Something You Should Know - Fascinating Stories Behind Holiday Songs and Traditions & How to Acquire the “It Factor” for Success

Episode Date: December 10, 2018

It is easy and tempting to overspend on holiday gifts. Plus retailers do everything they can to encourage you to spend more. So this episode begins with some strategies to help you spend a bit less and avoid those impulse purchases that you often wish you hadn’t made once you get home. http://www.womansday.com/life/work-money/g1877/how-to-stop-impulse-buying/ Why do we kiss under the mistletoe? Why do we bring fir trees into our homes and decorate them? Why is Jingle Bells so popular at Christmas when it is really a Thanksgiving song? Ace Collins author of Stories Behind the Great Traditions of Christmas (https://amzn.to/2QfN1NA) and Stories Behind the Best Loved Songs of Christmas (https://amzn.to/2Up4wtg) joins me to reveal the fascinating backstories of some your favorite holiday traditions and songs.  Do you have the “It” factor? It’s the thing that makes people want to get to know you and perhaps become part of your life and help you succeed. Mark Wiskup is a top communications expert and coach and he is author of the book The It Factor (https://amzn.to/2EbHMXX). He joins me to explain how anyone can acquire the It factor even if you consider yourself shy or introverted.   Doing household chores may not be the most exciting thing you do but it turns out there are some great health benefits. Things like making your bed or doing the dishes can actually be good for you. I conclude this episode by discussing some great reasons to tackle those chores you have been putting off. http://www.rd.com/home/cleaning-organizing/health-benefits-chores/ This Week's Sponsors -SimpliSafe. To save hundreds of dollars on home protection go to www.SimpliSafe.com/something -Quip. Get your first refill pack free when you get an electric toothbrush from www.GetQuip.com/something -Care/of Vitamins. For 25% off your first month of personalized care/of vitamins go to www.TakeCareOf.com and use the promo code SOMETHING   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on Something You Should Know, a few tricks to help you spend a little less of your money this holiday season. Then, the stories behind some of our most loved and cherished Christmas traditions and Christmas songs. For example, did you know Jingle Bells was actually written as a Thanksgiving song? The man was instructed to create a song for a children's choir at a Thanksgiving service and couldn't come up with anything. And we went outside and watched a bunch of teenage boys attempting to impress girls by drag racing sleighs. And he went in and immediately wrote Jingle Bells. Then some excellent motivation to help you get to those household chores that need doing. And how to acquire the it factor that makes you so memorable to the people you meet.

So few times do we meet someone who is instantly memorable. That's what the it factor is all about. Being able to meet someone quickly and get them to say, you know what, this person is someone I need to know more about. All this today on Something You Should Know. As a listener to Something You Should Know, I can only assume that you are someone who likes to learn about new and interesting things and bring more knowledge to work for you in your everyday life. I mean, that's kind of what Something You Should Know was all about.

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Fascinating intel. The world's top experts. And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. Hi, welcome. We're right in the middle of the holiday shopping season, so I have some advice for you that will hopefully help you to spend maybe a little less money this year. Now, everyone knows not to go grocery shopping on an empty stomach,

but the same applies to any kind of shopping. Scientists at a university in the Netherlands found that when you shop, when you're hungry or dehydrated, you are more likely to spend more. Also be aware of the sounds and smells while you're shopping. They are designed to slow you down and get you to spend more. Just knowing that can help you not fall victim to their seductive ways. And another trick that retailers use to get you to spend is to get you to spend more time with them. The more you do this, the more you feel obliged to buy. This is especially true for high

priced items. The salesperson may show you a family photo to help you identify with them and feel like you're friends. So you're better off to cut the chit-chat, keep the conversation to a minimum, and keep it focused on whether this purchase makes sense for you. And that is something you should know. Every year around this time, people in the U.S., as well as people all over the world, engage in their favorite holiday traditions, the same ones their parents engaged in, as did their grandparents, and on and on. We also listen to and sing the same Christmas songs every year, over and over again.

So where did these songs and traditions come from? In many cases, the backstories are really interesting, and someone who's researched and written about them is Ace Collins. Ace is the author of many books, including Stories Behind the Great Traditions of Christmas and Stories Behind the Best Loved Songs of Christmas. Hi, Ace. Welcome. So let's dive in here because there's a lot to cover. Let's start with the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe.

