Soder - Guinness Ambassadors with Julian McCullough | Soder Podcast | EP 3

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

This episode Dan is joined by comedian Julian McCullough. They talk about an early gig that helped them quit their day jobs to chase comedy. They were Guinness brand Ambassadors! Drop us a rating on itunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. Dan is on the road! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour Albany | Nov 29 Burlington | Nov 30-Dec2 Royal Oak, MI | Dec 8th Atlanta | Dec 9th New Jersey | Dec 15 Philly | Dec 16 Boston | Feb 17 2024 Follow Julian McCullough https://www.instagram.com/julianmccullough/?hl=en Connect with me! Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by  @homelesspimp  https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

gas was my favorite smell it was your favorite smell i mean i'm not just saying this because you know for the for the views for the clicks i i'd say gasoline at a gas station top five smells easily top three of it top three for me and i yeah i yearn well i had a dad so it's like the smell of him uh him picking you up yeah and hugging you what is that smell it's when you used to pump your own gas oh man i love the smell of gas gas no gas is great gas cigarettes i like to smell cigarettes i like one but once it's like more than one person smoking in the room it's like now I just can't breathe. How long did you smoke for?

One cigarette sounds like somebody's working on a case. Yeah. You know what I mean? Someone's in the room looking at clues. Two cigarettes. Two cigarettes. The state's coming to take the kids away. Now they're arguing over whose jurisdiction.

How long did you smoke cigarettes for? I never smoked. You never smoked? Yeah. And you're right to react that way. Well, I will say your run when I moved smoked. You never smoked? Yeah, and you're right to react that way. Well, I will say your run, when I moved here. I'm totally open about all the things I've done, but I really have not.

So you can bring it all up, but I've never smoked. 07 I moved here. Yeah. You were on a tear. I got here in like 2005. But when I was here in 07, you were in at the Cellar. Oh, yeah. You were hosting at the Cellar you were hosting at the cellar you were in everywhere one of my proudest moments

was I you and I drank all night and I outlasted you and I was just on booze what? was I doing drugs too? and you outlasted me? and you were like I'm going home

and I'm not saying this to take away it's still impressive but I was probably on day 6 And you outlasted me. And you were like, I'm going home. You know what? And I'm not saying this to take away. Don't you take away my trophy. It's still impressive. But I was probably on day six. Probably. You know? Now that I know that. Not without sleep at all, but like day six of drinking like that.

Well, I don't want to do too much of like that reminiscing because we're both. We both don't drink anymore. Yeah. And I always hate. And I think fans get sick of it. We're like, we get it. And I always hate, and I think fans get sick of it. We're like, we get it.

So for people that don't know, Julian got me out of waiting tables. I would say, I would give credit to you. I didn't know that. I would give full credit to you. Well, I wouldn't give full credit. Because you're like, if he can do it, anybody can? No. I didn't even know this thing was going on. I did Montreal 2011. Okay. ken no i didn't even know this thing was going on i did montreal 2011 okay and when i signed with

my manager he was like hey oh yeah i might have a gig for you yeah and i was like what's this gig and he's like you're gonna go you're gonna meet the people from guinness and they maybe want you to host this show and i didn't know what it was I wouldn't had Guinness is with him I was still drinking I wouldn't had Guinness is with him and then Gwen who we both know and love Gwen rules she was like oh you came recommended by Julian McCullough and then also your manager recommended you yeah so when those two and I was like oh I have to go meet this guy but we were both Guinness brand andon yeah yeah yeah weird it was the first gig that got me out oh no i i booked like nine colleges at like a conference once that

was when i quit the stress factory okay but so you were at the stress factory when you were at ruckers yeah you were doing stand-up yeah i was hosting yeah but you became you were the house mc yeah once i got good at it it was like then he was just like he didn't really want to do it anymore and so every weekend pretty much you would do pretty much you do thursday through well i mean thursday through saturday uh i got i started there when i was 21 and then um but i didn't host until i was like 22 or something that's even better yeah because better. Yeah. Because then you get good. I got a job there because I wanted to do stand-up.

Yeah. And then I got so scared after I saw, because that place was all killers in 2000. It was like. Yeah. I mean, Stress Factory, for those who don't know, it's in New Brunswick. Yeah. Right outside the city. It's an hour from the city.

It's a very easy. Road gig. It's a good club. Yeah. It's close to the city. So you get the Attels, patrice's it was just tough crowd it was basically tough crowd that's insane so i saw patrice he would do two weekends a year so i would see six i'd see like 10 to 12 hours of patrice a year crazy i would see the same you're

also getting gerald ted alexandro but i didn't't know Guinness got you out of Stress Factory or one of the- More or less. I mean, I got those colleges. But it kept you out. But it kept me out. It kept me out. So the job was- So weird.

I'm excited to talk to you about this because we've never got to talk about this. The job was they hired me and they were like, we want you to host a show. They were releasing Guinness black. Guinness black is what it was called. And they were doing it. It was like basically like light. Guinness light. It was called like, I'd have to look it up because this is over 12 years ago. I think green was when I was, anyway, it doesn't matter.

