Soder - 79: Pawn Shop Inheritance with Jon Moses | Soder Podcast | EP 77

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

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Spokane, Washington. May 1st through the 3rd. I'm gonna be at the Spokane Comedy Club doing five shows. I love that town. I love that club, so I'm excited to get back. May 15th. I will be at the Egg in Albany, New York. So go get tickets at DansOtter.com. May 16th. I'm gonna be at the Flynn Theater in Burlington, Vermont. Burlington, I know you're a tiny, sleepy town, but I love coming and doing comedy there. So please buy tickets to see me at the Flynn May 16th. It's going to be a hell of a show. Danceholder.com for tickets. John Moses hosts a great podcast with Tyler Morrison. Yes. Fight stories.

You should check it out. Especially if you're a pussy like me that doesn't like fighting, but likes hearing about fights. Yeah. I mean, also you're both Canadian and Canadians, I would say in this day and age, better at fist fighting than Americans. I think we're better at mass shootings. I think we're better at mass shootings.

I think we're better at killing. Definitely. I think we're better at killing people, Americans are. But I think you guys are better at just throwing hands. I think the average Canadian, that might have some weight with the average Canadian. But I think you're trained killers. Oh no, no, no, our army is way better than yours.

You're Navy SEAL boys. Yeah. No, I'm talking about like guy at a bar in America versus guy at a bar in Canada because of how much more important hockey is to you guys. Yeah. I mean, I would love to see the actual statistics, but there's two things going for us.

Hockey, which welcomes a fist fight. Legally allowed. Right, right, with minor interference. Also, you're fighting on skates. Yeah. So your balance is much better. Right. You're comfortable taking a punch.

We don't have, none of our sports match that. And then the other thing is there's just not really ever a threat of being shot outside That's why that's why you're so close to go to hands Yeah, cuz if you know you go hands ago worst-case scenario this guy's got a knife and a heart you go Yeah, that guy's probably got an AR 15 man and a lot enough bolts to take out this whole mall But my road rage goes up like a solid 30% when I'm back in Toronto. Because I'm like, oh, we can take it to the street. I love that.

I love feeling that feeling of like, here I am fucking dangerous. And in America, you go, God only knows what they have under the seat. Oh my God, dude. God only knows. So like one of my last road rage incidents that I acted upon.

So you act on it. Cause I'm in my forties now. So what I do is I, in my twenties, I might have acted on it. In my forties, what I do is I rage, I steering wheel punch. And then I go like, I'm 40. I can't. That's probably a more, not the most mature. No, not at all.

But on a scale, it's approaching a more mature. Where was that? Where did this incident happen? The Bronx. Oh boy. That's what it was. Yeah, you? Where did this incident happen? The Bronx. Oh boy. That's what it was. Yeah, you don't want to fucking, you don't. So somebody sideswipes me

and on the cross Bronx expressway, and they just like leave and I'm just like, I just feel helpless and I'm infuriated in that moment. So you were in the car. Yeah. They hit you. Yeah. Pull off.

He doesn't like try to do anything. Like there's none of that. And then, but it's like, like hit you. Yeah pull off. He doesn't like try to do anything I'm like like there's none of that and then but it's like like crazy traffic So I just jump out of the car and I'm like, bro. Come on and he's like I have giant go for you. I Show you you die. Yeah, you know, okay. That's all I need to hear. Well He was just like not getting out, made me drunk and I'm boiling. Yeah.

And so. Did you go for the door handle? No, he drove off. Okay. So I got back in the car and followed for 10 minutes. Yeah. Just like in and out of the Bronx streets. Right on him.

Yeah. So he knew you were following him. Yeah, and then at some point, like it dawns on me, I'm probably going back to this guy's house. Oh yeah, and he's on the phone. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. I'm like, this is dumb, you know?

And so at the next stoplight, I just got out and Mule kicked the driver's side door and completely caved it in. Rational, effective. What did he do when you did that? He's just like, that's great. And then I was like, now we're even. Yeah. So funny. I met. Thank you. Namaste. Namaste. After you fucking horse kick his door. Yeah. Yeah. Blessed be you. And he's like, this man is crazy.

You were probably like, right. He was probably going home. Yeah. Probably had people waiting. Maybe. Probably someone getting a gun. God only knows what was happening. That at least.

The second you horse kicked his door, he was like, oh, this guy's a fucking problem. It might've switched the whole thing, but then now you're free of the anger. Yeah. And this guy might've been terrified. We don't know. But there's a chance that he might have been like, if this guy's willing to he was following me, then he horse

kicks. Yeah. Let's get out of here. Like, already leaving. But you know what? That guy might have been like he had he was demonstrating very little English abilities in that moment. I'm sure he pulled it back a little. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I can't believe I sideswiped him. And then you go out, he's like, I don't know why I did it. If I tried doing that, if a guy. You gotta go straight French shit.

Merci, merci, je sais pas, I don't know what I'm saying. Oh, sacre bleu, sacre bleu. I picked the wrong accent. Do you know what you do? I go, I don't know why I did it. You go, you're not fucking Mexican? I go, I don't know why I don't know why. You go, you're not fucking Mexican? You're like, okay, I did know what I did.

I did not. That's all Road Rage takes is one. You know the game show where they press the button and they go, no whammies, no whammies, no whammies? A whammy is like a super dangerous person. You could get a whammy. Big Jay does that. Big Jay will pop out of his car.

Lewis, Lewis tells him not to. And Lewis is the biggest psycho I know. And he's like, you don't wanna do that because you're right. You get the wrong fucking guy. And how many people have you had on fight stories that talk about the worst fight is probably picking the wrong guy?

Oh dude. It's the wrong guy. So classic example. And I think this incident happened after I've heard this story. Cause, but anyway, buddy, somebody did a road rage on Ken Shamrock. Come on.

Literally in the WWE called the most dangerous man in the world. UFC. He was a D first UFC. Yeah. One Jack, dude, he was a, he was nuts. Just a one Jack dude. He was a he was nuts Just a sheer nightmare that and they're all like you don't know but there are people like steep

Amy out titch is driving around Cleveland on you fucking run into him. Yeah, he's sure He's not an active UFC fighter. He has the record for most heavyweight title defenses Yeah, it's like when people wanted to shit talk Brendan Schaub for doing stand-up comedy. Fine. Also remember he's a UFC fighter. Like he'll get his hands on you and fuck your shit up. This ain't the comments section bro. This is IRL. This is in person and that's what it is I think with like road rage as someone that feels road rage I'm always very aware Yeah, but you're being Canadian. You're right. You're like Americans guns are a big when I lived in Arizona

That's it. Ken Shamrock is still only gonna knock you out. Maybe pop a couple teeth out Yeah, he might break your orbital bone. Sure. This guy's somebody Yeah A couple months ago somebody got shot over a parking space, New York somewhere You hear about that all the time when I lived in Arizona I was very New York and Arizona are about the same level of worry about a gun Yeah, cuz Arizona you can just buy a gun on your way to the grocery store Yeah

You have no idea who's just got a fucking hand cannon in their truck and just put a hole in your chest, right? But it is with road rage. I would road rage would be fun if you were like, hoist Gracie, like very unassuming, just like a guy where you're like, I don't think you should do that. And you're like, fuck it, and then you're like, and then you fuck their shit up.

