Something You Should Know - Powerful Strategies to Be More Assertive & Expert Travel Advice You Will Definitely Use

Episode Date: November 29, 2018

Who doesn’t love the smell of a Christmas tree? For most of us, the scent of pine is wonderful. So much so that it is in all sorts of products from car air fresheners to kitchen cleaners. As it turns out smelling pine is also good for you and we begin this episode of the podcast exploring the benefits of that most enjoyable scent. (http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/12/04/healing-power-pine/#ixzz2E8XgB7J4) A large percentage of people classify themselves as passive. Many of those passive people wish they weren’t because they feel that other people walk all over them. So what’s the alternative? Dennis Adams, therapist, former minister and former passive person spent a long time developing a different approach for passive people that he calls - Honest Direct and Respectful. In fact that is the name of his book, Honest, Direct Respectful: 3 Simple Words That Will Change Your Life (https://amzn.to/2Q0tMrs). Dennis joins me to explain how and why it is such a powerful technique for passive people. The holiday season is a time to give thanks for all the things you have. And it turns out that feeling thankful is a good idea the rest of the year too. There are many mental and physical benefits when people feel gratitude. Listen and I will tell you what they are. (http://my.happify.com/hd/what-is-the-science-of-happiness/) If you travel, you don’t need me to tell you how stressful and challenging it can be – particularly around the holidays. Charles McPherson author of The Pocket Butler’s Guide to Travel (https://amzn.to/2KEAsp3) is here to share his advice to make traveling easier and more enjoyable and he has suggestions to help you get the most out of your travel dollars.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on Something You Should Know, the smell of Christmas is in the air, the smell is pine, and it is amazingly good for you. Plus, the world is full of passive people, and they often get taken advantage of. I always say passive people think like this, that I know this well. I don't like conflict, I don't want to rock the boat, I probably won't change your mind anyway. However, if you have reactive people in your life, they tend to roll over the top of you. Also, this is the time of year to be thankful. And feeling those feelings of gratitude will do you well all year long. Plus, just in time for the holidays, some great travel advice. The biggest mistake that people do is they open up their

suitcase and they start putting clothes into the suitcase. That means that you're absolutely going to overpack and or forget something. The best thing you can do is start to put everything on the bed. All this today on Something You Should Know. As a listener to Something You Should Know, I can only assume that you are someone who likes to learn about new and interesting things and bring more knowledge to work for you in your everyday life. I mean, that's kind of what Something You Should Know was all about. And so I want to invite you to listen to another podcast called TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right? Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right? Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks. Well, you see, TED Talks Daily is a podcast that

brings you a new TED Talk every weekday in less than 15 minutes. Join host Elise Hu. She goes beyond the headlines so you can hear about the big ideas shaping our future. Learn about things like sustainable fashion, embracing your entrepreneurial spirit, the future of robotics, and so much more. Like I said, if you like this podcast, Something You Should Know, I'm pretty sure you're going to like TED Talks Daily. And you get TED Talks daily wherever you get your podcasts. Something you should know. Fascinating intel. The world's top experts.

And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. Hi, welcome. You know, ever since I was young, since I was a little boy, for as long as I can remember, in every home I've ever lived in, every year we have a live Christmas tree. And one of my fondest memories of getting a live Christmas tree is the smell. When you go to the Christmas tree lot, the smell of all of those trees, and then the smell of the Christmas tree when you bring it home and your living room smells like pine.

I've always loved that smell, and it turns out the power of that pine scent is really good for you. For centuries, people have gone to great lengths to have access to ancient pine forests because of their healing powers. And at this time of year, we're fortunate to have miniature versions of those ancient pine forests in the form of Christmas tree lots on virtually every street corner. The scent of pine, just the smell of Christmas trees,

has been found to reduce stress, hostility, and depression. A 15-minute walk through a local Christmas tree lot or a Christmas tree farm will expose you to some powerful aromatherapy the old-fashioned way. Be sure to take deep, slow breaths as you stroll through the evergreens and really smell that smell. The scent of pine can even help relieve chest congestion and soothe sore muscles. And that is something you should know. Would you describe yourself as a passive person? Someone who lets things slide, you don't want to

make waves? Or are you the kind of person who speaks up when something's bothering you? You speak your mind. I ask because, well, it matters. If you're a passive person, for example, how many times have you let something slide, not said anything, and then later wish you really had spoken up? Or if you're the other way, how many times have you said something and done it in a way that's caused more trouble than if you hadn't said anything at all? All of this impacts how we feel about ourselves and how other people see us and how we navigate through our lives.

