Soder - 58: Escaping Nebraska

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

December 27th, 2023. We fled the state at sunrise. This is our journey. Support the sponsors to support the show! Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code SODER at Mandopodcast.com/soder #mandopod It’s finally time to stop crushing your balls in uncomfortable jeans by going to theperfectjean.nyc Our listeners get 15% off your first order plus Free Shipping, Free Returns and Free Exchanges when you use code SODER15 at checkout. That’s 15% off for new customers at theperfectjean.nyc with promo code SODER15 After you purchase, they’ll ask you where you heard about them. PLEASE support our show and tell them we sent you. F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean Follow Katie Nolan https://www.instagram.com/natiekolan/?hl=en PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Dan is on the road all 2024! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour Dec 11 - Live REGZ Podcast in NYC Dec 12-14 Sacramento,CA Feb 25 - San Diego,CA March 1 - Los Angles,CA March 2 - San Francisco,CA Connect with me! Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by    @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en Animation by Cartuna Radio - Glenn Gracia https://www.instagram.com/cartunaradio/?hl=en

California 2025 the end of February San Diego February 28th Los Angeles March 1st in San Francisco March 2nd get tickets on sale now Dan Soder.com I will see you in 2025 and then other cities don't worry we're coming we're putting it all together but California you're up first on this theater tour. I'm very excited about this. Again, February 28th, I'll see you in San Diego. March 1st, Los Angeles and March 2nd, San Francisco. DanceHunter.com for tickets. Please buy them and I'll see you then. Goodbye. This is part two. We're back. We're driving.

Part two. We've escaped Nebraska. We got out. Honestly, I know the last episode where we were in the parking lot, I said we were anti-Nebraska. I am. We're full anti-Nebraska now. Yeah, go Buffs.

Doesn't mean, go Buffs. I got Katie on board with Colorado football. All the way on. By us having to sleep in the parking lot of a Motel 6. I got a lot of people mad at me on Twitter about it, and here's the thing What are they mad at? It's how I know the heat's real. I don't care They because they're like they closed the roads for your safety

I get you think I don't know that did a lot of people come back you know just a couple probably that I call a lot Yeah, yeah, I get that I do that all the time two people say it I go the whole world You can um it look it just, look. We'll clean that up in post. No, leave it. Sorry guys, that's a little podcast talk. Sorry guys, I don't mean to talk all biz with you. I just feel like the communication from Nebraska

sure could have been better. That's my whole idea. Yeah, they could have had a guy on a donkey with a fucking megaphone and it would have been better. Anybody could have told us anything. I downloaded your goddamn app. I downloaded Nebraska D-O-T app. Listen, if you're a Nebraskan, fast forward at 10 minutes because these are gonna be some hot. I gotta get this off my chest. It's gonna be a hot

10. We got to get this out or it's gonna turn cancerous. I... two red lights that are local. I didn't even learn that one till the morning. Apparently there's two red lights that are flashing by the entrance to the highway. So we didn't even... When they're off that means you can use it. I was checking dot. I was double refreshing dot I didn't meet my boy behind the gym. I didn't meet Jim until after the podcast right Jim is from I believe from Motel 6 Yeah, I believe that meeting I went into piss and to charge the steam deck By the way, it was a very long piss. I was scared play Yeah, I ended up leaving Katie in the parking lot of a hotel six Real good move dude. No, we were safe. What a protector would have gotten treats out of the guy

Before he took me he would have petted her a couple times before you raped and stabbed you But I went in to charge the steam deck by the way, I know it's from 2015 But the video game mad max fucking rules tweet at me if you like it But the video game Mad Max fucking rules. Tweet at me if you like it. Because I love it. You guys want to come to my birthday party? There's that Jim Gaffigan joke that he did on his Comedy Central presenter.

He's like, you ever watch a movie like a couple of years late? And then he's like, how good is Heat? And so he goes, came out in 98. He's like, I want to talk about it now. That's how I feel about Mad Max. It is so fun playing it on the steam deck, having a blast, run out of batteries,

going to Motel 6, meet Jim, sweet man, lives locally, I watched him tell a trucker, this guy, this trucker came to the lobby, this is about 11.30 at night, and he goes, hey man, I'm just gonna head that way and point it south. And he's like, I'm just gonna head that way. What south and he's like I'm just gonna head that way What's gonna happen if I go that way and Jim went you won't get out? He's like I'm telling you right now. I just drove here 30 minutes ago. The roads are not shoveled. They're not salted It's all icy and snowy and the guy was like, all right

So clearly Jim knew what the fuck he was talking about. I asked him about I Was like does this happen a lot and this is the crazy thing about Nebraska, Nebraska This is why you're getting heat because it happens a lot without even snow It's wind and I know it's precautionary and I know a lot of people don't know I don't think that you saying your your State is so effing empty that the wind can't be handled on the highways. By the way. It's a plus, it's not a plus. It's crazy, you put more stuff in your state so we can drive when the wind fucking blows. I have places to go. I will also say, Katie was right with her math. It is three cows per person.

Three and change. Three and change per person in Nebraska. Three cows and then a small cow. And again, we're only gonna say go buffs a couple times. Go buffs. But I also found out Wyoming, you're in this shit too. That's okay, we didn't go there, we're not going there. But Wyoming will close down I-80 if it's windy.