Yeah, they see that like, I don't think you should do that, and they're like, oh yeah, and then they're like, elevating a ramp up. They start undoing their dress shirt, and they're like, you're not gonna like the way that goes. That's the kind of badass. Buddy, that's the thing about doing fight stories for as long as we do it.

It's like there's two things you learn. It's like, don't underestimate anybody. Anybody. And the second thing is, it's like, if somebody acts that calmly, you got a problem. Dude. You got a real problem. I truly think that's the most badass thing anyone can do

is not talk shit, but just be calm. In a moment where there's gonna be violence and they just go like, okay. Yeah, yeah, that's not me, dude. Yeah, because your calmness is like, you know how people always go like, I could never do standup. You guys go talk in front of an audience.

You learned how to get through that as you've done it. They've learned how to get through that by fighting. Their whole thing is fighting. It's just a quiet confidence that you get doing the thing over and over and over and over. Maybe we start lying. Maybe we learn how to be calm and then someone just,

because that kind of guy getting just absolutely destroyed going. Okay, we'll fight and then so it's just on top of me like, Oh, you broke my fucking nose. No ability to block that first shot. You're just crying. Someone is just fucking wailing on you. Cause that's the other thing. It's like if you're not a trained fighter, you know, you know, I don't know what the percentage is, but most of the time, guy who throws the first one is going to win that is going to win that bout.

I've noticed, I mean, have you ever on fight stories track someone down that you've seen fighting on a internet video? No, that's like, that's a, that's a Patreon episode, brother. Oh my God. Yeah. Because like, we want that. You see guys sometimes when I watch like internet, uh, like videos on Reddit or Instagram or everywhere and they're fighting, it's the guys that go over the top and with straights that always land the most, the guys that do the big wind up and they always miss throw their bodies around, but the dudes that come in

straight and over the top, they just land a lot. It's just volume. I'm always amazed by that. That calmness, accuracy, all that shit and fights. I'm always like, I would have none of that. I would just be over emotional and just fucking throwing my weight around. Yeah. I mean, listen, I say this all and like, I am still like, I mean, I'm not I don't want to say I'm a put but I don't know how to fight. Yeah.

Like, I'm not a fighter. I want to say I'm a, I don't know how to fight. Yeah. Like I'm not a fighter. I've just been in a lot of fights. Yeah. I've, I know what it's, I know I can survive getting punched in the mouth. Yeah. Which I also think is a great life skill. Just knowing that you can get fucking blasted in the face and keep going. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You'll shake it off. Cause people go like, Whoa, like there's been someone that's hit you that's seen you take that punch and gone like, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You'll shake it off because people go like, Whoa, like there's been someone that's hit you that's seen you take that punch and gone like, fuck. Yeah. This is not going to be an easy day. Right. Right. Or if like if you're getting hit and you can still like sort of think in the moment. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's beyond. That's like when you're bombing and you can get out of it. Right. When you're like in the moment,

you're like, what am I doing? I'm bombing. And then everyone goes like, yeah, yeah. But you're gonna fight where you're like, the moment, you go like, what am I doing? I'm bombing. And then everyone goes like, yeah. Like in a fight where you're like, put your hand up, and then you block it. And you're like, oh, that worked. I would be more amazed. That would fuck me up. I'd go, it worked.

In the celebration, you're getting hit again. I go, I parried that. And then it just fucking smashed my face. But back to the calmness thing, time, Katie and I were driving to Boston for Thanksgiving, where our family is. And we were going up the West Side Highway. It was just bumper to bumper traffic, like up in the 90s, up in the hundreds or whatever.

And there was an exit ramp. And these two guys were like, obviously talking with their cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this guy fucking. And it's like typical New York. Yeah, it's just people do that and they like, and then they're like windows down,

they're fucking yelling at each other. But this dude cuts this other guy off. This guy goes on the off ramp and I'm like, oh, he's had enough, pops out of his car with something. And then he just shatters the back, the dude's back window. He had like a piece of metal that went in and he just like, how quickly and efficiently,

I mean, Katie and I were right behind it, so we were like, go! Like, he like hit it, we were like, damn! And then he got in and drove, and he was like, drive, drive, drive, I'm like, why, he left. There's no problem anymore, the guy that was the problem left, but he did it so calm that you're like,

that guy who got his window smashed, he got he got out lucky. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because that guy was God only knows what he's willing to do. Oh, yeah. If you're calmly. Yeah. You wonder if there's someone in the car and he goes, Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that place is still open. And he gets back and he goes, OK, you want to see if they're open? And you're like, holy shit. Holy shit. And whoever you're with, like in that moment, you're like, uh, like if I was with my girl, I'd be like,

cause I'm such a shit talking, you know, like tough presenting. I present tough. Yeah, she would be like, oh, she's a fucking loser. You understand what I'm saying? Okay, but I can't, what do you want me to do? Chase a car down? You turn that anger towards them. What do you want me to fucking do? I can't fucking chase a car. Well, that's that. I don't anger towards them. You fucking do.

I can't fucking chase a car. Well, that's that. Yeah. I don't want to get deported over this. Have you had anyone on fight stories that has like had to reach out and done like, hey, you got to omit a big part of that because of legal things?

So, yeah, we always have that. We always have that discussion up front. OK, we're like, hey, guys, you just might want to think about the statute of limitations. Is this an assault? Yeah, a lot of them are. Yeah, every fight's an assault.

Most of my stories are assaults. Yeah. You guys know I travel nonstop. Sometimes you get into a cab when you get to an airport, and you're like, hey, take me there, and then you're like, uh-oh, I don't have any cash. How the hell is this guy gonna take my charge? Then he busts out square square and you're like, oh

Here we go. Boom. I know this is gonna be taken care of cuz that's square. It always reads my credit card It always works while I'm talking about square I'm talking about the actual square one of the first things I noticed about square how easy it is to use Running a business has got to be insane with all the moving parts Well square helps simplify that the hardware looks, fits right into your space without feeling intrusive, and the software is incredibly straightforward and intuitive. You don't need special training. You just set it up and boom, start taking payments quickly. If you have a business or stuff where you sell merch or anything like this, I can't recommend

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Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. That's what's crazy about a fight is you can lose a fight, right? And you can feel shame or whatever. But then there's just an extra level of if you lose a fight, right? And you can feel shame or whatever, but then there's just an extra level of, if you lose a fight, you get beat up and you go, I want the police involved.

