Something You Should Know - How to Bounce Back from Tough Times & How to Get A Handle on All Your Stuff

Episode Date: November 5, 2020

Do you know how to get the most juice out of a lemon or lime? Or how to get the smell of garlic off your hands? This episode begins as I reveal a few very useful and well tested kitchen hacks you are sure to use in the kitchen. Source: Harold McGee author of On Food and Cooking (https://amzn.to/2TIxR2W) I bet there have been challenging times in your life when you wish you had been able to bounce back better and faster. Clearly some people do seem to be much more resilient in the face adversity – so how can you be more like that? Akash Karia joins me with some interesting and insightful thoughts about resilience. Akash is a keynote speak and author of several books including 7 Things Resilient People Do Differently (https://amzn.to/2TGATVg) A lot of people tend to hang on to stuff. And then one day that stuff turns into clutter. Why? Why do we hold on to so many things we don’t really need or want? Professional organizer Michelle Vig has some important insight into all of this. Listen as she explains how there are three types of clutter and offers some great strategies to get a better handle on your stuff so you can keep what you want and let go of what you don’t. Michelle is author of the book The Holistic Guide to Decluttering: Organize and Transform Your Space, Time, and Mind (https://amzn.to/3oJ1jnB) and her organizing business is called Neat Little Nest (www.neatlittlenest.com) . Life can be full of little aggravations. For example, why is it called your funny bone when there is nothing funny about it when it hit it? Why do mosquitoes bother some people but not others? How do you get an ice cream headache to stop hurting quicker? Listen as I explain some of these little aggravations. Source: Laura Lee author of The Pocket Encyclopedia of Aggravation (https://amzn.to/3kGsvkq) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As a listener to Something You Should Know, I can only assume that you are someone who likes to learn about new and interesting things and bring more knowledge to work for you in your everyday life. I mean, that's kind of what Something You Should Know is all about. And so I want to invite you to listen to another podcast called TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right? Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks. Well, you see, TED Talks Daily is a podcast that brings you a new TED Talk every weekday in less than 15 minutes. Join host Elise Hu. She goes beyond the headlines so you can hear about the big ideas shaping our future.

Learn about things like sustainable fashion, embracing your entrepreneurial spirit, the future of robotics, and so much more. Like I said, if you like this podcast, Something You Should Know, I'm pretty sure you're going to like TED Talks Daily. And you get TED Talks Daily wherever you get your podcasts. Today on Something You Should Know, We'll talk to you next time on The Box Daily, wherever you get your podcasts. you have a circle of comfort. In order to become more resilient, what we want to do is to take on tasks or take on adversity that is just a little past that circle of comfort. Also, why is it called

your funny bone when it hurts so much when you hit it? And understanding your relationship with clutter and simple ways to manage clutter better. Because there are some people who are really having a difficult time with clutter. Clutter is bigger than stuff. There's three forms of clutter. Physical clutter, which we talk about a lot. Time clutter and mind clutter. And those three forms of clutter are intricately linked. All this today on Something You Should Know.

People who listen to Something You Should Know are curious about the world, looking to hear new ideas and perspectives. So I want to tell you about a podcast that is full of new ideas and perspectives and one I've started listening to called Intelligence Squared. It's the podcast where great minds meet.

Listen in for some great talks on science, tech, politics, creativity, wellness, and a lot more. A couple of recent examples, Mustafa Suleiman, the CEO of Microsoft AI, discussing the future of technology. That's pretty cool. And writer, podcaster, and filmmaker John Ronson, discussing the rise of conspiracies and culture wars. Intelligence Squared is the kind of podcast that gets you thinking a little more openly about the important conversations going on today. Being curious, you're probably just the type of person Intelligence Squared is meant for. Check out Intelligence Squared wherever you get your podcasts.

Something you should know. Fascinating intel. The world's top experts. And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. Hi, welcome to Something You Should Know. You know, I like to cook. I like spending time in the kitchen.

But even if you're not a big cook, here are a couple of kitchen tips that really anybody will find useful. First, how do you get garlic, that smell of garlic, off your hands? Well, it turns out if you rub your hands with stainless steel, like a stainless steel spoon, or even rub your hands in the sink, like a stainless steel spoon, or even rub your hands in the sink or on a faucet. Stainless steel gets rid of the smell. And so does rubbing your hands with lemon juice. That also gets rid of the garlic smell. How do you get the most juice out of a lemon or lime? Some people say microwave it for 10 seconds. Some people say roll it under your hand on the counter while pressing down.

