Something Was Wrong - S1 Ep8: There is Much to Confess

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

*Content Warning: gaslighting, domestic abuse, emotional and physical abuse, distressing themes.Music from Glad Rags album Wonder Under

This podcast is intended for mature audiences and could be triggering to some. Please use discretion when listening. I'm Tiffany Reese, and this is Something Was Wrong. You think you know me, you don't know me with at all. In my mind, I'm thinking, this is either all them or all you. They either are real or they're not at this point. I just know it. And it became the large majority of the conversations I had with Kimmy and Brian were actually with him.

As soon as he felt that I was satisfied, I acted like, okay, like I've got the truth. We'll work forward from this. He would be like, okay, good. And act like, you know, he was contrite. We're going to work through this. Yes, I have problems. You know, I'm going to go to counseling. And it became like, while our wedding is postponed, we're still.

still going to be together, but here's what it's going to look like. He's going to go to celebrate recovery because he has, you know, problems to work through. He's going to sign up for one-on-one counseling. We're going to go to couples counseling. And he had the whole plan as to how we were going to fix this and come through this. He started these notes on his phone that he shared with me on like, you know, our iPhones of a list of all the sermons he was listening to and his notes to follow as he listened to them for, you know, full disclosure because we're working through stuff together now.

And all of the classes he had signed up for, the one-on-one counseling, the celebrate recovery, the couples counseling. It was such an overwhelming list that I was reading it going, I'm overwhelmed. This is too much. Thank you. But now he had to save the day. And he had to show just how studious he was and how committed he was to making everything right. And in my mind, I'm like, you still haven't told me the whole.

truth but you think I think you did and so now we're moving forward who are you that's when my sister and my mom showed up to help me get some of my stuff out because as like my fiancee thought we were gonna separate as you know an engaged couple and just kind of revert back to dating um but they my mom and my sister showed up and we didn't know my sister was coming because she had to work so you got imagine the scene my mom and me and my i think my roommate are in my room and my room and And we're ready to go over there. And I'm just an absolute mess. And all of a sudden, my door opens and we freak because we're like, we're terrified right now.

We don't know what's going on. Hi, Larry. Yeah, he could be anywhere. Of course, my mom is absolutely petrified. I'm just kind of more of that. Everything's going to be fine. Let's just get through this. Mom was very thrilled with the shirt I was wearing.

And my shirt said, nope, not today. And I just got the shirt. And I was happy that I was wearing it that day too. But, man, Mom was so happy to see that shirt. And I felt that way. I was like, I was so. angry and I was so like no people you don't people don't do this people don't act like this I was I was so ready to pop a hoe that I was like nope definitely not today so I went up in there

and mom was happy to see me and then Sarah came out of her bathroom and she saw me and she was really surprised and I was like hi and I went in to hug her which I love my sister and I love my brother but we're not very like we don't hug a lot we don't show a lot of emotion towards each other. And so the hug was definitely like, I'm, I'm here for you. Come and hug me. So I went and gave her hug. And as I was hugging her, I said, are you okay? And she started crying while I was holding her. And she said, I will be. And in that moment, Sarah's not a crier. Sarah's not a super, like, she doesn't let her emotions get the best of her for the most part. She processes them and she talks about them and she doesn't like stuff them down or hide them. But she's also not, like,

she has a lot of control over them, so to speak. So when she does break down in a moment that she doesn't want to break down, that's when you know she's not okay. Like she's messed up. Inside, something is messed up and she needed people. So that hug and that slight little breakdown that she had, I was so happy I took the day off work and I was so happy that I was there. And it made me even more angry than I was before that. And I didn't think that was possible. She told us what the plan was and the plan was that we were going to go over to his house, their house, to be very calm, be very kind, and then leave. And I was like, nope, I'm not kidding, no, leave me here. Don't, do not bring me. I'm not trying to be funny. I'm not trying to be like super cool and protective and like fake

musily, like, I will protect you. Don't bring me. I might beat him up. I'm not trying to, I wasn't trying to sound like that. I was like, I'm serious. I hate him. I don't want to see him be okay. I don't want anything to do with him. I don't want to be fake kind to him. I don't even think I could be fake kind to him. I don't want him touching me and he's a hugger. Like he squeezes really hard when he hugs.

I don't want him hugging me. I don't want to smile on him. I don't want to look him in the eyes. I don't even want to smell him like I don't want to go. I'm serious. And Sarah was like, seriously, Emily, we need you to come and help. The more of us there, the less likely he is to do anything that we don't want him to do. and the more normal it will seem, and you have to treat him like everything is going to be okay,

because that's how we need him to stay. Okay, fine, let's go. So we went, and the whole way there, I'm just like, blood is pumping. I'm so mad. I go into his work office because I see him come off of a phone call, and he turns and he looks out at the empty house, and the look on his face was so dramatic. It was just like it fell, and he started sobbing, and I held him, and I'm just like, I'm so sorry this is happening.

