Something You Should Know - A Better Way to Look at Success and Failure & How to Buy and Wear Clothes That Look Great

Episode Date: October 3, 2019

Most people never read the “Terms of Service” when they download an app. However, when you click OK you enter into a contract that says you will abide by those terms. So this episode begins with a look at what terms you are agreeing to. And you will be shocked. http://www.menshealth.com/guy-wisdom/why-you-should-read-the-terms-of-service Fear of failure is one of the big reasons people fall short of their goals. However failure today is seldom as serious as people think according to consultant and coach Alan Weiss. Alan has coaching clients all over the world and has written over 60 books including Million Dollar Maverick (https://amzn.to/2oJ3MUr) . He joins me to bring a fresh look at success and failure that will motivate you to follow your dreams.  What are you supposed to do with that ball of cotton that comes in almost every bottle of pills you buy? I’ll explain that and why storing medicine in the bathroom is such a bad idea. http://easyhealthoptions.com/get-that-cotton-out-of-your-medicine-bottle/ The clothes you wear project an image And there is a good chance you are buying and wearing clothes that project the wrong image according to fashion stylist Lauren Rothman. Lauren writes the column “What to Wear, Where” for the Inc. magazine website and she is author of the book Style Bible (https://amzn.to/2o8V1md). Listen as she offers some great advice that will give you the confidence to buy the right clothes and make them look great so you appear absolutely fabulous.  This Week’s Sponsors -Capterra. To find the best software for your business for free go to www.Capterra.com/something -Babbel. Lean a new language. Try it for free at www.Babbel.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As a listener to Something You Should Know, I can only assume that you are someone who likes to learn about new and interesting things and bring more knowledge to work for you in your everyday life. I mean, that's kind of what Something You Should Know was all about. And so I want to invite you to listen to another podcast called TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right? Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks. Well, you see, TED Talks Daily is a podcast that brings you a new TED Talk every weekday in less than 15 minutes. Join host Elise Hu.

She goes beyond the headlines so you can hear about the big ideas shaping our future. Learn about things like sustainable fashion, embracing your entrepreneurial spirit, the future of robotics, and so much more. Like I said, if you like this podcast, Something You Should Know, I'm pretty sure you're going to like TED Talks Daily. And you get TED Talks Daily wherever you get your podcasts. Today on Something You Should Know, when you download an app, you agree to their terms of service and wait till you hear what it is you agreed to. Then Alan Weiss with some refreshing words on success and more importantly, failure. You know, I think Churchill said, success is never final and failure seldom fatal.

It's courage that counts. We're not in situations day to day where failure is going to kill us. We might drop the ball, but we have the chance to recover. Also, why you need to stop storing medicine in the medicine cabinet. And a new way to look at clothes for men and women. And why you most likely need to get your clothes altered. Putting enough value in yourself that you're worth the extra $25 for that alteration. So many people are mistakenly

deciding if it zips, it fits. And that is incorrect for both men and women. All this today on Something You Should Know. People who listen to Something You Should Know are curious about the world, looking to hear new ideas and perspectives. So I want to tell you about a podcast that is full of new ideas and perspectives, and one I've started listening to called Intelligence Squared.

It's the podcast where great minds meet. Listen in for some great talks on science, tech, politics, creativity, wellness, and a lot more. A couple of recent examples, Mustafa Suleiman, the CEO of Microsoft AI, discussing the future of technology. That's pretty cool. And writer, podcaster, and filmmaker John Ronson discussing the rise of conspiracies and culture wars. Intelligence Squared is the kind of podcast that gets you thinking a little more openly about the important conversations going on today.

Being curious, you're probably just the type of person Intelligence Squared is meant for. Check out Intelligence Squared wherever you get your podcasts. Something You Should Know. Fascinating intel, the world's top experts, and practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. Hi, welcome to Something You Should Know. We are on a campaign of sorts to try to get more listeners, and especially since a couple of episodes ago we did a segment on word-of-mouth marketing, and I asked the audience, you, to share this podcast with someone you know,

and then we saw in the ratings and reviews on iTunes people saying, hey, someone just shared this with me and I really like this podcast. And so if you haven't shared the podcast with someone you know, please take a minute. It's really simple to do. There's usually a share button, whatever platform you listen to it on, and if you would share this with someone else, you will look like an influencer, somebody who knows what they're talking about because you shared such a great podcast. First up today, how many apps have you downloaded over the years, just over the last six months? You probably download a lot of apps on your phone, your laptop, your computer, and every time you do, you're asked to agree to the terms of service,

which you never read. You just check the little box that says yes. Well, if you were to ever read those terms of service and look closely at them, you might be shocked by what you have agreed to. For example, there's a right to modify clause. This allows a site to adapt, use, or redistribute any content you post to their site, according to Casey Lynn Feisler, who is an assistant professor of information sciences at the University of Colorado. There's usually a forced arbitration clause. Many apps and sites, from Pokemon Go to Snapchat, they include terms that say you waive your

