Son of a Boy Dad - Amphitheater Fools | Son of a Boy Dad #288

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

Amphitheater Fools | Son of a Boy Dad #288 -- #Ad: Download the Gametime app today and use code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase -- #Ad: Connect with a provider at RO.co/SON to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you and get $15 off your first order-- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Thanks for showing up. I was just looking for you. Yeah? Yeah. I was just looking for you. Yeah? Yeah.

Actually? Yeah. I've been here. Where? Right here. I left about 30 seconds ago. To shit. No you didn't.

Yeah I did. You came into the bathroom. That's right. Yeah. So you weren't looking for me. Your lie. And I knew you, I knew it was you in the bathroom. I didn't see you. I didn't. Yeah I did, you came into the bathroom. That's right. Yeah. So you weren't looking for me. Your lie. And I knew it was you in the bathroom, I didn't see you, I just knew it was you. How?

What was the giveaway? I heard you walking down the hallway. I could tell from your stomps. Just being honest. All right. Shall we? One, two, three, one, two, three. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check.

Hello, testing one, two, three. Don't call it? Dillon Kowsing, a photo in her mission. Pinch our shit on her herald square. Imagine if you could actually read it. There are some that are all for the way. Right. Yes. All right.

Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast today. It is. March 31st. Guys, it's close. April Fool's Day, right around the corner. You guys got any trickery planned? Nothing as of now. I wouldn't tell you if I did. Smart man.

Wouldn't let the cat out of the bag. We should pretend that we forgot to upload the episode today. True, people would love that Fucking and then this is the prank right now. Yeah, you would really like that put it out at noon ha fools You guys ever pull an epic April fools prank on your parents or now? I never had any good ones I don't even think I ever really got fooled either

Impervious to foolery, I don't think I was ever really got fooled either. Impervious to foolery? I don't think I was ever fooled and I definitely did no fooling. I know you probably did. You did. Throwing cactus at people and shit. You're a fool. You're a fooler. I went in at midnight and told my parents that I forgot about a homework assignment

that I had and they got pissed off and then I was like, April Fools, the master has struck again. Holy shit. At midnight you did it right after midnight yeah that's a power move how old were you 18 yeah it's probably my late college I was in grad school I think you called your parents at 2 a.m. you fucking missed your homework again Adam fried my ass Adam Perone, that's it. You're coming home You're going to military school the gravy trains over I Wish I rode the gravy train. I didn't know riding of the gravy train. I should have and now neither

Francis how you doing? Well loopy today. Yeah, I something's going on like New meds having a hard time with my balance a little bit kind of wobbly. Are you concussed? No No, that's never a good one. No, I know I Just feel very Most almost as if I'm on drugs. You know? You have any drugs this weekend? No.

Francis. You know what I did do? I went to Florida and my mom's birthday was on, she's two days after mine, so. Very nice. Friday. She must have been pissed. Yeah.

Let's put it this way, Had it been the other way around, it would have been a lot worse for the family. True. If my birthday had come two days after hers. Yeah. So my dad was performing in a talent show. What was his talent? He was reciting a Winston Churchill speech.

Why? It's all starting to make sense now. Yeah, this is really slid into focus. Because he does this. He memorizes Winston Churchill speeches, and then he recites them. That and fucking monologues from like Henry V. Damn. War stuff.

So he's a history buff. He loves history and he loves good writing. Yeah. Yeah. Good speeches. And he does it. He just breaks out into it. Nobody asks. Did he win? Nobody says, hey, you don't know any Winston Churchill, do you?

You don't know. No, it wasn't a contest. It was sort of a variety show. Got it. And the island was Boca Grande. That's where they have a place. And it was called Boca Grande's Got Talent. And it was all, there were two MCs and then various people came. Were they like comics? Nobody did stand up. Everything was kind of in the vein of the show.

Yeah. So my dad had to come up from the audience and interrupt the emcees, because they had a bad hurricane, which I've told you guys about, my parents lost their home. And so, they were talking about the hurricane, and then my dad came up and had gently adapted this Winston Churchill speech to be more rousing about rebuilding the island from the hurricane rather than fighting off the Nazis.

Yeah, of course. Did people fuck with it? Oh, he got a big applause, nailed it, didn't miss a line. He was pretty nervous about it. Was it sick? It was cool. Sounds awesome. Now. Sounds like your dad was leading the charge. He was a good one he was pretty nervous about it. Was it sick? It was cool. Sounds awesome. Now,

Sounds like your dad was leading the charge. He was a good one, he was a good act. They did the Real Housewives of Boca Grande with a guy who was playing sort of an Andy Cohen moderator. That was very funny because it was four beautiful women and then one cross-dresser guy and he was very funny. Lots of golf puns. There was a guy who in the middle sang a song

he had written for a musical many years prior. And he, oh, that's me. Can you guys talk for a minute? I to take this I'm so sorry totally fine Holy shit It must be nice being like old and rich as fuck and then still having like a hobby Oh, yeah, where people are like gonna applaud you. Well, it's crazy for him to just drop that on us and then leave That his dad recites Winston Churchill and then but he rewords them towards the tragedies that have affected him and his friends. To rile people up.

My initial instinct was to hate on it. But it's like, if you're an older guy, like, you need something. Yeah. You need a thing. And if it's nice for the people around, it's like, well, why not? What's wrong with this? Exactly. That's the hater in me bro I need to fucking kill the hater peak Florida season too right now great time to be out in Florida I know half the office was down there last week every woman at barstool

was was down in Florida this past week getting paid a fucking bag I'd imagine oh yeah big time big time what do you think they're going would you people go now because of spring break? They want to get some some young cock Right, I think that's the best time well isn't that like like it's always a thing like creepy dudes We'll go down to spring break still like Francis's dad He's at the fucking Fort Lauderdale like three tiered bar with his arm up posted on a wall as reciting Churchill to a co-ed. I never had a spring break. Can I go once more into your breach dear friend? I don't know if that's Churchill. You never went on one?

No, I never did it. We used to go. I mean I only was in school for a year. I dropped out before spring break was even a thing. Yeah? Yeah. We would go, everything good? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We would go to Lauderdale by the sea, but we wouldn't even like, like my friend's aunt had like a place that we would go to. It wasn't like a fucking rowdy spring break. We'd go play golf and shit. It wasn't crazy. So it's, where'd you leave off with this? Well, this guy in the middle of the show sang a song that he'd written for a musical. And, uh, I don't know if it was a Broadway musical or what, but, you know,

it was a really lovely song and he's standing up there and he's, he's... It's not obvious that he's super old. He was 91. And he sang with so much feeling and it was very earnest and sweet. It was almost moving. Guess what this guy did in his life? He's an inventor. Oh, okay.

The Post-It. He invented- Wait, no, no, no, don't say. It was a clue. Okay. The Kraft's macaroni and cheese. The elbow of macaroni. He invented two products that are very, products,

things that are very popular with children. Okay. The Lego. No. Close. Erector sets. Lincoln Logs. Fuck. Oh, I like those guesses, but no. One's a game. Super Soaker? I'll give you...

Uh, uh, uh, Connect Four? No. Sorry, Trouble? It's a very a game. Super Soaker? I'll give you a... Connect Four? No. Sorry, trouble? It's a very physical game. Twister. Bingo! He invented Twister? He invented Twister.

Jesus. And he invented Nerf. Nerf, footballs, Nerf balls, maybe all of Nerf. So is he a billionaire? I think he's pretty well off, yeah. Oh my God. People are still playing Twister. Yes, they are.

Can you imagine being 91 and being able to look back on your life and say, my business accomplishments, what I did, are the most absolute joy bringing things one could have done. Yeah. Nobody could ever- The pocket pussy though.

Indite him. Does that bring joy? I think that can bring some sadness. There's definitely a shame element. There's no shame in most Twister games. Nobody ever finishes a game of Twister and says, I gotta get my life together. What if your pants rip?

I really wish this was a real human being. What if you have a really embarrassing game of Twister? Like, you don't even make it after round two. Yeah, you play a co-ed game, and the girls realize you're only doing it to grope them? Yeah, exactly. Sure. Well, then similar to the Pocket Pussy. Yeah.

Well, do you think he knew that it would turn into such a freaky-ass game? Mm-hmm. It has it? Oh, people play... Naked Twister is like a thing. Oh play naked Twister. Oh, they freaked it. They freaked it. I think that this guy, I mean, maybe, I don't know.

He's a Boca Raton man. Some things you just got to leave for the kids. Well, the same thing happened with Nerf, right? No. You ever seen a woman stuff one up her? No. The whole football? You ever see the ladies sitting on the hot wheels track?

With the propeller on the back? Yeah, and then they. Whistle, and it whistles out. Whistles, yeah. Yeah, she queefs it out. That's where that song, make that pussy whistle, by Drake came from. That's where it came from.

