Soder - 39: Long Texts with Chris Porter | Soder Podcast | EP 39

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

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Hey everybody, I'm on the road. Per usual, August 9th and 10th, I will be at the San Jose Improv. So come on out if you're south of San Francisco, come and hang out in San Jose at the Improv August 9th and 10th. And then August 22nd through the 24th, I'm going to be in Buffalo at the Helium Comedy Club. I love Buffalo Helium. I've gone there for years.

Let's pack it out. And then Comedy Zone, Charlotte, North Carolina. That is the 29th of August through the 31st. Those are gonna be some fun shows. So come check me out in Charlotte at the Comedy Zone. Buffalo, Charlotte, San Jose, what a run. DanSoda.com for tickets. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] You're a KC guy. You're like a KC guy. DanSoda.com for tickets.

You're a KC guy. You're like a KC guy. And I'm a Niners fan. Sorry about that. And you are, you guys got us. I went to both Super Bowls. Oh, you did. I went to both losses. It is, well, you gotta be loving it

because KC always was like a perennial. We were people that don't like sports. We're recording. People that don't like sports. You can skip the first 20 minutes because Chris and I are going to go deep on this because I should hate you as a sports fan more than I do. Yeah. As a football fan, you guys are done. I don't want to see the chiefs do anything again for a while. The Royals, the Giants beat you guys in 2014. Yep. And then you guys popped back up and got a title the next year. Yes. So you guys aren't annoying in baseball. We're not. We're like the cousin that shows up every 10 years. Yeah. And you're like, Oh, I love you. And you'll be like, Oh, we'll see you next year. And then they're like, probably not. We'll be like I'll see you next year and then they're

like probably not. We got some dark times. We got some dark times. We don't have a lot of money. Did you start doing comedy in KC? Oh yeah. At Stanford and Sons? At Stanford and Sons with the Glazers. With the Glazers in Westport the original one. Not yeah not because I've only worked that club once and I know we say we don't talk about comedy a lot but if you know anything about Kansas City comedy, Stanford and sons is it's, it was an illegal casino. Basically. Yeah. It was the last of the eighties clubs. It was the last. The owners on blow owners on blow other owners on heroin. Yeah.

His brother would always go like this and they're all deceased. So rest in peace. But his brother would come in and go, here's how it's going to go. Craig's going to go out and do a little intro and see he's gonna do 15 and you're like every show where you're like I know how comedy works. Yeah, but like the third show you're like, okay. Yeah, man No, they just like to hear each themselves talk Yeah, that's it's crazy to me that when you start in a business like comedy you think like you see and I'm sure it's like This is another professions, but you see how it's done and you're like, Oh shit, this is crazy and this is going to be nuts.

And then you go somewhere else and you're like, Oh, it's like having alcoholic parents. Oh, a hundred percent. I compare myself. Like there's that old child's book, the briar rabbit, where like the rabbit lives in the briar patch where no one wants to be. And it's like, it's favorite. It's at home. So it's like, yeah, throw me in there. It's fine. Like I grew up in the briar patch of comedy, like every, like I go to all these mall funny bones and I'm just like, Hey, this is nice. This is great. No, it's trying to fuck my girlfriend.

You almost have like, yeah, you almost have like immigrant mentality of like when they come here and they go like work is work and you're like, yeah, oh sure, I should look at it like that. Oh, you're not gonna whip me? My check's gonna be right? Yeah, you're like, oh, fuck, it's gonna cash? Dude, my favorite Craig Glazer story is,

you know, coming up, like, you knew he was a drug addict, but he still had like connections to all the agents. Well, Big Jay and I on the bonfire did a deep dive. They put out this video series and I think it's been taken down off YouTube, but if you can find it, it's great. It's called A Man and His Dog. And it's basically Craig Glazer just bragging

about all the pussy he got as he harasses these dogs to sit on his lap. And he's great, he's like, nah, I fucked her and she, you know, I'm fucking her and she's the best body I've ever had. And you're like, yeah, this guy was still connected. Yes. I think I have his book.

I think, dude. The King of Sting, there it is. Right there. Right there. Autographed by the Glaze himself. Oh, that makes it worth $15. Ha ha ha. Love your comedy, good guy.

You will fly high in this game. Your friend, Craig Glazer. Now, can't be around for the Saturday early show. I got a slut at the bar. It's exactly what he said. Oh yeah. I think when he handed me this book. I begged him to watch a tape of mine.

Yeah. You know, when you're hosting, you're like, just give me some notes. And he made me sit upstairs and watch it with him and four strippers and he allowed the strippers to give notes. No way. Yes. Do you remember any of the notes that the strippers gave you? No, I was so in, like, it was the first time I was just like, I can't believe

I have to sit through this bullshit. I was so mad and they're- Just a girl chewing gum being like- I don't get it. I don't know, You're talking so loud. Black Barbie doesn't understand it. So if you slow it down, slow it down for her. I mean, if the strippers don't get it, how am I going to get it? Yeah, dude. That is great. I wish other artists had to go through this low level of judgment like a painter being like, Hey, we got a couple meth heads outside. Like a painter being like, hey, we got a couple of meth heads outside. Just come on out. They're going to just tell you how they feel about your technique. Strokes, everything. The use of oil on canvas.

I don't know. I don't really get it. Yeah. Yeah. I worked, you know, I would probably say that one of the only other jobs I've ever had, but it does come close as like radio. I worked, I did overnight at a rock station in Tucson and you would see shit like that. You would see shit where you're like, Hey, do we actually think we're in the entertainment business? Cause this does not feel, it feels like we're closer to a carnival. Oh, for sure. Especially back in the nineties and the early, like the shock jock days before Timberlake showed Janet's boo. I remember the first time I went, I took someone to radio.

It was bring your daughter to work day. And I brought in the host. When we show up, it was Johnny Dare, who's like the big shock jock in Kansas City. Who was friends and then a falling out and then a friendship with Craig Glazer. And I show up and there's a stripper there blowing a $10 bill off her vagina. Great.

And there's like a giant bay window looking into the studio. And I just remember being like, no, don't bring your daughter over here. And then they like brought in this girl that was in like an obese nudie mag. And she brought her son and so they're literally like opening the book and like seeing this girl just spread eagle and her kids like yeah I just I thought we were going to McDonald's. Yeah I was hoping to get a little sausage egg and cheese McMuffin. Yeah I just wanted to meet Johnny Deere. I didn't know we were going to look at my mom's vagina and where I came from. I wish we could tag those kids like cattle

and then just like see where they go. See where they roam. Like check in on a thing. We're like, oh he's dead. Oh, he's signaling out. Oh, he's at a crack dealership. A crack dealership. That'd be great.

That'd be come on down to Jimmy's crack. He's like, I'm selling everything. And I mean everything. Cause I'm smoking my own stash. I will do whatever you want me to do for however much you want me to do it for. I'll suck you, I'll fuck you. I just need more crack.

