Soder - 45: Thunder Vest with Mike Vecchione | Soder Podcast | EP 44

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

Support the sponsors to support the show! For FREE breakfast for life go to HelloFresh.com/freesoder One free breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That’s free breakfast FOR LIFE, just by going to HelloFresh.COM/freesoder Rediscover your curiosity, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.COM/SODER today to get 10% off your first month Follow Mike Vecchione https://www.instagram.com/comicmikev/?hl=en Watch His special: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5pI5Dj5JTk Dan is on the road all 2024! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour Oct 10 - 12 - Houston, TX Oct 17- 19 Salt Lake City Nov 8 - NYC Town Hall Nov 9 - Toronto, Canada Nov 14 -16 - Tampa,FL Nov 21 - 23 Homestead,PA Dec 6 - Chicago, IL Dec 7 - Milwaukee, WI DEC 12 - 14 Sacramento,CA PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with me! Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by   @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

We're probably going to talk about your take on Catholicism in the modern era. What have you got? Here you go. I've pivoted. I'm the one guy who defends the priests. Yeah, you go. Those kids are asking for it. They're soft bodies hidden by that white cloth.

Oh, come on. Tell me. How about just make robot, robot altar boys that we know when's tempted. That's actually kind of a brilliant idea. We're recording. Well, no, you're still a pedophile though, Dan. God damn it. Yeah, but if they fuck robots,

they're not messing people's lives up. They don't fuck robots in the moment. They go out and they troll the streets then you don't know that you the, what are they doing in their spare time? It's like that Louie joke on his special. I'm sorry where he's like, we should make realistic sex dolls for pedophiles and everyone went, Oh, he goes, well then just let them fuck your kids. Such a funny line.

Um, I feel like we don't have, we don't have our breakfasts now that Alan's on vacation. Yeah. I mean, I guess our whole friendship depends on Alan being in town. Yes. Well You're linked through me Dan comes to the breakfast is hot too from therapy. Let me tell you something else about anybody who forgot my birthday I'm like, wait a second. I'll come in there. I'll come in there hot. I come in there right after I've learned it's not good to Second therapy we didn't friend just come in and dump on someone. You know what Helen was saying to me? No, I don't and I don't want to know

Yeah, don't hang out with your friends after therapy you come in to come in too hot too hot and bothered I I went in right after you last time and I sat down. Alan said, how are you? I said, he's going to be a tough follow. Yeah. So does tough to follow on stage and in therapy. Was he doing a lot of impressions? That's kind of tough to follow in therapy.

I go, and then my dad's over here. I'm doing impressions you don't know. He does a pretty good version of his dad. I was thinking he was doing, he's like, so I was drunk. My dad left me. And then I go in there and like I bite my nails. Why am I scared of thunder? Do I need a thunder vest? A thunder vest? Is that real? Yeah it's what we put on Myrtle. I know you're a dog hater. Dude it's a thunder vest for those of you that don't know, this is great.

Oh my God. A thunder vest is you, it's like a thing you put on a dog, but it like simulates a hug. Did you check it with Justin to make sure it was legal? No, I checked with Petco. Petco? Petco. They'll tell you anything, Dan.

God, you got sucked in, you got bad security. You're going to Petco to get your advice on dogs. Instead of Justin. It's big dog. You're talking big Petco to get your advice on dogs instead of Justin. It's big dog. You're talking big dog business right now. That's all that follow the money. Where does it go? First it starts a tree that it's haircuts.

Yeah, but we have to put her in a thunder vest whenever there's a lightning storm because she freaks the fuck out. So every day you're checking the forecast to see if you use the thunder vest or you don't use the thunder vest. Sometimes we'll pill her up dude We'll sedate her what the hell? Taken that way by child services by Whatever the dog version of child services is dude everyone drugs their dogs. It's the coolest

You're up here in the penthouse you guys guys do that. You do whatever you want. We give her a dream or chrome. We, uh, we, I went to the vet and the vet was like, it was just like a routine checkup on Myrtle and the doc, the vet was like, is your dog have this kind of anxiety all the time? And I was like, Oh yeah. And they're like, no, give her pills. So now we give her pills and then we put on the doors and we let Myrtle fucking break on through to the other side.

Michael Jackson's doctor. Yeah. There's now a vet. Do you remember when you picked me up from the endoscopy and I just had that Jackson drug? You got your laser eye done. No, it was the laser. So when I got my endoscopy.

Picking up from a couple surgeries, huh? What a friend. Mike was my emergency contact. What a friend who couldn't get in the building. You snuck in the building. I snuck in. You're such a fucking. I said, Soder, 39.

I was so ready to. You were ready to fucking sneak in here. And then you're like, oh, just kidding. I love it. I love saying, I can get to you anytime I want. I can get to you. Just know your little security guard downstairs Can't do it. God damn you have a security team downstairs. We have an elite force

Yeah, we have a security force Navy SEALs. Yeah, they check they do a lot of this when I walk in They go I go I'm just going to the elevator Is there you doing ray guns? No, I'm doing fucking Navy seal hands. The ray guns? Oh, from the way you brought it up. The break dancer? How much were- I thought you were starting a break dancing show.

Did you get into the Olympics? You love competition. No, I couldn't get it. I couldn't get into it, but I did love the women's four by 100. How great was that? Dude, it was awesome. That's awesome.

That makes you like, it makes you proud to feel, you just feel American. Yes. And then they drape the flag all over each other and they're losing and the girl in the last night just blows everybody out. And then that look at the end where she looked over at her and you're like, that's my heck out. That's America, baby! That's what I'm talking about.

All of us together. All of us. Come at us, China. What's up? Oh, you want to have the same amount of medals as us? Well, I think we tied with gold medals with them. We had more medals, but they had the same amount of us. Come at us, China. What's up, headbutt? You want to have the same amount of medals as us? Well, I think we tied with gold medals with them. We had more medals, but they had the same amount of medals. Yeah, but we won the Olympics.

I think you should say that for the fans. We won the Olympics. Who are from other countries watching. Dude, we watched the four by four. Did you watch that on the last day of the Olympics? It was the same day as the United States. The men's? And the women's.

They were back to back. I know the men's I read it I just read the men's was unbelievable. Well, the men's screwed up the baton and Semi-finals. Oh, no. No, that was the four by that's four by two. Yeah four by two They screwed up the baton the four by four did a 16 year old kid on there They're like a 16 year old kid and he got like crushed in the first leg of the semi-finals Oh, so they subbed them out for like a like an old guy. Yeah.

And then they won it. It was awesome. And the 16 year old was like, I gotta go to school in two days. It was nuts. That's awesome. Yeah. I love the Olympics. I get such Olympic fever.

What about the did you read about the I forget where she the Paraguayan swimmer who did something naughty. She was sexy. Kicked out of the Olympic Village. Here's the thing. That's what you always want. These swimmers are sexy. Like I think everybody needs to just wrap their head around it and not kick them out.

I could not disagree with you more. Have you seen most of them? You could not disagree with me more? Have you seen most of the swimmers? You could not disagree with me then? I could disagree with you. God, I can't do your mental gymnastics. Follow me. I land a sentence. I couldn't disagree with you more. This is called the PhD level podcast. I couldn't disagree with you more.

No, that makes sense. There's no way I could disagree with you more. I'm going to keep, I'm so disagreeing with you. I'm disagreeing with you a lot. I'm just bringing so much. I'm just going to you so much. You know me a lot of years. I can't I can't process. I know his old brain and how to how to make it clunk up. I know how to jam up your old brain. But dude, the most of the swimmers

are not attractive. Now, one girl from Paraguay is because she goes like this. That makes her attractive. Of them are like, dude, most of them are fucking jacked. That makes her attractive. Most of them are like, dude, most of them are fucking jacked. They're perfect bodies. They're not jacked because they have like wingspan. They have incredible lung capacity.

