Something Was Wrong - S17 Ep2: Be Very Concerned

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

*Content Warning: Child abuse, emotional abuse, road rage, animal poisoning, suicidal ideation, interpersonal violence, NICU. Free + Confidential Resources + Safety Tips: somethingwaswrong.com/resources SWW SS23 Merch: merch.cameo.com/store/somethingwaswrong Follow Something Was Wrong on IG: instagram.com/somethingwaswrongpodcastFollow Tiffany Reese on IG: instagram.com/lookiebooArtwork by the amazing Sara Stewart:@GreaterThanOkay - Instagram.com/greaterthanokay

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advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional expertise or treatment. All persons are considered innocent and less proven guilty in a court of law. Thank you so much for listening. It was January of 2010 and my world changed. My father was diagnosed with myeloplastic syndrome, which is a blood cancer. My father was this guy who is sweet. sweet and gentle and hardworking. He never complained about anything. He never went to the doctor. He had been living in pain for a while, but just didn't want anybody to know. We were now heading

into this terrifying future for our family, and we had no idea what to expect or how bad it would be. But now he was sick. He could no longer work, and he was already so, so frail. I needed a distraction. I logged back into some online dating. As I was his best friend, of course, I would hear the stories. And we all would at work. It was like story time. She would come in like, oh, my God, you guys, you don't believe what this one did, or where we went for a date or what he tried to do.

It was actually comical, and we weren't laughing at her. Even she was laughing at some of it. Like, these people really exist out there. So then we'd give her feedback. Okay, no more him. Don't call him. Don't text back. Uh-uh, you're done with that.

You know, got to meet someone new. So we're all rallying around her. And mind you, these are all learning experiences because she's new to all this. Her love life was not going according to plan. I saw Cody's profile. Several things in his profile were intriguing to me. He said he was looking for someone that was truthful and who loves kids because he believes kids come first.

We were the same age. It said that he liked the outdoors. He loved to play sports. You name it. Swim, height, lifting weights. All these things I found attractive. Side note, of course, I never once saw him do any of these things while we dated. But I'm sure y'all saw that one coming.

We started an online conversation. He was the kind of guy that liked to talk a big talk, play a big game. He would tell me all these stories. about like how his uncle was the leader of some motorcycle gang, and he had a guaranteed protection. I didn't really believe him. That just seemed like some story he was trying to come up with to make him look hard and cool.

And I was not into that, so I didn't pay any attention. I wasn't really wowed at first, but we continued to talk over a couple weeks. She always wants to help people. Well, people like Cody, who we come to find out, the person he is, he wanted someone to take care of him. She started dating him. I remember thinking, this is going really fast.

telling her that. He would tell me all these corny jokes and one-liners that drew me in because it reminded me of my dad. My dad always told the corneous jokes. He told me he worked all the time, six days a week, like 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. and evening, he was managing his uncle's machine shop. Over this time, as we were getting to know each other, he told me more about himself. He had broken up with his longtime girlfriend about seven months prior. They were engaged, but she had cheated on him. He had been a dark place over that, just like, like I was. We both felt used and abused, but now we had each other. He said he loved kids and knew I had to be this amazing person for adopting Jace, and he wanted to meet him someday. He had type 1 diabetes,

which was well controlled with an insulin pump. He had had a rough childhood being juggled between his parents who divorced when he was young. His father had passed away, and their relationship was complicated. I remember him telling me how his dad threw him through a glass door once. He had graduated from a local high school in the same area that I lived, and he went to one of our state colleges for two years, but then he had to drop out because he couldn't afford it. He went to work for a company that made boat parts or something, but the business closed and he was laid off. That's when he moved to my city to start working for his uncle, but the majority of his family lived in a town about an hour away. He was pretty close to his mother and sisters. He had two sisters

and the younger brother and lots of nieces and nephews. I loved this. He seemed like family was very important to him. It was a while before we went on our first date, but we continued to talk all the time, mostly by text message. He messaged me one day saying he was working in his uncle's shop, and he was involved in an accident. His foot was run over by a forklift, and he had to go to the emergency room. He was unable to go back to work until he saw an orthopedist due to his diabetes. you know, they wanted to make sure his foot was healing okay. He followed up with the orthopedist almost immediately and he was so upset. The orthopedist wouldn't sign off on him going back to work because his foot wasn't healing right

and he needed to apply for disability. He was so frustrated because he wanted to work and was not happy about having to be on disability. He's going to be on a limited income for a while, but this was short term. He's going through a hard time. I can help him through it because that's who I am. That's what I do. And I bought the story. Here I was again, trying to help someone to.

get through a hard time and be a shoulder to lean on. I was a nurse. That's who I was. I take care of people. We talked so much at this time that I felt like I knew him, texting from good morning to good night and all day long. All the sweet nothings I could think of, he gave. He built me up. No one had ever made me feel so good. I felt like he knew me and he understood me. Growing up in my world, people are good for the most part. They tell the truth and deserve the benefit of the doubt. Even with my past experiences with dating, he started to give me hope that maybe I was wrong and there were actually some good ones out there. Of course, he said all the things I wanted to hear and he reeled me in.

He loved to bomb me with non-stop compliments. He was so interested in Jace and asked about him all the time. No other men ever did that. He cared about my well-being and he encouraged me throughout the day. He would worry about my dad and ask how he was doing. we were a couple of underdogs that had been through some obstacles in life, but we found each other. Now everything was going to be okay. We moved super fast, but it felt right.

It felt natural. I don't even remember our first date, but my sister said, by the second date, I was spending the night at his house. By the third date, I brought Jace over to his house to spend the night. I think trauma has helped me block a lot of that all out, because of course, that sounds crazy to me that I did that. But I also believe it because that's how bonded we already were. I don't even think the relationship was sexual initially.

