Soder - 59: Luigi in Vermont with Carmen Lagala | Soder Podcast | EP 57

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

Soder and Carmen get sucked down the Luigi Mangione rabbit hole. Support the Sponsors to Support THE SHOW! Save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35-off Aura’s best-selling Carver Mat frames by using promo code SODER at checkout. That’s AuraFrames.com promo code SODER This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays! Terms and conditions apply. Dan is on the road all 2024! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour Dec 11 - NYC - The Regz DEC 12 - 14 Sacramento,CA Feb 28 - San Diego, CA March 1 - Los Angeles, CA March 2 - San Francisco, CA Follow Carmen Lagala and watch her new special Sweet Batch https://www.instagram.com/carmstagrams/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gu4LUMAh3s PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with DAN Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by    @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Oh, yeah. I thought it was unspoken law that you don't snitch in a McDonald's. No, especially in a McDonald's. You fight in a McDonald's. Yes. And it was somebody who worked there. Was it? Yeah. I looked at the notice. I thought it was an old man having coffee. That was the first report I read. Of course, we're talking about the United healthcare CEO. His assassin was at right now. This is December. What is it? Ninth? Yeah. December 9th. And we just found out they might've caught the assassin. Yeah, they definitely did. It's pretty, it's him. They found him with like three fake IDs, a gun, a silencer. He goes, Oh,

is that assassin stuff? You ever get caught by the cops and they go through your stuff and you have to act surprised. Oh, Oh, I could see how this would look like. I'm an assassin. Fake IDs and just you have a gun with a silencer. That's so funny. Mix it up. Put a sweat, you know, How did he not get rid of the weapon? I'm just pissed that he didn't take the necessary steps. We thought he was a genius. Yeah.

He had like the monopoly pieces in the backpack. We're like, my God, he's onto something. Meanwhile, it was probably just old monopoly pieces from playing with his knees or something. He's like, whoops, I didn't even know they were in there. Can I tell you what also hurts the cause? They found a manifesto. Yeah, I know. Which makes me think the monopoly money is just he thought it was real

He thought it was real money He said I got all this money. I'm gonna spend it. This isn't real currency. Yeah, there might be a chance. He's nuts I don't know. I looked him up. He was the valedictorian of his all boys high school and he is oh they have his full name He's beautiful. Yes. He's beautiful. I'll show you before they take his Twitter down. This is uh, oh his tweets Well, also I was saying there's the danger in a hot assassin I know no way. No way. Yeah, dude For a good cause? Here's my thought on this.

And this is what I said in Chicago, but I meant this. It's like, it's dangerous when hot. Oh, where was he? He disappeared. Oh, yeah. Luigi Mangione. Yeah, just a hot Italian. Oh, my god.

26-year-old. Shirtless just making gravy, just mixing it. And he's like, I think that CEO needs to die What's he gonna do in prison if they I feel like he's I don't know everyone's gonna be trying to fight for him Yeah, they go. I want Luigi You know usually prison they rape you this one's gonna be like the bachelor, but in lockdown He's like yo, excuse me, do you mind if I interrupt? Sitting on the bench playing chess.

Yeah, he, the danger in having a hot assassin is that people will copycat it trying to impress the hot assassin. And you're gonna get a bunch of botched attempted murders. You think? 100%. Yeah. To get the ladies?

Yeah, just to be like, yeah, I'd do it too. Yeah, we're all out here killing everyone's bosses. It's just what guys do. I mean, I'm not against it. Yeah, but it's gonna be not in the way that you want. They're not gonna be killing like CEOs and stuff. They're gonna be killing like. Their boss.

Yeah, the guy that does the schedule at Applebee's. That's what I said in Chicago. I was like, some guy that does the schedule at Applebee's. I was like, some guys are going to be like, I got a fucking shot. Cause I put Derek on brunch, but he's like the fact that we got a hot assassin and it was a, Oh, here we go. Now also you should check. This is a, from a source on Twitter. So God knows if this is real. He's a, Mangione? How is he looking at me?

I don't know. Mangione. Mangione. Luigi Mangione. Is described as a sensitive lover. The kind that. Wait, this is somebody's review? You know, he'll kiss the nape of your neck

until you're begging for more. This guy just wants to fuck the assassin. This is fan fiction, dude. This guy's just writing sexual. Dude, this guy's about to have so much sexual fan fiction written about him. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I mean, I'm gonna start tonight for sure.

That's why she's here to promote her new book, Carmen and Luigi, a story of murder and entry. He's a former Ivy league student and activist. Well, clearly show me any other activists that's done half as good as he did with one morning in New York. He got everyone to take, every company took the CEO's photos off of the website. Yeah, which is so funny. You know, you're doing some fucked up shit. If you get rid of my book. But it says here, this is where they're going to get him. He's an anti he's anti capitalist 26 year old who

shared quotes online from Unabomber Ted Kaczynski. Here's the deal. Oh, no way, I didn't see any. But here's the deal about old Kaczynski. You go back and you read some of it, and you see all the stuff with AI and everything that's happening, and you go, he wasn't completely wrong.

Now, granted, sending bombs to universities is super fucked up. But if you could tell me, as a lifelong fan of the Terminator, I'm not going to cheer on the real John Connor. Because he was fighting the machines. Yeah, he really did have a good manifesto. As far as manifestos go. Well, he's got one. We don't know how this Yeah. Oh, but it's so good. Or what did he major in? He's a he's a

didn't say the major is I major but it did describe as a tech whiz in former valedictorian computer science oh man okay did you see it when they were like this is where all the buses went so we could have been one of these places I was like it's probably Philly he's really going to Philly he's like yeah I went up there and fucking murder to see and then I was like fuck that and making the birds birds were fucking playing. We're on a hell of a run. Guy Eagles.

You have talking to ruins everything for you. You go, Oh, yeah, you see that chick. I smiled at her because she had some big ass tits. He's just like a Philly scumbag. He's on Instagram because that always ruins it for me. If they follow, Oh, you're going to see, ah, this is fun. This is like, we're doing some little,

look at us being little sleuths. Sleuths on the podcast. His name, his ex profile, Peps to be Pep Mangione. No, I don't think he's on here. There's one called Luigi Mangione Shooter. That's right. He followed AOC. Dude, AOC has to be like, if I'm AOC's boyfriend, I'm nervous.