Because then you go, well now, now the respect is gone. Oh, exactly. I can understand someone taking a beating. Yeah. I can understand someone lying about it. I can understand, you know, you getting into a fight with somebody and then like you see these like these videos on Twitter and like the guy goes down and like you see

a hit or two more and you're like, okay, okay. And then you see like four or five, six, seven, eight, like, oh, come on, man. That's every, that was every world star fight. We go, he's out. Oh yeah. Or like a stomp. Oh yeah. And in those situations, you're like, but the police should be involved. Yeah. Now I want the cops involved. This is us being white. We just go like, Hey, now I need to call a police officer. That's not cool. Just that fucking those stomps, that last punch. Sometimes when you see it, you're like, Oh, fuck. But you also know that that has, listen, I'm not saying it's okay for those of you at home, but I am saying it has to feel kind of good.

Just that one over the top where you're like done and you go like, one more for me. Yeah, one more. And then you're like. I can, one more for you I can get with. One more for me. The, you know. Yeah, the multiple ones.

The murderous, you know. Like I've seen the one more. Yeah. Like though he goes down. Okay. And then you see like one. Okay. And then another one. And then it's like seven after that. The guy's like, you're going to kill him. And then you want someone around to go, well, now I want to see that guy get beat up. Yeah. Because now you're the villain. You won. And now I fucking hate you, which is, you know, that's how fights work. So I used to host

this, um, amateur strip contest. So I used to host this Amateur strip contest. Yeah, you should go up every Friday night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, wasn't it every Friday Friday morning? Yeah, two in the morning I would see John out, you know, and you would be like we'd be at like Broadway or like Fucking stand-up New York or something. You'd be like, yeah, I gotta go Yeah, like I'd be going home. Yeah. And you'd be like, yeah, I gotta go. I'll host this thing up in the Bronx,

at the strip club. And I'd be like, and then when you told me you were starting a fight podcast, I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a guy who goes to the Bronx on Friday night at two in the morning. Yeah, yeah, comfortably. We heard the gunshots out of there,

outside, we heard gunshots, and then two chicks were running there like they shoot it. And then we're like, oh, and me and my buddy Dino, we just stood there for a minute and I was like, well, I don't hear anymore, man. That's so funny. Well, clearly they're gone. The gunshots stopped.

And then we went in, the club was just like in full on part, like nothing happened. That's so funny. Like it's a bird. It flew away. I don't hear it anymore. Yeah. Like the guy in the car. Yeah, it's like they're gone. Because the problem is left. Yeah, the problem is, um, but like, and

there would be like, that was like, uh, like a B list black celebrity, like hang out on that. No, really? Like who, who would come in there? Um, like you'd see, um, French Montana before he like blew up. Yeah. Did he blow up? He did, he had a break. He had a hit.

That was Cardi B stripped at that strip club. Oh really? Yeah, before we were there regularly. Okay. You know, but like. That is so funny that there's like venues are venues. So like when you go into a venue sometimes they'll be like, you know, Charlie Parker played here and you go,

it's incredible. And you go, you know, Cardi B used to slap her pussy on that stage. You go fantastic. And that's Cardi B in the Bronx messed up teeth before the before the fucking no business believing in herself. Yeah. I mean, the fact that's almost got to be motivational for you. You're just there every night. You go someone in here believed in themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking crazy. Yeah. So other people like you would have like,

like, like that's so like Disney's that's so Raven. Yeah. She would like show up with some Raven. Simone. Yeah. Raven. Simone. Um, you know, the occasionally like the offensive line for somebody would show up. Love. Why why would they go there? Was this place known as having like good strippers? Yeah Yeah, it was like it was like the spot that was that place was printing money on a Thursday night really? Yeah, Mark Henry was there one night shout out the world's strongest man And and somebody went to the guy Mark Henry and went oh damn Kimbo slice

That's funny. That's very funny. The guy that did it was probably, you know, our height but maybe a little bigger. And Mark Henry went, I ain't Kimbo Slice but I'll knock motherfuckers out like him. And I watched this grown man wither. Yeah. And he's like, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Yeah. He was excited, he thought he was meeting a celebrity. Yeah. Also to call someone Kimbo Slice. It's not Kimbo Slice. You do that to a tiny blonde girl and you call her Ashley Olson, not Ashley Olson.

You're fine. It's fine. You're fine. If she goes, I'm, but I, but I am like, he goes, shut up. And that you go, mountain of a man. Yeah. I just want to apologize.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's security ran over grab looked at the situation grab the dude and threw him out funny that's always my favorite when security goes to somebody they go well he's the real problem so we're just gonna deal with you yeah this is a lot stickier yeah you'll kick the fuck out of one of them oh yeah yeah yeah this is gonna be we're melee we're cops around a lot at this strip club? Oh, man. So I saw a guy like a guy, like a captain, I'm assuming. Yeah. He looked like he was dressed from like that sky captain,

that Angelina Jolie. What was that? It was like a sky captain, whatever a futuristic, you know, in place of that. Well, what was the fifth element? Well, a captain from Fifth element boots up to his thighs Yeah hat, you know decorated Accepting a a puffy envelope sick right around Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's like all right cops kid got a fucking PS 5 Is that strip club was like you don't break us up at 430 in the morning. Oh, yeah, how late do they go there?

They put the latest you've been there. I might've closed it once or twice. Is that like seven in the morning? Nah, it was, it was always four. They, okay. So they don't do like the after because strip clubs are infamous for getting away with like extra hours. Yeah. These guys didn't do it. Um, probably cause there was a lot of heat to begin with there. What they're, eventually they shut down, and it was for that type of stuff. There was like a full page spread in the New York Post,

like busted. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, dude. There wasn't enough envelopes to go around. Eventually, somebody. You always wonder who's getting a taste. Like NYPDs, it's the city.

It was kind of nice to know like how things like that work. I'm all about, you know, kickbacks and nepotism. I think this country was built on that, man. And also, you ain't gonna change it. Yeah. It's there, it's just how it works. Fucking congressmen, politicians are corrupt, everyone's corrupt, but also if you're opening a strip club,

you probably go in there with like, well we're gonna have to pay people off. Like I have a feeling they don't go in there and go everything by the book. They go, we want this to be successful. The penthouse on fucking West Side Highway, God only knows how many cops they're paying. Oh sure, sure.