It was just about us and how well we got along together. I felt loved from him from the very beginning, and we started with love talk early. I was on cloud nine over this. No man had ever uttered these words to me in my life, and I'd finally found it. Needless to say, my sister was not thrilled with the speed of this relationship and it involving Jace. She's very protective, some might say controlling, but I should really give her more credit. She told me about Cody in February. So just to put it all in context, our dad got diagnosed with cancer in January, and she met Cody in February.

Their relationship ended in June. Cody comes along. My first memory of him is he's at our house, and Leslie's telling me all about him, and he is telling me all about him, and he is telling all of these stories. He has a rich uncle who he works for. This uncle is so rich that he owns a bunch of race cars. And Cody got to go to Paris with his uncle to do some kind of race car thing. And I was like, oh, wow, you've been to Paris. And he's like, yeah.

And I said, so what did you do there? Did you go to like the Louvre? And he was like, what's the Louvre? I started mentioning different things in Paris and he has never heard of any of them. It was just like really obvious he was lying. He also said that his best friend was the lead singer of the band Blink 182. I would ask him questions about that. His answers didn't add up.

So it was just like, this guy seems a little bit shady. It was what I always wanted. He showered me with compliments, offered to help me with anything I needed. He helped fix the plumbing in my house. He helped me change my oil, details my car, went with me to even negotiate the purchase of a new car. Help me run errands, cook to eat dinner. He would show up at work with flowers. If he knew I was having a hard day at work, he would surprise me and bring me and my best friend lunch.

But most importantly, the center of our relationship was always Jace. He always came first. Cody doted on him, treated him like he was the priority. Cody and I didn't really go on dates. Whatever we did, we did kind of a family. I used to joke that Cody loved Jace more than me. What more could I ask for? In fact, one of the things that made me follow,

for Cody was a story he told me about saving a baby's life. He told me that he was living with a girlfriend years before who had a baby. He came home from work one day and found the baby unconscious and immediately called 911 and started giving the baby CPR. The mom didn't want to go to the hospital, so he rode in the ambulance with the little girl. She had a skull fracture with a brain bleed and was removed from her mother's care and placed in protective custody. The mother was charged with child abuse. The social worker even allowed him to see the baby occasionally because of what he did for her. I'm thinking, oh my gosh, what an amazing guy. This all fell in line with how I saw him treat Jace. He loves kids. But my sister could see everything that I was blinded to. She knew there was

something about Cody that couldn't be trusted. We were two college career, educated women, and this guy comes in that's a little rough around the edges, and I have to admit, we'll act some standard social cues. It's like when we were around other people, he would turn into this teenager stuck in a 30-year-old's body. It would get so embarrassing. He could be crass and inappropriate. I remember thinking, oh my God, did he really just say that? This is so embarrassing. But when it was just us, he wasn't like that. We would laugh and have fun. My sister didn't think he was right for me or Jace, but I just wanted her to let me live my life. She didn't like that I was having him over to spend the night, and that I was taking Jace over to spend the night at his house.

She started to do some digging on her own. My sister could see through Cody's facade, and he knew it. They did not get along from the beginning. After being together for about a month, it was all about how Jace and I had changed his life and how much joy we brought. He would watch Jace for me for short times while we went to the doctor with my dad. My father was continuing to decline more rapidly than expected. He needed a bone marrow transplant, and there's just a lot that goes in with that.

Our communication was still nonstop. He was always checking up on me. If I didn't answer immediately, he would get paranoid and wonder if everything was okay or if he made me mad. I thought it was cute back then, but now I know that was just a way to control me. He was always paranoid about something, whether it was with me or other people. That wasn't like before too long he was saying, I love you. She was feeling very flattered because she never had a guy talk sweet to her, show interests like this. They are making you feel like you are on top of the world.

You're getting attention. You're feeling desired. It makes you feel very important. And I remember they started saying, I love you. And I was like, gosh, Leslie, this is like going really fast. Are you sure? And she was like, yeah. And as they spent more time together, he has loved bombing her about how much he loves Jays.

And he just loves kids. They're so important. By mid-March, we were already so enmeshed in each other that we were already talking about moving in with each other. He wanted me to talk to my sister about it. That would be hard. We owned this house together, and she was so important in Jace's life. This would not be an easy conversation, and I knew I would get backlash from her because she did not like Cody, and she would not be on board with this.

So I just kept putting it off until the right time. Of course, there was never really a right time. The tension continued to build between Cody and Stacey. He wanted control of me, and she was in his way. She was a threat. They would occasionally get along, but my sister, could not quit listening to her gut. He gradually pulled me farther and farther away from my family, especially my sister.

We were fighting about it frequently. I even remember there was one time we were like standing in the kitchen screaming at each other and that Jace was there and he got in between the two of us and said, no, no fight. So we stopped fighting when he did that. But yeah, we weren't getting along. I mean, Jace was still the center of everyone's universe. So it's not like we were fighting every minute or not. talking, we still were generally most of the time cordial to each other.

Stacey was her big sister, so I was looked up to her. And for the vast majority of her life, I would say that my wife followed Stacey. Coming in to their adult relationship, they don't seem like they'd get along sometimes, but they love each other. You know what I mean? I love my wife's family. They might argue and fight like my family does, but they still love each other. I would just say he was a little standoffish to the family, but not even in a rude way, maybe just shy.

The time that we spent together was so short. And other than at Jason's third birthday party, we might have seen each other one or two other times at family events or maybe at Leslie's house. I just don't have much of an impression. We have a thing in Oklahoma where you can look up people on our court network and see, like, if they've been charged with anything, have traffic tickets or any convictions. And so I looked him up on there, and he had four protective orders issued against him. And they weren't just emergency protective orders. They were like final protective orders, right?

So they had gone through the court process and been granted after testimony by a judge. So I was like, oh, okay, I've got to tell Leslie about this. So I call her and I tell her. She's like, oh, yeah, I know about those already. Actually, I went to court with him on one of them last week. And I was like, what? And she was like, yeah, he explained it all to me. It's all just like a big misunderstanding.

