Something Was Wrong - S15 Ep11: WCN Presents: [Diana] SWW S15 E5 Updates // Part 2

Starting point is 00:00:00 If you're serious about growing this new year, what you put into your mind actually matters. And as someone who lives and breathes careers and self-development, even I get overwhelmed trying to do it all. Between work, life, and trying to better yourself, self-care can start to feel like just another thing on the to-do list. But investing in yourself doesn't have to be complicated. And with Audible, it isn't. It's time to take care of you. And who better to help than the top voices in well-being all in one place. With Audibles Well-Being Collection, you can level up your career, finances, relationships,

Starting point is 00:00:36 sleep, parenting, or mindset. Whether you want motivation, clarity, or practical advice, there is something there to support you every step of the way. I listen while I commute, clean, work, or just when I need a little bit of downtime. You'll hear from best-selling authors Brene Brown and Jay Shetty, Chef Jamie Oliver, finance expert Rachel Rogers and popular parenting guides like raising good humans. Kickstart your well-being journey with your first audiobook free

Starting point is 00:01:04 when you sign up for a 30-day trial at outable.com. Membership is 1495 a month after 30 days. Cancel any time. There's more to imagine when you listen. What came next is intended for mature audiences only. Episodes discuss topics that can be triggering such as emotional, physical and sexual violence, animal abuse, suicide, and murder. I am not a therapist, nor am I a doctor.

Starting point is 00:01:32 If you're in need of support, please visit something was wrong.com forward slash resources for a list of non-profit organizations that can help. Opinions expressed by my guests on the show are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of myself or broken cycle media. resources and source material are linked in the episode notes. Thank you so much for listening. Hi friends. This is Amy B. Chesler of Season 7 of Something Was Wrong and host of What Came Next.

Starting point is 00:02:23 If you want to hear more Something Was Wrong updates and other compelling survivor stories, please subscribe to What Came Next on all podcasting platforms and follow us on Instagram at What Came Next underscore podcast. We deeply appreciate the support. As shared in part one of the Something Was Wrong, Season 15, Episode 5 updates, Diana's episode, The Devil in Disguise, was released on March 2, 2003.

Starting point is 00:02:55 In the episode, Diana, a mother, sister, and friend to many, bravely shares about her relationship with the monster who she would eventually find out had sexually abused her daughter and niece. The episode also highlights some of what came next for Diana after the FBI unearthed the truth about her former partner's abusive behavior and trafficking attempts. The broken cycle media team is deeply grateful that Diana was willing to join us today

Starting point is 00:03:25 to share more about her journey and the recent justice she and some of his other victims have been given. Please note pseudonyms are used in this episode to protect guests anonymity. When I read my victim impact statement, I made a point to look up frequently, to make eye contact with the judge because I wanted him to know how serious I was. I really felt that he heard me. Tessa was there with her older sister. She gave her victim impact statement. She didn't read it herself. The district prosecuting attorney read it, which I think was a very wise choice.

Starting point is 00:04:05 Gracie did not go. I didn't want to ret traumatize them by them having to see. see him. Gracie had a statement and I personally could not read her statement because I would have broke down and cried. The district prosecuting attorney read her statement as well. And this is her statement. My name is Gracie. I was Paul's adoptive daughter and my mother is Diana. Paul adopted me when I was 11 years old and this is when he started molesting me. There were times where he put my cell phone down his pants and told me to get it. He showed me specific pornography sites to look at and what to watch and was groping me almost every day.

Starting point is 00:04:42 The things that he has done to me has made me lose trust in people. This has given me severe anxiety, depression, suicidal ideations, and PTSD. I have also seen what this has done to my family. I never told my mom about what he was doing to me because I was scared of him.

Starting point is 00:04:57 He threatened me and said, I would take away all my mom's happiness if I ever told her. I carry around a lot of guilt for not saying anything because maybe I could have stopped what he was doing to my cousin Tessa. even though Paul adopted me, he is not my father and he will never be my father.

