Soder - 69: Eat Your Crow with Sean Donnelly | Soder Podcast | EP 67

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

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Huntsville, Alabama. I'm gonna be at levity live February 20th through the 22nd for five shows dance odor comm then California Balboa theater February 28th then March 2nd I'm going to be at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco March 8th, I'm gonna be in Grand Rapids, Michigan for Gilda's Fest. I'm gonna be headlining one show there So check it out March 8th in Grand Rapids, Michigan for Gilda's Fest. I'm gonna be headlining one show there, so check it out, March 8th in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I was hoping the drones were something more, and Trump said he was gonna say what it was,

and they said it's- And we're still, the jury's out on that. It's not even the drones that are, there's way more stuff happening here you have to understand something about my good friend Sean Donnelly he's all the way in on UFOs I'm talking about UFOs talking about underwater submergables we can go we can go in it I see Sean I know I can burn an hour talking about extraterrestrial life forms yes which I mean NHI? NHI,

which now they're starting to confirm that there's been the newest whistleblower seems, they both seem legit to me. There's a guy named David Gresh and a guy named Jake Barber. Jake Barber is the newest one and he's even more, has more credentials than even David Krush had and even more because he's an eyeball witness. Did you say David Koresh? Well, yes. That's like David Koresh. Janet Reno's NHI. You gotta watch Sean Donnelly's episode of Soder. They go down a hole. By the end of it, I go, and it's all connected. It's all connected.

This is how that happened to Rogan. It's like watching you go and I go, He was on the Roswell ship. I'm on board. But yeah, I'm on board. But no, I'm full in, like I've gotten pretty down the rabbit hole. So what did this guy say? So, Crush came out about 2023, David Crush came out, and he had credentials up the wazoo as well about clearance, all the clearances, character witnesses coming out, all the security

clearances, character witnesses coming out, all the security clearances, and what he said is, I did a four year investigation and I have evidence that based off my over 50 witnesses that I've interviewed, that there's the government superseding the Congress and our laws has been running a craft retrieval program for the past 60 years in tandem with other democratic nations, right? Since Roswell?

Yes, oh yes, so since Roswell, that's when it all started. And they think that it probably started. A lot of this has to do with radiation and nuclear stuff. Well, we basically, from the- We put a big flag up like, hey, yeah, yeah. The analogy I've heard is that you were driving along a highway and an ant shot a gun in the air. You're like, hey, you guys want to stop and look at that?

I think there's an ant with a.45 on the side of the highway, hey, you guys want to stop and look at that? I think there's an ant with a 45 on the side of the highway. That's the perfect way to put it, I think. That's what it is. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You hurt us with that. We showed up on their radar. And they're like, we have that. You don't have that yet.

How do you guys get a gun? How do you guys get a gun? And you go, Einstein. Science. Einstein and Oppenheimer. And so what ends up happening is he's, I have this investigation, he's grilled by the Congress like, and this is bipartisan as well. And that's another thing that you kind of have to realize. Nothing's bipartisan. And this

is, there is people that disagree on everything else in life that are like, we're on board for this. Really funny because the one thing you have to understand about Washington DC is they're all friends. Yes, they're like buddies. Yes, that's true. It's exactly what George Carlin said. It's a big club and you ain't in it. Yes, absolutely.

People have lost that message where they go, no, no, no, these guys like me and they go, they don't give a shit. And I can understand that's like with hate for the, for the Democrats. I kind of understand it because they do it in a sleazier way where they go, Hey bro, they get down on one knee. They go, Hey bro, I really want to help you. At least Republicans are like, we're going to tear all the wires out. We're terrible, but we're honest about it. Yeah, you go, fuck yeah, dude.

Fuck yeah. I admire your gumption. Yeah, they go, I don't like you. I go, oh, you're a big greedette too. Oh bitch, I'm way on board. I'll win you over. Oh, oh, fuck. Boom, I slapped him tits.

But you were saying. Anyway, so this Gresh was kind of the big whistleblower. They didn't want to put him under oath. They said, you don't, we don't want you to be under oath. And he insisted to be under oath. Uh, there was other witnesses on the panel as well. Do that as being like, I'm telling you motherfuckers, I'm telling the truth. I said, yes, a hundred percent. But, but the glaring things, I think you're never going to convince a hundred percent of

the people a hundred percent of the time. They could have a video tomorrow of one of these things that goes on every new channel. I mean, through DJ will not budge. Exactly. Also known from the seller, same thing. Oh really? Yeah. No, won't budge.

Won't budge. Won't budge. He's like, there's no such thing. He thinks it's just like other countries or whatever it is. My question is this. So no, and cause J, J's point is if there were aliens, everyone's mind would be melted, everybody would be in the streets running and screaming. No.

My question is, you just think humans are it? You just think we're the only thing? We're the only life form in the fucking vast universe? A lot of people's point. And then, so it gets even deeper than that. So the crash retrieval stuff gets even crazier because, so the crush is just like, hey, there's a program. And then the skeptics were like, which rightfully sofully so we're like yeah but have you seen one of

these things like like firsthand and he's like no he's like all right then we can discount you immediately even though he did a four-year investigation serious dude been in the military for 20 years was in Iraq all this crazy stuff they're like now you're you're a wackadoo because everybody's used to like you know yeah yeah with a weird, I want. Exactly. Guys with tinfoil hats on and coming out and being like. Yeah, ancient aliens guy. Yeah, with the weird hair. Shout out ancient aliens. Because when all's said and done,

and I record this right here, when all's said and done, there will be several things that were said on ancient aliens that were correct. That is true. And people will have to eat their crow on them. They won't, I know they won't, because no one eats their crow anymore, but you will.

But it's true. Ancient aliens, there probably will be four or five things where you go, in an episode a challenge, but they did they but it's a pothead But I'll be a devil's advocate here, but they have muddied up the waters enough. That'll be proven as well So you're gonna get two-handed. Yeah, but anyway, I so crush was like there is a program I proved that I talked to so many people about this, that would know. And the government, here's my point of why the government would never let that out. The government doesn't wanna let the citizens know

that they've been getting swindled too. That there's been a secret thing that they don't even know about. Exactly. Because then they go, well, what about checks and balances? So, it isn't fucking. It's circumventing or it's superseding. Yeah, you're like, you're.

So really what I think the biggest believable thing to me is that it's so compartmentalized, the government side of this thing, that only certain people know certain pieces. I think there's probably 12 guys. There's a thing called the Majestic 12, that's like a document that just talks about people who know the whole entire picture

of what goes on with these things. That's gotta be wild. Imagine sitting next to that guy on a flight his last day at work. He gets drunk. He goes, can I tell you something? And he goes, this is all a simulation. And you go, fuck, I'm drinking again? I come home, Katie's like, what is that?

I go, put on your Hofstra sweatshirt. I know what you're doing before I tell you what's really going on. But the end of the world, dude. So I think it's so compartmentalized. Also, people's big question is, if this was really going on, there's no way, almost like how JFK was, like there's no way you could keep the secret. You could, if you're putting it under the Nuclear Secrets Act,

which is what all schematics for like nuclear bombs are put under. And nobody questions those cause it's like, nobody wants anybody to have a nuclear bomb. And because these things give our radiation, they with, we're in their rights to be like, it's under this act. So that's why it's exempt from FOIA. That's why it's exempt from any kind of like citizen trying to find out the information.

