Something You Should Know - Why We All Eavesdrop (Even When We Shouldn’t) & Important Business Etiquette You Never Knew

Episode Date: December 3, 2018

Sometimes you may find yourself in a bad mood for no real reason. So how do you snap out of it? We begin this episode with some very easy, practical and proven ways to get you out of your funk and back to being happy when you are feeling grumpy. http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/smart-living/10-science-backed-ways-to-beat-a-bad-mood-fast/ar-BBlfz4d#page=5 Is eavesdropping nothing more than an impolite indiscretion – or is eavesdropping something humans must do? John Locke, Professor of Linguistics at Lehman College, City University of New York and author of the book Eavesdropping: An Intimate History (https://amzn.to/2zzH4kp) joins me for a fascinating exploration into what drives us to want to uncover other people’s secrets and what purpose it serves.  Why do some people like spicy food while others don’t? And what is that hot and spicy sensation you get in your mouth anyway – it is not a flavor or taste, so what is it? And perhaps the most important questions is, what is the best way to turn off the heat in your mouth when you eat something that is too hot and spicy? We will explore all of that in this episode. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3342526/So-S-chilli-peppers-tingle-tongue-Capsaicin-compoundbinds-pain-receptors-milk-really-does-help.html While the workplace has become more informal, how you dress and behave still matters. In fact it probably matters more than ever. For example, is it okay for colleagues to kiss at work anymore? How do you politely extract yourself from a conversation you don’t want to be in? What about opening doors for others? Who picks up the check – when? What’s the best way to introduce yourself? Should you give your boss a Christmas gift? Barbara Pachter author of The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Yourself to Success (https://amzn.to/2SqSG09) joins me to discuss all of that and more including social media etiquette. This Week's Sponsors –BetterHelp For 10% off your first month of counseling go to www.BetterHelp.com/something, promo code SOMETHING –Stitch Fix For an additional 25% off when you keep all the items in your box go to www.StitchFix.com/something Calming Comfort Blanket. For 15% off the posted price of this incredible blanket to help you sleep better, go to www.CalmingComfortBlanket.com and use the promo code SOMETHING. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on Something You Should Know, if you're ever in a bad mood, I'll tell you how to snap out of it immediately. Then, eavesdropping. It's considered bad behavior, yet we all do it, and it serves a real human purpose. There's no one around to tell us, here's the way you should behave when you're in private. Here's the way you should behave when you're in an intimate relationship. Well, how does anybody know what anybody else is like? Unless they puncture that privacy in order to see what's going on. Then, if you eat something too spicy, I'll tell you the best way to put out the fire. And proper business etiquette. It's important.

So should a man shake a woman's hand when they meet? Yes, always. The handshake is not a gender greeting. It is the U.S. business greeting. So should a man shake a woman's hand when they meet? Yes, always. The handshake is not a gender greeting. It is the U.S. business greeting. And if you want to be taken seriously, you have to shake hands and shake hands correctly. And it's such a little thing. All this today on Something You Should Know.

As a listener to Something You Should Know, I can only assume that you are someone who likes to learn about new and interesting things and bring more knowledge to work for you in your everyday life. I mean, that's kind of what Something You Should Know is all about. And so I want to invite you to listen to another podcast called TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right? Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks Daily. Now, you know about TED Talks, right? Many of the guests on Something You Should Know have done TED Talks. Well, you see, TED Talks Daily is a podcast that brings you a new TED Talk every weekday in less than 15 minutes. Join host Elise Hu.

She goes beyond the headlines so you can hear about the big ideas shaping our future. Learn about things like sustainable fashion, embracing your entrepreneurial spirit, the future of robotics, and so much more. Like I said, if you like this podcast, Something You Should Know, I'm pretty sure you're going to like TED Talks Daily. And you get TED Talks Daily wherever you get your podcasts. Something you should know. Fascinating intel.

The world's top experts. And practical advice you can use in your life. Today, Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. Hi, welcome. The holidays are supposed to be the happiest time of the year. So if you find yourself in a bad mood around this time of year, you need to get rid of that. So here are some scientifically proven ways to shake a bad mood. First, watch TV and exercise.

In research from the Journal of Sports Science and Medicine, people who enjoyed television while walking on a treadmill for 10 minutes had double the mood boost than people who exercised without distraction. Look at gorgeous scenery. Heading outdoors is a well-established spirit brightener, but research from the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that just looking at pictures, particularly those awe-inspiring landscapes, can do the same thing. Do what you do best.