But when they were launching a new thing, they hired this marketing company to put together a show yeah and Gwen found you right you did the they were Colangelo yeah Colangelo Colangelo was the company that hired was hired by Diageo right which owns Guinness Diageo owns all the liquors down everything yeah did you when you signed to do the Guinness dude did you remember did you have to sign the same thing i did which meant publicly you could only drink diageo pot products i don't remember that they were like very very strict about they were like since you are the guinness brand ambassador it sounds like they had bigger plans for you i don't know i don't know but they came in and they were like yeah you can drink guinness harp oh yeah red stripe yeah yeah yeah i remember that

part the beers yeah yeah they were like liquor they didn't care yeah liquor they can't relate to but they were like do not drink did they take you to ireland yes me too did you got to go yeah which was james's gate st james's gate yeah they send you to ireland they like all expenses paid i was a wait i had no money that's so cool that was your first gig i had no money the only downside we haven't uh discussed so far is that it's not comedy no well that's what you find out yeah so they hire you and when you have a day job as a comedian and you're just trying to get out of it yeah it's like you don't care oh you don't care as long as it's not what you're currently doing.

The stress factor is still breathing down my neck in terms of like, I'd have to go back there and see tables. So like, I was so happy to get it. And I was waiting tables just to the point where I had already done live at Gotham. Yeah, that's so funny. I was already like in comedy. Yeah. But I was during the day going and doing lunches, closing lunches at Dos Caminos on 15th and 3rd. I just remembered. I remember being jealous of you. This just fucked. yeah but i was during the day going and doing lunches closing lunches at dos caminos on i just

remembered i remember being jealous of you this just fucked i just you were like i gotta go to work tomorrow i'm like where and you're like at dos caminos i'm still a server and i remember being jealous like i was probably making some good money on the side like i was jealous of your day job that's how hard it is to do comedy in the beginning yeah that i was jealous you still had a job oh you go oh you got a stream of revenue. Yeah, I know. You're probably sneaking guacamole. Dude, guacamole, staff meal.

Yeah. I would get to-go containers and stack three staff meals. Drinks. It's probably hard to steal drinks in a corporate. Not really. No? No. Not if you got a private event with an open bar tab.

Nice. And you go, oh, no, I put in a prickly pear. No. He was fucking sucking it down. It's so weak. Oh oh no, I put in a prickly pear. He was fucking sucking it down. It's so weak. Oh no, I put in nine prickly pears. And I go,

where is all these, oh no, this tray of Patron margaritas. And then you see your friend that you're a server with where you're like, Russo, come with me.

And you go to private dining and you're just like. And in your 20s, you can't get diabetes. So you just like chug eight margaritas and you feel the same as if you drank water. Dude, I would get, I would, I would take down a drink with a straw.

Dude, I had my friend Eli who designed the logo for this podcast. Shout out Eli. He found out, he's like, oh no, take these straws, cut them. Then you can drink it faster. So we put it in like, like, like fucking walrus teeth and just fucking suck down margaritas that's great but guinness came to me and they were like hey we want you to they hired me yeah which immediately i was like great and then i went up to the colangelo office which was two things happened that day did you have like a tryout or anything they came they came and saw me a few times they came and saw me do stand up at

stand up new york yeah that was it yeah and then i met with gwen and then i met with the guinness people yeah and the guinness people were like we'll hire them right because they were and then when i got hired i didn't know what i was doing right i just knew they were like oh we want you to do these shows for guin, which in our brains are like, it's comedy. Yeah. And then I went up to Colangelo and they were like, we're going to lay out what you're really doing. Yeah, exactly. But then they gave me my first check and it was for $7,000. Yeah. And that was like, and I remember dancing at the train station.

I was dog sitting for Bobbylly and they gave me that check and i went and bought my first laptop me too that's nuts i got my first check from them yeah and um i forget what the it was it was per show was the fee yeah they pay you per per week was it per week it was per blocks of city so we do we would do um uh it was city it was by city it was by city because you do three nights you would do two nights three shows a night yeah each city what was that what were we getting a week seven thousand seven thousand because i think total it was like 49 000 for like i mean that was like more money than you ever it was more money than my dad ever made yeah i called my mom and she was jealous yeah she's like that's that's a good amount of money yeah

i started that's when i started sending money to my mom and grandma i bought i i didn't do that part i that's i i was also sending money to your mom and grandma but it was for something else yeah um i no i remember i got out of caroline's i had gotten the check that day or it just cleared or something like that yeah and i i got out of of Caroline's at like 1230 a.m. And I was done for the night. And I was like, I think the Apple store is open. I didn't know what to do with myself. I had so much energy.

I'd never had no financial like fear. Yeah. My whole life. I mean, even when I was a kid and you probably know too. Yeah. I mean, my parents used to talk openly about, I don't know about rent this month, you know? Dude, my mom told me when my dad was dying, you can see your father one last time or go to his funeral.