Seventh Amendment right to sue. If one of those sites mistakenly releases or publishes your home address or your credit card number or any other personal information you want to keep private, you may have relinquished the right to take them to court. There's something called broad copyright powers. These clauses give apps the right to do almost anything they want with the information you upload. One example, Snapchat, an app originally based on the idea of posting short-lived photos, made news when they changed their terms of service to include language that allowed the company to retain, store, and republish your pictures in any way they want. Irrevocable clauses are usually in there, and this means you can't take back what you

agreed to, even after you stop using the site. So hypothetically, a social media site could take that picture you posted 15 years ago of you drinking way too much and repost it or sell it to someone to post at a time when, say, you're running for political office. And you would hate that. And that is something you should know. If you've ever thought about being a success at anything, at work, or as an entrepreneur, or anything else you can think of,

then I know you're going to enjoy my guest. His name is Alan Weiss. Alan has authored over 60 books. He has a worldwide coaching and consulting business, and his message is a little different than a lot of other success gurus who tell you to go for it, do whatever you want, be your authentic self, be all you can be. One of his books is called Million Dollar Maverick, which is really excellent. And he joins me now. Welcome, Alan.

Thank you. It's good to be with you. So let's start with your premise. What's your message and how is it different than all the other success gurus? The premise is that if you want to succeed greatly in life, and that's not strictly related to income, it's just to be happy, you can't do it as part of a herd. You can't do it as part of a herd. You can't do it as part of a school of fish. And so if you're going to be a maverick and stand out alone, you might as well look good while you're standing there. And I've been asked to record how

I've done this over the years and written 64 books in 12 languages. And this was my favorite to write. Wow. 64 books. Well, I go for volume and not accuracy, so it's not so hard. Well, sure, anybody could do that. Exactly. So how did you do it? I mean, what is your, obviously it took 64 books to explain it, but can you condense it down? I mean, what's the philosophy? Well, yeah, I did condense it down in Maverick. And the philosophy is this. You can't be concerned overly with pleasing everybody is starting to march to the beat of the exact same drummer. And even the admonition, you know, march to the beat of a different drummer, I don't like. I think you should create your own music.

In fact, I think if you don't blow your own horn, there is no music. And so the question becomes one of what kind of self-esteem do you have? What kind of belief in yourself do you have? So that you can set yourself apart. I truly believe, Mike, that people get up in the morning in one of two dispositions. They get up in the morning saying, what a great day this is. What a fabulous day, another day of opportunity. Or they get up saying, oh, geez, another slow crawl through enemy territory, you know? And every day I take my dogs out to the backyard and they go crazy. Every morning it's the same yard, but they say, my God, the yard, you know, look at this I take my dogs out to the backyard and they go crazy. Every morning,

it's the same yard, but they say, my God, the yard, you know, look at this, the yard's here. And they find things to do. And I think people need that attitude that my dogs, when they see an open gate, they don't stop and do a risk analysis. They don't stop and say, geez, I wonder if he'll be upset. They run through the gate and see what happens. So how do you do that though? Because, you know, it's one thing to say, rah, rah, you can do it. Sure you can. Let's go. Let's go. It's another thing to actually do it because I've got these problems.

I've got these problems. And it's great for you to be a great cheerleader and tell people to do this. But sometimes it's tough. I couldn't agree with you more. And I don't believe in positive affirmations, right? I don't believe in telling yourself you're your own best friend and all of this, but I do believe in two or three things. And they look like this. Number one is you have to build your skill set. And so there are things you have to get efficacious at doing that relate to your love and your passion and your career. I mean, a true career

is what you love doing and are great at. And so you need to build your skills so you get better and better. You need to develop yourself and never be content. The second thing is you have to master language. Every business today is a communications business. And we have to master language and its nuances so we can exert influence, so we can help people follow our path. There's a great movement today about presence, and presence is nothing more than people recognizing you're someone that they want to follow. And that comes from building skills and building language.

And then the third thing is building your own language. And by that I mean positive self-talk. This field of positive psychology is very interesting to me. Positive self-talk, you can identify this every day. I coach people every single day. I have a global coaching community. And some people start sentences with, I'm struggling with, I can't do this, I've never had success with. Instead of saying, I need help with, I have a challenge here, I'm going to do this.

