Some More News - SMN: Boars, Orcas, and the Truth About 9/11

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Boo! Ahh! Boars! Our Halloween episode is also our latest boar episode! The porcine menace is closing in on our olds, but it turns out their truculent eyes are also directed toward another foe... a fo...e that comes from the deep... Sources: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xoEeWAf5TVhHktjYmVDuB2edBR5mQg3rBQXROlDDi9E/edit?usp=sharing Check out our MERCH STORE: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/somemorenews  SUBSCRIBE to SOME MORE NEWS: https://tinyurl.com/ybfx89rh  Subscribe to the Even More News and SMN audio podcasts here: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/some-more-news/id1364825229  Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ebqegozpFt9hY2WJ7TDiA  Follow us on social media: Twitter: https://twitter.com/SomeMoreNews   Instagram:

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Starting point is 00:00:00 . Boo! Ha ha! Hello to all of you news turds! I'm Cody Johnston. I'm Cody, so bright. I'm Cody Johnston, your ooze dude. This is cold I have, it's disgusting.
Starting point is 00:00:20 I'm coming at you with some spooky news. Is Ebola back? Maybe some of that UFO news. What might I conjure from my sleeve on this scary twisty? Technical difficulties, please stand by. Oh God. Oh my head. Okay, what is, wait a sec.
Starting point is 00:00:43 Oh, what the... All right, so I'm in some kind of contraption, I think. Is that razor wire? Hello, Cody. I'd like to play a game. Yeah, hey, Katie, you forgot to turn the video off so I can- Son of a goddamn Zoom.
Starting point is 00:01:02 I'll always do this. Goddamn zoom! I'll always do this. I want to play a game with you, Cody. On your feet! Sorry, you didn't even use a different account. Just use the camera. Sorry. I tied a truck to your leg, okay? That contraption on your feet!
Starting point is 00:01:23 You noticed the contraption, right? Yeah, it's like this really elaborate and expensive looking contraption that our audience can't see, but it is really elaborate and expensive and impressive, so that's- On one of your legs there's a cable that leads all the way outside our studio to a truck. All I have to do is text Warmbo and your legs are gonna fling off of you. Unless you do an episode right now about boars. Will it be, Cody? Huh? I'm giving you the choice I never had to make you appreciate... life. Or something. I don't know. I never watched the movie!
Starting point is 00:02:12 Oh. I mean, okay. Oars! Ooh, arse! So in the movie, the idea is that they have to do something really horrific to free themselves. You know what, why am I explaining this to you? Okay, so here's some boar news. I'm doing a boar episode under duress. But when you really think about it,
Starting point is 00:02:37 isn't that how we do all the boar episodes? But in a more literal sense, somebody call the police. You might think you're familiar with the story of boars. Perhaps you've even seen a video on here about these tailed devils. After all, the very first boar video that went up on a legally distinct version of this show was six years ago.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Six years, really? That is not cool time. I'm not time. Okay, and since then, we've tried our best to warn you. In fact, this will be our eighth attempt. Eight, really? Eight. I've wasted my life.
Starting point is 00:03:17 Gonna yank your legs off, Cody. Okay, sure, right. So six years ago, we spoke of a teleporting boar. To be exact, the video ran on July 8th, sure, right. So six years ago, we spoke of a teleporting boar. To be exact, the video ran on July 8th, 2017, one day before the writer's birthday. Coincidence? Yes, that one is a coincidence. The very first boar story we ever broke was the ruthless swine attack on the British ambassador Lee Turner, who was chased by five boars and had to seek refuge on a bramble of tree trunks.
Starting point is 00:03:45 What did Lee know? Why was he targeted? We may never find out. We spoke of a teleporting boar that rose from the Baltic Sea like Poseidon's hungry, starving dick! And we theorized that this teleporting boar was sexing through Europe and Asia and fueled by the radiation from the Chernobyl and Fukushima disasters. We even showed you with science that radiation doesn't decrease the volume of boar semen.