You're not flying squirrels. They have like whole traps are in. You just want to buff lady. No, but you see their face. You see their face. You just like buff ladies. I like well ladies who are in shape. I wouldn't say buff. But you want to have your mischaracterizing. You want to get ladies. I like, well, ladies who are in shape. I wouldn't say buff. You want to have- You're mischaracterizing. You want to get one of those ladies

out of the back of wrestling magazines that'll wrestle you, but in a mean way, like put you in a headlock, not in a sexy way. You want to have a lady step on your head. And you're like, you were former Florida Miss Fitness. God, in a different world. But the swimmers are, she was, I don't know what she did,

but she got kicked out of the village. Oh she she Her own team told her to like do something like hey don't do this and she was like really she's like I'm sexy I'm angry at them. Yeah. Yeah, look her up the Paraguay swimmer. Yeah, she is really cute She's very and they all do only fans That's how the guy that whose dick knocked off the high jump thing, he got an offer from France. I think you're required to have a joke about that. If you're going to do standup comedy in New York now. Why?

Is that what David Tell rules? Everybody has a watch the news. You have to write a joke. Everybody. Sorry. Everybody has a joke about it. But tell rule, you have to talk about it if it happened. Oh, my God. she's you look at that look at that she's smoking. She's the only hot swimmer. Oh my god she's the only hot one there's tons of hot ones. I know and this from a guy getting married who shouldn't be even saying this. Both of us are getting married.

I mean both of us are I mean that's probably why you're holding back. Yeah I'm saying this because your other half is in the next room. I love this move. She's over there. Yeah. Paraguayan swimmer Luana Alonzo wanted to compete for the United States instead of representing her home country. I wanted to rep the U S more alive video on social media. Damn. That's, was that why they were mad? Oh, because she loves America?

No, she was accused of inappropriate conduct and booted from Olympic Village. How could a hot person be accused of inappropriate conduct? Yeah, she's hot, let her go. Yeah, let her do it. Let her rip. If it's an ugly person, I get it, kick him out. I used to have an old joke about, um,

I can't tell the difference between Uruguay and Paraguay. I think Uruguay just had paralyzed people and they were like, let's just push you over here. It was just another country of people who are paralyzed appropriate atmosphere. It's a clip. What did she, I want to know what she did. Oh, what she did was probably dirty and sexy. Let's just imagine what she did. I probably was. She has abs. Don't you love those abs? I mean, she's got an A pack.

Oh, I just want to clarify. I was never kicked out or expelled. Please stop spreading false information. That's what the swimmer said. But I mean, look at her abs, Mike. Dude, she's shredded and she's, yeah. I mean, she's cute. her abs Mike dude. She's shredded and she's yeah. I mean she's cute also 20 She's a child she's 20 ah come on Dan oh Don't don't don't take the podcast down this route. I don't think I mean I think she's an amazing person

She's gonna find someone who's equally. Yeah, she's gonna get some like millionaire boyfriend. Who's like yeah, I'm dating that hot Paraguayan swimmer. But he's going to be doing that voice but in Spanish. I wish I knew Spanish. Damn it. How did you not learn Spanish living in Florida? I'll tell you what, two years in high school, two years in college, I still never learned it. Biggest regret. Even in that not playing an instrument. Yeah. What instrument would you have learned if you could? I was started the drums but then I started wrestling and then drumming became like you know you have to find a band. All that stuff it's very you got to play something like a piano. Yeah piano. Gotta learn how to read music. Yeah but then there's always the people who like I'm just a genius I don't read music so we all think we're that and then we just it's a lazy way to get out of reading music

I would need to learn how to read music, but that would be fun as hell to know how to yeah Yeah, it it it it exercises the part of your brain and makes you smarter. My brother can do it He can read music. Yeah, my brother is a master's in music not performance music business, but he can read music He played in the college. That's insane. Yeah, you can just give him like a book and he can like look at the song. He can play bass guitar. He could play guitar. He's just a talented guy. Just walk in your brother's room. Was he older or younger? Older. So he'd be jamming and you'd be like, Mike, get the fuck out of here.

Was that your guys relationship? No, no, no, because I was wrestling at the time. So you take him down. I broke his neck. Is that why you wrestled? So you could bully everyone in the family? No, I had my sister in a headlock. My sister says that today.

She's like, you used to put me in a headlock. Like you shouldn't have been around the danger zone. By the way, I never knew this part of your childhood. Yeah, yeah. You just like, you just learn how to beat up everyone in your family. You come home and they go, how was school today, Mike? And you go, mind your own goddamn business, mom.

She goes, I don't want to get another double leg in the kitchen. My mom said, we're raising a lethal weapon. Oh. They had you in a stray jacket, in a Hannibal Lecter thing, at dinner. Let him out. Your dad was like, let the animal out.

Unleashed. Unleash Michael Vincenzo Vecchio. We let him out on Veal Palm night. Dude, I love, I love your older brothers. Like don't don't don't. That's my little brother's room. It's just to the basement. Beware of Mike. Beware of Mike. Beware of Mike. to the basement, beware of Mike. Beware of Mike. Beware of Mike. Beware of Mike.

Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. Damn, dude. Dan, you come a long way. This place is beautiful. You slept in a windowless room for years. I know, that's crazy. And now you've made it to the, started from the bottom, now you're here.

God, I love it. By the way, this apartment's cheaper than everything below it. Is it? Yeah, because we have to deal with everyone going to the roof. It's a nightmare on the weekends. It sucks.

But. This place is so nice. It is fun having your old roommate over to do a podcast, to have it as public proof, to be like, huh? I saw the talent before anybody. I saw it growing in that small room. That small room, that small, window small room, that small windowless room couldn't contain his talent. I would get so,

cause I drank when we first moved in together. And you smoked. I got the end of smoking. He did. You would smoke out the window and go, sorry dude, I'm just like, you know, I'm just trying to rip a couple. What'd you say?

It was something I rip, rip bud, rip butts. It was a Colorado phrase I'd never heard, bud, rip, buts. It was a Colorado for years. I've never heard before because I'm from back East. I'm going to hear from the wrong side of the Mississippi. But I would I would I got into the wire the first. Six months, we lived together. Yeah, I was in a smoke because you were on the case. I did. I was I would smoke.

That's why I would smoke, though. McNulty would smoke in the episode. And I'd be watching an episode at like 2 in the morning. And I'd be like. Did you ever see an interview with McNulty and he's like Scottish or something? This was a lie. He's not from Baltimore.

Yeah. I mean, he has a good Baltimore accent too. He's awesome. But yeah, when you see him talk, he's like, I was thinking the Baltimore. um you'd be asleep. It'd be like two in the morning. And I'd be like I'm just gonna rip I'm gonna rip cigs right here. You'd watch me sleep you go up and take my pulse. I put a knife under your nose. It's good. It's good deep sleep. He's got his thunder vest on. He's got his REM cycle.

We got him attached to his. But I would smoke and you'd come out to use the bathroom and then it would just be, I just machine gun apologies. I'm sorry, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, dude. This is crazy. I'm crazy. I'm drunk right now. I just wanted a cigarette.

I wanted it so bad. Well, we live there, we lived together for 10 years. 10 years. I was so, uh, can I say something about the end of it though? I was thinking about this. The other day, you know, thoughts just run through your head. I was so emotional the day that we left and I didn't know how to like at, at my age, like with all the, like therapy and all this stuff. And it's like, I didn't know how to get the emotion out. I didn't know how to tell you that I love you. And it's like, I'm going to miss you. You know, it's like, it's like, I didn't know how to get the emotion out. I didn't know how to tell you that I love you.

And that's like, I'm going to miss you. You know, it's like, it's like, I didn't know how to say it. It was just built up and I was just like, just like, like in tears almost. It's like, oh my God. It's like, am I this backed up emotionally that I can't even express anything? We both are.