And the way we talk to ourselves informs our behavior. So these aren't mindless affirmations. The actual words we use inform how we act, and that makes a huge difference. Well, the self-talk thing I get. Talk about, though, first of all, the language. When you say, you know, master the language, what do you mean? I mean that most people are trying hard to tell people things instead of ask them things. If you look at great salespeople, for example, which I've had the luxury of doing, they don't tell people so much.

They ask people the right questions. If you don't ask the right questions, you don't get the right answers. And so you have to be able to know what to ask. And then almost like an attorney who's told never ask a question to which you don't know the answer, a variation is you have to be able to deal with whatever answer you get. And so if somebody says to me, Alan, look, I've heard you're an excellent consultant, but we've never hired a consultant in the history of this company. And I don't intend to start now.

My reaction is you'd be surprised at how many of my best clients started the conversation the same way. So what I've done there is I've reframed the issue from, we don't hire consultants and you're in my frame, to what you're saying is said by my best clients and you're going to become one of them. It's those kinds of techniques with language that influence conversations. And so the sequence, Mike, looks like this. Language influences discussion. Discussion influences relationships, and relationships influence business. I can imagine people listening to you and just the way you talk and the way you clearly carry yourself that, you know, this guy's good, he's got it, but I don't have that thing he's got. And so what people have to say is, this guy is good and I want it. And the people who join my global communities and the people who read my books and the people who attend my special events

and the people who read my stuff online every day, these are people who say, this guy's good and I'm going to have it. What is it? It's self-esteem. It's a feeling of confidence. It's a mastery of language it's the knowledge that you can put things in perspective you know my father was a paratrooper in the first regiment ever formed in the united states in 1940 they jumped from 500 feet without a shoot and uh when pearl harbor happened they shipped him and his unit to australia he jumped in new guinea in lay new guinea to stop the farthest advance of japanese troops half his unit to Australia, he jumped in New Guinea, in late New Guinea, to stop the farthest advance of Japanese troops. Half his unit was wiped out. He passed away last December. He was 99 years and

11 months. And people were shooting at him. Nobody's shooting at us. And so if you put things in perspective, and you realize that, you know, I think Churchill said, success is never final, and failure seldom fatal, it's courage that counts. We're not in situations day to day where failure is going to kill us. We might drop the ball, we might miss a basket, but we have the chance to recover. And it's that kind of belief and that kind of self-talk that gets us by. Now, I want to stress, I'm not just talking here about rah-rah stuff, like, you know, as you said before, it's inappropriate, doesn't help. I'm talking about specific sets of skills that can be acquired to make people better immediately. And give me one or two. Well, I told you one about language, the kind

of language we use. Another is what I call critical thinking skills. So critical thinking skills would be somebody presents an issue to you, and you determine what the distinctions are about it compared to other similar issues. Once you find distinctions, you can find what the cause is. Another example, when most people in organizations have a problem, they try to find blame. Who's at fault? Instead, you should find cause. What caused this to happen, and let's remove the cause. Those simple adjustments, and I call them critical thinking skills,? And let's remove the cause. Those simple adjustments,

and I call them critical thinking skills, make all the difference in the world. If you're making a decision, don't decide on an alternative before you know what your objective is. In other words, don't decide on the route until you know the destination. This sounds blazingly simple, and it is, but most people don't do it well. My guest is Alan Weiss. He is a coach and consultant with clients all over the world, and he is the author of over 60 books, including Million Dollar Maverick. Hi, I'm Jennifer, a co-founder of the Go Kid Go Network. At Go Kid Go, putting kids first is at the heart of every show that we produce.

That's why we're so excited to introduce a brand new show to our network called The Search for the Silver Lightning, a fantasy adventure series about a spirited young girl named Isla who time travels to the mythical land of Camelot. During her journey, Isla meets new friends, including King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, and learns valuable life lessons with every quest, sword fight, and dragon ride. Positive and uplifting stories remind us all about the importance of kindness, friendship, honesty, and positivity. Join me and an all-star cast of actors, including Liam Neeson, Emily Blunt, Kristen Bell, Chris Hemsworth, among many others, in welcoming the Search for the Silver Lining podcast to the Go Kid Go Network by listening today. Look for the Search for the

Silver Lining on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Since I host a podcast, it's pretty common for me to be asked to recommend a podcast. And I tell people, if you like something you should know, you're going to like The Jordan Harbinger Show. Every episode is a conversation with a fascinating guest. Of course, a lot of podcasts are conversations with guests, but Jordan does it better than most. Recently, he had a fascinating conversation with a British woman who was recruited and radicalized by ISIS and went to prison for three years.