That's how much money we have. That's pretty dark. That's pretty bleak, Trish. Which one's cheaper, live or dead? I go, I'm going to go see him alive, which actually was the wrong choice. She's like, you chose wrong. Now you have a new choice.

Dinner. Or therapy. Albany, New York. I'll be coming to the Funny Bone. I haven't been there in a while. I'll be there November 29th for one night. Albany, Funny Bone. And then Vermont.

I'll be at the Vermont Comedy Club. I don't know why I said it that way. That sounded weird. Like I've never said the word Vermont before, but I have. Vermont Comedy Club, I will be there the 30th of November through December 2nd. And then, of course, December 8th, Royal Oak Theater in Royal Oak, Michigan. Buckhead Theater in Atlanta, December 9th.

And then the following week, I will be at the Vogel Red Bank. Early show sold out. We added a late show. You can get tickets to that and then december 16th the fillmore in philadelphia and then that's it for 2023 so go to dance order.com for those live dates and again we hope you're enjoying the podcast but yeah you were saying so anyway i got out i just was i was like i just didn't know how to i didn't know how to be i was i remember i was like i was electric i just never how to be. I remember I was like, I was electric.

I just never had money beyond what I needed for the next week. Yeah. And so I was like, I'm going to buy it because the laptop, it's expensive. So it's exciting to pay for it. You still get that like rush, but you're also like, it's for work. Yeah. It's a responsible thrill. I'm not going to just watch It's Always Sunny on this when I'm hung over. Oh my God.

So yeah. So I rode my bike over to that, the, like, cube. Yeah, on 5th. That's exactly where I got mine. Nuh-uh. Greg Stone. How weird is this? Because we have the same career for the first five years of our careers.

Yeah. And we went and spent the same money on the same first purchase at the same place. Greg, I bought my laptop. Greg Stone. Yeah. Hilarious comic. Was working at the Apple store. And he went, oh, I can get you my apple discount return the so i went returned the laptop oh man and then i had to

go like go eat at i like went and got street meat yeah and then he was like i'm coming in for my shift i'll buy it for you and like i went with him and got like that's amazing i got like like 40 off it was insane well that makes me mad it was great i uh yeah and i was on my bike and i remember i rode my bike with that new laptop in my backpack and i was just like i mean i'm basically rich yeah dude it was i hope i bought a carton of cigarettes like didn't even i hope i accidentally kill a poor person on the way home because i can i can pay to get out of it i'll'll cover it up. I got cover up money. Yeah.

But then the job, so they flew, I'm assuming they did the same thing for both of us. Right. Flew us to Ireland. Yeah. Put us in a nice hotel. Yeah. And then you go to St. James's Gate. Yeah.

Which is where they make. It's the brewery. Yeah. And you get free merch if you ask for it right i didn't ask for it oh dude i was like i get that sweatshirt but dude my white trash brain dude i was such a train wreck anyway that i wouldn't have i would have lost it same day so it doesn't really matter day i remember going to the gravity bar which is at the top yeah and they were like you're gonna meet fergal murray yeah oh god that name just

for some reason gave me like ptsd yeah who was the brewmaster he no longer is but he was like because we used to have to say his name all the time in the presentation in the presentation murray yeah fergal murray the brewmaster fergal murray and they were like you're gonna you're gonna go up there he's gonna teach you how to pour a guinness and drink a guinness and we're gonna film it because they wanted it for like b-roll and shit yeah and i remember going up to gravity bar and i just wanted a beer it's always tourists or whatever and i get you get your token so i get a beer and i drink it because we both have problems right and i'm like can i get another guinness and the lady goes i have to have another one once you get one now you've started i don't know if you realize we're in ireland right like we i don't need to explain this yeah

you guys this is your problem that you brought to our land yeah and put in my blood the least give me another guinness so i remember i go can i get another guinness and the lady goes you get one per trip and i go oh i'm actually meeting fergal murray and she goes you're meeting fergal i just remember her saying that wow yeah i'm actually meeting Fergal Murray. And she goes, you're meeting Fergal. I just remember her saying that. Wow. Yeah, I'm actually meeting Fergal Murray. And she goes, you're meeting Fergal Murray. What?

And I go, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, I don't know anything. So I'm like, yeah. Plus you're dressed like Dan Soder. Like this? Wrestling t-shirt? I mean, exactly the same? Yeah.

And I remember she goes you if you're here to meet fergal murray i'll pour you unlimited guinness if you're here to meet fergal and fergal walks up and meets me and i'm shaking hands like a photo op i look over at her as we're shaking hands i go hey like that oh she just grabs a pint and starts pouring and just sling one over. And we laughed. Like, she was, the Irish, they're funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So she started laughing about it. Yeah. But she was like, oh, I thought you came up with the greatest hustle I've ever heard. Yeah. And she was like, here you go. Because who knows his name? Like, you know. Although a lot of people that take that tour are nerds. They're Guinness nerds.

