Something You Should Know - Proven Ways to Be Instantly Happier Forever & Things About Christmas You Never Knew

Episode Date: December 7, 2017

How’s your driving? Sure you know you are a good driver but what do other drivers think? This episode starts with a slightly unusual driver’s test. Then, you know those people who are always so happy? Is it hard work to be that happy or does it just come naturally? David Niven author of several books on happiness including 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People (http://amzn.to/2kqKd17), explores the science of happiness and offers amazingly simple strategies to make you and those around you a lot happier. Also, there are four questions you should ask on a first date to see if you should bother with a second date. I’ll tell you what those questions are. Plus, you are about to learn things about Christmas you never knew. Why do we celebrate this holiday the way we do, where did it really come from who is responsible for the way we view all things that are Christmas? Bruce Forbes is a professor of religious studies at Morningside College in Sioux City, Iowa and author of the book Christmas: A Candid History (http://amzn.to/2B7pWEN) explains some of the fascinating facts behind Christmas and why he believes there are actually 2 Christmases – the religious one and the cultural one. And his explanation is fascinating.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As a listener to Something You Should Know, I can only assume that you are someone who likes to learn about new and interesting things and bring more knowledge to work for you in your everyday life. I mean, that's kind of what Something You Should Know was all about. And so I want to invite you to listen to another podcast called TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right? Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks. Well, you see, TED Talks Daily is a podcast that brings you a new TED Talk every weekday in less than 15 minutes. Join host Elise Hu.

She goes beyond the headlines so you can hear about the big ideas shaping our future. Learn about things like sustainable fashion, embracing your entrepreneurial spirit, the future of robotics, and so much more. Like I said, if you like this podcast, Something You Should Know, I'm pretty sure you're going to like TED Talks Daily. And you get TED Talks Daily wherever you get your podcasts. Today on Something You Should Know, you might think you're a good driver, but what do other people think? We'll find out. Then, understanding the science of happiness and what it really takes to make people happy for the long term. Relatively speaking, who took the garbage out is not that important but you know who made

someone feel loved or who made somebody feel unwelcome is is everything also the best four questions to ask on a first date to see if there should ever be a second date and the fascinating evolution of christmas i'd like to say to people i think there's a christian christmas and a cultural christmas and the cultural christ Christmas just has grown and grown over the years. And you know, one of the most striking examples I think of this is in Japan, about half of the homes have Christmas trees. But in Japan, about 2% of the people are Christian. All this today on Something You Should Know. Something You Should Know. Fascinating intel.

The world's top experts. And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. You know, I like to think of myself as a pretty good driver. I've only had one ticket in my entire life and that was when I was 19 and I've only had one ticket in my entire life, and that was when I was

19, and I've only been in, I think, in one car. Was it just one? Yeah, I think one car crash. I also was 19 at the time. So that year, that year I was not a particularly good driver, but since then I've clearly stepped up my game because I haven't had a ticket or an accident since. And the truth is, most of us think we're good drivers, but the fact is that you and I may be doing things without even knowing it that make other drivers think we're not such good drivers.

For example, crowding the car in front of you on an uphill stop sign or stoplight. This is annoying because between the time the driver in front of you takes his foot off the brake and moves it to the gas pedal, his car may start rolling backwards a little bit. And if he has a manual transmission, it almost surely will start to roll back. And you look like a jerk if you stop too close behind him. And your jerkiness rating doubles even more if you then honk at the guy for rolling back when the light changes because he's getting too close to your car,

which was your fault in the first place. Here's another one, and this one really drives me crazy, is when people yield the right-of- way when it's their turn to go. Sure, you're being nice to let people go in front of you, but it throws off the rhythm, it creates confusion and anger. So when it's your time to go, go. Also, revving your engine at a traffic light. Now, you know, this is a guy thing, I guess, but really no one's impressed. It's not Daytona. It's just a neighborhood street, and everyone who hears you revving your

engine at the stoplight really just thinks you're a moron. Not using your turn signal. What is so hard about letting people know what you intend to do? So use your turn signal when you're changing lanes or turning. It's really easy, just don't do it too late or too early. Because, you know, when you signal four blocks before you really intend to turn, nobody really knows what you're doing. Here's the last one. Creeping forward at a red light. And we've all done this, but why? Do we really think that those extra inches will somehow pay off later when the light turns green?