Practicing your strengths can make you feel better, according to research from the Journal of Positive Psychology. Be social. Chatting face-to-face or even online reduced participants' bad mood in research published in Computers and Human Behavior. Imagine your perfect self. Think about the best that you can be for five minutes and watch your spirit soar, according to the journal Psychiatry Research.

And that is something you should know. Eavesdropping. Just the sound of the word sounds naughty. Eavesdropping is, in a sense, snooping. You're hearing things you were not meant to hear, and then maybe you gossip about those things you heard. Eavesdropping is generally considered to be something you're not supposed to do, but interestingly, we all do it.

We're really driven to do it, and in fact, it serves a purpose. John Locke is a professor of linguistics at Lehman College City University of New York, and a few years ago wrote an interesting book called Eavesdropping, An Intimate History, in which he takes a look at exactly why we humans like to eavesdrop and what good comes from it. He even looked at how other animals eavesdrop. And he joins me. Hi, John. Welcome. Hi, Mike. Thank you. It's nice to be here. So when I think of eavesdropping, it has a negative connotation.

It's something you're not supposed to do. Proper people, polite people don't eavesdrop, except that everyone loves to eavesdrop. So how do you look at it? How do you define eavesdropping? Eavesdropping, besides violating other people's privacies, is an attempt to tune in, basically, to what's going on in other lives. And that's something that we need to do. Psychologists have studied for years something they call social comparison, which is essentially the public form of checking people out, seeing what they look like, seeing how they speak, and then, in effect, using a standard based on those observations in one's own life. Well, what do we do when we're in private?

How do we behave when we're in private? There's no way to know how we should unless we take a look at what other people are doing when they're in private. And eavesdropping is that behavior, whether it's looking through a keyhole or simply looking at somebody who doesn't welcome the process of being observed.

Is eavesdropping universal? I mean, does everybody really do it? It's a really strong human drive. I can't believe that there's somebody who doesn't do it, especially if people are whispering or seem not to want us to tune in. That's precisely when we become even more motivated to do so. And by the way, Mike, it's one thing to say universal, meaning that all people in the world do it. It's also true that all or almost all animals do it. The other primates, the apes and monkeys, are famous

eavesdroppers, and so are lots and lots of birds and other animals that I'm not mentioning at the moment. They all kind of need to know what's going on with their neighbors, and they also need to know if there are any predators around. And yet, when I hear the term eavesdropping, I kind of lump it together with words like gossip and snooping and it's none of your business and it it sort of feels slimy but it must serve a purpose it's pretty functional i couldn't count on both hands the number of times someone has heard me saying something that was wrong and they've corrected me i remember once someone had given me directions, and I then was rehearsing with my wife, okay, I guess we turn onto Highway 95, then we go, and they said, no, no, no, no, you first go

here, and I thought, I'm awfully glad that they were eavesdropping, because they knew that I was about to make a mistake. There probably are somewhat disguised or concealed ways of eavesdropping. You don't have to put your eye or ear to a keyhole. You don't have to conspicuously do it. But it's probably a pretty good idea in many situations if you check out what you think the reality is by tuning into others and seeing what they have to say. That's still rather different, I think, from the busybody that you mentioned, who seems to have nothing whatsoever to do in one's life except to tune in to other lives. It does seem sort of tawdry, I suppose. But there are so many cases in which eavesdropping is functional, that it really seems to justify itself. But what's the benefit of it?

I mean, as you've described, and I think when people stop and think about it, clearly we do have this strong desire to know what goes on behind closed doors in other people's lives. But what benefit does it serve? Now, knowing that information, how does that benefit me than not knowing that information? We know something as adults that very young infants don't have and most other animal species don't have. We have an awareness that inside every person is a self, a mind.

It's where their personality is stored. If we want to know what makes other people tick, we have to try as best we can to make inferences about what's going on inside other people. And that is something they often cannot tell us themselves. It's stored in their unconscious cognition, their unconscious thoughts. And even if they could access it, they might not be willing for us to have it because it's pretty intimate and it can increase their vulnerability if other people know things about them that they don't necessarily want known.