Starting point is 00:04:10 Trust me on that, I've looked into it a bunch. We warned that this Pharaoh murder parade was marching to the U.S. of A. And sure enough, we were proven right. In our second video, we discussed the growing hog problem right here in America. We explored possible borogens, which included, but wasn't limited to violent Nazi-bred super cows,
Starting point is 00:04:31 which do exist, and the possibility that the original pig was in fact a guinea pig for nuclear bomb tests, specifically, Pig 311, which had mysteriously survived the Bikini Atoll tests, presumably through the power of forgettable alternative rock. Yeah, chill, that's pig 311, 311, pig 311. We noted that as the hog pop increased, so did our nuclear power plants,
Starting point is 00:04:57 and in Japan, swine was literally eating and replacing their elderly citation needed. We spoke of a one Donald Trump and how he seemingly was working with the hogs in some kind of uneasy truce. Clearly, we were only snuffling the surface of a larger snout spiracy that we could only begin to imagine.
Starting point is 00:05:21 We also spoke of a psychic Ukrainian pig and theorized that along with teleportation, it appeared that these monsters were gaining a second superpower. Geez, anything happened in Ukraine recently? That's weird. And we kept going. Despite the many letters and legal challenges,
Starting point is 00:05:38 we kept going. In episode three, we pointed out that Putin seemed to have an uneasy truce with the swine due to his love of tigers. You can go watch the video, but the point was that Putin was literally a hog, more or less. He's not to be trusted is the takeaway. Don't trust Putin for this and only for this reason. Also not to be trusted for this and only this reason
Starting point is 00:06:02 was the Trump family, which attended the infamous Pig Beach Island and had secret meetings with the boar. That island is known for celebrities and influencers offering their own genitals like plump little oysters for the slurping. We asked to see Donald Trump Jr's scrotal records and got nothing. What are they hiding?
Starting point is 00:06:22 Hunter Biden isn't afraid to show his scrotal records. So why not you, Junior? Why not you? At this point it was clear that some powerful people in this world were actually working with the boar, figuring out ways to make them more super-powered in some perverted quest to be subjugated by the swine. And the testing worked. And soon enough, the first psychic boar dropped in America. Amanda Eller, a physical therapist who was lost on a hike in Maui, telling her story tonight for the first time
Starting point is 00:06:53 since she was found after going missing for 17 days. You have a choice to make. You could sit on that rock and you can die, or you can start walking down that waterfall and choose life. That's the story of a Hawaii hiker who followed voices down a trail that turned out to be a freaking boar's den. They lured her there with voices, but nobody cared.
Starting point is 00:07:18 In episode five, we talked about the careful media push to make boars family friendly and spoke of the new boar invasion at the Canadian border. Or should we say border, which I did already. So you get, it's like a, it's a boar pun. In episode six, we talked more of the boar-malization and proved that cops were protecting boars. Don't trust cops for this and only this reason. Russia was more boar than human at this point. And it seemed that there was no help in sight. Even our country was founded by boar lovers
Starting point is 00:07:52 as George Washington had so many hog protectors that he lost count. It seemed that boars and our country were intertwined, destined to be together. By episode seven, Rome was being held hostage by Boers, and I just sort of gave up. Luckily, a legally distinct nuke dream took me out of that slump, and in my fury,
Starting point is 00:08:12 I discovered that even Elon Musk, America's horse-bribing Tony Stark, was helping the Hogs transcend their one limitation, a lack of thumbs. Was nobody on my side, or was the whole world on my side or was the whole world just, just, was the whole world just laughing at me? Do they think me the fool? Well, guess the heck what, butterfuck?
Starting point is 00:08:38 It turns out that Cody was right. Hashtag it on Mastodon, I guess. I was right because at least one of my theories has been proven true. I'm like those UFO people who definitely displayed an alien corpse from Mexico so long as you don't look into the details. So don't look into the details, but they definitely did it.