And really, people are just laughing at you. And that is something you should know. So who doesn't want to be happy? We all want to be happy, but does happiness come by chance or is it deliberate? Do happy people make a conscious effort to be happy or are they just that way? And what about the science? Happiness has been studied a lot. And perhaps there are some things we can take from that science and apply to our own lives to be happier.

For years, David Niven has studied the research and published several books about this, including 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People, 100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families, and several other books as well. And what he does is he translates the scientific findings into practical actions that we can all take to be happier. Welcome, David. Thanks very much, Mike. It's a pleasure to be here. So I think everyone has heard that happy people, you know, tend to be optimistic, that they have strong relationships.

But beyond that, what are the other things? What are the things that maybe we've missed that happy people do? We have a general, you know, tendency to exaggerate the importance of what's happening immediately around us. And so, you know, everybody falls victim to, oh, man, I'm stuck in traffic. This is the worst thing that's ever happened, kind of thinking. And the folks who are on a kind of a healthier, happier plane are able to sort of step back from that a little bit and put that into perspective and not let those little frustrations that absolutely everybody encounters,

not let them stand for the day, not let them dominate their thinking. You know, that's one of the things that, you know, I think shocks people when I talk about, you know, happiness research is. You know, that's one of the things that, you know, I think shocks people when I talk about, you know, happiness research is, you know, the general notion that happy people have some kind of magical existence where they float between, you know, chocolate sundaes and other delights. And in reality, you know, happy people get stuck in traffic and happy people, you know,

have some unpleasant co-workers and happy people have all the same kinds of frustrations, but they're better at not letting those frustrations block out everything else. They're better at, you know, being able to put things in just the tiniest bit of perspective to say that, you know, even if traffic is really frustrating, it's not more important than the other 23 and a half hours of your day. And we all know people like that, but do you think, or does the science say, that those people are wired that way, or that's a deliberate thing that they try to do? Well, I think there's kind of a combination here. I think that as we get smarter about the building blocks of a good life,

that people can see the path to that. You know, I think some people are blessed to be wired that way and they can happily go about, you know, sort of shaking off the frustrations. And then, you know, a lot of us can learn to approach things that way. And I'll give you a perfect example of this. Breaking a routine, no matter how trivial, no matter how small, breaking a routine contributes to a positive outlook and a more creative approach to what you're doing. So what does that mean? Well, if you eat the same sandwich at lunch five days in a row, break the routine. If you go to work the exact same way every day, break the routine. Go a slightly different way. If these are your, this is the stuff that you wear to work every Monday,

break the routine and wear a different shirt. Little things like that that anybody could learn and put into practice and all of a sudden contribute to a slightly more, you know, positive approach to what they're doing. And so I think, I think the bottom line answer is it's both. It's, there's some people who happened upon this, you know, by, you know, by nature. And there's some people who happen upon a better approach to life by, you know, by reading books, by, by listening to your show, by, you know, thinking through what, you thinking through what they could do very easily that would make their lives just a little better.

