Soder - 65: Rest in Panties with Ari Shaffir | Soder Podcast | EP 63

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

Support the sponsors to support the show Get timeless looks with modern comfort from Mack Weldon. Go to Mackweldon.com promo code DAN and get 25% off your first order of $125 or more, with promo code DAN. That’s Mackweldon.com promo code DAN Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code SODER at Mandopodcast.com/soder #mandopod  Dan is on the road all 2025! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour Jan 30 - Feb 1 - Winnipeg, Canada Feb 20 - 22 - Huntsville, AL Feb 28 - San Diego, CA March 1 - Los Angeles, CA March 2 - San Francisco, CA Follow Ari Shaffir  https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir/?hl=en Watch his new Netflix special America's Sweetheart out now PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with me! Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by     @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Guy's got an exciting announcement doing some shows in some towns that I've been coming to for years, but now we're doing a little bit bigger venues. So this is a pre-sale announcement for May 15th, I will be in Albany, New York. Then May 16th, I'll be in Burlington, Vermont. Tickets are about to go on sale with the code Myrtle. You can get tickets pre-announced. These are the before we've actually put the tickets out, use the code Myrtle to get tickets pre announced. These are the before we've actually put the tickets out Use the code Myrtle to get tickets for May 15th in Albany May 16th in Burlington, Vermont and June

6th in Red Bank, New Jersey Red Bank last time I was there was awesome We did two shows this time coming back a bigger venue June 6th, then Huntsville, Alabama I will be at levity live February 20th through the 22nd. Am I gonna have Brendan Sagalow with me? Probably, but that's gonna be fun shows. Five shows in Huntsville, Alabama at Levity Live. And don't forget to get your tickets at dansoder.com or punchup.live dansoder.

But don't you ever think about, don't you ever think about now with, I've been thinking about this a lot, with comedy, there's like so many rich comedians that are going to have shitty kids that are going to have like those kids. They're going to have those kids that are like, my grandfather was Shane Gillis. He, you know, like. I met someone at the dog park who went to high school with Louis' kids. Yeah.

And yeah, and I was like, what? And he goes, you know, we were coming of like this, like white men are all evil, as her dad was the white man who was evil. That's why. So it's like, That's why. So it's like, That's why. And I'm also already in like,

fuck my parents, they don't know shit. And it's like, yes, America also agrees with you on this one. Yeah. Well, did you see that story? I was like, oh, I don't know how you would navigate that. There was a story about,

Just take my shirt off. Nah, dude, you can fucking do it however the fuck you, I'm literally walking the dog at this and I'm doing it. Oh really? What do you mean, like yo-yo? High level yo-yo? I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh'd you get that? Wait, you would, can I just tell you, someone's known you for a while, you do have yo-yo energy. You would have a yo-yo on you. I've been around the world and I go around the world.

And you've been like, and you can like snap it back. Yeah, it's like this, like, oh, hey guys, something I forgot. There was something out there I was forgetting. Oh, I know, my yo-yo, there it is. And that's the teaser, everybody. Welcome to the episode. 70 years ago, you would have been

a traveling yo-yo salesman. You'd have been like, well tell me this, how's it stuck to the floor if it's in my hand? Now if your power goes out, how's your TV gonna do you then? Yeah dude, I always tried, just like everything in my life, I tried yo-yos and I just failed at it and got frustrated. It was like, fuck this! And then had a, just a tiny glimpse of a window

where I knew how to yell, yell. And then it left me. It's great. You go everywhere. I saw an article today about the top 10 cities for expats in the top. Was Quanko on there? Bottom 10, where the fuck is my phone?

Hold on, hold on, let me see if I can get any. All right, do you wanna do top 10 first? Yeah. This is a positive. Let me see how many I can get. This is the top 10. Uh, this is, these are the 10 cities with best quality of living. I'm going to get for expats. When did it come out today? Fuck. Well,

then maybe Cuenca is off there. Cuenca, Cuenca, Ecuador, because now they're having an uprising. Oh, well, yeah, that probably will do. I think a government uprising will take you off the top. There's some city in Mexico. I forgot the name of it. Uh, okay, great. I'm so far over to Tbilisi was going to be the last one. I'll take you off the top. There's some city in Mexico. I forgot the name of it. Okay. Great. I'm so far over to Tbilisi was going to be the last one. I guess. I'm really going to just tell you this right now. I hate to blow it for you. They're all white countries. They're all very white. Tbilisi is all I got. They are very well. I don't know. What have we got then?

Number one is Zurich for Switzerland. Whoa, whoa. That may be a misunderstanding. You need your dollar to go further, not less far. Yeah, but see, this is how you. Like barely getting by guy. Things different than I have been getting by guy. You go to like live, I remember when we were doing sixth and jump,

you were like, I drank some painter's drink. What was it? You got drunk on a guy, you were like in. Che chichi. Hey, the fun pedal. Speaking of which, I got real mad at this, but this teacher the other day, really? What's that supposed to mean? Like buddy, it's going to take you a while to make you understand it. It's not what you're mad about. It's not, you would agree with me. He's a bad cop.

We need to find the episode. Yeah. I think it was like season two, fucking episode 16. So you can just say it to them. So you can just go like, if someone goes, what does that mean? You go 21 Jump Street, season two, episode six, the fun dog pen hall.

Here's my contact info. Tell me if I'm wrong. Go watch it and tell me if I'm wrong. He fights high school kids. He fights them. He's a grown man and he fights. Not even kids in the, like they're not looking at those kids as, as I'm still up available. Someone just said that they've been gone.

They went to the patron because we made it for free. And then they were like, these episodes aren't up in the video anymore. We'll find it. We'll find it and put it back out. But we watched all the seasons of 21 Jump Street throughout the pandemic at Doug Penn Hall fought children as an adult cop. So we made a defund Penn Hall shirt and I could definitely see someone in New York catching that and being like, especially because the, the, uh, the pro police people are aggressive about asking you,

like if you. They'll just break that social code. Like hey, let me come at you aggressively. If you had a pro cop shirt, no liberal would ever push you on it. Yeah. But you having a defund dog at all, has guys going,

Hey, I lost my brother in 9-11. He's a fucking NYPD. Why are you defunding the cops? What is that? They're giving him the right to punch a fucking football player. He's just trying to go on the team. Ever been to a Buffalo Wild Wings on a Friday and been drunk? So these are the cities with the best quality of living.

And this has nothing to do with money. But while I was, what I was saying was when we were doing six and jump, Ari went to central America and we were doing an episode. He's like, Hey, I'm pretty drunk. I drank this stuff out of a boot. It was something like that. I think it was Chicha or something like that. And he's like, so construction worker had it down here. And I'm like, that's how Ari travels. Ari's getting fucked up. That's like someone coming to New York and getting drunk with one of the Mexican

cooks that are outside at five PM. You walk in the morning, they're like, we're just getting started. We finished. There used to be this place across the street when I worked on 50th and 3rd, it's now like a spa, but it was a bodega with a top level with like tables and shit, so you could go get a sandwich and add like a full bar, a food bar, and you could go upstairs, but it was also like a deli where you could

get stuff, and dude, the morning shift, I found this out pretty quickly, the morning shift cooks would all buy tall boy Budweiser's and Joe go get fucking hammered at like 4.30. So when I was done closing lunch and I would like maybe go get a sandwich before I go to the comedy clubs, they would be blackout on this top level and they'd be like, hey, gringo loco. And they'd be like, hey, gringo and they'd be like, Hey gringo, local.

