Something Was Wrong - S12 Ep6: My Darkness was Hooked

Episode Date: April 28, 2022

*Content warning: This episode includes descriptions of emotional, physical, stalking, death and gun violence. The Domestic Violence Hotline offers free and confidential support, 24/7 at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233), text "START" to 88788 or chat with someone confidentially at https://www.thehotline.orgThe National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)'s mission is to lead, mobilize and raise our voices to support efforts that demand a change of conditions that lead to domestic violence such as patriarchy, privilege, racism, sexism, and classism. We are dedicated to supporting survivors and holding offenders accountable and supporting advocates. https://ncadv.org/contact-usFor more free mental health resources, please visit SomethingWasWrong.com/Resources

If you're serious about growing this new year, what you put into your mind actually matters. And as someone who lives and breathes careers and self-development, even I get overwhelmed trying to do it all. Between work, life, and trying to better yourself, self-care can start to feel like just another thing on the to-do list. But investing in yourself doesn't have to be complicated. And with Audible, it isn't. It's time to take care of you. And who better to help than the top voices and well-being all in one place. With Audible's well-being collection, you can level up your career, finances, relationships, sleep, parenting, or mindset. Whether you want motivation, clarity, or practical advice, there is something there to support you every step of the way. I listen while I

commute, clean, work, or just when I need a little bit of downtime. You'll hear from best-selling authors Brene Brown and Jay Shetty, Chef Jamie Oliver, finance expert Rachel Rogers, and popular parenting guides like raising good humans. Kickstart your well-being journey with your first audiobook free when you sign up for a 30-day trial at outable.com. Membership is 1495 a month after 30 days. Cancel any time. There's more to imagine when you listen. Something was wrong is intended for mature audiences. Episodes can discuss topics that can be triggering, such as emotional, physical, and sexual violence, suicide and murder. I am not a therapist or a doctor. If you're in need of support, please visit something was wrong.com

slash resources for a list of non-profit organizations that can help. Some names have been changed for anonymity purposes. Opinions expressed by the guests on the show are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of myself or audio chuck. Resources and source material are linked

in the episode notes. Thank you so much for listening. I'm asking the whys, which is what You're going to ask after something like this happens. Why me? Why is this happening to me? Why did you do this to me? And we had one last communication.

We were texting and he was being communicative, which was interesting. I had thrown out there that I still wanted to talk to his wife, that I might just contact her. I wish I hadn't done that because I put a bug in his ear, which was stupid. But anyways, you can only be so smart. And he tells me he's coming clean to his wife, like really really. about everything, about it all. And I'm like, okay. And he was like, I have it written down what I'm going to say to her if you want me to send

some of it to you. He's like, I'm not going to send you the whole thing because some of it's personal. I don't want you to read it all, but I'll send you some chunks. And I'm like, okay, yeah, I would love to read it. And once again, I'm playing super, super nice. I mean, I am like kissing his ass. Did he claim at this time that his wife knew none of his extracurricular activities of torturing women at this point?

He's saying, I've done this before, but she doesn't know. and I'm going to finally tell her this big secret? Yes, yes. He has explained that she knows that there's been an affair and that it's been an in-depth affair, but that she doesn't know the extent to which he went to create this other life. I mean, it was more than an affair. He was living a second life.

And what he did to get it so far and that he's done it before, she didn't know any of that. Just because I'm saying information doesn't mean I believe it. So he was like, I'll send you this. So he sends me this email, the beginning of his story, speech that he plans on reading to her. And it's hilarious. Wait, I'm going to scroll down to it.

Wait, should I just read it? Please, please, please, please. The receipts, so many receipts. Yeah. To a disadvantage too that I am someone who's very nostalgic. So I save everything. That wasn't good for him. Wow.

