Something Was Wrong - S13 Ep14: [Birdie] Everything Went Dark

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

*Content warning: This episode includes discussion of false imprisonment, drugging, self-harm, sexual, psychological and physical violence. For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resources RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the US. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, help is available. https://www.rainn.org/ Telephone hotline: 800-656-HOPE (4673)SWW’s theme music –  “U think U” by Glad Rags, from their album Wonder Under. Follow Something Was Wrong on Instagram

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Something Was Wrong is intended for mature audiences. Episodes discuss topics that can be upsetting, such as emotional, physical, and sexual violence, suicide, and murder. If you're in need of support, please visit Something Was Wrong.com slash resources for a list of non-profit organizations that can help. I'm not a therapist or a doctor. Most names have been changed for anonymity purposes. Opinions expressed by guests on the show are their own and do not necessarily represent my views. Resources and source material are linked in the episode notes.

Thank you so much for listening. My name is Bertie, and I am in my 40s. We'll just leave that there and I live on the East Coast. I am a self-proclaimed and everybody calls me the cat mom. I have lots of animals. I come from a family of animal lovers. I work very closely with rescue and foster organizations in my city, which is how I ended up with as many cats as I do.

And I feel like it's important to mention the fact that I am an animal lover and have had so many cats because that is what landed me in the situation or the circumstances that brought me here to share my story today. It's taken me over 10 years to be able to. to really talk about this in a way that felt safe and comfortable for me. I'm sure that there will probably be people who metaphorically, they're going to hear some of themselves in my story, and they may very well recognize their assailant or their abuser. I just don't want anybody to feel like they are alone because this is a very isolating circumstance. They're not alone.

Between January and September of 2011, I lost two of my cats. One of them was my very first cat as an adult, so there was a very extra special bond there. In that same year, my mom lost her dog. The family home, the backyard was basically a pet cemetery. It was completely full of animals. So we decided to cremate them. And for the services, we used a specific pet crematory. here in the city where I live. As a person who works closely with foster and rescue organizations, we were no stranger to having to put animals down. And we worked very, very closely with this particular business. And we would very often refer the bereaved pet owners to this business. They had a great reputation. It was a wonderful service that they did. They have a pet cemetery

that's actually there on site. And they do the cremation services where you can actually get the remains back in an urn or as jewelry. You can get the paw print. In mid-December of 2011, the pet crematory hosted a holiday service to commemorate all the pets lost that year. And there was a big news story that one of the well-known canine officers here in town had been killed in the line of duty. So it was to honor him as well. I went with my mom, us having lost a bunch of animals between us. It was an absolutely beautiful ceremony. There were refreshments. They did a 21-gun salute. They had a Christmas tree with ornaments on it, and each ornament had the name of the pets. We were able to go in and look for our pet's name on the tree,

and it was just absolutely beautiful. I'm so incredible. I'm so incredible. sorry for all of your family's losses and it's so tragic that they happened all so close together leading up to this other event. What was his personality like? I did meet him in passing. It was actually at the tree ceremony. He gave a beautiful speech before the 21 gun salute and then went inside and he was standing by the tree. I introduced myself and said, hi, I'm birdie. We got family sadly for us, but gladly for you is given you a lot of business. I told him the name of my cats and he remembered. one of them because it was a very specific Italian name. He was like, I remember that name specifically because I've never treated a cat with that name. He actually pointed out the ornament

on the tree for me. And I thought he was a little high strung. He was like super active and super engaging, but not in a friendly way. It was more like he was a very over-exaggerated character of a person. I didn't really get any bad vibes. I thought, okay, this is just an eccentric person. So that same night, the owner of the crematory, his name is Kyle, sent me a friend request from his personal Facebook page. I remember getting home from the ceremony and being so moved by the whole thing that I posted on the business's wall and said, thank you for such a wonderful ceremony. It was really wonderful. My mom and I enjoyed it as much as you can enjoy that kind of thing. He sent me a friend request and we started chatting a little bit. We took it to text. message. I thought, okay, this is going to be kind of a networking thing because I referred far

too many people over to him. He invited me to go see the symphony with him. And I declined at that time. I wasn't dating anybody, but I thought, I just kind of want to keep it professional. A few days later, he messaged me again and invited me to dinner and to go look at the Christmas lights in the historic district of town. Normally, any time I go out, with somebody new, I do a background check. I do have a truth finder account. A lot of my friends make fun of me until they want background checks done for their dates too. But in this case, I didn't. It's the only person I've never done a background check for. I accepted the invitation thinking, okay, this is a decent person. He's compassionate. He's a public servant. The whole city knew who he was.

So I really didn't think that I had to check up on him. I was still hesitant ongoing, but I thought, You know, he's a nice guy. I haven't been on a date in a while, so let's go. Well, the day before the date, my father's dog died. I heard through the grapevine that he decided to use Kyle's business to cremate her. And at the time, my dad and I hadn't been speaking. We're both very stubborn, and it was coming up on the holidays, and I didn't want to fight anymore. And I kind of used this as an opportunity to facilitate the whole making up process. I thought, okay, a good way to do this is to ask couples. hey, this is what happened. My dad's dog died. I know he's using your business. I'm pretty sure the dog is

there already. Is there any way that I can convince you to speed up the cremation so that he can get her back faster? And that was my olive branch. But in doing that, I knew that there was really no way that I could cancel the date and I was kind of stuck going. Our plans were in place. I was still mourning all of these family losses and I was going through some health issues at the time. I was kind of fragile for a few reasons. He presented himself as being very compassionate about animals, and it seemed like on the outside may be a perfect match. This is somebody who deals with animal death for a living, and this is somebody who was an animal lover and worked so closely with animal rescue and that kind of thing. And there's so much emotion tied up in that anyway, that I really do feel looking back like

he prayed on my emotional state at the time. He knew that he could get through to somebody. who was grieving a number of different things and used that to his advantage. The day of the date, December 18th, Kyle reached out and invited me to take a more thorough tour of the crematory and funeral home. So we could get to know each other and because he really wanted to show me the whole process of pet cremation and burial so that I would have a better understanding of the process, how intake works, where they make the jewelry and all of these different things. I'm the kind of person that, especially in times of grief and stress and sadness, I have to understand how things work. It's the coping mechanism. By that time, my dad's dog was already there. I did not want to see her. And during our tour, he actually offered me a glass of wine. Trying to be polite, I took it. I didn't finish it because I knew we were going out that night. I am a lightweight. I'm a very small person. My half a glass might be some.

