Soder - 57: Atlantic City Soft Mike Rainey | Soder Podcast | EP 56

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

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Chicago this Friday at the Vic theater the late show 10 p.m. tickets are still available go to Dan Soder calm and then Milwaukee Wisconsin this Saturday December 7th December 7th this Saturday Milwaukee Turner Hall one show Dan Soder calm we are close to sold out. Go push it over the edge. I'm bringing a great show with me. Maybe a little Louis Katz appearance, but DanSoda.com, go get tickets right now, and I'll see you in Milwaukee this Saturday. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"]

Inspired you are that you would write on Perks. Dude, I feel like dude, perks actually like unlocked like everything that was like holding me back. Really? So it was like, I just didn't have that thing that like, I usually have. You didn't care. Yeah, I just was like, fine. Dude, I was like.

I mean, I get it. That's what booze did for me. It was heaven. Yeah. Yeah, I remember just that. I took my family to Monster Mania in Baltimore and I woke up early and I was sitting like, you know, embassy suites, they have like the little like rivers and shit

through the center of the hotel just remember sitting on my laptop I'm like I'm the fucking man right now yeah barely he felt like fucking having stay awake just nodding out well that's I mean I got a lot of questions cuz I wait till we're recording oh you are I did I went I brought you a couple cards too I want to oh hell Yeah, I gotta start putting these up better people give me cards and I love it But then I don't know where to put them and so there's just like a lot of free cards roaming around This guy gave me the crustiest cuz you know, we do the back the basketball cards at the end this guy surge Sergei

Bazarovich I'll probably fuck up his name, but he's like check out how crusty this guy is And he looks like he's wearing a disguise Like if you look at him you like it looks like he's hiding from his family Yeah, he looks like this guy's from Moscow and ball played for the Hawks for a couple seasons Yeah, he definitely knows like how far a hundred yards away from his wife is like Oh, yeah at the precipice of violating that. Yeah, he knows international law better than he should. I started doing the card thing, just as kind of like a joke,

and then it like, I've just got so much cards now. I'm just swimming in baseball. I'm gonna open my own shop. When you were, I'm fascinated by this, because I'll get high and try to write jokes and then I just don't. But you got high and actually wrote books. I mean, you wrote, I mean, this is your experience on perks, which you should go get is hilarious. It's all the Facebook posts that you made high on percocet.

Yeah, it's all I would do. I got in, I got heavy in the vinyl, heavy in the documentaries and heavy into updating everything that I was thinking on Facebook. What, and what, was there an injury? What got you on perks? Yeah, I got fucked up. So, uh, June of 2012, like I hurt my back. That's always it. Dude, it's, and it was like, I love drugs and alcohol before that. Like I had just committed to getting sober like two weeks prior to this because I had a, I had a crack bender in Atlantic City. What? It was my first time smoking crack dude. I mean if

you're gonna smoke crack go on a bender. Yeah dude it was like AC too what a place to smoke crack. It's winning the Super Bowl your rookie year. Yeah. And I ended up smoking. What happened was like I drove down there on the whim like I had been drinking all day and I asked my wife to go out and get me hot dogs because I wanted a grill Yeah, and I was like while she was out getting hot dogs. I was like, you know, I feel a little lucky tonight So Atlantic City is like an hour away from where I live sure So while she was at the supermarket getting hot dogs, I left the kids alone And I drove down to Atlantic City

Well, hold up. So she goes to get hot dogs and then you just peace out and go to AC? Yeah. And is 2012? Yes. Did you warn her? No, I had my phone on the front seat and it started blowing up like a half hour into the ride

and she's like, where the fuck are you? And I texted back while I was driving, you're not gonna like this, but I'm headed to Atlantic City She's like you got to be fucking kidding me Had you done anything like this before in the marriage? Oh, dude I I yeah, I'd go in the rehab when she was seven months pregnant So like she was aware of of the extent of what the possibilities but I kind of understand the rehab seven months pregnant cuz you go Baby comes out clean dad. Mm-hmm, but AC on a hot dog trip lucky dad is nuts if

hypothetically let's let's fantasy book this all right let's say let's say you go to AC mm-hmm and you win a ton of money that was the plan that's the only way you break even in this situation. Well, once- We all know that's not where it went. But I was thinking on the fly because like once, once I got into crack smoking, I ran out of money. So initially-

Well, hold on, cause we're jumping a pretty important step, which is you drive, so you drive from Philly to AC. When does crack show up? So I get a hotel room by myself. So you're planning on staying the night? Yeah, I was. I knew I was going to find Coke somehow, because it was just,

my way of doing it was I would just go somewhere and ask every black guy I saw until one of them got it for me. And unfortunately, that does work. So I. It's like one of those things where racists say it, and then someone has to go, but it does there is a completion rate Like like that's got to be one of those things where you go like I don't like that that works

But it's effective did you see the promo for the Aaron Rodgers documentary where he's calculating percentages on the fly? He's like all right if I got James Jones out here. I got an 80% of hitting this pass Yeah, like that's what I felt when I was looking for coke. We like I just black dude. He's like, all right, if I got James Jones out here, I got an 80% of hitting this pass. Like that's what I felt when I was looking for a Coke. You're like, all right, he's black dude. He's got gold teeth. 80% chance. Yes. I would even go higher than that.

At least he knows a guy. Yeah. He knows a guy in a pinch that can get him stuff. So when you're, you've been drinking all day. Are you buzzed when you're going to Atlantic City? I was fucked up, man. Now fortunately, the Atlantic City Express way, it's a straight shot.

So I'm cruising. I got my jams on. Like I straight shot. Yeah, so I'm cruising I got my jams on like I'm ready to win and I'm not condoning this behavior But I am saying as someone that's been in that kind of situation before You feel so good in that moment if they could bottle up. That's what drugs and alcohol are it isn't the like Fucking oh I wake up. I've lost my family and stuff. It's where you're at right now in that car, driving to AC. You're like fucked up, but you feel great.

And you're like, the world is my oyster. I know dude. And that was my thinking the entire time down there. God, when I would drink, I'd be like, this is living. And then a couple of days later, you're're like how's are all the wrong decisions so you go to AC you get a hotel start acting black start asking black dudes for coke and why is there ever a black guy that's like are you crazy yes I'm a professor of African studies at Howard like he's like a guy but I can't get it for you yeah he goes but goes, but I got a guy with some fun and this shit ain't stepped on.

He goes, that's so funny. Him getting mad at first going, now let me tell you something. I teach international law at Georgetown, but I got a brother with some shit that ain't stepped on. Follow me out to the parking garage. My man. Dude, Dan, there was only one guy that I can remember that freaked out. I had a bar show in Lansdale, PA, and he's like, why are you asking me this? And I was like, I just thought you might have it.

He's like, it's because I'm a black guy. It's like I've asked every black guy in here, man. Like, you're not special. Yeah, that's so funny. It's not racist when you do it to the entire race. And he goes, oh, I don't know if that follows. So you get to AC and you start acting black dudes for coke and a guy, dude, it was like, uh, what's that Christmas movie? Uh,

where the guy, the family, the town shows him just like how, Oh, it's wonderful. Life. Yeah. It was like, you're looking for Zuzu's pedals. No, dude, I found these Zuzu's pedals. I'm looking to me. I'm looking to meet my guardian angel if you know what I mean. I found my black Clarence. That's so funny. When you do Coke you're like Jimmy Stewart. But there was more here.

I bought a teeter. That was more than a gram. Everyone was here. Yeah dude that's nuts. You're Coke down Jimmy Stewart. Oh Mr. Potter. You know Mr. Potter you're going to ruin the whole damn town. He just yacked out of your mind.