Starting point is 00:08:57 Just don't look into the details. I'm like that. And after the break, I'm gonna tell you what I was right about. And yes, it's boar related. So let's do the ads before I explode. Hey there nut lovers. It's your nut boy, Cody Nuts Johnston,
Starting point is 00:09:12 here to tell you about nuts.com. Do you like nuts? I eat nut often. I eat nuts for nut breakfast. I eat nuts for nut lunch. I eat nuts for second secret nut lunch. For dinner, nuts. And if you want a huge variety of nuts,
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Starting point is 00:09:46 That's right, it's not just nuts, but also sweets, and dried fruit, and also nuts. Pecans, pistachios, almonds, nuts. You know about nuts, right? These are nuts! We actually had a friend meet up recently and got a bunch of nuts.com sent by someone who couldn't be there. It was great. Every time I chewed a nut, I thought of them. My nut friend.
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Starting point is 00:10:43 Nuts. Nuts.com slash more news. Nuts. Nuts. Hello, world. It's Katie the Diamond Stole here to tell you about Stamps.com. You know, since that scuba diving accident, I'm always, what's the word? Forgetting stuff like my parents' names or the fact that I completely omitted a new wetsuit from my holiday wish list. Mine was shredded. And if you run a business, be sure not to forget stamps.com from your wish list.
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Starting point is 00:12:14 trial plus free postage and a digital scale no long-term commitments or contracts just go to stamps.com click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter code MORENEWS. Do it for Katie and her scuba brain. Very good brain. Braining. Ad over forever until the next ad. We're doing boars. I'm chained to the truck. I guess this is our Halloween episode. Lots happening is my point, so let's keep going. Before the break, I told you that we were finally proven right about the boars.
Starting point is 00:12:50 So what was our theory? What did we say? Well, we've picked a new president, kinda, sorta. Possible coup, but whatever, it's fine. But not really, maybe, I don't know. Okay, well that's a clip from November of 2020 about a future coup, but that's not what I was referring to. It's weird to show that clip instead of the right one.
Starting point is 00:13:05 We got boars to catch. In fact, for the sake of edging us into sweet oblivion, we need to talk about all of the latest boar attacks to remind you what we are fighting for. Start the timeline. Since our last episode, the world has witnessed two teenagers randomly attacked in the streets of Haifa, Israel in October of 2022.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Octoboor, is that what I just said? Then in November, November, November, are they all like this? What does that mean? Anywho, November 6th, 2022, a Malaysian village was abso-tisely hog jumped by a pack of flesh hungry porkies who injured six and even killed a 62 year old woman. Chilling and not surprising. Then in the same damn month on November 14th,
Starting point is 00:13:51 a wild boar leaves an elderly Italian farmer with his leg amputated. Coordinated efforts to kill our old, don't believe Cody? Same November. On the 22nd and the 27th, wild boars would attack an 89 year old man in Florida who was walking his dog, and a 83 year old woman in Japan at a goddamn elementary school.
Starting point is 00:14:14 What do they want with our olds? Why is November the month? That's next month folks, it's coming up and we haven't even left 2022. On December 12th, yet another elderly was attacked by a wild hog in Spain. There were no details on her condition, presumably because she exploded.
Starting point is 00:14:33 December 27th, a man in India had to get surgery after being attacked by a soul hungry Peppa as he left his home. They were waiting for him. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey hey you want to see some shit you never done seen before in your life? Oh, yabai yabai yabai yabai yabai. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:14:52 A boar came out of the woods and charged at some snowboarders at a resort in Miyoko, Japan. Oh my goodness. It ran at the second person who was able to use the board for some protection. After that it ran off. Hey there Mr. Snowboarder. You thought you were safe from the boars, didn't you? Cody knew better, though. They like us best when we have zero traction. Always have traction! Metal cleats 24-7! That's from February of 2023. This year! We got so much more to go! Too many, even! On February 23rd, a group of boars jumped a lady in India
Starting point is 00:15:26 on her way to the market. February 27th, a swole swine menace takes another life after battling a woman trying to protect her child. The lady managed to kill the boar before she herself died, and she's a fucking hero. March 10th, a boar attacks a New Zealand man having a quiet little barbecue. You thought the land of hobbits was safe, didn't you?