I know enough to know that. They'd be like, where is Sarah? That'd be like, if someone visiting Ari is someone visiting New York, seeing those cooks drunk and getting drunk with them. That's how you travel. The benefit, the real superpower of a Latino immigrant is the ability to get drunk off one tall boy. They can just get banged up.

But by the way, their drunk is so much more fun. It's singing. So much more fun. And they're like, eh, they get very horny, which is funny. Yeah, they sing, dance. Like the way that drunk Mexican dudes in the day that are just working in the kitchen, how much they love pussy is like, a kid doesn't love Christmas that much.

They're just like, ooh. They're like, just say names of girls that I was waitressing with, and they'd be like, ooh, Alissa. And you're like, yeah, Roberto, you're gonna see her tomorrow. And then like, you know, one time this dude, his name was Francisco, he was a busboy. He like had a crush on my friend, Sarah.

And he was like, she walked away and he was like, Sarah, like that. And I go, that's my sister, dude. And he went, I'm so sorry. He got so upset about it. And then later the shift, I was like, I'm fucking with you. She's just my friend. And he was like, don't do that, bro. Yeah. Don't do that to me.

Dude, those guys were just, he got so upset when I was like, that's my sister, bro. And he was like, Oh fuck. But I think these are rich people traveling. They also have the ability to pass out face down mid sidewalk. Yeah. Just like they don't go like, Oh guys, I'm sorry. I'm going gonna go home. If you wanna see someone sleeping comfortably on the train, you'll see like a drunk Mexican dude just sitting there

and you're like, this guy's locked in. Yeah. He's like all the way to Queens. He's like. Only time I've seen a person fall that hard to sleep was Joe List when we were, and then he ended up in Edinburgh. Drinking days. All five burros.

Nice. He woke up a stop before he was supposed to get off right before Edinburgh. Yeah. So these are the top tens. Zurich makes sense. Vienna, Austria. Wow. Yeah. Cause if you're an old person, you hate different races. Expat. This is like truly if you are rich and white. Yes. I wouldn't even Berlin. It'd be if you are rich and white. Yes, what do you mean Berlin?

It'd be like Munich. Yeah, and this is like, this is what I mean. This is like, MSN, this is like an MSN article, which isn't MSNBC, but it's like, this is just a shitty list. This isn't even like that good of a list. All right, so it goes Zurich, Vienna, Geneva, Switzerland's two out of the top three. Copenh. Copenhagen. Love it. Love it there. Best weed in Europe. Sorry.

Spagna. Really? Maybe you guys can count, but from white Europe, best weed. Is Copenhagen, Denmark? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Why? Oh, I forgot who I was talking to. Yeah. I want to know. He's like, wait, wait, pause. I want to get into this. Let's talk. They have this place called Christiania. It's this rebel anarchist town in the heart of Denmark with no laws. They just retook army housing because they don't use it. So they needed it for a while.

I'm like, why is this going to waste? And it's like all that socialist stuff. It's like, we should use this. And the government's like, you're not wrong. And so they went in, you can't have stuff falling apart. But they have this weird art projects out there. Weed is legal. All the fun drugs are legal.

I go, what is mushrooms? It goes right on the fence, but on this side of the fence. And they have two laws. They have a few laws, right of like just human, like basic human rights, which means you can go to anybody's door and go have a glass of water. And how do you not give someone a glass of water? So like you have to. How would that play in America?

Not well. Not well. Can we get to that point? Let's try to get back to, can I get a glass of water? I know it seems crazy, but like, if you're a normal person, you're like, I'd want a glass of, there's someone's home right, this should be fine.

I just want a glass of water. I'm thirsty. Yeah. And I need a glass of water in America. And it runs free from the taps. Ah, fuck. Yeah. And I need a glass of water. And America, they're like. And it runs free from the taps. Ah, fuck. Go into someone's door, that's the new jackass.

Oh yeah. Go get a glass of water. That would be very fun. I have that one and I have this one. Somebody's at a outside like eating area and you're just, the fence is right there and you're walking by and you go, hey man, can I get a lighter?

And so they do it and you light your cigarette or joint or whatever and then just chuck it. And then see if they fight you over a $1 lighter. I would assume most of it is, most of it's the inconvenience of maybe I needed that lighter. And I think at most you get like, come on. Yeah. So they have basic human rights. So you get a glass of water. And then two major, major rules, uh, no taking pictures and no running.

They're high and they're doing somewhat illegal drugs 45 minutes before you come into Copenhagen. If a 17 year old gets in every 45 minutes and you get out, that's so funny. Adult, adult Copenhagen. It's everyone. Only adults can be out so that they have basic human rights. Yeah. No running. No taking pictures. Call that up, see right there? Yeah.

You got that, it's really beautiful. They have public art displays. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's Christendia. Nice, he put in an edit that he knew you were gonna do. Let's give him more work. Let's give him more work.

That was seeing the final product. I already jumped ahead to the editing process. But you like, that is, the idea that you could just be basically decent to someone. It's hilarious that we are so outside or it is, dude, I heard this NPR interview during, um, can you, can you do glass? Can you glass me some glasses on that? Yes, dude. Full Rick Glassman this podcast. I need you to fucking, I need you, dude, I'm gonna get a text from him.

Every time I name drop something upscale just be like, glasses, beer, pipe. Mike's gonna text me and be like, what the fuck is Ari doing? I've been up since five in the morning. He goes, you know what, we gotta pay for this AI art. I've got a beard to comb. You gotta pay for this fucking AI art.

What was I saying? Oh, I was saying, I'm sorry, they were talking about the tsunami in Japan. They were like talking to someone like, do you think this is a testament to how you guys are coming together? That everyone's like, they're passing out food, all the power's out. They're like, you guys are very orderly in line and like, no one's pushing or anything. Like, is this like how strong you guys are?

And they're like, I don't understand. Yeah. How, what do you mean? There's a line. What do you mean? And they're like, well, no, just the way you guys aren't pushing each other and shoving the guys. Like I don't understand your question. I don't like it. Oh, shit. It is weird because they will, Japan specifically will inconvenience themselves

for the good of the group. If you've ever seen those videos of them getting on the subway, and there are those people that push them. Oh, I wanna do one of those so bad. But here's the thing. That's the number one thing I wanna go to Japan for. Watch them get pushed,

because they don't have like a Queensborough Plaza energy where you're like, push me and see what happens. Yeah. They have like a, they just like give into it. They're like almost like a dead, like, Gary Veeder and LCD sound system concert. Oh my God, dude. We just passed out, but too crowded to fall.

So he was just like, I think we've brought, I think we might've brought it up on a couple different podcasts, but I don't think we've actually talked about that entire night. Because I've had my best drug experiences with you, and I've had my worst. And I don't even think LCD Sound System was the worst.

