Soder - 89: Daddy Pain with Yannis Pappas | Soder Podcast | EP 87

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

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Wooo buddy! End of July, July 31st, my first time ever to Portland, Maine. I'm gonna be at the Empire Comedy Club July 31st, August 1st, and August 2nd. Virginia! I'm coming back! Funny Bone in Virginia Beach, Virginia. That is July 18th and 19th for shows, Dance Hunter dot com. Phoenix, Arizona, September 5th and 6th. Monsoon seasonal hit. It'll be nice and cooled down at night. So come on out to stand up live. September 5th and 6th for four shows, danceroda.com.

Go get your tickets, see you there. Los Angeles, September 25th, the United Theater. Wilmington, North Carolina! I haven't been back to Dead Crow Comedy Club in years. There's been some storms, there's been some floods, there's a new location. Well guess what, baby? In August, I will see you Wilmington

at the Dead Crow Comedy Club. I'm gonna be there August 14th, 15th, and 16th. Five shows, Dead Crow Comedy Club. What a great club. I'm very excited there August 14th, 15th, and 16th. Five shows, Dead Crow Comedy Club. What a great club. I'm very excited to come back. Dancer.com for tickets. How else can I entice you? You don't wanna see me with my shirt off.

That's gross. How about just a good show? How about I promise you a good show? I'll see you at the Dead Crow. ["Dead Crow"] I'm a massive Knicks fan. and then I was so let down. Well pain. It was like toxic relationship.

The best part of sports is the pain. It was too bad. This is I'm not from San Francisco. My dead father is from there and I wear a hat with his city on my head to connect to him. Just that pain. All sports is pain. It's pain. And I just go like, daddy. Put it on. Do you see me now?

So one man show shit. No, dude, if we, if we change the name of sports to daddy pain, it would make so much more sense. Daddy pain! Daddy, daddy! We did it! We did it! Anytime you see a sports celebration it's like, daddy! So that's why you left the next?

Because it hurt? It was too painful, man. That's the best part. I was out after that. That's the stomping on the balls where you're like, oh, yes, mistress. Yeah. Oh, and sports because you're a little maggot. You go spit my mouth.

You're right. I should have stuck around, but I just couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with that. It was too much pain in the nineties. Yeah. And there was a lot of almost every time almost pump fakes. Charles Reggie Miller yeah pump fakes John Starks. The pump fake was Charles Oakley. No it's it's very it sucks when sports goes bad It sucks, but that's why you stick around This is the best thing about chat. Gbt is ago. Who is Nick who got blocked repeatedly? I like that. You're pro chat Gbt I'm pro it man

What are you robot phobic? Yeah I'm a robophobe Robophobe I'm a big-time robophobe I'm a robophobe. I'm a big time robophobe. I'm going to be, I'm going to stay, I know they're recording me right now and they have all my info and ones and zeros. Privacy's over. Oh, well privacy been over since my space. Charles Smith, Charles Smith. You know what? Uh, I'm noticing you talking about privacy. Yeah. Is it me or paparazzi has taken a hit? No one gives a shit about paparazzi.

Yeah, they're, um, noazzi has taken a hit no one gives a shit about popper pop pop pop pop Paparazzi. Yeah, they're um, no, no, but just it's dude. It's robots and comedians. That's what they let's we should roll It's what we're rolling. Oh, we're rolling. Oh daddy. Oh, yeah Daddy pain is on there dude. You think we're gonna let daddy pain be a b-side. Thank you. Yeah Is whores, robots, comedians. Comedians are journalists. Comedians are fucking. It's hilarious. Big piece.

Comedians are fucking. We're doing it all. Just watching whenever, one time I did bar four and I brought a girl that I was trying to date. Yeah. And I wore my glasses before I got lay sick. You told this story in the last time I was on here. It just makes me laugh every time because that's the same energy that all comics

have now is that we're like sit down for the one on one. What's really going on? I didn't know if you were going to have me on here cause I'm not running for an elected position. I mean, I would prefer if you did. Let's announce it together. Hey guys, I'm running for city council. My name is Giannis Pappas. Me and Sagalow were doing like the hard hitting, the people who really run the city, you know, being like here at the pipe for this union. Are you talking about the Jews? Well, I'm just trying to be current. I was trying to get into the zeitgeist. I'm going a layer up. I was going with the

Gays. I was going with the Italians. Oh, the Italians.'s go with the Italian oh yeah Italian yeah yeah who think they run the city but they're being controlled by the gate no I'm joking I don't believe your apology was Jewish sorry listen yeah I got ahead of myself yeah was it the dumb side you apologize I was making fun of the Jews I didn't mean it good and now I apologize I'm sorry, you apologize. I was making fun of the Jews. I didn't mean it. And now I apologize. I'm sorry. Dude, yeah, that's also the biggest thing is comics think that we can be everything, but we're also giant pussies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we don't, rappers want the smoke. Yeah, we don't want that smoke. Everyone goes, oh, but I like him. No, yeah. But I like him. Yeah, yeah. But dude, sports. No, but seriously, he's a good guy.

But no, I like it. Sport pain is the best sports. No, but seriously, he's a good guy. But no, I like it. Sport pain is the best pain. So I'm glad you're back. Yeah, yeah, I'm a Nick Finn again. And it hurt. But it's like I'm back in, but it's total bandwagon. So I feel ashamed. No.

I feel ashamed. It's a bandwagon jump. But leading, saying that even, saying you're a bandwagon fan does more for you with sports fans than anything can I it's like admitting to skateboarders you don't know how to you're like I'm a poser and they go like I'll teach you how to Ollie well I'm gonna admit something on this podcast and judge me if you want and if you just judge me whatever the truth is I started rooting for teams that had at

least one white guy on the team. I don't know why that happened I'm not a racist. I Let's be very honest. I don't know why that happened because it's the same reason why underdog stuff, I think Sure, but it's also the same reason why you don't watch a black guy in a porno Right because you're not unless you're super into that because you thinking maybe I could have done with it what John Stockton did You know, I could have done with Jeff Hornets. Oh like I know I can't pound ass like Johnny sins But just the thought that I'd be in the room I it's why this is the whole argument for the Black Panther franchise, right?

Little black kids need a superhero to look like you you need a Slavic Power for John Stockton at the time. Oh, God, you went real white. I went to the jazz. Yeah, I went as white as white. Kids now have Euro white. I feel bad. They're not getting all American, don't take the vaccine white. Until we got Cooper. Cooper flag.

I think he's double white. He's from Maine. His name is Cooper. Is he from Maine? He's from Maine. Oh my God. And his name's Cooper. We're gonna find out he was made in a lab by Miracle Whip. It might have been like... They're like we're gonna make the whitest thing possible. They might have just been watching the finals and said we've had enough of this. They go what is all the hopping and the jumping? We've just had enough. Cooper! We need... yeah one. He still looks like a little boy though.

He looks like he runs up and is asking if he can have a soda after he played a game. He's like, can you see me play? I scored 32. Can I have a soda? And he drinks it with both hands. But he is like 18. He's like, dude, you did one year. Yeah. And he came in at 17. So he's, I think he's legit 18. But when they played with the- He's not ready for an NBA hose. Dude, he's, well, he's not ready for the hose. But he's ready for the comp. When they played the Olympic team, he was, I mean, he was killing them.

He ain't ready for them hose. He ain't ready for them hose. Those hoses are going to rip Cooper flying apart. He's going to be quartered and fucking, they're going to pull apart with horses. Imagine it just all falls apart just because of the hose. Just a big booty. He's never had a big booty Latina. He's from Maine. He doesn't even know that exists. Yeah. He's just like, is people are fishing.

It's like going to be, it's like when you give a little kid soda for the first time and you're like, yeah, you know what they do like the face and they like it. And then the second step, they're like, Oh, I'm fucking live. I'm there. Yeah. Yo, I'm not Cooper, I'm Coop. Coop, call me Coop from now on. Coop. Call me Coop.

He's got two fucking big Dominican ladies. Fur coat, chain. She's like, these are poppy. And he's like, sorry, didn't do them again. Gold tooth right there. He's just addicted to fucking. Yeah. He's just like, I can't stop fucking.

Isn't that what happened to that BYU quarterback, Zach Wilson, he's on the Dolphins now. He was drafted by the Jets. He was super good looking. And then they found out this dude's just running through pussy. And then the NFL, pro sports, very bad to be a sex addict then. It's tough, but you know what should be able to keep it in check is knowing that social media is out there. Redfarm has a whole documentary about a dick pic. Oh, dick pic. Dick pic. That would have been in the I feel this is the only time I'll ever say as a 49er fan as the only time I'll ever feel bad for Brett Favre. That dick pic thing would have been a story for a Tuesday in 2025. Yes. And they're

doing a five parter on it. That's the point, that's what I felt too. I'm going like, dude, give me this documentary five years ago, you want me to care about this. Now, first of all, he's retired. Second of all, we're like this close to World War III. I'm not going, Brett Farve is a brat. A guy with brain damage is trying to show his dick. I mean, they're burning Wazzo cars in Los Angeles

and you want me to care about Brett Farve's penis? And also you have a special needs brother, you know the more damage to your brain the more you like playing with your dink Of course he's showing That was actually that was actually in in the world of Mental of being mentally handicapped. Yeah, that was a nice move He was going, this is my dink, this is what I play with all the time. And then she went, oh my fucking god. That sucks. To have a documentary, talk about a miss of a dick pic. And I heard that chick's doing comedy now.

