Something You Should Know - SYSK Choice: Our Christmas Wish of Hope & Courage

Episode Date: December 25, 2021

Want to look younger - dramatically younger? I begin this episode with 3 simple ways that change how people perceive you. If you do these things, you will instantly appear younger than your actual age. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21895379 Human beings are born to be hopeful. If you interact with any 2-year-old and you will see and hear nothing but hope in what they say and do. Yet as adults we sometimes lose hope. And that's never good. This holiday season, I want to share with you a conversation I had with Dr. Shane Lopez, author of the book Making Hope Happen (http://amzn.to/2j7su8N). Dr. Lopez was a leading researcher and authority on hope. Unfortunately, he died not long ago at the age of 46 but he left a message about hope that is so powerful.  Doesn’t it seem that life would be easier if you had more courage? So how do you get more? Debbie Ford is about to tell you. Debbie was the author of the book Courage: Overcoming Fear and Igniting Self-Confidence (https://amzn.to/34MVudy) and she had a ton of courage. Debbie passed away a few years ago. Shortly before her death I had a chance to talk with her and I think you will find our conversation inspiring as we all prepare for the new year, 2022. When your gas gauge says empty – are you really out of gas? Listen and discover how long you can drive before you must find a gas station. https://www.cartalk.com/blogs/dear-car-talk/whats-really-left-tank-when-gauge-reads-e PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! Go to https://stamps.com click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter code SOMETHING to get a 4 week free trial, free postage and a digital scale! Get a $75 CREDIT at https://Indeed.com/Something Go to https://backcountry.com/sysk to get 15% OFF your first full-priced purchase! https://www.geico.com Bundle your policies and save! It's Geico easy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You can now make the first move or not. With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Today on Something You Should Know, how to look much younger, almost effortlessly. Then the holiday season is a time for hope. So hope we shall discuss. If you don't see the best years as being ahead of you, if you

don't see the future as being better than the present, and that's kind of this chronic belief, then that can kickstart a real depression that can be quite enduring and quite challenging to overcome. Then when your gas gauge says empty, just how empty is the tank really? And understanding courage and how to be more courageous. Courage is a way of life. It's moving ahead and allowing life to bring in all its gifts and all its challenges and meeting those challenges in a way where you can see through the darkness, past it, and into the light. All this today on Something You Should Know. This is an ad for BetterHelp.

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Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more. That's BetterHelp.com. Something You Should Know. Fascinating intel, the world's top experts, and practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. Hi, Merry Christmas. Welcome to Something You Should Know. It is our Christmas episode for 2021, and assuming you're listening to this around the holiday season, I really appreciate that you're spending part of your holiday with us, listening to something you should know. It's been a challenging year for many people. And as this year comes to an end, we have put together a Christmas episode for today that emphasizes hope and courage. And I

think you'll find the interviews today quite moving and inspiring. And I sincerely want to wish you a Merry Christmas and hope that good things are coming ahead for you in 2022. First up, though, if you would like to look 10 years younger, smile, sit up straight, and fix your hair. In a study where participants were asked to guess the ages of people in photographs, subjects were estimated at about 10 years younger when their expression was a natural wide smile. When the expression was neutral, the estimated age was most accurate,

and if they looked fearful, sad, or mad, they looked a lot older. Posture had a big impact on age perception as well. Those who slouched looked older. And those who sat up straight looked younger. After facial expression and posture, the next most aging factor was hair and eyebrows. Frizzy or damaged hair and unruly or thinning eyebrows can add years to your appearance. Get a handle on those and you will look significantly younger.

And that is something you should know. Whether or not you're a religious person, there's something about the Christmas season that brings feelings of hope. People are nicer. Gifts are being exchanged. The new year is around the corner. There is, for many of us, more of a sense of hope and optimism that happens now than at other times of the year. So let's talk about hope. And what I want to do is share with you an interview I did with a man who spent much of his professional life researching hope and the power it has for all of us.

