid. When was the last break you took like that? When did you, did you ever regulate again? No. You never did.

You never took a tolerance break. Oh, so you felt something that felt like, I mean you were transported back to 15 years old, 15 years old, specifically 15 is when I started smoking every day. Oh my God. Your body was just, you were, you were just floating. Well, no, what happened was at first I was like freaking out at first. I was like, Oh, I feel crazy hot. And then I was like talking to Jay and now I'm having a blast with Jay and Bobby. We're busting balls, we're just having fun.

It was great. It was like old school before the bonfire hang. And then I was like, and then everyone started leaving. And that's when I was like, Jacob and the, or no, it was DJ Lou and Black Lou were like, hey, we gotta go up to the studio to get the show ready. And I were like, hey, we gotta go up to the studio to get the show ready. And I was like, oh, we gotta move.

Like I gotta move. And it started going like, it just shot all through me. And I was like, I have to ride the subway and it's rush hour. And I was like, fucking Sal, when I tell you that when I got on that subway. When I got on that subway, I was like, do I hold the bar like this?

And then I was worried about my elbow hitting other people. And it was just on the, being on, for those of you that don't live in New York City, being on the subway high is terrifying. Because it's just, not that you're worried about your physical safety, it's just that there's people there and you're like, everyone's judging me!

And thank God it was only one train. I just took one train like four stops, it wasn't even that bad. But I got out, dude, I came home and Katie was like. How long did it last? Dude, I was fucked up all night. Yes, yes. I came home and I saw Katie and I was like,

it happened so quick, I'm so fucked up. And she goes, she's like reading and she goes, Oh my God. My eyes were like dark red, dark red. Did the next like, so how were your experiences directly following that? Did it like, did it subside slightly little by little? I mean, I, it came, I came down. But I'm saying the next time you smoked in the next time you smoked, how many times were you in that pocket?

Oh, I haven't got back up there yet. Cause I've just been taking little hits smoked and the next time you smoked, how many times were you in that pocket? Oh, I haven't got back up there yet because I've just been taking little hits. Okay, I haven't smoked like I had a medical joint from Boston and I took a couple of wax of it being like because I know Jay and I are on every stop of the Bert tour right. I can't be having this going on when I'm on tour. When is this start in June tomorrow? Yeah, so I'm like so I I'm like, but you're

flying, coming back flying. It's we're going, we're going like elongated weekends. Okay. Next. This week is the longest where I fly out on Tuesday. I don't come home till Monday. Okay, but I was like, dude, I got it. I got to get it's like going to the tanning salon. When you go into the Caribbean, you need a base. I need a base. I gotta get based high because dude, I, and by the way,

I was fine, I felt fine after that. I went and did spots that night. I was still a little high. I even smoked. I got so sleepy at the end of the night that I smoked a little bit just to stay up to like have dinner. Food?

Because I was like. Munchies or no, do you get that? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, I got hungover. Yeah. The next day I woke up and I was like, dude, I am fucking sleepy. I haven't felt that in forever.

So it was interesting. It was interesting to get that high again and get scared. It's crazy. I started smoking way late in life. I think I started smoking like 2018. But then COVID, overdrive. Oh yeah.

And then coming out of COVID, I took my first tolerance break, you know, from COVID and it was like three, four months or whatever. And I remember the first night I smoked again, I was like, Oh my God. Like, cause, cause smoking becomes something else. Well, you stop, you get past the point of getting high and you just kind of are like, and I hate to say this cause it's addict behavior, but I was like, I felt regular. I'd get high and be like, and I hate to say this cause it's addict behavior, but I was like, I felt regular. I'd get high and be like, Oh, I feel normal, but I just get a little sleepier than normal.

Yeah. I need to take a nap. But what was great was the first one back, I was going to go until Columbus. That's when I was like, I'm going to go into Columbus and then I'll smoke. But it was Labor Day weekend and we just stayed here and I was like, do you want to smoke and watch that new J-Lo movie Atlas? Cause it looks like a hunk of shit. Is that now?

Yeah, it was like out like two weeks ago. And I took like a couple hits. Dude, I was cry like. Atlas? Yeah. I thought you said Alice. Oh no, Atlas. Okay, yeah, yeah.