Where did that come from? Well, I think the mistletoe tradition is fascinating because why do we have this plant during Christmas that's essentially a makeout plant? I mean, you know, why do you have that? And it really goes back to over a thousand years when the early missionaries were going to reach the Vikings, and the Vikings looked upon the mistletoe plant as this incredible plant. It was able to grow out of dead wood in the wintertime because they believed trees died in the wintertime and spring back to life. And the early missionaries actually just kind of used that as a religious symbol, where the mistletoe plant represented Christ being crucified on the cross, came back to life. The green represented eternal life. Red represented

blood of the sacrifice, and the white represented the purity of Christ. Well, when these people converted to the Christianity, what they did was they brought the mistletoe plant with them and put it over babies' cribs and other things to represent their faith. Well, they also wanted their bride and groom to be married under a symbol of faith, and so they were married underneath a mistletoe plant. Well, what happens at the end of a marriage even a thousand years ago? People kiss. Well, today, the only thing we remember about the mistletoe plant is the kissing part. So today we think of Christmas as pretty much a religious celebration

with a lot of commercialism thrown in, but that ultimately it is about the birth of Jesus and it is a time for being thankful and helping and giving. But it wasn't always like that, right? Before 1830s and 40s in the United States and England, Christmas was Mardi Gras and steroids. It was a drunken party where men would, gangs of men, would roam the streets singing the carol, We Wish You a Merry Christmas, and they would plug in whatever they wanted in the verse. It wasn't figgy pudding. It would be ale or money or whatever. And it was kind of like trick or treat. If you didn't give it to them, they would do damage to your home.

And so New York police, Boston police, and others actually had extra forces out at that time to protect people. What happened? Well, in the United States, a man wrote a wonderful poem for his children celebrating the Eastern European family Christmases. And that poem he called A Visit from St. Nick, and it was published in newspapers locally first and then around the country. And it turned the focus on children in the United States, and in particular, St. Nick visiting children. We know that poem now as Twas the Night Before Christmas. Within 10 years, department stores had caught on the fact that, hey, we can make money by advertising Christmas gifts for children, encouraging people to give gifts to children at Christmas. What did that lead to? It led to churches, which usually stayed

closed on Christmas Day, opening up their doors and having Christmas celebrations because the violence was gone, the drunken revelry was gone. And the other thing it did that I think was absolutely fascinating, Congress quit meeting on Christmas Day and the government started to shut down on Christmas Day. So it was in the 1840s in the United States when we finally had that old-fashioned Christmas that everyone longs for today. Wasn't Charles Dickens and A Christmas Carol, wasn't that instrumental in helping revive and put the spirit into Christmas? I think Dickens, you can give him credit. He wrote that as a synopsis of what was going on socially in England at the time with children

being abused and working and there being this great divide between the rich and the poor. And so it was a social book for him, a social commentary, if you will. He wrote that book and tried to bring back some of the, I guess, the fun of Christmas that existed in the 15 and 1600s in England. And it just so happened that that book came out about the same time that Queen Victoria married Prince Albert, and he brought those Eastern European traditions to England as well. So the marriage of those two things certainly did help in spreading the traditions of Christmas. But I think that Dickens should get credit for something that we see every day, and that's

Santa's on street corners raising money for Salvation Army or other organizations, the charity giving that takes place at Christmas. I think Dickens with the Christmas Carol opened up the window to showing greater compassion and charity at Christmas than had before he had done that. Because to a large degree, being poor was a tough, tough lot in England, particularly at that time. And there was not much compassion from the other classes. Dickens opened up the door for, in a modern term, I guess, some social justice. So when did it become common for people to bring pine trees, fir trees into the house for Christmas? Well, you can take it back to the Middle Ages. It was the 1500s before they started hanging them upside down. The Latvians were some of the first that did that. And it moved from being what they called the creation tree, which was used in churches to represent the tree in the Garden of Eden, to being an actual Christmas tree, a Christmas celebration. The greenery was brought in. You know, they would clip the tree and then make wreaths, and that's where the starting of making wreaths took place on doors is using the extra clippings. Germany was

very, very big in making the Christmas tree in the 15, 16, and 1700s, an integral part of the Christmas holidays, hence the song Otonenbahn. It was probably the French who had a great deal with starting to put more elaborate decorations on it. In America, Christmas trees were not really embraced until the 1840s and 1850s. And the first Christmas tree lot did not show up in New York City, which was the first lot that we know of anywhere until the 1870s. And it was actually called, the man who ran it was named Carr, so it was also the first car lot, I guess you could say.