His name was Dr. Shane Lopez, and unfortunately, Dr. Lopez died not long ago at the age of 46. He was highly regarded in psychology circles and research circles as a real authority on the subject of hope. He worked for the Gallup organization, and he was author of the book, Making Hope Happen. I think you'll like what he has to say about hope. And my first question was to ask him to define what hope actually is. Hope is the belief that the future will be better than the present, coupled with the belief that you have the power to make it so. Those are the two things that really come together to define hope. And are humans unique in their ability to have hope,

or do other creatures have hope somehow? Yeah, I think other creatures, you know, they have maybe expectations in a sense, and we kind of train them to do so. Or nature has trained them to be thinking about the future in a non-complex way, in a simple way. But humans are the only creatures on the planet that can think complex thoughts about the future and be hopeful. And sometimes be hopeless. And be hopeless, absolutely. We have all the hardware we need. We have the brain structure and specifically that frontal lobe that helps us be hopeful. We have the language. We can tell great stories about the future that we edit over time that help us be hopeful. Those stories really kind of feed hope back to us. But if we start telling these hopeless stories, then we can kind of light up those pathways as well and find a lot of struggle in our lives. By default, are we kind of wired to be hopeful? Yeah, by age two, if you think about the last two-year-old you hung out with, they're

saying, I can, I can, I will. So So you're already your own superhero when you're age two, and you're setting up these contingencies. You start to understand that there are ifs, thens in life in a very rudimentary kind of way. And then you couple that with more complex language as you grow older and then success experiences as you accumulate them. And those are the basic building blocks of hope, that thinking about the future and hope. That thinking about the future and then telling a story about the future

in a way that it pulls you through everyday life, we have that probably in place when we're five or six years old. And then what happens? Well, then what happens? Gosh, then again, we accumulate some success experiences. We start narrating the story of our lives in a certain way. We have people who

care about us or who don't care about us. And it kind of refines our sense of the future, refines our sense of self. And about half of the people wind up being hopeful creatures, and the other half end up struggling with life in general. And often because they don't understand that connection between if-then, between now and then, and those two things, those struggles and understanding contingencies and how today's behavior is associated with future behavior, those things really get people in trouble. Because in a sense, is being hopeful sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy? The more hopeful you are, the better things actually do turn out? Well, you know, that's interesting.

So that notion of self-fulfilling prophecy, it has some merit, certainly. When you're hopeful, you actually start generating positive emotions. When you generate positive emotions, your mind kind of opens up to unique opportunities in life and more opportunities in life. So then you start to generate more pathways to the goals that you're interested in. So you can kind of reframe that self-fulfilling prophecy by understanding the cognitions and emotions of hope. And you just work a little differently, a little more efficiently, a little harder, and you're able to get from point A to point B a little quicker. But it's a little bit more than self-fulfilling prophecy, and it's way more than wishing. Yeah, and you make the big distinction in the book about the difference between hope and

wishing. Sure, sure. Bobby Knight has a book out right now called The Power of Negative Thinking, and he's really down on hope. So he's a famous former basketball coach, and he's really down on hope. But the way he casts it, it's wishing. It's believing that the future will be better than the present, and I just have to kick back and wait for it. That's wishing. And wishing actually, when you think the future will be great, and you don't anticipate the obstacles that pop up and you don't get ready to work hard, then you're wishing, and that actually undermines your momentum for the future.

Hoping involves not only that belief that the future will be better than the present, but this understanding that you've got to put a lot of tools and resources together to make it so. So hoping is really a lot of hard work. It really is. resources together to make it so. So hoping is really, it's a lot of hard work. You know, it really is. And wishing is quite passive and quite easy and quite detrimental to most people. I mean, that's kind of like buying a lottery ticket and then you wish you win, but chances are you're not. You're absolutely right. So if that's your retirement plan, buying lottery tickets every Friday, you're a wishful creature. So the odds are against you and you have no real investment in the future other than the five bucks, let's say, you just spent on lottery tickets.