Because I remember the gayest moment in the history of our roommate relationship was that last day. Yeah. Well, we were packing everything up. All my stuff was gone and we're like packing up and we're getting the final stuff out. And I went to put a Gatorade in the refrigerator or whatever. And I go, yeah, dude, I'm just going to mislive it with you. And I put the Gatorade down and I looked up and both of us had tears like falling out of our eyes. We were like like so I think that's all of it

try to block the emotion with practical things like boxes yeah are you gonna take them are you gonna take them back recycling or am I Anthony said it was cool if you leave the bathroom like that oh sweet October how I love you. October, I'm on the road. Specifically, October 10th through the 12th, I'll be at the Houston Improv doing five shows. I love that club, so if you're in the Houston area, come on out.

And then the week after that, October 17th through the 19th, I'll be at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City. Best sound system in any comedy club I've ever been in. I love that room. So those are two great weekends. Go to DansOtter.com to see my full tour schedule. But Houston and Salt Lake City, I'll see you in October. November 8th, New York Comedy Festival.

I will be at Town Hall, 9.45 p.m. show, November 8th. Tickets are moving. We're getting there I'd like to sell it out go to Dan Soder comm and get tickets for the New York Comedy Festival at Town Hall November 8th 945 I'll see you there this show is sponsored by better help guys Everyone's having a tough time. No one gets out unscathed, okay? That's why everyone needs therapy. You need to go talk to somebody. You need to know why

the things that are bothering you are bothering you. It's just a good new skill to learn. As you grow older, learn how to deal with your own brain. It makes it a lot easier. The rest makes the rest a lot easier. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you could switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Soder today to get 10% off your

first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash Soder. You know they shut down Neptune? Yeah I heard that. Neptune Diner closed. For those of you who don't know, Neptune Diner was a historic diner in Astoria, Queens, right off Grand Central, and 31st street. And it is gone. It is dead. And it was very important to our apartment. You just go to, you just go to Neptune Saturday morning. You had nothing. Like when we were drinking, it's like hung over. You'd go there. Eggs, coffee, just like sit there and like, just, you know, stare out the window mad about other people's careers

Can't believe you got that Every times I looked out the window of a Neptune Diner and went this fucking guy where you come back from the road the move was it's ten minutes from the airport Yeah, so you come back from the road. I would just go right to Neptune because I was starving Yeah, so cuz you know you didn't have any food You know, so you'd go stop at Neptune, Neptune, eat breakfast and then, and then take your luggage across the subway. They overpass. That's the overpass from my joke of, don't you feel like run?

Don't you ever feel like running? Yeah. That's where she ran. And I went, no, no, I don't ever feel like running. And she ran across that whole overpass. Real story. She committed to it. That's a good, that's good acting. And then downing it. That's good. I feel like committing to it. I needed to run across that whole episode. Oh, she makes you feel wrong. I'm, I missed all the stuff. When you live, um, you know, this is like any neighborhood, but when you leave a neighborhood and then you go back and you see the changes,

it like makes you upset. Yeah. You're like, you weren't supposed, Caprice was still supposed to be there. Remember the Greek nightclub? Yeah, the two nightclubs on the- So we lived directly- The Mexican nightclub and then the Ukrainian nightclub. It was Dominican, yeah it was the- Dominican, getting the races wrong.

What was that, dude? Let me tell you right now, smoking cigarettes was the best. Oh, you could just sit there and watch Euro trash clash with Dominican trash. And they just like, didn't like each other. No. There was always girls. Yeah. Yeah. Not always. One side likes to be pretty loud about it. I'll let you guess which side was verbally aggressive towards the women.

I like this. I love this. But, uh, you know, you might want to do that. There was almost- The night team was also good late at night. Open 24 hours before COVID. And it's like, you know, you down the spots, you would go. And they, they hated, when we first started going there, me, Joe List and everybody,

Dan Herschon, and we had no money, they would hate us when we first started going there me Joe list and everybody Dan Herschon and we had no money they would hate us when we come in because they'd be like Let me guess a bowl of chicken and rice extra crackers and you're like, yeah That's all you had money for so they were just like these fucking guys that we come in hammered That's the worst working in service industry late night Yeah Like the people that's why least Waffle House has the reputation that they'll fight you Like that's kind of a good rep that they're like, hey shit. We don't like you

We might well they got armed security in there which they need do they know they do a Waffle House in a while You shot over a waffle now cuz they're in that I have a whole thing about the Waffle House But oh well, I didn't mean to blow your bit. Sorry. I guess I could do it here. No, it's great. I didn't know. Sorry. I didn't know returning this into inside the actor's studio. What's your favorite? Word? They're not cracker barrels, but they are pretty high end. No, but, um, I love cause they're not up here, you know, and I never really toured the south. Yeah

So I went to the waffle. It's just it's amazing do we went to one on tour with Nate and I think it was just me and Travis and Travis is the guy you want to go out to a waffle house. Absolutely, and it was probably got three guns on him Yeah, it's three guns a knife. Yeah, he's ready guns, a knife. He's ready for anything. Travis, you'll be my security escort, my liaison. So we're there, and it's like everything stereotypical. There's a guy at the bar, there's women. There's two black women a couple tables over just saying stuff.

I can't hear what they're saying. They're just yelling stuff. And there's a guy at the bar, and another guy walks in. He's like, they'll let anybody in here. Love it. Dad, right. There's a, um, the manager is this oversized guy with this, um, with the, his girlfriend is the waitress and he has all these keys on a ring. Like I mean, like old school janitor. Yeah. Yeah. You're you and Travis walking into a place like I mean like old school janitor yeah yeah yeah you're you and Travis walking into a place I would immediately go hey those are undercover marshals whoever I was with I'd look up from my hash browns smothered in Burt's

chili and then go those guys are undercover air marshals that's I wanted to be like I'm from the health department. Oh, well you'd have to fight everybody. They'd be like lock the doors. It's not going anywhere. I don't know what you expect. We never close. When do you think we clean?

We don't, you know that. Come on. Did you ever work at a restaurant? You never worked at a restaurant? Yeah, I did. Oh yeah, you were a waiter? I was a bad waiter, dude. Did you ever have the health department come by?

No. Dude, it? Oh, you know what?. I was really, really bad. Did you ever have the health department come by? No. Dude, it? Oh, you know what? Maybe it was the fire marshal. But the health department coming by, if you work at a restaurant, it's an attack. They might as well do an alarm. It fucks everything up.

Yeah. No restaurant runs like it's supposed to. They skip all the corners, but then the health department comes and they're like, get rid of all the water pitchers. And so you're like, you're trying to have service and energy with like your tables and you're like, oh, that's a great one. You're like just dumping shit. You might as well be like putting papers through. It's like when the, it's like when the sec raids a bank and they're like just fucking shred all the docs. That's what the health department is. They're like, we don't have Mexicans here. Out the back, out the back, out the back.

And then we're in the kitchen, I'm acting like I'm cooking. I'm like, one more taco up for order. It's wild, dude. Cause they have to get rid of so much shit. Cause they can sink you, especially in New York city. Health department will be like, dude, we'll slap a C on the outside of this restaurant. Yeah, well that's why you hit them off with a C note.

Oh, inflation. It's called bribery. Thanks, Biden. Thanks, thanks, Joby. That's what I call him. He can't hear you, he's napping. He's, ah! They made him speak at 11 p.m. at the DNC.

What a troll. He's an early speech. He's like, he's gotta get out of here, he's got bingo. Yeah, but they made him go up at 11, and he's like, ah! That was like his McCain Hanoi Hilton. He was like trying to fight the sleep Joe are ready to go. He's just doing nap talk You put him in a suit then I'll make him a banker Joe you all right, right

Do stuff. You want that guy, sweet old man. He's the only president. Nuclear weapons. He's the only president you want to softly kiss on the forehead as you take away the football, the nuclear football. You go, okay, we're going to put some murder. She wrote on for you. I think he should have just transferred it to his son, like old England. That would have been great.

Biden, Hunter Biden. Biden too, electric Boogaloo. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Bum-pum-pum-pum. He takes off the sunglasses. He goes, looks like it's hunting season. Yeah.

