Something You Should Know - Interesting Answers to Baffling Questions & What to Do When You Get Embarrassed

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

Have you ever been mesmerized by the flicker of a flame in a fire or on a candle? What is it about fire that draws us near to it? This episode begins with an explanation of why evolution has made us so interested in fire and why we love to watch it. https://www.livescience.com/19853-fire-fascination.html If you lose your wallet are you likely to get it back? What’s the best way to shuffle a deck of cards? Do plants have feelings? Listen as I explore these and other fascinating science questions with Jay Ingram, a broadcaster and author of 18 books. His latest is The Science of Why, Volume 5: Answers to Questions About the Ordinary, the Odd, and the Outlandish (https://amzn.to/36xStkd) You know not to drink and drive or text and drive but you also shouldn’t drive when you are drowsy or tired. Listen as I explain the problem of driving when tired and how it is a much bigger and more dangerous problem than you thought. https://abcnews.go.com/WN/driving-sleepy-common-deadly-thought-aaa-research-finds/story?id=12088552 Why do we get embarrassed? Why does the sense of embarrassment feel so awful? And what is the best way to handle embarrassing situations? That’s what Charise Harper is here to discuss. Charise is a prolific writer having written several books, mostly children’s books and one of her latest is called So Embarrassing: Awkward Moments and How to Get Through Them (https://amzn.to/35uLpFZ). Listen and feel a lot better knowing that everyone gets embarrassed just like you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As a listener to Something You Should Know, I can only assume that you are someone who likes to learn about new and interesting things and bring more knowledge to work for you in your everyday life. I mean, that's kind of what Something You Should Know is all about. And so I want to invite you to listen to another podcast called TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right? Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks. Well, you see, TED Talks Daily is a podcast that brings you a new TED Talk every weekday in less than 15 minutes. Join host Elise Hu. She goes beyond the headlines so you can hear about the big ideas shaping our future.

Learn about things like sustainable fashion, embracing your entrepreneurial spirit, the future of robotics, and so much more. Like I said, if you like this podcast, Something You Should Know, I'm pretty sure you're going to like TED Talks Daily. And you get TED Talks Daily wherever you get your podcasts. Today on Something You Should Know, daily, wherever you lose your wallet, will you ever get it back? The big surprise in this global experiment was, much more often than you'd suspect,

people will return a wallet. And what's really cool about this is that if a key was in the wallet, they were almost always returned. Also, why drowsy driving is a bigger problem than you ever imagined. And embarrassment. Everyone gets embarrassed, but why? So embarrassment is something that we do to ourselves. And it seems like it's something that is pretty much hardwired in us as a way of controlling our behavior so that we can function as a society. All this today on Something You Should Know. Since I host a podcast, it's pretty common for me to be asked to recommend a podcast. And I tell people, if you like Something You Should Know, you're

going to like The Jordan Harbinger Show. Every episode is a conversation with a fascinating guest. Of course, a lot of podcasts are conversations with guests, but Jordan does it better than most. Recently, he had a fascinating conversation with a British woman who was recruited and radicalized by ISIS and went to prison for three years. She now works to raise awareness on this issue. It's a great conversation. And he spoke with Dr. Sarah Hill about how taking birth control not only prevents pregnancy,

it can influence a woman's partner preferences, career choices, and overall behavior due to the hormonal changes it causes. Apple named The Jordan Harbinger Show one of the best podcasts a few years back, and in a nutshell, the show is aimed at making you a better, more informed critical thinker.

Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show. There's so much for you in this podcast. The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Something you should know. Fascinating intel. The world's top experts. And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers.

Hi, welcome to Something You Should Know. Are you starting to get into the holiday spirit yet? I know a lot of stores have their Christmas stuff out. Radio stations are playing Christmas music already. And as we head into the winter holidays, more and more fires will be built in fireplaces and candles get lit. It's part of our winter tradition. And for many of us, the flames in the fire or the flames on top of that candle mesmerize us. Why is fire so fascinating? Daniel Fessler, an evolutionary anthropologist at the University of California,

has conducted research that indicates that an adult's fascination with fire is a direct consequence of not having mastered it as a child. You see, in societies where fire is used as a daily tool, children are only interested in fire until such point as they master it. After that point, usually around age 7, people display very little interest in fire. Fessler says that children are universally fascinated by predatory animals in a similar way as they're fascinated by fire,

because both could cause serious harm or kill them. So evolution requires that they be interested in those subjects. In today's world, we never really have to master fire or defend against predatory animals, so our fascination never goes away. And that is something you should know. One of my favorite categories of discussion on this podcast is the category of fascinating information. Things you've always wondered about, like do plants have feelings? What's the most efficient way to shuffle a deck of cards? Or if you lose your wallet, how likely is it it will be returned with the money in it? You know, those kinds of questions. And one guy who does an amazing job answering them is Jay Ingram.

