Something Was Wrong - S18 Ep1: [Alexis] You're Not Alone

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

*Content Warning: sexual assault, rape, emotional abuse, bigotry, racism, fraud, gaslighting, domestic violence. Free + Confidential Resources + Safety Tips: somethingwaswrong.com/resources SWW Merch: merch.cameo.com/store/somethingwaswrong Follow Something Was Wrong on IG: instagram.com/somethingwaswrongpodcastFollow Tiffany Reese on IG: instagram.com/lookiebooArtwork by the amazing Sara Stewart:@GreaterThanOkay - Instagram.com/greaterthanokay

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Something was wrong is intended for mature audiences. It discusses topics that can be upsetting and triggering, such as emotional, physical, and sexual, violence, suicide, child abuse, and murder. Content warnings for each episode are at the top of episode notes. And confidential and free resources for survivors can be found linked in our episode notes, as well as on our website, something was wrong.com slash resources. Some survivor names have been changed for anonymity purposes. Testimony shared by guests on the show is their own and does not necessarily reflect the views of myself, something was wrong, broken cycle media, or wondering. The podcast and any linked

materials should not be construed as medical advice, nor is any of the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. Thank you so much for listening. Hi, I'm Alexis, and I started listening to the this podcast way back in the first season. Part of the reason why I continued listening to it, for one, the stories were so beautifully told, but I found myself relating to many, many of the experiences that the survivors were sharing throughout many different episodes. And ever since the beginning, I've kind of thought to myself that I have, unfortunately,

so many stories and experiences that I could have shared, but I have never really been quite ready to share my story. Up until now, the only people who I've shared my story with concerning this particular individual has been with my best friend, my husband, and with my therapist. It is a little daunting to be finally releasing it, but I do feel like I am ready to finally share what I went through at this time. I am originally from the East Coast, and in 2016, I graduated college. Throughout my college experience, I was in a pretty verbally and emotionally abusive relationship for four years.

It was really on and off, and I would say it really marred my college experience a lot, and it clouded the majority of it. I really thought the only way that I could free myself from this relationship was to physically put distance between myself and the person who I was in a relationship with. That being coupled with not knowing what I wanted to do after school, we happened to have a ton of recruiters for a teaching cohort at our campus. So I decided to talk to them. I applied for a position and I ended up getting accepted into the program. They operate throughout the nation. So we were able to choose 10 different places where we thought we wanted to be placed. I ended up being placed at my 10th choice.

So when I went down there, I didn't know anybody. My whole life was on the East Coast. I didn't have any family down there. I didn't have any friends down there yet. I moved completely down there by myself and within two weeks my mom would be gone back home and I would really be alone. The first few months were very difficult and I was very lonely. So like many people do, I sought out companionship on dating apps. After going through a few people on dating apps and nothing really coming from any of those interactions, I finally came across David. What drew me to David physically was he had a lot of tattoos and I am attracted to tattoos.

I liked his style and I was also intrigued that it said in his bio that he was a hip-hop DJ and I thought that was really interesting because I'd never been around anybody like that before. I was in my early 20s at the time and I believe it said that he was 29 years old on his dating profile. He did look like he was 29.

I liked what I saw basically and I ended up swiping right on him and he ended up matching with me. We talked quite a bit and very quickly our conversation moved from the app to texting to calling each other on the phone. He was very persistent about meeting up and taking me on a date, but I was very busy with my job at the time. He was in and out of town for different DJing gigs. We lived in the same state, but our cities were pretty far away from each other. It could take up to an hour and a half to get to each other in traffic. So our schedules just really weren't aligning. Also, our conversations were going so well. I wasn't concerned about hurrying up and meeting him, if that makes sense. I really liked his sense of humor, and I initially

felt very comfortable with him. I am naturally a really sarcastic person, so finding someone who could keep up or one-up me when it comes to sarcasm is kind of rare. Our banter back and forth was really good. And our conversations also never went stale. He seemed like he was genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person, what was going on in my life, what my interests were what I was doing for work, how work was going about my family, which was kind of different than what I've experienced in the past. He seemed very down to earth. He seemed very caring. He was definitely charming. The interesting thing about him, more than once he mentioned to me that he had absolutely no game. And I feel like mentioning that you have no game is like when guys say that I'm a nice

guy, you know, like when somebody has to say, I'm a nice guy or I'm a good person that probably means the opposite. So he told me multiple times that he was super corny, that he was super cheesy, and in retrospect, that's a red flag. At that time, I looked at it as somebody who was self-deprecating, I guess, in a way, and it kind of aligned a little bit with the sense of humor that he had. I think I should have been a little wary about somebody trying to portray that image as hard as he was, but I really didn't think too much about it at the time. One thing that's important to note about David was that he made it a point.

point to let me know how much more comfortable he was in black spaces than he was in white spaces. He is a white male, but he told me that growing up, him and his family moved to a neighborhood that was predominantly black. And throughout his life, that's who his friends were. He said that he was raised by a black community who embraced him. And he felt more comfortable dating black women and being in those spaces. I was going through a lot of racial identity issues at the time. So it did kind of make sense. But it should have been more concerning that he made it a point to make sure that I knew

when I understood this information. And he was also making money and profiting in black spaces as well. The gigs he would go to were attended by predominantly black attendees. He was very frequently the only white person there, so he would get a lot of attention. He would be very vocal on social media about social injustice. He would act like he cared a lot about civil rights. He would just post a lot to bring awareness to any kind of racial injustices that were happening to somebody who doesn't know him.

It did look like he was an ally. But he was pretending to be this way to, one, have access. to black women that he victimized repeatedly and to also profit off of this community because that's all that he did. He frequently used us in more ways than one. He had a photo shoot for his record company. I think it's very telling that in the promotional pictures that he decided that he was going to shoot in a Black Lives Matter shirt, it portrays this image and it gets him exactly where he wants to be. So just looking at how he used those spaces and how he hurts so many people, it's just really gross and it's just fucked up how he pretended to be this type of person.