One of them, it was just his ex-girlfriend just trying to get back at him because he broke up with her. Another one is a situation where this girl abused her son and then she blamed Cody, but he didn't do it. And another one, his brother was like stalking someone and they thought it was Cody. And I was like, okay, Leslie, there is no way in hell you can have four. No one has that much bad luck. That's when I was like, okay, he's actually dangerous. So I actually looked for one of those people on Facebook and found one of the girls that had the protective order against him. I can read my emails back and forth with that girl.

Yes, please. Absolutely. If you're comfortable, I would love to hear that. Yeah. I said, hi, I know this is strange, but my sister is dating Cody Sop. and I saw an OSCE and that you had a protective order against Cody several years ago. I am wondering if I need to be concerned about my sister and her two-year-old son. I'm very sorry to bother you with this.

I just want to make sure she is safe. Thank you, Stacey. This was her reply. Yes, be very concerned. I got the EPO because he beat my daughter when she was five months old. She had shaken baby syndrome and had to be lifelighted to O.K. OU Children's Hospital. She died three times on the way there.

had to have two brain surgeries to save her life. He is a POS child beater. I was recently contacted on MySpace by his latest ex who was getting one on him. She needs to get away from him, ASAP, especially for her baby's sake. I said, thanks for getting back with me. Cody told my sister that you hurt the baby and ended up getting arrested for it or something like that, but blamed it on him. I am really sorry to be dredging up the past for you, but can you think of any way I can convince my sister that he is not telling the truth. As for his other ex, Cody says that it was his brother doing that stuff to her that led to the protective order. He has an explanation for everything. He is just so shady. And then her response to that was, you can look and do a background check on me if you want to. I pled guilty to failure to protect.

I've been arrested for driving without a license when I was 18. I don't know if he ever tells anyone the truth about it. If she wants, she can meet my kid and me and would learn quickly that I would never do something like that. I don't even believe in spanking. Plus, if I had done it, I would be in prison, not sitting here with her right now and my eight-month-old son, plus one on the way in August. Cody doesn't even have a brother. He has two sisters. There's a girl who knew him before she met me, and he tried to feed her this BS, and she knows now that I didn't do it. Hell, I've been babysitting her kids since they were born. I don't watch the news because stories of child abuse are on there all the time and I can't handle it. I hope your sister gets away from him. My sister has a protective

order on him too because he slammed her into a cement wall. She's on Facebook if you want to talk to her about it. Right after like the same day that I got those first messages from her, he sent me a text or a message somehow and said, I heard you've been asking questions about me. I want you to know I have eyes everywhere. I can't remember how he worded it, but it was very clearly a threat that could be denied being a threat, if that makes sense. The way he worded it, right, when I read it to Leslie, he's like, I wasn't threatening her. I was just telling her I didn't appreciate her checking up on me. I don't even remember what she told my sister, but it didn't matter. Don't worry, Stacey. I already know all about this. Let me explain the situation to you, and you'll understand what happened.

After the incident with the baby, he tried to kick her out, she wouldn't leave, so there was this altercation, and she filed a protective order. He said it's so easy to get a protective order against to anyone. Judges will always grant it to a woman against a man. And it was granted because he had to go to work that day and she knew it and he couldn't show up for the court date. So it was automatically granted. I knew nothing of how all this worked, so I had no reason not to believe him. And he always used his family as defense. You can ask my family about it. I can even get you the DHS worker's number if you want. Okay, geez. No, that's okay. I believe you. I did talk to his mother and sisters about all this. They confirmed his story. He saved the baby's life.

None of that is true, but that's how good he is. He had them convinced. Like I said, he was super paranoid all the time. Around this time, he starts texting me that he needs a place to hide because his ex and her friend and some guy keep driving by his house and they won't leave him alone. They keep harassing him, he's got to call the cops. Next thing you know, his ex and her friend have now filed protective orders against him, and he's beside himself.

He said they accused him of sending all these threatening messages, and he wouldn't leave them alone. That didn't make any sense to me because they were always together, and I'd never seen him contact her. In fact, we were together the night he told me these messages happened. Plus, if this were true and he were doing these things, why would he tell me about it? Seems like that would be something you would want to keep from the girl you're dating. Here he is, going through another hard time, and I'm going to come to the rescue and save him. Why won't people just let us be and leave us alone? I'm going to show this woman she has no hold on him.

I'm going to help him through this process. I tell him to file a stalking report. He tells me he filed a cross-protective order and he's talked to her grandmother who just loves him and she's willing to testify in court on his behalf. He just cannot catch a break. If that's true, he must be innocent, right? So I'm going to go to this court date and support him and be by his side. This guy now has several protective orders against him and I even go to a court date with him instead of running for the hills. This is my part of the story that I haven't really told anybody until now because it mortifies me. I didn't even think I told my sister about it, but recently she told me that I had informed her all about it when it happened and defended

him the whole time. So I'm in court with him, and this is not what I'm expecting. There was no one testifying on behalf of him. The evidence was pretty damning. The threats did come from his phone. He couldn't really defend himself. I remember sitting there with a pit in my stomach thinking, oh my God, could this really be true? I could not process it, but I was freaking out. The protective orders were granted. Lo and behold, that night he had an explanation for it all. It was all his brother's doing. His brother denied it at first, but then admitted it. His brother took his phone when he was asleep and sent the messages when he spent the night one night or something to that effect. He didn't want to admit it to Cody because he didn't want it to affect their relationship,

but he agreed that he would own up to it and try to get another court date. Okay, well, that's a little better. It put me at ease. I knew his brother had problems. But now I'm second-guessing the story about his other ex and the baby. Some things just don't make sense. So I ask more questions. No problem. He had the answers. No hesitation. If I ever confronted him about anything throughout our relationship, by the end of the conversation, I would feel guilty about ever even doubting him. gas lighting at its finest. But I couldn't really spend any more energy on this

because my father was not doing well and he was in the hospital. I had to focus on my dad. Cody was always very supportive for everything during my father's cancer journey. My mom was struggling. She was now taking care of my grandmother, my dad, and my aunt and her kids

who had now moved in and were having a hard time. She was still watching Jace when I worked. There were a couple days where I was very upset with my mom because she had forgotten to give Jace some feeding tubes, and Jace had lost weight. He was only in the fifth percentile for his weight, which means 95 percent of kids his age were bigger than him. He could not afford to lose weight. Cody was so upset by this and went on a rant. It was unacceptable. He said Jace needed to beat the priority, and they had to take better care of him. He couldn't afford to lose weight. He wanted to be the one watching Jace from now on.