Starting point is 00:05:12 I hope that you sent him to prison for the rest of his life so that he can't hurt anyone else. He is a monster and if he can do this to his own daughter, he'll do it to someone else. It's very hard to hear. I'm very proud of her and you, it's hard to find the words, but it's extremely powerful. It takes so much courage. I hope that one day I'll get to meet her and tell her how proud of her. we all are. I'm so incredibly proud of her. And that's the thing. She's 15. It's just sad because she shouldn't have to be that courageous. She shouldn't have to be that strong. She was forced into a

Starting point is 00:05:52 situation and forced to grow up way too soon because of what he's done. The district prosecuting attorney had remarks that she made to the judge. She was saying, despite Paul's service with the military, both the Marines and the Army and his history of being a retired police officer. He was supposed to be protecting children that he adopted, children that he was fostering. He took advantage of these children and made these children his victims. We need to hold him to a higher standard because those people are supposed to protect us. And we need to hold him to a higher standard because this is going to set a standard in the future for other people who are in position of power, whether it be a cop, a teacher, a judge,

Starting point is 00:06:37 anybody in power who has access to these children, we're supposed to be protecting them, not making them a victim. She wanted to make an example out of Paul that day. I was very glad that she made these statements because they're very true. In regards to the severity of the crime, there's also a set of guidelines that are set forth. It's essentially a grading scale on the severity of the crimes, history, it's called a PSR. It's a scoring chart essentially for how long they think that the person should go into prison. I was not privy to the information on that report. It was sealed. I was not allowed to see it. All I found out was what his score was. To be honest, I don't even remember what that number is. I don't think it's fair that that report is sealed.

Starting point is 00:07:27 the things that he's disclosing, I don't get to know about. I don't think it's fair to any of the victims, but I didn't have a choice in that matter. Paul had the opportunity to make a statement to the court. He had sent a letter into the court ahead of time. His attorney said, we had an idea that this was going to be a very emotional day, so Paul will not be making a statement to the court.

Starting point is 00:07:51 Even the district prosecuting attorney said, I don't think that he has true remorse because his mother, and I just spoke a week ago, the prosecutor had reached out to her and was talking to her about the case. She had made the comment to the prosecutor. I don't even know exactly what he did. I know what he's charged of,

Starting point is 00:08:11 but I don't know the full extent of what he did to the victims. The district prosecuting attorney had said, if he can't be honest and truthful with his own support system and his mother, then he has no remorse. And I completely agree. I wanted to give a little bit of context. Listening to the judge and going back to that moment, you're like, is he going to be lenient? Is he going to be stringent?

Starting point is 00:08:33 What's going to happen? I don't know this judge. I don't know where he stands on this kind of stuff. I got the full transcript from the court and I took two little excerpts from it and I would like to share. So that way all of the listeners know how the judge felt about this entire case. He said to Paul, in the context of how I see these pedophile cases, child pornography cases, they're all depraved in a certain way, but that's this continuum. As I see it in my time on the bench, a continuum of cases, where does it fall?

Starting point is 00:09:04 In my opinion, and I've been doing this for a while now, is the most depraved conduct that we can have. One where not only there's the physical contact of it, but you add to it who you were to the victim in this case and how you prayed on the victims. And then he said, right before he sentenced him, I can tell you this. I can understand the shame, the regret, the remorse. But my hope in this whole matter is that your victims in this case are able to, because you forever changed who they are, you forever change their lives. The good thing I hear is that they have each other and they'll be there to support each other. That's the part about this.

Starting point is 00:09:40 You have destroyed or altered so many lives and it's going to impact how they relate and how they see the outside world. The only hope I have is that they have each other with regard to this. the judge said, you speak to how you have remorse and regret and shame. I don't see it. I don't see the remorse. Listening to the judge, his tone was getting stronger and stronger and louder and louder until the point he was screaming. He handed Paul his ass and rightfully so. Yes, Judge. Hell yeah. What was the sentence that was delivered ultimately? If we remember from season 15 episode five, he had taken a plea deal. And I'm okay with that because I didn't want to re-traumatize the kids standing and having to testify in front of him.

Starting point is 00:10:32 But the plea agreement that he took was a mandatory minimum of 15 years with a maximum of 30. And he was sentenced to the full 30 years, no chance of parole. He's 47 years old the time he was sentenced. So we're looking at 77, 78 years old, which essentially is a death sentence to him. Because he still has seven counts out of our county that he still hasn't gone to trial for. That is another 25 years. So he's going to be spending the rest of his life in prison. It brings a finality to it. I feel like there was always these hurdles in the entire justice system. From the time of the arrest, it's how long is he?