Oh, no, he's not. Oh, he followed Rogan. Interesting. No one else, Steve-O. He's like, for my next stunt, I'm going to have, I'm going to shoot the CEO of Unite Healthcare, point blank range,

with a silencer. Down, down, down, down. I I'm gonna shoot the CEO of United Healthcare, point blank range with a silencer. Down, down, down, down. That's so funny. Dude, yeah, he- What if he followed you? I would be flattered. I would be like, stop.

Come on, Luigi. Stop it, Luigi. Okay, Luigi. Luigi. I mean, they're probably gonna Epstein him. They're probably gonna kill him. Yeah. Yeah.

Because he can't, Katie made that point earlier when we were talking about it. She was like, they had to catch somebody. They couldn't just let this go. Yeah. But man, he's gonna have, you know how like, you had a great joke about Ted Bundy. Oh, thank you about naming his daughters, but the whole point is that People like loved him like he got arrested and people like yeah

I mean women are gonna go stand outside the prison that Killed the CEO Hunkasaurus Rex is that oh my god. He's doing pull-ups What is he gonna do get hotter in prison? Like how my God, he's gonna be doing pull-ups. What is he gonna do, get hotter in prison? Like how do you even? He's gonna stay shredded. He's gonna come out with, I'm gonna tell you right now, either one of those Islamic caps or circle glasses

and he's gonna be jacked. Do you think he should just start an OnlyFans in prison? Oh wow, yeah. Is there a rule against prisoners starting OnlyFans? Not in Pennsylvania? You'll find out. I bet, yeah, it would be funny to see who he followed on Instagram.

He's not on Instagram. At all. He's probably got like a very smart handle. Maybe he's, yeah, wait, maybe he's one of those fake ones that comes and like trolls me. He's like, shut up. Women suck. He's like, WNBA blows.

And you're like, oh, dude, no. Luigi. We had the funniest season we've ever had. And that was your thought on your side until you hated the Liberty. What if he actually is into the WNBA, but specifically against the Liberty? And you go, that almost hurts more. Yeah. Yeah. This guy, being 26, he's probably got such a crazy internet footprint. Mm hmm.

Because it's not like he was training to do this since he was a child. It is crazy a young hot dude being into Kaczynski. I've heard that. That's a big thing. Like the younger men being really actually this. He has some good points. It's also a sick look with the hoodie and the glasses. Yeah. What a fit.

If you look at the sketch, the idea of him being on a date, but being so hot that girls are just going along with everything he's saying. And then him being like, Ted Kaczynski said like, and she's like, yes. Yes, absolutely. I don't think he would like my tech talk, but

Oh, is he on tech talk? Oh no rule. Do you have to talk little dances? Yes. Somewhere in here. Whoa. What? I think we might've found. Oh my God. It definitely is. It goes track them down that fast. 2018. track him down that fast. 2018. Oh. Oh. That's fine, we Google over enough women.

Well, let's let Carmen have this. Yeah, if we could just. Yeah, it's gonna be a minute. Can we get five? Can we get five on set? Oh, wow. Wait, is it thirst traps? Let me see.

Now I wanna see. I mean, the first picture is 2018. Move it, bitch. 2008, yeah, he's jacked. He's been, finally got an Instagram to give my sister's blog another follower oh my sister oh man who's he follow let's get into it please be you there's there are mutual there's for mutual with you who do you know I don't know any of these people. Are there frenzied?

That's cool. What's his name? Just like for research. More women need to be creepy. Let's just up the creepiness of women. That's... Oh yeah. Please don't. If he's in your DMs being mean, this is kind of rude. I wouldn't be surprised. He looks like some of my trolls. They're usually not this hot though. Yeah. This is like- Oh my goodness.

Stunning. It's all from 2019. That's his sister. He might be gay. Oh, you heard it here first. Carmen thinks that- Oh, by the way, I'm watching the comments and the likes go up in real time. Yeah. On his also those

people that we mentioned might have found him and followed him already. Oh, that's true. Free my goat. Yeah, there are already like the comments are Luigi, we love you. I don't know, I'm getting mixed vibes from this kid. Why does his story sound so narcissistic? His story? Yeah, this is great.

Reading the comments on the assassins. What do you guys? Stunned with accuracy. You're seeing like horny people, people, political, it's a mission. This is it. This is everything I want. And I'm just. He's like,, political, everything. It's a mission. This is, this is everything I want. He's like, this assassin has everything.

You're going to bring Stefan back and Instagram with abs, a silencer, monopoly money, a backpack full of monopoly money. A Puerto Rican flag. Is he, I didn't see him in Puerto Rican. Clear. His, his name is Luigi from Fiji, but he lives in Hawaii, it said on his Twitter. And he has a backpack emoji in his Instagram. That's kind of funny in an ironic, cute way.

In like a way where you're like, did you know you would affect history with a backpack? Cause I mean, say what you will, this guy affected history. Yes. He will ever be, he will be known. and he had a manifesto, which man, again, let's go to the better help ad. Great. If you're feeling like broken or whatever, if this,

if his manifesto, his quote unquote manifesto ends up being a bipolar break, you're going gonna be like, ah! Ah! Ah! I bet it's gonna have good points. You think, yeah. Listen, you're just thirsty for this guy.

Shh, Dan, I'm so busy right now. Don't tell him. Have you found anything good? No, I'm just looking at the pictures around here. I mean, this guy. He's adorable. Oh, he looks like a fun time. He's just like a young guy, 26. It isn't it funny that flirting is the thing

that brought him down. Flirting? Yeah, he smiled at the hostel he was at. Yes, yeah. Where he pulled the mask down. What a sunshiny smile he had. I was like, yeah, that is gonna get him. He knows that.

It's a beautiful smile. He knows that he has a beautiful smile. He does. That's why he was like, you think I'm good with a gun, and then he was like, yeah, that is gonna get him. He knows that. Beautiful smile. He knows that he has a beautiful smile. He does. That's why he was like, you think I'm good with a gun, and then he was like, wink. And then that ended up being his downfall. Luigi. Luigi, what are you doing?

