Soder - 51: Wall of Ted with Brooks Wheelan | Soder Podcast | EP 51

Episode Date: October 30, 2024

Support the Sponsors to Support THE SHOW! And wouldja look at that? Folks, for a limited time, our friends at Chubbies are giving our listeners 20% off with the promo code SODER at checkout at chubbiesshorts.com. That’s 20% off your order with the promo code Soder Support our show and tell them we sent you! Embrace the freedom to move, the confidence to shine, and the style to stand out with Chubbies! https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/soder Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code SODER at ShopMando.com! #mandopod Dan is on the road all 2024! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour Nov 8 - NYC Town Hall Nov 9 - Toronto, Canada Nov 14 -16 - Tampa,FL Nov 21 - 23 Homestead,PA Dec 6 - Chicago, IL Dec 7 - Milwaukee, WI DEC 12 - 14 Sacramento,CA Follow Brooks Wheelan https://www.instagram.com/brookswheelan/?hl=en PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with DAN Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by   @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Freak out yeah, they seek say freak. Hi everybody It's Dan Soder and I'm on the road always and never stopping This November I got a badass show that I'm very excited about with few tickets left town hall for New York Comedy Festival November 8th at 945 p.m. Town hall go get tickets right now there's a few remaining let's fill it up I'm very excited for that show and then the next night we're doing Toronto Toronto Ontario Canada two shows at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre first show completely sold out second show lots of tickets available go to the

late show if you don't have your tickets yet go check out the Second show, lots of tickets available. Go to the Late Show. If you don't have your tickets yet, go check out the Late Show. It is November 9th at the Queen Elizabeth Theater. The 730 is sold out. The 930 is very on sale. Tampa, Florida. I hope you're okay after the hurricane. We're coming down there in November. November 15th, excuse me, November 14th through the 16th, I will be at SideSplitters Comedy Club in Tampa. I hope you're all right, and if everything's okay, call on out and we'll have a laugh.

DanSoda.com, that's where you find me. I'm trying new catchphrases, does this work? That's where you'll find me. I think that sucks. ["Pool Table"] Dads hate it when anything other than pool happens on the pool table. Oh yeah, no drinks!

Don't sit on it! We were using my friend's pool table as a green screen, like laying down and shooting from up here so he could project. That's actually fucking smart. Yeah, we were like making cool videos when we were little and he's like, saw the videos what is what what's going on what how'd you shoot that how'd you shoot that you know George Lucas and also why

does it look like you're laying down here supposed to be staying home like but that actually is brilliant yeah they go like oh the felt works as a green screen yeah but dude you put a drink on a pool table around a dad no I wonder if that how many kids have gotten beat because of pool tables? Like how many? It's definitely. What's the pipeline?

It's like, if you're, if you have a shitty pool table, it's like owning a gun, like you're more likely to be in some sort of incident. Like it's. It will. If you have a pool table, there will be an incident. Yeah, it's just, it's not guaranteed. It's just likely. Yeah, they's just, it's not guaranteed. It's just likely.

Yeah. They're like, I keep the cues locked in the other room. Also, if you have a pool table and it's the night and you have a family that shouldn't have a pool tip, you know, you got one of those families. It's like, Whoa, you guys got a pool table. We did a real thing where when my mom got the pool table at the flea market, we like shed it up and then kind of did like a half ass run at having like a pool room, which meant like we've,

we got like a cheap Budweiser lamp to hang over it, which was sick. And then we bought pool cues and like my stepdad was very handy. So he put it on the wall, but then within less than a year, no one was. No, of course not. I had, I have the craziest pool table story ever. It happened in Austin, Texas. It was like my friend's bachelor party and we were like 28 or something.

And I have a rule, I was like, I'll go to your wedding or your bachelor party. I'm not doing both. Like, I was like, I could pick one. Which one would you rather have me at? Cause it's, all my friends are in Iowa. So I'm like, I gotta go to Iowa twice? I can like, I could pick one. Which one would you rather have me at? Cause it's all my friends are in Iowa. So I'm like, I gotta go to Iowa twice. I gotta, I can't do that.

Yeah. But we went to Austin and we were like 28 or something. And we got wasted and we're like, like first bachelor party or something. You know what I mean? And they're like, we gotta get cocaine. I was like, okay, I know. I know how to-

Follow me. I'll figure this out. Yeah. And we went to this bar in Austin. I know where it is. I don't remember the name of it. And I'm like asking just straight up blindly, like, do you guys know where cocaine is?

And this one guy goes, if you beat me in a game of pool, I'll tell you where cocaine is. And I was like, all right, game on. That is, that, let me tell you something about drugs. Finding drugs is so fun. That just made it a thousand times more fun. So now I'm excited. I'm gonna play this guy in pool and then if I win,

he's going to tell us where drugs are. And if I lose, I don't know what's going to happen. Like then we're done hanging out, even though we just had fun playing pool. He lays it down after he beats you. He goes, I'm a police officer. What happened was he racks, he racks his balls. He's real cocky. Like clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. And he goes, I'll break. And I'm like, okay, man, I'm just letting him take the wheel. He's real cocky like click click click click and he goes I'll break and I'm like, okay, man I'm just letting him take the wheel he goes to break I fucking swear that this happened. He hits underneath the ball shoots it up and it shatters the light above the fucking pool table So you I don't know

Technically, I believe We might have to look this up in the rules of billiards scratching on a break is a loss. Where you shoot it into the lights and they shatter and he literally said, I'll go get it. I'm sorry. His bravado came down. So he's like, he's like, I fricked up. That was crazy. Yeah. Going from that cocky to apologetic. Yeah. Cocky to apologetic is hilarious. Yeah. He was like, no, I goofed up. That's crazy. Yeah. Going from that cocky to apologetic. Yeah. Cocky to apologetic is hilarious. Yeah. He was like, no, I goofed up. That was crazy. Yeah. I'm not going to pull.

You want to beat me? I'm Austin chubb. Right. And then he like loses. He goes, ah, did he help you get cocaine? Yeah, he did. Yeah. But it was like cocaine. No, I don't think there's, there is such a thing. But have you ever done good cocaine? I don't want to make this up. I've never I've I've only smoked. I've only smoked coke once. And it wasn't it wasn't even like a thing. I did cocaine one time when I was in San Francisco.

And my friend was like, this is like medical grade or whatever. And I was like, OK. And then I realized I'd never done cocaine before. Oh, is that good? I was like, no, this is what it's supposed to be. I've been doing cat like cat year. Yeah. I've been fucking snorting just bacon powder, bacon soda.

My mom, one time my parents met in San Francisco and were there for a while. And when I was younger, my mom goes one time your dad and I did cocaine. That was so good. He wanted to go out dancing and your father never wanted to dance. And I was like, so that's how good I think the Coke in San Francisco is. Apparently they've got just some great shit where you're like, we're going out.

We're going to the fucking discotheque. Anyway, I didn't mean to immediately dive this into a Coke podcast. That's fine. There are simply no rules on this thing. Okay, okay. But I think it's interesting that the guy wanted to play pool with someone so bad that he yeah I'm pretty sure he was just coked up pretty big. It was like I just want to shoot some pool man

Oh, it's talked to me up to you out of my mind He was so coked up. He shot it into the thing. He's like That is by the way that is a coke change of. To go from being like best ever to being like, it's all broken, it's all broken and everyone fucking hates me. Yeah, and I broke it. I suck, I suck. Yeah, I would get that like when I was drunk

and I would fuck up, you know, then you'd be like, ah, everyone fucking hates me. But I feel like that's everyone with the internet now. I feel like the internet's so easy to go on and just find some shit about you that goes like, ah, everyone fucking hates me. But I feel like that's everyone with the internet now. I feel like the internet's so easy to go on and just find some shit about you that goes like, it's like the reading equivalent of breaking the light. Wait. You can go on Twitter.

Oh yes, yes. As you were saying, yeah. Or anything, Facebook. I'm not talking about like people that are in the spotlight either. I'm talking about just people in general. Everyone is catching smoke online. The worst, so, but like drinking and like goofing up like that,

like I haven't, I haven't drank like six months, which is pretty sick. Yeah. Which is good. How are you feeling? Like really good. The best part is you wake, like when I was drinking, you wake up and you're like, who's mad at me? You know what I mean? Like that's like, what did I say? That's annoying. So like waking up and being like,

if anyone's mad at me, it's not anything I I it's that's just what's happened. You know, did you wait for the hangover the first couple of weeks? Oh, it was just, wait, what do you mean? Wait, when you wake up, you wake up when you don't drink and you go like, no, I would, like I would wait to feel hung over. I would like wake up and be like, Oh, Oh, I didn't drink. I'm fine. Yeah. Well, I would have, it was, I had trouble sleeping for like, like three weeks. I was like, just like insomnia. But then, but then you sleep the best. You sleep the sleep of kings. Yes. And then you wake up and you're like, refreshed. Let's rock. Like, I haven't sat down in my shower in a long time. You know what I mean? I was I was like, that's what was your go to hungover shower method. Oh, you just sit and you just sit in there listening to some podcasts and be like, that's how you shower. What was your go-to hungover shower method? Oh, you just sit in there, listen to some podcasts and be like, hey, babe.

