Something You Should Know - SYSK Choice: How to Not Do Stupid Things & How Appreciation Works

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Starting point is 00:00:45 I define stupidity as overlooking or dismissing conspicuously crucial information. So it's information that's right in front of your nose. It's crucial, so you ought to pay attention to it, and you either overlook it or dismiss it. Also, the real reason people laugh, and it seldom is about jokes, plus the amazing power of appreciation. It really is remarkable. I do think appreciation is an underrated, underused, very powerful force for our good, which costs nothing, has no side effect, and is, you know, available to anybody who wants to make the choice of salt.

Starting point is 00:01:26 All this today on Something You Should Know. Since I host a podcast, it's pretty common for me to be asked to recommend a podcast. And I tell people, if you like Something You Should Know, you're going to like The Jordan Harbinger Show. Every episode is a conversation with a fascinating guest. Of course, a lot of podcasts are conversations with guests, but Jordan does it better than most. Recently, he had a fascinating conversation with a British woman who was recruited and radicalized by ISIS and went to prison for three years.

Starting point is 00:02:01 She now works to raise awareness on this issue. It's a great conversation. And he spoke with Dr. Sarah Hill about how taking birth control not only prevents pregnancy, it can influence a woman's partner preferences, career choices, and overall behavior due to the hormonal changes it causes. Apple named The Jordan Harbinger Show one of the best podcasts a few years back. And in a nutshell, the show is aimed at making you a better, more informed critical thinker. Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show.

Starting point is 00:02:32 There's so much for you in this podcast. The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Something you should know. Fascinating intel. The world's top experts. And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. Hi, welcome. I don't know about you, but I'm always conscious of germs. I like to avoid them whenever I can. And people do things to avoid getting germs, but some of the things they do are of what you would call questionable effectiveness.

Starting point is 00:03:14 For example, and I've done this too, you use your foot to flush in a public bathroom. Now, if you do this, you still have to open the lock on the bathroom stall door handle and unlock it when you're done and that handle is crawling with germs. So it's really impossible to leave the bathroom stall without getting germs on your hand whether or not you flush the toilet with your foot. Your best bet is to thoroughly wash your hands with soap and water and then use a paper towel or your elbow to exit the restroom. Have you ever done this where you wipe the top of your friend's soda bottle before you take a sip just to make sure you get rid of the germs? Well, it might get rid of some of the germs, but one wipe is not going to get rid of all the germs. It's going to leave plenty

Starting point is 00:04:05 of germs behind. Maybe you do this where you hold your breath when someone sneezes. Well, you would have to hold your breath for a long time as those droplets hang in the air for quite a while, but they don't travel more than five feet or so from the person who sneezed. So getting distance may help, not just holding your breath. And that is something you should know. What do you think of when you think of a stupid person? I mean, is a stupid person always stupid because they lack intelligence? Or are we all stupid sometimes? I mean, we all do stupid things, at least occasionally. And what's interesting is that when we do stupid things,

Starting point is 00:04:51 it's usually at very predictable times when certain conditions are in place. And when you understand that, when you understand what those conditions are, you can do fewer stupid things. Here to explain this a whole lot better than I can is Adam Robinson. Adam was the co-founder of the Princeton Review, and he is now president of a firm that provides financial advice to top hedge funds and some of the wealthiest families in the world. Families with like between $3 billion and $100 billion in assets. Adam is also a nationally ranked chess master and was personally mentored by both Bobby

Starting point is 00:05:31 Fisher and Andy Warhol. And he's friends with Warren Buffett. And he's here today. Welcome, Adam. Thanks for having me. So I think it's important up front to understand what it is you mean by stupidity. So most people think stupidity is simply the opposite of intelligence. But in fact, stupidity, as I will demonstrate, is the cost of intelligence operating in a complex environment.

Starting point is 00:05:59 And so I define stupidity as overlooking or dismissing conspicuously crucial information. So it's information that's right in front of your nose. It's crucial, so you ought to pay attention to it. And you either overlook it or dismiss it. Right, and I saw in your PowerPoint presentation, I saw the example. It was a Gary Larson cartoon that really illustrates this perfectly. And that's a guy trying to go through a door and the door clearly says in big, huge letters, pull. And the guy is trying to push the door open. And we've all done stuff like that.

