Something You Should Know - SYSK Choice: Is There Life After Death? & The Good News About Procrastination

Episode Date: April 4, 2020

I suspect we all mispronounce words from time to time. Either we learned them wrong or we get lazy. I know I usually pronounce affidavit as if it has a D on the end instead of a t because it is just easier. It’s wrong but it is easier. We start today’s episode by looking at some commonly mispronounced words because some people will judge you harshly when you don't say words correctly. http://grammar.yourdictionary.com/style-and-usage/mispron.html What happens when you die? Of course we don’t know for sure – or do we? Dr. Mary Neal is a medical doctor who drowned in a kayaking accident in Chile several years ago. She was dead for 30 minutes. But she came back. Wait until you hear the story she tells of her experience of dying and returning to tell the tale. Dr. Neal is the author of the best-selling book To Heaven and Back. (http://amzn.to/2yFC7EL) If you are a wine drinker, you have no doubt gone to take a sip only to see a fruit fly swimming in your glass. Should you toss out the fly and drink the wine or start all over? There is a little science you need to hear. https://www.winespectator.com/articles/can-fruit-fly-ruin-glass-wine-53891 Why are procrastinators made to feel bad that they always wait until the last minute to accomplish a task? What does it matter as long as it gets done? According to clinical psychologist Dr. Mary Lamia, author of the book, What Motivates Getting Things Done: Procrastination, Emotions, and Success (http://amzn.to/2zGr0Md), procrastinators should stop feeling bad and stop trying to change. First of all it is almost impossible to change and secondly, there is no reason to. She explains all of that in today’s episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As a listener to Something You Should Know, I can only assume that you are someone who likes to learn about new and interesting things and bring more knowledge to work for you in your everyday life. I mean, that's kind of what Something You Should Know was all about. And so I want to invite you to listen to another podcast called TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right? Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks. Well, you see, TED Talks Daily is a podcast that brings you a new TED Talk every weekday in less than 15 minutes. Join host Elise Hu.

She goes beyond the headlines so you can hear about the big ideas shaping our future. Learn about things like sustainable fashion, embracing your entrepreneurial spirit, the future of robotics, and so much more. Like I said, if you like this podcast, Something You Should Know, I'm pretty sure you're going to like TED Talks Daily. And you get TED Talks Daily wherever you get your podcasts. Today on Something You Should Know, a lot of people say realtor instead of realtor, but which is correct? We'll discuss some commonly mispronounced words. Then who knows what happens when you die? Well, Dr. Mary Neal believes she knows. I knew intellectually that I'd been underwater too long to be alive,

but I felt more alive than I've ever felt. I felt no pain. I felt no panic. I felt no sense of fear, hunger. I could feel my spirit peeling away from my body. Then, should you still drink wine if there's a fruit fly swimming in it? And is procrastination a character flaw or just another way of getting things done? Procrastination doesn't predict failure. Early action doesn't predict success. There are two things that define success, just two.

Never missing a deadline and your work reflecting your best efforts. All this today on Something You Should Know. Since I host a podcast, it's pretty common for me to be asked to recommend a podcast. And I tell people, if you like something you should know, you're going to like The Jordan Harbinger Show. Every episode is a conversation with a fascinating guest. Of course, a lot of podcasts are conversations with guests, but Jordan does it better than most. Recently, he had a fascinating conversation with a British woman who was recruited and radicalized by ISIS and went to prison for three years. She now works to raise awareness on this issue. It's

a great conversation. And he spoke with Dr. Sarah Hill about how taking birth control not only prevents pregnancy, it can influence a woman's partner preferences, career choices, and overall behavior due to the hormonal changes it causes. Apple named The Jordan Harbinger Show one of the best podcasts a few years back, and in a nutshell, the show is aimed at making you a better, more informed critical thinker. Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show. There's so much for you in this podcast. The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Something you should know. Fascinating intel. The world's top experts.

And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. Hi, and welcome to the Something You Should Know podcast. And we start today with words, specifically words that people tend to mispronounce. I suspect everybody probably mispronounces a word or two. Either we learned it incorrectly, or we get lazy, or maybe we've just heard someone else mispronounce it so often that we start to mispronounce it. And while it's not fatal, it can make you look less intelligent to others

who notice that you're mispronouncing the word. So let's take a look at some of the more commonly mispronounced words. Acrossed is one. People say acrossed as if there is an ed on the end, but there is no ed. The word is across. Here's one I tend to just get lazy and mispronounce. Affidavit with a d on the end. There's a t on the end, and it should be pronounced affidavit.

