Something You Should Know - How Not to Die & How to Be More Courageous

Episode Date: January 4, 2018

Even though we all know not to talk or text while driving – it can be so tempting. After all, what harm can it do to send a text while stopped at a traffic light? Well, you might be surprised. Research by AAA found there is a residual effect even after you are done texting or talking that can impair your driving. This episode begins with this interesting intel. Heart disease is the #1 killer in the U.S. And yet it is almost completely preventable. That’s according to Michael, Greger, M.D. and author of the book, How Not to Die (http://amzn.to/2ClpQq2). Dr Greger explains how lifestyle changes not only will eliminate and reverse heart disease but also help with other life threatening conditions such as diabetes, kidney disease, liver disease and more. Here are the websites mentioned by Dr Greger: ·       http://www.truehealthinitiative.org/  ·       http://www.pcrm.org/kickstartHome/mealplan/week-1 Then, some very simple yet powerful advice to improve your love relationship from John Gottman, one of the best known experts in the field of relationship psychology, He says 2 little things will make all the difference in the world. Listen to discover what they are. Plus, do you ever wish you were more courageous? Are there things you haven’t done because you lacked the courage to do them? Speaker and consultant Bill Treasurer author of the book Courage Goes to Work (http://amzn.to/2Aj4Nms) will help you realize you probably have more courage than you think and how to become more courageous in spite of the fear you face.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on Something You Should Know, there's something about distracted driving you don't know that could cause you some real problems. Then, you could live a lot longer if you change the way you eat, and it turns out to be easier than most people think. Within eight days, there's a study showing within eight days, you can so kind of reinvigorate your taste buds that all of a sudden natural whole healthy foods taste good. I mean, but like even the ripest peach in the world is going to taste sour after a bowl of Fruit Loops.

Also, there are two simple things you can do to improve your relationship instantly and dramatically. Plus understanding courage and how to be more courageous in your life. So courage is acting on what is right, despite being afraid or uncomfortable when facing situations of pain, intimidation, or even opportunity. All this today on Something You Should Know, I can only assume that you are someone who likes to learn about new and interesting things and bring more knowledge to work for you in your everyday life. I mean, that's kind of what Something You Should Know was all about. And so I want to invite you to listen to another podcast called TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right?

Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right? Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks. Well, you see, TED Talks Daily is a podcast that brings you a new TED Talk every weekday in less than 15 minutes. Join host Elise Hu. She goes beyond the headlines so you can hear about the big ideas shaping our future. Learn about things like sustainable fashion, embracing your entrepreneurial spirit, the future of robotics, and so much more.

Like I said, if you like this podcast, Something You Should Know, I'm pretty sure you're going to like TED Talks Daily. And you get TED Talks Daily wherever you get your podcasts. Something You should know. Fascinating intel. The world's top experts. And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers.

I don't know about you, but to me anyway, the holidays just flew by this year. And here we are, already getting back into the regular routine again. Welcome to the program. I'm Mike Carruthers. And we begin today with this whole idea of distracted driving. Now, I think the word is out now about distracted driving, that it's not just that you hold a phone in your hand that increases the likelihood of an accident. It's any kind of distraction. Talking, texting on the phone, even eating and drinking can take your attention away from driving.

But it's more complicated than that. Research from the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety shows that the distraction time lasts far longer than you think it does, up to 27 seconds longer. In other words, you may think that it's safe to send that text while you're stopped at the red light, but the mental distraction from composing, typing, and sending the text will likely persist even after the text is sent and the light turns green, because it takes your brain time to get back into the game of driving. At 27 seconds, traveling at 25 miles an hour, it could take the

equivalent of three football fields for that distraction to completely dissipate. The researchers had participants use their voice-controlled systems in their car to make phone calls and send texts, and then they measured their reaction times to potential hazards while driving. They even tested to see that if you did more of this that you would get better, and it turns out not so, that you can't practice away the distraction time. And that is something you should know. It's amazing to me that the number one killer of people in this country,

men and women, is heart disease, and that almost all of it is preventable. In fact, a lot of diseases that kill people are preventable. So why don't we, as individuals, take the steps to prevent them? A lot of it seems to be simply about eating better. Dr. Michael Greger is an M.D. He's a founding member and fellow of the American College of Lifestyle Medicine, and he's the author of the hugely best-selling book, How Not to Die.