I'm so sorry. This is where we are. And he is just like a broken little child leaned forward in his chair with his head like kind of in my stomach and I'm holding him while he's sobbing. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. This is just what we have to do. And we knew it was going to be hard.

We just didn't, we didn't know that it was going to be this hard. You'll be okay. And he's like, I'm so alone. I'm so alone. I've never been so alone because he's out here. He's now moved to Sacramento for me. Can't call Brian anymore. Right?

Can't be walked off a ledge and he's got no family in California and he's got these terrible allergies because it's spring in Sacramento and I'm taking everything out of the house. So now he lives in this empty dungeon, broken up, attending counseling, no family around, a failed engagement. So of course he's the victim obviously. It sucks for him. And I'm taking all the utensils out of the house. So he walks out and he's just like shoulders hunched. imagine like a six foot four, you know, guy just like hunching over and walking out tears, streaming

down his face. He comes out looking like he had just cried every tear he had, lost all of this knot that he had, because he was just so heartbroken and crying so hard and so devastated. And I look at him and he's like, he makes his face like, oh, you too? Like, look at us. And I was like, this is allergies. I'm not crying. This is allergies. and he's like, and he comes in and he puts his arms out and I'm like, oh, mother, F, fur. He puts his arms out and I just am like, so I give him the mother trucking hug, and he's like, he's holding me. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And he goes, how are you?

And in the moment when he says, how are you, he squeezes really freaking hard. And I said, I will be better when you're not squeezing me so hard. and he was like, oh, I didn't laugh. I wasn't funny. I wasn't trying to be funny. I was like, serious, get off me. He hugged Mom, and he hugged her really tight, too, and I can't remember what she said. But Mom is way nicer than me and way more mature than me in those moments. So all I can think is, I really want to punch you in the balls, and Mom is thinking,

we just want you to stay sane. We're going to pretend we love you, and we're going to have compassion on you. I had zero compassion. I did not care about him. So we went home after Mom and I did our thing with Sarah. we went home and then we were all sitting around our little fireplace in the backyard, me and mom and dad, and we were so, there was so much wine had over this weekend. Sarah called to say, I think I would like to break up with him tonight. And mom and dad put her on speakerphone and they kind of like processed it together.

Like, okay, you know, what are you thinking? What are the next steps? What needs to happen? And Sarah's talking about like money from people from like the honeymoon fund. Like we want to get that back. So I don't know if I should really break up with him until we give people's money back because I don't want him to do anything crazy and keep it. And I also there's like I want to separate my credit cards from him and my phone. And like she wanted to make sure we're completely separate before she told him the news of we're done for good goodbye. Just because we obviously don't know this guy and we don't know how he's going to respond. he's not normal and he's definitely missing a few screws.

She's talking about the different options of like break up with him tonight, break up with him in a couple days, wait until this is all done. And dad finally was like military mode just takes over the conversation. He goes, nope, I want you to break up with him tonight. I want to be there. And keep in mind, I think it's already like 8.30 right now. Not that that's late for me, but my parents normally go to bed around 9, 9.30, maybe 10. So for him to be like, we're coming there.

is what was like, whoa, dad, it's almost bedtime. So he's like, I, we are going to come, I want us to come there tonight. I don't want you to break up with him until we are with you. You are not going over to his house. And she's like, I need to break up with him in person. If I'm going to break up with him, it needs to be in person. And she, and dad just straight up, no. I realize Sarah is a grown woman and we all know if there's a grown woman and does

what she wants. But when dad says, no, you just freaking listen. And he was like, no, I don't want you breaking. up with him in person and I don't want you doing it until we're there. So we will come up there. We will go over there together. Get the remainder of your stuff and then you'll be done. Completely done with him. He'll have nothing left of yours. And I'm like then, okay, okay, I will. I get off my back. Everybody let me handle this. But my dad goes into military mode and he's like, no, you're not safe. We don't care about someone else's feelings now. We're going to come in

guns blazing and we're going to get you out of Sacramento and we're not going to. We're not going to treat this like a breakup. We're treating this like a rescue. Because here she is trying to figure this thing out so that she's safe, thinking, heck, the decision's been made. What are we messing around for? Why are we still tiptoeing around this freak? And my parents are driving to my apartment while I am in my room, privately on FaceTime with him, as he's telling me everything we're going to do to make this work. My sister was all already there. She got there early and my roommates and my sister are behind my bedroom door peeked open and watching. And what proceeded to happen was the most trippy conversation I've had

in my whole life where I don't know the face of who I was talking to. None of the reactions made sense. None of it was consistent. He started spewing a line of there are things that need to happen. There are procedures that need to be in place. You and I need to go to couples counseling for our sin as a couple. There needs to be parental counseling for the sin on the part of your parents? Like, he said sin so many times. And by the last when I stopped him, I put a hand up and I went, I'm sorry. You want to talk about sin?