She has been for a while. So she's been, I mean. One time she went up after me at Gotham. Is she funny? Okay. We're communicating telepathically. And what I can gather from that is she's mid. Oh my God, I would wish for that. I mean, if you're Brett Favre, you're like, damn, that's the one interception I wish I could get back.

Yeah, yeah. He just threw that down for you. Did he send a soft DP too. I said I hate to make Can you look it up because also I remember it being a little weird look Yeah And that is a CTE move to forget to chub it up before you send it also to dress it a little yeah Make it this is a this is um What were those pictures at the mall where everything looked like through a filter those you know like I didn't grow up with mall

culture oh you did it no what are those people are screaming at the at the I know they're screaming at the screen right now glamour shots you got it you don't know glamour shots oh you mean like yeah like back in the 80s and 90s like Siemens or one of those years or whatever. Yeah. You know, JCPenney. Yeah. And they just do a film. There was before filters.

Yeah. They could put a filter on. Yeah. Yeah. Either that is CTE or the height of arrogance to just throw out a soft pick. Got down. Yeah.

I mean, if that's hard, I mean, Jesus Christ. It looks like it's taking some hits. No. Yeah. Damn. And if I were a Packer fan, if that's hard, I mean, Jesus Christ. It looks like it's taking some hits though. No, yeah. Damn. If I were a Packer fan, if you're a Packer fan and you're watching this, you're like, get it off the damn screen. Everybody has a bad day.

Stop it. Brad Favre brought us to Super Bowl in 1996. You leave that boy alone. Yes, I don't care if he rips off the blacks in Mississippi I love how he's just presenting the dick he goes tada you know you gotta work that thing up brother yeah you gotta get a good angle dude dude you have to have it yeah ready to go just snap one off and send it well you said a dick pic it's a bodybuilders when they pump yeah you. You gotta fucking do 10 pushups before you open the door. Yeah. I need to see your pump process before you're out here

displaying it. When you said a dick pic, you gotta be like a girl with her girlfriends taking a picture somewhere, a restaurant where you gotta take 20 shots. I need to hit it. That's looked like one snap and sent. Yeah. Well, that was how he read defenses a lot of the time. That's a good point. He'd just go like, he did throw it up there. He's down there. Intercepted. Fuck. Well,, well they'll tackle him. Yeah. That is true. Good point. Yeah. Boy, it's just how his mind works. Yeah. It's just how he fires, dude. It's what made him a Hall of Famer. It's actually fucking, if that joke was told at the time that this happened, I mean, that would have been like the most viral moment ever. That

is so funny. I bet you could find that on Twitter. I bet someone had that back when Twitter was when it worked. Maybe I don't know. I got it before the ketamine Lord melted down. I think we would have heard that one because I don't know. There's a lot of jokes floating around. Everyone's just talking about small stick was not. But nobody just about how he just fucking fires. Yes.

Brett. Yeah. Take a read. Yeah. Check down my friend. He just closes his eyes That was though say what you will I know, you know Brett Hart Brett far might not be a good dude but man the Monday night football game after his dad died and he went out against the Raiders and threw like fucking three and was just doing That was just like I'm throwing it to you daddy Daddy do you see me daddy Daddy pain

Daddy pain Daddy pain Dude sports suck for that reason When it hurts it hurts Were you super bummed when they lost the Pacers Even as a bandwagon fan No because I'm Emotionally not all in yet

I got one foot in yeah as a stripper Songs over I'm sorry hurry up Not all in yet. I got I got one foot. Yeah, it's a stripper. Yeah songs over songs over I'm at the job. Yeah, my friends are all fucking in the dumps Verses in the dumps he's like he's a Knicks first first he's in the dumps Yeah, and I got to pretend like I'm more hurt than I am because he's such a Nick fan He like I wanted to watch all the games with him because we you know We're friends and I was like you guys live close Yeah we live close so I was like come over and

He was real trepidation with me because he knew that I wasn't uh he only wanted to be with Nick fans and his son Are crazy so I had to kind of pretend to be more into it than I was Yeah, he's like over there and I was going like damn, but I was really just enjoying the game. Oh, yeah Timothy Shalini Yeah enjoying the game. Oh, not yet. Timothy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Something different with her hair. Verses like you don't understand, bro. It's the fucking paces. And you're like, oh my god. And cat cat can't play fucking. Yeah. But but I'm in. I mean, you know what it is? He was like an old head in a

gang. And he had to give that conversation. He's like, you ain't bout this life. Yeah Stay in school. Yeah, young brother. Yeah, you're making us believe in the community Your weapon is your mind. That talk with you. And you're like, OK, I get it. Because, dude, people want to watch 49er games with me. And I'm like, it's just, sorry, it's too much.

Yeah. I know how it is when you're a Die Hard fan. Yeah, it's just too much. It's emotional. I'm that way about the Giants and the Yankees. OK. So I'm still about that with the Giants and the Yankees. And the Giants has been that pain. It's been a horrible, horrible pain.

It's acting the return of it. I know some people don't like sports but we're trying to make this as human as possible. Yeah. Welcome to Barstool. Another thing bro, if you're not fucking hitting your part-a-lays, you're a fucking pussy when they get good again it feels like when a family member gets sober where you go like yeah hey yeah it's the prodigal son you go it's a prodigal son I really fucking missed you yeah yeah yeah and they goes I know it's a couple bad years there and you go it was really fucking bad I kept the nightlight out every night every night no you return I kept it do you want me to make I didn't change a thing about your room? Do you want me to make you some butter noodles?

It's very true. Yeah, and then they're good again and then when they get bad after that you It is like a family member falling off the wagon. Yeah, I can't talk to you right now I'm gonna that's what you do with the next you're like this hurts too much. Yeah for my own sake. I need to say Yeah, I just said I can't enable I can't enable this toxic relationship anymore. It's too much daddy pain. That's what happened to me with the Knicks. I was enabling a toxic relationship. It was so painful, so frustrating.

There was a period in Knicks where it was like, the GM moves, it was almost like they were trying to lose on purpose. Yeah. They would go, it started with like Rolando Blackman trying to get caught. I had a joke. Leave your phone open. Yeah.

It's like sex. Yeah. Why are you doing this to it? It was a point where the Knicks were like the Statue of Liberty. They were like, give us your tire. You're hungry. You're fucking hurt. Yeah.

You're old. I mean, it was like Keith Van Horn, Rolando Blackman, Larry Johnson. That was the first one after his back surgery. It was like that wasn't Grandma Ma anymore. I surgery. It was like that wasn't grandma anymore. Al Mare Stoudemire after like he couldn't jump anymore. He still played pretty well, but it was like it was it was a terrible period. You it's hard watching your sports team go. And then everyone they traded ended up being on a playoff team.

You like every single ex Nick that they got rid of ended up being on a fucking playoff team. Losing is an addiction. Yeah. And you watch him get addicted and you go stop, change your life around. Yeah. But when it's good, baby. When it's good, it's good. Oh, the two, probably the two best nights of my life were those Giants victories in the Super Bowl. The two best nights of my life. Two, and you have two daughters. I got two daughters. Yeah, it's up there. I should also start with this is an ad by batter help rolling rolling rolling rolling what I Truly loved it. I was just telling old HP old homeless pimp old HP lovecraft that Everyone should be in therapy. It's so I

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service platform not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner, prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, direct deposit roundups, overdraft coverage and discounts provided by Cash App, a Block Incorporated brand. Visit Cash App, visit cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. It's pretty good at the end, right? It's not like a real commercial. I literally- The two best nights of my life. Two, and you have two daughters.

