Soder - 60: Never Open the Package with Nick Mullen | Soder Podcast | EP 58

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

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California 2025 the end of February San Diego February 28th Los Angeles March 1st in San Francisco March 2nd get tickets on sale now Dan Soder.com I will see you in 2025 and then other cities don't worry we're coming we're putting it all together but California you're up first on this theater tour. I'm very excited about this. Again, February 28th, I'll see you in San Diego. March 1st, Los Angeles. And March 2nd, San Francisco.

Danceutter.com for tickets. We just jump in. We don't do like an intro. But Gladiator 2 to me seemed like they just copy and pasted gladiator one. That's what I mean. Well, that's my point is that Hollywood like they'll do something big like that, but they're not, they're not actually taking risks because their idea of a sequel now is the first movie, but it's a son.

Yeah. You know, Yeah. They really are just junioring every movie where they're like, and in retrospect, it's like, you know, you can say the Star Wars prequels are shitty, but at least there is a creative impulse. Yeah, they try. They are doing let's do well, you know, with the Star Wars, the Star Wars sequels are I go there and I'm like, what is it? Are we just checking boxes? You know, you brought up a good point, because also, I think what happened is they tried. They did try with Episode one, two and three to be like, we're going to tell you how Anakin becomes Darth Vader. That was all you knew. Yeah. So

you just, you they got to fill in everything else creatively. Right. But then they took such a risk on one with Jar Jar Binks and that shit. And it failed that you saw them be like, I wouldn't say commercially, it didn't fit. Yeah, I would not say the critically it failed and I think that hurt their ego People are looking for too much from Star Wars. That's what it's like I I think if you go back now with fresh eyes you watch all those movies the prequels stand out as the best ones Including what with the exception of I'd say Phantom Menace is better than a new hope

What with the exception of I'd say? Phantom Menace is better than a new hope The have you when was the last time you watch it really you're saying one over four There's there's a Star Wars nerd that just punched through whatever well no he didn't Wrist on dry was the last time you watched a new hope I would probably say Over 15 years it is a terrible movie Like the first time I haven't like gone about by TBS and like watched it for a little bit yeah but the original Star Wars I think it's because it's like that came at the end of a decade where I mean like people weren't watching movies where people were in space

yeah you know I mean it's like oh my god they're in space what are they doing up there yeah and they're breathing yeah and they also said it was a long time ago you watch it now and it's like oh let's go buy some droids Hey, this one's got a thing in it. Like what the hell is this? There's a guy we got to find. Oh, there he is There's the old guy. Oh, by the way, you're a Jedi. What's that mean here? I'll show you but don't use a sword and then it's like Oh, yeah, I mean it's amid moves like that. But in the seven it's like a summary It's like a like an emotionless summary of what you remember Star Wars being. I liked it because I saw it when I was five. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Well yeah and you like the idea that the good guy is like a humble and like a good person. Now try to do the same thing with episode one. Yeah. You can't. You're like oh yeah I understand like the Gungans have some sort of thing. There's more going on there. You're like why does Jar yeah, I understand like the Gungans have some sort of There you're like, why does Jar Jar why does Jar Jar like they kind of think he go? Oh cuz he's an idiot What was he supposed to be? He's what race is Jar Jar? What is it? Caribbean. Yeah, is that what it was? Yeah. Yeah, they just made it. So what? Yeah, like so like that's you know, and that's the thing It's like after now that Daniel Penny's been let out of jail. Yeah, the subway vigilante. The subway murderer has been let out of jail.

I think that's sort of a referendum on the last 10 years. This is what I'm seeing in a lot of conservative spaces are saying, in a good way, it's open season on black people. Going back to how it was. Because Daniel Penny. Daniel Penny getting out and Trump re-elected. You we get full full our reinstation we got a little crazy giving black women jobs we made him put rockets in space in the movies we got to take it back well Star Wars episode 1 well what's wrong with Jar Jar being

Caribbean I don't have a fucking problem with that. Yeah, exactly. I just think it's funny that everyone hated him so much and you watch it and he's such like a nothing character. Yeah, I mean he's fun. But people flipped out about him. He's better than C-3PO. Yeah, they... Let's do role reversal.

Okay. Star Wars, 1977 for New Hope comes out, right? Sure. Instead of Chewbacca, it's Jar Jar Binks. And he talks more like Lando. Where he's like, hey. He's not Caribbean yet, he's like, yeah. Hey, you got some good pussy.

His name is Domino. Domino. And he's got gold teeth. Domino Binks. Yeah. Yeah, he's like, and he does a lot of sucking. He's got a big hat. He does a lot of sucking through his teeth.

Yeah, yeah, right. Where he goes, that's a princess. Yeah, right, and that's Han Solo's friend, right? Yeah, where he goes, this is Jar Jar. Don't call him by his full name. 20 years later. You know what's crazy to think? That the time frame in between Gladiator and Gladiator 2.

Was the same as episode four and episode one. Yeah. Yeah, but they did not. Wow, they just like blow it around. Well, Gladiator 2, did you ever see, did you ever see Saints of Newark, the Sopranos movie? I did it. It was horrible.

Oh really? It was horrible in a way that if you never watched the Sopranos, none of it made sense. Cause they would do stuff like fan service of like referencing things, or they'd be like, you never had the making of a Vonis the athlete. But if you don't watch the Sopranos, you don't know why they're saying that.

Well, the performances in the Sopranos are so good and they had so much I mean that six seasons to build like the subtlety of these relationships or how to work with each other It's like I can't imagine that you'd be able to like recapture that in just a movie with yes You know in 90 or however long was like two hours. Oh, you know is all they cast them to look like them Yeah, I mean that's how gladiator two felt to me that soprano is like, uh, uh, white caps fight, you know, the fight from the white cap scene. It's like, you know, they, they, these people have been working together for very long, you know, for years to be able to do that. And then the movie, they were

like, make it quick. Yeah. But that's how gladiator two felt gladiator one. They did a good job of building up why walking Phoenixoenix was angry you like understood that he got looked over by his dad He kills his own father you just see how evil he is Yeah So by the time you get to the point where maximus is in the arena you're like well, I like maximus Fuck this this gladiator two. They were like these two guys are kind of gay Yeah, that was what they did with their kind of game One of them's mentally ill. They're like once gay once gay and retarded. Yeah, and he's mean

Yeah and then it kind of like what's what Frustrated me about it is like the first gladiator movies like, you know, it's it's like sort of Wish I could come up with a better word than childish, but it's gladiator one gladiator one It's like, you know, it's this guy and he's in the army and he's loyal and then he's a good boy He's betrayed by a coward and then he has to you know, the best he pushes through and but it's like it's it's it's It does no real analysis of the problems in Rome other than like oh, there's this wow. He's already the Emperor He's the guy Marcus really is already the Emperor. He's the guy, Marcus Aurelius is already the emperor.

He's like, you know what I would love to do? Not now, but I mean, he's like Joe Biden. Where he's like, I'm gonna stay the emperor, but once I'm dead, then no more. Then let it go. No more emperors, we give it back to the people. But for now, I'm still. They should have made him like Biden.

Where he's like, hey, what are you doing? We're gonna give it back to the Senate. He goes, oh, hey, hey hey Maximus, you're strong. You know my friend, Corn Pop. You fought him in the Little Arena. Emperor Biden, you just killed everyone in Gaul. How do you feel about that? Check it out, I got a Stingray cherry.