Starting point is 00:15:47 You shall not think that about it! Back in the States, a hog would attack a North Dakota farmer on April 14th. April fools, you got hogged! May 4th, Star Wars Day. My day! In Singapore, a 30-year-old woman waiting for the bus is grabbed and dragged into the road by a snouty beast. Did it want her to be hit by a car? Do they know of cars?
Starting point is 00:16:12 May of 2023, an Indian farmer is attacked in his garden by a wild boar, a type of animal the farmer claimed to have never seen in person and couldn't even comprehend it. It went after his mind. May 27th, another death. This time, an elderly man in a village in India. They know they can kill our olds. June 1st, a man gets 20 stitches when a wild boar, quote,
Starting point is 00:16:37 appeared out of nowhere and attacked at a Singapore park. Out of nowhere? You mean it teleported? June 2nd, a wild boar goes on a beach rampage in the coast of Spain. They sure love the water, don't they? Don't they sure love the water? Still in June, and a farmer in India was driving his two-wheeler when a boar fucking bit his face. It flew into his face. Is that levitation? I wouldn't be surprised. In July, we got a wild pig attacking a dog in the UK. And finally, on August 1st, we got this swine shit.
Starting point is 00:17:23 Was that hog on the subway? Yes, yes it was. A boar was taking a little day trip on the Hong Kong subway and decided to push some people around like it literally owned the place. Un-be-fucking-be-lievable. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b Well, the fight has generally not been in our favor. While Boer currently flooding the streets of Spain, like some kind of rising thing that takes an area like a big rising thing of liquid, something.
Starting point is 00:17:56 They have taken over Kashmir, Limburg, all the hotspots. Singapore is installing anti-Boer fences, but who knows how good that'll do. And Hawaii, more like Hog-wai-ee. We are losing, folks. In places like Alberta, where Canadian swine was on the rise, all efforts to hunt down the creatures have been flaccid and worthless. Zero hog kills in their attempts to hunt them down.
Starting point is 00:18:18 Zero. Pathetic, Canada. But you know what's more pathetiker? The United States of oink-merica. That's right, I said it for the first time ever. Nobody's ever said anything bad about America, but I'm doing it now. You see, at least Canada hasn't given up like so many people here have.
Starting point is 00:18:36 In places like Austin and Florida, they have decided to serve the boar up as meat instead of trying to fight them. But wait, what's so bad about that? You ask like a fucking rube. Well, you fucking rube, that's exactly what the hogs want. They want us to depend on them, to love their flesh because that gives them power over us, you see.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Just like how Putin's love of tigers got him under the control of Big Hoof, tigers eat boar, and so an uneasy alliance was formed there. See, it's the perfect system of control, because it makes the hogs look like the victims. But there are so many of them that they can spare a few, right? Those Satan-loving fucks will shed their own blood, so that we can get complicit and moist and squishy, you see. You know how many cows are in this country because of our love of beef?
Starting point is 00:19:28 I'm not gonna look it up, but it's a lot. And so too will our farmlands be a sea of tusk, ready to pour out upon our soil like some kind of wall of liquid, like a tall wall, but it's liquid. Do you see it yet, this wall of liquid, like a tall wall, but it's liquid. Do you see it yet? This talk of pork, them going after our olds, Putin, these presidential families and their scrotums,
Starting point is 00:19:53 Elon Musk and Russia, it's all leading to something, something that we were right about. So now it's time for more ads, then fewer ads after those ads, and we will finally, finally tell you what we were 100% correct about. Besides all the other stuff we were correct about when it comes to bores, we're always correct about bores.