And so many people defended his actions as well. One of these attempts to meet for the first time, I told him that I was sick. And he told me that he was willing to come over and bring me soup and just sit with me so I'm not by myself and he would be able to get me whatever I needed since I was too sick to really do anything for myself. As nice as I thought that this was, I did not want to meet him for the first time being sick because I looked terrible,

but also I didn't think it was necessary for him to come all the way out there to just bring me soup and sit with me while I wasn't feeling good. So I kind of brushed it off to the side and we eventually ended up scheduling a first date. David did tell me that he had a gig that night, but he really wanted to go on this date. I just needed to know that he needed to leave at a certain time

in order to make it back to his gig on time. I thought that was totally fine, and I even offered to go to him, but he told me he wanted our first date to be in my city. He didn't think me being the woman, I should be the one to have to drive all the way out there. So he was totally fine coming out to him. see me. He did offer to pick me up and take me to the restaurant, but I declined. I didn't think it

was smart of me to get in the car with somebody who I'd just been talking to over the internet, because honestly, I don't know who this person was or where they could take me. I told him that I'd be happy to meet him at the restaurant. When I finally got to the restaurant, he was basically exactly as I expected. He looked exactly like his pictures. He dressed in the same kind of way. His voice was the same as what I heard on the phone, so I felt pretty comforted meeting him for the first time. And from what I remember about the first date, it was pretty great. I could find myself kind of liking him and I felt like I was attracted to him and I did feel like he liked me as well. He did offer to take me back to my apartment and when he dropped me off, we did end up kissing for the first time that night.

he asked if I wanted to come to the gig with him back in his city because he wanted to hang out with me a little bit more and extend the night. But I told him, I don't think it's a great idea. I didn't know how I would get back home. I didn't want to have to be forced to stay overnight with him if I didn't feel comfortable. I thought that we could definitely do that another time, but I just told him for tonight, it's okay. You go do the gig. You don't need me to be there. and I'll talk to you after the gig. I did ask him if he wanted to come up just to hang out a little bit more for five or ten minutes before he went off.

He told me that as much as he wanted to come up, it was really important for him to let me know that he wasn't with me for any physical reasons. He thought our connection was so much deeper than that. He really saw a future with us. He didn't want me to think that he was with me only for the sex or only for physical reasons. I was very used to that response.

I thought that was admirable and I thought it was kind of nice. Like this guy is making it a point to say that he really wants to get to know me and who wants to take things slow because he sees a future out of this relationship. After that first date, things moved pretty fast. We were talking constantly. He did come out to visit me quite a bit. which is a big deal, I think, because we didn't live close to each other at all. And also because of my busy schedule, I really didn't have time to come out to him.

He was making it a point that he really did want to see me and he really did want to spend time with me. After about a month, we were out one night and David got a little bit drunk and we ended up going to his apartment that night. He ended up confessing his love to me. It was a little bit of an intoxicated rant. He told me he loved me and that he really did see us spending our lives together and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Not that this isn't nice to hear, but I've only known you for a month. And I should have known from my past relationship that usually somebody saying, I love you that early on when they barely know you is a huge red flag. I didn't say it back to him at that moment, but I was like, I think you're drunk right now.

If we need to revisit this, we will revisit it later. We ended up going to sleep. And then the next morning he said he did remember what he said to me. He was like, just so you know, everything I said was true. And it is how I really feel, regardless of whether I was drunk or not. And I didn't tell him I loved him back at that moment because I didn't. But I did end up saying, I love you back, I think about a week later. From my skewed perspective of what love was,

I thought at the time that I was in love with him and that he did love me. Very quickly, he did ask me to be his girlfriend after the second or third time that we were hanging out. And after we were officially together, I started going up to his city to go to gigs with him. And when I first started going to his gigs, he was super attentive to me. I was always in the booth with him. He always went around to introduce me to everyone at as his girlfriend and he made sure that I was really comfortable throughout the whole night. He did pay on our first date and he did pay for a couple of dates after. But after maybe the time we were hanging out, I did find myself having to pay for a lot of

things. And first it started with being an excuse and then it became a little bit expected that I would pay for things. He was either dealing with financial issues or he had to say X amount of money with me having the resources at the time and also me believing in an equal partnership within a relationship. I did not initially have problems splitting the payments for some things. But as I was paying for more and more, it did become a little bit more concerning to me. One thing that was a little bit strange during that time, too, as I look back, When he introduced me to his close friends, his friends really could not care less about me. They were very cold.

They were very dismissive. I thought they were going to ask, where are you from? What do you do? You know, normal questions about me as you're trying to get to know a person. But his friends really couldn't give two fucks about me. And I just figured that they didn't like me for some reason. I just kind of moved on from it. I figured as long as the person who I'm dating like,

me, then everything was fine. I would deal with his friends as they come. But he was very attentive to me at gigs, and they were very fun to go to with him in the beginning. Right around Thanksgiving time, we were out to eat, and over conversation, he just casually mentioned that he was going to go pick up his son this weekend. I was very taken aback because I had never heard any, anything about children up to this point. We hadn't been dating for that long, but I had known him for over a month and a half at this point and nowhere on his social media, dating profile,

conversation, phone calls, texts, or anything, or in his apartment, were there any signs of children? This was really the first time that I got that warning pit in my stomach, that, oh, there's something wrong about this because there's no way I should be dating you and not know that you had kids. I did question him about that. And he told me that he didn't like to mention that he had kids when he was dating somebody in the early phases

because he didn't want to be prematurely judged for not being with the child's mother. And he also didn't want to give out information about his children with somebody who he didn't really know that well yet. When he responded with that, I was a little disarmed by the response because I wasn't expecting it. but to me at the time, even though it was very, very weird and very concerning that he didn't mention to me at all that he had children, the explanation did kind of make sense to me. So I kind of brushed that off a couple of days later. I found out that he also had a set of twins. And his first child and his twins were from two different. mothers. He did tell me that regardless of our relationship and how serious we got, there would be

nothing that would come between him and his relationship with his kids. He told me that he does have contact with the moms and he does regularly call them and text them to figure out what's going on with his children and when he's picking them up and when it's his weekend and everything. And our relationship was not going to impact that at all. And even though at the time he said it kind of harshly. I did honestly think it was kind of admirable that somebody was stating to me that obviously their children came first and that a romantic relationship wouldn't trump the relationship that they had with their kids. One day, I was supposed to go with him to meet his mom for the first time. And I was very nervous because as far as I knew, David didn't have a super