Pretty cool, he does like the emperor. 1967 Chevrolet cherry. You like ice cream? Watch me eat ice cream. This is this is Phoenician piss. We sacked it. That was a delicacy. We sacked the damn place and now I drink it. I drink it like lemonade. Yeah. Yeah, but you're right. They didn't have any it was Which is good because you don't want to do that because if you wade into this like political territory

That has any kind of current overlay. Oh, you're gonna then it complicates the story. You're like people are gonna be pulled out of it Yeah, it's like well, this guy's not really he's like he was just this imperialist, you know Just like conquering all of these lands He's not really a good guy if you want to put it in that context the second one That's what Denzel's character is he sort of like there's a good guy if you want to put it in that context. The second one, that's what Denzel's character is. He's sort of like this joker guy that's like, why don't I like Rome? Because I was a fucking slave.

Yeah, check the skin, bro. You want to be an emperor because these emperors suck, but you're going to be an emperor. You're going to restore power to the Senate to a certain degree, but you're going to be the emperor and you're going to have a slave probably. So nobody's talking about slavery at all So Denzel's like yeah, I want to just kind of fuck up the whole thing. Yeah, burn it all down, right?

Yeah, basically, but also and then they just kill that guy and it's like, you know Kind of it's like the same problem as the third Batman movie where it's like you can't just give me Batman Don't try to make any kind of commentary on what's going on. Yeah, I don't even think about that Yeah, well Batman 3 was like the Dark Knight Rises try to make any kind of commentary on what's going on. Yeah. I didn't even think about that. Yeah. Well, Batman 3 was like, the Dark Knight Rises, they're like, ooh, do we have a point for you? And you're like, I kind of just like the way Batman was fighting his enemies.

Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of what I wanted. I didn't want a tale of two cities. Right, right. I wanted Batman to fight Penguin. Yeah. And then the other movie, too, that came out right

when they were really starting to fight Penguin. Yeah, and then the other movie too, it's like that came out right when like they were really starting to figure out, they were like dialing in all the integration of like digital effects in the movies and stuff. And when you first see the Coliseum in Gladiator One, it's like, holy shit. Yeah. I mean, it's amazing, you really get a sense of like

what that must have been like. Yeah, how giant. If you were some fucking idiot, you know, in sandals, you know, some guy that was eating dirt sandwiches and now you're up in Rome. And then in this one, it's just like a quick establishing shot. You know, he's like, oh, he's a slave. Now here's the Coliseum. That's what it felt like.

It felt like they just were like taking stuff and being like, remember this? There it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, like how slow it took Russell Crowe to get to the Coliseum in the first one. He like fought different levels. It did it for our basic brains. It was like a workup to the reveal making it worth something. The best character in the movie is Pedro.

Yeah. He dies right away. Also as someone that had a stepdad, you don't forgive that quick. He's like, I love you. I love your mom. I love you. Well, he wasn had a stepdad, you don't forgive that quick. He's like, I love you. I love your mom. I love you. Well, he wasn't a stepdad. He never met the guy.

Well, that's the whole point. But the way they resolve it is he just goes like, I love your mom. I love Rome. I loved Maximus. And he's like, spoiler alert. He gets fucking arrowed up. And then he's like, and then the other guy, the main character is like, no, I really liked you.

No, dude, I've had a ton of step dads. You don't like them until 20 years after the fact. Where you go, Nick was a good guy. But then that would get into like, you know, too much step dad politics stuff. Yeah, that's why, in the writer room they go, we just gotta blaze right by the step dad stuff. Cause that's what it, it felt like everything

solved itself so quick in the sequel that you're like, this sucks. That's what I felt like. I don so quick in the sequel that you're like this sucks. Mm-hmm That's what I felt like I know I took my dad to see it and I saw the first movie with my dad That's a hun. Yeah, it was like it was just nice to take and he loved it So I mean here's the thing on the surface. Yeah gives you everything you want exactly And that's what I mean by they're not like taking risks. No, they had a smart choice I guess if you want, you know audience to be to be like yep I got everything I was expecting. Well that they check the boxes. Yeah right. And if an audience member wants his boxes checked they're

gonna be fun. There had been there had been like rumors and iterations of scripts throughout the last 20 years and it was like you know he's gonna be a time traveler and Jesus is gonna be there and they're gonna do all this crazy shit. I would have preferred that. Well that's what I mean it's like but because of, I think it's George Lucas ruined it for everybody with fucking Jar Jar, dude. Yeah, that Caribbean pimp.

Yeah, right. Coming in and sucking his teeth, looking at like. If you dialed it back just a little bit, we'd still be able to have creativity in the big budget movies. Well, people loved the original, I think it was the selling of Disney. Yeah. I think he sold it to Disney,

because I watched those. Aliens, same thing. Like, I love Prometheus and Covenant. Me too. I think they was the selling of Disney. I think he sold it to Disney, because I watched those. Aliens, same thing. I love Prometheus and Covenant. Me too. I think they're great. And when they came out, my recollection is that people were shitting on them. They shit on Prometheus.

Because they were like, oh, this was an alien prequel, but you didn't give us any alien. And you're like, they gave it to you at the end. Yeah, kind of, yeah. But you understand where the xenomorph comes from yeah that was like to me more interesting than anything like that's why I liked one two and three of Star Wars because it's interesting to watch how Anakin goes to the dark side

yeah Prometheus was cool because you learned that oh the architects like put their DNA problem I had with the prequels is somehow like Anakin ages 20 years while his wife is like yeah, she's like a pedophile and then he's a pedophile by the last one That was great by the they really just did a thing between one and two where they go Alright, that was kind of weird in the first one. Yeah, they fuck now. Yeah, they really made it where Anakin I only watched the first of the sequels. Oh Yeah, the one with the sequels. Oh Yeah, the one with the Adam Driver. Yeah Kylo Ren and C3PO has a red arm in it And I was like, why is his arm red?

You know what? I was missing. I just realized I confused C3PO for our 2d2 and yeah C3po, you're right, would bug the fuck out of people Oh, yeah, if he was in episode one. Yeah, if they would have put Jar Jar Binks with R2D2 Yeah, they're like, oh, so even the robots got to be gay. Yeah, that's exactly what he'd be like He's British. Yeah. Oh gay British guy, of course. It's a British movie They're allowed to have at least 50% homosexuals. They have to have a foppy gay British man. If it's going to be funded well. Yeah, that's always funny when you find out movies are funded by other countries like, like Israel, like every movie, every movie is a fun movie. No, but they did. Like when I found out,

fifth element was a French movie. Like it was funded by French companies and stuff. I remember Shane and I were watching The Meg with Jason Statham and we were maybe like 15 minutes into it and he goes. You mean Jason Statham was there? With Shane I have to check now. Oh.

He goes, you're right Shane, that is pretty gay. I didn't even realize that. I love Bud Lights.'re right, Shane. That is pretty gay. I didn't even realize that. I love Bud lights. My best friend, you're Shane. Yeah, he goes me Shane and Brian six. Have you ever thought about killing everyone? Now? He goes, show what if you go back? Go? We could go in there. assassinate Lauren. We could kill all of them. All of them. Bowie Yang. Yeah. He goes, it's pretty Yang. Yeah, I don't know. He goes, it's pretty chill.

No, I think Bowen's the man, dude. Yeah, he's the man. No, dude, he really is the man. And then he's like, I'm serious. We murder every one. Bowen's like, yeah, I heard Jason Statham wants to kill me. Shane's like, no, Jason's the man, dude. No, he's the man.

