Soder - 81: Parents Just Don’t Understand with Jared Freid | Soder Podcast | EP 79

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

Support the sponsors to support the show! Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% Off @Ridge with code SODER at https://ridge.com/SODER #Ridgepod We’re all better with help.  Visit BetterHelp.com/SODER to get 10% off your first month. https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&slug=soder&utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=1378&utm_term=soder&promo_code=soder&landing_page_img=https%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FIdYYCSM.png&aff_channel=podcast&discount_rate=10&discount_period=P1M&date_interval=P1M&percentage_off=10&amount=1&amount_spelled_out=one&unit=month&gor=start Your new wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code soder20 at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/soder20 #chubbiespod The Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is coming to your city! Get tickets at https://www.dansoder.com/tour May 15 - Albany May 16 - Burlington,VT May 29-31 - Appleton,WI June 6 - Red Bank,NJ Sep 5-6 - Phoenix,AZ Sep 25 - Los Angeles, CA Sep 25 Los Angeles, CA Sep 26 Seattle, WA Sep 27 Portland, OR OCT 3 Tucson, AZ Oct 4 Denver, CO Oct 9 Knoxville, TN OCT 10 Atlanta, GA Oct 11 Louisville, KY Oct 24 Providence, RI OCT 25 Nashville, TN NOV 7 San Antonio, TX NOV 8 Austin, TX NOV 13 Iowa City, IA Nov 14 Minneapolis, MN NOV 15 Madison, WI NOV 21 Kansas City, MO NOV 22 St. Louis, MO DEC 5 Vancouver, BC DEC 6 Eugene, OR DEC 12 Columbus, OH DEC 13 Royal Oak, MI Follow Jared Freid https://www.instagram.com/jaredfreid/?hl=en https://www.youtube.com/@jaredfreid PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with DAN. Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by  @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

This week, I'm talking about Thursday, I'm going to be at the Egg in Albany. It's going to be an awesome show. This Thursday, the Egg in Albany. This Friday, Burlington, Vermont. I'm coming to hang out at the Flynn Center. Burlington, Vermont. I love coming up there hanging out. I'm glad I get a whole day. Go get a Sammy at my favorite sandwich place. Have a great show. Go to dansoder.comcom for tickets Albany and Burlington oh and Red Bank New Jersey the Count Basie Center June 6th I'm gonna be there too don't forget May 29th through May 31st Appleton Wisconsin at Skyline Comedy Club so many shows to pick from the golden retriever of comedy tours happening if you're in one of those cities we're coming

to a theater but if you're in Albany or Vermont, we're coming this week, like this week, Thursday, Friday, Thursday Albany, Friday Burlington, danceroder.com for tickets. It's going to be a very fun show. I got Brendan Sagalow and Carmen Legala with me. Hell of a lineup. Danceroder.com. Buy tickets. Yeah. Fitzsimmons is so honest in a way that it, you know when someone older than you says something and it makes your life different? Where you go, oh yeah. He was writing on crashing on the Pete Holmes show,

which they filmed here in New York. And he was around the Village Underground all the time. So I talked to him. I love Fitzsimmons. So I was talking to him one night and I was like, ah dude, you done? He's like, yeah, we wrapped yesterday. And I was like, he bummed.

You bummed you were like sleeping in in a hotel and now you gotta go back. And he goes, Soder, I'm not one of these comics that hates his wife. He goes, I got a good house, I love my kids, I fucked the shit out of my wife, I got it pretty good. And he said that in a way that I was like, yeah, why aren't we idolizing that kind of thought?

Right, well, it's not as funny. Yeah. You know, it doesn't get a laugh. Like, I love my wife humor. Yeah, but I think-'s not it doesn't get a laugh. Like I love my wife humor Yeah, but maybe it will come back. Maybe the world will come to that I think we're getting over the how how dumb of a bitch is my wife I mean if you saw that on stage, you'd be like what's going on here? Yeah, but there's a funny way to do that because I think

This is just my personal opinion that whole like This stupid bitch. It's like well you married her right now Yeah, it's your sad for you. I'm sad for the wife I feel sad for the kids which was a very popular comedy style 80s and 90s where they're like, oh my god my family I do get the funny in that obviously but now we're at the point where I'm like well I'm just thinking you're bad at decision-making right like you locked yourself in It would be funny that if some like you had that conversation then someone You flash cut to his wife and they're like, oh Greg's coming back and she's like he all he does is fuck me

Yeah, I hate my kids Yeah, go on. Yeah, the kids. She hates all of them. The wife, oh my God, it was her that ended it? She goes, go on the road, you hack. And you're like, God damn it. But I love you so much. She goes, shut up, you pussy. I should have married my high school sweetheart. And you're like, oh fuck. Dude, that is, so a story I was thinking about

when I knew you were gonna be on the podcast is your brother works in the NFL. Yes, he does. Chicago Bears? The Bears. Yes. Still with the Bears, still with the Bears, but was with the Dolphins, the Miami Dolphins. Yes. Where did he start? The Dolphins, but he he was with like the league office. He was sleeping on my couch like I'm doing trying to do comedy. Yeah, he's on my couch telling me he wants to be an NFL

GM. And he was there for like six months. And I remember I was like, dude, you got to leave. There are too many dreams in this apartment. That's so funny when when the apartment's too small for your dreams. Both of your dreams. We were both like I was like stepping over him like he was going through a tough time. He was out of like he got his MBA like he's got like a he has a resume that's a little bit different for most NFL coaches, like

now pause on that. Jewish mom is more proud of successful entertainer son, that MBA and business son, My, see the thing is she loves hearing from friends of hers who like my stuff. Great. So like at first I think moms and I think moms in general but like specific like Jewish moms are kind of big on this. It's like they can't be seen as if a mom's seen as a failure if they can't explain what their kid does in one sentence. Makes sense. So if you that's why, you are a good mom.

Warrior. Good mom. And so like my mom didn't know how to. CEO. Good mom. But even MBA. Good mom. Oh, he's getting his grad, he's in grad school.

Good mom. So at first I don't think my mom knew how to like sell it. That's so funny. Like she. My boy is a clown. A writer, she would say writer. Dude, my grandma, my grandma held on to writer until she died. Yeah.

I one time went to the bank. My grandfather too. I would send her checks or whatever and the lady goes like, you're such a good grandson, what do you do? And my grandmother interrupted me and she's like, he's a writer. I'm like, I'd probably say it's the weakest part of my app. Right. I would say I'm more voices and charisma than I am actually hard writing.

Right. This isn't a writing comic. So your mom would use writer first. She didn't even know. It was like, you ever hear your mom like try to explain your job? It's like nails on a chalkboard. Like my mom would be like, well, he does the thing and you know, he goes- Have you ever seen comedy? Right. He thinks he's funny and- But I feel like Jewish moms, more than like a goym a goy mom would be like entertainment would like no no how to use it up.

She didn't know how to do that. She didn't know how to use it. She couldn't. No, no. And but then when people started like and also like because like I hear from a lot of women. Yeah. She would meet these like young girls who like somehow knew

me and they're going to leave. And they were going nuts. Would they put it together with your last name? My last name or they saw her on my Instagram. She would get approached and she thinks it's the funny. And I'll never forget, I started talking about my parents the last couple years. I never really did a little bit. And I started doing stuff about my mom and my dad.

I was telling this story and I'm at the cellar doing it and I remember my parents came to a show they'd never seen what I was doing. They had never seen you do stand up. They seemed to stand up. But they didn't see like this new stuff about them. Yeah. And the staff was like, like all the man you know, we know everyone there like, like, like, I remember Alicia, she was like, have they seen it? And I'm like, they fucking lived it. Like I'm telling true stories.

And so I sit them in the jump. It's different though. Well, I sit them in the jump seat and I go on stage and as I'm telling the story about my mom, my mom's going, no, no! She's like debating with me the stories that are absolutely true. Like we still argue about these things.

Everything I talk about with my family, like we are still arguing, we are still debating. From the jump seats? From the jump seats. As a comedy seller, it's very small. It's a very small club, fits like 135 people. But when it's usually sold out, when comedians have guests, there's these three seats by the Ray Romano poster

in the corner. Yes. It's the everybody loved Raymond poster, and they put out these three like bench seats. Yeah, you can pull them out. Yeah. And just to have whoever you're with come sit for friends with you. They can watch your show. And my mom just yelling out like, no, no, that's not what happened.

What this is, you know how like you would talk with your mom and she'd be like, well, no, you're being, did you respond? I go, that's my mom. I like set it to the crowd and like people laughed even more because the stories are all like, I kind of made this like saying where I'm like, I'm only going to tell stories that are true. Yeah, like I'm like, I'm not gonna like do like I just like if it's not a fun story that I'm annoyed at, I'm not gonna do it like no, like even like just I just came to this

conclusion. I mean, like just like I'm like, has it has it happened? Yeah. And I started doing that. And it's just like, kind of like became really like easy and fun for me. But it was also like, my so then my parents are bringing their friends to shows. Their friends loved it because I'm making fun of my parents. And they like love giving my parents shit. So it's like all these Jews just laughing at my parents. And then like now they live in a country club. So it's like, the things that have like my life now like

it's gotten weird because like I've gotten past the point where people are like, what do you do? Like they're like insulting Yeah, now they kind of like it. My parents live in this very confined Seinfeld parent reality kind of like the What's the place in the, the, the villages. The villages like the- My friend's mom lives in the villages. So this is a smaller version.