Cause they don't want people coming into Wyoming. It was just crazy because it was the second we got out of Colorado. There's a town called Julesburg. Yeah. That we took a picture of because my sister, my sister-in-law is named Julie. So we were, you know, hee hee, look at this cool sign.

It's your town. And we're fucking nerds, we get it. And then all of a sudden we were stuck there. Like we got off to pee and then could not go, and it was every single artery that you could possibly go, oh, well we won't take 80, we'll have to just cut down to, oh, that one's close to, we were in the midst of the shit all of a sudden, could it move?

Hotels were booked. No missed day. They know, it is good context. I mean, but it is a good recap. No, guys, you know what? Click Skip Intro. I should have let the Previously On handle that. Well, a couple things have happened.

We're both anti-Nebraska. That's right. And we're both... I get what Katie's saying with the wind turbines. We drove back. We are currently in Pennsylvania. Previously on, what happened with the wind turbines is I was skewed. She got scared of the wind turbines. Big turbines, little lady. Freaked her out. You know, she really freaked out. And I kind of get it. Cause we were driving through Illinois.

Outside of Chicago about an hour outside of Chicago. At night we were driving to her brothers. And there was just a line of red lights in the distance. Blinking. So they would turn off. And then they'd turn on. And someone said those are wind turbines. On the internet. He Googled So they would turn off and then they turn on. And someone said those are wind turbines. On the internet. He googled it. I googled it. It just is. And I

could be wrong. What it is is that if you look over there when they're not, when they're blinked off, when they're unblinked, they look, it looks like there's nothing there and then all of a sudden they blink and you're like whoa there's an army of things to my right. Yeah something's gonna attack attack us out of the yes The whole point of this follow-up podcast is just to say if you are a trucker in America, we love you We respect you. You're a badass. We respect you and it's living on the road like this is crazy Also To the guy that tweeted Katie they were right by a truck stop. They could have gotten a shower in a hot cup of coffee Oh you saw that. Oh you saw that. I'm not taking- To the guy that tweeted at Katie they were right by a truck stop. They could have gotten a shower in a hot

Excuse me, and I do you think I'm taking a shower at a Flying J in Nebraska at 1130 at night Do you think that's happening? I kind of wish you would have that together I wish you would wish you would have sud stuff and got all sexy the truck they make you pay extra to go in there together Oh, man, we could have been a pay less. Do you save? What's the opposite of the mile high club? We've been pretty high up altitude wise, but it's true now Yeah, the thing the whole thing and listen. I know the guy was saying like it's not that bad It wasn't that bad. It just sucks Well, we didn't think we didn't know we were sleeping there, but we thought we were We were grateful that we had all the things we have and that we're very lucky They're our car worked and we had and even what this is why I was frustrated because even what I tweeted was just like

Shout out to the motel six guys because I could see a world in which you know us living in New York I've met people who would go you can't use the bathroom unless you're staying here. Yeah, and they didn't do that They let us use their outlets. They let us use their bathrooms They weren't weird about it at all made us all feel very comfortable and I really appreciated that Yeah, that's what I tweeted and then somebody was like I you take that Twitter to bitch like is this bitching Yeah, we make sure we weren't those those those people that you follow on Twitter that bitch about airlines Because even when it's tempting it's like dude come on never worth it. Everyone's going through it on your plane You're not the only person going through it. We weren't the only person there stuck

But in the morning We barely slept. I'm the one I think I'm a little bit more asleep. Yeah. Not a lot. I'd say you got in my notes I wrote Dan drove a hundred hours on an hour and a half asleep. I got about an hour and a half two hours of sleep. But not all at once guys. Sleeping in your car we have found out the key is finding a position that sticks, grabbing as much sleep as you can, and then you have to find another position that sticks. So it's not going to be consistent. No. Going to be up, going to be down. But not hitting a

REM cycle in the car. We got in the car. I woke up at around 7 15 a.m. looked over, red lights were off, highway was open. The whole point of me telling you about Jim was that he taught me the red lights blinking next to the highway through the storm. That was how I knew the highway was closed. When those red lights were off, that was the indicator that the highway was open. Woke up at around 7.05, 7.15, looked over,

people were getting on the highway. I was like, let's go, go, go, go, go, go. We got so excited, drove a a couple hours went to McDonald's. Man our theory about McDonald's off the highway was wrong. Just that one. Just that one. We had a bad experience. Did you guys know when you order a sausage McMuffin. I think they did. It doesn't come with an egg. You have to say sausage egg and cheese or sausage egg McMuffin. You have to say the egg. Same thing with the McGriddles if you're listening to this and you're just gathering info. I want to...

If you say sausage, McGriddles, they're just gonna give you a sausage and two pancakes. I wanna save someone for doing what we had to do, which is... There might be cheese on it, but I don't think so. Paying twice for a sandwich. I think, you know, who's gonna eat a sausage? And then they were burnt.

Yeah, they were burnt like a motherfucker. I'm so sorry, and it just, they were burnt, and it wasn't great. It was a bad experience. Listen, took an L, took a mini. I'm so sorry. And it just, they were burnt. And it wasn't great. It was a bad experience. Listen, took an L, took a mini L, got back on. Right. And then we had a good laugh.

Big Jay called us while we were driving to Chicago. I'm sorry, I think we're gonna, I'm gonna pull us back a little. I feel like you're going really far away from when we were sleeping in the car. And I feel like that's because you don't want to talk about what happened when you tried to change your shoes. When you tried to change in your big boy boots. Was that? And you were sitting in the car at Motel 6. Two things about that.