Yeah, water. My friend Mike, I lived with my friend Mike and Chad in Arizona, and we all had our own bathrooms. They were like those new apartment complexes. So the tubs, we were like the first person to live there. So we would take baths. Oh, yeah. Because no one lived there before you

Love a bath. Well, then I learned about the shower bar the little the the bath shower I have a joke about a shower bath dude. I want that last till a bath happens, dude Yeah, that's exactly what Mike would do. Yes. He taught me how to do it It is the greatest hangover cure of all time. Really? Is to start with a comfortable amount of water in the bathtub with it plugged and warm. Obviously you want the warm base. You lay down so maybe your balls are just barely floating and then you lay with the slope part of the tub and then you just aim the shower at your head. And then you just lay there and the shower hits you

and the water fills. And then you do what you do, turn it off and then you're in a bath. I lived for shower baths growing up. We had two GI Joes in there. Guess what? The floods coming and they're fighting. They're fighting over legs.

Doug, you don't want to get into it because we were talking about pools. You know how many forts you can build on a pool with the pockets if mom doesn't know you're fucking up the felt? Yeah. You think the guys weren't on the fucking pool table? I would find anything I could. I remember like, I think this is the way sex addicts, I'm always so lucky that I'm not

a sex addict because I feel like everything to them is like sex where they're like, I'd fuck right there. I could fuck right there. But that's how it was with drinking. I'm like, great place to drink. That place rocks to drink. Oh, and beautiful waterfall, we shoot, but this would be so fun to drink here.

That was me when I was little with action figures. Okay. I go, ooh, what a great place for a final fight. Yeah. You go, ooh, I can get that. Cause I didn't have, we weren't poor, but we didn't have a lot of money. So I didn't have a lot of like, oh, I can get that. Cause I didn't have, we weren't poor, but we didn't have a lot of money. So I didn't have a lot of like,

some kids grew up with like the GI Joe battle carrier. No, yeah, the battle carrier was out of the question. Like I remember I got a Fort Leggerato one time for Christmas and then that turned into the battle. That was for GI Joe's too. But even like the He-Man Castle, Grayskull, or like when you went over to a kid's house that has that, you're like, damn, you're living life. Right. You got a good life. The rest of us have to turn

the stairs into a fort. Yeah. We had a ping pong table. You throw some, you throw some blankets over the ping pong table. Let's fucking go. Yeah. I was thinking that. So that's how I always thought as a kid where I was like, that'd be a good fort. You know what? That'd be a good bad guy fort. Absolutely. That's really, yeah. It is the addicts are saying. I wonder if that was an addiction.

I'm starting to wonder if like my action figures or action figures to little kids is the starter pack for like alcoholism. I think about it, about like me and my friends would go in the woods when we were like 13. Yeah, because you grew up in Iowa. Iowa. And we would drink like, we'd see how many Red Bulls we could drink just to see what

happened. And I'm like, every one of us turned into an alcohol. That is a sure fire sign that you have an addiction. It's so funny you say that because my friend that I would do that with, Mike McDaniel, we would go drink Jolt Cola. Jolt Cola was, they said on the bottle it was a dangerous amount of caffeine. So for kids you're like, yes,

because it's not a substance, it's fucking coke. It's a soda. McDaniel and I would go get like high-powered Jolt Colas, pound them and then go up to Albertsons and turn off the doors so people would walk into them. Or we play kickball in the aisle. That's very fun. Wild boys, both of us have drinking problems.

Right, well I mean. Both of us are now reformed alcoholics. I like his new look. I mean because when, I'm a Dolphins fan, like they're my favorite team, and like in the comedy world you kind of find out who the other Dolphins fans are. It's like, Roderick Jr.

Jim Florentine. But like you randomly start tweeting about the Dolphins. Like, go for it. Well, now I care. No, no, I didn't, but I was like, so are Dolphins, they were on like a solid run. And I was like, dude, what's up? And then that's how I found out.

You're like, that's my buddy's team, dude. I was like, Jesus, what? Yeah, it's not. This guy rocks. His new look is sick. He looks cool. He's always look cool Yeah, he's always when we became friends The first thing I remember about Mike McDaniel was he had the Ken Griffey juniors. Oh, he showed up from Greeley, Colorado

He moved down to Aurora and he had the fucking Ken Griffey juniors and I got introduced to him through Jason Poyle our friend And I was like who's this kid with the cool sneaks? Always had style. That's always the most stylish. He looks, he's in the right place. Also do not envy his current position. It's tough, man. It's tough watching your friend. I, you know, during the football season, he doesn't,

well, even after the football, he's hard to get ahold of. Well, dude. He's like one of those guys that you have to contact his wife or people around him. And I was talking to his wife because I'm going down there for the Raider game. OK. And she was like, he doesn't respond, but he reads his text. He's just so busy. Yeah. So text him. So I was I've been sending him like, buddy, I know this is a diarrhea storm.

But like, dude, as a fan of the Dolphins, like I'm like, I don't even know how I feel about Tua coming back. I'm not coaching them. I always want to help my friends, even when I'm severely under qualified. And I'm always like, I'm like trying to put together, because now I'm invested in the Miami Dolphins. Yes, they're the best.

So I care about the old school throwbacks. Yeah. Oh, yes. The dolphin with the helmet is the only gear I wear. Right. I mean, this one is cool. Like that dolphin popping through. It's fine.

No, I want the Dan Marino jersey. You want the cartoon dolphin with the helmet on. Yeah. It's similar to like how I feel about, even though I'm a 49ers fan, how I feel about the Denver Broncos where they wear the D with the horse coming through. You're like, I like a logo a little more cartoonish.

Also talk about dumb, not poor, but not rich little kid brain for picture day from first grade through fourth grade, every photo for picture day I'm wearing a Dan Marino jersey because it was the most expensive piece of clothing I had. That was your tuxedo. Yeah, I was like, better dress up. This is my best shirt.

You're leaving, you go, hey mom, you noticed how the three on the back is getting peeled off because we've washed it so much? No, there was no undershirt, just a big, like, there's so much like chest sticking out because you buy it big, you're gonna grow into it. I could swim in my Steve Young jersey that I wore until I was in high school. Dude, I ruined my Dan Marina jersey. I was until I was in high school. I ruined my Dan Marina jersey. I was so worried to tell my parents what I did when I was on the swing set. Right. And I was doing the jump.

See how far you can jump. It got caught in one of those S hooks. So when I went to jump off of the... Oh, it held. It ripped it off of me. Oh, that's kind of cool, though. No. But not in a good way.

It wasn't like I busted through it. It like pulled me back, but I'm still ripped. I thought you busted through it, and you're like, I'm the king of the monkey bars. It body slammed me. I don't have a good way. It wasn't like I busted through it, like pulled me back. I thought you busted through it. You're like, I'm the king of the monkey bars. It body slammed me. I don't have a shirt on. I'm like a little knocked out. I'm like my fucking Dan Marino jersey. So I stapled it back together and like just put it back with my clothes. Your mom's like, uh, what happened? Oh my God. Do you getting your jersey now? They're so easy to get on fanatics and stuff,

but like getting a jersey when you were a little kid was like, did you go to the team and ask for this? Like you didn't understand, you were like, I remember I got the classic 49er with the three white stripes, red and white, Steve Young jersey, I still remember unwrapping it and being like, it's the greatest day of my life. Dude. It's the greatest day of my life. I wore that Steve Young jersey. I still remember unwrapping it and being like, it's the greatest day of my life.

Dude. It's the greatest day of my life. I wore that Steve Young jersey. I have so many pictures with the eight falling off. It's just gone. It just, you could tell there was an eight there and it's just me being like, and then I got a reversible Jerry Rice.

Whoa. Get outta here. That's fun. Dude, my dad one time, we lived next to the Field of Dreams. Oh yeah. Which is a tourist. You really did live that close to it? I mean, 20 minutes. I built houses there.

It's in Dyersville. I was from Manchester. 20 minutes apart. Yeah. Where we would go to Dyersville to buy beer because we our parent, we're like less of a chance to run into someone's parent. Oh, I thought one of the ghosts from the field work there. And they don't ID ghost stone. Ghosts are cool. Ghosts are cool. If you ever go to a liquor store and a ghost's working there. They're not gonna ID you.

They're chill. They're in the ether world. Yeah, they're chill, they're very chill. So, but there would be like crazy, like Hall of Fame games there sometimes because everyone's obsessed with this stupid goddamn baseball field that I hate. The Field of Dreams is just propaganda for Iowa.