Villages is his own zip code. I know the villages and these places, what it is, is it's returning to high school when you're old. Absolutely. It's old high school. You nailed it. Like I literally, I was golfing with my dad and I, I'm trying to learn how to golf. I suck, but I'm trying to learn. Same, I blow on it. Like I literally I was golfing with my dad and I'm trying to learn how to golf. I suck but I'm trying to learn saying my boy golf cart full of a family just pulls up next to

me and starts like slowly trailing me as I'm golfing. And I'm like walking up to my ball I'm like missing it and they're like, trying to get good huh like like making fun of me as I'm golfing and I'm like, what hell did I sign up for the fuck are you right? Like and these things happen and you'll be, and it's like, it's improv everywhere. Like guys will come out to me. My, my dad will, I was with my dad once this guy goes to me, he goes, you're losing a little weight. My dad's like, no, he's not losing any weight. Like now we're having a debate over my body. It's just like, it's constant

embarrassment. It's constant. Like your mom shouting no, it a bit is a nightmare. It's crazy. It's a nightmare. No, I will say she listens to the podcast. Trish, thank you for never debating me. Oh my God. You kidding me, Trish? I've talked about insanely personal things about my mom. And one time I called my mom, I don't know if I've ever told this story before on this podcast. I've told this story publicly before,

but never on this podcast. After I did Montreal in 2011, there was a show that Nick at Night was filming called Moms Night Out. I remember the show. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, they did like a mom standup show. Yes, and they filmed it in the old TRL studio. Yes in

total requests live for those of you under the age of 30 and It was 1515 Broadway over at Times Square they had waiters that had trays of red and white wine and My episode the first episode I taped was Judy Gold was the host and it was just all moms. And all the comics were either moms or married with kids. And the producer, Brian, was like, Brian Baldiner, who's great. He was like, hey, I want you to do this show. You should do your mom jokes. And I was like, well, my jokes are about my mom dating. It's not really favorable. I

don't make her look like mom of the year. I kind of joke around about it. And he's like, you'll be fine. You'll be fine. They brought me up last. All the whole lineup was like, women I've never heard of, like comics. I've like done shows with a bunch of these comics. They're around, you know, they're around, but you don't know they live in like Parsippany. And then they come out and they go like, I do boats.

And then sometimes I do the Tropicana and Atlantic city, but would fucking murder on this thing. They'd be like, my husband's asleep. and I said, can he sleep any longer? crack just like They're just funneling red and white wine and then Judy Gold I'll never forget brings me up but she's like are you ready for a man and never they're like Like magic and I literally went on stage. I was like, I feel like a male stripper But you brought me up like a male stripper.

Everyone rubbing their nipples in the crowd. I got a hysterectomy, you can just lay one right in me. And you're like, blah. But I go up there and basically my set, which I did in Montreal, was my mom was a single mom, talking about her boyfriend's trying to buy me over with toys. It was like this stuff, kind of like my mom dates.

My mom dates and you know, I didn't call her a slut, but I was like, Oh, my mom's like, she's out there. She's out there. My mom's out in these streets. When I was a kid, she was out in the streets, dude. I also had this joke about being scared of scary movies when I was little and I was so scared. I pissed in the heating vent of my room and I was like, the punch line was, it was like, it wasn't bad in the winter,

but then my mom turned on the heat and my room smelled like a bus stop in the middle of July. Hot piss. And I remember specifically, because I looked out onto Times Square, I went hot piss and collectively the audience went, no. I bombed so bad. Really? I bombed so bad. Really?

I bombed so bad. I was still waiting tables. But the next day I got a call from Brian, and he was like, hey, can you soften your setup? Like, can you take your set? Can you soften the jokes? And I was like, I needed the money so bad. It was like $1,500.

I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. He's like, great, why don't you come back tonight? And at the end of the episode, we'll have you do your set and then we'll edit it into the episode you're supposed to be in. I was like, great. I went back. bombed harder. Bomb so hard that it was silent. Because like, I'm sure like, how do you soften you're like, I peed into the I took a wee wee. Right. And then it smelled like tinkle.

Into the... But dude. I took a wee-wee in the central air. Yeah. We had central air. Which was nice. And the redone bathroom. My mother had a lovely art display.

Yeah. The towels, oh, the hand towels. We would chop a TJ Maxx guys who remembers Talbot's but there was it was so bad and also the the makeup they put on us was like Fox News makeup so it was like plastered on I bombed so hard that I just got off stage grab my backpack didn't remove the makeup, walked downstairs, and walked to a bar in Times Square and started drinking. Nate Bargetzi taped that night on that episode,

murdered, I mean murdered. And then I just get a text where he goes, where are you? And I was like, oh, who? I was somewhere like, oh, Sullivan's on 9th Avenue. And he was like, Jesus, but you double gum. Three stools in. I'm hammered and I'm eating shrimp, coconut shrimp, pineapple shrimp.

Jumperlaya shrimp. Nick goes, all right, you're too drunk. You're too much whiskey soda. But I called my mom and I was like, are these jokes like fucked up? And shout out to my mom, dude. She's a real one She goes hey you lived it if you can write that joke, right? Like that joke and that was our policy moving forward, right? She's like if you lived through it, who am I to tell you not to joke around about it?

And it's also that's why it's not mean. You're just telling a caring story. Yeah. You know about what happened and the viewpoint you had of that thing. Now she loves it. I have a joke right now in my act about her and my stepdad and I going out to lunch and she saw me at Palace Fine Arts in San Francisco and she came backstage with her friends and she was like 100 percent real. That's like saying to her friends, which I bet your parents. No, I did I did Dania Beach They brought all their friends. I didn't have like new shit

I was like trying to like work I was because my my parents will literally look at me the bike you better have new material like we already saw And I hadn't taped yet and I'm like trying to like so I'm like for them I the night like literally three nights before my dad offered me as Ozempic So I did this whole bit very fun my dad Pushing his Ozempic on me and my mom being like, yeah, do it. Like they're both reverse peer pressure. Oh, it's two high school drug dealers. That's what I say. Like I compare. So and they're like, do it, you pussy. Like, and I'm like, all the cool kids are doing it.

I do this whole bit about it. And I'm like talking about how crazy it is. And you can hear the audience being like, Oh, like it's like all Jews with body issues, like who would do this? Go to therapy. He's got a nice tush. Right. And what are you doing? My mom and dad are like in the audience, like, ah, like they think it's hilarious. Like the whole audience is like, you need therapy. And my parents are like, gotcha bitch.

So funny to think of your dad in bed with his readers on and your mom goes, we should bully Jared. He goes, that would be a good bit. Right. Like they're writing for you. They're like, oh, that's a good bit. Sometimes it feels like they are writing for me. I'm like, no one would believe this.

Yeah, my mom's all- Just the way they live. My mom's very like awesome. She's awesome as a comedy mom. I learned early on, I didn't like knowing when she was there. You know you talk different in front of your parents. You can't talk to your friends. So we had a deal when I would work at ComedyWorks. She knew Wendy, she knew like the GM. She

would do a thing where she wouldn't tell me what show she came to. And then at the end of the weekend. See that's the opposite. My parents are like we better have seats. Oh yeah. They better be upfront. They they know not one time I did a show at Broken Sound Country Club. Okay, this is like a nice Jewish country club. Yeah, okay. Yeah, they booked me it was through Gotham like somehow someone was like, we should get Jared and it was an I go on stage and my dad, it's it's like they're like function hall, like whatever. And I'll never forget it. The whole it's like the community. So they know who lives there. Sure. And my dad was like, I need nine tickets. And I go nine tickets. He goes, I go it's sold out like they're all he got. I go, I'll get you nine tickets. So then I get them nine tickets. But he brought

like another person. So he didn't have a seat. So I go on stage, he is literally on the right of the stage. He was perched up like an eagle in the window sill. Like he's sitting in the window sill, like you know, like above the seats. So then the crowd, he looks like me. So every time I do a joke about my family, the whole crowd, like all these Jewish people,

they're all just like nosy fucking assholes. And I'd make a joke and my family, the whole crowd, like all these Jewish people, they're all just like nosy fucking assholes. And I'd make a joke and then they'd look at him and then they'd look at me. That's so. And then they'd like not laugh. And I'm like, and I remember I get off stage and I was so angry. I'm like, you know, you just start rushing through it.

You're like, don't even, like the smart thing would have been to like take a step back. Acknowledge it. Make fun of it. Make fun of it. My dad's sitting right there yelling him yell at the Jews. I didn't. I went the other way and I got off stage and we go to the back. And I remember like they have this like back room set up and I go,

what the fuck are you doing sitting up front? Perched like a fucking eagle hovering over the show. Everyone keeps looking at you. What was this? And he was like, I just wanted a seat. I was just looking to sit. Doesn't that hurt? At the show. And I go, yeah, I would want to sit too, but why don't you go to the back where

people don't see the older version of me sitting next to me look like you were haunting the room. They go look at his looper. He's upset. His looper is upset with how the sets going. Right. He doesn't even think he's funny. That's so.