And he's one of the people screaming from the mountaintop that we can live better, healthier, and longer if we really want to. Welcome, Doctor. I'm happy to be here. So don't you think that one of the reasons people don't eat healthier is because of all the conflicting and contradictory advice? And it's hard to know what's true, and things seem to change over time. So you know what? I'm just going to eat what I want.

Yeah, no, I think that's right. I mean, we've been bombarded with confusing nutrition messages from birth on TV and elsewhere. In the 50s, the tobacco industry didn't have to convince people that tobacco smoking was good for you. They just had to introduce doubt. In fact, there's a famous tobacco industry internal memo entitled, Doubt is Our Product, right? It was this PR firm saying, that's all we have to do is instill doubt. Yeah, some scientists say it's because of cancer.

Some say it doesn't. Who knows? Just throw your hands up in the air and go buy some Luckys. And the same thing with today. I mean, you know, Butter is back on the cover of Time magazine. I'm sure it sells a lot of magazines. People love hearing, you know, good news about their bad habits. But it sells the public short.

But, you know, classic industry tactics. So confusion, mud in the waters. People just throw up their hands, do whatever's put in front of them. But the reality is that there's really remarkable consistency in the nutrition science literature that we should boost our intake of healthy plant foods like fruits and vegetables, limit our intake of animal foods, processed foods. The public needs and really deserves to know about this overwhelming global consensus regarding the core elements of healthy living. But that example right there of we should eat more fruits and vegetables and less animal products,

and yet there is a whole industry of the Atkins diet of lose weight and eat a lot of fat and protein, and life is good again. So you've got conflicting stuff right now. Right, but not in the scientific community. So actually, it was just this problem that led Dr. David Katsch, who's head of Yale's Prevention Research Center, to pull together the True Health Initiative. It's this nonprofit entity that just basically got hundreds of the top

nutrition researchers in the world, like, you know, the chair of nutrition at Harvard, everybody, to come together and agree to a consensus statement as to, okay, look, this is really, don't listen to those commercial interests, which is trying to sell you something. Here's what the science says. People can check it out, truehealthinitiative.org, and see what the science says and then make up their own mind. But it's still, it's part of the noise. It's over here, you want to lose weight?

This is the diet for you, and it may or may not have repercussions elsewhere, but it's all part of the noise, and I think people look back to the 50s where doctors were recommending cigarettes, and they think, well, maybe in 40 years from now, somebody will be looking back at Michael Greger and saying, well, see, the guy's full of bologna. So why should we listen to any of this? You're absolutely right. Back in the 50s, the American Medical Association was telling people smoking in moderation is totally fine. Most physicians smoke. But the science at the time, there was the same consensus. In fact, going back to the 30s, we had the first study showing a link between lung cancer and smoking.

So by the time 1964 and the first Surgeon General's report against smoking came out, they documented 7,000 studies. It took 7,000 studies before the first Surgeon General's Report Against Smoking came out, they documented 7,000 studies. It took 7,000 studies before the first Surgeon General's Report Against Smoking came out. You'd think maybe they, you know, maybe after the first 6,000 studies, it could give people a little heads up or something, right? But because of this powerful industry, it took that level before they finally said what was known in the medical literature for decades. And so I think a very similar situation exists today where the science is clear.

Now, obviously, the media is all over the place, and everyone's trying to hide, you know, the coconut oil sellers will say, coconut oil is good for you, and the egg board will say, eggs are good for you, and the pork producers council will say, I mean, but if you look at the science, very similar situation back in the 50s with smoking, okay, the science is clear, it's just how that message is muddied by special interests on the way to the public. All right, so you're the dust settler, the dust has settled, so what do we know and what should we be doing if, let's say, let's take, for instance, heart disease, the number one killer, what do we know that we can do to prevent or help with heart disease?

Okay, well, that's a perfect example, right? Okay, number one killer of both men and women in the United States, there's only one diet that's ever been proven to reverse heart disease in the majority of patients, a plant-based diet. If that's all a plant-based diet could do, reverse the number one killer of men and women, then, I mean, shouldn't that be the default diet until proven otherwise? And the fact that it can also be effective in preventing, arresting, or reversing other leading killers, like high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, would seem to make the case for plant-based eating simply overwhelming.

But eating a vegan plant-based diet, no animal products at all, is very unusual. It's hard to find restaurants that do that, although it's easier than it used to be. I mean, do you eat a vegan diet? For, what is it, 27, 28 years now? 27 years? Really? Yeah. Well done. And you're right. Look, it's getting easier all the time.