I imagine, too, that when I think of eavesdropping, I think of listening or looking, spying on somebody. But I would imagine you would include in that, if I wanted to know more about you, I bet if I sat in your den or your office and went through your stuff, that I'd learn a lot about you that maybe you didn't want me to know. Is that eavesdropping? Yes, I think it is. It speaks to the drive. Let me give you an example of what you were already giving me an example of. When I look at a house as a potential buyer, I think I'm there to inspect the size of the bedrooms and the location of the bathrooms and, you know, to look at whether the air conditioning is up to speed

and what's the heating like and so forth. Those are the things we think of. What's the view like and so forth. Instantly, I walk in the house and I see a picture of this guy and his kids, or I see an award on the wall that he won for golfing, or that he belonged to the Lions Club, or there's some evidence that he served in World War II, or some evidence that the bedroom is on the main floor of the house, and I wonder if maybe he's having trouble walking. I find I do that and I get outside of the house and I forgot to ask about the air conditioning. I forgot to ask the questions that I was there to ask.

I think we, almost against our better judgment, this desire to know is so strong that wherever people leave a few crumbs, we're just right on them. Well, something that occurred to me as we're having this conversation is when you're with someone and communicating and interacting with that person, you're only getting what they want you to get. You're not seeing necessarily the real them. They're only letting you see what they want you to see. So it does seem like eavesdropping helps to complete the picture. And if we want to truly know what other people are like when we're not around, we don't have any choice but to observe so stealthily that they don't detect that it's us that is tuned into them. We can find out what other people are like when they're having a conversation.

But if they know that we're listening, they may do it differently. I'm speaking with John Locke. He is a professor of linguistics and author of the book Eavesdropping, An Intimate History. So, John, today, in the 21st century, eavesdropping is considered bad behavior. Sometimes it's illegal, especially with electronic devices. So, yet, it may serve a purpose and bring you information that helps you complete the picture, but it's also viewed as wrong in many people's eyes. That's true. Here's, I think, the core message. If you look at history, especially, let's say, English history in the 16th or even 15th centuries, the little villages of England had no constables.

There were no police. The only way they could preserve law and order, and especially order, was what now would be called eyes on the street. That turns out to be a policing philosophy. Jane Jacobs, a sociologist, popularized it some years ago. Eyes on the street are what concern them. They're members of the same society. They have an interest in orderliness. And when they see things, people do something else that has a very bad reputation. They gossip about it. And in the small English villages where there was a great deal of eavesdropping, what they saw produced gossip, the gossip circulated, and the bad ones, that is the ones who were acting and involved in sexual activity outside of their marriage

and that sort of thing, which was always a popular topic of eavesdropping and gossip, they got marginalized pretty quickly because the word got around that they were violating their marriage vows. And that's how we know about all of this, because it produced testimony. And the eavesdroppers were actually asked, what did you see? And how did you see it? And they spilled the beans. They said, I got up on a barrel and I peeked through a crack and I heard this and I saw this.

And they were now some little person who had no particular standing in the community was now the star witness in a court of law. And this had the effect, doesn't seem like a very nice thing, but this had the effect of keeping the English village morally tidy. Well, that may have been a great way back then to keep people in line, but it's a little sleazy by today's standards. But you know what's really interesting, and I hadn't really thought about this until this conversation,

a lot of this is the quest to find the real person, that when I talk to you, I'm projecting an image to you, and the only way, really, the only way for you to see who I really am would be to see me when I don't know you're seeing me. You know, there's a field called evolutionary psychology. It's quite popular these days. I'm, to some degree, a practitioner of it. And it's basically saying, you know, if you want to understand evolution,

one of the things you can do is look at what humans do when they're left to their own devices. What do we build? And what do we look for when it comes to a need of stimulation or entertainment? So is eavesdropping something in and of itself, or is it just a method of providing information to satisfy some other need? It's giving you something that isn't available unless it's done by stealth. And the fact is, eavesdropping is a form of theft. I mean, the experience you're getting, the information you're taking in, is stolen. And it's obviously speaking to a need. You know, we have to organize our own lives. And there's no one around to tell us, here's the way you should behave when you're in private.

Here's the way you should behave when you're in an intimate relationship. Or here's what you should do with the sense of privacy that you have when you're home alone, when you're free of observation finally, and you can just be yourself. Well, how does anybody know what anybody else is like if they're just being themselves unless they kind of puncture that privacy, that shield, to some degree, in order to see what's going on? It doesn't have to become a habit. It doesn't have to be something that's done every night.