Yeah. Did we not, was the podcast before that? We had not done that yet because I wrote it down. And I wouldn't have written it down. Did we talk about it on the last podcast? We absolutely didn't because I wrote it down. I wrote it down afterwards. Cause there's two things I want to talk about.

So water. I wrote it down after something I know we haven't talked about yet, which is that I'm doing all of this wrote it down afterwards. These are two things I want to talk about. So while we're- I wrote it down after something I know we haven't talked about yet, which is that I'm doing all of this off of nicotine. Yeah. So I know that anything under this we have not addressed. And yes, that is correct. I have decided to stop taking nicotine because I'm sick of being addicted to a tiny little

candy. I think it stinks and makes me look like a real loser. And so I've stopped and it's been a hell of a time. On this road trip, Katie has stopped taking Nicorette for the first time in six years? I mean, it could be longer than that. Who's to say? Possibly six plus?

Yeah, I don't know. That's, you know. I don't keep track. Because why? If you have something spicy, you make it hotter. Right. When going through hell, keep going. Turn the heat up.

Put on a jacket. A smart man said that. I think it was. I think so too. It was one of the presidents. Right. So... No, it was Winston Churchill. When you took your shoes off and put on your other shoes. So it was snowing. We had to go to the truck stop to get supplies. And by supplies I mean snacks. Which we will also get to. Yeah, that's what I want to talk about. Because that revelation was funny. So I put on So I go get my hiking boots out the back of the car, and I put them on.

I take my Nikes off. I put on my hiking boots. I put on my right shoe and my big dumb foot. I put my foot down. And then Katie goes, is your foot on the gas? Dan finishes putting on his shoes. I got it. Dan finishes putting on his shoes,

sits up because he'd been down there for a while. They're boots. He's lacing those up. He sits up and turns to me and says, so I'm thinking, like he's about to start telling It reaches down and is like, yeah, okay. It just falls his foot off the... I suck. No you don't suck. It was just so funny.

Obviously, very tall man. Not a lot of room. We are in a car. Yes, it's a RAV4, so it's a little bit bigger than a car. It's a big guy. A RAV4 is a rogue. That's what I meant. A rogue. Don't besmirch the Nissan name. I think the same class of car, just different companies?

Yeah, pretty much. Also, if you're a tall guy and you sleep in a car, don't forget, the wheel... They're special too. The wheel can go up. Don't let it knock your knees all night. Push it up. Take care of yourself. You deserve it.

Now, when Dan went to go get those snacks, he came back with a haul he got waters three waters one for each of us Myrtle included yeah he got Gatorades for us because you need a little bit of sustenance like that something sweet and tasty but not a SOTY and then he got some snacks so the snacks I got combos because we're white trash and it's the pizza in the pretzel cuz look that's... Gotta love it. The Lord's combo. And I was like, well that's great. And then, you know what, let me get something sweet.

So I got... Reese's pretzels. Reese's covered pretzels. Chocolate and Reese's dipped pretzels. Right. And then you probably thought, let me get something a little different. Savory, but a little different. So I got Doddy's honey mustard pretzel sticks. Pretzel sticks. I don't know if you're noticing a pattern yet.

Katie goes, she was drinking the water and she's like, did you get all? No, no. I said, what are, I said, it's crazy you got, cause I was working my way through the snacks. I was looking for a taste. So I was having a little bit of something and then I would go to the next one. By the time I got to the third one, or the second one, I was like, this is also a pretzel. This isn't satisfying it because I'm just having another cheesy-ish pretzel. So if you're ever high sleeping in your car and you go to the truck stop to get supplies, don't just get different delicious forms of pretzels. Which you didn't notice and you didn't do on purpose, but it was funny because I was like,

these pretzels are making me thirsty. It's very bad survival food to just load up on salty pretzels, but it's tasty Damn, is it a dottie's where did you come from? Where did you come from because Snyder's kind of had that game on lock and I'm pretty brand loyal So I still do my honey mustard a bad new bitch in town from Snyder's. I don't know dotty I think it's somebody's new wife, second marriage. I don't know her. Snyder I'm familiar with and he's always been good to me. You, when you took over.

He even tells me where he lives, Hanover. I know where to find him, should I need to complain? When we were driving to Chicago and you took over, I took down that bag of Dottie's in a good seven minutes. Walked through it. And I knew it was gonna happen because you kept going, you want any of these? And I knew that was your way of going, it's get in now or it's gone.

Sometimes I remember like really bad hangovers where I remember one hangover specifically where I drank a like a, just an ice cold can of Arizona green tea. And for that moment it was the greatest drink I've ever had in my life When you took over driving in Chicago, I had that cold glacier frost Gatorade and that bag of Dottie's Still thinking about it fondly So the reason I brought up Jay was

Because we love him. Big Jay called to talk about Trish's Craigslist moment. Oh my god. And that's when Katie, I forgot to talk about it on the first episode. And I know my mom's probably gonna listen to this, so Trish you know it's true. Hi Trish. You did this, not me. Katie was just getting ready to go to my cousin's house. We went to my cousin Andy's house on Christmas Eve. I think I was getting ready to go to my cousin's house before we went to my cousin Andy's house on