Come on down. Yeah, I know I should have it, but you have it. Yeah, it is that kind of like bring your kid to work day should only exist in offices or places where kids can watch their parents sit at a desk. You should only go watch your parent go. I don't want to do that. Yeah, basically is that well, or as a parent, you go, I know I'm supposed to bring you to work today, honey,

but Johnny Dare has three strippers coming in today. So I can I'll bring you in tomorrow because kids would easily take that day to go. I'll stay at home and play video games. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want I don't need to see that and be traumatized by watching a $10 bill shoot off a girl's pussy. I'm going to fuck your brain up. I'm going to fuck your brain up. You're going to watch it. Cause now the kid has to learn about, well, it kind of is a learning experience because you're learning about science of pushing air through biology, biology, anatomy, sexuality.

You come back with marks, dude, if your mom is a stripper going on a Johnny Dare show and you're just like, that's her pussy. Yeah, there it is. Do you think that makes, I think that's like the recipe for making someone that could be great. Like a musician. I mean, there's, there is that possibility, like a rose growing from a pile of trash. Yeah. But let's be honest, probably not a lot of more flies.

Yeah. You're just making flies around shit. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, there are a lot of, you know, you know, we all know comics or, or music or artists of any kind. They're like, yeah, I came up from a really fucked up. Like they tell their story and you're just like,

how are you a person? But we only highlight those ones. We don't highlight the majority. I feel like the news does it for us. Yeah. Where they just go to a triple murder and you're like, follow the, follow the wire. And you're like, there it is. Johnny there. Show. That makes total sense. that's why that happened. What were your parents like? So it's so funny, I'm in couples therapy with my girlfriend.

Yeah. And she's been through fucking everything. Yeah. And she goes, what's your experience with therapy and the therapist? And I was like, I grew up in the best childhood ever. Like my parents were still together. They're still, I mean, they fought like everybody does.

That's just two people being close together. That's just two people being close together, but it was never, my dad was never drunk. My mom was never drunk. It was always very, like family time was always great. And like, even when we were poor, my sister and I didn't know it Yeah, a lot of times I grew up, you know middle class like dead middle class But a lot of my friends that grew up poor when you talk to them, they're like I didn't really even know

Yeah, no, sometimes I'd be embarrassed cuz I didn't have the right shoes We lived middle like we lived in a middle-class house, but it was like my parents were moving up the ladder Sure so when we first moved in like my mom will tell you, like there were days where like we had peanut butter and jelly because that's what we could have that day. Yeah, I think like money issues it's it's sometimes I think mostly it's negative to put it on like to bring it up to the kid but I think it can be positive if you go like because my mom was always like hey we can't afford that. Yeah. She would just say stuff.

That's what my mom would say. When the Ken Griffey juniors came out. Yes. There's no way I'm spending $100 on sneakers 100% There's just no way I can't afford that So we're gonna go to we're gonna go to famous footwear and you're gonna get something that can pass off as that Oh, dude, I remember one time there was a pair of Reebok pumps at the store pumps were huge pumps were huge I own a parent like I'm a big sneaker guy. I have one pair of pumps specifically for 16 year old Chris. Yeah, heal that inner child. Oh yeah.

That's every, I mean that's being a sneaker head. Do they work? I never bought pumps. Do they actually grip your pump? I mean they grip your pump, they get thicker. Do they pump you up? Do they really pump you up? I mean when you put, I mean I still pump them.

Yeah, you got it. They're unlaced and pumped. So it makes no sense. I was thinking about going back and getting LA gear light up when you walk. Because I always wanted those and my mom was like those are ridiculous. My girlfriend and I were in a Balenciaga store and I'm starting to make enough money to where those prices don't scare me. Sure. And they had a pair of $1,500 light up shoes and she had to talk me out of it. That's a good girlfriend. I see why you're going through therapy.

So you can keep her. She was like, bro. I was like, she was like, it does like a thousand colors. Like you can download an app or whatever. That's pretty cool. And I was like, so I could just- Honestly, I'm starting to be more Team Chris than her. Dude, and I was like, what a flex that would be.

Just stomping you like- Just stomping you like, hey. Matching your shirt. When you just go to the thing and you go, I'm gonna do Pete. Oh, did I change shirts? Well, it's Fuchsia now, mother fuck shirt. When you just go to the thing and you go, I'm gonna do pee. Oh, did I change shirts? Well, it's fusion now, motherfucker. Watch me walk away. Bloop, bloop, bloop.

But that also has gotta be, that's one of the only things that you enjoy that other people will be like, why are you doing that? That's like a thing, that's like an obnoxious shoe. Oh yeah. Where if you're not wearing it and you're not friends with you, you're like, look at this fucking guy.

This fucking asshole. Teal lights. And you're like, yeah. But then part of me is like, I don't mind being that guy. Yeah. That's getting older. Were you like that when you were younger? No, when I was younger, I was super like, what do you think about this?

Is this cool? If you don't think this is cool, I will take all of this off right now. I would say that is the best part of hitting your forties is you start to go like, I like it. I like it I like it. I don't I don't care. I don't give you look stupid. Well good Yeah, cuz no, you know what that 24 year old girl wasn't gonna fuck me Anyway, dude, I when I went to college at the University of Arizona I was like totally comfortable in Colorado wearing jean shorts and liquor t-shirts that my friend Danny's dad gave me

Yeah, just he was a liquor salesman and he just give me a box of liquor teas. And I was like, dude, whatever, I'm gonna fuck. And then I went to Arizona and everyone's like, what are you wearing? And that was the first time I felt like naked at school. I was like, Jorts, Jorts and a Sousa tequila shirt isn't cool. Come on. But I'm almost like me for my personality. Yeah.

I'm almost back to it. I'm almost like, dude, dig up a box of those shirts. Let me get a fucking. Oh, I showed they had this it. I'm almost like dude dig up a box of those shirts. Let me get a bucket I showed they had this vintage Pepsi Michael Jackson t-shirt from the 1980s and I was like, I was like, oh I gotta get that Yeah, she was like it looks stupid. I was like so did everything from the 80s. Yeah, like it's just that's what the 80s look like Yeah, I found comfort, you know, like I went in early 20s the first time I shed carrying was professional wrestling

because I'm a big pro wrestling fan and I would like hide it like I was gay. Like they would be like, you watch wrestling? You're like, no, what? And then I got DVR and I got back into Monday Night Raw. And then I was like, I think I'm gonna buy an Andre the Giant shirt. And then I just started wearing it.

And then you see other people and it like forms a community where like you're wearing an NWO shirt I'm wearing an Andre the Giant shirt we're connected in some way. The worst is when you go assert like I mean if anyone's seen my first special I'm wearing bell bottoms a crushed velvet jacket. Dude that look is fucking wild. You got the long curly hair. I got the long curly hair like I look like the auxiliary percussionist for Menace.

Was that a phase where you were like, dude, this rocks? Well, I grew up huge fan of the Black Crows, Almond Brothers. All of my heroes looked exactly dressed like that. 70s rockers. So when I finally got money of any kind, I went and got bell bottoms made and got all the shirts and jackets that I wanted to wear. And I was like, oh, I went and got bell bottoms made and went and got all the shirts and jackets that I wanted to wear. And I was like, Oh, I'm going to, I'm starting this. Yeah. I thought I was going to start a trend.