And you know what? We've really confused the issue in our daily language when people say, I'm hoping it will all work out. I'm hopeful my lottery ticket will win. Well, we're quite wishful where we're wishing that it will work out but we've substituted the word hoping in such a way that we've really watered down the meaning so part of what I try to do is I help children and adults just be pretty mindful about when they're hoping and when they're wishing and they kind of catch themselves so boy I'm really being passive about this. If I wish you good luck, that's all I mean.

I'm like, goodbye, buddy. I wish you good luck. But if I'm hopeful that you'll have a great outcome, you know, at a sporting event, let's say, that means I'm going to be there cheering you on. I'm going to give you any kind of help you might need. I might even be your coach, you know, and tutor you and help you in some way. So to hope, you got to get your hands dirty, whether it's in your own life or if you're trying to help someone else. Yeah, that's a great way to put it. And we're often hopeful about our future and we do things, but then, you know, we end up

procrastinating or get off course. And you talk, I know, in the book about setting yourself up for some automatic ways to make things happen. Yeah, Mike, if we can put more hope on autopilot, we're really helping ourselves out in daily life. There's some simple ways to do it. One is to create a win-wear plan for every assignment you're given or every assignment you give yourself. An assignment is often, you know, kind of wrapped around a goal. So your boss may say, we need you to do this by such and such a date, or you may give yourself an assignment to get something done around the house. Well, that occupies some mental resources, some psychological resources,

that assignment. So if you can put a basic win-wear plan around that goal, then you set this action trigger in your brain. So for example, tax season's coming up and no one really wants to get ready for tax season. But if you could say to yourself, okay, on Monday, I will set aside some time on the 11th, 9 o'clock after I visit my child's school. I'll bring my tax paperwork with me. I'll go to a coffee shop and I'll start getting it organized. Well, come Monday morning, that little alarm goes off in your head. And as you're getting your child ready for school, you're saying to yourself, okay, I got to grab the tax papers. I'm going to the coffee shop. I'm taking the morning off of work. I've got to get this done.

So the more we can set these action triggers in our daily lives, and in other cases borrow hope from other people, the better off we are because we'll certainly kind of burn out. We'll get tired. We don't want to do all the things we have to do, but we have to figure out ways to make good things happen in our lives. That almost sounds too simple. They just, if, when, it just seems so simple. Yeah, well, it's a simple strategy that works. It certainly is. And it's kind of age old and time tested, but it's also scientifically proven. So Peter Goldwitzer has done a ton of research on this if-then contingency thinking, which I've kind of translated into these when-where plans. 94 different studies were recently analyzed, and sure enough, they work. They work. And it is incredibly simple, but it's an elegant solution to kind of that modern problem

of not having enough time and energy to get things done. Is becoming hopeless and feeling despair, and is that normal, or is that usually the, is that mental illness? Yeah, yeah, Mike, I think we all go through those periods in life where we're running on fumes, you know, so our hope reserves may be pretty low. Interestingly, hopeful people in general are able to buffer themselves really well against from the stress in life and from those things that might tire out someone else. My wife and I have this term that we bounce around the house a little bit. It's called depletion depression. So it's not really depression. We haven't had a major episode of depression in

the household at all, but it's something that we're just so worn out from pursuing too many goals that we don't have any resources left to take care of each other. So there is that kind of, you know, every person's kind of sadness that might develop when we're pursuing too many goals at one time. On the flip side, someone who loses touch with their future self, someone who loses the relationship with their future self can spiral quickly into a real depression. If you don't see the best years as being ahead of you, if you don't see the future as being better than the present, and that's kind of this chronic belief, then that can kick-start a real depression that can be quite enduring and quite challenging to overcome.