Antarctic. You're supposed to pronounce that hard C in the middle. It's Antarctic. Same with Arctic. It should be pronounced Arctic. It's not Calvary. It's Cavalry. And here's one I hear a lot. Chester drawers. Look at that nice Chester drawers. But it is correct to say chest of drawers, not Chester drawers.

Chomp at the bit is a phrase you hear people say a lot, but it's actually champ at the bit. And there are a couple of words that people throw in an extra syllable. Dilate is an example. There's only two syllables in that word. It is dilate, not dialate. Realtor is another one. It's not re-la-tor. There are not three syllables in that word. It's just realtor. You often hear people say et cetera, but it's not et cetera. It is et cetera. The phrase all intensive purposes is something you hear commonly. It's not intensive purposes. It's for all intents and purposes. And finally for today, heighth.

As if there's a th on the end, that's not a word. It is heighth, h-e-i-g-h-t, and there is no th on the end, that's not a word, it is height. H-E-I-G-H-T, and there is no h on the end. And that is something you should know. Of course, I don't know what you believe about death and the afterlife and heaven and all that. Everyone believes what they believe, and some people don't believe anything. But I'm always curious when I hear of people's experiences related to this topic, and perhaps one of the most compelling is the experience of Mary Neal.

Mary, or Dr. Neal, as she is an orthopedic surgeon, was kayaking on a river in Chile, and she's an experienced kayaker. She's had her boat flip on her many times. But this time, she got trapped underwater, under a waterfall, and drowned. She was dead for 30 minutes, in that she had no signs of life at all. But then, she came back. She wrote a book about her experience called Heaven and Back, a doctor's extraordinary account of her death, heaven, angels, and life again. And she joins me now. Hi, Mary.

So pick up the story. You're kayaking, you go over a waterfall, and then what happened? When I hit the bottom of the drop, the front of my boat was pinned or stuck in the rocks and the underwater features at the bottom. And my boat and I were immediately and completely submerged. And I am a calm person. I'm a spine surgeon. And I've certainly been underwater in my boat plenty of times. So I didn't panic.

I just tried to do those things that would either free the boat or free me from the boat so I could push myself out and tumble downstream. But the force of the water and the volume of the water was such that I couldn't do anything. Nothing I did worked, and very quickly I knew I was done. I was out of air, and I assumed that I was going to drown. I was immediately overcome with a very physical sensation of being held and comforted and reassured that everything would be fine.

My husband would be fine. My four young children would be fine. Everything was fine, regardless of whether I lived or died. And we went through a little bit of a life review, not so much focusing on events themselves, but focusing on the unseen ripple effects of those events in my life. And I'm an analytical, concrete thinking kind of person.

And as this was happening and as I could feel my body being sucked out of the boat, my knees bending back on themselves and breaking, I was sort of scratching my head thinking, wow, this is really something else. I knew intellectually that I'd been underwater too long to be alive, but I felt more alive than I've ever felt. I felt no pain. I felt no panic. I felt no sense of air hunger.

I could feel my spirit peeling away from my body. And when my body finally broke free from the boat, I could feel my spirit break free from my body, and I rose up and out of the river, and I was immediately greeted by this group of beings, spirits, angels. I'm never sure what to call them because those words mean different things to different people. But this group of spirits were so overjoyed to see me and welcome me. I knew that they had been sent by God to greet me, welcome me, guide me, protect me. And I knew that I had known them and loved them, and they had known me and loved me for as long as I existed.

So when these otherworldly events were happening, when you were seeing these beings and all this, what was going on, if anything? Were you aware of what was going on in this world? Were you in an ambulance on your way to the hospital? What was happening? Well, what happened is my body was sucked out of the boat by the source of the water. And then it went tumbling downstream.

And as it did that, it ripped off my helmet and life jacket. And my life jacket popped up downstream, and one of the guys who had been trying to recover me saw my life jacket pop up downstream, dove in to grab the life jacket, thinking that perhaps my husband would want that, and it was only as he was taking the life jacket to shore that he felt my body bump into him, And he reached down, grabbed my wrist, pulled me to shore, and started CPR. And I was, after I left my body and I was with these spirits above the river, I could simultaneously go with them down this incredibly beautiful path and look back at the scene on the riverbank, and I was able to see them initiate CPR, and I was able to hear them.