I wasn't that hard on my mom. Our family was stressed to the max, and I could give her some grace. But maybe he's right. Maybe Jace is too much for her right now, and I should let Cody watch him while I'm at work. It was the perfect storm for him to gain more control and get us away from my family. For the short amount of times that he would watch Jace, he always sent me pictures or had funny little cute stories to tell me about him. It was comforting. One particularly hard day was my dad. Cody told me he had to put Jace in time out for jumping on the bed because he didn't want him to get hurt and wanted to know how long he should stay in time out. I told him the usual, put him in time out for a minute for every year of his life, so like two and a half minutes. Then pick him up, let him know what he did wrong, give him a hug, tell him you love

him. Responsible parenting, right? He said Jace called him daddy and that he always wanted a little boy, and now he felt bad for putting him in time out. Cody said he was the luckiest guy in the world. Later that night, Jace was even asking for Cody. So sweet. When he picked me up at work one day. He even wanted one of my coworkers to come out and make sure he'd install Jason's car seat correctly. He wanted to go to all of Jason's doctor's appointments and therapy appointments. One of these days when Cody was watching Jace, he called to let me know that Jason had tripped and hit his head on a door jam and had a little goose egg on his head, but he's okay. Okay, he's a toddler. Jace was super clumsy. Didn't surprise me. The next day I was at my

mom's and she asked Jace what happened to his head. Jay says, Cody, owie. That's about the extent of his talking at this stage. A few words clustered together, not real clear sentences, but we could usually get what he meant. I told Cody what Jay said. He was so worried. My parents would think he was a bad dad and wouldn't trust him. He felt so guilty about him getting hurt while he was watching him. He said he was sorry for letting me down.

I was like, it's okay. He's a toddler. He's going to get owies. These things happen. Maybe just pay closer attention to him next time. Of course, he had an explanation. He had placed Jason his room to play while he was being. playing a violent video game because it wasn't appropriate for Jace to see, and he tripped and fell

while in his room. His paranoia continued, but now it was aimed at me. At the end of March, I went to a concert with some of my girlfriends. It would have been the first time I was out of his control, and he did not like that. When I didn't text him back right away, he would send all the passive-aggressive messages, and I would have to reassure him that I would keep texting him. Then he would turn around and send the sweet messages, calling me wifey, and how much he couldn't wait to hold me. So I could never relax and just have fun because I still had to focus on him. He told me he might go have a drink with his friend Josh, but come to think about it. I never met a single friend of his. I don't even know if they even existed. I made plans that night just to come to his house after

the concert and spend the night. But it was late. He was already asleep. So I crawled in bed around 2 a.m. And his phone was just lying there, waiting. And it was just too much temptation. I was heartbroken. I found that he was talking to another girl. I had no idea how they met, how long they'd been talking, but they had actually gone on a date that night while I was out with my friends. I couldn't believe it. He had been texting me throughout the night. Why would he go on a date?

This did not make any sense with the man I thought I knew. Why would he want me to even come to his house afterwards? I feel like he was so afraid that I was going to cheat on him the one night I wasn't with him that he felt like he had to do it first. I never said anything about it. I was in denial. I just pretended it never happened. As time goes on, he wasn't able to back up his stories, whether that's how he got hurt

at work. He was getting caught, maybe cheating or talking to other girls, but he'd always have a story for it. But I could tell some things were starting to bother Leslie as this relationship was going on, because she could also tell things were adding up. I remember feeling frustrated with her at one point. There were so many things happening. Then he wouldn't get a job.

And then he wanted to move in. And I just saw her working so hard and so much. and this guy wasn't doing anything. And I really started getting a distaste for him. April turned out to be a particularly vulnerable time with everything going on with my dad and being super busy at work, plus trying to keep the peace between Stacey, Cody, and my parents.

My parents were always nice to Cody, whether they liked him or not. But Stacey would talk to them about Cody and then my mom would have a talk with me. It was this revolving door. Stacey didn't want me to bring Cody to the house. I knew Cody would never allow that. because he was just that controlling.

I felt stuck between choosing Cody and my family. I just wanted Cody and Stacy to sit down and have a rational conversation with each other instead of going through me. I knew if she would just sit down and talk with him without being sarcastic and let him explain everything the way he explained it to me, she would understand,

and maybe they would see each other differently. But I knew we were too far past that point. That wasn't an option anymore. I would have to choose Cody and Jace and we would have to stay away from my family. family. The conversation with my sister about us not living together started at this point. She was just ready to get away from us as well. We were on very little speaking terms. There was tension everywhere. I offered to move out and she could find a roommate or she could move out. My sister discussed fixing up

my parents' house. It needed a lot of work and then moving in there. So we started that process, but that was going to take time. I was picking up all kinds of extra shifts to make extra money to fix up my house so we could put it on the market. Stacey had yet to move out, so if anything, we just needed to sell the house and go our separate ways. It wasn't likely I could afford to keep the house on my own. I couldn't afford the mortgage on my own. Cody, yeah, he could be helping with his disability checks, but that wouldn't be enough. But I also want Cody out of his house because it wasn't in the best part of town and there was in no way I was moving in there. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Between my dad's illness, the tension with my family over Cody, and all my overtime, I was