That makes complete sense. Same here. I think that it makes a lot of sense. You put it in a place where you, where all our national secrets are. So of course you're not going to learn that because then you'd be learning about where our nukes are and who has nukes and who's capable of making them. And this stuff is kind of similar to it. You know, I always think that's really interesting when they do that kind of stuff. Like the last podcast on the left did a phenomenal series about their fantastic the JFK assassination. He did like a five Episode arc so it's like over six hours of them talking about it and what they do is they go through Every single conspiracy theory behind the Kennedy assassination. Yeah, and then they do an episode where they each pick which one they think is real

I Believe two or all of them, either two-thirds of them or all three of them agree that there is one conspiracy theory that there is no magic bullet, that there was one single gunman. However, when Oswald fired the jumper seat with the Secret Service agent, his rifle went off and blew Kennedy's brains out and the Secret Service was brand new that year. It was like either brand new or in its infancy and they didn't want to get it killed off because of all those I didn't even heard that one and then they said that they go like oh there must have been a

second gunman and then everybody like the Secret Service was like no no no there's another gunman do we will not take that one look into that one because that's the one where I go it's like like an episode of VEEP. Yeah. It makes the most sense. Yeah. You go like, ah, fuck, ah, ah, ah, must be a second, that wasn't me. That's what I would do. If I had accidentally killed Kennedy, I would go like, another gunman. And it would also give you, we'll get back to UFOs, but it would also give you a really big reason of why, for a cover up, besides it being a second gunman. Cause they want to keep this program that has federal funding and is you know what

also the the just complete lack of dude like the complete lack of skill and complete the fucking up part look into it because something like the Cadillac had a jumper seat which was like sideways and he was holding a rifle which the people that have believed that conspiracy theory are like if you look at the angle, it's where fucking Kennedy's brain got blown out. I'm see, I watched that Peter Jennings case closed one, which is based off this famous book case closed by Mark

something and his thing, which really spoke to me, because I read so many books on this in high school, cause JFK came out at the movie and he said, all it is, is that the third seat in that limo is, it's six inches higher than everybody says it is. It wasn't equal with the other seats. So Oswald's bullet, if you do that trajectory, it goes from the shoulder into Connelly's.

And it's not the head shot though. It was a shoulder one, yeah, exactly. Which Seinfeld did perfect with the spin. Back into the left, yeah. Yeah, where you go back. But it's one of those theories where I go like. A second spinner. Yeah, I just go. That makes the most sense.

Someone fucked up and they're just covering it up. If you at this point, 50 or 60, whatever it is, whatever it is later, I believe that they could fuck up like that. It happens. Happens all the time. So fucking loose. Yeah. I mean, you ever hear the nuke one about how there was a plane carrying nukes over like North Carolina, and there was like four safety switches so they wouldn't go loose or wouldn't be deployed

if something went wrong. And something went wrong, and three of them, the safety switches busted, only one safety switch saved a nuke from exploding. In like the 60s, 60s I think, like peak Cold War situation. You just, you go right down to like Raleigh, and it's like a guy fighting his wife.

He's like, I wish the whole world would blow up right now. And they go, de de de de de de. They're like, oh, oh, oh. It's just like a bomb like, eeeee. He's like, kill me, Cruz Jeff. I mean, come on. One of the Russians gonna blow us up.

It's like, eeeee. It's like Dr. Strangelove. Yeah, this guy riding it. Woo. But so the second guy with the aliens, he had contacts. So this is Jake Barber. This is the newest whistleblower. This is our new hunk. Our new hunk.

Our new Tiger Beat. Dude, if that was Tiger Beat, all these whistleblowers. Oh, dude, you're not subscribed to Whistleblower magazine? Just these hunks. Just these guys that go, I know what really happened at Roswell. Top 10 secret areas of the CIA. Who is this new whistleblower dating? What's his perfect date? It's just these bald military dudes with like hearts around them. With all the different flags on their pins. What are you looking for in an alien girlfriend?

I want someone that can fly to her own planet. I keep her mouth shut. It's so funny. New whistleblower tells us his perfect date that. They have a contest, win a candlelight dinner. Whoever's good at fucking Photoshop, please make a whistleblower magazine.

Whistleblower, Tiger B is one of the funniest. This whistleblower enjoys watching UFOs and underwater submersibles. Find out where Bob Lazar gets his glasses. Bob Lazar's five class This one's just me This one's a thought process

That's so funny so the new guy so the new guy is a guy hunk on the block new hunk on the block the cover Cover boy really boy. He's got the he's got the neon outline is a guy on the block new hunk on the block the cover cover boy really boy He's got the he's got the neon outline with a whole poster Testifying I'll give this up in my room. I love Getting Sean to laugh like this It's so funny. Oh my God, Whistleblower magazine.

Holy shit. Somebody Photoshopped that, right? They'll do it. You just got to toss it out. The internet, the fans are so fucking talented. It's insane. That's so hilarious. It's because if you had pictures of all these kids,

they're all like chubby, middle-aged men. They all look like guys, they all look like the guys that they showed the picture at the end of the movie where it's like, I said this on regs, where it's like the guy that Matt Damon's based off of. Yeah, right, right. They just show him, they go, this is him, and he's like, I lived in Gary, Indiana. I had three kids.

Even the Christian Bale guy from the fighter, and you're like, oh, they helped this guy out. They made him look hot. They immortalized this motherfucker. So anyway, this dude, Jake Barber, the centerfold, they're really just selling magazines left and right, flying off the shelves. He is, so he's an ex whistleblower and he is one of the, he's I think one of the witnesses that Grush spoke to

and then made a promise to Grush, went through all the different processes. Here's the thing, and it can make some people doubt this and the process and maybe some people trust it because these guys go, it's DOPSR it's called, I forget what it stands for, they have to go through all these protocols with the Department of Defense in order to come out

and say the information they're saying. So they have to check. They have to check with their superiors. I'm gonna say this, I'm gonna say this, I'm gonna say this. And then they're getting clearance to do so. So a lot of people even think of that as disinformation and that's all big scam or that this is slow disclosure.

And they're like, hey, you've gotten this far. Let's give you this little piece, this little morsel so that you don't ask the bigger questions, which comes down to like the consciousness aspect. And like there's a whole big, Barbara actually kind of touches on it. So Barbara's a guy who military, his cover was that he was a mechanic

in the military mechanic, but that was just a cover because what he was doing was this, he was part of this retrieval program. And what he discussed was that he was put out in these jobs and a lot of it was recovering. They had a thing called the field, which was where they would test out experimental craft. And he's like.

It's just gotta be so fucking fun to work in. It's gotta be insane. Where you're like. Whoa. Whoa. No, no, no, he would go retrieving when they crashed. Oh, that's scary. Yeah, yeah.

No, I wanna be when you're like. You're in it? Hey, I think I can make this thing fly. And you gotta joystick, you go whoa. I want that. I don't wanna welcome to earth, bitch. I don't wanna fucking open that thing and it's I don't want to fucking open that thing. And it's like, also why he's more believable because he's like 90% of the stuff,

even you're seeing on these videos and stuff is might be us. Like the anti-gravity we have a lot of things you don't think we have. We have, well, isn't that what that whistleblower said that sent the email about the drones where he was like, this is technology that us and only us in China have and like China is displaying that they can fly it anywhere. Yeah, but I don't, I don't think, cause if a balloon got shot out of the sky, I don't

see why these things wouldn't have just gotten, if we had it, I think what it was, the rumor about the drones that I heard was that they were searching for a nuke and that we've had this and that there's that there's an old four champ post where they discussed exactly what the nukes are. And they're like, they're like, what you're saying UFOs, it's us, we have these, these beyond advanced drones that have a base in the ocean. And a lot of these things are above water also, but they had FAA regulated lights, like

they were, they were completely on the level. Every time I saw the drones, I was like, well, it looks like they're trying to signify the other aircraft in the air They're really safe aliens It's called decency, But that's the way when people are mean to waiters. Are you mean to door guys? You're kind of a dick. Put the red light on the back. They have their own podcast right now. Dude, I would love alien podcasts. That'd be fun as hell. Morty where they did the cable, the alien cable. They flipped the channels.

It was fantastic. It's so good. Yeah, there would be alien podcasts. There's definitely gotta be. It's just telepathic. My favorite was Colin's joke where he was like, what if they are using us for entertainment and they're kind of lame? And they come down here and they're like, awesome sauce. He goes, yeah, we don't say that.

One of my favorite Colin jokes of all time. He goes, oh, let's roll awesome sauces. I'm not saying that anymore. All right, Mando Body Deodorant. Oh, if you're a stinky piece of shit, get some Mando Whole Body Deodorant, man. You can get your pits, your balls, your thighs, your folds, your belly button, your butt crack, your feet.