I'm like, here comes the beginning of something big. I'd show up to a gig in Peoria and people just like, who is this queer bow? Did you ever feel the audience feel that when you went up and like that, were you like confident enough that you were like, cause some people can do that and wear it. And the audience feel that when you went up and like that? Were you like confident enough that you're like, cause some people can do that and wear it. And the audience goes, I'm not breaking this guy, but I feel like me and you are similar in the way that an audience can smell that we had any moment ago. Do I look stupid? This is stupid.

I definitely know an audience can tell when I don't feel like a couple of the bird shows this week. Like I didn't really go up there with a plan. Like I was just like, here we go, also you're in an arena balls move. You're an arena ball Yeah, and you're just like I'll start with this and see where it goes Yeah, and then I was like after that I was but as soon as like I was like, what do I do next? I could feel the room. Yeah be like I don't think he knows what he's doing. Yeah, dude, that is, that is, that's the, comedy's the job where that is dangerous only for you. Like a doctor, if you feel that way.

You're like, am I in danger? If they go like, I don't, I've never heard that before. And you're like, you're supposed to hear all this shit. You're supposed to know exactly what the fuck I'm going through. Yeah, no, we're the only ones I think that can just be like, what the fuck was I doing? A mechanic being like, huh.

The engine doesn't work. Huh. Huh. Even someone doing like fixings on your house or like landscapers going like, yeah, I don't know. Never cut that, never edged it that way. I'll start at the yard and just kind of figure it out from there.

And I'm starting to see, I'm starting to feel like comedy is a little overexposed. That's why I was saying like, I don't like to talk about it too much on podcasts. Because I'm starting to realize that other people are realizing that we don't know what the fuck we're doing. And we're like, we were enjoying it for too long. And then some of us started acting like we knew what we were doing. And the audience goes, you don't know what you're doing. And that feeling, you're like, I don't, I don't. But Bell Bottom's on stage.

I had to do it. But on stage, I never felt different. Really? As soon as I got on stage, I was like, this is the show. We're rocking it. I'm a rock star. I'm dressed like a rock star. But walking into the club were people looking at you at the bar I wasn't really like once ugly and angry

came out like there were people that knew what they were getting into sure but before I mean I wore it for four years leading up to that yeah it's and you're still winning crowds every night and I're still winning crowds every night. And I'm still winning crowds every night. But walking in, people will just be like, who the fuck? I remember I was in Tampa. Side splitters. Improv. Okay. And Ebor City. Yeah. Oh, Ebor City. Yeah. So I leave the improv and there was a sandwich shop that was open. I don't think it's there anymore. And I walk in and the guy just looked at me goes, what is it? Seventies night? And you go, fuck. I just went, I looked at him. I go, what is it? 70s night? And you go, fuck. I just went, I looked at him, I go, what is a deli night? And it was a stupid joke,

but I didn't know what else to say. I was like, you're stupid. You're fucking. Make me a sandwich. Fuck, got it. I'm so hurt. This is always funny now is like the internet really shows you people when like people attack you

and you go back at them and they're like, well, I was just joking. And you're like, oh fuck, all right. I get so defensive. Cause it's hard to tell tone in the comment. You can't do, are you bad at texts? Oh, you miss read texts a lot. Oh, all the time, especially with your significant other. You're like, Hey, why are you yelling at me? She was like, I was just giving you shit. You come in and you're like, are we in something? You're like, no, not at all. It's busting your balls. Oh, OK. My bad.

Have you had the therapist in couples therapy take her side too many times? To be fair, we've only done it once. So it's kind of like a feel it out kind of thing. But so far, she seems to be pretty fair. I feel like I would be very sensitive of the fact. I would be like, squirming in my head. No, I'm trying. I mean, I would be very sensitive of the fact. I would be like squirting in my head. No, I'm trying.

I mean, I'm trying not to. We'll see what happens. But yeah, I'm just trying to find out if it's me. Yeah, that's all you want. Yeah, like, cause I don't think it is. Yeah. And if it is, I'm at an age now where it's like, we better fix this shit.

Yeah, you can't do the 20s thing where you're like, whatever, it's cool. I'm at an age now where it's like we better fix this shit. Yeah, you can't do the 20s thing where you're like whatever it's cool I'm crazy If you don't love this you won't like this is who I am I'm so fucking nuts and you're like no dude. That's not how it is you get into your 40s You're like no man fucking you're stupid You're you're an idiot and sometimes you're kind of a dick. I'm having that moment a lot right now where you're like, Oh fuck, it's me. Yeah. Oh fuck. It's me. Like I'll have a thing.

I'm having a thing right now where like if a friend doesn't text back, I'll start being like, well, what the fuck? Oh yeah. What the fuck? What you think? What? We're not friends. Oh, I'm there for you. You're not there for me. And then I call them and they're like, I'm busy. Yeah, dude. I was, Oh dude. when you, and they're always super apologetic. Yeah. And like, you're coming in hot, like, oh, I'm gonna light this dude up.

And they're like, bro, I'm so sorry. My mom was in the hospital and then my dad got in a car wreck. You're like, oh, okay, that's fine then. I just went through a thing. I grew up with Mike McDaniel, the head coach of the Miami Dolphins. Oh yeah.

And so I've just like, when I'm walking my dog or whatever, I'll call a friend, just like to talk. Someone I haven't talked to in a while. One of my old friends from Colorado or whatever, a comic that I know might be like out somewhere. And I've been calling, it's end of the season. You know, your chiefs knocked him out. I was at that game.

It was horrifically cold. Yeah. Thank God I got to- People literally lost digits. And died. And died. I think a guy died. We got to sit inside. So thanks Mike We tailgated and we were like Me my friend Chad and his brother Cole were laughing at how cold it was dude

I was offered so many tickets to that game to they were giving them away and I was like there's no way I went To a Green Bay game sat in a, and then they opened the windows. That's ridiculous. As soon as the game starts, I'm like, No, no, no. What are we doing? That's Wisconsin brain where they go like. That is Wisconsin and they look at me.

If they're gonna go through it, we're gonna go through it. It's not that bad. Yeah, oh, but it's just some, it's a light wind. And you're like, it is 12 degrees. Yeah, dude. I couldn't get inside fast enough. I was in Lawrence. We went to the University of Kansas basketball game that sure and I my sister wanted to go watch the game

At a bar three blocks away, which is too far to walk at negative 12, but not far enough to uber Yeah, and so where you get in the uber and you feel bad for the driver Yeah, you feel like you hand them 20 bucks and you're just like, just, I'm not trying to die here. And, uh, I remember walking back. I was drunk and we had one, but I was still just like, I was, it was so cold. It made me mad. Yeah. I was just, Oh, it's funny when weather affects you like that, dude, where it pulls an emotion out of you. Cause we got out of the truck at arrowhead. We parked, we were like tailgating. We were in the truck, heats blasting, we're fine or whatever. And then we geared up, put

everything on and we stepped outside and I just started maniacally laughing. I was like, this is crazy. This is insane. And also this game is on television. Yeah, it's also like, I started getting mad about, it's funny when weather is so bad It makes you start questioning other things where I went Why is the why is the Browns Texans game the day game right now? Yeah, and this is the night game. Yeah, this should be during the day game. So the sun's up so it's less cold Why don't we just cover the streets with a roof and heat them? Why are we still outside? Why don't we live outside? Why don't we?