That and like having the gun on him in McDonald's. Same coat, I think too. Oh no. Dude. He's like, are you guys mad at me? We thought he escaped like Jason Bourne. That's what we mean. We were calling him Jason Bourne.

There was a moment where we went out to dinner the night it happened with our friends. We were going down to Chinatown and we got on the D train and it stopped for like a good while, longer than normal, like 10 minutes. And we were on the train and our friends Gary and Sarah were like, what's going on? And Katie and I were already thinking born supremacy.

So we're like, oh, this is a fight on the train tracks. That's why the train's down. The assassin's fighting off all the federal, the feds coming after him. It's so exciting. And it comes through the train. But then when you realize he's just a bimbo and he got caught, he's like, can I get an egg McMuffin?

Assassin he goes no because also they said the woman asked for his ID At McDonald's. Yeah, so that's it makes me think he might dude if he's a himbo If he's just like a hot himbo and he's like, oh, I forgot that you need your ID for egg McMuffins. Here you go. He did not give his ID. I think what led to his downfall was she asked him for an ID at McDonald's. I know that from what I read online, which is the biggest bimbo way to go out.

By the way, by the time this episode comes out, they could be like, this is truly a fresh opinion. Wait, maybe. Yeah, this happened like half an hour ago. What if it's it's it's it's a decoy? He's hot. He's just got your brain. Carmen's Carmen's I've watched guy friends of mine do this with women. They're dating and you're going, no, she sucks. And you go, no, no, no.

What if she actually is stripping to go to nurse school? You go, no, no, no. What if she actually is stripping to go to nurse school? And you go, no, no, no. She's just a straight up stripper. No, she's gonna go, yeah, this guy fucked up. He did the hardest part, obviously murdering a human being, goes without saying, morally, the hardest thing to do. But he escaped New York City. Yeah.

Altoona, Pennsylvania. You gotta go further. You gotta keep going. Also, how did he not have- Go to Mexico with that body? Disguises. Luigi, get a mustache. He had to get distinct eyebrows.

Yeah, get fake eyelashes, get a wig, get some fake tits, have that backpack set up in the alley where you were making your escape. You change everything. you dump everything, you do not dump the gun in Central Park, you dump it in the East River. Where was it found? On him, at McDonald's.

He's just had it, he's holding it. Can I get a gloom, just swing it around? He's pointing the barrel, he goes, is the number seven available after 10? I'm sorry, you're gonna need an ID for that meal. He goes, of course. The idea of him just walking into the thing going like, well of course you need an ID for that.

Here's my real ID. How did a McDonald's employee not be on his side? If I saw him I would be like, we ignore this. Yeah, he had a fake ID. Yeah, the name Mark Rosario on it. this yeah yeah and nobody knew what Rosario on it which he did look like he does look like a Mark Rosario yeah honestly Philadelphia this once at the police stations offers discovered Mangione once at the police station so they didn't know he had the gun but he did have it

on him yeah as well as a silencer. Fool. Fake New Jersey ID. Get rid of it, and you're just like, the next few days later, just kinda like, jazzing around with it. Wait. Disappointed in you. He was arrested on firearm charges. That's what they're holding him on. And NYPD detectives are headed to Pennsylvania

to interview him, which is such a scene out of a movie where they grab their coffees and run. You know, they grab their coats and they're like, he's down in Altoona, Pennsylvania. We can get there by 7 p.m. And then he's just gonna be there. He's so hot, he might get out of it. For sure.

What jury are they gonna find in New York City? No women. No gay men. You better have ugly men that hate hot guys. And then you get life in the slammer. Maybe incels. He's like, yeah, just a jury of incels being like, fuck this guy. He's like, I think my only problem is I'm too generous of a lover. These guys are like, I fucking hate him. I mean, it's, the thing that's been funny to watch is who tries to take the CEO's side. Like who's going like, guys, it's not cool.

No it is. It's like super cool. It's pretty cool. I brought this point up before, but the people that are like, I don't know. I think it's kind of fucked up, it's murder. And you're like, yes it. Now that he's hot, I wonder, I bet he said something cool.

Wait till the movie comes out. Ooh, who could play him though? Who's that beautiful? Who's got the bod matched with the face of an angel? So we had Zac Efron played Bundy. Yeah, who would you cast as Luigi the Assassin? I think I would probably, obviously Timothy Chalamet's in everything.

He's on a short list, but I'm trying to think who else I would cast as the assassin. Probably somebody from like a CW show that I've never watched. The CW always has really hot guys. So you go find a guy with, cause he doesn't need to act a lot.

No. What you do is you have the detectives. Those are the ones you get the G amade's you get the you get the real serious actors Damn That movie will be out in less than two years There is already a studio Moving on this so excited there are they have contacted the Thompson family To get the rights to the murder of their father.

I bet someone in Hollywood has already called them and been like, Dibs. Yeah, that's it. That's all they say. Hello, and they go, dibs. Sorry, this is, I'm with MGM, and I just wanna let you know,

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Again, February 28th, I'll see you in San Diego. March 1st, Los Angeles. And March 2nd, San Francisco. DanceHunter.com for tickets. Please buy them and I'll see you then. How old were his kids? They're kid kids. I think they were like nine and seven or something right? That's what sucks. Those are the people I truly feel bad for.

Just the sons. The wife they were like separated. She wasn't even living with them anyway. But you find out they're either going to make these kids good guys or hyper villains? The kids? Yeah, like your dad gets murdered. You're either, and you find out. Like that'll be their future. Yeah. Yeah, I think hyper villains. You think?

Rich kids don't grow up and go, you know what? Maybe we were wrong the whole time. But they're like, someone murdered my dad, I'm spoiled. Kill all the poor. Everybody. But my argument against that would be when bad shit like that happens to rich kids, sometimes it wakes them up and they go like,

oh shit, like murder? Your father getting murdered and then the internet going like, yeah, super villain, you were right. It's gonna make him a super villain. I would be, dude, if everyone got happy when my dad died when I was 14. Number one if we had we had the internet but like it was America online. Yep. If I went on the internet when I was 14 and everyone was like yo fuck Gary I'd be like

well they must pay. So yeah super villain it is those those boys are are gonna get turned into fucking a real problem. You grew up, did you grow up in Vermont? You went to college in Vermont. I went to college in Vermont, I grew up in Vermont. You grew up in Vermont. Were there very wealthy? Because Vermont has crazy, sneaky wealth.

