Soder - 49: Fut vs Fue with Matteo Lane | Soder Podcast | EP 48

Episode Date: October 16, 2024

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Freak out! Yeah, let's cheek, say freak. Hi everybody, it's Dan Soder and I'm on the road always and never stopping. This November, I got a badass show that I'm very excited about with few tickets left. Town Hall for New York Comedy Festival, November 8th at 9.45pm. Town Hall, go get tickets right now. There's a few remaining. Let's fill it up. I'm very excited for that show. And then the next night we're doing Toronto, Toronto Ontario Canada two shows at the Queen Elizabeth Theater. First show completely sold out second show lots of tickets available. Go to the Late Show. If you don't have your tickets yet, go check out the Late Show. It is November 9th at the Queen Elizabeth Theater.

The 730 is sold out. The 930 is very on sale. Tampa, Florida. I hope you're okay after the hurricane. We're coming down there in November. November 15th excuse me November 14th through the 16th I will be at Side Splitters Comedy Club in Tampa. I hope you're alright and if everything's okay call it out and we'll have a laugh. DanSodder.com that's where you find me. I'm trying new catchphrases does this work? That's where you'll find me. I think that sucks. We had the same doctor. Yeah. And I think we're in this age right now where science is so good that people are

getting procedures done that if you don't tell your friends, that's the point of the bit I do on stage is like, you got to tell people cause they'll go crazy. The bit I had, well, I had a couple. I loved yours. Yours, if you, if you go watch Mateo's YouTube special, it's unbelievable. I open with, I got hair transplant.

Yeah, and you started right off and I love that. I love, that's what I always loved about stand-up was you didn't see comics for a while back in the day when they would do specials and I always loved when a comic you hadn't seen in a while would open a special with something that you heard in the news and they would be like boom here's a bit Joan Rivers did it great a lot of comics different like you know Chris Rock did it great on Bigger and Blacker where he was like, I was at the hotel

and two white kids got in the elevator and I was like, not with, you know, it was right after Columbine. Right. So I love that shit. So the way you opened with, I got hair transplants, I was like, yes, this fucking rules. Yeah.

I might, oh, my favorite joke, you know when you do jokes and like, most of them you're like, it's enough, but then some of them you really miss. Yeah. my favorite joke. You know, when you do jokes and like most of them, you're like, it's enough. But then some of you really miss. Yeah. My favorite thing I said was I because when you were losing your hair, you're in denial. Yeah. So it's just 10 years of being like, another bad haircut. And that was one of my favorite jokes.

That was the joke I was going to say. We're like, another bad haircut. Because it's true. Yeah. I just couldn't believe that I was like losing my hair. And then it was like I wouldn't put my head under the water. It was like a gay alligator just floating the whole time. And then this, I went to Miami like a month ago to do shows and I was like swimming in the water and banging in the water. Yeah.

Do you see old pictures of yourself and uh, all, all the boys at home with hair boobs will tell you that I'll show you right now. I was just showing Katie cause it's so horrific like that was the back of my head Wow okay I know they did let me show you mine wait this is the front we're showing each other our hair before it's before we got them up to here like it went up to there yeah so I had I had it what's funny is now when I see old pictures before I got hair tits, like when I was getting my space wig, I was so good at combing my hair forward, that people legitimately didn't know, so that was me.

Oh yeah, I had this almost the same hairline as you. Yeah, you could see it going back and people were like, oh it's not that bad, and you're like. By the way, I hate when people tell Yeah, you could see it going back and people were like, oh, it's not that bad. And you're like, By the way, I hate when people tell you that you're not losing your hair when I know that I'm losing my hair. It was the most insulting thing in the world.

You look fine. And you're like, I don't want to look fine. I want to look more Puerto Rican than I am. That's what I'm going for. You're wondering why we're sitting like this. This is the only time I've switched positions on this podcast because Matteo came with to the gayest and the most honest request I've ever had on this podcast early You came early, but you went my right side's my good side. I don't give a fuck

I'll sit on this is where I sit when I play video games So why not it's the benefit of doing like being a guest on a straight guys podcast because I'm like they don't know that they have a good side Shit if I asked I'm like, they don't know that they have a good site. I said, Katie, Dan gives a shit. If I asked you the right thing, she goes, Dan doesn't know what she's like. She has to dress me like a retarded child. Remember I did your hair one night at the cellar. And Katie was like, that's, that's the way we have to do that. You have to start combing your hair different. And it really is I've walked around my whole life. I remember in college I had a Caesar cut, right? But I put it down and I remember my roommate's girlfriend was like, push your hair up.

Like, push it up. And I was like, ew, no. And then I moved to New York and what my friend Kelly was cutting my hair and she's like, your hair should come up. And she changed my hair and everyone was like, great haircut. And I was like, damn Melissa, I owe you a big apology.

All those years ago, you told me the way to go. When did you start losing your hair? I didn't notice it until I was on the impractical jokers cruise. Oh God, I remember that cruise and I got out of the water and Ramon Rivas, a comic from Cleveland, yes is sitting there and he goes, yo, you know, you're losing your hair. Right. And I was like, huh? And that's when what's funny is I went to Justin silver. And I was like, Hey, you have a hair doctor or whatever I'm losing. And he goes, I've been waiting for you to approach me about this. Okay.

And I was like, did say something was a petting a cat around in a chair to finally you've come to see me. But he did send me to the doctor we both use, Dr. Carlos Wesley. Yeah, that's who I love. Look up Dr. Carlos Wesley. He's the best. This guy is the best hair tits guy in New York. He won, but he is rated top 20 hair surgeons in the world.

Have you seen famous people in the lobby yet? No, no. Well, yes, because when I was getting my hair washed, Have you seen famous people in the lobby yet? No No, well, yes because when I was getting my hair washed But he was a sports guy and I don't know anything about sports, but I know buck No, I don't know if it was Joe. I wouldn't even I literally think Joe buck is that character John Candy played I literally Yeah. Yeah. With the pancake.

Yeah. But I knew he made pancakes. You're like, Joe Bucks at my house making a giant pancake? I'm going to get one more in my crown just to finish off the crown. Can they do that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

They did 500, but I'm going to go for like the final. But you have to wait a year to do another consultation. But I'm not in a rush. I got the hairline I wanted, so I don't care anymore. So what's funny is when I- I'm almost 40. And I don't know if this happened to you, when I do the bit about getting a hair transplant- Gasps in the audience the audience. No, no,

no, no. Everyone's like, what's funny is I thought I would get gasps. No, everyone's like, yeah, whatever. What's funny is the DMS I get after the show from guys being like, who did it, who did yours? And you're like, Oh, I'll tell you, it's Dr. Carlos Wesley, but you're like, it's in New York, but you don't realize how many people want that information. And I was the same when I found out about it, I was like, and when I told Katie,

cause I was still doing the bonfire. And I was like, when I got to procedure, cause I got an FUT, you got- I got FUE. And the difference is FUT is they take a strip out the back of your head. Yes. And they put it on top of your head. Well, that's the is they take a strip out the back of your head. Yes. And they put it on top of your head.

Well, that's the, they take. That's how dumb I am. You make it more alien than it is. FUT is an older procedure. They still do it because you can get more grafts out of it. But they've moved to FUE just because you don't get the scar. So what they do is they cut out a strip of your skin, which I didn't do it cause I just didn't want

the healing part, but. That was by the way, the whole part of the recovery was making sure the scar was okay. That's right. Let me see, can you see the back? You can't really- Can you see it anymore? You can't really even see it if you like look.

No. You can't see it. They do such a good job. Well, so that's what, I mean, this is just gonna be an hour long commercial for Dr. Carlos Wesley, but Dr. Wesley was like, the reason I'm so good is you will not see your scar. Yeah.

He's like, if you do this right, if you do the healing procedure right, which I'm so glad, this is why I'm so glad you're on the podcast, because there's stories I haven't been able to tell about it, because no one knows what I'm talking about. So after I got to FUT, they bandaged you up, which same with FUE.