It definitely wasn't the worst. It was the most interesting. But we, Ari and I did Bonnaroo in 2015. Second year it wasn't, okay. And it sucked. Well, mine sucked. Oh, oh, right. Mine sucked because I was in a relationship

where I kind of just got bossed around. You just couldn't get bossed around. That's when I admitted it. It made Jay laugh really hard. When you admitted it, he bossed out. When we went to go get those pictures taken When I admitted it, it made Jay laugh really hard. When you admitted it, he buzzed out. When we went to go get those pictures taken and the photographer was like,

"'Yell, that guy Danny.'" Do you remember that? We took a group photo and he's like, "'Hey, the best way to get this photo is like, "'you guys all yell something, just scream something.'" And Jay was sitting next, standing next to me and I go, "'Do you know what it's like to get bullied

"'by a hot girl for a full weekend?' And Jay was like, ah! He was like, because he knew I'd been holding it in and yelling it out. Hey, let's all go to that show. Okay, cool, I don't know, let's go. Jay thought it was funny because she'd be like, sips, sips, sips, sips, sips.

And I'd be like, hey guys, I think we're just gonna stay here. It was just this look of like. It sucked. What? So it kind of just, it kind of. We're not, okay. I thought we were a group. So the next year Ari is like, So it kind of just, it kind of, we're not, okay.

So the next year Ari is like, Hey, I'm doing these secret shows just to go on a room, just to go in exchange for tickets. They're not giving me money and a place to park an RV, just a place to park it. Place to park an RV and you got food. And we got food. You got the fucking Ari got it food and ran as easy was

coming for the Grateful Dead. So I went to the first half, which was LCD sound system the first night, Pearl Jam the second night. And we had like full access. Nate was on the comedy shows. Pete Davidson was on the comedy shows. That's how Eddie Vedder got to the comedy tent.

But it was like, Ari and I went down and it was like, when you go to someone's special taping and you're not taping, that was the energy. We were like, oh, this is zero pressure on me. No pressure at all. We had these secret shows that we were like telling people about at the festival, just walking by going, are you performing here?

And I would write down on their arm, they'd be like, Santa's tent, midnight, Tuesday. Or not Tuesday, Friday. It was like two o'clock in the morning. Me, you, Sean Patton, and Jack Knight. Jack Knight, RIP. But it was... Rest in panties.

Yeah, that'd be crazy. Don't put me in panties when I die. Cause that is very funny, if you're wearing a lacy bottom under your suit. You know he's wearing lacy panties under those. But we went and did that show, and it was LCD sounds. Just God damn it, dude.

If you've heard me tell this story before, I'm sorry. But being here with Ari. I've never heard it. It was one of my favorite nights. Ari went and got pure MDMA from a fan. Yeah, that was real. He took it out of his wheel well. He liked to open up his spare tire and then went like this

and goes, I got the drugs. I'm like, damn dude. Those are real drugs. And Ari, I had never done that. Live Nation had just bought Bonnaroo. So they were coming down hard on drugs that year. You had to be careful. Yeah. And Ari was like, uh, I'm doing MDMA Friday. And I was like, I've never done MDMA. And he was like, this is the MDMA you want to do. And that's the place for it.

It is Bonnaroo. And it was the LCD sound system, who honestly outside of Daft Punk is playing at my house. I really didn't know a lot. Me neither. Did not know. Me neither. Just heard about it from Abrams and we're like, great. We'll do, we'll do MDMA and go see LCD sound system. Hey everybody. It's your nose blind friend. He's nose blind dance odor and I can't smell and that's a very big fear of mine that I smell like shit because no one's gonna tell you I talk about this a lot no one's gonna ever tell you there's gonna wait till you

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mackweldon.com promo code Dan. And Nate was on the show and Nate was drinking again. Let's hang out. Do you remember that was wine, Nate? That was when Nate was like, I'm only drinking wine. So there was this tower of wine. That's what it was called. Yeah, the tower of, you could buy it and it was four orbs.

Yeah, four orbs. There's a good way to do it. Four orbs. No, the one on the right. The one on the right. No, down. No, down. Don't move the mask down. Move the mouse. Yeah. Yeah. That one. That one. That one. Put that one up. So dude, this is so funny cause he's got to edit it tonight.

To the picture. You have to find another picture nearby. You motherfucker. So you got to edit in me with just like as Abraham Lincoln on the side. They're like, what's that one? Just some weird Simpsons, like Easter egg, Harry and Dan making out in the side. No, no, not that one. It's us in a painting. They, um, but I remember Ari was like, all right, here's what we're going to do. We're going to take one pill right now and then we'll go into the show and we'll take a second pill.

He like, you know, and listen, you're doing drugs with our show. LCD sounds okay. Not the standup show. Yeah. Here's the rule. This is the two of the luckiest things I've ever got to do in my life is do drugs with Ari Shafir and eat a meal with Tim Dillon. And they both share. It's both the same rule. Let them lead. If you're doing drugs, Ari's been there before. If you meet Tim in Boston at a seafood place, you let him fucking call the shots. He's gonna, and he did. Katie and I walked in, he was like,

sat down for a second, he's like, I already ordered a seafood tower. And then I came in with like a four and fucking stacks of you, it was fucking wild. But Ari's like, take this now. And then in a little, and Rachel Feinstein was there, I think. I think Rachel might've been there.

I remember talking to her. But I take the pill and I see Nate. And Nate's like, with Laura, and he's like, I'm drinking wine, but don't worry, it's just wine. And he had been sober, we were drinking buddies. He quit, I quit. He kinda came back for a little bit. He came back. He'd be like, just when I'm on the road, not at home.

So he slams. And that lasted as much as it lasted with me with just cigarettes in Europe. And then like a day later, I'm like, God, I want a fucking cigarette. So I, we see him, he's got a tower and he takes two of them down, right? And it's like, Oh no, Nate, these are for sharing. They're for, they pull off. They're for like the party. Yeah, it's for a wine.

Yeah. Yeah. Can I tell you one of the earliest jokes I remember and it fits here is I did an open mic, not an open mic, a show at John X's room. Used to run the DC Improv, opened his own room. And this guy who had it open for me, he goes, there was like a group of like middle-aged women.

There was like a, it was like a chardonnay of women. Sure, that's fun of like middle-aged women, there was like a chardonnay of women. Sure, that's fun. Yeah. That's fun. This is for a chardonnay of people. That's a fun joke. Yeah, yeah. For a chardonnay of women. Yeah, so we had two, and I was nervous

because I'd never done MDMA, but I took it, and we walk in, Samantha, our buddy. MDMA will take you. What's that? Don't worry about the nerves. I'll get you in the right spot. You do, but that's what it was. So we sit down and they put us near the sound booth, but there was these like platforms you could step on

to see over the crowd so you could see the stage, because you're right in front of the sound booth. And I'm sitting on, I'm like sitting down, waiting for the show to start. Nate has a wine next to me and he's on his third, and he's already pretty hammered. He's pretty hammered. And he's like, take your second pill and I take the second pill and I'm chilling there. And, um, you know, like you're in the middle of a conversation, like, sorry, sorry. That's exactly what it was. And I like talking

to it and Nate's like, you're out of drugs, man. I'm not listening to you. And he's like, starting to get like wine confident. Oh, and wine surly. Yes. That's where he, well, he started getting white wine drunk. He started getting very like, excuse me. Excuse me. Yeah. He was white's wine.

