Something Was Wrong - S3 Ep7: Walking Into the Belly of the Beast

Episode Date: December 7, 2019

*Content Warning: death by suicide, gaslighting, domestic abuse, emotional and physical abuse, suicidal ideation, distressing themes. Music from Glad Rags album Wonder Under www.somethingwaswrong.com/resources

If you're serious about growing this new year, what you put into your mind actually matters. And as someone who lives and breathes careers and self-development, even I get overwhelmed trying to do it all. Between work, life, and trying to better yourself, self-care can start to feel like just another thing on the to-do list. But investing in yourself doesn't have to be complicated. And with Audible, it isn't. It's time to take care of you. And who better to help than the top voices in well-being all in one place. With Audibles Well-Being Collection, you can level up your career, finances, relationships,

sleep, parenting, or mindset. Whether you want motivation, clarity, or practical advice, there is something there to support you every step of the way. I listen while I commute, clean, work, or just when I need a little bit of downtime. You'll hear from best-selling authors Brene Brown and Jay Shetty, Chef Jamie Oliver, finance expert Rachel Rogers and popular parenting guides like raising good humans kickstart your well-being journey with your first audio book

free when you sign up for a 30-day trial at outable.com membership is 1495 a month after 30 days. Cancel any time. There's more to imagine when you listen. Oh, hey, how's it going? Amazing. I just finished paying off all my debt with the help of the Credit Counseling Society.

Whoa, seriously? I could really use their help. It was easy. I called and spoke with it. the credit counselor right away. They asked me about my debt, salary, and regular expenses, gave me a few options, and help me along the way. You had a ton of debt. And you're saying credit counseling society helped with all of it? Yep. And now I can sleep better at night. When debt's got you, you've got us. Give credit counseling society a call today. Visit no more

debts.org. This podcast is intended for mature audiences and discusses topics that could be triggering to some. Opinions expressed by guests on the show are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of this podcast. I am not a therapist or a doctor. All resources, books, and sources mentioned on the podcast can be found linked in the episode notes. Please note, names have been changed in this story for anonymity purposes. If you or someone you love is being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-723. If you or someone you love is struggling with a suicidal crisis or emotional distress, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24-7 at 1-800-273-8255. Please note, some of today's episode involves suicidal ideation or thoughts

of suicide. Please take care when listening. Thank you. Don't know me where. Here's something else that happened. That was so bizarre. The Saturday before Ted died, Patty had her third granddaughter from her first of her daughters. And I said,

we better go. We're never going to hear about this if we don't go. We're going to be in trouble. And Ted was like, I don't want to go. Why are we going? I was like, come on, we have to go. Do you want to live with Patty being ticked off? you? And he was really upset. And I'm like, what is wrong with you? And he's like, nothing. And we get to

the hospital. And Ted was leaning up against the wall. I was up by the bed to see the baby because mommy was holding the baby. And Patty was like on the other wall. And you could definitely, looking at it hindsight now, like, those two had a fight. No doubt about it. No doubt about it. it. So something was brewing even before this happened. Before all this happened, we had zero complaints about Kurt. I mean, he was always nice. He would always help Brad out if Brad had questions about like Brad started getting into like trying to build like some furniture because, you know, that's what his dad always did. So then my husband kind of like wanted to get into that too, just as like a hobby. And he would share, he would share that kind of stuff with Kurt. They had a, they had somewhat

of a friendship, like, because, of course, like, they work together, too, but, yeah, they would share, like, hunting stuff. Uh, Kurt would send him, you know, pictures of, like, what was caught on a trail cam and vice versa during hunting season. And apparently, Patty hated that. So, like, we found that out later, but whatever. It's, like, harmless. But we never had any complaints about Kurt.

He was always nice to us. We didn't go over to their house. We didn't accept their invites over there because of Patty. you know, when we used to go over there for functions or holidays, it seemed like not only that they have a pretty good marriage, which, you know, people in every marriage have problems, obviously, but it seemed like they also had a really good friendship, too. And I think that's important because, you know, Brad and I, aside from our marriage, like, he's my best friend. He's somebody I can laugh with and joke with. And I think that's important. It seemed like that's how

Patty and Kurt were as well. Like, they joked around good together. But she would always make sure to say like, oh, like he has freedom to do whatever he wants. Like, I don't control this. Like, you know, we work on our finances together. Like, he can, he can do whatever. Just as long as he's safe, I don't care. She always seemed like she was very chill about not controlling her husband in any way. Well, I would notice, with on the fire department, like, if they all went out to eat after, say, like a union meeting or if they ordered lunch in. Like it started going around it. It was just known that Kurt wasn't allowed to do that because Patty didn't allow them to spend money on eating out.