Jay has been a broadcaster in Canada for many years, including having been host of Discovery Channel Canada's Daily Planet program. He's written 18 books, and his latest is The Science of Why, Volume 5, answers to questions about the ordinary, the odd, and the outlandish. Hey Jay, welcome to Something You Should Know. Hi Mike, I'm really happy to be here, thanks. So let's start with a question I've wondered about, and I think many people have wondered about, is do plants have feelings?

This is a really cool question, and it's a pretty hot research topic right now. And you know, the view most of us has is, well, plants, they grow and everything, but they turn toward the light, but they're kind of inert otherwise. But I'll give you a couple of quick examples. An Israeli research team recorded ultrasound emissions from plants that they either dried out or cut leaves off. And, you know, to be honest, Mike, I don't know why they decided there would be ultrasound emissions from them,

but they recorded them. Apparently dogs could hear them. These quote-unquote sounds extended maybe six meters from the plants. And computer programs could tell from the kind of arrangement of these sounds whether they represented a plant being dried out or a plant being cut. So you can look at those as, well, if you want to really anthropomorphize them, say, oh, they were crying out. You know, that's one way of looking at it, but they definitely were sending signals. The question is whether other plants might respond to those signals in some way. So that's one. And there's really a good body of evidence that trees in the forest, especially of the same species but sometimes cross-species,

actually share nutrients through a vast network of fungi below the surface. And, you know, if they're exposed to different varieties of carbon dioxide, you'll find that those have been shared underground and taken up by the plant tissues. So they communicate. They respond to insults like being cut or dried out. They communicate. Whether we can say they actually have feelings in the same sense we do, I think that's still too controversial.

So there's no sense that when they make that noise, whatever that is, that they're, you know, screaming in pain? No, but you can certainly see that there's a question of interpretation here. And if you want to believe that they're expressing pain or, you know, some kind of emotion. You know how mimosa plants, if you touch them, all the leaves fold up. It's supposed to be a kind of defense mechanism. But if you keep doing that to a mimosa plant, eventually, now, I'll put it in, you know, my words, they seem to get tired of folding up because they've learned, quote-unquote, over time that this isn't really a threat. Now, you know, you can believe that they're thinking or not.

The scientific world isn't ready to believe they're thinking, but we're much closer to that than we were, say, 30 years ago. So here's one that happened to me not long ago, so I'd like to hear what the answer is. What are the odds that your lost wallet will be returned? This is one of my honestly favorite experiments because it was done globally. So they had a bunch of people who landed in various cities, literally all around the world, and they had little made-up wallets. Now, they weren't wallets in the sense that you and I know.

They're just a little plastic envelope with a small sum of money in it, let's say the equivalent of about $15 US, three business cards so that anyone who had this wallet could trace the so-called owner, and sometimes they had a key. Then what the people doing the experiment would do would just walk into a public building. It could be a museum, an art gallery, a police station, any place where there'd be a receptionist, drop it on the desk and say, I just found this outside on the sidewalk, sorry I can't stay, left. So then it was entirely up to the person at the desk to decide what to do with it. The prediction was, some of them will

get returned. Many of them that get returned will not have any money in them anymore. And it turned out that was wrong, that a really large number of them were returned money intact. So then they went to stage two thinking, yeah, 15 bucks, that's not enough. Let's put in the equivalent of 90 bucks. Well, can you believe this? Even more, even a greater percentage of wallets were returned if they had $90 in them. It went against everybody's prediction, accountants, you know, police, anybody. You know. The big surprise in this global experiment was that much more often than you'd suspect, people will return a wallet. And what's really cool about this is that sometimes they had keys in them and sometimes they didn't.

And if a key was in the wallet, they were almost always returned, suggesting that people realized business cards, who cares, you know, 15 bucks, maybe that doesn't matter so much, but obviously a key is important to somebody. I remember hearing something about an experiment like this, and the results supposedly were that if there was a picture, particularly a picture of a child in the wallet that the odds of it being returned went up. But you're saying the odds of it being returned are pretty high regardless. Yeah, they might, you know, but you might be right. That might be, that might heighten it even further.