Yes, I woke up and I looked like I look like Jafar. I look like the Sultan from Aladdin. Yeah, I felt like I kept telling Katie. I was one of the guys from Dragon Ball Z. I was like, dude, I'm talking to people from Dragon Ball Z, but they were wrapping my head. And I remember they were like, because the joke I make is like they I came in they give you like An ambient and like a valium. Yeah, and I was like, this is a lot, but I don't do drugs But I'm sure they had a meeting the liquid is in New York a so we better

Were you awake at all during the surgery I was I woke up I woke up once Evidently I requested Game of Thrones great So I woke up and there's just blood everywhere and I was like, I have to pee. And then they like walked me to the bathroom and that was it. Really? I remember coming to,

I just remember coming to a little bit and going, how's it going? And they're going, it's going great. And I was like, and I was back down. And then you go home, you take a Valium again to sleep because they want you to sleep. Sitting up like a horse. Yeah.

The worst. You really do, you just have to, I have to. In the middle of the night, I'm like. Yeah, someone changed up. I'm just stomping. But they're like, you have to, like he, you know when a doctor tells you something so many times that it makes you nervous?

Yeah. Where you go, okay, well now I'm actually nervous about this. He was like, you have to heal this scar or else it'll be bad. By the way, the first time I did Rogan, I didn't know Rogan. And he was walking in front of me. Oh, he had the scar. And I go, oh, you got a few T. And he went, what? And I went, um.

Isn't he open about it? He talks about it. He goes, oh, yeah. He goes, I got it back in the 90s. He's like, you could tell by the scar. I got the 90s and I was like, oh, I got, which is like getting LASIK in the 80s. It's like getting your foot cut off in the civil war and they just wrap it and you die a few months later.

Anyway, in the 90s is wild. They go, we think this can work. Literally. That's what it was. And then you look at most people and it's just like ant legs sticking out of their head. Yeah, they're very good at it now. But he was like, Dr. Wesley was like, you have to fucking do this or the scar is going to be big.

You're going to have like big scar tissue. So I bought this. He was like, you have to soak your head. Yeah, twice a day. And we had to do it too because he wanted the FUE scars, which FUE is where they take just little bits of hair all around, but it can leave a scar. So you have to sit in Epsom salt baths

for 15 minutes a day. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the first, I bought an inflatable. I bought like an inflatable, you can buy them on Amazon. That's like, you could put water in it, it's got like a little space for you to put your neck and your head in.

And so I was like, oh, beautiful, this will work great. And I just put it in our old place in Jersey. I just put it on the bathroom floor and I laid down and all the water came out from it because I filled it too much. So I laid down and just went and just like washed under me and I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no. And Katie got up and it was just like wet.

It was just a fucking scene. Katie's like, what did you do? I was like, I laid on the ground. She's like, you do it in the tub. I agree with Katie. And I was like, fuck, I should do it in the tub. And then I had to like. This year I got my hair washed.

I went every single day. They can wash it for you. Pay them extra. Really? But they can wash it for you and you do it once a day. So me and this woman, Mona, she was from Romania, but we could speak Italian to each other because they speak Italian kind of in Romania. Anyway, she would wash my hair every day. So you were this woman Mona, she was from Romania, but we could speak Italian to each other because they speak Italian kind of in Romania.

Anyway, we, she would wash my hair every day. So you would go in and get, yeah, but it's, they like, it scared me so much, but it was funny when I'd like, have to go soak my head, people would be like, where are you going? You're like, I have to go soak. And I'd just like, lay it up. It's like when you pray five times a day,

we were like, I gotta go soak my head five times a day. And then I went to my grandma's house, who she has like the shitty townhouse or whatever in the bathroom I had to put my legs up against the wall and like lay down So I was like an L but my legs were up on the fucking thing. So I can't believe you try I didn't travel for ten days. I didn't move a muscle. I stayed home every day. I flew after Five days. Oh, what? No, I just flew. Did you get the lump, the like water in your head? No, I did.

I because I use when you sleep sitting up and then you ice your head every single hour, you'd ice your head. Did you? I didn't ice my head enough and then my head got like, do I look like Igor? Dude, my head got lumpy. Master, master, master. That's the impression I was take the bail. I am. Master. Master. Master. That's the impression I was actually looking for. I figured it out. The monster. Let me see if I can find this.

Cause it is wild. When you see it like lumped up in the front of my head and I was like. Oh, I do have an ugly picture of myself. Hold on a second. Nicole Byer always makes fun of me. We'll text these to Pimp so he can put them on. He can put them on the podcast.

He's great. Look at our ugly ass heads. Yeah. But when I got it. Our ugly ass heads. But when I got it done, I did it because I was like, oh well. There, yeah, mine was a little swollen. I look, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. That's so funny.

That is exactly, when I got mine done, I like woke up and I was like, oh, this is fine. And then when I traveled, I was like, this was a bad idea. It was a very. That's why I said I did it here. Everyone's like, did you do it in Turkey? I said no, because I want to be ugly at home. I don't want to in an 18-hour flight with like looking like a gusher with my head swollen like a fruit Would you see that that story about that guy that got here? What happened? I couldn't even I came in

You probably can look it up. He was traveling flying to Miami and he had hair surgery and it kept bleeding and He ran out of bandages. So it was like bleeding on him and they're like, sir, you have to stop your bleeding. And he was like, yeah, let me go ask my brain like what? And he like made a scene and they had to like land the flight because they so I'm trying to see when I so I got it done in November. Here we go. A twenty twenty one twenty twenty one. Okay, I got it done in August of twenty 2020. Can you see how my forehead is?

It says you look like Mark Zuckerberg here, but it's like it like see how it's like right here it's like like all the there was like a swelling right here and I was like, ah I was like push on it and shit. You do look like I go I would like push on it and shit. You do look like I go a little bit. You have like the, it's, Oh my God. Oh fuck.

Well then they didn't bandage him correctly. Like that is crazy. Yeah. That's a lot of blood. I will say that was me after like, yeah. Well there you're like also robbing a bank. Yeah. I looked like Darth Vader when they took his mask off. So I can't believe that you decide because that was my first thing I said when I ever when I get my first paycheck, like my real paycheck, whenever I,

you know, quote unquote, make enough money, I'm going to get my hair done because I don't want to think about it anymore. And it really I forget how much time I would spend on my hair. That was what I walked. You are so straight. That is ridiculous. You look like you're giving a baptism in a fucking alley. Like you look like that is ridiculous. I think I still have that around here somewhere, but I hold on to that. I did it twice. I told you, right? Oh, really? I just

did it this January. Yeah. Yeah. Because I wanted my hairline lower, my hair to come in more. Okay. So like even these hairs like are a little, you know, they have to like mature. Yeah. They have to come in. Even these are a little like. That was the reason when I got it done, I was still on the bonfire and I was like, well, I'm not going to get it done. And then if it doesn't work, just be the guy that did it and it didn't work. Right. But then it worked. Yeah. And it worked both times for me. I just wanted more. The person that noticed it. I'm sitting on the right side. Yannis Pappas was the first person that noticed it.

That you had that hair. I didn't tell anybody. I came in and just like that Brooklyn street sense, he goes, you look different. What happened? And I was like, and then the next week we were sitting outside and I was like, I got a hair transplant.

And everyone was like, oh shit. And you're like, yeah, I'm kind of comfortable talking about it now. I told everyone. Yeah. Couldn't wait. Well, that's what I loved about it. Cause I feel like we know a lot of people that have had it done, but no, we do know a lot of people that I know a few comics

that have had it done. God, if I had a Patreon, that would be the episode. There's also a few comics under that are gay that are also that's the Patreon episode that would tell us I would ask you to split the dough for that one. We have to set up a Mateo and account so it splits halfway. But yeah, that's what I always think is weird is we're in a position as comedians when something goes bad, it's not bad. It's a joke. Well, it's not that it's not bad, but I think a lot of things that happen to people, it feels very insular.