But I think it's critical to differentiate vegan from plant-based. I mean, as a physician, these labels like vegetarian and vegan, that just tells me what you don't eat. I mean, you could eat a horrible vegan diet living off of, you know, cotton candy and Coca-Cola. Like, I mean, so that's why I prefer the term whole food plant-based nutrition. That tells me what you actually do eat. Oh, you actually eat your vegetables. I mean, that's really the most important thing is that we center our diets around the healthiest of foods, these whole plant foods, cutting down not only on animal products but these processed junky foods that, you know, now there's vegan donuts.

I'm not telling anyone to go out and eat a vegan donut. I always felt if you're going to eat a donut, enjoy the donut. You don't go vegan. Go as fat as you... You're not eating it for the health benefits. Right, right. So you don't choose the kale donut. You choose the, you know, right, chocolate frosted.

Exactly. And then go back to your plant-based healthy diet. I'm so glad you made that point. Look, it doesn't matter what you eat on holidays or special occasions or your birthday. What matters, it's the day-to-day stuff that adds up. In fact, one could argue, I mean, there's actually people known as social smokers, where literally they can pick up a few cigarettes a year, like at a party, and never get hooked. Never. I mean, and there's no science in the world that can tell you

that they are going to suffer disproportionately compared to people who don't smoke at all. And the one-two cigarettes, I mean, our bodies can just bounce back from that kind of insult. It's the day-to-day stuff that really adds up. And in fact, within 15 years of stopping smoking, your lung cancer risk approaches that of a lifelong non-smoker. Like, isn't that amazing? Your lungs can clear out all that tar, and eventually it's almost as if you never started smoking at all, right? But the reason we tell people don't just smoke once or one or two, you shouldn't smoke at all, is because we're afraid of the slippery slope. But look, if you know your psychology, and you can, you know, go on a cruise and eat super rich,

you know, food, but then when you come back home, you know, unless you have some, you know, serious illness, you should be able to recover quite nicely. So let's move on beyond heart disease and some of the other things that people die of, and what they can do to not die of those things. Yeah, so, well, I mean, certainly, and again, look, if it was just heart disease, then, you know, that's enough, right? Unless it somehow increased the risk of all the other leading communities just because it's by and far the biggest killer.

But, yeah, then the bonus is that, wait a second, not only does reverse heart disease, but you can also reverse type 2 diabetes and obesity and high blood pressure. These are other leading causes of death and disability. And so we say, how can one diet do that? I mean, how can, like, a heart-healthy diet be the same thing as a brain-healthy diet and a liver-healthy diet and a kidney-healthy diet? Well, for a number of reasons. One, you know, because it's a healthy diet,

it's not actually a heart healthy, it's an artery healthy diet. When you die of a heart attack, your heart muscle, I mean, it's not your heart muscle itself, it's the arteries leading to the heart muscle, which can get clogged and starve your heart muscle of oxygen, leading to so-called myocardial infarction. That's how most people die from heart disease. But atherosclerosis, people don't realize, is a system-wide disease. So I mean, the same disease that contributes to erectile dysfunction is also the one contributing to cognitive decline as we age, also one contributing to abdominal aortic aneurysm, all sorts of things, stroke, another leading killer, in fact, killer number four in this country. And so by eating a

artery-healthy diet, a diet that helps clean out these arteries, lowers our cholesterol, no wonder that, oh, so many organ systems are helped at the same time. And really, the second major contributor is these are anti-inflammatory diets. Plant-based diets in general are anti-inflammatory diets. And inflammation, low-grade inflammation, does seem to contribute to a number of different chronic diseases. There are other things like epigenetics and microbiome and other things explaining why plant-based diets are so healthy. We know they are. It's just a matter of figuring out which mechanisms are at play the most for any particular disease. I'm speaking with Michael Greger. He is an MD and author of the book,

How Not to Die, and also the How Not to Die cookbook. Every business today must not only have a website, but a great website. And now you can easily and quickly with Squarespace. Frankly, I'm really excited that Squarespace is now a sponsor because I must tell you, we're launching a new podcast in the coming months and we built the entire website for the podcast with Squarespace. And what's funny is we thought it was going to take weeks to get it just right,

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and use the offer code SOM code something. Since I host a podcast, it's pretty common for me to be asked to recommend a podcast. And I tell people, if you like something you should know, you're going to like The Jordan Harbinger Show. Every episode is a conversation with a fascinating guest. Of course, a lot of podcasts are conversations with guests, but Jordan does it better than most. Recently, he had a fascinating conversation with a British woman who was recruited and radicalized by ISIS and went to prison for three years. She now works to raise awareness on this issue.