But it's there if you want to sample it. And I guess what I'm saying is it could seem like a kind of tawdry behavior if you're sitting there spying or peeking through a hole, a crack in the wall or something like that. But it seems as if there's a price to pay. If you eavesdrop on someone you have a relationship with, you now know something that they don't want you to know. You've violated a trust.

And that can't help but change the relationship, I would think. I would think so. It seems to me if I did such a thing, I would almost want to tell the person, like, I overheard you saying the other day such and such. You know what people say? I couldn't help overhearing. Well, you can help overhearing. You were listening to something that you knew didn't concern you,

and you heard it, and you could have helped it that you knew didn't concern you, and you heard it, and you could have helped it, but you didn't. But, you know, we are an intensely social species, and we're constantly monitoring. Well, I know you make the point, and I think it's an interesting point, that we are so fascinated by what might be going on behind closed doors, and one of the reasons we may be so fascinated with what goes on behind closed doors is that's not the way, through most of human history, we have lived. There have not been doors and walls, that we were all just living together. People lived openly, like hunter-gatherers who slept on the ground in front of their little huts.

They knew what was going on with each other 24 hours a day. And when people first got walls, there's evidence for a feeling of violation. When people went inside on days when the weather was good, and the thought was, what are you doing in there that you can't do out here? That was just as angst-producing as somebody who was peeking through a crack in the wall. Why are you in there? What are you doing that you can't do out here? I mean, that's the sense of it. And so

they were basically restoring the light when they peeked through the crack and exposing what was going on there. And sometimes because they were unnecessarily sequestering themselves in the eyes of outsiders, they thought that they were simply rectifying the situation by observing and then trading information about what they saw. People who listen to Something You Should Know are curious about the world, looking to hear new ideas and perspectives. So I want to tell you about a podcast that is full of new ideas and perspectives, and one I've started listening to called Intelligence Squared. It's the podcast where great minds meet.

Listen in for some great talks on science, tech, politics, creativity, wellness, and a lot more. A couple of recent examples, Mustafa Suleiman, the CEO of Microsoft AI, discussing the future of technology. That's pretty cool. And writer, podcaster, and filmmaker John Ronson, discussing the rise of conspiracies and culture wars. Intelligence Squared is the kind of podcast that gets you thinking a little more openly about the important conversations going on today. Being curious, you're probably just the type of person Intelligence Squared is meant for. Check out Intelligence Squared wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Jennifer, a co-founder of the Go Kid Go Network. At Go Kid Go, putting kids first is at the heart of every show that we produce. That's why we're so excited to introduce a brand new show to our network called The Search for the Silver Lightning, a fantasy adventure series about a spirited young girl named Isla who time travels to the mythical land of Camelot. During her journey, Isla meets new friends, including King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, and learns valuable life lessons with every quest, sword fight, and dragon ride.

Positive and uplifting stories remind us all about the importance of kindness, friendship, honesty, and positivity. Join me and an all-star cast of actors, including Liam Neeson, Emily Blunt, Kristen Bell, Chris Hemsworth, among many others, in welcoming the Search for the Silver Lining podcast to the Go Kid Go network by listening today. Look for the Search for the Silver Lining on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's interesting. One of the things that we Silver Lining on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's interesting. One of the things that we look for in a topic for this podcast is

how universal is it? Does it apply to a lot of people? And this is a topic that not only applies to everybody, but as you point out, other primates, birds, and other animals. My guest has been John Locke.

He is a professor of linguistics at Lehman College, City University of New York. And his book is called Eavesdropping, An Intimate History. And there's a link to his book at Amazon in the show notes. Thank you, John. Thanks for coming on. Thank you, Mike. It really is amazing how your behavior, how you conduct yourself at work and with colleagues, really does matter. Little things like how you shake hands, to what you post on social media for other people to see, to whether or not you send a thank you note to someone who did something for you.

All these things can have repercussions. Sometimes they are slight and subtle repercussions, and sometimes they can make or break your career. Barbara Pachter has been an expert on the etiquette rules of the workplace and how they've changed. She's been speaking and conducting seminars on the topic for some time, and she is author of the book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette, How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Yourself to Success. Hi, Barbara. Hi, Mike. It's nice to be with you.