Starting point is 00:06:40 And that is kind of your definition then of stupid, ignoring or dismissing crucial information. You need to pull the door to open it, not push it, and doing something stupid instead. So give some other examples of stupidity. Sure. Well, Yo-Yo Ma in 1999 was in New York City. And Yo-Yo Ma is, of course, the world-famous cellist. And you can imagine how big a cello is, right? Not something you could easily misplace. And he was in New York City, and he was running late for an appointment after lunch.

Starting point is 00:07:18 So he got into the back of a cab, and he placed his cello in the trunk of the cab. And then when he got to his appointment, he forgot the cello. Mind you, his cello is $2.5 million, 266-year-old Stradivarius. He left it in the back of a cab. Unfortunately, he had the receipt. And some hours later, he was able to track down and retrieve his cello. And when he was interviewed by the New York Times, he said that he was rushing and he was tired and he, quote, just forgot. Now, what's interesting about that is five years later, in 2004, Gidden Kremer, in almost identical situations, left his $3 million Stradivarius violin on a train.

Starting point is 00:08:13 And he also, fortunately, was able to retrieve it. A few years after that, Philippe Quint left his $4 million violin in the back of a cab coming back home late one night. So it's interesting that Yo-Yo Ma said that he, quote, just forgot. But Gidden Kremer and Philippe Quint lost their multimillion-dollar instruments under almost exactly the same situation. They were, each one of them was outside his normal environment, and each of them were tired, and in the case of at least two of them, they were rushing. Interestingly, those are three of the seven factors that have identified that predispose one to stupidity.

Starting point is 00:09:02 Yeah, so those are great cases, all basically the same idea of people not paying attention, taking their eye off the ball, and doing something really stupid because they weren't paying attention. Right. And these were million-dollar mistakes that fortunately they were able to retrieve their instruments in each case. The key thing is that these seven factors, which I'll get to in a bit, predispose us to stupidity. So a big part of avoiding stupidity, how not to be stupid, is being aware of those factors. And by the way, when I list the factors, and I've already listed three, so one of them, being outside your normal environment. If you are outside your normal environment, you are already at high risk of being stupid. Another is rushing. In fact,

Starting point is 00:09:59 that's probably the biggest trigger of all. If you have a sense of urgency or you're rushing, you are highly likely to make a mistake. And the third factor in those three cases was they were all tired. By the way, these factors, these seven factors, they don't all need to be present for you to be at risk of making a blunder. Any one of them puts you at risk, and they're additive. So if you've got all seven, you're doomed. You are, in fact. It's funny you should say that. All seven factors were present during the Challenger disaster. And, worse, all seven factors are present in U.S. hospitals.

Starting point is 00:10:42 Well, let's get to the... before we get into the hospitals, let's talk about the seven factors, then. You've talked about three. Let's finish the list. Sure. So the first is being outside your normal environment. The second is being physically or emotionally stressed. So being tired. Third, rushing. The fourth is being preoccupied or you're focused on something intently. And the reason that's a cause of stupidity, by the way, is when you're focused on one area, you're not focused or paying attention to anything else. The fifth is information overload. So if you're multitasking or you're dealing with a lot of distractions in your environment, you're also at risk.

Starting point is 00:11:31 The sixth factor is being in the presence of a group of homogenous individuals. And the final one is being in the presence of an authority. And each one of those factors, so being outside your normal environment, dealing with something new, as happens in hospitals all the time, right? Every patient is different. They're all fatigued. They're all rushing. They're all focused on something, which means they're not focused on anything else.

Starting point is 00:12:03 They're dealing with information overload. They're all, all professionals in the hospital are obviously alike. And, of course, the seventh factor is being in the presence of an authority and doctors, epitome of an authority, like listen to your doctor. Explain those last two, because why does the presence of other people make you stupid? Yeah. Well, we have evolved as a species to defer to the group, which means that if we're in a group, we will naturally look to the group to see what, for cues, right? What are they doing? And also in the presence of an authority,

Starting point is 00:12:47 same thinking where we defer to the authority. And it's not a conscious thing. We have evolved as a species to defer to authority and to defer to the group. We're talking about stupidity today with Adam Robinson, co-founder of the Princeton Review. He is a financial advisor to top hedge funds and some of the wealthiest families in the world. And he authored a