somebody else's two or three glasses, so I didn't finish it. During that tour, the first kind of red flag for me, maybe it was because it seemed such a flippant thing to do. He showed me what some of the remains actually look like after cremation. He had a regular bowl or jar or something. It looked very similar to sand. You'd be walking on a beach and see sand maybe after the tide went back out and you could see broken shells, that's exactly what it looked like. He picked up a piece and he said, oh, this was a vertebrae and he threw it down on the table. My thought was, please handle with care, because that could be my cat. I don't care that it's bones or debris, just handle with a little bit more compassion and respect.

But I let it slide. We talked a little bit more and he said that he was going to pick me up about five o'clock at my apartment. I left at two and went home and started to get ready. That afternoon at 5 o'clock, Kyle picked me up in a limousine, which shocked me because I'm not a limousine person. I'm not impressed by that kind of thing. I wasn't expecting a limo. I expected like a nice little plane sedan. He got out of the limo and handed me another glass of wine with a napkin wrapped around the stem. A lot of people would probably think, oh, he was being courteous just in case the wine spilled.

And I'm like, no, he's hiding fingerprints for some reason. And I should have known then that that was my absolute first thought. I thought it was weird, but I just brushed it off. Then the limousine driver got out and introduced himself. And I recognized him immediately from the memorial ceremony, actually. He was driving guests on a golf cart back and forth to the overflow parking lot. And then Kyle mentioned that he used to live in my apartment complex. So we drove around and he showed me which unit he lived in.

He seemed overly excited about this random thing that we have in common and was just erratically pointing out, oh, there's the pool and there's my old apartment. There's the tennis courts. I'm like, yes, I know. And I actually worked at a neighboring community, but owned by the same place. Again, I didn't finish the glass of wine, but that time, it wasn't just because I didn't really want to drink. It was because it tasted like it was either old or it had gone over, whatever the term is, not a wine person. We drove to a local restaurant that I, up until then, really enjoyed going to.

We had dinner. He kept drinking. I ordered a glass of wine to be polite. So now, again, this is glass number three that I didn't finish. He started acting really rudely and aggressively towards the staff. I would be like, hey, you know, let's give her a break. I've waited tables before. I have a soft spot for service industry people. They work very hard. And he said, oh, I can get away with it because I'm here all the time. They know me by name. It was either a server or hostess asked me, are you okay? Is everything okay?

Did I need help? And I was like, no, he's just being obnoxious and I'm really sorry. I got up to go to the bathroom to wash my hands. That was at some point towards the end of the dinner. And he texted the limo driver and said we were ready for him to loot back around and pick us up. We got in the limo and we left. and pretty much the last clear memory that I have when we got in the limo was leaning over and kissing him, which I have to make clear was consensual. I didn't feel forced to do it, but even with all those red flags, I just kissed him. I don't have a reason why, but I remember that being the last thing that I have an absolute clear memory of. Everything went dark, went hazy, whatever you want to call it. The next thing, I knew was it was dark outside. This is winter. So if we were finished with dinner by like 6.6.6.15, it was

already starting to get dark at that point. But it was dark. I looked out of the window and we were in this neighborhood that I didn't recognize. There were tons of people walking around outside looking at Christmas lights. And I looked down and realized that I was completely naked. No clothes, no shoes. my earrings were missing. I just was completely naked and he was performing oral sex on me. I couldn't push him off of me. It was like, what are you doing? What's going on? And then he finished and then said something like, it's my turn. Do you give oral or do you like anal sex? All these questions. questions. And I just remember repeating, no, no, no, but not really able to articulate anything else. He got mad and said that I owed it to him after everything that he had done

for my family. Then he reached over and rolled the limo window down and started yelling Merry Christmas to everybody outside. And mind you, I'm still naked at this time, little by little trying to figure out what's going on and I'm looking for my clothes. And at some point, I got my clothes together and I started knocking or banging on the partition to the limo driver, who was obviously in the front seat. He came over the speaker. And I was like, can I come sit up front with you or can you let me out? And he said, no, I'm not going to let you out. I don't work for you I work for Kyle. It's up to him to decide if you can sit up front with me. I found my phone and I called my sister, Shiloh. She lives in California. And even to this day, I'm not sure why I didn't call

911, but I don't really think at that time I realized how bad it could get. And after listening to other survivor stories, in fact, I just listened to Sage's story and she did the same thing. She called her sister. So that's what I did. I called Shiloh and basically like, listen to this, listen what's going on. It's important to me that I have to mention now that it seems like I'm giving details as if I remember them very clearly. But a lot of this was told to me after the fact by my sister who heard this whole thing. So she's filled in a lot of gaps as to everything that happened in the next couple of minutes. Kyle and I started screaming at each other. He was like, you're a effing bitch, and I was like, your psycho let me out. When I had my phone in my hand, he was like, are you posting to Facebook?

I hope you're not posting this to Facebook because nobody's going to believe you because you had eight glasses of wine. I didn't have eight glasses. I've never had eight glasses of wine in one night in my life. He said there are cameras all over this limo. There's a camera there. there's the camera there and he was pointing out to all these random places where there were cameras. It was later determined that there are no cameras in the limo. He was just trying to scare me. Then he said that he was going to cut my dad's dog up into pieces and leave her body on his doorstep.

