Something Was Wrong - S8 Ep6: The Irony Writes Itself (Finale)

Episode Date: April 26, 2021

*Content warning: emotional abuse, manipulation, workplace abuse, racism, bigotry, gaslighting. For free mental health resources, please visit SomethingWasWrong.com/Resources Check out Iridian’s podcast Dirty Words Podcast  Follow Tiffany Reese on Instagram  Music from Glad Rags album Wonder Under  Follow @SomethingWasWrongPodcast on Instagram 

Something Was Wrong is intended for mature audiences. Episodes discuss topics that can be triggering, such as emotional, physical, and sexual violence, suicide, and murder. I'm not a therapist or a doctor. If you're in need of support, please visit somethingwaswrong.com slash resources for a list of non-profit organizations that can help. Some names on the podcast have been changed for anonymity purposes. Opinions expressed by guests on the show do not necessarily represent the views of myself or this podcast.

Resources, references, source material, and sponsor info can be found in the episode notes. Thank you so much for listening. It's kind of funny having the receipts for everything. I really don't know if Lindsay took a screenshot of this or what, but she ended up, you know, relaying the information back to the nail guy. And so that was just like one of those times where her, her lie just like got cut off like right then and there. But she definitely did not have cancer that I know of or that anyone in the family knows of. Her only real thing that she was sick with was like she was a racist, but that's it.

And I genuinely don't know if she stopped going to this nail guy right after this or if she pretended like nothing happened or what. But I kind of just like stopped saying so much of my relationship with Crystal and even my relationship with Lindsay because I didn't want this whole like someone pulling our strings, having fun, pitting us against each other. Crystal and I were already pitted against each other. There was no need for that extra set of hands pulling all the strings. We're working together at this time. I ended up, even though she got a new job, I ended up getting transferred to

this job as well just a few months later. So that's how I heard her and her friends mocking me that one day. That's how I would feel that she was like rude towards me at work is because she would avoid me in passing towards the beginning. And in the end, it got to the point where she was coming to my desk and chatting. When it was my birthday, she decorated my desk because no one else knew me. and she was really praying on that sisterly desire that I had. I don't have sisters and I've never had that relationship. She could see that that's what I wanted and she took that to her advantage. She would text me.

She would wish me a wonderful day. She would say, I hope we're doing great. You're my sister. She was using the fact that I was still not getting along with the rest of the family in the group chat because of political stuff here and there, she would like text me on the side and be like, oh my God, I'm right there with you. Well, then why aren't you backing me up? So we had this weird relationship and it's like an office setting. So everyone is like, you're near each other. You can see over the cubicles. You can see everyone. And there was this guy that worked with us.

and he came up to me one day and he like wanted to be friendly with everyone or whatever, but he said, oh my God, did you hear about Crystal's husband? I'm over here like, please dear God, don't say it. And he goes, did you hear he's alive? I just like stared at him. And what I said was something like, don't ever say that to me again. Don't talk about that to me. Leave me alone.

I don't want to hear it. And he said, no, did you know? Did you know or not? And I was like, yes, he's alive. I know he's alive. This is old news. I don't know why anyone has to announce it. But he said, well, I guess it's understandable, but I just found out why she lied about it.

It's because apparently he was in prison and she was embarrassed about it. I just kind of like looked at him and was like, first off, that boy has never been to jail or prison. You know, he's never spent a day in prison in his life. So no, he was not in prison. He was not incarcerated. And no, he's not dead. I basically told him, don't know me well. I basically told him, don't ever mention this to me.

I've gone through so much because of that stupid little lie. Not little, but it's a big lie. But he just dropped it and left it alone. I actually didn't say that to anybody. I mentioned it to Ben, but that's it. He said we're staying out of it. So we both decided we're going to stay out of it. This same guy at work came up to me later on asking me if Ben had something he could share.

if he had any. And that makes no sense because what the heck does that mean? That's literally what I experienced too. I was like, what is this guy talking about? And I'm like, what? Any what? What are you talking about? He told me, Ben like sells marijuana, doesn't he?