Starting point is 00:11:17 going to be in jail and how long is he going to be in the transition phase and going to prison. It's nice to know that the hurdles are done and we don't have to constantly, okay, let's get to this phase and let's get to this phase. Then we can finally lay it to rest. Now we can lay it to rest. Like I said in my statement, he doesn't get to steal our joy and our light anymore because he's going away and we don't ever have to deal with him ever again. I kept having to ask my friends after the sentencing, I was like, okay, I missed that part. What happened there? And they had to fill in little bits and pieces because I feel like I was disassociating

Starting point is 00:11:53 a little bit at the time. It's very taxing being able to really focus in on what is exactly happening, trying not to disassociate and get away from this whole traumatic experience altogether. And after it was said and done, it was such an adrenaline dump. I think I slept 16 hours the next day. I took the day off from work after that just because I knew I needed some time to mentally recover from what I had just been through. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. That experience is taxing.

Starting point is 00:12:29 It costs so much to navigate and just be in that space and lend your energy to that. It's so traumatic. Your nervous system is doing the best it can to get you through it. It's so stressful. I'm glad we're talking about it because it's one of the prices that victims pay that I don't think people understand unless they've been through it. It's something that I think our system could use improvement on. For example, allowing victims to record statements like the one you made in court so that if he comes up for parole, they could see your testimony via video so that you don't have to keep reappearing in court every single time that this monster comes up for parole.

Starting point is 00:13:09 I think it's important to highlight the emotional toll. because the emotions and the dynamics of it. It's good when we have victim advocates there to support, but as we know, not all states have that, not all cities have that. I know that he's not in our state anymore, which gives me a little bit more peace. He will not be allowed to be in Jen Pop.

Starting point is 00:13:29 I believe he had requested to go to a couple different prisons that have a pedophile treatment program, considering that he used to be a cop, used to be military and pedophile, they have to segregate him. Otherwise, the only way that he would be in a general population is if he went to a medical federal prison and everybody is in general pop. I don't know what prison he's going to just yet. He's in the transition phase right now where there's an orientation or a psyche vall and

Starting point is 00:14:05 getting them acquainted with the Federal Bureau of Prisons. He's in that transition phase now, and I don't. know what prison he's going to go to, but I do know that he will be secluded with other pedophiles. This was November of 2023. This was a little bit over two and a half months ago. It sounds like from what I'm hearing, you're saying you can finally step out of survival mode. Yes. And learning how to do that is really hard. There was a couple different resources that I wanted to mention that we've found with creating the support group for other women. Usually what happens when a child is sexually abused or sexually assaulted,

Starting point is 00:14:53 once the report has been made, they go to a child advocacy center, and that is where a forensic exam is done. It's not when you think forensic, it's a forensic interview. It's not an actual exam, per se. It's done by a forensic analyst who asks certain questions to be able to get to the bottom of what has happened, when I had my children go to the Child Advocacy Center at the request of the FBI, my local center was able to put me in touch with an organization who paid for the replacement of all of the beds where the children had been assaulted. They replaced various furniture. They also put me in touch with a organization that donated money to be able to pay for certain bills.

Starting point is 00:15:39 Like I said from the original podcast, I had to take a certain amount of time off just to navigate through everything. They were able to pay certain bills for me just to be able to take a burden off of my shoulders and lift that weight. There was also the Rain Network, which stands for the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. They have a lot of great resources. And the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, they have a really good outline for what parents, need to know about child sexual assault. They have a lot on statistics, how to navigate certain things with your children, how to talk about it, debunking some of the myths that go along with sexual assault. They have an amazing outline for how you can be a great outlet and a great

Starting point is 00:16:27 parent if you have a child who has been sexually assaulted. Thank you so much for sharing that organizations that support are so important. I really appreciate you, providing so many takeaways. Thank you for bringing resources. And I'm sitting here like, yes, advocate, yes, sharing resources, yes, support group. 2014, look out because this is the year of the something was wrong survivors. I'm claiming it now. We are in a harvest season of karma and accountability that we have been praying for and hoping for for literal years. And you're a part of that. It's incredible to see. The last few weeks I've been astounding hearing from Diana and her experience and hearing

Starting point is 00:17:12 from other survivors getting to legislation, people getting calls back on cases. Sometimes in this work, you don't get a lot of justice in the court because of the unfortunate prosecution percentages of sexual assault, especially in the sexual abuse realm. There's 1% arrest and incarceration rate of rapists in the United States. That is a deeply concerning statistic. We know social media is a breeding ground for people like Paul. And these sites do nothing to hold these people accountable and shut them down and keep people safe. We have the data.