And again, my sister is overhearing this whole entire thing and she heard him yelling that if I didn't give him oral, that he was going to kick my ass and got me in the river, which was close. by. She heard me begging and begging to get out of this limousine and him saying to the driver, I guess, we're not taking her anywhere. At some point, the driver unlocked the door or maybe Kyle hit the lock. I don't know, but I realized that I was able to get out and I literally jumped out of this moving limousine and started walking down the street. I again didn't know where I was at the time. I knew that at the beginning of the date, we had talked about. going to this historic neighborhood, which I'm familiar with, but I don't know my way around.

A block or two over, I did see that there was this really bright light as if it was coming from big business or an office park. And I realized that it was the hospital, which was best case scenario that the hospital was right there. I'm still on the phone with my sister. She's like, where are you? And I said, this is the street I'm on. This is the hospital. And then I turned around to make sure that nobody was following me and the limo was actually rolling up next to me. The driver got out and started walking towards me and asked, are you okay? Are you okay?

And I said, you're both psychotic. Get the hell away from me. And he starts yelling at me. I'm yelling back at him. And as we're yelling each other, my battery died and the phone line went dead, leaving my sister to basically think that I was attacked. I get right outside the hospital and found a security guard or a police officer and he walked me into the hospital and found the first nurse that we could find who small world I actually knew this nurse from school and she was just like oh birdie hi and I'm hysterical and she was like okay we're going to get you to triage and need you to calm down she gave me some tea starts asking questions and then another person.

police officer came in and saw me and he says, is your name Bertie? And I said, yes. And he said, do you have a sister who lives in California? And I'm like, how does anybody know this? And he said, well, your sister got a hold of the police. She tried to call 911 in California, but obviously that didn't work. So she called the non-emergency number here in my city and they dispatched her to 911. So that's how she figured out that I was there at the hospital. She called my parents. And They showed up a little while later with one of my brothers. If memory serves, I think somebody also called my youngest brother who lives out of state, and they also called my sister's ex-husband, who I still to this day considered my brother.

I'm so incredibly sorry. How terrifying it must have been for you. I think the most terrifying part was that I was still under the influence of something. And so to be completely sober and know that something is happening to you is bad, enough. But to be under the influence, you're not coherent. The dots are not connecting, and that's a whole other layer of fear. And I'm just, I'm thinking about it now. And I don't think that I've really walked down the road of how it felt until just now. But yeah, it was terrifying. Also in the back of my head, knowing that my sister this whole time is like, she hears the phone

go dead and her first thought is, oh my God, they killed her. They did what they said they were going to do. They beat her ass and they dumped her in the river. My sister, she's my best friend and people say that all the time, but we have this connection that I cannot explain. I would give my arm for her. And I know there have been times when she was upset or in danger or I couldn't find her. She wasn't picking up the phone or whatever. And it's gut-wrenching to not know what is happening with your sibling. And I love my brothers, obviously.

But it's, I don't know. I feel like there's something different with sisters that's just unexplainable. and knowing how I have felt in times when I couldn't get a hold of her or I was worried sick. So my parents are there. My mother gets there and takes me into some room. I don't know if it was just like a break room or a conference room and she closed the door. And she's like, what happened? I start hyperventilating and I kept repeating, I don't remember, I don't remember, I don't remember, I don't remember over and over.

I guess going into a little bit of shock, when you hyperventilate, you get that feeling like, I know I'm going to pass out. It's a very distinct feeling. I just remember dropping the tea on the ground that the nurse had given me and feeling so guilty that somebody is going to have to come and clean this tea. And my mom starts kicking the door to try to get the nurse's attention. So they come get me. They bring me to this room and it wasn't like your typical exam room. It was a very private room and there are no other rooms close by. So I figured it was probably reserved for people who had been in my situation. They did an initial exam looking for some obvious injuries like cuts, bruises, and so on, which I had none. And they did a spot check of a blood alcohol,

and it was zero. Because again, those half glasses of wine that I wasn't finishing, they did a CT scan because there were so many blanks that I couldn't remember, and that came back normal. We're in the room. We're waiting for yet another police officer to come and take my statement, and I hear somebody walking down the hall. in heels. And it was this private room that was like way away from everybody else. So I remember that sound and thinking, why is somebody in high heels coming to my room? And my mom says, I called Anna. And I'm like, why did, why did you call Anna? And she says, well, Anna is an attorney. And I thought that you needed an attorney. And I had specifically said, I didn't want anybody to know about this.

please don't call anybody outside of family. It's nobody's business. The last thing I'm thinking about is an attorney right now. I love my mom, but I know her well, and I thought that she did this to get some attention because people don't start calling other people. You know, their first thought isn't an attorney. Their first thought is making sure that their kid is okay. So I was kind of angry. Not at Anna, obviously. Her thing was, I'm here for support. I want to to hear your story. If you want, I can try and find a criminal attorney because she was a different kind of attorney. She wouldn't be able to help me. And it was just too much of a conflict of interest if she did anyway. She stayed there with me while the police came and took a very brief report and

they gave me a card for the sex crimes unit. Then somebody called the rape crisis center. And we were told that a counselor was going to meet us there, but I kept telling everybody, I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to do this. I don't want to go to the rape crisis center. I know what that kit and that process entails. I don't want to go. But everybody kept telling me, you have to go.

You have to put this guy away. I'm like, I don't have to do anything. I guess I really was in a position of weakness where everybody else wanted to make these decisions for me. I was still kind of out of it. And so I had to trust that everybody knew what was best for me. My parents got me in the car and said that they were taking me home. And to this day, they fight me on this and say, no, you don't really remember.

But I very clearly remember them saying, okay, we're just going to go home. But they drove me over to the rape crisis center. And they put the child locks on. They wouldn't let me out of the car. And I kept saying, I don't want to do this. And they kept saying, you have to. That was twice in one night that I was locked in a vehicle begging to get out. And the second time in some ways is more traumatic because these are my parents.