Starting point is 00:13:11 PowerPoint presentation I saw about how not to be stupid that I thought was really, really good. Hi, I'm Jennifer, a co-founder of the Go Kid Go Network. At Go Kid Go, putting kids first is at the heart of every show that we produce. That's why we're so excited to introduce a brand new show to our network called The Search for the Silver Lightning, a fantasy adventure series about a spirited young girl named Isla who time travels

Starting point is 00:13:35 to the mythical land of Camelot. During her journey, Isla meets new friends including King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, and learns valuable life lessons with every quest, sword fight, and dragon ride. Positive and uplifting stories remind us all about the importance of kindness, friendship, honesty, and positivity. Join me and an all-star cast of actors, including Liam Neeson, Emily Blunt,

Starting point is 00:13:57 Kristen Bell, Chris Hemsworth, among many others, in welcoming the Search for the Silver Lining podcast to the Go Kid Go Network by listening today. Look for the Search for the Silver Lining on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. People who listen to something you should know are curious about the world, looking to hear new ideas and perspectives. So I want to tell you about a podcast that is full of new ideas and perspectives, and one I've started listening to called Intelligence Squared. It's the podcast where great minds meet.

Starting point is 00:14:30 Listen in for some great talks on science, tech, politics, creativity, wellness, and a lot more. A couple of recent examples, Mustafa Suleiman, the CEO of Microsoft AI, discussing the future of technology. That's pretty cool. And writer, podcaster, and filmmaker John Ronson discussing the rise of conspiracies and culture wars. Intelligence Squared is the kind of podcast that gets you thinking a little more openly about the important conversations going on today.

Starting point is 00:15:02 Being curious, you're probably just the type of person Intelligence Squared is meant for. Check out Intelligence Squared wherever you get your podcasts. So Adam, knowing what you know about stupidity and what causes it, and I think everyone relates to all or some of those things on the list. So what can you do? If you're tired, you're tired. If you're rushing, you're rushing. I mean, so it's nice to know, but... Well, you don't have to rush. I'm sure you do.

Starting point is 00:15:31 Well, I would say, I would argue you don't. And by the way, if you are rushing, don't make any important decisions while doing so. That famous, what, famous warning label, right? If you consume this medicine, don't drive or operate heavy machinery. And there should be a stupidity warning label. If certain conditions are true,

Starting point is 00:15:57 not only should you not drive and operate heavy machinery, you shouldn't sign legal contracts. You shouldn't do any number of important things that you are at risk of being compromised when these factors are present. So, for example, if you have a, let's say you're negotiating a contract, I would be cautious about negotiating a contract in another city. And certainly if you felt under time pressure to do so, because those are two of the seven factors. Again, not all seven

Starting point is 00:16:26 factors need to be present. Any one of them compromises you and they're cumulative. So one is to be aware of the seven factors, right? I mean, if I'm rushing, I don't have to make decisions while doing so. Another is to, as much as possible, to minimize the impact of those factors. So almost everybody believes that he or she can multitask. And, in fact, that's been proven, again, with brain scans, to be impossible. You're not actually doing two things at once. You're switching between them. And the switching costs of moving from one activity to another,

Starting point is 00:17:06 even if it seems like you're doing both simultaneously, is tremendously costly on the brain. Okay, so the idea then is to at least be aware of these seven things so that you can be on the lookout for them and realize that they're there and maybe this isn't a good time to do this. Absolutely. So let's talk about some of the tragic consequences of stupidity. Sure. Here's one for you.

Starting point is 00:17:31 The world's worst aviation disaster. Almost 600 lives were lost, and it occurred in the day. And it occurred, mind you, this is an aviation disaster, it occurred on the ground. Two planes collided on the ground, and nearly 600 lives were lost. And all seven factors were present. And you think, well, how is it possible? How can two planes collide on the ground in broad daylight?

Starting point is 00:18:00 How is that even possible? And it happened 40 years ago in Tenerife. And the pilot, it was a KLM plane that collided into a Pan Am plane, was tired. He was rushing. In fact, when he was taking off, his junior pilot, his co-pilot, said, isn't there another plane on the runway? And he said, we're taking off. What happened was it was a fog. So it was such a dense fog that you couldn't see 50 to 100 yards ahead of you. So you couldn't see anything.

