Something Was Wrong - S11: WCN Presents: [Dara] SWW Season 11, Episode 11 Update

Episode Date: September 11, 2024

*Content Warning: sexual assault, rape, child sexual abuse, child sexual abuse material, nonconsensual pornography, and suicidal ideation.Season 11, Episode 11 of Something Was Wrong entitled [Dara] Very Sorry first aired on February 23rd, 2021. The episode poignantly shared Dara’s account of a sexual assault she experienced while on her Spring Break Senior trip. However, her heartache did not end there. Years later, after Dara had become a mother and began to cultivate her own healing journey, her sister experienced a similar trauma. From that moment on, Dara was compelled to share their stories in hopes of changing the criminal justice landscape for other survivors. Although Something Was Wrong was the first public space she shared, her efforts have not slowed down at all. The Broken Cycle Media team is incredibly grateful for Dara’s time, energy, legislative efforts, and for sharing with our audience all that’s come next in her battle to change the statute of limitations for Indiana survivors of sexual assault.SWW S11 E11 [Dara] Very Sorry:
https://wondery.com/shows/something-was-wrong/episode/10716-dara-very-sorry/
Change the statute of limitations for sexual assault Petition:https://chng.it/YqjgsGWL2b Senate Bill 151 via Indiana Gov’t Website
https://iga.in.gov/legislative/2024/bills/senate/151/details Indiana Coalition to End Sexual Assault & Human Trafficking:
https://icesaht.org/ National Sexual Assault Hotline:
https://www.rainn.org/resources Suicide & Crisis Hotline:
https://988lifeline.org/ For a list of related resources and non-profit organizations, please visit: http://www.somethingwas.wrong.com/resources

If you're serious about growing this new year, what you put into your mind actually matters. And as someone who lives and breathes careers and self-development, even I get overwhelmed trying to do it all. Between work, life, and trying to better yourself, self-care can start to feel like just another thing on the to-do list. But investing in yourself doesn't have to be complicated. And with Audible, it isn't. It's time to take care of you. And who better to help than the top voices and well-being all in one place. With Audible's well-being collection, you can level up your career, finances, relationships, sleep, parenting, or mindset. Whether you want motivation, clarity, or practical advice, there is something there to support you every step of the way. I listen while I

commute, clean, work, or just when I need a little bit of downtime. You'll hear from best-selling authors Brene Brown and Jay Shetty, Chef Jamie Oliver, finance expert Rachel Rogers, and popular parenting guides like raising good humans. Kickstart your well-being journey with your first audio book free when you sign up for a 30-day trial at outable.com. Membership is 1495 a month after 30 days. Cancel any time. There's more to imagine when you listen. Oh, hey, how's it going? Amazing. I just finished paying off all my debt with the help of the Credit Counseling Society. Whoa, seriously? I could really use their help. It was easy. I called and spoke with a credit counselor right away. They asked me about my debt, salary, and regular expenses, give me a few options,

and help me along the way. You had a ton of debt. And you're saying credit counseling society helped with all of it? Yep. And now I can sleep better at night. When debt's got you, you've got us. Give credit counseling society a call today. Visit no more debts.org. What came next is intended for mature audiences only. Episodes discuss topics that can be triggering, such as emotional, physical and sexual violence, animal abuse, suicide, and murder. I am not a therapist, nor am I a doctor. If you're in need of support, please visit Something Was Wrong.com for a list of non-profit organizations that can help.

Opinions expressed by my guests on the show are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of myself or broken cycle media. Resources and source material are linked in the episode notes. Thank you so much. for listening. Season 11, episode 11 of Something Was Wrong, entitled Dara Very Sorry, first aired on March 17, 22. The episode poignantly shared Dara's account of a horrific sexual assault she experienced while on her spring break senior trip. However, her heartache did not end there, though. Years later, after Dara had become a mother and began to cultivate

her own healing journey. Her sister experienced a similar trauma. From that moment on, Dara was compelled to share their stories in hopes of changing the criminal justice landscape for future survivors. Although something was wrong was the first public space she shared, her efforts have not slowed down at all. The Broken Cycle Media team is incredibly grateful for Dara's time, energy, legislative efforts, and for sharing with our audio.