He's not gonna kill you. He's like, no, I'm dead serious. We're gonna go in. I'm going to kill you. Lauren Michaels is like, that's it, you're gonna host. Jason Statham thinks he needs to sneak in as a Chinese person. He's got the Raiden hat on. The old and the silk collars.

I'm Bowen's mom. He goes, it's Mrs. Yang. I'm here to see Bowen. I'm looking for my son Bowen. He goes, you are not a Chinese woman. The lady downstairs is a desk. He's got the white eyes. He goes, no, me very sorry.

Do you know where the circuit breaker is? I took it. I need to find out where all the power grids are. I'm drawing a bath for my son Bowen. Yeah. Do you have a toaster? Don't mind the toaster. He likes to take baths. I was going to make him a toaster strudel. For a bath and a strudel. It's an old Chinese recipe. It's some Chinese shit. Don't worry, love. Don't worry, love. It's some Chinese shit.

And then he's like, I think Jason Statham's here to kill Bowen again. He's just leaving in an M5 with Bowen in the trunk? Yeah. Oh, don't stop. Only for Orangina. Yeah. Shane's like, no, no, for real, though.

Statham is the man. That scene made me want an orangey. No, so bad in the end of transporter. Last time I saw you, we were talking about transporter. I love those movies. God damn. They're great. Rule number 44. I love orange. Gina for you. I love his house too. That old French castle, right? At the end of like a dock and all and he has an escape in the bottom. Yeah. Transporter. I mean, we need, I think we do need to do a watch along. Doc and all and he has an escape in the bottom. Yeah transporter I mean we need I think we do need to do a watch along. Oh, yeah, and you yeah

Yeah, once you quit once you're out of the game. I'll bring you back in for one job. I'm not out of the game I think no, I'm talking about the podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah, well if if I stop doing my own podcast The next year I'll still have to podcast to promote road dates, and then I'm thinking Jason Statham well yeah, no you just go just go hit everybody else's podcast. That's what I'm saying No, but when you come back, I can get in my apartment's racing setup fucking VR headsets I don't have all this shit in there. Yeah, you can just fucking concentrate on what you want I'm right come back here plug your ship by watching the transporter with me. Uh huh. And we go through the rules. Yeah. And then we'll put out a book. Yeah. Of transporter rules. You got to tell him the weight of the package. Yeah.

That's one rule. One rule is weight in the package. Another one, never look in the trunk. Isn't that his rule? Yeah. He breaks it immediately. Yeah. Right. He's like, never look in the package. That's what it is. And then he opens it and realizes it's a hot it's a Chinese lady. He's like well, I can't mm-hmm Okay, that's so it was crazy too. It's like there's no way that's the first time that's happened No, he is clearly a drug addict you transport things. You're a drug addict drug addict behavior. Yeah, it's going like I'm gonna look what's in there It's like meth behavior. Yeah, he's like I need to look you think I drive 26. It's the hostages. Yeah Yeah, I didn't even know it that's that'd be fucking sick a transporter if and all the like October 7th footage There was one bald guys

the BMW Yeah, right. What if you found out that this was the new viral market? Yeah. Yeah. You go, do you know the Israel, Israel, Palestinian conflict? Yeah, I'll be like, I'm wrong, dude. The Jews know how to do Hollywood. At the very end, Trump takes office, they release these hostages and they go, by the way, this was all for Transporter Six. Right.

And you go. And then we see the hostages like they're all filing out. And it's like the post credits Yeah, or they and they do the thing or they do the old 90s thing where they talked to what they thought about the movie Well, the hostages are leaving and there's like one IDF soldier. He's looking at like there's one more hostage It's still turned back towards Palestine. He's got like a hoodie on it. Yeah, like it's closed and he's like you're coming You come with to you come it's over. How do you come to and then he turns around and it's Vin Diesel Taking hoods off yeah, yeah, I don't know if you heard this I think I lost my keys I

Don't know if you know this but the West Bank is open for that's fast and furious aid It's him driving a bulldozer through... Through all the settlements. Through a refugee camp. He's like, you know what's better than family? Breaking up families. Are you killing people? He's killing families.

Jason Statham, Vin Diesel, and the fast and furious transporter. They're all upset because Letty can't remember the Holocaust. Yeah. His brain's wiped out. Yeah. What do you mean never again? What the hell do you mean? Letty, there was six million of them.

She's like, all I know is you're my enemy now. Yeah, I fight you in short, in short contained spaces. They never usually, that's what Fast and Furious loves to do is a fight scene that's maybe 10 feet. That's all you have to move. They love like a quick. Yeah. They don't like a.

Transporter does that shit too. Oh yeah. When he's fighting the guys with the candelabra. Yeah, that was great. I love that dude. Who wins in a fight? Vin Diesel, Jason Statham. I think you have to do characters rather.

Yeah, I'm sorry. The Transporter versus Dom. The Transporter, easily. Versus Liam Neeson in Taken. I don't know what his character's name is. Well who's, so it's a three-way fight? It's a triple threat match. Well then obviously Liam Neeson,

because you're gonna let the other two guys fight, and then once he sees an opportunity. Was the answer the whole time? Yeah. I was just seeing if you knew it. You know your shit. He's over there pissing himself. I like to I like to fill my diaper. Would be funny if like somebody finally asked him this because you've seen all the pictures of him pissing himself. He does that does he do that because he drinks or does that because he's just I think the rumors he's got the biggest one of the biggest penis I don't think that that's it's not like his penis is pulling the urine out. I

Don't think that that's you don't know how the gravity of this Well, there's a question for the interstellar consultants Yeah, just to go back to UCLA guy they hired to help write that movie He goes is Liam Neeson's penis so big it pulls piss out of his bladder? Well, I always like to imagine that in those moments where he's pissed himself, he's remembering The Haunted. The movie The Haunted?

The movie The Haunted. That's how scary he is? The house was so scary. Do you understand what I remember? When I remember the house. I'll be on set of anything. I'd Rob Roy too. Every day I'd piss myself on.

Back behind the rocks. There was a mirror that turns into a guy. It's terrifying. And I piss myself every time. He does how many times? Have you seen the haunted? The movie? I remember it coming out. Didn't see it. Scary movies scare me. I'm a little boy brain.

It's not that scary, but it's worth it just to see the sets. They killed it with that, the house is awesome. Really? Yeah, it looks really cool. The Haunted? The movie itself is terrible, but the house is great. And he's just the dad of the family that moves in? No, no, so the premise is, there's,

and I confuse it with House on Haunted Hill, but I think it's like, it's similar to the House on Haunted Hill where it's like you spend a night here. They're doing like, they're doing research. Paranormal activity. A psychologist doing research on like, what happens if people stay overnight in this house.

It's for insomniacs or something. Okay. So they're like, oh, what if we put insomniacs in a haunted house? And then I might watch this movie this weekend in Sacramento. Yeah. And then it seems like a good road movie. Yeah. And then the woman that, uh, like she finds out she's like the descendant or some bullshit house on haunted hill is great, but the haunted is a piece of shit except for the house itself. That's enough for me to watch it. And Liam Neeson knowing he pisses himself because he thinks of the house.

Is there like a long, like how many times has he pissed himself? Like it's there's as many pictures of him pissing himself as there are pictures of Vinnie Jones grabbing people's testicles. Vinnie Jones loves to grab nuts. There's like when he was a pro soccer player, did it when he was a Hollywood actor. He continues to do it, yeah, now. He's like trying to rent a car at Avis. He's like grabbing me.