Dude, Rachel Spills knocks over the fourth one and Nate's like, I mean, come on, Soder, you're spilling my, I remember this specifically. He goes, come on, Soder, you're spilling my wine. I remember this specifically. He goes, come on, Souter, you're spilling my wine. And I stood up to defend myself. And I go, Nate, I'm not. And then I felt a warmth in the middle of my fucking head and it spread and LCD sound system started playing the song Us and Them.

And it like starts with like a very specific drop, like, tst, tst, like drop. And I was like, Oh, this is awesome. And I fucking, my God, did I feel great? That's the best I think. I think we just ditched Nate. We're like, Nate disappears. He was like, your drugs, your drugs, Mike, our drugs, our drugs are fine. Yeah. Your drugs, buddy. But dude, I don't even know where he went. I don't know where Rachel went. You know what it became? It became me, you, uh, Josh, Anna Meyers, Jeremiah walk-ins and the goddamn comedy jam.

But Samantha specifically who worked for Bonnaroo just kept giving us cold waters. Great. What was the best experience I've ever had in my life with enough space to jump around it was you want an LCD and no one's you're not blocking anybody I was still I'm still so many toes jumping and smashing Apologize gonna keep doing it. You look like a guy that you get mad at at a concert You go that fucking guy I jump I can't help jumping at some point. I'm like if you're in front of me I just put my arm on your shoulders like and then something looks back. I'm like do you mind like no, it's fine

Just otherwise, I'm gonna step on you mind? And they're like, no, it's fine. So I just, otherwise I can step on you. I can't jump straight up. You are very fun to go to a concert with. Yeah. He's very into, do you remember when we, I'm jumping all over the place, but I'll go to the worst drug story, cause that's at another, but another concert moment

that just entered my mind with Ari, me, you and Greg Stone went and saw St. Paul and the Broken Bones at Terminal 5. I climbed the whole speaker system. Yeah. Do you remember that family of women? It was like, there was this mom and her two daughters, right? And they go like, we do this thing as comics where you look at a group and they're like, let's just give them a backstory.

Yeah. And so we're like, oh, this, but it, but it played out in front of us. Cause this, uh, so the, the, we were, it was me, Ari and Greg stone, all pretty good size and height. And these women tap on us and they're like, excuse me, we're, they were short. And they're like, we have a problem seeing over you guys. Could we go in front of you? It's all GA. So it's fine. We're back. Go ahead. And then their dad is there. Right. And their dad is, it was like the wife and two kids, the wife and two daughters. And they went up and the daughters are in their twenties. The wife's in her 50s.

The dad's in his late fifties, early sixties. And it's, we're like a wall. And we open in the daughter, the two daughters and the mom come in and the wall, and then the dad's lagging and we're like Hey, the wall closed you want to uh, you know, do you want to get in front of us? And he goes to me. He goes it's all good, man. I'm good back here and I go No, no, no, no, no, you should be with your family and he gets like I Said I'm good. And and then I look at Ari and I go like, all right And so we closed the gate off when I tell you this guy had the best time

being separated from his family. And they were like. When they told him at Hanukkah, hey dad, I know your favorite band is St. Paul and the Broken Bones. Because they told us, they go, we got our tickets for our dad. This is like one of his favorite bands. And he was like, oh mother fucker.

Four tickets, I'm gonna bring Rodney, I'm gonna bring Tim, oh I gotta bring Tim. And then who do I bring, John or Jim? Oh, this is gonna be tough. I gotta bring Rodney, gotta'm gonna bring Tim, oh I gotta bring Tim, and then who do I bring, John or Jim? Oh, it's gonna be tough, I gotta bring Rodney, gotta bring Tim, oh, how do you narrow it down? But I gotta, maybe they can get one too, but anyway, this is gonna be sick, you guys are great, and then they come back in and go,

okay, so we got a hotel for us all. And so when my dumb ass is going like, oh no, be with your family, he's like, motherfucker, shut the wall. I'm with my family all the time. Dude, he had two beers and he was just like, I remember there's a song called Burning Rome and he did this thing that like you only do

where you're really feeling it, where he goes, they're doing Burning Rome, like that. And I was like, this guy's loving life. And you saw like the mom and the daughter shuffling their feet and they were into the show, but this guy got a moment to just breathe, to be like, yeah. And so that leads me to the worst moment.

By the way, let me break into the first one. I remember saying, talking to Joe List, huge Pearl Jam fan. Oh, because we went to Pearl Jam the next night. And we also did MDMA and Mushrooms. Which I just stayed clung to the thing. Didn't enjoy the show. And then they turned on all the lights and I was like, yeah, he also was all

that. It was also right after the Orlando shooting. And he was like talking about, but we were just finding out like, so we're 80,000 people on drugs, fighting out. There was this gay attack. Terrible attack in Orlando. You're not just running at it. Tell us Monday.

I'm on mushrooms and I'm like. Can you do Yellow Lep better? Yeah. And then I remember going like, no, I saw it, but LCD sounds like it was better. No shedding on Pearl Jam. And Joe List's like, you're crazy. That's because they were on drugs.

And Jeremiah's like, oh, I'm sober. And I was at the post shows, I agree. LCD was better. Damn. We're like, sober, sober's not it. And that was the first time we saw him. Yeah, no, that's not Jeremiah. That's Jeremiah was at the post shows, I agree, LCD was better. We were like, sober, sober's not it. And that was the first time we saw him. Yeah, no, that's not Jeremiah. That's Jeremiah was a bullfrog.

Jeremiah was, yeah, that one. This episode's gonna be called Make Him Work. He's just making Mike do extra work. But he, I mean, that was like, that show was unbelievable. And that made me a giant LCD sound system fan. Where I went and listened to all their albums, got into it. And there are definitely a fan base that would hate hearing that. There are definitely a fan base that's like,

I used to listen to him in Williamsburg in 1998 and you're fucking you poser. I mean, they have a song called you wanted a hit. Like, so we've seen him, you and I have seen him three times. I've never been to any concert with the same person that many times. It's true love. I don't think. Heart eyes, can you give me heart eyes?

Yeah. We, but we went. Oh my God, hold on, I gotta scratch my dick. Yeah, oh don't, this isn't, I can't pay $100,000. It's a glass, but this is all glass and stuff, hold on. Oh, oh, that feels good. What would be even better is if you leave some of these blanks so he just looks like an asshole.

So we got super hyped for LCD Sound System. They were doing Three Nights at Brooklyn Steel. And you, me, Gary Veeder, and Michelle Wolf, all were like, we're gonna, everyone knew we were doing drugs. I got in trouble with Veeder and his wife. You didn't get in trouble with Veeder. I got in trouble with Veeder's wife.