It was just selling Christmas trees. And did people put ornaments on them right away or some kind of decorations on the trees once they were brought into the house? Probably the Vikings did some. They were also hanging carvings of the nativity scene on trees in the 1500s, and the nativity scenes in people's homes go back to 300 and 400 and 500 AD. So those were probably the very first ornaments. But it was glass ornaments made in Germany that were the first ornaments that were sold to actually hang on trees. Before that, they were homemade pieces of paper or popcorn or strung berries. And so it was about 250 years ago when the glass

ornaments started to really take root in Germany. And it was after the Civil War when they started selling glass ornaments in the United States. They were imported at first, and companies like Shiny Bright brought them out in the 1900s in a more cheaply packaged mix where the people in middle class could buy them. Before that, it was strictly for the wealthy. What's the origin of poinsettia plants and its relationship to Christmas? It's a plant that the Aztecs and others used for years and thought of as magical. And there was a story, a fable, if you will, in Mexico about a Christmas Eve service in which a young girl, and this is going to be reminiscent of a song that was written later,

Little Drummer Boy, who had a similar experience when that song was written in the late 30s and early 40s. But this was a little girl who had nothing to give for the babe in the manger. And so she brought in this plant and when she set the plant at the base of the crib the plant magically turned red the leaves did and that was the legend and then the ambassador to mexico heard that legend saw the plant his name happened to be poinsettia and he brought it back to the united states and started marketing the plant after growing it in nurseries. And so it was in the mid-1800s was when the poinsettia really took off as being an important part of Christmas. And it's one of the few traditions, by the way, that was actually born in North America. All the rest

mainly come from Europe. What about Santa? Where did he show up from? You can trace Santa's roots to St. Nicholas of Baria, Nicholas of Baria, who was a Catholic priest and later a cardinal. He wore red, obviously, as a cardinal, so that's where the red connotation comes from. And he actually spent all of his ministry ministering to the poorest of the poor, and he would bring gifts to young girls who didn't have money for a dowry so they could get married. And he would leave those gifts, ironically enough, most times in stockings that hung by the fire anonymously. And so they would get up in the morning and they would find this change and realize they could get married, which before

they couldn't without that dowry. And hence, there is the beginning of putting gifts in stockings by a fireplace. Now, the only reason the stockings were at a fireplace, it was a convenient place to leave the gift because they only had one pair of stockings. Most people did. They washed them and hung them up by the fire to dry overnight. If there weren't stockings there, he left coins in shoes. He had such a dramatic impact on children that they started celebrating St. Nicholas Day not long after he died, and that was 1700 years ago. The Santa Claus we know today looks very different than the Santa Claus that you're talking about from years ago, so I want to talk about that in a moment. So Ace, the Santa

Claus we know today, the jolly old soul with the red hat and the red coat and the long white beard. He first appeared, as I understand it, he first appeared in a Coca-Cola print ad some time ago when Coca-Cola commissioned this illustrator, I think his name was Sunbloom, to create this image. But Santa Claus was looked at and imagined as very different prior to that, right? Before that, Santa Claus was pretty much pictured as being more of a tall, thin man in kind of maroon or earthen tones. That's how Nast drew him in Harper's Bazaar and other magazines back in the 1800s. So Sunbloom definitely created the Santa Claus that we celebrate and see everywhere today. And that was done within the last hundred years.

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So why is the Nutcracker Ballet so associated with Christmas? It's funny. It was an adult story when it began and failed miserably and then was passed along through several different classical composers' hands until one person realized, hey, we can save this thing if we turn it into a children's story. And it was performed and became this wonderful piece of childhood magic, took root in Russia, and probably took off because it was brought to the United States right after World War II, when the Russian ballet came over here and performed it. And then it took off here and in England because of that tour. Before that, it was just kind of an Eastern European celebration.