Fraggles Why are we still being outside all the time? Why do we live outside? Why don't we live in the frackles, underneath the ground where there is no weather? Burrow, Kansas City. But it was, dude, it was one of those games where we went on the, we always go like, whenever I go to a Dolphins game, we go on the sidelines and say what's up to Mike. But it was so cold that you just couldn't tell

who anyone was. And I have a picture with me and his father-in-law, and it's like a time travel thing where the barometer was like, it was like spinning because it didn't know how cold it was. It was like pinned and then it would pin again and it was broke.

And you're like, dude, this is crazy. And it just comes up, it's fucking cold. Yeah, and my home's helmet cracked. Do you remember that? Like it cracked and they had to get it a whole new helmet for him. We don't need that. You don't need that football game. We can postpone it. Yeah, just everyone come

back to me. You make the Super Bowl the next week like reschedule plans. People are people are walking around. But thank God the Chiefs won the Super Bowl. Because if they would have gotten bounced in like the divisional round after that, they're like, Yeah, I went to the Chiefs game and now I can't hold stuff. Chiefs lost 93. 23.

You saying three rings? No, I lost that. No, that was, that was. I lost that too. I lost the middle one because I was flipping them off when they left. Dude, and it was just one of those things where you went inside and you're like,

this is the most privileged I've felt in a long time. But I just, look man, I love my Chiefs, I love my Royals, but there's, I just don't understand that level of fandom. Well, what it is is I think it becomes, you're like, you feel like the Chiefs are gonna know. I guess. If you left. Maybe for some people. I would have pissed myself to make myself warm

Maybe as a pro but I think as a performer or someone that is in front of people Man, I kind of have this thing where I'm like, they don't care. They don't care. They don't care That's why when someone gets traded to like or they sign with the divisional rival and people are like, how can you it's like? They don't care about you. Yeah, it's a business. They care about you in the moment. They're hookers But also that team doesn't care about them either. No, that's like, they don't care about you. Yeah, it's a business. They care about you in the moment. They're hookers. But also that team doesn't care about them either. No, that's why teams move. Yeah.

Like Oakland, lost everybody. Oakland was so dedicated, cause I grew up, my dad's family's from the Bay Area. I'm real big into the Niners, real big into the Giants. But then I'm a Denver Nuggets fan cause I grew up in Colorado. Oh, okay. And I picked them. That was the one team that I chose. Niners and Giants, but then I'm a Denver Nuggets fan because I grew up in Colorado. And I picked them.

That was the one team that I chose. Niners and Giants were shoved down my throat, which I love. It's like a religion, but now with the Nuggets, I'm like, oh, it's paying off. I chose them and finally they're good again. But Oakland, I remember watching them with the Warriors when the Warriors were garbage.

And just they would kind of be okay. And then they got a dynasty and they're like, we're going across the water to San Francisco. Yeah. All these tech bros built us a new state, a new arena. But also it's on Oakland to be like, oh, well, if we want these, we want this awesome basketball team, we're going to have to pay some money. Exactly. Yeah.

And it is, I think with sports, a lot of the times people forget that it's business, dude. And like that Oakland stadium was the baseball scene was garbage. Yeah. And it is I think with sports a lot of the times people forget that it's business Dude and like that Oakland Stadium was the baseball scene was garbage. Yeah, and call see him years Yeah, or not even the Coliseum the Oakland A's Park Yeah, and now they're leaving and going to Sacramento for two seasons and then they're gonna go to the Vegas So they're gonna get that stadium looks amazing. Yeah, and it's just like Kansas City They just knocked down a downtown stadium. Yeah. Because all these fucking rednecks never leave. They don't they've never

been to a downtown stadium. Yeah. Like I firmly believe that as soon as you go to any stadium like Denver Pittsburgh St. Louis where it's downtown. Yeah. You're like, oh, we have to have a stadium downtown. I mean Oracle Park for the Giants

is right near downtown San Francisco. And it's like a beautiful baseball park. And you go and you go have you eat right around the park. You get some drinks. Cleveland, when you go to that park, how great is it going in when you I got to go to a day playoff game when I was working hilarities because the stadium is right there and you like you don't even see it. Like you're walking down the street.

Oh, shit progressive field. Yeah, that's how it is. like, oh shit, progressive field. Yeah, that's how it is. Detroit, Ford Field, right downtown Detroit. So you can just walk in and you're like, oh, this is what a city should be. Whenever you go to a city like that, Indianapolis, or any of that, you're like, oh, it's right here.

You know, Denver is pretty close. These stadiums where you have to drive 40 fucking minutes. Listen, that's the problem with the Niners, is they're now in Santa Clara. They're just in a whole different town. Yeah, you gotta like, that's a day trip. Yeah, it is. 40, 45 minutes on the 101 to get down there.

And that's if traffic's okay. If it's okay. We're not talking about game day traffic. Four hours. Yeah, but also you kind of understand if you want to keep the theme alive of it being a business, they need owners want as much help as they can get building a billion dollar. Yeah. Because they want to make money. The whole reason they own the team is so that they can make money. And it's like, oh yeah, if the difference is it's going

to cost me four billion to put it downtown or two billion and I get some help from the county, I'm going to put it in a fucking field. But also that county is going to make a mint because they're going to parking restaurants, everything that would go to that city and taxes on everything that's sold within that in that state. That shit has to be so complicated that if you're a lawyer that deals with that, you got to like whenever you hear these talking heads on ESPN or whatever, you go, it's not that easy. It's yeah. And those are the guys that are like 40 years old and are on 19

heart medications. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's like, dude, I had to study five fucking law books to understand. I've got three municipalities barking down my throat. I got a guy, I got a city council. I've never even heard of before. Oh, you got to ruin me. I got you got couples therapy. Yeah, I got the mayor of New York City. Yeah. Well, that's the whole thing.

They were like trying to get a stadium in New York City and everyone's like, fuck that. What are you doing? That's not going to work. You're going to put it. But what's it would to the original point, it's just funny to know that there's guys like us texting one of those guys being like, doesn't answer my text. Yeah. We're like fucking good friends.