And in my head, like this was before everything came out. It was at a time that I knew she was kind of a liar and a manipulator, but I didn't know how bad. And in the back of my mind, I would just kind of like make note like, huh, So she's telling me, like, she doesn't control stuff, yet it's known around the department that he's not allowed to spend money on things like going out to eat or this or that. It has to go into savings. You know, she really controlled their finances. So it was just like those little things, like, okay, well, she lied. I hate the thought, like, like, we always say, like, what is it that made him do that?

Was it that he thought that he, you know, did she call and say like, hey, you know, Kirk found out about this, like, stay away from my family, like stay away, blah, blah, blah. Like, was it the thought of him losing her that made him do this? I don't think so. And that's what, like, my mother-in-law, like, said, you know, like last year, well, hopefully he didn't do this, like, on her account. I personally, like my opinion on it is that he found out who she was just like we did and realized the destruction that like both him and her caused and he allowed he allowed himself to be like controlled by her. And I think that I feel like he just realized like, oh my God, I've done this to my family. I've done this for her and like she's a fraud. So I just think he had a rude awakening of her personality and thought, well, my family are never going to forgive me for this.

That's my opinion. I don't know. And we'll never know. And that breaks my heart. I just wish he picked up a phone and called somebody. And as far as Kirk finding out and I don't know if he had correspondence with Ted about it, but my husband's aunt, they told us that Ted would say, well, you know, Patty had told me, like, we need to cut back on the text messages because Kurt's getting suspicious again. And I don't know if Kurt knew that it was my father-in-law on the other

end of those text messages or not, but that he was getting suspicious and that she needed to back off texting so much. And then I think about that time that she told me that Kurt kicked her out of her bedroom, out of their bedroom for, I forget how many days it was, days a week, I don't know. But she wouldn't tell me what happened. She said it wasn't an argument, but that he said, he found out about something she was doing and said she's going to go to hell for what she's doing. So I don't know, I don't know what it was. Kurt's pretty nice.

And it kind of really surprised me that he would actually insist that she not sleep in their bedroom. So I keep thinking of that. And I'm like, did he know about this for years and just chose to a shit outside? I mean, I don't think that's possible. Well, he's still with her. Or even as a woman, you could do that. Yeah, he's still with her. And you know what?

Maybe he's terrified of her, Tiffany. I don't know. I think he knows exactly who she is. He just chooses to try to keep his family together. You know, at this point, if they were to divorce, let's be honest, like, he would lose a lot of his money, like, and probably like half of his pension or whatever to her. Like, I have to think about it in those ways, because, Those are things that people do think about, even though, like, your happiness shouldn't equal, like, how much money you have.

I mean, like, that's my take on it. Like, if I lost everything, I'd rather be happy and poor than the opposite. But people, especially in that generation, don't always think that. So I don't know if, like, that's just what's keeping him there. I don't know if he's trying to keep his kids, like, in a... I don't know if he doesn't want to hurt his kids by taking, like, further action. I don't know. Maybe he just thinks it's easier to stay with her than break up, but I think he knows exactly who she is. And maybe he's just terrified to leave. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Who knows what?

Maybe she's threatened him before with something. I don't know. You worry that you'll run into her? Sometimes, yes. Yep. What do you think you would do? Just run the other direction? Oh, I'll never run. I will turn around and I will walk away. because for a narcissist, that is the worst thing you would possibly do. Just ignore them.