hanging on by a threat. I had a breakdown one day about losing my dad, which turned into, I don't know what I would ever do if anything happened to Jace. He still had medical problems, and what if something happened to him? What if he died in a car wreck? Got some horrible infection from his feeding tube. Cody said, why would anything ever happen to Jace? That doesn't make any sense. He said that would never happen because we were too cautious and he would never let anything happened to our baby, but he couldn't imagine life without him either. That day, he surprised me at work with flowers to tear me up. April is also when the marriage talk started. I remember his mom came down for a doctor appointment one day, and Cody wanted to treat us to dinner. Cody was so proud to

show us off to his mom. His mom was really supportive and loved Jace. I remember Cody gave me this look at dinner that just melted me, one of those looks where you can just see how much they love you. That night, he told me how much he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me and asked me how I felt about that. He said he loved Jace with all his heart and he didn't know what love was until he met Jace and I. I told him I felt the same way and it would happen when the time was right. Introducing a man that's coming to the picture unreasonably fast out of nowhere when you're two and a half year old has only ever had his mom that's complicated. Now I bring in this stranger that's there all the time, and I mean all the time. And that was confusing for Jace and

so unfair to him. I thought I was doing the right thing by bringing someone in that cared so much about Jace and wanted to be a part of our lives. But I can only imagine how confusing that is to a toddler. Sometimes he loved Cody. Sometimes he hated him. Sometimes he would kiss and hug him. Other times he didn't want anything to do with him. But Cody took it in stride and I just thought it was kind of normal and happens when you bring in someone new. But I was so concerned about it at a point and unsure if I was doing the right thing or not that I brought it up to our pediatrician just to make sure I wasn't making a mistake. She knew us so well because she'd taken care of Jace since he came home from the hospital. She assured me, this is normal when I needed to continue to involve Cody in

things and help let Jace get used to him and get to know him. I felt relieved. Okay, I was just being parent. But by mid-April, now there was a shift. Cody never yelled at me or Jace, he was never violent, but I started to see his anger issues come out in other ways. His road rage was off the charts. He would get so angry over just the littlest infractions. One time he got out of the car and threatened to hit this guy's car with a tire iron or something over something silly. It was concerning, but I thought it was something he could work through. Around this time is when really bad stuff started happening.

Jay started having some bruises on his ears that nobody knew where they came from. Through my Googling, the only explanation I could find for bruises on ears was child abuse. I made my sister take him to the doctor. I'm like, Leslie, this is the only explanation that anyone can find. But the pediatrician said they weren't worried about it. And so I even called my other friends who were also social workers. Like, what do I need to do? And they were like, well, I guess if the doctor says it's nothing to worry about, I wouldn't worry about it.

He also had some marks on his wrists after he had been with Cody one time. Leslie has Cody watching him sometimes, like babysitting him, going places with him. Sometimes they spend the night at Cody's house, which I did not like. And around this time, Jace starts saying Cody bad a lot. And there was one day that Cody spent the night at our house. Jace was stuck to me like glue. Like he wouldn't let me take a shower unless he came in the bathroom with me. And he kept saying like Cody.

bad, Cody bad. All this stuff is happening. I'm telling Leslie about it. By this time, Cody and her both just think like I'm trying to get them broken up. Cody is telling my sister that I am a bitter spinster who is jealous that my sister has found love and that I'm just angry that no one will ever love me. I'm telling my parents about it and my parents are like, yeah, that's concerning, but it's your sister's life. And I was getting furious at my parents for not, I don't know, grounding her or doing something. How is your dad doing at this point? He was going through chemo. He couldn't really eat. Everything he tried to eat tasted like metal. So he was losing a lot of weight. We also had a lot of stress at that time, like medical bills were piling up for my parents

and trying to figure all this other stuff out with them. There were a lot of moving pieces at that time. I was still around Cody. He knew I didn't like him, but weird things happened. Like, around this time, my dog started having seizures. And so I believe that Cody did something to my dog because this happened after Cody stayed at my house for a night or a day or something, and I wasn't there. And then all of a sudden, my dogs started having seizures out of nowhere. At this time, I was writing a lot. So I was always on my laptop. And my laptop all of a sudden started smelling. like urine when the fan would come on. So I believe that Cody peed on my laptop. Little weird things kept happening. And again, like, I don't know for sure. But I think knowing what we know now,

I can assume that I was probably right about those things. Cody was watching Jace while I had a meeting at work. He called to let me know that Jace had an accident, but he was okay. He said he was riding on, you know, one of those little cars that you sit on and push with your feet. He was going too fast and he ran into a wall at the end of our hall. There was like a baby gate leading up against the wall and the gate fell over and hit him and then Jace fell over and the little car landed on him. He cried for a little bit, but now he was playing again. I wasn't worried. Seems like something Jace would do. That afternoon, I noticed bruising on the inside of his ears. This was strange. I'd never seen anything like this in my nursing career or learned anything about it in

nursing school. It wasn't on the outside of his ears. It was on the inside, and not just one ear, but both ears in the exact same place. And on the backs of his ears, there was like some petechiae, which is like a sign of broken capillaries or some bleeding. But he's not acting like anything hurts. His ears are not hot, they're not tender, he's acting perfectly normal. I called the pediatrician and made an appointment for the next day. Jakes had tubes in his ears for frequent ear infection, so I'm thinking maybe the fall did something to those, and this is the cause of that. Later that night, we were staying at Cody's house, and I, of course, started to play Dr. Google

and researching what could cause bruising on the inside of the ears. Bad idea. Shouldn't have done that. I did not like what I read. We're talking about skull fractures and needing to watch our cerebral spinal fluid coming out of the ears. Now I am completely freaked out. It's after 10 o'clock at night, and I'm convinced Jace will die in his sleep. I don't know what to do. But I had this nurse practitioner that I worked with in the NICU that, I was very close to, and I trusted her implicitly.

I sent her pictures and asked her what I should do. She was also concerned about a skull fracture and said I should take him to the ER immediately and not wait until the morning. Oh my God, okay, crack, let's go. Cody was so worried and insisted we hurried to the ER ASAP. He went with us and stayed by our side the whole time. We waited forever. We never even got into a room, and by 2 a.m., we were placed on a gurney in the hall of the ER.