It's fucking trash. There's a sign that everybody has on their cars in Iowa. It's like, is this heaven? No, it's Iowa. That's from the Field of Dreams. And I'm like, it sucks here. Like this is making you feel okay to live in Iowa. This is a fucking shitty movie about space traveling ghosts. It's dumb as fuck. Barely even about baseball.

This guy's a fucking idiot. I love the heat you have for this. No, and it's also stupid. It's like all those cars are coming in. I'm like, where they gonna park in fucking Dyersville. It's stupid. I hate that movie. It fucking gives a lot of people in Iowa pride

and I disagree. But it is fun though, that you admit Iowa sucks, but this like, is this heaven? No, it's Iowa keeps people being like, I'm glad I live here. That's like being with an abusive husband. And he goes, no, but you can take a punch. And she goes, right, okay, nevermind.

I thought it was bad. Okay. So they had this like really, they had this like Hall of Fame game or something and George Brett was playing there. My dad loves George Brett. He's the man. Yeah, my dad likes guys who are kind of assholes.

I shit my pants last night. Yeah. You ever seen that video? Oh, of course. My brother's name is Brett after George Brett. Really? Yeah, I'm Brooks after Brooks Robinson. My dad just named us after baseball players

he wanted to meet. There's like a lot of photos of Brooks Robinson being confused holding me and my dad's in the back like, what up? Like, because baseball players used to have to go to fucking card shows because they weren't paid very well. Yeah, they made like 40,000 a year. Yeah, imagine like Derek Jeter sitting down

and meeting all the psycho fans for $5 a fucking autograph. I named him Derek But like saying it like like he's gonna get emotional yeah, it's your kid Yeah, and he goes like I named him Derek after you so my dad goes to this Feel the dreams game George Brett's playing there Yeah, he gets fucking he gets bombed or something like pays way too much money to win George Brett's game worn jersey. Yeah.

And they're like the same age. And then my dad puts it on and like, he's out in the parking lot wearing like a fucking game worn George Brett jersey. And people in Iowa are the dumbest people I've ever met. And they're like, it's George Brett. And my dad doesn't stop it. That's fun though.

So he starts signing a lot of autographs as George Brett. He signs like a bunch of autographs until one guy gets up there and he's just like, what the fuck? This is not George Brett. That is, because that's before the internet. That's like you had to watch games. Also, that's just, we always talk about the destruction

that alcohol does. Can we talk about some of the good stuff? Yeah, that's really fun. Because that is so funny. Your dad's just in a George Brett jersey going, come here, I'll sign that. He's just got baseballs and shit. He goes, hey, is this two?

Hey, welcome. My dad's like, go Royals. He's like, the one thing I did feel bad about was some guy came up and he showed me his jersey that had like all of these Hall of Fame signatures. You can't do that. And then one false George Brett signature. He's like, I feel bad for that.

You can't have Sandy Koufax on a jersey. You're just your dad. And then Jim Whelan. Jim Whelan is so funny. Who is that? Jim Whelan? But honestly, that sounds like a Hall of Fame baseball. That sounds like a Hall of Fame baseball.

If you were like, you know Jim Whelan played for the Blue Jays from 76 to 81? I go, incredible. He's really, that guy guy he fought a lot right because he fought well dude your whole family's tough as shit oh they're I was crazy as you're a sweetheart hey guys it's me Dan Soder you know I love talk don't look at me like that Myrtle you know I love talking about underwear and shorts bathing suits all right well Myrtle's out. No, I'm just kidding. If you're a true believer in thigh exposure, you know, showing those big old E.A.M.s, you know that Chubbies is still the premier name in men's shorts.

Might be getting a little chilly out, but pairing Chubby shorts with a fall sweater and a cozy jacket, look at that. Show them legs. I love a short hoodie combination. I wear it around the house all the time, especially my chubbies. I love my most comfortable sweatshirt mixed with some chubbies. Sitting on the couch doesn't get better than that. And the original stretch shorts put chubbies on the map for a reason. They're available in three inseam lengths,

depending on how much thigh you feel like showing off and the shorts are made with a super stretchy fabric and elastic waistband for max comfort and flexibility Come on, you know Chubbies also has the classic line swim trunks, which that's how I got into Chubbies Shout out Burt for giving me a pair when we were on the fully loaded tour Absolutely loved them wore them all over and now they got shorts so it's like yeah I would love a pair of that. And would you look at that.

Folks, for a limited time our friends at Chubbies are giving our listeners 20% off with the promo code SOTR20 at checkout at chubbieshorts.com. That's 20% off your order with the promo code SOTR20. Support our show and tell them we sent you. This fall make the most of every moment with Chubbies. Shop now and fall into comfort, one stylish piece at a time. We have two older brothers who were mean,

but now are nice. Yeah, which is how you want family to be. I don't know. I would have taken- I'm an only child, so I'm like- I would have taken I'm an only child so I'm like I would have definitely taken nice and then still nice like that's what you want. You were the baby? Yeah. What's the difference between you and your oldest? So the oldest brother? So six year old older and four years older oh yeah and they fought a lot like

hard they still don't get along like like, like in a funny way. Yeah, like they'll be like, they'll do like kid stuff as adults. No, no, it's, no, my middle brother is a head wrestling coach in Iowa. He's like a good. He's very, very good. He's very good. And then, so our oldest brother stopped fighting him

once they got even and it's upset my middle brother very much. Because he wanted to. I can fuck you up. And my other brother's like, I don't fight anymore. He's like, that's, I want to fucking kill you. Like, you know what? I'm way on your middle brother's side. Because you know, cause shit runs downhill.

And your middle brother caught all the shit from the older brother, which means you caught all the shit from the middle brother. I caught all that stuff from him. Yeah. Who's now a, he teaches people how to beat kids up. Yeah. And like, I can never, I'll never be able to beat him, yeah. Who's now a, he teaches people how to beat kids up. Yeah, and like I can never, I'll never be able to beat him up ever, so I don't know what this feeling he has is.

That's why you're funny. Yeah. Because you can diffuse, you learned how to diffuse the situation by being silly. Well, not between them, no. No, not those two, but like. But I'm saying even with them fighting me when I was little.

You couldn't get out of it? There was no funniness to get out of this. Did you ever get them once with like a joke? Like break them? No, I don't think so. Damn. I don't, to this day, I'm pretty sure they're like, what, it's not good.

They're like. They're supportive, but I don't think I've ever told them anything that are like, oh, they're mostly like, do you know Dan Soder? Yeah, hell yeah. They like good comedy, they really do. You guys play your cards right. Shane Gillis might find out about you? Yeah, hell yeah. They like good comedy, they really do. You guys play your cards right, Shane Gillis might find out about you.

Yeah, exactly. That's what's crazy is cause you guys all wrestled, right? Yeah, but I was- Was your dad a wrestler? No, my mom's brothers were all wrestlers. Oh, I got a fun 90s story, coolest 90s thing in the world. My uncle, who was the state champion wrestler

who then played football for Missouri, won like five episodes of American Gladiators When I was like seven dude Yeah, your uncle was an American Gladiator champion one so one like five episodes. Yes, Ted LePage Ted LePage He's on YouTube. You know, we're fucking buddy. I'll fire up the big screen. We can fucking put it on I will hammering people. Dude, I would do a watch along of American Gladiators with you.

Do you smoke pot? I know you quit drinking. No, I'll definitely smoke pot and do that. I would smoke a joint and watch an American Gladiators with you. That sounds fun, yeah. So you, cause, so your mom's family, are both of your families from Iowa? We're from Missouri.

Missouri got too exciting for them and they went to Iowa. Those arts got too crackin'. Yeah, it was too fun. So your family was from Missouri. Was from Missouri, yeah. And then were you the first generation from Iowa? Yeah, so then in Iowa, wrestling's huge. I mean, it's the biggest.

Yeah, my brothers are spazs, so then they start wrestling. So then I wrestled and I was decent at wrestling. Dude, you were better than decent. You were second in the state of Iowa. Well, in like middle school. In high school, I never placed. I don't give a fuck. Sure, you were better than Decent. You were second in the state of Iowa. Well, when I in like fucking like middle school and high school, I never placed. I don't give a fuck. Anyway, do you know how bad at wrestling I was? Okay.

Do you know how absolutely bad at wrestling I was? A single mom. I'm just a sweet boy. And then I fucking get into it. Dude, your uncle looks bad. Dude, you should. Yeah. You should watch him play breakthrough and conquer.

That was is awesome. He was just lighting up gladiators in the ring because he was state champ. So he's just like fucking tossing Gemini on his head. Gemini and Nitro. Yeah. That documentary was, there was two documentaries about American gladiators.

One on Netflix, I liked more because it was more complete. For sure. And it talked to the actual gladiators. It didn't do like the Hulu one was like, oh, this is how it was more complete for sure and it talked to the actual gladiators it didn't do like the Hulu one was like oh this is how it was made but those gladiators were mostly just fitness models absolutely yeah and a guy like your uncle is a big fucking problem right for sure and so but a state champion wrestler against a guy who's usually just taking a road to go like American gladiators you don't know American gladiators dog what are you not American yeah no he's younger so

you got to explain oh okay how old are you 32 yeah you might just missed it that's what it is it was a cultural phenomenon in the late 80s, early 90s. American Gladiators, hi younger kids, it's me. Your uncle Dan. American Gladiators was a competition show where they had these quote unquote gladiators. Strong, big strong fucking news. Laser, power, Gemini. Lace.