Yeah, well, and I imagine there are people who try things and fail and try things and fail and get to that point where they think, you know, no matter what I do, nothing works, and their future does look dim because they can't figure it out. Yeah, and I, you know, as a psychotherapist, I've worked with many of these folks, and and their future does look dim because they can't figure it out. Yeah, and as a psychotherapist, I've worked with many of these folks, and that's kind of my expertise is treating people with this chronic low-level depression, referred to as dysthymia. And what I found is that if I can get them excited about one thing in the future,

just one small thing, we can jumpstart their psychology again. And it's incredibly challenging and it can take weeks or months to find that one small thing. But it is part and parcel of helping people move from depression into well-being. So often when we work with people who are struggling, we stop when they stop feeling sad. And in fact, what we need to do is we need to keep helping others until they get to that point where they're truly experiencing some well-being, some happiness, because then they can turn that into a spiral and kind of keep life moving in the right direction.

Is this idea of hope and people suffering because they don't have it, is this a growing problem, or is it a pretty static, you know, there are always those people who are hopeful and those who aren't? It's a great question. It's an age-old problem. You know, when folks in you know throughout history have written about feeling like an empty vessel having no

meaning hope and meaning go hand in hand having no meaning or purpose in life feeling kind of blank and gray it's an indicator that there's nothing that excites them about the future and I don't want this to sound like hey go get excited about the future and become a cheerleader.

I'm talking about genuine excitement about something in the future. When we lose that, we have an extremely hard time being hopeful and functioning at a high level. And can we go through periods in, let's say, America or another country where we, in fact, lose that as a culture? Absolutely. Absolutely. I think there are times that are very dark, whether it's in a city, a family, in a school, in a country where, you know, depression and hopelessness kind of sweeps through. But the most hopeful of the bunch are able to buffer themselves against that and hopefully kind of on the other side of things, be the ones that spread hope to others and help people move in the right direction. Because hope is contagious?

Hope is indeed contagious. And that's been one of the more delightful discoveries. And what we find is that enthusiastic leaders, and you can say enthusiastic teachers, parents, preachers, enthusiastic leaders make other people hopeful. So they kind of do this power of positive emotions. You kind of open your mind and heart to what's possible. And then with the support of other people, you start working on what's possible. And then you start really gaining some momentum towards these things that excite you, these goals that excite you. So through that channel, hope is contagious, but also just being someone who really takes care of the business of day-to-day life. And then other people kind of

see you do that. You can learn from other people and their hopeful pursuits. You know, I'm always kind of blown away by some of my friends who are very competitive when it comes to running. And the only way I'll be competitive when it comes to running is if I'm competing with a wild animal. I'm just not interested in running. But watching them pursue these goals that they're passionate about inspires me to pursue other goals I'm passionate about passionate about not necessarily running but other things in my life that excite me yeah well I think everyone can relate to that to some extent and and I agree running's not my thing either I'm speaking with Dr. Shane Lopez. He's my guest today, and he is the author of the book, Making Hope Happen.

Hi, this is Rob Benedict. And I am Richard Spate. We were both on a little show you might know called Supernatural. It had a pretty good run, 15 seasons, 327 episodes. And though we have seen, of course, every episode many times, we figured, hey, now that we're wrapped, let's watch it all again. And we can't do that alone. So we're inviting the cast and crew that made the show along for the ride. We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and we'll of course have some actors on as well, including some certain guys that played some certain pretty iconic brothers.

It was kind of a little bit of a left field choice in the best way possible. The note from Kripke was, he's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent Duchovny type. With 15 seasons to explore, it's going to be the road trip of several lifetimes. So please join us and subscribe to Supernatural then and now. is a conversation with a fascinating guest. Of course, a lot of podcasts are conversations with guests, but Jordan does it better than most. Recently, he had a fascinating conversation with a British woman who was recruited and radicalized by ISIS and went to prison for three years. She now works to raise awareness on this issue. It's a great conversation.