Dennis Adams is someone who's taken a hard look at this. He is, or was, a self-described passive person, a former minister who wanted to find a better way. He didn't want to be that passive doormat, but he didn't want to be an in-your-face kind of jerk either. So he really did his homework and came up with a better way. Not passive, not jerky, but honest, direct, and respectful, which is the name of his book. Honest, Direct, Respectful, Three Simple Words That Will Change Your Life.

Hi Dennis, so when you say you were a passive person, you mean you were someone who didn't like rocking the boat, you didn't want to make waves, you kept your mouth shut, avoided conflict, that kind of thing? Yes, that's exactly it. I always say passive people think like this, and I know this well. I don't like conflict. I don't want to rock the boat. I probably won't change your mind anyway, so I'm not going to really tell you what I feel or think. But I'm going to be very respectful. But I'm not going to be honest and direct.

And when people do that, when they take that passive approach, what's the impression they leave with other people? Well, I thought early on the impression I was leaving with other people was that I was a peacemaker and I was a great guy, and people actually liked me very well. However, if you have reactive people in your life, they tend to roll over the top of you. And just a quick example, my brother's probably reactive by nature. In fact, I'm sure he is. And I'm passive by nature. And I remember one night when he called me and went up one side of me and down the other. I asked him if we could meet for lunch, and he said, sure.

And I said, John, last night, before we started, I said, last night, were you honest with me? He said, yes, I was. I said, were you direct with me? And he goes, yes, I was. I said, were you respectful? And he goes, well, I have a little trouble with that one, but I knew you would take it. So that was a huge insight to me. And so I was able to tell him, you know, John, if you call and talk to me that way again,

it really jeopardizes our relationship, and I'll probably hang up the phone, which really shocked him because he'd known me as a passive person for so long. But then I asked him, I said, was I honest with you? And he said, yes. I said, was I direct? And he said, yes. Was I respectful? And he goes, yes, you were. And I said, well, you know, I learned how to be honest

and direct by watching you, but you could learn how to be respectful by watching me. What I find is people tend to fall either into one of the two camps, either passive or reactive. People who are passive, who don't speak up when really they might really want to speak up, don't do it because they're afraid of something. They're afraid something's going to happen. What is it they're afraid of? You know, I think it can be a multitude of reasons for folks. You know, I am a therapist, so I've seen a lot of reasons.

But for me, it was my fear of being rejected or not being liked. I always say to people, you can know if you're an approval addict if 100 people like you and one doesn't, and you focus on the one. And I think about a workshop I did for about 300 people where there were 10 people in the back of the room talking during the workshop. And during the workshop, I paused and I looked at them, and a number of other people looked at them, and they got quiet. But after I started talking again, not only did they start talking, but they got louder.

And I remember this was one of the first times I really had to challenge myself out of my passivity because what I wanted to do was walk away and take it home. And if you were to ask my kids if I were passive or reactive when they were younger, they would say reactive because I took all that stuff home. But what I did is I walked back in the door with a lot of fear and anxiety, and I walked back to that table and said, Matt, can I share something with you folks? And they said yes. And I said, I want you to know when I was doing my seminar, it was really distracting.

And when I paused and looked at you and a number of other people looked at you and you continued to talk and got louder, then it was really frustrating and I was upset. And I hope you don't treat other speakers this way. And I was able to walk out of the room and truly let go of it. And of course, when I share this example in seminars, people always say, the passive people always say, what did they do? But at that point, it wasn't that important to me. The important thing was I was leaving it where it belonged. And I was able to process it in real time without being rude, which is one of the concerns I had when I started this work. That is, I think some of the assertiveness classes that are taught are really taught by what I call tops, ticked off passes, that are really telling you how to confront people in an honest and direct way without being respectful, and really blaming other people

for your passivity. It's interesting what you said, that passive people want to know how they reacted, because that's what passive people are worried about. They're worried about how people are going to react to someone standing up to them. But also, just out of curiosity, how did they react? Actually, three people called me the next day and apologized, which was sort of the icing on the cake. But whether they did or didn't, I did the right thing. I call it coming from a place of strength and becoming a truth-teller.

Now, let me say this. I think there are times when it's okay to be passive or reactive. When I was managing the psychiatry department, because I wasn't reactive most of the time, probably 99% of the time, the one time I did react over an important issue, it really got everybody's attention. And I think that's important. And I think there are times to know when it's perfectly acceptable to have an unexpressed thought and to go to the passive place. But I think the majority of time, if we can spend our time being honest, direct, and respectful, not only do we gain self-respect, but we gain the respect of those around us.