But once again, I think it took off because it's so fascinating to children. You know, when you look at traditions and you look at songs, there's obviously been thousands of both. Why do certain things take off and certain things don't? I think in the United States, when it came to the Nutcracker in England, it just happened to be introduced on a large scale after World War II, and people were looking for ways to celebrate and feel good. Just like the three songs of World War II, White Christmas, I'll Be Home for Christmas, and Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, we still embrace those today. But I think we embrace them probably because they were released during World War II when the words and the message found in those songs was much more meaningful when families were separated in a conflict that involved people

who may or may not come home, a life or death conflict. If those three songs had been introduced in another time, would we still be singing them today? I don't know. I think the timing had a great deal to do with why those three songs still mean so much to us. And by the way, Irving Berlin, when he wrote White Christmas for the movie Holiday Inn, he took it to Bing Crosby and said, Bing, the other songs in this movie I've written are really good, but I don't think this one's very good. I'm going to play it for you, and then I'll go back and write you something better. And after Bing Crosby heard White Christmas, he told Berlin,

he said, no, man, this is perfect. Don't change a word. Candy canes are odd in the sense they're one of the few candies that are so associated with the Christmas holiday. Where did they come from? Candy canes were originally introduced to the Christmas celebration to keep children quiet. There was a choir master in Cologne, Germany in 1630 who had a real problem. Every year when they gave the Christmas celebration at the church and the service was a couple hours long, it was the

children's choir that began everything. And then they had to sit for the next hour and a half up there in the choir loft and behave, and they never did. They were just like children are today. They got fidgety. They started kicking each other. They started passing notes or whispering. He was trying to come up with some way to keep them quiet, and he walked by a candy store and saw these sticks, peppermint sticks, if you will, and was wondering, maybe I can use this. But he knew that the church would frown upon him giving candy to children to keep them quiet. So what he did was he had the sticks shaped into a staff by the candy maker and took them back and explained to the people that this candy in its shaft form represented the good shepherd and told them the

story of the good shepherd. And that once their choir had finished performing, they could lick these candy sticks. And that kept them quiet throughout the entire service. So when did people start sending Christmas cards to each other? When did that catch on? Well, it caught on in the United States in the 1880s and 90s when it became cheap to mail letters. But it was actually introduced about the time that Christmas turned into a family celebration in England. And there's a man who was just way too busy to answer his mail during the Christmas season. And old Henry knew that if he didn't

answer that mail, Henry Cole did, that he was in trouble because it was a bad slight not to answer mail in Victorian England. I guess it's kind of like not responding to a text today. People start wondering, well, are they mad at me? You know, what did I do? Well, he couldn't respond to all the letters he'd gotten, so he went to an artist and had them paint a Christmas scene of a group of people around a table with a goose on the table and all the things that you think of as Dickens. And then he took that, put it on cardstock, folded it,

and had printed in on the inside another picture and also greetings for the holidays. And he sent that to all of his friends who he didn't have time to answer their mail personally that Christmas season. Within the next year, eight or ten of those friends went to the same printer and had those same cards made again for them. And suddenly, Christmas cards became a way that the wealthy for the next 40, 50 years corresponded with each other during the Christmas season. With the advent of cheap color printing in the 1880s and 1890s, you ultimately had people of all sorts sending Christmas cards during the holidays, and it really took off about 1900. Let's talk about

Christmas music. And, you know, one of the things that interests me about Christmas songs is there aren't a lot of new ones. I mean, every once in a while, you know, like Paul McCartney or the Eagles or Wham kind of sneaks into the mix and people start listening to that. But year after year, it's the same Christmas songs sung by the same people. Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, Brenda Lee, Bobby Helms. It's all the same Christmas songs every year, year after year. Yeah, I think in the last, if you look at the songs that were introduced in the last 30 years, My Eyes, Carrie's All I Want for Christmas is You will probably stick around. Mark Lowry, when he wrote Mary, Did You Know? It was such a unique viewpoint song,