So that's what you got. So they probably do all know his name, now that I think about it. But teaches me to pour it, teaches me how to drink. So that Ireland trip, we just, I'm sure you just got to go to bar to bar. Yeah, you just go to bars. And I remember, not to like put a dark cloud on all this whole thing, but like I was such an, I mean, I was like really bad. So I was like disappointed a little bit because they closed bars early there. Yeah.

And I wasn't done yeah like i because they would get you going i'm such a jerk because it's like i'm in this place i've been given a you know it's the only reason i got a passport was to go there because i've never been anywhere before that's really funny we're both so white trash yeah we are we're just like well now we're going we want to go i had one from montreal i got it from me too it was the second thing i needed it for and then i don't think I used it again for who knows. But anyway. Almost exactly the same.

But they closed the bars early there because the whole country has a problem. And they're like, we can't do last call past midnight. Or no one will go to work in the morning. They also care more about drinking than we do. So they clear the lines. They blow out the beer lines. Yeah, it tastes great. They make sure everything tastes all right. They're like actually making sure quality.

But I would start drinking. I don't know if you're new i would get like drunk yeah and then i would want to go out right and then i would want to drink like a budweiser i would want to drink like something that i liked yeah and they would be like you can't certainly not there and i remember i got blackout drunk and i was at the hotel where we were all staying with diageo and with colangelo yeah and i was drinking now these are marketing people these are marketing people but they're marketing people they're not they want to do their job they do they want to market yeah they want to market as much as possible they want to continue to market and so we're drinking and i order a budweiser and a shot of jack daniels oh yeah that's definitely

not diageo and they came around the airport like in the hotel bar and i saw like the boss like come around and i was like oh really and then i remember because they saw you or they just happened to be they were just coming to the bar to have a drink it was like late yeah and like the bar was open for a little bit longer and i took a shot and started drinking the beer like that's so no no no no no and the guy i was with was like they saw and then i was drunk and paranoid that i was gonna get fired did you did you like apologize too much no oh good i was just very scared i was just outside pacing smoking cigarettes like they're gonna fire me yeah they're gonna fucking fire me yeah but isn't that funny we're we both talked about how both of our parents never dreamed

to have the money we just got and we're still like but i'm gonna have to drink the different kind like that's how crazy we were but then they make you put together a presentation yeah then it becomes a school project so basically they make you it's it's uh what what the job of ambassador is is they have these events in different cities and then um people that are on the email list for guinness which was news to me by the way anyone would would fill out an email to get more information about what they were drinking i mean i was like beer fans like we've seen i had no idea they existed you know why this was the beginning of the micro brew explosion this was the beginning of brew your own beer yeah this was the beginning of all of that this was like one of the snobbier and guinness people who knew guinness

were like i know guinness yeah people would come up to me we'll have an actual history yeah after shows they i remember gwen specifically being like study your shit because these people want to know that you know they want to test you yeah and they did yeah you would do shows but dude i remember our first weekend of shows i remember they'd ask me questions about guinness to test me and then i would test them i'd be like are you a virgin what does a woman feel like can you explain that to me they go i don't know i don't fucking know frugal murray let's actually it's the water the water is actually god damn it dude they i would i would do shows i just remember being like the hype that they had around these shows that they're like,

these people are going to be so excited. Yeah. So these people come to the event. They've been invited. They're invited by Guinness. And they are as like, thank you for being a loyal Guinness fan basically. And we're going to have this event in your city and you can bring one person. And they walk in and they give them a token to be like, here's your token for your free Guinness.

Right. Which people then have their free Guinness. And just like us at the Gravity Bar, they're mad they can't have more. Right. And then they have to watch what I can only tell you is an alcoholic book report. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a. It's an alcoholic book report. That. Yeah. It's like a.

It's an alcoholic book report. That's what we had to do. It's a. What's a. Literally a PowerPoint. It's a PowerPoint presentation. Literally a PowerPoint. Where they take pictures from you being in Ireland.

Yep. They take pictures of the stats. Now we were pushing. A picture of the port of like a painting of Sir Alec Guinness. Yes. And they let you know about the 900 year lease. Yes. Oh God.

And you have to do. So I remember some lines. And they let you know about the 900 year lease. Yes. Oh God. And you have to do, I remember some lines and when I remember lines, it makes me want to throw up. Yeah. Cause I remember I go three times a night, get it. And I'd go, the lines that make me want to throw up the most are,

do you know there's only 125 calories per Guinness? Yeah. That's all. That's the anti. What was it? That's the anti beer belly beer. Shit That's the anti-beer belly beer. Shit like that. Oh, I don't remember

anti-beer belly beer. I would say stuff and I'd be like, just fucking do it. However, if your fans are going to learn anything, because people like to learn

from podcasts, Guinness does have fewer calories than a regular Budweiser. It really does. And people always make, it is frustrating. Once you learn that, that everyone thinks.

Oh, was that a loaf of bread? Yeah, exactly. Like, oh, I didn't order a steak meal. I ordered a. It's the worst thing is when you. And then we have to be like, well, actually. When you take something serious. Yeah.