And he spoke with Dr. Sarah Hill about how taking birth control not only prevents pregnancy, it can influence a woman's partner preferences, career choices, and overall behavior due to the hormonal changes it causes. Apple named The Jordan Harbinger Show one of the best podcasts a few years back. And in a nutshell, the show is aimed at making you a better, more informed critical thinker. Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show. There's so much for you in this podcast. The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Continuing our conversation, you know, Dr. Lopez, I've had my bouts with that kind of low-level depression where it's really hard to pull yourself up out of it.

And my experience is, and I've heard from other people too, that if you can find something to do, some activity, that that can really help pull you up. Oh, certainly. Certainly. If, you know, that inertia is hard to overcome. So once you have kind of slipped into that state of inaction, as you described it, it's very hard to overcome. So you're constantly kind of stealing yourself against that possibility. But if you do slip into that again, if you're working with someone or if you have a close friend who can help you connect up to something that you're excited about in the future.

So, you know, for example, things I'm excited about, my child has spring break from school here in the near future. I'm just so excited to spend time with him and my wife on a car trip. I am just so jazzed about that, that the snowstorm that I'm anticipating right now and some of the other problems at work, they just seem so small when I start thinking about this exciting trip with my family. So that trip two weeks from now just kind of pulls me through kind of the hassles of everyday life. So when those hassles become so great that we're stuck, getting excited about the future, getting some that, you know, don't have many visitors or people who feel guilty because they don't visit grandma in the nursing home enough, that it's not so much the visit as the anticipation of the visit that gets grandma all excited.

And so if you can tell her in two weeks you'll be there, that may be as good as visiting her three times. Yes, absolutely. And my good friend, Tom Rath, he just actually walked by my door moments ago. I've interviewed him many times. Wonderful man. He wrote a book on well-being. And certainly, this is where our work overlaps, where we talk about the anticipation of something exciting, the experience of something exciting, and then the recollection of something that was exciting. So having the anticipation of a trip can really generate positive emotions that can feed into this hope cycle. The experience itself can build psychological resources. And then the memory and the capitalizing on that experience with someone dear to you can kind of keep that alive.

So we really, gosh, Mike, we really waste a lot of psychological capital by not using what you just referred to as that anticipatory excitement to our advantage. Yeah, well, I guess life is pretty dull if you don't have something to look forward to. Absolutely. It's not only dull, it can really be slow moving and somewhat sad. So having, again, that one thing. And what scares me is that, you know, when I talk to young people, especially, most of them have that one thing in the future, but if they don't, they feel like they'll be stuck forever. So that's why we have to kind of wrap around the young people in our community and make sure that we're finding what they do best and figuring out a way to get them

excited about that so that they can aim their lives at something meaningful. When you look back at people who have maybe not a strong sense of hope in their life, but do things typically turn out okay? Or do people really, should they be worried because things are hopeless? You know, that's a tough question. You know, so we have, again, half of the people in our lives are high hope. About the remaining half, they're kind of split between people who are just a little bit stuck and who could move towards being hopeful, and then the folks who are really in despair.

And those folks who are in despair need to reach out to the care and resources that they have in their community and whatever works for them. So it could be a psychotherapist, it could be a teacher, it could be a preacher, but somehow they have to get some love and support to overcome the obstacles of everyday life. Once they do that, then they have that glimmer of hope that they can then hang on to for a little bit as they kind of move through the slow paces of recovery. One thing I don't want people to get out of this book is that we should all be happy, happy, hopeful, hopeful. You know, we are all going to kind of get knocked down by life. But if we can put the right people and thoughts and feelings together at the right time, then we can create

that momentum we need to get where we want to be in the world. And that is my interview with Dr. Shane Lopez, author of the book Making Hope Happen, The Little Insight Into Hope This Holiday Season. There's a link to his book in the show notes. People who listen to Something You Should Know are curious about the world, looking to hear new ideas and perspectives. So, I want to tell you about a podcast that is full of new ideas and perspectives, and one I've started listening to, called Intelligence Squared. It's the podcast where great minds meet. Listen in for some great talks on science, tech, politics, creativity, wellness, and a lot more. A couple of recent examples, Mustafa Suleiman, the CEO of Microsoft AI, discussing the future of technology.