How many friends in high places they got video of. Oh my God, just a senator getting sucked off in a private booth. And they go. They're leaving at 2 to a on a on CCTV is enough. But he's got that. Yeah. But then if they got that, they go like, well, we're really OK. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to know what they have on like a lot of these people, because they just go like, if you are brave enough of a senator to go,

I'm just going to tell my wife and they go, fuck, you got nothing on this. Yeah. Yeah. You got nothing on them. You treat that like the people like who've got pictures of you jacking off on the Internet. Go ahead, send it to everybody. Disgusting. That's the funny part about being a comic is you almost go like if someone has something embarrassing on you, you go release it. I'll do a bit about it. Go ahead.

You just gave me work. Now I can I can use that as stuff. I know. I always think about that I always think like when people have like well this person was gonna blackmail me if they're a comedian I'm like just do the thing. Yeah, you have the ability to say the thing that you're worried about not good Yeah, getting out is like a joke. Yeah. Yeah, especially if you're like a single guy or you or you're in a new relationship Yeah If you have a family, you don't want broken up, I get it.

Right, right, there's some pressure there. Sure, but if you're like... On the fence about that family anyway. Yeah, looking for a way out. That's so funny, they go, I have this on you, he goes, brother, you picked the wrong guy. Yeah, the wrong time. He just shows your call log, it's all divorce lawyers.

They go, fuck. And he goes, please, I might get out of this thing without paying any money. Dude, that's, yeah. Going to that strip club, was there ever a moment where you're like, I shouldn't fucking be here? Oh man, so, you know, back to the thing about like- What was this place called?

Sin City. Sin City, in the books. Yeah, so, you know, back to the thing about like, us being white guys, being like, oh, they shouldn't have stomped them like that. So I was standing by the kitchen. I had that, like the guy who worked the kitchen, the chef, like we're still friends on Instagram. I'll like, Oh, nice plates. Um,

he catered, he catered my Christmas party. Really? Yeah. So my ex wife, like her mother-in-law was like, Oh, this soul food's delicious. Where did you get it from? Cause I am usually not a fan of collard greens, but these ones have snap to it. Yeah. Yeah. But there was a time like I was just standing there, probably the kitchen and this, it went on.

I did it the first time I ever did it. I was like, they were like, oh, we need a comic. Just go up and do some time. I'm like, I am not doing time. Yeah. That is the last thing I'm doing. I go start the show. I'll find some funny I'm doing. I go, start the show. I'll find some funny in it somewhere.

And then I would just roast the girls as they'd come on stage. Didn't matter how good, if she was perfect, I'd be like, but that toe. That's great. Did that ever get the strippers into you? Were they, sometimes hot girls, when you shit on them, they're like.

I mean, maybe. I mean, there were some strippers there. When I first walked in, I I was like I would give anything Yeah, to have sex with this woman. Yeah, and then like a month later She's like so you can ask for my number and I'm like a married. I'm sorry. Please get away from me destiny Your giant ass tattoo, but please leave me alone Food is too spicy Like trying for any excuse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like trying for any excuse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, I was like, she's like, well, we can be friends. I'm like, I can't be friends with you. I can't, I can't just do platonic relationship with a girl that you could put a drink on her ass. Yeah. Yeah, and they were like a lot of Dominicans,

so you certainly could. Yeah. But I say that, so, you know, six, it went for six years. And after every single time, I say that, so, you know, six, it went for six years. And after every single time, I was like, that has to be the last time this happens. It has to be. Really?

You know, cause it was just, it was, everybody's smoking weed, and who knows what's happening in the back. Yeah. It just felt like, there just always felt like a general danger in the air, you know? That's, I would say that's a lot of strip clubs. I think it's very few strip clubs that you walk in there

and you don't feel like at any moment something could pop off. Listen, living in New Jersey now, off of Route 9, there's a lot of real sad, sad strip clubs where I don't feel the danger as much as I feel the depression, not that I hang out, not that I hang out. Yeah, but I think you're right.

I'm gonna retract what I said. I'm completely wrong. I'm mistaking the feeling of overwhelming sadness. Yes, yes. To danger. Yeah, I mean like, is there a danger of somebody committing suicide in the parking lot? 100%.

Someone not being around in six, that's like what it is where you go, she might not be around in six months. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh God, yeah, a danger of an overdose, 100%. You know? But this place, I just felt like, you know, dangerous. So one day I'm standing there

and a guy gets a plate busted over his face beside me. Like I'm just standing there, wow! Like a dinner plate. Like a dinner plate, just like smacked over his face. Okay. In similar situations, security comes over, looks at the the situation grabs a guy who got assaulted and threw him out the back door because the guy who smacked it over his plate was a good customer that's so fucking funny he's a good tipper what do you want me to do

that's so funny how good how much of a regular am I watch this kick him out sir can we refill your glass? Do I watch that at a Christmas party at Caroline's? Yeah. Rich Voss kicked another comic in the ribs. Broke his ribs and they removed him. Yeah. Rich Voss kicked him.

And they're like, we'll get them out of here. And then NYPD just pulled the other guy out. And you're like, holy shit, Rich. It was fucking insane. Yeah. I mean that like. It had rich mods on fight stores and he was like, just, just don't mention the kick though. It's oh, really? I mentioned it. Yeah. It's over. But 10 years. So funny. And you're not bringing up the kick.

Also, so a room full of loud mouth witnesses. Yeah. You got people that wanna tell stories. Exactly. And you go like, dude, I saw some shit. Yeah, you're lucky he's not in somebody's act. But he's a, Voss, I wouldn't doubt if Voss could fight at all. No, he could. Like, he came up, came up in the black scene in the 80s.

He was also addicted to drugs for years. Yeah, no, so what we found is that there was a period of Rich's life where he was doing a lot of karate. Oh, yeah. Cocaine at the same time. He was doing boiling karate. I forgot. He was like a karate champion. Yeah, yeah.

He was like a... I don't know if he's a champion, but he competed. He competed. Oh, let's just call him a champion. Sure. I love Rich Voss. You know what? Let me retract. Anybody that's running around doing karate and cocaine in the 80s is a a champion. Sure. I love Rich Ross. You know what? Let me, let me retract. Anybody that's running around doing karate and cocaine in the eighties is a

goddamn champion. I want to get in the old Valley under 18 karate tournament. You're like, rich you're 36. He's like, I don't care. I'll go out to LA. I'm going to sell my CD after I beat the shit out of him. Dude, that's wild. It's like, it's wild. Hey, was it? It's like, it's a little bit of like a boogie night scene where it's like, you know, like the member they're like popping off fireworks, snorting coke, like him, like snorting coke,

fucking guys, kung fu kicking in a basement. Yeah. I'm just breaking boards and fucking Linda, New Jersey. And they're like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm training. I'm trying to give me another fucking rail. Have you had anybody on the show that you found out was like a legit bad ass that you before were like, Oh, this is a weird guest.