And the guy's like, you have no idea what I'm going through. I thought the owner of the Royals and I were tight. But apparently he's busy. What happened was I called McDaniel and then I was texting him and I said to Katie, my fiance, I go, this guy's not calling me back or whatever. And then I put on ESPN and he's at University of Texas is pro day. Watch this. Just like three weeks ago, watching quarterbacks throw and I go, Oh, that's probably, Oh,

jelly rolls. A good buddy of mine. And like I'll be, we'll text all the time. And then all of a sudden it'll fall off the face of the planet. And then I'll see him and he'd be like, ah, change my number again. Yeah. And I'm like, Oh, well, thanks for the heads up. But you don't understand that his number gets out. I've never judged, knowing Pete Davidson, when he changes his number six times, you go, I'm sure there's a lot of crazy people

that want your phone number. That when they get it, they ruin it for the rest of them. And also you get drunk or high, and you think this dude's cool, and you give him your number, and then. And just invite him into the house and then they're just and Next thing you know, he's calling you every fight Like we've all had it happen to us and we're not even Pete Davidson

Have you ever texted someone famous or DM someone famous and regretted it instantly? Like as far as like reaching out to them like cold call or Both or just sending a text that you're like, I wish I could have that one back. Yeah. They're like, especially, like, especially when I first meet a celebrity, like it's hard to, like your brain is like, Oh, I should tell them this. They'll think this is hilarious. And then like, then you're like, you type it out and you send it. You're like, that was stupid. That is obviously me just trying to say hello. Yeah now you can delete the text but it lets them know they

deleted the text yeah you're like why did you unsend me oh I thought I sent it to another Chris Robinson I just immediate yeah dude that's got to be one I mean you feel like you feel like Scotty and boogie nights you send it you're like I'm fucking idiot you almost want to call me? I'm sorry. I'm sorry dude. Hey guys, I want to let you know a little secret of mine. I used to search grocery stores and try to find all the best foods and stuff. Well guess what? I'm all about Fresh Direct now. Farm to kitchen food source directly from farmers, fishermen and ranchers delivered straight to your door.

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special soon he's fucking great I saw him around Christmas time also one of those guys that I haven't seen in six years but as soon as I see him him, it'll be like no time has passed. Those are the great people, friends like that, that don't take it personally. Yeah. When you don't see him forever. You're just like, this is life, man. This is great. We get busy. Yeah. And you, you do your thing. I do, you know, especially when you're in our industry and we're all in one man submarines most of the time. Yeah. And then we come out and we're like, oh, there's a world outside of the four people that I communicate with.

Yeah, and then you're like, hey, and you gotta remember that. I mean, I know we take it personally, but you gotta remember that. Yeah, but I don't, again, like, I don't take it personally with people like Nick because we were never super close. But anywho, Nick calls me one day.

We were hanging out a lot more at this time. And he was he was on the Tonight Show as like a correspondent. Yeah. For so much so that like his family stopped going. That's so funny. You know, they're over it when they're like, I know, no, we were there last week. I want to drive to Burbank again. Fine. So he like they go like this. Then it's your job. Then you're the kid with your mom in the pussy of Johnny Deere. We go like, that's what she does. Oh, yeah. No, my parents used to and I get it.

My parents used to come to a lot of shows and now they come to one. And that's it. And then I don't need to see any more of them. Good new act. Good new act. Like this joke, like this joke. I'll be in bed. Yeah. But Nick Thun called and he goes, Hey, man, the black crows are on the show today. I don't have any guests. If you want to come out, you're more than welcome.

And he knew you're he knew I was just over. I, at this point, I'd probably traveled to 30 different places to see him. Love that. And so, and luckily I had like three hours to prepare. Breathe. Yeah. Because I met Robin Williams by surprise one time. Me too. So and luckily I had like three hours to prepare breathe Yeah, because I met Robin Williams by surprise one time me too and was an absolute basket case Because I remember all I wanted to tell him and it was a long sentence, but I was like my dad's best friends

In business with your brother, okay They did some wine stuff together great and I thought that was gonna was going to be my in. You thought that was going to open everything. And I just kept going, my dad's my dad's. And he was cool. He's like, okay. And it was me, Anthony Clark and my friend Charlotte and he was full Robin Williams. Yeah. Like just like, Oh, this guy, look at her. Oh, what are they going with it? Like you see it happening. You're like, I can't believe this is it. You're doing it! That moment scarred me for life. So like for three hours, I was like,

don't Robin Williams this. Don't Robin Williams this. I would have killed to have like a ring doorbell of you in your apartment going, hi, Chris Porter. Chris Robinson, Chris Porter. What up, Mr. Robinson? No.

Hey, see ya. Chris? Fucking. Kate Hudson!? No. Hey, see ya. Chris? Uh, fuckin'. Kate Hudson! Kate Hudson. We started doing stuff. We're like, oh, whoa! Hey, who's twice as hard? Not like Stu, fuck.

Fuck. Hey, am I hard to handle? God damn! Two sorts of songs. Did she talk to angels? Ah! So, and I just, I was like, introduce yourself, be cool,

and don't speak unless spoken to. Was kind of my thing. Great self-advice. And it was good, cause I got to the thing, went to Nick's green room, we're just kinda hanging out. Could he tell you were nervous? I don't know, you'd have to ask Nick. He didn't say anything about it, but I'm sure he could tell.

Cause as a friend, you gotta be like, it's like first date energy. You're like, all right dude, you're gonna meet her. Just keep putting on your chapstick. You're like, you look good. Yeah, I look good. So I go watch Nick do his segment and then we're leaving. We're walking out of the studio and I'll never forget it.

We look to the right and Chris Robinson's kind of holding court with like five guys. And was come on and he just walked he walks right through the guys marks right up to Chris Robinson He goes hey, man. I'm Nick. I was just on the show and Chris is like, yeah, sorry and he goes This is my buddy Chris. He's a huge fan. I just want to introduce you guys. He's like, hey, what's up, man? Hang out and you know feel free to hang out so we just sat there and this like circle of dudes and he shot the shit and I made a couple jokes and like it went well and I was like all right all right. That's a situation though and I want people to know at home doesn't always go well. No. Because you are I and I'll tell you a younger Dan would have like laughed too much or been like got him. Do stuff like that.

Chris Robinson from way back. Oh, black crow more like black no. I gotta go, I have to leave right now. Cause you have that feeling. It is, it's. I'm gonna shake my money maker on down the line here buddy. You don't wanna be too much. Yeah, but you also don't wanna be the weird guy

that's just staring at him. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, I played it off. And then at the end, I go, hey, man, it was a pleasure to meet you. I got my picture with him. And I go, I'll see you in a few weeks. I'll be in Kansas City at that show.

And he goes, oh, man, you got to come backstage and hang out. Where you just threw the hat. Or did you get the cold water chest? I was like, oh, both. Where it starts to close in and get gray. And then it's like, so I'm like, yeah, that'd be great. So we called the tour manager over and he goes, give him your email, make sure he's on the list

for Kansas City. So two weeks later, me and my best friend of the time, we go and I go, hey man, I I know how this goes it's been two weeks there's a lot of shit that's going on smart if we walk up to the box office and we don't have passes just don't don't be mad don't be mad don't be butt hurt don't let it ruin your evening I'll tell you right now tempering your expectations in that moment is probably one of the smartest things you can do expectations in that moment is probably one of the smartest things you can do on any level because you go like, hey, whatever happens is a win. You've got to remember we're on the outside looking in.

I feel like a lot of people now, and I don't want to, but I could see myself getting carried away, especially in the age of marketing where everyone's going like, you're the main character. This is your story. You kind of go like I met him. He said this. This is someone that believed his alcoholic father was always coming, going to come back. That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Smart to temporary expectations. And so I walked. So we walked up and I'm like, yo, if this doesn't work out, just don't be mad. Let's just enjoy the show. And he goes, okay. And I walked over to the box office and I go, hey, I think I'm on the ban list.

My name's Chris Porter. She pulls out this full eight and a half by 11 sheet of paper. It has the black crow's logo and one fucking name on it. And it's mine. And she goes, yep, that's you. And hands us two passes and we wanes world our way. We didn't know where to go.