He's just doing his thing. New rule in America, this is a law. Everybody goes shirtless. Even women. This is champagne. You wanted an equal, didn't you? She's the, she this is champagne. She's the secretary of sucking off. It's a new cabinet position. Hunter, we can't be doing this. He goes, no, no, no, I want a Chinese one and I want an African one. They go, oh my God,

what did we let this guy do? And then Joe's like, ah, is he going to be like Joe Paul? And then Joe's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah own it. Yeah. No, you guys don't. No, they don't. But I know they don't. I know they don't. I can say doesn't like to talk about it. It's so funny. And it's uncomfortable that you brought it up on our own. We live together. We live together with he's here. He's Penn State alumnus.

And we live together when the Joe Pau thing broke. And at first you do the thing where you go like, shut up. Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I got this. Hey, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I go like this, hey Mike, did you, did you read anything on ESPN.com? You're like, no, what's going on here? Do you even wanna look at the internet today, buddy? You go, what, they're saying

Sandusky's defense is unbeatable? You go, it's just not sussing out, bud. You don't wanna break it for me. You don't want to break it for me. You don't want to break it to me. But it's that Colorado, the year I graduated, it was us. There was no playoff. So it was like us and Colorado. Yeah, 91.

Number one. Yeah, Rashad Salam. Oh, 94. And Kejana Carter. 94. Yeah, Kejana Carter was up for the Heisman. Rashad Salam. Kejana Carter was unbelievable. Yeah, it was Kerry Collins, Kijana Carter was up for the Heisman. Kijana Carter was unbelievable. Yeah, it was Kerry Collins and Kijana Carter

were up for the Heisman. We had three guys go in the top 10 of the draft in the first round. We had, Colorado had Rashan Salam, RIP, Cordell Stewart, Michael Westbrook. We had a fucking, Colorado had a nasty team. Yeah. They were nasty. Nasty girl. Nasty girl. Like that Paraguayan swimmer. Yeah. They were nasty.

Nasty girl. Nasty girl. Like that Paraguayan swimmer. Oh, you love her. She was being a nasty girl. Yeah, but she's a child. And she got kicked out of the village. She goes, was I being too Latin?

I was being too Central American. Yeah, I was waiting for that to be. She was too sexy for the Paris Olympics. She was. Central America does it different. They're not South America. They're a little bit more. Classy.

They cover up a little bit more. Would you have wrestled in the Olympics? Dude, I went to the Olympic trials. I think there was a, I got pinned so fast. It was an Olympic year. Like the- They go, son, we're not gonna send you to the Special Olympics how fast you just got.

The philosophy at Penn State was like, we wrestle all year round, we go after the season's over. It's like, we just go into freestyle practices and we get, if it's an Olympic year, we get re we get ready to go to, we just go to the Olympic trials and, and they're just tournaments, they're open tournaments. So they're open. So at that level, at that level level the entry level. They're open So we're at the Brockport, New York and the Olympic trials just to get Matt time get experience

I never wrestled freestyle in high school sure I didn't really understand the rules of it But it's like get you the guys who are really good wrestle all year round They wrestle freestyle and then they wrestle they run usually run cross-country because that's what it's like when you first get there, you run, it's just running. It's running and drilling. So it's like, you're just running like you're on a cross-country team. I always played football. So I was always like, so you can't be like overweight

or thick or anything. It's just gonna run. Cause you just have to run, yeah. So you have to get your diet kind of, the whole big thing is like, get your diet under control before you go. My favorite thing that I've heard with Vecchione would be getting stoned and having him tell me stories

of him just being absolutely dominated in wrestling because it's like fighting a bear. Like a bear will just, like the strength, you had to go against. I mean, the guys were so tough. We had like, you know, all Americans up and down the lineup we the the year I wrestled was like we were third in the country and It was Iowa. I think Oklahoma State and then us and then they would just beat the shit out of you

Yeah, I would take beatings in Prague. I was it was coming coming from think about it coming from high school in Florida Yeah, to going to an elite Collegiate program. Yeah, I mean it, coming from high school in Florida to going to an elite collegiate program. I mean, it can't be anything but nuts. Even the guys in Pennsylvania who, first of all, wrestling in Pennsylvania is much different than wrestling anywhere else in the country. It's elite.

So it's like even from your high school and you qualified for states, when you go into a room like Penn State, yes, it's a big leap. And yes, you're out of place. But it's like, you're still used to like a good program and tough kids. And you did qualify for the state that guys qualified for the state. So like my friend James is a Maryland state champ. My friend Vinnie was a two time. He was a New Jersey runner up. So it's like everybody's tough like from their own areas. But the Pennsylvania guys, the Ohio guys, it's like these are tougher. It's like being at comic in New York.

Where it's like you're in, it's like there's rooms everywhere. The competition level is really high. It's like easier to get good, but also you have to put the effort in. Well, I was gonna say for football, everyone knows that the best states are Texas, Florida, Ohio, California. For wrestling, states are Texas, Florida, Ohio, California for wrestling.

It's Pennsylvania, Ohio, Iowa, Pennsylvania, Iowa, Ohio. And then like New York, it's tough. New York is tough because the city sucks, but the guys in Long Island are very tough and the guys are very tough. And the thing about New York is it's one tournament. So everybody for everybody. New York is it's one tournament. So for everybody, for everybody. So where is it? The other states have like double A, triple A, depending on how big your school is.

But it's one, it used to be, I don't know what it is now. Maybe it changed, but when I was coming up, it was one tournament. So if you won states in New York, you were a beast. Dude, I'm ready to go full Fox catcher. Can we start going to these tournaments? And I'll start, I'll start funding all these wrestlers and make them out. Then you start doing it a little bit.

I'm a wrestler. Is this guy a comic? I got you. I got you. It's such a great thing for like, but when I was done with it, I felt so I was telling this to Stavros on his podcast. He's like, I never can I never quit anything. Sure. I was just like I was that's the way I was brought up. And so so when I stopped wrestling, when I when I quit, it was like the beginning of the year, I just didn't go back out for the team. I did one year and I was like, I can't do this again. This is insane. So I went back. I was, and, but after it was over and the coach was like,

he was super, he was like, dude, you worked so hard and you're great. It like, whatever. It was very, very nice. And he's like, if you ever want to come in the room, come in the room and work out, maybe just start and see if you, see if you want to do it again.

I know if I would have done that, then I would have just stayed. Well, you would have felt obligated. Yeah, I would have felt obligated. But I mean, if I would have my brain now, I would have went in the room and worked out and then just like went, because I would've went to the practices,

I wouldn't went to like every other day, I would've never, I wouldn't have competed unless I wanted to. It's like if I could've done it like that, then I would've done it. But like every practice, every, like sometimes we practice three times a day. Jesus.

You get up in the morning, run, drill, go to breakfast, go to class, come back, we'd have to get a lift in three times a day Jesus you get up in the morning run drill go to go to breakfast Go to class come back. We'd have to get a lift in three days a week a half hour lift with a trainer They take you through a workout and then you get a shower and then you go to class And then you come back and you have four o'clock regular practice and you're watching your weight the whole time Yeah, that was the real kicker for me because I couldn't control my weight because you would go to that calf and it was all You can she got fat the whole time. Yeah, that was the real kicker for me because I couldn't control my weight because you would go to that calf and it was all you can. She got fat boy brain.

A fat boy brain come from an emotional eating family. We know this now there was no science behind it before. The Italians love to emotionally eat. God, we love it. God, he's ground into us. Yeah. My father when people call during dinner, the phone ring my father be like, who is that? Who's calling during dinner? Who's looking crazy? Get on the phone, tell your friend, stop calling during dinner.

We eat at different times. He didn't care. He's like, get on the phone and tell him to stop. To eat at 6.30, he goes, 7.30 is dinner time. Well, they're done. Anywhere from four to seven, no one calls. I'm so glad I don't have that relationship with food, because I watched you go through that

the entire time we lived together. Go through it now. Really? I'm coming off the road, I check my weight at the gym and I'm like, this is, because I didn't feel right, I'm like, I feel like sluggish and blah, blah, blah. And now there's no excuse, like I'm off the road.