They're like, what are you doing? They're like, we don't have any cars. Yeah, he goes, I'm sorry, we have the reservation. Yeah, he's a big fucking dude, too. It's gonna be red hand drugs. That's when, oh, here we go, dude. Liam Neeson pissing himself. Why does Liam Neeson pee his pants so much?

Liam Neeson pissing himself. Why does Liam Neeson pee his pants so much? Liam Neeson. I mean, look at this. It seems and it seems it's crazy because that's a lesser crime, but it seems like it's easier to shit yourself than piss yourself. Yeah. Who is he talking to? I don't know. It must be scared. Yeah. But they're like, you know what it is? You got his face painted like jigsaw. I did it again. Damn it. You do a good jigsaw. Yeah. I've pissed my pants. Stop scaring me. He's the scared man in the world. You surprise me again. Hey, Liam, boo. Oh no. Oh, that's happening. Yeah. Look, look down. It's happening. Oh no.

Could it be that he is pissing, doesn't shake well enough and then puts it away and the piss goes everywhere. I do that all the time. Me too. I did that at the stand one time and Katie caught me. She was like, did you pick, she was with me and she was like, did you piss your pants? And I was like, oh yeah, I think it might've been these jeans. Cause they were light. Oh yeah. And I just had like piss. I got a pair of like Nike, like green green like I guess they're for like track pants

Yeah, something like that, but they're they have a very absorbent material and just anytime I'm wearing those You just but it's that you don't shake. I tried to and then I just I guess I'm not done I'll go through Pete was like Pete was like, what you have to do, he's like, you actually have to press up underneath your balls. And I'm like, I'm not doing it. I'm just gonna piss myself. Yeah, what is that?

I'm not doing it. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. That's not my fucking problem. You're about to be in a race with Liam Neeson where most pictures of you pissing your pants. I got these fleece North Face pants. They were on clearance at Paragon last year. And those, they don't absorb anything.

So when you piss yourself a nose, it's like all down your leg. You can feel it all over your legs. So what, it just bounces off? Yeah, it just bounces off the fibers. Yeah, it's like knocking out, it's piss resistant? Yeah, basically. And you just have piss running down your leg.

Pretty much. Dude, cause jeans will sop it up Yeah jeans any any little drop of pain and it's every time it happens You're like you can feel you're like, ah, maybe it won't be it's like stepping in a puddle Yeah, we're like, maybe it won't be that bad. Yeah, and always it's it's when you put it away and then you go like Piss there's piss going all that. Yeah. Yeah. I I can't fucking take it Yeah, but which need to be open. I think Liam Neeson's the way to go. Just rock it, right? Just walk around with it. Well, what's the what is the consequence nothing? Yeah two guys talking about it on a podcast Liam Neeson has not lost any work over this no if anything it as there was mystique Yeah, cuz you go he's so good at acting. Yeah, he doesn't care that he put you don't associate with any of the characters

I don't watch Qui-Gon and think this guy pisses himself Yeah Yeah, Oscar Schindler I don't think pisses by the name would be Jason Statham's name when he sneaks in this he goes on Qui-Gon Yang, my name is Qui-Gon Jean Qui-Gon Jean. Yeah, and I'm here to see my little baby. All right Qui-Gon You're not on the list. Ah, but you're sure you're Bowen's mother? You're Bowen's mother, okay.

I'll go get him this Toast the Truth. Sounds good to me. Or he's not going to be good in this sketch. Also, I'm here because of Shane Gillis. He goes, no, no, did Shane send you? He's been trying to send an assassin. Shane's the man, dude. I love, he's honestly, I always said that Lauren Michaels

has a relationship with Shane, like a guy who got caught cheating on his wife with a stripper, but he still tries to contact the stripper. Where he's like, so how's everything going in Ocala? You still living your life? And Shane's like, yeah, it's pretty cool down here. My wife said we could probably open it up, if you wanna come back up here

and party a little bit. Have you seen, is he in Philly right now or is he back in Austin? I think he's moving to Austin. He's back in Austin. Okay, well he moved to Austin a while ago, but then he was just in Philly. Yeah, he was in Philly for like seven months.

He lived on a farm. It was awesome. Really? Yeah, I went up there and saw his farm. He has a farm? No, it's just like a house. It's like a farm house in the middle of nowhere. But are there animals there?

There were like animals next door. In someone else's. Yeah, he didn't he was he doesn't he doesn't have a farm Here's a house with a lot of land. Yeah, but house with land, but it's a yard, but it was like a barn There was a bar in there. All right Okay, all right, I would say he's not a farmer, but he had... It's also not a farm. It's not a farm. It's a house. It's a house.

Yeah. It's a house with a barn. It's a house with a barn and slave quarters. I like that. When like, you know, some guys like, oh, I got a compound. It's a house. You don't have walls. You don't have a moat.

You have a house with an above-ground pool. You don't have a moat. You're parking your car in the backyard. It's not a... No, you go, no, dude. You don't have.... You don't have walls. You don't have a moat. You have a house with an above ground pool. You don't have a moat. You're parking your car in the backyard. It's not a- No, you go, no, dude. You don't have... Where's the fence? Yeah.

Where are the security cameras? Where's any of the security? Yeah, I don't see a single swastika anywhere around. It's not a contact. Where are your flags? Where are your flags you're flying for your enemy? And about Mack Weldon, if you're a nugget, Myrtle would love a Mack Weldon shirt to cover up her dog tits

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It's a good dead dad movie. I love it, that's why I think I know it. It's the Jodie Foster. No, that's Contact, which is. That's Contact. That's a dead dad one, right? Yeah, yeah. I know my genre. And it's frequency is what?

frequency is it's Jim Cavie's all and Dennis Quaid and The movie starts and it's 1969. Dennis Quaid's is like he's like a Queen's firefighter great and he's like he's he's the He's he's like the Tom Cruise one where you they're like, you know the opening scene is a gas truck flips over and spills into this like. Orphanage. Well, not an orphanage, but like underground where like con ed guys are working on electricity.

Even better. Yeah. There's nothing better than abandoned babies. Yeah. Tough work in America. And so all of this fuel spills into this underground. And what did they do? They go, what is he raining?

And the wires are hanging down, right? Which is very funny because it's like, if you were trapped in an underground passage filled with gasoline, you would just die immediately from the fumes. Also, the electricity would make the gas blow up. Immediately. Yeah, from the fumes.

Yeah. And so he has to rush into the gas while, you know, like the wires are almost touching as it like fills with gasoline. Where they like, do the thing where they like dry hump and then he gets the guys out and then the Electricity touches the gas just in the nick of time right and then he jumps out of the manhole when you know So he's like and then you know, then he's on his motorcycle. He loves baseball, you know loves his son

My boy Johnny's gonna be a baseball player. Oh, yeah, I need to watch this and then Dennis Quaid the first couple of scenes, you know figuring out what a New York accent is It's very funny. He's like, you know, what are we gonna do? We're gonna play ball this afternoon It was bull ball. We're playing ball this after With one sentence, I'm a firefighter. I'm a fire fighter. I'm a fire fighter I'm a fire fighter. I'm a fire fighter. I'm a fire fighter. I'm a fire fighter. A fire fighter. Fire. Something like that. Just him fucking absolutely melting down trying to find a new year. I'm a fire fighter. Fuck. I don't got it. And then he dials it in. But then it's like, then it, you know, uh, it cuts to like 30 years. Basically the premise is Jim Caviezo is his son.

Yeah. Grown up now. His dad dies in a fire, and now it's 30 years later. Aurora borealis is happening. Done. And so his neighbor, he's still in his childhood home. His neighbor brings his son over to borrow some fishing equipment. So he's like, yeah, you can look at my dad's stuff. I think he's got it in there.