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This show is sponsored by better help. Whoo You you boys and girls know that I love therapy. I love spilling the beans and finding out what's wrong with me Just getting those cords organized, but seriously Therapy is I, I think, I think it should, a lot of people should consider it mandatory, like exercise, because it really helps your brain and then you don't go out there and spill your crap on everyone else.

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Better help is fully online making therapy both affordable and convenient serving over 5 million people worldwide Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com slash Soder to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.help.com slash Soder. When your parents are supportive, you don't realize sometimes that they can be incorrectly supportive. Yeah, and they, and again, like that's right. And then if you give them feedback, they're like, I just was there for you. I love you. Right. And you're like, what am I supposed to say to that?

Like, yeah, do it different. I know. I know. Do they ever do that shit back to your brother? Do they ever overstep their boundaries? See, I know that my brother and I have the same issue with tickets. Like he's got to like help them go to a game and then they're like, my parents.

And by the way, NFL tickets, sorry comedians, I know you wanna act important, much harder to get. Harder to get, but it's hard to get and it's but it's the same like, okay, do where do we get them? And it's like, I'm working. You know, like just like we have a show, if it's 10 minutes before and your parents are like, hey, where are the tickets going to be? And do we have the

backstage? We can kind of it's easier for us to like work out with a manager, put it at the door. There's a ticket box office. This is a huge stadium. So like my brother gets will calls hard to find will call and then it's like, Hey, what are the tickets to the back room that gets us the free food? And it's like, so he has to deal with that shit worse than me. He's also with the Chicago Bears who aren't doing so hot. So then it's like who do you ask?

Like and like I go like I go by myself. I'll go over the game and it's like and like I know not to be a pain like I'll text him a day before and then we're done. My mom's not doing that. She's going like till the minute of the game. You know like the kickoff. She's going like till the minute of the game, you know, like the kickoff She's like, where's the food gonna be? Do I get to meet any of them? You got there playing in the game?

They do have an on-field thing so you can get he gets a second on-field pass before the game and there's like an area There's the road. Yes, and he we go there all the time and like you go up to the rope Yeah, I've only seen it once and it was because of McDaniel that I got to go beyond the rope. Oh really? Cause I, I've watched McDaniel go from every level of coach. Sure. Quality control coach. You get tickets at the top. One time Nate, his wife and I went to a, it was, when McDaniel was in Washington as the receivers coach,

we went up for a Washington game and McDaniel was like, I got your tickets. And they were like top of the stadium. And then I sat with his wife and like the coaches wife section, which was much better. But Nate and Laura were like, Oh, the way it's beggars can't be choosers. You're like, I wouldn't have come if I had known this was the book up. Which so funny because then exact well what's so funny we were

2017 we went to 49ers at Eagles so at this point Kyle shanahan's brought Mike to the 49ers which is awesome for me and we're on the bonfire and we're like we got to go this game Becky owns an Eagles fan big Big J obviously an Eagles fan. And I asked McDaniel, I'm like, can you get us four tickets? And he's like, yeah. And at commercial break, we looked up where the tickets were,

top of the link. Like in Lincoln Financial, again, free tickets, totally appreciate it. But I was like, you know what, we want good seats, four tickets were horrible that year. So I bought four tickets down. Didn't tell McDaniel, just bought the four tickets.

So we had four extra tickets. So then this was when Shane was like living in Harrisburg, I think. So the tickets were Jay's sister, her husband, Shane, and I think six, and they all sat up there. And Shane was like, all I had was money for one beer. And now Shane's on the field with the Eagles when they win the Super Bowl.

Less than seven years later. Life comes at you fast, man. It's so funny that Shane's like, yeah, the Eagles, I went to their after party, I held the Lombardi trophy. And I remember being at a Niner game and him being at like the second to top row because of McDaniel. It's like I picked Jeffrey Lurie's nose.

Yeah, dude, it's wild. So weird, they just do that after wins. What's funny about that is- They let you do it. And then now he's a head coach, so now I don't get a ticket. Now I go to his house and I get a ride with his wife and daughter.

And you're in the box. And you pull into the parking lot, you walk onto the field, you go past the rope, pretty sick. Big time. But only if it's like, I only get past the rope if it's like me and my friend Chad and his wife Jenna. The three of us and Katie, the four of us can get past the rope.

More than four people, you're on the other side of the rope. That's where it gets like, and then you do kind of like, there's a moment where you start offering it up. You're like, well, we can get on the field, we're cool. And then I went with like my high school friends and we had one on the field pass. We were like passing it back to each other. Yeah, I'm like, you do it. I've

done it before. And they're like on FaceTime with their kids. The kids are like freaking out. They're like, leave it and I'm like, you you need it more than me. I can. It's funny watching Mike sign mini helmets now. That's wild. Like we went and hung out celebrity like of the coaches to like, it was funny. Yeah, He's got a funny coach. Right. But we went and like hung out and there was like a bunch of people like his wife's brother and his friends or whatever. They were really, really sweet. And at the end of the, at the end of the hang, they were like, could you sign a helmet for my kid or whatever? And then

Mike, like it's weird to have like a hang. And then at the end, everyone goes, can you sign some stuff for me? And you're like, sure. He's just sitting in his living room like, yeah, but it's been really cool to watch the progression. Of course. But the ticket situation, you're kind of like, I don't envy it. I don't, which brings up the point of the funniest thing was you get comfortable. It's basically what you're saying. You get comfortable with where your friends are at, where your family are at, in their positions of power, until they get too much power and then it gets weird. I have a hard time now asking Shane for tickets

because it's a sold out arena, and I feel a little weird being like, hey, my buddy in fucking Pittsburgh wants to come see you. Can I get a ticket? He's totally cool about it. But your brother was working for the Dolphins. McDaniel got hired as the new head coach of the Dolphins. And you were like, my brother wants to keep his job.

Can you talk to him? And it was so awkward writing a text where I was like, hey dude, my friend Jared Freed's brother works for the Dolphins, but but but but but but could you could you keep them? Funny cuz like I got a text basically like hey just let like he was being hired and my brother's still on contract you know, he was there and but Basically, he was like let he texted me, he goes, just tell Soder that you know,

that he knows the brother and he works there. And there's a guy there that is a friendly guy. A friend of a friend. A friend of a friend that he just wanted like, it wasn't even like hire him, but it was like, just let him know he's a cool dude. I wish I could. That was kind of like, I think that was the ask because I was like, just let him know he's a cool dude. I wish that was kind of like, I think that

was the ask because I was like, I don't know how to text Soder like my texts a race after a year, I do the same thing. God, I really hope this text. It's so funny because it was more just like, let him know, there's a guy here, who's easy to deal with because you probably I think you've met Harry before you met my brother before. Like. You know, everyone gets along with him. Like he, you know, he's not like, he's an easy hang. So.

Damn, I don't have it. It is funny. Cause like, I was like, okay, how do I let Soder know? Damn, I don't have it. I have it. Just say he's a cool dude. Like that was kind of like the ask. It wasn't like, you know, because it is funny.

Cause it's like, oh, your friends's the coach of the Miami Dolphins. Can you get my friend a job? He's good on Madden. It's like, kind of like, but that's how people treat like NFL stuff. Like they're like, well, like- My buddy loves football. You should hire him.

Right, just hire him. Like, you know, like we get that with comedy, but not in like a actual way. Like we can- There's no one going like, hey, can my buddy open for you? He's pretty funny at the bar. They'll say it as a joke. They'll be like, he's funny. He, you should write together and you're like, ah, go fuck yourself. Yeah. This is like, you know, with the NFL, everyone thinks they know Monday morning quarterback, you know,

armchair quarterback. Like this is all like, and Hey, like, so I've really been, you know, so it was just so I didn't know how to write that text. It was just being like, so my friend Jared's brother, super cool dude. And he gets face, you know, like when he got hired, you know, he had to go like meet with him and like. Well dude, that's, so here's the thing I don't understand. It's like, well, you're talking about what your parents do

to your brother, where they're like, where's the buffet? Where's the tickets? How do we get in? I don't realize my buddy is taking over the toughest job of his life, where he's gotta come in, he's gotta learn how to be a head coach. He's gotta, you know, he knows how organizations run,

but now he's getting- He's never done it. He's getting his fingers in the mud. Yeah, and like, you have have to like you have to hire a Staff like that is like a you know, like yeah Oh and and sometimes you got people you already trust and you made promises and you know And all of its you know, just like anything comedy you've realized everything's the same. It's all relationships It's all like yeah

I just like like this guy and I work with them and I'm gonna have to spend spend hours at the office with him. Like, yeah, he's going to be the guy that does this job. Yeah. You know, like, and I don't care. You know, my friends really funny. Can they overview? I don't want to be on the road with a stranger. I don't know you. Yeah. Like I recently with I love my agent by agent was like, Hey, I got this other client. He should do this date, this date, this date. I go, I don't even know the guy. Right. You are. Why would I give him three dates? Right, I would. Day one goes bad, we got two more

that I'm gonna be mad at you. Right. Oh, I'm gonna be so mad at you. I'm gonna be like, why the fuck did I listen to this guy? Right. Because you don't understand, it's like, jobs where people wanna give input are often jobs where you're like, I don't think you understand

the dynamics of this. Right, there's a lot of other things going on. Yeah, I mean, I need like, you know, again, like someone who opens for you is just like, it's such a, it has to be such the right fit. You have to you're traveling with them, you're working with them. But more importantly, you're spending a lot of dead time with that dead time. So if it isn't like a fun hang for you, it really is like, what's the point?