You know, it's so funny you'd say that because I had a related experience where snowy day, I was living in Toronto at the time, roads are really slippery, red light, put on the brakes, my car won't stop, and I gently bump into the car in front of me. So we get out, and it isn't really serious, but it looks like it'll cost a few hundred bucks to fix the bumper. I open my wallet to get, I guess, a business card. And the woman who was driving the other car sees that I have a picture of my three kids. And immediately the tone changes. Oh, we're friends now. Look, he carries a picture of his kids. And we were able to settle it right there on the spot. It's kind of amazing. It's interesting. I imagine you wrote this book pre-pandemic, yet one of the questions you tackle is, what was the worst year ever? And I think a lot of people would say, this is the worst year ever, but what do you say? just as COVID was starting to hit North America.

But you're absolutely right. Like when I was writing it, you might have thought, well, 1918 was pretty bad. World War I just ending, pandemic of flu starting. It was a mess. But the reason I wrote that chapter is I came across a really cool piece of science where they said, you know what, the year 536 had to be the worst year ever because it involved a gigantic volcanic eruption somewhere on our side of the world here. But the effects were felt in Europe and Asia, particularly huge clouds of dust and ash blocking the sun.

Crops didn't grow. People died. It was horrible. And then the first bubonic plague pandemic, not the one we call the Black Death, which was super horrible. That was a few centuries later. But in 536, the first of those plagues started. And I shouldn't laugh, but but you know, many of the people that managed to survive incredibly low temperatures, no crops and everything else were killed by the plague. And then there was a second volcanic eruption four years later. So the scientists

who studied all this by looking at ice cores in the Alps, and you can you can trace weather going back hundreds of years, so they discovered this, they thought 536 was the worst. But you're absolutely right. 2020 would be right up there, and we've still got like a month and a half to go. I've always wondered this, is speed reading really a thing? Yeah, it depends what you mean by really a thing. So there are people who claim to speed read, and by speed read we're talking not 300 words a page, sorry, 300 words a minute, but more like 10,000, some extraordinary number.

And real speed readers, or people who claim that ability, don't even read from one end of the line to the other. They read down the middle of the page. That's the supposed technique. But every test of people who claim to be able to do this has shown that, yeah, they can turn pages fast, but they can't really remember much of the content. So probably all of so-called speed reading is actually skimming. And, you know, there's a use for that. You've got an article, you're thinking of a particular person that you might find in that article, so you go through it really quickly looking for that name.

But that's not reading. Woody Allen had the best line about this of all. He said, yeah, I did a speed reading course. I read War and Peace in, I can't remember what he said, let's say in half an hour. It's about Russia. Yeah, that sounds about right. I'm speaking with Jay Ingram, and he is author of the book, The Science of Why, Volume 5, Answers to Questions About about the ordinary, the odd, and the outlandish.

Hi, I'm Jennifer, a founder of the Go Kid Go Network. At Go Kid Go, putting kids first is at the heart of every show that we produce. That's why we're so excited to introduce a brand new show to our network called The Search for the Silver Lining, a fantasy adventure series about a spirited young girl named Isla who time travels to the mythical land of Camelot. Look for The Search for the Silver Lining on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. People who listen to Something You Should Know are curious about the world, looking to hear new ideas and perspectives. So I want to tell you about a podcast that is full of new ideas and

perspectives, and one I've started listening to called Intelligence Squared. It's the podcast where great minds meet. Listen in for some great talks on science, tech, politics, creativity, wellness, and a lot more. A couple of recent examples, Mustafa Suleiman, the CEO of Microsoft AI, discussing the future of technology. That's pretty cool. And writer, podcaster, and filmmaker John Ronson, discussing the rise of conspiracies and culture wars. Intelligence Squared is the kind of podcast that gets you thinking a little more openly

about the important conversations going on today. Being curious, you're probably just the type of person Intelligence Squared is meant for. Check out Intelligence Squared wherever you get your podcasts. So, Jay, let's talk about Robin Hood for a moment. I think a lot of people have wondered if he was real because people like the story of Robin Hood. I don't know too many people that don't like the legend of Robin Hood.