And that's, and I even remember in my mind thinking, he used to call me aggressive. Wait till he sees this. Pointed at him and I said, you used scripture to manipulate me for eight months. And you have God to answer to for that. And you want to point at my sin. And he went blank and looked me flat, just flat affect and went, I understand. If someone did that to me,

can you imagine the, like, I would either be absolutely broken going, babe, I'm so sorry, or I'd be like, no, I didn't. Flat. Nothing. No emotion. No remorse. No nothing.

And I just remember thinking, okay, I'm dealing with a stranger. Here's how it's going to roll out kind of thing. So then he said, okay, so what, like, what are we doing here? What is this? Because I got business to attend to if this isn't.

Is he still claiming that Kimmy and Brian are real? Yep. Yep. And he is, and they haven't said anything. I have not heard from them. Interesting. No peace, I don't. No selfie. Nope. No selfie. No phone call. Yeah, right. No, like, I mean, if they were as torn and broken and waking up in the middle of the eyes they were going for, imagine now that I'm about to break up with him. The Holy Spirit should have been moving in their lives. Meanwhile, they're praying for your cellulate. Nothing. That's when he said, so what? Are we just like, is this it? Are we done? Because I have a lot of phone calls to make if that's what's happening.

because I'm not staying in this Godforsaken state because he hated California. So he said, I've got, you know, phone calls to make and I just said, yeah, like, that's what's happening. And he pitched it like, okay, this is, you're choosing, you're choosing this pretty much. The way it was from here on out and the way that his family,

I know this is what his family thinks because they mention this to me and so his brother, I chose, after finding out that, you know, there was some mistrust there. It was trust broken and he lied. I chose to not move forward. that I could not recover from it and not get married, which they understood, but I chose to not let God redeem this for the sake of the gospel.

Those words are, I have in text from his brother and from him, that it's a shame that you are not allowing God to redeem this, this marriage, because God holds marriage in the highest esteem and I have chosen to walk away from it. And I just had to kind of eat it and be like, cool, whatever you need to tell yourself, sure, this is not what I want. You know, I don't want to marry a liar. woe is me so he said okay so you know what are we gonna how was this gonna look like are we gonna like follow each other on social media still and he's like he's going to that point yeah and so i'm just

like i love that he's instantly like okay exit business plan like how am i going to save face that's what i kept telling people afterwards when they would ask me and i would describe it i would say it was like he went into business mode yeah it was strategy and so he's like are we going to like follow his other on social media and so i go into kind of compliant like let's just not rock any boats right now because I knew that we were going to show up at our house. Like, I don't want him to be set off in anyway. So I just was like, you know what? At first I thought maybe and I was like, no, I don't think that'd be a good idea.

And he just goes, okay, yeah, I figured. And then he paused for a moment and he grinned. He actually smiled. And he goes, oh, come on, you don't want your ex-fiance, watching you on dates with your new boyfriend on your stories. Kind of joked. And I went, yeah, no, no thanks. And he paused for a minute.

And then he laughs and he goes, oh, man, that's pretty fucked up. And he looks at me like, come on. I looked at him and I just said, yeah, well, the last eight months of my life are what's been pretty fucked up. And he laughs. He goes, ha, good point. And that's, I imagine at this point, I'm just like, we gone. We go there, we get to Sarah's house, and she is already in her bedroom, breaking up with him over FaceTime. And that's when I go in there, and I'm like, dang it.

Like, why didn't she wait? I wanted to record the whole thing. So I went in there and I threw my phone on the bed and I was recording it. I don't know if Sarah ever told you that. Or if she sent you the audio? She sent me the audio. Okay. There's not much.

Sadly, I can't use it because we didn't have it. Because California's dual consent or whatever. Yeah. But I listened to it. He was super cold, like, super cold, like emotions turned off and no longer cared about winning the situation. Now he was just like he wanted to save face and he didn't want to look like he was affected at all.

That's kind of what it felt like. But when she broke up with him, I know he said something like, this could have been redeemed. I freaking hate that word redeemed. And now he used it so many times. Oh, I do remember hearing her saying, we're just going to come over and get my stuff. I've got my parents and my sister with me. We're just going to go in and get out. Like, this is what's going to happen.

