Something You Should Know - SYSK- TRENDING - What Your Dog is Really Thinking

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

Anyone who has ever owned a dog has probably wondered what goes on inside that furry little head. Does your dog feel guilty after chewing up your favorite shoes? Does it know when you've had a bad day? Does it love you the way you love it? We often assume we know what our dogs are thinking, but many of our assumptions are completely wrong. Understanding how dogs actually perceive the world can transform the relationship you have with your pet. According to dog behavior expert Camilla Gray-Nelson, dogs don't think the way humans do, and many common training mistakes happen because people expect dogs to understand things they simply don't. Once you begin to see the world from your dog's perspective, communication becomes easier, unwanted behaviors are easier to change, and training becomes far less frustrating—for both of you. Camilla shares fascinating insights into how dogs interpret our actions, what motivates their behavior, and how to build a happier, more cooperative relationship with your four-legged companion. She is author of Lipstick & the Leash: Dog Training a Woman's Way (http://amzn.to/2mkKr5Z). PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS AIR DOCTOR: Head to ⁠https://AirDoctorPro.com⁠ and use promo code SYSK to get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers, including the 3500, 4000, and 5500 models. Plus, you’ll receive a free 3year warranty, an $84 value, and AirDoctor’s 30-day money back guarantee WAYFAIR: Ready to upgrade your home for way less? Head to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Wayfair.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less.  QUINCE: Elevate your everyday. Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Quince.com/sysk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too! SHOPIFY: It's time to turn those "what ifs" into CHA CHING with Shopify Today! Sign up for your $1 per month trail and start selling today at ⁠https://Shopify.com/realm⁠ INDEED: Get a $75 Sponsored Job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Indeed.com/PODCAST⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I know you like interesting and thought-provoking conversations and ideas because you listen to something you should know. So let me recommend another podcast. I know you will enjoy. It's the Jordan Harbinger Show. Jordan has a real talent for getting his guests to share stories and offer thought-provoking insights. Over the years, I've sent a lot of people to listen

and I get feedback from people who are so glad I introduce them to the Jordan Harbinger Show. Recently he discussed Scientology and the children who are raised in that organization. It's a fascinating conversation. And he talked with Dr. Rhonda Patrick about how to protect your mind and body from the modern world. And it's tougher than you think. I've gotten to know Jordan pretty well. We talk frequently, and I tell you, he is a very smart, insightful guy who does a hell of a podcast.

Check out the Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you listen. to podcasts. So many people love dogs and for good reasons. But have you ever looked at your dog and wondered, what's really going on in that furry little head? Do they feel guilt when they chew up your favorite shoes? Do they actually understand any of the words you say? Or are they just reading your body language? Scientists are learning more than ever about how dogs think, communicate, and experience the world. And some of what they've discovered may surprise you. That's why today's SY-SK trending topic is what your dog is really thinking. Today you'll hear from dog behavior expert Camilla Gray Nelson, who explains how to better understand

your dog's thoughts, emotions, and behavior, and how that understanding can strengthen the bond you share. So if you've ever wished your dog could talk, this conversation may be the next best thing, and it's all coming up right after this. dogs all my life. And I think it's natural to feel as if they're one of the family and that they would protect us. And you often hear stories of dogs doing heroic things. And in movies and TV shows like Lassie, when Timmy falls down the well, as he seemed to do a lot, Lassie would do anything to try to save Timmy. But how realistic is that? What are dogs really thinking? Here to discuss dog behavior and dog thinking and how to train your dog to do what you want it to

do is Camilla Gray Nelson. She's author of the book Lipstick and the Leash Dog Training a Woman's Way. Welcome, Camilla. So if I fell down the well instead of Timmy, how likely is it my dog would sense that I was in danger and would want to do something to help? Because I'm thinking that what my dog would probably do is eat the sandwich that I left on the side of the well before I fell out. It's a lovely thought to think that our dog has feelings like humans that they would save us from the well if we fall in. But the fact is, as with so many myths, it just isn't so. The problem with the Lassie syndrome myth is that not only does it give us false expectations of what our dog should be and should do for us that a dog can never live up to.