I mean, you know, a bunch of guys and Maid Marian living in the forest, killing the king's deer, robbing, you know, fat abbots on their way from one monastery to the next and giving the money to the poor. How can you beat it? If you Google Robin Hood, you'll find all kinds of consulting companies have used that name to enhance their image. The problem is, and we have all kinds of films and books about Robin Hood, but when you try and go back into the archaeological past and really nail it down, was there this guy? And did he live in Sherwood Forest? It gets too fragmented and it starts, it almost turns into smoke and kind of disappears. So for instance, you can find a lot of people with

names like Robin Hood, like Robert Hood, or Robin Hode, or Catherine Robin Hood, but none of them just Robin Hood at about the right time. The right time, nobody's really even sure of that, probably around the year 1300, but the evidence is too fragmentary. So for instance, minstrels in the 1300s used to go around England singing tales of Robin Hood. But, you know, minstrels are entertainers. They're not historians. They're probably telling and singing the kinds of stories get, the less there is to hold on to. And I'm afraid that the answer might end up being, we'll just never know. It could be that there was a guy, but I don't know that we'll ever find the actual evidence. So what is the most efficient way to shuffle a deck of cards? The best way is what's called the riffle shuffle, where you break the pack into roughly two equal parts. You have one part in one hand, one part in the other, and you bend them up, and then you bring them close enough together

so when you start to release them, they overlap, and then you push them together. So what you've done essentially is put in one card from one side, then another or two from the other side, and so on all the way up. It sounds like, if my description isn't good enough. That's the best way. Seven riffle shuffles will randomize a deck pretty much. The more common way is the overhand, where you hold the deck in one hand, pick up a few, and just kind of move them from the middle or the back of the deck to the front. The problem, and more people do this, I find, the problem is your seven, six, or say six, seven, or ten cards are being moved as a unit, so they're not getting mixed up. And you have to do that many hundreds of times before you get it shuffled as much as a riffle shuffle.

And actually, there is one other way where you just put all the cards face down on the table and smoosh them around, keep moving them around with your hands. And after a few minutes, probably five minutes, if you pull them all together, then you have a pretty well-shuffled deck. But the riffle shuffle takes a lot less time and is the best. Is muscle memory a real thing?

Yeah, it is, but it's brain memory, not muscle memory, because all our muscles are slaves to signals or commands from the brain. So that riding a bicycle is one of the examples I use, and it's kind of classic because you usually learn that when you're a kid. And, you know, even if you haven't ridden a bicycle for 20 years, you can still, it might be a bit shaky at first, but you can still ride a bike. And it's complex, right? It's balance, it's steering, it's knowing when to lean, when not to lean. There are a lot of things involved. It's a, it's steering, it's knowing when to lean, when not to lean. There are a lot of things involved. It's a complex movement, but you learn it so well.

You program your brain so well when you're a kid that you can do it almost completely automatically. So, you know, here's something that most people don't even think about, but if you're riding with a friend, it's perfectly easy to ride the bike and talk at the same time. Two completely different mental activities. But because it's so well learned, and there have been some pretty cool experiments on people learning to juggle that show that even over a few weeks, they actually gain a little brain tissue as they become better and better at juggling. Then when they stop juggling a few weeks later, they've lost that brain tissue again.

But if you do it enough when you're young, like riding a bike, you never lose the ability. You know, I think everybody's heard that, you know, hypothesis that perhaps if a butterfly flaps its wings in Brazil, that that somehow leads to a cascade of events that could affect the weather in Texas. What do we know about that? What is the science of that? There's some truth in it, but the whole thing isn't true. So the idea that that gives you is some slight, easily overlooked event can, as time goes past, its effects can be multiplied. And so you can get very, and the key to this is unpredictable things happen that change, let's say, the weather dramatically. And I mean, we only have to look at weather forecasts to see that that's the case.

It's pretty hard to predict the weather two weeks out. It's almost impossible to predict the weather two months out. And that's because there are these unanticipated and easily overlooked little effect. Now, could a butterfly really do that in the southern hemisphere and cause weather events in Texas? And the answer really is no, partly because any sort of disturbance of the air by a butterfly's wings is going to be swamped by other effects. Like if the butterfly was on a bush and started flapping

its wings and you walked past, your influence on the air is a lot greater than the butterfly. The other thing is that weather patterns in the southern hemisphere tend to stay in the southern hemisphere and don't easily cross the equator. So the likelihood of that going from the south to the north and having an effect probably isn't true. But, you know, the title was concocted by the scientists who came up with this idea to grab attention, and it certainly has. Yeah, well, plus how would you measure it? I mean, even if it did affect the weather in the northern hemisphere, how would you ever research that back to the butterfly? It would be impossible.

Right. You can't do that. But what this guy did was he was working with computer programs that would move forward in time and simulate future weather. And the story is that he stopped his program in mid-flight to go get a coffee. And it all comes down to having a cup of coffee sometimes. And when he came back, instead of putting in the full set of numbers, like let's say five numbers to set it going again, he rounded it off a bit. And he found that unlike previous versions, this one went off on a completely

different course. And he realized it was just because he'd changed a single digit in like the fourth decimal place. And that made him realize that tiny, undiscovered effects can dramatically change the weather. And I mean, it led to what's called chaos theory. So you're absolutely right, Mike. You could never trace it back. But what you can say with confidence is there are such effects operating all the time, and that's why we can't predict things in detail in the future.