The problem, I think, for a lot of people, though, is it's one thing to have this conversation in this very unemotionally charged environment of here's some advice on what you should do the next time this happens. But in the moment of when it happens, it's hard for passive people to step up because they think, I just want this to go away, I'll just wait this out and not say anything, and it's probably just as hard for reactive people to stand down, step back, and not get overly reactive. I think that in the work I do, I find that 80% of people in any given population are passive, and about 20% are reactive. And actually, I have an easier time getting reactive people to move to the middle because they'll say to me, wow, I really like this.

I can do this. You know, I'm honest. I'm direct. And I said, well, the first thing you need to do is lower your intensity because your intensity denotes that sort of reactive behavior. And so they tend to come to the middle. But to encourage a passive person to come to the middle means they have to be honest and they have to be direct, and it's very difficult. I know it was for me. When I was walking back to that table in the pharmacy

convention, I thought everybody could see my heart beating, and my voice was like two pitches higher when I started to talk to them. But it's the right thing to do and to try to find that balance. But I do think that reactive people have an easier time coming to the middle, although they're really put off by passive people, because passive people don't talk to them, they talk about them. What do you mean by that? Well, what I mean by that is, I'll give you a good example. I was doing a seminar up in Canada, and I had a two-day seminar, and the managers came in the next day. There were about 25 of them and I said, well, let's divide up into passive and reactive. And it was about 80-20, 80% passive, 20% reactive.

And so I asked the reactive managers, I said, you understand the concept. We spent the whole day talking about it yesterday. What would you like to say to the passive managers? And they really let them have it. They told them, why don't you just be up front? Why don't you put your cards on the table? And just went on for about 10 minutes. And then when I asked the passive managers, it was a real eye opener because they said, yes, we would like to say something to the reactive managers. But in fact, what they did is they turned to each other

and start saying things like, why can't they be nice? Why can't they just, you know, say it, you know, in a nicer way? And why are, way? And why are they so mean and so angry? And of course, the more they were doing that, the more angry the reactive managers were getting. What I was able to do in that company was to help them to learn to communicate from the middle place, from the place of strength. Dennis Adams is my guest. He is a therapist and author of the book, Honest, Direct, Respectful. So Dennis,

what do you say to someone, passive or reactive? What do you say to them when they say, hey look, this all sounds great and I wish I could do it, but in the moment I can't. I mean, the way I handle those situations is the way I handle those situations. I react that way, whether it's passive or reactive. It's just a reaction, and that's how I do it in that moment. I think reactive folks are so used to reacting without thinking. So for a reactive person, what I'd say is, remember, it's perfectly acceptable to have an unexpressed thought. Take a time out. Think about what the real issues are. I think for a passive person, it's choosing whether you want to stay in the victim role or you want to truly come from a place of strength. And I think it is

harder for passive folks because, and one of the concerns I have is in a lot of the communication and conflict management workshops I went to, trying to find the middle place, really taught people how to pull up their dump truck, load it with all the stuff they've never said to anybody, back up to them and then pull the lever. And I think that's unfortunate because one of the things I had to realize early on is that I can't blame other people if I chose to be passive all these years. And so what I have to do is find some way to let go of that anger or that bitterness. And once I let go of it, purpose to be honest, direct, and respectful. It sounds simple. It is not easy. It was very difficult for me because I was in this cycle of being passive for a while, filling with anger and

tension, then reacting. And for that brief moment, feeling okay, but then 10 minutes later, feeling bad and going back to being passive. And I just kept going through this cycle. So it's simple, but it's not easy. I would imagine it's easier to start with the smaller things than the bigger things. It is. And I think, you know, I remember one patient called me one day and said, I picked up the phone. He said, I did it. I said, you did what? And he says, I shared the message. And the important thing, I knew he got it because the important thing to him wasn't how it changed another person or it fixed the circumstances, although it has a better tendency to do that. His focus was, I was able to do it. I was able to let it go.

I was able to come from a place of strength and be a truth teller. It is interesting that there are so many, according to your statistic, there are so many more passive people than reactive people. Yeah, I think that 80% of people in any given population are passive by nature, and I think 20% of people in any given population are reactive by nature. And it's not scientific, but I have tested this out with groups all over the U.S. and asking them to divide themselves up in large groups, and it tends to be that way. Typically when I get called to a company to do some sort of an intervention, the people they're focusing on are the reactive folks. And the real issue are the passive employees

who talk about the reactive employees but don't talk to them. And there are many passive managers that truly struggle managing people because they want to be liked and they don't understand that they have to balance between their productivity and their fair treatment of employees.