you know, a brilliant concept will stick around. But you're right. Very few do. You know, when you look at the nature of Christmas music, the song that we sing still at Christmas that goes back in a complete form to performing it just as it was performed 1,200 years ago is O Come, O Come, Emmanuel. So that's our oldest complete carol. It probably wouldn't have stuck around, but it was discovered in the 1800s and reprinted at that particular point, and people caught on to it. It was so easy to sing. You look at other songs like Silent Night, it was a stopgap measure when a priest had an organ that died and he had based his entire service around music, went to his friend, the school teacher, and Joseph Moore told Franz Gruber, I have nothing. And Gruber offered to play guitar for the service, but the music they had picked out didn't work with it. Moore had written a song two years before,

not as a song, but as a poem. When he had been visiting his uncle, he found that, they sent it to music, and Silent Night became known as the song that saved Christmas in Obendorf, Austria, really about 200 years ago. Joseph Moore used that song as a stopgap measure. When the organist, when the man who fixed the organ came by and was playing the organ later, when he got it working, he asked Moore, what did you do for Christmas? Well, Moore sat down at the organ and played him Silent Night and sang it to him. The man who fixed the organ jotted down the words and remembered the melody, and that was it. Silent Night should have gone away. It should have never been heard again. But 30 years later, this priest, Moore, is walking by a church in one of the large cities in Germany and hears his song that was performed as that stopgap measure, wondering, how in the world did these people hear my Silent Night?

Come to find out this man who fixed the organ had become the Johnny Appleseed of Silent Night and had taken it all across Europe, every place he was fixing organs, and taught it to everyone. And so here's a song that should have been heard once and put away that has become the most sung song at Christmas. The best-selling song, by the way, is White Christmas. But the most sung and recorded song is Silent Night. And the thing I find the most interesting about all of this, the church in Obendorf, Austria, where Joseph Moore led a choir singing Silent Night for the very first time, is named Saint Nicholas. Since I host a podcast, it's pretty common for me to be asked to recommend a podcast. And I tell people, if you like something you should know, you're going to like The Jordan Harbinger Show. Every episode is a conversation with a fascinating guest. Of course, a lot of podcasts

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Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show. There's so much for you in this podcast. The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you love Disney? Then you are going to love our hit podcast, Disney Countdown. I'm Megan, the Magical Millennial. And I'm the Dapper Danielle.

On every episode of our fun and family-friendly show, we count down our top 10 lists of all things Disney. There is nothing we don't cover. We are famous for rabbit holes, Disney-themed games, and fun facts you didn't know you needed, but you definitely need in your life. So if you're looking for a healthy dose of Disney magic, check out Disney Countdown wherever you get your podcasts. It does seem that some of the Christmas songs that hang around and have hung around are very

simple, like Jingle Bells and We Wish You a Merry Christmas. And they couldn't be simpler, but they last forever. Yeah, and Jingle Bells is another weird one that shouldn't be associated with Christmas. Jingle Bells is, in truth, the best-known Thanksgiving song in the world. And the man was instructed to create a song for a children's choir at a Thanksgiving service. And he went to the only piano in town, which was on a mystic lane, ironically enough, at a lady's house and was playing it and couldn't come up with anything. And went outside and watched a bunch of teenage boys attempting to impress girls by drag racing sleighs. And he went in and immediately wrote Jingle Bells. And Jingle Bells was performed at that Thanksgiving service and was so popular, the church came back in Medford and had their choir perform it again at Christmas.

And the people who were visiting from Boston and New York, their relatives, took that song back as a Christmas song. So it's actually kind of a Thanksgiving song. But Jingle Bells is responsible for the way most Americans picture Christmas. We picture one-horse sleighs. Currier and I has later painted those scenes. So a Thanksgiving song that was morphed into a Christmas song is the way that Americans picture Christmas. By the way, what is really interesting is two songwriters would later write one of the big Christmas hits, Jingle Bell Rock. And when they wrote that song, they wrote it about riding in a one horse open

sleigh. They did not write a rock and roll song. When it was recorded, everyone assumed because of when it came out and Bobby Helms recorded it in 1957, that it was a rock and roll song. It wasn't. If you listen to the lyrics, it's about riding in a one-horse sleigh. And the rocking along is the feel of riding in that sleigh as those crude shock absorbers those sleighs had, those springs, bounced you up and down. Well, it's so much fun to hear the stories behind the traditions and the songs, and I appreciate you sharing it all with us. Ace Collins has been my guest. His books are Stories Behind the Great Traditions of Christmas and Stories Behind the Best Loved Songs of Christmas. And there's a link to those books in the show notes.