all that's come next in her battle to change the statute of limitations for Indiana survivors of sexual assault. On something was wrong, season 11, episode 11, I was Dara. Tiffany used that name for a famous swimmer because I was a competitive nationally ranked swimmer for most of my swimming career. That was a big part of my life in my identity for a long time. I wanted to be an Olympic swimmer someday. that didn't turn out. I had one idea of who I wanted to be and that changed. I blew my shoulders out and I went on this path of self-destruction in a way of trying to figure out who I was. I was sexually assaulted by a group of my peers, people that I grew up with that I knew for a long time. That shook me

to the core and really broke me down. When it happened to me at 18 years old, I kind of thought that no one cared. When I came home and shared what happened to me with a dear friend of ours, he went to my parents and told them because I couldn't utter the words. I remember when I came home, my dad went right to me and put his arms around me and said, I love you, I love you, I love you, over and over. And that's the thing that sticks in my head. We tried to prosecute. It didn't work out. And I felt like it was brushed under the rug. We didn't talk about it. I wasn't able talk about it with my brothers. And I just felt alone. I went one way and became a very destructive person. That was the path that I led. A lot of drinking and doing things that

weren't productive to me. I didn't have people rallying behind me at that point. But there were people along the way that really spoke to me. An example would be this young lady. She was my tutor. I'd be out at a party and she'd call me. Like, I'm just checking on you. Are you doing okay? And I'm like, I'm trying to have fun. I don't want to deal with what you're talking about. She's like, just want you to know that God loves you.

And I love you. I'm here for you. So it's just little things along the way. It's that one person here or that one person here. It wasn't a flood of people that were like, this happened to you, we're here for you. It was a lot of dark moments along the way. And then there was a little light.

I can look back and see that I'm so grateful for all of those small moments because now they're really big moments. Navigating that healing process, becoming a mother of my children and a little girl really changed that direction of my life. If I'm going to be a strong, healthy mother to a daughter, I really need to seek healing. The statistics on same-sex children that can go through the same things that are. parents went through, like sexual assault, trauma. Then you've got that cycle. And in my family, that statistic is correct. It looks generational.

So when I had my daughter, I was like, enough is enough. We're not suffering this anymore. It's going to end with us. I realized that I really need to be this strong role model for my daughter. And then just when I thought things were getting better, lightning struck twice. and my sister was raped at 13 years old when I got the phone call. I rushed home. I brought my parents in to talk to my sister.

And my dad again, he just kept saying, I love you, I love you, I love you. In Indiana, the only difference with a felony three and a felony one and two sexual assault is that it's without a deadly weapon. I think that a lot of sexual assaults are without a deadly weapon. I don't think you need a weapon to harm. and it can be horrific. In Indiana, just because it doesn't have a weapon, you only have five years to seek justice

and bring that case to the forefront of our justice system. I knew that if she wanted to bring a case to court, that that time was closing in. I would like to say that I'm really good planner, but that is just not the case. I'm kind of a wing at person, and I go full force. Sometimes that really benefits me, and sometimes it doesn't.

I have to regroup and then reorganize myself and plan. But we were like, let's change this law. For so many men and women out there, I wanted to make sure that they had a voice when they were ready. So we started to go to work. I shared my story on something was wrong. I think it's absolutely healing. It's terrifying. But what was worse for me is if I didn't do it.

I knew the ramifications if I didn't do it. I knew that I wouldn't be advocating for my sister or for other people. I honed in on the goal. So the podcast was a great way to start. I think it's an intimate way to share. You have that person on the other line ready to be there with you in that moment and share that space with you. I just cut out the noise in my head of how scared I was. I don't know if that's from being a swimmer.

Before your race, you feel like you're going to throw up. up and you have butterflies, you can call it adrenaline, it's nerve-wracking. But the minute you get out there and dive off the block, it's gone. I felt kind of the same thing. My nerves were there, but once you start talking, it does get better and it goes away. And then I was grateful that I did it. And then once I clicked share and posted it, I was like, here goes nothing. Now everyone's going to know. That was a little nerve-wracking because I think in the back of my head, I was like, what are people going to think, what's the talk from my class going to be like, what are they going to say about me? Of course, all of those thoughts go in your head.