There's so much talk about the need for relationships, human contact, all of that. But why is that? What is it that people get from that that makes them happy? What people, everybody needs, including the introverts, what everybody needs is the human reinforcement. They need a sense of themselves relative to other humans that, you know, that puts them in something of a positive light. So what does that mean? Well, I give you my favorite example of something tiny that will contribute to a positive outlook and is inherently human. Do something. It could be as minor as holding the door open the next time you're walking into a convenience store. Do something kind for someone. And everyone,

I don't care how introverted you are, Everyone gets this little ping of pleasure from everybody has that need for that little bit of reinforcing human contact. And that's why, you know, research is really not uniform on there's one thing that everybody needs except this. You know, they need that human reinforcement, no matter which way you access it. And the holding the door open is just one little thing that, you know, happens to apply and work for absolutely everybody. Talk a bit about families and what the secrets are for families to get along with each other and be happy as opposed to individuals. Well, you know, again, in the family dynamic, what, you know, the research is, you know, is very clear on the incredible value of seeing something that's larger than yourself

and not being stymied by a winner-take-all, me-versus-them mentality. The key to a fulfilling family life is that capacity to put yourself into that context. And so, you know, when you think about people who are arguing with each other, one of the things that research finds is step away from that argument, you know, for a few weeks or months, and a lot of people will forget what the actual subject was, what, you know, what got us started on that argument. But everybody will remember the feelings that came up during the argument, the feelings that you experienced if somebody was telling you how wrong you were or you were saying how wrong they were. So the point of that is to be able to step

back and see winning the argument is actually not all that productive. And thinking about the larger purpose of what you're doing is quite productive. And so, you know, that very first step, you know, regardless of whether it's a love relationship or a parenting relationship or what, you know, that very first step is the biggest one. Isn't that interesting? And everyone has experienced that, that when you recall that you had an argument with someone in into perspective, you know, relatively speaking, who took the garbage out is not that important, but, you know, who made someone feel loved or who made somebody feel unwelcome is everything. And so, you know, that kind of understanding, to be able to step back and even as you're frustrated, to be able to see

something bigger and something more important than the moment. And again, it comes back to that capacity to see something bigger than the moment, whether you're stuck in traffic or whether you're having an argument about whose turn it is to take out the trash. It is a true source of power and stability to be able to see something bigger. My guest is David Niven. He is the author of 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People, 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships, and other books about happiness. You know, every freelance business person knows

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customer service is super friendly. Plus, a real live person usually answers the phone in three rings or less. To claim your month-long, unrestricted, free trial, no credit card required, go to freshbooks.com slash something and enter something you should know in the How Did You Hear About Us section. That's freshbooks.com slash something. So David, in all the research you've done on all of this through all of these books, what are a few things that you found most surprising that the science says? Well, I'll give you an example from a more recent book called It's Not About the Shark, which is about solving problems. The gist of the

research on this is kind of fascinating. If you start out focused on a problem that you're trying to solve, if you start out with a laser focus on the problem itself, you're less likely to be able to come up with a solution than if you start out thinking about, what could I do about this situation? What could I do to make this better? So if you start off unfocused on what's wrong, you're never going to get past it. And this started as a research project. They showed engineers a challenge. And these were folks who were getting ready to go out into the world and design all kinds of products. And they said, we want you to make the ultimate bike rack for a car. And the first group of engineers, they gave them this task and they said, here's how other

engineers have failed at this. Here's where they've gone wrong and haven't been able to solve this. And the second group, they said, build a bike rack for the car. We want you to make it as best as you possibly can. And they didn't tell them anything about how other people had struggled. They didn't say how this was hard. And it turns out the second group came up with vastly more ideas and better ideas for the bike rack. And the difference was the second group was trying to come up with the best idea possible, and the first group was trying to solve the problem. And so that applies regardless of whether we're talking about personal lives or professional

lives. You start by working toward what you want, not working against what you don't want. If you can think through where do you actually want to be rather than how do I solve this thing I don't want? You're going to be more creative and more passionate. You're going to come up with better ideas and you're going to take this farther. So, I mean, that as a kind of a starting block for whatever it is you're encountering in life, I think is surprising to a lot of people because I think our tendency is, you know, if there's a problem, then I'm going to put all my effort into that problem. I'm going to focus on that and nothing else in the world.