They just don't see it or understand that. Since I host a podcast, it's pretty common for me to be asked to recommend a podcast. And I tell people, if you like something you should know, you're going to like The Jordan Harbinger Show. Every episode is a conversation with a fascinating guest. Of course, a lot of podcasts are conversations with guests, but Jordan does it better than most. Recently, he had a fascinating conversation with a British woman who was recruited and radicalized by ISIS and went to prison for three years.

She now works to raise awareness on this issue. It's a great conversation. And he spoke with Dr. Sarah Hill about how taking birth control not only prevents pregnancy, it can influence a woman's partner preferences, career choices, and overall behavior due to the hormonal changes it causes. Apple named The Jordan Harbinger Show

one of the best podcasts a few years back. And in a nutshell, the show is aimed at making you a better, more informed, critical thinker. Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show. There's so much for you in this podcast. The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Jennifer, a founder of the Go Kid Go Network. At Go Kid Go, putting kids first is at the heart of every show that we produce. That's why we're so excited to introduce a brand new show to our network called The Search for the Silver Lining, a fantasy adventure series about a spirited young

girl named Isla who time travels to the mythical land of Camelot. Look for The Search for the Silver Lining on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, I want to talk about this idea that it's your experience that passive people don't talk to reactive people. They talk about reactive people. That they don't talk directly to them. They talk to other people about them. And that maybe there's a reason for that. Maybe the reason is that if you talk to a reactive person, you may get a reaction that you're not going to like that's going to make things worse and blow up in your face. So what's the upside? What's the benefit for a passive person to talk directly to a reactive

person when the reaction may be terrible? Well, first of all, I think if enough passive people hold a mirror up to reactive people and help them see themselves, they're going to look for a better way to communicate, which typically doesn't happen. But I think for a passive person, what happens is that talking to people about a situation or somebody else typically doesn't help us to feel better about it. It just sort of is a fertilizer for more self-doubt and anger at the person and feeling in the victim role. What Honest, Direct, Respectful has done for me is it's helped me to deal with issues in real time and let go of them. And when I was managing a department in this medical center that I work in for five and a half years,

from the very first day I walked in, I said, let's talk to people. Let's not talk about them. And I can remember one day walking into a room where there were five employees, and it was very clear they were talking about somebody in the department, and I overheard a little bit of it, and I walked in and I said, you know, how would you like to be the topic of discussion in a room with five other people? And, you know, just to help them to understand what was happening there. And over time, we were able to change the culture to one where people talked about each other to a culture where people talk to each other. And it truly changed the culture

of that environment, that department. I would think, and I want you to respond to this and react to this, that passive people, if they thought about it, would realize that the passivity, their reluctance to be direct with someone about a problem or something that they're doing or whatever, that by avoiding it, they're dragging the whole thing out. Whereas if they were much more direct and respectful, but direct, they could deal with the problem, dispense with it, be done with it, and move on.

And that in fact, by being passive, they're just causing themselves a lot more grief over a longer period of time. Absolutely. I remember I had a physician in my office one day telling me that they were having a problem with one of our therapists and going on and on. And I looked at the physician and I said, have you talked to the therapist about this? Oh, that's right, we're doing that now, which I found really amazing that a medical doctor at that level could not understand the concept. But what I shared with the physician was, do you understand that if I go to this therapist and say, this is how this psychiatrist feels about you, what is that going to do to the relationship? And so I think that indirectness

really creates more problems, as you say, than it does help to resolve those problems. It would be better for the two people to get together and agree to disagree and stay professional than it is if they are trying to indirectly deal with a person's behavior or problem. What typically do you think is the reaction when a passive person musters up the courage or whatever it takes to be honest, direct, and respectful to a reactive person? Do you think they respect the passive person more? I absolutely do. I remember a situation walking into a room with a bunch of other people where a person was talking about a decision I made and was very angry.

And so the first thing I did to them was I said, can we go to my office and talk about this? And they said no. And so I used an honest, direct, respectful skill, and here's what I said to the person. I said, have you already made up your mind about why I made that decision, or would you like some additional information? Which stopped them dead in their tracks, and in front of all the other people,

they said, okay, I want some additional information. Now, when I began to explain to this person why the decision was made and how it was made by the group, within 30 seconds, they were angry again and in my face. And so I simply looked and said, I'm a little confused because a minute ago you told me you wanted to hear an explanation of how this decision was made, and now you seem angry and are in my face. And the person said, I don't want to hear from you. And so I walked away.