We just walked in like, where does this, where does this get us? You want to show anybody? There's a bunch of guys in yellow shirts going, I don't fucking know. Yeah, they're like, they're like, that gets you anywhere you want to go. And I just goes, where's the band? That's awesome. And he goes, the elevator's up there. He told us how to get there. And I just remember turning the corner and they're all just kind of hanging out like it was an American Apparel commercial at the end of the hallway. And I turned the corner and Chris goes, there he is. And I was like, oh, fuck. Did you come a little bit?

Yeah, you shoot. You should pre come right there. You're the fuck. You're like, oh, fuck. Was he into them, too? Oh, he was my road dog for all of the 30 shows. That's the best because you don't want to go with someone that is like, oh, is that him? It smells weird.

Yeah. Yeah. It's all a patchouli. Yeah. And we showed up, and he talked to us. Literally, they pulled him away. And we didn't. They went right on stage.

And we didn't even get out front in time for first notes. It was like, oh, OK, I'll be right back. Ha, ha. It was like that. And like the friendship just kind of kept going. And, uh, do you feel after, so here's a good follow-up is after that happens, what do you do for the second hang? Cause you got the tour managers, were their numbers exchanged? He gave me his email. Chris gave me his personal email after that. Now, and I was what was that draft

process? You're like, don't don't abuse this. Yeah. Don't send him memes. Yeah. Like just you always want to send them me.

I said so I sent him a nice like thank man. Thanks for everything. Great. Thanks for having us backstage. Great. Great. This is a great lesson for anyone

that gets an email because I'm I've never met. I'm a huge Queens of the Stone Age fan. I've never met Josh Homme, but I'm learning from you. If the situation ever happens, I'm going to be like, remember what Chris Porter did. Just get the email. Don't temper your expectations. So funny story. Bert Kreischer calls me the other day.

I'm in Nashville and he goes, I met Chris Robinson last night, it did not go well. And I go, go on. Oh yeah. And he goes, so I'm at Dan Tanna's with Whitney Cummings and her boyfriend, Chris something or other. And the only reason I said that is because it comes into play later.

I saw Chris Robinson and I said, Oh, he's friends with Chris Porter. I'm a huge fan. That's my end. That's always the end is if you know somebody I know, I'm going to use that name like a credit card, like we're buddies because we're you have a friend. He, but then Burt goes, Burt says he was like, well, I thought, you know, I'm pretty big. Maybe you knew who I was. Bert also, and here's the thing about Bert,

it's very lovable, but also can be dangerous. He's a drag race car. He doesn't go zero to 60 on a highway. He goes zero to 120 in 15 feet. And he just, he walks up to Bert, and he walks up to Chris and he goes, Hey! Which might work. Which might work. It's like seven out of ten times. Especially if you're Bert fucking Christ. I mean he's doing arenas. Yeah. You're like, even if you don't know who he is, you're

probably like, I know you from somewhere. Yeah, he's got on my algorithm. Yeah. And Chris is just like, Chris isn't on Instagram or anything like that shit. He was like, he's a rock star. He's like, Hey. oh, Chris, Chris reads all the time. I love that. Yeah. He's like, he's not on stage or playing music. He's got his nose in some weird like psych, psychotic, not psychotic, but yeah, psychological trippy. Oh, yeah. Space book.

Yeah, I love that. Yeah. No, he's he's he's really cool. He's he's an interesting dude. Anyway, Bert walks up to love that. Yeah. No, he's, he's, he's really cool. He's a, he's an interesting dude. Anyway, Bert walks up to him and he goes, Hey, and Chris is like, Hey, and he goes, Oh, I'm friends with, I'm friends with your buddy. And Chris goes, who's your buddy? And he goes, says Chris Robinson. That's so funny. You, I'm friends with you. You're my buddy. We're buddies now. And Chris goes, no. And he goes, I'm sorry.

I'm friends with Chris. He says Whitney's boyfriend's name. Oh no, Bert, you're O and two. You're down O and two in the count. And Chris is like, I don't know who the fuck that is. Oh. Bert goes, fuck. Oh shit.

Who's your buddy that's a comedian? And CR goes, Chris Porter. And he's like, yeah, I'm friends with him. And now that sounds, from Chris Robinson's perspective, it sounds like you're just trying to find the end. Yeah, he goes, you didn't even know his name. But Burt looks at him and he goes, I don't even know my name right now.

That's great. That's great, that's redeemable. And there's a video on his Instagram that Whitney shot of the whole thing. Great. Including Bert coming back going, that did not go well. Yeah, that's great. That is great. Oh, I want to learn a new language. Oh, I would love to learn a new language, but I can't take a class.

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Like I'm from Kansas, so hockey means nothing. Yeah, it's so funny. Cause Katie is from Boston, huge Bruins, huge hockey. Hockey is like their sport. Yeah. I've never, I was kind of into the abs in 96 and 01, growing up in Colorado, but didn't stick with it. If you're not in one of eight cities in this country,

you don't give a shit. If you're in one of of eight cities in this country, you don't give a shit. If you're in one of those cities. Yeah, you're like. Because I'm getting into it now. Oh, are you? And it's fun. It is. I can't, I never know what's going on.

Playoff, here's the thing, and this is just my honest sports fandom. I'm highly committed to the NFL. Preseason, regular season, playoffs. I know everything that's going on. I know about the draft. I read other people's drafts reports. I know everything that's going on. I know about the draft. I read other people's drafts reports. I just love the NFL.

Everything else, playoffs. I'll watch regular season basketball, because I like it. If it's on, I'll watch some regular season baseball. But I lock in before the playoffs. And so now, hockey playoffs, I'm like, these are fucking unbelievable. Yeah.

It's just so much. Now marrying into a hockey family, you're like, oh, this fucking rules. And then it opens up one of the most embarrassing stories about not knowing sports. Probably like 12 years ago, all I had was a seller spot at two in the morning. So I'm like, fuck, and I'm living in Queens.

I'm like, I'm not, when am I gonna come in at 12, 30 in the morning? So I'm like, fuck it, I don't know, I'll stay at home. And then Sam Merrill texts me and he goes, hey, Joe Mackey and I are having a joint birthday party at Playwrights across from Caroline's. Come and hang out, great. I had quit drinking by then, but I was like,

I'll get high and I'll go hang out with them. It'll be fun hanging. I show up, I'll get high and I'll go hang out with them. It'll be a fun hang. I show up, I walk into the bar and Sam goes, and Bill Burr's over at the bar watching the Bruins and the Blackhawks. It's like Stanley Cup. And I'm like, oh, Bill Burr's one of my favorite comedians. I'll go say hi.

And I go over and Burr's like, hey, what's up Danny, how you doing? And I'm like, and I stood there and tried to watch hockey and Bill Burr's a very big Boston Bruins fan. And I stood there and tried to watch hockey and it felt, I felt so fucking out of place. It's like watching opera. Dude, and I just, I felt like a girlfriend.