Christmas Eve. I think I was getting ready to go to Target. Or Katie's getting ready to go to Target and then my mom just hands her the dossier. She just hands her a stack of torn out yellow legal pad papers folded about four or five? I'd say five or six. Five or six sheets front and back though the she seemed to have a consistent system she would write their name it was always like a Robert a Dave a Steve all those types of names a Dale potentially and then she would write their age and then she would write like where they were from or like a fact about them. Fun fact there's always a fun fact. At first they had a couple each like it was like daughter Lori something something divorced blah blah blah and then by the

end it was just like David 68 golf. It just front and back. Turns out everyone from the previous episode where Katie was on and we talked about the Craigslist incident, my mom's body count. My mom actually showed the numbers. She has... She showed her work so she gets full credit. She gets full credit and showed it to Katie. And on the back of the last page she had the number that she told us and it was circled and I was like my goodness she really did the math. Yeah it's wild. Makes me wonder if she did that list while it was going or if she did that list recently trying to recount it. No Makes me wonder if she did that list while it was going or if she did that list recently trying to recount it.

No, I think it was had to be while it was going. Yeah, it was like a balance sheet. Yeah, exactly. It was her ledger. Yeah, it was her dick ledger. She was realizing it was bad, dude, I'm about to sneeze.

OK, check this out. Now, if you could know I'm driving that experience is like it's all on that sweatshirt, which a shame was so clean a second ago. Just think so. I'm wearing a hanky. We just got McDonald's in the car. And yeah, we got McDonald's.

So what, dude? So what? Judge yourself, okay? Oh, fuck you, man. We slept in this car. We've been through a lot. We got McDonald's. We're on our way home.

We're four hours away. Do you see your sneeze on the map? Oh no, that's just the map. Thank God. I'm so sorry. Sorry guys, we're pretty much Francis McDermott Nomad. What's it called? Nomadic? Nomadland.

Nomadland. Okay, he's done talking about whatever it was. I was sniffling snot back into my face. Do you think that was me being passive aggressive? You're he's done talking about whatever it was sniffling snot back into my face Okay, so Trish showed us the dossier we got the dossier that she had that I was pretty impressed Yeah, glad to see it. And I said, oh my god, I don't even want to touch this. This is like Smithsonian I shouldn't be allowed to have this Buddy, it's winter but you can still stink. I don't know. I don't have a sense have this. Buddy, it's winter, but you can still stink. I don't know. I don't have a sense of smell, but apparently you can still smell.

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After your purchase, they'll ask where you heard about him. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Don't go with this regular khakis. Go with the perfect gene. Okay, next. Remember when I thought the Wu-Tang Clan had a British accent? Oh man, so? This is after a night in the car.

I am on no sleep. These are me tossing out all my possible excuses knowing that what's about to happen ain't a good look for me. I was very, very tired. The music was on, not full blast. It was, and it was a song I'd never heard of before. Now, I am suburban and I'm the first to admit that.

So I know a lot, but not enough. I'm not gonna be able to hang in a deep Wu-Tang conversation. The song was Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothing to Fuck With. No it wasn't. No it wasn't because I know that song. Then it was, I hate to say this, it was either that or Protect Your Neck.

I think it might have been Protect Your Neck, which I also do know. But that's for some reason it just sounded like the person was being British. Here's how sweet Katie is. I don't know why? Katie was raised on radio edit music. Oh no, he found this out this road trip. People who have listened to my podcast know this. So on a road trip, she has been wrapping the radio edits.

The radio edits. Confidently. It wasn't. Cause I know them. Hey, hey, hey, I know them Smoke walk your mom to work It was just smoke every day Vegetables every day Don't forget your keys every day It was also there was a jay some Jay-Z song that this happened to us during the week as well.

I'll tell you what it was. It was Jigga-what. It was not Jigga-what, Jigga-who. It was not. Was it Change Clothes? I don't know. I wanted to die. It's really funny. You don't realize how fucking ridiculous. You think TV edits are bad. These radio edits on rap songs are. Man, those guys, when those rappers have to go in there and read and dub it, I had to do it a little bit

for billions, but it was silly. But when it's your song. And that's why I respect people like DMX, who don't put the exact amount of syllables and just replace it with a word that's okay. Like when he says, fuck it dog, I'm hungry, I was raised on whatever dog, I'm hungry. And now to me, that fits better in that space than fuck it.

Fuck it is too short of a. Who's gonna say whatever dog I'm hungry? Me, and I have, my whole life. Fuck a dog I'm hungry. Whatever dog. We also learned Myrtle, big DMX fan. Huge, and that's I mean, kinda hacky. It's dark and hell's hot came on

and there was a active response from our dog. As we drove, was this when we drove through Barksville or whatever? That was just now. Barky town? We were in Barksville, Ohio. Or Pennsylvania? I don't know. Who the fuck knows?

I haven't known what state we're in or what time it is. It's dark and we're almost home. Kind of. I mean we're four hours from home so that wouldn't have been, before this trip I would not have called that almost home. Um, but I guess yeah, we're four hours from home, so that wouldn't have been, before this trip, I would not have called that almost home. But I guess, yeah, we're close. New York has started showing up on some of the signs. That's big. Getting a big pop from us. When you do a cross-country road trip,

you really miss home around, you miss it three times. After the first stop, after the second stop, and in the final stretch Like you really miss I'm just excited to go home that made no sense Of course it did of course it did I was sometimes I fucking vomit out of my face Hey, sorry hey guys Katie. Can I have this for a second? Yeah? Hey guys welcome over to self-hate corner It's time for the self-hating part of the podcast where I just way on myself It's time for the self-hating part of the podcast where I just pwn myself in the dick repeatedly.