So Caviezel's grown. Caviezel's still living with his parents. No, his mom's moved out. He's just in the childhood home. Can I tell you had a friend that did that and it's weird as fuck Yeah, when they live in their childhood home, he was only brief Yeah, but him and his wife like lived in the master bedroom. I was like your parents like fucked in there Yeah, right. Isn't that weird? It is weird to like how do you get a boner? But that's what like that's what royalty would do forever, right?

Have sex in the same bed your grandfather made your father. And honestly, it's probably a kink for them. Right, yeah. They're probably like, talk about how great grandpa. We haven't washed the sheets in 300 years. You see that sheen as your grandmama's come. I wonder about that,

like you know how old people have a smell? And I think like, is that just what people smelled like in the 30s? Do you develop it, like, your old skin is like a different. I think your old skin, it's almost like a fruit, like you rot. I read this book about the Donner Party, and they go out of their way to go,

people stunk back. The author is like, you have no idea how many bugs and how much people smelled. But they also talked about how- I don't smell. I have terrible hygiene and I can go literally weeks without changing my clothes and you will not know. Other than the fact- Are you sure?

Yes. And other than- Who's confirmed this? I'm covered in stains. Yeah, but who's confirmed that you don't smell? And I'm wearing the same clothes. Everyone. Everyone around you goes, you don't stink? And I'm wearing the same clothes, everyone. Everyone around you goes, you don't stink.

No, it'll take a lot for me to really start to stink. Has there been a moment where you've gone long? Oh yeah, always. That's when I change my clothes. I'll take a shower and change my clothes. Honestly, it's pretty, I change my clothes every day. You know Kat Ramski, right? Yeah.

In Austin. Yeah, I know Kat. She's very dumb and she's very gullible. Yeah. And she's great, I mean. Yeah, she's slayers. She's cool, but very easy very gullible. Yeah, and she's great. I mean, yeah, she's cool But very easy to lie and trick Yeah, you know it's like and so when I lived in Austin me and Cubus would just like lie to her

Yeah, like tell her fantastic story like we told her I were you big Fisher We told her I had a dead wife named Skyla dust who was stung to death by bees How long did that how long for actually will always believe? Which is does she still think you have a dead ex? I know eventually we were like, you know, cuz eventually, you know We'd let her have her while then be like, ah, you believe that you fucking idiot Yeah, you know you bring her over to just yeah laugh at her I guess but how long did she think you had a dead ex wife for a while? For a while and I was like 20 years old at the time too. So what were you? There's a child bride

No, I said on Facebook. I had my status as widowed, I guess, because I thought it was funny. And then, I think it was actually her friend was like, can I ask you like what happened? Did you tell, did you fuck her there? It was funny when I, well I told her and Kat was there. But when I moved to New York, I had Harvard as my education. Yeah.

And I forget which comic it was, but somebody told me that another comic was like, that guy's like, he was like a Harvard guy. Dude, that's absolutely... By the way, just how you did that is absolutely how everyone talks. They go like, dude, that guy fucking... Yeah. I used to just wear a Harvard shirt. I remember that. And fucking, yeah. And people would like... And then Jeffrey Epstein's I found out he did the same thing. Oh he just lied about it. Yeah he would wear a Harvard shirt. That's how stupid we are. Yeah right exactly. I remember

we I thought it was funny for a while and I said this on the bonfire but for a little bit I would tell other comedians that other comedians were emancipated from their family. Yeah like when they were 15. Yeah like it was specifically Michelle Wolf is who I did it to. Yeah yeah. at the cellar with somebody I go, you know, she's like emancipated from her family. Yeah, like what it's very funny like 15 It's like I was divorced the same word for slaves 17 year olds who want to smoke cigarettes Well, there was a Civil War fought for this emancipation and also

It's so tight for the pressure. Well, there was a civil war fought for this emancipation and also Steven Debbie or me. Yeah. Now I was wearing that Harvard shirt one time. This, this like black dude was like, Oh, Harvard, huh? Yeah. You like, you like a big shot of some, huh? He's like, you know, I went there too. I went there too. You know, I was like, Oh, I didn't go there. I just bought the shirt in the gift shop and it like completely derailed whatever he was trying to do. He's trying to like check me or something.

I was like, yeah, no, you can just buy this shirt and then people think you went to Harvard. He's like, oh, I was gonna ask who your, who your RA was, your freshman year. I think he was like annoyed that I was wearing the shirt. Cause even if you went to Harvard, that's like a dickhead move to walk around with a Harvard shirt on.

Yeah, that's like. I don't think anybody who actually went to Harvard has the clothes. It's people that went to, you can buy it in the fucking airport in Boston. No, no, no. People that go to Harvard has the clothes. It's people that went to, you can buy it in the airport in Boston. No, no, no. People that go to Harvard, have the clothes. They like work out in them. They like do like what they do is they want the attention, but they're acting subtly about it. So they're like,

they'll play like pickle ball in it and be like Harvard, huh? He's like, yeah, that's where I got my bachelors, you know, or they love, they love rocking their merch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's why, that's why he was so fired up about you doing it. Yeah. But it was probably the don't probably hate the people that do. The tone was very like, oh, yeah, we, you know, rep, rep your set, cunt. Yeah. Kind of like where you from, cunt, where your grandma stay.

And you're like, I was in, I was in the Iliad, you know, the kind of good bull hunting. I was in the Iliac Dorm. You know, the kind of good Will Hunting story. I was kind of running around. You know, the basement. Yeah, I just, I kind of stayed, I slept on a couch. Yeah, I was doing like math in the basement. That's why you couldn't find me. I was mathing it up in the basement.

There's people, I mean, like comics love to do that to other comics and be like, yeah, he's only been in this game. Why is he a janitor in that movie too, by the way? Who, Will Hunting? Yeah. Because it makes the movie better? Yeah, but I mean, it's like I can understand You know, you can be a all his friends are like blue collar guys that have like trades jobs, right? Oh, you think that he took the shittiest job? Why does he have the shittiest job? They all know they're like, oh, he's This guy's smart. Yeah, he's wicked smart. That's why he's doing something else. He could do some smart. Do you think it was

because he was making like a quarter million dollars a year with like a general contracting firm? Yeah. Or he could go get it. I think that's how much you go get his own company. If he wouldn't got his apprentice license. Yeah. And like became an electrician. Yeah, that guy would be pulling in like three. And then what's his what's his like, his dramas that his dad hit him. He was like one of ten kids and he was beaten a lot, but it wouldn't that also be all of his friends Yeah, and so but he's the only one so it was he sexually assaulted in the movie by Robin Williams. Yeah

It's like oh, oh, oh you notice. Oh, oh your penis gets an asshole. Now. It's a pussy Or it could be both It's an asshole now it's a pussy. Or it could be both. Oh look, it's a soft penis now it's a hard penis. Now I'm making Mr. Winky disappear into my mouth. Good morning! He goes, oh look, your penis turned into a microphone. He goes, fucking stop it.