And that's actually the worst way to solve anything. And yet that is the problem-solving way to fix what's wrong. Right. And the bigger the problem, the harder you work at it. And so, you know, the more important this thing is, the worse it is, and this could be a problem at work, this could be a problem at home, you know, the worse it is, the more you just, you know, you redouble your efforts. And the next thing you know, you block out the sun with regard to what you would do. And, you know, it's not about the

sharks. It starts with an anecdote about Steven Spielberg making the film Jaws. It was his first major movie, and it was incredibly critical to his professional future. If this failed, he was going to be a failure. He had spent most of the film's budget on a mechanical shark, and the mechanical shark for Jaws didn't work. It puffed up so that it looked like a giant sea marshmallow. It didn't move when they told it to move. It couldn't menace swimmers because it was just a dud. And so he was looking at a whole host of unattractive options.

He could try and build another shark, but there was no money for it. He could try and fix the shark, but he didn't have time because the movie production had already begun. If he had focused on, I have a broken shark, how am I going to fix it? Jaws would never have been made. And instead he focused on, how could I make this movie as good as possible? And he hit upon the idea of, for the most part, don't show the shark. Give people the chance to imagine the shark is coming for them. Let them fill it in. And so that's where he came up with that idea of the camera being half above and half below the water and using that music to suggest the shark is coming.

And that idea is the whole magic of the movie. That's what it's remembered for, and that's why it became a classic. And it was only possible because he didn't focus in on, what am I going to do with a broken shark? Instead, he focused in on, how do I make the best movie possible? And that's really the approach, whatever it is you're up against,

that actually produces great ideas. What else? Because that's a home run right there. I mean, that's a game changer. But a couple more of those kind of little insights would really be cool. Sure, sure, sure. Here's a good one. Optimists literally walking down the street spend less time looking down,

and pessimists spend more time looking down. And so here's a little thing, but it affects everything that you see and everything that you feel. If you're looking down, you know, you're seeing, you know, I don't know, gum on the sidewalk and, you know, nothing, you know, nothing of any great hope and wonder. If you're looking up, the sky is, you know, the sky is welcoming you. The world is welcoming you. You know, little things like this, you know, that you do every know, that you do every day, that you do all day long are reinforcing positive or negative feelings. And regardless of,

you know, everything else that's going on, all the things that are outside of your control, you know, I think we underestimate sometimes the value of the things that are perfectly in our control. And so, you know, I would very much encourage folks to understand that, that yes, there's going to be frustrations, but there are little things each day that you can do. Hold open that door, take a look up at the sky and not just down at your shoes that are going to reinforce positive feelings that you have about everything

and open yourself up to positive experiences and not leave you kind of closed off from things. And that sounds good, but is there real science behind that? There is. There's real science behind it. And that's why I say some of these things, and I mentioned earlier that don't wear the same clothes to work every Monday. There's real science behind this. We've, you know, the host of studies that have been done in this area

where a group will be encouraged to do, you know, to do one of these things, change their routine, and then the scientists bring them in and give them a little test, give them a little, you know, like one of those word puzzle tests or creativity tests, and the folks whose routine has been changed do better on these tests. There's real science behind it. You know, I'll give you one of my favorite examples of the shocking power of doing something a little bit more pleasant. A group of researchers created a medical file for a patient, and it described an array of symptoms and conditions. They gave the file to, you know, practicing physicians and they said, okay, diagnose this person. And half the

physicians, they gave them the file and those instructions, half the physicians, they gave them the file and a chocolate bar. And so literally, it was describing the same patient with the same conditions. And the chocolate bar doctors did better on the task. The chocolate bar doctors were more likely to successfully diagnose the patient. So what does that mean? A little bit of joy, a little momentary bit of joy in these highly trained professionals' lives. And all of a sudden, they were better at what they're doing. And that's why I say we have great, great science on the power of these little actions that make you a little bit more open to positive outcomes, that make you a little bit more open to trying harder,