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choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping. And as a special offer for our listeners, new customers get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code that equates to over 40% off your starter pack if you use the code SOTER at shopmando.com. That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier and boost your confidence from head to toe with Mando. That's one of the theories is like that it's, you know, genetic manipulation and that where it's like the end farm theory is that that's why you see these things. So

I wouldn't be surprised at all if they were like, Hey, we took some alien DNA and mixed it with a monkey because we were bored bored as fuck or it was like an outpost where they're like, I don't know, go to earth. Yeah, mess with them for a little bit. They're like, guys, you might want to see this. Look who we did. They learned how to make a gun. You might want to see this. Look who we did. They learned how to make a gun.

And he goes, yeah, fuck, yeah, fuck, yeah, fuck. I'm getting so much trouble. Oh my god, I'm in so much trouble. I didn't know monkeys were that vicious. We're going to get some alien in so much trouble with his parents. He's like, I was just fucking around. And they created a nuclear war. War? The story that I'm fascinated by was Jimmy Carter witnessed with eight friends witnessed a UFO when he was younger yeah when he was younger mass

sighting and then in 1976 when he won I'm gonna learn everything there is and there's the story that he was debriefed and he was so sad because the rumor is they revealed to him that all religion was made by the aliens in order to control us as some sort of ethical code. But that immediately my brain goes wrong because all wars have been created by some sort of religion. Like religious beliefs have been the cause of so much bloodshed and violence. It's a really good point.

That to me does not seem, that's the part of the alien getting in trouble where he's like, I created Judaism and Islam. I really fucked up. I fucked up. I thought Christianity would be the answer and I fucked up again. I just want to give him random holidays. Yeah. I don't know.

I wanted to give him a day off. Everyone deserves a day off. But now that- You can't beat a three day weekend. Why is that bus going? Oh God, it blew up. Oh God, oh God. What have I done?

I'm gonna get so grounded. They said third, he was like, what is it? You're lucky, three, like the last one. He goes, oh, I thought the third religion I invented was gonna be the lucky one. They're like, oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, those buildings was like, boof, oh Jesus Christ. Oh those buildings. Oh Jesus Christ, I made him. That's like, you know the rumor that Jesus was an alien,

that's why he did all the miracles. He's like a hybrid and he came down. I never heard that, yeah. Yeah, that's a major alien shit. I love that you called it a rumor. You were like, I heard from Moses. Page Six style? A certain history channel show.

It was article in Whistleblower magazine. A certain History Channel show is saying that Jesus Christ was a hybrid. But it would be funny if he was and he was like, guys, check this out. This freaks him out. I'm walking on water. And he's like, God is getting me. Then gave him a telephone later. He's God. You ever hear the theory about Jesus? I'm going to go back to Barbara, but you ever hear the thing about Jesus where they don't know what he did from like 13 to 30? And they think that he was in India, like learning about Buddhism. And that's why Catholicism kind of resembles parts of Buddhism. No way.

Yeah. It's an old theory. That sounds like an Indian guy made that up. That sounds like someone from India. Indian guy made that up. That sounds like someone from India, who created that. I was hanging out with Jesus. Were you though? Guy was a wild child. 16, 17 years old.

14 to 33. Guy was fucking nuts. I don't believe in this. But I mean, traveling Jesus, how is that not a television show or a cartoon? They must've done something. Like Kung Fu, but Jesus? But they probably did it, but it's like the worst production. It's like one of those like Christian

live shows. Where they have the taped beard on? Going my way? And they go, ah, I don't know. It's like they filmed it obviously in somebody's backyard with like a car going by. Here in Nazareth, we like things a little bit different. Why are these apostles wearing clothes from Kmart? What's going on here? I think that's old Navy. So this whistleblower actually said that there are... Even more legit. So not only that there are, what he's saying is this. This guy,

his cover was that he's a mechanic, but he really was, he was in charge of security and retrieval of these objects. So he retrieved other objects that he knew were manmade, were human made by US government, but they were on the field, like the testing field, and there was a certain level of protocols that would happen, it was like, it's like everyday at work kind of thing, right? But there's other, when the objects warn us,

that everything changed, the reaction of the boss has changed the protocol of safety and Security changed and the objects themselves the man that he looked at them He was like, I know that's not us just based off the experience. So one of them USA flag on this one There isn't a Trump 2020 This one doesn't have a Trump Vance sticker on it. It says I don't break for fatties. He says this one doesn't have Calvin pissing on it. Yeah, on a Chinese flag. He goes, oh fuck, where's the Calvin pissing

on the Chinese flag? Where's the Yosemite Sam Budfletch? Where's the truck nuts on this UFO? Two balls swinging under it. So anyway, so he was like, I'm part, so I knew that this stuff wasn't from us, and I was involved in retrieving it, and on one occasion, he was retrieving like a 40 or 50 foot

long egg-shaped thing with no exhaust, no wings, no nothing, just like the Tic Tac was, if people know about the Tic Tac, and he said that he was 150 feet from this thing. He has a video of one of the retrievals, and it's a rope said that he was 150 feet from this thing he has a video of one of the retrievals and it's a rope that comes down and very gently takes this thing attaches it to the helicopter and then they take it to whatever their secret location they're supposed to go up and like touch it no no they don't touch it dumbass would go up and like fuel it for heat it's still hot yeah you're like and then the castle's like damn i don't know i wanted to know

no they don't what happened that's why you. No, what happened, that's funny you say that because what happened was he was so close to it, he said he like bonded with this thing and had a reaction where he felt overwhelming happiness and sadness at the same time, that it felt like his mother and that it changed his life forever after the fact. He's like-

Dude, coming home from that day at work, she goes, what's wrong, Bob? It's all bullshit. I mean, I touched the Tic Tac. I touched the Tic Tac and it's mom. It's wrong? I touched the tic tac. I touched the tic tac and it's mom. It's mom and I'm sad. It's a womb. It's a womb.

It's a womb and I was happy and I was sad. What do you want from me? I don't know. Let's order fucking Chinese. I don't know. I can't think about what I want for dinner. Don't you understand? Nothing matters.

I had a life altering experience today and you want to know if I want leftovers. Why do we do this? We're not survivor. I survived today! He's also in the Gwydets. You're always so fucking particular. Oh, Mr. Meat and Alien. And now you can't decide if you want to go to Vincenzo's tonight. I should have fucking married your roommate. He's like yeah well he wouldn't have given you all those cool alien jewelry that I did. So he was 150 feet and said, the object and he caught feelings. He caught feelings for the guy. And then had just like, he's like, damn girl, why am I 150 feet away from you feeling like you my mommy becomes a call me bad video.

Damn girl. I'm sitting here 150 feet away from you wondering why you making me happy and sad. That's part of the tiger beat. It comes with a cassette tape of whistleblower R&B songs. Girl you crashed in the test site you making me happy and sad. That's so funny. Girl. So he's like yeah girl I'm just trying to wonder what dimension you from cause you break him a heart. Also healing it. So he was 150 feet away from the object. He had a reaction to it where he was like, I was, I could tell I was, he was like, I was being, he said possessed, but he was trying to say like filled up by the object. He's like, I was definitely connecting with it. He said, I changed my whole view of life.

And then immediately afterwards started having health effects on it. He said, I changed my whole view of life. And then immediately afterwards, I'm having health effects on it. He said that he had like really bad sunburn where his skin was lopping off. He lost like a cute alopecia where all the hairs in his body went off, which would be like, consistent with like radiation, sure reaction from radiation poisoning, whatever it is. But they never actually diagnosed it as that, I guess, for whatever reason. But he went to the doctor for it. They didn't know what you would call it,

but they treated him for it. He was radiation poisoning. Basically, and he was fucked up from this. And also, one of the big takeaways from the original congressional hearing is that the story about the guy from Rendlesham Forest in 1980, there was a thing, Rendlesham Forest in the UK, it was a joint UK-US military base,

and this guy touched an object had poisoning and The government John McCain of all people like we're talking about the guy John McCain God this guy had all sorts of health problems for years because of what touching the object and the radiation that came off of it And the US government gave him help money for health insurance No, you know for health treatment, but wouldn't admit for the reason why, like they were like, Hey, these things don't exist, but we are going to approve the UFO related radiation poison that you got. Like it's in the thing and everything, but they're like, but then the other, the other stance is, Hey, they don't exist for years from like 1980. You know, that's so crazy. You kick the shit out of someone and

you give them money and you go, didn't beat you up That's exactly it Okay, you broke my jaw, right? I didn't break your jaw You didn't break my jaw That's exactly it That's fucked up There's not, I don't think humanity is smart enough for them to unveil what it is Because it would just completely debase everything that we have built in society

It would, everyone would go why am I going to work tomorrow? what it is, because it would just completely debase everything that we have built in society. Everyone would go, why am I going to work tomorrow? Why am I even fucking trying? That's what they're scared of happening. I think if they- They're smart, they know that that's what would happen. They go, what am I gonna pay taxes? There's fucking-

But everything's so apathetic now, it probably happened on a grand scale, but the Jimmy Carter I think that happened was, he was pretty religious, I think. Very religious. Right. So I think what it was, was what they told you is like, hey, yours is bullshit. But kind of what it ends up being, because you really want to believe some of the theories,

is that it's not extraterrestrial, that it's here, it's always here, it's omnipresent, and it's consciousness based. So a lot of people who see these things see them multiple times in their lives. Some people don't. So it's like the whole idea that consciousness is, it goes beyond just the, to the person which makes the most sense. It makes the most sense in the world. Why the fuck do we have dreams?