So it feels like it just happened to that person when in reality it's an experience that a lot of things that happen to people, it feels very insular, so it feels like it just happened to that person, when in reality it's an experience that a lot of people have had this happen to. So comedians kind of shed the light on the fact that we're all kind of like going through this. Yeah, that's what good comedy does. Good comedy, you're like, oh, I feel the exact same way. Even if they're from a completely different situation,

if they can identify something that feels a certain way, you're like, oh, that's exactly how I feel. Yeah. And that makes me feel better about it. I mean, some things you keep secret, obviously, but it's like for the most part you do, I mean, there is that part of your brain, like no matter what trauma you're going through,

you're like, but it could be funny. Like you're at brunch, you say something funny, you're like, okay, I'll write that down. And then suddenly it's 15 minutes, and then after a year of saying the fucking joke, you don't even feel anything anymore. That's what's weird is- I guess that's healing. Yeah, and when you're like, oh, how can you talk about your dead dad every night? You're joke, you don't even feel anything. Yeah, that's what we're doing. That's healing

Yeah, and when you're like, oh, how can you talk about your dead dad every night? You're like, I don't even really acknowledge it Right. It just like I came out of I get before like I could sell tickets for like 14 years on stage I had to come out of the closet every night. I mean you opened with you singing. Oh remember that joke Yeah, I used to have a joke. Okay, so I'm gay Yeah, that's a true story. I came out to yeah. I used to have a joke. I'm like, so I'm gay. Yeah. Yeah, that's a true story. If I came out to my dad, I used to have a joke. It was like one of my first jokes at like the Creek in 2011

or whatever. I would go up and I would go, oh, me about being no car. And then people would be like, what? And then I go, that's a true story. How I came out to my dad, which later I realized, oh, me about being a caro means, oh, my dear father. I like subconsciously connected a thing with a yum when you came out to your dad was there a feeling of like what if this goes incredibly wrong I mean obvious no cuz my older brothers also gave so he

really took a lot of this shit for me when first yeah yeah yeah he walked so you could run well it's skipped so I could mince but yeah I would say so my family is very funny and they all deal with the pain through skipped so I could mince. But yeah, I would say so. My family is very funny and they all deal with pain through humor. So I think that's just kind of how it got away with is we all just made jokes about it. Was there anyone in your family that let you down when you came out?

No. Everyone was like, right? Even my grandparents, they don't give a shit. They're all like, yeah, great. Yeah, no one cares. That's incredible. I love that. I feel very lucky about that.

Like even my grandparents today, like my grandpa's like, ah, you know, I'm so proud of my because he's got three gay, gay grandkids. He's like, I'm proud of my gay grandkids. I'm like, there's a lot man. And he's like, yeah, you have to prove yourself straight in this family. Just a lot of guys running around. If you're a straight member of the Lane family, you have to be like, no, no, no.

Now check this out. I love pussy. I love pussy so much. I'm doubling. My uncle Mike tried so hard, like, because, no, no, no, check this out. I love pussy. I love pussy so much. I'm doubling. My uncle Mike tried so hard, like, because he was very accepting. But he's like Irish, Chicago, South Side. He married an Italian, Mexican woman, my aunt, Cindy. So like, there's just a lot of this.

And he was like, one day he came up to my cousin Brian, who's also gay. He's like, I got this idea because I can draw. He's always thinking of ideas like I got this idea. We can make a greeting cards. And my aunt, Cindy, is literally look up. She goes, what's it going to say like, I got this idea. We can make a greeting cards. And my aunt Cindy is literally gonna look up. She goes, what's it gonna say? Happy birthday from a gay. He's like, no Cindy, please.

And then he comes in like 10 minutes later, he's like, how about we do a painting of Obama? We'll do a great painting. You can become famous. My aunt Cindy from the other room goes, if he doesn't like it, say I'm sorry from a gay. So we all deal with it funny. I do.

I mean, that is wild though. You think of South Side Chicago cop just being like, so wait a second, you're telling me. Who exactly was his voice? I'm not kidding you. Not only is your older brother gay, but you're gay? What the fuck is happening here, Mattel? Is it the water?

What's going on around here? Like that like confusing cop. It was the Flintstone vitamins my uncle Mike gave us every single fucking day. I know I shouldn't have given him the fucking purple ones. Because queers love purple. They do. I'm the only queer, I fucking, I'm the only fag that hates purple. It's my least favorite color.

I don't like purple. Do you think it's hack? No, it's not. I like purple on things, but I was, I used to be a painter. I sound so ridiculous. And every time you paint with purple, it almost feels like a dead color. Really? I never liked purple.

Also, I have, I have this thing called synesthesia. Do you know what synesthesia is? You know what it is? Did I talk about it on Chris's podcast once? Yeah, it's like, it's a neurological condition where your brain overlaps its senses in development. So when I see numbers or letters, I see color. Or like music, I see color.

Daryl Hammond has that. That's how he does it. I think it's a form of that. He talks about when he does impressions, they're in colors. Yes, that would be synesthesia. Yeah, so he goes like, green is this character. In the documentary about his life, it's incredible. That's synesthesia.

Yeah, mine is like three, the only green I see is three and E. Those are the only greens I see. That's why it's full of purple and I'm so sick of looking at purple. Like I'm tired of it. It's enough. Enough. That's like you clearing a fucking dress. I feel like that done with purple. No more wire hangers, no more purple. When you were young, before you came out, before your brother came out, I was in the backyard singing to the birds, like sleeping beauty. You are.

This was no secret. Did you ever date a girl? Did you ever? Yes, I talk about all the time. I worked at Michael's Arts and Crafts and I dated Francesca Tamburello. She's now married with a pit bull, has a kid and I broke up with her in the yarn section. Really? Yeah, because she was cheating me with her boyfriend was living in his mom's basement.

So obviously Francesca, I love you, but you were the problem here. Yeah, was she? It wasn't dating like we were serious. I mean, we dated for like a couple of weeks. I mean, it wasn't, you know, but did she when she found out you were gay, was she like, well, she didn't find out then because I didn't come out until I was like 16. Then I came out when I was like probably 19 in college. I went to art school. Like, but I think everyone waits for an ex to come out to go like my friend Nick

dated this girl. He's like, yeah, I Nick's the gayest, but he looks like a Chinese vase. That's how gay Nick is. And he was like, yeah, we were dating for a long time and everyone knew, but she was devastated. I was like, she was deaf. I should call Nick right now. He tells a great story. I want to know about, cause there is a feeling of like how many times I've broken up with a woman that you're just like, God, I wish I was just gay. Remember Homer Simpson, three simple words.

I am gay. Yeah, because you break up with a girl and they're like, you're ruining my life, which is a bit extreme. Yeah. But if you're like, I'm gay, then they go, oh, good for you. They're like, you've ruined it even more. I mean, there was a friend I knew, and then she was like, I found out my boyfriend was gay

and I destroyed the living room and I was smoking and my friends came in and they're like, what happened? She's like, he's gay. Oh, it was Amber Nelson who told me that. Amber Nelson is so funny, by the way. She's so funny. And also, ever since you said it's Amber Nelson, I can just picture her smoking on a couch

with a destroyed living room. Well, I found out he's gay. And you're like, oh, she's like old timey Hollywood. She is. Amber Nelson's one of the funniest, smartest. I love Amber Nelson. I think breakups, I mean, gay breakups have to be pretty dramatic.

I think all breakups are dramatic. But I'm just wondering spice level. If we go spice level of breakups, straight breakups are dramatic all, but I'm just wondering spice level. If we go spice level of breakups, straight breakups, if it's the man being broken up with by a woman and there's heartbreak, that's the most dangerous because obviously they can murder the most mature breakup, though, when a couple lesbians lesbians, I feel like they handshake. So I just wanted to sit down and sort of review what uh, what our relationship was to split the WNBA tickets. And also, um, I just noticed in the morning that you weren't watering the plants

anymore. That really upset me. Our cats haven't been fed in two days. And so I noticed that Sandra, our third cat was acting a bit strange. Do they break up like the predator handshake where they're like, you son of a bitch and gays break up like when the predator blows himself up This episode is sponsored by better help, you know, um It's crazy how often I talk about therapy and people are like, do you actually do therapy? Yes, I do therapy and I love it.

I really feel like it helps me, even like small stuff with therapy. If you have a problem with like a roommate or a friend or a coworker, you go in and talk to it, you realize, oh, this leads me to bigger problems that I have and ways to solve it. So therapy is just untangling of wires and figuring out why you do what you do.

Therapy can help you learn to accept all parts of yourself so that you can take off any masks you're wearing. They want me to say this whole thing about like Halloween and stuff but you get what I'm saying. It helps you become a better person. I'm serious. I think everyone should have to do therapy. I'm just recommending it to you. If you're thinking about starting therapy, give Better

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New customers on three month plan only. Speed slower above 400 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. I can't just say Predator, I don't know why am I not. When I was little, I have so many cousins, and sometimes like my grandma would watch us, we'd be in the basement, She would let us watch Predator.