that make you just a little bit more open to enjoying what you're doing, and it can change everything. Well, it is interesting how we sort of squeeze the joy out of life in many ways, and yet putting it back in has real benefits besides just, you know, feeling good. You know, that's why I say these ideas along the lines of breaking out of routines or breaking out of things that kind of close you off, you know, there is an enormous power in that, you know, in seeing yourself not simply as, you know, a widget, you know, as another cog in some larger machine, but really taking some human moments into this, you know, and on one level, it sounds kind of frightening that, well,

my doctor's going to do a better job, you know, figuring out what's wrong with me if he or she has a chocolate bar before they see me. But on the other hand, that is really just testimony to the power of human feeling and that caring for the whole of ourselves is actually every bit as important, every bit as critical as all the other things that we think of as the essence of providing and protecting for lives. That, you know, providing and protecting for that joy and that human connection is every bit as critical as, you know, as food and shelter. So it seems like the message is, yeah, happiness takes a little work, but it's just a little work, and that with a little effort, we could all be a lot happier. David Niven has been my guest.

He is a researcher and author of several books on happiness, including 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People and 100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families, and the other book he mentioned in our discussion, It's Not About the Shark. There's a link to his page on Amazon that has all of his books about happiness and the shark and everything else, and that's in the show notes for this episode. Thanks for being here, David. My pleasure. Christmas is one of my favorite times of year, and clearly it is for a lot of people because Christmas is a big deal here in the U.S. and in other countries as well,

although we all have different ways of celebrating it. For those people who celebrate Christmas, there are some things about where this holiday comes from and why we celebrate it the way we do that may surprise you. And some of what you're about to hear, I suspect you have never heard before. Bruce Forbes is a professor of religious studies at Morningside College in Sioux City, Iowa, and he's author of a fascinating book called Christmas, A Candid History. Hi, Bruce. Welcome. It's a pleasure to be with you. Thanks.

So I take it from this book that you have a real interest in this holiday, not just the religious part of the holiday, but all aspects of Christmas and how we celebrate it and why we celebrate it and where it came from. So when you did all this research, what was most surprising to you? One is to realize that a huge amount of what we consider Christmas is really typical of winter celebrations and doesn't especially have to do with Jesus. The second big surprise for me is that the earliest Christians did not have an annual celebration about the birth of Jesus. They focused for two to three hundred years on the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus,

and it's only three hundred years or so into the religion that they finally decide, let's have an annual celebration about the birth of Jesus. And they put it right in the middle of pre-existing midwinter parties that all kinds of cultures had, especially in Europe. So yes, it's about Jesus, but Christians took a while to decide to do it. When did Christmas start to look like what we consider Christmas now? You know, there's kind of a slow evolution along the way. I would say the way we look at Christmas now, family-centered, about generosity, a lot of the other things,

it's really a product of the 1800s and more recent. And the 1800s is the period, you hear people talk about the Victorian Christmas, because pretty much through that century, Queen Victoria was queen in England. There's a longer story about earlier Puritans tried to get rid of Christmas because they said early Christians didn't do it. They were right. So Puritans discouraged Christmas in England and in the American colonies for a while. And then the people who brought it back and what they brought back is something very much like our Christmas today, is Charles Dickens with his story of Christmas Carol, and Queen Victoria and Prince Albert,

and they're having a Christmas tree, and the family gathered around it. A lot of what we do now comes out of the 1800s, and it continues today. What we've added is more and more presence all along the way. Right. So in the story of Christmas Carol about Scrooge and Jacob Marley and all those people, was he creating a Christmas, or was he reflecting what was really going on? Yeah, excellent question. Because when I've ever seen it or read it, I thought that Dickens was telling us kind of what Christmas was like at that time. And that's not the case. Christmas had been discouraged, and Dickens wanted to revive it.