I kept being like, are the good guys winning? Like, you know, like, So is this going well? And I'd be like, oh, that was a good play. And he's like, you know, when you're super into something, like when I watch professional wrestling and someone's like, what is that? And you go, it's a ladder match.

You like have to explain something. So it is like, it's tough to get into if you don't know anything, but you have to have a little grace. But man, now that I'm getting into it, I'm like, teach me everything. I'm like laying on it. That's awesome. Yeah, no, cause uh. But Wayne G it, I'm like, teach me everything. I'm like laying on. That's awesome.

Yeah, no, because. But Wayne Gretzky is Wayne Gretzky. Is Wayne Gretzky. I met him at Kid Rock's house in Malibu. Pretty cool. And I walked in and he stood up and he goes, hey, I'm Wayne. And I looked over. I was like, oh, fuck, Wayne Gretzky.

Yeah. But the fact that I didn't, I wasn't immediate like, probably put him at ease. He lovedky. Yeah. But the fact that I didn't I wasn't immediate like, probably put him at ease. He loved me. Yeah. He, uh, cause you know what it is is he spent all of his life being looked at like a circus animal and you just walked in and you're like, Oh, you're a guy named Wayne. Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I also happened to be like, you wonder at what point those people go, well, I happen to be the greatest fucking hockey player of all time. Oh, yeah. By the way.

Yeah, by the way, I'm amazing at something, but that's probably so they're probably so used to the opposite that you coming in and doing that. Oh, yeah. And it's like, and that's my advice to anyone. Like when you meet a rock star is talk about anything but what the fuck they do. Yeah, because they are talking about what they do all the time. They know your song affects you emotionally. That's why they wrote it.

You don't need to tell them about how it's saved. I mean, look. If you get to that moment, that's nice. That's great. But don't force the issue. If it's a meet and greet that you paid to go see, tell them all the stories. But if you're just hanging out and you want to be friends with someone, just talk to them about normal shit. Dude, that I

watched. I did Bonnaroo in 2015 and then Ari Shafir and I went back in 2016 because Ari was going to do like a secret show and they couldn't pay us because we were there the year before. But what they did is they gave us passes and meal passes. So we camped out and it was like LCD sound system and Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam was the big show on Saturday.

And we were at the comedy tent and Judd Apatow was one of the comedians there and Eddie Vedder and Judd were gonna do a buddy thing on stage. So Ari and I are just like smoking a joint at the comedy tent and Eddie Vedder and Judd were gonna do a buddy thing on stage. Yeah. So Ari and I are just like smoking a joint at the comedy tent, and Eddie Vedder walks up and it's fucking hot. It's like Tennessee in the summer, and Eddie Vedder's like smoking a cigarette, and I just

start talking to Eddie Vedder about the weather, and about smoking when it's hot, and how it like, you know, you want to smoke when it's cold and cloudy. For sure. And he's just, we're having a great conversation. He's just being like, yeah man, that's exactly how I feel. I love cigarettes, but man, a cigarette when it's cloudy, it's hard to turn down.

And he's just being fucking awesome. And then I go, can I get a picture? And I just watched his face go. Fuck yeah. You fucking ruined it. We had a great time. And you ruined it. Oh, I was uh, I

Hang out kid rock a lot. I was hanging out with Kid Rock and Dan Auerbach was there Yeah, black keys black keys huge producer. Yeah And we're shooting the shit. I made him laugh a whole but like we're hanging out most the night and He was you know, we were making fun of some people and blah blah. I was like well, hey man Next time you're in LA, give me a call. And I was like, you want to exchange numbers? And he was like, yeah, no, I'll take, I'll take your number. And I was so funny. And I was like, that's a guy that's been burned on that too many times.

And then you're like, okay, man, you don't, you don't have to. Yeah. Oh, that feels like he doesn't even save it, like he just dials it in. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, bye. Yeah, like he'll never see it again. Dude, there used to be this show at this shitty bar in New York called Bar None, right? And this is like 2007.

So I just moved here and I'm doing this bar show and one of the girls that carries around shots and test tubes was It was gorgeous. Yeah. And I'm talking to her, I'm like half drunk, I'm making her laugh or whatever, and I'm like, I think I'm in. Yeah.

And I go, can I get your number? And she wrote something down on a paper, and I was like, there we go, and she handed it to me, and it was her MySpace name. And I was like, oh, you could have just said no. Yeah, man. Just say no. Just say no. Just say like, just, you could have just said no. Yeah, man. Just say no. Just say like, just say you got a boyfriend and that cake. Don't give me your my space.

Also, Dan could have just said, no, man. Yeah. No, I'm not cool with that. Yeah. Or just like I got plenty of friends, bro. And I've been like, that's fair. That is kind of a bad ass line. That's absolutely. I'm full on friends. Dude, and that's the line I've used. Yeah. We're like young comics. Well, you know, I want to come hang out. We'll be friends. I'm like, friends. Dude, that's the line I've used where young comics are like,

yo, I want to come hang out. We'll be friends. I'm like, no, buddy, I barely got time for the friends I got. Yeah, dude, there's moments. There's sometimes with a younger comic where they'll go like, like you'll like even if I work with them at a club or something in the emcee. And I like, well, D, I'm on Instagram, like, great job, man, or whatever. And then like three months later, they'll be like, hey, I'm working on this bit. And then you look and it's like a long text

and you go, buddy. I don't even answer those. No, you gotta leave them on read. Yeah, you're like. Cause you almost go, it's better for you that you're embarrassed. Yeah. And if you don't feel embarrassed,

then I want nothing to do with you. Yeah. Cause I don't want to run this back. You have no self-awareness. Yeah. If you're not like, why the fuck? Dude, I've told this story before. I told it on the bonfire and I've told it on podcasts,

but it's the most embarrassing comedy story where Louis CK was running Chewed Up. This was like 2008. Okay. And Joe- Chewed Up is a- HBO special edition. Oh, okay.

So he's running the hour for Chewed Up. It's like probably my favorite Louis CK hour. And he was like doing sets, doing sets, doing sets. And Joe List and I were at this club called the Comedy Village. It was the old Boston and it got turned into the Comedy Village. And on Monday nights, Joe would MC, I would be out front barking and we just get drunk and do this really bad Monday night show. Joe was opening for Nick DiPaolo on the road. When our comic's on, he goes over to the cellar around the corner to get his check from Nick.

And he comes back and he goes, dude, Louie's at the cellar. Go let him know we have a show going, a show working. Let him know, he'll probably come by and do a set. Now Joe doesn't know Louie at this time, and I certainly don't know Louie. I go over to the cellar, I talk to Shaq, RIP, Shaq the bouncer, I go in to watch Louie,

and he's like, yeah, come on in. And I go downstairs and Louie's getting off stage. I'm half drunk at this point. So I'm pretty buzzed, and I'm trying to be cool. I'm like trying to talk out of my pay range. And Louie gets off stage. This is already not this is the recipe for disaster. I wish you could feel the, I'm like starting to sweat in weird places.

Louie gets off stage and we're in the back hallway of the cellar and I go Louie great set and he goes thanks man and I go hey the village is working and he goes what and? And I go, the village is working. And as I say it, I'm losing confidence more and more each time. But I just keep, it's like the Robin Williams thing. I just keep saying, the village is working. I go, the village is working. And finally I see him go like, what? And I go, I don't know what that means. And he goes, yeah, I don't either. And then he just walks up the stairs and I go back, and I'll never forget Joe List is standing out in front of the comedy village.