Starting point is 00:18:47 But the pilot who was taking off knew there was another plane on the runway, on the same runway. And the senior pilot, who was in a rush to take off, took off anyway and smacked right into it. At 150, 200 miles an hour, your braking distance is pretty awful. So there it is. I mean, that's all the factors are there. Yes, every one of them. And by the way, the co-pilot didn't speak up to his senior pilot because the senior pilot who was flying the plane was his flight instructor, had a few years previously approved him to be a full-status pilot.

Starting point is 00:19:25 And I won't go through all the details, but all seven factors were present. And there was a book written by a guy, Atul Gawande, who's brilliant. He's a New Yorker columnist and also a surgeon. And he wrote a book called The Checklist Manifesto. And it was his, he said that people's lives and businesses would be greatly approved if they adhered to a checklist policy. And he's a brilliant guy. However, he doesn't understand the factors of stupidity

Starting point is 00:19:58 because what the pilot was doing and his crew were doing right before the disaster was racing through a checklist. They had a checklist, and the stupidity factors overrode it. They didn't pay any attention to it and took off anyway. Isn't it possible, though, that you can be stupid and have none of those things present? Maybe you're just not very bright. Maybe you don't know the material. Maybe you're un not very bright. Maybe you don't know the material. Maybe you're unqualified. Right.

Starting point is 00:20:26 Well, that's, again, my definition of stupidity is not the absence of intelligence or the lack of qualifications. It's overlooking or dismissing conspicuously crucial information. Like, it's right in front of your nose. And by the way, conspicuous, it would vary depending on the level of the person. What's conspicuous to the eye of a surgeon, for example, is not conspicuous to the eye of you or me. Like, we wouldn't notice certain things, but a surgeon would go, oh. So I agree with you. There are plenty of situations where someone's not qualified. But I would argue that it doesn't fall under my definition of stupidity.

Starting point is 00:21:07 So knowing these seven factors and knowing what the potential harm they can cause, what in a nutshell is the advice? Well, the advice is, one, surround yourself with people who can give you honest feedback. This will shock you. A study was done of pilots and surgeons, and they were asked 20 questions. They were asked identical questions, but obviously flying a plane is different from operating on a person in a hospital. So it was slightly, worded slightly different, but the questions were comparable. And one question that really shocked me, it was this, do you want feedback from your junior people in your, like

Starting point is 00:22:02 your co-pilots and other people in your plane, or from nurses and other people in an operating room. So again, the questions were worded slightly differently, depending on whether it was pilots or surgeons. And 97% of pilots said that they want feedback from the people around them. And that's so because if they make a mistake, they're going to die. And I'm trying to remember the exact percentage, but it was a minority of doctors who wanted to be informed. In other words, doctors don't want any feedback while they're performing an operation. And again, if a doctor makes a mistake, it doesn't cost him or her, it doesn't cost them their lives. But if a pilot makes a mistake,

Starting point is 00:22:53 it costs him or her their lives. They go down with the plane. So it was interesting that on that question, pilots wanted information, as much information as they could get. Again, 97% of them said, yes, I want feedback from everyone around me. But surgeons, I can't remember the exact statistic, it was about a third of them, only a third of them wanted feedback. And so the first thing, step one, make sure you get feedback from people. Two, once you're aware of the factors, don't exacerbate them. So, for example, if you're outside your normal environment and you're tired, try not to rush. And certainly don't make any important decisions.

Starting point is 00:23:39 So, again, in those situations, if you know these factors have predisposed you to stupidity, don't drive. Don't operate heavy machinery. Don't sign contracts. Don't do anything important because the odds that you're going to make a mistake are greatly enhanced. So I would say those three things. One, minimize the factors as much as you can. Two, surround yourself with, get feedback from other people. And three, don't do anything that if you make a mistake,

Starting point is 00:24:17 the consequences of the mistake you're going to live with for a while. And, you know, I think really anybody listening, if they think about it long enough, can think of a time when they did something stupid, and one or more of those seven things were present. So it's good to actually have it explained this way to understand what's really going on. Adam Robinson has been my guest. Adam is the co-founder of the Princeton Review. He's now a financial advisor, nationally ranked chess master, and he's buddies with Warren Buffett.