So I think there is a perception, anyway, that the rules of behavior matter less in the workplace, that how you dress matters less, that the formality of the office of yesteryear is pretty much gone, and that things are generally less formal, and that people just don't care as much about all of that etiquette stuff as they used to. I think people do care, and I think they care even more because business is always competitive, and how you present yourself matters. And if you want to move up and you want to be successful, presenting yourself professionally is incredibly important. When you say it's incredibly important, it's incredibly important because it's common sense that it matters or

does it matter because people have actually studied this and found that it really does matter? There are some real studies that dress matters, that people feel better when they're dressed up. I get a lot of stories from HR people telling me that young people come in and they sort of slouch on the chair, they're not dressed well, and they go, well, you know, yo, guy, what's up? And it's like, when you're competing, how you present yourself matters, and those people don't always get the job.

So let's get into some specifics, and let's start with how you introduce yourself to other people in a business situation or in a business social situation. You say it's really important to use both your first and last name. And I know I sometimes just use my first name, so talk about that. I think it's very important that you present yourself with your first and last names. And it's interesting that you say you do it, because I have found that women do it more than men. And it gives you standing. You want, what I say, you want to be a substance in the workplace. That means, you know, you walk into a room, you, when you're introduced, you present yourself, you say your name, you shake hands correctly, and people are more apt to remember you when you do. It does seem like there are cases where it could be overkill,

particularly in social settings, when, even though there are business people there that, you know, I'm Michael Carruthers. How are you? It might sound a little much. Well, you added another variable there, and people don't always realize that there's tons of things that make up your impression. So, you know, hi, I'm Mike Carruthers, sounds fine, but you added tone to it, which is a nonverbal, hi, I'm Mike Carruthers, and that's the difference. So it's tricky, but what we're talking about is your verbal and nonverbal communication, and the words may be fine, but your nonverbal communication can be sending a very different message.

Is kissing ever appropriate anymore? Well, who are you talking about? At work, at colleagues. If you're interacting with people and you have relationships with them and you know them, you may want to hug and kiss them. But the difficulty with that

is that you have to use common sense. And unfortunately, common sense isn't that common. Because Mike, I may know you, and I've known you for a long time. I see you, I'm going to hug and kiss you. Now, other people are going to watch me hug and kiss you. And now they're going to come over and think that they can hug and kiss me. Now, it may be all right for you, but it's not going to be all right for them. And you've already established a standard that you're hugging and kissing people. So you have to be very careful. There was a young woman who would hug and kiss her customers.

And she was an exceptionally attractive young woman. And when she would go to their offices, she would hug and kiss them, and it was fine. But one night she was at a dinner meeting, and she went up to one of her customers and gave him a big hug and kiss in front of his wife, and it was not okay. So you have to use some common sense. Handshaking. What are the rules for who puts their hand out first and who doesn't, and what if they don't, and just run through that. I get more questions on the handshake than any topic I teach.

There is a new guideline in the workplace today, and that it is, we are no longer trying to base decisions on how men and women interact based on gender, but much more on rank or host visitor status. So the new guideline is that the higher-ranking person should extend his or her hand first to welcome the other person. But, but, but, but, but, it rarely happens because there's so much confusion around the handshake. You give the higher-ranking person a split second, and I mean just a split second. And if he or she doesn't extend the hand, you have to extend yours.

The key is the handshake needs to take place. In the U.S., it is the proper business greeting. And if you want to be taken seriously, you must shake hands. And you must shake hands correctly. Because what do you think if somebody gives you a limp handshake? Pretty wimpy, yeah. So you need to shake hands correctly, and a lot of people don't. Then they're surprised that they don't, but they don't. And the key is you want thumb joint to touch thumb joint. You wrap your fingers around the palm of the other

person, and it should be firm but not bone-breaking. One of the things that's always baffled me is why some people give that real limp, weak handshake, or even that handshake where you just kind of, like your fingertips, grab fingertips, but it's not a real hand-to-handshake. Who told them that that was how you shake hands? I mean, doesn't someone learn how to shake hands? The answer is no. A lot of people were never taught to shake hands. So they see people do it, but they don't really think about it, and they just stick out their hand. And that's the reason etiquette exists, especially business etiquette, because the handshake is incredibly important in the business world.