That's pretty cool. And writer, podcaster, and filmmaker John Ronson, discussing the rise of conspiracies and culture wars. Intelligence Squared is the kind of podcast that gets you thinking a little more openly about the important conversations going on today. Being curious, you're probably just the type of person Intelligence Squared is meant for. Check out Intelligence Squared wherever you get your podcasts. Do you love Disney? Then you are going to love our hit podcast, Disney Countdown. I'm Megan, the Magical Millennial. And I'm the Dapper Danielle.

On every episode of our fun and family-friendly show, we count down our top 10 lists of all things Disney. There is nothing we don't cover. We are famous for rabbit holes, Disney-themed games, and fun facts you didn't know you needed, but you definitely need in your life. So if you're looking for a healthy dose of Disney magic, check out Disney Countdown wherever you get your podcasts. The holidays can be challenging for many of us. It's a time to

remember people who are no longer here. It's a time to remember experiences that have come and gone, and perhaps a time to reflect on hopes and dreams that never materialized. For some, the holidays are a tough time to get through, and maybe a little courage could help. I'd like to share with you an interview I did with Debbie Ford. Debbie taught people how to get over their fears, grab life by the lapels, and lead a life of courage. Debbie Ford died a few years ago, and not long before then, I had a chance to speak with her when her ninth book came out called Courage, Overcoming Fear and Igniting Self-Confidence.

And I started the conversation by asking her why she thinks courage is so important. One thing everybody always wants more of is courage and confidence. And what stops everybody is fear. So I wrote a book about divine confidence and a new kind of courage that's innate inside of us, and really supporting people and learning these tools so that they can embrace their fears or have their fears and still be a courageous, outrageous being anyway.

So how do you define courage? Well I define courage as a state of being. And it's not something you do or it's not about taking a particular risk. But courage is a way of life. It's moving ahead in a way where you can see through the darkness, past it and into the light, and see the gifts that it will bring in the future, so that you can be courageous in the present moment. And you say that what stops courage is fear,

and I imagine there is or was a reason for that, that fear serves a purpose. Fear does serve a great purpose, Mike. Fear, you know, tells us when to watch out or be careful or when to save for the future or when to run and hide. And so we need fear, healthy fear. But most of us have toxic fear is what I call it and talk about in the book about how we can actually resolve some of the toxic fear or at least understand what it is. And once people understand the voice of fear and realize that they're just marching to that drum, people can make a powerful choice to stand in courage. That sounds great, but if I'm full of fear, if my life has always been kind of living afraid for the other shoe to drop, how do you turn that off? How do you even begin that process?

Well, I think first by distinguishing that voice. So if the fear is that the shoe is going to drop, I mean, I just want you to know that's a collective fear for a lot of people. You know, watch out what's going to happen, or don't get too big for your bridges. You know, a lot of us did great as children, and all of a sudden we're singing and dancing, and somebody comes along and shames us. And so this is a natural fear. And when we can distinguish it, like I have people write down, my voice of fear says, and I have them write down pages and pages of it.

Because once we can see, well, that's the voice of my fear, what's the voice of my courageous self? What would my courageous self say in this circumstance? It's something new. Most people aren't listening for their courageous self or their confident self. They're listening through the filter of their fear. And because people don't understand it's just a filter, we all have it, then, you know, it gives them the power back. And I think everybody's probably felt that courage. You know, not everybody's fearful all the time. Sometimes we just have days where everything goes right. We feel like we've got the world by the tail and we have that self-confidence. And other times it just seems to get sucked right

out of us. Yes, and that's true. And I think for different people, it's different times and different areas of their life. And so if we know these areas where we're stuck, where we have a lot of fear, that's where we also have a lot of emotional wounds. And we don't look at it as a negative, but rather, wow, here's a time and an opportunity for me to explore my inner world, to reconnect with my source. Because to have and be present to your divine confidence and your courage, you must remember who you are. And who you are at your source is a divine partnership with the divine,

you know, with the greatest, highest aspects of our being. And when we understand that, and all of us are here to live a significant life, and when we understand that and we know that, then we're willing to look beyond our fear. But when life kicks you around, as it tends to do over time, it's hard to stay courageous when you keep getting kicked in the teeth. Yes, that's what most people tell me.