close relationship with his family. He didn't talk about them a lot, but every now and then, his mom would call and he would always say that he would send his mom money, but she ended up calling and she was on speakerphone. She asked, so what was this girl's name again? He told her Alexis. Her response to that was Alexis. Shouldn't her name be like a Kwanda or something? I thought you said she was black. I was totally taken aback that the first, interaction that I would have with somebody, even though it was over the phone, you're going to say something this outwardly racist. And he just snickered at it. I was kind of in shock. I've gotten stuff before, you know, about the way I talk. I've gotten stuff about my name before, but really

nothing quite as outlandish as that. I asked them about it. And his response was, oh, don't take that to heart. That's just kind of how my mom talks. She just jokes about stuff. It's a joke. She doesn't really mean it. Clearly, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and it is very difficult to not also emulate those behaviors if you have a parent who's acting like that unless you do a lot of work on your own, which he was trying to portray that he did that work, but he was clearly a lot more like his mom than he wanted to admit. We ended up not going to see his mom. I don't think it was because of that. I think something came up, but I'm actually very happy that I did not have to meet her in person and deal with other things that she would have said to my face. I did decide to

Google David, so I could bet him. He was actually a DJ. He did attend the events that he told me he attended, but I did come across a blog post that was basically accusing him of more, more or less being an awful person. I wish I still had the blog post so I could read it verbatim, but basically it exposed David as an abuser. It said something like, beware of the nastiest DJ in the state.

He says he's a lot younger than he actually is. He's really in his 40s. He likes to hang around college campuses and tell girls that he has all of this money and that he's a big DJ, but girls who actually end up dating him end up paying for everything. And it started talking about how he is a predator

and he abuses women. It ended saying, stay away from this man. I was taken aback by what I read. But as I scrolled down, I did see a lot of the comments were actually defending him. And they were saying, no, he does so much for the community. David is actually a really nice guy. He's great.

I'm sure you don't know him. and you're just saying stuff about him. It made me feel better reading it, seeing the comments having his back. So it made me think that the post was kind of slanderous and not true. Once I read it, I did call him and I did question him about it, but he was already ready with the answer. And he told me, yeah, my friend sent me this post a couple of months ago

and we've been trying to take it down. The story about this is I had this ex who I broke up with and she's wanted to get back together with me. and I won't talk to her. So she's basically doing whatever she can to ruin my life. I also believed him a little bit more because of the comments defending him. Fast forward to right before Christmas, I don't typically tell my parents about people who I'm dating,

but things were going well for us at this time. And I felt really comfortable with this person. So I thought that this would actually go somewhere. So I decided to share with my parents that I was in a relationship. The reason why I told them about him was because during the breaks, I usually went home. And I usually spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's back home with my family and my friends from the East Coast. But this year, I had plans to spend New Year's with David because he was doing a really big gig on New Year's Eve. I told them what he did.

I told them his DJ name. So my parents, unbeknownst to me, ended up searching him as well. So I got a text from my mom one day saying, you need to call me right now. This cannot wait. This is urgent. I'm kind of panic not knowing what it's about. I call her. And both of my parents are on the phone and they ask me if I've seen this article. I immediately calm down because in my mind, I've already talked to David about this and I already know the answer. My parents tell me the concerns about the article and I tell them mom and dad, it's totally fine. David has already told me about this. I've seen it, but I've seen it, but I've before they're trying to actively take it down because of slanderous, and this is basically written by an ex who's out to get him. Obviously, my parents being a lot wiser than me, they didn't believe it and they didn't buy it. And they're like, okay, well, if you want to believe this,

then that's disappointing. But there's a lot of concerning things we're seeing about this person, and we don't think that you should be in a relationship with them. and me thinking that I know the person who I'm in a relationship with way better than my parents who have never met him before. I'm thinking they're overreacting to the situation. I really hate and regret that I reacted this way because me staying in a relationship with David actually negatively impacted the relationship I had with my parents because I wouldn't

stop seeing this person and my parents were very concerned about the choices that I was making during this time. I ended up not talking to my parents for a couple months. I do really regret that this person did have an impact on a relationship that I cared so much about. Have you guys talked about it since? Have you been able to revisit it and kill? Now we're totally fine. I think it just took a couple of months. We never spoke about anything after the breakup, but they were just so right during that time. I think I was really hurt and offended because I interpreted as like, you guys don't trust me. Right before I went back home for Christmas break, I did go to a party with David and some

of his friends and we ended up having a lot of fun together. My flight to go back home was the day after. I got a little bit too drunk and I was way too sick to be able to make it home for a flight. And I ended up rescheduling my flight in the morning. I woke up to about five texts and like three missed calls from my mom saying if she doesn't hear from me, she's going to call the police. I'm so confused because I have no idea where this is coming from. I told her the night before that I would have to change my flight and come home actually on Christmas Day because I was sick and not in the condition to fly. So I had no

idea why she was texting me with this urgency. I finally call her back and she's like, what were you doing? I was about to call the police. I don't know where you are. I was just like, where is this reaction coming from? I was asleep. I know that it was because they didn't trust him and they knew nothing about this person. It was a little bit of an overreaction. But my mom was very concerned about me.

I told her everything was okay. She ended up calming down and I did go home for Christmas break. I remember when I was at home, all I could think about, was getting back home to David. And I wanted to make sure that at this really big New Year's Eve event that I had the perfect outfit, so I actually went with my mom to find a dress and a pair of shoes that I was excited about wearing

and all I wanted to do was get back and have him pick me up from the airport. He did end up picking me up and things were normal. We really missed each other. We were really happy to see each other. That night on New Year's, it was really great. We were still in a pretty good place. He still introduced me to everybody. He was really excited because this was a big deal for him.

I guess there were a lot of important people who were at the party. I felt proud of him in a way that he was able to have this opportunity. And he seemed really proud to have me there supporting him. I stayed the whole night in the DJ booth. It was just after the new year, funny enough, when things kind of started to change. in our relationship and I think the mask started slipping a whole lot more. After New Year's, I would say that February was when there was a major shift in our relationship and things really started to change.