This same young man, who is a very dear friend of ours, kept calling to me to come back and take a breath, and I had absolutely no desire to return, which was surprising to me. I mean, I had believed in God and had hoped that there was life after death, but I didn't have any preconceptions about it. And so I was surprised to find that despite having a great life and loving my husband and children dearly, I had absolutely no desire to return. And he would keep calling to me, and then eventually I would feel so sorry for him because he looked so sad and vulnerable that I would go back to my body,

lie down, take a breath, and leave. And then the cycle would start over again. And I became so irritated with him at continuing to call me back because I was home. I had this overwhelming sense of being home, of being where I belong, that I wasn't going back. And talking to him later, it was interesting because he was equally irritated and frustrated with me because I would take a breath and then stop breathing. I'm speaking with Mary Neal.

She is a medical doctor and author of the book To Heaven and Back. Hi, I'm Jennifer, a co-founder of the Go Kid Go Network. At Go Kid Go, putting kids first is at the heart of every show that we produce. That's why we're so excited to introduce a brand new show to our network called The Search for the Silver Lightning, a fantasy adventure series about a spirited young girl named Isla who time travels to the mythical land of Camelot. During her journey, Isla meets new friends, including King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table,

and learns valuable life lessons with every quest, sword fight, and dragon ride. Positive and uplifting stories remind us all about the importance of kindness, friendship, honesty, and positivity. Join me and an all-star cast of actors, including Liam Neeson, Emily Blunt, Kristen Bell, Chris Hemsworth, among many others,

in welcoming the Search for the Silver Lining podcast to the Go Kid Go Network by listening today. Look for the Search for the Silver Lining on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. People who listen to Something You Should Know are curious about the world, looking to hear new ideas and perspectives. So I want to tell you about a podcast that is full of new ideas and perspectives, and one I've started listening to called Intelligence Squared. It's the podcast where great minds meet. Listen in for some great talks on science, tech, politics, creativity, wellness, and a lot more. A couple of recent examples,

Mustafa Suleiman, the CEO of Microsoft AI, discussing the future of technology. That's pretty cool. And writer, podcaster, and filmmaker John Ronson discussing the rise of conspiracies and culture wars. Intelligence Squared is the kind of podcast that gets you thinking a little more openly about the important conversations going on today.

Being curious, you're probably just the type of person Intelligence Squared is meant for. Check out Intelligence Squared wherever you get your podcasts. So, Mary, you're a surgeon, you're a doctor, you're a science-based person. How do you know, or why is it you think that maybe this was just, you know, kind of random firings in your head as you were going through this physical catastrophe? How do you, what makes you so sure that this was some sort of spiritual event as opposed to just brain activity? Well, I would say a few things. I spent many months afterwards thinking about my experiences, analyzing them, and trying to come up with an alternative explanation. I tried to corroborate the details that I could.

I interviewed the people who were there. I looked at my medical record, etc. And in the end, I will tell you that this experience did not have the quality of a dream or hallucination, doesn't have the memory of those things. And if my experience had lasted four or five or six minutes, or maybe even seven minutes, I probably would have come to the conclusion that it really was just abnormal firing or chemical reaction of a dying brain, things like that. And those are very handy excuses. But the fact is that my experience was a minimum of 15 minutes, and the people who were there

would say it was probably more like 25 minutes. It was a minimum of 15 minutes time on a watch once they not only realized that I was missing but sort of figured out where I might be. They're very used to emergency situations, water rescue, water recovery. Now, even if I go with the most conservative estimate of 15 minutes, that's too long for the human brain to hang on to oxygen. And I would tell you that at this point in time, I have had so many people come to me, have their medical appointment, and then ask for a few more minutes of time to share with me their own near-death or godly experience, that I have been impressed that they're all the same.

They all have consistent components. Everyone says the same thing in terms of God's incredible love and the memory of the event, the experience of the event, the profundity of the event, that at this point, I would really turn that question around because there is so much circumstantial evidence that instead of asking why we believe that it's a spiritual nature, the real question is, why don't we believe it?

We believe so much junk just because it's written on the Internet or because friends tell us something and say it's true. It's as though we believe anything except a spiritual explanation for events in life. Often in these stories of near-death where people claim to have died and come back, they often talk about a light, going to the light, the bright light that is attracting them and drawing them. Did you have a light? Well, I was going toward this dome structure that indeed was brilliant. And it was a brilliance of beauty and color and love. And when people describe the white light, I sort of think of a couple things. I think that many experiences are very short.