Well, it turns out doing both of those things will yield more juice than just doing either one of them. Now, here are two very well-accepted kitchen tips that, when tested, don't seem to be true. It's conventional wisdom that you're not supposed to rinse mushrooms because they soak up the water when you rinse them. And that turns out to not be true. Washing mushrooms is perfectly fine. They do not absorb water. If you over-salt a soup or stew,

it's common wisdom to put a potato in it, that a potato will absorb the excess salt. No, it won't. If you put a potato in salty soup, all you'll have is a salty soup with potatoes in it. And that is something you should know. Have you ever wished you were more resilient, that you could bounce back from those tougher events in life and not let them beat you down. I think a lot of us wish we were a little tougher that way. And as it turns out, you can be, according to Akash Kariya. Akash has really studied this. He is a keynote speaker and writer. And one of the books he's written is called Seven Things Resilient People

Do Differently. Hi, Akash. Welcome. Thanks, Mike. Great to be on here. So what is resilience? How do you define it? How do you look at it? What is it to you? Resilience to me is about your ability to bounce back, but to bounce back stronger than you were before. So it's not just about getting back to where you were prior to the adversity. It is more about how do you use the adversity that you encounter in your life and then come back a better person as a result of it? How do you become more resourceful? How do you become more mentally, physically, emotionally stronger as a result of whatever challenge you went through?

So that to me is resilience, bouncing back stronger than you were. And where do you think it comes from? It does seem to me anyway that there are some people who just seem to have more of that water off a duck's back, nothing bothers them, whereas other people just get so sunk in problems that they can't shake it off. Where do you think it comes from? There are some people who are naturally more resilient than others, who sort of have the attitudes that allow them to bounce back quicker. They have that perseverance. They have that grit, as Angela Duckworth calls it. But what the research

is showing us nowadays is that it's almost like a muscle that you can train. So everyone has different densities of muscle, different sizes of muscles. But if you go to the gym, and you put in the work and you train it, that muscle grows, becomes stronger, becomes bigger. Similarly, resilience to me is a muscle. You're born with it, but then you can also train it, you can develop it, that then makes you able to deal with life's adversities in a much more capable manner.

So to me, it's something that can absolutely be trained. But I think people think that in order to become more resilient, you have to toughen up, that you have to get beat up a lot, and that the more you get beat up, the less each punch hurts because you're getting beat up a lot. And I'd'm going to get beaten up so that I can become more resilient. But what we try and do in order to build our resilience is take on micro challenges. So imagine for a second that you have a circle of comfort all around you. So imagine the circle of comfort. Those are the things that you are able to do naturally. Those are within your talents.

Those are within things that you are able to do naturally. Those are within your talents. Those are within your comfort zones. In order to become more resilient, what we want to do is to take on tasks or take on adversity that is just a little past that circle of comfort. So you're not pushing yourself so far that you're killing yourself, but you're going a step further that just stretches your comfort zones and allows you to build that muscle. Again, it's like going to the gym. When you go to the gym, if you're able to generally lift seven kilos for 10 reps, this time around, you might try seven and a half kilos, that micro challenge for 10 reps. So a little bit of extra weight, an extra repetition is how you build the resilience muscle without killing yourself. Okay, so that makes sense. You take little steps

outside your comfort zone. That way, if you fail, you don't get beaten up so bad. But even still, those little disappointments can still take a toll on you. So how do you keep trying and failing and keep going? There's several habits that allow someone to be more resilient. There's certain emotional habits that you can tap into in order to be more resilient. There's certain physical habits that you can tap into, and there's certain mental habits that you can tap into. So we'll start with a physical habit as an example. So I learned this from Tony Robbins. And one of the things that he talks about is that your emotions come from motion. Emotion comes from motion. What does that mean? It means that

the way that you move your body determines how you feel. So Mike, if you'll play along with me for a second, I want you to go ahead and sit the way that you were sitting. If you're feeling sad or depressed, how would you sit right now? Just take on that posture for a second. And then everyone else who's listening, just try and go ahead and do that right now. All right. So Mike, are your shoulders back or are they slumped? Oh, they're slumped. Yeah, they're slumped. Yeah. Is your chest collapsed or is it up straight and back? Collapsed.