Thanks, Ace. Merry Christmas. Have a wonderful holiday season. Bye-bye now. Do you know what the it factor is? The it factor is that seemingly rare ability to connect with anyone you meet. You just meet someone and you just magically connect. And I know you know people like that that are really good at doing that. They just connect. So is it something you're born with or can you develop it?

Here to discuss that is Mark Wiskup. Mark is a well-known communications expert and coach, and he is author of the book, The It Factor. Hi, Mark. So this ability that we all see, we see somebody walk into a room and they can just go up to anybody and make that connection, that seems to be pretty rare. Yes, I mean, do most people not have the it factor as you describe it? Most people do not have the it factor because they do not believe that they should have to work very hard to get people to listen to them. The people that have the it factor are the ones who realize every time they want to make a connection, they've got to put some work into it.

That means thinking about who they're talking to, creating a picture of whatever they want done or whatever they want to accomplish, and realizing what their goal is instead of just talking, which is what most people do. So where do we tend to go wrong, do you think? I mean, nobody tries to not connect when they talk to people. So where's the misstep? Where's the disconnect? And maybe an example would help. Someone who will introduce themselves and tell you their title, and I'll proudly say they're the assistant vice president of the

Southwest region for whatever company, and they think that's going to have an impact on you. My guess is that that never makes anyone's day to meet the assistant vice president of the Southwest or Southeast region. What they'd rather hear is what you do, exactly what you do for your customers, how you make them happy, and maybe they'll want to be your customer after that. And we've all had that experience of meeting someone and they introduce themselves as the senior vice president in charge of whatever, and we don't know what it means, and we don't know whether we should be impressed by that or not. And there's a reason for it is when we go to networking events, a business networking event, you'll meet people and everyone is there to meet each other. But so few times do we meet someone who is instantly memorable.

Not because of any beauty or handsomeness they have, but rather because it's easy to connect with them and easy to talk to them. That's what the it factor is all about, being able to meet someone quickly and get them to say, you know what, this person is someone I need to know more about. When you say that we have to put more effort into it to connect with people, what does that mean? More effort into what? Into saying more, listening more? What exactly? When you first meet someone and you get that question, what do you do? It's elevator pitch time. It is the time when it is your turn to tell them exactly how you can make an impact on others.

You can either give your title at that moment, or you can tell them who your customers are and how you help them. That takes more work. It's much easier just to say what your title is, but to say, my name is Mark Wiskup. I'm an accountant. Let me tell you how I helped my last client. Let me tell you the type of clients that I help. Oh, and then what do you do? Tell me about your clients.

So it's that back and forth between sharing about why people give you money and then ask people why others give them money. Are there people that just seemingly just do this naturally? You bet. And it seems as though they're just, eh, they're just lucky. You know, they just have lucky genes. And I say, that's a bunch of hooey. They are working hard from the moment they hit the room. Now, we see these people at cocktail parties or networking events, and they're almost like gadflies. They go from one group to another, and it's always a little brighter at that group.

And sometimes we'll watch them and say, oh, they're just lucky. They're just a natural smoozer. I say that's not true. I say they're thinking of the people they meet. They're trying to build connections. They are working hard, and they're doing more than just giving, what's up with you? Nothing. What's up with you? They are telling something significant about something that happened to them,

and they're asking other people about what's significant with them as well. So they're not the people who say, hey, how's it going? Oh, pretty good. Hey, how's it going with you? Oh, yeah, not much. Yeah, and if you can't say something better than that, my feeling is stay at home. You can say that to the cat or the television set. Much better to say, tell me a really significant thing that happened the last couple weeks in your business. And someone will say, well, I don't know.

Let me think. Well, suddenly, you've touched them. You've intrigued them. You've intrigued them. You've made them think about what's interesting about themselves. Once they say it, once they tell you, well, geez, we got a new customer last week in Kansas City. I never thought we were going to land them. Well, how'd you get it? What did you do?