She now works to raise awareness on this issue. It's a great conversation. And he spoke with Dr. Sarah Hill about how taking birth control not only prevents pregnancy, it can influence a woman's partner preferences, career choices, and overall behavior due to the hormonal changes it causes. Apple named

The Jordan Harbinger Show one of the best podcasts a few years back, and in a nutshell, the show is aimed at making you a better, more informed, critical thinker.

Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show. There's so much for you in this podcast. The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. So, Alan, I want to go back to what you were talking about in the beginning when you said, you know, if you want to be liked, get a dog. But on the other hand, if you have so much confidence in yourself and so much self-esteem, but perhaps you're wrong about something, you're not open to hearing what other

people are listening because you're so sure of yourself that you're right. What you just said is not true. What you just described is a narcissist. What I said is you need high self-esteem, not excessive self-esteem. When people have high self-esteem, when they feel they have a certain amount of expertise that they can share with others, they are most willing to change their position because they're not threatened by a question. They're not threatened by an opposing view. They take it under consideration. So if I'm very defensive, people who are very defensive are highly insecure, and they try to protect themselves. So they don't expose themselves to questioning, or they shut down questioning, or they argue with people. But people who are very secure readily admit that they're wrong because it improves them.

And the secret of high self-esteem, at least one of them, is that you're willing to change when you're shown a better route. But I've heard that self-esteem is something you earn, not something you make, and that you have to earn it by accomplishments and doing things. And if you don't feel like you've done much, how do you get it? I think what's bestowed upon others is a title like expert or thought leader. But you can gain your own self-esteem. In fact, I would make a case, and I make this in Million Dollar Maverick, that you cannot allow yourself to be validated by others. You cannot allow your self-esteem to be validated by external forces and third parties.

What you do for yourself is you put yourself in positions that challenge you and that you overcome, or if you don't overcome them, you learn from the setback. That's called resilience. And you build self-esteem by building your skills, which I mentioned earlier, and you review what makes you good. You know, we are so prone to choose, pick out, examine what we've done wrong, that we overlook that examination of what we've done right. And only by understanding of what we've done right, can we replicate it. And once we can replicate it and it becomes part of our unconscious competency, our esteem grows. Do you think, though, that part of this is personality, that if you're an introvert, this is tougher because it's hard to get out there

and do the things you're talking about? One of my favorite subjects, you know, there's a plethora of personality tests on the market. And you can be a high D, inverted X, blue, you know, passive aggressive, subversive, this and that. And I don't believe in any of them. I believe they're all horoscopes, every one of them. All of us have different personalities. And all of us, I start with the premise are basically healthy. Some people are damaged, you know, borderline personality disorders, but most of us are healthy. And consequently, we have different personalities, but all of us, every one of us is capable of learning and improving. We learn at different speeds. We learn in different modes given our personalities,

but it's not a question of a perfect personality, just like there's no such thing as a perfect leadership style. You know, I've consulted with perhaps 200 of the Fortune 500 companies of my career. And one thing I've learned is there's no perfect leadership style. The best leadership style is one that's flexible and adjusts to the circumstances. So do you think that someone like you is, and who has been very successful as a consultant and clearly as an author, is because you're just so smart or because you have that confidence and resilience and self-esteem that you talk about and that that's what really drives your success. Yes. Those two things are interchangeable. Those two things are self-reinforcing.

People can build their smarts. It's not something that's God-given and is in your DNA. Anyone can build their smarts and anyone can build their confidence and they reinforce each other. And so you build both your sense of self-worth and you build your competencies. And once you do that, they reinforce each other. And it's an extremely powerful position. And almost anybody can achieve it if they don't, if they do get out of the herd and do get out of that school of fish. So how does someone like you or the people you coach, how do you take rejection and failure? What do you do with it? Well, I do several things with it.

The first is I do not generalize it. And so let's say I'm trying to sell something to you, and you say, no, Alan, thanks, I don't want it, don't need it. I walk out, and I don't say I'm a lousy salesperson. I don't say I'm a lousy marketer. I say, at this date, at this time, Mike decided not to buy. And I move on to the next potential sale. And so I don't generalize a failure, but I do generalize a victory. And so when somebody does buy, I don't say, oh, Mike bought, that's great. I say, I'm a really good marketer. And in fact, just to digress for 30 seconds, this is a great technique with your kids.