I can't even imagine the faces you were making then in that moment. Oh, better believe. I brought this to all my. my friends, and they have all done their own dramatic versions of drinking wine and reading this fucking email out loud because, oh, this is great. So just imagine him with a piece of paper printed in his hand sitting across from his wife and reading this. And it says, I feel as though I've been preparing for this moment for quite some time now. I sit across from you, a completely broken, selfish shell of a human being. The most honest part of me is my love for you. I'm

in our marriage. However, I have a dark side, an alter ego, a shadow figure that controls me so very often and destroys everything around me. My last wish is literally for mercy. To stick with me. This is the biggest, eye-opening, life-changing mistake of my life, most unfortunate way to figure it out. Maybe I wasn't loved enough. Maybe I've learned too much from my dad. Maybe I'm just a bad person who should be alone. So here it is. Here is my truth. What I'm about to read will shock you. It'll make you sad, drive you to anger, and it is clearly a cry for help. I have been an underachiever for so long, lacking discipline, wanting great things, but never going for them. For the longest time, I would meet people, lie to them about who I was, try to feel like even for just a night

I could be someone else. And it was easy, fun, especially when I moved around as much as I did. But then I started to have feelings for some people, care for them, and then I was screwed, because I wasn't who I said I was. There have been a handful of relationships. that have ended poorly because I wasn't truthful about who I was. I would go onto internet sites. I would post ads for nanny positions, trying to have conversations with the applicants, never actually meeting them, but telling them this brand story about how successful I was and how we needed the help.

Saying this to someone in the light is very hard and very surreal. So that's the moment he planned to apparently look up and say to her. Saying this to you is very hard and surreal. He planned that part. That was how I lived. Playing a role, a part, living vicariously through this. being that I was molding. And then there was you. And then he put the word tears, which I think is where he plans to cry. And he forgot to remove that from the email before sending it to me.

So then there was you. Tears. The love, caps, of my life. You, you, you, you were the first person I found myself being honest about who I was, my messed up family. You were it for me, the end of the road, the exhale, the honest life. Now I fear that you may actually be the end of the road for me. I was myself around you, that underachiever, the guy with confidence on the outside, but a swirling mess, just needing love and guidance on the inside. I wanted to soak you up every bit of you, every day, learn from you, grow with you, love you, love with you. I had never and will never be happier than I was an M with you. He says to the person he cheated with for two years and lived with another girl, but okay.

Those dark pieces started to put themselves better at the back of my mind. And the awful creature who needed to feel successful like he did it and he returned. But this time he was different, darker, scarier, more dangerous. All because I actually had something, someone to lose this time, that someone is you. There's something in my actual life, a life that I truly love and just want so badly to be a part of, to contribute to. I felt inadequate in so many ways since our relationship began. All of your success, your friends are all. so successful, so happy, so loving, and I was spinning.

So my dark passenger decided he needed to feel that success again. That was one piece of the email. He sent me three pieces. The others are not as long. He was like, I'm not going to send you the between because it's me telling her how much I love her. And I'm sitting there thinking, amazing, because how many times you painted pictures of loving me, of saying these same words to me?

You, you, you're the love of my life, you're everything I've been looking for. I mean, when we sat on the porch and I said to him, I know you're married, that was his out. He could have just left. He couldn't, that was it. I didn't know the rest. I didn't figure out the rest at that point. He could have been like, you're right. I love my wife.

I'm leaving. But no, it was, but I love you. You're it. You're the relationship I've been wanting her and I are just business, blah, blah, blah. When I read this and I was like, oh my God, he is so full of shit. I can't even. That's not how love works. No, it's not how it works at all.

The second one is, So here we go. I put out an ad for a nanny position. This time I'd be an up-and-coming producer with a daughter, single, looking for someone to help take care of her and assist with things I needed. I got a handful of replies and it wasn't doing it for me. I thought, maybe I didn't need it.

Then she replied, and my darkness was hooked. Never any intention of meeting anyone. I mean, I'm married. This was just meant to be a fix, scratch my itch. But then it was too easy. We agreed to meet for a drink. I felt myself drowning, panicked, completely horrible. What was I doing?

I had it all at my fingertips if I could just focus. Be the person I wanted. It was all set up for me, to be great for us. But then it continued, the lies. I would see her whenever I could. I'd stay the night when I said I was out on investment trips. During the day when you were at work, and then it continued. The lies I told her were insane.