I was surprised you asked or answered the question, why is your mirror image backward? Because I don't think of it as backward. I think of a mirror image as being a mirror image. It reflects back what it is. Yeah, it's very tricky to think about this because I do know a lot of people, unlike you, think of it as it's a left-right switch. So I'm looking at my mirror image. The mirror image's left hand has been switched over. But of course it isn't, right? The mirror image's left hand is my right hand, but it's been flipped. And I think the best analogy for those who think it's just been left-right,

like turned around, is think of a rubber glove, and it's on your left hand, and you peel it off and leave it inside out. It now looks like the right hand of a mirror image. Do you see what I mean? Like it fits on your left hand, but it also now, when it's inside out, looks like a right hand. And I think now of mirror images as if I had a complete, very thin mold of myself and I peeled it off and plastered it onto the mirror, that that's kind of what a mirror image looks like. But, you know, if you go on the net and look for mirror image explanations, people get quite contorted trying to

dispel this idea that it's a right-left switch and that it's actually, like you say, a mirror image. Well, it's always fun to look at these questions and find out what the answers are, because they're the kind of things that you wonder about, but you probably never take the time to look them up. But they're interesting when someone else looks them up and does the research and explains them. Jay Ingram has been my guest. The name of his book is The Science of Why. This is volume five, answers to questions about the ordinary, the odd, and the outlandish. And there is a link to that book at Amazon in the show notes. Thanks for being here, Jay. Well, I thank you. I really appreciate it. Hey, everyone.

Join me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa Demonts, for Don't Blame Me, But Am I Wrong? Each week, we deliver four fun-filled shows. In Don't Blame Me, we tackle our listeners' dilemmas with hilariously honest advice. Then we have But Am I Wrong?, which is for the listeners

that didn't take our advice. Plus, we share our hot takes on current events. Then tune in to see you next Tuesday for our listener poll results from But Am I Wrong? And finally, wrap up your week with Fisting Friday, where we catch up and talk all things pop culture. Listen to Don't Blame Me, But Am I Wrong on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Do you love Disney? Then you are going to love our hit podcast, Disney Countdown.

I'm Megan, the Magical Millennial. And I'm the Dapper Danielle. On every episode of our fun and family-friendly show, we count down our top 10 lists of all things Disney. There is nothing we don't cover. We are famous for rabbit holes, Disney themed games, and fun facts you didn't know you needed, but you definitely need in your life. So if you're looking for a healthy dose of Disney magic, check out Disney Countdown wherever you get your podcasts.

One thing we all have in common is that we've all been embarrassed. We've all done something or said something we wish we hadn't. And when you do something embarrassing, that feeling of embarrassment, you know, that feeling that everybody's staring at you and judging you and you feel terrible, which makes it even harder for you to say something to try to recover. Well, why does all that happen? Why does embarrassment feel so terrible? Here to explain why and help us all get over those inevitable moments of embarrassment

is Cherise Harper. She is an author mostly of children's books, and she has tackled this topic because, well, not only do adults feel embarrassment, so do kids. The name of her book is So Embarrassing, Awkward Moments and How to Get Through Them. Hi, Charisse. Welcome. Hi, Mike. Thanks for having me on here. Sure. So everyone has experienced embarrassment. We all know it when it happens. So what is

it exactly? What is embarrassment? So embarrassment is something that we do to ourselves. And I'm not sure how you can stop doing it to yourself, but it is something that is innate within us and it helps us stay in our groups. We have a social contract that we have with whatever groups we associate with. And embarrassment is something that keeps us in that group. And it seems like it's something that is pretty much hardwired in us as a way of controlling our behavior so that we can function as a society. And as we get older, we join more groups. We join the work group, and that has a social norm that is beneficial you know, beneficial to

working in a consistent way together, and we have other groups that we join as well. So we have all these different groups, and every group has different social norms, and so we have to keep all that in our brains and try to stay within those groups, and embarrassment is a way that we don't have to constantly think about the rules. We know what the rules are, and we don't want to step outside them. I'm not saying that's always a good thing to do, but I'm saying that, you know, it's kind of hardwired in us. And that's the way we're reacting to those things. And so embarrassment is that uncomfortable price you pay when you step outside the rules. Absolutely. And it can be very, very uncomfortable. And everyone has this, as soon as you say that,

there's a story that pops in everyone's mind of something they've done, they wish they hadn't, or something they said that they wish they hadn't said to the wrong person, and you just feel horrible. Yeah, you do. You feel pretty bad. And definitely, you can try to hide your embarrassment. But if you're someone like me who blushes, then good luck with that. You know, there's no way to hide the blushing except to leave the situation. And that is something else that happens, I think, when you are embarrassed.