And he goes like this and he sees me and he goes, is he coming by? And I go, I told him the village is working. And Joe goes, what? He goes, we're in the village. Did you tell him it was the comedy village? And I was like, fuck. I didn't even like put that together.

But I think about that every time I see Louie, and we're not close, anytime I see him. I bet he sees you and thinks the village is working. I bet he doesn't even kind of remember it. But I know, oh, you all right? But I know for a fact I remember that. I know for a fact every time I see him, I'm like, oh, the village is working. I don't know dude

I think if a guy came up to me and just started spouting out the village is working I would remember that for a while in the decline in confidence of me saying Because I said at first like the village is working and he goes what? It almost sounds like you're a spy and that's like your your test to see if they're the soup is hot The soup is so my Geiger counters in the shop What just having that what the Sun rises over the way I felt so fucking dumb, but that's awesome that you and Chris Robinson became friends Yeah, and then now is it like, are you on a casual text?

Cause I'll say my friend that's the best at this is Shane Gillis. Shane excels at, he's good at ball busting. So what he does is kind of similar to what we said. When he becomes friends with the celebrity, he busts their balls and they immediately love it. Cause everyone around him doesn't do that. That's for sure.

Like, you know, that's why he's tied with kid rock is like shut up. You just shut the fuck him. Although I Don't know if I want to talk if we can talk about this on that No, we can always edit it did did Shane tell you about when kid rock face time him about SNL. No So we're I was at Bob's house. Okay kid rock is what I call Bob Yeah, Bob is who I call Kid Rock cause it's hard to call a man Kid Rock. You can't call him Kid Rock. And normally he introduced himself as Kid Rock.

Yeah, I was hanging out at the Nashville Comedy for when you did the show. Yeah. He came into the green room and introduced himself as Bob, Bobby to everybody. Bobby, I'm Bobby. Yeah. And so we're hanging out, we're drunk.

He's drunk, I'm not really drunk. But he looks at me and he goes, how do you think Shane did on SNL? And I was like, I thought he did pretty good. He goes, I go, the monologue was tough, but I go, it wasn't because of the jokes. The jokes were great, it was just on a shit crowd. And then the band didn't help.

And he goes, I don't know. And I was like, I go, buddy, the skits were funny. Skits were great. They were very, you know, they were very Shane. Sketches were funny. He leaned right into it. He leaned right into it. And he goes, hey, fucking FaceTime Shane Gillis. Yeah. And he goes, hey, will you hear the and he picks up and he and he goes, hey, how'd you do?

How do you think you did on SNL? Oh, Bobby. And Shane goes, I thought I did pretty good. And he goes, I don't know. So I'm behind, I get in the frame. I'm behind Shane. I'm behind Bobby like, yo, fuck this dude. Like you did great.

Don't listen to him. He's drunk. Then DeRosa hears my voice. Like you did great. Don't listen to him. He's drunk. Then DeRosa hears my voice. He pops his head. He's like, is that Porter? What the fuck? What are you doing? I'm like, we're buddies, but also fuck this dude.

Yeah, dude. That's wild. And Shane ends up hanging up on Bobby, which was great. And then Bobby woke up the next morning and he picks me up cause like you stay at a guest house. Sure. And he there's property. There's property. So he comes by, he grabs me, we're going to the studio.

He goes, I feel bad about Shane. I go, yeah, you should. I go, you were fucking out of line. Yeah, this is good. And he goes, I texted him this morning and told him I was out of line. I was like, good for you, bro. Yeah.

That's also when you're drunk, you do That's that's honestly in a weird way. That's Kid Rocks The Village is working. Yeah, cuz he thought he was saying something that was gonna unlock a bunch of stuff and really it's the wrong key Yeah, it was the wrong key and also like Shane's not the guy like he bust balls. Yeah, but he's never gonna tell you you suck. He's also a person Yeah, and he's a great dude. Yeah, he's a phenomenal dude He's not gonna be the dude that's gonna call Kid Rock and be like your new album sucks a dick He's not gonna call him and be like hey remember that Budweiser thing. You're fucking stupid Yeah, he's gonna bust your balls about it. He'll rip ya, but he's not gonna hurt ya. You're gonna walk away going Shane likes me

He ripped me pretty good, but he likes me Exactly you walk away from Bob sometimes you're like are we are we friends? I? Think we're enemies dude. We we did this show. I do this side project with Zach Myers from shinedown Yeah, where we do music and comedy together. Oh, yeah, it's called astronaut fire astronaut campfire Although we're having I think we're going to get rid of the name because as Brian at Zane, he said he's like, no, it does not explain what you're doing at all. It's just TBD, TBD. But for now. But Bob comes out. He's been he was at the first one and the whole crux of the show is that some of it's not good. Sure. Because Zach is doing

comedy and that's not his job. And you're saying I'm singing, which is not my job. But it's and he was like, yeah, the music suffers in the comedy suffers and we're like, yeah, that's the point of the show Yeah, and you're seeing someone out of their element. Yeah, like the whole thing man friends giving you notes Yeah, when they hurt and you're like and he was like, well, it's not good. I'm like, well, it's not good yet It's a work in progress. Like we've literally done this six times. Yeah. Yeah. And like, I've had that before. They're like, sometimes notes hurt on a level because you go like, well, yeah, I know the truth about that. Yeah. I'm a motor mouth. I just am a motor mouth. I get excited when we start being funny. Yeah. It's not good for a podcast like this because sometimes I'm going like

Sometimes someone will go let your guest talk. Yeah And I go like one guy who's trying to be completely polite I was just having a bad day and I read that comment and I'm like, why fuck it and you go like, you know What though? That's a note. Just take that note take it out Sometimes you don't need those notes from your friends No, cuz you get enough of them from other people. Also, there's a way to do it. Yeah. You don't call me and go. Everyone is a person.

And go, I don't know if you did so great. You don't FaceTime Shane and go, how do you think you did? Yeah, and then when he says I did pretty well, you go, I don't know. Oh, dude. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, the village is working. The village is working, and it hurts.

Everyone needs a Joe Listigal. What? What the fuck? What the fuck does that mean? Dude, having you come by means the world to me. I have been, not blowing smoke up your ass. I think you're one of the funniest human beings on the planet. Watching you do stand up makes me feel

like before I started comedy. I loved you on Last Comic Standing. I remember the joke about you quitting smoking and still drinking. You can't do that. You can't quit drinking. You can quit drinking and still smoke. You can't quit smoking, quit drinking.

It's like trying to poop without peeing. That stuck in my head for 20 years. Every time I see you, I'm blown away. When I saw you at that Nashville show, every time I see one of your bits, I'm like, you had the perfect bit about the vaccine tracking us. And time I see one of your bits, I'm like, God, you had the perfect bit about the vaccine tracking us and iPhones.

It's just like, man, I think you're one of the best guys doing it. Check out Chris Porter, any opportunity you can. He's one of the funniest human beings working. you