Just ignore them. Now I know there's many, many people that would like to have a word with Patty. Many, because I truly do believe that she has blood on her hands. And she's got to live with what she's created. But I think she's... moved on. I truly do. I think that Ted was just a moment in time for her. All the promises that she made to him, she didn't keep one. She didn't keep one. You know, and I think Ted, God rest of the soul, had to live with a shame. And I just think as righteous of a man he was,

It just got so much the shame, the pain, the fear of being alone. He realized what he had done to his family, his son. And, you know, and I'm sure I don't, for a moment, not believe, you know, things that caused from his job, things from his military career, all played into all of that. And it just, whatever happened that day happened in a split second. After everything came out, it was weird. It was like the first few days or a week before I knew that there was something else going on.

Like the guilt that I felt, I'm like, he was obviously depressed and he could have been like, you know, he obviously had some undiagnosed disorder and, oh my God, like we didn't help him like we just gave up on. him like I went from feeling like such guilt to then all this stuff coming out that he participated in and for a while for a couple of months my mindset was well Ted like you're better off gone if you were going to be like that like that's so ignorant to be like but really that's how I felt well if you were going to be that way and if you could do that to your son and if you could do that to all of us and your wife you're better off just gone that was my mindset at the time now thanks to podcasts like yours and thanks to like reading up on these type of things about how these people adopt their abusers personalities. I feel like that's kind of what happened because now I grieve, now we grieve for the TED that that used to be. Like he used to be such a gentleman. He used to do anything to help anybody. Family was first. He would have done anything for anybody and he was very loving.

He was like full of life. and that's who we agree for now, because even though, like, Patty opened that door and he chose to walk through it, he didn't know he was getting involved with a psychopath. So he started to adopt a lot of the crap that she would do, you know, question people on, like, oh, wait, you said you had this for dinner last night. What do you mean? Like, I thought you had it. Like, the stupidest things, the stupidest things. And it sounded like he just adopted her habits.

and he started treating Victoria like crap because that's how Patty would treat her and that's how she wanted to, she wanted her to be treated. So Ted started doing it, which isn't an excuse. Like, dude, you're an adult. Like, if you know it's wrong, just don't do it. I just think he got in way over his head and I don't think he even realized that this was a type of mental abuse that people could put on other people. It's like, I don't want to put it all on Patty because like, He chose to do that, but it's also, like I said, I just don't think he realized who he was getting involved with and what she was capable of doing. I mean, look, like I said to, you know, I said to Brad like so many times, hey, she had me convinced until I got my shit together and realized, like,

she wasn't a good person. He didn't, he didn't come to that realization. I don't think until very late. And I know that he started telling, like, the really close friends of his that knew of the situation and what was going on. Like, he would start telling them, like, she's nuts, she's nuts. I don't think that he knew how to get out of it, though, without blowing the cover off of everything. And, you know, one thing that Ted was is he was very, very prideful. He didn't like to make mistakes.

I just don't think he knew how to get out of it. And I think, you know, he definitely knew Brad's, like, stance on cheating. Like, my husband's very against to that, obviously. which why everybody should be, but Brad's just very passionate about, like, you don't do that. That's inexcusable. So it kind of breaks my heart, like, at the end,

I keep thinking, like, I wonder if Ted just thought that he had literally nobody to call. He had no one left because he did, he took part in kind of helping almost destroy this family. Whenever he, he definitely could have called. Like, Brad would have opened the door with open arms. He just wanted his dad back at that point. But, but no, I just think,

he adopted a lot of personalities of Patty and it got way over his head. I think Pat had a little bit of, maybe a little bit of narcissist in him. It was a very proud, righteous type of man. He had some OCD. He had to be perfect in everything he did. I take that as being the first of born. He did not like people to see him fail. He did not like people to see him as a failure.

He used to tell me all the time that he was Superman. And I said, you're not Superman. He said, yeah, it is. It's underneath my clothes. You can't see it. And I try to remember that's the man I married. That's the man I fell in love with, and that's the number. And I will love forever.

The one that turned into that person that I put in the ground last March 7th, it's not the man I married I don't know who he was yeah so after everything happened we moved mom into my house mine in C.J's house for four or six months or something like that you know I just didn't I just didn't want her

thrown right back into that house you know right away by herself says we're going to stand on our feet and take this thing head on and we're going to be here for each other we're going to do this but and that was easier said than done for me too you know, I'm like human being, you know, but I just wanted to be strong for my mom.