Do Jimmy Stewart on Coke and it's a Wonderful Life? Yeah. I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like. You're going to ruin the whole damn town. Do Jimmy Stewart on Coke and it's a wonderful life. That's how I'm going to watch it this holiday season. Well, everyone. Yeah. You're a damn bitch. How he's mean to his family.

We're both having trouble paying our mortgage. So you're looking for your Clarence, your black Clarence. And he, it was like he spells it away. I can't even spell out right now. He doesn't spell in a normal Clarence way. And he just appeared, he was on a bike on the corner. And it was one of these motels where it's just like an L shape and you open the front door and you're in the parking lot. Fuck yeah.

And anytime, I've never felt safe in one of those. I've always been like, well, here's where it ends. I, you would think I have the world against me the way I sleep in motels like that, where I sleep at the door, like the KGB's coming for me or something, cause those are like, that's the shittiest kind of motel. Yeah, nothing good ever happens there.

And he was out there and I waved him over and he wheels his bike over and I told him I was looking for soft and he's like, yeah, I can get it for you. Soft. Yes, meaning powder cocaine. Okay. And he's like we never heard that called before.

He's like we have to drive to get it though but I got to put my bike in your room if we're going to go get it. And it was like collateral. Yeah, he was playing. He was doing everything he should have done in this situation and we were feeling each other out. By the way, for those of you that haven't heard this sounds all above board for a Coke deal.

This sounds, this is SOP, this is standing operating procedure at an outdoor motel. It was just two cats smelling each other's ass before we agreed to get coke. So you can get soft. He can get soft. Yeah. And so he puts the bike in. Yep. He puts the bike in and it was like a red roof in or a Motel 6 just outside of Atlantic City. Okay.

And he's like, would you mind? He's like, whatever his wording was, like he wanted crack. Sure. And I was like, yeah, I'll get you some crack. And it's like, dude, I had like 600 bucks in my bank account, like, which was like a million back then. Yeah. And I was like, I'll get you whatever you want, man.

Baby, I'll buy you crack, I'll buy you your car. What do you want? You want a house? Why are you living outside? Get inside. So he agreed to it. We went to the motel six or red roof, it, whatever it was. And he got what I asked him for. And we stopped to get him a, uh, a crack stem. We got his crack stem. How excited were you when you got that Coke? Well, anytime like part of like what makes it so exciting is like you're dry heaving the whole time because like the hunt for it is almost as exciting as actually getting

it. So the whole time I'm just sitting in the parking lot just dry heaving like, oh my God, this is going to be so good. I'm going to do so much blow. I'm so cool. I'm going to have so many thoughts that I'm going to tell people and you're going to go gambling. Yeah.

I feel like you'd be a nightmare yacked out at a blackjack table. You're like, I'm not hitting you, Hitten. But honestly, the gambling was secondary. If I had money, cool. The Stanley Cup finals had just started. It was Rangers and Kings, I think it was 2012. So we get all this shit, we get beer,

we come back to my motel. And, we come back to my motel. And when we come back to the motel room, there's a guy sitting outside the room next to me with two ladies. And he's like. Sounds like a party. Well, it was, I didn't know it was that kind of party. And he's like, oh, I know where the party's at tonight.

I was like, yeah, if you wanna have a few beers, come on in. So I invited this guy and the two ladies he was with to come hang out with me and this bike coke coke guy. Yeah your new guy, your new best friend. Yeah so I had on the Stanley Cup finals, game one and I'm into it. So funny watching hockey with two with like a homeless black dude in Atlantic City. Like hockey, that's just funny to me that he's like he's like oh oh man Kings got a crazy fore check like he knows like, he's like, oh man, King's got a crazy forecheck.

Like he knows, like he really knows hockey. He goes, what are you gonna dump that in, man? That's blue line, blue line, man. You can't be doing that shit. That was offsides. He knows offsides better than anybody. My man, you gotta get offsides. You gotta get an open one.

The one time, the one time was right there. Just thinking about black dudes from the street knowing a lot about hockey. I was willing to teach him that with you., I'll coked up and you feel like Michelle Pfeiffer and dangerous The original eight I got a black guy ice hockey teaching leather jacket Now you thought Michael Jordan was cool. What about Wayne Gretzky and I like oh I see what you mean, Mr. Rainey

I will play in the money money in the power play Wow and are you doing the coke and they're doing the crack So the guy who got me the crack was the only one doing crack at that time I was just plowing through the powder coke that I got were you offering some to your new guests? I did they didn't take me up on it Which I thought was suspicious because any other time I've offered anybody coke they just snap it right up. Yeah Especially a motel. Yeah, I would feel like the the cocaine completion rate at a motel hovers around 90% No, nine out of ten times people are going I'll do a couple, yeah, give me a fucking line.

Is that soft? So soft or hard? I don't like hard. In between. A little mismatch, a little dealer's choice, a little call me a little call me a mate. That's malleable. So you're just doing below, just doing lines going,

think about what Lindquist is. You're not gonna score on him. The guy is just talking hockey. And dude, I was super into it, because I love the Flyers, I hated the Rangers, I didn't want to see them win. Plus, the Kings had a few old Flyers on there, so I was fired up for the Kings to win the Cup.

And the crack guy was into his crack, and the guy that was next door with the two girls that came in, they weren't as into it as I thought and then at a certain point he said something the effect of like you know it's fucked up to waste people's time and I didn't understand what he meant and the guy that I bought the crack for pulled me aside he's like he's expecting to be paid he's a pimp and these are hookers I was like oh no no no I don't want that yeah I really just want to watch hockey and he's like he made me

I was genuinely looking for a good time. Yeah, I didn't know you guys. Oh man. I feel so silly Yeah, I guess you're gonna fucking learn about hockey. I just wanted a good I just wanted a good time You're looking for a good time Do you want to drink? You want to crush beers and watch hockey? You want to crush beers and watch hockey? I guess the weird shit that hookers have to go through there by like I ain't never seen a white boy do this to me usually I just give him a half a half in his car I top him off and he drops me off I never had to watch no damn hockey

120 to put a phone finger in my ass. Yeah. Bitch, you better be shooting something at my pussy. So when you tell him, oh no, I'm innocent, I just want to hang out. He wanted to be paid for his time. So I don't know how much cash I had on me because I started the night with 600. I got a motel room and then after like my coke, his crack and a few six packs of Coronas,

that's more than cut in half. Yeah. So whatever cash I had on me I just gave to him just for him and these two ladies to leave the room so me and the crack guy could hang out. I watch hockey. Right yeah. But aren't you gonna go gambling? Eventually yeah that was my plan but event at this point like once I got coke and meat that's all I wanted. Yeah resources are gone. Yeah., it's all about blow. And he took whatever money I had, they left the room, so me and this guy.

Did they leave happy? They were fine, they didn't cause me any problems. And I think just because I didn't fight them on being like. You just gave them cash. I was just like, no, no, no, no. And then the guy who I got the crack for was just like, no, this is what they expect. Yeah.

And I was just like, oh. So I just took out whatever I had and I gave them whatever cash was in my pocket. Dude, this is what they expect. Yeah. And I was just like, oh, so I just took out whatever I had and I gave them whatever cash was in my pocket. Dude, your clearance really was helping you out. I know, man. He really was. And it's like, he even helps me out later on in the night. It could have taken a much darker turn.

But eventually we plowed through whatever we had. Yeah. And I asked him if he can get me more Coke. He's like, I can't get that, but I can get more hard. So I was like, I don't know now. What's the milling over process of deciding to smoke crack? It wasn't too long because all right, this wasn't my first time ingesting crack. It's my first time smoking crack.