This character had taken on a life of his own and I was out of control. His mom died. He was English. had seven sisters and a brother. His dad played professional baseball. He had a new show that he was filming that was going to be airing later this year. I was constantly trying to end it.

Become less available. Be an asshole. Okay, none of that is true. I didn't know what to do. I was so far beyond scared, so deep. He was in love with her. So that was part two. And then the last one, it said,

where did I go from here? Where did Joe end? The answer seems so obvious. So simple. End it with her. But the tough part was, Well, if I ended and she somehow found me out, she could completely blow us up publicly. So, Joe dragged on, meaning some of her friends, delaying and delaying, all the while Joe becoming this force of a human.

Unstoppable, really, I was done for. He was head over heels in love for this girl, completely drained. Every day was a lie to everyone around him. Everyone around us. I lost weight, got sick, lied and lied, worried and worried. Every day I prepared for the worst, for the shit to turn. There was a weekend at a cabin in the woods, a week at a lake for her birthday, four days up spending with her family. At this point, there was no peaceful, plausible way to end this.

Shit was going to hit the fan, but it didn't matter. There was so much love for her. Joe was in complete control, and I was just a puppet. And that was the end of his emails. He was apparently going to read that out loud to his wife with a ton of mushy shit in between to make it seem like any of that is okay. and yeah my mouth is just hanging wide open this whole time

it's not funny but it's so it's so wild I mean I laugh at that email my friends and I laugh at that email it's so dramatic so poetic I'm like you should have been writing scripts because let's be honest

this is hallmark material you're wasting your skills it's too bad you never worked for the last two years oh my gosh and just like the whole like maybe I wasn't loved enough. None of this is your fault. None of it. I became all this stuff.

I'm two people. Yeah, you're just one person and he's a bad, bad person. That's all it is. Literally F-minus person, okay? You're a terrible person. You're just a really shitty person. You don't just do this to somebody and it takes control of your body. Like, there's power inside him.

Like, he's fucking Captain Planet, but he's turning into Joe. take responsibility for yourself. No responsibility. Zero. Even in the bad headspace I was in after all this, I could read that and see right through it and laugh at it. And I was like, oh my God. I mean, especially at this point, you've already figured him out. Yeah.

And then I felt bad for his wife. So then I get in my head because I am a good person. And I do genuinely care about people. And I'm thinking to myself, even in those emails, he was kind of vague about who he was. Oh, I'm traveling all the time. Why are you traveling all the time? He didn't mention witness protection in that.

What did you tell your wife? I'm going, I feel like she doesn't even know who he is. From what I know, she comes from a wealthy family, and he apparently is an underachiever, and he probably saw this chick as a meal ticket. They got married within six months of meeting each other, and I think that he has also lied to her about who he is and his past and everything.

I absolutely do not think that he has been honest with her. Like, how could you be? They had only been together, total, less than a year. Eight months. Yeah, less than a year. Yes. Yes, by the time he's telling me he's in love with me. Mind you, all of that, he's telling me he's in love with me first.

He's texting me that I am not coming in. Like, I sent you those text messages. I'm like, I still have the first text messages when he said he loved me. And my response is, did you mean to send that to me? He was coming in hot. And I was like, oh, I mean, sure, and he treated me so well. I mean, that's that love bombing, which I've never been love bomb before, but it's addictive and it definitely feels good. That's why it's so effective.

Especially when you first meet somebody and every movie, every cartoon that we grew up watching was like waiting for this special moment. It's like, maybe this is it. Maybe this is that thing. Especially a rich, British single father in the industry. Are you kidding me? Like, hello lifetime. Thank you for writing my life movie for me. It sounds like a fair.

Of course you wanted to be true. And I mean, just wild. And then he said this to me. I think this was on the phone. And this really, I don't want to say fucked me up. The results of this fucked me up. Him saying this to me didn't fuck me up, but the results of what he did definitely fucked me up.

It has to do with that whole love bombing thing. Is that he was like, I knew. he's like, I have seen to do everything. And I was afraid every day that you were going to find out and everything was going to blow up. So I lived every day of our relationship like it was our last. I came in with food and drinks and activities and fun and gifts because I never knew when it was going to be my last day with you.