Yeah, that's probably right that people just don't give it a lot of thought and don't realize the importance of a good handshake. There's subtle consequences to not shaking hands correctly. One is people think you're a wimp. The other is you can get excluded from the conversation because, you know, a man walks in and other people stand, men stand, and they shake hands with that man. The woman doesn't extend her hand, she doesn't stand, and she's not part of the group. So there's all these subtle consequences when you don't know the protocols of business etiquette in the workplace well you know if you watch like old tv shows and old movies when a man approaches a

couple hill you'll often see the men shake hands and the woman just stands there and so so that's the model that's what well you know that's not the woman's role to shake hands that's just a manly thing to do right but the handshake is not a gender greeting. It is the U.S. business greeting. Right. And I think I said this, and if you want to be taken seriously, you have to shake hands and shake hands correctly. And it's such a little thing, but it can have a huge consequence.

I think today, though, more than ever, there is concern about germs and transferring germs. And we've talked on this program about how you touch your face a lot more often than you realize, and you can pick up germs that could transfer a cold to someone else when you shake their hands. So I think there is concern about that. And the solution is often to offer the fist bump, which I don't know about that. That's a very casual, casual greeting. And I think it's even more complicated than the handshake because people can miss really easily.

Well, I suppose so, right? And then you could punch the person by accident. Right, and that's not okay in the workplace. What about, I want to talk about something that happens to me a lot, and I know it happens to other people, where you're in a business function, or you're at something where you're talking to somebody, and it's like impossible to end this conversation.

The person just wants to keep going and going. How do you extract yourself politely and end a conversation that you really want to get out of? The easiest way to do it is to leave when you are talking. And what I mean by that is after somebody says something, you say something like, oh, that's a really good point. You know, my boss just walked in. I have to catch him before he leaves.

It was really nice talking to you. Well, you know, I look forward to seeing you again. And then you exit. The other thing is you can always say, excuse me, I do need to go to the ladies' room. And usually that'll end the conversation. But I've been told that people will follow other people into the restroom. So you have to be careful with that one. Avoiding topics is something that, you know, how many times have you at work had somebody say, you know, who are you going to vote for?

And I don't want to tell people who I'm going to vote for. I don't want to answer personal questions or questions like that. How do you sidestep that? Well, a couple of ways. You simply say, I don't discuss politics at work. Or you can say something, what I say is people bring up something in a seminar that I don't want to talk about. I'll simply say, don't go there, don't go there. And if you say it with a smile and a twinkle in your eye, people understand you're not going to talk about it. Also times when people will ask me, well, who are you going to vote for? I will throw it back at them and say, well, who do you want me to vote for?

And I'll then try, oh, that's an interesting choice. And that's a great phrase. That's interesting. It doesn't mean you agree and it doesn't mean you disagree. Oh, that's really interesting. I think there's some confusion, particularly in the workplace or with work colleagues, when it comes to some of the older legacy etiquette rules, you know, that men hold the door open for women, men pull the chair out at a dinner table,

men pick up the check. Where are we with those rules in today's workplace? Most of those are gone, but that doesn't mean that we've become rude. The new guideline is help anybody who needs help regardless of gender. Because as a female in the workplace, if I need a man to open my door, carry my package, pay my bill, pull out my chair, what kind of image am I creating? Somebody who's dependent, who needs to be taken care of. Will I then be the first person that comes to my boss's mind when it's time for a promotion or a difficult project? Probably not. Now, any one of those things can be fine, but when it becomes a pattern, people need to look at it. Since I host a podcast, it's pretty common for me to be asked to recommend a podcast. And I tell people, if you like something you should know, you're going to like The Jordan Harbinger Show.

Every episode is a conversation with a fascinating guest. Of course, a lot of podcasts are conversations with guests, but Jordan does it better than most. Recently, he had a fascinating conversation with a British woman who was recruited and radicalized by ISIS and went to prison for three years. She now works to raise awareness on this issue. It's a great conversation. And he spoke with Dr. Sarah Hill about how taking birth control not only prevents pregnancy,

it can influence a woman's partner preferences, career choices, and overall behavior due to the hormonal changes it causes. Apple named The Jordan Harbinger Show one of the best podcasts a few years back. And in a nutshell, the show is aimed at making you a better, more informed, critical thinker. Check out The Jordan Harbinger Show. There's so much for you in this podcast. The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. me but am i wrong each week we deliver four fun-filled shows and don't blame me we tackle our listeners dilemmas with hilariously honest advice then we have but am i wrong which is for

the listeners that didn't take our advice plus we share our hot takes on current events then tune in to see you next tuesday for our lister poll results from but am i wrong and finally wrap up your week with fisting friday where we catch up and talk all things pop culture. Listen to Don't Blame Me, But Am I Wrong on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Since we're having this discussion around the holidays, what about office Christmas parties? I know fewer companies have them anymore, but if there is one, how important is it that you go? It is very important that you go to your office party.