It's a great conversation. And he spoke with Dr. Sarah Hill about how taking birth control not only prevents pregnancy, it can influence a woman's partner preferences, career choices, and overall behavior due to the hormonal changes it causes. Apple named The Jordan Harbinger Show one of the best podcasts a few years back, and in a nutshell, the show is aimed at making you a better, more informed, critical thinker. Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show. There's so much for you in this podcast. The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Jennifer, a founder of the Go Kid Go Network. At Go Kid Go, putting kids first is at

the heart of every show that we produce. That's why we're so excited to introduce a brand new show to our network called The Search for the Silver Lining, a fantasy adventure series about a spirited young girl named Isla, who time travels to the mythical land of Camelot. Look for The Search for the Silver Lining on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. So, Michael, plant-based diets, and you say you've been doing it for 27 years, so it's probably pretty routine for you, but to switch from a standard, typical American diet to a plant-based diet is very, very difficult. So, one, it may not be as difficult as people think. I mean, certainly going into it.

I encourage my patients to, you know, try it as a free sample kind of thing. So there's this wonderful program run by an organization called Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine as a 21-day kickstart program. It's probably 21daykickstart.org, where it's a free program, starts at the first of every month. do it is a kind of social media group you get daily tips and recipes and kind of motivation and uh... my and hundreds of other people does a bunch of different languages and and it's just saying look give us twenty one days would try it out

right i mean i think for uh... for many people in the thought of never eating another pepperoni pizza again it's just unthinkable i I mean, that just stops me. Exactly. Exactly. No, no. And so I say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what we're saying.

First of all, it doesn't matter, again, what you eat on the birthday, holiday, special occasions, et cetera. And in terms of day-to-day, look, let's try and then see. And so people, you know, report, you know, these studies where people report better energy, you know, the constipation, their digestion gets better, periods get better. Then there's that internal motivation. After 21 days, you're feeling so much better. In fact, people who, you know, young and healthy don't think they have any problems. But then all of a sudden, they, you know, try out eating healthier and they realize, wow, I thought this chronic indigestion was just that's what happens. But no, it doesn't have to be that way.

I actually feel so much better then. You have the internal motivation. It's not someone else telling you to eat some certain way. Your own body is telling you to eat this way. And then, you know, you couldn't get, you know, you pay someone to go back to their old diet. Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels. And you realize, look, healthy people have more fun. It's just like this is, I feel great,

but you don't know how it's going to work for you unless you give it a try. You know, I can imagine people listening to you and you've said several times, you know, holidays are okay. Well, how many holidays are okay? Once a month? Twice a year? What's okay? Oh, well, again, it's all a spectrum. So the more you, I mean, in terms of what our bodies can bounce back from,

if once every two weeks, you know, you ate some, you know, delicious-looking pastry or something, and that helped you just stick with it the rest of the time. Like if it wasn't for that pastry, you know, that little, that kind of treat that you gave, you just would kind of fall back to, you know, to, you know, some, you know, burger milkshake land, then I think one would be really hard-pressed to find any data that would suggest your body couldn't handle the once-every-two-week kind of indiscretion. But you know what I've heard, though, is that people who do this after a while, the appeal of that cheeseburger disappears. Well, it just, I mean, because your palate changes.

It's really quite remarkable. There's a large body of literature, mostly in the salt reduction literature, where you take people and you put people in a low-salt diet. The first few days, everything tastes like cardboard. And people are like, there's no way I can live my whole life like this. But then an amazing thing happens. Your palate actually changes. I mean, our taste buds have been so deadened by getting pummeled by this hyper-salty,

hyper-sweet, hyper-fatty diet that the processed food industry uses to kind of hijack our biological drives, that once you take that away, so you have these studies where people salt soup to taste, and then after two weeks of cutting down on salt, you come back to that same bowl of soup with the amount of salt you used to like, and it's too salty. You actually prefer lower salt soup. The same thing actually happens much quicker with taking away added sugars. Within eight days, there's a study showing within eight days, you can so kind of reinvigorate your taste buds that all of a sudden,