I'm like sitting at my desk in this very corporate setting, trying to work at a contact center. And I'm just like, the fuck he does. No. No, no, he's not moving drugs and selling drugs. No. And he goes, oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, you know, intrude. He goes, that's just what Crystal told me. I buy everything from her. And she told me that that's Ben's her source. And I was like, well, he's not. And he doesn't even like her. So don't ever repeat that to anybody. I was so mad just from this whole interaction. And because, I knew she can say whatever she wants and swear up and down that she wasn't the root of that rumor or the person that made this up. But why would this guy come up to me with my boyfriend's name and seem very sincere about thinking that my boyfriend does this? I was very careful

and strategic about how I approached everything from there. Went up to my manager and I let my manager know. My manager just so happened to know Crystal from the previous contact center. I explained everything and he knew exactly what I was talking about. He didn't go into detail or confirm or deny what he knew or what he knew to be a rumor or a lie, but he was very understanding about where I was coming from. And I talked to his boss and I talked to another manager in the billing per their request. I even offered them to like drug test me because I was like, this is how sure I am that this is not happening. My boyfriend is in management for the same company. This could risk his job. Just this stupid little false rumor that has been started by

someone who hates us, it could genuinely cost problems. The company does not mess with things like that. They are very serious about who they hire and talking about dealing drugs, even though that's something that yes, Crystal was doing, but that could cause me my job or cause my boyfriend his job and just like ruin things for us. I'm not going to be pushed around anymore and manipulated and I'm not going to let someone bully me without management knowing. I texted her when this happened. Not in an accusatory way, like not in a way to say like, you did this.

But I was very blunt in saying, I'm going to tell you this because I went to management. And I'm going to tell you that I did not tell them you started this. I let them know that this was said to me by this guy. I don't know if you did or not, but this is what I've done. And she was very like, oh my God, thank you for coming to me. Thank you for trusting me, blah, blah, blah.

And I'm like, you can believe whatever you want. But I personally just did not want this to bite me in the ass for not covering all my bases. She was very like, oh my God, we're in this together. We're with each other. That was the first time that I heard that rumor again at this new contact center that I worked out with her. I thought she was living her real life. she were her wedding ring. She had pictures of her of her daughter everywhere. Later I found out that she would say that she couldn't take off her wedding ring because it was too painful because the loss

of her husband was so traumatic and so painful and that was her love that she has lost and that she could not bear to do that to him was take off her wedding ring if that tells you anything. So I genuinely thought she was telling the truth at this building. And I think that she was to some people, but not to everybody. She started referring to her husband as G, the first letter of Grant. It wasn't like a term of endearment. It almost felt like a code name. One other person who was like a supervisor of mine mentioned it very in passing, but it was almost like she was trying to figure out what I knew. It wasn't like she was trying to tell me like, oh my God, this person has bad news.

Her and Crystal were best friends. And around me, it seemed like we were very friendly towards each other. Except for when I first got my job there, it seemed like a lot of people didn't like me. And I think it was because Crystal had a lot of bad things to say about me. So later on, the people that were kind of standoffish towards me and even her friends that I heard her and her friends mocking and laughing about me, They ended up being very, very nice to me towards the end. Once they figured out that I'm not this awful, terrible person that Crystal made me out to be. Crystal always liked to say, oh, I know you don't claim me as your sister-in-law.

I don't know if that was like her subtly trying to say don't mention me to people or if she was like trying to guilt me. But while I was working there, I would talk about her being my sister-in-law a lot. One, we were kind of okay, but two, I was waiting for someone to say something to me. And luckily, no one did while I was working there. Aside from that, I've been trying to be very positive. And so I designed a bunch of little stickers that I ended up selling for some time on Etsy. And one of them was a drawing of a B and it said B and then kind. And during this time, we're like very civil.

with each other, me and Crystal. So she was one of my first customers. She ordered on Etsy and I delivered it to her home and she got a whole bunch of my stickers. And from that point on, I noticed that on social media, she started sharing post saying be kind. Just be kind. Like over and over again, just those words, be freaking kind. And I was like, who is not being kind? I wonder who she's talking about? I was separating a lot from Ben's family. just because of politics and other situations, but primarily because of politics, I ended up just blocking everyone on social media that is except for Crystal. And except for Crystal's second Facebook that she made for Grant that she personally used for a while. The reason why I didn't block

her specifically is because she throws huge temper tantrums if she feels even a little bit of negativity from someone. So I thought, it was not worth it. I'm like, I'm going to stay friends with her on social media and his fake Facebook that she uses and that's that. But I unfriended and I blocked everyone else because I could not handle it mentally being harassed and mocked and targeted for my views. In my mind, I think that her like be kind posts were directed at myself. At the end of 2020, like kind of in December she posted people period B period freaking period kind period a peace sign and a black heart I guess her aunt or someone she's related to commented and was like is someone not being kind to you

do you want me to have a talk with them that was my question I'm like who's not being kind to this girl she has manipulated everyone to the point where everyone is so nice to her because that's what she wants. She ended up responding. No, L.O.L. I tend to handle those situations on my own. Ha ha. It's just people slash family members being rude over things out of their control or the opinions of others. I wish people would choose love and unity over hate and division. I just want the world and my family to be happy and good for my girl Daisy. The irony just writes itself because she's not a kind person.