It's not people who lived there or grew up there though. I think people have like second houses in the woods because like Vermonters don't bother celebrities. They can kind of walk around and we're just like, I think that was. Who's the, did you ever, like Burton lived, like the guy that invented Burton snowboards. I might've met him.

I did something for Burton. Yeah. Did you grow up in Burlington? I grew up in Montpelier. Oh wow, the capital. Thank you, seventh grade. Everyone wants to say it. That was very good. But it's not Pilyar. Capital. Thank you. Seventh grade. Everyone wants to say good, but it's not. But like, yeah, Vermont would be a place. Why don't you go to Vermont? Where do we?

Yeah. We. Yeah. That's the yeah. They would never catch you there, Luigi. That's so funny. Oh my God. I could have showed you around. I could have showed you around Mount Pilyer and then in your head, it's like you guys going through all the places. Oh, oh, he's still got the backpack on. Yeah, he could have the backpack. Everyone has the backpack and the coat. Vermont, he would have blended right in. You know what it was?

It was too hot for Altoona. Yeah. That's why, that's what it was. It was too hot. They went in there, they went, what is this? Yeah, why are you in McDonald's? Why was he eating McDonald's? Probably as a joke to other hot people.

Yeah. They're in the parking lot, he goes, hey look. Oh, I'm having a cheeseburger. What the fuck? The tweets are weird, even when he retweets. Yeah. He's a big fan of that blog, I think, what's his name, something urban. I mean, he is all big fan of a that blog. I think what's his name something urban? I

Mean he is all just retweets. Do the road. Is he a reply guy? This is what you got Wow, why didn't I yeah followed by micro scene? That is so recent that is so fucking funny that you looked at it So recent that is so fucking funny that you looked at it. Yeah. I'm gonna hit the follow. Well, he might. Oh, he retweeted. Peter Teal on talking about startups ran by people with autism. Such a blatant chat. GBT LMFAO. Oh, he is a reply guy. No way. I don't disagree with that.

This is why Jordan Peterson always bothers me, he says. If I saw a, if he had a tweet where he's like, Dan Soder sucks, I'd be like, oh. Oh, brother, that hurt. Brother, you got me. He's probably come across your stuff. He doesn't seem like he's a comedy fan though. No, he doesn't comedy fan though. Boo.

No, he doesn't like stand up. Damn. Sam Altman from AI from, he's an AI guy. And AOC, but you know, damn. I mean, the internet detectives are already over this. They're already gonna have like one of those things where it shows like the six most offensive tweets of the gunman The fanfiction will come out faster than the movie

And it will happen. Damn it. You idiot should have gone to Vermont Yeah, you could have gone to Vermont been hot up there Yep, and then just chop some wood and that would be good for his physique. He could have called me and been like I need a place I'd be like I got you a farm. They'll never, they'll never find you. Listen to me. You will be safe. Then you put the phone down to your boyfriend.

You go, I have to do this for America. You understand this, right? Nothing would make me more nervous if Katie was like, Hey, I have to go be with the hot assassin for a week and help them escape. I'd be like, why isn't there that, why isn't there ever that character in an action movie? You know how they always get like a hot girl and they're like, you gotta help me. And she's like, yeah, but her boyfriend is

like, um, I don't think I'm okay with this. Just one scene with him being like, I don't, I don't know, babe. I've been working on this in therapy. I'm not trying to be insecure. I just, it doesn't feel fair. It doesn't feel fair that you're going to go to Vermont with Luigi. You know, I have an anxious attachment style. You're also, you told me I'm not allowed to contact you for two weeks until everything as you said, shakes out.

Just like those things. Then you have to tell your friends. They come over, they go, where's Katie? They come over to watch one of their football. I go, she, um, she had to go to the Berkshires with Luigi, her friend, who's- Is that the guy, the assassin?

I go, yeah, but they're just friends. And then your friends were like, what? Did you saw it? He's like shirtless on his Twitter profile. And you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but, dude, I have no reason to believe that anything, oh, that's so funny. And then her coming home and be like, how was it?

You didn't call me. Said you were gonna call me when you got there. See? I just like, you're just, why are you being this way? You always do this. You always, yeah, dude, so many fights. He, if he would have gone to Vermont, he would have been safe.

Fucking idiot. It really is disappointing that he didn't just, I don't know. Yeah, change some stuff about your face that you saw that they had your thing on the thing. I think what it comes down to is he blew it in a way that all of us know we wouldn't have blown it. Someone would have been like, a ID and you're like, for a Big Mac?

Lady, there's a sheets across the street. I'll go hammer out a pepperoni roll and you'll be a thing of the past. But knowing he was like, of course, here you go. Mark, Mark Roncini. Oh, man, because he did the hardest thing that none of us could do, which is murder, and then get out of New York City. And he fucking blew it. Damn. Well, I'm sure we'll find out a lot about him. And by the time you watch this episode,

you probably already know. We don't care about this. We've already, this is old news. He's actually, we're mad that he did it. There's also already been two other assassinations. And you go, oh fuck. God, this really blows it. You're one of the only people I can talk to

about something that they love, that they've had to defend. I love professional wrestling my whole life. I've had to defend it at all times. Very rarely am I in the solace of other wrestling fans where we just get to nerd out about it and enjoy the product. I feel like being a WNBA fan. Oh, I was like, oh, I'm not a wrestling.

Yeah, I know. We were just learning in real time. Yeah, you go. I'm so sorry, I don't know. Oh my God, that's why I had you on. It was to talk Starcade 87. I thought we were gonna talk Survivor Series 99. No, you love the WNBA.

Yes. And you're loud about it. Yeah. And you say it in a way that I appreciate which is like, fuck this, I love it. Took me a while to get there with wrestling. Were you like that with WNBA? Were you ever like sheepish about it? No, I don't think so.

No, I used to go to the games when they were in Westchester which was a high school gym. The tickets were like 12 bucks and you could sit right behind the players. It sounds like it was forever ago. I'm gonna eat it right behind them. They taste their sweat on the court. We were bad.