You have sort of this innate fight or, you know, fight or flight response that comes into your system. And you're either, you know, you want to leave and you just want to get rid of that feeling as fast as possible. I think one of the things that many people do is when they become embarrassed is they replay as fast as they can what has just happened over and over again. And that is not something that's going to help you to be calm. So maybe having a go-to element of counting down from 10 to 1 if you're embarrassed. And I think it's, I live in the Pacific Northwest and we have to have a earthquake preparatory kit in case something happens.

And I think it's not a bad idea to have an embarrassment preparatory kit as well, to have some things that you can do to help yourself if that should pop up. Because embarrassment's best friend is surprise. So as uncomfortable as it is when you're caught and you're embarrassed, showing that embarrassment is a good thing, right? Yes, it is a good thing because what it does, and there is science to back this up. If you see somebody that's embarrassed, the first thing you think about is that that person has empathy. That person has the knowledge that what they've done is not appropriate. And therefore, as a group, you understand that that person knows that they have stepped out of those

bounds and that they really want to be part of the group. And it's something that scientists say that it makes people feel like they can trust that person because that person knows the rules and they understand that they've stepped out of the rules and they feel like that's someone that they can trust because they themselves are trying to stay within those rules as well. is basically acknowledging that, yes, I did something wrong. I'm aware I did something wrong, so that the group sees that you know that you're contrite about it. Yes, you're contrite about it. And it also, embarrassment is something, just like you said before, everybody has a story. And so I think it's a great opportunity for people for sharing their story. If you say to somebody, oh, I remember the time I fell down in front of everybody.

It was so embarrassing. And the next person is like, oh, my gosh, I did the exact same thing. I can't believe it. And if you share those stories, suddenly you have a bond between you that you didn't before. So I think it's a really strong tool. I listen to a lot of TED Talks. And I have to say that a large percentage of TED Talks start with a person saying,

I want to share a personal story. And so obviously sharing a story is something that has power. It seems to me that there are really two kinds of embarrassment. There's the kind of embarrassment where, you know, your fly's down, you fall in front of a group of people for no apparent reason, you know, there's toilet paper on the bottom of your shoe. It's all inadvertent, just stuff that's kind of silly. And then there's the kind of embarrassment like when you're talking about somebody to a group of people and then you realize that the person's right behind you and can hear everything you say and it's kind of mean and that's a different kind of embarrassment that

that probably requires an apology there is absolutely a correct way to do an apology and that is just to say i am so sorry for whatever the situation has been without adding an amendment of, oh, because I did it because of this, this, this. Or I'm, you know, the apology is reduced in strength if you add reasons about why you did something. If you add your own feeling of I did this because, oh, I was tired and I was, you know, I'm so sorry. I just, you know, I had, you know, I didn't have any breakfast or something. If you just give out a straight apology, that is the correct way to do an apology without adding your own feeling of, oh, well, there's this reason why I did it. And so, you know, I'm not really 100% accountable. And I think that that was something that I had not realized. And I am definitely going to apologize in a different way.

And I think that kind of apology in the situation you just outlined would probably be a good thing to do. Yeah, because I can just imagine if somebody starts explaining why they did what they did, it doesn't sound like an explanation more than it just sounds like excuses that lay flat. Right. We're responsible for our own behavior, right? And so I think if we expect somebody else to deliver an apology that we find to be sincere and thoughtful, we have to force ourselves to do the same.

But don't you think sometimes, and maybe there's some psychology to this, that sometimes, you know, little slights, little things just are better left unsaid? I mean, yeah, I mean, we could talk about it and apologize for it, or we could, we'll never see each other again. So let's just move on with our lives. Yeah. And I think maybe sometimes that's just both people sort of acknowledge that that might be the right thing to do. This is a gray area, obviously, embarrassment. And that's why it makes it an interesting area to explore because there's no hard and fast rule about what to do. And it's not the kind of thing where, oh, you did this embarrassing thing and this is the solution and now everything's good. It's a lot more complicated than that, and I think that's why it's something that we just have to endure continuously. There's no way to get over it. We just have to deal with it, and that's why everybody has great embarrassment stories. Right. Well, and as you say, it's

hardwired, so it may not do any good to know this, but my experience is that as bad as you feel for, you know, falling down or doing whatever it is you're doing, what you think people are thinking is nowhere near what people are really thinking. People are very forgiving in situations like that, and you think they're all thinking you're a fool. They're not. No, I mean, I think after the initial, oh, God, I'm so glad that's not me, which is probably everybody's first thought. Right. They are. They are forgiving. And that's because it's this collective thing that we all have experienced.