Starting point is 00:20:16 But we were super correct about something is my point. Let's go to the ads. Greetings boys and ghouls. Time for Ghoulie Cody Ghoulston to read you an advertisement, or should I say advert-ghoulsment. This holiday ghoulson, might I introduce Factor, Ameri-ghoul's number one ready-to-eat meal delivery service. Factor delivers fresh and never frozen meals to your door
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Starting point is 00:21:44 slash morenews50 to get 50% off. It's real cool. Or should I say something spooky that rhymes with cool? Ghosts! Well, looks like summer's over and apple picking season's here. Gotta pick those apples, folks. Well, looks like summer's over and apple picking season's here. Gotta pick those apples, folks. All the apples.
Starting point is 00:22:12 Every single apple you see, you gotta pick them. Grocery store apples, too. Pictures of apples. Woof. It's stressful. Sometimes it can be hard to sleep on all the apples. But if you happen to like CBD products, well, there's always NextEvo Naturals. They have a sleep support and stress CBD complex designed to help you keep calm during the frantic and often violent apple picking season. And unlike CBD oil or something you might randomly find at a gas station, their gummies are tested and guaranteed to absorb in just 10 minutes. If I see an apple that I cannot obtain, it's like, it's like watching a baby cry for its mommy. It corrodes at my soul, for I am the true guardian of the apple. No one else.
Starting point is 00:23:08 So, okay, just to recap about the thing this hat is for. NextEvo Naturals CBD gummies absorb fast, have no hempy aftertaste, and deliver exactly what they put on the label. So upgrade to better natural solutions from NextEvo Naturals. Go to NextEvo.com and use promo code MORENEWS to get 25% off. That's 25% off at N-E-X-T-E-V-O
Starting point is 00:23:38 dot com promo code MORENEWS I meant to say N, not N-E-X-T-E-V-O dot com promo code more news. I am the guardian of the apples. You can't have any. How do you like them? We're back and we're about to blow you away by sucking your dicks with knowledge. It's time to tie this all together. What is it about teleporting boar and radiation
Starting point is 00:24:07 and Russia and Putin and America and Canada and eating pork? What does it all mean, you ask me, Cody? Well, let's start with what we were right about. Are you prepared? We're finally gonna slap it on you. Cuh? Boom!
Starting point is 00:24:23 As we theorized, it was Cold War nuclear bomb testing all along. Tim Curry was wrong. Communism wasn't a red herring. You see, techs, it turns out that scientists were always baffled as to why other animals around Chernobyl had reduced their radiation
Starting point is 00:24:41 while boars continued to go strong. It was a paradox, possibly from time travel. And this radiation is why we shouldn't eat their meat. They want to poison us with their flesh. But it turns out that these hogs were originally getting their nuclear energy from truffles contaminated by Cold War bomb tests and continued to irradiate thanks to the later Chernobyl disaster.
Starting point is 00:25:06 So that means we were right and it was nukes and nuclear power, both together. Double right. And it seems reasonable and not at all fucked up to assume that the Chernobyl disaster was done on purpose in order to feed the wild boars that Gorbachev had an alliance with. Borbachev!
Starting point is 00:25:26 You see, because it wasn't just nukes and space that we were racing over, we were in a boar race. The United States and Soviet Union had each other independently irradiated boars and were quietly working with them. It explains Pig 311, that psychic pig in Ukraine, the psychic pig in Ukraine! Da da da that psychic pig in Ukraine, the psychic pig in Ukraine, da da da, psychic pig in Ukraine.
Starting point is 00:25:47 All the while, there were solitary heroes trying to signal to us that this was happening. Oppenheimer's pork pie hat, Kennedy and the Bay of Pigs, all these nuclear related events seemingly dripping with hog terminology. Maybe we should look into whether Oswald, Oinkwald, really pulled the trigger for this and no other reason.