And I was going to make sure my last day was the best day. He molded himself into the perfect person for me. And then we lived every day like it was our last day. last, which is an absolutely unachievable high for me to ever feel again in any relationship moving forward because it's not realistic. It's not how relationships work. But it's why when I was in it, I felt so good. And I didn't know that he was approaching every day that way. I thought this was just who this person was. And I thought, this is the best. I'm so happy. He was filling us with endorphins every single day. It's definitely fucked up how I'm going to

see relationships moving forward because relationships, you're not feeling high every day like you're on a drug. It's not normal. Now when I date people, I feel like normal, which is the correct way to feel and that feels low and wrong as if I don't like this person. And it's going to take a while for me to sort that out. Yeah. That makes total sense when you've gone through something so incredibly traumatic. it's going to take a while to undo the damage. And that's what's so upsetting is there's so much damage. That this person doing this to other people is leaving people wrecked and emotionally distraught. Doing this to people, though, and making them crawl out from under something like this is just,

it's so damaging and harmful. And not to mention his wife, you know, he's just spending up all her money doing this. Yes, I am a genuinely good person. And despite the shit he did, I care that his wife exists and that she's on the other side of this and it probably sucks. And so I was like, I'm going to reach out to her because any human deserves that. And so I did. I ended up texting her and I think he was waiting for me to do that because she responded and it didn't feel like her. Maybe it was her.

Maybe she's dealing with this shit her own way too. I mean, I don't know. I don't know her. He's a liar. He always told me she was cold, but he's a liar. I can't possibly believe really anything he says. But I messaged her and I said, well, I'll read it to you. I still have it.

I said, hi, I don't know if you know who I am or not. I stated my name. And I said, I'm the woman living with your husband the last two years. He told me he's come clean to you, but I don't believe him. Either way, I would love to talk with you. Please, he is definitely not telling you everything and you deserve to know. I don't want anything to do with him. I just have your best interest in mine.

I know this sucks, but please. listen to what I have to say. I would love to chat. And I said, here's some proof. And I sent her so much better than a picture. I sent a picture, but I also sent a link where when he first got sick, I have a security camera. And I would always save really cute moments from the security camera, the nostalgic person to me. And eventually he started to talk to the security camera and leave me messages and like love notes when he was leaving in the morning and whatnot. And so I would save all these things. I strung them together into like a video. And I gave that to him when he first got sick as a thing to cheer him up.

And I sent her that video, the link to that, because that is more than a photo. That is, I was like, if I sent her a photo, he could play it off. We hooked up one night and she's obsessed with me. Don't listen to her. No, this video shows a year of our life. You can see all the seasons, the Christmas lights, the spring flowers, the world changes outside. You can see that this was much time spent together. And I thought the proof doesn't get any better than this.

This isn't fun to look at, but this is it right here. And she replied, he came clean. It sucks. I don't want to talk to you. Please don't contact me again. Thanks for understanding. And I was like, wow, that was really cut and dry. I feel like he had access to her computer and message me back through her iPhone because

it's an iPhone and that that wasn't her. I don't really know. I will never really know. I'd know that I tried. And so what I did, because I was so bothered that I wasn't sure if this was her, I wanted her to know. And also because I don't know if he's dangerous. And also because is he draining her family's money, all sorts of things.

That made me feel more guilty than even finding out all of this was going on. Like it made me feel really, really, really, really bad. Since her brother-in-law's account was also public, I sent him a message as well. And he blocked me. I don't even know if he read it or not. I tried, though. I don't know if Joe got to him beforehand and hadn't blocked me before. The message never said read.