And I haven't had child locks put on me since my youngest sibling was a child. That was the beginning of me completely losing all trust in how my parents were going to support me during this. I'm so sorry. It must have been absolutely horrifying. People will probably think that I'm this horrible daughter and I have this lack of gratitude for my parents trying to help me. But when somebody is telling you how they want to handle something or they're begging you to get out of a controlled situation, you listen to them. Losing that kind of control twice and one night, once by a stranger and once by your parents, it's horrifying. And the people that you're supposed to trust and who are supposed to take care of you are putting you in this imprisoned situation after it literally.

just fucking happened hours before. It's awful. There's not a big enough word for it. There was nobody at the rape crisis center, so we had to wait for somebody to get there. During this time, I finally got to talk to my sister from somebody else's phone. We waited about an hour,

and the counselor showed up with a nurse, and they walked me through how the assault kit works. I had to give over my clothes, except for my heels. I don't know how it happened that I ended up going home with my heels, but I guess that's neither here nor there. It's just a little weird. They did the assault kit, and they did an STD test, which, of course, if I had gotten one that night, nothing was going to come back right away, but I think their goal was to just make sure I didn't have anything before, because they test you again a couple weeks later.

They did the toxicology test, and they did the DNA swabs, and they did the DNA swabs, and they did the pelvic exam and that in a way was so much more traumatic because I was much more alert and could feel everything that was happening and my body was just shaking uncontrollably and they kept telling me you have to calm down, you have to hold still. And again, I'm like, I don't have to do anything. Something just happened to me. I don't think I know exactly what all it was and you're telling me to calm down, of course, of course I'm shaking. It almost seemed like they were irritated for having to get called out, number one, but number two, because I couldn't comply and couldn't hold still.

They completed the assault kit and they gave me this generic sweatsuit to wear home. Another weird thing and another layer that I think people didn't understand at the time was I kept that sweatsuit for months. It was weird how I was able to compartmentalize it, and not really give any value or importance to it because to me it was sweats to wear home. And my mom was like, I'm going to throw them away. And I'm like, no, I don't associate this with what happened. It's just sweats.

And even now, it's so weird. It's the most comfortable sweats I've ever owned. I don't have them anymore. Anyway, I remember walking out of the hospital wearing my heels and the sweatsuit and just laughing uncontrollably at how absurd I must have looked. Nobody understood what was so funny. I still to this day don't know what was so funny. I don't think anybody really knows how to corral their emotions or their reactions during something like that.

So my parents drove me back to my apartment because I wanted to check on the cats. I had this idea that Kyle broke into my apartment and killed my living cats. We got some clothes and toiletries for the next day. I ended up staying with my mom that night. At the time she and my dad were separated, so they had separate homes. but I stayed with my mom and I don't think we got to bed until 5 o'clock. She was like, you can sleep late tomorrow and you'll call the detective and so on. And I was like, no, I need some normalcy.

I'm going to work tomorrow. I don't care if I have to walk there, but I'm going to work. When I checked my phone later on, I saw that I had a text message from Kyle that came through a couple hours prior and said, thanks a lot for ruining my night. He also posted on his Facebook page, Bad Night took a wrong turn tonight, what a waste. I took pictures of both of them, which I later on gave to a detective,

and then I blocked him from everything. I actually still have the phone with that text message on it. I cannot bring myself to throw it away, because what if one day I need it, even though it is part of the police report and the detective saw it, I haven't been able to toss it. I went to work the next day, and I called my boyfriend,

boss ahead of time and I was like, hey, I'm just going to be a couple of minutes late. My boss at the time is actually a very good friend, even to this day. We're very, very close. And I was like, I'll tell you when I get there. She said, Bertie, you're scaring me. Are you okay? I'm like, I'll just tell you when I get there. When I got there, I told her what happened. And she was the first person outside of my family and in the hospital situation that I told about. She was like, do you want to work? Do you want to go home. She knew I was going on vacation to see my sister a couple days later. She's like, if you want to start your vacation early, and I was like, no, I need to work. I needed to work. I needed to get back into a routine. I needed some kind of normalcy. A couple days later,

my parents were like, you need to start the process of going after this guy. And I can't stress enough. I didn't want to do anything about it because he's this public figure. A lot of abusers are above the law, especially being part of the foster and rescue community. I was afraid that once this got out too much, that I would be shunned. And I'm so passionate about animal rescue and animal advocacy that I didn't want to be shunned from a community that I feel so connected to. So there were a lot of reasons that I really wanted to let it go, but they were like, no, you have to, you have to. I called my cousin, who was working for the state at the time, and she connected me with a friend of hers who worked at the state attorney's office.

and I said, I want to hear from you. Do you think it's worth it for me to pursue this? Just hoping that she was going to say no, because I just wanted to prove to everybody, look, it's not worth going through. Basically shut the whole thing down. But she said, yes, it is worth it. And you have five days from the time of the initial police report to change your complaint to a sexual offense. We're coming up on day five.

I called one of the detectives and said, I want to change this complaint to a sexual offense and they said, okay, you'll hear from a detective in the sex crimes unit, but they're so backlogged, we don't know when it'll be. The day before Christmas, I still hadn't heard anything. So I called the reporting officer and I said, look, I need to see my sister and she needs to see me. So can I still go? Am I going to hear anything anytime soon from the sex crimes unit? They can get a hold of me by phone or by email or whatever, but is it going to look bad if I still go to California planning on going anyway. And he was like, go ahead and go. We'll call you if we need any additional information. When I got to California, and when I say it was an emotional reunion,

that's just putting a very generic label on it. We cried and hugged and we hugged each other the whole time walking to the car, talked a lot about what happened. And we were able to put eyes on each other. My sister saw with her own eyes that I was okay. I was able to see her and see that she was okay knowing that I wasn't chopped up and thrown into the river. We tried to do all the fun California things to stay busy, but I had a breakdown. We were sitting in her living room on the couch one night, and we had a friend over, and I had started coming down with a cold. I was sitting on the couch, and she walked over to me. She was standing in front of me, and she put her hand on my forehead to feel me for a fever, and I'd crumbled into her. And when people say that

somebody crumbled, like that's what it looked like. The friend gave us our moment. It was at that point that I started becoming really scared of closed-in places, and I had a full-blown panic attack in her shower. It reminded me of being in that limo, which was a very closed-in space. I stayed for about a week with her, and then I went home. She's younger than I am by three and a half years and she took on the role of Big Sister at that point in a lot of ways she hasn't really stepped out of that role and I often wonder if it's because of that situation we never really talked about it. I finally heard from the sex crimes detective on January 10th. We played phone tag for a couple of days and then we finally connected where I could give her my statement.