Because she's shooting nerfs. Oh man, that's devastating. They gotta leave some of that shit for the kids. Yeah. Well, he said, so I don't know, I guess maybe he wrote musicals too, but he sang this song, it was unbelievable. And he's 91, he said, so I don't know. I guess maybe he wrote musicals too, but he sang this song. It was unbelievable.

And he's 91. I just, I loved this guy. It's great. What was the vibe of the song? Heartfelt, sweet. It felt like something that would have played during the opening 10 minutes of that film up. Oh, I love that movie.

You ever see it? Yeah. It's phenomenal. But the first 10 minutes are incredibly sad. That's what this felt like. Yeah. I'd say that. It's phenomenal. But the first 10 minutes are incredibly sad. That's what this felt like. Yeah. I saw that.

It felt like an incarnation of that character singing the song to his dead wife. Interesting. Before he attaches a bunch of balloons to his house. And before he like finds fat Stephen Che to come along with him. Yeah. I never finished up honestly. Really? I think all I saw was the beginning. Oh that movie's so good. It's good. Squirrel. That's not up is it? Yeah it is. Remember that he makes the thing for his dogs? Oh you're right you're right you're right. All it says is just squirrel. Yeah.

It keeps getting distracted, right? Yeah, it's hilarious. Good gag. Someone for the adults. I mean, I've gone how many weeks without spoiling White Lotus for you and then immediately you spoiled up. So fucking selfish. Rules for thee and not for me, I guess.

The show, 90% of the way through, in the middle of the Real Housewives of Boca Grande one, where my godfather, by the way, was doing the, he was the Andy Cohen character, and he's very theatrical and got a lot of stage presence. One of the moderators, someone came up to her on the side, one of the emcees, and whispered something to her. And she stopped the sketch in the middle

and said, I'm really sorry. And this is the kind of thing that had been happening the whole time, where they were like, I'm sorry, we have an urgent announcement, like, blah, blah, blah. And it was part of the show. Yeah, yeah. But she goes, I'm really sorry, like, this is really important. This isn't part of the show. Yeah, yeah. But she goes, I'm really sorry, like this is really important, this isn't part of the show.

Is there a doctor here? Is there a doctor in the house? Quite literally, is there a doctor in the house? That's what everyone says. Nobody ever says like, do we have a doctor available? Yeah, yeah. And on an island in Florida among well-to-do people, where there were 200 plus people in the audience, not a single doctor. on an island in Florida among well-to-do people,

where there were 200 plus people in the audience, not a single doctor. Really? You believe that? Well, I've heard that especially on the plane situation, a lot of doctors will wait until the last second to see if there's another doctor because they don't want to have to wait for the ambulance to do all the paperwork and have to report to everybody.

So I think there could have been just some doctors sitting on their hands being like, I'm not ruining my night. There also probably was, there was probably some doctor adjacent people, but maybe no one that actually practiced. Probably someone who like, you know, like I invented Oxycontin. Yeah. Like the Sacklers. Yeah. The Sacklers were definitely down there. I'm not a doctor. Are they in pain? I guess, you know, there is an epidemic on pain right now. Yeah. Yeah.

We're fighting the war on pain. I've got something that is no way addictive. How many years left would you say that they have? Mr. Viagra was there. Turned them out on 150 milligrams. Do they need to get rock hard right now? So they stopped the show I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. presumed heart attack. Everyone kind of looking around nervously, they brought the house lights up. Jesus. It was bad. Was it inside or outside?

Inside. I was picturing outside this entire time. I don't know why. I don't know either. It wasn't ancient Greece. I was picturing like an outside stage. I was picturing an amphitheater. Yes, that's what he was thinking.

Amphitheater. Amphitheater. Amphitheater. Amphitheater? Amphi, it's a soft ph, like phone. Oh, okay, I got it. Say it. I've been pronouncing it wrong my whole life. Say it. Say it right.

You've been saying Ampy? I've been saying amphitheater. Amphitheater. Amphi. I didn't know it was amphitheater. Like amphibious. Yeah, that's my bad. Meaning two ways, probably.

Amphitheater. I would guess that that root is amphi. Yeah. Meaning of two. Amph. So say it. I'm not going to say it like that. Because is amphy. Yeah. Meaning of two. So say it. I'm not gonna say it like that. Because you can't say it. That's not how it's pronounced.

You have a speech impediment and you can't say amphitheater. You have a speech impediment. You're the one that said amphifearer. Don't gaslight me, bro. Fucking kick you in your head. Let's move on here. Yeah, let's move on.

Sorry. Sorry about that, Francis. Sorry, Bob. Listen, I'm sorry for both of you right now. Clearly someone wrote a book up on the wrong side of the bed. I guess there's something personal that he has going on. I don't know.

We can't just say the word that we easily let him do it. This is real weird. He said kind of, like I get it three weeks out from kids coming into your life, it's stressful. But you don't have to bring that to the podcast, bro. Talking about his kids already. They easily will kick you in the head too.

Damn. No problem. Oh my God. I'll throw a kid at you, no problem. Just like that. I'll blow up a baby and throw him at you. That kid's not being named Harry anymore. He lost it.

It is. He got all the texts. No, I'll shave the kid. I got the text the other night. They won't even be Harry. Two Francis's. I got the text the other night. Frank and Frankie.

Harry and Harry Jr. No. They're both being named Harry. No, not after that. Isn't that crazy? How would one of them be Junior? This is whatever one comes out second. Yeah, exactly.

But that would imply that the other one is the father. No, senior. Or just OG. Again, that's what that means. Harry OG. Harry first, Harry second. Harry one, Harry two. Roman numerals.

That works. But we did want to work in a junior at some point, so. Holy shit. Anyway, the house lights come up. House lights come up. That took us a long time. To get to the house lights? To get out of that.

Not really. Probably realistically like one and a half minutes. I enjoyed it though. That was tasty. He's just purposefully obstinate. Yeah. You got that one obstinate? No.

I'll have to look that one up. All right, I'm just gonna go over your head. All right, continue. So the house lights come up and everyone looks around and then they try to resume the show. And I thought, boy, oh boy, that'll be the death knell of this whole show. There's no way people will come back into a mirthful mood to laugh at whatever's happening on stage after finding out that someone they probably know just had a heart attack, right?

That's the presumption. Dude, these people were dialed back in so fast, so fucking fast. And then my godfather had the wit to say, to bring everyone back, he goes, well, it wouldn't be Boca Grande if we didn't have that interruption of needing a doctor for a heart attack. So he was like, that's not the first time one of these shows, he said something like that.

That was perfect, everyone laughed. They were right back in., yeah. He was like, that's not the first time one of these shows, he said something like that. Yeah. That was perfect, everyone laughed. They were right back in. Hell yeah. And you do realize that when you do, when you are hanging out among a group of elderly people like that, and it's a talent show or a gathering of 200 plus people, there's a pretty good chance someone's gonna

have a heart attack. Yeah, one month someone's gonna have a heart attack. I never found out. When we walked out, the show ended 10 minutes later. There were two fire trucks there in an ambulance. So that's what I would assume. I never found out. That's crazy.

I try to respect privacy. 100%. We had a, I had a flight when I was coming home from somewhere last week. I don't remember. Oh, when I was coming home from Seattle or Portland, we had, they had paramedics had to come on the flight. Really? Yeah.

When you landed? When we landed. But you didn't have to do an emergency landing? We'd have to do emergency landing, which was surprising because they came over the speaker like an hour into like a five hour flight and they were, was there a doctor on board? No. And then we just did the next four hours. And then they were like, the paramedics have to come on

and then it was just an old guy. Is there a doctor on board? No. How about a guitarist? Do we have a cattle driver in seat 13-E? No? Yeah, but they, it was just an old dude and he was fine. He was just dead. No, he was fine. He's just dead.

No, he was fine. He walked off the plane completely fine. Pilot trying to organize a game of like murder. Yeah, it's going to be a long flight. So let's see what sort of occupations we have here. Any lawyers, any ranchers. I need a kindergarten teacher and an unruly student. Oh, who would like to play the mischievous little elf? Do you think if you're a paramedic,

that's something that you dread or enjoy the storming of an A380 as it hits the runway? I think if you're working at the airport, you know that that's the deal. That's all the airport paramedics get to do probably. Why would you dread it though? What do you mean? Well, it's kind of like they're front and center.

I could see getting a little stage fright from that, getting a little nervous. Forgetting the beat of staying alive. Yeah, I mean like yeah, like the plane lands, you have 200 people on a plane that desperately want to get off of the plane. It's Yeah, but a paramedic comes on. I don't know anyone who's such a dick as to be like, me first. No, I don't mean that.