I sent it and he blocked me within a day. I don't know if he cared to look at it or read it or anything. After that, my sister was like, you need to put this to bed because you're really, really worked up about her knowing. And it's not healthy for you. And I was like, I know that really weighs on me because this hurts. And you just don't want anyone else to be hurt. made me feel like I was responsible for her to know. But she was right. She was like, you did your

due diligence. You sent her a message. You reached out to a family member who was close to her. And that's all you can do. You don't want to stalk the poor girl or like be up their butts about it. You can only do so much if they don't want to hear it because some people don't want to hear it, then they don't want to hear it. And then that's all you can do. That was disappointing because I really wanted to sit with her and exchange lies that he told us and say, this is what he told me about Whipro, what did he tell you about the fake shit that he lied to you about? I wanted to have that moment so badly. And I also really wanted to find out about the other women because he had admitted in his email that there had been relationships before me. And I found out his secretary,

Stephanie, wasn't real. But Stephanie sent me photos of herself and photos of him together. So Stephanie existed in some way. I don't know who she was. She is not on any of his social media accounts that my friends were able to access, so she wasn't some girlfriend. I think she was another person that got tricked like me. I think I have one photo of her on my old computer that I got to dig up. I also found out that he was married to the woman that was Ruth's mother for six weeks and in his early 20s. That woman did exist. She was real. And they were married and they got divorced after six weeks. So whatever happened, to cause him to get divorced after six weeks must have been really bad.

I did try to reach out to her as well because I wanted to know more information. And she did not respond. She has no social media and she's impossible to find. And maybe because she went through this, I wouldn't blame her to be completely honest. And I was like, that's that. If he traumatized her, then I don't want to push. And again, they didn't have Ruth together because Ruth doesn't exist. Ruth doesn't exist.

He basically added Ruth to that relationship. Exactly. That's exactly what he did. Yes and no. I mean, he told me he was with this girl for six years. And in reality, he was only with her for six weeks. Yeah. Yeah.

So, I mean, real different. Yeah, just a little bit. I'm so sorry. Thank God for your beautiful friends. Yes. Fuck this guy. The part, where I am blessed and where I am lucky and all of this is that I have a great support group.

I have great friends. And they were looking out for me from day one. The second they saw I was not okay at that barbecue, they took action and I can't thank them enough. I mean, it makes me want to cry. I just thinking about it. This whole recording, I haven't gotten emotional, but like that makes me more.

If you're serious about growing this new year, what you put into your mind actually matters. And as someone who lives and breathes careers and self-development, even I get overwhelmed trying to do it all. Between work, life, and trying to better yourself, self-care can start to feel like just another thing on the to-do list. But investing in yourself doesn't have to be complicated. And with Audible, it isn't. It's time to take care of you. And who better to help than the top voices in well-being all in one place? With Audible's Well-Being collection, you can level up your career, finances, relationships, sleep, parenting, or mindset. Whether

you want motivation, clarity, or practical advice, there is something there to support you every step of the way. I listen while I commute, clean, work, or just when I need a little bit of downtime. You'll hear from bestselling authors Brene Brown and Jay Shetty, Chef Jamie Oliver, finance expert Rachel Rogers, and popular parenting guides like Raising Good Humans. Kickstart your well-being journey with your first audiobook free when you sign up for a 30-day trial at outable.com. Membership is 1495 a month after 30 days. Cancel any time.

There was more to imagine when you listen. Okay. Of just that they cared so much. And then when it went down and everything blew up, they were all there for me in every aspect. I mean, I had people coming and cooking for me. I had people sleep next to me at night, so I wasn't falling asleep alone.

Girlfriends just being like, I'll just rub your head while you saw sleep. My boss let me take a leave. I was like, I'm having trouble. I can't get up in the morning. When I wake up, it all comes back to me. And he was like, you do what you got to do, pull yourself back together. The job's here. And so out of it all, thank God I just had so much love around me, because I think if I was more isolated, if he was able to isolate me, it wasn't anything he ever tried to do. But in other situations,

I've heard where women have gotten isolated and how terrifying that is. If that had happened, I think this would be a different story with a different ending, and I probably would be really not okay. But I still just have so much love in my life that I know that I will be okay. Even if dating is hard, I'll be okay at the end of it. So I started just like firing off questions. I'm like, have you talked to him? And she's like, oh, yeah, I talked to him. And I'm like, what?