So I checked my weight, I'm like, this is out of control. This is, because you fool yourself, you're like, ah, I'm good, I'm healthy, I'm working out. Like, yeah, I'm having dessert once in a while, but I'm good. It's like, you check your weight, it's like, oh no, you're not good, dude. You're not good. You're just in your lifting weight You're just putting muscle on top of fat. Now. You have this weird fat muscle mix. That's kind of cool though That's perfect pro wrestling bod

We were the perfect balance because You would make me feel like shit if I ate horribly. If you saw how Katie and I ate right now, you'd be like, what are you doing? What are you? But it's all according to your genetics also. If you have great genetics and you're just a thin guy, you're tall too, so the weight looks differently on you. I'm skinny fat, which sucks.

But when we lived together, I always was like good about waking up going to the gym having a shake like a nutritious vegetable shake and then I'd have hard-boiled eggs and then maybe like a snack and then a regular dinner or whatever six days a week yeah and I was good about on the road. I would get for my snack I would get a fucking trail mix and then but then on Sundays, dude Blow it out on cork. Yeah, we'd get fucking grandma's pizza. Yeah, I get a pie to Talenty and just walk through it Oh, it was awesome. Yeah, but you feel that way about food, too Yeah, obviously, but it's like there's like a more connected. It was a when was growing up, it was a way to relax sure eating was relaxing and I remember after wrestling I would just like I was a blood sugar problem. I think cuz I would just

Benjy, I feel like families are either eating families or drinking families I feel like the eating families that that's how they like relax and unwind and like right you were saying I did that with alcohol Also, I think I did it with alcohol. I go as an alcoholic. I wasn't at you know your level but uh But I did binge drink to really cuz I remember after I stopped drinking I was like, oh I realized what I was doing now I was uncomfortable in social situations or not uncomfortable, but I was like, I wanna feel better. How can I feel better?

And it's like, oh, drinking is a socially acceptable way to do that. Yeah, when I lived in that windowless room and I would drink, I'd be like, I'm gonna smoke in here. I don't give a fuck. I would smoke in the windowless room. I would smoke in the fucking bathroom. I was a horrible roommate.

I was a horrible. Yeah, but you were only there for like, it was like three months of that. Yeah. And then it's like we and then I quit drinking. Then you quit drinking and you read the book and then and then Pete would who we loved our old roommate handsome Pete handsome Pete because it was funny to us. I mean, dude, funny bringing Nate made me laugh the hardest when Nate crashed with us

Imagine that Nate had to crash with us. Yeah. Yeah, he crashed on our account I forget that like we forget that cuz we are we are now but it's like It's Nate would come back to New York and be like I can't sleep on your house couch You're like, yeah, no problem. But dude one time Nate slept on our couch and he was like Pete brought home a girl and Nate was there and Nate was like, how does he explain y'all to her? He goes, I don't know. There's like a guy with a deep voice that lives in a windowless room. And then I think, and then, and then he lives with former Mr. Pennsylvania.

Is that what he called you? He called you Mr. Ohio. Dude, it's so funny. Nate made me laugh so hard when we were talking about, cause we knocked on your door and you unlocked it. And Nate was like, how many doors does he have? He has like six locks and then a shotgun comes through and he goes, sorry, I thought you were bed bugs.

Do you still have the bed bug phobia? Yes, yeah. Still bad? Yeah, because anytime I'm in a hotel, like I stay in better hotels now, obviously, but anytime it's like the hotel is any, everything is in the tub, I'm naked. He puts I stay in better hotels now obviously but anytime It's like the hotel is any everything is in the tub. I'm naked He puts his clothes in the tub and he puts a suitcase in the tub. I bought him a suitcase When we live together that he could plug in. Yeah, that was an anti bed bugs suitcase

Yeah, so apparently heats up and cooks them that cooks the bed bugs if you put your stuff in this like heat Yeah, they don't like heat. It was such a terrible experience. That was right when you moved in. I was the only one who got bit. Hey guys, let's talk about HelloFresh. Getting farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your front doorstep. There's always new flavors to explore with an ever-changing menu of over 50 recipes. 50 to choose from every week. Just pick your meals and delivery date, it's that simple. Plus you can choose from a variety of menu options to suit all your needs and tastes,

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one free breakfast item per box while subscription is active for life. Just by going to HelloFresh.com slash free soda. That's one free breakfast item per box while subscription is active for life Just by going to hello fresh comm slash free soda America's number one meal kit hello fresh The only one what happened was we were in that lower apartment that I was there for like seven years And we started having flies in the in the bathroom I'm like how are there flies in the bathroom? Turns out the guy upstairs is a shut-in. And it's like, just stopped caring.

Yeah. And just let it, so there was, so it was like, well, we have this apartment open over here, you don't have to deal with any of this. I'm like, cool, I'll move. Oh, and then that- And I moved and then that became, but that was not because of the I think it's

I bought furniture that had it in it you think you brought it in yeah I think I think it I think it was a furniture or it might have been the the building I don't know I think it was the building because you got it four times in the same building yeah well I would just call an exterminator I we you have to do is sanitize everything and wash everything you own. So we bring everything to the center of the room, clean the closet. It's like moving. It's like moving once every month.

It's like you bring everything to send. They spray and you're like, you're good now. So it's like, then you put everything back and then you get bid again. And then it's like, okay, now we got to do it again. It's like, okay, so before I moved in with you, I got all of it, I paid to get all of it. Put a specific kind of mover. Yeah, yeah.

That they put it in a moving truck and then they like, zap it. Yeah, they zap it, they leave it overnight and they steam it to make sure that, but I threw most of, most everything out. People don't. Remember when I moved in, I put, I put all the boxes, it was like that for like maybe

five years, kept all the boxes against the wall. Yeah. And Pete was like, I put we I put all the boxes. It was like that for like maybe five years. Kept all the boxes against the wall. And Pete was like, I think we should get which is not unreasonable. Now that I look back on it, it's like we should get storage. I'm like, no, I'm not paying for storage. Yeah. So our apartment looked like a flop house for house robbers. Our couch was like in front of a bunch of boxes and stuff. And that couch would cripple you.

That couch was a crippler. Yeah. The one you had before you bought the other one? Oh, yeah, the one that was broken in the middle? Yeah, it was a broken couch, so it's like, I mean, just call your chiropractor after you sit here. We had to put pillows, we stacked pillows in the middle seat, and then we put another pillow

over the top. It was wild. It was great. We were dead broke. And I remember, I remember when you moved in, you being like, bed bugs, bed bug. And here's the thing. I, growing up in Colorado, I never heard of bed bugs. They can't take the altitude. That's probably what it is.

They don't like skiing. How do you know that? But they find the people to be sour. But I remember when I was little,. How do you know that? They find the people to be sour. But I remember when I was little, my mom, you know, with little kids, my mom would be like, all right, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. And I'd be like, bed bugs. And then when I moved here, they were like, outbreak of bed bugs.

And I was like, what is someone's mommy putting us all to bed? And then they're like, no, it's a fucking problem. And then when I worked at Dos Caminos, we had a locker room where everyone got changed. And this girl came in who was new from St. Louis. And she was like, yeah, I've got all these bites around. And everyone's like, bed bugs, bed bugs, bed bugs.