Starting point is 00:17:55 We have the science to prove it. But all that to say, we are on a new wave of accountability and awareness and education. We're not going to take it anymore. It's not going to keep going this way. We're uniting. We're getting stronger every single day. And we're creating this army of advocacy. It's finally hitting the Senate and the House.

Starting point is 00:18:24 I'd love to hear how you're doing and hear what, like, feels like for you now and how the kiddos are doing. We're actually doing really, really great. We still go to trauma therapy. It's not quite every week. Sometimes it's every other week and sometimes when we have bad days. We go more than a week. Other than that, the girls are doing amazing. Their grades are up. Gracie and Tegan are just fantastic teenagers, even though teenage girls are interesting to say the least. But they're hanging out with their friends more. Teigen is a champion barrel racer again. She's getting back on the horse and loving everything that they are experiencing and embracing all of the challenges that we've gone through.

Starting point is 00:19:12 One thing I wanted to share, I'm incredibly, incredibly proud of Tessa, my niece. She is actually graduating high school an entire year early. So incredibly proud of her. She has astounded me with her progress and her commitment to her therapy. She has a job. She's only 16 years old and she's graduating a year early. So proud of her. I completed college and graduated. Yay. I am now a surgical first assistant. I'm in my new role at the hospital, which is fantastic. I love it. It was such an accomplishment. Going back to college for the third time when you are 39 years old sounds insane. but I did it, so it is badass. If I can get through everything I went through with Paul,

Starting point is 00:20:04 there's nothing I can't accomplish. And we're going to sell the house too. It'll be nice to start fresh and have a new home with brand new memories that aren't tainted with Paul and his evil presence. It's going to be very rewarding for sure. You're doing so much for everyone else all the time. What are you doing for yourself?

Starting point is 00:20:26 I am doing fun stuff. Music saved me in a lot of ways during this entire thing. Different music for different seasons of my life. One of my favorite bands, Blue October, I got to see them twice last year on tour. I planned going again this year. I took the girls to their first concert, and it was Blue October. They loved it. I'm taking Gracie to a concert to see her favorite singer, Melanie Martinez.

Starting point is 00:20:51 She was on The Voice. She's an amazing artist and taking Tegan to go see Lainey Will. Wilson. Music is so therapeutic for me. It's so relatable. It helps me get out of my head in such a way. I love it. We went on vacation last year. So that was fun flying with teenage girls. But it was beautiful. We spent seven days out on the beach, not a care in the world. I plan on vacationing more, spending more time with the girls, exploring the world and seeing new things. dealing with depression. There's waves after you've been through something like this. There are days where I feel like I can't go on.

Starting point is 00:21:30 I have struggled with feeling guilty in taking that self-care time for myself. But then I look back at everything that I've accomplished from the moment he was arrested. And I remind myself, you are a bad bitch. You may not feel like a bad bitch right now, but you still are a bad bitch. there's days where on my day off, I stayed in my pajamas all day and I binge watched Wentworth on Netflix. I did nothing, not a thing. And a party was just like, man, I feel really bad for doing that. And then I'm like, girl, you just spent two and a half years in survival mode and fight or flight. Lay your ass down and chill to hell out. It's really hard to take that time because you're constantly

Starting point is 00:22:12 doing for the kids and doing for the community, going to work and going to school and everything else, I need some me time. And it's okay to sit in your pajamas and no bra and binge watch Netflix. But just being able to take the space for yourself and knowing me, I know what I require for myself. And I'm not willing to give that up. I know what I need for me to be my most authentic self, the best mother and friend that I can be. And if I require one day a week of staying in bed all day, that I'm going to do it. And even if I hadn't been through everything, if that's what you require for yourself, then do it. You deserve it all. The joy is an important part of the equation. The peace is an important part of the equation. And sometimes it can be as hard learning to accept that