Yeah. And and and again, like that's like, you know, any there's a lot of people that can make people laugh, you know, like you it starts hard to make people laugh and then easy to be cool. It goes from that to easy to make people laugh. Hard to be cool. Yeah. And that's kind of what you're looking for is this good mix of like, do you make people laugh and are you someone that's not gonna bother me during the day when I wanna do my own thing and you're not like,

so we gotta go to the museum? Like I'm like, no, I'm gonna. I wanna nap until two. Right, I'm gonna see you at the show. Yeah, and so when when but I genuinely even though we're talking about this I genuinely felt when your brother didn't get the job that I was like it was my text it was my text my could have been better I think he was just like here's a shot in the dark is like again like

there's but he landed on his feet well he got hired immediately by the Bears and then went there. And, you know, then this new coaching staff is getting brought in. And this became another season of like, what's going to happen? And he knew Ben Johnson from Miami. So they had a relationship before. And like, you know, that turned into like, what's this going to be? And I, you know, I stayed away.

Like, I can't even talk to my brother after a game. Like they lose. I'm like, dude, I can't like, I went to it after they lose. You can't, I don't know what to do. Like these people that are fans, they're doing a lot of these commercials during the NCAA tournament, which is, it's showing you if they're doing these commercials now, it shows you how bad it's gotten with gambling. They're doing these commercials where they're like, Hey, don't threaten

college athletes. That's literally the commercial. They're like, Hey, they're a man. I know you put your mortgage on NC State. Sorry. We're sorry. But can you not threaten a 17 year old? They get like, now they get your gambling was legal, I saw it directly affect the way that like, and not just McDaniel, I'm talking about other coaches being like, yeah, we're getting like phone calls.

Like people are finding real unlisted phone numbers and threatening them being like, I'll fucking kill you. Oh my God. But by the way, on games they win. Right. On games they win. They'll be like, you're fucking dead. I needed three more yards to win Draft Kings.

He beat the Broncos 70 to 10. I remember. That's crazy. Got threats. Well, that's- Because he chose to run the clock out and not break the record. And people are like, you fucking, you cost me Well, have you been to an NFL game? Like the people that go like, they're animals. Like, there's not like,

I grew up going to NFL games. It's the worst. It's the worst stadium experience. But it also there was a part of it that like, at least growing up when you would go, you'd kind of be like, we're all here to cheer on the team. Or you don't know what people are cheering for. Now, It's like with gambling. And it's just like seeing that commercial during the NCAA tournament, you're like, oh, they're already starting to acknowledge it's a problem, which trust me, they don't want to acknowledge that

it's a problem. No, I mean, like, these people be like, stop threatening their lives, guys. I mean, it happened quickly to remember, they'd be like, like like the Swami would like kind of referenced gambling Like it was like this big joke now you turn on ESPN the whole show is just do they do ESPN bet It's just bought one long sports book in the ads just I feel like I'm at a casino All the commercials are their commercials are literally like what do I call my parlay? I'm the queen of parlays. It's like you shouldn't be. But now kids are watching sports thinking it's gambling. Also, I'm just gonna say it,

gambling with apps, pussy way to go. Back in the day, you had to go to a bookie, you had to go to a guy that might hurt you if your bet didn't go through. And now you're like, oh, I bet money and I lost on an app. It's like, fuck you. Old school gambling guys would be like, Hey, I need the thousand dollars or you're going to break your fucking legs. Right.

That's what gambling needs to go back to. The threat of serious violence. This is I mean, there's a there's a correlation to dating. Yeah. The dating apps are just is just a gambling app. Yeah. Like you kind of don't feel the rejection. You don't don't feel the hurt of losing. You don't have to pay the money with every bet. It's a you don't have to go out of the house to do it. Like, if you want to be a stud, you can just be a stud from your couch. If you want to be a gambler, like you don't have to go to any casino, you don't have to

like meet some guy that's going to be like a little bit weird. For people that don't realize it, Rocky Balboa in Rocky is a loan shark. He goes for- I think he's the muscle for the loan shark. So Rocky's entire job before he fights Apollo Green is fucking people up. And that's the whole reason you like him is because he kind of feels a little bad that you gotta break someone's fucking hands.

Because ah, you gambled and now you got but there is no like I think you're absolutely right with the dating apps dude like getting rejected real time right is it sticks with you and you better have thick skin like I remember bar none I don't know if it's open anymore bar none there there was a there was a great room in the back in the back I remember at the comedy show yeah but great room in the back. In the back, I remember it. The Barnum show, yeah, yeah. But they would do Barnum comedy shows

and they had shot girls that had little tubes of shots. I was fresh in New York, beautiful girl working a shot glass thing. They kind of flirt with you like strippers. Sure. So I'm like, I'm buying some tubes. I'm getting blacked out on some tubes. And I was like, can I get your number?

And then she was like, here you go. And she wrote down something and I thought I was getting her number. And she goes, here's my MySpace handle. And I was like, oh, which is that's clearly a rejection, but you just gotta take it. I can't go like fucking swat, like it's an app. She was ahead of her time.

Dude, she knew how to. She was like. Well, by the way, that's a shocker. She knew how to evade right? She was like 30 attempts a night. Yeah, she's just swatting. Yeah, my space my space probably not even a real URL a tumbo. Yeah, she was Not in the house of Ashley You want to come in? Yeah, you are not going to happen. What do you think? Can I have your numbers gonna work on the oh my god. Just because I said a couple of lines, right? But you're right.

We need to bring back the like, it's also the way people talk shit. People don't back in the day. If you talk shit to someone's face, there's a percentage that you could get into a fight. If you're in arms length, they could grab you. They could grab you. And now what happens is when people talk shit in public and someone grabs them, they're the victim. Phone out. Even though they didn't start it.

Start taping. It's like, I, I, this guy was violent and grabbed me and go, what did you say to him? I was talking with someone the other day. I just think it's so funny when two people start taping each other and someone, you know, when like when they get into fights and then just, so now it's just two people and someone that was- That's the modern high noon. Just two people.

Like you're gonna like, and basically being like, my group will hate you. And they're like, my group will hate you. And someone said, I was, where was I? There was such a funny line. I was so jealous of it. They said, I'm trying to remember who said it, but it was, they were like, it was like two wizards. That's so funny.

Putting spells on each other. You know, it's so funny. If you slap their phone, they would call the cops. Right. If you see Roy McElroy. No, he's at a golf tournament. Some guy yelled out at him. He goes, walks right over to him, takes his phone out of his hand and then just walks away. And the guy probably just took the guy just was like, and everyone so then the rest of the weekend he's every time he hit the ball, you know how people you like, but but but we have to hit it.

People kept yelling, where's my phone? That's great. That's fun. That's fun. Made me laugh. But every time we like like the internet has done this thing where it's like nerfed consequences you know I where it's like you don't have any consequences for fucking talking shit that it's battery and that Jason Kelsey video he was at Penn State yeah and your

alma mater my alma mater you just took some guy being a piece of shit, took the phone, smashed on the ground, and you just felt good. Like I watched it. By the way, that went viral immediately, because everyone went, yeah. Finally. Because he was filming Jason Kelsey, walking into the stadium,

talking shit about his brother's girlfriend. Right. Your feelings about Taylor Swift don't matter. When it comes down to that, his brother's girlfriend. Right. You're talking shit. He's a brother. He's his, you know.

And I just loved that the world came together to be like, good. Fuck that kid. Good. Like, I, and- Did that kid try to be the victim? I don't know. I just know that maybe we all took his sides. I think the world took his side so much that like-

The kid was like, ah fuck. Like I got nothing. I got no group. That rarely happens anymore. Rarely. God damn when it happens is it great. Feels so good. When everyone's like, now you're wrong

and the person's like, ah. They've been calling it the alpha victim. It's like you alpha, you use your victimhood to like alpha someone out of their position. And it's like like really this is you know how you're coming at people you know like right everybody I was bullied and it's like you're gonna bully someone because you were bullied but that's what I thought was so funny about the Drake lawsuit guys I remember being

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Less $800 trade-in or promo credit applied over 36 months. 0% APR. Trade-in must be from Apple Google or Samsung trade in and additional terms apply Bettering your business takes working with the best with the James Hardy Alliance you gain access to leads training Networking and support from the number one brand of siding in North America achieve new levels of success by joining the James Hardy Alliance today Where he tried like I understand he had problems, and I don't know a lot about it so I'm not gonna be like this is where I stand I just thought the basic facts are Drake started called out Kendrick Lamar right started it and then it got so bad for him that he filed a lawsuit right being like this isn't fair and it's like you started the fight you started the fight and then

the lawsuit is almost again like to accuse someone of pedophilia I think that's crazy that's the road it went down crazy where he's like whoa whoa but that's where by the way that's where everyone goes now politicians rappers everyone if they don't like somebody they just go you know I heard he's fucking kids and no one and it it was like, Jesus, cause that, you know what that does? That takes everyone out of the picture. Everyone goes, no, I'm not defending. I don't know if there's nothing, if it's true, I'm not getting involved, dude. I was talking to someone.