natural, whole, healthy foods taste good. But even the ripest peach in the world is going to taste sour after a bowl of Fruit Loops. I mean, you just so kind of whack your poor, you know, your poor nervous system down. But, you know, so someone comes along and sees me, you know, just eating like, you know, a sweet potato with some cinnamon sprinkled on it or something. And they look at me as if I'm like some aesthetic monk or something. They're like, that's great that you can eat that way. I could never eat that. Like, it just, like, there's no way. But they don't realize, no, no, no, no. If you actually

eat healthy, if you stay away from this processed crap, all of a sudden your palate will change, and normal healthy foods, like an apple, will actually taste good. I mean, so that, I mean, that sweet potato to me is really sweet, delicious, fantastic. And, you know, like some sugary breakfast here would just be unpleasantly too sweet, unless, of course, I ate it every day and, you know, kind of overcame one's natural aversion. And so then you end up with the best of both worlds. It's actually delicious food, and you get to live longer. It's like, you know, that's what plant-based eating is all about. But you're right. If you kept, you know, every other day you ate a donut,

you would never be able to pull your palate away from that kind of hijacking by commercial interests. I want to talk about coffee, because that is like the perfect example of this week it's good for you, this week it's bad for you, and yet it does seem to have some health benefits. But how do we know that six months from now it's going to, whoop, those studies were wrong, and that turns out you've been drinking too much and now you're going to die? Well, I mean, so in my chapters on liver disease, depression, and Parkinson's, and how not to die,

I discuss the benefits of coffee for the liver, mind, and brain. Coffee drinkers do seem to live longer, have lower cancer rates overall, but coffee is not for everyone. It can worsen acid reflux disease, bone loss, glaucoma, urinary incontinence. So there are populations of folks that it's not a good idea. But bottom line, I don't recommend drinking coffee, not because it's unhealthy for most people, but mainly just because every cup of coffee is a lost opportunity

to drink something even healthier, a cup of green tea. So that's actually a healthier beverage. So basically food is a zero-sum game. There's an opportunity cost. Everything we put in our mouth is a lost opportunity to put something even healthier in our mouth. So is coffee healthy, unhealthy? Well, compared to what? Compared to Coca-Cola? Super healthy. Compared to green tea? Nah, it's less healthy. And the same thing can be said for any food item. Are eggs healthy? Compared to breakfast

sausage? Absolutely. Compared to oatmeal? Not even close. Is cheese healthy? Better. Maloney? Not as good as peanut butter. I mean, it's just like, I mean, so foods aren't so much good, bad as they are better or worse. We can always try to kind of move up the scale and eat healthier at every meal. Well, what I like about your message is it's not either or, as you said. I mean, there are people who can't imagine going through life never having a pizza or ice cream or cake ever again. And you're saying basically it's not that you never have to have it again. You just can't have it every day. And if you eat right most of the time, the benefits are tremendous. Michael Greger has been my guest.

He is an MD and author of the book How Not to Die. And there's actually a companion cookbook. It's the How Not to Die cookbook. And there are links to both of them in the show notes for this episode of the podcast. And Michael mentioned a couple of websites in the interview, and those websites are also listed in the show notes. Thank you, Michael. Appreciate it. All right. Bye-bye.

Have you ever done anything really courageous? People who listen to Something You Should Know are curious about the world, looking to hear new ideas and perspectives. So I want to tell you about a podcast that is full of new ideas and perspectives, and one I've started listening to called Intelligence Squared. It's the podcast where great minds meet. Listen in for some great talks on science, tech, politics, creativity, wellness, and a lot more.

A couple of recent examples, Mustafa Suleiman, the CEO of Microsoft AI, discussing the future of technology. That's pretty cool. And writer, podcaster, and filmmaker John Ronson discussing the rise of conspiracies and culture wars. Intelligence Squared is the kind of podcast that gets you thinking a little more openly about the important conversations going on today. Being curious, you're probably just the type of person Intelligence Squared is meant for. Check out Intelligence Squared wherever you get your podcasts.