That year, the Super Bowl was in our state. So David was scheduled to do a lot of events that weekend. He was really excited about it because it was a really big networking opportunity and a lot could come from this weekend if he made a really good impression. So me being his girlfriend, I kind of automatically assumed that I would go down with him. I was already thinking of taking my days off of work. I had never been to the Super Bowl or anything of this magnitude before, a couple weeks before. I was waiting for him to ask me to go and he never did. I brought it up to him. I was like, hey, so this weekend, do you want me to come with you? Or like, like, what's the deal with that? Because if you do want me to come with you, I need to know so I could

take days off of work. He told me that as much as he would love for me to come with him, he would be really busy that weekend. And he honestly didn't foresee us being able to spend a lot of time together. He said that this weekend was a really big opportunity for him. And this could be very huge for his career. This could take us new places and it could really set us up for a good future. He needed to minimize his distractions as much as he put that weekend. I wasn't happy about this because I was really excited to potentially go and I thought it would be really fun and I thought it would be cool to experience something like that with your partner. But I accepted it. That's really when things started going downhill. But that whole weekend, it was very difficult for me to get in

contact with him. I would call him. He wouldn't answer. I would text him. He would text him. He He wouldn't answer. When he did call, he was always so rushed and so agitated that I was seemingly bothering him and distracting him from all of these big opportunities and throwing him off that he just didn't have time to talk and wasn't interested in talking to me. I didn't really know what to do. I would ask him how he was doing throughout the weekend. When did he think he was coming home? He just wasn't responding to my cuts. He posted multiple Snapchat. stories of him in a hotel room with another woman who was sitting on his lap drinking a bottle of something. And when I saw this, my heart just completely dropped. Not only are you not talking to me,

but you have another woman sitting on your lap and you're dumb enough to post this on your story that everybody can see and that I can see as well. Why would you do something like that? Obviously, I called him. I could see that he posted the Snapchat a couple of minutes before I called. So I figured he would have his phone. He didn't answer and I basically didn't talk to him the whole weekend. I just had a pit in my stomach. I didn't know what the future was of our relationship. I didn't know what was going to happen with us. I had no way of reaching or communicating with my boyfriend, which was the most frustrating thing at the time, because of the same. all I wanted to do was talk about what was going on and talk about what I saw and have him explain

to me what situation that was. Last we spoke, he did tell me he was coming home Monday night at some time. Since I couldn't get in contact with him, I decided to drive to his apartment. When I was getting there, coincidentally enough, he was just arriving back home. And he was very shocked to see me there. His reaction was basically like, what do you do? We didn't have any plans to hang out. Why are you here? I told him that I saw the video. What was that about? You haven't talked to me all weekend.

Like, what is going on? The reason why I'm there is this is the only way I could communicate with you right now. And as your partner, you owe it to me to let me know what's going on. Like everything else, he has an answer for everything. And I shouldn't have accepted it, but I did. did, but he told me that the girl in the video was an old friend of his and everybody knew that they were good friends. They were just homies.

There was nothing that ever went on between them. He did say if he was doing something that he shouldn't have been doing, why would he posted on Snapchat where he knows that I can see it? And that was like another mind-fuck situation with that because you're doing something you're not supposed to be doing with a random girl sitting on your lap while you have a girl friend, but if he was really up to something sneaky and this wasn't just a friend sitting on his lap, it's really because he had no respect for me. But like most things, he's always prepared with an answer. And it really made me question where I was coming from and why I was getting

upset at these situations. He did express his disdain with me coming over to his apartment, not invited because he said that was a violation of his personal space. I think after I confronted him with that, he did say he understood why I was upset. And he may have apologized for not being communicative that weekend, but that was really the end of it. He did say that he was going to do better with responding to me. And that was just a rarity because he was so busy that. weekend. But for me, coming from a place where we literally talked all the time and he's always on his phone for business, suddenly you're icing me out and I can't get in touch with you.

That was kind of jarring to me. The communication never really got better after that. That's when things just continued to go downhill. We ended up not talking for sometimes weeks at a time. I would send him text messages. He wouldn't respond. I would see him on Snobie. I would see him on Snapchat, hanging out with people. I started to question him and I started to not trust him. That's when I started to think there was maybe something else going on. After the Super Bowl, in the midst of things not being so great about us, we liked to go to this sushi restaurant and it was kind of a gathering spot for him and his friends. One night, we were celebrating one of his friends' birthdays. Like I mentioned before, his friends didn't

give two fucks about me and they were not friendly towards me at all. So did I really want to go? No, but he wanted me to go with him and I like sushi. So I agreed to go. He did warn me before that this ex, supposedly she was the one who made that angry post about him on the blog. He didn't warn me that she would be there. But he told me that she just likes to go wherever he is. She knew that he was going to be there and he has. He has, no plans and talking to her or whatever, but she probably is going to be behaving in a certain way to get under my skin. I was like, okay, great. Another reason why I don't really care to go to this thing, but I'm going to go anyways. We end up going to dinner and everything is fine, but as the

night progresses, everyone sections off a little bit and I kind of see her gravitating towards him. I go to the bathroom and when I come out of the bathroom, they're standing in front of a table. But from my vantage point under the table, I could see they're holding hands. The person who you're telling me, don't worry about, she's crazy, she's this, she's that. You're holding hands with her when you think that I'm away. So I saw that. And again, not knowing what to do, I just went outside. It was February and it was cold.