I've got a connection. That's not what I mean. I mean, like, do you think the paramedics are like, because you get on that plane, it's, you're pretty much on stage. Yes, but- Everyone's looking right at you. With the- And everyone's like, who is it?

Who's the guy that's gonna make me miss my- With the benefit of everybody in the plane, you know, admiring you and being probably relieved to see you and saying, finally, the experts here. Yeah. It's not like comedy where that guy could then bomb the resuscitation. Everyone is like, this fucking guy.

He could. He could mangle it. Well, he could, but we probably wouldn't know. You know, he just mangles the rhythm. And then he's like, he's dead. Yeah. He's been dead since Iowa. Dude, his eyes were open 30 seconds ago. Why didn't you guys land earlier?

You made it way worse. What did you do? He wanted to get off. Did anyone hold his mouth closed? What's going on here? It was, though. We had two come on. And one of them seemed like he was a little nervous.

And the other one was like a showman. He was like, yeah, guys, don't worry, we're going to be quick, all right? You guys like Winston Churchill? Yeah. So who won the talent show? Again, it wasn't a competition. It was sort of just a- Oh, like a vaudevillian?

Yeah, one to the next. It was great. It was really good. There were some really talented people. And I did think that, you know, again, a lot of these people were advanced in age. And I thought that the preparation for this show and to do some sort of line memorization and all that, the rehearsals, what a good thing. What a good thing.

I'm always looking for ways to stave off dementia. Oh, yeah. And I think that memorizing lines is a good way to do that. Definitely. Any sort of memorization, just activating the brain, trivia, puzzles. Knitting. Knitting.

Yeah. Playing an instrument, perhaps. Do you think that a lot of people in the audience felt like a need to be charitable audience members and kind of something that's not that funny, but you realize that this might be the last laugh that someone ever gets? No because one person really bombed. Oh they really really bombed and then pretended Yeah. I gotta get out of here. I'm actually having a heart attack. I actually need the ambulance and two fire trucks. Wake up, sit up in the ambulance.

Now keep going. Five more blocks. What was their act? I'm not going to say it because I don't want to. Yeah, I'm sure they listen. They don't, but I don't want to discredit. But they were trying to be funny. And it went on and on, and nobody was laughing.

Nobody. Really? Nobody. Not even a pity laugh? Dude, I'm telling you, nobody. It was as if people didn't get that they were trying to be funny. Tell us what they did.

Tell us what they did. I shan't. I won't. Was this person like a new person in the community? They weren't that old. I'm not leaving bread crumbs. Were they hot? Like they just made the age minimum.

They're 65. I'm not gonna leave this open. I'm gonna let this be vague. Dying. Were they- I've said too much. I already told the story about the guy almost dying. Song, stand up.

Not doing it. Not doing it. Were they sketches? Were they black? They were doing improv. Were they black people? No. Can I get a place?

Florida? Can I get a skin condition? Florida, you fucking idiot. Psoriasis. All right, I got one more thing, which is that I was supposed to fill my prescription. I had filled my prescription right before I left. Here we go.

And this explains the lupus. I forgot. We could have just skipped the whole live concert thing and just gone to this. Oh, you don't know where this is going. You're on withdrawal from Well Butren. No, I forgot to pick up the new prescription. So I went down there with no pills, no Well Butch.

You can transfer it though. You're like the mom of my Lotus. I had to, I then called a pharmacy in Florida and asked them if they could, I had my doctor call them and put in an emergency, you know, 10 pills holdover. But the insurance company denied that refill because they had just done the one in New York. So then the one in Florida said, you need to call your pharmacy in New York and have them send the pills back so that we can then fill. It was a very challenging thing,

but she was on her game. So I called them and had to leave a voicemail in New York and then she called me back. I was like, okay, we'll send it back. And then the woman in Florida said, well, since this is only a 10 pill refill and you still have a $50 copay, do you want me to just expand it by calling your doctor to the full month? You're going to pay the same copay.

And I was like, okay, sure. And she handled all that. And I went and picked it up that day. Let me tell you something I Was so fucking impressed by the Pharmacist at this place in Florida so amazing to get a good pharmacist it occurred to me if there is a place In America where you're going to get the top-of-the-line Pharmacist. Oh, it's gotta be Florida. It's Florida.

Yeah, absolutely. It's Boca Garden specifically. Boca Grand. They have been fucking dealing with hard of hearing people who are pulling out shopping receipts instead of prescriptions. And I don't know, my last month it was this. Yeah, yeah.

They are the best of the best. These are battle hardened, tried and tested pharmacists. There used to be one at City Chemist in Dumbo. That's where I used to get my stuff filled. This woman named Stephanie. Oh my god. She was the best pharmacist. Nice, discreet.

She would be proactive about getting stuff refilled. You didn't have to do anything. She was a match. She probably moved down to Florida. She probably got caught up to the big leagues, honestly. Was it Stephanie with a pH or an F? It's probably pH, in which case to Harry, it'd be Stephanie. Stephanie. You got 90 seconds to get derailed on this one, champ.

No. Is that Stephanie to you? Do you call her Step for short? Your Step sister? I'm laughing. I'm laughing. That's so... this one, champ? No. Is that Stephanie to you? Do you call her step for short? Your step sister? I'm laughing, I'm laughing. That's so- These are callbacks. I'm amused.

These are good bits. It's funny because like, wasn't, to really call it back together, wasn't Florida one of the epicenters of the Sackler stuff? Like, wasn't like a lot of the, weren't a lot of the pharmacies that were over- I think it was easier to get a prescription down there. Yeah, because they were you were probably just like pretend to be an old person.

I think you just had to like fuck the doctor or some shit. Yeah, it was probably what happens in dope sick. Yeah, it was the Broward County boys. It was probably just Nikki Smokes. Yeah. Fucking the doctor. Yeah. Fucking pharmacy, Stephanie. Yeah. Pick up a couple of oxy coffins. Shout out to pharmacy, Stephanie. A couple of oxy eighties. Not funny, bro. That's what they call them. oxy coffins. Shout out to Pharmacy Stephanie. Couple oxy 80s.

Not funny bro. That's what they call them, oxy coffins. Oh I know bro, it's just not funny. It is, it's hilarious. We've had a lot of soldiers lost to those fucking things. And you think it's funny? Fucking sad bro. You're the one that's fucking doing them. No I'm doing Tylenol with codeine, dumbass.

Tylenol with codeine? What are you crushing up to Tylenol and pouring it into with codeine, dumbass. Shit. Tylenol with codeine? What are you crushing up the Tylenol and pouring it into the codeine? It's coated in codeine. I know. You don't fucking know shit. You've never done a fucking hard drug in your life? You've been on the straight and narrow?

I do hard drugs all the time. I'm trying to help you out. Bro, what are you talking about? You know I do hard drugs. You know I love that shit. You know I cannot function. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't talking about drugs. Bro, take that back.

I love oxy. Look between my toes. Look at the track marks between my feet. No, Harry Ball, you don't do hard drugs, but at what point is the amount of weed and smoke Oh my god. considered a hard drug? Here we go again with this fucking propaganda.

What's your dispensary of choice these days? This propaganda. This potaganda. This potaganda. I can't stop fucking reading this out of the corner of my eye. I've been getting fucking just destroyed online the last 48 hours. Deservedly. Because of your terrible takes.

Yeah, I guess. I mean, look, something you gotta consider is a, it's a comedy podcast. Nope, we're not doing that. Well, the one thing that bothered me, I will say, yeah, I do do the left lane camping thing, that I'll admit that. If you didn't listen to the last episode,

he's referring to the fact that we uncovered that Harry is a left lane driver and camps out on the highway and will not move over if faster cars come up behind him. It's not quite that. It's when I'm going like 20 over. You said 10 over. I did not. You said the speed limit was 70 and you were going 80.

If I'm going 80. If I said that, I was just saying that because I didn't know people were, I didn't know it was, I think I was trying to beat around the bush of speeding because I thought that was less socially acceptable than going 10 over. You know what we call this right now? Lying. Patchwork. This is you patching up holes.

What I will say is- It's not a permanent fix, iting up holes. What I will say is... It's not a permanent fix. It's a patch. What I will say is... And it's shoddy work. The shopping cart thing was the one that bothered me the most because I thought that was pretty clearly a joke. I haven't been to a grocery store where I've taken a shopping cart outside in over six

years. I totally believe that. So I don't understand like, the odds of Harry being in a grocery store where I'm bringing a shopping, what am I bringing a car home? Yeah, I'm gonna wheel it back to my apartment. Just gonna ride it downhill in New York. I haven't been to a, I haven't been to a grocery store with my parents in over a decade. So the whole

thing about me just letting the cart fly down the hill and hitting other cars was a joke. I do not do that. But people were DMing me like, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna kill you. Like straight up, she like that. Which I've realized too, if you just reply and you're like, I'm gonna find you first and I'm gonna kill you. Usually they reply back and they're like, haha, just kidding. Or they'll be like, totally uncool, man.