Well, I had to get on a plane to actually meet with them, but it was great. I'm going to keep doing that. Then you are entitled to share something about yourself that relates to that. There's a whole chapter in The It Factor called, you'll never get to big talk if you don't like small talk. And this is what small talk is. It's asking questions, getting other people to share, and then sharing something about yourself. But just to be clear, though, I mean, I can imagine being in a situation of meeting someone I've never met before, and if they said to me, so tell me something significant that happened in your business in the last week or two,

that's coming on a little strong, I think. I agree with you. That was the scenario where two people know each other. No, what I'd rather have you say is tell me what you do, and then they'll give you their title. The next question for someone you've never met before is to say, tell me who your clients are. Why do they hire you? Most people will go on and on about that and feel very flattered by that question. It's much better than saying, what's the gross revenue of your

business? How many offices do you have? That's all easy. But tell me about your clients. What do you do for your clients? Why do they pick you instead of someone else? People will go on and on and on, and they'll feel that connection from you. Is it a formula like that where you ask everybody the same question? The first question should always be, tell me what you do, tell me who your clients are. That is a great formula, and it's one I use every single airplane I get on. It's never failed not to work. People love talking about the people that hire them. Then say, what is it that makes you different from other companies? Why do your customers hire you instead of someone else? By the time you get past those two generic questions, you're going to get pretty deep into their business and it'll all seem customized.

What if it's more social though and less business? I mean, sometimes it's a little off-putting when somebody at a social function, you know, wants to talk about business and what their company is doing. So how do you connect without sounding like you're Mr. Business all the time? I would stick with, you know, what have you done the last couple weeks that's fun? Tell me what you've done. If it's a friend of yours or someone you're maybe seeing at the soccer field. That's a good example. My son played soccer for years.

My daughter was a competitive gymnast for years. So we were seeing these people. Didn't know them from a business standpoint, but I saw them all the time. And I built some great relationships, some great friendships by saying, what has your family done in the last couple of months that's been a really good family activity? Maybe that's something we'd like to do. And then they might tell you something they did at church or something they did with Cub Scouts, and then you can share something you've done. Oh, we did something like that, or I tried that, it didn't work out. And then you're

sharing back and forth, and suddenly small talk becomes very significant. You're building a connection and making a friend, and that is something that's a good thing. Listening to you, you have a lot of energy and enthusiasm in your voice and about this subject. So I would imagine that that level of energy can really help or hurt. Yes? You either have to be up for this or don't. My feeling is, if you don't want to engage, don't go to the cocktail party. Don't go. Stay home. If you want to realize that you don't know when you're going to meet someone who really adds to your life, you don't know when you're going to meet someone who's really interesting or really shares a

passion you do, or maybe a passion that you'd like to pursue but you've never known how to get into it, unless you are willing to work. People that have the it factor, the people that really, really connect with others, are the ones who say, I am going to go there and I'm going to work, and I'm going to expend some calories. But it's like going to the gym. If you go to the gym and just sit on the side and have a cigarette and a Twinkie watching people work out, you won't get any better.

But if you work hard, you'll always walk out feeling good. Every time you go through a workout and you walk out of the gym and you've worked hard, you feel good. It's the same way after a cocktail party where you have worked hard to find out more about others. Well, and there are certainly times when you go to an event and you really just don't have the energy or the wherewithal to step up your game and really dive in. And, you know, I've done that. And you just kind of write that you go and you just maybe write that one off. Sure. And but my point is, once you're there and you get your suit on and, you know, your teeth are brushed and your hair's all combed. Give it a go.

Say, look, I'm going to commit to three conversations in the next 20 minutes. I'm going to really try hard with three people if for nothing other than to practice my connection skills. I'm going to ask them what they do, ask them about their clients, ask them about their hobbies. What do they enjoy doing when they're not working? And see if you can get a rise out of them. See if you can create a connection. My guess is if you're that intense and you give it a go, even for just a short period of time, you will get something out of it, and you'll say, you know what, I'm glad I'm here.

You have to acknowledge, though, that there is a large percentage of the population who have a difficult time doing what you're talking about. They're introverted. They consider themselves to be shy, and this does not come easy to them. You're right. And if you break it down, walking up to someone and saying,

Hello, my name is Mike. Please tell me what you do. I want to find out more about you. The protocol of doing that seems extremely difficult. Until you do it two or three times, then it's easy. Like any other new skill, whether it's playing golf or taking up tennis, you feel self-conscious the first time you're in the tee box, the first time you have to serve in a match.