It may have just snowed. So I was just sitting on the curb by myself. It's like 10 or 11 o'clock at night, not knowing what I saw. And I think I was crying. I was honestly waiting for him to text me because I told him I was going to the bathroom like 15 minutes ago. And I never came back. I'm sitting here and it's been like 30 minutes now and somebody comes outside and I

finally think it's him. But it's one of his friends. And this friend, I had only met for the first time that night. night. His friend sits down and he's like, I was wondering if you were okay. He was just being a good human, which was very rare in this group of people. And he realized that a girl was alone at nighttime, somewhere outside of a restaurant. He said, I noticed you were gone for a while. I told him I was just really upset right now and I needed a minute and I wasn't really happy with what was going on inside. He told me he's known David for a long time. And he said that I seem like a very nice girl and I seem a little bit different from the girls who he usually ends up dating. He's not so sure if I could really handle all of this. But he asked me, do I honestly think that that man in there loves me? I was like, I don't know. He said he

love me. I really wasn't in the space to have that kind of conversation at the moment, but he was like, if you decide that you want to stay with him, I just want you to honestly think about and ask yourself, do you think he really loves me? And do I deserve to be treated the way he's treating me? Because he's seen him do this with a lot of women. He basically said he doesn't think that I needed to go through that. So that's been something that's really stuck in my head. I never saw this guy before that night, and I never saw or heard of him again after. I couldn't tell you what his name was. I couldn't tell you what his face looked like. To me, it was kind of like an angel shedding light on this horrible situation that I was in. I just really appreciated that individual in a moment when I needed

somebody showing that active kindness, not only checking in on me, but really telling me what I needed to hear since nobody else in his circle did that and everybody else seemed to enable him. I ended up going inside. David got so intoxicated that night that me and another friend ended up having to basically drag him home because he couldn't walk when I confronted him about that situation the next day. He conveniently said that he didn't remember and that his ex must have taken advantage of him when he wasn't in a position to stop what was going on because he would have never engaged in those behaviors if he was clear-minded. I tried to gear myself. up to break up with him. When I was talking to my best friend, I told her a bunch of times that I don't

want to do this anymore. I hate being treated like this. I told him that I was tired of being in a relationship with somebody who basically doesn't exist. But for some reason, I just wasn't able to pull the trigger. I'd never broken up with anybody before. And it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I also had some hope that the David that I once knew and who I grew really fond of would come back. I thought that maybe this was a busy time. There was a lot going on. There were a lot of changes. But I thought the person who I first started dating the charismatic, funny guy who would come back around. Our communication was still very fractured, but there were times when we would reconnect and we would start hanging out again. When we were together, things for the most part would

be normal, but we would constantly run into the problem of when we were apart, me not being able to get in contact with him. One of these weekends that I was up with him, he told me that he had to talk to me about something and what he was going to talk to me about. I probably wouldn't like very much, but this would be a very big opportunity for him. And him getting in good at this place could really set us up for a good future. Whenever he talked about these kinds of things, he brought me into it, making me think that we had some kind of a future together. He told me that his manager was opening a strip club in our city, and his manager asked him to be a DJ. The way he presented it to me, it was more like a dance club with nude dancers there.

And I've always been an open-minded person, but at the time, I was concerned because of how he previously behaved and how bad our communication was. The last thing I needed at this time, was for my boyfriend who was barely talking to me and who I just saw with another girl sitting in his lap being a DJ five nights a week at a club with naked women. I expressed to him my concerns, and he said that my concerns were valid, but a lot of big name people were going to come to the strip club.

They already had a bunch of NFL players, rappers, reality TV stars lined up to attend. So like the Super Bowl, he told me he didn't know that who he would potentially meet there and that him being a DJ at that club could be a really big opportunity for him. He said that he's never been the type of guy to objectify women and he doesn't view women in that kind of lens. This would strictly be a professional role. I do honestly believe that people can work in an environment like that and be professional,

but I shouldn't have believed him. In order for me to feel comfortable with it, he did say that he wanted to take me to some of the auditions and walk through the club first together and opening night so I could really get an idea of what kind of environment he would be working in. I told him that I wasn't very interested in going to any of the auditions. I didn't feel like I really needed to be there to walk through and figure out the day-to-day logistics because I didn't really care that much to do that.

But I did kind of want to go to the opening night. There was a lot of talk about it and it was supposed to be a big deal. We ended up going and it was actually really fun. Again, he was very attentive to me and he did introduce me as his girlfriend. And that was a big deal because at this time, I hadn't been going to gigs as frequently because I noticed over the past month, he started to ignore me at the gigs more and more. And when I confronted him about that, he would say that having a girlfriend really wasn't good for his image. It was better for him to appear single and it wasn't about me, but this is what he needed to do to elevate in his career. I should have known that it was bullshit, but I just didn't want to fight about it. So the fact that

we were at the club and, you know, there were all these beautiful naked women walking up to the booth, tipping him and giving him the songs. He wasn't acting inappropriately at all. I was with him the whole time. He strictly did his job that night and he did show a lot of attention to me. Even though we weren't in the best place, at that time, I did feel, okay, maybe there is some truth in what he's saying and he can do this job in a professional manner. David had been working at the club for a couple of weeks and our communication still wasn't great, but I still wasn't very concerned with what was going on. My spring break was coming around and we had previously talked about going to Mexico over spring break because I had never been there before.

And that was a place where David really liked to go. And he always expressed to me that he really wanted to show me around there. So I brought my passport to his house. And as I was putting it in the drawer, I noticed a piece of mail with a name that I was not familiar with at all. When I first met David, he told me a particular last name and he told me that he liked to use this last name because his legal last name was his father's and he really didn't have a good relationship with his father. He wanted nothing to do with him and he didn't want to be tied to that man in any kind of way. He also said professionally, the name that he told me sounded better than his birth name. This name that I saw in the piece of mail was completely different than the other two.

two names that I knew about. I went to him and I got the piece of mail and I told him, I saw this. He told me your birth name was this and now I'm seeing something completely different. And his explanation for that was that this name was his mother's last name. And sometimes he preferred to use his mother's last name. There were three different names that I found out he goes by. I do believe that I know his true legal name, but like everything else, these were things that I had to figure out on my own. And he did lie to me about who he actually was. I had to ask him about it, but he was always prepared with an answer. And his answers always could make sense. And to me, being a DJ and having a stage name and this being your professional

name, okay, a bunch of people don't use their birth names as their professional name, you know. and a lot of people don't have great relationships with one parent or both of their parents and they want to use a different name. So all of his explanations kind of made sense at the time. But that was another time that I did have a pit in my stomach. And I was just like, this is something else that's very odd and off about this person. We planned on me going up to see David and me spending the weekend with him, him taking me out for my birthday. still at that point our communication was not great. We get into the week of my birthday and I hadn't heard anything from him. I was supposed to go up to see him on Wednesday of that week and it was now