And, you know, it was hard. It was really hard. We had some pretty tough times. You know, mom was telling me stories of telling me some of the last things that he did, you know. My dad and I would stay up, you know, when I lived at the house, we would stay up and play music clips, you know, and play music, like, all the time. And just, like, my dad always had this, like, stupid thing, but he did it since I was a kid. you know my dad grew up in the 70s and 80s and you'd hear like a big hair band and every single it didn't matter if I was seven years old or 27 he'd turn around and go who's this you know and like you know who sings

us you know we always did that you know always listen to music and stuff like that and we would do that you know when I lived at the house if it was a weekend we'd stay up till two o'clock in the morning just screwing off doing that you know my mom told me a story uh you know right before you know maybe the winter of you know 17 leading into 2018 when we'd like to 18 when we'd say up to lost him. You know, he was doing that, listening to music. And she was like, well, I'm going to bed. And she knew what he was doing. You know, my dad and I did that all the time. And she turned, she was like, aren't you missing someone for that? And, uh, and, uh, she said that, you know, he almost started crying. And, uh, he just, like, he said his eyes just kind of welled up.

And he just looked at her and just went right back to the laptop and just started, you know, just kept on going, you know, and I broke down. You know, I'm a mess. I'm just like, oh my gosh, you know. It's just like I feel like complete crap, you know. And, you know, stuff like, yeah, my mom and I were sharing the good times and the real bad. And, you know, the things that she was living with at the house. Again, my dad wasn't physically abusive. It was just a mental beatdown, a constant mental beat down to the point to where they were.

Roommates have 10 times better relationship. You know what I mean? Like, he'd be in one room, she'd be in another. He'd be watching one totally separate C TV in one room. She'd be watching another. So we really kind of hashed. I really kind of got where she was coming from. And I feel pretty awful, not knowing.

She kind of kept that from us kids of how bad it was with her and him and things that she was going through. And this is the most bittersweet thing of my life. Losing my dad has been an absolute bomb going off. And we're still a year and a couple months later picking up the pieces of losing him, things would obviously be better and easier if he was here. We miss him for everything. But if this is what he was going to do, this is how he was going to treat my mom, leave my mom, do whatever. My mom was, wanted my parents, they wanted their, she wanted

their relationship to work so much. And every single issue, choral, fight, good thing, bad thing, she'd tell Patty. It was her best friend. She'd tell her. Patty would be there for, she would, yes, and it was just walking into the belly of the beast. You know, and, I mean, my heart just broke from my mom, but it's bittersweet, and it's sweet

and the aspect of my mom now knows everything. My dad's gone, and that's a huge blow, but all the deception's gone, too. You know, my mom, my mom always had her faith. She wasn't, maybe not always practicing or whatever. She really came to her faith in this. You know, I've really tried to pick her up in her faith to help her through this. You know, she had told me, you know, she's like, I kept praying, I kept praying for things to get fixed.

I kept praying for things to get fixed. And I said, well, you know, dad made his decisions and stuff. I says, but you got your answer, you know, whether dad wasn't good for you, Patty was not good for you. I says, you definitely got your answer. how he did everything. I don't know how everything works, but it's a lot better now, isn't it? Like, you're not walking into some hellhole of a house, not, you know, dealing with my dad, not knowing what kind of guy he was going to be that night, what kind of mood he would be in. You're not telling your quote unquote best friend every walking moment of your life, only knowing that she's using it

against you or whatever, you know, I'm like, isn't that like liberating? She's like, you have no idea. She's like, I would apologize to Patty like 10 times a week for stuff that I didn't even know I did. I would just like constantly apologize. Apologize. I apologize. And my mom, I mean, I wouldn't fly with me. I certainly wouldn't fly with my wife. My wife, I love her to death. She will tell you to crap in your hat and a heartbeat. But my mom was not that way. She's very passive, very kind of submissive. And I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm really sorry. And I told my mom, I'm like, don't you just feel better, though? Isn't it so bittersweet?

We lost dad, and it is like, I feel like I've just been gutted. But in a sense, it's like, you know what, man, you made your choices. You almost, you and Patty almost single-handedly destroyed this family. And it's all gone now. In a sense, it's horrifying. In another sense, it's so liberating, I thank God for it. It's just a weird, weird situation. It's so, it's such a paradox.