Exactly right. And why, and why does sometimes dreams affect what happens? People have lucid dreams. Why, why is that? You know, yeah, you're like, yeah, there's a bunch of to, to try to understand we're too stupid to understand. Absolutely. I'm first in line on that.

And that's the best place to be. If you take anything from this episode is, submit to your stupidity. Submit to it. Just go like, I'm too stupid to know what it is. I feel like this world would be way better if everyone submitted to their stupidity and just admitted to their limitations and go like.

Used to more than they do now. Well now the internet makes you feel emboldened. It makes you feel like I can say the thing that, it's like I'm dumb. That's why whenever I watch a comic try to say something smart, you go, you sound even dumber. Cause I thought we were all dumb on this one. I thought we had like an agreement almost.

I get excited, but I'm never smart. No. I've never been smart. Same here. I get very excited about stuff. And it's excited, but I'm never smart. No, I've never I've never been same here I get very excited about stuff and it's very stupid. You're right about the comic thing, too It's like you don't think there's people who have studied their lives For the on this topic or are completely versed in the thing that you're just guessing I understand you're giving me a hot take while you're in your fucking target parking lot in your car. I Understand it's emotional. You make some good points

parking lot in your car. I understand it's emotional. You make some good points. It ain't nothing that somebody hasn't thought of already. But the thing that rings true to me is this idea that what if it is that consciousness is, it's almost like magnetic waves, you have consciousness is all over and that it's, it's, it's, it's, it's because they, the other thing is the telepathy tapes is the thing that came as a podcast that came out where they talk about like non-speaking autistic children being able to tell. Katie and I were just into this. It's crazy.

They're starting to say that it's like, it's legit parents of it. The parents of these kids are like, um, they're like, it just is. There's not like, it's this thing. It's they're like, no, it just is Like my kid can communicate with me via telepathy. And they believe animals have a form of it. Yeah, I think that- Like dogs will start getting ready for you to come home when you're ready to come home because there's a bond.

I think that is this. I think that is directly related to the UAP thing, the Jake Barber thing, all that. I think it's all one thing that's like, and that's why like when you have Tom DeLong of Blink-182 fame. Where are you? You're up flying.

I am so scared. You are telepathy. Well, you know his whole thing where he started to the Stars Academy and he was a big UFO guy. I think it shut down. I mean, dog. Angel in Airwaves. I went through him with Angel in Airwaves.

I'm back with Blink-182. He's fantastic. But he, when. Angel in Airwaves. I went through them with Angel in Airwaves. I'm back with Billing Cornelty. He's fantastic. But when he was read into, he said, he's quoted as saying it's gods with a small G. And on telepathy- That's a great, Yeah. That's a great saying.

Yeah. And he said, one of the episodes, telepathy tapes, telepathy tapes, whatever you say, one of the students, one of the autistic children was like, oh, the gods told me this. This is like, and it just comes from this, whatever this consciousness is. That to me is the most exciting thing.

So I think what these things are. Well hey, gods, help me write some new bits, because I'm going on the road. And I got a telepathy, a bunch of fucking shows. You're going to my show, I'm just going. Just sitting there? And it was like, ah! And I'm like.

Right? I go like that, that's how I do the jokes. I go. Yeah. You're just doing act outs? I go. Oh, you got her. Bitches be sharp.

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Stand out with Chubbies. That's always funny when you find out someone worked in comedy in a shitty way and you're like, I don't think I like you now. That would affect the way I watched The Sopranos if I knew he was a, we're talking about Bobby Baklava. Was a Booker. And we're in.

Which is funny, because some comics, and Pimple tell you this, they just come in here and start talking shit. They just sit down and they're just like, you know who I don't fucking like? And I go like, you gotta go, hey uh. down and they're just like, you know, I don't fucking like. We pressed record. I really feel like I've been in those situations, but I know now that sometimes you do just go.

So it's like, you know, you got to be like a mafia member. They gotta be like, you're wearing a fucking wire. But I. It's good to see you. Yeah. Hey, good. You good. Hey, is that a that van that a flower man with you outside?

It's just you guys sitting inside. It's just that Matt McCarthy guy from Comics Comic listening. Comedy mafia. It's just them and fucking what was that other? What was the website when we were coming up? It was Punch Up. No, it was it was Comics Comic. And what was that other what was the website when we were coming up? No, it was it was comics comic and then it was What was the one there was one from LA wasn't there open LA one bureau Jake from the bureau? Yeah, yeah, yeah, then there was also like

Korean also Koreans always been around but then there was Something like punch not punch out punch up is go to punch up live, it's for all my live dates, but it was called like, oh fuck, I forget, I used to check it every day. Matt Ruby had one called Sandpaper Suit, remember that? I think he still does his. Does he still do that? Yeah, well he does, yeah, he gets very,

he's good at that stuff, he's good at like, But there was another one that was like a specific, it was almost like a news report, it was kind of like a dump site for like, oh fuck man. And it was New York based? Slapstick, Gut Pub. Oh, oh, oh, oh my God, you just had it. It's like, I know exactly what you're talking about.

You know exactly what I'm talking about. I should check that daily. Yeah, I used to. Because you'd give comedy news. So with Comics Comic, you would go to see who got Montreal. You would go, that would be always be. Oh dude, checking his reviews of Just For Laughs who got Montreal, you would go to that would be checking, checking his reviews of just for laughs on the comics. Comic.com filled me with so much spite just in a windowless

room in Queens being like, a good five minutes. How long have you been out of the door man game? You're by the way, your glasses are a little fogged up. I mean, I'll take them off. I don't know if you. I don't know. I don't know if that's your look now.

No, I just, I guess I just run hot. Yeah. No, whenever, when I used to wear glasses before I got LASIK, I would just steam up randomly. Yeah, that's what I do. I just, I just. You're Irish. It'll happen also like while eating food.

And that's a bad look for a fat guy. If not only are you fat eating wings, all of your glasses are fucked up. My mom's ex-boyfriend used to love spicy food and he would eat and he would be, he had a cul-de-sac and he'd be like sweating and he'd wipe his head at the restaurant and I'd be like, ew.

Did you call it a cul-de-sac? Yeah, he had the fucking cul-de-sac. I just got a parking lot. Yeah, you got a full blown, you got a whole full thing. You're next to a stadium. There's nothing but parking there. I'm old Shay. You know, Shay used to be there.

They knocked it down and now. It built city feels next to it. Next to it, and then now you can park on Shawn's head. But yeah, he used to wipe his head, and I'd be like, ugh, gross. I do the same thing. But how long have you been retired from the Doorman Games? Long time, I worked two and a half years,

three years almost. Did you work at a luxury building? Yeah, it was pretty luxury. It was a middle-class building that was rentals that turned over to condos. Like, it was built in the 80s. It's like the biggest building on 89th street. It's 89 45 East 89th street. And it's like eight ninth and what Madison,

and it's gigantic. It's like 40 stories. And it was, it was like one of the most fun jobs. You felt like you were like, it was like summer and you were in high school. Like there was the least amount of responsibility you had. How much gossip. Oh my, you knew everything about everybody in the building. How many units? Anyone that you knew about it. Do you know how many units?