This was also the same hospital I worked in. Finally, a doctor came in to see us. I explained why I was so concerned about what had happened that day. He looked at me like I had two heads. He did not understand why I brought him in. I'm like, I'm a nurse. I've never seen anything like this. I just want to make sure he's okay.

I told him all about what the nurse practitioner had said. Then he had Jace walk down the hall and walk back, make sure his gate was steady. And by his limited neuro exam, Jace appeared to be acting normal. He then asked me who had been watching Jace that day. I told him Cody watched him for a couple hours, but other than that, Jace was with both of us.

He said he appeared to be fine, but we could request a CT scan if we wanted to check first gold fracture. I'm thinking, what the hell? Aren't you supposed to be the doctor and tell me what's needed? I said, well, does he need one? He replied, well, that's your choice. You can do one if you want.

Okay, thanks for your help. He said we already had a pediatrician appointment for the next day so we could just follow up with them. Okay, Doc, thanks for nothing. Later, I would find out he documented in his notes in the official legal chart that it appeared to be child abuse. Like someone slapped Jace on both sides of his head, but there was no social worker on site during the night so he would let the pediatrician follow up. He knew better. He knew there's always a social worker on call. and he had a moral, ethical, and legal duty to report this, and he failed. Call the social worker.

Let this be where it ends. But he didn't. The next day, we follow up with the pediatrician. Cody was with us. He was always with us. What I thought was caring at the time, I now know, was control. He had to be in the room in case questions were raised or I said something incriminating. The only reasonable explanation they could come up with was some kind of

bleeding disorder. We did testing for that. It was ruled out. We would just have to watch it. A few weeks later, we had an unrelated follow-up with his E&T doctor to see other tubes in his ears were doing. I brought up the bruising, thinking he might have some insight. So maybe he was sleeping on his ears wrong. No one brought up child abuse. I was the nurse who saved this baby's life. We were a success story. A story people told their friends about. Our life is a testimony to what love can accomplish and heal. No one could fathom that a smart, educated woman could fall prey to a sociopath, except my sister. Of course she would blame Cody. She came to me and said she asked Chase what had happened to his ears and he said, Cody did it. Here we go. I've got to explain what happened

so she'll understand. Yes, he was with Cody, but this is what happened. I would ask what happened, and Jace would say, Gamma did it, Stacey did it, Papa did it. What do you do with that? What do you believe. He's an underdeveloped two and a half year old. There is no way the man I loved and saw daily how much he loved and cared for Jace could ever hurt him when I wasn't around. I couldn't even entertain that thought. Cody had been working on his car one day. He was always working on his car. He had an old Chevy Monte Carlo SS that he was fixing up and it was obnoxiously loud, like embarrassing loud. Any money he had he would spend on his toys. Jace had these red marks. Jays had these red marks around both wrists, and Cody told me he got his hand stuck in some brake ties. I know

nothing about cars. I have no idea what break ties are. Sounded to me like Cody was getting lazy and not watching Jace and being irresponsible. I mean, he's not used to being a stay-at-home dad with this much responsibility. This was a lot different than just watching your nieces and nephews occasionally. He needed some redirection. He was receptive to that, but inside I was kind of getting pissed off. I mean, come on. You keep giving my family ammunition to say, aren't a good guy. They're going to see this and ask me about it. You are not helping our situation here. Please get your crap together. Part of me thinks we definitely had enough information to have done more. So it makes me sad that I didn't push harder. I had this information

that he was already a child abuser. Why didn't I go get a protective order on Jason's behalf or something like that? But that's the deal with a sociopath is they can convince you of anything. I always said that he was such a good liar that you'd be talking to him and he'd convince you that the sky was green. And then it wasn't until you went outside and saw the sky that you'd be like, oh, no, it's blue. It's always been blue. I knew it was blue. He was such a convincing liar at times that I felt guilty a lot of the time. I was so worried that I was harming him in some way by accusing him of these things. I was gaslighting myself in some ways. As I moved out, there was quite a bit of conflict.

between Cody and I. My sister and I had bought a TV together. So this is when like flat screen TVs were first becoming affordable-ish, right? They were still expensive, but we'd bought a flat-screen TV together. And it was nice and we were proud of it. So when it was time for me to move out, we got into a big argument over who was going to get the TV. And Cody was basically like, we're keeping the TV. So I moved out and I bought myself an even bigger TV.

But the TV comes back later, so just wait. That's part of the story later. I had been going to therapy because I was just so stressed out. I had moved into my own home around the end of May. I had bought toys and had lots of stuff here for Jay's to stay here as well and had been watching him a lot, like my sister had brought him over here quite a bit. So my therapist started talking to me about boundaries. And it said, this is what your sister chose.

Maybe you need to quit making it easy for her. Maybe you need to let her live with her decisions and start separating yourself a bit. He was breaking the lease at his house and moving in, we were doing this. Things were getting tense. He would pull away and be distant, yet still be around all the time. I didn't really understand what it changed. My suspicions got the best of me, and I found a way to check his phone while he was working on his car. Sure enough.

I found out that he'd been talking to two other girls. These girls were friends with each other. Sometimes the texting was inappropriate. Sometimes it was friendly. It was clear. One of the girls was interested in him and the other one was not at all. But he was stringing this other girl along. He went out with them to lunch one day.