And historically, I mean, in my sense of skepticism, I've always thought that that probably was just an abnormal firing of the brain synapses. Sort of like you look at the sun and you close your eyes and you still see this bright light. But that really wasn't the quality of my experience. Certainly everything was brilliant. And it may be that when people talk about a white light, they really are describing the brilliance of sort of the entrance. And it's very difficult because we just don't have the vocabulary for me or other people to adequately describe the experience. It's sort of like living in a two-dimensional world and trying to describe the three-dimensional world. You don't even have the vocabulary to describe a cube. And so it's hard because the description fails me. It fails anyone who's had this kind of experience.

So having gone through this and then actually analyzing it to the point of writing a book about it, what's changed? What do you do differently now? I mean, are you not afraid of dying? What's different? Well, externally, I hope my life hasn't changed too much. I would like to think that I was a nice person before, but internally, my life has profoundly changed. I absolutely am not afraid of my own death, for sure, and it has changed the way I experience death in general,

death of people I love, death of people I don't know, partly because it has really transformed what was faith into an absolute trust in the promises of God. God loves us intensely, has a plan for us, and there really is life after death, which profoundly changes the way I experience every moment of every day. I fully recognize that every decision, every choice, every human interaction does matter and really does impact the overall picture. And so it has changed my focus entirely. I know that there's work that I need to be doing, there's work that each one of us needs to be doing, and we don't really have that much time. You know, we think about life as being long, but in the big picture, it's just a blank of time. And we really need to be about God's business. We can't be wasting our time. You said during this experience that you didn't want to come back, but you did come back.

And when you came back... Not by choice. No, no. But my question is, when you did come back and you realized that you weren't going up, you were staying here, were you still upset that you had come back? Or now that you were back, okay, now I'm back and everything's fine? No, I was outraged. It took me a year, a year and a half to accept that I was back, I was here,

I had work to do, and I better get about it. No, I came back, and I really was in a state of disbelief. I just couldn't believe that I was here. And it took me a long time before I spoke much about my experiences to very many people because not wanting to come back, I felt and still feel like, is an important part of it. And my kids were still young. I never wanted them to think that they weren't enough of a reason to come back. But didn't you think...

No, I really... Didn't you... Go ahead. I think one of the things that people don't understand about this, and have trouble believing that it happened,, how could you, being devil's advocate here, how could you come back and be unhappy that you were back when, if you hadn't come back, you would have left your children without a mother, young children as you just described, that a lot of people would think, how horrible is that? I had been reassured, and I believe I had been reassured by Christ,

that my husband and my children would be fine, regardless of whether I lived or died. And with that reassurance, who am I to question that? That was absolute. And I tell you, I mean, I love my children dearly, and I did at the time. But even that word love used in this earthly sense just is so pale in comparison. But the real answer is that I had been reassured they would be fine. Well, it's a fascinating story, and people will believe it, or they won't believe it, or make of it what they will. But what I find so compelling is, you know, you're a person of science, you're a doctor, you have no reason to make this up. It doesn't

necessarily serve much of a purpose to make it up. So it is what it is, and like I say, people will make of it what they will. Well, I think the great thing is about this book is that people can read my experiences and really use them as a way to put out the effort to look at their own lives, and look at their own lives and find ways that God is working in their own lives, and make that same transformation to a complete trust in the promises of God. Well, that is quite a story, Mary. Thank you. I appreciate your time. My guest has been Dr. Mary Neal. She is an orthopedic surgeon and author of the book Heaven and Back,

a doctor's extraordinary account of her death, heaven, angels, and life again. Do you love Disney? Then you are going to love our hit podcast, Disney Countdown. I'm Megan, the Magical Millennial. And I'm the Dapper Danielle. On every episode of our fun and family-friendly show, we count down our top 10 lists of all things Disney. There is nothing we don't cover. We are famous for rabbit holes, Disney-themed games,

and fun facts you didn't know you needed, but you definitely need in your life. So if you're looking for a healthy dose of Disney magic, check out Disney Countdown wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, join me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa Demonts, for Don't Blame Me, But Am I Wrong? Each week, we deliver four fun-filled shows. In Don't Blame Me, we tackle our listeners' dilemmas

with hilariously honest advice. Then we have But Am I Wrong, which is for the listeners that didn't take our advice. Plus, we share our hot takes on current events. Then tune in to see you next Tuesday for our listener poll results from But Am I Wrong. And finally, wrap up your week with Fisting Friday, where we catch up and talk all things pop culture.