How are you breathing? Are you breathing deep from your belly or is it more shallow breathing? Very shallow. And so there's a whole physiology around when we become sad, when we become depressed that leads us to feel that way. So our emotions are not something that just come out of nowhere. Our emotions are something that we create through our physiology and through our focus. Now, if you wanted to change how you feel, one really cool tactic is just change the way that you move your body. Stand up straight. Hold your shoulders back.

Breathe deep from your belly, flood your body with oxygen, flood your bloodstream with oxygen, and that creates a chain reaction that makes you feel better. This is one of the reasons that people love physical exercise. Research has found that when people are depressed, physical exercise can help people feel significantly better as much as if they were taking a pill. Physical exercise is equivalent in some cases in terms of the improvement in mood as taking a pill. That's because once you change your body, it changes how you feel. So that's one of the habits in order to become more resilient. When you're feeling in a certain state, ask yourself, what emotion am I creating through how I'm moving my body? How am I standing? How am I sitting? How am I breathing? And becoming aware

of your physiology is one of the best things that you can do in order to manipulate your emotions and your resilience to be where you want to be. Well, it's interesting because I think most people think, I think, I've always thought that when you sit that way, when your shoulders are hunched, your chest is collapsed, and you're kind of drooping, that that's the result of feeling sad. It's not the cause of feeling sad. And what you're saying is that it sort of is, that if you change that, it will bring you up. So think about a time when you had a great workout. Maybe you love running. Maybe you love yoga.

Maybe you love lifting weights or maybe you love hiking, whatever it is. Imagine the mood that you were in before you engaged in the activity and then now imagine going and putting yourself through this strenuous workout where you're actually using energy to perform that workout how do you feel at the end you've used energy and yet you feel more energetic why is that it's because you've moved your body in a certain way that changes your emotions. So yes, your emotions do cause your physiology to be in a certain way, but it also works the other way around. When you change your physiology, your emotions then change naturally because your physiology has changed. So I'd say that that's one of the coolest links that you can

use, the link between physiology and your emotions. It also seems just from my experience that so if I do a workout and I'm like really exhausted, I can think, oh my God, I'm just I'm so beat up. I'm so exhausted. Or I can change my thinking that, oh my God, this feels great. And just that small change in the way I'm thinking about what I just did helps. Absolutely. And so now we go on into the mental habits. There are certain mental habits that can make you more resilient and that can make you happier. So one of those mental habits is what are you focusing on? where is your energy flowing in terms

of what you're thinking about are you focusing on the things that are within your control or are you focusing on the things that are outside your control in psychology they call this locus of control that is do you believe that your circumstances are the result of what you can do? Do you feel that you have the power to change them? Or do you feel that stuff around you, your life, is a result of outside circumstances? And research shows us that people who have an internal locus of control, that is, they focus on the things that they can control in their life, and they feel that they have the ability to change their environment and their surroundings through the actions that they take are happier, are more satisfied, and

are more successful. And so one really cool shift is to think of when you're feeling in an unempowered state, when you're feeling in a disempowered state, ask yourself, where is my focus right now? Am I focusing on external activities that is not within my control? And if so, how can I change that focus to the stuff that I can control? What can I do in this given situation to make my life a little bit better? And again, that is easier said than done. But once you make that shift in terms of your focus, you'll find that you get a completely new answer because your focus has shifted. Your focus has shifted to something that you can control. And therefore, that gives you a completely new response. And everybody here who hears you say that knows exactly what you

mean, because we've all had times where we i don't know we just bump into it or it accidentally happens but we we have that mental focus and everything you know the world opens up it's and and then there are times when your focus is as you say on external things you have nothing to control you can't control control. And it just, it's so debilitating. And can I give you a good example of this? Just from my life. When COVID hit, my business is that of a speaker. So I traveled around the world speaking on resilience, on well-being and on habits at conferences around the world. So when COVID hit, that dramatically impacted my business because suddenly all the conferences were shut down. That meant that my source of income, my source of

livelihood was completely gone. And so there were some days where I just lay in bed thinking about the state of the world and feeling sad and unhappy about this event that I was unable to control. There's nothing I can do about COVID except for feel sad and bad about it. And then I changed my focus to, look, what can I do about this? How can I transition and pivot my business and emerge stronger as a result of this pandemic that is happening? And so I decided that I was going to start out doing virtual programs. I was going to use the time to improve my foundations, my website, my branding, and all the things that go into my business. And once I did that, once I set up these virtual programs, I learned how to do them. I learned to set up the tech. This year has ended up being

one of the most productive years of my life, simply because I changed my focus to feeling sad about something that I can't control, to thinking, what can I do from this? And how can I get better as a result of whatever is happening around me? We're talking about how to be more resilient. And my guest is Akash Kariya. He is author of the book, Seven Things Resilient People Do Differently. Contained herein are the heresies of Redolph Buntwine, erstwhile monk turned traveling medical investigator. Join me as I study the secrets of the divine plagues and uncover the blasphemous truth that ours is not a loving God and we are not its favored children.