Yeah, that's like how my grandma used to talk about going to see the 49ers in Kizar Stadium in Golden Gate Park. And you're like, she's like, tickets were seven dollars. We would bring bread to make sandwiches. Tell me she will go going with a giant bread knife into the stadium for an NFL game. But that's WNBA. You were in like, you were that part of the WNBA.

Now it's Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese and all these people blowing it up and making it fucking huge. Are you like hipster mad about it? Are you like, I liked the band before they got famous. I am a little bit in the way that like I'll wear my Jersey and I'll be like, no, but I was here before you guys were wearing the Jersey.

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. You can admit it. Yeah. I'm that way with everything. I was that way with bands, with comics. Comics was the thing. I loved Chappelle, like from his HBO half hour,

from his one night stand. Like I saw that and I was like, I love this. And then obviously killing him softly and all that stuff. But killing him softly was the first time where I was like, I actually know about this guy. I actually know about it. And then everything after I was like, I've been a fan since like 95.

But it makes me understand hipsters more. Cause they do shit and then other people likes it. And they're like, I'm actually here. First, it's not cool anymore. But WNBA is still cool, but it's not like, I don't know. You want them to get paid. Yeah, definitely. Like that's yeah.

I kind of got priced out of being a fan. Unfortunately. Did you really? Yeah, the tickets are too much and they're so far away and I'm like, that used to be able to be right behind them. You were at a high school gym. There should be, um, that's what sucks when you see with sports, would be right behind them. You were at a high school gym. That's what sucks when you see with sports when they kind of give up on the OG fan base

where they're just kind of like, oh, we're famous. It's like the first wife in biopic movies where you're like, she was with you when you invented the thing and then you see the second wife and you're like, you didn't give that first one a send off. Why is there just a new, you know? And it feels like they do, sports teams do that.

49ers did that when they moved to Levi's. They like made season tickets for people that were like beatniks in San Francisco that loved the 49ers. And now they're like, well, they're over $200,000. And you're like, I can't afford that. Yeah, but it's just rich non-fans. Yeah. Yeah, that's the whole issue right now.

Do you think that's happening to the WNBA? I think it will, not quite yet. I mean, and I have a lot of friends who have season tickets and if they can't go to the games, they give me their seats and it's awesome. Like Ashley Gavin has front row seats. That's sick. She's like, I can't make it.

I'm like, I can. I always will. Yeah, I always. Do you, I mean. She's like, I can't make it. I'm like, I can't. I always will. Yeah, always. Do you, I mean, that's like a thing where if you made a ton of money, would that be the first thing you buy? Yeah. Is season tickets?

Yeah, I would get those front row season tickets. Yeah, for sure. Do you yell at the players? I yell, but I blend in. I don't want to like be that person who when they're on the foul line. I know that guy. There is a guy that's pretty famous with the Liberty staff as the guy who just yells

while they're taking foul shots and stuff and his voice is very projecting. So everybody knows who he is and then, ah, what's up, Frank? What does he yell, like bad shit or? Like the stuff to miss, I don't really. You fucking suck! No, he doesn't swear, I think he'd get kicked out if you're

That's so funny that they need fans so bad that they're like yell at us NBA they kick him out if they don't like their vibes He's got bad vibes. I've seen LeBron people. He's like, I don't know this guy. That's so cool I didn't know they could do that like a comedian. They can just be like no. Yeah, they've kicked out I've seen a couple games where NBA players have had people ejected what cool a lot of time the people did fucked up shit yeah or obviously they said the n-word that's like been a couple where you're like you see how mad the player gets and you go back I said the n-word that guy never cuz they're like get him the fuck out

of here and then they say something to security and then that guy's gone yeah I'm guessing that's the only thing. What is the entire NYPD going down to Altoona? They're like, you guys gotta get, there's like 20 sirens in that direction. Imagine being like, you have to miss out on that. You're like just one of the regular cops. They're like, and you, you and you, not you.

And you're like, no. I wanna go get them. Yeah. I don't know. Halloween-weegee? Oh, they are who, man,. And you're like, no. I want to go get them. How Luigi? They are who, man, I know we're jumping around because I want to finish talking about WNBA, but you got to get back to casting this Luigi movie. Cause it's going to happen. And I know it's probably going to happen much faster

than we think, but WNBA, there's a thing about it. This is why we have it. This is why Mike's so good at editing, but I feel like with wrestling, it took like the rock getting really famous. You saw different things happen where people were more accepting, and then what happened is people got old enough,

when you get old enough, you just don't wanna defend anything. You get old enough and you're like, I just like it. And people are like, okay. Okay. WNBA though, I feel like WNBA always got a real tough rap of people being like, it sucks, no one goes. And then you have these like loud sports guys who love to be like, fuck the WNBA, you don't even care.

I know, well you're not watching it anyway. Does that how you felt about like all the Caitlin Clark stuff? About like how? Like watching people give opinion on something you knew they weren't watching a year before? Yeah, a little bit. I'm just happy that they're there, honestly.

Really? Yeah, I'm just glad they're around. That's such a beaten down. It is weird that they, I'm like, Caitlin's great, but everyone thought that she was like the greatest that has or ever has and ever will. And I'm like, there are about 40 players in the WNBA who are better than her. Really?

There's just there's so many that are better than her. Yeah. We saw that. She's great, but she's not as good as the starting line up of the Liberty. That's yeah, champs. Yeah. You get it. Carmen's been with you guys since day one. Number one.

But it is really like that. Comics feel like that a lot. Where you have a friend to be like, I love this person. You go, they're not like the best though. I love it. I got to shit. Yes, so much. I mean, yeah, if you guys want to.

You're going to have to edit the fuck out of this episode. I think you should drop it tomorrow or Wednesday. Yeah. I mean, yeah, if you guys want to you're gonna have to edit the fuck out of this episode Yeah Just like yeah, I don't know I'm probably gonna shoot someone's better than pussy Are you'll edit this one up here. How's he open? Is he open with a joke? Headmaster Smythe, Mr. Hubeck, members of the Board of Trustees, family, friends, faculty. Stopping it right here. Very wedding speech opening. He right here, very wedding speech opening.

He's got a very wedding speech opening. Why does he have a corsage? Because he's valedictorian, you gotta let him know. That's the flower of the vow, that's the vow, I don't know. I have no idea, he looks like he's going to prom. And also, cute kid. Good afternoon. Good looking kid.