Yeah, okay. Cause he was trying to lie about it and I helped him. Say I'm opening for you. Yeah. God damn, it's so bad when they make you lie and then it puts you in the center of the fire and then instead of going, sorry, stop. I made them lie. But even if you say I made you lie, now it's like you lied to me.

Yeah. It, it, what a shitty situation. But Ari was like, I got MDMA and I got mushrooms. Great. We did that. We're good. We can get waters there. Get a, I mean, a lot of waters. I think I had at one point six waters on me. Sweated out. In a wetter, because I had my winter coat, so they were all like. They were everywhere, but don't worry,

because you can dance yourself clean. Yeah, that's fun. That's fun, I put the song right there. The song, you get the rights for that please. Publishing rights, I'm just finding out. Or exorbitant, so good luck with that. God damn. We all did mushrooms and took this MDMA, which we found out,

had a little bit of speed. It was a little more speedy than I would have liked. A little more speedy than I would have liked. It was very, very speedy. The show was good. The giant disco ball was awesome at Brooklyn steel. Michelle was having all these realizations. I've been with her a couple of times. We just had like Shroom realizations. Bonnaroo 2015.

I know what, that tree is there. The tree is there for everything. Being lucky to get into Bonnaroo standup. Just like, oh cool, I got accepted to, you know what I mean? I can do whatever I want in the whole world. I can live wherever and do whatever and be with whoever I want.

And I can make it in the world. I can host everything like three weeks I think that's a lesson for drugs that start talking that shit when you're high Cuz it fucking works sometimes who knows to the guy who I bought enough Mushrooms for the entire Bonnaroo comedy people coming up to me Nick Thurman and Natasha like hey you got much like yeah Yeah, go we ate him yeah, let's go. We ate them on Ralphie's bus in 25th.

Joyelle was like, how do I do this? I'm like, put it in your mouth. I was like, how much? I'm like, put it in your fucking mouth, Joyelle. Trust, I'm the Sherpa. And she was like. This is how you climb. So it worked.

Yeah, but LCD Sound System at Brooklyn Steel, we took mushrooms and the sped up MDMA. And the show wasn't even the story. Show's good, show's fine. The lights came on, we stood outside talking for, oh that's a fire, something's going on. Maybe the aliens are here. Is it the Staten Island Ferry right by here?

I don't know, that sounds like a joke. It's crazy, they're way off course. I went to the stand, bought that ferry, it's been really downhill. You looked down the boats on Sixth Avenue. Yeah, Chris Tau's like, trust me. Trust me. Who doesn't need a boat on land? But dude, that was the most drugged out I've ever felt.

Well, Vitor passed out, but the crowd was so tight that he just like, was, was kept up. We could have got trampled. He was just caught in between people and just like up and then they brought him back. And he was like, oh, oh. Yeah. And we had a bunch of waters. Yeah, Michelle was like, was like looking through a disco ball.

It's like they're being amplified through mirrors and I amplify my art through the microphone. That's like all of, I mean, by the way, those are, we're not judging. Yeah. I was saying ridiculous shit. I was going like, I'm sweating out all the problems of my past.

You're just all fucked up on mushrooms. You guys both have good points. You both have great points. He was crushing some guy, some banker's feet that lives in a fucking Dumbo. But dude, the thing is, is we're outside Brooklyn Steel for good two hours talking. Just walking slightly.

And then we look up and we're like, where the fuck are we? We're in the middle of Brooklyn. We had no idea. It was like warehouse district. It was pretty abandoned. Like even like less people than like where Jay lives now. Yeah, I mean he's all the way on the west.

He lives by the Intrepid. There's barely anybody. This was, there was no one. Nobody. So we took a cab to Ari's house and stayed there, I left at eight in the morning. No, seven in the morning, I think. I went to therapy. Decided right then, let's go to therapy? No, I went home.

It just didn't, it just didn't, we got to the end of my block, there was a garbage truck, and I was like, let's just get out here. It's a one minute walk. And then we're like, oh shit, I feel so bad for this cab driver who now won't be able to get a fare. I gave him like 50 bucks, and then Michelle's like, we should give him money.

I'm like, I gave him 50, 200 more. I'm like, Jesus, I don't remember that. Yeah, you guys had just gotten out of the cab. We were trying to like, so sorry, just having to spend another eight minutes in your cab without a fare. When you're a cab driver in the mornings at that, at that, like, two different kinds of guys you pick up, going to work or coming home. Yeah.

Fucked up. Yeah. But yeah, man, that was, that lasted for like two days. I slept like the next morning. I think I got to sleep. Yeah. I mean, I didn't, there's shelf stayed over till like 2 p.m. That's crazy. You can find an episode of the bonfire that I'm on That had the next day because it was it was too speedy. It was it was too speedy We did an episode and I think I did a you know, what did oh That was the Yankee swap swap I was on that was yes I pissed like I pissed like a lot of water I was just pouring water yeah that was the holy shit that's fun I didn't know it was a Yankee swap episode I was that was that

the next day that's why I couldn't call out of it cuz I was like that was that episode you did what Mary Jean this porn star tried to fight Lewis like actually I was like, that was that episode. You did what? Mary Jean, this porn star tried to fight Lewis. Like actually tried to fight Lewis. And it was like holding up a painting and she was like going at him. And I was, I was urinating.

I urinated and I did a bonfire. Cause Jay was like, you are pissing like crazy. That was nuts. Yeah. That fucking ruled. What a night that was. No, no, it was horrible. It was horrible. The, the first night was great memories. I loved it. Oh, it wasn't normally like, I need to go to sleep, but I'm itchy.

If that happened now and I didn't have the, if I didn't have to do stuff, I would've enjoyed that. If I could've canceled everything I had and then just been like, ah! I would've loved it. But I was like, trying to be normal with that? I didn't have to do anything, I was just trying to sleep

and then like, spiders, Glassman, spiders are crawling all over me! It felt like spiders were crawling all over me, Glassman, handle it. Damn, dude, you got Glassman. We gotta have him on here. When he's on here, get ready. Get ready for that fucking edit.

I don't think anyone's changed the fucking podcast game in that level since that. He's like the version of, you know that four way Pac-Man we played against each other? It was the first development in Pac-Man since Miss Pac-Man, which was the same game. Glassman's editing on podcast was like the first step up in podcasting.

Also, he's very, it's like, he sees it way before you know what the fuck's happening. He just goes like, do that. And you go, oh, that's, that's fun. Yeah. Touch your ear. Just touch your ear again. Yeah. I'm like, why? It was like, and then some fucking oompa loompa's coming out of your ear. This leads us back to Copenhagen. Yeah. Oh, right, right, right. Okay, okay, okay. So you do those drugs. Following Copenhagen, Auckland, New Zealand at number five.

Wait, wait, we got from Kristanya, Copenhagen to LCD Sound System and St. Paul and the Broken Bones and all that. You're pothead friends. Nice. That's how that works. I think you have the, first of all, I've said it before, you're on the Mount Rushmore of Comedian Potheads.