So you had snorted it. I had snorted it. I went to Denver for an Eagles game. Shout out to Denver, man. Wow. I said a five to eight. Wow, high city, 5-2-8-0. You did crack in Denver? Yeah, so I had gone to watch the Eagles play the Broncos in like, fuck, it was like maybe 2005. Fun, Donovan's still on the team.

You're going against Jake Plummer and Rod Smith. Great team, man. You're going against a fun Denver Broncos team. They were great, and they fucking- So are the Eagles. The Eagles had McNabb. You guys still had Westbrook and Dawkins both teams were fucking cooking yeah and the plan was it was like a three-day trip and the night before the game we were there was a brewery down by whatever the is it the Pepsi Center

where the Avalanche play yeah there's a brewery by there in the parking lot yeah yeah it's called Brooklyn I think it used to be called Brooklyn's, but yeah, there's a restaurant in the best center. Okay. Yeah. Well, my buddies used to bartend there. Oh, sick, man. Yeah. But we were hanging out there and uh, I did the, you know, excuse me for a minute. Everybody knew what I was doing. I was just like, fuck here we go. Going to do blow. Yeah. Well, I was going to find it. And there was either an avalanche game or a nuggets game going on.

So I wandered up to a guy Black eye. Yeah. Yeah Tough find in Colorado. I'm not gonna lie. He was out there As abundant as a place like Atlantic City. I Found the one though, but he was just out there selling tickets and I asked him for coke He's like and I don't I he's like I don't have coke I have hard so it's like for coke he's like and I don't I use like I don't have coke I have hard so it's like I'll take it so I bought however much he offered me and it wasn't like what he had he had to go meet a guy he took the money and like a certain point I think I'm gonna get ripped off he does come back though and

he hands me that's amazing putting faith in someone like that to come back with drugs as you go, delete all this. You have some decency in you that you left and you came back with the actual drugs. I think I have a certain whimsy about me and a certain innocence. I think you have an innocence. I think you have a positive light beam coming out of you.

Thank you. That they go like, I can't hurt this guy. Like even the innocence enough for the pimp and the hookers to go like, we'll get it. Just give me the money, we'll get out of you. Thank you. That they go like, I can't hurt this guy. Like even the innocence enough for the pimp and the hookers to go like, we'll get it. Just give me the money. We'll get out of here. Cause that could've, that could've, that guy's like, I could have missed out. I could have turned them a couple of times. They could have done whatever they wanted to me and there's nothing I could have done about it. Yeah. But they go, man, you love hockey.

You love hockey and cocaine. Give me that $300. I love your Kings. You love it. I love my king. That's what the hooker says. And I love my king. So I'm going to let you go. So the guy comes back with crack in Denver. Yeah. And I don't know.

I don't remember how much I bought, but. And it was Saturday night, the night before the game. Yeah. Leading into the game Sunday. So you guys are staying down there. Yep. Because Invesco is right across the highway from where the Pepsi Center is. Andy Ealage Gardens, shout out. Sorry mom, she got me a birthday pass and I never went. It was one of the biggest fights I've ever gotten. I still feel bad. My mom was like, I got you a season pass for Eulages and I was like, I can't get down there. So I was in Aurora.

My mom was like, so I just wasted that money and I was like, sorry. So you, the guy comes back with crack. Do you do it at the restaurant? No, so we went back to the hotel Some guys just want to look good without calling attention to themselves. Well, Mack wielding apparel gives you Understated good looks for understated confidence not flashy Just classic always in style and made from the world's most comfortable performance material. They give it like a secret weapon It's a great asset to have in your back pocket. It helps you get ahead in life. I just like bringing up secret weapons. Don't worry about it, dude. Well, Mack Weldon clothes are designed to fit your style and the demands of modern life. They look regular, right?

But they're really fancy. That's what you want. They're like modern comfort but look like me? I work down at the mill. They're the go-to choice for guys who want to look great without even trying. Breathable underwear that keeps you cool, dry, and comfy all day. Those are the Air Knit Underwear. And crazy comfortable but elevated sweatpants. The ACE collection. Get timeless looks with modern comfort with Mack Whilden. Go to MackWilden.com and get 25% off your first order of $125 or more with the promo code Dan. That's Mack M-A-C-K-W-E-L-D-O-N.com. MackWilden.com with promo code Dan. It's just the pain in the ass to smash up crack's not meant to be snorted

Sure, it's it's a whole fucking process Yeah so I waited till we got back to our hotel and I was staying with three guys two brothers and their dad and The dad and the one brother ended up going to bed and then as soon as they went to bed I knew my real degenerate friend Steve was like Steve. You're never gonna guess what I got Oh, so they didn't know that you went and scored that? They didn't know I had it like they assumed that's what I was going off to do. Yeah but so when you

came back you weren't like I got crack rock. No it wasn't that so it was only a Steve who knew and I told him I was like Steve you want to do this with me? So we went to the bathroom we just smashed it up and it took forever to smash it all up. Yeah. And- Cause it's cooked in the rock. It's a nightmare. And it's, we ended up snorting all of it all night

into the next morning and we got up, we went to tailgate for the game. That's so funny though. I'm sorry to interrupt. No. It's so funny to wake up in a hotel room and two of the people are doing crack all night where you just wake up and they go, hey sleepy, hey, you were fucking getting your REM cycle.

We lifted the bed 17 times. So the sun comes up, you've slept. No, and I don't even think I tried to go to sleep, but we were going to Tailgate, I forget what time the game was, but we went down to Tailgate pretty early sure that was part of the package that you buy to go on these trips yeah and I ran out and I had no money left so there's no chance I could even think about getting more did you immediately feel

the withdrawal when you were done it's when the Sun comes up it does something to you like when it makes you realize just how fucked your decisions were and then also you're typically running out around that time. You're draining. So it's like, oh my God, I'm running out. Not only that, but it's like, I can't sleep away the day. I came here to go see the fucking Eagles play.

The whole reason you're in Denver is to see them. And it was nuts, and we ended up going to Tailgate, and I'm just trying to fit in, just trying to have a couple beers to be normal, but it's, my brain is just crashing at this point. And we ended up going in and the Eagles get fucking smoked. It was like, I think the Broncos scored like seven touchdowns that game.

It was insane. Like there was a, one of their, I forget who their tight end was, but he made a one-handed catch in the end zone. Drain's Carswell? No, it was a white guy. Fuck, who was their, who's their tight end in 04? I think. five, oh five. Because that's the Jake Plummer Rod

Smith years. I remember because this is when I played fantasy football. So I'm trying to think who you're going who the Broncos tight end was. Niners I could answer that immediately. But Broncos. I swear I thought it was doing cars well thought it was house. But watching your football team get absolutely annihilated. Here it is. Yeah, October 30th, 2005, the Broncos offense exploded. Eagles at Broncos, 2005.

Here's all the stats. 49 to 21. Yeah, it was bad. I mean, yeah, you guys got routed in the first half. Which that should have been enough to like, get me off crack forever. Mike Anderson, I forgot, oh yeah. Kyle Johnson?

That's the only name I don't know. Steven Alexander, might have been it. Yeah, I mean you guys, Jake Plummer. Can we talk about Jake Plummer and Tatum Bell? Just absolutely fucking burning the birds. Wait, I got, now I I gotta I gotta see this. Yeah, I feel like Jake, I bought crack the night before tight end Stephen Alexander. I don't remember him. Sorry, Mr.