Lace, diamond. My dad was always like, I like diamond. He spoke like Trump for some reason. That's diamond for me. She's a sexy girl. So they were all like these like. Huge roided out dudes. And then they would have contenders come.

Regular people would come and do different games like Breakthrough and Conqueror. Or they would do like Powerball. Where they'd have these like Nerf balls and and they have to put them in these baskets. While you're getting fucking just attacked. It's like it's like American Ninja Warrior. If while you're doing it, somebody bigger is trying to pull you off. Yeah, it was awesome.

Great documentary on Netflix. That's six parts about like all the CTE that occurred. All these people get knocked out because what they would do is they would go get guys who compared to a guy on steroids, looks like a regular guy and they'd be like, hey, what's up, my name is John. I'm a military drill sergeant. And then some of these guys were fucking animals

like Brooks' uncle. My uncle was like, played, you know, it was like a fucking starting safety for Missouri. Which I'm gonna tell you right now, any position on the field safeties can crack and cover. Yeah. Fucking problem. He's just a really fast, strong dude. And so like he could go in and wreck shit up.

I got a lot. Are all the episodes on? No, no. But there's a few where he's he's really lighting it up. And I'm like, and but then when I would watch it with my friends, I had the inside scoop. I was like, my uncle says that nitro is a pretty good guy. Actually, I would watch it with my friends, I had the inside scoop. I was like, my uncle says that Nitro is a pretty good guy actually. I would do that all the time. No, and I'd be like, Viper actually is a dick. Yeah. I just let you guys know Hollywood and Gemini

do not get along. Yeah, that's exactly what I was doing. So I'm just, I'm trying to live through this through a mind of a seven year old. Okay, yeah. Cause that's what seems the most exciting thing ever to happen to a little kid. Like your mom's little brother is on

American gladiators, which is your already your favorite fucking show, dude I was the only way losing my mind The only way would be cooler is if your dad was a pro wrestler who fought Hulk Hogan Yes, like that would be at the time period the only thing that was the only thing that would be bigger is you have a family Member who not only goes on American gladiators, but kicks the shit out of him Yeah, he didn't he lost in the finals. I remember to the eliminator got him No, no, like he won like five to get to there was a tournament I remember the tournament and like he lost to a dude in the final

I remember I even remember the guy's names like Will Clifton or something. I was so bummed I was like gosh dang it that guy's that guy must be insanely good. Yeah, cuz like in my head There's nobody better at sports than my uncle and then I was like somebody's better it, that guy must be insanely good. Because in my head, there's nobody better at sports than my uncle. And then I was like, somebody's better at sports? What the frick? No, frick what? Who the frick is this guy?

Yeah, but that, I mean, they, because they would get like, it was always the army guys that were a problem. Like if someone was like, first class lieutenant, and then just show and fuck shit up, and you're like, oh yeah, this guy was in, oh yeah, I loved it. The footage is crazy.

Of his uncle? Yeah. Oh yeah? Let me see it real quick. Yeah. My uncle's a rad dude. Now he's a football coach in Missouri and crushing it. I mean, this would be day one,

I'd show my players his footage, you know, just let you know. I mean, they used to play it all the time on ESPN Classic and I would call him and be like, you're off fucking ESPN Classic. Classic, ESPN Classic is nothing. I think he was a little like, ugh, you know, I think maybe he just didn't seem. I think he was a little like, you know, I think maybe he's,

he just wouldn't. I wonder if he goes through, I wonder if he goes through, um, like stages of it. You know what I mean? I'm sure that he's cool with it now, but maybe when he was like, you know, 35, he's like, yeah, I was like, you know, 23 then or whatever. Larry's Zonka dude dolphins, right? Dolphins, right? One of the classic dolphin. Yeah. So who do we got here? Um, that's not definitely that that's that's my uncle. That's Ted. Shout out uncle Ted. Yeah

Oh, dude, this purple American Gladius thing is at my grandparents house. Oh, we'll edit this in so this will be a bottom Okay, yeah, because it gets like ripped Oh gets ripped in this thing and so the ripped American Gladius is like on the mantle of my grandparents They have a wall of Ted. Oh, they got a fucking wall of Ted and they have six other children. Really? So it's just a wall of Ted and then small photos of their other children. Turn the page. First round. Yeah. Look at that. He's like, yeah, he's, he's, he's a tough dude. Yeah, dude. He looks like a football coach. Oh yeah. He is. Cliff Miller. Cliff Miller wasn't the guy. Oh fuck. He does lose a fucking Cliff Miller. Yes. is what he loses. Oh, no, we're not going to watch this another time.

But, dude, I would absolutely watch a full episode. Oh, no, it's fun as hell. Because so when you have like that many brothers and sisters and one of them is a phenomenal athlete and he's the youngest by like a lot. So he's the baby. Yeah. And the wall of the wall of the wall of Ted is legit. It's very real. And you know, one can be like, what are you doing? Yeah. Cause there's a lot of accomplishments right there. God damn you did that too.

Yeah. Yeah. You kind of want them to suck a little bit. So you're like, I mean, why put that on the wall? But then you're like, oh, that's actually kind of cool. I'm glad you guys put this up here. Yeah. That is also when, is that what got you guys into wrestling?

Was your mom's brothers? Yes, because they were so good at wrestling that then they started wrestling and did your dad have like the inkling of like, Oh, well, my brothers in law are good at wrestling. Let's try if the let's see if the boys are was your dad. I think it was my mom being like my dad loved baseball straight up, you know, he names us all after baseball players. And he was like, you know, he's just loved baseball and basketball and we

weren't good enough at those things. We didn't so funny. Wrestling's great. If you're not good at real sports, I'm saying you could like, I don't have coordination to like catch or throw far. And you could maybe learn that, but like, you can like kind of learn wrestling without like real. Determination is the number one thing in wrestling.

Yeah. I've noticed from any of my friends that I know that were good at wrestling, Greg Warren, Mike Vecchione, they're like, they have this thing of like, just laser eye focus. Where they'll go like, I'll go through hell to get to this thing. Yeah, it's like the one sport where it's like,

you gotta run through that wall, and most people are like, I don't want to, and wrestling's like, I'm gonna run through the wall. We do wall run throughthroughs. Yeah. We gotta do three of these before we practice. For why? What? You know, we smash through drywall.

Right. It does like cardio. It's also, I think it's just such like a non, it's such a sport that nobody watches, so there's no glory in it, really? Well, there's a thing where, it's the perfect South Park episode, where they explain that like,

professional wrestling is like all theatrics. It's all entertainment. It's all storyline and shit. And then you are literally watching the polar opposite of it which is like grit and determination. There's no flair. No flair. These guys don't like interviews.

They don't even wanna wear the things that protect their ears. No, absolutely not. They're just like, I'm gonna have to because it hurts. Dude, the funniest thing is like after the NCAA like division one championships They always interview like some absolute psychopath who just won who just won who just became the best wrestler in the United States Yeah, and they're like, how's it going? He's like good. Yeah, like it's just these guys have just dead eyes There's a book called fighters mind by Sam Sheridan There's also a fighter fighter's heart but in a fighter's's mind, Sam Sheridan interviews Dan Gable, who's like the Iowa wrestler. Yeah, that guy. Whoa, dude,

talk about losing my mind during COVID. I freaked out because Dan Gable's very around. I saw him a lot growing up. He's the coach of the University of Iowa. Also a legendary Olympian, the legendary most famous wrestler in the history of the world. Like, like this guy, this guy won three national titles in a row. Two. They could only do, he went undefeated his whole high school and college year, but when he was in college, you couldn't wrestle your freshman year. So you could only win three. So I'm wrong. So on the, but he won two. But that means it's totally fine.

Then on the third, he was in the finals to win his third straight. Never lost in his life, high school and college. And in the final minute loses. He lost to Larry Owens. It's a regular Cliff Miller over there. Yeah. From my uncle. Yeah, Cliff Miller.

I hope you're doing all right. Oh, catches grace. Cliff Miller's like, what the heck? I love this podcast. I fucking watch this shit. But anyways, Dan Gable, just to let you know how big of a psycho he is, he got pinned his senior year to win the thing. He went on, he was so motivated by that, he went to the Olympics and didn't have a point scored on him.

And he won the world championships in the Olympics back to back and retired and then coached the University of Iowa to like 21 NCAA championships. So he's like legend around town. He's like the Iowa guy. Legend, legend, legend, legend, legend. I was kind of a dick to my brother because my brother was the head coach of Waterloo West where he went and then he was like, this new guy thinks he has some like, he's like, my brother's like 28.