Thank you all for being here to celebrate Gilman's 116th Founders Day I'm honored to be speaking to you all today on behalf of the Gilman class of 2016 he's got clipped nervous energy you know professional stand-up comedian that's a 17 year old boy. This guy needs bits. I could have wrote your speech better. When I started writing the speech I talked with several students and teachers and asked how they would describe the class of 2016. Many of the students characterized our class as inventive. It's clearly hot in there. Did you just see that guy fanning himself? Wiping himself with a napkin, this guy? He looks like he's like, wow, that was a fine speech, son. I was like, what state is this?

I thought he was from the North. He just wiped his bald head into the back of his neck, and he's like, now don't go out there killing any CEOs. Now all you boys are trained killers. You must understand that. Throughout his time here at Gilman, the class of 2016 has been coming up with new ideas and challenging the world around it. Our selling of Chick-fil-A during lunch,

arguably the staple of our class, provides a great example. In our sophomore year, when brainstorming ways to fundraise, we didn't just... I'll tell you what, he's not killing in the room. This is such a boring speech. It's six minutes. Six more minutes. Let's cut to the end. Let's see how he wraps it up. Yeah.

He's like, just saying. We skip over the part where he's like, one day I'm going to get my blicky and I'm going to wet the back of a CEO on Sixth Avenue. All I'm saying is free healthcare. I'll be exploring the unknown. Whether that be attending colleges across the country. That's so far, or killing a CEO because the healthcare system in America has gotten crazy out of control. You go, that guy said he was going to do it and he did it. I respect the hell out of this guy.

What if he knew that he was going to, oh, what if like in this speech like in the middle? He's like and the gun is in the backpack in the bottom of the just see if he had some like cool like when they do that in a movie, you know, we're at the end you go you have to rewatch the movie cuz Like Bruce Willis and six sense. He'll he's not there and you watch no one looks at him. Then you go listen He says backpack. Mm-hmm six different Why does he keep saying backpack? I've never been more sure that a speech was written by AI. You think he used AI in 2016?

So boring. Oh, 2016. That was a beautiful speech. Oh, absolutely lovely. You're gonna go on to do marvelous things. Never take a life. That's what AI learned from him then. Yeah, they're like, that's so boring. Damn, spice it up.

AI, how do you put in some fucking jokes? Yeah, this is the most fascinating news story of the year and it came to us right at the end. The Trump assassination attempt was crazy. I didn't think it was gonna be outdone. This definitely did it. Yeah. We still got days left too. We still got about two weeks of cooking to go.

It really is one of those things where you're like, dude, what? I see it like, I remember reading it and being like, what is this? And then now it's, there's definitely a merch. Oh wow. People gotta be selling merch. Merch is like that's like an old school thing.

Like when old school shit would happen. Back in the 70s and shit they would make TV like shirts. So now with the way how quick people can print stuff. Yeah, there's an Etsy shop right now that is firing on all cylinders. They go, I got Luigi did it, Luigi. Just like pressing the shirts and sending them out. Yeah, because people are Myrtle.

The one scratched paw on the door. That's the cutest sound. She's like, let me in. Are you guys talking hot assassin? She's like, I wanna talk hot assassin. What's Myrtle's voice? Do you have a voice for Myrtle? We used to do a Southern voice for her

because she's from Tennessee. And then we kind of dropped that. Then we gave her a doofy voice of like, bo-lo-lo-lo. And then now we just kind of do an annoyed teenager. She's like, what? Because she very much like sighs a lot when we do stuff. She'll be like, I love you Myrtle.

And she's like, but she, yeah, we don't have like a good voice for her. Sometimes you get a voice and it sticks and that's just a voice. Our voice hasn't stuck yet. But we'll find it. We might find her voice. She might find her voice on this other.

We're doing another road trip next week. So that's where we get a lot of Myrtle bits. That's when we get into it, into the lore. Open the door and see if she's right there. Just pop the, just see if she's. Come on in, hey. Come here. Myrtle, come in, come here.

Come here, Myrtle, oh my gosh. Carmen and Myrtle hit it off and now Myrtle's been, most guests don't like Myrtle hit it off and now Myrtle's been... Most guests don't like Myrtle's crazy energy. Perfect. Oh my gosh. Cause she goes nuts when people show up. Cause she hates Kate.

I mean, it's not that she just hates, she loves Katie and I, but we got her during the pandemic and she didn't see other people. That's so funny. Now he's stuck. What are your thoughts on Mario or Luigi? She's like now I cause chaos. She loves him. She can't get enough of Pimp. Yeah, oh watch out

she's in the power cord. All right Myrtle, can you just go in your, go chill in your place? All right, Myrtle, can you just go chill in your place? Aw. It's a room, she loves it. Okay. She got posters up of Luigi. She just licks it? Oh my gosh. Yeah, she licked through another poster, Katie.

We have to stop it. She licked through her fucking United Healthcare Assassin. They don't have a cool name for him yet. No, they don't. They don't have a shorthanded name for No, they don't. They don't have a short handed name for him. That's what the only thing I've noticed. They don't have them as like the, you know, the premium killer.

The CEO, oh whoa, whoa, whoa. There's no oh. You need to go like the CEO slayer. Ooh, that works. We're close, we're spit balling. We're getting there. But what would you call, you'd call him like the sympathetic gun?

Or like, the Obama care assassin? I don't know. You're just trying to find it out. Oh, she brought her corn out. Myrtle's got her corn. She's cool. She hates Nebraska, but she likes corn.

We've been through it. Yeah, This is, this is, um, news moves too fast now. It goes from being like, Oh, here's the story. Here's all the info. And then now it's just like, it's already packed up and it's in a Netflix doc. So good luck. Yeah. I can't even do topical bits anymore because I'm like, by the time I figure it out in a couple of days, it's like, what? We don't, we don't talk about that anymore. And I'm like, okay, then fine.

Yeah. And that's what sucks about something like this. 10 years ago, this, you could have got jokes. If you got a great joke, it would have taken you all the way through. The key is finding like little stories that no one has, cause everyone went to this one. I mean, shit. We're watched his whole valedictorian speech on this podcast.