I got two daughters. Yeah, it's up there. I mean- And you have two people that have been born from your loins. Yeah, and if someone asked me to trade it, I'd be like, Oh, I just remember that catch that David Tyree catch. It was like, see, I would opposite same subject, opposite thing going, watching the 49ers lose a Super Bowl sucked. It felt like walking in on getting cheated on. Open the door and you go, no, no, no. And then you just think the whole walk down the staircase like, yeah,

no, did I just watch? Yeah. Yeah. That must've been tough. It's, it's worse. It's worse getting closer, I think. And that's what traumatized me about the Knicks. Did I tell you, it was so close. I, you know, Dan Campbell the coach for the Lions Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're fucking he's like we're eating a caps. I fucking love them Yeah, I don't know if I've told this story on the podcast if I have maybe you can edit it out But after the 49ers when they when they beat the Lions to go to the Super Bowl two years ago Shane was doing stuff for Bud Light and he's like you could stay I got two beds in my hotel room You can stay in my hotel room,

which is half the battle for the Super Bowl. I'm just gonna say, Shane, buy him a fucking hotel room. He did, he ended up giving me the hotel room. He ended up giving me the hotel room. Buy him a hotel. He ended up giving me, he ended up getting a, Bud Light got him a whole other room, which was sick. But, and then Michael Che got a Super Bowl ticket

through NBC, so Che's a 49ers fan. So we went to the Super Bowl ticket through NBC. So, Che's a 49ers fan. So we went to the Super Bowl and it was fucking incredible. But then you lose and you're like, why the fuck am I here? Right. It's like going to a funeral. And then you're in Vegas. So it's just like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And you're just like, leave me the fuck alone. Did you look at a bar and see like a cold Michelob light on anyone? Turn around every now and then I get a little bit. It was like the shining. They're like, we've been waiting for you, Dan. And I go 12 long years. Give me a J

Missy. Yeah, what was his name? Carl? Oh, fuck the bartender. I don't know. His name is different in the book than the movie I think it was car that's damn bartender in the entire world right? Yeah Yeah, dude, it was like going and watching that. Oh, but the reason I tell the stories so I go I fly to Vegas and I land at the airport and I get off the plane and Dan Campbell in Vegas you go down these giant escalators to go to these trains to go wherever you're going. So I come down the

escalator. I'm by myself because I got a coffee and I'm like, is that fucking Dan Campbell, the head coach of the Alliance who the 49ers just beat? I just want to walk up to him and go like, I think you're incredible. Great season. Didn't know what I really was going to say. All I know is is that when I got close to him, I could tell him and his wife were in an argument. Oh, that's so funny.

And you just immediately bail. Because by the way, it wasn't like a fight. It was like them going, I don't know where the train is. You just know the tone. Where he goes, I've been upset at my wife traveling too. He goes, I don't know, because if I knew where it was, I wouldn't fucking go down there. Just watching me switch my suitcase.

Yeah. Nope. Sorry, coach. That would have been funny to watch him switch though. Yeah, him going like, fucking, and then. He's like, because if I would've known, your sister, hey, thanks, brother. Thank you, brother, thank you. We all put it on.

Anyway, you bitch. Stop, shut the fuck up. Thank you, brother. Thank you, brother, appreciate it. Great, great seeing you. Yeah, great seeing you. Good luck to you guys in the Super Bowl. Because I said I was gonna pick Cynthia

If she was gonna fucking call me. Yeah having that spill out cuz you live in the burbs now So people when they see you guys it's always like you're show ready Like I feel like in the city people see you in very funny. Yeah Yes in the city you're like, dude, I saw a dance on it. It looks like he's going rough and you're like, yeah, I was having a bad day and I went to walk, walked by cereal across the street. Or you just, when you go do a spot, you just like, you're like, I live right there. I'm just rolling out.

I'll roll back. I'm laying here watching the next file. I put Colona now. Yeah. You guys all get, I'm like, I'm going out in the city. Yeah. you guys get picture ready. Yeah, yeah. You, Brittany, the girls, everybody gets like picture ready. We're going to the city. I know what it's like now to be like a tunnel, a bridge and tunnel guy. Wow.

Because I used to do, everyone makes fun of them. I'm like, look, they put cologne on, they get ready. I'm like, it's fucking special, dude. They live in New Jersey. They're coming to this city. Whoa. Yeah, and they go, we're going to the city today. But then they come here and you just go,

I want out. Yeah. Help me. Yeah, and they go into the city, but then they come here and you just go Yeah, help me. Yeah, everything is tight. Yeah, everything is so tight here too many stores What's their restore still open But you know, yeah, I mean it's different my life it different. How relaxing. And I talk about that in a special called Property Owner on YouTube. Oh yeah, I don't do good at plugs. No, but it's fine.

It's better organically, yeah. Click the link down below for the honest and special. Yeah, thanks, click it. Out now. But it's a different thing. Like, you come into the city, the things that you were used to in the city. Do you miss it?

Of course I do, of course I do. Do you ever, when you get mad, do you ever bring it up? Do you ever go, you're living in a fucking city, we don't have to deal with this shit. Yes I do, yeah. I love suburban anger. It's always the life I could have had. And I also keep an apartment just to fucking,

you gotta hold something over their head. You're getting married, you have to hold something over their head. It's gotta be a pet to terror and never get your balls snipped. Yeah, Ari did it I don't understand why I was gonna I think I might do don't do it Why because it's you need I know you're one of these like we love each other, but everything's a power guy. Listen Yeah, also heaven forbid anything would ever happen to her Yeah, I'm gonna go out there and cream pie central and I'm not trying to fucking be Bob Marley. Good point. I'm just saying what are you kidding me though? Only

question I go Do you have herpes? Right? Herpes? I go sick. Oh, dude, there comes an age where that's not stopping me either. Yeah, but then I 55 and some 30 year old goes on herpes. I'm like, let's spin the wheel. Yeah, but then I got then I got the Magnolia ending where I'm in a hospital bed and some guys like I fucking hate you. And I go, I didn't even know you were alive. The love of my life passed away tragically. And then I just bagged your mom. I don't want that. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the thing. I feel like,

so what if someone wants to get snipped? Who gives a fuck? I'm just saying, well, I get it. Right. But I'm sick. Cause he doesn't have kids. If you have a kids in a family, right? The women know, there's a certain thing, they start talking to you a certain way. Especially if they know you're a good guy. They know you're not gonna leave, cause you love your kids.

Cause you are a good person. You're a good person and you love your kids. Which by the way, you do love your kids. I love my kids. I really am, I'm doing a bit about this, but I am seriously sick of everyone that has kids going. It's a love you'll never know. You'll never know.

I've seen enough of humanity to know you're lying. Maybe you do. Great. It's so great. Dad, let me tell you. It's a sunrise on your face. It's a feeling you can't explain unless you've been through it. And then I fucking meet somebody who goes, my dad fucked me till I was nine.

And you go, okay, so that's not a love you'll never know that I don't want to fucking know. Your kid. Yeah, it's not it's not universal. It's not a universal. Everyone acts like yeah, like Bobby Lewis and lists on the regs will always be like, it's a lot you never know. You go, what are your kids might shoot up a school? Yeah, yeah. And then I gotta watch you guys and we all know But then you're gonna fuck it. You mean it's a love. It's a love. You'll never know like your parents had for you

That's why you're doing comedy I'm out of here verbally showing my asshole once a week just so people come see me live. Yeah. Yeah Fucking it makes everybody granted there are for not you're a good parent you love your fucking kids and I have friends and it's a love you'll never know. But you know what love is not the word. But no love doesn't encapsulate what it is. It's so and I'm so happy for you. Yeah, I also can't smell. Why don't you tell me what a bouquet of

flowers smells like? No, I lost it during COVID. And it's still mine. Still gone. Yeah, I lost it during COVID. And it's fine. Still gone? Yeah, I'd have to do exercises. And those are gay. But you know, let's be honest, dude. You lose your smell during COVID. If you're not eating the pussy twice as much. Yeah, I mean, I should be.

We should be into shit play by now. Yeah, I mean, it should be. You should walk in on me going, yeah. Yeah. She's like, what is that? I go, I can't smell nothing. That would be the benefit for me. We play chest hair treasures, where I put her dump in on me going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what is that? I go I can't smell that would be the benefit for me chest hair treasures Yeah, where I put her dump in my chest chest hair and then I pick out little I'd get if that happened I mean I lost my smell completely I'd have a nickname by now, but they'd have a nick

They'd be calling they'd be calling me a fucking they'd be calling Yanni the hippo Fucking in there you go. Do you understand you could stay submerged? Yeah, you can breathe underwater. I am fucking a crocodile. But I don't, that's what, she sends me in for the things where she's like, because she has a very sensitive sense of smell. And she'll be like, what about you? And I'll be like, you know the scene in Forrest Gump

where they give him the two guns and he goes in the hole in Vietnam? This is me on everything. She's like, can you go do that? I'm like, I'm going. I can't smell nothing. You're picking up dog shit with your hands, what? What? What?

Throwing it at her, play for it. So you have no sm- That means you have no taste. Very dull. Holy shit. I can still taste stuff though. Yeah. Like it's weird when I don't like something now

cause now I don't trust it. I'm like, do I really taste it? But I can, a lot of hot sauce. Yeah. A lot of hot sauce. Well things are happening to you that is at least catching up to your look. Oh, because you look you when you were 20, I met you in your early 20s or 23 and you look 50. Yeah, you and I

lived it because you look like what you like. We've talked about this. You look like a frontiersman. Yeah, because you have the genes of a frontiersman. I didn't use lotion. Yeah. And I lived at an altitude and I abused substance. Yeah, I expect you to have like a shoulder that doesn't work anymore Yeah, something that goes like well Gold Russia 76 yeah, dude I There was this movie that right looks like you have scar tissue on your eyes like you were a fighter Yeah, I mean I do right here. Yeah, I mean when I was drunk you just have a look like you were a fighter yeah I mean I do right here yeah I mean I was drunk you just have a look like you know back by a dog over there through some shit yeah um I auditioned for handsome and rugged thank you yeah I auditioned for

people thank you compliment always feels good doesn't it especially when you're in a long-term relationship they feel great yeah I get none yeah most men don't want to cheat we just want women to go I'd fuck you yeah just say something nice I would never cheat on her yeah want women to go, I'd fuck you. And you go, just say something nice. I would never cheat on her. Thank you. Just look at you and go, you're a good guy. I could never lose her, but thank you.