I was like, don't hurt my brother's feelings, man. He's gable. But then, so then Dan Gable was like my hero growing up. Love him, go watch his speeches, go to all his wrestling camps. And then during COVID, he broke my, when we were all just a little shaky, right before the fucking election, when you were just peak losing your mind. I was drinking so much, my, when we were all just a little shaky, right before the fucking election,

when you were just peak losing your mind. I was drinking so much, my back hurt. You know what I mean? I was like, why does my back hurt? I'm not doing anything. My spine shouldn't hurt. Yes, and Trump went and dude, I was just like down. It was dark.

Trump went and gave Dan Gable the Presidential Medal of Freedom as a way to get votes in Iowa. Cause they're like, I'm gonna give their favorite guy this thing. And then Dan Gable like the presidential medal of freedom, because as a way to get votes in Iowa. Yeah. Because they're like, I'm gonna give their favorite guy this thing. And then Dan Gable like raised Trump's hand and pointed at him and said, no, this is a winner. And I broke every cell in my brain

because I was like, no, Dan Gable is the working man. You work hard and you achieve. And this is the opposite of that. He's a rich guy, he's a piece of shit. And I just went off on Twitter. I was like, fuck Dan Gable, like fuck Iowa. You're all pieces of that. He's a rich guy who's piece of sh and I just went off on Twitter. I was like, fuck Dan Gable. Like fuck Iowa. You're all pieces of shit. And then I was like, I was like slip, not fucking sucks. They're from fucking Ankeny. Ankeny is a fucking rich kid town. What are you doing? Like Corey Taylor, you're a fucking piece of shit, dude. Just like so mad

at Iowa. So mad at, and my whole world is full hero turn. Dude, I get a call from my brother in the morning. I was like hungover wake up. He's like, yo, my friends reach out to me. What are you doing? And I was like, what? He goes, you fucking up back home, man. Like you were like, he's like, do not say that shit about slipknot. Okay.

He's like, Corey Taylor, Corey Taylor's from fucking Waterloo. Okay. He's not from ankle. Like he just schooled me on slipknot. He's like, daddy's so funny that the first person they go, keep slipknot, especially in the age we live in where people are like, if you mentioned a presidential candidate the wrong way,

either side will threaten your life. It's just so funny that the first one is to go fucking slipknot dude. They've done a lot. There's four volumes of spooky, oaky crazy music. Yeah, it's like gable and slipkknot are like the most Iowa thing you can have. So I'm just like, I need it. I hate Iowa.

Yeah. And then I was like, I'm sorry. Then I like tweeted at Corey Taylor. I was like, look, man, I was wasted. Dan Gable just broke my heart. Did Corey Taylor write anything back? No, of course not. He's called him a pussy.

Now you gotta wear, now when you go to, ironically now when you go to Iowa, you have to wear a Slipknot mask. I was, look, I've listened to Wait and Bleed after that and to Iowa, you have to wear a slipknot mask. So no one. I've listened to Wait and Bleed after that and was like, it is a really good song. They got some bangers. They've got some really good ones.

You cannot, listen, if we're gonna sit here and shit on stained, yes. No, I'm only, and it's only, I'm only mad at them because Ankeny, we wrestled there one time and I was like, this is a really nice school and this is where a slipknot's from? I wish I was from here. But a lot of times the rich kids are the ones

whose parents are the coldest because they're into money and society. So that's where the demon festers. That's where they're so mad. That's where the evil gets in. It is a rich suburb of Des Moines, which might be worse than like this small farm town that I grew up in.

Yeah, Des Moines? Well no, a suburb of Des Moines, which might be worse than like the small farm town that I grew up in. Yeah. Well, no suburb of Des Moines. That's where you're like, I'm not even in Des Moines. I can't even get the morning love. Honestly, kind of how I felt growing up in Aurora. I'm not even in Denver. How far away is that? It's maybe 15, 20 minutes. Okay. South same same as it's all connected through suburbs. Right. Like you would never know when you're in Aurora and then all of a sudden you're in Denver. But that's like really the only suburb of Denver that it gets its own like classification. Well, it's a city. Yeah,

it's its own city. Right. But like there's, there's like our, I don't really know. Honestly, I'm too stupid to speak on this. I don't really know. I do know that Aurora is its own city with the worst fucking catchphrase in the world. When you drive in and out of, from the airport, when you go into Aurora from DIA, it says Aurora, an all, it says All America City. Like it's not even an All American City. An All America City?

All Ameri, that's what the sign says. And look it up, if you're driving on fucking Peña Boulevard from the fucking airport, it says Aurora, an All America City. And you're like, it sounds AI. They should, yeah. It's also funny if they were like, a All America.

Like, don't even get that right. You go, a All America City. Fuck, man. What are you doing? And my mom said the school district was good here. What's going on with that Mustang that you guys got at your airport? Oh, the creepy horse? The blue demon killed the guy killed the guy that made it Really? Yeah, I think it when they were like installing it it fell on him

Can you look that up so I make sure that I'm not lying, but I'm pretty sure that that thing killed him It was DIA. They went for some wild Late 90s swings. Yeah, that did not age well. No, there's like people with gas masks. There's that mural that's super fucked up. Yeah. Which I don't know how they explain that. I don't. I fell on him in the studio.

So not even installing it in the studio then killed him. Put it up. It's fucking spooky. Yeah. It's I think it's supposed to be a tip of the cap to the old Bronco that was on top of mile-high stadium Okay, which was pretty cool, which I think they have it in Vesco or whatever that stadiums called now, but yeah that like The world in a city but then why does that sign say in all America City also the world in a city what the world in a city, yeah, so

Also the world in a city. What the fuck? The world in a city. Yeah. So that's how they get rid of these Venezuelans. That's good. I've been fucking with people so bad that have been like, cause we're having Andrew Callahan on the podcast. And he did a channel five thing about the Venezuelans in Aurora.

So I'm excited to talk to him about it. Cause I've just been fucking with friends of mine that think it's real. They're like, dude is your mom okay? And I go, no. Wait, is that a thing where they said Venezuelans are coming to Aurora? They're saying a lot of right wing news sources were saying that a Venezuelan prison gang took over multiple complexes in Aurora. There was a robbery involving a prison gang from Venezuela, but those guys like robbed an apartment then left.

But then the, it's, you should check out the channel. If you're watching this right now, check out the channel five documentary. We're going to have Andrew Callahan on to talk about it, but he goes and talks to everybody. And like, there's a lot there. There was a, there like was a prison gang, but it didn't take over the apartment complex. Sure. There's the right, but a lot of these like, these like these key words are just like, you know, like migrant robbery.

When you find out in the documentary, the owner of the apartment complex, which was like not picking up its trash, not fixing its plumbing. He fled to Florida and then gave that story to this publicity firm that put it out, that this Venezuelan prison gang took over this apartment complex. I think he did it to get out of the bank fucking trying to get him. But all I know is my Twitter and my Instagram are people being like, dude, is your mom all right?

And am I not gonna fuck with you? Yeah. You're gonna go with fake news? You think I'm not gonna fuck with you? So a lot of times I'll just be like, no, it's bad. She's, they took her back to Venezuela. It's bad, yeah.

She's an abuela for a family that she's never even met. She's a Venezuelan grandma now and it's not even her kid or it's, you know, it's not even a real grand kid. But it's like, um, it's hilarious. I think that shit that's if you're going to, if we're in this age of misinformation and everything's fucked up, have fun with it. Dude, my fit like I do,

I fucking love the Donald Trump McDonald's shit so much like a genuine thing. It's funny shit ever. It's brilliant. Like he's like, she didn't work at McDonald's. I go work at McDonald's and I'm like, this is so much. Like, I genuinely think it's the funniest shit ever. It's brilliant. Like, he's like, she didn't work at McDonald's, I go work at McDonald's. And I'm like, this is so funny. I'm telling you right now. So funny. I'm telling you right now, it's it's the media that's making us feel like this is the apocalypse. Right. But it is so funny.

It's watching presidential candidates go on fucking podcasts and try to act like they're regular people is the best comedy I could ever ask for. I'm sure you guys have heard me talk about Mando whole body deodorant. What if I told you I'm the lathered in it right now? I take a bath in it. I melt it and I put it in my bed. No, but Mando full body deodorant because sometimes you have parts of you that don't know what smells. Honestly I can't smell. You know that that about me so I just hope the people at Mando aren't having me going out in public smell like a bunch of dog dung

you know but it's 72-hour odor control long-lasting doctor developed doesn't cause you irritation and apparently smells really good I can't really comment on that but it works other than deodorants you've tried because this one like I said long-lasting and they got a body wash that's got 24-hour odor control, sudsy lather, why wouldn't you want that in a body wash? Please tell me why. Mando's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like a mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping.