And the fucking place went nuts. And everyone was like, pull your shit out of the lockers. We got to fucking stink. We got to like, this girl might've brought in bed bugs in. And she was just like one of these like young girls that just moved in New York. And she goes, I woke up and it's just like, and there was like the circular bites all over her side and everyone, dude, the freaking out breakfast, lunch and dinner, Dan. Hello. Three bites in a row, breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's nuts. I, but they do,

they do it almost in a circle. Yeah. And, uh, the bites start small and by in a row breakfast lunch and dinner it's nuts I but they do they do it almost in a circle yeah and the bites start small and by in a couple hours they just become huge and itchy oh and it's like they don't need to feed that much they can bite you once and then just hibernate for a year really yeah they don't need to eat that much but they like they get us they get a flavor I'm saying it wrong but they get like a taste for one person and they just keep biting that one person Oh, it was me. It was me like no one else got it Mattern didn't get bit. The other guy we lived with was a good guy didn't get bit They wanted you they wanted that gravy that's going through your veins

It's guys out then take yeah, that was something where it your bedbug PTSD affected me because you remember what i'd be like dude i found a fucking bug in my bed and you'd be like what what and you're like coming in and expecting like it's carpet beetle yeah yeah yeah yeah carpet beetles yeah would just show up they're being by bed. You don't want to do that. The worst is comics having to deal with bed bugs because we overthink everything anyway. Well, it used to be movie theaters. Like I wouldn't go to the movies for the longest time. They'd be in like, Oh, and this is at a hotel. This is a lady pulling out a.

Yeah. I mean that that's what you do. It's like Tammy Pescatelli actually told me that. She's like, put the, first of all, look under the, look in the, pull the mattress up and look to see if there's any like. Blood stains? Yeah, blood or poop around and then take the iron and just set it on the bed.

They respond to the heat. They'll come out. And so she's doing this take the iron and just set it on the bed. They respond to the heat. They'll come out. And so she's doing this with the iron and then she pulls the sheet off and goes all the way to the mattress. Oh my God. And there's just bugs. Yeah. That's insane. Throw out everything I owned.

I mean, I'm going to have to do this at every hotel. I would just throw out everything I own. Can you, is there like a registry like for like child? Yeah, no I would check the bed. No there's a registry. You go I would this is the steps I would take I would first of all Warren Holstein. Shout out Warren Holstein. Forever. He had him and I told, I went into the comic strip when I first got him and I go, I got this pesky little problem. He's like, move. I go, come on, dude.

He's the old man in the horror movie? Yeah. Where he goes, I'll just get, just turn around and go home. It's not what's going there. And he goes, shut up old man. We're gonna go party at the lake. I wouldn't do that. People that go and party, they don't come back. Yeah. He was that, he was like, you should move. I go, dude, I'm like, man, we're gonna go party at the lake. I wouldn't do that. People that go on parties, they don't come back.

Yeah, he was that. He was like, you should move. I go, dude, I'm not moving. I just get in there. Just seeing him sitting over a drink, not looking up going, move. Yeah. Oh no, there's these things called bed bugs,

but they don't sound that comfortable. Well, this is how, this is how much PTSD he had. While we were talking about it he thought there was a bed bug on my face. He was like what's that what's that what's that he started moving away I go it's a it's a mole it's just a mole on my face and he goes all right moles we call those God's bed bugs he puts those on your face bed bugs for the ugly yeah dude that's but people that's, but people are like, dude, it fucks your shit up. Nah, it messes you up and messes you up because it's to get rid of them and then you're dealing

with your landlord and you're dealing with exterminators and the landlord, the problem is the landlord, what they did, they, they bid it like every other job, which you can't do. It's like, they bid it like it's any other contractor. So they just bid the lowest, the lowest organization that can come in there and do it. And if you do that, you're going to get the worst one and you need, you need to go the highest because it's a problem that if you don't stop it,

then it will, uh, you know, it'll ruin the entire building. I've been back to that neighborhood since then. Beagles have been trained. That's how afraid I am. Beagles have been trained to that neighborhood since then. Beagles have been trained. That's how afraid I am. Beagles have been trained to smell bed bugs. Can we? I did that too. We had a dog come in. The dog, I'm sorry. Can we train Myrtle?

Train Myrtle? To smell bed bugs. Well, first of all, she's got to get used to thunder. I don't trust a dog that can't weather thunder as a competent. Maybe that's her. No disrespect, but the. Well, a lot taken.

But it's a competent, the dog needs to, if the dog's gonna be functional. Did you believe when the beagles came in or you're like these fucking dogs though. I believe anything I'm pretty gullible, you know that yeah, and the dog came in and he was like no you don't have him I'm like, yes, and then I got bit again and I called him back. He goes let's we could do another run You're sorry. I'll put the dog down Sorry You guys want to go over here while we kill this dog? This dog got it wrong, but not afraid of thunder. Dude, you keep bringing that up. Lots of dogs are scared of thunder. I'm sorry. There wouldn't be an entire thunder vest market if dogs weren't afraid of thunder. If it was only my pussy ass dog.

All right, but I think thunder vest is very funny. Yeah, it's what I call the hoes that I lay on my friends. If one of us doesn't. Hey buddy, I got you in the thunder vest. One of us doesn't write a joke about it, we would be remiss. All right, all right today. I gotta do a Paraguayan swimmer bit. I gotta do a French guy with a big dick jumping over.

I gotta do Olympic material. I forgot what it was like to live with you. I get all these homework assignments and I got to write jokes about them. Dude, I'm about to give you a Thunder vest aka a bear hug down the fucking stairs. That would be great at the end of the podcast if you just beat me up. If I just, I go, you know what? I've been waiting for something. Just push the mic away. And I've been waiting for this for 10 and a half years. That was crazy. We live together. He didn't raise our rent. He raised our rent once.

Yeah, I mean, he didn't fix anything. He didn't fix anything. But we had that speed bump in the kitchen. Our kitchen had a pipe leak. And we had like, we had wood boards in our kitchen, but then we had the plastic linoleum over it, and the pipe leaked and it warped one floorboard. So one floorboard went like that under the linoleum. So it looked like we had a ramp in our kitchen. It rolled.

It looked like a speed bump in the kitchen, like where it's like, well, you're trying to cook fast. It's like, whoa, slow down. Some of your favorite comedians have had their ankles rolled in our kitchen. Nate Barghetti, Shane Gillis. I mean mean quite the star-studded lineup. Yeah. Jermaine Fowler, Greg Stone, I mean we had a lot of people on there. These guys weren't ready for it. They weren't. They come in the kitchen, they go, can I get a glass of water? Next

thing you know they're down with a bum ankle. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, why don't you run into the kitchen, grab uh glass of water Might want to uh stretch your ankles a little bit What's that you hit a bump Dude, then we come in you call anthony. We call our we call our landlord like anthony You gotta help us out. There's a pop you go I'm trying That's what's when he didn't answer it's like my light fixture in my room couldn't get fixed for eight months

It was crazy for eight months because it wasn't the light. It was the fixture there was an electrical problem So Mike had just spooky lighting in his room infrared goggles. It was crazy I walk here. He just had a tiny lamp in the corner. He's like is Mike. Are you in here? I come in with a candle on a plate. Mike? My favorite one was one morning I woke up to go to the gym and I turned on the light to take a piss in the bathroom and I'm like, this lighting seems crazy.

And I looked up and there was a leak in the bathtub of the apartment above us and the leak had filled, we had one of those circular light fixtures. It had filled it with like dirty water and it was coming down the sides of the walls. And I called Anthony, he goes, all right. He finally had to show up to the building. He was like, all right. Remember when that hot girl on the top level, she goes, yeah, my,

we had like this girl, this girl was like gorgeous and she lives on our top floor and her friend was banging handsome Pete. That's how we thought. Oh, yeah, that's right. She want nothing to do with us, but our roommate was banging her friend. Yeah, so she would like talk to us like in like our living room was like a waiting room while hot girls got dug out.

Fucking Becky and I were like the secretaries that sat there and talked to us. Sort of got the tone of it. We were like sitting in the living room and be like, so we're both comedians. I mean, if you think about it, what a great situation for Pete. Where he was like.

It was great. It's like no one could accuse him of everything. We do the exit interview. You have a good time. Everything's fine. Everything all right? Do you see yourself coming back? Do you see yourself coming back? We're gonna go live our fantasies.