Yeah, I was hitting people back with a lot of those. I'll find you first. That's what it takes for you to respond to DMs, death threats? Yeah, I was replying just being like, you better hope I don't find you. Wow. Yeah. They hit a nerve.

Eh, it was kind of, I was more just bored, just laying in bed. But I do agree with that that like on a on a level people like will take things that we say clearly ingest and be like Little sass is actually a fucking scumbag. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, not indicative of your character No, he was also kind of about the holes. Yeah the whole, which maybe this is me and I'm completely wrong about this, but the whole like, the whole privileged thing. I don't understand how that played a part at all.

They were all like, they were like this privileged fucking prick sitting in the left lane. Anytime you say something that people don't like. The people that are riding my ass are in like BMW or Audi i8s and they're going fucking 900. I'm the privileged one because I'm in a fucking Toyota Corolla. I'm surprised at your confusion over this. This is, anytime someone you say something that people don't agree with,

they'll just throw out the stuff. They'll throw all this stuff at you. Anytime I say something that people don't like even if I'm like boy I think blue is a nicer color than yellow People are like that's what you would say cuz you're born on fucking Yeah, I wish my dad taught me that blue is better than yellow growing up. We had no blue. Okay Must be nice To have blue everyone knows it's more expensive paint

Houses in blue those children 48% more likely to graduate with a degree. It is pretty crazy. Dude, like we posted, or the clip was posted, the second I started getting not kind messages about it, the second I started getting them, I was like, they're gonna post us on the Barstool main page 1000%. Yeah, yeah, of course. Not any other clips that we've had that have gone,

that have gotten done well because they were funny. They're gonna post the clip of me looking poorly. But it's not that. It was a societal divisive topic. And for what it's worth, there were a few people that agreed with you. Yeah, yeah. So that's what it is.

You need, it's exactly the same thing as my shoulder stopping thing. Yeah, no, not really. Cause that was more, more people were agreeing with you than disagreeing with you. More people were like, you're a hero. Nobody thought you're a hero. Which this isn't, this isn't like a hill

that I'm gonna die on. I don't give a fuck. You drove in the middle lane. Yeah, I don't care. But I also made it much more clear that I was somewhat kidding, if not fully kidding, when I did my thing by calling myself a hero. And you were not kidding.

If you, if you. And this is a comedy podcast. Right, you weren't kidding. You were angry. You chose that moment. Look, I don't, like it's not. You justified your point. Where are they going? Yeah, I don't like it's not- You justified your point. Where are they going?

Yeah. And look, like it doesn't really bother me that much because like I know in my head what I'm talking about. If I'm going 60 in the fast lane and someone's riding my ass, I'm going to get over. And I didn't, that's not how any of us took it. If I'm going 85 in the fast lane and then there's a dude behind me that's going 150, I'm not going to get over because realistically he's gonna

Fly around me and then fly around someone else and then we're all gonna get caught in traffic because No, there's a whole different tune that he's gonna wrap his car around the tree He's brought out the spackle now. He brought out the caulk. Yeah pretty soon They'll be standing. No, I mean it's like I like you see these cars that are that are like, I drive all the time. I drive constantly. I'm always driving from city to city. She liked that. I don't wrap my car around a tree.

I did not sound like someone who drives all the time. I don't know. But I'm talking behind the wheel. Why are why are we defending these people that are driving like like they're putting everyone else in danger? Why are why is that the person that I'm supposed to be like, oh, yeah, excuse my manners, let me get over to the right lane for you so you can go 200 miles per hour. This is a classic technique, by the way, where you are now taking yourself away and pointing

to a far more nefarious cause. But that's what it like, when I drove home from Stanford- To take attention off of yourself. When I drove home from Stanford, I went Friday Saturday every night that I was Going home. It would be like the streets would be pretty empty the only other streets on the cars would be cars that were like like like GTA 5 fucking tricked out

Like BMWs going 900 miles per hour with like no license plate on the back Those are the people that I'm supposed to be like, oh Let me follow the rules of the road and get over so that you can go Tommy G. Yeah 900 miles per hour with no license plate on the back. Those are the people that I'm supposed to be like, let me follow the rules of the road and get over so that you can go... Tommy G. Yeah. We've gone from 80 to 120 to 150 to 200 miles an hour.

Yeah. Why am I supposed to get out of the way just because they're going at the speed of light? Just because they've cracked the sound barrier, because they go mock fire. Genuinely though, why? Now you're going to say it would actually be dangerous for you to switch lanes. Yes, because if you get switched lanes

and they're weaving, then you might simultaneously switch with them. It would be. But anyways, yeah, that's all I had to say. I don't fucking let shopping carts smash into, and I apologize to everyone who was molested when they were working at a fucking star market when they were 13 and now they're furious with me. People are getting me being like, you have no fucking idea how hard that job is moving the carts.

I'm not the guy to be mad at. I wasn't actually throwing carts into the middle of the road. So you weren't the one molesting. I wasn't molesting. Also Kansas city. I was never booked to perform. Stop fucking DM me about Kansas city. People are so mad at me about Kansas City. Hang on. I'm going to Kansas City. I was never supposed to perform there. I will be. If you'd like to come see a comedian in Kansas City, come see me.

I am going back to Kansas City. Hold on a minute. Bob Dylan song. I'm going to be there May 2nd and 3rd. That's when I'll be there at the Comedy Club of Kansas City. Tickets at punchup.live slash Francis Ellis. Also Dallas after that. Going back to Kansas City. I'm going back to Kansas City. I talked to my agent last night. I don't know what happened with that, but it was like the show was canceled. The show was never supposed to happen. It was canceled. And then last night, I guess people went to the show, not knowing it was canceled.

People actually went. Yes. And I DM'd a lot of those people back because a lot of them were DMing me. I got DMs from people being like, never going to support you again. Hope you fail. Yeah. In life. You had a rough night of DMs.

Rough night of DMs. For a guy who doesn't ever check his DMs. No, I have said that before. I check. I read every DM. I don't respond to any of them. I was replying last night though. Boy, don't you think that's a little

not so man of the people-ish? You'll read everything they say, but keep them in the dark? Well, if it's like something like that, I'm gonna reply. What's your reply rate? I don't know, probably like 40 to 50%. Of all DMs that come in? Well. That's too much.

When people, no, I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. I read most of them or a lot of them, not most maybe, but I will, if someone says something meaningful or nice, I will typically respond. Yeah, I do that. If they're like- You saved my life. Or no, it's more like if they're like, I like, you know, I'm going through divorce to do, and it's, I'm having a really hard time. Any advice? I'll get into contact with that person. Usually are they asking for advice?

That's good. I just want to clear up the Kansas city thing now because genuinely people are mad. I wasn't supposed to perform in Kansas city. There's probably four people who are mad. No, there was like 200 tickets sold for the show. I guess so damn fuck you Was a lot of people that were mad I wasn't supposed to perform there I will be coming back there So just keep an eye out fool me once Twice actually I fooled them twice because you canceled the other one Twice actually I fooled them twice because you canceled the other one Well then shame on them shame on them. Why are you even apologizing?

We were quite vocal about that though. We were we were yeah I was not vocal about this because I didn't know that I was booked there So I apologize you got full refunds But I apologize if you were planning on going to the show last night the show was never supposed to happen It will happen at a future date probably not for like six months or so though Anyways in other news darling shunt Hashtag kindness is cool. Hey don't finally know Now that I've addressed all my haters

How are you fellows doing? How was your guys weekend guys? The college basketball season is here and we know you're as excited as we are to watch some big upsets throughout the tournament. I guess there haven't been that many upsets this tournament. Pretty chalky, but I've still enjoyed it regardless. And it's because of the good folks over at Game Time. Game Time makes getting tickets faster and easier. Prices on the app actually go down the closer it gets to Showtime.

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honey hole of people in earth on earth that would know who I am. Any idea where that would be? The Brooklyn Public Library? Close. That's a good guess. The fucking breakdown lane at the Holland Tunnel? No. It was the oversized baggage collection area at LaGuardia where half the bags were ski bags and half were golf bags. Just white bros as far as the eye could see coming home from Colorado

and fucking golf bachelor parties in Florida. We're all standing there. I'm telling you, every one of those dudes was like, you guys are awesome. You should've done some material. Given them 10. Yeah, we were all waiting for bags. And you know what I did?

What'd you do? They were just sliding all the bags out and they were running out of room on the sort of slide, which made us feel as though, made me feel as though they were going to wait to put more bags in until someone, so I started rearranging the bags and making them as organized as possible so that they could, I actually stood up on the slide.