Did you, cause most of the people you book are like pretty tough forward. They're pretty like, yeah. And I think was fighting. You kind of have a good idea. That was kind of it. Like, you know, we were usually people are recommended to the podcast This guy fucking loves the fight. Yeah, yeah And then we've had like we've had like comics who you know come on like Barack

I'm I asked kicked all the time and those are also great episodes because it's like those are you don't want to we like the like The sweet spot is a guy who's been in a ton of fights But is also you know a little self-aware and can admit when he got his ass kicked. Yeah you're looking for a guy with self-awareness in a 50-50 record. I went some and I lose some. Let me tell you about it. You don't want to hear about a guy raining bombs on somebody all the time. He goes so then there's six of them. I ripped through five of them. I leave one alive. Well like I always love friends of mine that tell fight stories like that where they always tell their losses.

And then you're like, well there's gotta be some wins in there. And then they tell a win story and you go like, holy, like Vecchione. I've known Vecchione, I mean I lived with him for 10 years. Would never brag about fighting. He wrestled at Penn State.

Guys like, if you're a wrestler in college, you're a legitimate puff. Like, you can, these hiccups won't fucking leave me. They started at the beginning of the episode and they're just fucking haunting me. But, Vecchione, I was living with him, and we talked about something, and he just randomly brings up this story about,

he was at Penn State, he went home to Florida, he went out with his sister and his girlfriend and someone called his girlfriend a pig and he calmly drove them home and then just waited outside the bar for these guys. Oh yeah, yeah, he told this story on the podcast. Go listen to that episode of Fight Stories. Because he told it to me being like, yeah, and I thought I was gonna get my ass kicked

but I ended up, you know, knocking out four of them or something. Wow. What the fuck? Wow. And he told me and my roommate that story like, yeah, so, you know, I like thought I was gonna lose and I was, hold on, you waited outside a bar

and then beat the shit out of four dudes. He was like, yeah, but it wasn't like that. It's like, it's just good to know it was your roommate. Yeah, yeah, no, it was like that. Then he started going like, I'll take out the trash. Yeah. You know what? I think it's my turn to clean the toilet.

I gotta clean the toilets again. Fucking psycho will wait outside for me. No, but he has to ever clean the toilets out here. I asked him, when he told me that story, he was like, I just waited in my car and I waited outside. I go, did you listen to music? And he was like, no. And you're like, that's scarier.

Just heavy nose breathing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, or maybe it was just like, man, these guys are taking forever. I'm just thinking of grocery. I am hungry. Like tapping is the steering wheel. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

Oh, here they are. It's like, it's fucking crazy. Yeah, losing a fight for comedians is the best case scenario. Yeah, I mean like, well, I mean, that's the thing, right? Like in this business, whatever horror you're going through in your life, you're like, there's always that silver lining. There's that moment. You know?

Whenever you're going through some shit, as you go like, this could be a good bit. Yeah. Could be a good bit, dude. I, on my last special had this bit about playing porn over a Bluetooth speaker while she was in the shower. And like, it happened. And then I like, maybe an hour later go,

could be a good bit. And she goes, don't. Don't. And then like, to her credit, like three weeks later, she goes, you should do that as a bit. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, and then it just, like you tell it, you go like, oh fuck, okay.

But like while I was going through it, I was like fuck, fuck, fuck, and then you stop and you go, could be a bit. I mean, please, I mean, that's the, like, it's twofold. It's like, how mental am I that like, it doesn't even take a second to process. I don't even know her feelings on the subject. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I go. It's a bit, right Sociopath I know I don't fucking talk to me. My mom was on life support two weeks ago. Oh shit and You know, she pulled through okay, but I was waiting for you to say that because I don't want to lead and go, and yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah. She's dead. Yeah. Oh, my mom was on life support. Okay. Now word from our sponsor. Yeah. Go to better help.

Better help.com. So why was she on life support? Well, you know, on the On the on the sheet in the hallway I'm sure it said pneumonia, but it might have had something to do with her only drinking vodka for the six months leading into it Got an alcoholic parent. I love when you find out a parent's alcoholic diet. Oh god dads was a leader or rum a day Yeah. Yeah, it was like when you'd pour rum and cokes it would be like rum What coke can open to the Yeah. And it was like when you'd pour rum and cokes, it would be like rum. What coke can open to the last? And I would do it. I got a full coke.

Just like, dude, but it would be like just for color. Yeah. Wouldn't be for taste. Hey, yeah. Just drinking a fucking cup of gas. Yeah, yeah. So she was drinking. Yeah. And I don't know this like 10 years ago, maybe longer. Like I went to visit her. Sure. And she and she was she was

Blasted at 11 a.m. At 11 a.m. I couldn't stand and you're also or you know, you're a reformed alcohol Yeah, you actually helped me a lot when I was quitting Yeah, when I was like quitting I would talk to you about it and I would slip and you said something to me that Really fucking helped one night at the cellar. I was, I went and drank and I saw you at the cellar. I just came from Trionas and you were like, Hey, you still, you're still on the wagon. And I was like, nah, dude, I fucking fell or whatever. And a lot of people I had talked to when that would happen. Cause I tried it a bunch. I tried for like a couple of years to quit. Every time I would slip, they'd go like, no, you were doing so well.

And oh, but you go like, just matter of fact, I remember where it was. It was in the back bar or whatever. You go, yeah, man, this is like a part of it. You're just gonna slip. Let's get back up and. Yeah. And it was like so non-judgmental and so like accurate

that that helped me the next time, which I then slipped again. But then now I'm in, I hit 12 years like in March without having a drink. Yeah. But yeah, it was like, I mean, listen, this is a whole new conversation, but, um, but yeah, I mean, that's the, I mean, I, I've been clean, sober everything for, I guess I'm coming up on 18, 19 years or whatever.

Fucking congrats, dude. Yeah. I mean, sure. Um, it's so funny that people go like, yeah, all right, I can't do a thing that I loved doing. So, my life is so boring. Yeah, you go, do you know how long 24 hours in a day is? You go, it's a lot, it's a lot of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The earth gave us a lot of time. I drink enough coffee to give myself an ulcer, David. Yeah, yeah, dude. You're solving with cold cases. Yeah. So you go up there and you see her and she's drunk at 11 a.m. You always drink like that your whole life?

Nah, but I mean like, no, it progressed. I watched it progress, but I opened up the cabinet. It's like, I opened the fridge. There's like juice. Sure. And then I start opening, no groceries, no nothing. And then it was like bottle of vodka, you know, underneath the sink.