He's sucking it, get rid of it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm touching you. You trust me. We had guys like you in Saigon. Hello, oh, oh, they should have. We dress guys like you in Saigon. Hello, they should've. We dress them up, make them real pretty. If someone was, I wish they would've gone back and wrote all of the Robin Williams characters

to be continuous, so like, Moscow on the Hudson. They kind of did, right? Every movie he's in, they're like, there's no script, do whatever you want. Well, there's a point where they just let him jazz it around. You know what I also rewatched in the last year, I forgot how good it was was death of smoochie I never was Edward Norton. Yeah, I haven't watched this movie so good who did that movie who directed I can't remember

But it's very well written. It's like dark. It's dark and it's very funny. Yeah. Yeah, it's a great That was like right at the time when Barney was huge. Yeah, it was like a great yeah, and it's such like an inventive Do you think Hollywood's completely done doing those movies? Doing like spending money on stuff. I think it's like the reason, you know, like 1999 is the big year and this is just, I have no nothing about, you know, like what actually caused it, but there was just more money. They were buying more scripts in the nineties. They were taking bigger risks. Like things were making more money. Yeah. And then after, know the economy's the downturn in the 2000s. It's like they stopped spending money on things and do you think it was bonuses?

What do you mean? Like I feel like bonuses got crazy after like 2005 like you used to hear about like like like a CEO would get a bonus of like a million dollars I know where it was like to a certain extent I mean like private equity is buying up everything but they've done that with the entertainment industry But I thought it was just like the agencies and stuff just taking more money well just hollowing out the agencies which like it's very funny when agents are in a bad position and Then if they even like start to complain to you about it and you're like, oh man, that sucks even like start to complain to you about it and you're like, oh man, that sucks.

They're like, it's really hard. A lot of people are getting fired. Oh, that's terrible. Oh no. Oh no. That sounds really hard. Oh no. But anyways, did you get me work?

And they go, well, I'm kind of worried about myself right now. Right, yeah. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. I just bought a... Death to Smoochie's director is Danny DeVito. Danny DeVito directed Death to Smoochie? Are you sure he's not just in the movie? No, it's his director. Oh, okay. 50 million bucks. Oh, I did not know that. That's interesting. That's a great movie. That's like when you

find out Ben Stiller directed Cable Guy. I want to make a movie about Bonnie, but I want him dead. Yeah. And they're like, alright Danny. it's a movie where Barney's gone crazy yeah but now he does those Jersey those Jersey Mike's commercials oh that's all that I thought that was stop in those Jersey yeah no dude stops in a that's Danny DeVito okay stops in a fireball commercial with Andrew Santino that every time it throws me whenever my. Okay. Straub's in a fireball commercial with Andrew Santino. That every time it throws me off. Whenever my friends are in commercials,

Shane's in that Bud Light commercial, it throws me off. I have not seen the Shane Bud Light commercial. The latest one's good, where he's like in the wrong commercial, he's in the Cologne commercial, and Jason Solomon. They should do a Bud Light commercial with Shane where it's like, and it's with the understanding like, it's Shane, I'm the Bud Light guy now,

and everybody's like high-fiving him He's going to he's going to football games. Everyone's like yeah, Bud Light Shane Gillis or whatever It rocks back drinking it and then he gets home from a late day or whatever And then he's like, it's kind of hot in my apartment So he puts on a house fan or whatever and then he's taking a phone call from Bruce Springsteen He's like walk. Hey, man. I just want to let you know. Well, I love Bud Light. I'm doing a song for tires. Ted Nugent. He's like, Shane, my best friend.

Hey, dude, let's go hunting. And he's like, how you doing? He's like, oh, it's just I guess we're getting the heater installed in the farm. So it's like the air conditioner installed in the farm. So it's so hot. And then Shane walks too close to the house fan and it cuts his penis off.

Oh, no. And he's like, I don't have a penis. How am I going to drink my Bud Light? And then he doesn't have a penis anymore. And the. And he's like I don't have a penis. How am I going to drink my blood light? And then he doesn't have a penis anymore and the doctors are like the best option you're gonna bleed to death unless we turn it into a pussy. Oh no. And so they have to turn it into a pussy. And then? And then he goes outside of the farm, the press is all there and a gust of wind blows his pants off. Like a Marilyn Monroe? Marilyn Monroe and

everyone sees the pussy and they're like Shane's trans now and then and then people are like should we stop drinking Bud Light and they're like no dude it's Shane and then it's like it's for fucking everybody including the tranny Bud Light yeah and then And then he puts it up and he cheers. Yeah. And it's another, it's like a, it's like a black. Yeah. Dylan Mulvaney dresses Derek Chavine. Oh! And he's like, he's like, cheers bro. And then George Floyd's like, cheers. And he goes, he goes, I'm sending her out.

Cheers! And then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then written house is crying cause he's so overwhelmed with the love. Right. Yeah. This is kind of like the Kylie Jenner commercial for Pepsi. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. How could we do? It's just I was thinking Yeah, but like trans version Shane if you're listening, please pitch this. I love I love to bothering him Yeah, just setting a text it on the other like a week or I don't know a month ago

I was like I was like look I know you have contact with the Trump team Please just if there's any way you can like fucking pitch me for a secretary of the interior Debbie and they know you did anyway, you can like fucking pitch me for a secretary of the interior. That would be, honestly, in the hat. You didn't respond. And then I was like, just following up on this, man, it's like the windows is going to close. You're using the agent speak. I just want to double back. Yeah. I'm like, dude, the windows closing. He's like, I can't. I can't do it. I was like, come on, just at least pitch.

Just come on. Did you do to Donald Trump? You know that they're not going to give it to a Native American. So nobody who gets it deserves it. How funny would that be though if Trump did that? Where he was like, I've announced lightning skies. Well, it always has to go to like somebody that's like, you know, Native American. What's it called?

And it's usually just, it's like a white person with a bolo tie. What's the position called? Secretary of the Interior. I think it's always the Native American. Or an old cowboy. Where he's like, hey, a prospector. He's like, there's so much hills to dig. Yeah, that is great though if Shane was like, hey bro, I did it.

If you got a call, please hold for President Trump. I would ask for a massive budget and I would try to do Jurassic Park. We have to have the technology at this point. Think about all the fantasy movies from 30 years ago, they're now just real. Terminator's becoming very real. Terminator's real.

There's an Instagram account called George Droid. And it's like George Floyd is a robot. And I mean, it's amazing. You got to look at it. George George Droid George Droid and he's you go pull up one of the videos you're like it's very well done.

That's fucking wild. That's always the people where I always thought they were way funnier than me the people that will commit to that stuff. Yeah. I'm such a pussy. Oh those are artists you know. There's a real artist. Those ones the agents are afraid of this we're just dogshit content creators yeah we're just slop makers yeah right it is very funny to do stand-up comedy is funny that

stand-up comedy has the money that it does oh yeah right now it won't for long it go of course not no like I would probably say five to 10 years. Yeah, I'm just. Gotta get it in now. Right, yeah. Do what you can, make the bag and then. Get out of there. And throw it all in crypto, I guess.