I got up on it. Really? And the fact that these people didn't clap. You took charge. I don't know what else you need to say. Wait, they knew who you were and you took charge? I think I took charge because they knew who I was. Oh, that would make me less likely to. I wanted to give them a little taste of who I am.

You know, I'm the guy who takes two shopping carts and returns them. I'm the guy who takes two shopping carts and returns them. I'm the guy who if someone's camped out in the left lane, I will flash my lights and honk my horn. Yeah, of course. Not even for my sake, cause I don't drive that fast. Someone could be pregnant. Get over, get over.

You're ruining the road. Yeah. I'm the guy who never has a Phantom comedy show in Kansas City. Who always shows up in Kansas City. Yeah. I don't know the last time you canceled any show. I don't.

I do. I sure don't. We had five shows booked together, and you canceled all of them. You know. It doesn't sound like Francis. Are you sure that wasn't? Julio or?

No. You get the wrong guy. No. Also, by the way, you tried hitting five road road dates when you got a fucking noose hanging Chandelier swing to the road every morning. You're like don't get on the chair longer noose. Don't get on with it. Well Sleep with my noose My noose around my neck nooses loose in the caboose. I'm a goose This brother is spitting fucking bars right now.

I'm the kind of guy that when I get my groceries, I take the cart and I just kick it as far as I can into the street. I try to find, I wait till an old lady comes out. That's what I do. Shove it right at her and try and mow her down. The grocery stores that I've been to in the last six years don't even have shopping carts. They have just something you can carry, a basket. Basket and a security guard who has like three cone drill ability because they're getting robbed so much.

I love the baskets though. I do. I really like them. I like filling them up. I do get a little annoyed if it's a heavy grocery run for myself and I start having to really perch items on top. Yeah. Because then I think to myself, why didn't I just take a cart? But it feels ridiculous to take a cart. Where are you taking a cart? At those tiny ass grocery stores.

Whole Foods. Whole Foods is like a whole paycheck. I go to Whole Foods a lot. I'm there a lot. I could see Whole Foods. They don't have any of those really around me though, so I just go to those small ass grocery stores where the lanes are like this thin. Yeah, where everything's really overpriced.

I saw a- Diagostinos. Oh yeah, Chibool. A TikTok of Whole Foods that had a line down the block on a Saturday. Oh yeah, shit. That's fucking insane. Why would you ever do that?

There's a billion grocery stores in New York. When I used to go to Trader Joe's when I lived in East Village, would get there if it was like a weekend I would get there and I have to wait outside yeah good 10 minutes usually why one is one in one out policy no it's not that good there's no grocery that is that good and Trader Joe's is cheap and it's good food so what though there's like a fucking Safeway around the block those chocolate covered salted almonds they have a You're waiting in line. Your privilege is screaming right now.

Fall back. Fall back, please. I think your privilege is that you'll only eat Trader Joe's. It's making me uncomfortable. That you're so locked in on Trader Joe's. Please track down your privilege. You won't go to the bodega that's owned by the other privilege colleague.

The bodega is more expensive than Trader Joe's your privilege. Yeah, but you're supporting a local business you want to put your money into the corporations. That's kind of weird, bro. Brother, that's that you're when you're when you're less privileged, like some of us on the show. You have to go to Trader Joe's because the meat is cheaper. No, because your dad is a shareholder at Trader Joe's. That's why it's cheaper because you get a fucking discount. Yeah, my dad's on the board.

It's no secret that Harry has won that raffle ticket card that they give out every day 17 times. Yeah, it's like fucking whitey-bolger Skipping the line at Trader Joe's. Sorry, my dad owns the place. My dad's Joe. Yeah, my dad's Joe. Yeah. Yeah. And he's not a trader. He's actually extremely loyal. Harry's the only guy who can walk in the outdoor.

Hey. Like that scene in Batman. I'm sure we could get a couple tables together. I don't know if they're going to let us do it. It's all right. I own the place. Yeah. Skip in the line. Yeah.

Skip in the line at Trader Joe's must be incredible. Sir, your friends are swimming in the mango display. If it makes anyone feel any better as well, I also don't go grocery shopping. I Uber Eats every meal. You've made that clear. That's privilege. We get it. I get it. You're doing well. I get it, I'm made that clear. That's privilege. We get it.

I get it. You're doing well. I get it, I'm privileged. And you're doing well. Just paying huge delivery fees and getting banged for service things and all that. Throwing all your dirty plastic in the trash. Things are falling,

I'm falling back hard on spending. Falling back on spending? Cutting back on spending. Cutting back on spending. Falling back means that you're starting to spend more hmm I think the Freudian slip you're falling back on spending hmm I'm cutting back on spending though no you're not I am big time what's one thing that you cut back on well I bought another monitor which was a mistake that's and so you're falling back I will say it was

because I'm going to Winnipeg this weekend. And I thought I was going to make a lot more money than I'm going to make. Then you realize that the Canadian dollar is. I went on a little bit of a spree. I was like, you know what? I do need a new monitor, even though I just bought a new one six weeks ago. And then I bought a $300 monitor.

And then I tried to return it and I can't return it. If I want to return it, I have to go to the USPS and like ship it. So I'm just keeping it. So now I have four monitors. I get that. I get what you've done there. I get that feeling.

There was a period, do you remember when I, the period I went through, when I didn't tell you guys where I bought all the clothes and all the shit, was that I had gotten an offer to rent my place upstate for the entire year. Yeah. And it was from a couple whose house had burned down

in the California fire. Yeah. Where was that again? California. What was the name of that neighborhood that burned down? Oh, Pasadena? Palisades. So their house had burned down and they wanted,

there was an offer to rent my place for the entire year. And I was like, Holy shit, I calculated exactly how much I would get from that after taxes and deducting my mortgage and, you know, fees and all that. And I was like, Holy shit. I mean, I can go out and buy all these clothes. They bailed. Oh, they ended up buying a new home in LA. And I'm like, fuck, how do I commit arson? Renew their need for my new house? Yeah. And at that point, I'd taken all the tags off the clothes. Yeah, which were non returnable anyway, because it was a sample sale.

Tough. Final sale. Tough. Yeah, I guess the lesson there is do not spend money. You don't have. You hope to have. Yeah. As a result of a natural disaster. Do not spend money that you're expecting.

Yeah. So nobody has spent cutting back on spending. No, I actually have been. I've been better than Harry. Nobody has given an example of cutting back on spending. I'm, can I say this? I haven't at all. I'll give you an example.

I'll give you an example. I've been eating healthier though. I was- Which is same. I was out late last week doing shows. Yeah. And it was probably, I got off, because I got bumped.

There were so many people that bumped me at the stand. Don L. Rollins. Yeah. I already said this. You said it. And so I ended up going on super late and getting out at like, I don't know, 12, 20 or something like that, something late.

And I could have, I didn't want to take this, a city bike home because it was cold and dark. And I didn't want to take a cab or an Uber because they're expensive. So I took the subway home. How much would the cab or Uber have costed? Probably like 35, 40 bucks or some shit, you know? So I took a-

That's cutting back on spending. Yeah, I took the Uber, which was, excuse me, I took the, let's see. The subway. Subway, which was 12 minutes away, so I had to wait 12 minutes, and then when it finally came, I'm not kidding you, every single train car that I saw- Was packed?

No, had at least four homeless people sleeping on it. 1220. Yeah. Dead sleep, and fully prone across a bench. Oh yeah. So I got on and you know, started singing to them. You started rehearsing, reciting Churchill. Yeah.

So you saved 30 bucks? Yeah, I guess so. I developed a nose infection from the scent of rotting leaves. I stopped booking first class plane tickets. That's a start. What do you mean? That you were doing that. I haven't booked the first class plane ticket in a long time. I got upgraded immediately.

I flew coach down to Florida and back. Jesus Christ. I booked coach, instant instant upgrade but I booked coach because I had to book Mook's flights too because I decided that I wanted him to come to Winnipeg even though the flights were expensive but it's cuz it's my birthday and I don't really feel like spending my birthday just in a hotel room in Winnipeg. You're gonna spend it in a hotel room playing duos. In a hotel room next to Moog's

hotel room alone playing video games. So he's basically your birthday present to yourself is Moog's present. Exactly. Yes. Just to have somebody around that like will open for you and makes a little bit less money than you. Yeah. Now he's probably gonna make like the same amount of money as me realistically because I bought his flights. Yeah, that's sick then. Yeah job creator job creator. That's fucking nice What do you want for your birthday? Oh, you guys were supposed to have a gear off We were Scheduled on my calendar now. I'm in this freeze. I'm in the spending freeze. I'm gonna have to wait on that reel I wanted I've already got my gear ready to go

So you have not cut back on spending at all. I haven't bought gear in months. We are seven days into my new billing cycle into my new balance on my credit card. And I looked at it today, I've spent $126 in seven days. That's pretty solid. That's pretty fucking good. I thought you were gonna say $126,000.