I just tried to not think about that. And I tried to keep my head down and focus on what the goal was. Our episode aired. We did some interviews with media. We did our petition. I reached out to a local mayor. I said, I would love some advice. Can we meet?

I had all these statistics, all these numbers showing her why this is important that Indiana's the top four in the country for highest rates of sexual assault among high schoolers. She said, they're not responding to you because it's just you. And I was like, okay, what do I need to do? I had this paper that was from Indiana Coalition of Sexual Assault and Human Trafficking, and she's like, you need this group. They should be able to lobby. You need to talk to them.

A local mayor, she got on the phone, got me the director. I got connected with her and met with her. She was bracing me for this journey because I was like, we're going to do this. It's going to be great. And she's like, that's all awesome. But this stuff takes time. So I was a little naive in the process. But once we got Beth White, the director of the coalition behind us, she started lobbying.

Then I connected with our local senators and our local representatives that were in my jurisdiction. I think they were a little weary at first. But as soon as I gave them all that. information. We started running with that and it just seems like we started getting more and more momentum. I was really proud of it because our senator worked really hard with it. First, he called me and he said, are you sitting down? And I was like, do I need to? The first step is where they go behind their committee and they talk about bills. He introduced our bill, Senate Bill 151. We originally had on the bill sexual assault felony three, then we were able to add child

molestation on that as well. I think there's 14 states that either don't have a statute of limitation for sexual assault, felony three, and child molestation, or it's an extended period, like it's 30 years or something. And they accepted it. They said, okay, we'll put it in a committee. So it either goes in the House side or the Senate side. Our Senator authored it. It went to the criminal committee, the Senate side. They gave it a hearing. I think I met with as many senators that I could to bring awareness. So once it went on for a hearing, they knew our story and why we were passionate about this. You sit down and talk to them, we share with them. You don't want to take too much of their time, but enough time to get to the point. So you

forward things quickly, but you want to share your passion and why it's important. We had some really good feedback from the senators. There was one particular that I didn't get to meet with, but I heard that she was maybe for this or not for this for different reasons. I saw that her husband was a doctor. So I was like, she's the only one I haven't reached out to. I don't know which way she's going to go. I think the really cool part when we went to the committee, they said we do need some people to share their testimony.

And so, of course, I call my mom and I'm like, all right, mom, you need to do your testimony. I need you to speak because she's a physician. And I was trying to get people that can connect in a way. And I was like, my mom can connect with her. She's a mother. She's a wife. She's a physician.

she can talk on the clinical side. She can talk on all these ways that maybe this person just needs some clarity so that she can see why this is a good thing to get behind. My mom's testimony was very powerful. She spoke about herself and her being a victim as well. She has very successful children in different ways. And she came from a very hard home life. She became a physician and she said,

sometimes the cards we were dealt aren't great. But what you do with them can be impactful. We went through that and it was such an amazing experience to share our testimony, have people listening. My mom spoke. I sit up there and spoke. My children went to the hearing. I didn't share all the details because they came.

I just told them we're fighting for people for their voice and it's the right thing to do. If they want more details as they get older, that's fine. But at this age, they just need to know what happened and why we're doing what we're doing. I just try to encourage them to have that open door. I'm there for them and that they can talk to me. My dad was there too, and my dad was there crying. As an adult now, after all of this has happened, we're on this side of things, working on change,

and I feel like it's easier to talk about it. Their heart was broken having two daughters go through this. I believe that they're very proud of us and that they would do anything for us. It's nice to have that communication and that support. I got my sister's permission to share her story. She was there at the hearing sitting right behind me. So she's part of this journey to the whole thing.

And she's very supportive. I know at times I check in with her. I'm like, how are you doing? I know I'm pushing full force, but I do have to remember that there are feelings that come in wave sometimes. And so we're all on different paths and different journeys in our timelines. I'm so proud of her. She's an amazing young lady.

So I just check in with her from time to time. And I'm like, how are you doing? How is this making you feel? And she's like, I'm doing well. This is kind of a lot, but I'm doing well. We've talked about things I share about the bill. Different updates come up. She said something about my superhero sister.