Her detective report says that I requested my mother to be there but I didn't. my mother insisted on being there and didn't really feel like having that argument. I gave my statement and I was able to actually read over it and correct some details that the detective insisted, or they're really not that important. I'm like, they're important to me. I'm trying to take any kind of control over this that I can, so I had to correct a couple of things over the next few days as she went on with her investigation. She showed me a picture of his driver's license to verify that is this Kyle, is this him? She also went over with me an email statement that my sister had given her.

She also gave me a copy of it's called the Walk in Their Shoes Act, which I'm going to quote here because I'm not keen on the whole legalese. It permits admission of evidence of defendants, commission of other crimes, wrongs, or acts of sexual nature in criminal cases where the defendant is charged with a crime of sexual nature. My understanding to try and water it down is it basically states that you can use any prior to. sex crimes he committed as evidence in your own case, but I'm pretty sure he had to have been convicted of them. If any lawyers are listening, I apologize if I got that wrong. But over the next couple of days, the detective collected my assault kit from the rape crisis center, and she reviewed Kyle's criminal history. He has a history of a number of things, including public intoxication and violence, but he's never been charged with anything. These are, in some cases, pretty

violent crimes and he is alleged to have done all this. He threatened to cut the throat of a cable employee for turning off cable and internet to the business. He pushed an electric company employee for shutting off his power. He's gotten in arguments and threatened to shoot and kill his neighbors. He also, again, allegedly had harassed several of his female employees. And in fact, One of them, he offered $1,000 to have sex with him in his limousine the day that he offered her the job at his business. She needed the job and he does have a lot of charm over people. And apparently he tried to kiss her in the limousine and sounds familiar. She tried to get out of the limousine, but he had locked the doors from the inside.

She kept working there because she needed the job, but she finally quit and she did seek out legal counsel for sexual harassment. but was told by her attorney that because of the size and the popularity of Kyle's business, that she would never be able to proceed legally. I don't understand that. I'm sure there was probably a lot more to it. I wasn't privy to it. I'd never spoke to this girl. But the sad thing is that none of these crimes were prosecuted or considered to be of a sexual nature.

Not even when he tried to come on to his employee. It wasn't considered sexual assault, so they couldn't use any of that evidence in my case. So the Walk in Their Shoes Act didn't apply to me. That same week, a friend of mine who was a police officer showed up at my work, he had found out about what happened. I'm not sure how, but I have a very identifiable last name. And he and I had little crushes on each other. So he would check in on me every so often, single person living by myself.

And he would check in. He was like, I know what happened to you. I'd want you to know that I'm looking for a reason to. to go after this guy. He was so angry that Kyle had been accused of doing all these things and the state attorney wouldn't prosecute in any of these situations. The sex crimes detective did share her frustration with me later on and said you would have been in a better position to have this be prosecuted if you had injuries on you. For example, if you have had bruises or scratches or defensive marks or skin under his fingernails, something proving that there had been an altercation.

This would have been probably an open and shut case, but I didn't fight. I couldn't fight. He didn't hit me. He didn't strike me. Nothing like that. But it is frustrating. All of these things, even a very similar accusation, this employee of his, I knew her name, but they were like, please don't connect with this person. I wasn't going to anyway because I really didn't want to bring up any old wounds for her. but the fact that we had both been in such similar situations where we were locked inside his limo, I was like, there's this pattern. What is being missed here? Around the middle of January, I ended up retaining a criminal attorney who happened to be one of my residents and my neighbor. He told me that I could file an injunction for a restraining order

based on the facts. He didn't think that anything was going to happen to Kyle from a sexual assault nature. so let's try and at least get a restraining order. The injunction was served to Kyle two days later. I was contacted by the Rape Crisis Center because they wanted to connect me with an advocate from the Women's Center for Support Resources where she could either be with me during the investigation or speak on my behalf if I ever needed it.

For example, she helped me fill out some victim's compensation paperwork, which was denied because I didn't miss any work. I didn't have any legal fees yet at that time. She did agree to come to all of the attorney meetings with me and anything else that I needed. And she was very nice, but I could tell, I can read people. Well, I'd like to think I can read people. Apparently I couldn't with Kyle. But I could tell her heart wasn't in it.

And she shared with me on more than one occasion that her work was so frustrating because the law never seemed to be on the victim or survivors side. That gave further validation to my thought that here's somebody from the women's center who doesn't even want to do what she's doing because she feels like it doesn't do any good. Why am I bothering? She ended up leaving shortly thereafter. At the end of the month, the detective contacted Kyle and he invoked his right to not speak. She also contacted his attorney and the limo driver. The limo driver agreed to talk. He gave a similar account of the number.

night. They picked me up in the limo. They took me to dinner. Where he deviated was he said that at some point during the stop and go traffic over by the Christmas lights, he felt the limo rocking and assumed we were having sex and that I said something like, oh, that was amazing. But unless he had the speaker on or the partition down, you can't hear from the driver's seat to the back of the limo. That's just how they're designed. But then he heard us arguing. And he said that at some point, Kyle got out of the limousine to use the bathroom in public and ran into a bicycle officer who later was questioned and said that he didn't see me in the limo. I'm not sure if this was before or after I got out because I really don't remember that part. But he also said,

which helped, he said, I did not appear drunk by the time I got out of the limo, but that Kyle was obnoxiously drunk. His words, not mine. He quote. voted that. Then the detective shared all these statements with me and I really fought her on that. And I'm like, look, I know I don't remember a lot of stuff and there are some facts that are really hazy, but I don't remember seeing a bike cop. I absolutely would not have said that was amazing to somebody when I didn't know what was going on. She also started interviewing some of Kyle's employees and his former employees, including the girl who was in the other limousine scenario that mirrored mine. Right around this time is when my mom, started telling me I talked to so-and-so at work or I talked to my friend at church and they said that this happened to them or this happened to their daughter or this happened to this person. And I'm like, why are you telling me this? She said, I just want you to know that it's a lot more common than you think. I'm like, I know what's common, but why are you telling people what happened to me? I have told you over and over. I don't want to, if I want to talk about it, I'll talk about it on my terms,

but I felt like she was just doing this to get attention. I've said that to her before about a lot of different things that her tank is empty. And to use this as an attention getter, it was frustrating to a whole other level. She said she was going to start getting therapy because she was a secondary victim. And I'm like, what does that even mean? I had never heard that term before. One of her friends must have said that. And she starts referring to herself as a secondary victim.