I don't know total, but I would say there was probably, they're pretty large apartments. So I'd say about six or seven per floor. And there's a sizable building. It's like, it's such a big, it's the biggest building in the neighborhood that they didn't let any other ones get that big. So we would just, it would just create a wind tunnel

in the front of the building. So we'd be there on like a windy night, like a semi windy night and all people would just go out and just eat it. Just up four feet in the air. Watch out Mr. Finkelstein, the wind is bad today. He's like, you're dormant, oh he's just scaring me. No!

He's just gone. He's gone, Mary Poppins. No! Yeah, dude, that's so funny. He just gets lifted up. He's like, yeah! Oh, dude, yeah, it was like, it would happen all the time and we'd be like, we'd help, but we'd be like,

how do you not know this already? Did you, this is my first doorman building. So to get into the mind of the doorman, did you hate anybody that lived there? Yes! Who was the worst? There was, so here's the doorman, did you hate anybody that lived there? Yes. Who was the worst? There was, so here's the thing. Most, I would say 90% of the people were cool, right?

And 90% of the people just moved there because they liked the building. 10% of the people lived there because they wanted a boss around doorman. And there was one guy, I got, I do a joke, I've been doing joke about this for years because I don't write enough. And, and it's, I got fired from the job.

I got fired from being a doorman. and then technically it's for leaving the door open. That really is. That's part of the joke. That's real. The real. So you left the door open. So what we used to do is we'd prop the door open when it was nice out and it'd be like nice and breezy because it was like two regular doors and then a revolving door in the middle. Right. Yeah. And it was so stupid. So you need to have to, they walked over to the regular door. You'd have to open that,

but we try to encourage people to go to the revolving door and then you would just go like this, like flip it with your hand, but you weren't doing anything. You were just like standing next to a revolving door. Right. So when it was summertime and it was nice or like, it was like the price is right. They're like, I just want to go upstairs. Just please let me go upstairs. Sean goes, no, you're trapped.

You're trapped. Like a rat. They're like, here's an old lady fucking slamming on the glass. I'm like, you're in my world now. You gave me the power. Never give people the power. You and all your rich friends are right.

You never give people the power. I know that's our lame as a rub. That's a revolution. People caught in the fucking door. Four of them. Only four of them stuck. It's work. But so what really happened was the guy. So these I'm I just came back from my dinner break. The doors were propped open. Some dude comes down.

There's a party in the building going on. it was like a calm night, some dude and two other guys that come down there laughing, I thought they were drunk, the guy comes over and goes, I had a curiosity, why is the AC on and the doors are open? And I go, I don't know, I just got back from dinner, it's the breeze, and I just made up whatever, and he goes, and he freaks out, and it turned out it was the guy who like ran the company that owned the building, so he called my boss's boss and got me fired from the doorman job. So that's why I do the jokes. I technically did get fired for having a door stay open,

but the one that I don't, those are the kind of people when someone walks up to you with fake joyous energy and then they do some evil shit. I truly hope those people die of heart attacks soon after they do that. Yeah. Because it is. There was this guy when I waited tables at Dos Caminos. Yeah. Holiday season. Very busy. I think I've told this story before on the bonfire, but it fucking is exactly this. The guy was with his mom and his kids. Guys, whole family's there, lunch.

It's fucking lunch. Guy comes over, he goes, hey, I dropped the bill. Everything's fine. I dropped the bill and he goes, hey, can you, come here. He's like, it says, can you bring me a kid's menu? And I was like, what's up? And he's like, no, just bring me a kid's menu. And I go, is there a problem with the bill or something?

He's like, I just want to see a kid's menu. And I said, bring him a kid's menu. And then he's like, I come over and he's like, says here on the kid's menu, the kids get free soft drinks, but here you charged me for their Sprite and their Coke. And I went, oh, that's my bad, man. I'll take that off the bill. And he goes, no, I just wanna know

why you don't know the menu. And I was like, ah. Oh my God, that's pure evil. I go, uh, that is just a common mistake. You know, I just messed up. He goes, no, but it says here on the menu. So I just wanna know why you don't know that. And I was like, oh, I don't know.

I just like, it's just. I am suprem, Oh, I am. I don't know. I just like, I am supremely hung over right now. By the way, I'm not joking when I tell you this. I think it was a Friday after cabin. So I was cabin bar. For those of you that don't know, English is the second language or comedy. The second language. Yeah. That was the official name of the show. Comedy is the second language was the show Thursday nights at what came through the cabin bar on 5th and 2nd.

Yep. And Sean Patton, it was like one of the best shows in the city. And then every Thursday you would watch Sean Patton close with like a new 15. That was just like better than anything anybody else was doing. I was off the top of this. It was like half off the top. That's when I saw him tell the story about walking the dog for the first time. Yeah. The first time he talked about his brother listening to corn while doing surgery because his brother was like a heart surgeon. Like bits that I was like, these are like some of the best bits, but it was $3 PBRs, $5 Jamisons. I'm gonna, $2 PBRs.

It was $2 PBRs. We're talking 2008, 2006. 2006 to like 2016. Yeah. This show ran. Maybe a little longer, I might have the dates wrong. And it was like Shangri-La for comedy. It was like every scene, it was one of us more separated.

So every scene would meet up. Well, the all scene was very separated. What's crazy is right now in comedy, and I know we're talking about comedy. He doesn't have the fucking dog collar. People just make comments about that. I'm going to get Zap to like comedy talk again. Fuck you this is fun. I want to talk about this specific time period. This specific time period was great because it was, you know people now go like, it's, it's pretty obvious who's grifting to the right, but then you didn't know who was

grifting to the left. And a lot of people were grifting to the left. Primarily in the alt scene, they were going like, Oh, we don't want, we don't want like white dudes. Yes. It was like that was starting. Where they were like, um, you're kind of clean cut and a white guy. I don't think we can have you on your show. Can you get a lazy eye and Coke bottle of glasses and maybe we'll bring you back. And then, and then now they're going like, where did all this fashion?

I don't know. Maybe you should have booked some white dudes on your library show and Williamsburg in 2014. Showing video. Yes. Some of us are still holding on. Yeah, instead of you doing a fucking slideshow, you should have had us do six minutes about dating on Facebook. But do you remember, there was also a thing where,

and it was political without being political, you're right over the left, but their bits weren't, they weren't obviously political. Well, no, now the right wingers are so retarded, they just go up there and they go like, deport all the Mexicans! And everyone goes, Yes, sir!

They were a little, they were a little, they were a little slick about it. They were slick about it where they'd be like, I'm sorry, are you cisgendered? And you're like, I don't even know what that means. Is that bad? Is this bad humanity? Anyways, the point is, Cab specifically comedy is the second language brought Everyone together you had comic strip comics seller comics alt comics people that were like from out of town LA people like black show comics about everything everybody Yeah, everybody was at Cabin bar on Thursday night that show could sit maybe 25 people in the room 30 people Yeah, it was like perfect room for count is It was so intimate. You would get fucking disease.

You would get Louie. You'd get Chris Rock. You'd get like Hannibal was just getting, starting to really pop off. People would come by and do the show. The bartender was a cunt. I got kicked out of there for two months. Michael Che got banned from the show

because he got into a fight with the bartender. Michael Che literally was not allowed back at cabin because we were drinking and they got into it. It was great. I got into a fist fight there and got banned for two months. It was crazy. Like this place was the old West. It was like truly a dive and it was truly when people hung out and the, and the regulars loved the drink special, hated us. This is Dive Bar.

And it would be packed to the gills on Thursday. You fucking could not make it through. I mean, I'm talking about from the front door of the bar, it's an Asian restaurant now, all the way to the back. You had to be like, excuse me, but you're also stopping. Dude, I got so drunk there one night, I told Nick Vatterod I loved his Comedy Central Presents

and it hadn't came out yet Those last time I really tried Hollywood I think that was my honest last attempt if everyone goes like why is this owner's career farther along? Could not Hollywood I love this I was hammered especially sick. It's not I love this. I was hammered. I love the special. He's like, it's not out yet. I go, Oh yeah, which is going to be great. She'd be like, I got a snake peak snake peak. They gave me a snake. But you would just get black out drunk. I would get beyond fucked up. Rebecca Trent, the saintly owner of Creek in the Cave,

of both Creek in the Cave Queens and in Austin. Yes. She started taking over booking after a while. Yes. And then Rebecca, I remember this moment specifically. She was like, hey, anniversary show, I have you going on at like 1.50 in the morning because it was started at eight

and it went till four in the morning. Cause everyone, everyone in the scene was going up on the anniversary show. It was like the 10th or 11th anniversary. And I go, and it was true. I was like, can I go early? I have to set up cafe at 10 in the morning. And she was like, all right, I'll put you on at like 10 45.