Alexander, we sort of open your card and call you crusty. So you're at the Broncos game. Can I ask you a question? Just as a as someone that grew up in Colorado, does the altitude affect the crack? Because it affects alcohol and weed. I didn't feel anything other than- Did you feel extra cracked out?

No, I felt utter devastation. So I don't know how that paired with the crack come down. And they lose. It was the worst possible scenario and I have no money. Oh. And it's like, even if I want a fucking hot dog, I gotta ask my friends for it. Oh man

Damn it. Yeah, dude. So the trip ends with the Eagles getting blown out you flying back to Philly Never never touching the stuff again. That was your attitude. That was my I mean I had nothing and it's like like I'm never going hard again Yeah, only soft. I will consistently stay soft the rest of my life Only soft I will consistently stay soft the rest of my life So you think that's it for crack? I do man and you weren't addicted because they always say the rate of addiction with crack like they say heroin is the worst But they say crack is like pretty close second. Here's what I didn't like about crack It is like the most intense feeling that I've ever felt but it was so intense That I didn't like it. Okay, whereas, you know, any other, any times where I've smoked it,

it was just like standing there in front of like a TV or in some weirdo's room and just not doing anything else other than just waiting for it to be passed again. And it's like, I get why people just need more, need more, need more. Yeah. But it was just too intense. Whereas with powder Coke, I felt like I can move around. I could talk. I could have, I feel like a God. Yeah. It's like, I'm the man. People with Coke, there is zero hesitation when they're on powdered Coke. They know what they're telling you.

They believe what they're telling you and they're going to tell it to you again. If you didn't hear them. Like that's how Coke, that's all. I've never liked it. That's why I never did it because I knew I would be obnoxious on it. It's brutal. But I mean, I, I don't know how you were, but like, I was, I thought I was the man, but. It's brutal, but I mean, I don't know how you were, but like, I thought I was the man, but afterward it's like, oh my God, I hope I never run into that person again. That's how I felt with alcohol.

All right. I would drink and I'd be like, no, I got opinions. And then the next day I'd be like, who the fuck are you? So that's why, that's the same reason I was always afraid to do coke. Cause I was like, if I'm that bad on fucking booze, imagine coke. The times I've done like Adderall and drank,

I was obnoxious. So I get it. So we fast forward to 2012. You're on Coke at this motel with Clarence, your angel, and he says he can get more crack. Do you think about Philly? Do you think about, I mean, do you think about the Broncos game at all? Or are you like?

I didn't, man. And you were just so fucked up. You're like, I just wanted more. But like, I'm running out of money and I ended up texting like every person on my phone asking them Venmo wasn't a thing. So I asked them like, yo, can you Western Unime 100 bucks? The only person that called me to find out what the fuck is going on is Tim Butterly.

One of the greatest human beings to ever walk the planet. If you don't know Tim Butterly, look him up. I mean, DadMeat, your guys' podcast, but Tim Butterly is a genuine person. He is, and he's my best friend for a lot of reasons, but like, that was one of them. That's a best friend move to go, what the fuck are you talking about?

A couple guys just sent the money to Western Unime when they're like, yo, I just sent it. So it's like I never used Western Union before. So how do I get it? And I think I went to like a 7-eleven or something and I had to fill out a paper to get it. They're like, yeah, I'll send it. No problem. But Tim was the only one who called me to say, like, what's going on? Why do you need like 100 bucks at whatever this time was?

And I was like, yeah, I'm just hanging down here. I'm partying and I could use a little bit of money. And he's like, if I had it, I would give it to you. And I believed him. He's like, but I do want to call and make sure you're okay. And I was like, I appreciate that, but I just really need money right now. He's like, dude, I'm sorry.

It's like, if you need a ride or something, let me know. I'll get you, but I don't have money. Still a good guy going like, I'm not going to give you drug money, but I can come pick you up if you need it. Yeah, and Yeah, we talk about it Pretty often because that was probably my lowest point really it was nuts because I mean I just partied all night And then I had a an iPod touch which at the time was like a big deal. That's a huge deal It's it was like it's an iPhone size of this Yeah, it's the iPhone without the phone and I just got it like a few days prior and I ran out of money eventually And I was like is there a pawn shop we could go to the guys again

No one and it's open all night. You just ring the bell the guy wakes up and he comes down and he praises your shit and When I asked how much I can get for it. He's like $20 I was like, oh my god, like I forget what I paid for it It was probably like 160 bucks or something insane for an iPod and then he started to walk away I was like, I don't know. I'll take the 20 bucks so I took the 20 bucks for that and then we wandered around and I had these these bright orange Nikes on and That prevented one crack dealer from selling us the the crack. He's like he's like I'm not doing that He's like why he's like, I'm not doing that. He's like, why? He's like, your man's making the block hot because you're my art bright orange

night, a white guy walking around with, with basically reflectors on loud enough for you. And they're like, I don't know. We have a little conduct here on the corner where we don't. So you hadn't done the crack yet? No, no, I had been tearing through it. Oh, you had? And I spent whatever money I had left and this guy. When you do it again, when you do it, just to go back a little bit, when you do it again the second time in Atlantic City,

when you smoke the crack, are you like, oh, I don't like this? Or are you like, fucking, here we go? I know I'm fucked, because like when I get home, I know I'm gonna, and deservedly so, I know I'm fucked because like when I get home, I know I'm going to, and deservedly so I know I'm going to hear it. And honestly be crazy if you didn't like, what's your deal? How was AC? He's like smoked a bunch of crack, smoked my sold my iPod touch. And she goes, okay, that's fucking, but that was my thinking dude. And I ended up just tearing through whatever we could get and then the night finally comes to an end and fortunately

My buddy Danny was playing poker down there, okay? and I knew he goes down there often so I just texted him said hey sir anything you can give me to get home because I didn't think I had I didn't either have gas or toll money. Oh shit, and he's like yeah Just come there wherever he was and I went and I got 20 bucks off of him. Quick question. When you show up, is your friend like, what the fuck? Are you showing up like, ah! You're on cracking shit?

Like he's just at the casino, he's like, hey Mike. And you're like, ah! I mean, I would fucking be like, dude, are you on crack right now? Yeah dude, the reveal has got to be like as intense as like senior bride But it's not the bride your friend our crack shoulder. You look so fucking crazy. It's kind of the good thing. And he's like, so funny. Please someone edit. Can we edit that? It's the crack head with a guy going that classic video.

So you go and he gives you toll money? He gave me, I forget how much, it was like 20 or 40 bucks, but enough to like get me home. And before I went home, there's a Kmart by our house. And I stopped there. RIP. Because I knew my two boys had sent me money. It might have been two or three,

had sent me Western Union money. So I went there, they had at the customer service desk, you could receive and send Western Union. Sure. So I went there, the lady helped me through the process and my thinking was I had to get this money before I went home because any other time I would go in a bender my wife would be furious in part because I blew all of our money yeah and so if you had some money when you came home what do you complain I've got $200 like what do you know? I barely did crack