Listen to Don't Blame Me, But Am I Wrong on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. There are two types of people in the world, people who get things done early and people who procrastinate. Interestingly, we tend to think of procrastination as some sort of character flaw. It's something you need to fix, something you need to stop doing. I mean, how many books are there on how to overcome procrastination? But wait a minute. Who says?

Any procrastinator will tell you that it's not a choice, it's not something that's easy to change, and many of us don't think we should. My next guest would not only agree with that, she believes we procrastinators are just fine the way we are. Mary Lamia is a clinical psychologist and author of the book, What Motivates Getting Things Done? Procrastination, Emotions, and Success. Welcome, Mary. Hi, Mike. Thanks for having me. So do you think procrastinators are born that way? Is it in their DNA or not? What's so interesting about the highly successful people I studied is that

many of them can trace their particular style of getting things done to third or fourth grade when they did homework. Some would come home and want to go out and play and put their homework aside, often doing it at the last minute or late at night or on the bus on the way to school. And others felt compelled to get it done right away because they couldn't relax and go out and play and enjoy themselves unless their homework was done. It would bother them. And these kinds of styles seem to persist throughout their lives. So are they born that way? I don't think so.

I think what happens is that their emotions, from the time they're very little, become activated differently. The people I call task-driven, their emotions are triggered by tasks that are left undone. They see something that is uncompleted, they feel compelled to do it right away. They have this fear of forgetting or fear of something interfering, but they're just triggered by tasks that are not completed. Whereas those who tend to procrastinate, I call them deadline-driven procrastinators, are activated not by tasks themselves, but by a deadline. So when a deadline is looming, their emotion becomes activated, and they're energized and get things done.

Not only the task at hand, but they tend to get a lot of other things done at the same time, which often they see as distraction, but it's not. It's just that their emotions are activated, and they are energized, and they see all these things that they haven't gotten done. So instead of attending to the task at hand, they may clean their closet, do the dishes, do all the things they haven't done for the past week or two, but they do get things done. So I'm one of those people who, in fourth grade, went out and played and did my homework late at night or in the morning,

and I just put things off because I could. But I'm also one of those people who, when I do get things done early, it feels great. But it also takes me more time. In other words, if I have a deadline, I'm more productive also takes me more time. In other words, if I have a deadline, I'm more productive, I'm more efficient, I get it done, I think, as good as I would have gotten it done if I did it early, perhaps better. Maybe that's just subjective, but... It's not subjective. Actually, all of the high achievers I've studied who do what you are describing.

But my point is that I like to get things done early, but I tend not to get things done early. Well, one tends not to get something done early, especially if they are a deadline-driven procrastinator, because they don't have the energy that gives them the fuel. Emotions are an octane that help us get things done. They motivate everything we do, even though we're often not conscious that they're there to help us. But procrastination doesn't, you know, predict failure. You know, early action doesn't predict success. It's all about, you know, there are two things that define success, just two. Never missing a deadline and your work reflecting your best efforts. And the high achievers I studied, whether they procrastinated or not, consistently met that criteria. It's fine to be a procrastinator,

as long as you never miss a deadline. We equate procrastination with failure, and that is wrong. Procrastination should not be linked with failure. There is that old saying that, you know, work fills the time allotted. And so if you have five days to do something, it'll take you five days. And if you wait until the last minute, you'll get it done at the last minute. if you have five days to do something, it'll take you five days. And if you wait until the last minute, you'll get it done at the last minute. But I have also talked to people who have said, well, this idea that procrastinators do better under the deadline is false, that they don't do better work, they just do faster work. But it doesn't sound like that's necessarily the case. That is not the case.

In fact, there are many procrastination studies that tried to look at that and found that deadline-driven people, people who in Ivy League schools procrastinate. Obviously, they're not all failing. that's true either, that if you give yourself more time that you'll do a better job. It'll just take you longer. Like you said, I'll end up doing it five times instead of once, but if I only have one shot at the ring there, I think I do a pretty good job. Not everyone can do that, Mike. Not everyone can do it. Those of us who are task-driven, and I am one of them, I am not a procrastinator, even though my book vindicates all procrastinators, I'm not one of them. I am not a procrastinator, even though my book vindicates all procrastinators. I'm not one of them. But I do have procrastination envy, because we're procrastinating. Well, we are. We're very special people. You know what? You are special people.