You're extremely self-conscious. The 15th time, it's not so bad. You've got to work at it. There's no easy way around it. Has it ever happened to you? It certainly happened to me, and I'm sure other people as well, where you go and try to talk to someone and strike up that conversation, and they don't want any part of it, and they reject you. And I think a lot of people are reluctant because they want people to like them and they don't want to put themselves out there for fear of that rejection. So they don't. You're right. And anyone who wants everyone to like them is going to have a sad problem with growing their own personal equity, their own professional career, because there's no money in that.

There's no money in it. People aren't going to like everyone. Not everyone's going to like you. You're not going to like everybody. Brush it off. You know, knock yourself down. After you're picked, I'm sorry, after you're knocked down and someone really doesn't want to talk to you, say, thanks a lot.

Move on to the next person. You'll have better luck. Most people, if you attack them with energy and joy, and you're not trying to get anything out of them, you're not trying to make a sale, you're not trying to get a new best friend, you just want to enjoy that interaction, most people find that a delight, and they're glad for it. They're glad someone's giving energy to a cocktail party that seems sometimes energy-less. It does take effort, and it does seem like it's a good idea to pump yourself up before those kind of events, because they're draining. You bet.

It's like going into an athletic performance. You know, we park our car, we throw our keys to the valet guy, then we walk down the hotel entryway, and then we're going to the breakout room where the industry meeting is, or where the industry cocktail party is, or they get to know each other break or dinner, and your heart's beating a little bit because you know you're not going to meet anyone, that's great. It is game time. Be a little nervous and walk in there and say, I'm Mike. I am going to make someone's day. I'm going to have at it and go forward. And that may sound too optimistic or Pollyanna-ish. It's not. Any athlete who steps into the batter's box, any baseball player, they are convinced that they will have success. So if you're going to be in the game, be ready to succeed. The nice thing

is it's much easier than hitting a 90-mile-an-hour fastball. Making a connection is much easier than people think if they'll just, as you said, put themselves out there a little bit and try it. They will succeed if they try it, do it a couple of times, and have some joy in it. But it does seem as if this is a lot more effortless for some people than others, and that to go to an event or to a party, a cocktail party, and feel like you have to pump yourself up seems a little artificial to some people. But as you say, if you try it, you might be surprised what happens, and maybe it's not that difficult.

It's not. And then once you've opened the other person up and they're talking to you and you're talking and maybe they'll introduce you to someone who's in the room that that they know very well and then suddenly this cocktail party that you had dreaded going to is over a little too quickly and you're into the dinner program and you've exchanged cards that's a great moment well this is important because i think everybody in their life has one of those experiences where they met somebody somewhere through someone else at a function, on the train, on a plane, and it turned into something. And your advice really helps to maximize those potential opportunities. Mark Wiskup has been my guest. He is a communications

expert and author of the book, The It Factor. There's a link to his book in the show notes. Thanks, Mark. and author of the book, The It Factor. There's a link to his book in the show notes. Thanks, Mark. The next time you have some household chores to do, but can't quite find the motivation to get them done, remember there are some real health benefits to doing chores. For example, making your bed. Starting your day with a freshly made bed is what Charles Duhigg, author of the book

The Power of Habit, calls a keystone habit, one that has a ripple effect to create other good behavior. In research, making your bed every morning is linked to better productivity, a greater sense of well-being, and stronger skills at sticking to a budget. Bedmakers also report getting a good night's sleep. Cleaning out the kitchen clutter is always a good idea. Studies show that people with super cluttered homes were 77% more likely to be overweight or obese. The likely reason is it's harder to make healthy food choices in a chaotic kitchen. Use a lemon-scented cleaner when you do your chores.

According to a Japanese study, it is a potent mood booster. Washing dishes. People who clean dishes mindfully, meaning they focused on smelling the soap and feeling the water temperature and touching the dishes, that actually lowered their nervousness levels by 27%. And that is something you should know. We're on social media. Follow us on Twitter and Facebook. We post information and content there that you won't hear on the show. I'm Micah Ruthers. Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know.

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