If your kid makes a great play on the field, you don't say, that was a great kick. You say, you're a hell of an athlete. That builds character much more than a specific example. Now, going back to your question, another thing I don't do is I never let a defeat or a failure get me down. I treat them as learning experiences, just like I treat victory as learning experiences. And if your mindset is you treat everything as a learning experience, as progress, then you don't feel that you've been pushed backwards. You feel you continue going forwards.

And the final thing is I don't put my ego out there in the bow of the ship. You know, one of the things that says in Maverick, and one of the most, I guess, consistently quoted passages in Maverick is my statement that really excellent people are ego-less. And by that, I mean, you don't put your ego in the bow of the ship and let it get battered by the waves and the storms and the winds. You tuck it away. And you don't take things as a personal commentary on you. Now, that extends from, you know, people drive up the highway, somebody cuts them off, and they go crazy. They feel it's a personal attack on them just because a driver made a stupid move.

It's not a personal attack on them. And we take things too darn personally. And so if you refuse to do those kinds of things, then a setback simply becomes another step in life where you learn and you become resilient. And what everybody needs today, what every maverick needs is resilience. What I like about listening to you is that you have that self-assurance that provides reassurance to other people that you too, in fact, get beat up in life and people say no to you, that life isn't perfect for you. But you have found a way to frame it that it's not so devastating. It's not a punch in the gut. It's just a step in the process and then you move on.

And I think that that's helpful and very reassuring to everybody else. I've been speaking with Alan Weiss. He is the author of over 60 books, including Million Dollar Maverick, and he also has a worldwide coaching and consulting business. There's a link to his website and also a link to that book, Million Dollar Maverick. I've put it in the show notes for this episode. Thanks for joining me, Alan. My pleasure, Mike. Thanks for the good questions. Hey, everyone. Join me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa Demonts, for Don't Blame Me,

But Am I Wrong? Each week, we deliver four fun-filled shows. In Don't Blame Me, we tackle our listeners' dilemmas with hilariously honest advice. Then we have But Am I Wrong, which is for the listeners that didn't take our advice. Plus, we share our hot takes on current events. Then tune in to see you next Tuesday for our listener poll results from But Am I Wrong. And finally, wrap up your week with Fisting Friday, where we catch up and talk all things pop culture. Listen to Don't Blame Me, But Am I Wrong on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.

Do you love Disney? Then you are going to love our hit podcast, Disney Countdown. I'm Megan, the Magical Millennial. And I'm the Dapper Danielle. On every episode of our fun and family-friendly show, we count down our top 10 lists of all things Disney. There is nothing we don't cover. We are famous for rabbit holes, Disney-themed games, and fun facts you didn't know you needed, but you definitely need in your life. So if you're looking for a healthy dose of Disney magic, check out Disney Countdown wherever you get your podcasts. The clothes you decided to wear today tell people who you are. Your clothes project an image that allows people to make some pretty big assumptions about the kind of person you are and how you should be treated. In other words, your clothes are very important. And yet, things have gotten pretty casual over the years.

People don't dress up the way they used to, and some of us maybe aren't paying as much attention as we should to some pretty common fashion rules. Here with some help is Lauren Rothman. Lauren is a fashion stylist who writes a column called What to Wear Where for the Inc. Magazine website, and she's author of a book called Style Bible. Hi, Lauren.

Hi, thanks for having me, Mike. So when you walk down the street and you see people, can you turn it off, or when you see people you go, oh, man, look at that. I do turn it off, luckily. I've really recognized that for most people, the style mistakes that we see, they're unintentional. People aren't trying to be badly dressed most of the time. It's a lack of education. It's a lack of body awareness when it comes to style.

It's not like people are trying to walk outside in their pajamas. Yeah. Well, it's interesting you say people aren't trying to dress badly, but sometimes it seems clear that they're not trying to dress well either. Absolutely. That's what keeps me in business. Right. So what are the things that you think, what are some of the things that are just like easy as pie to fix? Like if you people just pay attention, these are some quick things and we can get this ball rolling.

The number one thing people need to do is inspect their clothing for evidence of wear and tear. So whether that's underarm stains, torn clothes, worn tips and soles on your shoes, those are so easy. When you've got a stain, please don't think that you can hide that and your

colleague won't notice. There are things like wear and tear that are really important. If your clothing is wrinkled, grab a steamer, 20 bucks at Bed Bath & Beyond, and all of a sudden your clothing will just look fresh and crisp and your style will be intentional rather than tired. Some people don't know this. You don't need to dry clean your clothing as often as you think. Most things can actually be spot cleaned by a deodorant removing sponge or even a Mr. Clean eraser. So that is so easy, something you can take care at home. Body odor is a huge no-no, very easy to remedy before you put on that garment again. Spray a little refresher on it, whether it's a little downy refresher, whether it's Febreze. Those are such easy steps you can take before you walk out the door.