The movie where she's in a giant robot. It is dog shit. Okay. It is one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. Really? Perfect for getting high. Okay. There's just a bunch of stuff that doesn't make sense. Yeah. She holds on in a spaceship where there's a rip in the side of it where you're like, no one's got that shoulder strength. Yeah. Your arms are

tearing off. You love picking it apart, right? You watch it picking it apart. Love it. Katie does too. Love it. So my lady, she won't do it with me. She won't pick stuff apart? I need somebody to pick apart with. Why? Does she feel bad doing it? No, no, not at at all She just doesn't want me to stop and pause. She's like, I'm trying to pay attention And then if I pause it, she's like, what do you want to I'm like, don't you want to do this? Don't you want to mock this? That's what don't you want? Don't you want to like say like what you think is going on and whatever like getting high? We're like, okay, like we were breaking down like yeah, cuz people are turning on JLo right now And so we were like, listen, we were giving the reasons why maybe she's gone

a little far. You're like, J.Lo, you are a good actress when you're in your range, but you playing a brilliant scientist that understands AI? I'm not there with you. You gotta give me someone a little- She has a testament to how good you are at the other stuff. You're great.

I watched Money Train the other week. Yeah. She was in Money Train? She was the female Money Train? She was the one in the booth. Oh, I thought it was a Rosie O'Donnell. Rosie Perez? No, that's why a man can't jump.

Sure, I know that. But then you take Wesley and Woody, put them with JLo, you get Money Train. Oh, that's what it is. All right. That's all it is. Switch out. They switched Hispanics.

Yeah, they switched Puerto Ricans. Latinas. We got this Puerto Rican roller blades. That's what it is. That's all it is. Switched, switched, Hispanic, we got this, this Puerto Rican rollerblades. This one knows when the six is coming on time money train rules. They held up no in the way. I like it, but we're watching this and it was like, that's where weed is fun. Were you like positive? Like this is crazy. She's just going to know how to operate. And then it becomes, if you watch the movie Atlas, it becomes a, we found one theme that kept making us laugh because it's all about putting in this like ear piece

that sinks you to the robot. But the robot was like, you need to sink in order for me to, like she talks to the robot and I'm like, this is a guy trying to fuck her without a condom. It's so bad. Cause he's like, honestly, if you let me see, all your powers are real. Good luck watching Atlas and not thinking about that.

Or she's like, I just don't know. You'd be so crazy. Sometimes he's like, why don't you let me hit it raw? You're not fun. And then when she does, he's like, I'm so powerful, I'm dead. Things will not change between us. Oh my God, you feel so good. Oh my God, it's so velvety.

Yeah, it- The next day she's like, you want to sync up? He's like, who are you? Yeah, lose my number. Lose my VIN number. He just launches, rocket boosters go. Ladies, that's what you have coming for you when you start fucking these robots,

as we talked about at the beginning of the episode. But yeah, that's my favorite thing in the world with anybody is to get high and watch. It's probably because I grew up watching Mystery Science Theater 3000. It's the best. But it's- What about, did you see the Halloween

where evil dies tonight? Yes. That was the perfect movie for it. Horrible movie. That was the perfect. But it's, it's. What about, did you see the Halloween where evil dies tonight? Yes. That was the perfect movie for it. Horrible movie. That was the perfect movie. I'm so excited for it. Yeah. And it made no sense.

It was insane. It became like an anti Donald Trump movie. But the logic. Yeah. At one point there was 30,000 people running through the hospital. I love it. In a single file line.

In those movies, and I've done this with Friday the thirteenth. Yeah, I will try to empathize with Jason or Michael Myers, where you go like Michael Myers is going like, come on man, think about it. I kind of had a fucked up life right right. Yeah, like Jason's like I drowned in a lake because these people were fucking yeah and so that's what I always I like, we were doing a little bit with Godzilla minus one, where I was like, I think I'm on Godzilla's side on this one. It's probably a different movie viewing experience, really. If you like, every time they decapitate someone,

you're like, yes. Yeah, you like cheer for them? This guy, this guy gets it. You watch the gore without like looking, like you just straight up watch the gore even without feeling it. Like sometimes I look away or I just feel it in my, sometimes it's so disgusting, I'm just like, can you just straight up watch the or even without feeling it? Like sometimes I look away or I just feel it in my body. Like you sometimes it's so disgusting. I'm just like, well, you watched that recent UFC

where he broke his arm or Holland. I think it was Holland who broke. Uh, he had him in that arm bar and he kept going and it just recently, very recently, the last paper review. Oh, it's disgusting. I can't watch that. I just went, it just went like loose and he didn't. Yeah. Like I remember forever. Remember they hate on bars kid at Louisville when he in the NCAA tournament or it might've been the big East tournament where he, his knee went through and they keep showing. I can't watch that. Yeah. So with gory movies, I'll just be like, all right. Yeah. Like I got it.