She's living alone. Why are you hiding it? Yeah, what are you detailing silverware? Yeah. You're not a fancy restaurant. Yeah. You're fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That crystal's good to go. Get the polish. Yeah. So that happened. And then her husband like beat her to the grave. Did you like him? Stepdad? No, no, no, no. Stepdad, but like, I

wouldn't have never even called him that, but they were married. That's so funny. Yeah. How long were they married? Did they get married when you were an adult? Teen, like a late teen. Sorry, bud. You got to beat the age of 12 to get the stepdad title. Yeah. My mom's boyfriend that lived with us, I was like, no, you're forever just Joe. Yeah. You're not fucking, I'm not gonna call you Papa. No, no, no, no, you're forever. Just Joe. You're not fucking, I'm not going to call you Papa. No, no, no, no, no. Now. But, but my brother was a little younger and then my, my brother beat him with two with an inch of his life at one point, like in a family drinking thing.

But, um, so she almost drinks to herself to death. Sure. He comes in, steals, steals the title and drinks himself to death. And that snaps her out of it for a little while. OK, so did she get sober? Did she know? No, no, no, no, no. She just stopped drinking. She just stopped drinking.

And then also, like, you know, that was the breadwinner and her life fell apart. So it was like, you know, there goes the yeah, you go. Fuck ability. Yeah. I think I scared her straight for like a solid 72 hours. God damn, dude. Oh, man, when you have fucking alcoholics in your family and you see how bad people get, you go like, it goes, it's up and it's down. Yeah, well, I mean, back to your point, right?

And it was like, yeah, dude, this is a part of it. Like anybody who gets it the first time, I'm like, did you really have a problem? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, come on. Yeah, you just walked away that fucking easy. Yeah, exactly. Was it really that easy?

Yeah, so I mean, yeah, so. I can't go in rooms with wood bars without going like, I gotta leave, I gotta leave. I don't give a, none of that, I miss weed daily. Yeah, I still smoke weed, so I can't fucking. Right, you know, California's sober daily. Yeah. I still smoke weed so I can't talk. Right, you know, California sober. If I knew California sober was the thing when I got sober. You would've been.

I probably. Yeah, but also. But it was so damn judgmental. Yeah, and it was, I really did at the time, even when I started doing it, people were like, first off, I don't call myself sober. Sure. Just don't drink.

Just don't drink. Right. Like, and, but you're right. There is like a thing of, I give full credit to guys like you Joe list because I know Bobby Kelly that go like pure sober for a very long time. Cause you're like, yeah, I, I did it for like six months and I was like, I'm going to fucking kill somebody. Yeah. I mean, listen, if I thought I can get away with it, I would, but it was just problematic for me too. Like I'm like, I'm not going to smoke,

you know, I'm not going to smoke weed anymore. The next morning I'm rolling a board. Yeah. No, no roaches. That's so funny. Like through the garbage. Like, yeah, that's good. It's good. No, no, I'm sober though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking wild.

But you were saying your mom was on life support. Oh, yeah. Right. So she was on life support. So, you know, I know the tells right. Like, sure. All of a sudden for like the last six months, calling her, the conversations are shorter. She's not calling me so much. She sounds a little bleary. I'm like, talk to my brother, I'm like,

hey, what's happening? And he's like, I think she's drinking a bit. And then I get the real story. Yeah. So, and then I get the real story when I go. But anyway, she's on life support. And you know, all the siblings are in the room. We haven't gathered like that in years.

My sisters don't talk. Well, from that my mother's responsible for? Nice. Let's fucking go. Okay, how many has dad put on this earth for you? There's another two out there. We got some for my mom's first marriage, some for my dad's second marriage.

My dad's been dead for fucking 27 years. I'm still waiting for another family to pop up. Oh, it's coming. So I'm gonna go go you're Gary's other son and you get all right How much more have you done an ancestry? No, cuz I'm afraid exactly I'm afraid that there's some fucking guy in Oregon's gonna be like hey dad was a cook for lumber Jackson he fucking knocked up my mom and walla walla and Washington and I'm like cool. Yeah You know our house is about to get, we're gonna get evicted and you're my brother.

Yeah. And you're like, God, don't put that on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, alcoholics fucking breed. Oh yeah, yeah. So it's for the same reason I don't do that. But so the four of us are in the room and my sister goes, she goes,

she goes, just so you know, mom wants Mary, my daughter, to have her jewelry. I didn't even know there was jewelry. You know, like she's living in like a two room apartment. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. And then she goes, you just gotta get it out of the pawn shop. That's so, dude, that's so funny.

I was just like, I was like, okay. Yeah. You go, that's where you know, in class where you can't smile, you go, you go, I should go down to the punch out. Yeah. Immediately. Immediately. I was just like, gold.

I was just like, gold, gold, gold. I fucking that. I had that moment where we were, my grandma died and we're cleaning out her house and we were like finding stuff and watching my cousins, watch me go, I got this, this is a bit, this is a bit. And then we're like driving back to like, are you really going to do that as a joke? And you're like, Oh yeah. And then they came out, my cousin came out and saw me in Columbus. She was like, Oh, like I was trying to tell the other openers that were there. I was like, ask her, that's how it happened. She was like, that's exactly how it happened.

Stuff just happens. You go, well, this is just a bit. I just have to say this. Yeah, this is just a gift. Is it like, there's nothing you're saying? Your sister was like, you have to go to the pawn shop. I know. Like, this is hilarious.

I know. And I'm like, there's some things that I'll write after that won't be as funny as that. You'll have to page it. You know, it's called structure. Yeah. You go, this is it. It's like if you were to go, this is my, this would be my inheritance in its entirety. It's this bit, you know, on iron chef, that would be the

ingredient that you're cooking with. Yes. Bond shop jewelry. I can make a lot of stuff out of this. So great. Did you, did anyone catch you laughing or smirking? No, because I was like immediately processing and then my brother goes, well, I think I would like to have the wedding band. And I go without even thinking about it, I go, for what?

A fucking pinky ring? I gotta put it on your pinky toe? And he goes, no, for a fucking keepsake. And I was like, okay, listen, I'm sorry. You guys are all wound up. I'm listen, okay, you guys are all wound up I'm over here writing We had a good set going yeah, I would just like listen I just Processing everything. I'm sorry

Yeah, I don't know I'm trying to work find out where I can run this bit tonight I Want to know if yuck yucks is open so I can fucking go in there I'm like on the local come up comedy boards. Hey, anybody got a anybody gonna fucking Show going tonight. I know it's a Wednesday. Yeah. Yeah, so but she pulled out of the yeah She's like in rehab now and grant which I mean for people physical rehab not rehab for the other stuff And there was the other thing like they're gonna have they're gonna have her be doing I'm the fucking guy on the phone with the doctors like hey I don't know what's been said here Yeah, did the honest to sit down on his truck, but I'm like

She wasn't do it like she wasn't getting a lot of nutrients before she got into the hospital one big fan of bananas Pretty low vodka levels are off the charts big fan of bananas. She has a potassium level, pretty low. Vodka levels are off the charts. Whatever potato is being distilled. What are in potatoes? I don't know. Not really vitamins. Yeah. They got thymine in there. There's some thymine. She's good with thymine.