Are you ready for me to just fucking wail on myself? You ever hear a man put a cigarette out in his own eye? So I fucking deserve it. This reminds me, I had to apologize to you. I wanted to formally and publicly apologize to you on the podcast that we recorded before where for some reason it felt necessary for me to blame you saying you were the reason, you were the person who said that it would be okay for us to drive. I shouldn't have done that. In that moment, it was more important for us to be a team.

Where I said it was okay for us to drive? You said we decided it was safe enough for us to drive, even though we got the warnings of like, careful, brother's gonna be bad tomorrow, and I said, you decided. And you said, oh, why'd you do that? You were right, why did I do that? I shouldn't have done that thanks I appreciate that you and that shows growth yeah and you're quitting nicotine right now and you apologize it sucks it really like I've gone through the wanting a cigarette and not being able to have a cigarette it feels so much lamer to want a tiny

little mint yeah not be allowed to have a tiny little mint. That shit's lame. Oh my god. But I felt, you and I both talked about that. That's how I feel about vaping. Vaping is like standard now and it's weird to me. It's like, well you've vaped to quit cigarettes. Yeah. Anybody who started vaping, and I know a couple of you. I think there's an old generation that have.

We're old. No, like. There's people in our generation. That's the one I'm more embarrassed for. My generation maybe I guess. I don't know. are we in the same? Are you a millennial technically? Yeah, but I'm an older, I'm an old millennial.

Yeah, you all like to say that because you think it's annoying to be a millennial. Yeah, we're gray millennials. Sure, you're the cool ones. Yeah, you guys don't get it. I know millennials who never smoked and then started vaping. And boy am I judging you. Crazy. Cause you missed the fucking coolest shit. You found the dorkiest way to get addicted.

Starting on mints would have been insane. I'd be embarrassed to admit it. This is like I've been trying to quit cigarettes for a really long time. I don't miss. So long I got addicted to something else. I don't miss drinking. Well, I don't miss drinking all the time.

I miss smoking all the time. The thing about nicotine though is you don't feel the negative effects. I don't miss drinking all the time. I miss smoking all the time. The thing about nicotine though is you don't feel the negative effects. I just reached a point where I was like, there's no way this is just fine. Or everybody would always take these. They would put nicotine in regular gum. They don't do that and they check your ID so there must not be a good, it must be bad. That's what those Zin pouches are. They're just getting people hooked on. I understand if you do Zen because you used to dip like Shane or Nate. Like they both dipped.

Like consist like. Of course they did. When I knew them they both dipped heavy. Like had spittoons in their cars. Spittoons? It was like, you know, like a Mountain Dew. Yeah, let's not call that a spittoon. Maybe we have a Dye Mountain Dew.

But. That's disgusting. Anyways, man, it's fucking. At least he used a soda that could not be confused for soda Yeah, oh like a mug root beer. Oh, that's rough Oh, have you ever tried dipping? I know you're a lady No, I haven't because once I heard it was fiberglass for some reason that was it for me I heard it was that was only in Kodiak, but oh really

I just whatever taught me did it right because I was not interested. My junior year during football, I was smoking, but I quit in the summer. And I was like, oh, I'll quit smoking for football. But then a lot of guys on the team dipped. So I was like, let me get that nicotine. So I started dipping. Oh, cool. You probably looked cool doing it, but no.

I hated it. Here's a story about how big of an asshole dipping made me look like. Scroll was my junior year. Scroll Meredith who was a senior was having a house party. I was sitting in her living room on her white couch on white carpet and I pulled out a can of dip. No like that. Oh no! Like that and it opened and flew everywhere. Oh Danny. I'm talking about everywhere. It flew everywhere. And you know me, immediately spastic about going to clean it up. I run to the closet, grab a vacuum cleaner, plug it in, start trying to vacuum the wet

dip off the floor. It just smells like wet, burnt tobacco. Oh my god, Dan. Yeah. How did nobody stop you between the closet and the- They did, they stopped me when I started vacuuming. Oh my god, a vacuum? Yeah.

Just grab a paper towel. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, well that's sorry, Madeline. It was Meredith. Meredith. She went to U of A.

Oh, shout out. Shout out Wildcats. Did they win? They won that game. Yeah. Their bowl game. They beat Oklahoma. That's right.

I'm into college football. I don't know if you heard. Never miss a snap. No other way to hate Nebraska because they aren't interesting enough to have pro sports. And that's the last anti-Nebraska stuff we will say. And that's all we'll say. But it is great to get her on board for next season see you Nebraska game go buffs go buffs Overall we just wanted to check in with you guys. Yeah, we see how you guys were doing

How are you guys you guys were doing? Okay? It's just a bonus episode, so we've done enough. Yeah, okay fine You're done with me. Oh, do you have any more notes? No, I mean I have a couple but they might be too long to give any hits Do you have anything that need to be talked about well? So here's this could be cut out if not, but I'm gonna pitch it to you Dan saw the ref for the first time Unfortunately since having seen the ref we got another unhinged Kevin Spacey video like he likes to put out at Christmas It's tough to like a movie. That's old For the first time and not be able to tell anybody about it because you can't.