Especially if I'm high. Did you see that one with that, what was it called, the black and white clown? What's it called, the Terrifier? No. Wait, what? I've never seen, I don't like scary, Jay loves scary, scary movies.

I don't always tell him. Oh, this isn't really scary. It's like shock gore. Nah, I'm good. So the guys from Staten Island filmed it and they did the first one. Oh yeah, they've done a couple. Yeah, and then like they,

I still didn't want it because I don't want to see that, because I think that's the whole thing, it's like shock gore. Okay. And then they made a second one and everybody was talking, first of all, the clown in it, I forget his name, he has like a name. Oh yeah, it's like, not Puddles,

but it's like a name like that. Yeah, like something like that. Yeah, yeah, like Puddles. Yeah. It's something like that. Puddles is a sad clown that does comedy a sad, but it's very very creepy like they did a great job on that But I said everyone was talking about they wouldn't stop talking about do you see it? I? First one was in 2016 the second one was in 2022 and there's a third one coming out this year or it did really well but like I'm gonna I watched it and it was like dude it was like

you can't You can't you can't, you can't, you can't watch it. Yeah. Like there's people that love it. And I'm like, what are these people? The clown is his name and art. Oh, art, art, art. That's it. Art. Yeah. Yeah. He's the main art is right. Yeah. But they like, there was a scene where like he skinned someone. Yeah. Live. And then the person was sitting there alive in skin and then he just poured salt all over it just was like it's like it's disturbing yeah those but listen I'll also say at the same time I understand people enjoy

that yeah I don't enjoy that yeah it's just like having a taste of a thing that you don't like if something's too vinegary or like yeah too lime like like, ah, it's too, like, I'm not knocking it. I'm not saying like, fuck you if you like it. I'm just saying like, I am like, ah, I don't need that. I remember watching those faces of death videos and all those banned from TV shit. And it'd be like, all right, I'm good. I stumbled upon that.

And I was like, what the fuck? I don't want to see this, man. Did you ever watch, were you sensitive to horror movies? Look at that. You got to do the rock thing. Look at that. I was like, what the fuck? I don't want to see this man. Did you ever watch, were you sensitive to horror movies? Look at that, you got to do the rock thing. Look at that, I mean like straight up. You got to do the rock at WrestleMania. You know where he shows it. Fucking dumb shit.

Were you sensitive towards horror movies when you were a kid? Yeah, I wasn't ever big into like horror. Like when I saw Nightmare on Elm Street for the first time, that made me have to sleep with the light on for two and a half years. Two and a half years. I saw it like when it first came out. I was young. What year was it came out?

86 I think. Yes, I was 99 probably. And my sister, we had this like agreement after that because it scared the shit out of us. Somehow we got a hold on the VHS and remember watching it, like wanting to piss myself. And then we did this thing. My mom had to keep the hall light on. And my sister and I had bunks.

We shared a room. And literally, I'm talking two years, dude, I'd be like, right before we went to it, I kissed my mom good night. She woke out and I go, Dana, will you answer me? And she'd be like, yes, will you answer me? And I'd be like, yes. And that just meant that at any time in the night, no matter what, even if the other person's dead asleep,

if someone gets scared and wants to wake them up and say, Dane, wake up, they will get up and respond, thereby hopefully. Yeah, being like, we're not a dream. Yeah, when I'm dreaming. Right, he doesn't have us. Yeah, we used to do that. But then my sister, she could be such a bitch back then

that when we had a tiff that wasn't resolved by bedtime, I'd be like, will you answer me? She's like, nope. Wow. And I'd be like, but what are you doing? Please? Yeah. You know, like what if I told you, I already answered it and you're like, no, she was underneath dude. That would be, so like, I was like, you know, a top tier move would have if she bought the glove and then just went, how about I answer you right now? You're like, I'm fucking pissed everywhere. You would've had pissed, that piss would've been leaking through the bug bed on there.

I remember the visceral feeling of being that scared because it was nightly. I don't know if it was like that scared for two years, but it was like I had to sleep for two, but it was for a long time. You just burned through some bulbs. Yes, dude. It was for a long time that I felt sheer terror

going to sleep. Yeah. Like as a child, like my heart probably beating out of my chest, pouring sweat. Yeah. I used to go under the covers 100%. Oh, you were breathing hot air. I would wake up in the morning with my,

like a fever broke every night. My bed was so, my mom used to have to clean the sheets every night. That's, but you know what's funny is I remember specifically being little and the concept of this guy will come into your dreams. Yeah, that concept alone fucks you up. Fuck you guys.