What does he have to say about all this? I'm like, is he even British? And she's like, no. And I'm like, what? Okay, so he's married? How long has he been married? He's been married since 2019. Are you effing kidding me? Did you hear his accent? Yes. And then I said, well, what about Ruth? Is he actually a dad? And she said, no, Ruth's not real. And I'm like, oh my goodness. Like, they had just decorated a room for her. They bought a bunch of furniture and recarpeted and painted the walls and put little mirrors in there so she could watch herself dance.

And, like, this child doesn't even exist. He's not even a dad. So, yeah, it was a pretty crazy ride home from the airport. It's an absolutely insane conversation. I was so pissed off. And I wanted to call him. I wanted to do so many things. But I was like, I obviously don't want to overstep my boundaries.

I love my sister. And I don't want to hurt her any more than she already is. But, yeah, I was pissed. I don't even know if pissed is the word. It completely, oh, my God, it's like choking me up. She is such a, like, a free. spirit and so trusting. I mean, I envy that about her. She goes off and travels and does these amazing things because she's such a free spirit and she's so trusting and adventurous. I feel like

it's taken that from her. It's going to be really hard for her to trust anybody after this. And I'm worried that it affects, you know, that aspect of her personality. That's the adventurous side of her and adventurous and trusting and like this free spirit breaks my heart. Immediately I was like, Kenzie's going to have trust issues because who the hell wouldn't? And unfortunately, I was very correct in that guess. Usually when Kenzie's dated people,

she's usually one of those people who she mourns that relationship when it's over, but at the same time she doesn't let it keep her down for like too long. Finds a way to bounce back. This time she has not been bouncing back. as quickly. And then the fact that Joe was able to show Kenzie photos of this daughter he had, it kind of also made me very hyper aware of how easy it was that this guy could just

create a daughter. He got very candid shots because, you know, parents post cute photos of their kids. And it made me very hyper aware of that. It is not, It's not hard to fake a life, I feel, in this day and age. It's not hard to tell someone, like, this is a picture of my kid. You can just easily screen grab it and have it in your phone. You can print it. You can buy a frame. Like, no one's going to stop you.

I think it's also really great for whoever's listening to this. Trust your gut. I feel like a lot of us, for women, don't trust our gut as much. If there are red flags, question them and not sweep them under the rug. It's a cautionary tale. I don't think he has emotions. I don't think he's capable of that. I think he's very, he's definitely narcissistic.

I think he uses emotions to get the response that he wants, to manipulate you into doing an action that benefits him. It's all about him. I think he only emotion, voted behavior that was supposed to be emotion to elicit some kind of response from you because you're human. And he knows that you're a human. So you're going to naturally want to respond. And I think he knew and he could easily detect who each of us was individually. I think he elicited emotion to each one of us very purposely to either serve himself,

like to bolster kind of your faith in their relationship so that way you wouldn't question. Who wouldn't be vocal to Kenzie? I don't think he's capable of feeling anything at all. But I do think he's calculated and aware enough to figure out what emotions he should be able to show and then like emulating them. He's a void human.

Even looking through his like, old Instagram profile. To me, he looked from an outside view, so insecure, and wanted reassurance and thought he was funny. He dangled the aspect

of a kid, and I think he used it as a tool of attracting Kenzie into his life. I know you want this and desire it. He used the child as a tool of keeping Kenzie almost like

engaged in the relationship as like, this is something you want, and I know you want it. So I'm going to use it as leverage to draw this out as long as he can because he kept delaying that introduction between the two. Kenzie wants to be there for someone. That's like her natural instinct. She's such a giving person. And you challenge her to do something, she'll do it. She wants to be trustworthy.

He used that for his own advantage, made her feel like crap, like incomplete, not worthy, focused on Kenzie fixing herself and trying to make things perfect when she already was perfect. And she was so excited to meet his child and be so open. And Kenzie decorated, she painted, she bought furniture.