Thanks. Yeah. It's like Doug Benson, obviously, is on there. But like, it's this mixture of, it can't be like some like open micro does hella weed. It's kind of like a mixture of having a career and that it's a balance. You Benson Rogan's up there. He's such a fucking advocate. I don't know. There's other ones. There's four. The fourth one is for comment here for the forgotten soldier, the number five, but Copenhagen's for Auckland, New Zealand.

Auckland, New Zealand. Which that's where all the billionaires are going, right? But what if you need to get away from the Mowrys? It's a terrible place. Oh, wow. Getting dressed should be simple. If you're like me, you wanna look good, feel comfortable, and be ready for anything.

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and get 20% off your first purchase today. That's durer.ca slash comfort. The Mowrys are coming for you. You're going to get, you're going to get Maori canceled Amsterdam bro right up to my house. Amsterdam's six number six. Some of these I'm fucking Amsterdam is what six numbers. You would think Amsterdam has the best weed in Europe. It does not. It's cause it's like a tour of tour shit. Yeah, those cafes are cool. The cafes are great I mean, I'm sure you're gonna find it is better the what the ability to find it just walk and find it is better

But the level of it. Yeah, I think we were just late. I was very lazy when I went there Yeah, I just wanted to get weed. Yeah, sure the guy out my buddy Mike was with Oh DJ Lou is with me Oh nice DJ Lou and his friend Amanda and me and my friend Mike and they just wanted to drink I wanted to smoke so those cafes were perfect Yeah, you can get both and also you can also get spliffs. So it kind of counts as smoking. I love spliffs European spliffs Don't worry guys. You won't still be addicted to tobacco when you get back to America. Oh, man. I love it. It's such a treat It's so fucking It killed me I didn't really quit again. Really? It was so dumb

And it was like I'm fully addicted and it was like no and every time I was like, let me stop It's like be like a day and a half and then right back to fucking make up for lost time like seven to make up Immediately, would you do it every smoke you would have a spliff? So I do it The last one was in Australia and I was to the Great Ocean Road. I'm just split the whole thing. It goes longer. That's like smoking cigarettes though. You guys know it's not. It's a split once every four it when you're on vacation. Where were you in Australia? But I'm just saying, because if you're smoking weed mostly,

then the split is like, like when I see, but you can't find great weed everywhere. Yeah. When I see Sherrod small, I know he's going to be smoking a split. Yeah. He's like, when I smoke with Sherrod, I know I'm gonna get a little tobacco. He should warn you too more than he does. I don't know. I love it. I love running into that old mistress. And then you're like, something happened. I had a little puff. Um, number seven, not cheating though. It isn't. It's like, it's like getting a massage parlor jerk off, you know,

where a lot of women are like, no, it was never going to go technically. Yeah. This is not, it's not smoking. Number seven is Frankfurt, Germany. I told you it was going to be one of those off town German towns. It couldn't be Berlin. It was going to be, I said Munich or Frankfurt. Is that what you just said? Yeah. Frankfurt, Frankfurt, Germany. Number seven. Go back and look up. And if I said it again, now lay this in. Sorry. I'm sorry. I just texted Glassman today. I believe it's Frank.

Three minutes of the Godfather too. This morning. So I'm so glassman out. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry guys. Seven is all that out. Seven is Vancouver. Yeah. Seven. Hoover. Great. Interesting. Yeah. Number nine is burned. Burn. Never been there. A bunch. Uh, Yeah, but not Bern. What about Basel?

Never been to Basel either. But those are nine in 10. Wow, that's a lot of Switz. They do the little bottom 10, which is so funny. Which is where you don't wanna be? Yeah, this is the 10 cities at the bottom of the list. Wow. Are, I'm gonna fuck up some of these.

I mean, who would go to any of these? Khartoum, Sudan, Baghdad, Iraq. Okay. Not great for gays. Bangai. What? Bangai, B-A-N-G-U-I, which is Central African Republic. Okay.

Yeah, sure. Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Damascus is on the list. Where's Damascus? Syria. Syria, oh wow, yeah. Yeah, Kinshasa. Wow, probably the Middle Eastern countries

and the Arab countries are really crushing on this stay away vibes. They put this list out not knowing like, hey, we're gonna look racist. Top 10 countries for Americans, white countries, everything else move there. That's such a funny list because as a traveler, you know, you're just like, why would you make a list if you know where you're going? Places you don't want to lit. Who's like considering it?

This is the problem with 24 hour news cycles is people feel an obligation to make these kinds of lists where you're like, no one needs it. I should also weigh in on what's terrible. I should, ah, also the bottom 10 are, yeah, Sudan is a tough place for a white, like an Ohio American to go, probably. But who the fuck would ever think it was a good idea? I hope those aliens come today.

You know, as you know, they're saying that online. It was like, remember when Area 51, that whole thing of like, we're gonna go to Area 51? December 12th, 2012. Do you remember that? We wanna believe. I remember those people on the top of the building. What was the date?

December 21st? December 21st, 2012. Look that up, dude. Yeah, bring that up. Can you bring up that Wikipedia? No, no, that's December 7th. You can look later. That's Big Jay's birthday.

I would just Google the whole thing. What you're doing is Googling every single day in December separately. Okay, this is gonna take a while. So now on December 9th, what happened? Notable December 9th. I'm telling you, dude, it's the 12th to the 24th. All right, keep looking, I guess.

But do you remember, they made a whole movie about it. Yeah, there was all these people on the rooftop waiting for them? Or was that- Independence Day. Independence Day. And then they go, oh, we just got blown up. Yeah, then they fucking, so I wonder, I mean, I don't wonder,

I know it's going to be the same as December 21st, 2012. Cause I was at my mom's house in Denver, I was in Aurora talking to her drunk neighbor. And I remember going like, if the world ends right now, and I'm talking to this asshole, I'm going to be pretty upset. At one point, can you just be like, bye. Yeah. This could be the end of the world.

Yeah. If the world, I feel like if the world ever, if there ever is an apocalypse and there's an afterlife, you're gonna be like, that's what I was doing the last thing. I have a theory about everyone bitching about like, World War III with Iran, remember that? Yeah, I mean, people love those.

People love to get the World War III thing going thing and they're like, it's a real thing I'm like, okay Is your worry gonna help it cuz I'm gonna be off skiing with my friends and you're gonna worry about World War three in your Last day we're all gonna get to fucking hell at the same time What'd you do with your last time like I was bitching online on Twitter with strangers about what it did end up happening And what were you doing like fail bro? what did end up happening and what were you doing? I'm like, fail bro. You ruled, I hit a jump I never hit.

Ari's reaction was this. And then he pulled his goggles up and went, is that a mushroom cloud? And then it was like, and then everyone's fucking gone. Yeah dude, that's, the people that like worry about, that's always been my thing about online activism is like, you're not even around it. You're just like in the comfort of your home being like,

you guys should do this. Everyone needs to start, we need to start fistfights again. Make fistfights legal. You know what I want too online? They just don't have it, is a way to just go, instead of like saying for every political station, do not recommend this channel, and then I work on this channel and then I go,

how about ABC 7 from Oklahoma City? Try that one. I'm like, no, no. I'm like, just no, no fucking politics. Just enter into my thing. I don't want any politics. How can you, I mean, I'll miss something that I want to see over all that I don't. And like, and like I said, you'll see the mushroom cloud when you're, when you're ripping some fresh power. Hit me from behind and I won't. You're on a good blue run.