So you'd have to say he revives Christmas or helps reinvent Christmas. For instance, Scrooge, who is such a negative figure until his heart has changed, he represents a lot of the people of the time who, yes, everybody worked on Christmas Day, and you weren't supposed to do these other things. Charles Dickens wanted to bring it back, and so he's an advocate with this story, a very successful advocate. Isn't that interesting? Because when I watched the movie, and I love the movie, the one with Alistair Sim in it as Scrooge, when you see them decorating the tree and having their dinner and all that, I just assumed that that was what life was like then, not that he was trying to create and encourage that life, that he was reflecting it. And you're saying not necessarily so.

Not necessarily. And scholars call this an invented tradition, because as soon as it takes off, we think it's always been that way. And in fact, he helps reinvent it. One interesting tidbit here is, I mean, because the norm was with the Puritan discouragement, people should be working on Christmas Day. This should not be a holiday. You'll notice that even in the Christmas Carol story, when Scrooge wakes up the next morning and his heart has changed and he throws open the window and asks the boy in the street, what day is it? And he says, Christmas. Oh, good. I haven't forgot. I haven't missed it. And then what does he do? He sends the boy to get a goose or turkey

to get a bird for Tiny Tim's family, right? Which means the store was open. Right, right. Yeah, I've never thought about that, but you're right. Yeah, so he's trying to get that changed, and that's why he wants Scrooge to be a villain and to have his mind changed, because he wants the culture to change in that way. So when did we, whose idea was it to say, hey, let's go out and chop a tree down and bring it in the house? Well, I think the Christmas tree tradition is probably mostly German, starts in the 1500s and 1600s. But back to the point I made earlier about predictable things in midwinter festivals.

Midwinter festivals, long before Jesus walked the earth, they usually had candles and burning logs of light to push back the darkness of winter. And they usually had evergreens because it looks like, you know, evergreens are something that stays alive when it looks like everything else has died. And so evergreens had been part of these midwinter celebrations for a long time, but the tree comes out of German tradition and it then, through Queen Victoria, gets very popular in England, and through that popularity gets very popular in the United States. The reason it goes from Germany to England is that I don't know all the English royalty. I get confused about this, but I've learned this. I mean, Queen Victoria is part of the House of Hanover, and the House of Hanover is of German background.

So those people, like Queen Victoria, would marry a spouse from Germany, who was Prince Albert. And guess what? He brings a Christmas tree out of his tradition, and it's part of Windsor Castle. People love Queen Victoria. Everybody wants to do what that family does, and off we go. What mark did Americans make on Christmas? How have we changed it? Well, I think one of the big ones is the evolution of Santa Claus. And that's one of the most fascinating stories for me. If you talk about the roots of Santa Claus, it's really rooted in traditions about St. Nicholas. And of course, early on, we've made these interchangeable now, St. Nick, etc.

But there are all these traditions from the early church and then through the Middle Ages about St. Nicholas, who's a gift giver and a protector, but he's a bishop. And his birthday, well, his death day, the day that they would celebrate St. Nicholas Day, would be December 6th, which is not exactly Christmas, but it's in the period leading up to it. When those traditions about St. Nicholas come over to the United States, it's not one simple shift in the chapter I have about this. I have six stages where six different people contribute things that slowly morph St. Nicholas into what we now see as Santa Claus. And that includes some writing by Washington Irving, you know, the same guy who did Rip Van Winkle and so on. He's got St. Nicholas riding through the sky in a sleigh pulled by a horse, wearing knickers, which is not a

bishop's robe. And later, the famous poem that you and I know about the night before Christmas, that's the same kind of story as what we've just said about Dickens. That poem does not reflect what people thought about St. Nick at the time. He's creating something. First of all, it happens on Christmas Eve, not St. Nicholas Day. Secondly, we've got a whole bunch of reindeer who get names, a whole bunch of what we think about, you know, this is the Christmas tradition now. In fact, the author of that poem helped shift things. A big surprise here, by the way, is I know if you buy a children's storybook with that poem now, we know the image of Santa Claus who's in there. If you read the words

of the poem at that point in the morphing, he's not full-sized yet. He's an elf. Right, right. Jolly old elf. And even more, it says a miniature sleigh, eight tiny reindeer. Those words are all the way through. He's an elf, which would help explain how he goes up and down a chimney, by the way. Right. But then, and the first time that poem was published anonymously first, republished some, the first time it was ever published with an illustration, the illustration looked like a scruffy leprechaun. Nothing we picture him today. And the poem, the word is St. Nick.