I was talking to Lev for about this at the cellar last night, but there are people that are so far left that they go, well, pedophilia is a sexual orientation. I swear to God, he showed it to me online. There are people that have been on podcasts saying that. Yeah, but I'm not... And you go like, daddy is class A retarded. That is like, you can't live alone. You're that retarded.

I'm not... This is the problem though. We're giving a pulpit to like a group that's like three people. Like when you say, well, people are saying, and this is like, you're right. There really is like three people with purple hair. Actually, I think it's prime. It's pretty well. Wait a minute. We're listening to three. Like if you were Thanksgiving and it was your craziest relative, you go,

well, that's the crazy relative. No one ever does. Like, yeah, just like, let's just like, can we start like calling people the crazy relative? That's what my therapist said about, sometimes you get yeah, and I'm sure you do you get like crazy messages Oh, yeah, that are legitimately like Scary sometimes that you're like this person's mentally not right and you don't know what your What you're responsible for like someone writes you a crazy thing you're responsible for it. Like someone writes you a crazy thing. You're like, I, I feel bad. Like, it's just like, they're like, almost like poisoning you with their poison. Yeah. And then you go, yes. And it's just like, I just tasted

your godfucking thing they're going through. But my therapist goes, I don't know if you saw a crazy person on the street, would you stop and talk to him? You go? No, no. Because that's how you got to treat it. Right. People can get online. Crazy doesn't know how to not operate a phone. Well, that's why we have to be better at not talking about these people. Like I actually have come I got I had a real when I was in Australia, I was like, people were like messaging me and I was like, I got a couple messages where they're like loving my stuff, but they didn't follow

me. So I was like, I'm like mad about it. like I'm like mad about it and I'm like and I'm like why I'm like, what am I doing? Like they like my stuff. I'm getting upset. Yeah, I'm like and I'm like, but how will I have a career? Like my brain goes to like how am I gonna you I need a number using me, you know And I and I go and I and I said to myself I go Jared You're a small-timer like stop being a small timer. You think it's one person is gonna like make or break you this small time. That's similar loser shit. You're a fucking loser, Jared. That's like when you get my whole vacation looking in the

mirror. Fucking loser. But that also is the delusion of like, when a LA number calls you, you go, this is clearly this is Hollywood. Mr. Hollywood. Call and tell me I'm not going to made it. And then you're like, it's a guy. You didn't open my quit. That's like, Hey, I'm out of New York. Can you get me spots? And you're like, no, fuck. But I feel bad for like something that people didn't

take into account on the internet early on was how crazy everyone is and how insecure everyone is. Because the insecurity, sometimes when you just acknowledge people they'll be like, ah fuck dude, I was crazy. I'm sorry, I was going fucking nuts back there. And that makes you feel more human. My favorite thing to write back to people is like, I'm so sorry, I'll take it down right away. That's funny. I just do that to everyone. And then they go, I'm so sorry, I'll take it down right away. That's funny. I just do that to everyone. And then they go, I'm not mad at you.

Well, I don't want to take a n- no, that's not what I'm- no, no, no. Well, have you ever been like really late to something, or like frustrated, and you take it out on people that are on your way to the thing? What do you mean? Like, if you're running late for like a meeting, right? And then a lady takes too long getting on an elevator. Oh my you take it out on her. Oh, yeah But it's it's not that's not the issue. No issue is you were fucking late. You fucked up

You're late and now you're mad at the people that are in your way. That's what the entire internet is Yeah, you just go like shut the fuck up Finding someone on their worst day and you go I know I didn't that wasn't even I had this thing I was i'll never forget I was on a flight from LA to Miami great I'm like not probably the best people on that flight I mean I'm middle seat Delta comfy and I got the legroom phone and I'm like, I'm like mad that I'm going to Miami I'm mad that I'm like I was leaving LA

I'm like hammered on this place or drinking and there was this Jimmy Fallon clip and it was Michael Phelps Talking about mental health and he's like and I'm like is this the 30th time I've seen this fucking asshole Talk about mental health. I'm like who the fuck is paying him Yeah, and I'm like and also he's lecturing me on how to like he's going You know when I get this is video you can find it. He goes, you know, when I get down, I call my buddy, Chuck, Chuckie. And we just talk as boys and founds like Chuckie. He goes, Charles Barkley. And you're like, so far you're like, oh, I'll just, oh, that's good advice.

Cool. Call Dominique Hawkins. Right. Let me. So guys, guys, what I'm saying is you've got to call your buddies. And I'm like, and I commented something along the lines of like, this guy with 30 million gold medals needs to stop telling me to be happy. Like I was like, shut the fuck up. You set every record, be happy. Right. At this point, if you're not happy, just a fucking peer. Like I, and like all these people, and it's funny because like, I'm basically talking shit about a guy promoting mental health

Yeah, like he's trying to help people I'm like this ogre. I'm like you fucking lose But no one thinks about how annoyed Charles Barkley is getting those calls new imagine watch TV goes. Oh damn it It's Michael Phelps again. I got a Michael What's up, Mike, what are you bum about? You don't like being on dry land? Do you not like dry land Michael? He goes it's just so dry here. I got so mad and then all these people got so angry at me for talking shit about mental health and then I went to watch the interview and he actually in the interview he gives there's like a real quote where he's like you know It's just like I couldn't be near the water anymore because I wasn't who I used to be and I go that is like That's the mental health. Yeah, it's clip That's what I want to hear like you can't go into water because you used to be the fastest man, right?

Mortality because what's the point of being just a man when I was a water god? What I could fly through the water. Fuck my wife anymore. I be this dolphin. I step in a puddle and I'm disgusted. I said I used to fly through puddles. And it's so weird to be like, but I also get it. When you're like the most dominant. It's always why that makes sense to me. It's why I always am happy. A lot of people hate it. But when I see former athletes do podcasts, it's like it's like, it's like a farm for old dogs, where you go, good job, guys. Just running that field. You found

something. Yeah, because sometimes I mean, like some of them I love, but some of them you almost I never am mad about it I'm always like good for you, dude. I think they have one good episode in them. Yeah, and Then like have you ever read the some of them are charming some of them are like, yeah, but they'd be a good guest Yes, I think they're but they're not meant to host a show Yeah, I think a lot of them but everyone everyone does podcasts now. Everyone. I listen, I do a podcast, uh, where I read headlines from page six on Thursdays. Right. And I like just like read the articles from page six and like comment on them.

Half of the articles on page six are just like PR plants from celebrity podcasts. Cause they all have so much money so they can afford to hire. So it's like there's air,i Spelling from 90210. She has a podcast and it's like and it's like, yeah, she could literally put a million dollars in a bank account and it just spits into a PR agents bank account every month. And so then they quote them and like the quotes are always like, so I went to trader Joe's and they're just so nice there. And you're like, a groundbreaking episode of spelling it out.

The title of the article, like cause the PR person has a relationship with page six is like Tori spelling can't stand trader Joe. Well now I want to read this salacious piece. Now I'm reading the article, I'm linking to the page, I'm linking to the podcast. And then you meet the people that actually manipulate media and they're just little blonde girls on their phone and they go, they said they'd do it.

Right. That's like always their reaction. That's every VR. They go, okay, I have a meeting. I got to go. My other client's Tony the tiger is getting accused of pedophilia. Tony the tiger is around all these newties creepy. I knew it. That red bandana coaching baseball without a kid on the team.

Oh my God. Doesn't wear pants around children. What the fuck is wrong with Anthony? You're great. Fucking pants on. Oh, you're always great. Yeah. Little boy, but it's great. Sorry. Little boy blood. It's great.