Even if they were just friends, I knew nothing about this. He would have freaked out if I ever had died friends, much less talk to them in this manner or go out with them. It's like he needed a backup in case we didn't work. out because he had nothing else. He knew I was too good for him and would catch on to what he was doing sooner or later. He needed to find the next girl he could manipulate and start laying that groundwork. He had tabs on everything I did, everywhere I went and who I was with, which was no one. I could never go anywhere without him except work. I went to my bedroom and lay down and just

stared at the ceiling. I mean, how could this be happening? All these plans were in motion. We're about to move in together. Too many wheels are turning and we can't back out. What am I going to do? Have I made this huge mistake? I hate, hate, hate, hate confrontation and awkward conversations. I will do anything to appease anyone in order to avoid them, but I couldn't hold this in. I confronted him and he denied, denied, denied, denied. He fed me this sob story on how she was interested in him and he kept trying to blow her off, but she wouldn't leave him alone and started telling him how she was suicidal, and he just didn't feel like he could just stop talking to her. He was trying to help her.

He never hesitated. He never flitched. He didn't know he was about to get caught, but the story came flying out of his mouth. I definitely had doubts. I knew he was lying. But he's still here planning on moving in with me, so why would he be looking for another girlfriend if he knows we're about to move in together? These are the conversations I had in my head to rationalize it and everything else. Things were a little different after that.

I started to think about things he said to me before and wondering if they were lies. One thing that I just could never let go of was he had said that his ex and him broke up like seven months before we started talking. But looking at his Facebook page, it looked to me like they had literally just broke up right before we met. I asked about it early on and he gave me the story of her editing the page to make it look like that just to mess with him. when we met, I mean, I had no reason not to believe him, but now I'd been around the block with him and was beginning to see his little light lies. I was still committed, but now I had doubts in the back of my mind. I mean, what else is he lied about?

I could lean on a few of my friends for advice, but for the most part, I just kept all this to myself. Except for my best friend at work. She had been trying to be supportive of our relationship because she wanted me to be happy, but after this she was done. She wanted me to get away from him. He was not good for me. he just never gave you that great feeling in your gut, but you wanted to believe in some happiness for Leslie because she was feeling it.

But what I started seeing is how hard she started working. Because basically she's supporting Cody and Jace. And I just felt like she's working like a dog. I think Cody Weasel just way in to talking about moving in together. Well, of course he does. Just another way to mooch. And I think she really believed in maybe they had a future together as far as marriage or being together. And she knew that she would have to separate as far as,

living in the same house with Stacy and she couldn't quite afford that. So she's trying to work more and support this household. If she was going to sell the house, she'd have to get it ready. And he just like didn't do anything. I think he played video games. I started really disliking him because I was like, I mean, you poor thing, like you're exhausted. Now you're picking up shifts on night shift and you're working overtime all the time. And that's hard because Jace, she has to leave with her family, which they loved him. Eventually, Cody ends up watching him some. And then he started getting these outburst. I remember she would come to work and we talk about her if she called me or whatever. She's like, God, his road rage is just out of control. Like nothing I've ever seen. She goes,

it's so embarrassing and it scares me and scares Jace. And I'm like, okay, that temper, that's scary. You know, you don't want to be with someone like that for basically no reason is flying off the handle. And then more things weren't adding up. Like she caught him talking to another girl or planning a date. And then no, Leslie finds out from his sister about the disability. It's not the story he told Leslie. So it's just all these things like, why would you lie? It didn't make sense. But he always had a story. Like he wouldn't hesitate.

He wouldn't stutter. People that are masters at this, it is convincing. So I could see where Leslie kind of got caught up in it because he was still trying to show her affection and love bombing. At that point, Leslie had been with him long enough to see his words don't match his actions. I remember going over there after he moved in. He took up a whole room for like his car collection or micromachines or whatever it was he collected. I can't remember now. like toys. She was really trying to accommodate it, but I think it just got to a point where she knew.

She was like, I can't be in this relationship. It wasn't adding anything to her life. It was draining her completely. I think as time was going on, his mask was wearing thin. And he was getting caught in many lives, and I don't think he could keep up with him anymore. Things just really started spiraling. And then she started getting scared because she was like, he's going to flip out when I tell him. I don't want to be with him. Anyone that knows Leslie knows that she hates confrontation. And I think she was kind of feeling conflicted too, like, is he going to have anywhere to go? He doesn't have any money, but she was like, okay, for my own good. I've got to end this. And we talked about it so often. And I would just tell her, like, I'm here to support you, but I do think you need to get

rid of him. I think she had her mind made up. Like, I'm done with this. I just got to figure out how to get out of it. I don't know how much of that Cody necessarily knew at the time. I think she was just trying to keep harmony in the house until she could get all her ducks in a row. they have to have someone to boost their ego, but take care of them financially, emotionally. There was nothing that he ever did on his own. I mean, he was just completely selfish. He would have found another victim if he really knew Leslie was done. And I think he was probably trying the whole time to see what else was out there.

I knew what she was saying was right, but I wasn't ready to face that truth yet. Around the third week of May, Cody moved in. I wasn't sure moving in together, was the right decision anymore, but there is no way I could say that to Cody now. Confrontation, no thank you. So I was willing to take this step to at least get out of living with my sister. I could deal with the rest later. The day Cody moved in, Jay spent the night with Stacy. Several days later, Stacy called me towards the end of my shift at work. She wanted to let me know that when Jay spent the night at her house, he told her Cody shook him. She said when she asked him

to explain it to her, all Jace could say was, I don't know. This is how Jace responded often to things when he didn't know how to say something. I really didn't know what to think of this or how to react to what she was telling me. I didn't even think Jace knew what the word shake or shook meant, and I'd never heard him use that word. He wasn't even three. I told Stacey all about Cody calling me and telling me about the incident with Jace jumping on the bed. I figured, I mean, if Cody did get angry, he just got down at eye level and grabbed Jace by the shoulders to get his attention. I never saw any bruises to indicate anything had happened. Until this day, I had still never seen Cody get angry or violent with Jace. When it came to Jace, he was this big teddy bear. But I told

her I would try to figure out what happened. I was scared to death to bring it up to Cody. Considering the strained relationship he had with my sister, I knew if I said to him, so she told me Jace said you shook him. His anger would escalate, which had a already been doing. He would say Stacy is trying to cause problems, she's always blaming him for everything, she's trying to control me and just trying to get him in trouble. And he would probably forbid me from speaking to her anymore and say Jace couldn't go over there. So I didn't know the best way to approach this conversation. From the minute he moved in, I knew this was a huge mistake. This is not what I was looking for. What am I going to do? I had let another child move in. He took over

a whole bedroom with his freaking Hot Wheels collection. The spare bedroom was now his man cave. He was trying to put up music and movie posters all over the house. I mean, how could I say no? We were now using most of his stuff and most of his furniture, so I didn't really feel like I had a say in the matter. And we now lived with his pit bull dog. The dog was great, but still, I'm telling you,