She's not. And the fact that she's talking about love and unity and people not trying to control other people is just, it's a little too funny. I left the contact center and so we really haven't had reasons to interact. And I think Crystal's main concern, I think her main goal was to, have me and been out of the picture. I really think that that was her end goal, her end game, and she got what she wanted because it seemed like she was happiest when everyone was divided. I went through and I looked at her Instagram and I saw that she has no pictures of her husband, not one. This was true for her last Instagram that she had, that she had deleted after everyone found out that her husband.

was alive the first time around. And then I went back and tried to find her Facebook. And I wanted to find it because I wanted to unfriend her. She deletes her Facebook so much that Ben and I have realized that she tends to delete it when she has been caught by someone for being a liar or when her and her husband are fighting because she has deleted all pictures of him on her Facebook and then she would post them again. She would delete them again. She would post her wedding photos and then she would delete them again. But I was looking for her Facebook so that I could unfriend her and I couldn't find her. Her Facebook was gone. I can't unfriend her when her account is deactivated. So I asked an old co-worker if they could see her Facebook. And they said, no, no, her Facebook's gone. And then I said,

okay, thank you for letting me know. And I said something along the lines of, I just wanted to, like, unfriend her or something, but I may have to do that later. And she asked me how I knew her. And I told her that I knew Crystal because she was my boyfriend, sister-in-law, the whole she like shebang. And they said, I thought her husband was dead. And this is someone from the most recent contact center I worked at that I no longer work at, someone very, very sweet and innocent that is just so confused again, like I'm experiencing this all over again.

She's like, wait, her husband's not dead? And I'm like, no, for the millionth time, this man is alive. He's not dead. He was never dead. I don't know what else to say at this point. This person was just so in shock. They said, I don't understand how someone could lie about this. Crystal cried to me about her husband's death.

And how her and her husband and their baby were in a car wreck together. and that this car wreck causes her to have seizures and that he died in the car in front of her and how traumatic it was and that she's been dealing with her mother's cancer and things like that. And this is from someone that was still working with Crystal. And when this person told me that at the end of 2020, I was so just done. I was so mad. They told me that it came about right before I started working at this new building. After I found everything out, after Crystal moved jobs because she didn't want to work with me anymore.

After all of that, she did not learn her lesson. And it's a small community. Like, if you work for this corporation in this area, everyone works for this company. So I don't know how she did not learn her lesson the first time around. after this co-worker told me about everything, I went through and I actually blocked her. I blocked Crystal on everything. Personally, do not have the energy for anything anymore. I don't feel like I owe her anything anymore.

And I'm just not afraid of not being nice. I guess you could say, like, I'm not going to compromise myself anymore. So knowing that I have confirmation that this is who she is, I blocked her. And I shared a post on my story. It's from an article that I found out about toxic people in your family that said, sometimes the toxic person on your feed is a friend or family member, an acquaintance or a friend of me.

That might keep you from hitting that unfollow button. You really want to, but you're worried of upsetting them or causing an argument because of a major unfollow. Remember this. Unfollowing someone on social media does not need to be a dramatic event or mean any harm you're doing this for you and your well-being. And I've had no contact with her or Grant. I've actually not spoken to Grant in like a year. I don't really have contact with anyone other than Ben's mom. I went through and I thought about this very, very greatly and I just kind of like jotted everything. everything down for myself. Her lies included the death of her husband, the fact that she said her child had brain damage and needed brain surgery, that she had brain damage and needed brain surgery, that her mother had cancer, that her mother was dying, that her ex-boyfriend is the one that actually died, not her husband. She said that her husband actually died in combat. When she had told

my peer, she actually would show them photographs of soldiers, men in Afghanistan, where you couldn't really see their faces, but would point one out and say that was her husband. To some people, she said that her husband was out of the country and had an aneurysm. She said that her husband died in a car wreck that she was in with him. She also said that he was not dead, but she lied about him being dead because he was in prison. I'm sure there's more. I really am sure, but those are just like the quick notes that I took for myself or what I have been able to keep up with. Wow. It just makes me wonder, like, why? Why do you think that she does it? I think she has convinced herself that this is who she has to be to survive. Her mom is an awful, awful person, I think, just from the