And you go, sorry, I'm working with Tony the tiger. He's trying to get on. These PR agents, they are so powerful and- I've literally watched them build people's careers. Yeah, and the money- People are incapable of doing the job that they are called, but a PR agent makes them go like,

Netflix is very excited about the new special. And you're like, I watched them do stand up, they can't even do stand up. And they go, they're selling out, they're selling out football stadiums. That's what's crazy. 10,000 a month just off the top. You know, there was a-

It's what these people charge. And I don't think the general public knows that like PR ages are paid like this ungodly sum of money like like second baseman in the major leagues absolutely and if they're on like the the team yeah of like a big celebrity who's like they're just like Paid forever. Well, I think people started seeing that with Blake Lively shit like it actually started unearthing like how

actually manipulating PR people because they have the relationships and they can make and then you're losing it. You know, you're like reading an article from a newspaper. It's the one thing Trump has always been right about, which is

that the media is full of shit. Right. Well, they it's just all full of shit. It's all people that are like, like you see what happened with Jeff Bezos bought Washington Post and all of a sudden Washington Post who took down Nixon, who took down Watergate. And then they go, no, we're not going to endorse a president. It feels crazy. What's going on? And they go, we just don't. And then Jeff Bezos is there with his bald head and weird eyes and his super slutty new wife is like I can't wear bra

That lady you change your look if I got a billion. Yeah, he changed his look. He's a dork I know but now he dresses like he's gonna go spree lunking. Yeah, he's always like in a vest He wears Tomb Raider pants. He's big carabiner looking yeah Yeah, I think what happens is the same with Zuckerberg that they get so much money Stop guys stop calling them dorks and just start being like you're the man Zuck You're the man and he's like buy me a thick-collared t-shirt. Give me a gold chain Like that episode with Rogan was embarrassing. It's crazy. It was the look I didn't hear the hunting part where Joe Rogan's like, what kind of bow you use and Mark Zuckerberg is like, Oh, I don't know. I can't

remember it right now was totally. It's like when I was a friend lives in Canada. She's a model when I was when I was in sixth grade. When I was a sixth grader, ready to die came out notorious big is ready to die came out. I was I was 11. I'm not down with the streets. I'm a white kid from the suburbs. Not ready to die. IG.'s Ready to Die came out. I was 11. I'm not down with the streets. I'm a white kid from the suburbs. You're not ready to die? I'm not ready to die.

In fact, I was ready to live at that point. But we're in gym class, right? Public middle school. Kids want to be cool. I'll never forget this moment because this is exactly what happened in Zuckerberg. And this girl, Mikey L., this black girl, she's like, I'm like, oh, I love Biggie. I love notorious B-I-G.

And she just goes, very matter of factly, she goes, is he a group or a person? Like that, and I went, um, he is a... You were a house of cards, brought down. I go, he is a house of cards. I go down. I go, he's a group. She goes, he's a person. And just walked away defeated. Done. Done. Done. They pulled the bottom of the Jenga by crumble. He a person or a group.

Yeah. Fucking flat game over. That was Zuckerberg. That was like a one punch. Oh, snoring. Yeah. Fucking flat game over. That was Zuckerberg. That was like a one punch. And then my own. TKO. Yeah. Oh, snoring. Yeah. I mean, that's what happened.

Big old fucking liar. Yeah. Rogan goes, what kind of bow you use? And Zuckerberg goes, oh. You know, one of those like bows people use. You're like, dude, you tried to pin it too hard to the bro. With an arrow. That's why I think it's really funny.

And we've watched it. We watched it in the mid teens, and now we're watching it really heavy now. People grift to a side politically is so fucking funny to me. It's wild. We're seeing. I was talking about it like, I was talking with Neemesh.

We got drunk the other night. And we're just talking like it's so funny that like We know who these people are like if we know who these comedians are like we're talking about comics And we're just like it's so funny like The comics that we know that are like everyone's doing well everyone's like going in the road, but they're doing There's there's people doing so well with this grift Yeah, that you go that like it's we're all just sitting here like in disbelief going in the road, but they're doing this. There's people doing so well with this grift. Yeah.

That you go, that like, it's, we're all just sitting here like in disbelief, like, and it's like. The absolute ignoring of evidence from the past is mind boggling. Where you go, well, he didn't act like that. And then all they have to do is go like, yeah, I didn't like the woke mind virus. And you go, that's not even how you talk.

It's great. It's like, I. If you're if you're a fan of a comic that just became political, it's you have to wonder. Yeah, I mean, I shout out to those of my friends that like dude, Nate Barghetti, I'm talking about 2007 like that. And then you see the people that switch and you go, who are you? The people that switch and you go,

who are you? And then you see the people that switch and you go, who are you? And then you see the people that switch and you go, who are you? And then you see the people that switch and you go, who are you? And then you see the people that switch and you go,

who are you? And then you see the people that switch and you go, who are you? And then you see the people that switch and you go, who are you? And then you see the people that switch and you go, who are you? And then you see the people that switch and you go, who are like, I have friends that have stayed liberal. They're like, nah, I just, I don't really know like that. And then you see the people that switch and you go, who are you?

The people that like got involved, like after having no opinion. That's the craziest one. Where you go, cause like, I, listen, I remember I like, you know, the podcast with Betches, like I'm like the one straight dude there. I went on a podcast with them. And I was like, they have another like political one. And I was like, I, you don't want me here. Like, I was like, I don't need to be

here. And they're like, we're trying to hear from the straight white man of what happened. I'm like, I'm not gonna be a good source for this. See me go political, something is wrong. It's I have, I have lost the ability to write a joke and I am clawing for my or I owe someone a lot of this is what gets so annoying. I was on the road in San Francisco and I got a chance to play like a really nice golf course. Like, you know, that's the one thing about comedy is crazy is like, people just want you to be they want to help you do shit in their town. Yeah, which is awesome.

So I got help to go on this great golf course and it's like, we got to, I played with these like older guys, we get done by the end of it where they're like, come on, let's have a beer. We go have a beer. And these women were there, they're all drinking and they're like, and Jared's a comedian. Like they're like introducing me and the women were like, what are you, they're all like sassy and they're like, what do you do? What's your best joke?

Yeah, tell us a joke. And they're being fun, sassy, but they're like, and I go, well, I talk about, they go, what do you talk about? I go, my family, I don't know. I tell stories about my family. And they're like, oh, so you keep it safe. And I go, what are you trying to challenge my manhood?

And like, I got so annoyed because I was like safe. No, no, no, no. I don't. I have to paint a picture of people no one fucking knows that I love that I like and then bash them and crush them and hope that you somehow relate to people you've never met. It's exactly. You think that's safe. And I'm like, you know what's safe? Walking in a room knowing exactly who's for your side and against your side.

And just pandering to your side. And just going to your side. And then if they leave and someone gets angry, fuck them. Yeah. And it's like, you don't think that's the safest fucking shit in the world, knowing how people are going to react before you even do the joke? We were in San Francisco.

Katie was working a Giants Dodgers game. And so I wanted to go. It was like one of the best sports weekends of my life. I got to go see two Giants Dodger games and a 49er Seahawks game. It was fucking unbelievable. So we're downtown in the hotel in San Francisco in Union Square and I go fucking get lunch for us.

And I'm like bringing it back to the hotel and I'm in the elevator and I have my San Francisco Giants hat on. And the guy in the elevator is like, oh, you're going to the game? And I was like, yeah, go to the Dodger game, Giants Dodgers this afternoon. And the elevator is like, oh you're going to the game and I was like Yeah, go to the Dodger game Giants Dodgers this afternoon. He's like, yeah, I'm going to and he's wearing a Cleveland Indian shirt And I go who you rooting for Cleveland Indians the game anyway, dude I was I would have taken that answer. Yeah way more than the answer

He gave me cuz I go Cleveland Indians who you rooting for he goes Oh, I wear this so people know I'm not politically correct. And I went, and it was him and his wife, and I went, oh. And watching that guy's face get excited that I was going to be like, yeah. Instead, I was like, you dork. I kept calling him a try hard.

I go, you try hard. And he was like, no, no, no, you don't understand. This is what his excuse was. He goes, I work in academia. This is like, they're really bad. They're really bad about politically correct. And I went, I don't care. Yeah, you're just a fucking loser.

You're a dork. Yeah, you're a loser. It's the same way that I watched some comics that were literally chosen by the industry. I watched their careers in the industry, and then they get to a point where they're no longer, the industry's dead now. And they turn around and they go,

yeah, the industry never wanted me. And you go, I can show you six travel shows and three other shows where you legitimately were chosen by the industry. Do you think that's the part, plucked, that's the part that upsets me the most is like you're acting like I don't have a memory. Right. Right. I'm not stupid. Like I didn't watch you be a cutie pie for 15 years and then all of a sudden you're like we need to close the borders and you're like shut the fuck up.

Yeah. It's so gross because it's like in high school that's when you're supposed to get that out. Right. You wanna act black and you're a white kid from the burbs? Do it in high school. And you have the moment where someone goes, is Biggie a group or a solo act? And you realize you're like, fuck, I am a giant liar. This isn't who I am.

Yes. And I just don't understand how long you can live that. Like, I- like oh dude people people They must be making so much money. That's what it is. And then what it is is now you're chasing the money So you're just willing to say whatever you need and by the way both sides far left far right It always crumbles this and watching them return There was a comic who fucking went far left and then got absolutely kicked out of that watching him try to come back and be like literally did the thing everybody we

literally like to us goes right guys and you go don't fucking touch me we watched you told me my friend rapists yeah get the fuck away from me he's like no no no that was just like crazy liberals I got my head you're like no you made a lot of money off that get the fuck out out of here. You did that. You. And that's the thing. The, the draw of that, like, is like, it's like gross. Cause we see it, we see it plain and simple. We were like, Oh, I could do that. I could go that way. Which by the way, every job,

every person that works watching this has seen that happen at their job, right? You see a kiss ass You see someone that plays to the management when they act different in the break room and then the management comes around They're like I saw that a bed bath and beyond when I worked there You're like, why are you being so nice to Eric and you're like, oh Eric does the schedules That's why you're talking about baseball when I know you don't care about it with them, right? Do you even have like a? compass like you go, you know what I tell people like that? I started telling them it's very subtle, but it's very fun. I go, you don't have a gag reflex, huh?