Luckily, I have a discount code to help you get hooked up on my favorite smelling, or I'm told, whole body deodorant. New customers get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code. That's the equivalent of 40% off a starter pack with our exclusive code. That's the equivalent of $40, 40% off your starter pack. So use the code SOTER. A little bit of a curveball. SOTER. At shopmando.com. Shopmando.com. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Did you ever see a teacher that you didn't get along with outside of school when you were with your mom?

Do we have to do a parking lot meetup? What? Because not in a sexual way. I was failing eighth grade. Okay. Like across the board. That's hard to do too. They want you out of there. They want you out of there so bad.

If you're failing eighth grade, you're being a real dickhead. You're doing something crazy. And it sounds like you had a normal mom too. My mom was a good mom. Yeah, so you must have just been really wild. Well, I was going through some stuff. Okay.

And you gotta miss a lot of school. A lot. You gotta be a little truant if you're not gonna pass eighth grade. Also, you can do no work, I found out. But we got to this point where- It's an option, yeah. My mom goes, if you get more than an F, if

you get more than one F, I'm going to make you repeat eighth grade. And I was like, Oh, no, you won't. My mom's like, Oh, do you want to go down this path? Right. And when I realized she was serious, I was like, it was like maybe like three months left to school and I was like, fuck. And my mom was like, so you better find a way. So I- Cause remember how all your friends are gonna go to high school.

And that's not, that's exciting probably too. It was the most stressed I've ever had in my life. Cause it's like, oh, I have, it was like a movie where they're like, you have to care. You have to care or you're gonna be back in eighth grade. Everyone was like, I was like a high school. I'm going to miss high school. I would have graduated in 02, not no one. But I, uh, I like went to all my teachers and I was like, listen, I told them like, I won't repeat. And a couple of them were like, well, you're failing my class.

And my French teacher was like, listen, I'll give you, I'll make an exception. And I will give you extra credit if you go do the first semester's packet that you did not do. Okay. And I was like, you would do that? That's reasonable. It's also a lot of work. A lot of work. I think it was like close to two to three hours

of French work every Saturday and Sunday for like four weeks. So I didn't have a weekend. No, no, no, no. I would just have to sit inside and like, and I can't speak French for shit. Right. But I learned how to like conjugate

and do all that shit and like do the worksheets. But we would have to meet her at the King's Supers parking lot to like hand over the dossier. Wow. And it was like a teacher that I was like. That's a good teacher though. I was dude.

Yeah. Mrs. Christian. I forgot her name. Fuck. But she was cool. Shout out Mrs. Vail that also did it. Who became she's Mrs. She was Mrs. Stone and then she got remarried. But Ms. Vail graduated from ASU

and then was our eighth grade English teacher. And we were not easy. No. She goes to my comedy shows when I'm in Portland. I think eighth grade is the and we were not easy. No. She goes to my comedy shows when I'm in Portland. I think eighth grade is the worst you'll ever be to an adult. Yes. Like that's the hardest,

cause like I just, you have no empathy for what they're going up to and you're trying to show off for girls now. Yes. So you're like, I'm gonna destroy this idiot's life cause it's funny to me because I can never see myself having that life. It is, you reach the point where you're a spicy child.

Yeah. It's spicy children. It's a lot of reach the point where you're a spicy child. Yeah. It's spicy children. It's a lot of like, what are you gonna do about it? They just reach a point where they go like, you ain't shit to me. And the teacher goes like. Yeah, it's like when I realized like, you can't hit me. Yeah.

You know, like, it's like sixth grade, you're like, you could really hurt me. But in eighth grade, you're like, if you hit me, I'll sue you. Yeah. Like that's been really bad. And then you hit me, I might have a chance in the fight. I'm starting to hit puberty.

Yeah. Like I have hair, I have two hairs on my balls. Try it. Yeah, dude. Eighth grade, were you a bad kid in eighth grade? I mean, I was the worst type of bad kid because I would get good grades. So my mom, so they had no.

So they had no. They didn't have a case on you. They don't have ammo against me. And I would go, you know, and you get your mom on your side early. Like how's, you know, school's like, mr. Kramer's got it out for me you know like you get her boilin well you get her boiled up before she goes in you know what I mean and then she goes in and you know she's got your back a little bit my

mom always went in with the thing of what did he do okay my mom knew yeah my mom knew my mom knew I was the class clown. My mom always knew. The thing my mom always knew about the thing that my mom always was told was Dan's very funny. He just does it at inappropriate times. And so my mom would be like, she would come home and hit me with, I'm surprised I don't have this tattooed in old English on my back. There's a time and a place. OK, my mom would always fart. My mom's gonna laugh. She watches this podcast.

Hey mom, when she sees this she's gonna be like, I did say that all the time. Because they would be like, because by the way, I would fucking kill. Are we acting like I'm not being funny in class? I'm fucking. I'm bringing it. And I was saying this to Sagalow recently,

when they go like go out the hallway That's you're like good night everybody Get to tip the teachers that yeah, I'd love a pudding at lunch Yeah, have credits on your account dude in eighth grade We got me and my friends like got quickly kicked off of all the field trips. Yeah, like pretty quick They're like three strikes. No more field trips. Yeah, and then it just turned into when they'd go to field trips like me and my four best friends at school like no, which but we weren't even having school they're like you just have study all and we're just like this is way better than going to

the museum. Fuck the museum dude. We're gonna do so much stuff in the classroom. We're downloading world of work like early world of work warcraft stuff like It's so fun. I'm so lucky I didn't have computers Yeah, we had a computer lab and you had to like do a computer lab we had computer lab and the thing was they would like change the change this website to this very graphic image of a woman and we would make it to your background and then when you would go to sit down and open up your computer, it would be like the craziest sex image you've ever seen.

I remember Lemon Party from high school. And that's like, oh, one? So that's how old Lemon Party is. Is someone in oh, one new in the computer lab, I can bring up a picture of three old men sucking each other's dicks in a daisy chain. And I'll leave this on the computer. And I remember high school me being like,

could be the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Funniest thing I ever saw anybody do in high school. I sat next to this kid, Mitch, and we were in typing class, and this would be like 2002, and he was really, he was a real kind of a weird guy. Here's what Mitch would do. Mitch would wear this cradle of filth shirt to school a lot that said Jesus was a cunt.

Uh, yeah. And they would be like, Mitch, turn it inside out. He's like, I just think he's a cunt. Yeah. So, so that's Mitch. And if you can believe it, Mitch, very fast at typing for our age, this guy lived on the internet. I'm going to tell you right now, if Mitch is still alive, his capability of

decimating me is very high Oh for sure. He's dude. He so this is what he would do is so fucking crazy. We're computer lab I'm sitting next to Mitch like he's wild, but I think he's so fascinating So I was asking what's up and he's like can't be bothered with me. But what he would do is he would We'd have like a lesson. It's like, you know speed round five minutes get all this done He jammed that out in like 35 seconds. Now you fucking joke is like a machine. Then he would go to a porn site, find an image, hit print, clear the history and go back to typing. So then because you had one one

printer up front, right on the side of the teacher where she's up there just to kick on a bit. Who's printing? And then she would slowly realize like, oh my God, like as the image came out of like, you know, this game bangers, she's like, oh God. And then she said, hands up, everybody hands up. And I'm like shaking with how hard I'm laughing. So she comes over to the Jesus was a cunt guy and was like, pull up your search history

or whatever your search history history and the guy knows way more about computers than her. I mean that is that is a he is the adult she's the child. Just proves he's like what what and then I'm just like crying with you know it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. What do you do? Just a teacher slowly be like oh my god. Yeah and don't guys, we're gonna have another. Is that that stopping? Hip hip, hip hip. I got Mitch a job at Papa John's after that

because I thought he was so funny. Then he refused to give him his social security number and left and they're like, what's up with that guy? I go, he's just Mitch, man, that guy's crazy. You ever looked up Mitch? Uh-uh, no. I find him. He's a cool dude.

I wanna know where Mitch is. He's either doing something really great or something really bad. He is either, he is either full Kaczynski or like a tech, he like lives in Palo Alto. Absolutely. And he goes, Brooks, I'll have you down to the beach home. There's no middle ground for Mitch.

None. There's no just a guy that works at like a hardware. Mitch, did you see this? Hit me up, you're the man. Please, Mitch. You made me laugh so much. Mitch, please find us. Yeah. You're the man. Please. You made me laugh so much. Mitch, please find. Yeah, you're out there.

You're on the internet. Yeah. You're like ghost rider. We got to go talk to you on the internet. Find us. Cool guy. Yeah, dude. That's those are my favorite.

My favorite people were the really smart people who were very talented at something, but also kind of didn't give a fuck. No, this is the best. It's like, I, those friends that are like talented beyond, my friend Matt Lumparzic, he's in the Navy, who started comedy together, but he's just like one of those guys that does everything so well, that you're like, oh dude, like he was a drummer

in a fucking metal band, and now he's just like a dad, but he'll like fuck around, and you're like, oh dude oh dude you're awesome I can't do any of that shit. I had a buddy this guy Justin Potter like in high school and like state champion like he could run the mile like I asked him what his favorite fastest mile time is he was like probably like four like four like 29 which is crazy yeah chain smoked and would run all the time. Just smoking, drinking, and then be like, I gotta go be the fastest person you've ever seen.