interactions I've had with her. But growing up, I think she was never much of a mother to Crystal from what it sounds like. She was more of a friend when she was there for her. And her problems with drinking, I think, had a lot to do with Crystal and the way that she feels like she has no control over anything in her life. So she has created control over a narrative that in reality she doesn't have control over because anybody can bust her myths, but it's no excuse, I think. It's helpful to understand where she's at and why she is the way that she is. But in the end, I genuinely don't think it's an excuse. You know, there's so many people that are abused survivors and have been through some awful, awful things and have mental health disorders that they're dealing with and

life was always shit to them. But they are wonderful people. but I think that she has made it her mission to be in control and to be on top and to win. I don't know what she's trying to win, but I think she wants to win. Here's Amber. I think that Crystal spread all these lies and was malicious and hurt people to control the narrative because I think Crystal is more scared of people seeing her for what she really is. I think that she gets off on it. Like I think the power thing for her is like, oh, I can make anybody believe anything.

Oh, I can, you know, make this person my best friend. I think that it's where she gets her kicks from. Here's Zachary. I'm going to say this and it's going to sound probably to your listeners like I'm petty and more than that. But I really think she did it because she's, as we like to say, third. and attention-seeking and wanted people to feel bad for her. And I think she surrounded herself with quote-unquote friends that would do that and support her in a way that possibly she's never gotten in her life, but on a level that was fake.

So the easiest thing for her to do is to make up this. How would you say this impacted you as a person? It really impacted me in the way that I get close with people to where before Crystal, my first instinct was if someone's very up front and honest with you, like you believe them. And now I like, I'm a fact checker. Like if you tell me something that I can Google, I'm going to Google it because I'm over being made a fool of. Did you ever talk to Amber about what Crystal alleged that she said about you using the slur? We had a conversation a couple nights ago because when I found out that Amber was going to be part of this, it really kind of shook me. And so I had a conversation with the Ridian and was like, I want to speak to her because at this point, of course, like the cat was out of the bag.

I knew how manipulative Crystal was and everything. but later on her and I did connect and I did get clarification that what was alleged never got said. Crystal had literally just made that up. Like that's the part that I think is still the most baffling about all this to me is why. And I don't know if it's because she just wanted to hurt me at that point. I think I got used because I was young and naive and thought that I was friends with someone. I'm not going to cry for her. I was friends with someone who I really thought was there for me,

and the whole time I really was just being used as a pawn. And I just want to be clear that the reason that I'm talking about this is as a warning for people out there to, like, fact check still what they're saying. Don't believe what they say immediately, or else you could think that you're friends with someone who's a good person and then it turns out that they're really a narcissistic sociopath and never cared about you in the first place.

Sadly, I feel like it's made me be more cynical, but it's also made me feel proud of people like a Ridian who are willing to stand up to the likes of Crystal because it would be so easy for me, but it is not for Ridian. Like she is not that kind of person. and for her to have to go to such lengths and to be so uncomfortable, I think it really shows, like, strength of character.

It shows, you know, that she is a very true and genuine heart. And, like, instead of focusing on, like, how screwed up and twisted Crystal is, I think, like, focusing on the bravery and courage it takes to confront something like this that Ridian is doing and that Zact is doing and that your podcast does. I mean, there's so many terrible, terrible sad things out there. but there's also just as many people who have good in their heart and that they want to do good things for this world. Knowing somebody like Crystal is out there, it makes me feel obligated to stop them. I've seen up close and personal firsthand the damage that this person has done and the hurt she's caused.

So many people, so many people who weren't deserving of it, it scares me to think like all the people that she could have done that to. Like, what if there's people in the world who are irreparably damaged because of the harm that she's, done so fucking just like laz la zeta like it doesn't matter just ruining people's lives like i think that we all have a responsibility to use our voice to stop stuff like that from happening this experience like sharing my story on the podcast it's been very liberating i've had so many discussions with ben about this and when i told him that this is what i wanted to do that i wanted to share this story he was so supportive. He was like, I'm on board if you're on board. I am going to support you and I'm going to be there with you. One thing that we talked about was burning bridges and how potentially sharing our story is something that we can never take back.