So obviously that's going to make me cry. Her saying that really meant a lot to me. Hopefully this will encourage her in different aspects of her life, when to stand up and fight. We had a gentleman that talked about his assault from his sister, and that was very powerful. We had some prosecutors speak on our behalf, and we had the director of Indianess Sexual Assault Coalition. She stood up and spoke. When I go back and look at that video, she stood up behind me.

I didn't even know she was there, but she was touching my back and she never left my side. We made shirts that said, Here am I, send me. It comes from a Bible verse Isaiah 6,8, and it says, Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? And I said, here am I, send me. So we all wore shirts that represented that, really just voicing for survivors that we are standing up for them.

And hopefully they will come forward in the future. But it went through the committee unanimously. Everyone voted yes to send it through. I think it was after the first committee hearing. We were just so excited and we have been reaching out to different people just to get some traction and show what we're doing on this issue. And so a group of us went to a really nice restaurant and had a bar in there. We got a pictures with the owners. You go up to the bar and you start talking to different people and of course we're sharing it.

People are coming up to us and they're like, I'm an attorney or I've been in the Senate for a long time. I love what you're doing because they're just overhearing. And we were just really excited about it. And of course, everyone at the bar is signing the petition. And there's a gentleman that walks behind me from what my mom said, he stood there for a little bit, and then walks around and sits at the bar. And I didn't even notice any of this. But then all of a sudden, I look up across the bar and I see this man, and I knew who he was exactly.

It was one of the people that were involved in my assault. he was the one that recorded it. He didn't do what the other people did, but he recorded the whole thing. I've run into him a couple of times, but this was really crazy. We're here sharing what we're trying to do about this assault that happened

and bring awareness and the person that helped make that happen was sitting right in front of me. So I just felt at that moment to walk over there. My mom was like, what are you going to do? And I said, I think I'm going to go over there. and talked to him. And so I walked around and I patted him on the shoulder. He turned around and he knew who I was. I had my shirt on. I wanted him to see what we were doing. And so I just shared that we are working on this bill.

It just passed through the committee today. We're sharing our petition. I look forward to changing the statute of limitations for sexual assault. And I was able to look at him in the face and share that. And that was powerful to me. And he said, I know I've been watching. I'm sorry about your sister. As crazy as the sounds, I was respectful. I didn't want to come at him in an attacking way because we are around a lot of people and we're bringing traction and awareness to this very important issue.

I didn't want my emotions to distract from what we're doing. If I were to freak out in that moment and cause a scene, even if it was right for me to do that, that could also be a way for someone else to shed bad light on what we're doing. And I didn't want to distract from that. I do believe in justice and doing the right thing. As a human being, I looked at him and there was a lot of heaviness. Whether that's on what he did or not, I have no idea. But my heart kind of wept for him. I didn't know what to do with that. But I'm glad that he sees what we're doing because I deserve justice too. I don't know how that was orchestrated.

or how that all aligned. But I don't necessarily think that was a coincidence in a way for my healing. It gave me a little bit of confidence to keep moving forward and believe in what we're doing. It gave me some closure. But to also know that you can be a human being and also seek justice for yourself.

I think that that freed me from all of the anger and pain that I was holding on to because I can't go to them and say, I need you to say you're sorry and mean it. I may never get that. I just was grateful that I was able to confront him. That to me was powerful. It did push me a little bit to keep moving forward and fighting for other people.

So that passed through the committee unanimously. Then I went to the full Senate floor. That was amazing to be a part of. We had a lot of senators stand up and fight for us and for this cause. We had one senator particularly that stood up and said he had been fighting his whole career for this. and it was an honor for him to stand up. We had 35 plus authors in the bill passed unanimously on the Senate floor.

That was awesome to see when this happened to me. I felt like nobody was listening to me. Nobody wanted to hear what happened. My evidence was thrown away. I was discarded. And so when you stand up and actually fight for yourself and then to see other people rallying behind you and fighting for as well,

I thought that was pretty powerful. It was another healing process for me to see that I had a little bit of that validation that I deserved a long time ago. The senator that's been working really hard to get this done met with me, and he gave me this picture. He had every senator that signed her bill and signed it. And they wrote really sweet things like, great job. We're so proud of you. Great to be part of this. That was really sweet that he took the time to do that and recognize our efforts. We made history. There has not been a Senate bill and history been a successful going through the whole process unanimously.