And there is, you know, you do. It's actually called the spotlight effect when, you know, the fact that you think that everybody is suddenly staring at you and they're going to be talking about you for the next, you know, five hours about this thing you did, whatever it was. And that is not true because people don't think about you as much as you think they think about you. Because they're thinking about them. Absolutely. Everybody's thinking about them thinking that other people are thinking about them. Absolutely. Everybody's thinking about them, thinking that other people are thinking about them. And yet, the embarrassment thing is so strong, and as you say, serves this social purpose to keep us all in line within the group. But it does seem that it affects some people more than others.

Some people seem to get very embarrassed very easily. Yeah, I can't say that I can speak to why that is the case, except that those people are probably very sensitive, very sensitive to social norms and a little more, you know, overly attuned to what they think other people might be thinking. Or maybe those people just have, you know, I feel like I'm one of those people and I have a creative brain, and so my brain can produce so many scenarios of what I imagine is in other people's heads, and I'm all, and even though I know I'm always wrong,

it is so hard not to do that. It is so hard not to go down that creative, you know, fiction story making of your own worst case scenario. Right. Well, you think about getting called on in school and you don't raise your hand and the teacher calls on you anyway. A lot of kids get embarrassed because the spotlight is on them, even though they haven't done anything wrong and they might actually have a good answer, it's that they're just embarrassed because now the focus is on them. Right. And I think some people just don't like to have the focus on them. You know, not everybody wants to

be on stage. So perhaps this would be a good time to offer up some, maybe some tips that people can keep in their back pocket, their mental back pocket to when the next time they slip or fall or do something stupid, what's a good way to, you know, not call attention to yourself and, but get over it and not be embarrassed or at least move through it? So there are some things you can do, certainly for being embarrassed. The best thing to do if you can, if it's not something that's just you've done that's just really horrible and hurting other people's feelings is to try to make a joke out of it. If you have any improv skills, trying to make something funny, even an awkward joke is better than just leaving it sort of laying there and feeling shame because nobody wants to feel shame. And that's even almost embarrassing for the people watching. So if you can make it into a joke, or if you can somehow acknowledge that you did an embarrassment and try to move forward, and

I think that's the best thing you can do. And then also, there is some science saying that if you smile, or if you try to laugh after an embarrassment, that also can help you and help your body physically calm down. I think it's a muscle memory thing. And I think it's like standing tall before going to do a presentation. You just really feel like that gives you a little extra oomph in the way you deliver something. So I think that the smiling and the laughing, if you can laugh it off, is really one of the best things to do. What about, I guess it's embarrassment, but when some people walk into a room full of strangers, they feel embarrassed, not because they did anything, just because they

don't know anybody and don't really know how to break the ice or start a conversation. Yeah, I mean, that's a really hard one. And obviously, if you're in a business situation where you have to go meet a group of strangers, or you're meeting some new people, or you're meeting a new group that you have to work with, that could be really hard. And I think in those situations, you just have to force yourself to work through the fear. Your fear is what's holding you back. And really, if you think about it, it's something that's invisible. It's not stand in front of you. It's not a real barrier.

You've put that there yourself. And if you can make yourself go through that fear and think about what's the worst thing that could happen? Well, the worst thing that could happen in your situation is that you just remain alone, standing by yourself. The less worst thing that could happen is you actually go talk to somebody and you find someone to talk to who maybe introduces you to two other people and suddenly you have, you know, three or four people you can talk to. And if that doesn't even happen when you

go talk to somebody, well, the worst thing that happened is you're by yourself again. So if I think if you can force yourself through those situations that are really not embarrassment yet, but more an embarrassment that you've put on yourself, that we have to kind of work through that fear to sort of show ourselves what we can do. Because unless we do that, we are, you know, you put yourself in a box and you're unable to get out. Well, it's interesting in those situations, everybody pretends they're not embarrassed or they're that they don't feel alone. And it would be sometimes good if,

if the, whoever's having this affair where all these people are standing around and don't know anybody did something so that, that all of that could disappear somehow. I actually did. I did go to a dinner party where it was a bunch of families and we were all sitting at a table together and we didn't know each other. And the host of the party handed out little cards and she said, please write an embarrassment story that you want to share with the group.