And I can tell you, because I wrote this book while I was laying in bed for a year fighting off cancer. So I do understand wanting to give up and thinking, oh my God, how can life throw this curveball to me again? And I don't deserve this. And we have to, courage is a muscle that must be developed and worked at. And when we believe in our higher self, when we trust that there is a universal gift in everything, then we come from a different place. We don't have to stay stuck in fear. We get to be explorers again, curious like we were when we were children.

And so the connection, it always goes back in all of my work to the connection to this highest holy source that exists within you and within me, within everyone in the planet. But if you're somebody who's, you know, in a bad place, you know, you're about to lose your house, you've lost your job, your wife's leaving you, or you have cancer or something, I mean, it's hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel, even though you maybe know that it's there, but it's hard to see it. That's why you need to make sure you have the right support structure around you, that you're reading something that's inspiring and empowering you through looking through new eyes. You have a coach or a therapist or a group that you belong to. People still think they need to go at it alone or they stay stuck in patterns and people that are bringing them down. And I take people, I have been for the last 15 years, taking people through the most difficult times of their lives.

And I can tell you the people that work at it live a life that they cannot believe they live today. They cannot believe it. And that life couldn't have occurred unless they went through that fear and they worked through it and they went to the other side and they stood in courage and confidence or at least held on to somebody else who was standing there. Because how was their life now different? I just got an article from one of my coaches wrote who stood next to her husband. Now, I met her, I should say, when she came to the shadow process in the middle

of a very, very bad divorce, an ugly divorce. And her husband was cheating on her and on and on and on. To make a long story short, they've been divorced now two years. She just made the cake for his wedding with his new wife. And she calls it the cake of peace, P-E-A-C-E. And that is, you know, that's what's possible for people. Wow. Did she spit in the batter? She didn't.

She did it lovingly. And that's what happens when people do this kind of work. It's deep work. It's shifting the blame from the outer world to instead of blame, but having compassion for our inner world. And when our inner world shifts, then we know the outer world will shift as well. Do you think, though, that there are certain personality characteristics, that there are some people who just have that more outward, charismatic-y,

confident-y approach to life. And there are others who are more fearful and introverted and a little more afraid of life. Absolutely. And I wrote this book for both kinds. But mostly, I think most people go in the insecure. It may not be in every area of their life, but the areas of their life where they're not where they want to be, there's insecurity and there's fear. And instead of understanding, you know, a lot of people just say, well, this area is good and this area is good and this area is good, so I'll just ignore the areas that aren't good, you know, until one day they miss out on love, or they miss out on building a business or creating a business that they always wanted. Or they miss out on enjoying their bodies.

And so I think, for me, transformation is a daily way of life, that every day that we're not transforming, we're dying. And so if we are going to move ahead powerfully, if we're going to live in this life right now, then it's a question for me is, okay, all that's going on. Now, how are you going to have a great life? I remember interviewing someone not too long ago who, as as part of his book, he had done some research with elderly people and asked them to look back at their life and what was their biggest regret. And overwhelmingly, it was that they had worried too much, which is kind of what you're saying. That, you know, this worry and fear, it takes up a lot of energy and time. And for what?