Starting point is 00:24:49 You're invited to connect with Adam and follow him on Twitter. His Twitter handle is at IamAdamRobinson. That's at IamAdamRobinson on Twitter. Thanks for joining me, Adam. You're so very welcome. Do you love Disney? Then you are going to love our hit podcast, Disney Countdown. Thanks for joining me, Adam themed games, and fun facts you didn't know you needed, but you definitely need in your life. So if you're looking for a healthy dose of Disney magic, check out Disney Countdown wherever you get your podcasts.

Starting point is 00:25:33 Hey everyone, join me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa Demonts for Don't Blame Me, But Am I Wrong? Each week we deliver four fun-filled shows. In Don't Blame Me, we tackle our listeners' dilemmas with hilariously honest advice. Then we have But Am I Wrong, which is for the listeners that didn't take our advice. Plus, we share our hot takes on current events. Then tune in to see you next Tuesday for our listener poll results from But Am I Wrong. And finally, wrap up your week with Fisting Friday, where we catch up and talk all things pop culture.

Starting point is 00:26:04 Listen to Don't Blame Me, But Am I Wrong on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. You should appreciate all the wonderful things and people in your life. I'm sure you've heard that advice. But why? What is so special about appreciation? Well, perhaps a lot more than most of us realize. Noelle Nelson has been studying appreciation for a long time. She's a psychologist, a speaker, and author of several books on the subject of appreciation, including The Power of Appreciation. Hi, Noelle. Thanks for coming on the program. Thank you, Mike.

Starting point is 00:26:50 So I think most people know that being appreciative is a good thing, you know, it's a polite thing. But beyond that, what's so special about appreciation? Well, a number of things. First of all, appreciation does incredible stuff to your body and your mind when you're the one doing the appreciating. So that would be where I would start with it, is the scientific evidence that shows that appreciation is a very valuable practice for you, not just the people that you are the thing that you are appreciating, but for you yourself.

Starting point is 00:27:24 So let's talk about that. Tell me about the scientific evidence that supports that. Sure. The first has been done extensively by an institute called HeartMath, which studies and does tons of research on the impact of various emotions and thoughts on our heart. And as you know, your cardiovascular system is responsible for an awful lot that goes on in your body. Well, what they showed is that when people are thinking thoughts of anger or fear or frustration, stuff like that, their heart rate gets very jerky,

Starting point is 00:27:59 if you will. And you can see it if you look on a graph. It's uneven, it's irregular, and what that means is that your blood is not circulating through your body in a nice, steady, regular manner as it would if your heart were beating steadily, and so you're in a sense a little bit out of control physically. Whereas when you are thinking thoughts of appreciation, what happens is that heartbeat gets steady and regular, which means that the blood is flowing through all of your body, and not just your body, but we include the brain in that, so that all of you is functioning, if you will, in a peak way, in a really great way. So that's one of the scientific proofs, if you will, to the value of appreciation. Does that seem a little odd that just because you're thinking certain thoughts, it changes

Starting point is 00:28:51 your heart rate and how it works? May seem odd, but the research has been done now for at least 10, if not 20 years, that demonstrates it. And you know what? Anecdotally, Mike, we actually know this, because if you've got a friend who's really angry, you'll say to them, well, maybe you better not drive right now. You're right. They're not in a good place.

Starting point is 00:29:15 And it's their body reactions are going to be off and so forth, because our thoughts absolutely impact our bodies. So, well, I think we all know that, absolutely impact our bodies. So, well, I think we all know that, but that appreciation has such a powerful effect on your heart. I mean, that's pretty amazing. What else does it do? It has a huge effect on your brain, which is actually the one that I resonate to the most, because I figure if I got that thing working, I'm in pretty good shape.

Starting point is 00:29:47 When you do what's called a SPECT scan, which is like taking a certain kind of X-ray of the brain, if you put people in a condition of anger or fear or frustration, those sorts of feelings, the blood flow to the brain is very minimal. It's really diminished. Whereas when people very actively and deliberately think thoughts of appreciation, the blood flow to the brain becomes normalized. And you can see it on the SPECT scans.