And he said, I don't want to see your parents. Please don't bring your parents. I just don't want to face them right now or something like that. And she goes, they're already here. They're already coming. Kind of like deal with it. We're not going to talk about this. By the way, my ear was definitely on the door for that conversation.

Most of my stuff is in the floor on my room and in my mom's car, but there's still some stuff left in the house. My dad had called my cousins, who were hilarious and amazing. You don't mess with them. My dad calls my cousins and says, hey, like, I need you tonight, basically. My cousin all he says is what time and where.

He thinks to ask, does he have guns? And so my dad says, yes, because my fiance did own guns. And so he goes, okay, I'm calling, and he names my cousin who's a cop. So, of course, they come, you know, packing. My cousin calls my dad back and says, hey, I am at his house. He's drinking a glass of milk, sitting at the table, I'm looking in his house right now. So they just kind of kept watch from across the street while we went in and out and in and out

and got all my stuff out, and then it's done. And my fiance, ex-fiance, is still inside, just inside the door. And my dad and sister are outside just off the porch. on the driveway and they can see in the door. My mom is off out, you know, the car putting stuff away. So I'm like, I've got to say a goodbye. I'm like, oh, I don't know what to do here. So I walk up the steps and I go on the door just to kind of say if I don't go goodbye and I don't know what to do. And I can, I know my dad and sister are behind me looking like and watching. And I didn't know what else to say. I just looked at him and I just said, I'm sorry. And I'm like

devastated. This is a nightmare. And he looks at me with this little side grin and he tilt his head and he goes, you're not sorry. And just looks at me like, oh, child. And I just looked at him confused. I didn't even know what to say. What do you say to that? What do you mean? Like, what are you implying? Did I want this the whole time? Is this my dream? Is this my, what do you mean? I'm not sorry. Mom comes up. Where's Sarah? And we're like, she's right there talking to a dick. Nope. And she like stomps her little body with her two inch legs up the stairs into the doorway. And I'm like, Mom, leave them, Mom. Nope.

I see Greg and Emily standing outside, letting them say goodbye. And I thought, oh, oh, heck, no. No, no. Because he's going to get one last word or one last dig or one last hurt. And so I basically stormed in. And she looked at me and she said, Mom, we're saying goodbye. Something like that. And I said, that's okay.

Go ahead. You don't tell Mom what to do in that moment. She's got tunnel vision. and all she's probably thinking is he's slitting her throat. I don't know. Steps her way over the door jam, squeezes herself between me and like the door and him. So now there's this awkward triangle,

and she looks up at him and looks up at me and looks down on the floor. She's like 5.5. I'm, you know, 5, 7. And she goes, everything okay. And I'm like, yeah, Mom. It's almost like this sickeningly comedic moment. Or I look over at her and I'm kind of like, mom I'm trying to say goodbye like you can step out of the situation kind of thing and she just goes

okay good and doesn't move she's like positioned herself between him and me and we just all stand there in this awkward like face off the silence and I'm like well I guess I'll hug you goodbye now and then as I give him a hug he whispers in my ear you're making a huge mistake and I just I didn't know what else to say other than I'm really sorry I just repeated it again and he just shook his head like heard that one. I had not one ounce of apprehension or fear. It's like, get her out.

Just get her out. I heard the tail end of him saying that, of him saying, you're making a mistake. And I said, okay, time to go. And then he makes my mom, like, give him a goodbye hug. And then he puts his hand out to my dad and says his name to go shake his hand, and my dad just steps back and starts walking towards the car

and he turns and he just says no. And my ex goes, at least let me, I think something he started to say like thank you, or something like that. And my dad just turns and he points his hand at him and he says, no, get help, get help. You need it. And he just like waves his hands in the air

like I washed myself of this. Yeah, he wanted to come out and hug me to shake my hand and I said, no. Oh, no, come on, come on. Like a typical narcissist would, right? Going to have his way. Oh, no, no. I said, no. You're sick. You need help. So he said, he said, go get help.

And Sarah and I were like, oh, shit. I don't know that we breathed. We just kind of were like, oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh. And he's like, oh, okay. Dick was like, okay, okay. And he turns around and he goes to walk away. So when that was done and the handshake got refused, I get in the car with Sarah, mom and dad get in their truck. and Sarah and I get in and close the doors, and we sat there without her starting the car yet in silence. I swear we didn't breathe the whole time, and we finally let out our breath and yelled out so many cuss words.