And they'll go like, what? And then you're like, that was just, I just noticed I don't think you have a gag reflex. And then they're like, how? Right. Cause you're like, yeah, I'm watching you swallow log. And you're just absolutely not even kind of tearing eyed about it, just guzzling cum. Because this will break like now that people have learned how to grift politically, that will break. It all comes to an end.

If you're not doing your if you're not doing genuinely you what you like to do. God, it's over. That's why I love watching people succeed that are genuinely where you go like no that's really him that's like people do that with McDaniel they're like is that Mc is McDaniel or I the thing I hate is they'll be like would it soda right there for you go let me tell you something about McDaniel that fucking weirdo I would never be able to write for him I couldn't write he wouldn't write do the jokes I told him but he's genuinely himself right so it's fun to watch people go like, I like them.

Right. Because that's the thing. People are going to not like you for being you. And it's like, you might as well just do you in the age of the internet, you'll find you'll hear it, just fucking know it. If you know yourself, you're like, that they're not mad. I, there's a part of me that feels bad for these people that are grifting because I go like, there has to be a moment that you're at home. I mean, well, you're like, I'm a fraud. Well, also, if I'm them, I'm aiming for like an amount

of money where I can just like disappear. Yes. Like that, it doesn't seem like that's their goal. Like if that was the goal, it would actually make more sense. I would respect that. Right, you go, okay, if I get to 100 million. I'm gone. Say la vie a goodbye. I'll be on my island. I'm out of here. I'm going to be the dad. I got my

kids. Yeah, but they want relevancy. Right. They want populated the diseases that they it's not about it. Some people, they want money. And some people want to make money. And like the people that want to make money are really fucking crazy. Like, that when like the you know like the uh like Elon doing this right now you go well why why not disappear man? Like why not just be? You have the most money anyone's ever had in the history of the world. Right what what do you what? You could literally live in a volcano. You have the money to fund that. Yeah right. Go live in a volcano. You could pet a cat in a volcano doing, making rockets that look like penises. You could do Austin Powers.

And I would go, good for him. And this other direction, I just don't have any understanding of it. Cause I would be like, if I could just kind of go to like, like, what do you think you would do if you didn't have to do it all? What do you mean? If I just could make money and go away if you know, let's just say like tomorrow You could say you could name the things you do And never have to do anything else never worry about money ever again. What was the what would your schedule be? Oh my god I mean probably just sleep in eat breakfast to hang out with katie

Play video games. Would you do stand-up still? Yeah, I love doing stand up. Would you do? No, no offense to podcast. No. Okay. And I would be dead honest. I, I, this is fun. I love hanging out. I love making stuff. I love being funny. I just like being funny in general. And I do like doing a podcast, but I do wish that I just sold tickets doing standup. Right. That like, but this helps. And I understand that by the way, that's also probably why my career wasn't where, you know, for a long time, whereas it wasn't where it should be because I didn't do the things I didn't

want to do. I go, no, I just want to be funny. I think I was like, so stubborn about being like, well, I'm just going to be funny and then people will come. How you, the perspective, like to me, this is what gets you stand up. You know, like, what do you mean to me, this is what gets you stand up. You know, like- What do you mean? To me, this is serving stand up. Yes, I think this is directly correlated.

Right, like you- I didn't think acting was. I thought Billions was very fun. It was a very cool job. Learned a lot. Met crazy, interesting people. Never felt like something that was mine. Right, and you don't-

Never felt like something of like, I can't wait to get on the next show. I can't wait to get in the next movie. I can't wait to do the next thing for a while. It kind of felt like, and I, and this is just the truth. It kind of felt like it made my stand up, take a step back. Cause now people are going like, because when we see actors do stand up, we go, Oh, there's nothing left. They're grabbing on to stand up. And when people started going like, oh, you started doing, dude, the night I got my HBO special was at the comedy seller. I ran an hour for Nina at HBO. She literally got done with the show and went to my agent and went, we're going to give Dan an hour. My, my agent came up to me and was like, you

got the hour from HBO. It's the greatest moment comedically of my career. HBO was still the pinnacle. It was unbelievable. And there was a guy sitting in the booth by, you know, by the door to go downstairs, the booth next to the waiter station. That's where I had the conversation with my agent. And this guy's sitting there and he goes, you're on billions.

And I go, yeah, dude, I am. Literally the greatest comedic moment of my life at that point. And he goes, what are you doing here? I go, I'm doing standup. And he goes, are you trying standup? And I was like, I just got an HBO special. Like, I just got an HBO hour. And I think I said that.

I go, I just got an HBO hour. And he goes, well, that's cool if you just started to do it. And you're like. At that point, I was already doing it for 14 years. But I'm not mad at the guy. He doesn't know. He watches a TV show. People want to know why stand-up comics are miserable.

And it's like, this is kind of why. Well, it's because you just go like, oh, I don't think he's that funny. Right. I don't like him that much on the show. And you go, I guess the thing I care about the most in the entire world. But then when you get over that, you're like,

what am I complaining about? I got health insurance. I got to be on a fucking cool show for seven seasons. It's a great experience. It rocked. Again, to go back to the premise of like, if you didn't have to do anything, what would you do? You wouldn't do that.

No. You wouldn't go on a show. You would do stand up. Like, I just think. And I think like. If I had to pick one lane, if everyone had to pick one lane, and you just go that lane, and you'll get it you don't really okay of everything you Just be standing right and I do here's the thing. I have a radio background. I liked doing radio

Yeah, I got fortunate that podcasting blew up. I do love I like I have fun doing this But if you were to like give me a situation where you're like you can only do one thing right stand up No, I I complete like I wouldn't. What about you? I wouldn't change a thing in my life. Like I like I get to go do stand up. I like doing the podcast. I do. I like get like. Yeah, I'm very we're very fortunate.

That's also the thing that I'm sick of is watching comics try to complain. Well, that's what's so crazy is like we're seeing people that are like doing all these other things and you're like. Don't do it. You have a billion dollars. Like, like, I have a number. I have a number and I'd go away. Right. I have a number. Go. If I ever hit that number, you just won't see me anymore. Right. Flat out, flat out. I'll just walk into a Denver gas station. Soda and long beers doing the crossword. Yeah. Can I help you?

Were you on billions? I go, son of a bitch. Pump five is out. I just pulled a gun out from under the register. Son, you got about five seconds to get the fuck out of my gas station. But I really feel like I've said on podcasts that I want to stop doing stand-up by 60 and like

people are blown away by them and I'm like well that gives me 18 more years to really push it to give me a like if I'm if I'm lucky enough to make it to 60 mm-hmm then I want to be pushing it because it'll make my best stuff and then when I'm 60 like I still might do stand-up shows right but I won't be I kind of want the Ron. That guy seems like he has the great- Bennington? Not Bennington.

Ron White. Yeah, like retired. He retired, but he kind of floats in and out of standup. He's just always in the tux. He's the man. He looks like he's a good looking fat guy. Well now he's like, now he's like tan, he's got the long white hair.

He wears his stomach well. He just is the man. Yeah. Ron White's just the man, he just hangs out at the mothership. I am the everything about him. He comes in, he's like, I'm just gonna do my set. Right.

He just does his set, by the way, cool as fuck. You talk to him, you're like, you're the fucking man. He's still drinking. He just hangs. Yeah, just. He's just like, whatever man. He kinda like drifts in like the wind. Yeah. Yeah, that's the way to go It's awesome. I we need to start pushing retirement, right?

We need to we need to start pushing these people that are living comfortably, but they're not fucking like Pushing it right like I don't by the way I mean in every aspect CEOs need to retire politicians need to retire old entertainers need to retire football coaches need to retire Everybody that's old that did the thing. Well this is the big, this is the boomer problem that no one really like acknowledges. The boomers, I say this to my mom all the time, I go your generation isn't letting up. They're holding on for dear life. I remember I once told my dad I was like yeah you're like old he was like, it was like the most offensive thing

that I've ever said to him. And I was like, You're not looking around? Right, like you don't. Dude, it's crazy. And I'm gonna blame Gen X. Why the fuck haven't you guys kicked them out yet? Well, Gen X does, it kind of escapes there

like the one we don't talk about. Yeah, it goes to millennials. They immediately shit on us. Well, Gen X didn't, never took, like they were all, you know, wearing the, you know, the plaids and not getting it, you know, counterculture. Thank you for grunge. They never got political. They never got like aspirational and then they brought up a generation of Gen Z

bunch of fucking dickheads. Yeah. Mean and Z is mean and you're mean back to them, they get very upset. Very upset and tell you that you're, you know, never grab a victim you. This one guy, I was at the Phillips underground, I was on a stairwell and this like younger guy was like drunk. And he was like, kind of being aggressive with this couple.

I don't know if he knew him or whatever, but I just grabbed him by his arm and moved him. And it was, he acted. And I was like, dog, you were about to push these, this couple down the stairs. Like what the fuck move? I was like, chill out. All I said to him was chill out like six times. And he was like, it was like a 22 year old kid. You're like, you fucking pussy. Like you were about to, you were about to be physically aggressive.