Starting point is 00:30:16 All of a sudden, there's this very clear picture of the blood coming especially into the cerebral cortex, which is the part of your brain that's responsible for making decisions and what's called executive functioning. In other words, making choices, that sort of thing. Which, again, goes back to that don't drive when you're angry example, because your brain isn't getting fed what it needs in terms of blood in order for you to be firing on all cylinders. So where do you think most people fall on the appreciation scale?

Starting point is 00:30:53 Are we pretty appreciative or are we pretty unappreciative? Well, obviously that's a very individual thing. But there's been an awful lot of work done on what's called optimists. And optimists are appreciators, meaning they basically run around appreciating pretty much everything all the time. And the studies have shown that optimists live longer, age better, do better at work, at school, and actually outperform their own abilities. And optimists, if you're asking me, you know, are people more naturally appreciative or not, the easier way to look at it is, well, do you think of yourself

Starting point is 00:31:31 more as an optimist, a glass-half-full person, or a pessimist, a glass-half-empty person? If you're an optimist, the chances are very good you are an appreciator, because that's what they do. I guess people might think that, well, if you just appreciate all the things you have and all the people in your life, you kind of lose your motivation to want more, because you've already got everything. Well, that's confusing appreciation with gratitude. Gratitude is something you do in hindsight, if you will. For example, if somebody does something nice, or you have a nice house,

Starting point is 00:32:04 or your kid did nice house or, you know, your kid did well in school, you're grateful. But appreciation is something you do regardless. In other words, it's valuing something. So you can appreciate something in the future as opposed to being grateful. Grateful is something that you're grateful for something in the past, but you can appreciate something in the future. For example, I've got a meeting coming up, a work meeting later this week. I can start right here, right now, valuing that meeting, valuing the people that I'm going to be working with, and therefore appreciating the work ahead of time. Now, will the meeting go well? I don't know. But I can guarantee this, is that I'm in a better place because of valuing it,

Starting point is 00:32:50 even though it's in the future, than if I either didn't think about it at all or was worrying about the meeting. I see. That is an interesting distinction. I think, at least I would consider appreciation and gratitude kind of the same thing. And most people do, Mike. Most people do. And that's why they don't really see why appreciation is so powerful. Because when you said, you know, well, how can appreciation have that big an impact on your body and so forth?

Starting point is 00:33:18 It's because you're making a conscious choice to focus on things differently. And that absolutely impacts you. I guess it's hard to do, too, if you're not used to doing it. How do you do that? How do you stop yourself and start being more appreciative? Well, it's really simpler than it sounds, because if you just look up from wherever you are right this second and think of, okay, so what in my next five minutes could I value?

Starting point is 00:33:49 Well, let's see. I'm going to make myself a cup of tea. I certainly value that, A, I have tea, B, that I enjoy the taste of it, C, that it will relax me a little bit. You can just start with wherever you are. And the question to ask yourself is, what do I value? That's the operative word. What do I value about this thing? Said another way, what is it worth to me? It's the same meaning of appreciation that we think

Starting point is 00:34:16 of when we say land appreciates, gold appreciates, art appreciates, that kind of thing. Is appreciation something that people do naturally or do you have to be taught it or I mean it would almost seem human nature but maybe it's not I don't know. Well it's human nature in the same way that some people are naturally optimistic and others are not. But you can absolutely teach yourself if you, to be an appreciator. You don't have to start that way. Children, by the way, babies especially, are just natural appreciators.

Starting point is 00:34:51 They just go for whatever it is that they think has value and grab onto that whatever with gusto. We tend to lose it because that ability or that natural proclivity because life sort of hits us upside the head, if you will. Often. Yes. But it doesn't have to, meaning that, again, I'm going to go back to optimists because they've been so well studied, is that there are definitely people, and we to the side, if you will,

Starting point is 00:35:25 of the more positive interpretation of any given experience, hope, dream, etc. But if you're not one of those people, how do you become one of those people? By deliberately, consciously making an effort to value something, whatever it is that's in front of your face. It doesn't matter what it is, this glass of water sitting in front of my face or speaking with you. I have a big choice, Mike. I can choose to appreciate it, to see value in this interaction,

Starting point is 00:35:55 or I can choose to be kind of numb to it, or I can choose to think this is a waste of time. I mean, those are conscious mind choices. That's what makes appreciation powerful. It's a waste of time. I mean, those are conscious mind choices. That's what makes appreciation powerful. It's a choice of thought. I can choose to think. And I'll tell you, learning, training your mind to think the way you want it to think is powerful in a gazillion ways.