I auditioned for this movie Brian Coppleman directed called Solitary Man, or he wrote about it with Michael Douglas. And I went into audition and it was supposed to be for like a college kid. And I was 23 or 24 at the time and I went in because Coppelman called me he's like listen it's a movie I don't expect you to get the role we're buddies this is a good thing for you to learn how to do is audition in front

of a big casting director. So I learned the role I went in and I did it and they liked me and she was like oh you know I want to kind of see him again or whatever And then I never heard from him. That's like a typical audition but compliment because it's his movie He called me back and they go yeah They said you're way too weathered to play a college kid and I was maybe a year out of college Like Sam Elliott was trying to play a fucking Like you want to know what my father told me? Keep smoking.

It was wild. It hurt. I remember where it was. We were playing basketball in Queens, and they called me, and he's like, yeah, they said you look old as shit. They were like, oh, I was smoking a cigarette. I was like, well, goddamn.

Well, goddamn, Brian. Some people just like, yeah, they appear, or they present older or younger. Yeah, I like catching up to, it's the way that I see it. I knew you were 21, but I knew what you had been through was 46. Yeah. Yeah.

Remember when we sat there and- And then you told me your stories and I'm like, oh yeah, this guy's got a couple of boo-boos. When we were sitting drinking at CB's upstairs. Yeah. I don't know if, did I tell the story the last time you were on the podcast? We're sitting at CB's drinking Stella's and whiskey and I finished my

drink and took a shot I've had to have told the story with you on a podcast before because it's such a big moment of my life where you go oh you need therapy and you were the first person in my life to go try therapy as an adult yeah and I was like not at CB's CBs? Yeah. I was upstairs. Yeah. Cause I drinking. Yeah. And you go, you know the difference between me and you? Yeah. I can walk away from this beer half finished and go home. Did I say that to you? And I go, and the second you walked outside I'd finish your beer and you go, yeah,

you need therapy. Yeah. I remember, I remember the night. I probably told this, but I remember the night where I wasn't, I, where I, I made the decision. I was going gonna say something. Really? Yeah. I don't think you've ever said that before. I don't think I've said it, but I remember the night I was gonna say something. What was it? I swear to God, it was cabin.

Yeah. It was- Kicking open the door while you were pissing? Kicking open the door when I was pissing and then you puked blood, and then you went out and did the worm with no shirt on. I don't remember that. Yeah.

Don't remember that. You did the worm with your shirt on. I don't remember that. Yeah. Don't remember that. You did the worm with your shirt on on that disgusting floor. Cause I used to laugh about it. I don't think I'd take my shirt off though. That doesn't sound like me. I probably had my shirt on. Maybe you had your shirt on.

Brother, to take my shirt off. You took your shirt off at the Laker Awards, I think. Nope. No? No, I kept the, I had a Queens of the Stone Age shirt on under my butt and down. Somebody took their shirt on. Graham.

Graham K, that's right. Cause he had a great body. Cause he had a great body, yeah. No, no, no, no. I was never took their shirt on. Graham. Graham K, that's right. He has a great torso. Yeah. No, no, no, I was never a pop a shirt off guy. But it was that night where I always, I'm actually always impressed with that. Bert, I'm always like, dude, you can take a shirt off everywhere.

Yeah. I can't take my shirt. You know how hard it is for me to take my shirt off around my fucking future wife? I think he, in his mind, thinks it's like, I don't know. I think he has an allergy to it. Yeah. Or a real itch. Yeah. But I don't. Do you think he thinks an alert allergy to it. Yeah. I got it. Yeah. But I don't I did. Do you think he thinks

people are disappointed if he keeps it on? I don't know. I think he should go opposite and just wear heavy winter coats. Go full opposite. Just switch it up on all these hoes. Um, but I remember kicking the door open and you were and you were pissing. Yeah. And I went around you around me like it was was an emergency you had to throw up and you threw up blood and then yeah and you're like oh it's a little blood and then you went back out and just a shot in a beer and I was like oh at some point I was like I'm gonna say something yeah that was a bad night yeah I waited tables that next morning yeah I

was brought people Mexican food at 11 a.m. cuz I had a hunch I was like you know he's way too funny this This could be bad, yeah. Dog, when other people, there's been some. And also when we spoke, you were like, yeah, my dad, my mom. Yeah. So I was delivered, I'm like, Daddy, don't do it.

It's like you had a ticket. It's like you had a ticket on a plane, you know, just going to death. Yeah. And like you were, you know. And you know you don't have to get on that plane. You don't have to do, you don't have to leave. I got a first class seat. Yeah. I don't know, you know. And you know you don't have to get on that plane. You don't have to leave.

I got a first class seat. Yeah. I don't know if you know this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got room. I got comfort plus. You're like I got delta one, I'm gonna lay down. You're gonna let me board a little early,

if you know what I mean. Yeah, it was weird to see like which people were going. But credit to you to fucking do something about it. Yeah. There was a whole era where a bunch of guys, Lis, you. Well Lis was the reason I did it. Yeah. I don't think Nate drinks anymore. No, he doesn't. I wouldn't have done it without Liz.

Yeah. Like Liz doesn't get enough credit. Yeah. Because Liz quit and all my friends had quit drinking because I had tried. I had tried quitting for years. I'd try for a little bit and then it'd be like something small like Sean Donnelly's birthday party or like Joe DeRosa's playing pool. And I'd be like, well, it looks like I'm going to go get blacked or like Joe DeRosa's playing pool. And I'd be like, well, it looks like I'm going to get blacked out. Joe DeRosa's playing pool. I just find an excuse to drink. Yeah. You're like, he's what? It's a part. It's

a big event. I gotta play pool and there's pictures of beer and I'm going to do shots of real whiskey. Um, but it was one of those things where all my friends that quit drinking were always like, it sucks. All you want to do is drink every day and I was just like man This sounds like it sucks and Joe list was the first person was like it rules Yeah, I love not drinking Yeah, my life is so much better cuz he had already been like six to eight months cuz he got banged up on booze I'm brother. He was way worse than me fell through a table shit in his pants got story of all time Yeah, I mean he's got some scar. Fell asleep on a train. He's done it all, baby.

That boy could fly. If anyone doubts Joe, this could go. I'm just letting you know. That's what's fun now is seeing the guys that, I feel like a retired boxer. And so Shane will be like, it's like when they used to do like Tyson versus Ali. Yeah. Like who would drink Tyson Ali? And Shane's like, Oh, I wish you were still there. But I still take my pictures. Like I'm like, ready? You're like Ali like this. You come to my steakhouse and they go, good to see you. He took a lot of hits. Just alcohol. Hey, do you remember? Do you remember in 1990 in 1999 when you got blacked out and your friend Danny's house? It is. It's just like tough to watch. You're like, oh, fuck. God. One of my favorite bits is Stan Hope. Jake Lamont.

Do you ever hear that? It's the best. I mean, it makes me laugh. Does the whole thing. Stan Hope's a guy where if you were to take a comic and be like who is the most stand-up comic? Who is the quintessential stand-up comedian? Lifestyle, jokes, everything. Well I, Doug Stanhope. I went, there was a period where I was going to see him a lot like I would, I went and saw him a lot because I was, he did that special no refunds here at Gotham. Yes I was like I saw him like four times and it was either like the greatest thing you ever seen or just a shit show But that was also that was him

But when I we did a show in Syracuse and I opened for him Well was dating Jesse May and James Jesse made me and him and it was just I gotta say like the best Yeah, the best guy I ever seen on stage Stan Hope Patrice when I saw those guys lives, I was like that's the best if you get the temperature, right? Yeah, if you get the temperature, right? Yes, the best thing he had the right cocktail or whatever it is and if you caught him on like maybe like a Friday early show and he'd had a couple

Yeah You're gonna see you're gonna watch like those Caroline shows where you come you just stay in the back maybe like a Friday early show and he'd had a couple. You're gonna watch like those Caroline shows where you'd call me to stand in the back. Joe List said it's the best hour of stand up he's ever seen. The stand up at Carolines. I think the best I saw of our stand up was Syracuse. See I would say the best hour of stand up

and we saw the show together. Burr. Burr at Carolines. Me, you and Nate sat on that back wall and watched Burr. And I remember the thing that we all said was we looked at our phones after the thing and we were like, that was an hour 10 and it felt like 15 minutes. Yeah. That was the one where the black guy got up and he was like, sir, could you please not

go to the bathroom during the racially sensitive material? I remember that. Yeah. And then the guy's leaving and he goes, great. Now this guy's dictating my whole fucking set Yeah, yeah, cuz now I'm worried he's gonna walk back in and I'll be like I didn't vote for Obama He's gonna miss the whole setup. Yeah, and then he was talking about quitting drinking and the guy goes Rehab is for quitters and he goes. Oh, yeah, you're real. You're like a fucking boardwalk shirt funny. Yeah, he's like

Remember going off at me and you and Nate saying, yeah, that was crazy. He just got phenomenal. Louis at Caroline's in general I saw, probably all my favorite shows. I never saw him live do a long set. Yeah. Dude, I saw Louis do a fundraiser for his kids. But he's the guy that makes me laugh the most.