Our chests and our hearts and, like, our stomachs all in a knot, just thought we were going to throw them all up, like it was just so intense and so thick. On the way home, I called my nephew, and I said, thank you so much. And he said, oh, tell Sarah. that she doesn't have to feel embarrassed or worried, any of that, that we're just glad to help, we're glad she's out and tell her,

there's two things that I want her to, I want to pass on to her. And one of them is, it's never too late. And the other one is, always listen to your family in times like this. The next couple of days were just 24-7 canceling cards, like blocking things, changing things, disentangling. I mean, my Verizon account, you know, had him on it. And we had all, you know, a lot of things intertwined. Thank goodness.

We did have a joint bank account, but we were able to move things and, you know, get things back where they needed to go. There was still open communication because we had had people donate money toward our newlywed fund. And so we had a joint account that those funds were going into, but he largely had control over it. So I needed some kind of lifeliner connection with him up until I was guaranteed that these people got their refunds. And then once I didn't need him for that anymore, I was never going to contact him again. The day that I got a notification from the bank saying the final check was, you know, he had been

BSing me for weeks. I'd said, hey, can you please send these out? A week goes by, two weeks goes by. There are these excuses. People weren't getting, like, there was some kind of confusion with the bank. And finally, I woke up and realized, why wouldn't he lie about this too? I'm dealing with a liar. I contact the bank and within 24 hours, it's done. It's all finished. And I just thought, I was still shocked. I'm like, oh my gosh, he's still lying to me. Why? In my mind, I'm like, he's got the money. Like, he's not hurting for money.

He just want control. Like, why is he lying about this? And he just, you know, wanted the lifeline. Once all the notifications came in that these people got their refund checks, I got a text from him. The same moment I wake up, I get these notifications, and then ding, a text come in from him. And I'm like, oh my gosh, here we are.

And he said, I'm really, really sorry. And that's when I just went. Okay, I've lost it. I said, for what exactly? And I texted him and said, is it for this? Is it for this? And I had some time to realize all the shitty poll. So I gave him a nice little bullet point.

And I said, but no, please, you clarify and tell me what you did. Well, and he always has to have the upper hand. So he, you know, says my first, my middle, and my last name. Like, dearest, so-and-so. There is much to confess. He said, Brian and Kimmy Powers are not real people. It's way bigger than we expected, though. We didn't expect anything that crazy.

No. We expected, okay, maybe the guy's cheated. Maybe the guy's married. Maybe, you know, there's a child somewhere like something devastating, but not this sick. Thank God. I mean, I honestly said, thank God. Because, like I said, when we made the decision, we didn't know about Kimmy and Brian. All we wanted was more time. The whole Kimmy and Brian wasn't even a factor in my doubt. My doubt was around all kinds of other things. And mom was sitting at the kitchen table, and she goes, There is no Kimmy. I swear to you, in that moment, I felt like spiders were crawling up my back. I liked chills everywhere. From that point on, I thought, who the hell is dick?

Freaking psychopath. My mom called me while I was at home. Here's Sarah's brother, Gregory. and told me about Kimmy and Brian. I was speechless. I just, I thought how, like, doesn't, it's crazy. I couldn't even comprehend it because it's something you don't. I mean, you hear about stuff like that happening, you know, on TV and movies.

You read about it in the news, but to have had it happen to, you know, not only someone nearby, but someone in your family that was like, it was nuts. And I didn't, I didn't really know what to say. It's kind of mind-blowing, honestly. really know how to respond. I didn't know what to think. It took me a while to process it for sure. Are you fucking kidding me? Is this fucking real? This happened to my friend? Kind of fucked up individual do you have to be? Next time. I just said so give me an idea of how much he was talking to you. She goes, well, girl, let me put it this way. It was my birthday and things were going as usual.

I found out that the Kimmy lie with me, cancer with her. Something Was Wrong is written, recorded, edited, and produced by me, Tiffany Reese. All the music this season is by the band Gladrags. A special thank you to Sarah, her family, and friends for participating in this series. Check out Sarah's personal blog, Space and Purpose, linked in the show notes. Thank you to Alyssa Doyle for her hype, Zen. support and story editing assistance. A special shout out to my husband Michael and our three amazing kids, Jude, Ruby, and Ozzy

for cheering me on every step of the way. Thank you to Ryan Doyle, who's always encouraging me and just surprised me with a something was wrong website, coming soon. Follow the hashtag Something Was Wrong pod on Instagram to stay up to date on this series. There is also now a Something Was Wrong Facebook group that was started by a listener, Jen. Jen, you're awesome. I'm not in the group because anxiety. However, you can join the group by going to Facebook and entering something was wrong into the search bar.

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