It's such good and such bad that really got close. I mean, a lot closer to my mom, obviously. We're very close now. And I felt very ashamed that she was dealing with all that stuff. And I thought she was, if she wasn't aiding in it, she most certainly wasn't doing anything to help. You know, we've talked to her. And ever since then, she was like, listen, I would try to bring it up.

And he would scream and yell and this and that. and I would do things and I would, you know, and he's like, and he found out that you and I were talking there in the last six months. And he told me like, you're not to talk to him, blah, blah, and, you know, she's like, that's my son. You ain't going to tell me what I am. And, you know, my mom started to put her big girl pants on there toward the end. And she started figuring stuff out to, you know, a little bit, a little bit, not to this

magnitude, obviously, but she started to really stand up for herself kind of like, no, this isn't kind of how it's be. And it never was like that. It never was like that. Growing up, it wasn't like that. In my early 20s, it really, really wasn't like that. I mean, it just never, this was not my dad. You know, and that's in the whole time, like, trying to deal with his funk.

Like, five years of him not talking to myself or my wife. And it's just like, who is this guy? I mean, you literally just took out my dad and put some, someone else was driving his boat. And it's like, who is Ted? Like, who is he? Like, who is this guy? I don't know him. I don't even know.

And he was not like that to my mom. He was so loving. We were such a close family and fun and all this stuff. And we just like, I don't know, like a blue-collar American family vacations and fun. It was just us, you know. And it's just like, well, you know, he made his decisions. So, I mean, you know, I probably six months after I lost my dad, my best friend, you know, I can't say that enough.

Dealing, you know, six months, eight months after I lost my best friend, I would start telling people, going down this road is not, you know, like you want to screw around, you want to do this or that, you want to be to say, you know, hide something from somebody. Listen, you might get away with it. You might get some instant gratification, whether it's an affair or whatever you're doing. You know, but it's, you have to understand the ripple effect that this is going to cause. you're hurting someone.

You know, your destructive decisions has a ripple effect in this life. You are going to affect someone. Maybe one person, maybe 100, maybe a thought, maybe millions, I don't know. I'm just saying you, the decisions you make are going to have a ripple effect. But also be up front and be honest with people.

I still have that trust, but verify. You would assume that, well, yeah, this person told me, I believe it to be true. I mean, you deal with it, people deal with it at work all the time. Oh, yeah, guess what? I heard this, this, this, you know, and this. Are you serious? You know, that's crazy. What a... Then you finally hear out down to it, that didn't happen. It happens every day.

What's that old game we used to play as a kids in grade school? A telephone game? You tell one kid in the class. And it was a game. You know, by the time I got to 30 kids, or through 30 kids, it was so twisted and distorted. You know, it was supposed to be a fun game. But that's adults to do that crap. You need to verify before you put some serious. waiting to what people say, especially if it's some people you love, pick up that phone and, you know, listen, is this what's going on? Is this what's, you know, get to the bottom of it. You settle that.

If it's a quarrel or something hurt for or whatever, you better squash that right real quick or not this is just going to manifest because you don't know if you're dealing with a patty or I'll go as far as a Ted. My own dad made his decisions. He did his things. He did, you know, he was deceptive and the things that he partook in. So that would be the big thing. Don't go down the road of, you know, it sounds obvious and it's not just an affair, but things that are going to hurt other people, you know, and I'll share a little bit, you know, the biggest thing Jesus said was to love God and love others, because it does have ripple effects sometimes catastrophically.

So that's what that would be my advice, so. Thank you so much. I'm so sorry for everything that you guys have gone through. It's just, it's so heartbreaking. I don't even know what else to say, except for I'm sorry. Oh, that's all right. I appreciate you. Appreciate you listening to us.

Like I said, I'm not, CJ's real big in the podcast thing. And, you know, and I, uh, she told me she wanted to do this. And I was like, I just kind of sat for like, really? Like, you really want to peel open our life even more to other people. But, you know, and I, and I thought about it. And I told C.J. I says, you know, if it's. If it helps one person, one person, then thank God for it.