That's great. I'm like, we're seven. Like, why are we watching? But I love my Predator action figures. I love all of it. It's a, it's, it's one of those movies that you're right. That you, I watched way too early and I, I remember my mom and dad both being like, yeah, you can watch it. You're like, you're into like, uh, we're kids of the eighties though. So it's like, no one really adventure and action. Go ahead. Why don't you like predator better or alien better?

Uh, predator. I like better, but terminator beats both of them. Really? I would say I'm, I'm huge in a terminator. I feel like I'm picking my favorite golden girl. Okay. Yeah. Which is it's clearly, I mean, favorite golden girl stuff. Cause you love Blanche Dorothy's hilarious But Blanche does this thing where Blanche comes in and makes like a whirlwind joke right that you're like Oh, that's like she like really provides a lot of like flavor character really grows. It has a lot of death Yes, but nothing beats Dorothy going Blanche. I'm gonna borrow your earrings. I have a date tonight with a man

No Rose a Venus flytrap to borrow your earrings. I have a date tonight with a man. No Rose, a Venus fly. There's nothing better than that. And then I mean, now you also Betty whites, this, her characters stories of growing up, seeing all of, so all those stories where she was like, he best, the best break, you know, like any kind of thing where they're like, he won the tractor pole. And he was the biggest guy in our town. Like they golden girls might be. And he was the biggest guy in our town like they golden girls might be I

Would argue 30 rock is the greatest written show of all time But I think golden girls it goes 1a 30 rock 1b golden girls I I mean I wasn't I didn't watch a lot of 30 rock, but I know it's a great show It's unbelievable. If you have a chance go through or watch it You know what? I love is I heard an old interview because I was watching all these like Patrice O'Neill interviews on YouTube like you know, this like keeps suckling through and one of them was like that Patrice and Jim Norton were defending Golden Girls on open Anthony was open Anthony if you don't know back in the day was like this Super like they know if they're watching this podcast

Yeah, you know the vibe of that show so when a sell Getty died open Anthony were like Oh, they're fucking stupid Golden Girls and both Patrice and Jim were like, no, it's a great show. It's unbelievable. And it made me respect. I mean, I love Jim Norton as it is, but it made me respect them so much. But I always love when that happens, when someone goes,

no, no, no, when there's pushback for a real thing, they go, no, fuck that. I'm not going with this easy take that it was a stupid old lady show. That show is set up punch almost every line, almost every line. And the cast, you're right. Picking your favorite Golden Girls. If I had to pick and this is by hairs.

OK, I think Dorothy Sophia, no, Dorothy Blanche, Sophia Rose. Rose last. Mm hmm. And I love Betty White and I love. But I would. This is going to make you. This is going to make you mad. Mm-hmm. And I love Betty White and I love, but I would put her last. This is going to make you mad. I would go Blanche, Sophia, Dorothy. Betty? Yeah.

Wait, no, no, no. I would go Blanche, Sophia. Who is Betty White's character? Rose. Rose. And then Dorothy. And then Dorothy. I wasn't a Be Arthur guy. I'll tell you why, because Dorothy is a gay man.

So gay men like Dorothy best because we relate to her the most. Where Dorothy and Blanche are like two archetypes of gay men. And I love sluts. So Blanche. So Blanche was my father. I also was raised by a mom that dated a lot so like Blanche would make those jokes and

I'd be like, oh I got a little old joke I can get said to my mom when her next date doesn't work. There was an episode where Blanche and Sophia were sharing the same boyfriend at one point and then Blanche is like as they were like competing they're all in there and Blanche goes she's like in like a negligee and she's like well I'm just gonna just lay in the bathtub with just enough water to barely cover my perky breasts. And Sophia goes, you only going to sit in an inch of water? If we're going to, this is a, this will be a fun one.

Who was the best old slut Blanche or Mona from who's the boss? Uh, Blanche. I mean, all the stories of like's like big daddy, big daddy, big mama. I didn't know her name was big mama. She goes, Blanche, they have an egg dish named after you and a diner. Really? How are they prepared? Over easy. Unbelievable. I mean, her initials were bed.

Yeah, it was. It's one of those shows where I would watch it with my grandmother, but not in a way of like, oh, I got to watch it it like we both get amped We're like hope golden girls golden girls on for like two hours We're like we got two hours just ever see the guy who sings longer that they thank you for being a friend. Oh No things the whole thing. Oh, you gotta watch it. Oh, those remakes. This is it's hysterical I think I'm about to fall into a golden Girls hole when I'm on the road now. Oh, start with season three.

OK, what would you recommend for people jumping into Golden Girls? Oh, I would start with season four. Go four, five, six, seven, then jump back to one, two, three. Because they really figure it's like the Simpsons. When you go four through 11. Yes. Four through 11.

You got to start with season four with the Simpsons. Simpsons four. Katie wasn't allowed to watch The Simpsons growing up. And I'm like, you don't understand. It's amazing. How great it is. Tell my friend Donnie, he's a big fan of yours. Tell Donnie to watch The Simpsons.

Donnie. He's never seen it. Four through 11 of Simpsons is, you're getting the peak Conan O'Brien years. Who wrote for Mr. Burns. Yeah. And I mean, he wrote a lot of shit. I mean, everyone gives him- Wait, I have a question. Because you and I both do impressions.

Yeah. We should do all the impressions we can do from The Simpsons My favorite orange is we can my favorite or the one that would get me in trouble right now But the first voice I ever did of who was thank you for thank you for shopping My the line that made my dad my dad was very very funny. I didn't know well. I knew he was very very funny I actually just told Katie the story recently. I'd never seen him laugh harder than the episode where Marge is tired. And she puts grandpa Simpson's whiskey in her coat and she gets caught stealing

at the quickie mart and Homer goes to talk to a poo and says, can't you take it easy on her? You know, and I've never watched my dad laugh harder than when a poo goes, I'm going to put that bitch on ice And my dad was like that was like the funniest thing he ever thought he was like crying laughing But my favorite voice to do when I was little was and that's the sandbox. I'm not allowed in the deep end That's where I see the leprechaun. He tells me to burn things and he goes great job lossy now burn them Burn them all. And I would say groundskeeper Willie. Yeah, you could be like, boy, hold me up.

I'm going in after the dog and he rips it away so I can do a poo. Ralph Wiggum, um, landskeeper Willie. Willie, obviously the goggles, they do nothing. Willie. Willie. Obviously the goggles, they do nothing. One of the hardest I've ever laughed in my life was the line where Bart, when they're doing the Radioactive Man filming in Springfield and Bart rolls into the kitchen and he goes, look out Radioactive Man.

And Homer goes, Marge, are you bringing women here? He goes, Marge, are you bringing men here? Radioactive men. I love it. He's bringing men here? Radioactive men. I love it. He's like, watch out radioactive. And brilliant, marvelous. Do it again. Watch out. Radioactive man. Brilliant. One more time. Watch out. That's what I'd be saying to you. If you are if you were two inches taller. That's it. Yeah. And my favorite is when the when the lunch ladies reading lines and she goes, Oh, no Springfield's the thing. And he goes, what's for lunch today?

And they go, next. And he goes, chicken next? And then Ralph Williams is my guy. Ralph Williams is my favorite character on the show. I heard that your dad went to a restaurant. He ate all the food in the restaurant. They had to close the restaurant. And they were having babies.

They were making love in the closet. And then they had a baby. One of the babies looked at me. And he's like explaining curbbuffle and principle skitter. You can do Ralph better than me. You can get higher. I can do a great Marge. Okay. Like Homer. Unbelievable. I can do Moe. I can do Moe. Here we go. Call Moe's. Love it. I can do a great body. Hi, Homer. That's great. I love this. I think I could do chief wig. Oh What does it give me a line for she's like smash he's like women are a lot like nuts Ralph Yeah, we're gonna like not round smash him with his gun. That's right. He shoots it

Donny's Smithers is great. Yes, and mr. Burns. Mr. Smithers was in his. I used to be able to do Homer's yell like, ah! Like that, but kind of, you know? Donnie, watch The Simpsons. Homer's hard to do. I've tried so hard. I cannot do Homer. When someone does a good Homer, I'm very, very.