Stop I had a couple pebbles of crack fucking really you sound like your mother Telling mom right now, so you're actually acting like you're so you go to Kmart see this is my problem with addiction Whenever I was in that situation where something good would happen, I would immediately go like, I just keep getting fucked up. Like, the day I moved out of Tucson, I woke up hungover, and instead of packing and being responsible, I just drank the Barton's vodka we had in our freezer, because I woke up with a hangover,

and then I packed, blacked out, drunk, and like called the radio station I used to work at on the way to the air. They brought Xs on my ticket. I showed up to the airport black out drunk, and they were like, hey Arthur, I don't think we can let you on the fucking plane. Because I had that moment where someone was like,

oh, here's something good. And I was like, the movie Flight with Denzel Washington does that perfectly. Where the refrigerator's banging and he sees it's all bottles. That feeling I've never identified with more than in that movie where I was like, this is where it, and you know as an addict,

you go, this is where it goes bad. So I'm surprised that you, it's smart that you took the money home. Yeah, I think part of it was that like, I had gotten so annoying with people and trying to get drugs constantly that most people had just decided not to fuck with me anymore at this point. And I ended up going home.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. And I'm convinced it was because I came home with some money. I mean, you kind of owe those guys that. No doubt. I mean, that Western Union, that money. They might have saved your marriage. Well, dude, one of them was my wife's cousin. That's really funny. He's a solid dude. That's a great. What a great bonding experience

Yeah, cuz now when you see my barbecues and shit, you're like, dude. Thank you Think you stopped her from leaving. Yeah, so you come back and is she just like cuz she Last time she saw you you felt like hot dogs Yeah, and it's I didn't even check to see if the hot dogs were in the fridge. That's so funny. Cause I hadn't eaten, so I probably couldn't. That is a way to start an argument,

where you go, you didn't even get the hot dogs? Yeah. And she was like, is there seriously no mustard? How long were you, you were there just the night? Yeah, I just went overnight. Okay. And then you come back, have the money. And is she just like, I mean, you just get screamed at.

I don't even remember getting screamed at. I think she just left me alone, because at this point, she had been through the wringer with this shit, because I'd gone to rehab in 2006 when she was like seven or eight months pregnant, and there were so many nights where I just like, whenever I get paid, I would just take off and just, that would be it, and just, we had nothing, man.

It's like, we got got evicted and it was fucking fucked up man yeah fuck man yeah that's fucking it was bad it's awesome that you've gotten though like this far dude I feel so lucky for a lot of different reasons but uh that's part of it is cuz like we were so fucking low yeah and to go from that but like at that point, like I was convinced that like, all right, this was so bad. Like I was smoking crack in Atlantic city. Yeah. And I was like, this has to be the end of this. And it was for like two weeks and I started working a part-time summer job.

It was like a UPS style job at like just some random shipping facility in Delco. And I hurt my back. All of a sudden, my leg was on fire one night and then it just got worse day by day. And I went to the doctor and I got an MRI and he's like, yeah, you ruptured two discs in your back. And I was like, well, I'm glad I know what's wrong. But, uh, I was like, I, you know, I kind of don't have a lot of money to fix this. I did have insurance,

but it wasn't great. And he's like, you're probably gonna have to surgery. And we were leaving for Disney in like, you know, a couple of weeks. Sure. And it's like, I had saved up every dollar I had to fucking plan for this Disney trip. Yeah. Which was a lot. And it's like, I shouldn't have gone to, I had a loan shark at the time too, which was fucking insane. And I ended up having to borrow money from him as well. This he's actually going to come on Dadmeet well. He's actually gonna come on Dad Meet soon, so look out for that episode.

Watch Dad Meet with the loan shark. Can I also say, that's who should be doing Draft King commercials. The loan sharks? Fuck Kevin Hart. It should be loan sharks, where they're like, I ain't doing, I'm Sal. You look like you wanna take the Jets for,

I don't wanna watch billionaires talking about how fun gambling is. I want a guy that like, that was gambling. Like back when you used to gamble, jets for I don't want to watch billionaires talk about how fun gambling is I want a guy that like that was gambling like back when you used to gamble you had a guy that was like yeah I'll loan you money but I'll break your fucking legs if you don't bring it to me yeah and it's like I got lucky though like this guy like I never felt threatened by this guy when I when I initially met him the guy that made the introduction wasn't there but he's like look don't be surprised if he puts a piece on the dashboard.

Cause that's his thing, he just, you know. Let you know he's got it. Right, yeah, he didn't do that. I gave him a copy of my first book, which I think he was very endeared by. And we had a great relationship, we're gonna meet for breakfast next week, so we still have a nice relationship.

I love that. Yeah. I love that. He's the sweetest fucking guy. I love that you're getting eggs with a guy that is known to put a piece on the dashboard to let you know Do you know by the way? That's just like his calling card? He goes you do you have that light emanating out of you that dangerous people go like him though

I can't hurt a guy so you're getting ready for Disney and you know, you can't have surgery I I want to get it just because I just I can only lay down at this point So the doctors like well, I'm gonna write this prescription and initially it was like 120 pills and I think they were like The initial one was for 10 milligram percocet and I was like, alright cool. I'd only had Vicodin before and they were great Yeah, I enjoyed them. It wasn't really my thing But I did it just cuz I like it fucked up. Sure. So once I started with pills and everything else is off the table I was like this is gonna be my thing and this is after you start taking them yeah immediately it's

like cuz I just want booze so bad and it's like I miss her sets are man it's heaven man hey they go through and you go like I'm itchy but not really yeah I mean percocets when I was 14 I broke my shoulder and they put me on like hard they put me on like I think 20 milligram percocets Yeah, kitty percocets are good too, and I was fucking loving it I stopped taking them for a while so I could build up so I knew I could get fucked up Yeah, shout out Ryan Huffman I used to go to his house and just sit on his deck and crush percocets and smoke amylites And that's a good dirtball name. And I was 14.

And I could see where football practice was from his porch and I'd just be fucked up on smoking camel lights being like, glad I don't got to run buff reminders. Be like, this is wild. And then I would go to practice. One time I took a percocet and I just like went to practice and I was like, football's cool, man. But then when I ran out, I was like 14. So I didn't have any options. I couldn't make it adult options to go get more.

I had to go through the process of getting- Dude, kid withdrawal, I couldn't imagine. Dude, it was like at school, just being like, I don't wanna fucking learn that. My shoulder's still healing where I'm like, I don't know, it sucked. It sucked. But I saw how great Percocets were in that moment. It's heaven. And especially like when you don't have an alternative, they're even better.

Yeah. Especially when you're, you're, you know, you're an addict, you're working on it. You know, you need to stop. And now you have a doctor go, these are okay. And that was it. And it's like more than anything. It's basically being like, your wife being like, you can cheat, and you're like, oh well, now I'm gonna be the biggest dirt bag in the world because I feel like I've been given the okay.

Yeah, and that's what it was, man. It's like when we ended up going to Disney, I ended up having the surgery, and four days later we went to Disney. Fuck, did you feel, I mean, going to Disney four days after surgery. Dude, I was fucked up. And right before I got on the plane,

I had to take a shit, because they bind you up. Yeah, it's an opiate. And it's so hard to take a shit. And I was trying to force one out, and I knew we were going to start boarding soon. And I ended up re-herniating my disc. Oh my god. I think you've told me this story.

Yeah, dude. You re-herniated because you were pushing so hard. I was pushing so hard, and I couldn't get this turd out. So I re-herniated my disc, and I hard. I was pushing so hard and I couldn't get this turd out so I re-herniated my disc and I got on the plane and it was like I'm trying not to scream and we land in Disney and I had it we got to the hotel and my wife called 911 because like I was so fucked up like I was screaming and it's like my poor kids were there and it's like and this is for them they're like the Disney and your dog we're going to Disney. You're like, dad is fucking losing it. But I mean, now when they hear about this, when they're older,

they're going to understand how much of a champion you were that you had back surgery and you're like, no, no, no, we're going to fucking Disney World. Yeah. And there wasn't an option just because we were so poor. And it's like every dollar that I could went to this fucking trip. Yeah. And we got there. so there was no travel insurance. It just would have been thousands of dollars down the drain. And I wanted us all to go there.