Spun around the hospital. She's got so much. Yeah. I mean, the DT. Yeah. She's got so much. Yeah. I mean, the DTs. Yeah, well, that was it. So she was like, she had already gone through that. So she like went in there with pneumonia, crashed, was on life support.

And I was like, yeah, she's going, like nobody knows that she's like probably going through the DTs. She's having a threesome with DTs and pneumonia. Yes. Yeah. And nobody knows the other part. So I explained that.

And then I'm like, hey, like when she comes, you know, I know she has to be rehabbed. Like, I don't know. She wasn't getting around good at home. Like there's nobody to take care of her. She lives in her own. Like I'm giving all this, this back information, you know, there ain't nothing better than telling a doctor, this is how it has to feel. I don't, I hate snitches. I think snitching is below. I think it's subhuman, but I will admit there has to be a good feeling when you snitch to go like, John, no, it's really happening. When you get to do that on a family member to a doctor, it feels so good. When my grandma broke her hip and I was like, she ain't going home. Yeah. And they're like, no, no, no, we're not gonna let her go home. I was like, yes. her, because she was like, I'm going home. And you're like, Nana, you're 96 with a busted hip. You're not going home.

Right, please stop. Because no one's gonna fucking take care of you. Right, well that was, you know, and that was the conversation. So then I'm like trying to tell everybody, like in my fact, I'm trying to be the voice of reason here. Sure. And this is funny because one of my sisters

hasn't talked to my mom in years. And I called and I was like, hey listen, mom's probably gonna die. You might just come and say your bit if you want to. But now you're in the. Yeah, you have the choice. Yeah, so she shows up. And they code her and she's on life support.

And she's also a nurse. Oh, your sister is. Yeah. And so I'm like, can you talk to her? She goes, you know what, fuck this bitch, I've been mad. Ah, shit, you're close. Really? Really?

So I'm like, can you just talk to the doctor and then break it down for me? Because you have, you speak the language. And she was like, yeah, I told the nurse, based on mom's condition, that do not resuscitate. And I'm like, hey listen, I'm not saying you're wrong here, mom's condition that, you know, do not resuscitate. And I'm like, hey listen, I'm not saying you're wrong here, but I don't think you can make the call.

That's so funny. The kid that's mad at the parent comes in and goes, do not resuscitate. In fact, I'd probably say pull it now. Pull it right now. And they go, no, she's gonna pull through. They go, no, no, no, I know, but I've seen this. At my hospital, this happens all the time,

we gotta pull, that's a zombie. Making shit up. That's the living dead. I've seen this at my hospital. This happens all the time. We got to put that's a zombie. Making shit up. That's the living dead. I've seen the living dead. That's the living dead. Pull it. Yeah. Hey, what's your little princess up to now?

Yeah. Go see your husband. I didn't even like him. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you and fuck Michelle. Yeah, dude. There really is.

There was like, I found out a thing with my grandma, which I've learned to forgive her, but I found out that she was kind of hustling me for money. And I found that out right before the admittance into the hospital where they're like, do you want to do a resuscitate? I go, no. I'm like, look at how much money she took from me.

I go, no, no. In fact, let her know it was her sweet Danny that did this. But you do have that feeling because you're like, I get where your sister's coming from. The D in DNR is Dan's not resuscitating. Dan's not gonna. It's a DNG. And in a DNR, it's a Dan's not gonna. Yeah, because I mean, in that situation, especially when there's like a lot of drama in a family

and you're in a very intense, you know, at the ICU and you're like, all your emotions are coming up. Comics always are the ones that go like, something happens and you go what? You go, I just thought of a joke. I know it's fucking bad. Oh, a hundred percent funeral and the funeral pews. Dude, the worst. Okay, I'm glad I could tell somebody this. One of my best friends, his dad died. I loved his dad. His dad truly, when I tell you, one of the only grown men to support me growing up,

being like, I loved, dude, he would come out to New York, I would see him all the time, loved him. He passed away. I was legitimately crying. It was the first funeral I legitimately cried at, which is nice. I would see him all the time. Loved him. He passed away. I was legitimately crying. It was first funeral I legitimately cried at, which is nice. How old were you at the time? This is a week ago.

Oh shit. This is fucking three weeks ago. I was like 19. I'm gonna miss you, big Steve. Brother, I've been in therapy 20 years and it's just starting to take. But it was like. First time you've cried in a funeral.

Yeah, I don't know why. I was like. Jesus. Legitimately like feeling first time you've cried. I don't know why I was like, legitimately like feeling this. Right. And then they were having different, you know, uh, big, my, my friend has a big Irish family. So a lot of cousins, a lot of uncles were here. And for some reason in my head, I fucking voice that comic voice in my head goes, it would be so funny if Frank's like 10 year old great niece Like in my head I had in this strictly in my head. Yeah at the funeral

I had this idea of the priest going now Frank's great niece would like to do a tick-tock dance And I start like almost laughing out loud because I just think of a little kid going, I don't know, but I had to like clamp down. I had to be like, stop it. Because I went from crying to laughing like a fucking psycho. Yeah. Yeah. And then somebody's like, I just remembered a memory. Yeah.

I just remember the good times. That was a good dance, Aubrey. She's like, shh, shh, shh, shh. Yeah. Yeah, I did. It is so fucking. That's not even something you can explain to somebody quickly either.

Like, hey bro, imagine a little bit of TikTok. But by the way, I did later, my best friend Danny, we were like going, I go, dude, I almost laughed in the funeral, because I thought like, what if someone got up and got a TikTok? And even he went, okay. We were like, is this ever happening? And he goes, okay, dude, I don't, this is what got up and got a TikTok? And even he went, okay. We were like, has this ever happened to you? And he goes, okay, dude,

I don't, this is what the fuck is wrong with you. And you're like, it was funny. It was funny in my head. But yeah, that is like getting your siblings around with a mom that has, you know, caused some problems for them. You really see how people react. It's so funny. It was the nurse sister of yours that's like,

I got this. We ain't doing that. We ain't doing that. We ain't doing that. Now she's coming out of it. So she's going to be like, Oh, you know, Jackie tried to kill you. Like that's coming. If it hasn't happened already, that conversation is coming. We might need to do a follow-up episode in like six months. We'll bring Tyler back. We go, Tyler, you finally got in. We got, I just talked to you about your family and Tyler's like, why am I here?