Because the guy who's in it is kind of a humongous creepy dick bag. Have you ever seen naked gun? Yes. OK. Because O.J. is good in that. Yeah. That's a tough sentence. I know. It's tough to say.

But he. But he is. He's good in naked gun. Right. And bad in general. Yeah. Bad if. You know. Bad in general. If you're a waiter general. Yeah. Bad if, you know. Bad in general. If you're a waiter dropping off sunglasses, then he's real bad.

But naked gun, real good. The ref. Kevin Spacey. Real good. Great. Great. The ref is- No. I hate that you just said Kevin Spacey great. I don't think we should say that. I don't think you should. That's not what you mean. His performance in the movie.

No. I mean it was fine. His performance in the movie was fine. He's actions with young men These are the things I approve of great, but isn't it nuts I didn't watch it and my idea was that we could watch it here But I don't think it's worth it since you are driving But isn't it crazy. He just keeps putting these videos out. We're like he thinks he's house of cards. I Think it's honestly kind of awesome. Stop doing what? Because it's like living, it's like Ric Flair.

He's like living the role. Like I'm trying to think who else I'd want to see just come out in character that's completely fallen off. Like Robert Blake just is Beretta the whole time. That's an old reference. Yeah, I have no idea what that meant. I gave it a laugh though. You did.

Out of respect and love. Yeah, it's like a way of pleading insanity without being, you know? Yeah, that is. He's just like, I'm my character. And you're like, well, be a character from a movie where you were cool. Yeah. Can you be? Was there a movie where he was the cool guy?

I guess the American Beauty? Creepy. Creepy? He was creepy. Yeah, he wanted to fuck a high school I didn't move in best picture to I don't know usual suspects Oh wait, he's got the I mean these guys are so sick. That's well I mean hope you've seen it. Yeah, it's 40 years hope you guys have seen it spoiler alert a 40 year old spoiler. Oh Hey, Bruce Willis is dead in six days Sense. Excuse me, let's not do this.

Shocking. Let's not do this. I don't think we need to do this. Mulan's a lady. Dan, I'm gonna walk out. It's like that Adam Sandler sketch on. Oh man, it smells like an old man's balls. Ew.

Yeah, that movie was good. It's a good Christmas movie. The Ref is a great Christmas movie. Yeah, and none of the others. Yes to it and no to the rest. These others were two codcats. Tyler Town and Phillipsburg. Those are made up towns. You guys are making up places in Pennsylvania.

You're putting made up places between us and our bed, which is all we're trying to get back to. Oh, you didn't go to Steve, Steve-O-Tropolis? Make sure you stop by Steve-O-Tropolis. There was, what was the place that was called like Wolfcock? Oh my God, it was a road. It was a road and it was called Fang, Fang. Fang blood. Fang fucker, Fang.

It was like Fang suck, no it wasn't blood. It was like a Vice word and a sex word smash the like button in the comment section if you're from that awkward sucker It might have been fangs. It's from it's in Ohio. I know that it is you sure I don't know the motor we wanted to go to did we talk about this at all the motor home? Do you guys know the RV Hall of Fame? There's an RV Hall of Fame, and what it is is like they, it's actually kind of a cool concept,

and we were gonna swing by until we decided we were doing the drive to New York in just one chunk. We were not splitting this up into two, we wanna be home. Yeah, if we were gonna do it, if we were gonna do the drive back to New York in two chunks, we would've stopped. We would've stopped.

And what it is is it's- But we're doing 12 hours straight. They just have mobile homes from throughout history just set up inside this big museum and then you can like go inside them and see like oh this is what it was like to live in a mobile home or an RV. This is what it was like to be white trash in the early 70s. Yeah you get to be white trash through the years. Or in the mid 90s. Right. And I thought that would have been a pretty cool experience but they said no dogs. Well the dogs can come in but they can't go into the actual motor. Which I get. And I get that too but that would have been a pretty cool experience, but they said no dogs. Well, the dogs can come in, but they can't go into the actual motor.

And I get that too, but that would have been the photo op. That's what you wanted. It was a picture of Myrtle sitting at a table with a 70s print behind her head. I really wanted to go just so I could pick up some lingo from the RV community. You thought it was gonna be bustling?

You thought there was gonna be just a ton of people who have RVs at the museum? I don't, but I think there's gonna be a guy there that really wants to talk about RVs. Closed on Wednesdays, if you're planning. Just keep that in mind. Heads up! Closed in the middle of the week. Heads up! Plan around that.

Drive it through on Wednesday. Sundays I think they are open. Can we talk about the waterpark that's at the Ramada? I met- Thank you so much for bringing that up! The Indoor Waterpark? Thank you so much for bringing that up! Where is that? Um, I have it. I saved it in a tab, cause I said, we're gonna come back to this. This place? Thank you so much for bringing that up. Thank you so much for bringing that up. Where is that?

I have it. I saved it in a tab because I said, we're going to come back to this. This place. So we've been just looking at, first off, there's a hotel chain out there by Wyndham. We think Wyndham might be the devil. There is a hotel chain by Wyndham, which now owns Ramada.