It was a massive achievement because I think we'd gone down like the Jersey Shore or something a year prior, so that was a big deal. But Disney was like the ultimate, saying like we made it. And we got to Disney and the paramedics came and I went to Celebration Hospital and they shot me over with Dilaudid, which was. Everyone in this room just made the same face

when I went, ooh. Oh, my, oh. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Talk about how spicy meat of all. You're gonna be, if they hit you with that, you go like, yeah, you can fucking dildo me in front of my kids. I don't give a shit.

But you never had my mother's dialogue. Hey, you never had the surreal sauce. Damn, so they hit you with that and you're just kind of like. Well dude, on top of that, I had a male nurse who was talking Disney with me. Because I was obsessed by Disney at this point. I had a, Disney had a, I think it was a book

written by Neil Gabler. It was this massive Disney bio. And I was just telling him all about it. I was like, yeah, you know, he was born or he was raised in Marcelino, Kansas. You know that he was in the same platoon as the guy that created McDonald's. And he's like, what the fuck? Yeah. Did you know Mickey's real name wasn't even Mickey? He's a handywreck. So when you show back up as your family family like, Oh, dad's all right.

No, because I had to. All right. So the hotel was very cool. They actually sent like a car to get me. Okay. Um, Uber wasn't around then. It was just, he had to get a taxi and I couldn't sit in a fucking taxi. So they were very cool about they, they knew the situation. They got a car there to pick me up. They got me back up to the room and my wife was just like, what the fuck, man? And I got back and the first thing I did, I was like, I really got to take a piss, but I can't get out of bed. I felt like I was just fucked as far as movement. So my wife got the ice bucket and I

laid on my side and I mean, got a great wife. I know she is the fucking best. You have a great wife. She really any other woman would be like, what the fly and fuck. And she goes, all right, well, side piss. She MacGyver's you a fucking bedpan. But then it's like the worst part was it's like, I don't have a lot of meat to work with to begin with.

And now I got fucking shriveled dick. So it's like a med weiner. Oh, dude, I get this thing over the lid. You have a mushroom cap coming out of your body. I could barely get this thing over the fucking lip of the ice bucket So I'm pissing in and I just like the weight of the situation just broke on me. I was like I can't do anything Dude that's so funny you're on that much pain pills pissing and your wife's holding the bucket you're going So your wife's holding the bucket and you're going, I don't know, I wanna do this.

So from that point on, how do you get up and go to the park? So we were there for five days, on the fifth day we were supposed to go home. By like the third day I was like, I don't know if I can do this. My wife had taken the kids to Epcot by herself. She sent me a picture of my son playing with Stitch and I was just like, oh my god, this is the worst.

Yeah. I can't do anything. And then I was like, I'm committed to like getting to a park and like I had two friends that I knew from helium. They arranged for a motorized scooter to be delivered to my room. Oh, that's awesome. And it was like, all right, I might be able to do this now. And as I'm gearing up and I still felt terrible because I still hadn't shit. And by like day four I was like I have to shit

and I got in the toilet, I couldn't go and I was like I'm going to get this shit out of me so I fucking put my hand as far up my ass as I could get it. Shut up. And I pulled the shit out. Hey, but you by the way, doesn't feel good. No, but it's like you gotta get it out.

I've done it. You gotta get it out. You grab it and when you pull it out You go like nothing Nothing, you don't get any of the joy of pooping because the whole point of pooping is it leaves your body you go When you pull it out, you're like kind of mad at yourself. You're like I have to do this. You know, I'm such a size queen, man So you had done so you get up there. I pulled it out and at that point I did feel better I was like, all right, I think I can do this. So we ended up we had one day at the Magic Kingdom and

I got a picture. It's probably my Mickey Mouse No, not that one. That was a different one. But like what they were picture this and you can go if you got it if you go to Look because it's Mickey Mouse looking at your wife's boobs It's just the most egregious shit that I've ever experienced and you're just standing there like looking at your wife's boobs. Just the most egregious shit that I've ever experienced. And you're just standing there like... But that year like we got a picture in front of the Magic Kingdom with me and the motorized scooter the kids surrounding it

my wife just like the most defeated look on her face. Yeah, she's like this has been the longest five days of my life. Yeah, but the next year that we went I was able-bodied I was committed to getting back there the next year. Good. And I was whacked on fucking painkillers which was was heaven being able-bodied on painkillers at Disney. So the perks thing lasted until so you get through this trip, but that's where the perk addiction started. That's where it really

kicks in. So where it really started to get bad was all right. So I would I used to work in a special education program for kids with behavior issues. Sure. And so I would have summers off. And summers were always a nightmare financially, because it's like, you got to find a summer job. And most summer jobs are paying like $12 an hour. Yeah. And I couldn't work at all the summer. I got denied for disability.

And I was like, fuck, what do I have to do to get this shit? And we had no money coming in. So I was like, all right, when I get my next script, which I think was like for August, I was like, I got to sell most of them. So then I would keep some for myself. I would sell some other ones. But then by the time like I ripped through what I already had, I was like, I have to get more. Yeah. So it's like, all right,

I got to figure out ways to like that can get these back. So eventually it was like this insane game of like keeping some for myself, selling the rest and having to spend more money than I would have spent if I had just kept the initial lot of perks. And that's where things really spiral it out of control. Yeah, you became the worst drug dealer of all time. Yeah, it's like, I think I'm getting over on my cell phone just like, yeah.

Most of the time with drug dealers, they're like, oh, well, I never have to pay for it. And you're like, I'm paying for it and also. Giving it away. I need to go get another day job. You can't even like be a drug dealer. You're like, I also have to go work at Target for the summer because I didn't fucking sell it. What was the moment where you quit? Where's the moment where you like, cause what's crazy. What I love about

on perks is this is, I mean, this is such a new age thing of you were Facebooking statuses because that was still when Facebook was huge on status where it would say would it say like Mike Rainey is is that how you would complete it it would it would say like I forget what the with the prompt was but then every fucking retarded thought I would have like there was one where I was watching a Packers game and I typed I love the way Eddie Lacey runs yeah it's awesome Jesus Christ I love Michael Bolton and I'm not even fucking around. It's like stuff like that. This book is so funny. It's like one of the best bathroom books of all time because you read it and you go like,

I've been that fucked up. Like when he just wrote like not difficult getting around at all the night, just wet drive with some balls. Like you're like trying to motivate people to drive through the rain. This month's Esquire is pretty awesome. A ton of great insights from creative people. I enjoy. I think that's like, I'm still embarrassed by this shit. Like no matter how many times I hear it. But what's great about it is I think that even shows you what I'm saying is that

light that people don't want to hurt you because you're like, you're, you're authentic and genuine in a way that people are like, like you were probably very authentic with that pimp and his hookers where he was like no my man just wants to watch the Stanley Cup and get fucked up like he wasn't like he didn't think you were like trying to go on over on him he's like yeah man give me whatever money you got I'll get the fuck out of here you know because you know they left and they're like what was up with that white boy and he's like I don't know something about him some about him that I like just a kindness to

his heart Wait looked at me. He didn't want to fuck either one of you nappy ass hoes There's like that is like that is wild that all these dangerous people are like, let him go It was like an active guy I feel like that way in so many different situations where like sure could have gone wrong because anybody that's like dealt with addiction It's like, you know, the drugs are one thing But putting yourself in these fucked up situations. Yeah is even worse like there's like with coke There's a place like I live in Delco and there's a notoriously bad area called Chester Yeah, and there's a loop you go to

Where as soon as the Sun would go down they would stand at the entrance to one of the alleyways You drive through the loop tell them what you want. they give it to you and then you just drive off and you get back on I-95. Efficiency, American efficiency. It was, but I made the mistake of going there before sundown. And again, it was just a random black guy walking past. But I think he knew the deal.