Yeah dude, that's so funny because when people like get in those situations, all families have drama. Yes. And then like the funniest part is seeing how people react to it. Yeah. Because even if you're like well adjusted and you're like, ah, this is sad, but I kind of understand. Then you just see your sister coming in hot. You're kind of like, this is hilarious. Yeah. And then also it's like, all families go through that. I don't care how successful you are. You've got an alcoholic junkie brother, cousin, somebody.

You're going through it. They're going through it. By the way, human, I think what the internet's really fucked up, humans doing is us all understanding that everybody goes through it. Right. Cause everyone looks like, these people are good at looking like they're on vacation all the time. Oh, dude, 100%.

And they have all this money and you're like, you have no fucking clue. I was actually thinking about like a fact check app. Cause you know how everything's always fucking listening. Yeah. It's like, Ooh. And then like Elon Musk fact checks on Twitter now. Yeah. Like just like a fact check, like the community on Instagram. Yeah. Community notes on Instagram. Fucking fantastic. Yeah. Like, Oh, actually they were fighting at the diner.

Six minutes before this picture was taken. This vacation was seven months ago. They haven't spoke for two. Yeah. I fucking knew that. Thank you. They have not had sex in 18 months. Yes. Yeah, because like, we're not having kids. It's just a decision we had. I'm on the road.

Saves me from asking. What's that? Yes. But it's the ones, there are people that get like offended because you're not. Right. And they'll go like, you guys are starting having kids. And you go, no.

And we're like absolutely absolutely found it. We have total aunt and uncle energy. Yeah, we love it. That's like what we're gonna do. And then they do they think they get you with this. So who's gonna take care of you when you're old? The same Jamaican nurses that are gonna take care of you. Yeah, dip shit. Yeah, my my fucking grandma had two kids. I was a Filipino nurse taking care of her in Sacramento. It wasn't me. I was a wipe in her ass. I don't like projected by six minute visits. Yeah.

That's it. This is just, there's no one's going to visit me. Yeah. Oh well. Right. I'll be on some fucking drug. That's new. Oh buddy. My watch an old fucking reruns of TV shows I grew up on and being like, I'm watching full house. Get out of my way. Waiting to be uploaded. Yeah, put my fucking consciousness into whatever new computer you have. Yeah, peace. But like when people like, people do they think like, Oh, if I do this, this and this, then none of the bad shit will happen. And you're like, it's human nature. You're gonna catch

everyone. Yeah, yeah, everybody catches strays. It's like fights everyone you're gonna be in a situation where someone wants to fight you once in your life. Just through it yeah you can't go through this life not having anyone wanted to fight you because a lot of times those are psychos yeah that like bend yeah everyone's got a temper that's also feels good is when you realize other people have tempers other people fucking flare up in traffic and do fucking stupid shit yeah yeah that's it's the human like that's the human condition yeah like I I mean I hate to say it

But everybody's a little bit racist. It's okay. It's hard to be in human man It's just it's just because what it is is it's just other everyone has a Defensive Reaction to other right? It's just like it is a form of stupidity because you don't know that person. That's why it's always like, you know, that like the most hacky joke in New York City standup is like, a race is in New York, I'd be too tired. But that is a point of New York City. You're living around Dominicans and you're in Canada, you wouldn't have known anything about the DR. But now that you did six years at Sin City,

you go down to fucking Santo Domingo, and you fucking, you're like, is John Park Dominican? And you're like, nah dude, just knows a bunch from Sin City. But that's what it is. I don't know, these hips don't lie. Yeah, like being around it, you're like, oh fuck.

Buddy, I was from Canada. This was a joke on an album, but it was like, literally, I couldn't point to Puerto Rico on a map. Yeah. Until I was 28 and I moved here and I was like, oh yeah, really? Yeah, and then now you know their cuisine so well

that you know if it's like, you're like, this isn't even good. He's like, these plantanos suck. And they're like, who is this fucking whelm? You're a little over-dero. And you're like, does this white boy know that these are bad fucking plantanos? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's 10 years of living above a bodega. Yeah, brother, I can tell you when a cat's going after a rat or he's going after some fucking food. Yeah. But dude, you've always been one of my favorite guys to watch because I genuinely think, especially with your standup, you're very earnest and I always really liked, when we do those shows

in Brooklyn and shit, you were like a guy if you were in the room and I felt like a joke was hacky, I'd be like, ah, fucking John's watching it. I remember bar four, one time I did a joke that worked but I was not proud of it and you went, well that went well and I went, ah yeah. And he was like, I know he thinks I'm a fucking hack

because of that joke, But Fight Stories is great. I've been on it. I did an episode. You should go listen to these episodes. Check out John and Tyler's podcast, Fight Stories. Go download it, watch an episode, and don't get into a fight. Yeah, try to avoid it.

Try to avoid it. But if you do get into one and it's good enough, reach out to John. Yeah, also DM us immediately. Yeah. And if you know anyone who's been on a famous Fight Story online, reach out to John. Yeah. Also DM us immediately. And if you know anyone that's been on a, uh, uh, on a famous fight story online, reach out to John. Yeah, please. And if you know any local legends, like the toughest guy in your town,

those guys we love David Clark, I gotta get you David Clark's number. He's a guy I grew up with that like legitimately to this day, I'm in awe. When we were 13, he beat up two 16 year olds. And then when we were like 16, he beat up a grown man outside of a 7-Eleven. Cause the guy was a road rage. The guy pulled over and he was like in a suit or whatever. Then David got out and just absolutely fucking manhandled.

And housed him. Yeah, and then came to my house. Cause that's where we smoked weed. And he came to my house and he's like, I just beat up like a man in a suit. He's like showing me his hands. I was like, my house and he's like, I just beat up a man in a suit. He's showing me his hands. I was like, Jesus Christ. He's like, they thought I was a kid and I got out.

You want some sunny D? My mom's like, dinner will be ready in an hour. My mom loved David, but he was a fucking wild boy. That's it, like the David Clarks of the world. Yeah, dude, David Clark. And David, if you're watching this, DM me. I follow you on Instagram, fucker. I wanna know if you're still doing all right. still doing alright bad motherfucker. He went to military school

Yeah, so bad. He got sent to military school at military school Someone snuck into his room while he was sleeping and took a master lock and started fucking hitting him in the head He got up and made it a fight. I don't know if you won, but sure he's like I got up and I made it a fight Yeah, yeah, he started at a deficit. Yeah, imagine being woke up by being hit and then being like, I'd be out of it. I was like, why are you doing this? And David was like, I got this. Yeah. God, I got to get him on your podcast. Yeah. Hell yeah. I'm going to reach out. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Fight stories. At John Moses. Follow him.