That definitely skyrocketed us into sharing our story on different news stations. We had some people really excited about that and wanted to hear more about it. Going on Fox 59 News was really cool. The experience was fun to be in the green room and then walk through. That was a fun thing to be behind the scenes. They put your microphone on and then when she said, we're going to go live. I was like, oh my gosh, it's nerve-wracking. but then they're there to help you.

You know what they're going to ask and then you just share your heart. I think that's been my thing the whole time is just sharing my heart and my love and compassion for others that have been through this situation. Once I started talking, the nerves went away. So now I want to go talk as much as possible because if that's the avenue to get to our goal, then it's an absolute honor to do it. The bill passed unanimously on the Senate floor, then it would follow to the House side. and go through that process again on the House side. It did stop. It did not get a hearing and the

criminal committee on the House side. That was really upsetting. We reached out to different people on the House side to meet with them. At first, they said they wanted it to go through the safety committee in the summer. The safety committee goes over these bills and if it goes through the summer committee, it can keep the same name, the same Senate number. I like keeping that because We had such good momentum on the name of that bill, Senate Bill 151, and a lot of people behind it. I think that it helps keeping the name and keeping the flow going instead of them halting it and killing it. And then we have to start all the way over with the new bill. We did get word that they weren't going to hear it in Summer Committee.

That was a tough phone call for me because I think you put so much into what you're doing and you're putting everything out there. you know that you're doing the right thing and to hear that such an important bill for our state and for other survivors, hopefully nationwide, was halted and stopped. It was really hard to hear. I had a little pity party for probably three weeks. I was in the middle of writing on a book proposal and I just couldn't get past that it wasn't passed. But then after I met with the senator that authored our bill and has been rallying for us, he let me know. hopefully it will go through the summer committee. It's not dead yet.

Still alive. And I believe it's going to go all the way through. So I'm really encouraged. I think that we're on the right track. We're going to keep moving forward. Obviously, I'm not going to give up. I cannot wait until we're in the governor's office with that signature. I already bought my victory dress.

Those are important things, right? I'm really excited to share this and then see what our next step is. Once it's accomplished, then we move on. on across the country and hopefully we'll see what happens. What else unfolds? I go through spurts where I email as many people as I can, like who wants to get on our bus? Who's going to push us up the hill? As many people that we can get behind us, I think is helpful. Do you have sights on a federal bill at some point? I would love a federal bill. I haven't planned that out yet. I know it's different, but I didn't know how to tackle state legislation either. So I know I can learn.

It's hard for me because I have this rebellious personality of I'm going to do whatever I want to do. If it's the right thing to do, I'm going to do that. But I'm trying to learn wisdom, being respectful to the process and how they do things so that they're willing to listen. Relatable. I knew you were punk rock. I knew it. I just wanted to say how much joy it brought me and how much pride I felt getting the updates from Dara in real time, seeing them with their matching shirts on and getting to watch the live

stream and hear them giving their testimony. She's such an incredible example of taking something that is absolutely horrific what she went through. Big capital T trauma exclamation point and continues to push forward, continues to advocate for others. When you watch these hearings and things, you can see lawmakers faces changing and heart softening and people coming around. A lot of times people feel like they can't make a difference. They can't make an impact of this kind. Dara has channeled that into this. So many survivors that I meet who have been able to reconstruct their trauma almost, reconfigure it into passion and purpose and helping other people. It is a part of the healing for me, doing the work and getting to see you do that.

It's inspiring to me. It made me want to get more involved legislatively. It makes me want to reach out to my senators more. I was so inspired seeing you reading your statements and seeing you guys on the live stream. You persisted and didn't take no for an answer and now look what you've accomplished. And I think it's just a good reminder to all of us that sometimes all you need is passion and persistence. I definitely agree with that. I was listening to a survivor. She had something happened to her that was different than what happened to us. She said when people have passion and a purpose, they can

survive anything. I heard that in the midst of all this. And I was like, that is so true. When you do have passion and purpose, I think anyone can do this. I mean, on a silly note, I almost didn't graduate high school because I was such a rebellious kid and never was. went to class my senior year. The only class I had to pass was my government class. I didn't go to class very often. I was probably doing a lot of things I wasn't supposed to. And my teacher, she taught world history and in U.S. history. I was like, I'm going to get this test done and I'll get a deed. I'll graduate. I grabbed the final, got it done. And I was like, they have pigs. I don't remember hearing that. I was like, well, I didn't go to school very much. So I gave it to her and she goes,

You took the wrong final. You took the U.S. history final. You're in world history. So, I mean, if I can do this, anyone can do this. I think it's just when you meet with your representatives, ask questions. I think I've learned a lot that when a door closes, you find another door. You find another door. You keep advocating.