Tuesday and I heard nothing. I was getting upset because at that point of time I had nobody else to spend my birthday with and here was my boyfriend who claimed that he loved me. me and we had all these plans together, and he was basically nowhere to be found. So not knowing what I was doing for my birthday anymore at that point and me thinking I was spending the birthday by myself, I did call my mom. And as great of a woman as she is, she did drop everything and she came into town and she did end up spending my birthday with me. Wednesday came and I heard absolutely nothing from David. I was getting happy birthday text from my friends and everything, but the person who I wanted to speak to the most was nowhere to be

found. I ended up going to dinner with my mom and we had a really nice dinner for my birthday, but I was very hurt that my boyfriend couldn't even wish me a happy birthday or couldn't even give me a phone call. And I've been trying to get in touch with him the whole week. We had all these plans and I heard absolutely nothing from him. I ended up going to bed and then the next morning, see text messages from him. In all lowercase, he texts me, happy birthday. I immediately call him and I'm just like, hey, what was going on into my surprise? He actually answered the phone. When I asked him, why hadn't I heard from him? He told me that there was something wrong with my phone. And he was like, so you didn't get all the texts that I was sending you? I was like,

what are you talking about? I didn't get any text from you. All I got was the all lowercase happy birthday from you the day after my birthday. He was like, no, I texted you a bunch of times. I guess there's just something wrong with your phone. And I just figured you were mad at me and just didn't want to hang out with me anymore. I was like, well, I didn't receive any of your texts. I didn't get anything. And so what's the deal? Are we still hanging out? Do you still want me to come up there? And he told me that since he didn't hear from me, he made other plans and he was going to be busy the next couple of days, but I could go up on Sunday, and that's when he would be free. That should have been the end of it. But I did agree that on Sunday, he said he would make it up to me

and everything. We would go to a nice dinner, and he was excited to actually celebrate my birthday with me. So again, I forgave him. Maybe there was something going on with his phone, and he did try to send text. What was very interesting, leading up to my birthday dinner, he made a very big deal about how he saved up $100 to spend on my birthday dinner. And to this point, I had been paying for everything. He kept saying that this money could have gone to his kids. His car could have been fixed with this. He was having car issues. He could have used this money for so many other things.

But I should feel very special because he's choosing to spend this $100 on me. He's making me feel guilty about something that I didn't even ask for and I shouldn't feel guilty about. He ended up taking me to dinner. And then we went back to his apartment and we tried to hang out, I guess, for a little bit. But it was very uncomfortable. It was very evident that things had changed. I felt like he really didn't like me that much. and to be completely honest.

I think I was trying to convince myself that I liked him a lot more than I did, but I really don't think at that point I liked him that much either. I think I was too scared to make any kind of permanent decision to end the relationship, still having hope for what could be or what was,

but I really don't think that I enjoyed spending time with him anymore. I'm sure he got a real kick at him coming up with bullshit responses to anything and everything and me continuously coming back why he didn't just break up with me. I wondered that quite frequently. I also wondered who would eventually cut the cord on things. I think it did amuse him to kind of see how far he could take this while doing whatever he wants. With my job, I frequently had a lot of conferences in the city. So whenever I had to drive all the way up there for a conference, it was always very convenient for me to just stay at this apartment. I was close to where I had to be.

So the weekend after my birthday, I had a conference in his city and I asked if I could go up and stay with him. He agreed that weekend was one of his friends' birthdays. and he was going to celebrate his birthday at the club where he was DJing. He told me it was going to be really fun. He was super excited. It was a big deal. But I did not want to feel ignored. I didn't want to feel bad being at the event with him.

I just wanted to try to get things back to where they were. So again, I thought it would be better for me to stay back while they all went to the event. Before they left, it was David and three other guys, one of whom was his friend who was having the birthday. They were all pre-gaming together. And when it was time to leave, he gave me a kiss. He told me he'd text me when he would be on his way home. And basically, I went to bed. I think it was like 10 or 11 o'clock. I went to sleep. I hear them come back at around three in the morning. And listening to the voices out in the living room, I hear a female voice. They were out there for a couple of hours. I ended up waking up and I looked at the clock and it was around five o'clock. I walked out and the living room was

dark and his friends were on the couch. I think they were playing a video game. David and the girl that was over there, they were nowhere to be found. I asked his friends, where's David? They tried to lie to me and say he went off to get food, but I know that his car hadn't been working in the past few weeks, so there was no way that he could have gone anywhere to get food. He was basically stuck in the apartment. So I told the guys, stop lying to me.

I know he didn't go to get food. Where is he? They didn't really say anything. And then finally, after moments of awkward silence, one of the guys said, I think you know where he is. David lives with a roommate, and his bedroom is on one side and has a private bathroom. And his roommate's bedroom is on the other side. So you could walk in the bathroom and go into the bathroom to get to the bedroom, if that makes sense. That weekend, his roommate was actually out of town.

and since David was not with me, there was only one place that he could be. So I walked to the bedroom door and I was banging on the bedroom door saying, David, I know you're in there. I'm not an idiot. I know somebody's in there with you. Come out of the bedroom. This was very loud. I think I was banging on the door for about 30 to 45 minutes and there was nothing.

I heard some rustling in the room from time to time. I tried to open the door, the bedroom door was locked, I tried to open the bathroom door that would get me to the bedroom, the outside bathroom door was locked. So I had no way of getting in. And after him not responding, I went into his jump drawer and I got a screwdriver. The first thing I thought of was to try to take the door handle off the door. Now, unbeknownst to me, I didn't know that taking the door handle off the door didn't unlock the door at the time. So basically, I ended up removing the door handle, but the door was still locked. And now it was even more difficult for me to get in. That didn't work.

And I needed to get into the bedroom. So the next thing I thought of was to try to unlock the door using a credit card. So I took my credit card. and I kind of slid it up and down the door and actually ended up popping the lock and I was able to get into the bathroom. I go into the bathroom, they're not in the bathroom, and then I open the bedroom door.

When I opened the bedroom door, David was on the ground and the girl who was over there, she was sleeping in the bed, passed out. I just stood there and I was stunned. And I asked him, what are you doing? his response to me totally caught me off guard and was nothing that I was expecting at all. He completely flips it around on me and he pretends to wake up and he says to me,

what the fuck do you think you're doing barging into the room like this? This girl, she was fucked up and she got really drunk and my friend wanted to hook up with her and I was actually protecting her. I locked the bedroom door and I slept on the floor to make sure none of my friends out there did anything to her and to make sure that she was safe.