Louis? Louis, yeah. Yeah, I watched Louis do a fundraiser for his kids' school back in the day, like, 08.. Just fucking you're like, I'm gonna quit. I'm never even gonna come close to doing any of this. Oh, wait, it was like, season one in between season one and two of Louie. Yeah. And he was like the shoot up. Yeah. Well, he was already rolling. He did shameless 2006 was like, shameless. Yeah. And then oh,

seven or oh, eight was chewed up. and that was the hour where I was watching him We'll go around the city just hurt motherfuckers Yeah, just be on stage because I was when he had the joke when girls go crazy when girls go wild They show their tits when women go wild. They drown their kids in a bathtub And that was when he's like I want a woman with muscly shoulders. He's like, I don't want a girl I want a woman that's lifted bags of groceries, had a nipple that's been chewed on. That is like, I saw him do sets at like Rafifi, stand up New York for 10 people.

And he was just everywhere he was going. He was just fucking murdering. What sucks about Burr is Burr moved to LA right when I moved here. So I missed what you and Nate got to see, which is him, because him and Patrice both evolved at the same time. Yeah, but Burr was interesting because it was just like a turbo boost.

Yeah, it was like he was good. Yeah, he was good. He was good. He's good. You see him around. He was good. But you didn't see it wasn't like, you know, you were going, wow. And then it was like that special and then that hour he was doing. You were like, it was like a turbo. Yeah, you saw the hour on Comedy Central and you went that was crazy. And then you went saw the live hour. And that's when he was doing Let like it was like a turbo. Yeah, you saw the hour on Comedy Central and you went that was crazy And then you went saw the live hour and that's when he was doing let it go

Yeah, that was when he was doing though. What are you will fair and you were like, this is unbelievable It was a turbo boo. Yeah, it was like I don't think anyone saw it coming No, but that was you know, I you got to see Patrice. I think when he was trying I moved here at the end What he did elephant in the Room, but he would like sometimes give a shit about stand up. I saw him at Caroline's the couple days before he had a stroke. No way. Yeah. So I saw him. Was his puppy's last show?

Yeah. It was one of the last shows. I can't remember which show we were at, but it was his last weekend. Really? Last weekend. Caroline's. Isn't it crazy that Caroline's was the last weekend of Patrice, Billicks there's like a bunch of people I think John Panet well it's been like a lot of people that Caroline's thank God they got rid of that devil den yeah sin been down in Times Square rotting killing all of our heroes yeah yeah I didn't know that that's crazy that nuts yeah Bill Hicks in his

book American Scream I think he like says that's where he was like in too much pain to finish his show. In Caroline's defense, I don't think it was Caroline's that killed him. No. Yeah, I think it was other things. Yeah, I think it was cancer. Patrice was diabetes.

Yeah, diabetes, yeah. And John Panet was beating. Yeah, and he had that hard, big stomach. Party gut. Yeah, same thing with Mike Di Stefano, he had that hard. And I think William Stevenson. Yeah.

That hard tummy, dude, you get a hard tummy, you better fucking change up your diet. Yeah, you can't, that food will get ya. But that's what I think William Stevenson. Yeah that hard tummy dude. You get hard tummy. You better fucking change up your diet Yeah, you can't that food will get you but that's what I was always saying It's like the road will get you the only thing worse than watching someone die young is watching someone get too old Yeah, then you almost go. Yeah. Oh Jimmy Hendrix, okay, that's that stand-up bit. Oh, yeah. Yes, right. He does. It's good Our heroes die early so you don't have to watch Jim.rix at the Super Bowl halftime show with Britney Spears Yeah, his belly hanging out of his pants. Yeah, John Lennon fucking singing a jingle

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NYC with promo code Soder15 After your purchase they're gonna ask where you heard about them Please support our show and let them know that we sent you so go get your nuts comfortable in the perfect gene Yeah, no he looks phenomenal I mean yes aging aging nice But like but like going away I think old people are scared so they don't want to go away because they feel like if they go away They're gonna die but Joe Paterno. Yeah, Joe Paterno was like, what do you mean? He's way big boys But Joe Paterno, Joe Paterno was like, what do you mean? He's way big boys

And then like you got to step down Joe Pies like I was gonna coach this Yeah, and they're like you can't coach things like I'm gonna die. He's fucking died, right? Right take him out and he died. So maybe they're holding on so they don't some personalities. I think that's very true for yeah Yeah, I think they like people can't just sit and appreciate a tree. No, that's their consumption It's like I gotta go. I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta make stuff. I think Trump's like that. You can see how he is. He's just like, what's this? You wanna fight?

He's just out here like, you wanna fight? And you're like, oh, cause he's old. If he slowed that down, he's not gonna watch a kid eat an ice cream with a puppy and go like, beautiful. That's what life is. He goes like, how much did you pay for that? Are you a Mexican?

That kid likes, he likes action. Yeah, he loves action. That's what it a Mexican? That kid likes he likes action. Yeah, he loves that That's what it is. Yeah Action, he likes by the way, that's the way fucking Hillary is that's why Bill Clinton Deteriorated so fast once he's like stepped away from like doing all that big Bill Clinton Foundation He was like and they just like start shrinking because they need the you know what I mean? Yeah, it's why Obama has a production company now yeah he stops he'll be like well I made a deal with the devil yeah and if I stop I die

yeah yeah it's like crank yeah Jason Statham movie yeah we have to keep going or their heart explodes yeah yeah yeah it's how it feels like the entire boomer generation is they don't want to just chill yeah Yeah. No, because in their defense, their parents scared the shit out of them. It's also part of like American culture to never stop to just never stop. Yeah, like it's just part of American culture. How do you think we got the Pacific Ocean? Yeah. I mean, when you meet someone in America, I remember noticing this when I went to Scandinavia

and it was odd to me. And that's when I realized, oh, this isn't a truth. It's a cultural thing. Nobody in Scandinavia and it was odd to me and that's when I realized oh this isn't a truth it's a cultural thing nobody in Scandinavia goes what do you do if you ask if you if you ask someone what what do you do they it's weird to them yeah whereas in America when you meet somebody it's like the first three sentences so what do you do so what do you do I mean you say that to strangers on their fingers hey what do you do yeah what's your job it's like what we identify so much with this is like our job? It's like what we identify so much with is like our job. So it's like our, it's our identity, it's everything.

It's capitalism. Yeah. It's how you identify how much money do you make? What do you do? The importance? Yeah. In Sweden they're just kind of like, and you are a father.

Yeah, yeah, we're here. We're just here. I will, I live in the area. Yeah. And you go, yeah, but what do you do? What do you do? I walk to work. Yeah, yeah. And I work and then I walk home. And. Yeah, you go. Yeah, but what do you do? What do you do? I walk to work? Yeah, and I work and then I walk home and go no How do you make him? What do you fucking do? What I found what's your value? What's your worth?

What I found crazy was Sweden was talking to us and this is this is not political with with talking about a political subject How out in the open and in their face about climate change they were like like me and my friend were like there in this in June and we're like it's a nice day and they're like since climate change it's too hot you're like whoa whoa we don't even know if the science but they treat us like we're crazy yeah they're like every like I'm saying like I got that energy in Sweden and then in Holland where they were like talking about something then they were like before they were like talking about something and then they were like before, they were like talking about climate change

as if it is a thing. Not as if it's up for debate. They just go like, before climate change, the canals would freeze and we could skate on them. But now it doesn't get cold enough. Not like, we own you conservative. They're just kind of like, I don't know, it's like a thing that's happening

and we're all just kind of acknowledging it. You're like, where's the dunk? You didn't dunk on me. How do you make your money? How can I dunk on you? How do you, how are you right? Yeah. Who's wrong? What do you mean? I have to just accept it as a fact. And they're going, well, then we are learning how to live with it. And you're like, no, no, no. Like how do you, do you have, you guys don't monetize a disagreement? Which news channel do you watch to get that opinion on? You just can't. What's the point? There's no, no, no. Like, how do you do you have? Well, you guys don't monetize a disagreement, which channel do you watch to

get that opinion on? You just can't. What's the point? There's no, do you think your daughters are going to grow up to look at 24 hour news, the way that we looked at smoking in hospitals? I think this is really the first generation that's ever lived, where I can't tell them what their life is going to look like. And I know it. Yeah. It's gonna be so different from anything that humanity has experienced. Yeah, because you love chat GBT. Because right now it's like

you give me mixed facts. And you're right, dude, some of it's ridiculous. Like, we're doing things, we're letting AI do things that we don't we never thought it like we need an improvement here. Like when's the last time you were in an Uber, right? And you were like, this is cool. But you know what would make this fucking better is if there was no driver.