No. So you don't pick up the bill when you're with your parents? No. Thank God. No offense to anyone who does. I mean, that's awesome that you do. I always do. That's cool.

I dig that. I don't let my parents pay for it. If I'm going to any type of meal with them, I'm always paying for it. That's why going to any type of meal with them, I'm always paying for it. That's why you're my favorite host. Given that I currently have negative $126, my parents are worth exactly negative 50 something times, 50,000 times what I'm worth. I don't know. Interesting. So it would make sense that they are- Good math there. Well, you'd have to do the negative.

Because negative times negative equals positive. There you go. You know that Ron? Yes. You probably didn't know that. His dad's a mathematician. Of course. Scientist. Same thing. Can't just change the, we can't just change it every day, every week. Physicists. Supposedly.

That is cool that you buy, that you buy buy the bill that you pick up the bill Rome, what do you want? What do you want for my birthday for your birthday and for your big your big day? What big day for the family? When's your birthday? April 25th. I knew it. I was gonna say 26 though. Yours is what April 5th April 5th Maybe just a dinner of us guys. Maybe we go back to Fort Charles. Fort Charles would be nice. You gonna be able to slip away?

Yeah, you got a lot of mouths to feed. Maybe you guys go to Fort Charles? We're not taking Harry to Fort Charles. Are you gonna get out of your mind? I'll bring one of my monitors. We can zoom you. Last time he was there, one of the nicest restaurants in New York didn't even take his fucking hat off

the whole time. Me? Yeah. That's not true, I didn't wear hats back then. Yeah, you did. No, I didn't. I remember you wearing a hat and a hoodie. They didn't even tip.

You said, why should I tip these guys? They're wearing white gloves, they're already richer than me. Fucking Gaz goes there once a week. Best Burger joining town still. He's always posting the white gloves of them cutting the burger up Yeah, it is nice. It is funny when people act like they're like food connoisseurs. Well, I think Gaz is like a Burger guy. Yeah, he ranks burgers, but that's also like And I believe him. Yeah, I guess I believe I trust but it's like you don't need to like know a lot to know

What the best burger is I think I guess that's common man. I feel like you kind of do I had 7th Street burger the other night phenomenal diarrhea the next day was I heard 7th Street is amazing. It's good smash burger though. Oh, yeah gas doesn't like smash burgers. You should know that I did not know that I was in Red Hook where he's his top burger is but I went to Hometown barbecue. Yeah, I love that place too. I'm saying that would you pick up? I got there right when they open They have a you got a you got a picture of the plate. Of course. You got a plate pick, of course I got a beef rib. That's $40 and it was maybe the best I've been to every every great barbecue city and they're probably showing brother

Every single $40 on a beef rib Look at that plate Wow Beef rib was in the same. That's crazy. I waited in line like it was a goddamn Whole Foods on a Saturday I love there at 12 when it opened and Waited in line for probably 40 minutes to get the food. It's fucking insane. That's a plate right there.

So hungry. I probably spent, I think it was $126 for that plate. Jesus Christ, that looks good. It was, and it was just like a pulled pork sandwich, brisket. Slaw. Could've wiped it out like credit card debt. I'm not a huge slaw guy.

I should've, yeah. It's good for, it's nice to have a, like a fiber in there to kind of drag the barbecue through your body. Big time. Like a fishnet. I've been big on fiber lately. And my shits are just flying out. I know. Clean pinch every time.

I've been big on black beans. I've been buying cans of black beans. Just having that as a meal. A nice can of beans. I've been eating, I've been buying cans of black beans. Just having that as a meal. Nice can of beans. I've been eating, I've been having a green smoothie and oatmeal for breakfast every day. Good for you. Yeah.

Happy to hear that. Starting the day off with some fuel, with some power. What do you mean every day? Two days in a row. Well, because on, I've realized that I don't eat a lot in the morning. And then if I don't eat in the morning and I have shit all day, like we've been filming this show.

So like I just won't eat until like 6 p.m. and then I get like the worst stomach ache imaginable and it's because I'm not eating. Yeah. So I've been making a strong effort to eat something healthy in the morning. I genuinely think if you, I have an assertion which is that if I had the choice

to have whatever cocktail I want, a drink of alcohol for the rest of my life, it might be a pina colada with a rum float. Oh, I don't need the rum float, but pina coladas are amazing. Dude, you got to do the rum float. Why? To get more tanked or because it tastes better? I think it tastes better. It cuts down the sweetness a little bit.

I mix it in. I don't just sip. I don't go half rum float half. Because that is the problem why I wouldn't be able to eat them every day is because they're so fucking sweet. I only have one. You only need one, really.

But boy, oh boy. A mixed blended drink, a blended iced drink at a beach bar, hot area. Refreshing, coconut, pineapple. And they got the best blenders for whatever reason. When those blenders, you get those blenders going, those ones puree. Yeah.

Whereas like a home blender, whenever I've tried to make a crushed blended drink at home, you get ice chunks in it. You need a ninja. You need the one that they have on White Lotus. Yeah. Don't you guys think that, this isn't spoiler, this is theories for White Lotus. Don't you guys think that, this isn't spoiler, this is theories

for White Lotus, that there's gonna be something with that blender in the last episode? I don't know anything about the blender. I haven't seen last night's episode. Blender wasn't even in last night's episode. Maybe I'm too behind. You know Schwarzenegger, he's always blending something, he's asking his brothers, like you want a protein shake? Yes, yeah. Why would that be such a prevalent...

Someone's head is going through that fucking blender. Or the poison fruit. Do they have poison fruit? And they talk about that in the first episode? I think so, yeah. Wow. That's good thinking. That's a good theory.

Don't you think that there's something with that blend? They keep on coming back to the blender. Guys, have you been up to speed on the Karen Reed trial? I realize this is very, so many people are so dialed into this that it feels crazy to even bring it up. I only know what I've seen in the Chinese newspapers. I honestly have only heard about it from other people. Is your long father or Karen Reed?

Oh, is that what it says? Yeah. Interesting. What is it? What's going on? Wait, so what's the story? Max did a documentary that, let me tell you, I didn't know anything about the case. I just had missed it and then thought I was too late to catch up.

Yeah. I watched this Max documentary on the Karen Reed trial as if it was, I was guzzling piña coladas. Really? It was unbelievably scintillating. Now, I'm sure as all documentaries are that this one was quite biased. What's the case? What happened? Yeah, I don't really know anything about it. So a Boston police officer. I know everything about it. Take that back.

Was killed in the middle of the night at a house outside. The next morning, his body was found. Yeah. He'd been hit in the head. He was bleeding. And he had, whatever, yeah, his arm was covered in scratches. And there are two possibilities, basically. One is that Karen Reed, his girlfriend,

they got into a fight, she dropped him off the house, and she backed her car up into him and hit him. And then he fell backwards, hit his head and passed out and died in the snow. Yeah. Another alternative theory, cause she says that she didn't do that at all,

is that he went into the house where his cop buddies were. She left cause she was angry. Something happened inside that house. His cop buddies got into a fight, killed him somehow, and then dragged his body outside and planted it in the snow where he was dead or died. Nah, that didn't happen. Dude, you gotta watch this.

It is so nuanced. It is so impossible. Look, I haven't followed the particulars of the case. I'm sure I'm very naive. At least from the presentation of this documentary, which I'm sure is very biased, I was back and forth the whole time. My theory and my conviction was a game of tennis is this really is the documentary really good?

It's unbelievable. I'll watch this is an unbelievable story You gotta watch it. I'll watch it tonight and It's it's just it's just beyond belief dude. I I've never been so cover. They just drag him just outside Sounds like the the Kansas City dudes. Chiefs, Kelsey Mahomes. No, no. Those guys, they all died in the snow. But it turned out they were doing coke

and they had fentanyl in it. But it was like they all got an Airbnb together and like one of them was asleep inside and then the other three were all just dead in the snow outside. This is the- And he had like that whole idea. Two theories that were presented by the defense

and the prosecution. The defense said he was killed and she was by his buddies and she was framed for it. Got it. The prosecution says he was killed by Karen Reed when she backed her car up and hit him. Didn't she just come out with like a makeup line too? There's been a lot of publicity around her.

Doesn't she, she got signed to Alex Cooper's podcast network too, right? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, unwell. No, my sense is that like, if she did it, I feel like she's been getting so much publicity about it without knowing even anything about the case. You have to be such a sociopath to be like seeking

the publicity once you have committed a murder. They... Very long girl if she did it. That was part of the strategy of her team though. Was to bring it out and make it a huge public thing. Because by rallying public support for her... Because everybody's like, oh, she's hot. Well, I don't know...