It's not good. Yeah, different takes, different opinions. It is, I mean, it really is crazy about how everyone can be in on the same water cooler talk. Yeah. And then it's like the next thing's gone. It's like what brings us together is very weird now as a society. Like the things that get you to be like, I know that everybody's got info

on this. Everybody's got an opinion. Yeah. Call my mom and be like, what'd you think? She's like, she was in the business. Trish used to work at Etna. Oh, what's her opinion? Well, I talked to her and she was like, it's crazy. But I bet now she's got a fully cooked one. I'll call her. I'll drop the Trish opinion on another episode. I'll bet my mom's pro. Your mom?

Luigi, yeah. She's awesome. Yeah, she's, I mean, Vermont, man. My parents are progressive as hell. Both your parents are. It's awesome, yeah. Your parents are probably, that's what I thought was interesting was watching the people that were like, it's sick, you guys are celebrating this and then even conservatives were like no, no, no, this is cool

Like this thing really brought everyone together Just recording schedule wise you guys should know this I'm gonna break the fourth wall the next guest is Nick Mullen and he there's no way He will be half as engaging with Myrtle. Myrtle, soak it up. Oh my goodness. She's like, she's making the noise too where she's like, grrr, this fucking rules.

Myrtle, what are your thoughts on the cat? I know you don't know me that well, please stay. I want it too much. Dogs and cats can sense it and they're like, yeah, you're a little much. She goes, this guy kind of cares about me. and they're like, yeah, you're a little much. She goes, this guy kind of cares about me. We gotta find a way to get you WNBA tickets.

I really want, I just emailed him. All the worlds are crossing, the assassinating rich people and getting priced out of tickets. It's meeting at this weird thing where you're like, get Carmen WNBA tickets. Jay and I on the bonfire years ago, joked around about buying, the tickets were so cheap.

Like, this is like seven years ago, six years ago, we were like, let's get a box at MSG for, and like sponsor it for our radio show. And we didn't do it. And I could have turned around right now and gone, here's some suite tickets for the bonfire suite. Cause we were like, let's get into the Liberty. We picked it.

We're like, like getting into a team as a show. But we gave up. I think COVID ruined that. Cause we were on board in 2019 and then COVID hit and you know, we scrambled for everything, but damn, I feel bad. Could have had you some tickets. Could have had you some good WNBA tickets. Damn it.

Yeah. I'll get them. Somebody's listening. Do players ever, do you have any like, have players ever reached out and seen your comedy? I have had one did because I was wearing her jersey in a sketch I did. Yeah.

And somebody tagged her nice And she and she was like, oh cool Be my friend. I Want I want you to be my friend. That's the accessibility Wrestling in WNBA is you like the excessive but when wrestlers are like, hey like you can yell at them and stuff Also when you see low-level wrestling like indie wrestling, I don't call it low level. It's still, but it's like in, not a shit head, bitch ass wrestling. No, indie independent wrestling. A lot of times you're in a high school gym and so you're just like right there and then they sell merch like before and after their matches. So it

is when they get big, you do have this like sense of pride of like ownership of pride of like, I love this. And then you you're like and now they're no longer mine It's kind of what the Liberty did to you a little bit. Yeah, so like thanks. I'm a different team, too Is it really yeah, then the one that you I don't think there's a single player from when I started watching Would they fill up the high school gym? Close Just as comics though. You have that feeling when you walk in and they go, this is what we got. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people bring like their kids to have something to do.

Yeah. A lot of people that I'm sure aren't still fans. They were just in Westchester and they're like, what should we? Do you see, have you seen any of the intense fans from Westchester carry on To the garden. Mmm, that was me and they're at Barclays. Oh They're my bad. Yeah, they used to be at the garden briefly. Yeah, weren't they? Yeah like 2009 yeah, I know that cuz my friend there for those my friends My friend's brother, his best friend, worked for the Charlotte Bobcats, they were the Bobcats at the time,

and as a birthday present for my friend, he got Madison Square Garden to play basketball. Like you can do that if you know the right people. So his birthday present to my friend's brother was like, you guys have, I think it was like an hour to play basketball on the court at MSG, but it was New York Liberty. So all my pictures that I have on my old Facebook from that day, it's all like laying in front of the Liberty

because it was like Liberty, that's why I said MSG. So yeah, damn, then they got moved to a high school, that really hurts. Like leave the greatest arena known to man and go to fucking central Westchester. That's wild. But now they're back at Barclays and selling out. Yeah, selling it out.

That's awesome. See, it's all up and down, baby. Yeah, it's just like comedy. It's just, that's how you become friends with them. You go, I pretty much know. I have WNBA jokes. I'm hoping that they, I don't know, clip them up and send them. I don't know, they're not hurting for fans or anything.

They don't need me. But this is when they do need you. So you can ride the momentum together and then you can always be like, hey, I was down with the NBA. Other sports do that. They pair up with people. WNBA, you need fucking spokespeople.

You're doing a good moment. Carmen Lagala. Right now. Go watch her special on YouTube and then call her up. Call Carmen up to come, be it games at least. Don't leave her out. Did you play growing up? Yeah, I still play.

You still? Uh huh. I mean, I'm not like, I play like a 40 year old. I'm just like, ow. Do you have knee wraps and specs? Do you put the specs on? Just a mouth guard. You guys ever seen Carmen play basketball?

It's intense. Hair down. Yeah. Did you play all through high school? Yeah. And then in college, did you try? College, I wanted to do D1 sports and the only one I could do was track and field.

Oh nice, you did track and field in college? Damn, you're like an athlete. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're a division one athlete. They always do this. They're always modest about it. They're like, I did it. And you're like, dude, I sucked at sports.

And I still love them. I would be so, this is why I wasn't good. Cause I'd be bragging, like, yeah, I won. What did you do in track and field? 800 meters was my specialty. That's twice around the track? Mm-hmm. Damn, is it?

Sucked, it's the worst. I wish I had been good at sprinting or anything. Can you still run? If you had to run from like a serial killer, would they have picked the wrong one? They'd be like, I thought you were good at this. Yeah. I looked up your old numbers.

I'm catching up fast. Yeah. I wanted a challenge. But I always think about that. I wanted a challenge. But I always think about that. Like Joe List was a long distance runner. Oh, I can see that. Wow. He did cross country at high school.