It doesn't do anything. It does nothing. You're correct. And for what? It doesn't do anything. It does nothing. You are correct. And worry is just another voice of fear. Doubt is another voice of fear. Confused and being stuck is just another voice of fear. You know, when we are stuck in the past, it's a voice of fear. When we're standing right now in the present moment and we are inspired about

what could happen in the future, right, we're present and we're inspired and we're not in fear. So I think people don't understand the stranglehold of fear and that it isn't something that just magically disappears. You know, there's a process to work through. And that's what I invite people to do, encourage, to really ignite that courageous warrior inside and go for it. I mean, it's not a dress rehearsal, right? So I'm driving in my car listening to you thinking, all right, well, she's got me pegged. I mean, she's talking about me, but what can I do to maybe put my toe in the water here to get a sense of what she's talking about? How do I turn down the road of courage?

You could begin to distinguish the voice of courage. Think of an area of your life where you are thriving, and think about the internal conversations that you have when you're thriving, The positive nature of it. And write it down. The voice of my confident self says, go for it. You can do it. You're good at that. And start to focus on your courageous self. Draw a picture of what that courageous self would look like. or get an image of yourself as, you know, a child when you were curious and courageous and jumping off trees and all the things that we did when we were young that we don't do now.

And, you know, I call them courage activators to really look and see each day. Make requests that you've been scared of asking. You know, like Oprah just interviewed me. Well, I thought my biggest fear would be to ask Oprah to do something for me, so I asked her if I could interview her. Now, she hasn't answered me, but it doesn't matter. What mattered was that I finally had enough of courage just to ask because it was my desire.

And so this is what we want to do, take steps each and every day that start to build our confidence. We want to look at the people that we talk to every day. Is this building my confidence? Do these people build my confidence? A lot of people around people that belittle them and put them down. Well, that isn't going to build your confidence. It's going to build your fear and your insecurity. That was my conversation about courage with Debbie Ford, who died a few years ago. I spoke with her just when her ninth book came out. It is called Courage, Overcoming Fear and Igniting Self-Confidence. And you'll find a link to that book in the show notes for this episode. I imagine this has happened to you.

It's happened to me. You're driving your car and the gas gauge you notice is on empty. Or maybe you have a thing in your car that tells you how many more miles worth of gas you have in the tank. And it says zero or close to zero. So how empty is empty? Well, it's probably not empty empty. According to John Johnson, author of the book Every Data, U.S. car makers design a buffer in there. So even though it says you're out of gas, you're probably not out of gas. But how much gas is really left? Well, the best guess is that when it gets to zero, there's still probably about 20 to 30 miles worth of gas in the tank,

but that's not an exact science, and it depends on how you drive. It depends on a lot of things. Well, what's interesting is that none of this is true with European cars. In Europe, when a car's gas tank says it's empty, it's empty. But even though you have a little wiggle room here with U.S. cars, the fact is driving on fumes is a bad idea. Many experts claim that driving on less than a quarter tank of gas

can cause trouble. It can mess with your fuel pump, and it can allow debris that's in your gas tank to get in your engine. So once you get to a quarter tank, you really should fill up. And that is something you should know. And that is our Hope and Courage episode for Christmas 2021. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for listening. Happy holidays. I'm Micah Ruthers. Thanks for listening to Something You Should Know.

Welcome to the small town of Chinook, where faith runs deep and secrets run deeper. In this new thriller, religion and crime collide when a gruesome murder rocks the isolated Montana community. Everyone is quick to point their fingers at a drug-addicted teenager, but local deputy Ruth Vogel isn't convinced. She suspects connections to a powerful religious group. Enter federal agent V.B. Loro, who has been investigating a local church for possible criminal activity. The pair form an unlikely partnership to catch the killer, unearthing secrets that leave Ruth torn

between her duty to the law, her religious convictions, and her very own family. But something more sinister than murder is afoot, and someone is watching Ruth. Chinook. Starring Kelly Marie Tran and Sanaa Lathan. Listen to Chinook wherever you get your podcasts. Contained herein are the heresies of red off punt wine first while monk turned traveling

medical investigator join me as i study the secrets of the divine plagues and uncover the blasphemous truth that ours is not a loving god and we are not its favored children the heresies of red off punt wine wherever podcasts are available