And then all I did was grab you and move you to the side and he acted like I raped them yeah great them they can't even hear the word rape they have to call it great and yeah kill yourself can't hear suicide time to end it well it's like Millennials are told you could be anything you want to be and then we're like grossly disappointed with the reality yeah and then Gen Z was told, get your fucking money and don't fucking listen to anyone and tell them to go fuck themselves. And then they were out as cool. Right.

And then they went on Tik TOK and they found out they could make money by making a minute video. So they go story time. And then they sit there and tell a long story that could, should have taken 30 seconds, but it took a minute so they could make the dough. And it's like, now we're just like living under their thumb. And it's also that whole get the bag mentality has ruined so many celebrities for me. Yeah. It's exactly what you were talking. I know you're rich. Why are you doing this commercial? What do you need it for? Matthew McConaughey. Why are you doing Uber Eats again? Why are

you doing Uber Eats? He just likes making money like that. He doesn't want to he doesn't want to be rich. He doesn't want money. He wants there ain't nothing more cooler than just getting another paycheck to push a product. It's probably going to bring you cancer. Anybody that's in bed with AI. Fuck you. Hold on all those crypto people. Larry, let me Larry David was in that crypto commercial. Oh, yeah, everyone just like cut casually forgets that. It's like walking in your dad jerking off. You're like, yo, I don't want to ever see that. The whole commercial was about how he was wrong about

everything. Yeah. And then he ended up being wrong. It was like the crypto thing that like they all went, but it was the Samuel Bankman freed. Yeah. It was the, it was the Fortune Favors the Bold Matt Damon. Right. Where Matt Damon, you're like, Matt Damon, can you please respond? I love you so much. You used me to sell crypto. Brady and Giselle. They all did it.

And we all just like kind of forgot. Do you think celebrities are going to feel that pushback when the gambling epidemic hits? No, no, no one's gonna be like, Hey, Kevin Hart, why did you make seven? Hey, LeBron, why were you doing Draft King commercials during? They've all gotten too rich to feel any pain.

There's no pain to be felt. You can get rich. You can make your way out of cancellation. God damn, the revolution's gonna be bloody. It's gonna be, it's gonna be bloody. It's it's gonna be it's gonna be bloody Starting to look that way like I start and that's not politics, baby. That's human civilization Like I mean like listen when I saw the Kelsey brothers got 50 million dollars a hundred million dollars hundred for a podcast Yeah, you're like, wait a minute. If you think of it like in our terms, we're like, we train to be good speakers,

funny hosts, commentators. Dude, I, do you know how much I, I just interrupted you. Do you know how much that's gonna bother me that I cut people off on my podcast because I get so excited for jokes? And people are right with their criticisms. I'm a stomper, baby. Been a stomper my whole life.

I wanna be funny. If I have a funny thought, baby. But a stomper my whole life. I want to be funny. If I have a funny thought, I want to shoot it out my mouth asshole. You stop me to make your stomping point. I stopped to make the stomping point. But you're right. We train we like think about this. We think about this. And the idea that we trained at all is like we're the fucking idiots. We're the losers. We should have became Hall of Fame NFL players then we could have had a talk show.

Like, isn't that crazy? Don't you think that's like kind of baiting the losers? Like, aren't you like messing? They're like, you're good at, you weren't good at football and you can't even make 100 million podcasts? And you go, well, no, kind of sucked at football. I guess I suck at podcasting too. Jesus Christ. I'm fighting.

Tori's spelling. I'm fighting tooth and nail. Reading ads. Tori's spelling. I'm stressed on how I'm going to sell these dates coming up. I'm like, I don't know. And then these people are like, yeah. Well, after I won my eighth Olympic medal, I thought,

I'm too sad. Let me podcast. Here's what you got to do do, you wanna sell some tickets? Yeah. Start punting. Can I tell you right now? Become a good punter. And then do stand up comedy.

You know this guy did stand up, he used us. Who, Pat McAfee? Yeah, he used us. All of a sudden he's doing stand up. Yeah. He didn't give a fuck about the stand up community. I forgot he did stand up. He did stand up.

I saw him interview someone. This is what I knew this guy's a fucking fraud. I saw him interview. He interviewed. So that's not the way to talk about the boys. We're talking about the boys. Don't be against about a grifter. Yeah, this guy, he goes, he was interviewing someone and he was like, Hey, what's on your notes section? He asked a guy I can't remember. He goes, what's on your notes on his big what's on your notes section? He asked the guy, I can't remember, he goes, what's on your notes on your, his big fun question on his interview show.

Tell us what's on your notes. And the guy was like, what? What do you mean on my notes? He goes, notes app on your phone. You know, my notes app, I got like two standup sets. And I go, I was like, and like I rewound it. I was like, two standup, that's not how any standupup comedian talks about I got to

Setches I got my sketches on my phone. You know what they're called at all. I want to watch a stand-up now Is it out there? I? I'm I just remember him doing theater shows and it's not here's what makes me upset about it It's not like he has like this like fun group of young comics to come through his show To give them opportunities like he cares about the stand up order. Doesn't give a shit about us. He cares about young punters. But by the way, he can't do them saying listen, that's that's his people are people. Stand-ups always been like that. Right. We're the losers. We're we are the last stop on the like, hey, I need relevancy. Colin Quinn says it all the time where he's like when stand-ups cool, it's that it's the worst. It's the worst. And he's like, when it's not cool, that's

not supposed to be cool. We're losers. Right. He's right. And it's like the lose. That's why when people go bankrupt, they come to us. Yeah. Piven just showed up at the door. I mean, and then by the way, and now you would think started in is that all the open mics, all the open mics, doing check spots, going on the road as an MC, as a feature, really doing it. Driving headliners all the way disconnected. You know what it is? It really is like

you marry the love of your life and then some guys like, yeah she sucked me off in the bathroom and then you go Christ! What the fuck is this? Jesus man! Okay! But people are getting sick of standup. So don't worry. It'll be unpopular.

Yeah. I can tell. I can tell it's losing its luster for, yeah, you can kind of feel it. Cause I make this point. I say this to Katie all the time. You know what fucked us MTV going away. Cause it eliminated. There's a lot of people in this business that in stand-up that should be VJ's that was where their career opportunity was

you know and then they should have been on entertainment tonight John Candy would have been 75 and instead they're doing 3000 seat theaters going like do I like him or does he have bricks in his apartment? And you're like, oh, oh, fuck me. And they don't even know. Like the thing is, I don't think people care. Like I think a lot of people like, they don't give a shit. I, you know, the Tik Tokers,

the audience just wants to be in the room with them. Yeah. Which I can't, you can't really get mad at. Like I kind of like, I go. Listen, it's fun to complain. For you to be with someone that you love watching on a daily basis like I actually like it's fun sitting on a couch complaining with you about it it doesn't really bother me because once you realize that you go there's no point no it doesn't matter I listen I did a room in New Jersey last week 110 people you ever do that dojo oh it's great it's a great room and it's like that's like

a night I did two shows there got to work on stuff got some new stuff out of it. Here's the seller last night. This is fun. Right. And I and I was like, I had a night at the cellar at a night in New York Comic Club on Sunday. I was like, oh, shit, I got like a new thing I can like, chew on. And I was like, it is so interesting that like, when you have that you go, ah, this is what makes me feel good. Like, you know, you listen It's obvious easy to talk shit. It's easy to talk shit. It's fun to talk shit. Yes, but at the end of the day I'm fucking crazy lucky and I would go and I do like I showed tomorrow I go kick footballs with that big fucking lunatic. Are you kidding me? Show me your shoulders him and watch me kick thing. Him and his group of lookalikes from different parts of the country. Yeah, that he's just,

what if he's just harvesting them for organs? You know what's funny is they all have the same blood type. That's gotta be, that's gonna be the rumor I started about the Pat McAfee show. I go, you know they're all O positive. So in case like he loses a kidney or whatever, one of them, he found a new- The guy in the cowboy hat is gonna lose a kidney.

Right, cowboy hat, need your stem cells Pat's got a juice up for the boys I'm using some of your tendons from your me for the boys I just look at I watch that show I'm like what a bunch of fucking losers I've never I've never been honestly I keep it on it's like you know like I'm lonely I'm just happy to. Honestly, I keep it on. It's like, you know, it does that thing where you're like, I'm lonely. I'm lonely during the day. I'm just happy to hear the chatter. I go, what's going on in the Niners?

Football! I love it. There is a part of me that still loves it. I go, I get it, but I love it. Also, Katie Beatam and Madden. Good for her. On ESPN. You can look it up.

I was in the room. What time is it right now? It's time for us to go. What time is it? Five. Oh, I got to get going. I'm supposed to interview the bachelor. Are you really? Yeah. Oh, shit.

What time now? I might have to get on your Zoom here if you don't mind. Do it. Get on the Zoom. Get on the thing. Jared. I got a half hour. I got to go. Jared Fried. Thank you for having me. Listen to this podcast.

Watches. You got a new special coming out soon. Specials on Netflix now. Hopefully the new one. Already a special, but there's another one. There's another one coming about my parents. Jared Fried. That's coming. He's the man I should have introduced him first.

Don't worry about it. Get out. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"]