Homer! That's pretty good. That's about as far as I can go. When you're doing a voice, since we're both voice guys. I do Liza Minnelli the best. It's unbelievable. Which no one in your Fanbase even knows who she is, but I'm gonna tell you right now. Look her up YouTube it

It's pitch fucking perfect. I think this it might be for my friend Rob Lindley or SNI forget where it's from But I always say this is like it then lies I didn't say this but it's from one of those two but the impression is you I'll never forget The first thing my mother said to me. She said Liza call an ambulance the thing is is you do the mouth thing yeah the dry mouth and the dry of her being a drug addict when you do a voice do you find the sentence and then work off that sentence sometimes I don't know like I can do a perfect Joe Mackie a perfect Joe Mack you can do a perfect Joe Mackey. A perfect Joe Mackey. You can do a perfect Evan

Williams. Oh hey gang. I do a great. Evan Williams your former roommate. Oh man. What's going on man. Go watch Evan Williams on Instagram. He does perfect. He's fucking crazy man. It's perfect. It's crazy. It's crazy. I'm a drug addict man. I'm a drug addict. Every one of my life's dead. See my voices always aren't like pitch perfect as much as they are just like my. The, your version of it, which sometimes is better. My Dan St. Germain is like, hey man, ugh. It's like, it's cloudy and ugh.

I don't know, fuck it, no. But it's not a good, it's not like a, I don't do his voice well. I just do like his essence. Do you know Danny Callis, he was a Chicago comic. I do the like, oh, listen, my pal, the first time I saw you do it was great. About the Metro. I'm trying to think what I don't know how I do because I'm a singer.

So I think I just mimic quickly. But I find like tone like. When I do Chappelle, I find that it's all like all it's all in waves We got to be like man the hardest thing about this thing Change your mouth to look like I can't even understand why someone wouldn't think of an impression like this I don't understand it because that's what it's like peeking about that and then on stage recently I've been doing because homeless poop knows, we had Mike Cannon on the podcast and he said he did Steve-O's podcast and Steve-O wouldn't stop talking about Israel and Palestine. So I have been obsessed with doing that on

stage by going, all right, so here's what we're going to do. You need to like, we're going to lube up that bowling ball and shove it up my ass. But really like there is a road to a two state solution. You know, I'm going to go to a global political advice. I'm going to go to a man like I think like IDF has has a way to like defend themselves. What do you say about FEMA right now? I mean, like federal government, you're getting into funding where like, you know, if you're going to make abortions in the states, rights like maybe storms

should be in states, right? It's too, you know, anyways, I'm Steve O and this is FEMA. But like I'll find a voice and have it perfect for a little bit. And then don't you feel like it, it does change like Liza. My Liza has changed for the past 15 years. Do you do my favorite thing with voices is to put them in situations that they like Steve changed like Liza had my Liza has changed for the past 15 years. Do you do my favorite thing with voices is to put them in situations that they like Steve O doing is okay. Let's put Liza in a situation. Let's do Liza

Manelli talking about I'm trying to think of what would be a fun thing. I want to talk about something sports because you don't know sports. Let's do it. So let's do Liza Manella talking about the transfer portal for college football. Well, I'll tell you something about it. So the trans portal carpenters, it was so I play, I was a quarterback. How did people know that? Oh, no people. Oh, I learned how to play because I was a dancer.

I was Bob Fosse on the field. It makes me, it just brings me such joy. I do that a lot in Fortnite because my friend Donnie, Simran and Corey and I would play and my friend Nick, there was one time when we would drive know man, like that kind of thing. So every time we go, I go, we just didn't know. Yeah, it's coming. You like trailer lines.

That's so fun. Yeah, dude. I think that's like, were you doing voices because of boredom or just because there were? I was always doing voice. I used to as a kid, I would do my mom would allow me one Simpsons quote a night like at the dinner table because I wouldn't shut up and I would do mad TV characters all the time. I mean which was great. Yeah that's why I'm obsessed with Will Sasso. I love Will Sasso. His funniest thing ever was the guy the the wood smith guy yeah who kept or his Kenny Rogers his Kenny Rogers is if

so big Jay this is one of my big Jay's favorite stories of mine but I used to work at this amphitheater in Colorado called Fiddler's Green which was like it's for big concerts it's still it is green Fiddler's Green it's very Colorado thing to call it like that's where the fiddlers play like a fucking like Ireland a prospector fucking did it. He's like, well, I'm gonna get all this silver and I'm gonna open his green. It's gonna be the greenest thing you ever seen. But I did like the back area where the cars came in. So I had to check everyone for passes or else they couldn't come in the back of the venue. And so I'm like letting people in, letting people in.

And then this like expedition pulls up and the driver, I'm like, hey, I need to see your badge. And he goes, I don't have your badge. And it was a Kenny Rogers concert. And I was like, hey, I gotta see your badge. I can't let you in. The guy goes, I don't have my badge. I was like, I can't let you in.

And the passenger seat is down and it lifts up and it's Kenny Rogers. He goes, I'm Kenny Rogers. Like that. And I just go, you you sure are and he just went in it was one of the funniest reveals I've ever seen in my life. If you watch Will Sasso's first Kenny Rogers impression like no it was it was a hi I'm Kenny Rogers and then by the end it was like it just turned into like that's a great someone who does impressions Will Sasso which I would love to meet him by the way and his family's from Naples hey that's a great, someone who does impressions, Will Sass, which I would love to meet him by the way,

and his family's from Naples, hey, from Sonopoli, and he does an impression that changes into his own thing after a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He does perfect Jesse Ventura, another voice guy that I love watching. I wonder if I could do Jesse Ventura, cause everyone's, who are the impressions everyone does?

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse Ventura. He does a perfect armor. Here's the thing about Sasso's Schwarzenegger, it's perfect. It's not like when I do it, it's just like, of course, you just need to say like, you just need to say like lines like that where you're like, I'm not even thinking about that.

He goes, yeah, yeah. He like does it perfectly where you're like, oh, this sounds like Arnold talking. But can you see like now you're doing an impression, now I'm trying to see what you're doing. Well, you're looking for the way in. Yeah, yeah, but that you're doing an impression now I'm trying to see what you're doing. Were you looking for the way in? Yeah, yeah. But that you're right.

It's looking for the way in. Once you find the way in, you got it. That was like Evan was the reason Evan Williams was the reason I learned how to do Cat Williams because I saw him do Cat Williams. I was like, oh, because it ain't nothing but going up here, baby. Is it pimpin is pimpin. You just got to look for a way in and you're like, OK, I can macho man I found out. That's macho man? Yeah that's macho man. I found out that it was like all about the low grumbles going up so when you're talking

about anything and I mean anything yeah it's about when you pick up and you're like oh that's how you do it. So we both do different and great Jiminy Glick impressions. Yeah. Well, I was sitting like that in my living room. Anytime someone sits funny, I always tell them they look funny. Why would you feel that way? He's got to do that.

And what does he do? My favorite thing he ever said to Ben Stiller, it's so mean. He goes, it's Saturday Night Live. That's perfect. He goes, you know, it's Saturday night live. He goes, yeah, but you only did it for six weeks. I'm sure because your parents were loved. You bombed every night. It just made you kind of feel like no one wanted you around. Martin Short.

If I could meet anyone, anyone over Barbara Streisand or I've met Mariah Carey because Stucky from Guy Code, I would want to meet Martin Short. That would be your pick. That would be my number one pick. He makes me laugh harder that Clifford is one of the most insane movies. It's genius. I think he's, and Martin Short literally wakes up

to make people happy. I love, okay, if we're going the off the beaten path, who would you meet? Number one, mine would be Dana Carvey. Oh, I love Dana Carvey. I think Dana Carvey was the first guy I saw do voices that I was like, oh, this is fun. Like this guy's like funny. His I loved his obviously. Yeah, yeah. Church lady, Hansen Franz. Palm, UOP, which is an Arnold. Right. But then I loved, I absolutely loved his Ross Perot for some reason. I thought,

Oh yeah. We was like, can I do that? And he did his 1994 HBO special critics choice, which you should go watch if you have not watched that. It's one of my favorite hours. Question for you is what's your greatest comedy special you've ever seen? Chappelle's killing him softly. That's my favorite front to back. I could watch it a thousand times, but Carvey's critics choice is one of the reasons I wanted to be a comedian.