It's not Santa Claus. But again, in the morphing, the Dutch who really bring this tradition over would call him Sankte Klaus, and that's a short trip to Santa Claus, so that name starts to stick. Another person who adds things is Thomas Nast, the commercial artist for Harper's who did work with them for about 30 years, helped create the elephant and the donkey for the political parties, Uncle Sam. But his most famous illustrations are about something that looks more like our modern Santa Claus. in his artistry creates the North Pole, creates elves, creates children writing letters to Santa. All of that adds up with Thomas Nast. It continues on until, I think, the person who helped freeze in our mind the image we have now is an artist named Haddon Sundblom who did the advertisements for Coca-Cola.

For more than 30 years, he did all these paintings. And on every billboard, every magazine, that the image we, when someone says Santa Claus, I know what image will come to people's mind. And it's really that artistry of Sundblom that kind of wrapped up the Santa Claus who was developing and froze it in our minds. So it's hard to change now. It's interesting. Every bit of that is American. And most of it happened in New York City. And this idea of gift giving, has that always been a part of it, or is that just a way to sell stuff? Well, gift-giving of minor little token things, even in the late Middle Ages,

but that, first of all, was associated with St. Nicholas Day, which is early December, not Christmas. When it comes over and we morph into Santa Claus, the gift-giving becomes more and more associated with Christmas Day. And then I think the other thing that's important is the shift from homemade presents to produced presents. And once you do that, it becomes part of the economy. And so the gift-giving really taking off is something that happens in the 1800s and just keeps growing ever since and it and it has grown hasn't it i mean yeah i mean it's kind

of taken over in fact one symbol of this is this early i mentioned the victorian christmas tree there's a famous print that people could find easily of queen victoria and prince albert around a tree with their children but the tree is shorter and it's on a table. And the early Christmas trees in early America, they were smaller trees on a table. You know what's happened now. The tree has moved to the floor. Usually it's floor to ceiling. And because you need a tree that big to handle all the presents we're producing now.

Has it evolved in a way that like if we were to go back in time to even the 50s or the 40s, we would see a noticeable difference in the way Christmas was celebrated then, and it's just kind of crept away, or not? So are you kind of referring to that we're maybe celebrating it less now, or? I don't know. That's why I'm asking. I mean, just is it different than it was 30, 40, 50 years ago? Or has it stopped? Or is it still evolving? Well, I think this may not exactly answer your question,

but I think what we have to realize is that what has developed in the last hundred years is more and more a cultural Christmas. I'd like to say to people, I think there's a Christian Christmas and a cultural Christmas. And the cultural Christmas just has grown and grown over the years. And Christians, they participate in that, but also want to value the Christian Christmas. But even if you are religious, I mean, almost everybody has friends who love Christmas but never go to church. But it's a cultural thing. And, you know, one of the most striking examples I think of this is I have friends who are from Japan.

And they tell me that in Japan about half of the homes have Christmas trees. And they do have Christmas shopping, although it's not as heavy as it is in the United States. But in Japan, about 2% of the people are Christian, which means that the cultural Christmas has, you know, become a part of their traditions or for many of the people. That's what has grown immeasurably. I mean, just every, every year, we just think of new products to associate with it. Well, for a long time there has been criticism that Christmas is too commercial and that we need to put Christ back in Christmas, and what you're saying kind of reconciles that, that in fact there are two Christmases

and you can keep Christ in Christmas in the religious celebration of Christmas, and you have the cultural celebration, which is not religious, but is everything else, and the two can coexist. Yeah, and for me, it's not just the commercialization, but the part that is a winter party. I understand that. I mean, I spend my time in Iowa and Minnesota. We have winters, you know, and winter is, forget the courier and I've prints, it's kind of hard to survive. I mean, it's scary sometimes and it's cold and it's dark. I get depressed that it's dark so much now. And so what would human beings do to try to survive winter?