Starting point is 00:36:19 How do you decide what things to focus on and appreciate? It depends on what it its worth is to you. For example, I'm going to appreciate my best friend like crazy. I'm not necessarily going to appreciate every single person that I walk by on the street. But when life knocks you around, or smacks you on the side of the head, as you put it, I mean, it's hard to feel really appreciative about that. Of course, and you're not going to feel appreciative about that part, Lord, no. But what you can appreciate is the resources that you have available to you to help you through whatever

Starting point is 00:36:56 that rough patch is. You can appreciate, sometimes it's really basic, that you're still breathing, if you are. I'll give you just a fun example, if I may. Sure. There was an airplane snafu in, I think it was New York or New Jersey, a couple of years back when The Lion King was a show on Broadway. And there was another show as well, equally popular. I don't remember right now what it was. But the entire tour company was caught in this snafu,

Starting point is 00:37:24 which meant that there was going to be like a four-hour delay. It was the middle of summer. The airport was packed with, you know, screaming babies and people and everything else. And they've got to wait four hours for their plane. Well, not long into that smacked-up-side-the- head portion of their trip, the Lion King people, actors, started singing songs from their musical. And as they did so, people around them lightened up because it was just enchanting. And there was another touring company from another musical,

Starting point is 00:38:02 and I'm sorry, I can't remember what it was, and they started singing their songs. And they sort of had this singing fest back and forth. Now, why do I bring this up in the context of appreciation? Because everybody was feeling grumpy, grouchy, hot, irritated, etc., all the inconveniences, and yet the Lion King knew that they could value one thing, if nothing else, their ability to sing, and therefore they sang. That's what appreciation will do for you. You're not going to appreciate the fact that your flight delayed four hours and it's hot.

Starting point is 00:38:36 Well, probably not, but you could appreciate the fact that, you know, a lot of people can't afford to fly, and here you are. Yeah, so I guess, I mean, there's always something to appreciate. There always is. And it's the willingness, and that's what optimists are so good at. It's the willingness to look outside. In other words, if you get, and I'm sorry, let's take an extreme example. If you get cancer, you're not going to appreciate the cancer that's in humans.

Starting point is 00:39:01 But you can appreciate the resources that are available to you. You can appreciate that other portions of your body are still functioning and can, in a sense, help bolster whatever part is suffering. There's always something to appreciate, but it is a very conscious and deliberate choice. But if appreciation is so easy to do and has so many benefits, then why are there still so many grumpy people around? You'd think everybody would be appreciating everybody and reaping the rewards. Well, for one, we haven't exactly been taught to do that, all right? An awful lot of our training has been squeaky wheel gets the attention. And so people seem to think that if they grouse and are grouchy

Starting point is 00:39:43 and grumpy and complainingy and so forth, they will get the attention, they'll get whatever they need. And that may be, but they're not doing themselves any good in the meantime. It's largely a matter of learning, like anything else. Well, and first being aware that it exists and it has benefits, or why learn it in the first place? Well, that's the reason why I'm on book 14. And they're all about appreciation in one form or another, Mike. Not that I think it's the panacea. I don't think anything is.

Starting point is 00:40:14 But I do think appreciation is an underrated, underused, very powerful force for our good, which costs nothing, has no side effects, no downsides, and is, you know, available to anybody who wants to make the choice of thought. Well, and I can imagine that with interpersonal relationships, whether they're personal or work relationships, when you exhibit appreciation for those people, I imagine some magic happens in those relationships as well. Oh, truly, truly.

Starting point is 00:40:47 And you know what's interesting to me is in the last five, six years, even companies are starting to realize this, businesses. So whether it's your relationship with your spouse, which I guarantee will, you know, just flourish if you actively appreciate them, or your relationship in work or school, places like that. It makes a huge difference. By the way, appreciation is what courtship is all about. What do you mean? Well, when you're courting, when you're first falling in love,

Starting point is 00:41:17 what do you sit there and think about with your beloved? Their bad points? Hardly. You're absolutely gaga over, you know, every little thing about them. You appreciate everything about them. And that's a large part of why love can blossom. So what goes wrong? All those things that you're appreciating now, later on seem to become little annoyances that are hard to put up with.