and she used that term way too often for my taste. And I don't want to negate how parents feel when they see their children go through this. But I know my mom very well, and I know that there's usually some kind of motive behind a lot of the attention-seeking behaviors that she has. But at the end of January, we go to injunction court, and it's part one of the hearing. We were waiting in the hallway for the judge to call us in. We all had to sit in the same area. So Kyle was not far away from me. And my parents overheard Kyle asking his attorney,

what happens if her talk screen comes back and shows drugs? And the attorney said, if that happens, you're on your own. Nobody had really talked about drugs at that point because I had had the talk screen, but it was taking forever to come back. Sadly, there's a huge backlog with assault kits. We went into the hearing. And it was, I guess, a typical hearing. I'd never had to talk to a lawyer before.

I've never been in front of a judge. Everybody was questioning everybody else and reviewing the facts. When Kyle was asked how much I drank that night, he said she drank an entire bottle of wine. And that was when my attorney pulled out the initial blood alcohol screen from the hospital, which showed zero. Kyle had nothing to say to that. Then they started calling him witnesses, including my parents. one of the witnesses, this girl walks in and I recognized her. I was like, I know this person.

And then I remembered, wait a second, this girl sent me a friend request on Facebook not too too long ago. And I denied it because I didn't know who she was. I wrote this down on a notepad and I handed it to my attorney. When he was questioning her, he said, did you send Bertie a friend request on Facebook? And this girl said yes because she was trying to help Kyle with anything that would work in his favor. trying to basically discredit my personality or trying to see if I posted anything about that night, which to this day, I never have. She was just trying to find anything that would discredit me. My sister was on standby to testify via phone, but we were in there for so long that we went over

time and the judge wanted to call a recess. I was like, hey, can I call my sister and just tell her that she doesn't have to be on standby anymore. Called Shiloh, and as I was walking out, I saw Kyle chasing his girlfriend down the hallway, yelling at her. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do anything wrong. And that was the end of that particular court date. I'm so sorry. What was it like to have to see him again in the courtroom? It was surreal. It was like an out-of-body experience because I was having such trouble reconciling the fact that this person who had done these horrible things and said these horrible things was sitting across from me so mild-mannered, dressed so sharply in a suit and tie. I did not look at him until towards the end when he was answering the last

couple questions. It was like daggers coming out of my eyes, I'm sure. I didn't want to be in the same room as him. I asked if there was any way we could do it by phone. I wasn't necessarily scared. I didn't want to be in that room. And so I think my brain protected me from that scenario by maybe not disassociating. I don't know if that's the word that I'm looking for, but I was really able to kind of separate. I know that everybody reacts differently. I separated and stared him down for a little while and kind of chuckled a little bit when I saw him chasing his girlfriend down the hallway because it was just so absurd that he had discredited himself when she was trying to help him out. It was just a very, very surreal situation. They actually set, a court date for later on because the same judge wanted to, of course, pick up the case, but her docket was full. So we did set another court date to go back. And I think she wanted to give some time for the talk screen to come back because it finally did come back in February. And it did prove again that there was no alcohol in my system. Well, that was part one of the

talk screen. I guess it comes back in separate stages because it's more involved when they're looking for certain kind of drugs. During this time, the detective interviewed my sister, a phone again. And my sister told me after the fact that the detective said when I met Bernie, she had a long sleeve shirt on, but I did notice that she had some marks on her wrists. This is hard because people are going to hear this about me. And asked my sister if she knew anything about them. And my sister covered for me. She was like, no, my sister's not, you know, I've never known her to cut or burn or anything like this. Later, my sister asked me about it and I admitted to her that I was not cutting but I was burning my wrists

and my arms with an iron. It helped me focus on anything else. It was pain that I could control. It gave me something else to worry about healing physically because physical pain heals so much faster than emotional pain. It was just the only thing that I could control how it happened to me. and she was devastated, of course. She made me promise that I wouldn't do it again. And I was like, I can't promise you that I'm not going to do this. I know it's wrong, but it's the only thing that helps. She said, the next time you feel like burning, pretend that you're doing it to me

and think about how it would hurt me physically. And I was like, oh my God, no, of course. And that was the last time it happened. I've never done that ever since. I never was a cutter. I was a burner. I didn't realize that there was a term for that. But instead, I started getting a lot of tattoos because I could justify that by saying,

hey, it's my body art. But looking back and thinking about the number of tattoos that I got initially right after that whole thing happened, it just kind of makes sense. And now I'm stuck with them. A couple weeks later, I had my follow up at the Women's Center and did the STV follow-up been tested negative for all of those. Around the same time, Kyle was ordered to provide DNA samples. He did the swab kit. And then I was called for a deposition by Kyle's attorney for seeking the protective order. It wasn't ordered by the court, but I asked my attorney, why do I have to go to a

deposition? And my attorney was like, yes, you have to go. You don't have a choice. Nobody could ever really tell me why I had to be deposed right in the middle of a court case. I still don't understand it. I think, honestly, that Kyle's attorney was probably trying to kind of, of course, discredit me, but scare me into dropping the whole thing, which I did want to drop the whole thing, but I'm not a quitter, and I was halfway kind of in the middle of this. And so part of me wanted to quit. Part of me didn't. So I was straddling that line. But I went to the deposition, and my attorney said, well, if you're going to depose Bertie, I'm going to depose Kyle. I insisted that that was in different rooms, so I didn't have to see Kyle that day, which was great. During that meeting,