It's a great idea to have a midwinter party where you could distract yourself for half of the winter preparing for it. And you could have lights and decorations and gather together with people so you're not isolated in winter. I understand all of that, and presence, and singing, and drinking and dancing. I understand all of that as an understandable midwinter party. I've often said, you know, if I didn't live in a culture that already had a midwinter party, I'd make one up. And so I don't mind that that's there, and I think I can feel at ease knowing that I participate in that. If I'm also Christian, which I am, I would like to have that other meaning find its place too. But I do recognize both of those things are going on, and they happen not just because somebody imposed it on us.

It's because we like it or because we need it. So the fact that Christmas is celebrated in the winter, which was when the big winter party is, is really more coincidence than anything else, and they kind of got thrown together just because. Yeah, for reasons we don't understand, because we just don't know when Jesus was born. I mean, there's nothing in biblical materials that gives us the month or the date. It's not even clear the season. And so even in early Christianity, there was speculation about when they thought the birth date of Jesus might have been, and it was all over the map. It was in the spring in March or April, it was in November. So we just don't know. And so when we said,

I say we, I didn't live back then, but when Christians said, let's have an annual celebration, yeah, some people say maybe they thought it was a good idea to have it in the middle of the winter parties. Maybe people now would say maybe that wasn't such a good idea to have it in the middle of the winter parties. Maybe people now would say maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Yeah, but it is fairly arbitrary to say December 25th. It's as likely as December 25th as it is, you know, April 9th. Exactly, exactly. The one link we do know about is that there was a sun god warrior god kind of a combination fused called the unconquered sun or mithra mithras um the birthday of that sun god warrior god was december 25th and so the christians knew that so why did they put the birthday of Jesus there? Some people, being clever, have said they changed the birthday of the sun god to God the sun, right?

Spelling each of those differently. It really works for Christians because the sun god, it's about when things stop getting darker and start getting lighter again. And Christians talk a lot about Jesus as the light of the world, so it works. Well, this is so interesting, because, you know, we have our customs and traditions, and we celebrate Christmas, and we don't often think about where it all comes from and what it all means and why it's here, but clearly you've done the research, and it's really interesting. Thanks. Yeah, I'm fascinated by it,

and I hope others are too. Bruce Forbes has been my guest. He is a professor of religious studies at Morningside College in Sioux City, Iowa, and author of the book, Christmas, A Candid History. There's a link to his book in the show notes for this episode. Thanks, Bruce. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you. Thank you. A first date can tell you a lot about somebody, especially if you ask the right questions. Often a first date is spent skimming the surface, but psychologist Diana Kirshner of lovein90days.com suggests that you ask four questions on a first date, because the answers will tell you a lot, including whether or not there should be a second date.

So here are the questions. First, do you like adventure? One of the big factors in compatibility is your willingness to be spontaneous or not. A planner and a thrill seeker will have a hard time making it work. Number two, what in your life would you say you feel most grateful for? This tells you what the other person values in life. What was the best and worst part of your childhood? Of course, you kind of have to ask this very casually. You don't want to appear too nosy or inquisitive,

but hearing about a troubled past could indicate future problems. And fourth, if you could have anything you wanted, what would your dream life look like? You want to be sure that your visions for the future are in sync with the other person, and the answer to this question will give you a good indication. And that is something you should know. Please like and follow us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We post some really interesting content there that you don't hear in the program that I think you'll like.

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