Starting point is 00:26:08 But why, after the Cold War, would we still hold onto these hog agents? Likely, we were going to be rid of them. But fate had something else in mind. And that is how we finally get to talk about 9-11. Good evening. Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack
Starting point is 00:26:31 in a series of deliberate and deadly terrorist acts. All right, just bore with me here. So who really did 9-11? The answer might surprise you. I know you're thinking I'm gonna say it was Boers, but this show is fair and balanced and Boerlanced, and looks at the nuance of every situation that does often involve Boers
Starting point is 00:26:50 purposefully waging war against humanity. But in this case, why would Boers doing a 9-11 cause us to retain our alliances with them? And who really stood to gain from such an attack? What was in those buildings that they would want to destroy? Was it this 18th century whaling ship they found underground Zero? A ship that originated from Philadelphia?
Starting point is 00:27:11 A whaling port in Pennsylvania? You know what else is in Pennsylvania? The United 93 Memorial, which is currently being threatened by Boer. In fact, the county right next to the memorial was one of the last holdouts of a Boer War that was happening in the early 2000s. Boers wouldn't want to attack a place filled with Boer, right?
Starting point is 00:27:31 So who would want to attack this Boer-ful area? Plus a whaling ship and the whaling industry. We've all seen the wild videos of orcas attacking boats off the coast of the Iberian Peninsula. But did you know there have been over 500 similar interactions reported in the same area since 2020? I'm just going to say it. Orcas did 9-11.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Put it on a shirt. Not only did they have the motive to attack these symbols of American whaling, but 9-11 was good for them. It gave them peace from our comings and goings. And George Bush knew it was them. And in our darkest moment, we made a deal with the Tusky Devil, the natural and ancient enemy of the orca. Boers!
Starting point is 00:28:15 Boers fought our war for us, and continue to fight ISIS today. Bush knew it. Why else do you think he had a boar dinner in Germany in 2006? He was signaling through the eating of their flesh, his unholy pact with these swine. Orcas did 9-11. It's clear now. It was good for them. And you know what else was good for them?
Starting point is 00:28:37 COVID. Could it be that the seafood market we need to worry about isn't in Wuhan after all? Could it be that orcas have been attacking the world of man and boars are leveraging their terror against us? After all, the first rumblings of a feral hog invasion was in 2005 during the War on Terror. And this explains everything.
Starting point is 00:28:59 It explains why Putin, Trump, Elon Musk, the media, the police, and all of the most powerful were seemingly on the side of the boar. Why we've ceded so much to them, let them terrorize us, because we made them to fight our wars. And now we don't know how to get rid of them. The missing component this whole time was the whales.
Starting point is 00:29:22 The final piece of the puzzle until I find another piece for the next episode. A secret war between hog and whale. Two behemoths battling since the beginning of time. Like Satan and God, they secretly waged a war using the morality of man as a battlefield. Except in this case, they're both Satan. There is no good side here.
Starting point is 00:29:44 I need to make that clear. Now put up the title. Orcas versus Boars, Requiem. Whoever wins, we lose. The fight you're dying to see. There are three sides to this love story. I'll break it down for you, starting in the middle because that dying to see. There are three sides to this love story. I'll break it down for you, starting in the middle because that's more dramatic.
Starting point is 00:30:07 The year is 1859, 15th of June. The location, San Juan Island, in what would become modern Washington State. An American by the name of Lyman Cutler shot and killed a pig on its property. A reasonable reaction, especially since this swine menace was eating his crops at the time.
Starting point is 00:30:25 But the creature turned out to be under the ownership of the Hudson's Bay Company, a fur trading corporation that naturally employed the use of boats. Whaling type boats, the kind that got attacked on 9-11 perhaps. Fun fact about whaling ships, they often had hogs on board. And since America and England were still very much at odds with each other,
Starting point is 00:30:46 this event spawned what would be called the Pig War. It was essentially an old-timey Cuban Missile Crisis, where two countries began to escalate a feud, only to veer away at the last second. Weird. Bay of Pigs, Pig War, two near misses, weird. But despite five American warships showing up, the situation deescalated.