And every bone in my body wanted to go back and defend myself, but I didn't do it. I resisted that temptation. Every person that was in that room came to my office that day and said, we really thought you stepped up to the plate and handled that very well. And the person that was creating the problem came to my office the next day and apologized for their behavior, and we were able to come to a resolution. So I do think it builds respect, not only internal self-respect, but respect from other

people. Well, if your statistic is true that 80% of the population is passive, then this is a lot of good information for a lot of people to consider because as you've clearly shown being passive as well as being at the other end of the scale and being reactive both of those extremes have real consequences that aren't particularly good and there is a path to fix it dennis adams has been my guest his book is honest direct respectful three simple words that will change your life there's a link to his book in the show notes thank you dennis The book is honest, direct, respectful. Three simple words that will change your life. There's a link to his book in the show notes. Thank you, Dennis.

Like no other time of the year, holidays are travel time for many people. And as you know, if you travel at all, it can be a challenge, especially if you travel by air. But there are things you can do to ease the burden of travel, things that seasoned, experienced travelers have learned the hard way. One of them is Charles McPherson. Charles considers himself a professional traveler. For many years, he was a butler who now owns his own business where he trains and places people in the home management business, and he is the author of the book, The Pocket Butler's Guide to Travel. Hey, Charles, welcome. It's great to be here with you and your listeners. Thank you. So before we get into your meaty travel advice that people can use,

you have an interesting story about how you came to be a travel expert, so let's start there. So I'm ultimately a butler by trade. And so I worked for a very famous Canadian family that every Canadian knows and loves. And I traveled around the world with them. And, you know, it really allowed me, you know, to kind of learn some tips and tricks of how they traveled. And then ultimately, when I opened, you know, my business 20 years ago, I have the only registered butler school in North America. I travel a lot around the world training in hotels and dealing with private clients. And so I see travel all the time. And so when I take the experience of having been the butler and traveling on business,

I really thought about there needed to be more of a book that could just give people really great advice on how to make it simple, or simpler at least. So what are some of the big mistakes you see people make when they travel, things you don't do because you figured out that that's not the way to do it? I think the biggest mistake is that people are not independent. And so they're relying on things to happen. So, you know, you're going to be taking the plane to go somewhere, you're relying it to leave on time, you're relying that they're going to either serve you something to eat, or at least make something available for you to purchase. You know, you're relying on all these kinds of services.

And so the problem is, as soon as there's a wrinkle in the process, it becomes really frustrating. And I have learned that the more independent you can make yourself so that you're not reliant on people, the easier and the more enjoyable any type of travel is. Well, I love that because there's always a wrinkle in the process. There's never a trip that doesn't have a wrinkle. Exactly. And so whether it's because of a delay or because, you know, if you have a food allergy, for example,

and even if you've ordered a special meal on the plane, sometimes the planes make mistakes. And so order your special meal for your allergy, absolutely. But you need to have the backup plan in your carry-on so that if all else falls apart, you can still be happy and function. Or what are you going to do if you get halfway around the world and your credit card isn't working because of whatever reason. At least you have to have some cash. You have to have a second backup credit card. So all these kinds of things make life just so much easier when you're on the road.

And we're all anxious when we're away from home. You know what I've done? It works for me. I probably used to get more upset when I would travel when things went wrong. But I've just resigned myself to the fact that on any trip, something's likely to go wrong because there are so many possible things that could go wrong. I don't know what's going to go wrong, but chances are something's going to go wrong.

The plane will be delayed. The baggage gets lost. Something's going to go wrong. So I just resign myself to it and expect it. And then if it doesn't go wrong, I'm delightfully surprised. And if it does go wrong, well, my expectations have been met. So I think that's a great way to put it. And one of the things that I do when I travel is I kind of say, you know what, the reality is, they're usually, you know, whether you're doing a three-hour drive to the other state to go to grandmother's house or you're taking a three-hour flight somewhere warm, you know, or something, I try to make the travel day as a whole day and just give into the fact that there could be a traffic jam, there could be a flight delay, I could lose my luggage. And that, you know, chances are, if I just allow myself to think about the whole day as a travel day, that any time that I get at the end is a bonus, but at least I've prepared for it.

Right, exactly. So let's get into some specifics of things people can do to make travel better, easier, simpler. So you're trying to get ready for a trip. I think the most important thing is you have to kind of think about, well, what am I doing on this trip? And the biggest mistake that people do is they open up their suitcase and they start putting clothes into the suitcase. What that does is it means that you're absolutely going to overpack and or forget something. The best thing you can do is start to put everything on the bed, lay it all out, and then think about what are you wearing on each day of your trip and kind of start to put those items to one side of the bed.