Oh, my God, I'd love to see her in a Matt Damon movie. Yeah. Is she hot? Oh, my God. Yeah, she's attractive. I wouldn't call her the most stunning woman ever. Describe her to me. Well, let me say something. There was a cop, a lead detective,

who was going through the evidence. He kind of took all the evidence from the case. And they read the text messages that he sent to other cops about the case. And they were like, someone was like, is she hot at least? And he goes, yeah, she's like a bombshell. No ass though. And then someone was like, and he was like,

she's a crazy fucking whack job cunt. And he has to read these texts to the whole courtroom. And then he goes, no nudes yet. Cause he's going through her phone. Dude, this guy ends up losing his job. I mean, it was really bad. It was really, really bad. Just because he's doing a little detective work.

I know, seriously. What happened to our thin blue line? Back to blue. It was really bad. But I don't know. That seems like all crucial evidence. I can't wait until Amy Ryan plays her in the next Gone Baby. Go on, rack.

Ass needs work. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And also the cop who died could not have been a more sort of lovable person. His sister had passed away, I think, and then her husband passed away shortly thereafter orphaning their two young children whom he adopted and just as a single dad took over the sort of parenting of his two of his niece and nephew. Anyone looking into

that? Yeah she did it for sure. She was probably jealous of all the attention that he was given to the kids and she fuck it through that thing in reverse Yeah, to the Boston accents in this in this case in this documentary are Unbelievable. They're just amazing. It is tailor-made for a benefit. Everybody in Boston wants to be a detective so bad Everybody like thinks they're like an undercover like a cop. This is kind of I'm gonna be a detective so bad. Everybody thinks they're like an undercover cop. This is kind of like a, I'm actually a cop. I'm already picturing it.

I could have been a cop. It's like Gone Girl. Slash Gone Baby Gone slash The Town slash. Meets Casey Anthony meets. Yeah, meets Amanda Knox. The Town is so good. Doesn't get much better than that. I'm actually a cop.

You either taking heat or you taking heat. I don't, much better than that. I'm actually a cop Either taking heat or you take any I don't go watch the go watch the documentary We would all talk about it. I mean Remi Bresson. She was killed by Remi Bresson I'm sure it's I'm sure it's old news now to everyone else But now people are like obsessed about dude I I was so glad that I had not followed the case so that when I watched this documentary, I just couldn't even breathe. Yeah. I was chugging it. Episode ends right into the next.

How many episodes are there? Five. I'm gonna watch them all tonight. An hour each. I watched it back to back to back to back to back. I haven't been that hooked on something in a long time. I'm now excited to watch it today. It was excellent.

It is very in favor of her, I would say. It's much more favorable to her. Yeah, because Alex Cooper is fucking producing it. Yeah. Well, she also greenlit the doc and is the featured player of it. She's giving literal interviews to the documentary filmmakers as the case is developing. I don't understand how that's legal. Well, this is what makes the case so hard and may have been a strategy of the defense, which is that you create a world where there isn't a single person you can select for a

jury who has not already heard about the case and can render an impartial verdict. But that's why- What's the motive of the cop buddies? What's the implied motive that they would have to roughhouse them? The theory of the defense is that this is a grand conspiracy where the Canton Police Department is, you know, they're all looking out for each other. One of their own ended up killing the one of their own. And then they're all covering it up on his behalf. It seems far-fetched to me. We need to put Mayor of Eustown on the case.

Got a Philly girl up there. There are a lot of pieces of the Karen Reed theory that are a little, kind of don't make that much sense either, and which makes me believe that maybe there's a third scenario. Oh, I see what you're saying. There may be a completely different situation that happened, but I don't know, man.

Has anybody looked into ghosts maybe being part of it? Yeah, I feel weird even talking about it. It was close to Salem. This is like, this has turned into almost like a civil war in Boston of opinion. Interesting. You're either for the police or you're for Karen Reed. I haven't heard anything.

I really haven't seen much about it even online, but my sister told me about it and then you just... Jerry Thornton's been blogging me up a storm about it. Oh my God. He was probably like, any ass on her? You find any nudes? Oh yeah. Imagine if she did have an ass though. Put the Boston Police Department, leak them.

Imagine if there was ass and nudes. Post the leaks. The whole BPD would have the nudes fucking flying through. You'd have to subpoena every phone in the fucking tri-state area. Thank God she didn't have any ass. Dude, it is amazing to see true crime documentaries the Tri-State area. Thank God she didn't have any ass. Dude, it is amazing to see true crime documentaries

in the present day. Yeah. I think I've made this point, but when you watch ones about Ted Bundy, right? Ted Bundy one I think is one of the best. It's one of the best. But it's just shocking to learn things like, yeah, he uh, managed to elude police because two police departments that were a town apart don't communicate.

Yeah. There's no uniformity of their databases before the internet. Like they, they didn't know. So he escaped simply by getting on a bus. Yeah. And the people in this state couldn't get in touch with these people. And there's no footage, right? There's no footage of anything. There's no security cameras. So they're using reenactments. A lot of those true crime docs use dramatic reenactment

where some shadowy figure is slow motion walking down the hall as a narrator describes hearing his footsteps. Does that do it for you? No. No, those are awful. It sucks. They did that in the Epstein documentary and it was one of the most uncomfortable things

we've ever seen. Yeah, like that should have its own documentary about whoever stays there. Well, they didn't have reenactments of the molesting. They had reenactments of like the actual victims like walking into the courthouse for the first day. Yeah. Like crying and there's like a shit ton of cameras everywhere.

So it's so shit. And it's like, why would you make them relive this moment? Well, they're not using the actual victims as they're not playing themselves. In the Epstein documentary, they were. You're telling me that the victims of Jeffrey Epstein Yes. did those dramatic reenactments in the documentary

and walked into the courtroom as themselves? Is that true? That's exactly what I'm telling you. Whoa. They're hired actors. If that's true, that is really bizarre. In the, there was like, I think there was one or two who were like, they were grown up,

but they were victims obviously when they were younger. I mean, I didn't watch that one, but I could see them giving interviews, but. I've talked about this on the podcast before. Maybe I didn't make it ever make it clear that. Did you see the clip of RFK Jr. talking to Jesse Waters? And Jesse Waters was like, and just to be clear, you were never on Epstein's plane.

And RFK's like, I was on his plane two times. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Annie Farmer, self survivor, Shauna Rivera survivor. Yeah. There's like, it's all, all of these people are all actual. Yeah. But again, that could,

they could be getting those credits simply because they interview, they were interviewed and gave testimonials. Dude, I'm telling you, they did, there were scenes where they'd be strolling on the beach, crying, and there'd be a nice sunset in the background. And then there would be a scene of them walking into the courthouse for full on reenactments. It's bizarre. Well, what I was going to say, and I may have made this point before, is that true crime documentaries are going to become and have

become to me so much more interesting because as these crimes always continue to happen and divisive cases present themselves, we will as viewers of these documentaries be blessed with ring camera footage and fucking evidence, big time. And fucking, you know, evidence that's like up to speed and much more modern sort of investigative procedures that just make things, I don't know, much more convincing one way or the other. I have a hard time with true crime now. Like I used to be, I was into it a lot

when like the Ted Bundy documentary came out and then I watched like the Night Stalker documentary, which was awesome. Yeah, I didn't love that one. I thought that one was fucked. It was pretty crazy. There was just too much bad shit. Yeah, and then I watched.

They got a little weighted down by it. That was like, I didn't get weighted down by that. You just want garden variety murder. Yeah, murder and rape together. Was he raping? The Night Stalker? Yeah. I thought so. I thought he was just? The Night Stalker. Yeah. I thought so.

I thought he was just pulling up and just killing people and leaving. Wasn't that the one- He probably raped, realistically. Wasn't that the one where he was raping people and making the husband's watch out in California and it turned out to be a cop? No.

Well, I don't know which one I'm thinking. I'll look it up. It's the one that Pat Noswalt's wife was investigating writing a book about, and then she died. Yeah, I think, but no, this was the guy, he was like a Mexican bro. His name was like Rodriguez or some shit.

And like he would just go to like nice neighborhoods in Hollywood and just kill people, and then, or in California, and then go back and stay at that fucking hotel. I'm thinking of I'll Be Gone in the Dark. Yeah. Did you watch that one? No.

Yeah, that one was pretty heavy. The Night Stalker one was good, and then I tried to watch the John Wayne Gacy one, and then that one I think was the last full, I guess like the Murdaugh one was really good, I liked that. That one was good, and that was more modern. That was more modern.