Where's the drive-through? Excuse me, I'm looking for the crack drive-through. You gotta go to the second window. He's like, okay, yeah, we're not doing a payment at the first window. So during the day you went? I went before sun went down. And nobody's around before the sun goes down.

So I went there, he just happened to be walking past. And I told him what I wanted. And he gave me a bag of something out of his pants. Like I think he was just a random homeless guy who knew that white people come through there looking for drugs. And there's a 7-Ele 11 close by that I drove to. I went into the bathroom, I dumped out what it was, whatever was in there. And it was nothing even close to Coke. Yeah. It was just like baby powder, something kind of gummy and just like how I felt for that.

Like, but again, I'm not going to argue with that in fucking Chester, which is insane. Yeah. So also in that moment, that guy, what a win for that guy. Okay, he's from heaven. Hey, I guess I can't believe it worked It's fucking worked. Have you bumped into anybody since because you've been clean. When did you get clean? I gave up fucking booze coke and everything painkillers I gave up I think Fucking booze coke and everything painkillers. I gave up I think Maybe March or April of 2015 and booze and coke I gave up in April of 2017

Okay, so you've been stone-sober for about seven years I was for six years and then I started microdose of mushrooms. Okay, and then you worried about that I'm not I've been doing it for two years now, and I haven't had any issues. And I don't know. I just feel like if I ever felt like any kind of hesitancy, I would just leave everything behind. But I'm a trained rec mentally too, so I feel like microdosing, the benefit of that has outweighed anything that I felt slipping back.

Have you recently, like in the past, like two or three years, ever ran into someone from that time? Like that they haven't seen you get sober, they don't know where you're at? Because like running into old drinking buddies for me, it's only happened a couple of times. But like people I have not seen, I quit 11 and a half years ago.

So there's people I haven't seen where I see them and they're like, oh, we're going to go do the thing. And you go, I don't do the thing anymore. I haven't done it for a while. The one, the first guy that comes to mind is a guy that was like a notorious perk partner. He's not partner. I love his name. He got far.

It's my PP. It's my right hand man. We smash pills. We smash and snort him. He's having a rough go. Like he, uh, mentally he's not doing well. Like Tim and I linked up with him and he was talking about how his Wi-Fi is being tapped into.

The FBI is watching him. He emailed them, they didn't believe him. So he went to FBI headquarters and said that he had something on him that could potentially get him in a lot of trouble just to have a face to talk to about his Wi-Fi being tapped into. How'd that go? Not too good. I mean he's... I don't think the FBI likes when you

fuck around with them like that. No, but it wasn't as bad. It's like they, I mean he's out walking around. It's funny they go, we actually are tapping your Wi-Fi. He goes, holy shit! No one's gonna believe you. I mean it's crazy you found that out. I just want to see something. So he's so he's like not yeah when people start slipping like that mentally. What's crazy is and they don't ever portray this or I haven't even seen it portrayed perfectly in TV or movies when you see someone that snapped and they tell you something that they truly believe it is they don't look loony they look normal. They're looking you right in the eye and saying,

you're not gonna believe this, but this is what's happening. And there's always like fucking journals and notes. I had a buddy that I met up with in Florida who had known forever. I used to work with him at a restaurant. I didn't know he was spiraling. I didn't know he was in a episode. And he's, we're like having dinner and he goes,

yeah, I tweeted about Joe Biden and another following me. And I was like, who? He was like Chinese government. And I was like, Oh, like you're like mid dinner and you go, Oh, fuck. My friend's crazy. Like you have this moment where you're like, ah, shit, shit. You're, and you put, you're like trying to keep the conversation down. We're like, that's crazy. And are they, it's SUVs? Or you're like, try not to be like,

you can't let them know that you see, like it's tough, it's very hard. There's a guy that, just a friend I know right now, who I'm not sure whether he, if this is really happening to him, or he's just really just spiraling downhill fast. So it's like, you know, having that as a frame of reference, the FBI guy, I'm leaning toward him just like spiraling

into like schizophrenia. Sure. Yeah, because as you get older, you see more and more people snap, especially during the, I think the pandemic made a lot of people snap. And that's like the, that's where like it's dangerous is no one's talking about that. I saw

I I personally knew four people that legitimately had psychological breaks Within 2020 to 2022 where you like watch it and you're like, oh fuck, but then i've watched them come back I've watched two of them that I know close Have came back in that are right, but there's that moment where you go like, oh fuck, you're not connected to reality. Yeah, was there ever anything before that, like your friend who had the Chinese followers, like was there ever anything where you're like, Oh, we used to party together.

We used to party together all the time. He was so fun. I mean, I saw him, I actually saw him not that long ago and he seems fine. I could tell cause he was like was mad he had to go to work and he was smoking a cigarette and I was like, oh you're back. When you hate going to work, crazy people don't go

hating to work because they're in an action movie. So they're like, it's gonna be nuts. This guy's like, yeah fuck yeah, I'm up here or whatever. And I was like, oh. And I kinda walked away being like, I'm glad you're back. Yeah, it's like well I figured out they were following me because they were trying to deliver my food. Yeah, turns out that order was Szechuan chicken and it wasn't the government.

It was just the golden dragon that I called the order into. But yeah, man, it's like getting sober like that. Your kids, how old are your kids now? My oldest is 21. My middle daughter, she'll be 18 tomorrow. Yeah, that's not, that's all. And my son will be 14 next month. Do they know about that Disneyland trip?

Or are they like? Yeah, so my two oldest, they were old enough to process what was going on. Everybody knew it was a fucking horror show, but my son was still young enough as to where, you throw some whimsy at him, and he'll forget about it for a few minutes. And the oldest wasn't like, dad's going nuts.

No, and it's like, I've talked to each of them since then. And they're all as cool as can be, because I know it was a fucking nightmare for them. And it's like, however hard it was for me, I know it was exponentially harder for them, just because there's no, I mean, what are they? It's your fucking dad. Yeah, but I also think that that really

helps you showing honesty and accountability. You're going like, I also think that that really helps you showing honesty and accountability. You're going like, I fucked all that up. And it's also probably got to be good. It has to be good for your wife to be like, thank you. Because I carried the load, and I'm kind of like, it's nice to see that be appreciated. Yeah, and they're all like, the reaction I got

from like kind of getting my shit together was as good as can be, because I know a lot of people like, you know, they lose everything and then that's when they get their shit together. That's rock bottom for a lot of people. They gotta lose everything. So it is incredibly insightful that you jumped on that before you lost your whole family or whatever,

and you could rebuild with them and be like, I fucked up or whatever. Yeah. But that's awesome. And I mean, when your wife read the book on perks, was she like, I remember this, I remember this. Yeah, and it's like, fortunately, like during that time, like there was maybe like the first year is when like

she was fighting me on shit. But as it got deeper and deeper into it, like we just grew apart. And then as we grew apart, I just got in the vinyl. I started collecting vinyl. And I was- Such a white dude thing to do.