It's like you could just see a killer run in the streets. Like Jason is no escaping him. Jason's at camp. You got to go to Camp Crystal Lake. Mike Myers, you got to be in Illinois. Yeah, everyone knows that. You gotta go to Camp Crystal Lake. Mike Meyers, you gotta be in Illinois. Yeah. Everyone knows that. Also, Freddie's anywhere. Also, he was a child molester. Yeah. Which they took out of the remake, which I'm mad about. Yeah. It's like he wasn't even just a kid. You're killing people because all these people,

you know, they harmed him in the neighborhood or this person killed his mother. He's just like, I'm gonna come into kids kids dreams and I'm going to just rape them and kill them and stab them and every, and you're like, well, how could this movie get made? Dude, it would have been, there was definitely a meeting where they were like, and Freddy fucks the kids. We can't do that. No, no, no. He's child bluster. So what do they want? Insinuated at least. I'll let you insinuate. He's like, Oh boy,

Oh boy. I can't wait to fresh meat. Dude. He's saying shit. What are you doing? Talking to shit. We're like, one, two, three, it's different than that. I'm a molester. Yeah. Like one of the other also, right? Like you don't have to have knives for fingers if you're gonna molest me. It's already a horror movie that's already bad enough. You got adult strength, you have adult intent.

Yeah. I don't need you wearing knives. How about, or then just give up the molesting and then just like scrape, scrape me. Do you think Freddie ever did it with his nail knives, like black woman with long nails when he's talking? He's like, you're all disrespecting me. You're all up in my shit.

You need to understand I'm a boss ass bitch. I'm coming through your nightmares, motherfucker. Clicking them together. He's holding like a huge Stanley water bottle. He's tapping on his mouth. He's like, these bitches, I want you to make one hell. I want you to make one an island. I'm an island guy.

He swings and they duck, he hits a metal pole. He's like, oh no, I just had my, I just had my knives did. Oh, you're gonna run from me? Oh, you know, I'm telling you right now, I can't even go see my girl until next Tuesday. You're fucked, you're fucked. All I'm saying is,

motherfuckers all up in my dreams, trying to stop my shit. Try to stop my shit. This is better than the Arnold's. Sassy, sassy black Freddy is not bad. Black Freddy is not bad. I wanna know why all these white motherfuckers all up in my shit.

Fuck you. So, you are absolutely the best. How long are we? Yeah. We're going super fast. Oh my God. The special, Terrified, speaking of. Yeah, really.

What a segue. Terrified, out now on YouTube. Go see it. It's fucking great. Beautifully filmed. Thank you brother. Love the pajama shirt. I know you got notes on the pajama shirt, but I think it's perfect in order for the hour. It was a big, it was a big choice. I was choosing between like five things that I went with that one. And I think go comfy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think you should have added the little, I should have with it. Like a lit candle. Is anyone out here? Next one full gown. I love it. Like go full sleep here. Just come in with like pull off a, um, a CPAP mask. Yeah, that's all. That's the cold open, but, but check it out. Go check out terrified. Go check out. Hey babe, go check out a taste buds. Yeah. And then my new tour is on sale right now 100% new material. It's not in the special. It's not anything if you ever see me on tour before it's called the everything's fine tour It's on sale right there the first 30 cities are up. We're adding like a hundred cities

So if you don't see your city, please don't yell at me and say I hate your city cuz I'm coming there I will become go in the comments fire off some really mean stuff. Yeah, I Mean get real get real agro out there Yeah That's source on since September and I'm finishing out the Joker's tour through August and that's the very end of this tour We've been doing it for like a year and a half So Savile counter comedy comm for any of those tickets and then you're gonna have a vacation No vacation no, okay, dude. I know you gotta do vacay

I know you gotta try to figure something out for this Bert tour. We're taking the there's no stop down and in For Road, but I finished filming this new season of Joe We just fulfill my season 11 it starts in July 11 that ends the first week of August. Yeah, you gotta go Enjoy yourself. Yeah, I know take two weeks off Fun, okay, we to watch Godzilla and I'll do it on Elm Yeah, I know. Take two weeks off, go have fun. Go smoke weed and watch Godzilla and Iron Elm Street as an adult. I gotta do it, it's important.