But it actually puts us in an unsafe predicament with our dogs sometimes, meaning we are not careful around dogs as the animals that they are, thinking that they are gentle, benign creatures that would never harm us. Yeah, I heard someone say, and maybe it was you being quoted somewhere, that you should never leave young children alone with the dog. Well, that is so true, and nowhere is the true nature of the dog revealed in that advice, because dogs, after all, are predatory hunters. And there have been more than one case of a young child left alone with a dog that did not survive.

That's a horrible thing to think about, but the fact is dogs are. are hunters, and they are programmed to take advantage in their primordial state, in their instinctive state, to take advantage of the old and the young, the weak, not the strong. So if my dog is not thinking, how can I please you, how can I save you if you fall down the well, what is its motivation, what is it thinking? What a dog wants to know most of all is who's in charge. here. And instead of thinking, how can I please you, what a dog is really doing is trying to figure out, how can I avoid displeasing my boss and my leader? Slightly different, but profoundly

different in its application. Which is a very different mindset than what we think of that the dog is there to make us happy and to do what we, you know, get our slippers and that kind of thing. If a dog were truly motivated by making us happy, I as a dog trainer would be out of business. Because the dog would be pleasing us. If that's what they want to do, they would be doing it. But clearly, that's not the dog's motivation. The dog is built with an internal testing mechanism, testing behavior, trying certain things. What they're really doing with this behavior is they're testing.

are you in charge of me? Who's going to stop me? Because the status of a dog in a social group is totally dependent on how he can control and limit the behaviors of others. So what does that mean to me as the dog owner in terms of, do I need to tell the dog in some sort of dog language that I'm in charge here? The way to tell your dog you're in charge, and hence to get your dog to actually want to obey you because he sees you as the leader, is nothing more complicated than setting boundaries, rules, reigning in your dog's freedom. The moment you start reigning in your dog's freedom, instead of letting the dog go where he wants, do what he wants, and have whatever he wants, the minute you start dialing back, those freedoms, you have actually put yourself in a leadership position. And it's miraculous the change in your dog's behavior once you do that in a way that he understands from his cultural

background. Oh, but what about that last part? I mean, how do you know what his cultural background is? He's a canine. That's what I mean. In the canine world, they are seeking a leader. They're hungry for a leader. But what most people mistake for leadership is raising your voice, being intimidating, wagging your finger and scolding your dog. You know, in his culture, that's the mark of a pretender, not a leader. Real leaders in the animal world, and this is true for all social mammals, not just dogs, but people as well. In the animal world, true leaders are marked by cool and calm control of their emotions. They are unflappable in the face of conflict. They're unflappable.

That's a mark of their confidence, which makes them rise to the top. When we give into our emotions and we start to get angry, frustrated, and let that show, the dog is actually seeing weakness, not strength. and yet I see it so often in dog owners trying to take control, but doing it through anger and frustration and punishment, which actually doesn't work. I want to know how you corrected dog's behavior without making it crystal clear that this behavior is unacceptable. This behavior is bad, and we'll dive into that when we come back right after this. Our S-Y-S-K trending topic today is what your dog is really thinking. And my guest is dog behavior expert Camilla Gray Nelson.

She's author of a book called Lipstick and the Leash. So, Camilla, if you want to correct a behavior that the dog is doing, a negative behavior, pooping in the house or chewing up the furniture, how do you correct the behavior without making it clear, without pointing out, this is bad. You can correct the behavior by stopping it and limiting it, but if you do it without anger, that's the secret. You see, what I'll do, let's take it, let's say jumping, for example.

What a dog does to stop another dog from jumping on him is to whip around and bark right in that dog's face. That bark is not angry, it's more pragmatic. Basically, it says, excuse me, but I don't allow you to jump on me. They're not screaming. when they do it. They're just pragmatically saying, I don't allow that. That's what I mean by boundaries. I can't bark like a dog, but what I do have is a little device, pennies in a can, I'm going to let you listen to it right now. Hear that? That had no emotion in it,

but it was like a bark. It was a startling sudden noise that I can meet my dog's jump with, pardon the grammar. And the dog will understand, oh, I didn't like how that turns out for me. I'm not a bad dog. I just didn't like how that turned out for me. Dogs are results-driven, and you give a result that's slightly less pleasant than the behavior you want them to achieve, and they will avoid that behavior. Indeed, correction is absolutely necessary, but if it's infused with anger or made as punishment, then you go over into the dark side and it actually won't work.