We're gonna go live our fantasies. He would leave the keys in the door? He would open the door, leave the keys in the door? That's my favorite Pete story of all time. I would occasionally get Vecchione to smoke weed. I would, it would happen so few and far between, but sometimes he'd be like, let's watch Family Guy. I'll smoke weed. And I'd be like, yes. And we went in my room and we smoked a bowl. We're watching Family Guy.

We're having a hell of a time. The laugh per minute off the charts. Pete comes in, he's FaceTiming, as hot guys do. They publicly FaceTime. All of us would be mortified. We'd be like, let me FaceTime you when I'm at home. Pete walks in the door, opens the door. Yeah, I know, what's up guys,

are you watching, family guy? Shuts the door, whatever goes into his room, he's FaceTiming a girl. You can hear the girl talking. Vecchione and I are stoned on the couch, and then we just hear like, we just hear like small knocking on our window, because we're on the first floor,

and we're like, the fuck is that? And I opened the curtain and it's a cop with a flashlight and he goes, Hey, you open up. I'm high as fuck. I'm like, no. And this is before weed was decriminalized in New York. So I'm like, no, no, no, no. Hi. Hey, I do my best.

Like, hello officer. I go to the front door of the building. I go, how can I help you, sir? And he's like, someone took a cab and didn't pay for it and just walked out. And I was like, well, me and my roommate have been home for like five hours, so it's zero chance it's us. And it was Pete, and he was still FaceTiming.

And he goes, oh, I thought, I swiped my credit card. I guess it didn't stick. He went out and dealt with it. I was like, dude, Becky O being so high, being like the cops outside. So fucking funny. Yeah. The cops are here. What do we do? Dude, the life of handsome Pete, the life of handsome. You're just like, whoops. One time he woke up and he was like, I left the keys in the door overnight.

You're like, dude, what are you doing? He'd be like, whoopsies. He'd leave the keys in the door overnight. And you're like, dude, what are you doing? You'd be like, whoopsies. He'd leave the keys in the door overnight. He would do this thing where he'd be like, he'd come over and he'd be like, yeah, this restaurant wants me to go eat there with like six hot girls that are like paying me to go eat there. He would do stuff like that. He'd like come back from Starbucks with all this free stuff.

He's like, I just want a Starbucks. They give me those free stuff. Take anything you want. Yeah. We were like, how? Come on, dude. Come on. But dude, my favorite. And he would speak Russian in the living room. That was crazy. And we were like, his parents were Russian and he spoke it fluently. So he'd be like, you're spree. He'd like yell at his parents in his bedroom and we'd be like, hey,

maybe we don't ask for Pete for rent this month. Then we just let him. Oh, remember Pete said, how do I pay the rent? And then you guys can just like pay me in Bitcoin. Yeah, it was something. Some kind of scheme is like, no, Pete, we're not doing that. We're paying the rent. Also, his first two checks bounced and Anthony was like, I'm not accepting,

accepting your guy, your roommate's checks. So then I had to start paying his part. No, but how did Anthony actually say, Dan? I'm getting these rent checks from Peter and they're not going. What's up? That's all he goes. He goes, you just pay me next time. Yeah, that's how he solves it. You're going to pay me.

I'll accept your check. So then I had to get paid by Pete. But dude, my favorite moment with Pete was he got to the Hamptons like regularly. He's that's how hot he was that people in the Hamptons were like, please,, that's how hot he was. That people in the Hamptons were like, please just come take your shirt off. They're like, please come take your shirt off for us. And he brought this male model over. Oh yeah.

And this guy. I don't know if I was home for that. You weren't, you're on the road. I told you about it though. This guy comes over, this guy's like, like gorgeous. He's like the kind of guy that wears like a sleeveless shirt and you can like see his abs on the side. It's like he's a body was like a He-Man action figure and he's like what's up and I'm like sitting on the couch my weekend

off so I'm just like stoned on a Saturday watching TV. This guy's on my couch just being like what do you do and I, I'm like starting to be like, I don't like this guy's attitude. I like that. One fucking bit. And Pete's taking a shower and he gets out and he's like, yeah, like the guy's name landed or whatever the fuck his name was. He was like, can I use your bathroom or whatever? And he goes in the bathroom and Pete's on the couch. I go, what's what's the deal with this guy? He's got a fucking attitude problem. I don't like him. And Pete goes, oh, no, dude, he's just an idiot.

He's like so stupid. And once he said that and he came back and I reframed it, I was like, oh, like I saw the guy and I was like, oh, you are, you're fucking stupid. Like he was like, so do you guys have pizza around here? And I was like, yeah, down in the corner. And he was like, so it's, do you guys have pizza around here? And I was like, yeah, down in the corner. And he's like, oh, that's cool. And you're like, oh, it all made sense.

It was wild. And then I was like, I like your dumb hot friend. Dude, the funniest was when, fucking. Dumb hot people. Pete would bring people over and I just, I don't like it because it's our space, you know? And when you live with more than one roommate, they bring people in.

But Becky Owen and I had to tell Pete, he wasn't allowed to have friends. His friend, I bought a brand new couch and his friend threw up on it. And I was like, dude, you can't. What about the time that you came home from the road? That was what I was going to tell. Yeah. Go ahead. I'm sorry. I don't want to say it. Yeah. Cause you weren't there. No, I wasn't there. Boy, oh boy. Coming home from the road. It's like, people need to understand coming home from the road. It's like you're just you know, not anything, but you're just tired

It's like you traveled you're hungry you want to eat So you just want to like you just want to dial it take a shower for you a fan dial it down this was the fight where Anderson's where Chris Weidman and Anderson Silva were fighting for the middleweight title and Chris Weidman broke his leg on a kick that's the exact date it happened and I know that I was working for Guinness and Guinness had me out for like three straight weeks I was on the road for three straight weeks with anybody I'll tell you more than two weeks on the road you feel insane you're just kind of like I need need to go home. I need my stuff.

It was a Saturday. I was coming home because we did like, we did like Wednesday, Thursday, Friday gig Saturday. I was flying home from the West coast and I landed at JFK and I just had a feeling. I was like, I know Vecchione's out of town. Dude, if I go there and Pete has people over, I know Vecchione's out of town. Dude, if I go there and Pete has people over, I'm gonna be angry. I just remember thinking that, just being like, if people are at my house right now, I'm gonna be pissed. And I had a huge suitcase in my backpack, and the cab pulls up to our place in Queens,

and I see the lights on, and I'm like, dude, I walk out. You start growling, you start growling at the window. Even though you can't see what's there. What's that? Dude, I walk in to our apartment. It is filled with people who I've never met. One face I know, Vecchione's on the road, I know that. I know that for a fact.

And I go, where is Pete? And one of his friends goes, oh, he just left to go meet up with a girl. And I went, so you are all in my apartment without my roommate. By the way, as I told you, UFC event, I was very excited for this UFC event. I had Vecchione buy it and record it on the DVR

because I knew I was gonna come home and be able to watch it. And all I wanna do is order a pizza, watch this UFC event. And I get home, they're watching the UFC event. They're drinking, our couch was an L couch. It was pretty big, could fit about eight people, filled with people. People are up in the kitchen, they're on the speed bump. Everyone's around and I'm like, where is Peter?

And the one guy I knew was like, oh, he just left to go to a chicks house and I was like, I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette and take a walk around the block. I need you gone when I get back. And to their credit, I smoked a cigarette, I walked around the block and I came back and everyone was gone. I was so mad and I'm watching the UFC event and Pete comes in and I just fucking are like, I'm like, what the fuck? And he's pushing back. He's like, fuck that.