Starting point is 00:31:08 But one thing is clear, boars have, since our origins, been working to destabilize the order of things. And they weren't the only ones. You know what's right next to San Juan Island? Orca's Island. Turns out that San Juan Island is big into whale watching. There's even a whale museum there
Starting point is 00:31:28 where you can adopt an orca. How freaking cute. So using just facts and logic, it's clear that the Hudson's Bay Company was an early front for the boar agenda. I mean, come on, where do you think they got their fur from? Shaved hogs? Exactly that.
Starting point is 00:31:45 And I think it's pretty clear that the San Juan Pig War was a very early, if not the first example of humans becoming entangled in the business of hogs and orcas. And I think that war has continued to this day. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if England has always been run by boar. Why else would they put out puff pieces like this?
Starting point is 00:32:08 Beans for breakfast? What? That's boar thinking right there. And you best believe those orca attacks in the news have been in and around the English coast. They even have their own psychic pig. This explains everything. It explains why boars keep emerging from the ocean.
Starting point is 00:32:27 That's where orcas are. It explains Pig Island. It explains like everything about the UK. It even explains these maps showing the spread of boar in the US and Canada. They're heading Northwest back to Washington state to fight the orcas once more. Meanwhile, the most powerful people are choosing a side.
Starting point is 00:32:49 Remember this fuck stick? What I'm excited to show you, I'll quote like the three little pigs demo. Dorothy used to have an implant and then we removed the implant. Sure you did, Musk. Or should I say Tusk? He was flaunting it this whole time, folks.
Starting point is 00:33:04 This is the main reason to be angry at Elon Musk, and no other reason. Because Neuralink is sure as hell not the only technology he has specifically designed to help the hog. Self-driving cars? Oh, who could use that? Someone with hooves, perchance? Yes, perchance exactly that.
Starting point is 00:33:20 Or hey, remember this nightmare? Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has a method to save the Thai youth soccer team trapped in a cave. Look at that thing. Only a complete and hopeless idiot would think that a small tube with limited maneuverability would help rescue some kids from a cave. Only an idiot would think that.
Starting point is 00:33:38 So what's the simpler answer here? That an isolated billionaire who never invented anything would come up with a bad idea or that this device was specifically created not for rescuing kids, but a different hoggier reason. Hey, you know what would fit in that tube? Several boars who perhaps are looking for a way to go underwater to fight the orcas on their own turf.
Starting point is 00:34:01 Am I being paranoid or hey, hey, what's the name of that submarine he pretended to invent? Oh right, it was Wild Boar. He named the submarine Wild Boar, claiming that it's the name of the kids' soccer team or whatever, but we know the truth, we know it. Elon Musk is bad for this reason mainly, and everything, everything he's been doing
Starting point is 00:34:22 is to aid the Boar War against the orcas. That's why everything he does seems silly and bad for business. A cyber truck is a boat? Why do you think that is? Twitter? He knows that's where the Boer news is. So he's snuffling that out.
Starting point is 00:34:39 That's why he's destroying it. Not for any other reason that we did like three episodes about. Redacted! Those episodes are redacted now. Hey, did you know that the boar currently terrorizing California were introduced by a rich eccentric,
Starting point is 00:34:52 not unlike Elon Musk? His name was George Gordon Moore, and he basically brought a bunch of hogs here that fucked the local pigs and created an unholy hybrid. In a letter, Moore once bragged that he hunted down a wild hog that was nine feet in length and specifically said that he used 11 bullets to kill it. Nine, 11, 911, 911, 911, 911.