You're just like, you know what I, have you ever heard beggars banquet on vinyl? And your wife's like, I'm losing ya. I'm losing them. But that's fucking, yeah. I mean, so you got, how big, how much into vinyl did you get pretty deep? I was going to a state sales and

My biggest score was getting like this incredible like grateful dead collection And I'm not a dead guy sure but I went there and it was clearly just a wealthy guy Who's wealthy mother and father had just died and he's just like look make me an offering It's yours and I lowballed him and he accepted it and I got like couple dozen records and at that point like I made money Cuz I was putting them on eBay and I was like you see you babe You stick around and everything's gonna be a Okay, I fuck it. That's wild dude. That's wild

But it's also like well I love how funny you are and like how great you are at telling these stories because it's like, I think for some people that have that addiction, sometimes like when I talk about it, I don't ever want to do it in like a pity party way because sometimes people going through it, the thing about addiction that's crazy is sometimes you don't know you're, you have it until someone tells a story and you go, I knew that and then you go, Oh fuck, I do that. Oh fuck, I do that. And then you go, oh fuck, I do that. Oh fuck, I do that. And then you're like, am I addicted?

And pulling yourself out of it. America doesn't make money, like they make money selling you addictions and you don't realize you're getting addictions. And then you're addicted. And then they kind of do a thing of like, all right, we'll fucking help you if you're addicted. But you're like, but you got me on all this shit.

It's very interesting. The thing I hate the most about the Sackler family and all that opiate with Purdue Pharma is Beth Macy wrote an incredible book called dope sick, which they turned into a show on Hulu. But if you read the book, it goes much further into the fact that the Sackler family, which are evil incarnate, if any of the Sacklers are watching this, fuck you forever. You fucking destroyed half this country. They created Purdue Pharma, they created OxyContin

and then pushed it. But what they did is once they realized they created a pandemic, they took money and they opened treatment facilities. So they're basically double fucking you. Because now they're making money off getting you clean, which you need, which is a problem they caused. So I hope they get butt fucked in court

for the rest of their life, and I hope all their kids lose their teeth. And yeah, fuck the Sackler family forever. I used to have a thing where I'd go find some of their relatives on Instagram when I was at airports, and just write mean things in the comments of their pictures where I'd be like, this is all blood money and you'll soon pay. Why is Dan Soder up in my shit?

I'm not doing a burner account dude. I'm letting you straight know how I feel about it. Because there was one lady from the Sackler family that tried opening a fashion line and the New York Times was like, this is dog shit fashion. And she's like, this is misogyny. You just don't like it because I'm a woman boss. And they're like, no, we don't like you because you're a sackler. And you've taken all this money from opioids. And then dude, I would go to her Instagram,

like legit once a week while I was taking a dump. And I would look, cause you would see her posts and they'd have like 27 likes, but then 364 comments and you'd be like, they're all from you. Oh dude, one of them would be at the top with that blue check. Did you ever hit the wrong Sackler?

Be like you fucking piece of shit. It's like, it's actually Sackler with a Z. Yeah, one time a guy, I found one guy and I was like, fuck you. And the guy was like, I'm not related. And I was like, ah! And I was like I'm not related and I was like I'm sorry man but this was back when I was this was like 2018 that I was like I got real because this is before they got punished this was before Purdue Pharma got like super blown up so I felt like I was like fuck that shit but there's I

probably sure you could probably go find some Instagram post where I'm writing some spicy shit when I was at an airport flying to fucking St. Louis helium, being like, you fucking bitch. I definitely want to read that book too, but like I kind of like checked out, like once I got away from Opie, it's like the only vitriol I really felt was like, um, toward like the doctor who was prescribing me. Yeah. Well they got, they got money for doing that. I do it and it's, you know, that's, it's like I essentially was ruining my family over this.

And there were never any questions asked. It's like all I had to do was call on a specific date and then they would call me when it's ready. Well dude, there was like guys that, I mean, you know, there's been doctors that have lost their licenses and shit, but there were a lot of people that were, they would go prescription shopping. They would have like six doctors and you know,

they were, a lot of doctors were incentivized. Like they would give them money to prescribe OxyContin to people to be like, no, we need to keep them like, Purdue Pharma is giving us money. If we write these prescriptions, they were doing this whole like thing on the pain scale, which I don't know a lot about. I'm not educated enough to talk about, but from what I've read, it just seems like it's bullshit. And they were just this whole thing on the pain scale, which I don't know a lot about. I'm not educated enough to talk about.

But from what I've read, it just seems like it's bullshit. And they were just kind of like, do you want to feel no pain? We got a pill for you. And they're also like, it's not addictive. That's where Purdue Pharma was evil. They're like, no, this isn't even addictive. They knew they were lying. And people like that, like you got fucking,

I mean, you got hooked on perks. But there's so many stories of people with stuff like Oxycontin that are just like heroin addicts now. And that was the progression. Yeah. And like I said, I got lucky for a lot of reasons, but when I hit rock bottom with those, it was just, I remember the weekend, it was like,

do you remember, what was that, was it Al Pacino that played Liberace? No, it was Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. With Matt Damon, behind the candelabra. Behind it was, it was Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. With Matt Damon, behind the candelabra. Behind the candelabra. Yeah. And I was down to like my last pills and like.

What a dark movie to watch on fucking pills. Oh, it was that and the movie Her, where what's his name is. That's rockin' stuff on the rigs. Yeah, where Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with AI, Scarlett Johansson. Someone did an edit when that movie came out of the trailer and instead of her, it's Bill Burr.

So it's Bill Burr in the trailer talking to Joaquin Phoenix and it's fucking hilarious. It's one of my favorite things because it's just Burr being like, ah, you fucking weirdo and it's Joaquin Phoenix being like, I think I love you. So you were watching Behind the Candelabra? It was like, that was like my last two. It was Behind a candelabra and her and I was down like my last pill and I was trying to wait for the perfect time and it was just like sweating like I feel like fucking shit and I took it out of my pocket like after I take took a piss and I dropped it behind the toilet and I was just like I'm putting this in my mouth and then like at some point like the realization set in that like alright

This is progressively getting more and more fucked up Yeah, and this is gonna get past the point where like you can't control it anymore And it's like I knew like dude when I was watching her I was thinking like I remember googling like is this technology real? I need this yeah, because I don't have my wife anymore. I want to talk to a robot Yeah, which is it's now it is. Oh my God. That's scary. It's now chat GBT would be like, what do you want? You want to talk about pills? Talk about it. I'm programmable baby. Um, I mean, check out the book on perks. Um, check out everything Mike Rainey does.

He fucking rules. Dad, me little stinkers is, was one of my favorite podcasts I did last year. It is, I I mean what a blast when I was in Philly stopping by and doing that Having you want to do that was a fucking dream for me John del colo and Jake material But part of it was like I had an excuse to order Sandusky's autobiography Which is wild which I was pissed about though, and I think I told you because it said it was autographed I got it off eBay But it was autographed by the person who previously owned it and they signed it to give it as a gift.

A forward, which by the way, Jim Norton told me recently about he was, he was doing this bit about Sandusky. And then I talked to him about it. Do you know Sandusky? They say that his penis doesn't work that like, no, there's like a thing that like his, he's sexually inactive, like he's not able to do that. So there is a theory that maybe he didn't rape all those kids. You think maybe he's just trying to get the kids to see if it worked. Yeah. He's like, come on, just try to get me hard. If this doesn't work, he's like, this is like spy.

This is like when I lost my smell and I was like, uh, just smelling nail polish remover. I was like, is this work? He's just like, Oh fuck a kid. If that doesn't work out, this is not even work. Um, yeah, dude, check out my granny, follow him on Instagram, buy the book on perks, buy the book Delco dirt bag out now. Um, dude, you're the man. Uh, thanks so much for coming to the city and doing the podcast. Nobody's better than you dog. You rule. I can't for everything. And what we do at the end of the episodes.