The Heresies of Randolph Bantwine, wherever podcasts are available. Since I host a podcast, it's pretty common for me to be asked to recommend a podcast. And I tell people, if you like something you should know, you're going to like The Jordan Harbinger Show. Every episode is a conversation with a fascinating guest. Of course, a lot of podcasts are conversations with guests, but Jordan does it better than most. Recently, he had a fascinating conversation with a British woman who was recruited and radicalized by ISIS

and went to prison for three years. She now works to raise awareness on this issue. It's a great conversation. And he spoke with Dr. Sarah Hill about how taking birth control not only prevents pregnancy, it can influence a woman's partner preferences, career choices, and overall behavior due to the hormonal changes it causes. Apple named The Jordan Harbinger Show one of the best podcasts a few years back, and in a nutshell, the show is aimed at making you a better, more informed, critical thinker. Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show. There's so much for you in this podcast. The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts,

Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. So, Akash, in that example you just gave when COVID hit and it affected your business, you said the first thing you did was lie in bed and feel sad. And I'm wondering, do you think that's a necessary step? Do you have to give, when things go wrong, do you have to give yourself permission to feel bad about it first before you can then come back and be resilient? You know, Mark, that's a great question. And I think one of the things that we get very wrong about resilience is we feel that resilience is about toughness by itself, that a resilient person, a mentally tough person is someone that doesn't feel sad, doesn't feel unhappy, doesn't feel these emotions that we generally think of

as negative. And yet, all of these emotions, sadness, unhappiness, anger, frustration, guilt, whatever that may be, all of those emotions are necessary to help you become more resilient. And here's why. When life doesn't go your way, when expectations don't meet your reality, it is very natural to feel disappointed, angry, frustrated, whatever emotional home you have, whatever you go to on a general basis, that emotion that you generally tap into when things don't go your way. Now, what is important is not that you ignore it or that you try and avoid it. What is important is that you accept it and then gradually transition away from it. And I'll do a very quick example for you here. Mike, I want you right now not to think of an elephant. All right. Can you do that for me? No, I cannot. Why? Because

that instruction in itself, do not think of an elephant, first has to have your brain think of an elephant. And then there's a subconscious part of your brain that's saying, all right, we're not going to think about this object. And so we're going to keep this object at the forefront of our mind to remember that we don't need to think about it. So when you try and avoid something, what happens is that ironically, it comes back stronger. So when you're feeling sadness, unhappiness, whatever that emotion is, don't ignore it or don't try and push it down. Instead, what you want to do is you want to accept it. You want to learn from it. You want to recognize that it's an important emotion to have and then tell yourself, okay, now that I've felt this emotion, how am I going to move into a more empowering state? What can I focus on

that will get me a result that I desire? So those emotions are necessary. Accept them. Stay with them. But then as soon as you can, move on to a more empowering emotion because you don't want to stay in that negative emotion. What's another habit of resilient people? I'll give you another mental habit. And it's called three daily things, if I remember correctly. If you'd like to be happier around your life, there's some research done by the University of Pennsylvania, Martin Seligman, three good things. That's the name of the exercise. And this is a mental habit that's proven to make you happier over the long run. What it is, is are

there things in your life right now that could make you feel joyous, that could make you happier over the long run. What it is, is are there things in your life right now that could make you feel joyous, that could make you feel grateful, that could make you feel happy? Yes, most of us have these things in our life that we can be grateful for. And yet, how often do we take the time to actually be grateful for them? A lot of the time our focus is on the things that we don't have. A lot of the time our focus is on complaining or moaning about things that we don't currently have. And so as a result of that, we end up living in this state where you're constantly unhappy because you're focusing on the things that you don't have. Martin Seligman's three good things exercise is this. Every single night, grab a piece of paper and write down the three things that you're grateful for. Feel the

emotion associated with that. And these could be big things. It could be I'm grateful for my wife or my husband. I'm grateful for the health of my father. I am grateful for the fact that I have a roof over my head. Or they could be very small things. It could be, I'm grateful for the fact that when I handed in my report at work, my colleague said, well done, right? So think about all the things that could potentially be sources of gratefulness in your life. And then every single night, write those down. There's a really cool app that you can use.