We are really working hard and pushing to let survivors know that we are fighting for them. When I get phone calls or text messages, people reaching out that this happened to them, it almost haunts me at night. There's times where I can't sleep. I want to keep moving forward because I know that there are people out there that need to know that their voice matters, that they do matter in this life. I hope that they see what we're doing and that you can't overcome hard things. You can stand up and fight for yourself and seek healing.

You can have a great life. Your purpose can be endless. and you fight for yourself. I think a lot of trauma victims or survivors struggle with suicide. And I did as well. There was a period of time where I was suicidal and I share that because I don't want anyone ever to give up.

When a door is shut or an opportunity is shut, just keep trying. Try another avenue. Ask for help or ask another opinion or keep bugging people respectfully. When I say that these survivor stories haunt me, it's because I don't want to leave one person behind. If there's one person that thinks they're alone, I don't want to forget about him. If it's one person that says, I know you're going through this, we're fighting for this, and then they see that, and they don't take their life.

Or they get healing to be the mother that they want to be or the sister or the brother and get their passion back for their. life because they're destined for a great life, that's what haunts me is that I'll not find that one person that needed to hear that. People that reach out that were just sexually assaulted or just realizing that they need help or healing. I remember the beginning of that and it does seem overwhelming and daunting. If you've been assaulted or this has happened to you or happened to a loved one, find that one person that you can tell. That's your one o'clock in the morning person. If you don't have that,

reach out to someone, tell someone your local authorities. I know online there's a lot of resources. I would look at your nearby sexual assault crisis centers or resources. I think it's getting to a place where you just take one step. It could be getting up that morning and brushing your teeth. And then the next day, I'm going to, make myself get up, brush my teeth, and throw in a load of laundry. And then those small things over time, you start seeing that you can't accomplish them. Because if you look at the big picture and go, I have to put my testimony in. I have to reach out to prosecutors.

I have to do this. I have to do that. It's overwhelming. If we look at it like this big monster that we have to accomplish and we try to do it all in one day, you're going to be like, I can't do that. So don't do that to yourself. That's probably my best advice is this stuff takes time. So I would say baby steps on what you can do in that moment.

I just want healing for people. So powerful. You're strong for what you survive and brave for being able to tell it. I don't think you'll ever even be capable to know the full extent of the positive impact that you have made. Thank you so much for being willing to do this. Thank you so much. I thank you for your time, your energy, your legislative efforts. You're just a force to be reckoned with. I'm so glad the world has you in it. You are a gift to the universe. I can't wait to have you back on when it's passed. We'll have a celebratory episode. I love that.

You have both been amazing. I'm so grateful that I can call you friend and I'm inspired by you guys every day. So I really appreciate everything that you guys are doing. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. Next on what came next. The prosecuting attorney asked me my name and what I had done the weekend before and I was really excited to say I had just graduated from college. That was a big deal because I almost didn't make it. They get to that point in the trial when they say, is the person who attacked you in the courtroom today. I look at him and I start breaking out in a cold sweat. I know that I'm about to faint. And I think everybody in the courtroom realized it too. To hear Holly Dunn's eye opening What Came Next episode entitled

As Long as I Have My Voice and to hear from many more incredible survivors, including other something was wrong, former guests, please visit What Came Next on your preferred podcasting platform and don't forget to subscribe. The Broken Cycle Media team has currently curated over 80 compelling interviews with many more to come. What Came Next is a Broken Cycle Media production co-produced by Amy B. Chessler and Tiffany Reese. If you'd like to help support What Came Next, you can leave us a positive review, support our sponsors, or follow Broken Cycle Media on Instagram at Broken Cycle Media. Check out the episode notes for sources, resources, and to follow our guests. Thank you again for listening.