It is a business social event, and people will be there from your office, and your absence will be noticed. So if you're not going to go, you really need to have a good excuse, and it can't be that your Aunt Goldie has passed away because you've used that two other times in the past. Poor Aunt Goldie. It's important. We've talked around about there are business situations, and then there are business social situations. Both of those situations have consequences for you and your career.

A business social situation is any time you are out of the office interacting with people from work or with people who can affect your career. And a business social event is absolutely, the holiday party is absolutely one of those events. You may meet somebody there that two months later you're interviewing with, and that person already knows you, and you've established rapport with that person ahead of time. One of your best pieces of advice that I love is this concept of know your line. So talk about that. What are the awkward, uncomfortable situations that you find yourself in?

And if you know a sentence or two that you can say, you're more comfortable hearing it. Other people are more comfortable hearing it. And then what was once awkward is much less so. So if this is something that happens to you fairly often, come up with a line that you can say. What's your line? Well, the story I tell in my seminars is that I have a broken blood vessel on my cheek, and people often come up to me and say that I have lipstick on my cheek. Now, I teach etiquette. This is not a good thing for people to think, so I need a little line. Now, the story is that I've been to plastic surgeons.

They tell me they can remove it, but they can't guarantee that it won't scar. Plus, my mother said it was in a good spot, so I'm keeping it. That is not my line. My line, if someone comes up to me and says, Barbara, you have lipstick on your cheek, I'll smile, turn, and say, Oh, thank you, it's permanent. They laugh a little bit, and it's over. Perfect.

Yeah. One woman, one client once tried to remove it. That was really awkward. What about email etiquette? What are the one or two things that are the pitfalls there that can get people in trouble? It's so important not to offend someone in that first line, because if you do, that person may not read any further. And my name is Barbara. I don't like being called Barbara or having somebody write, hi, Barb. I go by Barbara. I had a director in a class. He said his name was Charles or Charlie. If he gets an email addressed to hi, Chuck, he will throw it away. So there's all those things in terms of an email.

Well, there does seem to be something inherently less formal to an email than to a letter. Even though you may be delivering the same message to the same person, if you send them a letter in the mail, that is much more formal than if you send an email to that same person. That is correct. A letter is more formal today. But the good news about a letter today is that it often will stand out because people don't get that many of them. Also in an email, if I'm getting an email from somebody and they send it, hi Barb, I notice that. Now is that enough to make my buying decision? Probably not, but I do notice it. And then if all of a sudden the body of the email had a number of typos in them, those things start making an impression and it may affect my buying decision. Here's something about email that I always find interesting. If I get a long letter,

like a two-page letter, I'll read it. If I see a two-page email, I think, oh, God. People rarely scroll past the second screen. You know, email should be one subject. You should have a decent subject line telling people what this email is about. And with that subject line, people often decide whether to open it or not. So make sure it explains what the email is about. Keep it short. Keep it to one topic. Let's talk about social media and work and career and all. And this is some advice I remember hearing from someone, probably a guest on a previous episode,

that if you have a job and you're looking to ever get ahead in your career, you need to be on LinkedIn. Would you agree? Everybody who has a job should be on LinkedIn. Everybody who wants a job should be on LinkedIn. Would you agree? Everybody who has a job should be on LinkedIn. Everybody who wants a job should be on LinkedIn. It is the professional social network. And people will look you up, which means you need to have a decent photograph, not one at the beach. And it should be a headshot, but it should basically be from your chest to the top of your head, not just your face. And you should be dressed in appropriate business clothes for your industry or for your type of job that you're looking for. And fill and completely fill it out.

I mean, I coached a woman, and she did a LinkedIn profile, and three weeks later, a headhunter contacted her, and she got a new job. So people will use it. You could put your resume there. You could put a lot more information on your LinkedIn profile than you could put on your resume. So I believe everybody who's working or who wants to work should be on LinkedIn. And what about the other social media things things such as Facebook and Instagram and Twitter? We hear stories about how people get in trouble because they post pictures of them, you know, falling down drunk on Facebook and then their boss sees it and they get fired.