Oh, I watched that and he does a chunk on it's like during the OJ trial and he does an unbelievable thing where he goes through everyone in the OJ trial and kind of does an impression of them, but not in an impression way in a way of like, Oh, this adds to the bill. Elevates the story. Johnny Cochran, he goes, Yana's a beautiful man. Yana's a smart man. If I was a gay man, I'd have sex with Yana. And he's like, he does the Marsha. He does Marsha Clark being like, I will cut these bangs.

I will cut these bangs. He just didn't get that makeover. He's like he does the Marsha. He does Marsha Clark being like I will cut these bangs. I will cut these bangs He just get that makeover. He's just very very Silly with his voices and people you are known as a voice person Yeah, which is weird because I think I do more voices to like Accentuate and we approach it. I think the same way. Yeah, cuz when I'm doing my act I don't my whole family does what we do like they throw in voices for stuff So when I do my act everyone's always I the comment I always get is oh my god I love all your voices and in my head I'm like, I don't like I'm not doing voices and I look back and like oh I'm doing a Dutch person a French person a German person. You know, like

That was always the fun thing for me was like if you could nail an accent, right? You'd be like, oh, this is very fun because you're like kind of pretending throwing a sparkler in the middle of your set yeah but danik harvey in critics choice has a bit where he talks about having a baby is like adopting an old man and it's just he does this perfect thing where he's like buy me that you she's piece of plastic and they're like no you already have that one he goes i don't have I have Megatron that's mega T you can tell because the index finger is slightly bent you're gonna buy me that or I feel a tantrum coming on and it's just like the perfect old man voice and that's what I always love what's your let me hear your old man voice like old. I don't like this black woman trying to be president.

That's just what I think an old man would say. But Chappelle does voices same way. Yeah, he does. And killing them softly. Yeah. The white guy voice, I'd watch a bunch of Def Jam. A lot of black comics would just do white guy voices as the punchline. Well, I don't think I could do that. Where Def Jam a lot of black comics would just do white guy voices as the punchline

Well, I don't think I could do that where when Chappelle does it where he goes, you know, oh, I'm sorry officer I didn't know I couldn't do that. Yeah, he's like well now, you know, and he goes you want to know what's funny Dave I did know I couldn't do that and it's not like an overt white. It's just like a perfect white guy voice Yeah, so I always like that when comics do it Just like a different like it's almost like in singing it they call it like coloring of the voice Yeah Like it means like to add different texture because it does make it more it can make a single note You could add three different coloring to a single note to make it more exciting. What's your favorite random voice to do?

Oh my god, like accent or random voice to do? Oh my God. Like accent or random voice? Well, I like doing my Alan Carr is a British comic. He's probably one of my favorite comics of all time. Alan Carr, which is crazy because there's also a British guy named Alan Carr that helped me quit smoking. Is he a gay comedian? No, he had a book called The Easy Way to Quit Smoking. Oh no, that's not this Alan Carr.

I know, no I know which one you're talking about. No, if I get to talk about, but here's's not this Alan Carr. I know. No, I know which one you're talking about. No, if I'm going to talk about it, but here's the thing about Alan Carr. So he's a little bit like, you know, Jiminy Clay because it goes up and it goes down. And he has a great bit one time. He's like, you know, puff means faggot in British terms. But I just learned that. I go have a kickabout with me brother at the park and he and me dad kick the boy, you puff and you hear something enough times.

So I got kicked out of a boot and shoe museum pulled up Marie Antoinette said you have it in a size six so funny so that's when I pull out our live I do Liza all the time yeah I'll do my favorite ones to do is Rodney Dangerfield doing anything Rodney Danger is he yes oh my god yeah. Okay, you know yeah first thing i said rodney for a while i used to do woke rodney. Well, that's almost stalone. You're close to a stalone like so long. My eyes go yeah, but rodney's more like he's like more like a flutter like i'm pulling yeah yeah yeah. I was gonna like If I was gonna impersonate Rodney,

the first thing I would do is a, like that kind of. You let the air out. Yeah. My favorite thing to do now is mass shooter Rodney Dangerfield. See, I have my brain, you have a much more creative brain

because I wouldn't do, I don't put them in scenarios. I just think it's funny to go, everybody's gonna pay. I'm telling you. They fired me for my job. And now they're all going to die. Oh, a pen impression I do.

I do a great Tony the Tiger. They're great. That's almost perfect. I don't know notes. That's perfect. Yeah. I do a great Tony the Tiger. I'm trying to think of other like, you know how you do

like weird ones you pull out of your back pocket? Well, it's funny. Would you remember one randomly, really? Oh, yeah. like I do. Like, I'm doing in the hair transplant joke right now, I'm doing Jason Statham. Because I say, like, some guys start losing their hair and they have, like, perfect bald heads.

And I was like, Statham. He does have a perfect bald head. I was like, Statham was losing his hair. And he's like, here we go. He's like, trying to reach my final form. And you're like, oh, yeah, that would be how I'd fuck it. But I'm trying to think of, like, other, cause it is fun when you do. A lot of accents. Cause I speak

languages. So yeah, but so you, I can kind of like mimic those accents. I do. Am I special? I'm shooting. I do this whole scene where this Mexican pilot was trying to go back and forth with us on the plane. And I do that. I'm also Mexican. Those listening are angry, but I think your audience would give a shit. What's your Mexican accent? Very offensive. So I want to hear what a real one is. I want to save it because it's I'm filming. It's like a per it's the only one on how to do so. Don't blow it. You have to watch the special French. I do Dutch. I do. Yeah, my French is like, well, yes, I can say anything I need to say in French, but then they make fun of you. But that's when you actually know French and you can do the accent. It makes it funnier because you can you can actually hit on the things that they come in and out of it. Yeah.

That's what's very funny. Yeah. It's like the legitimacy of you knowing French and then being like, I'm sorry, what should I say? No. Yeah. No, if you're going to speak French with me, I cannot, I don't know, because we're not speaking English here.

So it's very important we are speaking French. Have you ever had someone where you think you can do their accent and the person says- Modi and Leo, I do a perfect impression of both of them. And they think- At first Leo hated it. Now he likes it. Really? Yeah. When I went to go see Mateo's show, the lights are so dark. His audience is going to say, wow, he's blurrier than I remember.

No, that's not true. It's the lights look pretty good. Have you ever had to like, do it like an like an accent? Like I remember doing an Irish accent once to an Irish comedian. It's absolute shit. I can't. Okay. When it comes to Irish, English and Australian, those accents, sometimes some days are better than others.

Yes. I can't like, because my trainer, Damon, Damon Bell, everybody is Australian. And so when I'm around him a lot, I mean, I'm always like, oh yeah, no And he'll do You know what? I'm kind of a chinwag the other time I go a what a chinwag. You don't say that Oh my god, Nick's calling. What was I gonna ask him about his girlfriend? Oh about when he broke up Nick You're on a podcast. You're with Dan Soder and I what did your girlfriend react when you broke up with her? Shride

And what'd you say? She was the only person Within a hundred mile radius that didn't know I was gay Was it all disbelief It was disbelief I think she probably needed to check her prescriptions. That's what sucks about getting broken up with by a gay guy. They're also going to like be funny about it in a way that makes you hurt more. Right. Let's just say, while doing musicals, okay. Yeah. Musicals. They were doing musicals. That's on her. Yeah.

All right, thank you, Nick. That is so funny. You're like, well, you were in a musical with me, bitch. What were we just saying? You said, I was talking about, oh, impressions. Yeah, when you do accents, I think that's like a little harder because I'm easily, if someone's like,

you're wrong about that, I'll just give up. I'll be like, ah, fuck it, sorry. Well, when I was doing my Celine Dion impression, which was absolutely insane, like it has nothing really to do with Celine Dion because I do Barbara Walter. So I'll get to this, but the people in Quebec said I was doing a good job and everyone else said I sounded Mexican, but the Quebec French English does sound different than the French French

English. So there was an interview because Barbara Walters was brutal. Barbara Walters was doing a, you know, they like a story about the person she was not beautiful. In fact, she was so ugly and her pointy teeth, the kids called her vampire. So, and I'm pulling a little bit of Sherry O'Terry, but, um, I did the impression of Celine, like what are, like, what do you want Celine to, she was 13. You would not beautiful, Celine. And I'm upset you went more beautiful for me.