I'm stunned by my investigation of motivational styles. Really stunned. I would have never guessed that I would find what I found. But if those of us who are task-driven try to do something at a deadline, and I interviewed many people who told me they tried to do it because they were taking the life out of their projects, it's very difficult to do. It makes us crazy. I don't know if it has to do with our capacity to keep things in working memory or if our anxiety level gets too high at a deadline.

Our anxiety level is high, which makes us do things ahead of time. And so if you do something at a deadline, you may be overwhelmed by your anxiety rather than make it work for you. I also find that, and I suspect this is somewhat universal, that if someone else is expecting the result of this assignment or work that I have to do, it's much more likely to get done than if it's just, you know, working on the great American novel and nobody's waiting for it and it never gets done. I had a graduate student, for example, who was a heavy-duty, deadline-driven procrastinator,

and she was able to complete her dissertation much earlier than anyone in her cohort because she made those kinds of commitment incentives. She would email me as her dissertation chair and say, I'm going to have this piece to you by this date, and she would do it every single time, and her work was exceptional. So those kinds of promises to others, or even a promise that will evoke some fear in us, like if a partner wants you to do something by a particular time or date, the fear of their disapproval may lead you to get it done, even though you may not like it. That agitation will compel you to take action.

So there are many other things that influence our behavior. Another thing that we in our culture believe is that procrastinators are always late. That is absolutely not true. No, that is not procrastinators are always late. That is absolutely not true. No, that is not, because I'm not, I can't say I'm never late. I hate being late, and I try very hard to be on time. And no, I don't, I've never bought that, that idea. Not only that, but procrastinators are able to be early. For example, there are many of the procrastinators I studied who told me they would get to appointments

or to the airport for a flight much earlier than the task-driven people I studied. And the reason they were able to do that is because they could sit around, relax, read a magazine, people watch. They didn't mind just sitting there, whereas task-driven people who feel compelled to get things done continuously hate getting to some appointments on time

because they see it as a waste of time. They could be doing other things. Do you think that if a person who's a procrastinator tries to become less procrastinating, does it ever work? And if it works, are they happier for it or not? How many books are there on the market that tell you how to beat procrastination? Right, there's a million. And it doesn't work because nobody has

taken a look at what creates that motivational style. It's based on when our emotions are activated. Can you change when your emotions are activated? And if I give you a project two months in advance and you have plenty of time to do it, will your emotions be activated enough to compel you to do it? Not really. You could get it done, but you won't have the energy and the drive and you probably will lack the creativity and intuition that enables you to do the kind of job you might do at a deadline.

So yeah, we can get things done earlier. We can change our style a bit. But why mess with evolution, you know? You know, I remember in school when the teacher would say, you know, by the end of the semester, you need to turn in this big report, this big project. I used to hate that because then I had that hanging over my head. I wish she had waited until, you know, two weeks before it was due to tell us about it,

because then at least that wouldn't be hanging over me the entire semester, because I wasn't going to do it till then anyway. That's so true. And, you know, both teachers and managers have to understand that there are different motivational styles in the world. And so rather than your teacher giving you a project that you have to do two months from now, it would have been better if the teacher said, this week this is what you have to get done, and next week this is what you have to get done, to give you deadlines in between. And that satisfies both task-driven people and deadline-driven people. week this is what you have to get done, to give you deadlines in between. And that satisfies both task-driven people and deadline-driven people.

So the task isn't right away. It's not tomorrow that you have to do this, but in a week. So it really helps when teachers and managers understand motivational styles and could direct people accordingly. But if you were one of those kids who did things at a deadline, it must have been really hard to be involved in a group project if you were with tasks and people. No, no, because what I said earlier, if somebody else was counting on me, I still got it done because they were counting on me. Ah, I see.

But when the teacher said, you have all semester to do this project, and then they usually threw in, and if you wait till the end, you won't do a good job, I'll do a fine job, and yes, I will wait till the end, and I wish you hadn't said a damn thing about it. You know, both procrastinators and task-driven people have regret. And regret is an emotion based on shame that enables us to look at ourselves and sort of self-supervise. And what procrastinators do with their regret often, their post-deadline regret, is to say that same thing. If I had done it earlier, maybe I would have done a better job. I ran across a couple of those people in interviews, and one of them had a very good example where he said he always does reports at a deadline, and everyone respects his work.