Starting point is 00:41:41 Well, that's because of two factors. First of all, you start taking for granted all the good stuff. And secondly, you're no longer focusing on the aspects of whatever it was that pleased you. Now you're only concerned with the parts that you don't like. And we're back to the squeaky wheel. We're back to, well, why shouldn't I complain? But you have never, ever increased love by complaining. Ever. Anybody. Anywhere.

Starting point is 00:42:09 What about kids and appreciation? Kids thrive when they are appreciated. They absolutely thrive. It's really simple. If you have your kids doing their homework and you're annoyed because, gosh darn it, you know, can't they move a little faster or whatever, can't they do it better or whatever. If instead you said, wow, look at that, you've got to be this time,

Starting point is 00:42:32 you've got to see this time, that's great. And you say, you know, I know how smart you are, or I know how whatever you are, and I think that maybe if you kind of knew your own smarts, you'd get a little further. That's going to get, it's like what good coaches do with their athletes. You appreciate someone into more success, into doing better. Criticizing them may get results in the short term, but it never works in the long term. Do you find people resist this? Like they say, well, this is all very Pollyannish, and this isn't real life,

Starting point is 00:43:06 and, you know, my life isn't all that worthy of appreciation. Some people take to it really quickly, okay? And others will resist it because, as you say, they think, oh, this is just a bunch of foo-foo. But then if they start working it, meaning, I say, well, try it. Try it just for two days with your spouse or your significant other or your kid. Just try it. Just avoid all critical comments and instead find something to value about them in the moment and just say that. And just do it steadily for a couple of days and see what happens.

Starting point is 00:43:39 Generally what happens with spouses is the spouse will turn around and say, What happened to you? You're being so nice. And what relationship couldn't use more of that? And it's so easy to do. Noelle Nelson has been my guest. She is author of several books on the topic of appreciation, including The Power of Appreciation, and there's a link to her books in the show notes for this episode of the podcast.

Starting point is 00:44:06 Thanks, Noelle. Thank you, Mike. I appreciate this interview. Everyone enjoys a good laugh now and again, but laughter is not what many people think it is. Ask adults what makes them laugh, and most people say it's jokes and humor. But they would be wrong. Robert Provine, a psychologist from the University of Maryland, found that we actually laugh most when talking to our friends. In fact, we're 30 times more likely to laugh at something when we're with other people than we are when we're alone.

Starting point is 00:44:44 What's really interesting is that within these conversations, we're still not laughing at jokes. We laugh at statements and comments that do not seem on the face of them to be even remotely funny. In other words, laughter is really a form of communication more than it is a reaction. The science of laughter is telling us that laughter is less to do with jokes and more a social behavior which we use to show people that we

Starting point is 00:45:12 like them and that we understand them. And that is something you should know. If you like this podcast, no need to keep that a secret, recommend it to a friend or two and let them hear it. I'm Micah Ruthers. Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know. Welcome to the small town of Chinook, where faith runs deep and secrets run deeper. In this new thriller, religion and crime collide when a gruesome murder rocks the isolated Montana community. Everyone is quick to point their fingers at a drug-addicted teenager, but local deputy Ruth Vogel isn't convinced. She suspects connections to a powerful religious group.

Starting point is 00:45:51 Enter federal agent V.B. Loro, who has been investigating a local church for possible criminal activity. The pair form an unlikely partnership to catch the killer, unearthing secrets that leave Ruth torn between her duty to the law, her religious convictions, and her very own family. to catch the killer, unearthing secrets that leave Ruth torn between her duty to the law, her religious convictions, and her very own family. But something more sinister than murder is afoot, and someone is watching Ruth. Chinook, starring Kelly Marie Tran and Sanaa Lathan.

Starting point is 00:46:17 Listen to Chinook wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Jennifer, a founder of the Go Kid Go Network. At Go Kid Go, putting kids first is at the heart of every show that we produce. That's why we're so excited to introduce a brand new show to our network called The Search for the Silver Lining, a fantasy adventure series about a spirited young girl named Isla who time travels to the mythical land of Camelot. Look for The Search for the Silver Lining on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Something You Should Know - SYSK Choice: How to Not Do Stupid Things & How Appreciation Works

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