What you post can and will come back to haunt you. And social media has been around long enough that people should know that and they still post things that get them into trouble. Now, you won't always get fired, but your reputation can get affected. One woman was at a conference in New Orleans and posted on her social media site, off to another stupid meeting. And her boss thought, now she didn't get fired, but her boss looked at her differently after that. Isn't it funny how people don't think that through? But I guess it's common not to think that through because you think you're talking to,

I guess you just don't think it through. It's been around long enough that people should know. And they don't, or they forget, as you say, or they just aren't thinking. And they don't, or they forget, as you say, or they just aren't thinking. Common sense isn't that common. I want to talk about who picks up the check when colleagues go out and eat, but even outside of work, when people go out to eat, what are the rules now, if they have changed, what are the rules about who should pick up the check? You are the host. You do the inviting. You pay the bill, regardless of gender. So if I invite you to lunch and it's a business situation, I should pick up the bill. You invite me to lunch,

I assume you're going to pick up the bill. Now, this is not every time your lunch buddy yells into your office, hey, let's go to lunch. But this is in a business situation where you are invited to a business situation. Now, I know you're a big proponent of thank you notes, right? It is incredibly easy to write a thank you note these days. You can use email, make sure there are no typos. But if somebody helps you or goes out of their way for you, you need to send a thank you note. And one woman said one of her former employees asked her to recommend her for a job.

She did. And she got it. And that woman never came back to her to thank her. And she said, I will never give her a reference again. You know, I have people emailing me their questions all the time. I take the time to write a response, and I expect to get a response back saying they got the information and they're thanking me for it.

And it doesn't always happen. Does it usually happen? No. Unfortunately, it doesn't. That's too bad. All right, Barb, get that thing off your cheek. Okay, Mikey. Barbara Pachter has been my guest. Her book is The Essentials of Business Etiquette,

How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Yourself to Success. And you'll find a link to her book at Amazon in the show notes. Thanks, Barbara. Thanks for being here. Thank you. I appreciate it, too. Bye-bye. Do you like hot and spicy food? If so, you're into pain because that spicy sensation from hot peppers is not taste. It's not a flavor. It is the sensation of pain. According to an American Chemical Society's YouTube video, the cause is a compound called capsaicin.

It's a colorless, odorless substance that's most heavily concentrated around the tissue of a pepper. It's also the ingredient in pepper spray. It binds to pain receptors in your mouth, those same pain receptors that detect hot substances like boiling water as well as acidic food. What the video also shows is that when you eat something that's too spicy, water is about the worst thing you could drink. It's like mixing oil and water. The water doesn't dilute the capsaicin. It just spreads it around the mouth, making things worse.

The best thing to drink is milk, as dairy products attract and dissolve capsaicin. It also turns out that the more hot food you eat, the better you can tolerate the heat. Your tongue gets desensitized if you eat spicy food

regularly. And that is something you should know. If you follow us on Facebook or Twitter, you will get additional information that you don't hear on the program and also reminders to listen to the podcast. And you can also subscribe to this podcast so you never miss an episode. Just subscribe wherever you listen. I'm Mike Kerr Brothers. Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know.

Welcome to the small town of Chinook, where faith runs deep and secrets run deeper. In this new thriller, religion and crime collide when a gruesome murder rocks the isolated Montana community. Everyone is quick to point their fingers at a drug-addicted teenager, but local deputy Ruth Vogel isn't convinced. She suspects connections to a powerful religious group. Enter federal agent V.B. Loro, who has been investigating a local church for possible criminal activity. The pair form an unlikely partnership to catch the killer, unearthing secrets that leave Ruth torn between her duty to the law, her religious convictions, and her very own family. But something more sinister than murder is afoot, and someone is watching Ruth. Chinook, starring Kelly Marie Tran and Sanaa Lathan. Listen to Chinook wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, this is Rob Benedict. And I am Richard Spate. We were both on a little show you might know called Supernatural. It had a pretty good run, 15 seasons, 327 episodes. And though we have seen, of course, every episode many times, we figured, hey, now that we're wrapped, let's watch it all again. And we can't do that alone. So we're inviting the cast and crew it all again. And we can't do that alone.

So we're inviting the cast and crew that made the show along for the ride. We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and we'll of course have some actors on as well, including some certain guys that played some certain pretty iconic brothers. It was kind of a little bit of a left field choice in the best way possible. The note from Kripke was, he's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent Duchovny type. With 15 seasons to explore, it's going to be the road trip of several lifetimes. So please join us and subscribe to Supernatural then and now.