But it has a hotel chain called American. American Inn. Yeah but that's it. But it's supposed to be American. The hours on that RV Hall of Fame Monday through Saturday, they write this very stupid, Monday through Saturday is 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Eastern closed on Wednesday so that kind of voids the thing I just said and it's Sunday 10 a.m. 3 p.m. so most of the time it's gonna be 10 to 4. Just try to go mid-afternoon close Thanksgiving Christmas and New Year's or you know go late morning early afternoon and this is in this is in Elkhart Indiana there you go so if you're nearby swing by that's

adults are gonna get in 20 bucks seniors 15 honestly count children 12 if you're a group 14 or more that's 15 ahead. And learn some lingo. Families can get in for 45. Get out there, start talking. We wish we could have stopped. Start talking like you really travel around in one of these things. Now back to the Ramada. An hour later had her ass up in the Ramada.

The Ramada has a... So Katie looked at that and it said indoor waterpark, and they had like a picture on the highway where you're like, there's no way it's that elaborate of a waterpark in a fucking Ramada, which the reason this conversation got started was, I was like, Ramada's used to have, they used to throw heat in the 90s,

and I feel like they've completely fallen off. And then she's like, look at this one, it's got a giant waterpark. Were we on 35? Were we ever on 35? I think so. Because I lost this tab I can't believe it's gone but I just looked up Romada water park and it's at Des Moines. Romada by Wyndham Des Moines. Yes. Yes. Yes. That is it Des Moines, Iowa. So. You're up. We. By the way, Iowa you look completely different than Nebraska and I say that as a compliment Yeah, immediately crossing the state lines crossing that river and you get over and you're like this is different. We're out

Sorry, I know I said that we were done being anti-Nebraska if you're from Nebraska. You just go sorry if you're from Nebraska Sorry, get out left hand you get it shout out to you still there I'm sorry. Yeah. I don't I don't want anything against you. Right. Per se.

Keep count. Keep stretching. I'm trying to pull up this these reviews of this Ramada. Beaver Falls. Yeah. All right. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. This is so much harder than I

wanted it to be. Well the water park when I saw how big the water park was, the first thing I said to Katie was, you have that big of a water park, you have to be on that motherfucker to make sure the maintenance is alright. And let me tell you, they are not. So, Katie looked up the reviews, across the board one star reviews. Across the board. Constant one star. Whatever I'm looking at now has a lot of three and five which feels like that feels like I whatever that's that's that's a part farm. This is a real Johnny Depp situation.

Yeah. You got what you got with those Ramada. I think he was on Google. I think it was I was on Google Maps because it was near me. So it was easier to find. And now it's searching on Google Maps. You're kidding! Because it was near me, so it was easier to find. And now it's going on a bunch of... I just did that. Damn, are we about to have a fight? Are we about to fight? Are we about to have a fight?

Are we about to have fisticuffs? Because we're not near it, it's a lot harder to find. Got it. Shout out Richard R. Whitehead and his memorial bridge. I'm just stretching. Why are you eye rolling me? I didn't eye roll. you can't see my eyes. It's night, I sighed.

You sighed. I found it. A sigh usually goes with an eye roll. Yeah, well it did at that time. Don't you feel foolish? Oh man. Okay, here we go. Yeah.

Um, reviews. Ooh, a picture of a cockroach, I didn't see that before. Damn. Do not stay here. When returning to my room after a concert, the room key did not work. Multiple trips were taken to the front desk. I was given different keys to try, with no success. I don't know. Keep in mind, my room was on the second floor on the opposite end of the hotel. Finally, I requested the desk clerk to try it.

After her failed attempt, she explained that it happens quite often This is the hotel manager gone, honestly, we can't even get the room We've got a body one time We didn't even know they're going to smell the pool that actually covers up one of the reviews that Katie read when we drove through There was like everything smells like pool Everything feels like a pool. And you're like. They also said because you're at a hotel

that has a water park in it, you're in a hotel that has children running up and down the hallways at all hours of the night and their parents yelling after them at all hours of the night. I would rather stay in a haunted hotel. It is a place that I. I would rather stay where someone was brutally murdered. It was a place where I could see it having huge value

for a traveling team that's in town for like a nationals or a states. And it's like, oh, it's the volleyball championship weekend. And everybody comes in. That hotel's filling up first. Do you know there's an under 12 invitational soccer tournament? It's like, well, book up the Ramada.

Yeah, because also connected to it, they have like a pizza place that apparently has bomb ass pizza. So it's like specifically made for Kid Heaven. But there are people who are like, I was traveling through Des Moines for work. And like, what were you thinking? Did you not Google that it had a water park in it?

I mean, that's nuts. Imagine not knowing and just showing up. Yeah, I don't know. I got to go meet with the client. He lives in Des Moines. Put me in a Ramada. I got Ramada points. Just pick the closest Ramada.

I don't know, something with a slide. Did I have a big inflated dino? I could love a big inflated dino. I want a tasty square pizza and a water slide. I was molested, so my brain is stuck at seven. Would not recommend this hotel for staying in. Rooms were small, moldy, dirty, rusty. We will never stay here again.

Sorry, guys. And I feel like families should know what they're getting into. Katie's just doing our dirty talk right now. Moldy, dirty, rusty. Oh, I'm gonna lose it. I'm losing it in my pants. Yuck, also, this lady goes yuck

after her whole big spiel. Yuck. Also, the staff was not the friendliest. Oh! So if you are a small business owner and you wanna make money and you live in Iowa, go buy this hotel. Yeah dude, they have a full pirate ship.