I mean, she painted these like owls and like recreated them from these very expensive ceramics displays and recreated it. And it's so beautiful. I mean, spent hours on that. For Kenzie, a roller coaster of emotions when I came over that night after she dumped him, it was kind of like excitement, feeling vindicated, empowered. you know, kind of like angry but laughing to that part to me was heartbreaking to watch your friend have to process so much information and to digest it and to mourn him and then mourn, digest that everything was a lie, and then to peel back another layer and realize he didn't have a child and that future you envisioned. and wanted just wasn't going to exist, at least in this state. If he was to hear this, what would you want to say to him? I feel like, I don't know.

It's a small world, and I feel like fate will have us run into him at some point in time. It's not like he's moved. The city's not that big, and I'm pretty sure we have some mutual circles. inevitably, I feel like the opportunity will present itself to confront him. He makes me so angry. Fuck you is what I would say. Part of me wants to be like, I know where you fucking live. I know your family and you're fucked.

Like, I will seek my life goal to really. It's not my life to do that, but like, I think. you're a terrible human being, he does not deserve anything, anything positive in his life. The last time we spoke, he told me that he was planning to leave the city and that he'd probably move up north again. They live 15 minutes away. And we'll say a minute away from my friend Harper. So we were sleuthing at Harper's house and he was two streets over realistically. And I mean, It's a big city. So the odds of that are really slim.

It was funny because when I look back, he would say things every once in a while that I thought were kind of weird. He would mention restaurants or things in that area that I thought, why would he be over there? Why would he be in that area? And then now to find out that that's why. So I think he left the city or will leave the city and good. This is probably the smartest move for him. I found your podcast because it was suggested to me as something that would be therapeutic because there's similar stories. And I was like, this is yes. Oh, this is exactly what I need.

And I had also watched TikToks and stories online. I've seen so many of these stories where they just ghost. And these women get no answers, not a single answer. I would be losing my mind if I didn't get any answers. I didn't get all the answers. I will never have all the answers. But I got enough answers that I was able to wrap my head around what happened and how much of this was lie and everything. If he left that day when he was clutching his pillow in his hand and I'm thinking he's cancer, everything about him is still real at this point in my brain, dealing with cancer and he wants to leave.

And if he had walked out that door and I never got answers and I never talked to him again after that, I would have felt awful. I would have felt like I am the worst girlfriend. I would have just lost all confidence in myself. I just would have absolutely been confused and hurt and it would have been really, really detrimental. So despite all of the bad, because it's obviously a lot of bad, I keep looking at it like I got a lot more than some people get. I got answers.

I have people that love me. With those, I can put these pieces back together. It could have been worse. I could have gotten stolen. So I just try to look at all the. bright side of it. I mean, I'm definitely having issues where it just hits sometimes at random times. I got really triggered.

I went on vacation with my friend, and I got really triggered because I had tan lines. And I remember he came over one day, and he was tan. And I was like, why do you look tan? And he was like, oh, I just sat outside and was reading. and he had like immense tan lines. And when I sleuthed on his social media, I saw that he went on vacation with his wife. And I didn't know about it, obviously.

He went somewhere to some beach. I saw my own tan lines, and I remembered seeing his tan lines, and the lie came back to me, and it totally triggered me. And I fell out. I was out of it for two hours after that. I was really, really, really weirdly triggered by that.

Just at random times, it'll hit. And I'm like, whoa, people were checking in, and that meant I had to tell the whole story and that was exhausting. And I had one friend who was asking me questions literally from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. And finally I was like, I got to stop. And he was like, I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to exhaust you. It's just I can't stop thinking about it.

And I was like, I totally get it. That you're not the first person to have that reaction, but I got to take a break. You're like, I have a podcast for you to listen to. Also, here's Charlotte's number. Yeah, exactly. I'll tell you everything. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much, Siri.

for taking the time. It means so much. I'm glad that you were able to get a hold of me too because of the whole, I never got those emails. Yes, I'm not one to pester people, but I had this gut feeling. I was like, I feel like people aren't seeing my emails. I'm so glad I reached out and then you texted me right away and then we were able to connect. I sent me information in and I was like, maybe she gets a lot of crazy stories and maybe mine's not that crazy compared to what she gets. So maybe I won't hear back because there's just so many people out there going through shit like this. I mean, sadly, there are a lot of people

dealing with people scamming them and stuff. I wake up every day thinking, I can't be surprised anymore. And no, I am still shocked all the time. But this story is so beyond fucked up. It's the trauma bonding of this is scaring me and him

comforting you, but he's creating the chaos that he's torturing you with while comforting you. It's so disgusting and sick. And I'm so sorry that you went through that. Yeah, my one friend said the same thing. She was like, we got suspicious because aside from me showing up really distraught at that barbecue, she's like, there's just always been chaos in the relationship.