So let's talk about business casual. What does that mean exactly? Because it seems to mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. When you're defining what business casual is these days, I try to refer people to kind of a dress code by industry. So understanding what's the difference if you're going to work in Silicon Valley versus Wall Street. The number one thing that unites it is that when you go to work, your overall look should reflect an executive presence. And that can be defined a little bit differently.

So for example, if you're in a business casual atmosphere and you do not own your own company, someone signs that paycheck, you still shouldn't be wearing torn clothing, something frayed and wrinkled. You really want to show up with a professional appearance. Even if that's a pair of khakis and a polo shirt, if you're on Wall Street, you need to be wearing a suit every day. The same advice takes on that front as well. That overall executive presence that indicates that you've paid attention to the details, that's what creates successful style at the office. So talk about how clothes should fit, because I think people are not necessarily in agreement, clearly by what you see on the street, that as the, yeah, this fits me pretty well. No, it doesn't. Well, a lot of times people think they're actually bigger than they are. That's probably one of the

biggest misconceptions I, excuse me, one of the biggest misconceptions I see in my own business. And I have an image therapy practice, which means that I'm not just helping you be better dressed. I'm really trying to make sure that the outside reflects the inside. How that really shows itself for a lot of the clients that I'm with is putting enough value in yourself that you're worth the extra $25 for that alteration. Deciding that it's worth it to make something feel like a custom fit. So many people are mistakenly deciding if it zips, it fits. And that is incorrect for both men and women.

An ideal fit is something that you can breathe in, that you can be comfortable in all day, but it should still have a little structure on your body. It shouldn't be so loose that you could be working out in your garage. It's not athleisure wear. It shouldn't be something, it shouldn't be so comfortable you don't want to leave your desk. So overall, your clothing for both men and women should be on the more fitted side. So when you go shopping, I try to recommend take three sizes into the fitting room. The size you think you are, the size you hope you are, the size you

really hope you're not. You want to always experiment with fit so that you have an idea of how things feel in your body. And the best one is the one you walk out with. Do you think most of the time when you're buying nice clothes, do you think they need to be altered or can you typically wear them off the rack? Yeah, it's a really good question because off the rack can be terrific, but you've got to have a particular shape and body type for that to always work. So for example, for women, off the rack means that if you're 5'4", you're probably going to need heels. And if you're 5'7", it probably fits off the rack.

And if you're 5'9", you might have to let out the hem. So if you magically land from a length perspective, a height perspective in that gamut, then great, off the rack is going to work. It's not so much about body type, what size you are, double zero to 28 when talking about women. It's really about your height because clothing manufacturers are trying to do one size fits all when it comes to height, when it comes to length and clothing. So if you fall in that five,7 area, chances are off the rack is going to work. For guys, if you fall in that six feet, that's a really good place where off the rack is going to work for you. But if you're a guy and you're 5'8", a 29-inch inseam is still too long and it's hard to find anyway. So you are going to need alterations, many times based on your height. I encourage clients to build that in both into your time of shopping as well as into

your budget. Are there some fashion rules that either have gone out the window or new ones that have come in the window that people need to hear? You know, for example, you know, white after Labor Day, do your belt and shoes have to match? Those kind of things, have they either relaxed, or are there new ones that have taken their place, or what? They definitely have relaxed. We don't see as many rules in fashion.

I used to have some clients who would write down my notes and say, Lauren, you know, in 2005, you told me pink and red don't match. And now, you know, in 2019, you just let me get a shirt that's got both pink and red in it. Look at the Emmys. Everyone's wearing pink and red. You said pink and red don't match 11 years ago. And so those kind of guidelines, you know, capturing style in general, it has really evolved. The guidelines have softened in terms of hardcore rules. Do vertical stripes make a person look thinner? Absolutely not. Sometimes they do. Do horizontal stripes make you look bigger? Not always. Much of it is specific to your body type or to your physique. Can you wear white after Labor Day? Absolutely. There's so many ways to winterize white. Some people simply aren't comfortable with that. Maybe they grew up in a culture where, you know, in the South where that

wasn't something you could do. Whereas these days with, you know, climates and sort of what's happening globally, you know, it's 80 degrees in Washington, D.C. right now, and it's the end of September. That's sort of unheard of. You can absolutely be wearing white. So there are both ways to winterize some of these rules and guidelines, but things have really softened. For guys, that's where we see more things in place. Your belt and your shoes should absolutely coordinate. They should not clash. I do not want to see black shoes and a brown belt. That doesn't work and it never will work. However, if a guy has on navy shoes, can he do a colored belt? Indeed he can. So the guideline has softened a little bit, but clashing is never going to work. Navy shoes? Who has navy shoes?