And I was like, sick. I did my spot and then I drank there till four in the morning. And she was like, what are you still doing here? And I was like, I'll tell you what, someone's going to be a bad waiter tomorrow. And I woke up the next day. But I would go into work hungover, like crazy hungover. You know You know what was the dog got me so hardcore when I first walked in I just it was magical and I just all my Responsibilities went out my went out my head. How great it how great of a dog is she a fantastic dog? She's a great dog

I love her very much. So jealous. Yeah, I know you really want a dog dog guy. She's great We I was mad at her last night and I'll tell you why. I went to Big Jay's Super Bowl party. Okay. He must've been losing his mind. Oh, it was great. Him, Vecchione, I'm happy for all my friends from Philly. It was a good win and fuck the Chiefs forever.

Yes. But he had a giant bowl of candy. You know, he had a great spread, but it was like in the middle. It was like a little chocolate footballs and Snickers and shit. Yeah. So I they they had sandwiches that actual Jay drove down to Philly and got a bunch of hoagies, cheesesteaks, and broccoli, Rob, like all these awesome Oh my

god, like, dude, crazy. That's nuts. And then drove. He went down to Philly drove back up. So he had like actual Philly cheesesteaks for the Super Bowl. Where to get them from? Do you remember a place that he knows? Okay, not G knows it. It's not bad. It's like not even gyms. It's like something else. Yeah, you ask gyms on South Street. It's good. Fucking it's great. It's like out of all those gyms is my favorite, which I know people are like, you're not even getting a cheesesteak. You're

getting a hoagie. I got it. Yeah. Whatever Jay, still good. Whatever Jay had was fucking phenomenal. So he gave us three sandwiches to go everywhere. He's like,ie, I got it. Whatever Jay had, whatever Jay had was fucking phenomenal. So he gave us three sandwiches to go. Everyone, he's like, God, we got too many sandwiches, take some to go. So I had a bag and then I was fucking ripped. So I was so stoned. I was just taking handfuls of those chocolates,

like chocolate footballs or whatever. I forgot I had them. And last night, I'm playing video games and I'm high and I'm like, I gotta eat chocolate. So I just was sitting here peeling little chocolate footballs and I had them and last night. Oh, no, I'm playing video games and I'm high and I'm like, I eat chocolate So I just was sitting here peeling little chocolate footballs and I had a pile. They're all gone. I ate them all pile of Chocolate wrappers. I'm one of these tables on this couch Yeah, literally on this go and I was like getting sleepy and I was like, you know what?

I don't want to go to bed yet So I just tossed on YouTube and I fell asleep and then Katie was going to bed and she's like, are you sleeping on the couch? And I woke up and Myrtle was sitting there and there was like snicker wrappers everywhere. And Katie was like, no, no, no. And I go, no, I hate them. But then I was mad at Myrtle

because she didn't want to leave her kennel. And then I fall asleep and she's out here like, like yoinking them off the fucking thing. So we were in a thing up until this afternoon. She's Marge Simpson-ing the ad. I was so mad about it. I was like, you fucking wouldn't hang out with me. And now you eat my chocolate wrappers.

That was like, was that Dan Logic or high Dan Logic? Was that, was that like, you were still high and you were like, won't you hang out with me? You were trading, yeah do I have with me? I carried it into this morning. When I woke up, I was like, I remember that. Still upset about your betrayal. So her and I had been hot and cold all day. Oh boy. Great dog. Um, dogs are the best. I'm thinking the world's,

but cabin bar was just like an unbelievable slice of New York city comedy when it happened. And real quick, I think that it, I don't think it, two things. One is I don't think it happens anymore. I don't think it's just because I'm older. I think it just doesn't really happen as much. Maybe certain clubs and certain- I think probably Austin might be the only scene that has- They hang? They have a hang? Well, they're all like, it's small enough that they can hang. LA is all spread out and here it's all fractured now. Like either New York Comedy Club or The Cellar or The Stand, you're like going to different places.

It's kind of a bummer. But that holiday party that I was waiting on, I absolutely was cabin hungover. So when that guy was like, can I, let me see your menus. And so what I did was I went back and I had my manager take off all the desserts all the soft drinks I over did it good good. And then I went and I was like I felt so bad about that I took it out of my own money and I took it good for you. I really laid it on and I was like

Oh, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I messed up that bad. I'm really really sorry I'm so sorry to that like he got that I was being facetious I'm really, really sorry. I'm so sorry. To that, like, he got that I was being facetious. Being a dick? Like, he got, like, I was like, no, no, no, you don't understand. I am so sorry.

That's the best thing to do in that situation. I don't know how I could have made that mistake. And he was like... Was everybody getting it or just he was getting it? It was like... His wife looked at me at one point like... Come on, dude. Yeah.

But, well, fuck your husband. He's an asshole. That wasn't the end. Oh, shit, okay. So we were, like, the restaurant's gone now, but there used to be, when you'd walk in, there was a bar, and you had to walk past the bar to get to like the upstairs seating,

not the downstairs seating. And so I would always chill at the bar, talking to my friend, either Dan or Carlos, Lose, whoever was bartending. That's what you do when you wait tables. Fucking watch ESPN and talk shit Yeah, so we're just like chillin there. He's paid his bill. I'm just hanging out This motherfucker walks up to me as his family's leaving and he goes

Hey, I was down in Philadelphia at a diner and I ordered a cup of soup and my friend Ordered a bowl of soup and I said real quick Can you bring me an empty bowl? Bring a bowl like his, but bring it empty. And I took my cup of soup and I poured it into the bowl. Same size. And he was telling me this, like he thought I was gonna be like,

wow, mind blowing. You're the, I suck your dick. You're the fucking man. You're beating the system. I go, oh, so you're just like a dick. Is that what you said though? Yeah, like I said it quietly, but to the point that my manager, Christie, was like,

you need to go downstairs. Like go downstairs. Because she thought, I say shit sometimes that my managers bailed my ass out. That they would be like, because no one wanted to work lunches, and all I did was work lunches. The person, you're not wrong about the evil thing that you said the person that exerts the littlest amount of power in the world

treats waitstaff like shit is Might be it's Beyond evil it's it's it's it's what I don't know what's going on in your life But you almost don't care, you know, you know, yeah something's going on with that guy with other stuff Hey, somebody blows up on the subway. I hate somebody like, you know You're like, yeah, something's going on with that guy. Other stuff, hey, somebody blows up on the subway. Somebody, you know. There's a thing of like, I understand wanting

to expose corruption when it's like senators or congressmen or CEOs or fucking lawyers or cops or people with actual power, but when you're exposing, like my example is- Free soft drinks. It's like when you're mean to my example is what soft drinks it's like when you're mean to flight attendants you're like they carry no power. So why are you and I remember I was flying from Denver to New York, Frontier Airlines, which I used to love.

I did Sun Country once and it was terrible. Yeah, but the lady, this like Long Island, like crazy Long Island lady, she was like, oh my God, I've got my daughter's purse. I gotta get my daughter her purse. And the lady goes, miss, you are not allowed to leave the airplane. You've boarded the airplane. As we're boarding, I can't. She goes, okay, well give her the purse for me.

And she goes, I can't do that. Oh, she had her daughter's boarding pass. And she goes, I have my daughter's boarding pass. And she goes, okay, well your daughter just needs the, she's like on the phone with her. And she's like, your daughter just needs to go to the gate. And if she has an ID, they can just print one out. Absolutely, easy fix. Easy fix. This eat this woman's adult didn't get it

fucking would not stop and she was sitting next to me and I'm like sitting there and I'm like doing I'm in the island I'm like doing you know when you're like trying to try to grow away from it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, look, I'm growing towards the sun. And she's like, be in a... And she was like, no, what's your name? What's your name? You can't do this. And she goes, it's federal law.