He wasn't mean to me, but there's always been chaos. You're in it. And you can't see your hand in front of your face at that point. So they were like, we had to figure it out. The documentation, the time. The detail. The time. The fact that he has the luxury of living off of this woman and using all of his time,

his literal existence on this planet was tricking you. There is an obsession quality to that too, which like I said, I haven't figured out all the things that he's tied up into because that's obsessive. You could have put that time into getting a job and working. Not an hour went by without him texting me and he's constantly working on ways to trick me. That's obsession in some form. I don't know what, but definitely not okay. After the case, he would get messages from the people that wanted to hurt him or like hunt him down.

Basically, the people that WhipPro was protecting him against. Every once in a while, he would get a message from one of their goons, a threatening message from a random number, unidentified number saying, we know where you are, we found you, you have to pay us this much money, or this is going to happen to you and your family, and you would like show them. to me. His phone would ring and he'd be like, this message came in. Do you want me to read to you? Who is it going to make you uncomfortable? And obviously I'd always be like, oh, read it to me. And then he would always reassure me, hey, we're safe. If it was an issue, I wouldn't be here right now. I would be somewhere else. He would read me these messages, which I guess he typed up and had pre-sent

timed to be sent to himself or, you know, however one does that. They were another detail of building this story to really make me believe that this is something we're going through right now. and that there are people really paying attention to us and that we should stay on our toes. I would say that. I was like, are we okay? And he's like, if we weren't okay, we wouldn't be sitting here right now. It's people's jobs to make sure we're okay. They're good at it.

He's like, there's a reason no one's ever been killed in witness protection. Like, we are totally fine. And he's like, but I just want you to know like the seriousness of this. That this is a real thing we're having to deal with right now. Sick. So sick. Yep. Mm-hmm.

What do you want listeners to tell you? take away from hearing this story. Oh, there's a bunch of things. One, I want listeners to know that if anything remotely like this happens to them, that they're not stupid and they're not dumb, and that there is just unfortunately so many ways and avenues to trick people and to mess with the human mind that it's not hindering on intelligence in any way. That's not the case. I have always seen myself as a pretty smart person, and this is a really extreme case. If anything remotely like this happens to them, to not be hard on yourself, to be kind to yourself. And also, it's important to surround yourself with people that really love you and to listen to them.

And you know those people. We know the ones that really love us. We know the friends that are fun to be around, but maybe they're dramatic. And then we know the friends that they really love us. and when they're saying something to us, as much as you don't want to hear it, that, oh, God, they are only saying it out of the goodness of their heart and to listen because it's hard to put your pride away.

It's really, really, really difficult to push that down and try to look at things from a different angle. But if you can do it, it's so worth it. You will be happier in the end because they only have your best interest at heart. They only want to make sure that you're being loved and taken care of. And I think we hear feedback from friends and loved ones and we think that it's a knock on us, that we're not doing a good enough job or that we're failing in some way

that they have to step in and say something to us. And that's not the case. It's not it at all. Relationships and life is just so complicated that sometimes you need another set of eyes. And my friends were so afraid to approach me because they had approached people in the past and had really bad outcomes where they lost friends and relationships and they didn't want that to happen with me and I was so overwhelmed with love that they went to that extent for me and listened to what they had to say. And from it, we had a good outcome.

And that's what I would want for anybody else to have that good outcome and not to hear any terrible stories of anything continuing. Think you know me, you don't know me well. You think you know me you don't Think you know me you don't Something Was Wrong is an audio chuck production Created and hosted by Tiffany Reese Our theme song was composed by Gladrags

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