When you take something corny serious. Yeah. I understand the jokes you're making. But it's a hundred and twenty. I understand we're having fun right now but I actually do know the answer you're like

you're like letting them finish the sentence but you're like I don't I don't but actually but and I

and we're having fun but actually but you should know you should just know that it is look I I used to be like you oh dude

and now I the line that always once you know better you do better the line that always will Once you know better, you do better. The line that always will stick in my head. Dude, that 900-year lease almost made me gag. The line, they signed a 900-year lease, which turned out to be a really great business, blah, blah, blah.

Because you had to write a joke. I think my joke was like, talk about rent control. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But the thing I remember saying that is soul- uh-huh to this day because we did the new york one on 19th street yeah so when i walk down 6th avenue past 19th street i get a chill down my back because i remember having sorry i just remembered my joke yours was talking about yeah mine was uh can you imagine the background check and i i remember when but that's what they wanted

because they want they wanted corny they wanted schmozzy and then i remember you would they would bring out the uh test beers so you could do the guinness stout oh yeah the flight the little tiny ones and they do like a little flight you could try it but dude i remember going oh it's gonna make me throw up i remember going are you guys ready for more beer? Yeah. And they wouldn't clap. And I'd go, are you guys ready for more beer? Yeah, that's not loud enough.

I remember, I remember hating that because you had to do that. Yeah. And also being so relieved because you could feel how much they were like, where is more beer? Yeah. So being able to say, are you guys ready for more beer? Was like a, it was like a stress relief.

It was like a, what do you call it? It was taking your shoes off. It was like taking a valve off. Yeah. They take their shoes off and be like, Oh, thank God.

Exactly. But to this day, what was your walk on music? Do you remember? Oh God. I remember mine. I remember it. Did we get to choose our own?

No, they chose, but they chose mine. Oh, it. Did we get to choose our own? No, they chose. I mean, they chose mine. Oh, it was Departed. It was The Departed. Oh, you had Chippin' Up to Boston? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I had? I just call that song The Departed.

Yeah, The Departed. That's by Floggy and Molly. There's a bunch of white guys real mad at me right now. It's fucking Floggy and Molly. It might not be. Is it Floggy and Molly? It is. No.

No, it's. Not Flogging molly it's uh hold on we're almost there you put flogging molly in my head oh i know it is ready yeah drop kick murphy's flog it's the same aren't they both they're both hitting or kicking something hitting kicking drop kick fl, dropkick, flogging. You fucking get it. I'm assuming flogging is hitting of some kind. Dude, I had White Stripes, Seven Nation Army. Nice. And it, to this day,

when I hear... I think I did too. I think they chose that. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. And they go, ladies and gentlemen, your Guinness ambassador, Dan Soder.

Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. I I remember now Departed was the promo that we did. That was the music. They would show, they would show, that's what it was. So they would show a video, a hype video before the show. That was the most boring B-roll you've ever seen in your entire life. It was just like outside of St. Then a picture of us somewhere. Yeah.

And it was just like lines of people just like them waiting to go sit and watch a presentation. Oh God. But they would play the departed song in that. And then seven nation army was also my thing. So they must've just like used it. Yeah. Just recycled.

It broke. But let me tell you right now, dude, the LA shows we started in San Francisco. It was rough. Yeah. Real rough. LA. Day. the la shows we started in san francisco it was rough yeah real rough la they everyone came in had their beer their hors d'oeuvres you know the little baguettes or whatever

they're handing out and then there was three rows of chairs i'm remembering eating all that food because like stress eating yeah just like so they so they have three rows and in la the front row by the stage sat looking at the event not at the stage and then i went on stage and they didn't turn around so i had to do the whole thing with the full front rows backs to me i don't know but i kept looking at going going yeah but keeping that energy of like, are you guys ready for more beer? Dude, I remember having so many fights with them about, I need to make this funnier because I want to die.

I want to die doing this. You also weren't allowed to talk to the audience. They said that. I don't know if that was different for my... Because I came after you. Yeah. I don't know if they changed it. They were like, you do not talk to the audience.

Okay. You do not go off script. Right that part was i remember by the end of the tour i was drinking three guinness i mean you i drank so much yeah three shows a night yeah i was drinking nine guinness oh yeah i gained so much weight no but actually you didn't because it's only 125 calories but oh my god yeah oh let me see that dude i knew i was gonna need my glasses yeah bust out your glasses oh my god oh my god you can see the half empty guinness behind me oh my god there's a picture of this can you when you edit this can you have a picture you found it online oh man oh god we. We were children. You know what's funny? Did they buy you clothes?

Look at the look in your eyes. You so don't want to be there. Yeah. That's amazing. Did you... I was also trying to grow my hair out. It was a terrible, terrible decision. Did you Google me doing it?

I have no idea. Oh, okay. Dude, look it up. If they can find your picture. I've never looked. I have no idea. But dude, they bought me clothes. Did they buy you yeah and i remember i just remember sweating like yeah nothing fit right because you're drunk all the time and you're just like you're like you feel fat but you're

skinny i remember wanting to i remember drinking like nine guinness a night and then there was a jacket i remember there's a jacket they give you a blazer yes oh a blazer. And then you would have to put the jacket on. It felt like putting on like a responsibility. It was awful. Dude, by the end of the tour. So I did it once. You did it once and then stopped.