the attorney was, he was so smug and so demeaning, and he kept trying to trip me up on my facts. For example, he would say, oh, so you said that you had some bruises on you, and I would cut down and say, I didn't say I had bruises. I said I had a red mark, and maybe it was rude slash unprofessional. I don't know what you'd call it to cut him off that way, but I didn't want to lose any credibility whatsoever. I remember him pulling out an envelope and it had my earrings from that night. That was the only thing I couldn't find. He was like, do you remember these? Do you want them back? I said, no, I don't want him back. And I put him back in the envelope and threw him right back at the table at him. He was questioning, do you think what you were wearing that night was appropriate? And what I

was wearing that night was jeans, a short-sleeve blouse, a cardigan, and heels. Just like something that you'd wear in winter in the region where I live in. And it has nothing to do with what you're wearing. I cannot stress that enough. But he made a comment about the earrings, which were giant hoops. And he was like, well, should you have been wearing these on a date? And that was when I threw them back in the envelope. I'm like, you can have these. I don't even want them. He was equating hoops to being some loose woman. It was like, well, like hoops equate sluttiness. I don't know where you're getting that from. Maybe a generational thing. Every time I see a giant pair of hoops now, my first thought is, oh, I can't get those

because I'll look slutty. I'm like, fuck it. If I want to wear hoops, I'm going to wear hoops. It's crazy the things that stick with you. Later on that month, I felt like I really wasn't getting any answers or any assistance from my attorney. I would call him, he wouldn't answer. I would email him, he wouldn't answer. My bill got up to at some point, like $3,000. And I sent him, this long, scathing email that basically told him, you know, given the circumstances of what happened and the fact I'm not an entitled person, but I do expect you to take this more seriously. And he acted shocked and was like, I just don't understand where this is coming from. And then by the way, here's the bill. And I refused to pay it. And he never came after me for the money. It literally was dropped. I decided, okay, I'm going to find a different attorney because my parents were like, you can't drop this now, find a different attorney. And I, was referred to a female attorney this time and I met with her once or twice. I don't even remember. But I just stopped talking to her. And honestly, Tiffany, at that point, I was like, I'm scrapping this whole thing because I'm tired of it. I don't want to keep changing attorneys. I can't afford it.

Victims' compensation isn't helping me. And then the request for the protective order was denied because nobody showed up to that second court date. And they also did not get my original attorney's motion to remove himself as counsel until after the court date had already passed. So completely useless. Over the next, I would say month, I did some therapy at the Women's Center. I didn't really like my therapist that much. Some people, they go through a couple different therapists to find the right vibe, but I did not like this woman.

I ended up stopping therapy with her because there was one session when she said I was being dramatic about my parents' involvement in how the whole thing was handled. She's like, we're not going to focus on histrionics. We're not here to talk about your mommy issues. We're here to talk about your assault. So I was like, fuck this. I'm done. I'm done.

I'll seek therapy or whatever in a way that's not referred to me by somebody else. I'm going to do it my way. That same month, my victim advocate invited me to speak at an event and to share my story. And she wanted me to talk to other women about how great the Women's Center was. and knowing that she was so frustrated with it and I was frustrated with it, it felt like it would be inauthentic of me to speak so highly of a place that I wasn't comfortable with. That day, we got the whole event set up.

We got catering situated and as people started gathering in there, I had another panic attack and I couldn't do it. I told her, I'm not ready to talk about it. I'm leaving right now. I think a big part of that, ironically, is the pet crematory. was literally like a half a mile away. So I had no choice but to drive by it. There was literally no other way to get to and from the Women's Center without driving past the crematory. I didn't want to be over on that side of town. Everything kind of blew up at that point. I was like,

I'm done with therapy. I'm done with the Women's Center. I'm done with all of this. A couple weeks later, the rest of the talk screen came back. And the only thing that it showed was what they considered therapeutic levels of the prescriptions that I was on at the time. I was on an antidepressant and anti-anxiety med, but they were both such small doses, therapeutic levels, showing actually less than what my prescription was. I was so frustrated and I called my detective because I was like, they're super small doses. They barely even affect me. I barely drank that night. There has to be something else going on because I have never lost pockets of time that way. She said, don't quote me on this. It can't be part of your investigation, but it is entirely possible

that Kyle drugged you with ketamine. And as soon as she said drugged you with ketamine, I remember that he had the napkin wrapped around the stem of the glass. And I was like, oh my gosh, he had to have drugged me and didn't want his fingerprints on the glass just in case. He knew what he was doing. Nobody could prove anything, but she said it's entirely possible.

I wouldn't be shocked because ketamine is very fast acting and very fast metabolizing, but it doesn't always show in certain drug things. screens, especially in really small amounts. And because I'm small and I metabolized stuff really quickly, she said it probably acted quickly and you didn't drink very much. So you didn't have very much, but it probably metabolized quickly too. And that's why you have gaps, but you can remember almost like flashes of certain events. The actual assault kit did show semen on my breasts and on the exterior of my genitals, but was not found in.