Yeah. But what did everyone go? We need to improve this with no driver. Cut that guy's job. Yeah. Yeah. It's like. I don't like that.

Yeah. Dude. So it's like we're just doing it because we can do it. So I don't know what it's going to be, but it probably could have a lot of good effects as well do it. I don't know what it's going to be, but it probably could have a lot of good effects as well. Well, I think like robots that you can fuck that, which is, if you think that's what, you know, it gets hot with the internet came out. Everyone was scared about it until you found out you could jerk your dick.

But here is my problem. And it's the same reason I got gun shy with when they gave us those thermos pussies What are those called Flashlights, oh you ever fuck one at Moon Tower. Okay, they gave us all one Yeah, and so every comic looked at each other and they got the bag of them. Well, I'm not gonna my hotel room If I felt like a serial killer shout out the old Radisson on first and first in Austin Yeah, cuz you're fucking a body part. I was just going like this. I had my dick over the shower. I was like,

and it felt gross. It felt like it felt great. First off, it felt great. Shout out to that flashlight. Sorry. Sorry. I bumped and dumped. Sorry. I fucking, I jizzed in you and then threw you away. You didn't deserve that. But it is really like a very serial killer move. It's just like you're cutting a woman's pussy off and you're fucking it. It's disgusting.

It's disgusting, dude. My friend, Matt Ross, has a phenomenal bit about it, about having a flashlight. But my point is with fuck robots, I'm too scared to fuck a robot because what if it cuts my dick off? Right. Those things are made of metal.

They are without a doubt stronger than me. But are you being a Native American now thinking that- Use all parts of it? No, just go, all right, well yeah. Now I got to fuck the ear. No, but like, you know, they thought if you took a photo it took your soul. I don't think, I think that's a bum rap. I feel like Native Americans, I feel like that was like African tribesmen

and Native Americans got popped with that. You think so? Yeah, I feel like, look that up, because I don't feel Native, I feel like Native Americans would be like, why do you guys keep saying that about us? Yeah, we just, we didn't get a chance to get their side of the story.

They go, I don't know. I was actually, I liked pictures. Yeah, yeah. And then they go, you're dead. Yeah. Here's a blanket. But I think you're not wrong. I might be Chicken little I might be a little sky the sky is falling. It's gonna change everything though

It's fucking robots AI AI is gonna change every here's what I hate. Yeah Including our business. Yeah, but when you and I hang out Mm-hmm, you make me laugh harder than anyone on this earth. Likewise. Like I get around you, immediate silly goose time, I have a fucking blast and we laugh. These motherfuckers that are using AI for like to write jokes,

it's, there's something like, Yeah. You just, it's not, there's a lack of humanity in it. There's a lack of humanity. Yeah, well there's also a thing of like, people need to be told they're not good at stuff so they can go find what they're good at.

Yeah. I wasn't good at anything. Yeah. Until comedy. I sucked at sports, I sucked at being an employee of any job that I ever had. I thought you were a great waiter. Shut up.

I never experienced it, I don't know. Yeah you did. You and Nate came by Dos Caminos. But we never, we never like. No, I didn't wait on you. You never do that. I don't know. Yeah, you did. You and Nate came by. But we never, we never like, I didn't wait on you. You never do that to a friend. No, you never let me tell you something right now. You never do that to a friend. Would you go to your friend's strip club and make her give you a lap dance? Yeah, you don't do that. That's a power. Yeah. That's you and Nate sat outside the car. I remember that. I remember that was the first time I ever got recognized on the street. Yeah. Cause

we were going to get something to eat in between my shifts. Yeah. Do you see me now, Daddy? Daddy Pain. Daddy Pain. They know who I am. Do you know who I am? You never dead, motherfucker.

Speaking of Daddy Pain, how bummed are you that your daughters, how do you explain your dad and your mom to them? Are you just like, eh, grandma and grandpa? That's a good point. Yeah, it's, I just have to continue lying, which is fun. I have to continue to build this lie. Cause do they do?

I'm obsessed with like, I'm obsessed. She is old enough to go like. Oh, she's starting to ask questions. But she knows mom's mom and mom's dad cause they're around. She's starting to put it together. It's like, when you have kids, it's like, uh, you're, it's a love I'll never know.

Watching it's a love you'll never know. It's like you're, it's like they're the dude in momento, the movie, they're just putting things together. Wait a second. Grandma, grandpa, mommy. Where's daddy's mommy? So yeah, I mean, those questions are starting to come up. And I'm just like, yeah, daddy's actually, um,? So yeah, I mean those questions are starting to come up and I'm just like yeah daddy's actually Jesus I don't have parents God Been here you got yeah, it's like I don't want her to I don't want her yet to know that So I have to keep pushing these lies. But she's like how did the dinosaur bones get outside of the dinosaur and I'm like

See those dinosaurs aren't real. Oh, yeah. They're not real. But Jesus Christ, there's no such thing as bones. There's no such thing. It's just fiction. It's a cartoon. I just whatever to avoid that. I don't want to just go, OK, you're going on a ball. We're in the floating in nothing.

Honestly, I see you look at her face to face. You know, I don't know. I know. OK, no. And also, I recommend you believe in God it helps other than that your daddy's scared out of his fucking mind honestly it's a little oil but that it's still a dry run you go and the gears sister they grind yeah yeah I'm gonna need you just to hold on yeah here I want you to I want you to play this video game Frogger yeah and this is a metaphor for what your life's going to be.

This is it. That truck is cancer. That truck is fucking venereal disease. That truck is fucking AI. In this case? Yeah. You played this game for 75 to 80 years. And that's about it.

There will be a moment, though, right? I know. That's coming. I know. I know that's coming. I know that's coming. I'm just trying to avoid the inevitable. I want her to get to five because she's about to be five.

They say the first five years are like the most important for the inevitable. I want her to get to five because they she's about to be five. They say the first five years are like the most important for the development. That's where you don't want to drop anything in the soup. Yeah, you just don't want to. They harden after five. After five, it's a little harder. So, you know, I'm just waiting in that fifth year. I'm just going to guess what? You die. Oh, I guess what? That's where my mommy. Good night. I'm going to go. Hey, guys, what you're going to die. She's here go, good night. And she goes, where's daddy?

Where's your daddy and mommy? You go, my daddy and mommy are dead and I will be sued. I'm gonna go, hey, guess what? Every time daddy leaves to go on an airplane, he does like that. He goes, and also with recent cuts to the FAA, we better do that. Double up.

When I say goodbye to you, I'm not 100% sure I'm gonna see you again But have a great day at school if I don't come back be an artist Just not a stand-up not stand. I'm doing everything I can to keep her off that fucking stage. That's the new poll I hug her every day. I'm just like I'm counting hugs like yeah You're enough You're enough let's do the You're enough. You're good, you're enough, you're enough. Let's do the you're enough song.

You're enough, you're enough. Open mics are for bad boys and girls. You're enough, you're enough. That's the premise, the setup and the punch. Now what's worse, terrorists or comedians? Comedians, say it with me, comedians, comedians, comedians. Dude, what's crazy is I did not know Yannis his daughter went overseas as a freedom fighter Backfired on you told me I told about kind of a comparable of the two. I was going to be Heather, but she is hilarious The problem is is she is funny. She's like class clown. She's getting in trouble. She's very funny

Is she she's like class clown. She's getting in trouble a lot. She's very funny She should do you love it? She crawls on me She'll she'll crawl on me and then she'll sit on my head and fart on my head and nobody taught her that she Instinct instinctively knows that that's hilarious She's she instinctively knows that it's funny to fart on my head. She's learning. Yeah, she's becoming the way. Yeah aware Snatch the pee out of my hand. Yeah, she spits in your hand. You head. She's learning. Yeah. She's becoming aware. Yeah. Snatch the pee out of my hand. She spits in your hand, you go, that's hilarious. Yeah.

Yeah. You might be perfect. Yeah, dude, that's gonna be. Yeah. Does she know that you're a comedian? She does know. Well, how does she know that? It was like, she explained like, you know,

I go away, I get on planes, this is what daddy does. Mommy told her, she doesn't understand it yet. I would kill the interviewer, Donna, right now. Like, what does your daddy do? And she goes, he, well, he looks at society through a lens. And you go like, oh, you get this way more than I thought you were gonna get this. She goes, he takes nuance to subtly break down societal norms.