I think it's called Three Good Things, or I think that's the one, Three Good Things. If you download that, it makes building the habit of being grateful much easier. And the research by Martin Seligman shows that people who do this activity over the long run are actually happier, more satisfied, and in more empowered states just because of taking the time to do this 30-second exercise every single night. And isn't that the easiest thing in the world? And yet, I think as people listen to you, yeah, what we think about are the things we don't have, especially right now, where we aren't able to go, what we aren't able to do, what we wish we could do, rather than

what we do have. And most of us have some pretty good things in our lives. I talk a lot about building habits, and it's very hard to make a behavior change. It's very hard to take on new habits, new routines. So I want to give you probably my single favorite strategy for building new habits and for becoming more resilient. This is it. I'll start off by telling you the study around this. So this study was conducted on a group of women who wanted to lose weight. In this study, these women who wanted to lose weight were split into three subgroups. The first group was called the control group.

These women were told, you said you want to lose weight. You said that you want to exercise. Great. Go out, exercise, and then just report to us how often you exercised. So that was the control group. There were no specific instructions given to them except for just let us know how often you exercised. So that was the control group. There were no specific instructions given to them except for just let us know how often you exercise. There's a second group that's a motivation group. Now this group was given some readings that talked about the benefits of exercise, about the

consequences of not exercising. So what happens in your life when you do exercise? What happens if you don't exercise, right? So there's this push and pull motivation at the same time. This is the motivation group. Several months later, the researchers track these two groups to see how often they've been exercising. What percentage of the control group, the group that just went out and exercised on their own and reported back how often they exercised, do you think was still working out in the control group, right, Mike? 20%. Close enough, 39%. Now let's look at the motivation group, right?

These were the people that were given readings on the benefits and the consequences of exercise. So they felt really motivated about the importance of exercise. What percentage of this group was still working out several months later? Again, it was 39%. 39% of the control group was still working out several months later. 39% of the motivation group was still working out several months later. There was absolutely no difference between the two groups. And that is because motivation is temporary. Motivation doesn't last. Fortunately, there was a third group that I told you about earlier. This third group was called the if-then group.

Now, what is if-then? Very simple. These participants were told to create an if-then implementation plan. It's one sentence that goes like this. If it is X, then I will do Y. As an example, if it is Sunday and I've just finished eating lunch, then I'll go for a walk for 30 minutes. Or if I've just finished brushing my teeth first thing in the morning, then I'll do five pushups. So if it is X, X being a certain

situation in your life, then I'll do Y, Y being the habit that you want, right? Very simple. That is the only difference between the control group and the if-then group. What percentage of the if-then group was still working out several months later, Mike? 91%. 91% of the if-then group was still working out several months later, compared to 39% for the control group and 39% for the motivation group. If-then is one of the most studied phenomenons in psychology. There's literally 94 independent papers conducted on 8,000 participants that shows the significant benefit of using implementation plans. So how do you use this? Well, coming back to resilience, coming back to gratitude, one really cool thing that you can do is if you want to build your gratitude habit is right now create an if-then plan. Go ahead and create an if-then plan for your gratitude habit.

If it is 9 p.m. and I've just put the kids to bed, then I'll grab my journal and write down the three things that I'm grateful for. So this is how I like to use if-then implementation plans. If I'm feeling sad, then I'll remind myself to go ahead and change my physiology. So that's what I would suggest. My favorite strategy, if then implementation plans. Try it out. There's so much science behind it. And I'd love for you to test it out as well. to try to do that. Akash Kariya has been my guest. The name of his book is Seven Things Resilient People Do Differently. And you'll find a link to that book in the show notes. Thank you, Akash. Well, thank you, Mike.

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And finally, wrap up your week with Fisting Friday, where we catch up and talk all things pop culture. Listen to Don't Blame Me, But Am I Wrong? on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. When I say the word clutter, you likely think of a messy room with lots of stuff in it, stacks of paper, messy surfaces, junk all over the place. And that's physical clutter. But there's more to clutter than just having a lot of stuff and junk.