Yeah. That's Nick Mullin. I did, I made that mistake the first time around, but now I'm good. What, you threw your money into crypto? In 2017. And it didn't go well? Well the market halved. I like watched it for years and then I was like... I'm in. Yeah I'm like well

because we started making money I'm like I'm not gonna be one of those idiots that doesn't invest. Dude that's so funny. Yeah. That's so funny that you had the foresight to go I'm not a dipshit that doesn't invest. So I'm going with the riskiest shit Crypto, but then I didn't I didn't get wiped out Why I didn't sell any of it. You're still holding on. Yeah, is it bad or good? I mean compared to 2017 It's like I mean it was bad for a little bit But I mean that was that was five you at least five years ago seven years I can't do the math on it, but seven years ago. Yeah, so compare it. I mean, it's like yeah It's doing much better. Mm-hmm. So you're almost I don't know how to sell it and I don't know that I don't know the tax implications and it's like it's gonna be a mess, but I don't have one DM

I don't need the money right now. I know. Yeah, so but also if it's like at an all-time high Yeah, that's the time to sell it, but it's I don't I just don't even think about it as occasionally I'll look and I'll be like, oh, that's nice. But yeah. Like a house plant? Yeah, something like that. You walk by, you go, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's doing all right. It's right in the sun. Yeah. Well, dude, I mean, there's a chance that you could just fucking pull out all your money and then use that to make a movie. Well, oh, I wouldn't do that. Yeah, no, I would find somebody else to give me the money.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not fucking wasting that. Yeah, no, that would find somebody else to give me the money. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not fucking wasting that. Yeah, no, that is a- Are you gonna go buy a farm? With no animals? That is, spending my own money to make a movie that I wanna make is way dumber than putting all my money into cryptocurrencies.

So you think Francis Ford Coppola was stupid for Megalopolis? But he's Francis Ford Coppola. If he wanted to make his first movie ever, Jack, and he decided to put his money into that, that would have been dumb, yeah. Because it wasn't proven. Yeah, I mean, she'd cost so much.

If you're making a movie, you don't want to, you know. How much money did you put in? If you're making anything, you don't want the stress of also being the guy saying no to budget stuff. If you're like, oh, I want to do this, and then immediately you're pulling yourself out of the idea of that because you can't because it costs too much.

You know what I mean? With anything, you have to have somebody else saying that's too expensive. You have to have someone there. Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, you should be like, let's spend as much money as possible. Yeah. Right?

And then somebody else should be like, no. Yeah, you need a governor. Right. You need someone that goes like, that ain't gonna fucking work. Right, right. Yeah, and then somebody else should be like no. Yeah, you need a governor, right? You need someone that goes like that ain't gonna fucking work. Right? Yeah. Yeah, then you go no, I'm telling you I'm doing this droid droid George George droid George droid movie Yeah, you know, you know Mullen is really committed to this thing the George droid. It's me. That's my new project I'm like, yeah somebody's fucking dude He soft launched it. I don't know fucking dude Maybe if you like it, you know You're leaving the bike you go. Yeah, put that like in the I'm calling my agent. So I'm like this there's legs here

Do you guys can we get a meeting with Netflix and they're just they just put the phone down? Yeah, you're talking and they're like, I don't even pick. Yeah, right. I'm talking to a chia pet You being the, you running the interior would be great. I would yeah I literally mean it you could probably do Jurassic Park at Yosemite. Turn Yosemite into Bring Dinosaurs Back. I bet Trump would back that. Yeah. He'd be like that's's a great idea. We have their bones. The DNA is in the bones. The whole premise of the original movie is all, yeah. Do you think they've done it?

All scientifically sound. I don't, it's literally impossible that there is no way to clone dinosaurs and bring them back to life and install them at Yosemite National Park. You heard it here first. Yeah. Fuck the wolves.

That whole story about bringing wolves back for the deer population, like we got raptors now. That would be awesome. That would be awesome. Imagine if you were hunting and you pull the trigger and then like you look up from the scope and it's already in the air because a pterodactyl got it. Yeah, and you go, oh, god damn.

Oh, and then. God damn. Or actually in real life. These dinos are busting my bone goddamn gas boned fucking pigeon Joe Rogan's eating them immediately Oh, and then you're seeing all the comics that like his post. Yeah been eating a t-rex he dies of some weird parasite They go like yeah, you should have brought that back. Yeah, his eye falls out. It's turning purple. He goes, dude, I'm going to tell you it's powerful meat.

It's powerful meat. And then you see like 50 comics that don't eat meat liking the post. I've been drinking Triceratops Cum. He goes, I'm telling you right now, a glass of Tricum with some eggs and some peppers on it. And then there's like people being like, I love it. I love it so much.

Can I work at your club? And then Theo's like, all right, my guest today is a dinosaur. So why, you know, I saw, I saw stuff that you're, you're like a big chicken or something. It was like, ah! And you go, okay. Wow, yeah, wow.

I don't even, yeah, I don't even really think about it that way. Wow. Man, I say like, you're like kind of like chicken and I like, I won't even go to Chick-fil-A because I respect you so much. It's like, wow, man, that's great. It's got 700 views, 700,000 views. Yeah.

And everyone's like, Theo needs to interview more dinosaurs. I would love to see him with a brontosaurus. Yeah. It's like the Flintstones beginning where he slides down the neck. Theo, Theo Vaughn, he is interviewing dinosaurs. I would watch that. I don't really watch podcasts, but if they had a- Theo interviewing a dinosaur?

Yeah, Theo interviewing a dinosaur. Sign me the fuck up for that. A debate between Ben Shapiro and a dinosaur. I understand that you are a meat-eater. What is that? We have been here for 3,000 years. Yeah. And dinosaur's like, well I was here 50 million years ago.

I had my own time period. But that doesn't make me think so. Dinosaur claims he swore he saw Palestinians. Yeah. That's what solves it. I remember him, dude. I don't know what the fuck can tell you. There's a very... Because I was there 50 million years ago. There's a very and there was a

Megalodon that was slides and green track pants Smoking cigarettes sitting on a plastic chair Do you have you seen all the people go back to Syria now that Assad is out are they? Are they really going back? Yeah, dude. There's people crossing at the border. No, dude, there was like a, I don't know. Again, you don't know what's real and what's fake.

They've stopped processing asylum requests in France and Germany and Norway. Well, they're all going back. I saw like. Well, they want to kick them out. But I mean, it's not that's like, and it's very funny because I've seen people being like, so all the refugees can go back now, right?

And it's like, well, what's the name of the government? We have any charge. And they go, no, no, no. So we're going to put us on the back. Yeah. No. Imagine if you like left America because you didn't like Donald Trump and then there was a civil war and like, like Donald Trump, Donald Trump was killed,

but there had been a giant war between the proud boys and Antifa and BLM and but there had been a giant war between the Proud Boys and Antifa and BLM and fucking then guys that just like like the Simpsons a lot and it's just like like who won really it so I Family guy right? I'll wait maybe a couple weeks. Let's let this shake out cuz I yeah I don't think the Simpson bros are in charge and then Israel just bombed like every military installation in Syria So whatever this nascent state is they have no military. They have no military whatsoever I all they have is guns to kill each other with whatever's popping up on my internet is like people cleaning their house now that They're back in like

Now that they're back in Syria. Yeah, they're like hey look I cleaned my apartment back my apartment back up. And you're like, oh, that's in my dumb head. I'm like waiting for a chicken wrap. And I'm like, everything's all right. But I have no idea. There's no government. Yeah, I mean, do we have any examples where there is a guy in the Middle East that's in power for 40 years that just suppresses any dissenting voices that disappears and then it's

better yeah or it's not just complete chaos right yeah I mean that's what it is it's like even when we took out Saddam where everyone was like oh so this is just chaos yeah or Libya yeah Afghanistan we thought we're gonna take out Saddam and everyone's gonna be like sick we're up and running I don't think we thought that I think that's how it was pitched to Americans. Oh sure. Yeah, that's and I as a dumb American That's absolutely how I believed it No for Ross I gave it they got Saddam everything's fucking Because we watch movies because you watch a movie and you go like the bad guy dies and they go like and the movie Everything's cool. Yeah, but they don't show the weird part after Darth Vader dies or the Emperor dies

would they go like who controls there's a the the guy from HTS which I guess is like the the the main rebel group that's moved into Damascus now Yeah, and they're the ones setting up the government the main guy from that was in al-nusra Which was al-qaeda in syria who came out of like the iraq war it doesn't know what it always is it's just like they find the next guy and they go you know he used to pal around with like Osama bin Laden in the 90s and yeah it's like well who we also gave money to fight the Russians

Rambo 3 yeah if you watch Rambo 3 it's it's a movie that ages in a way that you're like this is it looks like Rambo trains. One point in like 2014 where if I, if I remember correctly, it was like the CIA was funding one rebel group and training them. And then like the Pentagon was funding another and they were fighting each other. Like battle bots. Yeah. Like they, where they go like, Hey Pentagon 50 bucks. Right, raise your fucking desert warriors can't beat ours. That's really funny, that's how they play it.