And I think it's safe to speak for the both of us in this when we say it's fine. I don't want that safety net of going back and pretending that everything is okay. I do want to respect everybody's privacy and be respectful as I possibly can towards everybody. But in the end, like, this is about telling my story and it's been very healing and it's been very validating. And it's made me realize how much gaslighting and literal abuse that I have experienced. And I know that that word should not be taken lightly is abuse, but the mental abuse is what I've come to notice that I have experienced. After speaking with your friends, they speak so highly of you and who you are as a person. And I wanted you to know that, like, that is your actual legacy. She has tried to convince you that it's something else or that you are harmful or that you are not kind or that you have done something

wrong, but what your friends say about you is that you're incredibly kind and are very wise and mature and thoughtful and have strong moral conviction. That's what you're the people who really know you say about you. Thank you so much. That makes me feel so good. I might cry. Well, it's just the truth. It means so much. I'm really. sorry that we got to know each other this way, but I'm really happy that life brought us together. Thank you so much. So I know that through sort of your healing process, one of the things that you've done is you've recently started a podcast and you told me about it and I think it's really, really awesome. I'm excited for the first few episodes to come out. Thank you so much. Yeah. So me and

two of my very best friends have been working on this podcast idea since literally like 2018. It's been on the works for a really long time, but we're actually releasing the first few episodes all at once. It's called Dirty Words Podcast. Every episode we cover a certain topic or phrase or word, and we call them the dirty words because sometimes they're very taboo to help people understand. Sometimes it's hard, especially for women of color or people of color, to have, I'll say, the burden of explaining everything. And I've felt that burden and I've felt exhausted from constant explaining that I would love to take on that burden with purpose. Well, I will make sure to link it in the episode notes so people can find it super easy, peasy, no problem. I recently shared a post on social media that I think just kind of like ties everything together.

It says, let's talk toxic positivity with sparkles around toxic positivity. Toxic positivity, quote, is inauthentic happiness and can cause damage in personal and professional relationships, end quote. In other words, it is the understanding that constantly forcing those good vibes, only without addressing problems and or needs of yourself and those around you is selfish and likely to be unsuccessful. Toxic positivity is constantly demanding that the world and everyone around you just be kind or positive or happy, but putting forth no effort to bring real kindness or positivity into the world yourself in terms of social justice and change, self-improvement efforts,

or basic mindfulness for those around you. A while ago, I noticed someone was posting stories, statuses, pictures, almost weekly with the words be kind. However, it was pretty clear that there was no depth to their posts. No real kindness was being offered or even any true stance on any sort of injustice or kindness to be brought to this world. And eventually, I noticed that these messages were probably directed at myself. To this person, their be-kind demands had nothing to do with kindness.

They didn't mean bring kindness to the world. What they actually meant was the following. Don't make my life harder. It is unkind of you to bring up injustices in our relationship or demand that I take responsibility for my mistakes or toxic attitudes. I demand kindness and you aren't doing the same. So that makes me a good slash better person. and I expect and want a relationship slash friendship without effort or accountability.

Soon after unfriending this person on social media, they made it a point to literally spell out there, be kind, and to me it only confirmed what I suspected to be their intentions. They expect kindness without effort. They use kindness or the demand for kindness as a tool or weapon, and toxic positivity has many forms, of course. It's something that you bring on to yourself or just to those around you. While I do understand that living in a positive world full of love would be wonderful and ideal, we all have to understand that it would mean nothing if we can't learn to address our issues, to be true to ourselves, and to let ourselves feel our emotions.

You don't have to feel guilty for any not positive feelings that you may have, and you don't owe anyone the facade of staged positivity, especially if it costs you your well-being. Thank you so much again to Oridian, Amber. and Zachary for participating in this season. And thank you for listening. Lastly, I'm extremely excited to be finally able to announce that something was wrong has officially joined the Audio Chuck family. I'm honored to be the first indie podcast to join Audio Chuck, and I'm especially thrilled to be joining a bad ass female-led podcasting company. Audio Check was started by Ashley Flowers

of the Crime Junkie podcast, and both her and Britt have been huge supporters of something was wrong since season one, and it is meant so much to me. Audiochuck is passionate about using their platform to make a positive difference in people's lives, by using time, money, and resources to advocate for victims and families. I'll be away for the next few months while I work with my new team on season nine. I can't even believe I'm saying that, that I have a team, or help. I'm so excited. If you'd like to stay up to date on all things something was wrong, follow us at Something Was Wrong podcast on Instagram. Thank you so much for listening and for all your support. Until next time, stay safe, friends.

You think you know me, you don't know me well at all. Something Was Wrong is produced and hosted by me, Tiffany Reese. Music on this episode from Gladrags. Check out their album, Wonder Under. If you'd like to help support the growth of something was wrong, you can help by leaving a positive review, sharing the podcast with your family, friends, and followers, and support at patreon.com slash something was wrong. Thank you so much for listening.