There's a full pirate ship inside and that could be cool. Go refurbish this bitch. Yeah, dude. They have a full pirate ship. There's a full pirate ship inside and that's cool Refurbish this bitch and also manage it properly. The reason I say this is one of the Google reviews that Katie give me What's up? Shut up pinky doll. Shut up. You're gonna be I can't do you. Yes. You you do. Yes. Yes. Yes One of the reviews said, this is the only indoor water park in Des Moines. So go snatch it up. Yeah.

Go be the water park. I mean, you sound surprised by that. You think that there would be more? It's, yeah. I honestly- I think it's the only indoor water park in a- In Iowa? In a pretty wide range of,

how many indoor water parks you go into? There should be more. I grew up going to one in Denver. You don't have one of them you're driving and podcasting celebrity one okay so can you not wardrobe change you know how I podcast you know I warm up and you know I do several funny if people hear us die cut several costs we did listen to Stan today which I haven't heard that song in a million years yeah remember at the end when Eminem realizes that it was actually Stan? Mind-blowing.

At the end when Eminem is writing a letter back to Stan and going, hey sorry dude I got busy. Like yeah sure Eminem you do answer every fan I bet. Hey I was just reading. He seems like the kind of guy who would see the PS that says we should be together and go, let me get back to this guy. I gotta sit down and put pen to paper and reach out also when he's like I only say that shit. I'm only clowning bro. How fucked up is you and you're like, well

Oh, well you say it in songs and this man's telling you that it made him want to do it and you're mad at him You should maybe maybe we turn some of this inward Wow. Hey Marshall Listen to a little man in the mirror and do some inner work. Single tear down Eminem's face. He goes, my name is, my name is, my name is, I'm sorry. Will the real Slim Shady finally stand up? Eminem breakthrough in therapy.

I was gonna do the Jordan Peterson. I was gonna say this, before we let everyone go, can we let them in on a new impression you've been working on? I've been doing a lot of, I've been doing Jordan Peterson talking to Pete Davidson. But the Pete Davidson half isn't as good as the Jordan Peterson. Sure.

The Jordan Peterson is on point. And I also would like to say, I don't want any of those weirdos coming at us. I don't care. I don't want to hear from them. If you like him, that's cool. Don't fucking ask him and be like, oh, this person's just no, no, I'm not saying I like you if you like him.

That's not what I'm saying. I don't have friends who like him. But I do. That's crazy. That's wild. But there are the way he does interviews, we're making fun of him. It's do. That's crazy. That's wild. But there are, the way he does interviews, we're making fun of him. It's like he's an android, like he doesn't understand stuff. So if he was interviewing Eminem and he'd be like, so you rhyme the words together.

That's hard. That's a hard thing to do, to make them rhyme. And your mother, she caused a lot of damage. And that's hard for a man to have a mother that took pills whose palms are hairier than you are and That Kim bitch Yeah, and we're good and that was the Jordan Peterson so look for that in future episodes Sprayin that on all Dates oh yeah come to both. I'm sorry. I was just flavor flaving you in the background. Yeah, dude way to hype me up Check that out. Check me spraying that on all sorts of podcasts. Do you want to do your dates? Do you want to say some dates? Oh, yeah. Come to both.

I'm sorry. I was just flavor-flav-ing you in the background. Yeah, dude. Way to hype me up. Hell, yeah. Yeah, Wilbur Theater in Boston, danceholder.com. Also, Cleveland Hilarities, which I love that club. So I will be there.

Thank you guys for listening to these bonus episodes. This has just been our road trip. And so we felt like a Thanks for giving us something to do. Yeah, just gave us something to do on our trip. Oh, my dates? I'll be sitting on my ass for most of the year, I think. Check me out. When does?

January 9th. But I think this is gonna come out after that. January 23rd. January 23rd. Happy birthday, Kevin. Happy birthday, Kevin. And Myrtle. And Myrtle. Happy birthday, Kevin. Um... Watch Katie on Celebrity Jeopardy Finals, January 23rd. She's my Gloria from White Man Can't Jump.

I can't say it enough, how proud I am of you. You're sweet. You kicked ass. Thank you very much. I know we both make fun of the fact that it's Celebrity Jeopardy, but you still got the timing of the buzzer on, and that's half the battle.

And as G.I. Joe told on and that's half the battle and as GI Joe told us Buzzing is half the battle Hey, we'll probably do another one of these road trip ones eventually so hope you enjoyed it If not sooner a year like and subscribe like and subscribe on all platforms leave a review You know, um, if you even if you just want to give it one star on Apple podcast, fuck you. No Oh, I thought you want to give it one star on Apple podcast fuck you no Oh, I thought you want to give it one star in Apple podcast just click the one star That's all the way to the right and that will count as one star I know it's a little confusing, but if you click the one all the way to the right that counts as one star

Thank you. I thought you were trying to sabotage this I know and that would do you think of me? Why would I do that? Why would you do that King? Did you know you're worried Myrtle loves Katie more now? You gotta make your bed in the morning. Make your bed! Or- You gotta walk Myrtle! I love you guys. What?

I love you- I love everybody. I love you the most. Oh, thank- I love you guys too then. Yeah. I'm kissing you guys. Fuck you! I'm kissing you guys on your neck. No, guys. I'm kissing you on the other side of your neck.

I'm going, what? No, you're not. Whatever. I was your first. Fuck you, get out of here, strumpet. Fucking Aussie. Thanks HP. Thanks HP, bye. I don't know where the stop is so I have to turn away. Thank you, stop. you