I'm so sorry. I should have been more beautiful for you. I really should have thought about that when I was 13 and I was poor, that I should be more beautiful for Barbara Walters. But that is the French Quebec like my friend Trano, who's a really funny comic in Montreal. Her and I were ordering like like some pastry thing together. And so I said in Montreal, her and I were ordering like some pacer thing together. And so I said in French, je veux très en natte. I think they're called like the pâtissiers natte, the Portuguese ones.

And then she goes, je veux très en. So they are. So it's like they speak a different kind of French up there. Yeah, that's that's where I'm too stupid to even grasp that. Or I'm like, that's crazy that there's two. I use synesthesia to help me in the romance languages Because I because the romance languages are so similar Yeah

And I have the the foundation of Italian which is the best foundation to have in romance languages because it's the closest to Latin They're all connected to Latin So when I hear because French and Italian are 89% the same when I hear the same colors in French I know what they're trying to say and then I use Italian and put a French accent on the Italian to talk back to them that's fucking insane that's literally what's happening in my head were you when you learned Italian was that your first language or second language no second because I was 14 13 14 you're that young I mean you're that old yeah usually for like the whole summer and no one speaks English.

And so you just speak it. That's what happened with my friend, Zach. He moved to Mexico City in seventh grade and still speaks Spanish. Yeah, that's a good time. I think after like 18, your brain is like, it's a knock on cook. But I was like 14 or something. And my cousins were just like, you know, you just come back. You're like, I love my mother.

You give it a man. You're like, you just speak Italian. I think every. I love my mother. You give it a man. Jada Westo goes like you just speak Italian. I think every every kid should do that. It's a good experience. Just to have more than one language. It definitely I will say it feels like a superpower. Yeah. One time my flight was flying to see my ex boyfriend years ago. We were going to go meet in Barcelona.

So I had a transfer in Paris. My flight was so delayed that when I got to Paris everyone's they run out and they're like they don't know where to go blah blah blah and I just run right up to the Frenchman and I just speak I just said what I need to say he told me I need to go and I'm off and I'm like that was a superpower I felt like Mystique. You can do that is the first time I ever saw that kind of superpower thing was my friend Jay at Arizona white guy from Long Island You would never just looks, you know, lacrosse player like very Long Island guy We're go to this we go to this place Los Betos, which was like burritos late night burritos. Just a line out the door

drunk frat kids sorority girls being like burrito. Jay speaks perfect Spanish, just walks up to the thing and says, Hey, can my friend and I get a burrito real quick? We're just trying to get out. And they were like, yes, whatever you want. Like another instance, Stavros. Oh, there's a place in Astoria called BZ grill. Unbelievable Greek food. I've ate there before, got treated like dog shit. Went in with Stavros, sat down, he started speaking Greek.

I've never had better service. Never had better service in my life. They were bringing stuff out, they were giving us complimentary stuff. The guy who just wanted to bullshit with Stavros in Greek, and you're like, fuck, I wish I had that. It's a bit me with, there's a few Italian restaurants in New York that are very highfalutin,

like the best Italian food. And I know the chefs. And so when I go in, my favorite, La Davozione in Chelsea Market. Don't even know how to spell that. Couldn't even try to spell that. It's great. Like there, that is the best Italian food.

That and Rivalta are the best Italian food in New York City. But when I go there, like Alessio, he cooks in front of you. They have like this, it's really beautiful. They cook right in front York City. But when I go there, like, Alessio, he cooks in front of you, they have like this, it's really beautiful, they cook right in front of you. And I'll just, if carbonara's not on the menu, I just say in Italian, like, yo, we came here,

like, is there a way you can just make us carbonara? He's like, oh my God, of course. And he'll just make it for us right there, yeah. And like, not with a pushback, just kind of like, oh yeah. Absolutely, and then we make fun of other people eating, like, they'll eat pasta with a spoon or like they cut it and then we're Just all talking shit about them in Italian. Have you have you ever had that? Mr. Costanza moment where you're hearing someone talk shit about you in another Korean

Yeah, we're in Italy a few times like you heard people talking about you thinking like shit But like like like I remember when I was in Sicily, was I Sicily or Rome? I was with someone who, I was speaking English on the bus and then you could hear people like kind of making like, I think gay jokes were happening because they're just a little conservative in parts of Italy and then, but you don't just say, I don't say anything. All I said is like when I was getting off because they were in my way, I was like, excuse that that I got to get on a party while Grazia, you know,

and they're like, Oh fuck, man, oh man, if you're on someone and you don't think they speak the language and they turn around, they speak your language, you're like, fuck, it's pretty safe to speak Italian though in America, like so few people speak it. Yeah. So me and Francesco DiCarlo, like if we're me or Liz, if we're, you hear me and Liz at the cellar speaking in Italian We're usually gossiping. I Love that you could talk shit right in front of people. Yeah, but I don't do that. That's crazy. That's why not that's crazy

This is like when someone has the superpower of invisibility and you're like, are you robbing banks and you're like no I want to watch ladies undress. It is a it is a little rude to like speak in front of somebody unless you know that they speak it. But every blue moon of Keith Robinson's there, I'll fully I'll just love to miss Keith. I'll stop it. Shut up, Matteo. And he goes, I can't handle what you're fucking saying. Shut up, Matteo. I always joke on my Keith and I were basically dating in 2020.

It's infuriating dinners a very Oh, yes, now he stinks. Thanks. I say it stinks all the time I love it. Is it just a seller thing? He had my favorite moment where when I auditioned at the seller in 2011, I went down there audition so long ago Yeah, I went down there and I was opening for Bobby Kelly on the road and Bobby's like, while we were on the road one time, he was just like, I put in a good word with you for Esty and I was like, oh great.

And then I saw he was on the lineup and I was like, oh dude, all like, oh, I'm in the West Village. And I was like, Bobby, I'm in the West Village. He's like, all right, come by the cellar. I'm hanging out at the cellar and I sat down at the table. I had this bad leather jacket on and I sat down at the table and I'm talking to Bobby and I'm like nervously laughing and Keith comes in and sits down It looks at me and he goes who's your friend Bobby? I don't like him. His energy is making me nervous

He goes well you shot stop it. You're so nervous. That's he's gonna sit down. Your head's gonna explode I just remember that I don't like your friend in his Nick DiPaolo starter kit when I was wearing a body leather jacket and it was it was I was like dude this is awesome Keith one time so he does two things with me one if we're before each other after each other yeah one time I was on stage and he didn't like that it was going well so you know right afterwards. He goes, I just want to say one thing. I hate gay people. And then- By the way, I didn't know you did a perfect stroke, Keith.

I do pre-stroke. I really do with people that have strokes. I do pre-stroke, Keith. You do perfect- That's when I met Keith, was after the stroke. Oh really? Yeah. You didn't know him before?

No. I did, cause I got in the cellar at 2017. He used to shush people before the stroke. We'd be like sitting outside eating and someone would walk by and go like that and they'd like look and they're like, I don't like him. You're just like Sasha. He does the same thing today, but he says I hate gay people. He bombed for 15 people. I don't like gay people. It's perfect. Now what he'll do, one time I was before, I was after him at the VU, so I walk in he's on stage he sees me and he goes uh-huh before I go I just want to say I don't like gay people and then people

like get really upset he goes oh it was a stroke. It was me. That was a stroke. That was a stroke. Let me tell you how much of a perfect comedian Keith Robinson is. His last specials, phenomenal. His Netflix specials. Unbelievable. Make sure you go watch it. He had a stroke and you know, the first stroke everyone was like, Holy shit, you know, and we like a lot of people went to the hospital. Vecchione and I drove out to fucking stupid Jersey to go to the hospital.

And it was me, Vecchione, Reggie Conquest and Monroe Martin, right? And Reggie and Monroe were still living in Philly and they were up or whatever. And Keith had his arm on this, like his stroke arm. He like had it on this like kind of thing in this wheelchair. So it's like holding his arm up and randomly his arm just falls off and Reggie just goes and Keith goes, I hate y'all.