Oh, she goes, go give her it then. If I can't leave, you go give her it. She goes, I am, due to federal law, I cannot leave the airplane. I'm a flight attendant yeah I cannot leave the airplane and this was like a standoff like people are waiting to board and she's like no I need to give my daughter her boarding pass and she's like they can print it out at the gate I promise you if they can print it out to the point that other I'm going like hey they can print it out she can print it out you're getting involved yeah I'm

going like enough I can't take the tension and she's like you see how she's treating me I go she's can print it out. Like you're getting involved. Yeah, I'm going like, enough. I can't take the attention. And she's like, you see how she's treating me? I go, she's treating you. It's just like, you got to understand there's rules. I'm doing that thing where I'm trying to be. So squash it. And dog, if you know me, you know I just want everyone to be happy.

I'm not. I'm a fellow people pleaser. I'm a people pleaser, dog. I want everyone to be cool. I want to eat my little bag of nuts and watch my TV and I just want to go home So I'm like Yeah, and I'm doing the thing where I go. I know it's a stupid rule, but like she could print it out this lady's like

The whole flight motherfucking this lady the whole flight. What's your name? What's your name the whole beyond it beyond the whole oh my god? What's your name? The whole, beyond it. The whole flight. Oh my God. What's your name? I fly Frontier a lot and I'm gonna tell them that you were very rude to me, that you wouldn't let my family on the plane. She's like making shit up. And to the point that I'm like,

I'm in front of her as I'm leaving and I go, that was fucking bullshit to the flight attendant. And she goes, thank you. Like people are apologizing for this lady. And are you half saying it loud to be, so hopefully that she hears you behind. I think that's it.

Yeah. I think that's it. And then I go down to the baggage carousel and I'm waiting and I'm waiting and I'm waiting and I'm waiting and fucking Long Island and her family show up and the husband's picking her up with her kids. And she goes, you have no idea. They wouldn't let her on the plane.

They said it was illegal if I tried to give her boarding pass. She's like making stuff up and I'm like waiting for my bag and I'm hearing her just completely lie. Yeah. Completely lie. And I just get my bag and it used to be back in the day when you had to show people your ticket to get out of it. So I have my ticket and I'm leaving.

And as I walked by, I stopped, I go, Hey, just let you know, I sat next to your wife on that plane. None of that happened. None of that happened like that. I go, she's a monster. you know, I sat next to your wife on that plane. None of that happened. None of that happened like that. I go, she's a monster. And then I, and as I do it, it's like, the closest I've ever came to smoking a cigarette

and flicking it behind me, because the guy goes, excuse me? Excuse me? She goes, that way, excuse me. It's just a bunch of excuse me. And I fucking, I had my ticket ready. I got out of there and I got through the gate went right to the cab stand was like I'm not even looking

but I'm not engaging then I had to say something she was a monster and in his face I think he knew because he looked at me he didn't react like yo what the fuck you talking about my wife he was like What the fuck you talking about my wife? He was like, I watched him long enough that he went like, hey, there's something this bitch would do. Like you saw it in his head, he's like, she's a yappy bitch.

And then they started firing. But he's Long Island, so he has to go, in his head he's going, it's like you can see the wheels turning. Yes, 100%. You're right, but fuck, she's right, excuse me? Yeah, well then she's right. Excuse me Gonna fight me in front of your kids

Yeah, but then my island is a I had a winter coat on with my height You don't know I'm a ganglosaurus Rex. Yeah, but you can with the coat on yeah I might be able to do some damage big boy Also, the booming voice dude has people a little more afraid. Yes, and you know, I'm I'm from the island of people I don't know and it's everything like I have a complicated relationship with it because it's everything that Seinfeld says from comedian You're looking at an audience of everything you were afraid to become everything you've ever become and you and you know You're part of it the same time Yes, that's exactly right. That's how I feel with parts of Aurora when I go back to Aurora, Colorado You see a guy being like yeah, what's like? He's a little jankos and he's like, what's up dog? Oh, just fucking man, I got my Trump coin

You are so poor and you're trading crypto. And they're like, just ripping vapes. And I'm like, wow. And you got my Trump beef, I got my Trump hamburger meat. Yeah, I got fucking fired from Little Caesars because they're fucking woke. You're like, you're not even using that correctly.

They're like, yeah, I fucking woke mine virus, got a fucking Little Caesars. Said I was fucking stealing out the cash register. I guess I'm fucking, whatever man, Elon's gonna fucking fix all this shit, bro. And you're like, you are really dumb. I know I'm also a part of that. I know that's part of me.

Oh, I'll be. Because I would absolutely love to rip resin with that guy. I weirdly get it, and I'm like, this is why I left, and it didn't go too far, but I left, and then after shows, I'll go back and do Gungnir's. I'm like this is why I left and it didn't go too far But I left and then after shows I'll go back and do governors I'm like I have a crush on 15 women in this and he got any greed any like we that's like I just over mean greedette Trashy Italians

If you're a trashy Italian with giant tits you'll be up by the way. I'm engaged with the love of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm still attracted to other women and I would say heavy chested mean gwee tits. I don't know why. They're like what the fuck are you looking at? You're like you're giant tits. Why are you so mean? Why are you so mean bitch? You've never met a more entitled group of people who have the populations, lives down the block from the center of the universe, and has never gone. You know what I'm saying? You have people that live on the Long Island that have never gone to Manhattan. And they live an hour from it. It's like insane. I was at... Hear that?

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With the James Hardy Alliance, you gain access to leads, training, networking, and support from the number one brand of siding in North America. Achieve new levels of success by joining the James Hardy Alliance today. Maguire's once was actually, I do those clubs and they're fun. But the people I'm like, I do well there because I'm like, I know what you are. I know I'm part of you. The best one is I used to bring feeder to open for me at McGuire's on Iceland. Just to punish them. No, no, no.

The beer is amazing, but because it's Long Island, he's also from Long Island. That's right. I forgot about that. You motherfuckers. I used to, by the way at McGuire's, it was Tim Dylan and, and Gary Vitor. We're the two guys that would bring with me to open for me because the only way to beat long Island is to use long Island.

And so like, I swear to God, I would bring like someone else from the city and they would just talk during their set. But Vitor, he his jokes are phenomenal. For some reason, it gets him, right? And they listen. But what I'm trying to say is low energy, that's what I'm not saying.

He is a brilliant joke writer, he's fantastic. But he's low energy. Somebody like this, wait, hold up, what is he saying? I think they're like, that's funny. That's, dude, I remember bombing at McGuire's and ladies leaving, this is when I didn't have like any audience, I was doing like, you know and ladies leaving. This is when I didn't have like any audience I was doing like, you know what dude in Opie and Anthony

Okay, but like the audience would leave and it'd be like these Long Island ladies and they'd be like, do you know? Michael Scatatora, he's my friend's son and he does Caroline sometimes And you go I don't know him and she goes look for him I'm friends with his mother and I'm like, I don't know him. And she goes, look for him. I'm friends with his mother. And I'm like, I don't, none of you mean anything. Dude, I was there at Meguiar's once. I'm cooking. Like I can kill there.

It really can do well there. Not everywhere, but there I can. And I'm killing, this sums up Long Island. I'm murdering, and then I'm super confident for that fact. And then this lady's just having a full conversation with her friend and I go hey and I'm like have total carte blanche to whatever I want so I go hey I'm killing here. I go I'm killing. She goes you're doing great keep going. And she goes back to talking to her friend. That sums up the entitlement.

Long Island they will have and I'm just telling this for the other comedians that might be watching this YouTube that this podcaster listening to it and you've never been to the East Coast they will have full-on fucking conversations and not think it's rude no they don't think they're being rude no sometimes drunk people talk to the table because they're trying to be disrespectful yeah in different cities Long Island they'll just talk talk like you're a TV show and they're just in the living room with their friends. You're there for them. Yes.