Did I? I thought I did it twice. I did it twice. Did you do it twice? I would have loved to do it twice. I did it once. Tried to quit drinking. Okay.

And they were like, Guinness is coming back. They want you to do 10 more cities health insurance plus a raise whoa and i was like done i'll do it yeah absolutely and then i started drinking and then the last two cities we did the last one of the last three cities we did was la chicago and then we had to move Denver. Chicago was rough. But Denver we moved because I did my Comedy Central half hour. And so I had to tape it then. So Denver became the last city.

Yeah. And I was like, I'm going to quit drinking when I'm done. Oh, yeah. You just couldn't do it anymore. And I'll do it. But dude, LA, because the Diageo guys would come and hang out. Yeah. They'd come and hang out like sales reps.

You got to be on it. I remember they would scare me extra for certain shows because they were like so-and-so's gonna be here and they were on my side i mean they did want me to do well and not get fired but they were also like they were your boss yeah and they had boss energy don't mess around and they wanted you to kiss their ass a little yeah they wanted to show the first tour so appreciative anytime i met someone From Diageo Yeah yeah yeah I'd be like Oh my god Do you know what I love

Yeah Diageo Yeah yeah yeah I love all the alcohol you make I'm definitely not mad That my father died of alcohol No no no I thought it was actually

Kind of cool This is in a way What he would have wanted And so I remember I did Conan In between the first And second tour right

Yeah And now I'm starting To get itchy Now I'm starting to be like But I'm a comic Well because you're doing Real comedy I'm a comic I remember I did Conan in between the first and second tour, right? Yeah. And now I'm starting to get itchy. Now I'm starting to be like, but I'm a comic. Well, because you're doing real comedy. I'm a comic. It felt embarrassing. Yeah. It felt embarrassing to be on stage doing anything but comedy.

Yes. Because it was so corny that you were like, because you're still insecure enough about being a comic. Yes. That you're like, people might think this is what i think is good 100 today no problem are you kidding me cue up white stripes i would do it in a heartbeat i know i'm funny i don't care yeah send me out there i'll do jokes written that you know that jay leno would do you know what i mean like really like seeing this here not under release

what's going on it's crazy what is this guy on the back of a truck like he's killing with guinness don't care don't care don't care don't care but i remember the la show yeah i would always go outside and smoke cigarettes with the crew the guys that did lighting like steve yeah yeah they were awesome i loved them uh i had my guys and so we were out back, and one of the reps came out, and he was like, how great is this? And I was over it. I was way over it. And he's like, how great is this?

By the way, though, any time, since high school, I've always hated the guy that's like, how great is this? Yeah. When you're having a good moment, and someone says, how great is this moment? You're like. You ruined it. Now it's, I mean, it was great. Yeah.

And you just shit all over it. And marketing people, that's all who that is. That's their ethos. Their whole thing is how great is this? They go, wouldn't you want to feel this all the time? But he came out. This guy's writing about you. Oh, no.

Oh, no. You got reviews? For the second half of the hour. See, when I did it, it was really still underground. Yeah, you were, dude. Oh, no. You got reviews? For the second half of the hour. See, when I did it, it was really still underground. Yeah, you were, dude. Yeah.

Dude, this is great. For the second half of the hour, there was a presentation on a small stage. The host was comedian Dan Soder, who Guinness had hired

as an ambassador for the tour. I had a chance to chat with him before it all began, and he was an amiable, amiable? Thank you.

Likeable guy and a big Bill Hicks fan what for which you were so drunk i was buddy i was in the bag bill hicks that fast you know what's funny i'll tell you i'll tell you who brings up nothing to do with guinness i'll tell you who brings it up a guy who feels like a fraud doing this show you know that integrity bill hicks i go yeah i probably was drunk on this yeah i don't know bill hicks probably thinks i'm let me tell you something about bill hicks yeah he died he died of cancer that portion of the show was interesting interesting three short films were shown on the wall a little advertising oh remember those short short breaks we got oh my god

where I would go stand behind the stage and just go just chugging beer behind the stage I'm coming to see you oh my god dude it was Black Lager that's what they were promoting so in LA we're out back smoking and the guy comes up

and he's like really giving the full, like, how great is this? Yeah. And I'm not feeling. Is it Diageo guy? Yeah. Okay. A big Diageo guy.