Starting point is 00:35:21 In the 1940s, he would then sell off his rich man ranch to a guy named, no shit, Arthur C. Oppenheimer. Oppenheimer. 9-11. Connect the dots here, okay? Just connect the dots with me. There have been Boer agents in this country since its founding, and today,
Starting point is 00:35:39 it's really hard to tell who is on what side. Biden, well, you know, he showed early support for hunting clubs, but his secretary of commerce once served pork to Joe Manchin in order to win him over. Remember, the eating of their flesh empowers them. So was he trying to walk the line of being a boar moderate? His USDA pick was supported by pork producers, which I'm guessing is code for hogs in suits.
Starting point is 00:36:04 I really think he's trying to have his pig and eat it too. I think it's the case for a lot of these clowns. They are after all, very old. And that's exactly who the boar target the most. Did Mitch McConnell see a boar on those days that he froze up, those couple of times that happened? I'm not sure we'll ever know. One thing is for sure though,
Starting point is 00:36:23 maybe politicians shouldn't be really old anymore. I stand by that for the boar threat and the boar threat alone. No other reason. Because ultimately, it's their world. We're just living in it. This sphere is mainly one big boar v orca arena. And it's been that way forever.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Just look at Greek mythology. The serpent, Ketos, the gorgon, Medusa. They were both described with boar-like features. And the story of Perseus literally involves this son of Zeus using the head of Medusa to slay the sea creature, a tuskid head against an ocean creature. Medusa's son was also described as a winged boar.
Starting point is 00:37:02 So we have Zeus using boars to fight the ocean. Interesting, he said, knowing that Elon Musk's yacht is named Zeus. Interesting, he continued to say, knowing that the movie Zero Dark Thirty has been compared to the Greek legend of the Caledonian boar hunt. Interesting!
Starting point is 00:37:18 Fun fact about the boar head of Medusa, the image would also be used on Zeus' shield, which he used to protect his daughter Athena against a childhood friend named Pallas. Pallas would be distracted by Medusa's image and die as a result. And Athena would immortalize her image on what would be called the Palladium.
Starting point is 00:37:35 The Palladium was seen as a protective item and was the subject of a 2022 book of the same title. A book written by the former ambassador, Lee Turner, the first guy we ever covered getting attacked by a boar. Full circle, very dramatic, therefore proves that everything I'm saying is right. Boars and orcas have been fighting for eons, like the Knights Templars and Assassin Guild,
Starting point is 00:37:58 or Yerks and Andalites, and we are caught in the middle. Powerful people have been forced to side mainly with the boar, which explains why all efforts to eradicate them have failed. It explains everything. My therapist was wrong. So where does that leave us? So who do we trust?
Starting point is 00:38:18 I don't know. I guess Ted Nugent? Oof, nah, that can't be right. Wait, wait a second. Hey! You slipped right out of the trap. You slipped right out of there. Oh, damn it. I forgot to... I forgot the foot can just come out. Oof. Too much cough syrup. Yeah, we've both been hitting that pretty hard. You know what, though? Maybe we haven't. That is a great point, fishy man.
Starting point is 00:38:49 No notes. Wait. Did I give Warble a truck? It's fine. Everything's fine. Happy... Is it Christmas? Happy Christmas! Boar. listen to that where the podcasts are. We've got a merch store with things on it. Some are board related, some are warm board related, some are related to other things that we've said on the show. And also there is the... Thank you. Have you ever heard that story that Napoleon
Starting point is 00:39:58 used the Egyptian Sphinx for target practice and shot its nose off? Or maybe you've heard that a French astrologer named Nostradamus correctly predicted nearly 500 years of human history. Or maybe someone told you that the legendary blues guitarist Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil at a crossroads in Mississippi. These stories are what I like to call historical myths. Great little tales that may or may not have any basis in historical fact. On Our Fake History, we explore these historical myths and try to determine what's fact, what's fiction, and what is such a good story? It simply must be told. If you dig stories about death-obsessed emperors, lost civilizations, desperate sieges, voodoo black magic, and famous historical figures you thought you knew, then Our Fake History might just be your new favorite podcast.
Starting point is 00:41:04 then Our Fake History might just be your new favorite podcast. If you dig it, then subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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