Oh, that is my newest, newest style star for my guys, is introducing the navy dress shoe. Sometimes it's suede. Sometimes it's leather. It can be textured and then coordinated with a navy belt. It looks really great, and it's a really nice match when you get to wear denim to the office. Instead of popping it with the traditional camel, a camel shoe with a camel belt, doing navy. It's a really sleek look for guys.

Have I seen navy shoes? They're out there. I can send you links. Everybody's got them. Well, it's interesting to me because, as we've discussed, people have gotten more casual, some would say more sloppy in their dress. And yet I think everybody, or at least I can speak for myself, I love to see a person who's really well put together. I think everybody likes that. And there's something about somebody who's really dressed well that is very appealing.

Well, the idea of being intentional with style, I think it's really attractive. And that's what makes a well-dressed person. It doesn't really happen by mistake. When you are intentional with your style, you're going to come off making such a really great impression. Whether that's a stranger on the street and I'm a big, you know, I love to give compliments to people when you see that great style on the subway. It's so important to let people know, I see that you've really made intention here and it looks fantastic because there's so many people out there who just forgot to care. So you're right, it does.

It really kind of just lifts your spirits. And I totally believe good clothes opens all doors. So talk a little bit about accessories and how men and women can use them and how they shouldn't use them and that kind of thing. Accessories are icebreakers in so many situations, both professionally and personally. So for women, I love to encourage, you know, have that great necklace, that statement bag, those on-trend shoes, because when you walk into a room, whether it's a coworker, a networking event, or a party, someone will want to come over and be your friend because they like your style.

So accessories are very important, especially for women. When you see men doing accessories, it's very admirable. When you've got the guy who's got the French cuff, and so he's got the cuff links that maybe are a window into his personality. Maybe there's a little superhero on there. Maybe he's wearing his politics on his sleeves. Whatever it is, your accessories can really tell a narrative about who you are. Are you a quirky bow tie kind of guy? Are you sleek matching your tie to your shirt? So your accessories can really tell a narrative about who you are. And many times they can be fun to engage with someone because you like their accessories

well it is interesting when you look at people and how they dress you do immediately like when you just said the the quirky bow tie guy as soon as you see a guy in a bow tie you automatically start making assumptions about about him because because there is something about that bow tie guy that you've always known, you know, from grade school that is quirky. And so it really is true that clothes really project who you are, even though people don't know who you are. And without saying a word, you've completely created a visual message about yourself. And that's why it's so important to be intentional with your style, because your clothes are talking even when you're not.

Right. Because the message you may be sending could be good, could be not so good. Exactly. And it's actually a message you can control. You know, sometimes you think a little too quickly and you say something you didn't mean to say, but with an ensemble, with what you've put on, unless you really got dressed in the dark or, you know, many people forget to look in the mirror or don't make an effort to, but you have a real chance to be intentional with your style. And I wish more people would be

because it makes an enormous impact and a lasting impression. I think one of the things, and this particularly applies to men, I guess, is they don't feel very confident often buying clothes, which is often why they drag their wife or girlfriend with them when they go clothes shopping, because they don't necessarily feel like they have the aptitude to dress themselves, basically. You know, now more than ever, I can happily report that for men to walk into a department store

or even a chain store or boutique, the options are more limited in terms of dressing, making it successful to dress the modern man. What I mean by that is that years ago, 10 years ago, even five years ago, you could still find a pair of pleated pants on the rack. Now, you really can't. Not only are pleated pants dated, but they're ill-fitting. They accommodate a little too much room in the seat that no one truly needs. And so just shopping off the rack without any help or even a salesperson who may or may not be the best one, inevitably, you're going to kind of land in a straight, flat front pant. Hopefully someone

gives you some advice that it needs to be altered if necessary. But what's out there for men right now, it's easier not to make a mistake. So you're seeing flat front pants. You're seeing slim fit shirts. Now, not that those things don't get overwhelming and have their own separate conversations about what defines a slim fit shirt for men. But these are things that before everything was oversized. Men would just say, it's a suit. Let me just buy it. They're pants. Let me just buy it. But they didn't understand the specifics on what created a good fit. Now, most things are offered in some kind of slim fit. Pants are offered without pleats, therefore making it a little bit easier for a guy to head out and go shopping on his own. So talk about jeans, because

everybody wears jeans, or most people wear jeans. A lot of people don't wear them particularly well. Often men don't wear them particularly well. So what's with jeans? Yeah, so the two biggest factors on what is a mistake with jeans when it comes to guys shopping for them is one, buying the wrong color. And the wrong color would be sort of a dad jean, that medium classic blue, not quite acid washed, but more of that just streamlined 80s look. It is still out there and available. Please don't buy it. It will make you look older. It will make you look dated.