And all of a sudden, you'll realize that there's a lot of stuff there that you don't necessarily need or you're missing something. And then you can start to look at, well, how can I mix and match that I can reduce a pair of pants or I only need one sweater rather than two or three shirts rather than four. And it actually becomes quite interesting. And when you do that, so that's the first thing is just kind of reducing. Well, there's that old advice about when you pack, you know, pack your suitcase and then put half of it back because you're never going to need it. It's interesting because statistically, most people don't use half of what they bring. And so, especially today, when we have to pay to ship luggage, it's expensive.

And so, think about, do you really need it? Or, you know, if you're going on a shopping trip, then maybe you go with an empty suitcase so that you can come back with things that you're going to buy that you can then fill in your suitcase and wear while you're on your trip. Yeah, well, that's always the problem when you buy stuff on a trip and then you've packed your suitcase to the hilt and now there's no place to put anything to bring back. I've found myself, unfortunately, many times having to buy a second suitcase

where I am somewhere around the world exactly for that reason. Now, I noticed that you suggest people pack their own toiletries, even if they're staying at a hotel, because you say that the stuff at the hotel is not so great. But that surprises me. as good as what you're using in your own home. And, you know, it's a cost to the hotels. And so they're looking ultimately for, you know, it to be the most cost effective. And one of the things that I do because I travel so often, I actually keep my toiletry bag always packed and full so that when I am traveling, I just throw it into my suitcase. But I personally, I keep soap and shampoo and shaving cream and, you know, all those kinds of things in there because you never know what you're going to find

or the bottle is so small, there's really not enough, you know, for you. And I just personally think it's better to be, again, independent. And some places, you know, don't, they forget to put it in your room or whatever. So I just, again, I love being independent. People who listen to Something You Should Know are curious about the world, looking to hear new ideas and perspectives. So I want to tell you about a podcast that is full of new ideas and perspectives, and one I've started listening to called Intelligence Squared. It's the podcast where great minds meet.

Listen in for some great talks on science, tech, politics, creativity, wellness, and a lot more. A couple of recent examples, Mustafa Suleiman, the CEO of Microsoft AI, discussing the future of technology. That's pretty cool. And writer, podcaster, and filmmaker John Ronson, discussing the rise of conspiracies and culture wars. Intelligence Squared is the kind of podcast that gets you thinking a little more openly about the important conversations going on today. Being curious, you're probably just the type of person Intelligence Squared is meant for.

Check out Intelligence Squared wherever you get your podcasts. Do you love Disney? Then you are going to love our hit podcast, Disney Countdown. I'm Megan, the Magical Millennial. And I'm the Dapper Danielle. On every episode of our fun and family-friendly show, we count down our top 10 lists of all things Disney. There is nothing we don't cover.

We are famous for rabbit holes, Disney themed games, and fun facts you didn't know you needed, but you definitely need in your life. So if you're looking for a healthy dose of Disney magic, check out Disney Countdown wherever you get your podcasts. Well, and I read recently that a lot of hotels, and not just, you know, bargain basement hotels, but some major hotels are rethinking that whole, you know, little bottles of stuff in the bathroom like shampoo and conditioner and hand lotion and all that. And now they're putting it in these these big containers that they bolt to the wall of the hotel bathroom and you'll pump it out that way. So I like your idea of bringing your own stuff because, yeah, it's probably better. And talk about the hotel experience because I don't think people give a lot of thought to that. I mean, what's important at a hotel?

What's not important? That kind of thing. So, well, when you get to the hotel, I think the most important thing that you need to do is you need to make friends with the concierge because they really are the key to the city. So they know how to tell you how to take the subway or how to take the bus. They know how to take the best route if you're going to be driving somewhere. They know where the movies are in town or the theater or the museums. They can help you get into a restaurant. So a concierge can be really to your advantage.

And the other thing is, I remember once being in Paris, and I wanted to go to this museum, and I asked the concierge about the times that the museum was going to be open and so on and so forth. And I remember the concierge saying, you do know about the secret door, don't you? And I said, what are you talking about? And he said to me that there was this second entrance to the museum that most people didn't know about, and so the lineups were, like, much smaller. And so that was, like, such a great tip that you don't necessarily find on the Internet. And so I think making friends with the concierge at the hotel

really can help you have a better experience in the city where you're traveling. And what about in a hotel, just like, I've heard things like, you know, don't touch the bedspread or the remotes because they're germy and filthy. I mean, what about the room itself? And you have that suggestion about if it's stuffy and not very humid to fill up the bathtub and talk about that. Well, that's something that I do all the time, actually. So, you know, unfortunately, a lot of hotels now you can't open a window and that drives me nuts. And in the wintertime, particularly when it's dry and there's no humidity in the air, the first thing I do is I turn on the hot water, you know, close the bathtub, fill up the hot water in the bathtub,

and I leave the bathroom door open because then the humidity comes into the room. And I find that that makes a big difference. But, you know, the example of, you know, the bedspread, that's one of the first things that if there is one that I take off and I don't touch it throughout the rest of the trip, but the remote control, I have, you know, little cotton, you know, disinfectant swabs that I keep in my toiletries bag. And I use one of those and I actually wipe down the remote control. It's one of the few cuckoo things that I'm really particular about when I'm in a hotel room because they tend to be very unhygienic. Well, because no one ever cleans them.