I love that shit, too. I love people with just like an insane amount of talent and they're not sucking their own dicks by it. I think that's why everyone's over celebrities now, is because there's, I think those people are cooler than anybody that pretends to think there's, I think those people are cooler than anybody that pretends to be a superhero. I think those people are cooler than anybody that like, you're like, oh, big deal, you have a fucking TV show,

this guy can fucking backflip. Right. You're like, let's go back to that. Did you ever print off a porno? That's not funny. A third class laugh? Yeah. Oh, well you did a good job in Romeo and Juliet,

hit the fucking skids. You're right though, celebrities are out. It's done, it's cooked, and you can a good job in Romeo and Juliet hit the fucking skids. You're right though celebrities are out. It's done It's cooked and you could tell that's why how do you feel about the cosco guys? Love them It comes to boom. It's gonna be the greatest Sagalow and I on the road talk about this too much. There's gonna be a huge documentary coming out Yeah, it's gonna be a real e true hollywood story about I think justice and aj but it's gonna be a net, true Hollywood story about big justice and AJ. But it's gonna be a Netflix doc, four parter called Boomer Doom, the story of the Rizzler. I love the Rizzler. See, I want the Rizzler. I like the Rizzler on his own. I don't like him with this little subgroup, you know? I'm like, Rizzler, you got Rizzler. You have something special. You don't need anybody else. You can do this.

Go solo, solo record. Yeah. They are the human version of the Macarena. Yeah. And young people will not understand because the Macarena was everywhere and then it was gone and that is what will happen. I think that you're like, Oh, the president did the Macarena. Like AJ started trying to put some of his pro wrestling into it.

And I'm like, uh, this is where it crumbles. We stick the Costco. But then you find out, cause the rolling stone did an article on him. Really? This guy was doing videos for his real estate thing. And then he put his kid in the video and they did the double chocolate chunk and it blew up and it's like, they got a hit. And then it's so funny in the article.

He was like, and then my son said to me, no dad, now this is our channel. He didn't say that. He said, I wanna play with my friends. And he said, make the video. He said, all right, we're gonna find you a little pudgier friend, cause it looks like a Pokemon.

Yeah, he goes, what if I, what if we found the unevolved version of you and we gave him a cool name, like, cause Rizzler's not even related to that. Yeah, no I know, it's the guy from the internet that they're like, let's bring him, let's get the Rat Pack, there's a new Rat Pack. He's our Sammy Davis Jr.

And by that he's gonna lose an eye to diabetes unless they fuck it, unless they let him fuck it run. But it's one of those things where that's the new, it's so funny, cause the celebrities now are influencers. They're people that film their kids sleeping, they're people that yell in their car or they eat a double chocolate chunk. It's all that.

It's not like Sir Anthony Hopkins. That's why it's gonna be funny where like the queen, it's gonna be Sir Rizler. Like when people get so famous, they're like, he got knighted. He was like. But those people are more fun to meet because you feel like you know them a little bit.

Well, that's the thing is it's parasocial. Celebrities, the allure of celebrities where you were never gonna see them, if you did, you would lose your mind. Now it's, I'm friends with all these people. And these people all, you know, and I think that's actually, it's why I put a podcast, it's why I put on last podcast on the left if I'm just like cleaning the house. Cause you're like listening to something,

but it doesn't feel lonely. No, not at all. You're totally right. And then like, but then, cause then you build up this relationship that you have, but it's a totally one sided relationship that when people like, when I run into podcasts that I like, I'm like, you have it. I have like a, like an inflated sense of how famous they are because in my brain, they're so famous. Do you know what I mean? Because I do, I listen to them so much, spend so much time with like fucking these wrestling podcasts that I like flow wrestling. I love it. And these dudes are just like normal chill guys.

But when I see them, I'm like, holy heck, like you guys are really important to me. That's George Brett with your dad. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, that's like your dad meeting George Brett and naming his son after, you know, him and then like meeting him and being like, I need my son and I from George Brett's like, shit, man, I hit two for four that day. You know, he's like, I got a beer and I fucking think I had a thick woman at the holiday and give me a room key. But I don't really remember that that much.

Nice to meet you, man. But that's why celebrities backed. That's what's interesting now about watching old school, quote unquote, old school celebrities that are actors and musicians and stuff. Kind of learning from podcast people of like, OK, I got to be a little more open. Dude, I like I had I had my podcast for like four or five years. This podcast, any level is really fun. I liked doing it, but then I got sucked into this. I sold this TV show and I had to like develop this thing for like two years. And it was like, I was so, I was like, this is more important to me, the Fox show. And it was a really dumb, like in the grand scheme of things, like Fox show didn't go. And I just kind of like

tailed off in this podcast. I'm like, oh dude, you just always got to keep that podcast rockin Well, the thing that and you know, I don't know shit i'm fucking you know, i'm i'm doing all right But I don't know i'm not by nowhere near like the top but what I found is that you're pretty close You just have to build your own audience. Yeah, and that's why all these networks and other things are freaking the fuck out right now is because they were the place that gave you an audience as a stand up comedian. They'd go, here's your TV show. Now you can do theaters because all these people know who you are. But now you have to go do

theaters. And then the networks are like, Oh, people watch you. Right. It's why the presidential candidates are on podcasts. It's why it's all this shit because it has flipped and there were people that saw it coming and They're way smarter than both of us. Yes, you know like Schultz fucking saw that it's very good at and he fucking nailed it amazing also, there's other people that were just like like last podcast on the left I knew Henry and there's other people that were just like, like last podcast on the left, I knew Henry and Ed and Marcus at the Creek in the Cave

when we used to just drink or whatever. And they were super into scary movies and all that shit. And you genuinely saw them build that podcast out of love. And it became bigger than any TV show they're gonna do. Absolutely. I mean, dude, I had this idea with Carl Heswago camping with a lot where we have this idea where we go to every national park and we do like,

what the hardest thing we can there and like record it while we're there, just like audio. And then like from the studio, pitch it back. We're like, here's where we went to Yosemite. We're going to do this. We just wanted a podcast about camping in national parks. And then we pitch it to some people and they're like, what do we, yeah, we should film that. I'm like, then it's the TV show. Yeah. We then we have a crew, the whole reason we can do this. But also it is, it could be, here's the thing is like,

I think that's what it is is with the internet, everything changes so fast. Yeah. And everything moves so much faster that all these people that were gatekeepers are now, like it's funny they were the gatekeeper, but then the gate moved in front of them. Yeah.

And they're going like, ah, ah. I mean, and we're in this like weird little fucking zone where like the, everything changed for us that we're in this like weird little fucking zone where like the, everything changed for us that were like, but for the better, I just mean like if you saw somebody, you know, five years ago, bring in a fucking camcorder that you had never heard of that was going to film their own set. You're like, what are you doing? Yeah, that was, that was like,

I mean, you know, it was just like, it was like, this guy must be whack. And then like, or, or the idea of like you're going to cut, it was just like, it was like, this guy must be whack. And then like, or, or the idea of like, you're going to cut up all that stuff and give it away. We're going to self promote. And like now, anytime I see somebody setting up a camera, I'm like, they're about to be way, way bigger than me. Yeah.

Cause I'm so lazy. Don't fucking do it. Well, I also see people with clips and I go like, that's a good clip. Yeah. They're going to fucking, and it just how it moves. And you see people where they're like, are people it's funny to watch especially living in New York City watching the old guard be like nah, this is how you do it. You go. Yeah, well you guys said Carson was big. Yes

Carson there's no Carson right there is no equivalent of Carson anymore It is I've been in LA so much lately that coming here. I'm here for like two weeks Just doing a bunch of shows like seeing like how evolved you are compared to like what's going on in LA. Well LA's run around their head cut off. That's what it feels like. Cause they were lucky cause Rogan and them were there. So they didn't realize it was happening.

They didn't realize it could move and change everything. And I think that's what Rogan moving to Austin did. I think it really showed a lot of these LA people like you had a huge media source there and you didn't realize it. You didn't realize when he left, there was gonna be this vacant hole. Yeah, but also like COVID ruined the alt scene really, because like, the difference between New York and LA,

I feel like COVID really showed, because when COVID happened here, you guys were like, we're doing shows on roofs and we're starting podcasts. And when COVID happened in LA, we're like, we're going to the national parks. Yeah, we're gonna go camping, we're gonna go sleep in our back yard. That's exactly what happened.

Yeah, I mean, we were doing, I mean, how many shows did you film in like alleyways and fucking rooftops and backyards and shit? There was like park shows. I think New York was just, I did, I remember one time during Black Lives Matter, I was doing a show in the Lower East Side and the promoter who was a black dude, he was great. He was like, hey, cop show up.