That is one of my fun things is that I can see somebody and I know what distance they probably ran, if they were good or not. What about Michelle Wolf? Especially if I can see them run. She, I already know that she was like an 800. She's a, I would have been. I can't believe I didn't ever raced against her. I don't think we were quite. Oh, she was like an 800. She's a, she does like those crazy.

I can't believe I didn't never raced against her. I don't think we were quite. Oh, she was at William and Mary. Yeah. Mr. We may. Where were you at? Did we cross paths? How old is she?

She is in her thirties, late thirties. Yeah, so am I. Okay. William and Mary, we, I think only did with cross country. Okay. And where were you at? I was at Vermont, University of Vermont. Oh, you were at the yeah.

That's pretty awesome to go to your home state. It was just because it was the cost, like almost no money for me to run there. I got college paid for nice. Burlington is a fucking fun town, though. It is fun. The comedy club is great. Four corners of the earth, that sandwich shop. I don't know that sandwich. That must be new. It's not. It's been there a while.

Four corners of the earth, it's called. It's one guy. And it's in this like basement. It's fucking, it's been there a while. It is. Four corners of the earth it's called. Yeah, it's one guy and it's in this like basement. It's fucking awesome. Wait, maybe I do know that. In Burlington. It's right down the street from the comedy club. I think I know what you're talking about. I think I went on a date there.

Really? Yeah, it is the best. It's my favorite place to get a sandwich. I love it. Because he makes it. Oh yeah, it is. I went on a date there once. Yeah, it's a great.

Yeah, that place is rules. What sucks is if you go and there's a lot of people, it takes forever because he makes all the sandwiches. He says he's taking the orders and. He takes the orders, he makes the sandwiches, and he has to deal with refilling the, it fucking rules though. If you live in Vermont, go to Four Corners of the Earth.

I hope it's still around. Someone told me recently it might've closed. I think it's still there. That would make me upset. But Burlington's like like it's a fun town very like Reminds me of Boulder, Colorado. Yes. We've been described as sister cities or whatever. Yeah. Yeah when I went there I was like, yeah, I walked out I think Pearl Street Mall in Boulder was designed by the same guy that did yes the thing in Burlington

Yeah, the no walking all brick. Yeah. Yeah, it's very fun. I I like cities like that really like oh you don't care about Commerce a lot. You're like very comfortable with this being like this is what this part of town is gonna be Because now everywhere you go, they're like and it's a chipotle and you're like fine But if you would have kept it it kind of sucks when you watch towns change like that. Mm-hmm New York has been weird. I lived in Astoria for a long time. And Long Island City was like nothing but small warehouses and shit.

So you used to get a cool view going into the city on the train. And then it became like all high rises. And you're like, ah, that kind of sucks. Yeah. Yeah. When you go back to Vermont, do you see it changed at all? Or are you like?

No. If anything, it's going backwards. It's awesome. Really? Yeah. Well, my hometown flooded a couple of years, a couple of summers ago. Oh, dang.

So they're kind of still rebuilding. How bad of a flood? Like a biblical? Really bad, yeah. Really? And they're like, we don't know if we can like keep doing this town. The town is just.

You have a town that almost might give up? They don't know what to do with all the water. They're like, this could happen at any time. And he, you know. That is fucking hilarious that they're like, guys, we can't be a town anymore. We flooded. They flooded us out of being a town. What the fuck? Yeah.

How big was the water? Like, oh, it went like all the way. It just like took out downtown. Downtown was underwater. And when I was six, we had a flood like that where I went to school. I live on the hill. So I was coming down. And when I got to the school had a flood like that where I went to school. I live on the hill, so I was coming down and when I got to the school, the water was at the school and there were people like canoeing up to the school and I was like, is class still? They're like, Vermont law, we

gotta teach you if the building. What's crazy about that is it seems like a lot of towns in the south that are by hurricanes, like they get flooded, obviously like a New Orleans Katrina thing the south that are by hurricanes, like they get flooded, obviously like a New Orleans Katrina thing where it like breaks the levees, but a lot of southern towns get flooded and they're like, we're back up and running. Like they don't even, we went through Arkansas

right after there was a tornado and they're like, well, you know, obviously those doors are damaged, but everything else is running. And you're like, that's crazy. So it's weird to think that your town went through a natural disaster and they're like, we might not town it anymore. We might pack this shit up.

We're on a higher ground. Yeah, too many basements, I think. There's a river underneath the town. So it's kind of just. Oh, you guys were fucking, you guys were playing with fire the whole time. Yeah. Let's build a town on a river.

Yeah. And then they go, what happens? He goes, it floods sometimes. You go, well, you fucking did it. It's like Luigi getting caught with the ID. You're like, what? You don't need an ID, what are you doing? You guys blew it.

Well thanks for going through so many highs and lows on this podcast. The assassin, we learned a lot about him. We also learned that he's a terrible public speaker. Yeah, just no zazz, no crackle, nothing. Nothing, pop, I need some shazam. Maybe he has a good speech now though. Well, we'll find out.

Maybe he's more of a writer. That manifesto's coming out. I'm so excited to read it. It's like a New York Times bestseller. I'm like, let's get it out. Also, don't forget to follow Carmen's fan fiction of Luigi in Vermont. I will write one.

I'll do one. Yeah, I can do that. Yeah. This writes itself. Are you kidding? All I gotta do is follow the feeling and then I'll end up with Luigi in Vermont. You're special on YouTube right now.

You can click it. We'll put the link below in the video. Very funny. Did awesome at town hall in Toronto. That was the first time we worked together. But I've always thought you were hilarious and that was a really fun week. I had walking pneumonia that weekend.

I was wondering what you ended up having. I had something like a few weeks later that took me out for a while. Yeah, I got- Walking pneumonia. Yeah, we were in Toronto together and I was like, I'm wheezing a lot. And then someone was like, I went and did, we did a podcast with David Borey and then I did the reg together and I was like, I'm wheezing a lot. And then someone was like, I went and did, uh,

we did a podcast with David Borey and then I did the regs and they're like, you need antibiotics. And then we saw a doctor and they're like, yeah. The day we were supposed to originally do this episode, I went to the clinic and got antibiotics and then still did shows in Tampa though. Shout out side Hot Splitters. Cheers.