Instead, you want to look for a dark rinse that doesn't have a distressed look in the seat. That's going to really create a nice long, lean leg. So number one tip is look for a dark rinse jean. And number two is to make sure you alter those jeans if necessary. You don't just have to buy a 34-32 if you're a 33 inseam. Make sure you get a 34 and you have it altered. Well, I think that's a great idea because like many men, I buy jeans. Often they don't fit very well, and maybe having them altered would make a lot of

sense. Next time you go shopping for jeans, make sure you ask for an original hem when you shop. So an original hem will make jeans look like they actually came in your size. What they do is they unattach the hem, and then they reattach it. So the bottom of jeans is usually a little bit thicker. If you just hem jeans straight, they'll look like you just hemmed a pair of pants, which is not a flattering look. It looks like maybe you were just too short and you had to alter your pants. So an original hem is what you want to ask for. And jeans shouldn't be too long. They shouldn't be dragging on the floor. The back of them shouldn't be all worn and frayed. That means that they're ill-fitting and that they're too long. And it's way too easy to buy the right size and have them hemmed, no matter where you're shopping or what your budget

is. So with all the people you talk to and all the people you work with and all the people you see walking the streets, what is the one piece of fashion advice that applies to most people that you could give right now? And shout it to the world. Stop waiting until you lose 10 pounds to shop. That is the number one thing I hear from most people. They get some great style advice and then they say, well, when I lose 10 pounds, I'll go shopping. Stop, look in the mirror, and realize that what you're wearing doesn't fit well. Go shopping.

Second piece of advice, spend on everyday items instead of waiting to only splurge on special event items. Most people will spend their money on the things they wear the least. I encourage people to really splurge on what they wear the most and then think about price per wear. Yeah, that's really true, isn't it? People, you know, oh, I'm going to this wedding. I better get a nice something to wear. And they wear it to the wedding and maybe never...

And three years later, they've never worn it again instead of spending on those dark-rimmed jeans that they need to be wearing or that slim-fit shirt. Well, I like your message because it gives people permission to spend some money, not a lot, but to spend some money to make their clothes look good, to have them altered, to buy good clothes, to buy good everyday clothes. And all of this helps project the image that you want to project. Lauren Rothman has been my guest. She's a fashion stylist. She writes a column for Inc. Magazine's website called What to Wear Where, and she is author of the book Style Bible. Thanks for joining me, Lauren.

Thanks, Mike. This has been really fun. You know that cotton in a bottle of pain relievers or really any pills that you get that you have to kind of push around to get to the pills underneath? Well, you should actually take that cotton and throw it away. It's only there to protect the pills from rattling around during shipping. But once you open the jar, it can actually make your medication deteriorate faster. And don't just jam it over to the side. Take the cotton all the way out and throw it away.

By the way, you should avoid keeping pills in the bathroom. In fact, a medicine cabinet is about the worst place to keep medicine. The temperature and humidity changes in the bathroom can make them sweat and melt. It's better to keep pills in a cool, dry place. And that is something you should know. I know I asked you at the beginning, and I'll ask you again at the end, to please share this podcast with someone you know. I'm Micah Ruthers. Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know. Welcome to the small town of Chinook, where faith runs deep and secrets run deeper. In this new thriller, religion and crime collide when a gruesome murder rocks the isolated Montana community. Everyone is quick to point their fingers at a drug-addicted teenager, but local deputy Ruth Vogel isn't convinced.

She suspects connections to a powerful religious group. Enter federal agent V.B. Loro, who has been investigating a local church for possible criminal activity. The pair form an unlikely partnership to catch the killer, unearthing secrets that leave Ruth torn between her duty to the law, her religious convictions,

and her very own family. But something more sinister than murder is afoot, and someone is watching Ruth. Chinook. Starring Kelly Marie Tran and Sanaa Lathan. Listen to Chinook wherever you get your podcasts. Contained herein are the heresies of red off punt wine erstwhile monk turned traveling medical investigator join me as i study the secrets of the divine plagues and uncover the blasphemous truth that ours is not a loving god and we are not its favored children the heresies of redolf punt wine wherever podcasts are available