Well, what about when the dog does things when you're not around? Well, what a good question is that. Dogs as pack animals are not designed to live alone. They do not have an off switch or a conscience because they were designed to live under the supervision of other dogs in a group situation 24-7. So what you have to do when you leave, if your dog is of an age where he's still experimenting with behaviors and waiting for someone to stop him, if you're not there to stop him, you must confine the dog to a space where he's not able to live out his experimentation. He's not tempted by things.

He can't pee on your carpet, destroy your shoes, steal food off the counter. Like I say, you lock the liquor cabinet when you leave. And that's sometimes creating the dog, sometimes putting them in a small room, sometimes an outdoor dog run, depending on your environment and your dog. Well, but it's hard to remember to do that all the time. Well, that's not the dog's fault. I guess not. But we're having, you know. That is our responsibility.

It's interesting. Once you get into that mindset, though, and women can be quite good at this, because what do we do with two-year-olds when we need to take? a shower or a one-year-old. We put them in a playpen. See, you get into a mindset of, of, when you can't supervise, you need to confine safely somehow. And so, remembering to do that becomes second nature once you get into that, that habit. But what does the dog ever stop trying? Indeed, a dog will stop trying to bend the rules when he knows what the rules are. The dog will try to figure out the rules if they're not clear to him,

and when they're in a young developmental stage, as a dog grows and matures, and you have done a good job of keeping the rules consistent, they eventually stop trying as often. Here's my analogy. Dogs are like jello, and they're like soft jello when you first get a dog, and you start training them into the ways of your home.

You are the mold. The dog is the jello. If you take the mold off too soon, you know what happens to the jello. Keep the mold on long enough until that dog is habituated into the form of the behaviors that you want. And then you can take the mold off and the jello will retain its shape. The dog will be habituated into good behaviors. people take the mold off the jello. They take the rules away from the dog too soon, or they never put it on at all.

Do dogs, as you said earlier, are looking to know who's the leader, but do dogs ever say, hey, I want to be the leader? Oh, indeed, dogs say that. Dogs of a certain personality will say that routinely. And a dog that wasn't even born with a personality suited for the corner, for the penthouse office, will take charge if nobody else does. They are so driven towards that organization that a dog will take charge if you don't. Now, the dogs that are born with confident personalities

that if in nature left to their own devices would take the lead role, those dogs are more challenging. They do not readily take orders because they feel they should be giving them. In my book, Lipstick and the Leash, I talk about how to deal with dogs of that ilk, or people, by the way. And it's a different kind of methodology. You come at things from the sides. You don't meet head-on. You avoid confrontation and argument, and you use sweet influence instead.

When dogs jump over people when they come over, what are they doing? When dogs jump on you or others, it's an interesting behavior because it has multiple purposes. Yes, it's a greeting. Dogs jump on each other to greet. It's also a very subtle testing and ranking ritual. A dog that's allowed to jump on another dog consistently is the dominant dog. a dog that's allowed to jump on you consistently without you ever saying, I don't allow that, can be led to believe that he has more power in their relationship or in the home than you do.

So jumping is a ranking ritual as well as something that's fun. What I recommend for dogs that are crazy jumpers when guests arrive, have a leash handy when the doorbell rings put a leash on your dog's collar. You can control his behavior by that simple act and let him know subtly but clearly that you are running the show. That does seem to be the key is to let them know that you are running the show. And running the show does not involve yelling. Running the show is simply knowing what you want, following through and getting it, even if it takes a while.

It's not how fast you get a response or obedience. It's the fact that you eventually get it. What I find as a dog trainer of 24 years and counting, and after 10,000-plus clients is that to a client, to a dog owner, they do not understand dogs. They've owned dogs. They've loved dogs. They've had many dogs.

but they don't truly understand how the dog thinks, how his culture works, and how he's programmed by nature to act and react. Until you really understand a dog and dog life and dog culture, you cannot successfully train a dog. Well, I know it's so easy to treat a dog like a member of the family and almost as if the dog is a person, but as you've clearly pointed out, you know, people are people and dogs are dogs, and we need to respect the differences.

Camilla Gray Nelson has been my guest. She is author of the book Lipstick and a Leash, Dog Training a Woman's Way, and you'll find a link to her book in the show notes. And that's it for this week's SYSK Trending episode. I'm Mike Hurruthers. Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know.