I can't imagine the maid goes, oh, I forgot to clean the remotes. But you know what's fascinating is that it's actually something that's dirty in our own homes. But I think the difference is when it's your dirt versus someone else's dirt, it's two different kinds of things. Exactly. My germs are okay. Exactly. It's that unknown guy that was in that room last night that creeps me out. Totally creeps me out. So when you fly, what do you do, if anything, different during the flight that makes your trip better than mine? I think the difference is that I have not relied on the meal.

I have not relied on the entertainment. I mean, I have sometimes sat in a seat, and the plane is full, and we take know, we take off and I go to turn on, you know, the little screen in front of me to watch a movie and it's not working. So now, great, I'm going to sit here for the next six and a half hours with no screen to look at and I didn't bring any reading material. So again, I have a little something to eat in my bag. I always have a book or I have, you know, a Kindle or some kind of something, you know, electronic to be able to read. So I try to have all those things ready so that no matter what happens throughout the flight, there's, you know, I'm well organized, you know. And the one thing that drives me nuts is I always remember to take a pen because, you know, filling out those customs cards, you know, if you're going abroad, we're always looking for a pen. One thing that I think people don't think a lot about is, what if I get sick? What if

something happens on this trip? So let's talk about that. So if you have certain medical conditions, it's really important, I've learned, that you carry what your conditions are and you have all of your doctor's information and contact details because there's nothing worse than when you are not feeling well abroad and the doctor who you are seeing says, well, what medication are you taking? And you go, well, I don't really know. It's my doctor who keeps track of all of that. That's a problem because it's harder for them to treat you. So I've learned, having seen, unfortunately, doctors around the world, to carry a list of all of my medications.

If I have any particular issues, I make sure that my doctor explains it to me so that I can clearly explain to another medical professional what my issue may be. And also, if I was going somewhere knowing that, you know, I have a particular situation that I'm dealing with, I might even look into who could I see if I have a problem when I get to that destination. Something important that you point out that I think a lot of people don't realize is, you know, in this country, if you have a medical emergency, if there's something really wrong with you, you can go to an emergency room and you will be seen. That's not necessarily true in other countries where you need to pay first or you need to show proof of the ability to pay before you'll ever see a doctor.

Exactly. And so you have to be, you know ever see a doctor. Exactly. And so you have to be, you know, I remember once, you know, being in China and I had, which I didn't know was at the time, to have an operation on my finger for an ingrown fingernail. And the doctor wouldn't operate until I went to pay the bill. And so I go, I didn't have any cash. I said, do you take American Express? And they said, yes, thank goodness. And I go to the counter and he says to me, it's $45,000. I thought,

oh my God, $45,000. I was freaked, thinking to myself, my credit card will never take this. I'm going to have to call home to get my mother to wire me some money or something. And then I didn't realize, of course, with the conversion, it was really only a couple of hundred dollars of what I needed for this operation in comparison. But you need to be able to pay because they don't have to treat you the way they do in America. Yeah, I remember 10, 15 years ago, people always would go to the bank and get traveler's checks before they travel. And now, you know, not very many places take traveler's checks before they travel. And now, you know, not very many places take traveler's checks. I know they still make them, but not many people take them, not that many banks dispense them, because people rely on their debit card and their credit cards to get them through the trip.

But I think you still need to have cash with you. You can't say, well, you know what, I have a credit card and I have a debit card, because sometimes when you go somewhere, there isn't an ATM machine or the ATM machine is broken. Or I was in China, going back to China again once when I went to use my ATM card and that particular machine didn't take my kind of ATM card, so I couldn't get cash. So cash is king when you're traveling. And so, you know, or sometimes you only allow so much on a daily limit. And you need, you know, you want or you need more. So again, get cash ahead of time. Make sure your credit card company knows that you're going to be traveling somewhere. And make sure you know what your limits are of what you can take.