You ever see that, uh, that one with this guy with his lady running and it's Photoshop, but there was a bear behind her. Oh yeah. She's like got the earbuds in and the bear just keeps going and whatever. It's Photoshop really well. Call it up please. And um, and uh, and um, do that again. But she's just having a good run. That's how I hope I'll be even on the mushroom cloud. Even at the end, it's just like, ah, what's a one hand?

It's evaporated. Not a second of worry. Being hunted or just getting grabbed? Because it's so much worse. That's why they kill cows without the cows knowing it's about to happen. Because if you go like, ah, your fucking meat's all tainted.

You're like, ah, meat's all tainted. If I had a bear like taunting me, like, you know, and I'm like, and the bear's like, I just wanted to like out of nowhere, grab my neck and I'm like, I'm like Googling something. I don't want to fucking, it's crazy to think that you want to see it coming. Fuck no, dude. You blow it up.

You won't make a difference. It's not like, hey, just so you know, they're about to raise your rent. I'm like, oh, thanks for letting me know. I won't re-up. Or they're about to have construction. That's helping me understand this. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like, yeah.

What? Separate, but like you remember like want to go up to a celebrity and say hi or something like, I always help them like, don't. They're not gonna help them at all. The only thing you can do is, let's say there's Tom Brady sitting there, or Brad Pitt. It's Brad, oh I wanna say hi to him. The only thing he would appreciate is like,

are you Brad Pitt? Is that your card? They're towing it right now. He's like, thanks man. And then they run out there. That's the only thing that they'll want. I landed in Vegas last year when Che. Las Vegas, everybody. Las Vegas, Nevada. Where's that? And the West coast. Pull that up on a map.

It's right there. Put an arrow on it. Yeah, that's right. Okay. Yeah. Now how do I get that from here? With lots of different details. Oh, there's a dragon up there in Tulsa. Pull up a playlist of a great song, a cross-country. But. Is Dan walking through? I went to, I went to, Che got me a Super Bowl ticket to watch the 49ers lose to the Chiefs. Guevara.

And Che Guevara, the revolutionary leader. But I landed in Vegas and Dan Campbell, the head coach of the Detroit Lions, was, you know, like in Vegas, you go down those escalators, you go to the trains, like once you land, and I was like going down the escalator, I was like, this fucking, he was bad. He wasn't playing.

What's that? He wasn't playing. No, the Lions lost to the 49ers in the NS Championship game last year, which now I'm cheering for the Lions, because I think the Niners might get it. 49ers are not a threat this year. Fuck you, at least we beat the Cowboys.

You just gave them a draft position. It's the wrong year for that shit. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. But I see Dan Campbell and I'm like, I get so excited because it's the Super Bowl. Dan Campbell could be the coolest NFL coach. Yes, Mike McDaniel I think is the coolest. He's the most autistic. He is. Dan Campbell could be the coolest. Mike McDaniel. I think he's the most autistic.

He is. Dan Campbell, the coolest. You're going for two point conversions only rubbing in. Did you see what he did against the Cowboys? Because they called that they called that play in the playoffs and that made him lost last year where they called the guy didn't report as eligible even though he's seeing him talk. Yeah. He called in reporting for eligible, like something like 14 times. Even the very last, they were like kneeling in the ball.

He's like, go call in as eligible. I like that, Dan Campbell's great. He's great. So he, so I see him and I'm like, Now here's, here's McDaniel. The numbers, the numbers. All I see is the numbers. The numbers, the numbers.

McDaniel's like this, I'm cool as shit. I'm cool as shit. Yeah. Daniel's like this, this is, you gotta look, this is how it goes, I'm cool as shit. Now put sunglasses down. But I see him and I'm like, I'm gonna go talk to him. But then it's the thought of that, of like, dude, don't bother him.

And then I'm in a 49er hat and I'm thinking about what I'm gonna say. And I'm like, I'm gonna say. I like football. And he goes, yeah, that's all who comes up to me. I think I was going to walk up to him and go, great season. But I don't, then I'm like, why say that? You're wearing the hat of the team that beat him. Oh, as I'm getting close to him, I can tell that him and his wife are not in a fight,

but they're in a, we're traveling together spat. We're not happy with each other. Right. He's going like this. He's going like, I looked over there. I looked over there. That's what I hear when I'm walking up. And I just, just immediately was like, no, this guy's, there's nothing you want less than when you're in a lover's spat. To have a guy go,

I really thought you had a great season this year. And I'm wearing a fucking, the hat of the team that beat him. Dude, I went to see Shane at Wells Fargo and I was wearing, it was Yankees playoff game, support team, you know? I was wearing cap, jersey. You go all out though. Oh yeah, yeah.

You go jersey. I support it. I went to every single game this year. Me and Renaziz did, and Mike Cannon did a show at Liberty Live to pay for World Series tickets. So like we can't afford them. I'm like, oh, we do have an income way. That is awesome.

Yeah. That's exactly how you should do it. Anyway, I can't afford them. I'm like, Oh, we do have an income way. That is awesome. Yeah. That's exactly how you should do it. Um, anyway, I'm dressed up going to see him and one of the fucking pictures from the Phillies is there cause Shane's famous with every athlete. It did long hair. Does it have groupies? Yeah. And he goes, you've got a lot of nerve wearing that in here. And I'm like, why? Yeah. This isn't where you guys play and we didn't beat you. And he just keeps trying to ride me. He goes, oh, judge with the fucking name on the back? Oh, oh yeah.

I would never wear that. That's not the official jersey. I'm like, yeah, I know, but I met him in this shirt, so it's lucky, so it's our season, you know? And he just keeps trying to needle me. And I'm like, what's up? I'm like, what do you want? Did you ever, did you ever feel?

I didn't give up fucking 17 runs in the fucking last season against the Mets? Yeah, sorry you guys' bats fell asleep against the Mets. Did you, did he let up at all? I bet he was like, I would not, I talked to my friend who name dropped someone on the fucking that Southpaw from fucking or whatever, the side armor from, from the Yankees.

He goes, he said he would never wear one with this. I'm like, yeah, dude, I don't like it, but it's the one I bought, so I'm wearing it. Yeah, he just didn't let, I was like, it's always weird when people. I was like, what are you coming at me for? When you're in a non. I think he's trying to impress Shane.

Yeah, when you're in a non. That's all they know. When you're in a non-sports. No, that's Shane Torres. No. When you're in a non-sports setting and you're getting that energy, like your teams are playing,

there was, I did shows in London, and I flew back to Boston to meet Katie at her parents' house, because that's where the dog was. Where are the slut waitress from the Conway store when I was starting there? Who? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, That was all edited. I edited out something, because Ari fucking pops off at the mouth and says shit. No, my fiance, Katie,

but I flew back to Boston from London and I'm wearing my Niners hat. And the guy doing customs or whatever, he's like, 49ers. I was like, yeah, he's like, balls wearing that here. And I went, I don't, what's the, we've never had a rivalry with you. What is it?