You're on that mic. I need you to start saying, no rest till peace. They come up with a slogan. That's great. We're going to get in trouble for doing a comedy show. We won't get in trouble for protesting. I was like, so I was just waiting to be like, yeah. And then I said to her, what are you a fucking black lives matter?

Such a funny pivot. Dude, it's awesome. Thanks for coming by and doing the podcast. Yeah, thanks for having me, man. Check out everything online that Brooks Wheeler. Yeah, actually, I have a special coming out Monday. Fucking A. Yeah. Watch the special. This will be out.

This will be out. A special called Alive in Alaska. Alive in Alaska. Did you do it at Chinook Charlie's? No, I did. I did a two week tour of Alaska, shot it and then shot it at this place called the Bear Tooth Theater. Oh great. It was sick.

Dude, where in Alaska did you go? I did McCarthy, Juneau, Sitka, Cordova, Sultatna. I lived in Sultatna. You lived in Sultatna? That's one of the worst towns. I lived in, I worked at Pacific Star Seafood, shout out, for a summer. Sultatna? My aunt lived in Kenai, which is right by Sultatna. That's one of the worst towns. I lived in a, I worked at Pacific star seafood for a summer. My aunt lived in Kenai, which is right by Saldotna.

Great fishing. Great. We lived in Saldotna. I worked in Kenai. Okay, cool. And then Fairbanks and then finish it off at Anchorage. It was a cool ass tour. So you did all the way down.

Yeah, we did down and then back up. Up and then back. Yeah, cause. It wasn't planned well. Saldotna is in the cook inlet. Yeah, Saldotna in the cook inlet. Yeah. Saldana was just, that was my least favorite show. Really?

Yeah. They were, were they just... I just think it was promoted poorly. Okay. And that's on me. Well, they, I went and looked for a job before I got hired at the cannery. Yeah. My aunt lived up there, so I just wanted to live with my aunt.

You worked at a cannery? Yeah, but I went and applied everywhere else first. I applied at like restaurants. I applied at a landscaping place. I applied at a radio station and none of them would hire me. And I went down, it was in May and I went down to Pacific star seafood and this fisherman got me a job there.

Dude, so you were there for a whole summer? Yeah. This is a fun place to be. Great, it was great. Very hard work, very, very hard work. And- Those guys get fucked up. That was very lucky because I was like,

I got the job before the college kids came. So they didn't think I was a college kid. Whoa, that's huge. They didn't know I was a college kid. That's huge. They just thought I was a guy living up there with his aunt. They didn't know I was in between my freshmen and sophomore. They thought you were like them,

hiding out while some shit cooled off. 100%. Yeah. 100% though, which was funny because I did have to go, I had to leave to go to court in Colorado. Yep. So that was when they were like, oh, he's all right.

The opening joke of my special is everyone who lives in Alaska was like, I came up here for a week, been here 89 years. Also, I'm wanted for manslaughter. Yeah, dude. So that's why I'm kinda here. They also pay you to move to Alaska. Really?

Because there's an oil reserve. Yeah. So when you become at least that was what it was 20 years ago. But if you move up there and you become a citizen, they send you a check for like fucking 1700 bucks or something. I've been there like three times and I always dig it, but I've never been up there in the winter. So me neither. I've never been there in the winter. But my, my aunt had a fucking cool house in, um, Soldatna like off this path.

She had like three acres and I would go smoke joints and walk around in the back. The mosquitoes were nightmarish. But I found like this fucking 19th century bear trap that was rusted open, was rusted completely. And I tried several different times. I threw a boulder in it to like set it. That's like the funniest best stoned in your 20 in the woods find. And I tried several different times. I threw a boulder in it to like set it. That's like the funniest best stoned

in your 20 in the woods find. Like no way. And then I was just on a rock, holding a rock. Going. Wait, wait, wait. Bounce off the thing. And I go, oh dude, one time, and I might've told this story on another podcast,

but it was true. I was in the backyard and what I used to love to do is drink like a six pack of rolling rock and then my aunt would go to sleep. But she was like an ex drug addict. So she didn't want any drugs, but I bring weed with me and I would go smoke a joint on the back patio and it'd be light out and it'd be like fucking 11 45 at night. And I was just chilling there smoking a joint, just having a good time. And then the golden retriever next door starts barking and I'm like, this dog's going fucking nuts.

And I was like, there was a hill and I look up the hill and there's this giant brown bear just going like. And I was like, dude, if I watch a bear eat a dog right now, it's gonna change my life. And the fucking dog was like pinned, like the leash was pinned to a thing in the ground and I was like my first thought was do I run over there pull it off the leash to let it get away from the bear but I'm not going near a fucking

and the bear was like 75 yards away so it wasn't like right up on it this bear growled the dog was like pinned on its leash like fuck you motherfucker fuck you and then the bear went nah fuck this just ran back up the hill and I was like I just went inside after that I was like pinned on its leash like, fuck you motherfucker, fuck you. And then the bear went, nah, fuck this. Just ran back up the hill and I was like, whew, I just went inside after that. I was like, dude, I ain't watching it. I ain't sticking around. But that's one of the coolest places, Alaska, go there. It was fucking sick.

So right before the special, I went down to Seward, remember before we taped like the actual special, and I went on a jog through the Kenai Fjords National Park. Hell yeah, which is one of the most beautiful drives ever in the world. Yes, no, it's so cool, but I went on this really long, 10 mile run deep in the woods, and I realized I didn't have fucking bear spray,

and I'm like, this is where the grizzlies live. They live down on the fucking coast, and I was like, I scared myself really bad, you know what I mean, because I was like five miles in, and I took my headphones out, and I'm like, all right, we're fine, this is how I die. What am I doing? Yeah, I was like five miles in and I like took my headphones out. I'm like, all right, we're fine. Like this is how I die. What am I doing? Yeah. I was like, you're trying too hard, bud.

Cause that would be a thing where they go, did you hear Brooks Wheeling got ate by a bear? And I'd go, yeah, I believe it. I know. I just want when I died, people not to be like, that makes sense. For sure. I saw that coming. And I was like, so then I just had to kind of like jog back

but like listening, you know? Cause I was like, so then I just had to kind of like jog back, but like listening, you know, cause I'm like, there's is where they live. I'm like doing the dumbest thing I can right now. There was a road where I, where I lived called funny river road. Yeah. That's what it was called. If you live in Alaska, you know that, but they were like 65% chance of getting attacked by a bear walking down that road. And you're in the summer and you're like, fuck that. And then in the newspaper story of a guy got attacked by a bear walking down that road in the summer and you're like, fuck that. And then in the newspaper, story of a guy

got attacked by a bear, killed it. When you kill a bear, they take the body, but they cut off the paw and they give it to you. So the guy was holding the paw of the bear. He had a fucking massive wound on him. And he was like bandaged up, but he was holding the paw. And you're like, fucking. So the fact that he just ran in the woods is nuts. No, it was dumb and I realized it. I probably could have got caught

looking back at that bear trap like when I was high being like throwing rocks and shit. I mean also I saw I came to this place in Montana and then the next weekend a woman was eaten out of her tent by a bear in that campsite and I was like back there on my way back through Glacier and I was like, that's so terrible and people are I hate when people like Are like she had gum in her pocket. That's what she get I'm like, I don't think you deserve to get eaten by a bear because you had gum. Oh, she ate red Robin yesterday Yeah, you guys don't do that. That seasoning attracts them. She got eat by a bear. That's gotta be the worst way to go. Yes.

That has to be the worst way to go because what you're doing is at the moment of your death, you're realizing that nature doesn't care. Oh gosh. Like that unrelenting coldness where you're like, you're just gonna kill me and the bear's like, yeah. Dude, I just watched Cruisy Man recently.

Oh yeah. And it's like Timothy Treadwell's like. Quincy, Quincy. Yeah, he's like, they're so magical. And then Werner Herzog's like, I see nothing in their eyes. This cold stare. Yeah, the bail is strenuous.

We were in Ohio, and we were visiting my cousin to go watch her kids play football. And the hotel we were staying at was in a parking lot with a place called. Werner's Smokehouse. OK, so every time Katie and I left the hotel, we went where the horse hogs smokehouse. Yes, I do documentaries, but what I love more is smoked beef. So every time we go by, we go to the hotel,

Verner Herzog's smokehouse. Seth Meyers was telling me he had Verna Herzog on and tried to explain to him what documentary now was, which is Seth's show. And they parodied a Verna Herzog one. He's like, yeah, we did this one on, I forget which one they did it on. And he like pitched it to Verna Herzog and goes, there was nothing funny about that. This was like, absolutely not going to give this to you. Oh then nevermind, fuck face. Then I guess we're not gonna have fun here today.

Yeah, no exactly. But I can't see him having fun, but I am very interested in him. Dan, thank you for having me on the gosh dang pod. You're the man. Check out Live in Alaska on YouTube right now. Brooks Wheeler's the best. Heck yeah. you