There are other kinds of clutter. And clutter takes a toll. There is a price for having clutter. Michelle Vig is a professional organizer who really understands clutter. Not just physical clutter, but all the clutter we have. She has an organizing business called Neat Little Nest, and she is author of the book the holistic guide to decluttering. I'm Michelle. Welcome. So good to be here Mike. So I think people have different tolerances and different philosophies about clutter.

So let's start with yours. What is your approach and philosophy to clutter? My philosophy about clutter, after looking at different types of clutter over the course of my life, is that when you try to just look at one piece of it, you might be missing getting fully decluttered in your entire life and really seeing the transformational change that can come from decluttering. And what is that change that you see? And here's why I ask. Because there are some people who say, look, I like my clutter. I'm fine with it. I don't need to change. I know where everything is.

And I don't need you coming in here telling me I need to organize things. And then there are other people at the other end of the spectrum who say, everything should be in its place and always put everything back where you found it. And then there are others of us in the middle somewhere. And so when you talk about a transformational change, what are you talking about? First, I'm talking about the people who are looking for one. So that's important to know because there are some people who are really having a difficult time with clutter. And in my book, I share that clutter is bigger than stuff, that there's three forms of clutter. And those three forms, which are physical clutter, which we talk about a lot, time clutter and mind clutter. And those three forms of clutter are intricately linked.

So when people have been struggling with a certain area in their life, and they start to dig into that piece of clutter, they might find that they need to work on some other areas actually to get the full change. I would imagine the answer to this is yes, but the question is, do you think people who are struggling with clutter know they have a problem, or do they think that's just the way life is? a really difficult time with physical clutter. And when I started working with them on their physical clutter, it became obvious to me that the clutter that's actually challenging them the most isn't really the physical clutter. The physical clutter is a manifestation of really the other two, the time clutter and the mind clutter that are having them really struggle and become overwhelmed. So define time clutter and mind clutter.

Everybody knows what physical clutter is because you just walk in a room and you can see it. But what do you mean by time clutter and mind clutter? Time clutter looks like an overbooked calendar. So when you look across your day and you see that you have more things to do than time allows, it can create a feeling of anxiety. And that kind of clutter in your day can really not help you achieve your goals you're looking for. Mind clutter, on the other hand, it can take many different forms. It could be a rushing mind where you just continually having thoughts in your mind

that you can't track. They're just, you know, going and going and going. You might have an overly negative mind where you're hearing lots of negative things consistently in your mind, taking you down to some really deep places. And it could simply be you've just, you're decision fatigued. You've put too much on your plate and you have so many decisions you've made that your mind just gets cluttered and tired. And so how do we approach all this? What's the plan of attack? What I tell people to do first is to actually forget about their clutter for a minute, take a deep breath, and actually write down a vision of what it is they're trying to achieve

in their most desired life. Because from my belief, that's where it starts. What is it that you desire your life to look like? And once you have that vision in your mind, you can move forward. And I always say, the first step, because just like you said, Mike, people know what physical clutter is. Start there. Start with your physical clutter. if that's one of your areas of challenge which for most people it is that are that are challenged with decluttering in these three areas start with your physical clutter and then you'll move on from there the the idea though that you know one person's clutter is another person's treasure i mean how mean, how do you know? Just because you have a lot of stuff, as you said, stuff and clutter are different.

So how do you even know where to put your arms around this thing? The guide should be if you feel that you can manage the things that you have, then your volume is probably right. But if you feel that you're having a very difficult time managing your things, the volume of stuff that you have is probably too big. So we start with that. And I have them think about joy and service. So when they're looking at items in their home, I ask them,

do you like this? That's the joy piece. Is this something that brings you joy? I have studied under marie condo and i'm certified in the konmari method of decluttering so it's an important piece of the conversation but the second piece is service do you use it do you need it and i've seen by asking these two types of questions as people start to really look at what kind of life they're trying to create, it becomes easy for them to know what they want to keep and what gets left aside.

Really? Because it seems to me, because I have things that I don't need, that I don't use, but I keep them anyway because you never know. One day, I might need that thing in the kitchen I've never, ever, ever used. So it stays. And there are people who are fine with that. And that's okay. If you're living your life and your clutter is not challenging you at all, there's no reason to do anything different. What I'm talking about, and the people that I work with, the clutter is really getting in their way and it is challenging them and they want to make a change and they want to do it different.