Do you love Disney? Then you are going to love our hit podcast, Disney Countdown. I'm Megan, the Magical Millennial. And I'm the Dapper Danielle. On every episode of our fun and family-friendly show, we count down our top 10 lists of all things Disney. There is nothing we don't cover. We are famous for rabbit

holes, Disney themed games, and fun facts you didn't know you needed, but you definitely need in your life. So if you're looking for a healthy dose of Disney magic, check out Disney Countdown wherever you get your podcasts. Or have you ever wished you had more courage, took more risks, wondered how your life might be different if you were more courageous. Well, Bill Treasurer is somebody who knows a lot about courage. Bill is a speaker, consultant, and author of several books, including the book Courage Goes to Work, How to Build Backbones, Boost Performance, and Get Results. Hi, Bill. Welcome. Mike, it's so great to talk to you again. So how do you define courage?

I think when we think of courageous people, we think of, you know, war heroes, but courage is much more than that. You're right. War heroes have courage, and astronauts have courage, and firefighters have courage. But so does a kid who steals a car at 17 years old and goes for a joyride. So courage can be applied or misapplied. It can be adaptive or maladapplied. It can be adaptive or maladaptive. It can be benevolent or malevolent. So courage is acting on what is right, despite being afraid or uncomfortable when facing situations of pain, intimidation, or even opportunity. The trick is that it acts despite being afraid. So normally when we have some fearful situation

that we're facing, and sometimes appropriately so, we run away from it. Or we'll experience fight, flight, or freeze where we choke in our performance. But the hallmark of courage is that we intentionally and purposefully engage with the thing that we're afraid of, all the better if you can bring some morality to it by acting on what is right instead of what is wrong. Well, I think that a lot of people look at courageous people as having no fear, that they can do things that I can't because fear stops me and it doesn't stop them. You know, it's interesting. There's a bumper sticker, right? You'll see it on people's trucks and they'll say, no fear, no fear. Like somehow that's a good thing. I always, when I see that bumper sticker, I go, yeah, no brains. You know, fear is a necessary thing. And the truth

about courage, and this is kind of interesting, man, when you are in a courageous moment, you're not void of fear. You're full of fear, but you're acting despite the fact when you are in a courageous moment, you're not void of fear. You are full of fear. But you're acting despite the fact that you are afraid. So courage is not fearlessness. Courage is fearfulness, but doing the thing that you're afraid of despite being afraid. The fear you feel when you're thinking of doing something courageous, might it not be serving a real purpose that maybe, although this seems courageous, might also not just be physically dangerous, but might be a really

stupid thing to do, but in the moment you think it's courageous? From your earliest impulses as a kid, you learn self-preservation. I mean, it is wired into your DNA. You need that. And it's like, it comes from the deepest part of our human psyche that goes probably all the way back to, you know, humans crawling out of the mud. We have been hardwired with this idea of self-preservation. And fear serves that purpose, so that when you see the snake, you run from the snake so you don't get bitten by the snake, so you get to stay alive. So you need the fear button. The challenge is that when fear dictates all of your behavior or paralyzes you

or keeps you from, you know, sort of perceptional fear that becomes irrational and it immobilizes you. Now that fear is actually stunting your growth and can inhibit your own development. So it's challenging because it means you have to, on the one hand, we have to face fear for the duration of our life. And many times it's appropriate because it's self-preservation. On the other hand, we all know that fear can hold us back as a human being and limit our potential. And we have this constant striving. In fact, you could say that there's a very strong, and I would argue maybe a healthy, relationship between fear and courage.

And in fact, if the presence of fear isn't there, then whatever the bold move that you're attempting to take really isn't courage. And in fact, if the presence of fear isn't there, then whatever the bold move that you're attempting to take really isn't courage. You have to have the presence of courage to experience the presence of fear to experience courage. So it's, it may not be clear cut, but I do believe that the human experience requires as a human being, you have to apply your courage in fearful situations if you want to get through the human experience in a successful way and to grow and develop as a human being. It seems that confidence plays a big part in this, that the more confident you are, the more courageous you can be. You know, a firefighter running into a burning building, well, he's been

trained as to what to do when he gets in there. If I were to running into a burning building, well, he's been trained as to what to do when he gets in there. If I were to run into a burning building, I wouldn't know what to do. So it's a lot more fearful for me to run into a burning building than someone who's been trained to do it. So it does seem confidence is a real important element here. You know, really every single human being has demonstrated courage, just as every human being has experienced fear. And the trick is, where do you feel confident? Like, you may do something that for you is just a thing. It's like, that's not hard for me because I've got a lot of confidence with that space.