I know you're going to make fun of me for that. And it was like it was such a moment where like, man, he is such a comic that he was ready to get his balls busted for his life. I think Keith and Jim Norton talked about this on some podcasts or radio show. But like, Keith, I can't I don't see Keith is anything but Keith Yeah, and then you think about what he's gone through and what he has to do to get up and what I mean he's like a Warrior, I mean he's a phenomenal comedian, and then he's the funniest person at the table. Yeah delete this we're not putting this out Yeah, you're right. I don't want Keith having a fucking clip of this. Keith and I messaged each other

in the middle of the night. We're always talking about like great singers. So him and I always talk about who's great singers, who's not great singers. We agree on a lot. And one of them, we always make fun of the fact that no matter what clip we send to each other, Dionne Warwick is always there. And at one point I sent him a clip of Celine and Patti LaBelle singing together and he goes, I swear I saw Deion Warwick. I said Deion Warwick would show up to the opening of my lunch. Yeah dude, Keith, I remember when the 49ers had Colin Kaepernick, Keith would just call me and go, I hate your quarterback. That's how much I don't like you. You made me racist

against black quarterbacks. I'm like, all right, I'm looking at though. Yeah, dude. They used to call me Bobby would call me and I would pick up and it would be Bobby, Keith and Joe DeRosa. Yeah, they did that to me during the pandemic. And they would just shit on me for an hour. Yeah. Joe DeRosa and Keith call me during the pandemic.

You'd be like, what are you doing? I'm like nothing. He's like, yeah, well, it's not just me. And then you just hear Keith go, I don't like them. I don't like them at all. And then DeRozzi be like, you know what? And just fucking come in. Yeah.

Having those like ball busty conversations, you're kind of like, ah, this rules. Yeah, that's what I love about The Cellar is like, I always said like the crew of people I feel the most connected to our comics as a community. Just to share our community. Yeah. You just we're all weird. Yeah. To like think about it like we're doing like different voices like think

about Rachel Feinstein who's one of the funniest people ever. She's going in and out of voices all the time. Like we are all weird people but it all. No that you got no one judges. We judge the shirt you wear. It was weird even to talk about voices with you where we're like both realizing like oh we do a lot of yes I did not realize we to get a clip of us doing all the Simpsons impressions cuz that will mean very yours were Unbelievable his were perfect. It was I don't know I could do other one I don't remember if we went through a list of characters like and looked at them. I could probably like

Yeah, I could I think I can get Nelson. Oh, what are you doing? He's like he was kept laughing and the guy's like, do you find something fun? The way I drove my automobile? Yes. Yeah. Everyone needs to ride a vehicle. Even the very tall. This was the largest vehicle I could afford. I it's you don't realize the voices you do just to know I can do it superintendent Schalmers. Oh, yeah Yes, well, yeah good Lord what is happening in there Aurora borealis Yep, Aurora borealis at this time of day localized entirely within your kitchen. Yes, may I see it? No, I feel like you could do Agnes or the Agnes skin. Yeah. Yeah say more

More the house is on fire. It's perfect. I mean it close. That's a perfect skin. That's a perfect principles No, but there is just the door the light Fuck I can't wait to watch the Simpsons with Katie and just sit down season four her eyes open like Cockroach orange you're gonna watch all these watch 30 Rock. I know I need to watch I really should watch it my friend Pat Powers who I really respect he it is that show I should watch it master class in a comedic acting by Alka Baldwin Alec Baldwin is what's he doing? I don't know. I think don't think things are going that well, but 30 rock It's like actually Alec Baldwin's Jimmy D. Glick interview was hysterical. Oh, yeah, we talked about all the women

He's fucking yeah Martin Short even breaks character. Yeah. Man, I don't want to watch Jiminy Glick and a bunch of 30 Rock, but Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy is like. Yeah, he's a very talented actor. It's the best role he's ever done with Tina Fey writing those lines.

I love Tina Fey. That's such a gay thing to say, but I really do like her. I love Tina Fey. One of the things that makes me so happy about being married to getting engaged to Katie is I found my Liz lemon. Like I actually found, I found my real life Liz lemon and I'm like, Oh, this, you're not going anywhere. Cause she's funny. She just wants to eat weird stuff. You know,

like when we see like a new burgers or something, she'll be like, take me to there Was the first time we met it must have been I got in the cave. Yeah, but in 2012 Yeah, how we've known each other for a long time. Yeah, I mean we got new hair We got new hair new voices new voices This is all beard everything fucking everything's coming up Matteo and Dan Are we putting this out to promote your special? Or? I film it in a week, so it won't come out until April.

So just put, literally put it out whenever. It's just so fun. Cause I have a PR person and they were like, we're gonna get you in touch with Dan Soder. I was like, I know Dan Soder. Why don't I just text him right now? I'll just text him, don't worry guys. They're being nice.

So I was like, I'll just text him. You are without a doubt, one of the most talented, funny people I've ever met in my life. Oh, well that's nice. And watching you become successful is it, I think in this business you can watch people become successful and it'll drive you a little crazy because you're like, what is it? Like what am I? And with you, you're like, of course. And, and good. It really, honestly, I almost was like, like I was because I've been doing it 16 years, almost 17 years.

And so in my head, I was like, you know, in 2021, I remember this is how bad my career was. I was doing a Thursday night at the Miami Improv and I sold 19 tickets and they canceled the show. Yeah. And that's when I made, you know, big changes, put everything online. So but I will say a year later I was doing them. 19 tickets and they canceled the show. And that's when I made big changes, put everything online. But I will say a year later I was doing them. I did six shows at the Miami Improv and this guy came up to me at the pool. I was at the pool and he walked in. Thanks, Andrew Schultz, by the way, for my career.

I always thank him. Thank you, Andrew Schultz, for giving me everything. Because he showed you how to literally do everything. Andrew Schultz sat you down. Everything. It showed me here's how you do it. All of it's under your nose. But he made it so like this is how you're gonna do it and I'm very good Yeah, he's very fucking smart and very very good at like Understanding he knows this business. Yeah, but this guy comes up to me at the pool in Italian start speaking to me He goes, hey Matteo big fan. I said, oh, thanks. he goes I'm coming to see your show this I go oh thanks he goes um I wanted to come see

you last year and they canceled the show and I go yeah not enough people bought tickets he goes no I know I called the club and I said they said they're canceling the show and I said well how many tickets do I need to buy for them to keep the show open they said 15 so I bought 15 tickets and I was like so touched by that I was like oh and so like we took pictures together and did he come to you and it sold out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's unbelievable. But it was that so and it was like what I'm like, I'm like, I'm glad I because there's a lot of moments where you're like, I think it's, I think it's over.

I think, you know, we haven't got the dog collar yet. We're going to buy a dog collar for whenever I talk about stand up. Pimp zaps me because we talk about this is all we do I know but that's on a podcast that can get there are very sweet people that are like I love when you talk to Business or whatever, but I think as comics we kind of need to be aware of that So you're right don't get too much into the old. I don't cuz I do my podcast with Nick I never liked you with Smith very funny. By the way, you're gonna Minutes we don't do anything but that yeah

And but we we never talk about stand up really so that's for me. It's always I'm like I'm now I'm in this moment where I'm almost like reminiscing. I'm nostalgic. Yeah, I'm like I do remember Creek in the cave Yeah, East Village used to be the hot spot like but I feel like for our for this podcast It can too easily fall into that. Yeah, you're like for this podcast, it can too easily fall into that. We were like, ah, stand up straight. And so I try to keep myself honest about like, maybe not too much. So when we get this dog, did you see that one guy volunteer?

Like on Twitter, that guy's like, I'll send you guys the dog collar. He like sent us- Did you see that? He sent the Amazon link. I'll show you, he sent an Amazon link. He's like, this is the one to get. And I looked at it and I was like,

this shit looks fucking painful. You like put on patches and then you'd be able to zap me. Oh It's very funny though. It would be funny if I go like you know But go on YouTube and watch Mateo's special, his latest special. Hair plugs and heartache. Hair plugs and heartache. His new special's being filmed, so you got that to look out. Hulu and Disney Plus.

Really? Nice. I know, finally. That's what's great is when you find out about a comic, if no one knows about you and they find out about this, I always love, it's like finding out about a band. You're like, oh, there's like albums out. You can go through everything.

You can watch the evolution of it. So I always love that. But make sure you go check out his podcast, check out everything Mateo does. He's fucking insanely talented and awesome to hang out with. you