Maybe all it needs is to help one person. So if it does, I think that there would be a success. Yeah. This sounds so crazy, but, you know, my father-in-law was one of those people that he cared so much what other people thought. Like, whenever anybody was stopping over, like, the house had to be immaculate. Like, he just, like, he didn't ever want to look bad or, like, look a certain way. Like he just, you know, he didn't care about like his image and he cared that they, you know. So it's like I said to my husband, like, I can't believe like he did that knowing that people would obviously like see him and everybody in the city would be over there seeing that because knowing him he's so damn prideful.

Like he would never want somebody to see him that way. So for him to do that, that's why I kept saying like, are you sure this was a suicide? Like kind of person that he was like and this is going to sound offensive, but it's just how he was. He's like, what a dumb ass. you know, like, I can't believe, like, who the hell would do that? Like, what a waste. The thought of suicide with him, like, he just always had that mindset, like, what kind of dumbass would do that? And that's why I'm like, how are we talking about him doing that? Because, I mean, my eyes have been so wide open to that this can happen to anybody. Like, if you're in a low enough place. And like I said, I'm sure mental health had something to do with it.

I'm sure he was depressed. And losing Ted is a huge loss. family and in saying that my children and I and their spouses we now have a bond that no one will ever come between us there is no person that will ever become become between me and my family ever again and my son and daughter have shown me such inner strength and I'm so proud of them to see what they had to see that their dad did and to still stay strong. I couldn't be a prouder parent. And I thank God every day that he gave me two fantastic children and they have fantastic spouses. What the bishops have been through is incredibly heartbreaking and traumatizing. I am struck by their resilience.

They have used this tragedy as a catalyst for healing in their family. It has been an honor to get to know them, and I hope one day to fly to Pennsylvania for a huge group hug. As I've shared previously, my father-in-law, Papa, died a few months ago, right as I was rapping season two. Editing Season 3 while grieving has been extremely emotional at times, and also very cathartic. The murder of my brother in 2012 taught me what grief felt like. So I could relate to those sentiments when interviewing the bishops this past summer. However, being able to bond with C.J. now, who also lost her father-in-law, has been a really special thing for her and I. I'm really thankful that the bishops have been brought into my life.

It is an extremely difficult thing to do, to be this vulnerable and share the most traumatizing thing that has ever happened to you. I began interviewing C.J. this past summer, around 4th of July. Many months before my father-in-law had passed away. A few weeks ago when I was editing footage, I heard the following clip and was blown away. So fresh. It's like this just happened. A year is nothing.

Like two years is nothing in the scheme of life when you've lost somebody. Like that's, it's so fresh. It's so real. Like going through holidays the first time, the second time, the third time. It's all new. It's like you don't, you're just figuring out how. to live a new normal. Yeah, I know, and it's still so weird.

Like, you, like, you know, I think, okay, this happened last year. I'm like, oh, my God, it feels like it happened five years ago. I mean, it just feels like so much time has passed, but it hasn't. And even, like, Victoria lived with us for a few months after all this happened, which was really awesome. Honestly, like, it really helped all of us reconnect. Her and her son got, like, it kind of made up all that missed time. that they had because I know whenever I met Brad, he was a mama's boy. Like him and his mom

were so close. He would tell her everything. And to see like the total disconnect the last few years was like to think of it now. I'm like, I cannot believe that ever happened. But having her here with us a few months, you know, we all reconnected. It was great. Well, you know, I hosted a lot of holidays and anything. Like it seemed like kind of that first, I don't want to say a whole year, but I hosted a lot of holidays for a long time. Once she moved back to her house, like she's now hosting things again over at her house and even being there for holidays.

Like, I hate to say it, but it's just, I don't hate it, but I'm not used to it. Because all I think about, like on the 4th of July, I was sitting out on the deck and all I could think about was like, Ted coming out the back door, being like, all right, you know, hey, anybody want a beer? Like, just his old, happy-go-lucky self.