But other people looking at you do the thing might be like, oh my God, I can't believe how much courage do they have? Wow, they did that thing. But for you, it wasn't a big thing because for you, you've got a lot of confidence in that space. But if there's an area with which you have a lot of fear and you avoid, then those same people would be looking at you going, wow, what's wrong with that person? Why are they avoiding the thing? I do that thing every day and it's easy for me. So this idea of relativism, you know, that we judge our risks according to our fears and what's fearful for you may be folly for me. I have a brother who is a retired special agent in the DEA. And that guy, you know, he used to carry a gun on his ankle when he would go to work. And he runs and guns in the streets of Charleston, South Carolina. He

started his beat up in Newark, New Jersey. The guy's a macho guy. The guy has a lot of courage in that area of his life. But he has a hard time telling me and our two sisters he loves us, because that's where he feels gushy, you know? So we tend to avoid risks in areas where we feel vulnerable, and we tend to pursue risks in areas where we feel confident. And every single human being has both of those dimensions. So it might seem that you're better off sticking with what you're good at, but if you do that, then how do you grow in other areas? Well, you know, what I would say is a lot of times when we're facing a fear, our first thought is, how do I reduce this

fear? Which is really sort of the wrong approach, because the fear is, what you want to do is be strong enough to withstand that fear. There's a great psychologist, Dr. Michael After. He calls this the protective frame. He says you can think of it like, imagine that you went to a zoo and you paid to see the great Siberian tiger. And you go there and there's the tiger, but there's no cage. You'd run like hell and you should. But what if you went to that same zoo and saw a cage and there was no tiger? You'd want your money back. So what Dr. After says is you need both. You need the tiger, which is the metaphor for your fear.

And you want to make sure that it's a big tiger. You paid to see that tiger. But you need a strong cage, what he calls a protective frame, meaning a strong psychological constitution. And instead of trying to reduce the size of the tiger, what you should do when you are afraid is start doing the things that build your confidence in the face of the tiger.

So for example, if you wanted to, you found out you were going to have to give a presentation to your boss's boss, and you had all sorts of fear about doing this. Instead of thinking, oh, how am I going to stop being afraid? I wish I wasn't so afraid. What do I do about this fear?

That's like fear of fear. That's paranoia. He says what you ought to do is talk to people who have given presentations before. Practice with your stuffed animals first. Maybe go and speak to a church group where there's a little less consequence for failure. Do the legwork. Practice, practice, practice. Do the legwork and preparation.

And it's not that you will reduce the fear so much. You will increase your confidence. And that's what you should do when you're facing a fear, is work on taking the actions that will increase your confidence. And your fear will become less relevant. But there are some things people want to do where you can't really practice. Like, you want to confront somebody at work, or, you know, you want to do something much quicker than, you know, well, let me spend the next month practicing.

Yeah, I guess I would say that in that instance, it will help to have had a regimen of doing smaller, more courageous things over time, because you'll come to trust your instinct. You'll come to know, you know, I've crossed these thresholds before in other ways and in other situations. And so now, yes, I've got this schoolyard bully in front of me, or I've got this work bully in front of me, but I've confronted other bullying situations in the past. Or even if I haven't, I've confronted fearful situations in the past, and look, I'm still alive. So you have to start to rely on your accumulated history. We all cross these small thresholds of fear literally thousands of times in our life, and yet when we get to a new threshold, it always feels so unique and new to us, when in fact we have a lot of our own experience to draw on of the courageous things that we've

done in encountering fear in the past. So at some point, you've got to sort of like rely and trust your instincts. When you say that people who are courageous have fear, do they have fear and then they do it anyway? But often when we're fearful, when we're acting out of fear, we get that kind of, I don't know what it is. It's that stress response where we get that tunnel vision. We're not operating on all cylinders. We're kind of in the fight or flight mode. Do people who are courageous, are they able to overcome that,

or do they have to deal with the same limitations as the rest of us? You know, that's a good question. And I imagine that there are some people that are better equipped somehow, constitutionally, when they move into a fearful situation. Even Nelson Mandela, though, talked about how afraid he was many times every day, you know, when he was locked up as a prisoner. So even people we look to on the world stage that we think, wow, look at what a giant they are. You know, a good example of this actually is Martin Luther King. He writes, it's his last speech that he's giving. He didn't know it was his last speech, just so happened the next day he would get assassinated. But that last night he was speaking,

he said, tonight I am fearing no man. He was talking about, I may not get to the mountaintop with you. I may not get there with you. But tonight I'm fearing no man. It was interesting to me, the wording on that, tonight, it kind of suggested there's plenty of times that he was fearing man. But you wouldn't have thought it when he was standing at the front lines of the civil rights movement. Of course he was afraid. But again, this idea of relativism, you can't see it. That's the other thing. It's not always transparent to others.