You're their employee for the night. Sometimes it's not, but the minute, the weird thing is it's almost like getting, not beaten into a gang. What would you call it? It's like the minute that you kind of, you smack in the face. They get they get put in their place Just fucking big titted green X Danielle or a Michelle You can't beat it yeah, that's the role play me and Katie do

Cuz she went to Hofstra. She did. She really did. She went to Hofstra. She wears her old Hofstra sweatshirt. She goes, what are you doing, queer? And I go, oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm gonna cum in my pants. She's like, what are you doing, you fucking loser? I'm like, is that what I am? Am I a- Say something, say something. Oh my God. We're going out to the wrong Concomo. And I go, I'm gonna fucking come.

Well, you've never been to the wrong Concomo on the weekend? You're like, I'm fucking losing it. I sucked a guy off on the LIRR. I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, I'm coming. Well, I think we found our role play for five years. So that fucking tool thing. Where's that?

This will work. Let's do every county. It really is like, guidettes from Long Island like that and hot brunettes from Texas. Yeah. I'm just telling you the two that for some reason, L.A. girls never have done it for me.

Now, Florida girls scare me. They're like fucking dangerous creatures. I never trust. Yeah. The South Southern girls. I don't feel like I could fake it enough. Midwestern ones I can get into that accent. I got my heart broken by a girl from Ohio in college. Crazy accent. They're kind of East Coasty.

No, this was she was from girl from Ohio in college. She had a crazy accent. Usually they're kind of East Coasty. No, this was, she was from Akron, I think. And I was, it was, she was in the right. I had a massive crush on her. I just kept asking her out. And finally at the end of the semester, she goes, Dan, I have a boyfriend. And it fucking, it just fucking crushed me.

And so then now that I said- Oh bless your heart, Dan. Oh Dan. I'm like, get the fuck out of here, bitch. You had your shot. No, but that's what, I don't know why, but Texas brunettes, because you're just like down in like Dallas or Austin,

and you're like, what the fuck? They're like hardy, right? Aren't they like, they're like kind of like, you know, right? Thicker, but they're just like, they're tan, with their brunette. Yeah. They just, and then Long Island, gouda. You can't, and some of that, you know, it spills over into

Queens, but I, I mean, there's a girl I went to Manhattan College and that was an orientation. I fell in love with this girl was like full on, full on gouda. Just hoops, hoops for days. Just everything, everything about 20 years ago. Tell you the starting line for the jet. Just everything, everything about it. This is 20 years ago. Tell you the starting line for the jet. She goes, honestly, I don't know.

The brick is showing off Ferguson's not doing what he should. And you go, that's right. That's absolutely right. How are you that accurate? How did you know that? She knows all the stores that close at Roosevelt Field. You still go during the pandemic?

Oh my god. I don't believe in it. Fuck, I love that. I love that you don't trust the government. She's like, except my dad who's the co-op. Well, that's the most interesting part is like, you guys are so close to the city. When the first, I know we know politics, but when the first Trump thing happened, the amount of, I went back to my hometown and it was just 30 minutes from Manhattan. And I saw 15 Trump hats immediately. I was shocked. I mean, people there was a great joke that Shane had back in the day when Trump won the first

time where he was like, you guys were pretty confident until you went outside the city. He's like liberals were real cocky until they went out. But it was true. My grandmother lived north of San Francisco in Lake County, which is very red. It's a very Republican area. In 08, I remember being here. Nothing but Obama. Right.

Like to the point, if you lived in New York City, you understand the reason everyone was cocky about Hillary in 2016, because in 08, when Obama won, you're like, oh, well, no one seems to be voting for John McCain. And then I visited my grandma and I was like, oh no one here is voting for Obama. Like, north of San Francisco, probably like 30 minutes north,

like north of Santa Rosa, it was just like McCain-Palin. That's all it was. He was just seeing that and you don't even realize that. We have no idea what's going on. Yeah. It is a liberal hub. You just think wine country. That's what I think outside San Francisco is like, Oh my God, what's, what's, what's that? What's your glass of juices pronoun?

And you're like, I don't really know. I mean, it is, it would sucks is what's funny about having family from San Francisco. Cause my grandma was a Republican, my dad was a Republican, I think, but. But that's, you kind of nailed it. My dad, he wasn't, but he also, I don't know if he was Democrat either,

because he didn't know. He didn't know. He didn't know. I knew everyone hated Pelosi. Everyone in my family, and with, you know, good cause. She's corrupt. She's got a long history, yeah, yeah, a lot of money. But they didn't, like, they'd bring her up, they'd be like, fuck Pelosi. And you're like, yeah, a lot of money. They like they'd bring her up. They'd like

fuck Pelosi. You're pretty progressive, but fuck that lady. I can get on board with somebody because you can't be on that side that says that you're for the middle class and then the middle class is like, no, you're not. And you're in on it. Hillary Clinton as well. It's like, I can see that she was like an HR lady like that. She came off like she came up She goes so we're gonna have pizza party Bitch I have hot sauce in my pocket So you kind of get you get that we like we would cheat it we need like a five or six party system We do we need like England. How does England have four or five?

Yeah, like Sweden's got that kind of shit where you need like, you need six motherfuckers running at once so that someone can go like, I like that guy's idea and he goes, I just got good ideas. Yeah, yeah. He just runs on like, I just got good ideas, this is all I got.

And he wins with like 200,000 votes. Yeah, you're like, whoa. But I just feel like the two choices has sucked my whole life. It's done, you can see what happened. It's fucking done. It's cooked. You can see what happened. It's cooked. Yeah. And then everyone's like, what are we going to go?

Kingdom? You're like, oh shit. But I... Burb Bros. Yeah, Burbs Bros. With Dan St. Germain. You're very good buddy. Dan St. Germain.

Maniac McGee himself. He's a wet dog. He comes in the room like a wet dog. Always. You go... He gets comfortable. He comes in the room like a wet dog, always. You go, de de de de de de. He goes, hey.

He gets comfortable. And you go, so cute though. He's the man. I fucking love him. He's one of my best friends. He's fantastic. You two are fucking phenomenal.

You have a podcast, Burr Bros. Download it, subscribe. Yes, please. You subscribe to the YouTube. We need, we're almost at a thousand.

We need a thousand subscribers. We started a couple months ago. Yeah. so please please please check out bears bros We've been talking about this stuff a lot if you like the UFO stuff I love it dude. I get locked up with Sean all the time. It's the best. Yeah, it's the absolute best But yeah, thank you so much for having me man. I really appreciate it. I love you easiest I looked and I was like, oh you have to go pick up your girlfriend's son Fucking 310. And I looked over, I was like, oh fuck,

we gotta get out of here. I could have talked aliens for at least six hours. Oh, I could do the same thing. Well, I might have to come on Bird Bros. Please do. We'd love to have you, yeah. We'll have to pick it back up. We're waiting until we get more people.

That's really, you know that's really what we're doing. You bring me so I can bring some people. That's what I said, but Dan gets nervous. Dan and I are fucking writing partners. I get 17 texts from them a day. We're like, I don't know man But he's done this to you yet. He goes he goes. I don't know this new shows and get sold I'll probably just go to nursing school Don't do it for the sake of all sick people Welcome to the club. I've been dealing with, by the way. Don't do it, Dan. For the sake of all sick people, don't do it. Welcome to the club.

I've been dealing with the nursing school thing since the epidemic, since COVID. No, no, no, I know. He told me, he was, I had another one. He goes, and one time he called me, he goes, hey man, Stone Cold stops calling us back. I'm just gonna become a mechanic. That's what it was.

It was first it was mechanic, and then it was nursing school. It's like, stop, man. And it's like, that will never happen. Just do what you do. But I'm like, I'm the schmuck. Like you said before, the people please everything. I'm like, yeah, all right, cool, man.

I'm like. Me too. Me too. I go, you want me to buy you some smocks? You need OR scrubs? You want some Skechers? Yeah, you gotta get something that's good to stand on. You want me on your feet?

You have Crocs yet? Yeah. I bought you some WWE Crocs. He goes, oh man, I like it. They didn't have J Uso. They only had Jimmy Uso. I was hoping I'd get travel chief. It's real deep cut with the crocs.

Oh god, I want to go read about all this alien shit now. Oh, let's talk about it again. If you can come do it, come do it. I'd love, we'd love that. Tsk.