And I wanted to make sure she was okay for the rest of the night. And the fact that you fucking come into my room, you destroy my property and you interrupt this situation and you disrespect me to this degree, shows what kind of a person you are. This relationship is over.

I'm done with you. I basically want nothing to do with you. Get the fuck out of my room. You could sleep here for the rest of the night, but in the morning, as soon as the sun comes up, I want all of your stuff gone and I want you out of my apartment. After he said that, I was so stunned by that reaction. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I was just like, okay, this has gone way too far. I went back to sleep and I got my stuff and I ended up going to the conference the next morning. At the conference, I was totally unable to focus. I was just totally confused because he was mad at me for something that I should

be upset at him about. I did have a couple of things from the night before that I needed to get from his apartment. So after the conference, I did end up going back over there. His male friends were still there, but the woman who was there, she had already left. David was in bed and it looked like he hadn't moved the whole morning. He was just completely cold to me. I wanted to talk about what happened, not necessarily wanting to rekindle things, but I kind of wanted to process what was going on. But he was basically like, I don't want to fucking talk to you. This relationship was over. You totally disrespected me last night. He told me that he expected me to pay for. He was basically, for the damage that was done to his property.

And it was even more disrespectful that I would do something like this to his roommate's room. When he wasn't even home, he just didn't have any words for me. I could get my stuff and I could leave. And I was just like, so you're not going to talk about the fact that I caught you in the room with another woman. And he was like, no, I told you what happened. And you don't trust me enough to believe me. This isn't my problem.

And we can't be in a relationship anymore. I didn't want to fight it. I got my stuff and I ended up leaving. Honestly, as I was driving home, I did feel a huge sense of relief that I was finally done. I didn't have to deal with him anymore. I didn't have to worry about being gaslit, being ghosted. It was a whole flood of relief that I had after being in this situation for a couple of months. I did have a couple more things that I ended up leaving at his apartment and they were kind of expensive things that I wanted. So the only contact I had with him after we broke up, I texted him that I needed to get my stuff and he agreed to me coming back up,

I think a week or two later. I collected everything that was over there. And I think we talked for a minute. He told me that he wished me the best of luck going forward. He's sure that I'm a nice girl, but my behavior that he saw that night was how people start when they escalate and become murderers. And I was like, you're actually comparing me to a murderer because I needed to get into a room where my boyfriend was engaged in inappropriate sexual acts with somebody else. How dare I not give him credit for the amazing guy that he is, that he sacrificed all of his sleep all night to protect this woman. The fact that I would come in and destroy his property is just somebody who he wants nothing to do with. I had never been exposed to anybody who

thought like that before. About a week or so after we broke up, I had unfriended him on all social media and we stopped following each other, but he was not blocked at the time. So I was kind of curious and I did go to his Instagram. I think it was dated a couple of days after my birthday or after I went up for my birthday. He posted a picture of another girl. The picture made it look like they were very much so in a relationship. I ended up going to her profile, and she had multiple pictures of the two of them together, like my bay and all this stuff, and I'm so happy I met you and you came into my life. Clearly, there was distinct overlap between when he was seeing me and when he began seeing her.

A couple months later, that kind of stuck with me, and I'm very much a girl's girl. I rarely feel like we're wrong in a lot of these situations. If it were me and I was dating somebody who was also dating somebody else at the time when I was seeing them, I would totally want to know and I would want to hear about it. I went back and forth, but a couple of months after I initially saw the pictures and did confirm in my head that, yes, there was overlap. I did decide to DM the girl. I told her who I was and that I noticed she was in a relationship with David. during the time when I was also in a relationship with him.

I warned her that I went through a lot of manipulation while I was with him. He put me through a lot, and I would just hate for another woman to be in the same situation that I was in. I told her if their relationship is working out, then that is great. I'm happy she's not having to deal with what I was dealing with, but I wanted to warn her just in case. I did get a response from her and she told me that not long after they started dating, she did realize that something was up about him and she decided to move on and she said that

she was sorry that I went through what I went through. So it didn't seem that they were dating anymore at the time when I messaged her, but that did confirm my suspicions that he was actively in a relationship with somebody else while he was in a relationship with me. Was it immediately after that you found the social media posts? I think it was about a year after. I had absolutely no contact with him or desired to ever interact with this human again. But I did have a nagging feeling that there was something very, very off and something didn't sit right with me about him. I decided to Google him again.

I saw the blog post that I initially saw pop up again. absolutely everything that was said in the blog post, it was absolutely true. This man, he's a predator. He prays on young black women. He puts himself in places where he will be surrounded by the women who he wants to pray upon. And he's been a little bit of an elevated situation, right? He's the DJ for this club.

Some people may look up to that. and he basically has his pick of who he wants to victimize. Him using women for money or using women sexually, everything about that post was absolutely true. But when I was looking up things, I came across a series of Facebook posts from multiple different people. And these posts outlined David as an abuser.

what I found on Google was eerily similar to what I experienced that night where everything basically went to hell and I saw him in the room with another woman. As I was reading, I got sick to my stomach because what the survivor was detailing was basically the exact same thing that I witnessed the night that I went into the bedroom. I checked the date because I was just like, maybe this is the girl. And honestly, it never crossed my mind that a sexual assault occurred in that bedroom. I just thought he was cheating on me. It really didn't cross my mind at all that he was assaulting somebody who was probably unconscious. God, it even makes me sick to my stomach as unlawful. I'm talking about it now, but as I was reading it, I realized the survivor said that this happened

prior to the date when I experienced this with David. She said that she ended up passing out. She begged her boyfriend at the time, who I was familiar with. She did mention his name. This was one of David's friends. She told her boyfriend at the time that she did not want to go to, David's apartment and she did not want to hang out with them because she didn't feel safe being with David and she asked her boyfriend to not leave her alone with him. I guess throughout the

course of the night, she ended up drinking a lot and that's one common theme. There is always a lot of alcohol involved whenever he goes out and whenever his friends are around. Almost the exact same thing happened as what I think happened that night that I went into the bedroom. She passed out and she woke up to David sexually assaulting her. These men are all abusers, and they behave like that because they're all cut from the same cloth. When she told her boyfriend about it, he responded saying he didn't want to hear about that bullshit. She's lying. She's making it up. He didn't believe her. She has tried to do what she can to expose this group of men for what they really are,

but they have so many people in this community fooled that she hasn't been listened to. And I came across another post saying that a similar situation happened with somebody else. She was loosely dating one of the guys in the group. And this woman ended up passing out. She was intoxicated. And she woke up to David trying to force himself inside her mouth. and he was basically saying, come on, just do it. She kept trying to push him off and he ended up cussing her out.