Not everybody gets blotchy skin when they're giving a presentation. They just might have rioting butterflies, which are invisible to other people. So I'm not sure. Constitutionally, I imagine that people are different in how they experience it. Maybe there are some people that are braver than others, but even that person is going to have some vulnerable place in their life where they lack courage. Everyone has taken a risk and been so glad they did because look at all the great things that happened. And I think everyone has taken a risk and then later thought, what the hell was I thinking? Why did I do that?

And I'm wondering, is there any kind of test you can give for a potential risk for deciding whether to be courageous or not that will help improve your odds? I think a lot of times what we do is we simply look at it the old-fashioned way and say, hey, you know, what am I going to gain if I do this thing, and what am I going to lose if I don't, you know, if I wipe out doing this thing? And so we pro and con it, but I think it takes more dimension than that. So I suggest people work through five different criterias. And the first one is passion. Is this giving me, you know, does it give me energy to think about taking this risk or does it deplete my energy? The second one is purpose. Is it connected to some broader purpose or am I taking this because it actually can, you know, move me forward in some way towards

my life goals and what I want? The third P is principles. Am I, by taking this risk, does it embody a set of values that I have at the core and deepest levels? Am I upholding a principle to take this risk? The third, the fourth one is prerogative. Is it my own prerogative to take this risk, or am I being forced to do it because other people are telling me I have to do it? And then finally, the fifth P is profit. What will I stand to get? But it shouldn't be the first thing that you should ask. It shouldn't just be the spoils that you think you're going to get by taking this risk. I think that should be the last piece that you evaluate. You should do the others, the passion, purpose, principles, prerogative, before you get to profit. And then you will have dimensionalized your calculation

and taken the risk in a much more thoughtful way. So I think it will increase your probability of the likelihood of a successful outcome, though it won't guarantee you'll be successful. I think deep down inside, most of us wish we could be more courageous, and, well, now we know how to do that. Bill Treasurer has been my guest. He is a speaker, consultant, and author of several books, including Courage Goes to Work. And there is a link to his book in the show notes for this episode. As I'm sure you're aware, you don't have to look very hard to find relationship advice.

And we've had some of the best relationship experts in the world on this program. But according to psychologist John Gottman, who is regarded as one of the leading authorities on relationships, a good relationship all comes down to two things, kindness and generosity. That's it. Those couples who express kindness and generosity to each other and do it often have better relationships. Those who don't, don't. Here's something else Gottman discovered. While we've all heard that partners should be there for each other when the going gets rough, it turns out that being there for each other when things go right is actually more important for relationship quality. How someone responds to a partner's good news can have dramatic consequences for the relationship. On the other hand, contempt is the number one factor that tears couples apart. People who are focused on criticizing

their partner miss 50% of the positive things their partners are doing, and they see negativity where there isn't any. Being mean is the death knell of relationships. And that is something you should know. Hey, do check us out on Facebook and Twitter, where we post even more great content than we can fit into the program. So if you like the program, you will like the stuff we post on social media. I'm Mike Carruthers. Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know. Welcome to the small town of Chinook, where faith runs deep and secrets run deeper. In this new thriller, religion and crime collide

when a gruesome murder rocks the isolated Montana community. Everyone is quick to point their fingers at a drug-addicted teenager, but local deputy Ruth Vogel isn't convinced. She suspects connections to a powerful religious group. Enter federal agent V.B. Loro, who has been investigating a local church for possible criminal activity. The pair form an unlikely partnership to catch the killer, unearthing secrets

that leave Ruth torn between her duty to the law, her religious convictions, and her very own family. But something more sinister than murder is afoot, and someone is watching Ruth. Chinook. Starring Kelly Marie Tran and Sanaa Lathan. Listen to Chinook wherever you get your podcasts.

Contained herein are the heresies of Rudolf Bantwine, erstwhile monk turned traveling medical investigator. Join me as I study the secrets of the divine plagues and uncover the blasphemous truth that ours is not a loving God and we are not its favored children. The Heresies of Redolph Buntwine, wherever podcasts are available.