And I think that that's why I've been, in such a funk these last couple weeks because the 4th of July was here and I just left feeling really sad and I've been in a funk ever since, but even for me as not being a daughter of his, I can't imagine how it is for his own family. Like, I'm not used to it. So I know the rest of the family is probably still getting used to it. It's going to take a while. Yeah, it takes time. And like, I mean, my brother has been gone since 2012. And still, like, you know, on Christmas. I think about him or, you know, I think about him every day for sure. But it does get, it does become normal even though it still hurts. And it's, and I remember somebody saying that to me when

my brother died. They said, I know all day every day, this is what you think about. But in about two or three years, you will think about other things. And a day will go by where you don't think about this happening. And really? And it just, it kind of gave me hope. Because that happened yet. Like, do you know, are you there? Oh, really? I'm, I'm, I'm able to like, After, I think the first three, four years were extremely difficult. But I think now I'm able to be like, I'm so thankful that I had him for the amount of time I did. And despite the complications that he and I had in our relationship, because there were many, I'm just so happy for the good years. Like you said, I separate the two.

I separate the negative. And I just celebrate the good. And try and think of like traditions or things that made me happy that we did together. And I try to, you know, for example, like we used to always go to Chinese food around Christmas time. And so now every year my husband and our kids, like we do that now, you know. And it's just like a small, it's not like a sad, it's not like a sad event. Now it's like a fun. Yeah. It's like, yeah, this is like what we do to like, you know, just honor that this was a fun thing. That was a thing that I loved about this person. And I feel like if he is looking down in some way,

it probably, you know, makes him feel happy. And I feel connected to him to be able to like do that. Whereas before it was just, you know, that constant feeling of why or I could have done this. I should have done that. I just feel like over time you're able to sort of see things from more of a bird's eye view versus feeling like you're right in the middle of a pit of fight. Right. That makes sense. It's like a drone view versus like a up close and personal view where it's just all you can see is like pain and anger. Like I just felt angry for so long too.

That gives me some hope. Yeah. Like I said, it's weird because it's like he wasn't my father. Like I have a father. I have an amazing father. You know, I don't, I didn't need another father figure in my life. But, you know, Ted really treated me like one of his kids. And, you know, like I said, he was my buddy for a long time.

And just I just feel like the guilt every day. I'm just so sad. Like I'm so sad all the time. And I shouldn't be. And then, you know, I look at Brad. like at him and I'm like, damn, like... I mean, he was a father to you. He was your father-in-law.

And like, my father-in-law has done more for me in my life than my real father ever did. I will be devastated when he passes someday. If you think something is wrong, always trust your gut because your gut is never wrong. If you notice a friend or a loved one who used to be full of life and happiness, start pulling away from everyone with no reason. shown to you, don't stop trying to help them. Don't stop trying to get in. Don't give up on them. Keep, you know, keep telling them that you're there. Make sure that they know that they always have somebody there if they ever need anything. Just don't give up on them. And if your circle doesn't want the best for you, get a new one because the people closest in your life should definitely be

applauding when good things happen to you. If they're not, question why you have them around. You think you know me, you don't know me well at all. Something Was Wrong is written, recorded, edited, and produced by me, Tiffany Reese. Music on the show by the band, Gladrags. You can find them on iTunes, Band Camp, all over the place. They're also on Instagram, so check them out. I'd like to thank the Bishop family for being so vulnerable and brave. If you want to hang out some more, you can add me on Instagram.

I am at Looky Boo. K-I-E-B-O-O. We also have a hashtag, Something Was Wrong, Pod, on Instagram. Also, if you are interested in any of the materials, sources, sponsors mentioned on the podcast, you can check them out under the episode and show notes. Also, we will be having another Q&A episode this season, so start sending your questions in. You can email me, text me, find me on Insta, whatever you want. Thank you so much.

Me where... Meditation with Shiloh. Uh, hello, I... Today, we're working on forgiving ourselves for not knowing the difference between upload and download speeds before getting cable internet. That's oddly specific. Repeat after me. Not my cable internet. Wait, I don't have cable.

I'm not a bad... If my video calls, more like video stalls. Uh, hey, Shiloh, there's something... I will get AT&T fiber. And I will switch classes. until you do. Slow upload speeds? You're not a bad person.

You just need better internet. With 20 times faster upload speeds, AT&T fiber delivers a faster internet experience than cable. Get AT&T fiber with no annual contract. Limited availability in select areas. Call 1-877 only ATT. Check eligibility at ATT.com slash get fiber based on combined internet 1,000 wired up and download capacity

versus major cable providers one gig service with uploads of 35 megabets per second. Speeds vary and not guaranteed. Restrictions apply.