Starting point is 00:23:03 joy after trauma. So I love to hear that. We have to be soft with ourselves. Rest is such an important part of the process. If we don't rest, we can't be at our best. We can't achieve all the things that we want to achieve. It really is a sign of strength that you can see that you deserve that time, that you can hear your own strength. And I think it's just amazing what you have accomplished. If we are allowing ourselves the space to process things and feel our feelings in the moments, then we're not pushing them down, pushing them to the aside and creating more

Starting point is 00:23:37 internalized trauma for ourselves. Yes, I completely agree. Looking back at everything, I say it so frequently. to a couple friends of mine, I moved fucking mountains, man. I did things that nobody should ever have to do and deal with. I moved the fucking mountains to make sure that my kids were okay and that we got the help that we needed, being able to help other people and further educate myself

Starting point is 00:24:05 and ensure that I can continue to take care of my children. Yeah, you fucking did. You're an inspiration. Congrats on your badassery. general epicness. We love you. Thank you again. This was wonderful.

Starting point is 00:24:22 I love doing it together. I'm so thankful that what came next exists now and we're able to do these sort of update episodes. There's so many update episodes that we're planning together and I'm excited to do more together this year. We've had so many people reach out and want to update us. I become so attached to everyone and their stories. I want to hear how they're doing and I know the listeners. feel the same. It's so nice when we can bring positive updates

Starting point is 00:24:49 too. I can't thank you enough for coming back and walking us through a bit more of the experience. Obviously, there's all those emotions we already discussed, but in a way, it's victorious because at the end of the day, you get to go home to your beautiful children and continue

Starting point is 00:25:06 being a badass. You are absolutely amazing, Diana. Thank you so much for your time. I know we dug up a lot. you are astoundingly strong and resilient, what you have withstood and succeeded through. Congrats again on your degree and your successes you're building for yourself and your girls. I appreciate you guys really taking the space and being able to allow me the chance to share all the positives that have happened and being able to spread awareness to this kind of thing that happens that people are afraid to talk about.

Starting point is 00:25:44 When there's positivity that can come out of something so depraved and gross, any kind of positive that comes out of this is amazing and it's a miracle because this should not happen. Tiffany, you really spread awareness on so many different topics. I've been such a huge fan of yours for such a long time. I'm so incredibly proud of you. Thank you. This episode is dedicated in loving memory to Diana's sister Anne Marie. As the rape, abuse, and incest national network reports, quote,

Starting point is 00:26:19 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 20 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault. 82% of all victims under 18 are female, and females, ages 16 to 19, are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault. End quote. To add, in 93% of incidences of sexual abuse of a minor, victims knew their abuser, and only 7% of reported cases were perpetrated by strangers.

Starting point is 00:27:00 Of the aforementioned 93% of abusers that are known by their victims, 59% of them are acquaintances, and 34% of them. are family members. According to the United States Sentencing Commission, 2002 statistics on child pornography offenders. 98% of child pornography offenders are men, and 71% of all offenders had little or no criminal history at all. The report by the commission goes on to explain,

Starting point is 00:27:33 quote, The expansion of digital and mobile technology has contributed to a 422% increase. in the number of child pornography production offenders sentenced over a 15-year period, from 2005 to 2019. 56.6% of child pornography production cases sentenced in 2019 involved a single victim. However, 41% of cases involved more than one minor victim, ranging from two victims to 440 victims. As the Sentencing Commission goes on to state, quote,

Starting point is 00:28:12 of the child pornography production offenders' sentence in 2019, 60.3% were related to or otherwise maintained a position of trust over the minor victim, end quote. That position of trust can be familial relationships or by utilizing the inherent power in the offender's role as a teacher or coach, for example. For more statistics as well as related government-sanctioned preventative measures, please visit the episode notes or something was wrong.com slash resources. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode.

Starting point is 00:28:56 What Came Next is a Broken Cycle Media production co-produced by Amy B. Chesler and Tiffany Reese. If you'd like to help support What Came Next, you can leave us a positive review, support our sponsors, or follow Broken Cycle Media on Instagram at Broken Cycle Media. Check out the episode notes for sources, resources, and to follow our guests. Thank you again for listening.

Something Was Wrong - S15 Ep11: WCN Presents: [Diana] SWW S15 E5 Updates // Part 2

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.