He's a satirist. He's a pontificator. You know, he goes, he likes to harangue other adults and try to, would it be worse for you? And we're not judging anybody, but would it be worse for you if your daughter later maybe 22 23 years old is it worse that she comes out as a lesbian or as a comedian comedian yeah comedian yeah cuz by the way the lesbian will be like standard yeah I'm gonna it'll be crazier if she's straight yeah I'm gonna try to just condition her for as long as possible that there are no women who do comedy this is just a male

thing yeah but then that could really destroy your relationship she finds football you know it's just for guys she finds Maria Bamford once that unwanted thought syndrome that could ruin your relationship I'm only gonna be able to keep it for so long before she disclosed she turns on her mother's watching Nikki Glazer host the Emmys or something like that. She just has that moment. And then I'm like, oh. She goes, dad was fucking, it all plays back in her head

like the end of a movie. R for mother. Oh my, this mother fucker. Now I'm gonna. And that gives her the motivation because she hates me so much. Oh my god, and then she creates a character called Maurice. Yeah.

And it all comes fucking closer. And that, my friends. And I'm also very aware that I'm maybe being too good of a father and this may not make her successful. Why do you think that? Well, because everyone I know who's extremely successful in this country is highly damaged. I've never met someone who's just like,

yeah, my family life is great. Because we're- It's like Steve Jobs, like yeah, I was left in a basket outside, I'm Iranian or something. My daughter, every time she looks at an iPhone, she gets triggered. She has a Samsung. Can you imagine his daughter going,

ah! Oh my goodness! This is the thing he didn't pay attention to before. This is what he developed instead of me. She was a fucking Samsung customer. Yeah, it's so funny. Yeah, oh my God. Even when her friend pulls it out,

she's like put that thing in. Oh my God. Even when her friend pulls it out. I am all humans are like hoses with the water running out. And this is your Indian side comes out and then all humans are humans are water like a side hose in the suburb. But if you put your thumb over the spigot success comes that's all it is is you're just bending the hose. Trauma's going like, pfft, and you just shoot it fucking harder. So it goes farther there.

So that's what, yeah, sometimes I'm going like, does everyone need a little? Yeah, everyone needs a little thumb over the hose to go like, pssst. And you know what, you're right, life will do it. You don't have to do it as a parent, life will do it. Everyone catches these hands. Yeah, that's what life says,

everyone's gonna catch them. life's walking around going, you think I ain't gonna tune up everybody in here? They're like, oh, you had a good? Ha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! And you go like, oh, fuck! Sometimes he beats you up when you're a little kid. Sometimes he gets you when you're an adult. But trust me, God and life,

they're gonna fucking beat the piss out of you. Oh, you will. There will be a time where you seriously consider being a Buddhist. Yeah. Well, that's why you always look at like, whenever I see someone being like, using someone as an example of like, look at their life, but you go, you have no fucking clue. Yeah. What's actually going on in that you're seeing the outside your picture ready. Yeah. You know, when you're online, everyone's like, you someone someone put that out You're not seeing the real shit of them going home being like fuck all this. Yeah, yeah, like that's why people have breakdowns

Yeah, well people you know, um, oh, sorry about that. Just being a dad from the bank too chase What do they want might be fake? If you're and I feel like if you're envying or you have envy or you're jealous. It's actually a self-hate Yeah, I think it's a form of self-hate. Yeah. You're actually, it's not even about the person, it's just something you have to work out about yourself that you don't like and you have to look at that and love yourself. Self-hate. Yeah. I had a friend that said it very concisely where she was like, whenever somebody does something that annoys you, go work on that in yourself. Yeah.

Because that's why it's upsetting you. Because they're doing something that annoys you, so you should go change that about yourself. Yeah, I think actually that's like one of Carl Jung's kind of like staples. Yeah, that's a fucking- Whatever irritates you about other people. It's coming from you.

The call's always coming from inside the house. Yeah, the call's always coming from inside the house. Because people talk- That's a good way to put it. It's so funny because I remember before I ever did Rogan or whatever I'd be like at Joe it's very easy to do that and then I met him and I'm like what a good guy yeah such a nice guy yeah and that's what it is with a lot of people you like see him online

you're like this fucking guy you meet him and you go he's a nice person yeah and you realize it has nothing to do with you like his day it's just it's very nice to know. Most people are, I would actually say all people are not thinking about you. No, no, it's our ego. Briefly, very briefly. Very, very briefly.

And the ones that you're married to, sometimes are thinking about you a little bit more than other people, but most of the time, it's them. Everyone's thinking about themselves. Yeah, and I had, like, when we were living together through the, through- Sometimes I'll see my wife and go, oh, oh yeah. Hey. Hey, you.

Hey, what do you got going on? Oh yeah, you're here. Where'd you do this one? Oh, oh, yeah, somebody else here, yeah. But she would hit me with that, she'd be like, I'm upset and it has nothing to do with you. And you'd go, well, that's impossible. Well, with your fiance, it's just probably some game

that you had money on. Yeah. She's like, it has nothing to do with you, it's the probably some game that she had money on yeah I said nothing to do with you. It's the fucking Dodgers. She goes. I don't know Yeah, dude, I don't know knowing that the opposite with you if you had kids you like just be nice around mom She's very upset about the Phillies right now. Raffy Dvers is one for three and he needs to be more like two for three. I need you to go into the kitchen and then back out buddy. Bring me my snacks because I can't step foot in there. That's a goddamn war zone. Yeah, dude. I once you find out it's like every every human is flawed like that. You just go like, oh, okay. Yeah, because that's a part of getting older. Yeah, And I think a lot of times people's problems are because they think

they're, they're the only ones with them. So when you find out everyone struggles with things, you feel a camaraderie. The one thing people need is people. And that is what I'm skeptical about is AI of AI is because we don't we don't live in the moment anymore. We don't live in the moment. We're always like, you know, thinking about the past, the future, the phone, what news happened, what's gonna happen. So, and we're never looking at each other.

And we're a social species, so we need each other. Like, we're like dogs or any other dolphins. Like, we survive and we've evolved that way. So this is like, this is gonna cause, there's gonna be some broken eggs with this omelet Dude, you're already saying I read an article this morning that said chat GBT is making people have delusional fantasy That's a so too. Yeah, you saw that article because there's a lot of mentally unwell people to getting on chat GBT talking to someone That's not real. He's going you're great. You're and they're going I am Napoleon

You ever notice that when something bad happens, you just deal with it. And then when things are good, you're like, when's the bad thing going to happen? Brother, you're fine. That took me 38 years of my life to learn.

Yeah, I'm still learning it. I mean, still, but 38, you know, around like 37 or 38 is when I had that epiphany where I was like, oh, when the bad stuff happens, you just get through it. Yeah, it's worrying about the

bad shit. It's the worst thing. That's why you're leaving us alone with our own brains. Like, don't do it. That's why podcasts are popular. Someone could put, and by the way, I get it. When you're mentally having a weird day, I just, I was having a moment where I was having,

I was a little off this morning, and I just put on a movie that I already knew, and it stabilized me. I was like, ah, fuck, all right, I don't know. I was thinking I was just getting a little in my own head. You get connected to something or someone else and it just goes away. Cause we're wired for that. We're just wired.

That's how we survive. That's why we have the negativity bias, which blows my mind every single time. Cause it's such, it's an obvious flaw in the operating system. Like, you know, you're at a show, a hundred people are laughing and there's one person not laughing

and that's the one you remember. Yeah. Or you remember all the you remember all the mean comments, but none of the good ones that negativity bias is like one comment. And it's just that's wired in us. Because when we were like, in a tribe or whatever, like if one you had to be concerned that everyone liked you, nobody was getting up on you because you had to fit in in a group. So I just hadwired. You guys had to move and hunt with them and fucking everything was dependent on other people.

They would raise your kids. If you had kids, they would all be a part of it. So yeah, it makes sense. And then now we're just by ourselves with little super computers being like, oh. Your brain just goes just like, oh my God, I'm gonna lose everything. It's just so fucking weird.

It's crazy when you, one of my favorite feelings now is looking at my phone and having no notifications. I don't, yeah. Cause you just go like, huh, just put it back down and you go, huh, all right. Dude, I am way off the phone. It's a, you are. I am way off the phone.

Guy who's phone interrupted the podcast twice. Yeah, it was a fucking call. Way off the phone. It's like ding, ding. Yeah. Way off the phone. Way off the phone. Yeah, I fucking got it.

Hold on one second. Oh shit! They say it was great! How did you do it? Kids? A love I'll never know? Kids, yeah. It was mostly like going like, all right, I got to be here. Yeah, this is like a little weird. What can it get hurt? I'm still on, but I've been able to scale it back so much. So I pop on and pop, because I put limits,

so what you do is you put limits on it. You just put the limit on it and just leave it. But then I take the limit off and go, what are you doing? That's the part you can't do. I know, that's the attitude. Yeah, you gotta leave the limit on. I'll have one more.