And I don't know if people know that are not, have never been in the corporate world. If you've never been in the corporate world and you never had to deal with someone in the corporate world, you really don't know what it's like. These people, if they're really in it for life they bleed the color of the company i mean they really buy the stuff there is a wholesale al-qaeda where you want to look in their eyes and you want to go are you in there like what is this do you don't believe it makes it's like stepford wife stuff to the level where it would like chill me to my stomach it it's like in porn where you see the woman's eyes are just deadened yeah i'm just getting nailed on this rock

on this beach i mean i'm not feeling any of this they also look like they it feels like they love it but you're like that's impossible you can't love this corny shit no but he did dude he had how great is this he had a guinness fleece on yeah he came out and he was like talking to me and he's like quarter zip yeah quarter zip fleece zipped up and he was like he's like so it was zipped all the way down because it was party time yeah he goes uh-oh someone just had a little bit more black lager he i remember he was like, specifically, I was smoking a cigarette with Steve and I forget Andy, Steve. And I forget the third guy who is. I remember what they look like, but I don't remember their names.

Oh, dude. Well, I'll tell you. One of them did lights and sounds for the Dave Matthews band. He did. That was like what his job was. And then off season, he did this. Yeah. He gave me a THC pill.

Uh-huh. And I took it when i was working the punch line in san francisco one time and it was one of the most uncomfortably high i've ever been in my life i was scared i would never do that i was scared for seven all the drugs i did i would never do that it was wild and i got it from from him you've never met a less funny person than me on than me on weed me on me oh me taking weed i'm so dumb yeah i'm laughing i'm having a great time oh yeah i can't make a joke for my life uh it's so i remember we're outside andy steve and and we're smoking and this guy comes out and he's like so you've been to la recently and i go oh he goes uh you've

been to la since the last time guinness was here and i went yeah actually uh i did conan in january and he went did you talk to him about guinness and i was i was julian i swear to god i was so that's what i'm talking about that's the first thing he thinks yeah i was so over it i go why the fuck would i do that and he didn't understand that i wasn't about that life like that was him realizing you said why the fuck would i do that i'm smoking a cigarette the last city it's like second to last city oh yeah and i go why the fuck would i do that like whoa you were done dude and he goes um i i don't know and And I walked away and Steve and Andy looked at me like, dude, what's wrong with you? And even me, I was like, you're like, I don't know if you know this, but Conan paid me $1,200.

So I don't really need this job anymore. Goodbye. I can't believe you said that to the guy. That's so funny. That's like when, uh, like a kid goes up to Mickey Mouse in Disneyland and Mickey's like, listen, kid. Kid, I'll take a picture, but this is all we're going to do. So when you, we got to wrap up, but when you, how did you leave it? Did the tour end and then you were just like, I'm done?

No, what happened was, I mean, I love the people, but yeah, I hope we're making it clear that it was a true existential issue. It's almost exactly how you, the way you were talking about. Because the conflict of the money versus like, I feel like such a tool doing this. It was what you talked about your first set and you go home and you're the idea of what you thought you were is shattered. Yeah. Because I think you come up through, especially like through New York comedy of like, everyone's like, what are you a fraud? What are you going to move to LA? What are you like?

There's a lot of that. There's a lot of that. There's a lot of like sellout stuff. Yeah. Don't be a sellout. Yeah. And then you do this Guinness gig, which gets you out of a shitty gig that you don't like. Right.

But then you go back to your hotel and you're like, I'm a sellout. Well, you know what it is? Back then we were still like, I should have spent tonight doing sets. Yes. That's how crazy we were. It was seven nights a week. About doing standup. Yeah.

Is that if I was holding a microphone and not being funny, then what am I doing? I'm wasting my life. I felt so. Which is admirable. Yeah. But I felt that. I felt like. Failing felt as bad as I felt.

It was a different horrible feeling. Failing in my first set. Yeah. That pain is not the same as the doing a Guinness gig pain. And that the Guinness gig pain really, it's like, you know when you have a tag in your shirt that's itching your neck? Yeah. It's like you can't, but you can't scratch it and you can't take it off.

You need it. And it's all over your body. And you know you're going to return. Yeah, dude. It was those pictures that Mike's bringing up make me remember being like. Yeah. Like my family came and I was like, please don't watch me do this.

So embarrassing. My family came in Philly. We did Philly. Oh, it was like watching your friends. Watch you strip. Oh, it was like,

it was like I had big eyelash extensions on and my tits and glitter on my tits. And I came out and I'm like, just do my little dance. And they're like, and they cross like, Oh, look, and they're like and the crowd's like oh look they're like

oh and you're like there's like you got a tear going on I'm doing that thing where I pick myself up with my back and I look over

and my mom's like yeah yeah what do they say uh frequents New York comedy clubs this guy

could make a knitting museum tour funny hey look at that i remember fighting with him constantly i know we gotta stop yeah but i would i would i would push back against the script all the time i was always trying to write jokes that i could that i could stomach saying yeah you know because you do the first run and you go this sucks let me yeah i can't i can't do this dude i can't do it you can't you hired the wrong person well gwen was so cool she was

in a tough spot. Yeah. By the end of it, when she, by the end of our second tour, she knew she was done. I don't even think she came out on like the second half of the second tour. She was like, I'll be with you for the first three weeks. But she really gave me the like, Hey, do what you got to do to survive. Yeah. And then that became like, Oh, this is fun. Right.