And we were just like, oh, I don't know. I don't know. And what happened was even the kids did it. And, you know, the first couple of people that went, the braver people, we laughed and we, you know, nodded our heads. But as we got towards the end of the table, everybody was very excited to share their embarrassment story. And it was something that we all talked about, regardless of age. We just, you know, obviously our stories were different, but we all knew that feeling because the feeling was the same. If you were like 12 years old, or if you were 30, 40, 50 years old, you all had that same feeling. You knew what that feeling was. And that If you were like 12 years old, or if you were 30, 40, 50 years old, you all had that same feeling. You knew what that feeling was. And that was just a great way to bring the

group together because I couldn't even think of something else that we could share that we all had that same feeling. Showing embarrassment as difficult as it is, is actually a good thing. And I think people think exactly the opposite, that if I show I'm embarrassed, that makes me look foolish. And it's really the opposite. Yeah, I think people think it makes them look foolish and weak when actually it makes them look like someone that can be trusted. So if you are someone who does not show any embarrassment

or does not show any empathy, that is not somebody that can be trusted. And trusted, I mean trusted with information or trusted with people sharing their feelings. You feel like you can't tell a story to somebody who doesn't have any empathy. Think about the guy who trips and falls down and starts swearing as opposed to the person who trips and falls down in front of everybody and looks embarrassed and says, whoops, and makes a joke about it. I mean, who's the more likable character? Exactly. Exactly. And I think that's another thing that happens with embarrassment. You can have different reactions, right? Some people get angry when

they get embarrassed. Some people, you know, will lie when they get embarrassed. And, you know, other people, you know, get just get embarrassed or could make a joke about it. So depending on what your reaction is to your embarrassment really tells a lot about who you are. Well, it's probably going to be very difficult the next time I do something really embarrassing to keep telling myself what a great thing this is. But embarrassment really is, and it's interesting to talk about. My guest has been Cherise Harper. She is a children's book author, and one of her books is called So Embarrassing, Awkward Moments and How to Get Through Them. You'll find a link to the book in the show notes. Thanks, Cherise. Okay. Yeah, well, that's great. Thank you.

Here's a statistic that will probably surprise you. Two out of every five drivers have fallen asleep at the wheel. That frightening statistic is revealed in a study by the Automobile Association of America Foundation for Traffic Safety. It's estimated that, this is really surprising to me, it's estimated that about one in six fatal crashes are actually caused by drowsy drivers. What this says, according to the study, is that a lot of people overestimate their ability to handle driver fatigue. One of the biggest mistakes we make is starting off on a long trip after a full day of work. Coffee and other tricks are no real substitute for quality sleep before a big road

trip. So along with don't drink and drive, don't text and drive, is don't be tired and drive. It's a much more serious problem than people realize. And that is something you should know. If you like this podcast and you'd like to tell the world, leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or whatever platform on which you listen. If you've left a review in the past, you can leave another one if you have something new to say. And five-star ratings are always appreciated. I'm Mike Carruthers. Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know. Welcome to the small town of Chinook, where faith runs deep and secrets run deeper. In this new thriller, religion and crime collide when a gruesome murder rocks the isolated Montana community.

Everyone is quick to point their fingers at a drug-addicted teenager, but local deputy Ruth Vogel isn't convinced. She suspects connections to a powerful religious group. Enter federal agent V.B. Loro, who has been investigating a local church for possible criminal activity. The pair form an unlikely partnership to catch the killer, unearthing secrets that leave Ruth torn between her duty to the law,

her religious convictions, and her very own family. But something more sinister than murder is afoot, and someone is watching Ruth. Chinook, starring Kelly Marie Tran and Sanaa Lathan. Listen to Chinook wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, this is Rob Benedict. And I am Richard Spate. We were both on a little show you might know called Supernatural. It had a pretty good run, 15 seasons, 327 episodes. And though we have seen, of course, every episode many times,

we figured, hey, now that we're wrapped, let's watch it all again. And we can't do that alone. So we're inviting the cast and crew that made the show along for the ride. We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and we'll of course have some actors on as well, including some certain guys that played some certain pretty iconic brothers. It was kind of a little bit of a left field choice in the best way possible. The note from Kripke was, he's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent Duchovny type."

With 15 seasons to explore, it's going to be the road trip of several lifetimes, so please join us and subscribe to Supernatural then and now.