So that really is, you know, for the people that want the help and need the help, that's where this process works. But I think a lot of people who hear that think, well, wait a minute. Help, if you have stuff that you don't need, you don't use, and you don't want, But I think a lot of people who hear that think, well, wait a minute. Help. If you have stuff that you don't need, you don't use, and you don't want, throw it away. Why are you calling Michelle to throw it away? That's a great question. And the reality is they actually can throw a lot more away when I'm there because we're working through real questions.

And they're really getting through. A lot of times there's attachment to items, even that aren't useful, but they might have a memory. So while I see a kitchen spatula, they might actually be seeing a memory of making some dinner from 20 years ago. So we kind of work through and we talk about what is the life they're trying to create. As soon as they get the picture of what they're trying to create, it becomes a lot easier for them to discard the things they're trying to create? As soon as they get the picture of what they're trying to create, it becomes a lot easier for them to discard the things they don't. And I would say the one thing that we focus on tremendously is what do you want to keep?

So instead of having the conversation be so much around what do you want to get rid of, I just lay the things out in front of them and show them that look at these which ones do you love what do you want to keep when you when you kind of change the the ask in that way it actually makes you look at that ugly spatula that you don't really like and you don't need and say you know what it is time I can let this go one of the things that somebody once said I think it was in an interview that I found very freeing and made me much more willing to get rid of stuff, is when you think about it, almost everything that you have that you get rid of, if you really needed it again, you could probably find it on eBay or,

I mean, it's almost everything you can get back. Yes, because there is that fear. And that scarcity is a real fear that people have that they're going to, if they give it up, they might not get it back. And that's a real big challenge for people mentally, too, to get through so they can actually, you know, have more freedom and less anxiety and overwhelmness on their soul. Yeah. Well, I find it interesting that I have found that piece of advice very freeing. And there's never once that I've gone to go get something back. I never needed it back. It's just that I was afraid to let it go.

And then when I did let it go, I don't even think about it anymore, let alone want it back. Yes. I mean, that is exactly the reaction I get from many of my clients. They feel this sense of, when we're decluttering physical clutter, they feel this sense of freedom and lightness and weight lifted off their shoulders. The other clutter, though, I would think would be harder to get rid of, because how do you get rid of mind clutter? I mean, there it sits. You can't go in and grab it with a pair of tweezers and pull it out. You're absolutely right. There are a few things that everyone can do. And the first thing that I tell people when I'm working with them,

and I can see even as we work together, if they can't, if they're having a really difficult time focusing on one thing, I say to them, number one tip for mind clutter, stop multitasking. Really consider doing one thing at a time. Put your mind and your body together working to get that whatever it is you need to get done, done. Because if you're trying to do too many things at once, your mind, it's not actually multitasking. It's attention switching. And when you're attention switching, it's difficult for you to get things done. And that can cause some feelings of overwhelmedness and anxiety. I wonder sometimes if people who live a fairly cluttered life, that they do it partly because of the excitement that it creates,

when they're always, I can't find this, and where's that, and I'm overbooked, and all of that, that if their life was very organized, that it wouldn't have the excitement, and they kind of thrive on that excitement. I don't know that I've seen the excitement go. What I've seen from my clients is they can actually thrive in the areas they love most, rather than getting frustrated in areas like finding their keys and tasks that are very, very small. So I haven't seen them lose their juice

as much as I've seen them focus their energy on their true passions and true desires. And kind of, it gives them more time to do what they love and less time doing things they don't like to do, like putting things away and cleaning their home. When your home is cluttered, it takes a lot longer to clean it. So I haven't seen that as much as it gives them a new sense of freedom that they didn't realize. And they kind of believed that the clutter was part of their juice. But once they got rid of it, they thought they could see that actually it was holding them back more than they had thought. Well, one of the things that I find interesting is a lot of people will say,

well, you know, I know things are a bit messy, but I like it that way. And I know where everything is, and I can find whatever I need, and it's okay. But I still think that those people, if you took them out of their house and brought in a crew, and they somehow cleaned everything up like magic, when that person came back, there would be such a different feeling when they walk in the door, a good feeling. I mean, I just think everybody gets a, maybe not everybody,

but most people get a sense. When you walk into a beautifully organized room, there is a feeling of calm that you cannot get if everything's all over the place. Or do you think it's just different people have different reactions? No, you're right, Mike. It is real and it is neurological that when you're around too much physical clutter, it's really difficult on your brain to process. So that is why when people are in those spaces that you described or clutter is removed from a home, they can they feel and they use words like peaceful, calm, it's real because their brain is not triggering as much stimuli as when there is