Okay. I can. Yeah. At a certain point they gave up on me and said not gave up on me but they were like the first few had to be good so that the corporate people think that's what you're going to go do when you go out there and then once you're out there it's like any job yeah basically you train you act like you take it seriously and then you do the job you're like i don't think of that seriously yeah but anyway uh all that being said if they call me tomorrow i'd probably do it again let's run it back are you guys ready for more beer i think the question is

are you ready for more beer what's so funny is i feel like there was so many actuallys in that script for some reason actually yeah there is a lot of actually. Actually, you're not as bored as you think you are. I just want to find out. I'm going to call ahead when you're on the road and tell the club to play White Stripes 7-8 Shinarney as your walk-up music. Just to shell shock you. Or Departed. Either one would get me going, dude. He put it as our music to announce we're doing the, in Boston, I'm doing the Wilbur. Were you like, take that down?

I didn't know when it came up and I was like, it like psychologically fucked with me. I was like, no. But the post was up and people liked it. Oh God. Julian, you are, when I tell tell you you are one of my favorite people to hang out with you are one of the funniest motherfuckers i've ever met in my life thank you for coming by i'm gonna say something that people never say in comedy all right yeah uh we did do a lot of the same stuff coming up right you were like right behind me doing you did

everything right after i did it it was eerie I can't believe you bought a laptop at the same store with the same check. I changed my name to Julian, but it didn't stick. Uh, but, but, uh, I've often been jealous of how funny you are.

And so, uh, it's, you know, I, I never, I don't know if I ever said that to you, but no,

it means, I mean, like we had you on the bonfire and you left, you left with that. You, you told, you exposed me to on the bonfire and you left. You left with that. You told you exposed me to Corey Feldman. Oh my God. I did not know that that was what was going on. I'm going back on the bonfire because there's been so much new Corey Feldman.

They're bringing me in. I want to come just to sit in. They're bringing me in. I won't talk. I just want to know. I'll tell them. I'll be like, by the way, Julian. I got to come back, dude.

Because Bobby's got to learn about it. But you had just back to new york and you came on the bonfire and you walked out and jay christine and i were like well we gotta have julian on at least once a week yeah i mean he's so goddamn funny i mean you and jay are the two i always say even when you're not around um and everybody already turned this off because they don't want to hear this stuff but uh i always list you and jay uh as the funniest hang oh my god there's no there's nobody funnier to hang out with and you got voices which is not fair yeah but you i mean we got to hang at the uh snl after party yeah which made for katie and i katie and i are horrible in those situations thank god we were the three of us had the same attitude about that and we were all in all in the corner. Yeah. Making fun of Nate. Like happy for Nate.

And that's about it. Super happy for him. But also. That's about it, dude. Completely seeing that Nate will absolutely join the Illuminati. Yeah. Because all they'll have to do is say one nice thing and they'll go, I don't know why they get a bad rap.

They're actually good dudes. People always talk about the bad stuff they do. I mean, have you done Adrenochrome? It'll make you run through a wall. It's unbelievable. Uh, juliamcullough.com. Uh,

no, I just, I'm just on Instagram right now. All right. So that's fine. Actually, follow him on Instagram. Yeah.

One of my favorite people. What am I opening for Nate on tour? I'll be on a bunch of tour dates this year. So open it for Nate, but also go see him headline whenever you can. Cause he's fucking hysterical. Thank you. Um, man, you open in for Nate. You, you see him headline whenever you can, because he's fucking hysterical. Thank you.

Man, you open it for Nate. You want to talk about that like you're such a seasoned comic. You had a line that Katie and I talk about all the time where you go, sometimes you have a friend and you're like, yeah, he's kind of funny. And you let him open for you. And then he becomes the biggest comic in the world. And now I'm going first. You're saying that in this giant theater. I was like, dude, that is so funny. I go, and I also said that we were a group hanging out all the time back then.

And I go, and every group of comics has one guy that makes it. And no one thought it was going to be Nate. And it's crazy. We were at SNL. We got to watch him do an awesome job. And it's just, he just keeps doing shit that you're like. I know. It's crazy. He just keeps doing shit that you're like I know it's crazy keeps going do you see my post on

it's like you're standing next to your friend and he does a backflip off a balcony and dunks a basketball and you're like when did you when were you gonna tell me you could do that but the fact that Nate's just like arena I told Nate at one point I go I'm waiting for me to wake up on my couch in 2010 and Nate to be like come

on buddy we gotta We got to go. We got to go to Erie, Pennsylvania. It wasn't real. None of it was real. Yeah. I'm like, I got to, I got to reach out to Katie Nolan. I'm going to marry you one day. Yeah.

And then I come out of a bedroom dorm all hung over and I'm like, did you, I had the weirdest dream about Nate. Did you guys have a dream that Nate was a global superstar? There you go. I had a dream. Did you? I had a dream that Nate's face didn't look like a potato. Isn't that nuts? No more puka shells. Also Vecchione looked exactly the same.

Yeah. That, that tracks. I love you, dude. Thanks so much for coming by. Bye.