This was something that she frequently posted about. And even on her Instagram, she frequently posted about wanting to out him as an abuser, but nobody was listening to her. That whole crew that she mentioned, they were all in this together. And nobody was ever listening to her, realizing that, this is what happened and this person is actually such a worse human being and so much more of a monster than I thought could be possible. It just really made me upset for the women who were victimized by him. I did mention that he did often talk about racial injustice and say that

he was a big supporter of the black community, but he also did put on a lot of fundraisers and do a lot of shows for female survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. The fact that you are pretending that this is the cause that you care about, yet you are the person who is abusing these very women. And you're also setting yourself up to have access to any woman. that you want. It's just beyond twisted. I wanted nothing more than for him to face repercussions for what he's done upon doing more digging. I ended up finding out that more than 20 black women have come forward saying that he has sexually assaulted them. The police did try to get in contact with him. But again, he is a white male who is victimizing black women. And apparently he

He didn't answer the phone and they just decided the case wasn't important enough and the case was dropped. It's just so disgusting and sickening and really sad that he's out here able to live his life. Granted, he's scrubbed what he's could from the internet. He's changed his handles. I guess he's trying to rebrand himself or whatever. But he's able to live his life the way he wants to and go on without any repercussions when he has harmed so many women and ruin the lives of so many people. It's very unfortunate that when certain people in our country and with our justice system voice injustices, then we aren't paid attention to because we aren't deemed important enough in society. And here he is able to live his life the way he wants to, but yet he has harmed so many

women, what he's done to them is permanent. They'll be dealing with the trauma of his actions for possibly the rest of their lives. And he's just able to go on like nothing's ever happened. The most he has to do is change his Instagram handle. Around the same time that I did see those social media posts, I went down a rabbit hole and I think I paid for a background search because I needed to figure out who this guy really was. I've kept tabs on what's been going on a little bit because I'm just hoping that he gets arrested and his survivors get justice for what he did to them. I was looking at a background search site and this is where I first actually found out that he was a lot older than he said he was. When we were dating, he did tell me he was in his late

20s that could have been believable for the birthday we celebrated. I think it was his 30th birthday. But actually, I found out he was, I believe, in his early 40s. Here I am. I'm 22 years old. Unbeknownst to me, not only did he have so many different names, but I'm dating a guy who is 10 years older than he actually said he was. I also saw that in June or July of the year that we broke up, he got arrested for domestic assault on a family member was what the charge said. It looked like he got out on bail and it didn't look like he really had to serve any time for it, which unfortunately, I feel like happened so often with people like this. When you think you have them, they get off somehow and they just get set free like nothing ever happened. But that was

the only recent arrest I saw. I believe he scrubbed a lot of what was on the internet about him. I don't think he's been arrested for anything else, unfortunately. A big part of the reason why I wanted to share my story is because, honestly, looking back at this, I felt very stupid. And I don't think it's uncommon for a lot of people who deal with this situation to feel dumb at the time and feel like this is only happening to them. a big reason why I started listening to this podcast and continued to listen to it, it allowed me to realize that I wasn't alone in my experiences. For people who are experiencing the same thing or have experienced the same thing,

it's important to know that this is not your fault. A lot of times we find ourselves in vulnerable positions. Like I said, I was on the heels of a very abusive, verbally and emotionally, emotionally abusive for your relationship, that was the only lens I had as to what love was. And when I tell people this, I say that I was just kind of right for the picking at that time because I was just so emotionally fragile. I was very insecure. I was going through a lot of identity issues. And the fact that I had a glimpse of somebody who is treating me okay, that's what I clung to. We learn from these experiences. We see.

say we should have done all of these things differently. In retrospect, it sounds weird to hear, but I don't necessarily regret the experience that I had with him, because for one, it taught me a lot. It challenged me. It really prevented me from putting up with a lot of bullshit in the future. If I didn't deal with a situation like that, I wouldn't be the person who I am now. I think I've tremendously grown from this experience and I'm so lucky to have a wonderful relationship with a loving husband who I wouldn't trade for the world. I think honestly if I didn't experience that, then I wouldn't be in the position that I am now. But I think it's important for people who are experiencing a similar circumstance to know that you're not alone and this is not your fault.

These abusers find people who are vulnerable at the time in whatever way it could be age. It could be health, it could be experienced what you're dealing with. They pray on people and they get off on things like this. So it is totally them and it has nothing to do with you. You're not alone. Just know that you're not by yourself when dealing with this and you are very strong for contending with what you contended with. I'm so incredibly sorry for what you endured and experienced with this person. It's really disheartening to hear that so many young black women have been talking about. I'm so incredibly sorry. I'm targeted by this person and the police are doing absolutely nothing about it. Thank you so much for all of your time and energy and sharing your story.

I think it's incredibly important. Thank you. Next time, on something was wrong. I've never met anyone like her before. She gives such wild vibes. Funny, but like you could tell it came from somewhere. It came from a lot of hurt, which I, relate with so I understood.

I always said to people that she was like our little child who would insert herself into our relationship anywhere she could fit. She would go on dates with us. She would even plan, quote, dates for like the three of us. She just wanted to be involved all the time. There was just a lot of red flags with her, but I was going through my own shit at the time. And so when she would say,

say stuff like that, I was like to Emma, you're an asshole. Why would you assume she's lying about all this trauma she has? That's not really your place to have an opinion. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, stay safe, friends. Something Was Wrong is a broken cycle media production, created and hosted by me, Tiffany Reese. If you'd like to support the show further, you can share episodes with your loved ones, leave a positive review, or follow something. was wrong on Instagram at Something Was Wrong podcast. Our theme song was composed by Gladrags. Check out their album, Wonder Under.

Thank you so much.