You know, those will also really help you. Yeah, I think that advice of notifying the credit card companies that you're traveling is really good advice. I know a lot of people, including me, have been caught by surprise when traveling, and I forgot to tell the credit card company I was going on a trip, and they declined the charges because of their enhanced security. I was far from home. They see a charge that's, you know, 10 states away from where I live. They think, hey, maybe that's fraud,

and they decline it. And then you've got to unravel that. And what about travel insurance? I've never purchased travel insurance. Do you? I don't personally buy travel insurance for my plane ticket or my trip, although I know people that have

and have been very thankful. But the one insurance that I always make that have and have been very thankful. But the one insurance that I always make sure that I have is medical insurance no matter where I go, because that is something that, you know, when you might feel fine at the time when you leave and you go halfway across the country, you know, maybe your insurance company doesn't cover you in that state or, you know, that country. And so for me, medical insurance is the one thing that's not negotiable when I travel. When you fly, where do you sit? Do you have a favorite seat on the airplane? And if so, why? I do. So, well, first of all, my favorite seats are always

on. So if you're facing the front of the aircraft, looking towards the cockpit, I always like to be on the right-hand side of the aircraft. And for me, the reason is because quite often, the flight attendants aren't very good at closing the curtains of the galley. And when you sit on the left, the galley's on the right, and so the light comes across, and it keeps me awake. So my kind of thing for me, and of course every listener is going to start going on the right-hand side of the aircraft, is I like the right-hand side because the chance of the light doesn't get in your way.

And, you know, I tend to, like a window seat personally, I tend to be a little bit at the back of the cabin so that I can kind of see what's going on. So that's kind of my thing. What else? What other things do you either find people don't understand or you see them make the mistake or things you do that other people don't? Just anything else. You know, we all have to go through security.

There is no way around it. So usually you're going to have to take your electronics out, any kind of metal of any kind. And so to me, I think the most important thing in your carry-on is to kind of have all your cords, your computer cords, or your computer, or your iPhone, or whatever. I try to keep all that together so that when you pull all that stuff, it's easy for you to pull it out of your bag. I try to always wear slip-on shoes so that I can get in and out of my shoes really easy at the airport through security. I think that's the number one irritation that people don't think about is when they go through security,

there are liquids and computer things, and all that stuff has to come out. And when you're not ready, A, it slows you down, it slows the line down and people behind you get irritated. Well, it is interesting to see when a new traveler or someone who's not paying attention gets up to the front of the line and, oh, I have to take my computer out or I have to take my shoes off and people get really irritated because it does. It slows the line down. So that's some great advice. Charles McPherson has been my guest.

He is author of the book, The Pocket Butler's Guide to Travel, and you will find a link to his book in the show notes. Thank you, Charles. Be well. Bye-bye. Every November in the United States, we celebrate Thanksgiving, and the holiday season in general is a time to give thanks. Yet expressing gratitude may be something we should do every day. Research on gratitude has shown that being thankful leads to overall well-being,

and you can be thankful for a specific person, a pet, a thing, or just being thankful for being alive. It doesn't really matter. Grateful teens are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. Men and women with heart disease who practice gratitude have been shown to have significant improvement in their heart health. Thankful people are more likely to demonstrate self-control. Being thankful improves your self-esteem, and you'll be less likely to compare yourself with others. And gratitude improves your resilience and mental strength.

So it's worth taking time to think what you're grateful for. That's the podcast today. I'm Micah Ruthers. Thanks for listening to Something You Should Know. Welcome to the small town of Chinook, where faith runs deep and secrets run deeper. In this new thriller, religion and crime collide when a gruesome murder rocks the isolated Montana community. Everyone is quick to point their fingers at a drug-addicted teenager, but local deputy Ruth Vogel isn't convinced. She suspects connections to a powerful religious group. Enter federal agent V.B. Loro, who has been investigating a local church for possible criminal activity. The pair form an unlikely partnership to catch the killer, unearthing

secrets that leave Ruth torn between her duty to the law, her religious convictions, and her very own family. But something more sinister than murder is afoot, and someone is watching Ruth. Chinook. Starring Kelly Marie Tran and Sanaa Lathan. Listen to Chinook wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, this is Rob Benedict. And I am Richard Spate.

We were both on a little show you might know called Supernatural. It had a pretty good run, 15 seasons, 327 episodes. And though we have seen, of course, every episode many times, we figured, hey, now that we're wrapped, let's watch it all again. And we can't do that alone. So we're inviting the cast and crew that made the show along for the ride. We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and we'll of course have some actors on as well, including some certain guys that played some certain pretty iconic brothers.

It was kind of a little bit of a left field choice in the best way possible. The note from Kripke was, he's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent Duchovny type." With 15 seasons to explore, it's going to be the road trip of several lifetimes, so please join us and subscribe to Supernatural then and now.