a lot of clutter. And it's not just physical clutter that is causing a lot of this anxiety. You know, when people wake up and they see their calendar that is completely overbooked, that's when their mind starts to race and they start to have these mental conversations with themselves about how things aren't going to work out. And it causes their fight and flight, you know, response to turn on. So they're not calm and their body is almost in a perpetual state of fight or flight, which is chronic stress. So if you were going to give me you know a couple five three five things to do to really like if i'm the person that you're talking about here and i just don't know where to begin where do i begin first i would tell you to just write down the vision it doesn't have to be fancy get a piece

of paper get a pen and write what you're looking for. With that in your mind, I would say declutter your spaces first. And my top tip for decluttering spaces is declutter by category rather than by location, like a bedroom or a kitchen. Because when you declutter by category, and what that means is, so instead of doing the kitchen, you would do, you would look at all your pots and pans together, you would look at all your spatulas together. When you gather things from around the house that are the same, it's easier for your mind to pick out the ones that you love. But when you go room by room, it's hard. If you have tape in this room and tape in. But when you go room by room, it's hard if you have tape in this room and tape in that room and tape in the third room, you don't actually realize that

you have 15 rolls of tape. So my number one tip for decluttering spaces is declutter by category, not by location. And number two for your home is focus on your keeps. Keep your mind focused on what do you love? what do you want to keep. Sure, there's going to be things you're not going to want, but if you keep your mind focused on what you want, you're going to start to curate this home that has everything in it that you love. I bet everybody has this something similar to what I'm about to describe that I have. And it's in a drawer. It's in a desk drawer. And it's a plastic bag filled with jewelry. And my mother, who died many years ago,

my sister divided up all of her jewelry amongst all of her kids. And this is what I got. I don't know what it is. I can't for the life of me part with it because it was my mother's, but I've never in all these years ever done anything with it. And I bet everybody has something like that in their house. You're right, and it's funny that you bring this particular thing up because my husband and I literally last week got our little bag of jewelry from his

mother who passed and we had a conversation about it and we took action on it for the first time in the last six years and I'm really glad that you brought up the topic of items that come to you through grief because it's a little bit different and that and it takes it takes more time to sort through those things and it's also why I like this holistic approach because it takes you time to work through what it is that you want to keep and what you want to go and until your heart tells you it's time for you to look at those, that little bag of jewelry, to me, it's when you're ready is when you're ready. And for us, that wasn't for the last seven years. And now we have taken a step to move the jewelry to a place that is no longer in our home. And we feel good about

that. Well, it's interesting to talk about how people really do have a relationship to their stuff, to their clutter. And everybody's different and everybody deals with it in different ways, but it's nice to get an understanding of what it is and what's going on. Michelle Vig has been my guest. She's a professional organizer. The name of her business is Neat Little Nest, and there's a link to her business in the show notes. And the name of her book is The Holistic Guide to Decluttering, and there's a link to that as well in the show notes. Thanks, Michelle. Thank you so much. Life is full of aggravations, and while I cannot prevent those aggravations, I could at least explain a couple

of them to you. For example, brain freeze or ice cream headache. The scientific name for ice cream headache is ice cream headache. And supposedly it has to do with the back of your palate. So if you can quickly warm up the back part of your mouth, you should be able to reduce the length of time that it hurts so much. Funny bone. Nothing really funny about hitting your funny bone, and it turns out it's not a bone, it's a nerve. But the bone in your arm right there, where it hurts when you hit your funny bone, that bone is called your humerus.

Get it? Humerus. Humerus as in funny. It's a little medical humor. Mosquitoes. Why do they bother some people and not others? No one is really sure why, but it is proven that mosquitoes do have preferences, and it is your breathing that attracts them in the first place. So if you stop breathing, they will leave you alone. It's just that that's not very practical.

And that is something you should know. We have the best advertisers on the planet that offer some great products, so I hope you'll check them out and do business with them. I'm Mike Carruthers. Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know. Welcome to the small town of Chinook, where faith runs deep and secrets run deeper. In this new thriller, religion and crime collide when a gruesome murder rocks the isolated Montana community. Everyone is quick to point their fingers at a drug-addicted teenager, but local deputy Ruth Vogel isn't convinced. She suspects connections to a powerful religious group.

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