inside my vagina on my cervix and the DNA did match Kyle. They questioned him after that and he couldn't explain how it got there. Obviously, I couldn't explain how I got there. There were a lot more phone calls and emails back and forth between myself and the detective. She said, I strongly recommend that you pursue this case from a civil standpoint. She was very upset that she wasn't able to prove that a crime actually happened and that I would have had a better chance if I was injured. And then on April 30th of that year, the case was officially suspended because they couldn't prove that a crime had occurred. And that was it. Thank you so much for taking the time to walk through all of that with me and trusting me. Something that jumps out at me is how important it is

to listen to survivors when they're telling the people around them what their needs are. in that moment because it sounds to me like that lack of care and that lack of listening to your needs and what you were asking of the people around you also contributed to further harm. Yeah, it's like being assaulted over and over and over again when you have everybody telling you you have to do this, you have to do that. I took on a weight of responsibility that wasn't mine to take on. I have to be able to take over control of how I deal with this going forward. A couple months after the whole case closed, my favorite band came to town. It was my first time actually going out since the assault happened. And they sang a song about you can't break broken

people. And I had this epiphany. I was like, I'm moving to California. I want to be closer to my sister. It was on the complete opposite coast from where I was. And I went there thinking, I'm taking control of my life. I'm starting all over. I'm leaving everything behind. I'm going to make new friends. I'm going to find a great job. What ended up happening was I locked myself in my apartment and I didn't meet people and I

continued to have panic attacks. And I was basically scared of everything. I had a full-blown breakdown right before Christmas. I realized the only thing that had changed was my zip code. I couldn't undo the fact that I was. assaulted. I couldn't undo the fact that my parents, especially my mom, were involved in such an overbearing way in this whole thing. I could not undo any of it. I packed my car, packed my cat back up and came back here. It was familiar and I could know what to expect and it was so

ironic that the place that I wanted to get back out of was my safe place at the time. I just, I kind of buried it. I did end up dating again and I've had intimate partners since then. And what people may find strangers, even to this day, I have never been really triggered by sex acts. It probably helps that I can't remember all of that night, but what I am triggered by is a gynecological exam, because I remember that rape kit procedure. I remember the last time I had an exam, the gynecologist, talking to me about the assault. I did not want this exam done. And she's like, you really need to get back in therapy because of the assault. You're never going to be able to have sex. I'm like, you don't understand. I've had sex. I've had sex. I've enjoyed it. I've enjoyed it.

sex. Nobody likes gynecological exams, but for me, every time I'm on that table, I remember it may seem weird to people, the things that you put importance on. Like, I won't go to that restaurant. I actually finally door-dashed them last year, but I know he goes there. There's certain neighborhoods that I wouldn't drive into for a long time, and not because I'm scared of him, because I'm not, but at this phase in my life, I don't trust myself to not confront him if he's there, especially with a date. I don't know what I'll do. And I know that a lot of people in this animal foster community continue to use his business. And as much as I want to tell them not to, I don't want to deal with retaliation or whatever, even though I've only spoken facts. I've spoken my truth.

I have spoken the facts as I remember them. But I don't want to deal with it. My family, we've had pets pass away since then and we've used a completely different crematory. But it burns me that one particular organization still works with him. I also want to mention my mom for years used to text me on the anniversary. I don't know another thing to call it, but on the anniversary each year, every single year, are you okay today? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. And it's the same day as one of my cousin's birthdays.

So I'm like, why are you asking me if I'm okay on so-and-so's birthday? She's like, you know because of what happened. Like, I'm fine. Are you okay? maybe go ahead and get your therapy, but I don't want to talk about it anymore. For years that went on. For years, it made me so sick to my stomach that the last person to actually touch my cat was Kyle. I felt like I let the cat down somehow by putting him in the hands of this horrible person. Then a couple of years ago, the urn that he was in or that the cremains were in broke. And when I was cleaning up the ashes and moving them to a different box, it occurred. me now I'm the last person who touched him and it's I know it sounds so so silly the little things that you think about but there was a little bit of justice I was the last person to handle my dead cat people talk about justice all the time and I think honestly that it doesn't always

look like what you want it to look like or what you think it is going to look like especially when it comes to sexual assault because so many times nothing happens it doesn't come in form of a conviction or a charge and sometimes there isn't even an investigation and for me the justice that i'm getting is to be able to sit here today and talk to you and tell you my story on my terms in a place that that feels safe to me i finally feel mostly safe again and there is a little bit of justice and to be honest there's even some justice knowing that my parents as much as i know this is probably going to upset them to hear there is some justice and knowing that they're finally going to know how they made me feel, especially on the night that it happened, because for so long,

I couldn't quite articulate it in a way that wouldn't cause a whole new layer of issues in my already dramatic family. They may be mad, and they may be thinking that I'm ungrateful, but I can't help that, and I'm not going to own anybody else's feelings that way. There may be never any justice against him for what he did to me or anybody else. But there is a little bit feeling that I've released this today. And on some level, that kind of gives me the closure that I've been looking for since that happened. Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much. It's so incredibly moving. Thank you. Thank you so much for trusting me and sharing.

And I'm just so proud of you for honoring your truth and sharing your truth and sharing your story in an honest way for yourself. And I just cannot thank you enough for the emotional energy that you have used to help others with your story. Thank you for creating this place for people like me to talk about these things in a way that it's on our terms. I think it's so important for survivors to understand that having control is so important. during situations when it's taken away from you. The people who love us and the people who care for us, the only thing that I would ask for,

they never asked for anything during that time is just let me deal with it the way that I want to deal with it. And if that means not dealing with it right now, then give me that gift. That is the best thing that you can do for me. Let me handle it. Let me work through it. Absolutely. Everyone's needs, everyone's responses,

and everyone's wants when they're coming out of, such a traumatic, horrifying experience, they're all valid. And it's about respecting the individuals' needs, what they need, and respecting it and supporting it so that we're not adding to their harm. There's not a textbook way to get through any kind of abuse situation or assault situation. It looks so totally different. The circumstances that get you there and the things that get you through. And there are people who are well-meaning, but support doesn't look like what you need it to look like. And it is totally okay to say, hey, this is what effective help looks like to me. This is what I need. I wish I had done that. It's so important to just have

that autonomy in your own body, in your own mind. There's so many layers and so many different feelings and none of them are wrong. There's not a cookie cutter way to deal with this. So you're not wrong how you choose to deal with it. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. I feel so unburdened right now. Thank you so much for listening.

Until next time, stay safe, friends. Something Was Wrong is a Broken Cycle Media production, created and hosted by me, Tiffany Reese. If you'd like to support the show further, you can share episodes with your loved ones, leave a positive review, or follow Something Was Wrong on Instagram at Something Was Wrong podcast. Our theme song was composed by Gladrags. Check out their album, Wonder Under. Thank you so much.