And yet, one day, he thought about it and said, maybe I don't do such a great job. Maybe I should be able to get things done earlier, and it would make my reports better. So he went through his files and looked at previous reports, and they all looked really great to him, and he wouldn't have changed anything. They were all first and last drafts. You know, they only do it in one draft. And so he asked a colleague to review his reports, and the colleague said, these are excellent.

You know, what is your concern? And so he didn't believe that, asked one more colleague. Same thing happened. It's really hard because we have so stigmatized procrastinators and have led them to doubt themselves rather than recognize this as a valid motivational style and help these people feel good about themselves, and not have to have this secret life where they hide the way they get things done.

Oh yeah, I'm sure I did that when people said, are you working on your project? And I would lie. Oh yeah, yeah, I wasn't doing anything. I just didn't do that. So we're out of time, but is the message here, embrace your style and be proud of it and you'll be fine? Embrace your style, yes, but also understand your emotions and how they work for you. Because emotions motivate us to get things done as well as motivate everything we do. Great.

Well, thanks, Mary. Always a pleasure. And you strut your stuff about being a procrastinator. Well, I don't have a choice. It's not like I tried changing years ago. I tried to be one of those people, and it just didn't work. And it just caused more stress. And things took longer than they needed to take because i had

all this time to do it and then i you know so and then there would be little mini procrastinations where i would i would start a project you know three months ahead of time and i would sit down and then all of a sudden decide you know i need to clean that closet right away because the deadline was not there was no deadline yeah it, it was way down the road. So I am who I am, and that's the end of it. You are lucky. I wish I could do it. But, you know, it's just nice to hear that procrastination isn't necessarily bad,

that that has been the assumption that procrastinators need to change, and your message is that maybe they don't. Mary Lemia has been my guest. Mary is a clinical psychologist, and she's author of the book, What Motivates Getting Things Done? Procrastination, Emotions, and Success. Thanks, Mary. Thank you. Take care. Has this ever happened to you? You open up your favorite bottle of wine, pour a glass, and then put the wine bottle back in the fridge, turn around, and there's now a fruit fly swimming in your glass of wine.

Well, where did he come from, and how did he get in there so fast? Well, according to research, fruit flies can detect wine or other fermenting juice from up to a half a mile away, and they absolutely love the stuff and will go right for it. Most wine drinkers have probably swallowed a fruit fly or two without even knowing it. And while eating a bug may not be pleasant, you're not likely to get sick from swallowing a fruit fly. However, there is another problem. One little fruit fly can ruin the taste of wine. You see, the alcohol in the wine softens the bug's body and that releases an enzyme into the wine that produces an unpleasant

aroma. Not to mention the unpleasant thought that you've now got softened bug guts in your wine But the next time you get a fruit fly or two in a glass Let them sit there a minute and then do a side-by-side smell test By comparing it to a fresh glass of wine And you will most likely smell the difference So the next time you get a fruit fly in your wine Either scoop him out quickly or just dump it and start again. And that is Something You Should Know. And that's the

podcast today. I'm Mike Carruthers. Thanks for listening to Something You Should Know. Welcome to the small town of Chinook, where faith runs deep and secrets run deeper. In this new thriller, religion and crime collide when a gruesome murder rocks the isolated Montana community. Everyone is quick to point their fingers at a drug-addicted teenager, but local deputy Ruth Vogel isn't convinced. She suspects connections to a powerful religious group. Enter federal agent V.B. Loro, who has been investigating a local church for possible criminal activity.

The pair form an unlikely partnership to catch the killer, unearthing secrets that leave Ruth torn between her duty to the law, her religious convictions, and her very own family. But something more sinister than murder is afoot, and someone is watching Ruth. Chinook. Starring

Kelly Marie Tran and Sanaa Lathan. Listen to Chinook wherever you get your podcasts. Contained herein are the heresies of Rudolf Buntwine, erstwhile monk turned traveling medical investigator. Join me as I study the secrets of the divine plagues and uncover the blasphemous truth that ours is not a loving God and we are not its favored children. The Heresies of Randolph Bantwine, wherever podcasts are available.