Yeah, and then you start, it just, when it goes off, then I'm just done. It's an hour. Because I was looking at that phone sometimes dude And I would see 12 hours and I'm going like whoa yeah, that's fucking why spooky And I didn't I was I wasn't even aware of it, and you're going like that's half. That's my whole awake day You're not learning eight hours nine hours. You could have read a whole book dude. It's crazy We're the whole book so if you do like an hour

And then it's done, and you're just done And then you just wait till tomorrow you just just done and then you just wait till tomorrow You just leave it and then you just that's it. You don't miss much you miss nothing. You don't miss nothing You miss nothing. It's all there the next day You know, it's just it's it they've designed it to make us gambler. This is what MK ultra It's what dates what they all the people who they tortured in the 40s 50s 60s and 70s This is what we get for Yeah, I remember phones that know how to keep you on it

Yeah, I remember I still love nicotine obviously But I remember when I was able to quit smoke is when I realized it was a scam like they were lying Or like I had to know it was like that's what got me when I was like Jesse helped me when he was because he used To do cigarette ads. Yeah, Jesse's couture Oh, so he explained to me what they do. And, you know, and he showed me all these old ads of the doctors holding the cigarettes. I'd be like, safe. Yeah, I'm like, oh, they it's just a fucking manipulation in a lot for sure. And so now

whenever I'm on social media, I just remind myself that this is a cigarette. They're want us all on there. So what they do, you don't notice how engagement is important. So they're like, you're either going to be a content creator, or you're going gonna be a content creator or you're gonna be a content creator in the comments yeah so you're all creating kind of buddy jump in yeah cuz everyone on the comments is writing the comment to be seen by other people and they want to get like likes and they want to fucking be seen by you and it's like we're all manipulated in this game do you think your daughter's generation

tears down the social media thing of like, this is fucked up, we can't be doing this, or like regulates it? I particularly think the internet is good. I think particularly social media is very bad. Yes. So it's particularly social media. Other things about the internet are great,

but social media is the thing that's really bad. If you took social media, the internet would be. I think it would be great. What a tool. Social media is the thing that's really social media the internet would be I think it would be great I think it social media is the bad part social media is the thing that our brains can't handle and I bet you watch this on Social media. Yeah, thanks for swiping up. No, but podcasts are great, right because they listen to it It's like, you know, there's no tricks to it. We're not trying to get you to listen or fucking check out factor meals Yeah, check out factor meals when you get a chance also better help you know everyone's got problems yeah so it's brought to you by so are you having trouble staying hard well so give me your money yeah no I think there is I I really I feel really fortunate to be in

the time that we just get to hang out and be funny with each other that's like and then I get to go do stand-up I feel very, very fortunate. Yeah, we're in betweeners. It's very interesting because we came up in a world. With an industry. Yeah, we came up with, and also just like live and then TV limited, limited amount of. You know what, it mirrors growing up without the internet and then having the internet.

I grew up until I was like 11 or 12 before I had the internet. So I got my first 10 years with just no computer, like some computer, you would get on a computer to play like a game. A compact Presario. Yeah, or MS-DOS, or you play like, you go to the computer lab at school

to learn how to do paint or Oregon Trail, but it wasn't like a part, it wasn't attached to you. And I feel like it's similarly with comedy, we came up when it was like old school, where it was like, try to get a late night spot. Try to get a half hour. And then try for a network to like you to give you an hour. And then now it's like all those toppled.

It's just like riding a horse through a city where fucking skyscrapers are leaning on each other covered in grass. It's a free for all. It's just a free for all. And there are people that have zero interest in being funny and have all the interest in just getting eyeballs on it. And they're gonna fucking blaze right by me.

They're gonna blaze right by me. Well, dude, when I talk to my fucking manager now, it's like we're accountants. It's just numbers. He's like, This is what the algorithm wants. Then just what do you gotta do? It's wizard numbers. He's like, This is what the algorithm wants and just what you go to it's wizard of Oz. Tell them to go reply to the comments This is you got to get in this ecosystem. I am the mighty Algo Tell me yeah, what dreams do you have? Yeah, we're all like we the most disgusting job has always been advertising

Yes lying to people about a product and we're all now marketers, we're all advertising little tiny advertising agencies, they were like what's the cover look like? Where the pictures got to be big, the same way the titles got to be engaging. The same way they that the telephone used to stay at home and you would be out and move and then they found a way to put a telephone on you at all times, they've learned us comedians to just be selling all the time. Oh, it just turns solid. Oh, you wanna tell your jokes?

Sell this first. Yeah. All right, well here's. And then the thing I'm worried about the kids in this environment is like, we were able to grow, you know, in an unrecordable time, we were able to make mistakes and grow. Now, if you're like, now people are growing on the internet,

so they're like, we would experiment in live clubs where there was no chance of anyone recording. Now everyone's like working out online. So these kids are probably so scared to say the wrong thing during their process of developing and whatever kind of content creator they are, because someone could just snapshot that and then define you for the rest of your life

with that fucking moment. Yeah, dude, imagine. It's crazy, and even with the relationships, imagine they're trying to form a relationship and then she's got some secret group with a bunch of other girls where they're talking to, it's like fucking nuts, dude. It is one of those things where you watch it develop

and you go like, man, I'm so glad I got to just fail quietly. You just got to, and to take a full circle back to sports, daddy pain. Yeah, they're doing it a lot now with athletes where they're going like an athlete will get on and they'll be like, look at this 2013 tweet and you go, he was 12. You know, like they did it with Travis Kelsey with like he doesn't know how to spell squirrel and you go, he was like 2011. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not like mad at him for that. He was probably a kid, he was a teenager. They did it to Dante DiVincenzo. I'm gay now because I don't want to play soccer?

Yeah, or something more. I saved that. Or didn't he say the N word or something? He was quoting a rap song, and he was like, hey man, I'm fucking. Dude, the funniest one is. I'm like a white basketball player. I'm like, this is my culture.

I haven't saved in my. Yeah, it's like. That's so funny. I live this life. Yeah, I mean, I'm about, this is my culture. I haven't saved in my... Yeah, it's like... That's so funny. I live this life. Yeah, I mean, I'm about that life. I saved it because it makes me laugh so hard. But DiVincenzo, back in the day, he tweeted because he... Oh, dude.

This is old tweet. He says, to my dad, I'm a pussy now because I don't want to play fucking soccer from 2011 yeah was he like 11 and you're like look at him he's a big head yeah oh my oh he hates gays yeah he was 11 yeah yeah so I don't care man yeah if you're young let it rip yeah yeah just do an apology to her later yeah it's just it's so crazy to think that, I think everyone is, almost has the mentality of a politician now. Like young kids are like going like, I have to always present.

I set up my life. I present well. Do you remember those kids in school for our, like when, like those kids that would do stuff for colleges, they would be like, well yeah, I'm like the head of the chess team. And I also go do that. And you would always be like, you're insane. Yeah.

That's everybody now. Yeah. Everybody's doing those small things. Like, I'm also doing this. I'm working with a brand on this. And I'm doing that. You're like, just don't see any of my flaws. I don't want anybody talking about my flaws or my weaknesses

or my vulnerabilities or yeah. Yeah. I'm perfect. It's like the band camp girl in American Pie. Then you find out she jammed a flute up her puss. You go, oh, yeah, all humans are broke. Yeah. I'm perfect. It's like the bandcamp girl in American Pie that you find out she jammed a flute up her puss Oh, yeah, all humans are broke. Yeah, I forgot that no one's fucking perfect Yeah, there may be a massive backlash to it from the younger generation. There may be Otherwise, how they gonna have any fun? I don't know but come find me do

But now it's I'm gonna be old living in the woods come find me You can like you can make cameras where people can't see. You have to do a sweep like you're fucking the CIA. You're going to Airbnb, you're putting a black light on. Yeah, it's like Sliver, the guy might have six cameras watching you fuck. Yeah, I don't see how we don't turn into some type of China-like, it's just too easy for a power structure

now to utilize technology because technology has the bandwidth to watch everyone. Yeah. I mean, because AI can do it. So that AI has enabled that bandwidth to just be able. Well, back in the day when it would be a spy thing, like a camera, you would pull it. And then on the back, it would be like, bleep, bleep, bleep.

You'd see all the things. But now it's just like, yeah, it's that wheel in the Hot Wheels thing, and it's actually live streaming. Yeah, dude, they can shoot something on your window that you can, it's that wheel in the hot wheels thing. It's actually it's live streaming Yeah, dude, they can shoot something on your window that you can't even see that you can bug your whole out It shows me my video games going tell you on the pizza And they go we got him. We got him being a sloppy fuck. Can everyone just chill? Yeah, can everyone just chill? That's a good way to end that so good. Can everyone just fucking chill guys chill out? Yeah, chill by watching the honest and special right now the links below click on it. He's fucking hilarious

Filmed at the mothership just released. Yeah, we're gonna put this episode out very fast, too Thank you. Go juice that thing. Go push it in the algo. Yeah, and daddy Daddy, also history hyenas. It's back. It's back. Go fucking subscribe. Daddy, I did the special. Is it good? Is that good? Am I good, daddy?

Make it, I hope it makes you laugh, daddy. Yeah, cut that whole part out. And he got me on the head. He can't reach it.