I can have people over and we start yelling at each other. And then Chris Weidman breaks his leg on Anderson Silva. We were both like, it was on the TV and both of us were like, what the fuck? It stopped us mid argument. That was what made us not fight. One fight stopped another fight. It is a broken leg. And we were like, Oh, I was like, bro, I would never check your kick like that. That was the most angry I think I've ever been in a roommate. Cause I was like,

I had Pete's story where it's like, he would do the thing where, you know, you'd want to come home and cook cause you want a home cooked meal. Take a shower, you're tired, but you'd want to cook your own food to have a home cooked meal. And he would leave dishes in the sink. That was his thing. He would tired, but you'd want to cook your own food to have a home-cooked meal and He would leave dishes in the sink. That was his thing. He would just that was his thing And every roommate has a fault. Mine was ripping butts when I was drunk inside

Pete's was he did not do dishes and we did not have a dishwasher He just would leave the dishes in the sink like until the sink was full of dishes So a couple times it happened and we had moments. Yeah we had those moments were like dude dude. There's three of us. Yeah, you just wash it off Yeah, I would sometimes do the dishes and do the thing of like I'm doing your dish Yeah, like it became a point of contention So it happened a couple times. I was like dude when I got on the road for this Oh when I come up when I come off the road, I don't want to do dishes, dude I just want to cook and I can't do a whole sink full of dishes. Just,

just do the dishes. He's like, all right, you're right. You know, he was like very like, yeah, yeah. He was never a dickhead. No, no, no. He was never a dickhead. He was a good guy. He would, he would just do this thing that you're making matter where he'd go like, of course you'd all do that. And he wouldn't do it. So I come home after this is like the third time and uh go I'm texting him on as the plane lands. I'm like I'm coming home. Everything cool in the kitchen. Yeah. He's like, oh late night. Yeah. He does break a girl. He texts me

how far are you? I'm like 20 minutes. He's like, okay. So I get home and uh, it's just the dishes are in the sink. And I'm like, he's not around. That was the moment. Yeah. Where you got like, dude, when you kick a roommate out, when you decide to move on for a roommate, in your defense, let me say this It wasn't that we kicked him out We loved him he was like he was we did love him but the place was not Conducive it wasn't for three people. It was the room. He was staying in was not a bedroom He was staying in a glorified closet telling you right now. It was a

two people really now, it was a glorified closet. So it was for two people really. It was, it was from here, from here across there. Yeah. That was the size of the room. So when it fit a queen, barely fit a queen size bed in it. Yeah, it was, it was a closet. So. And I lived there for eight years.

Yeah, eight years. I did eight. Eight years in solitary, eight years in the hole. I did eight years in the hole. He did eight years in the hole. And it made me strong. I came out with one of those Muslim caps. I said, As-salamu alaykum, my brother.

I have found the spirit of Allah in that little tiny. But when I remember when the whole process was happening, because we were originally looking for another place. Yeah, we went around. And we went to a rat-infested, that rat-infested building where it was like, she took us up. She was proudly showing us just a jump. For the same place, for the same place. We're for the same price we were paying for this two and a half

bedroom with a huge living room. Yeah, it smelled. It was awful. The building was terrible. And she was like, hmm. We got down from the building. We started talking. I was like, he's like, what do you think?

I'm like, Dan, we because he set it up, you know? And I was like, we should stay in the place. We have a great access to the train. Yeah, we're so, we're used to the, that was the other thing, the train. Living under the train. Living under the train and listening to the train every night.

Every girl we would have over would go, how do you, how are you living this way? And by the way, I get it. You get used to it. Look at me, you get used to it. But you do. You wanna be part of this? Every girl, any girl that we're the way, I get used to it. Look at me. You get used to it. But you do every girl that we were in a relationship with would inevitably within a month go, Oh, I I'm used to it. Unless they didn't want to come to Queens. Oh yeah.

That was like, I won't be coming to Queens, but every girl that I was, we're both in long-term relationships. Girls would just be like, Oh yeah. It becomes normal. But every girl that was both in long term relationships, girls would just be like, Oh yeah, you get used to it. It becomes normal. But it's like, and you're actually grateful to be that close to the train. It's wild. You could actually, you end up having gratitude for it. Depends how you frame it in your head. Cause you go like this ends running. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't have to look at your phone. You always know when the ends run, you go and N and W are running. They're both going consistent. Wait a second that's the queue yeah how the queue has made an appearance they've shifted service but or

you just see the bus go by filled with everybody yeah yeah that was another thing you can tell right from the street but it was an apartment where it was like through all of its faults yeah it was huge it was like bigger than any apartment we're gonna get for that price yeah it was under Yeah, it was huge. It was like bigger than any apartment we're gonna get for that price. Yeah, it was under the train. It was half a block to story of Boulevard block stop, a full block to the 30th Avenue. Yeah. And you had everything, everything diners, coffee, LaGuardia took to best

Greek food in the country. Beasy grill. It's unreal. Beasy grill. Beasy grill. Astoria you. It's unreal. Beasy grill, go to a Beasy Grill Historia. But my point is, when moving out with Pete, it was like, I think Pete was hurt at the end. And I was like, Pete, this is not a malicious thing towards you. It's like, we are looking for another place, we can't find value in the market.

It's like, this place is only for two people, really. Vecchia would go, he needs a window, to me. It's like, Dan just can't be in that room anymore. He'dicky would go, he needs a window to me. He'd be like. Yeah, it's like Dan just can't be in that room anymore. He'd go like this, he needs a window. And I'd be like, I need a window. I need somewhere to blow my smoke out of. I'm blowing it into the walls. So it wasn't a thing, if it was in three rooms,

we would have just kept living together. It was. You know, we would just, cause we did love Pete. We loved him. He was upset at first. Yeah, he was upset at first he was like oh I thought you guys like liked me we're like we love yeah we love him we love you yeah we can't live it that's why I've got Karen kept going he needs a window yeah but dude my the windowless room I couldn't shut the door yeah yeah cuz there was a steam heat he was so if

I shut the door you put a fan in the doorway I put a fan I put a floor fan a space fan to push the AC Down and then I had another fan. Yeah, there was no way to put a push into my room And then I had an oscillating fan in my room Yeah, but it's the thing is like you couldn't if you throw something away you'd wake him up The trash we had the trash is, is like you couldn't, if you throw something away, you'd wake him up. The trash was, yeah, the trash is right there. It was right outside my door. So like we had a step on trash can. So you like step, throw and it go chonk, bonk, chonk, bonk and you're like,

all right. Yeah. Dude, it got, it got horrible. But then, but then I moved into the windowless room, under the window room. We had a good run there. God, we had, what do we have? Like a good six year, seven year run? Yeah. I think that was a six year. I think half the time was with Pete and the other half of the time was just us. And it was, it was. Shout out 2555.

Yeah. I love you. I stayed there in the pandemic, me and Katie. Yeah. That actually worked out beautiful. Cause I went with my Katie to Hoboken and then you would. Dude, I got back from, I got back from Zanies. We're both marrying Katie's.

Yeah. This is the way to go Yeah, is that coincidence Katie life? Living that Katie life go get yourself a katie. Okay yourself katie That is crazy. If you would have gone to us like 2017 be like you guys were both gonna marry katies. You'd be like What a fun name A catherine is like, oh you can't have your stuff in here. It's like, shut up Catherine. But Katie would never do that. Katie's so fun. Katie's fun. Katie's sporty and fun. Katie puts her hair in a ponytail. I love you. I knew this was

gonna be a long podcast. We're gonna jump all over the place. We went long? Yeah. Well, I hope some of it makes the Patreon. There's no Patreon. I don't charge people. What about bonus? Thank you buddy for having me on. I have a last. I know you refused to do it for so long. So it's so nice to have you on. Well, you know what? I made myself, what do you call it?

When in demand. I was trying to make myself in demand. So now that like a forbidden fruit kind of thing. And now the fans actually got it. Two men who genuinely love each other. The juice is worth the squeeze. This is not just podcast fodder. Yeah, this isn't just to sell tickets.

This is real fucking life. No, we lived it. And if we sell some tickets, we sell some tickets. I need to get back on the road and have any dates right now! Yeah, baby! Between tours! Gotta shoot another special and get some clips out there. Hopefully, I'll book something straighter. I also have to do crowd work! between tours. Gotta shoot another special, get some clips out there. Hopefully it looks

something straighter, I also have to do crowd work.