They go, oh, didn't even know. I should call Rob over at the Pentagon, see what they're up to. And I mean, it's like this, I mean, I know the government wastes a lot of money, but that's really dumb. I don't know how there's no system in place to check, or there's not. Well, that's why, like, did you see they did an audit of the, or they,

and they, they tried to balance it and they're like, yeah, we can't find like, yeah, $7 million. I think it might've been more than that. It all went to Hunter Biden, dude. Yeah. Him and his crack addiction and his laptops. Yeah. Which in the grand scheme of things, it's like, that's the least bad thing any of them are doing. His fucking hookers and doing crack. Yeah, but that's, it's like that's the least bad thing any of them are doing. Is fucking hookers and doing crack.

I'd prefer that. But that's a victimless crime. It's the Tom Ford thing. Remember that guy when they tried to make it a big deal in Toronto? Here's the thing about Hunter Biden that's nice. You know exactly who he fucks. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Also, you also know exactly what he wants. Like if you talk, like I am, I will never, you can never, I will never with 100% certainty be able to say that Hillary Clinton has not had sex with a child under the age of three. Sure. Like, you know, does something to them. Tests to them.

I know, in my rational mind, I can say she probably hasn't. Yeah. With 90% confidence sure You know what I mean? Yeah, Hunter Biden. I've seen his penis. I've seen it go into people, you know It's like I know that okay, you know what he has a taste for we know what this guy likes Yeah, he likes to do drugs and he likes to fuck ladies of the night. Right, right. That's it Yeah, it's like it's like when you hang out with an alcoholic that hasn't gotten clean yet, you know, you go to a bar, they'll be happy. You're just like, hey, I can take you here.

Why don't you have a couple beers? And they're like, I love this. And you go, because I know what you like. But a guy that's never had a drink and is way too Christian, you're kind of like, I don't even know what you like. You might be into some shit that I have no idea. There's a guy on YouTube that I kind of like,

I don't really know too much about what he does, because the whole YouTube world is sort of new to me, really. Really? Well, when we did the podcast, we never put it on YouTube. Oh, yeah, you guys just put it out. And I was never into YouTube, really. I mean, I would read Twitter and this. I'm more text stuff.

Sure. Like, I never had the attention span to sit and watch a video. And then streaming, that's like another thing where it's like, I still don't understand it. I don't understand sitting there watching somebody for eight hours. And all they do is read stuff. It's like hanging out with a friend that's reading texts on his phone.

Well, people are like, because people explain to me, they're like, well, it's like if you have a day job. It's like, I've never had a day job ever where I could sit and watch a video for eight hours. I understand listening to a podcast on a day job. A podcast, if you're delivering pizza, you can, you know. Or even if you're at a desk.

Yeah, I guess, well, I haven't really been in, I worked at a call center. Well, know, or even if you're a desk. Yeah, I guess I haven't really been in. I worked at a call center and well, someone's probably listening to this. That's what I imagine. Yeah. Right now we're in their ears. I for whatever reason, I heard that and I was thinking like, you know, you drive a train or something. Yeah. There's just a train about to run someone over and there's listening to us

being like, what if Joe Biden was in taken? Well, yeah. Well, um, yeah So there's a guy on YouTube that he he's like a YouTube lawyer. Okay, who? Do you know this story already? Oh, okay. He was like a you know He's like a lawyer sure that they gained some following on YouTube because you covered the Kyle Rittenhouse He would like live stream the Kyle Rittenhouse trial. Here's what's going on. He's like breaking down like ESPN for law.

He did that with the Amber Heard trial too. Got it. And then I guess his thing was he would like have a glass of scotch on stream. You know, he'd drink his scotch and like do his stream and talk about legal stuff. And, but I would imagine prior to this, he was a guy that was, he lived in Minneapolis.

He's like fucking, you know know he's got a family lawyer lawyer Upper middle class guy it goes away, and then like got famous on YouTube Mm-hmm, and then he would have his glasses gotcha, and then I there's I just saw a clip It's like a 45 second long clip and the first one is him a couple years ago. He's like. He's got the drink He's like it's not a good choice or a bad choice It's just a choice you know if you can't control it don't drink cuz I guess it's in response to someone like hey you drink a lot Yeah, you know glass of scotch every case doing two cases a day, and then it cuts to him. I guess recently He's lost a hundred pounds. He's like fucking like like I mean he looks like he's on fentanyl

You know he's like completely fucked up And I guess it's like he his he got arrested the police found like a whole ounce of cocaine is like kids tested positive for cocaine him and his wife got arrested so this guy got famous there was another YouTube couple living with them and they were all fucking each other I gotta look this up I gotta find this but that's what it well it's like but it's like it's crazy because it's fucking YouTube well like some guy got like some guy got like, you know I got a hundred thousand people watching my stream and then he just goes casino. I mean like it's like that's what that's what happened You know that used to make I'm ace dude. I'm fucking yeah

It's people that used to make music it would get like that kind of pussy. Yeah now you see them go like Well, we don't have that anymore. It's the thing You're sitting in your house still. It's like you have a little bit more money, but it's like something about just that exposure. You're like, well, I guess I got to be a drug addict and have a third. And God damn, I'm going to watch this. I got to find this guy.

That's it's fascinating. Yeah. Because you don't know what, like, um, especially now with internet celebrities, like a YouTube thing, you watch them when they're regular and you cheer for him and you go like Look at this guy. This guy's doing it and you don't realize as the years go on you're like, he's a different person now Yeah, yeah the guys make it like three million dollars a year from just sitting in there drinking scotch being like I Say the guy did kill him. Yeah prosecute. Oh, they all change Shane's penis got cut off by a house

But he brought everyone together people don't know yet. We're still waiting for the big reveal. At that house right? What a perfect way to end this. He's fucking his penis got kind of... Go watch. The wind blows. And it's just a brand new pussy. Oh damn. And he goes, that's straight. Yeah. I'm sorry everybody. I'm sorry. I'll let you everyone down. And Kid Rock goes, takes his glasses off. He's like, damn it. Yeah. But I guess I can still drink it. You can be a cowboy if you got a pussy.

Cowboys and cowgirls. And this is cowboy pussy. Watch Nick Molen's special Year of the Dragon on YouTube right now. You're the best, thanks for coming on the show. No, you're the best. I can't believe that. We've been doing, like,

Pete doesn't tell us when the podcast is over. And so I'm like, why does it feel like so long? And he's letting us do like two hours and 15 minutes. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah, I'm like, you know. Yeah, you do, you do, now, well. Yeah, we did a 55 minute podcast like a couple weeks ago and when it was at 55, I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. That felt like 15 minutes.

That's the best part. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, you're done. Well, at the end of these these what we do is for a small video on YouTube so I can drink my scotch And have another YouTube family with Katie and I you