And he goes, yeah. And then he stamped my passport. It was, and then, but that's very much Philly and Boston. They do that, it's like, ah, Springfield, that's, you made a wrong turn, that's why you beat you nearly half the time. Yeah, but Boston and Philly both have that, they're good sports fan bases because they're so aggressive.

Yeah, but it's like, what are you, good to, you're just way off here. Yeah, why are you mad at me? Because I'm wearing a 49ers hat. And also it would have been great if you're like, grab a glove, I can hit you. Let's go. You're at welfare, though?

Your confidence is shot right now. Yeah, I'm in your fucking head. Seven ERA in the playoffs, now's not your time to talk shit. There's so much luck in this Judd jersey, I'm gonna your fucking head. I think there's so much luck in this judge jersey. I'm going to fucking hit you. Shane, get us a batting bench. Walk it off. Walk it off.

Somebody like pace it off like the natural. 90 feet or whatever it is to him out. And you go, send it. If you had a stance that made him nervous. Yeah, he throws one in and I just Juan Soto it Soto went out, shuffle out, then shuffle back in. Man. Handmade that please. Juan Soto signing for the Red Sox

is really gonna make you mad, isn't it? Dude. Well, I just like to say this publicly, that your chick was sure, which, who's wedding did we go to? We're up there. It was, it was Norman's. Oh, in Louisiana.

Yeah. We're outside the first day of the meeting day. Yeah. She's gonna rue crossing me. Why? Because she was positive Aaron Judge would not resign with the Yankees. Can you look up Aaron Judge's stats last year, please?

Oh, don't do that. Also, don't do that, don't throw that shit at me too because he's a fucking, he grew up a Giants fan and the Giants had a legitimate shot at one point and then they leaked it. You fucking evil fuck. You come in here and you fucking detonate something that goes on Katie and me.

That's right, I blow up the household. God damn you. Hey Myrtle, stay in the cage. She's locked up, she was right to bark at you when you came in here. She came in, I got two watts, she was the happy and then I got a little two, I was like, I'm gonna talk, and she was like.

It was so funny, she was going, by the way, she was going nuts, it's too speedy. That was so funny. She was going, by the way, she was going nuts. It's too speedy. That might be the name of the episode. Edit that or too speedy. Well, you're a Cowboys fan. Are you a bigger basketball or football fan? I mean, I'm no longer a football fan.

I think anyone who watches football is kind of lame to be honest. So we'll do football cards. God, they suck. I went with Jay to that Jersey store on the way down to Wells Fargo. Oh, you went to Mitchell and Ness? And he goes, you gotta stop and get a Jersey. Mitchell and Ness?

I don't feel like buying anything Cowboys right now. After keeping McCarthy and after resigning Dak Prescott, who's a backup on 11 teams in the NFL to the richest contract of all time? Can I just say this as a sportsman? You won't. Yeah, you won't win until Jerry Jones is dead. That's the curse.

I don't know what it is. Your special is coming out. America's Sweetheart. On Netflix. On Netflix. Stream it. Stream it now, it's available now. America's Sweetheart on Netflix.

It's a lot about focusing on positive and that same fucking thing of fucking go skiing when the fucking World War III is coming. I like that idea. On Netflix, go watch it. Now, we're gonna do football cards. Okay. Same fucking thing of fucking go skiing when the fucking World War Three is coming. I like that idea on Netflix Go watch it now now. We're gonna do football cards. Okay Cuz this comes out just on YouTube. I have a baseball card story

What's your baseball card story? I had a nice collection of baseball cards. Good for you. I was over at my friend's house one time His brother had all his, they were rich even for upper-class Jews. Damn. They had a pool table in the downstairs downstairs, finished downstairs and they had a downstairs downstairs. Wait, they had what? They had a downstairs downstairs. So like you go downstairs. Downstairs was a playroom standard for middle-class upper middle-class back then.

Like a TV couch. Yeah. Just like play stuff. If they had a little middle class, upper middle class back then. Like a TV couch? Yeah, just like play stuff. Nintendo. If they had a little mini basketball it'd be down there. Phone. And then they had a downstairs downstairs. I think they had a room, a joint, it might have been a bedroom,

but they had a pool table there. Fuck. And he had all his baseball cards laid out and I stole one. Yeah. Where'd you steal? A George Brett rookie card, 1975 tubs. It's actually kind of sick, dude.

I think I have a George Brett up here. George Brett is the coolest. Yeah, I became an instant? A George Brett rookie card, 1975 tubs. It's actually kind of sick, dude. I think I have a George Brett up here. George Brett is the coolest. Yeah. I became an instant fan of George Brett after that. He was cool. His shit the pants story is hilarious. The greater stories. Really sad. I never got it on. This is not happening. By the way, I think we've talked about it more than three times. That story has been brought up how legendary it is when he tells it when they're stretching and he doesn't know when he was recording him. Now some guys just doing these like in the music shit my pants last night. Who's there? It is this George

The players like what I love it that is locker room talk. Yeah, that's locker room talk That's absolutely locker room talk. But did you ever tell your friend? No, did they ever say anything? No, I had it for years. When I realized I got older and I was like, I got to give it back to him. I don't know how to broach that subject. I'm just like, Hey man, I don't want you back in my life in any way. Oh, that's weird. I'm here with the whole family. Yeah. I just need to return this with you. Uh, it was worth far more than when I stole it. And then the bottom dropped out of the market. Now it's worth almost nothing.

But, but I've held onto it. It's in one of the holders. So it's still in mint. Wait, you still have it. Yeah. You never gave it back. No, I gotta find it. When you go visit home and like, what do I gotta take time to make amends on something he doesn't even know I did. And it's his brother. So who do I give it to him or find his brother? Oh fuck. Yeah. But it is a George Brett rookie. It's a George Brett rookie. I mean he's a hall of famer, but he didn't miss it because he would have said didn't miss it.

So the question becomes, yeah, if he doesn't miss it, did you do this 12 steps or no, you just quit. No, I just quit. But you know those 12 step people. Yeah. Well they do 12 steps. Yeah. And one of them is apologizing. Number nine, I believe. Number is it sure to know a lot for someone who wasn't in the fucking program? Listen, my family's bumping. Yeah, is Dan in the program? No, that's Pogrom.

That's Pogrom, that's a different thing, that's Russian. Edit in some Russian dance. Let's just say the Sotars aren't unfamiliar with 12 Steps. But it's like, do you apologize to someone if the apology is gonna hurt their life? Hey man, I fucked your wife. Shit like that, shit enough. And I think they tell you like, nah,

take that into account, do not. Yeah, I think you keep that George Brett card. ["Sketcher's Game of Life Theme"] Edmonton, step up your shoe game. The all new Skechers store is now open at West Edmonton Mall. Don't miss our grand opening event with great deals, 30% off all Skechers footwear and 50% off apparel. Spend $100 or more and get a free performance water bottle while supplies last. From performance shoes to stylish sneakers, we've got it all for the entire family your perfect pair of sketches awaits at West Edmonton Mall

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