I had let a teenager living in a man's body move in with me, and this was going to be the rest of my life. I was panicking inside. And he changed. He got what he wanted, and now the real hymn could start coming out. He was no longer being as helpful. He was extra moody all the time. I felt like whatever I said would make him mad,

so I just chose to not have an opinion most of the time. But that had the mind-game trick of making me feel like I was doing something wrong, like I wasn't being what he wanted. Wait a minute. I still with the fairy tale to work out. How do we get back to where we were? How can I change to please him? I would go back and forth from wanting to be done to wanting it to work.

I was getting depressed, but I couldn't let him see that. As much as I wanted this relationship to work, I knew I also needed an exit plan. As it was right now, I could not afford to make it in this house without him. I couldn't afford the mortgage on my own. I was drowning in credit card debt, thanks to living off of my credit cards through college, and a tiny spending habits. I needed to continue to pick up extra shifts, continue to get the house, ready for the market and get this house sold. Then I would be free to make a decision. I used to be

that person that said, who cares? You're in a bad situation and you just need to get out, so do it. People need to understand it's just not that easy, especially with a child to provide for, what was I going to do? I would have to foreclose on my house. But my sister's name was on the house as well. It would ruin her financially too, and I'm the one who pushed this move. My parents couldn't help me. They were going through enough. I couldn't go to them. Could I even afford bored to live on my own. Who wants to be roommates with a woman and her kids? These were all the thoughts that were running through my head, not to mention what Cody would do if I tried to make him leave. I never thought he would hurt me or Jace, but I was afraid he would threaten to kill himself

and he would never leave me alone. It would be constant sob stories and I would take him back. We were all he had. He had nowhere to go. So what if he actually killed himself? How could I live with that on my conscience? Now to add to my stress, his mother was going to stay with us for a few weeks. while she recovered from shoulder surgery so we could help her. I thought this was very sweet that he wanted to do this for his mom. One day, he was gone running an errand, and his mother and I were just in the house talking. She gets a text from him and starts laughing. She told me what it said.

It was from Cody, asking his mom not to talk about any of his past relationships, no matter what. That was one more confirmation for me of his lives. He was afraid she would tell me that he and his ex had just broken up before we met. I was done being the rebound girl. I would have never had dated him in the first place if I knew that was the case. What if she told me other things about his past that didn't match up with the stories? I could see right through this. It wasn't long before they were fighting, and I could see some of how Cody turned out the way he was.

He was trying to help her, but he didn't care about her enough. He wasn't treating her well enough. This was Cody. He learned how to always be the victim from his mom. But like it wasn't his fault the way he is. This kind of made me feel sorry for him in a way. Jace's third birthday was coming up soon, so Cody and I went to Walmart

while Jay stayed with his mom so we could look for a present. On the way to Walmart, he said Jace had been in his room watching cartoons, and he kept getting in trouble because he was jumping on the bed. He said he went in there several times, threatening to put him in time out. I guess the last time Cody went into his room, Jace said, no, Cody, and pushed him out of the door.

And that was one of Jace's normal tactics. when he knew he was doing something he shouldn't, he would push you out the door so you wouldn't see him. Cody thought it was funny and said he didn't have the heart to put him in timeout. A couple days later, Jason Cody picked me up from work one night, and we stopped at the grocery store on the way home. Jason and I stayed in the car while Cody was inside.

As soon as Cody started walking away from the car, Jay said to me, Cody mad at me? I replied, no, honey, why would Cody be mad at you? Jay said, because I jump on the bed? Cody shake me? I asked several times what he meant and to explain what happened, and all he would reply was, I don't know. I told him, no, honey, Cody isn't mad at you. He just didn't want you to fall and get hurt while you're jumping on the bed. I asked Cody, so Jace thinks you're mad at him. He asked why. I said, well, because he got in trouble when he was jumping on the bed. Did you just

maybe get a little too rough with him? I was scared to use the word shake. He said, no, of course not. He was very upset that Jace thought he was mad at him and didn't know why he would think that. He seemed so remorseful and I believed him. As soon as we got home, he went straight into Jace's room to tell him he was sorry and that of course he wasn't mad at him. He just didn't want him to get hurt. They hugged. Cody read him a book and they said good night. I considered the issue resolved. Jace turned three on June 5th, 2010.

About a week later on June 12th, 2010, that day was the worst day of my life. Next time, on something was wrong. It was a good liar. There is only one cause, and his name is Cody. There is no other plausible scenario. I just remember my heart breaking for her, explaining to the jury, this is not an accident.

This is who he is. He abuses children. He is just a arrogant, manipulative, selfish human being. They're masters, these people like Cody. They pray on what's already going on. They're showing me one thing to my face, but then when I'm gone, I feel like something else is going on. They're very good at what they do.

For information about how and where to file a report of suspected child abuse or neglect, call the Child Help National Child Abuse Hotline. Child Help can be reached seven days a week, 24 hours a day, at its toll-free number, 1-800-4-A-child. That is, 1-800-4-22-4453. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, stay safe, friends. Something Was Wrong is a Broken Cycle Media production,

created and hosted by me, Tiffany Reef. If you'd like to support the show further, you can share episodes with your loved ones, leave a positive review, or follow Something Was Wrong on Instagram at Something Was Wrong podcast. Our theme song was composed by Gladrags. Check out their album, Wonder Under. Thank you so much.