Which I liked, did you watch? The John Waynedaugh one was really good. I liked that. That one was good. And that was more modern. That was more modern. Which I liked. The John Wayne Gacy one was literally just, just graphic stories of him killing young boys. Did you watch the Jinx? That's the- No, but that's the HBO one, right? Probably for me is the one that almost spawned the entire genre of true crime docs.

Sorry? That one happens during the case, right? True crime docs, sorry? Does that one happen, that one happens during the case, right? Because there's a lot of documentary. Yeah, they, they catch him. Cause there's a part two that's supposed to be like insane, right? I don't think people told me the part two wasn't as good.

Oh, I thought the part two was the one that where they showed where they like revealed that they had them on camera. No, that's the end of the part one. Interesting. Yeah. But yeah, the Murdaugh one was really good. And I'll yeah, I'll check out this one. But yeah, the the true crime stuff for me got a little too. I was kind of like, well, I

started lit to be fully honest, I was I watched the Dahmer movie. And then I watched a documentary about Dahmer. And then I watched the other Dahmer movie. And then I started listening to the audiobook that his dad wrote And then about halfway through that I was like this is weird. I'm done with this. I Since then I haven't really gotten into true crime Well, I just found it interesting Clearly reading about that like his dad's the dad's book was actually very interesting

But it was kind of like I don't need to know all this. I couldn't watch the show. The show was pretty fucked. Because I couldn't handle it. I tried for five minutes and I was like, I know where this is going and I don't want any part of it. The show was pretty crazy. It was pretty good though.

It's just tough to be like, yeah, it's, you got to check this one out. It's fucking amazing. Yeah. It's, it's, no, you gotta check this one out, it's fucking amazing. Yeah, it's the perversity of the human spirit. Yeah. I'm not into any of the true crime stuff. No. What are you into? I find it to be a ball.

I find it to be a little gossipy. Rowan, you've literally watched reality TV. With my wife. You watch like Summer House. To be a companion to my wife. No, if your wife wasn't around, you'd still be watching that shit. You know it. I've never watched it without. And it's it's with a I mean, especially you never watched your wife because you guys have to like

watch together because you're caught up on the same episodes. Yeah, exactly. It's normal. I watched it to support my wife. If you're watching, you'll know true love. I promise you. If your wife wasn't around, I know you'd be still tuning in. Oh, summer house on tonight. I've never watched it. I promise you. If your pipe wasn't around, I know you'd be still tuning in. Oh, shoot, Summer House is on tonight. I've never watched any of those shows without. Dude, you went to the convention by yourself. You went to the Bravo convention.

This is a lie, and this is showing your privilege. He actually did. He actually did. Did you know that? No, I didn't. He went to the Bravo convention, Sola. You two got some kind of bad blood today. And took photos with reality stars.

No, my wife did with her friend and I stayed at home. You went, I remember you going. I went to watch What Happens Live with my wife as a birthday present. It was, you would have gone by yourself. I would have. You got a VIP ticket and you didn't get your wife one. You had her go away in general admission and you didn't get your wife one. You had her go

away in general admission and you went backstage and met the stars. Dude, you're trying to deflect from the fact that you would take apart the shopping carts and scatter the fucking wheels and handlebars in different corners of the parking lot just to make it harder on the poor 13 year old who had just been molested. You waited until right after they were molested to try to scatter and make a fucking scavenger hunt. I did feel bad that I said that they were molested, but it just felt right at the moment.

I know a kid who got his dick grabbed at a, he was working in the checkout of a grocery store when he was like 15, someone grabbed his dick. I'm sure. And he got so fucking jacked afterwards, like shredded. Like big body. I think he wound up doing boxing and shit like that. Like he would beat the fuck out of people.

So it fucked him up. Well, I mean, fucked a lot of people up. It's like the third act of Moonlight. What happens in the third act of Moonlight? I don't know, I remember that one getting sucked off. He's incredibly jacked. Oh yeah, he's like a fucking, he's like the rock. The most jacked dude I've ever seen on TV,

on a television screen. Man, what a moot, that moot. I was more into La La Land that year. Yeah, I was more into anything other than Moonlight. I'm joking, La La Land sucked ass, but isn't that the one that they said won the Oscar instead of they missed them They announced the wrong one. Yeah, what even was moonlight? I

Don't know a beautiful portrayal of a tortured Caused a gay young you liked that movie. I hope my heart broke watching it. It was very sad I felt horrible. I thought it was nowhere near like the best movie that year And nor was la la land. I thought they were both trash That's what I would like was some dog Shit, I and that's when I was living in LA writing for that battle rap show and it was like a diss I think it was one of the disses in one of the battle raps that like you like la la land better than moonlight Really? Like you didn't like moonlight. It was like a Hollywood diss.

Oh, because I forgot. Yeah, yeah. But I also. You said the battle rap scene got pretty woke for a minute, right? Well, that was the battle rap show. So it was like, I mean, that whole show had people walking off if you compared

two people of the same race. If you said an Indian person looked like another Indian person, there were multiple people that refused to do the show. People literally drove off the set because they're like, this is not what I signed up for. I think it was the wokest that Hollywood's ever been. Not to be an anti-woke crusader, but

La La Land was better than Moonlight. I swear to God that was an insane diss. You should have just clapped back and be like, I didn't watch either of them. I mean, can I be honest with you? I loved La La Land. I actually have heard, I never saw it, but I heard it was great. What'd you like about it? Um, city of stars. I liked the music. I thought it was catchy. Uh, that, that,

it's also got Emma Stone in it. Can't go wrong. I love her. I loved, I thought their relationship was stoner. That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I'm a stoned fence. You would like her. I'm a big stoner. I do like her. Stoner. I just told you I'm a stoner, bro. Mm-hmm. So you just like the fantastical representation of Hollywood? I like the music. I don't know. I thought it was funny. I thought, uh.

Funny? No, bro. I didn't like that. I thought very, very. You broke your heart? Your heart gets broken easily. 2017 was a heartbreaking year. Yeah. Didn't Fences come out that year, too? Heartbreaking movie. 2017 was a heartbreaking year. Yeah.

Didn't Fences come out that year too? Heartbreaking movie. That is a heartbreak movie. August Wilson. Which I saw the play with Denzel. I saw the play. I read the play. Split my heart into 6,000 pieces.

You don't have a heart. You are utterly devoid of heart. Did I tell you guys that I saw- Still trying to put it back together. I saw you guys, I saw Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross with Bill Burr, right? Oh, you went and saw it? Yeah.

How was it? I think you said you were going to see it. I don't know if you ever talked about you saw it. Yeah, I went and saw it. On your birthday? Yeah. I thought it was pretty good. Oof.

I don't know. I just don't really like the play that much. What's it about again? Like an overbearing father in sales or something? No. It's salesmen and they are selling, I guess, like condos or real estate units. It's never really that clear. And they're all vying for commissions and quotas and ultimately there's some corruption and it gets revealed, but it's just, I don't know. It was not that compelling. And the cast was unbelievable. It's Kieran Culkin, Bob Odenkirk, Bill Burr.

I actually thought Bill Burr's acting was maybe the best of any of the characters. Yeah, I really did. And then the guy from Better Call Saul, who is his brother, who's like allergic to electromagnetic waves. I don't know if you guys ever watched that. He's in it.

Michael McKean, I think is his name. So, a pretty all-star stellar cast. So, I'm hearing all white males is what I'm hearing. The boss of the company was a black actor. There we go. But thank God. You gotta watch Oh Mary. You gotta go see Oh Mary. I'd like to. Oh my God. That's a play.

I've gotta get out to Broadway soon. That's a fucking play. Oh Mary. I'll get you some tickets. I'd love to. It's the least. That's a fucking play. Oh, Mary, I'll get you some tickets. I'd love to. It's the least I could do for my birthday. We talked about Mary Lincoln, Mary Mary Todd, right? Yeah. Because of how much of a bitch she was,

the Grants did not go to Ford's Theater at the night that Lincoln was assassinated. They were supposed to sit in the box with him. You gotta go see that. So where'd you sit at the play? Good seats. But what's your definition of good seats? Orchestra.

In front of the overhang. You were up by the pit? There was no, well, there was no pit in that theater, I don't think. That's what we would call the orchestra? No. Glenn Gary, wrong you are Showing your naivete my lack of privilege. Maybe stick to the line can kid. I apologize my lack of privileges

The orchestra refers to the lower the lowest level of seating Got it's got it's Maybe when I went to play stick to Joseph and the amazing Technicolor dream coat something more your speed not familiar Donny Osmond, yeah, not from not ringing a bell. You don't know who Donny Osmond is not ringing any bells It may refer to that because that's usually where the orchestra pit is. So I might give you half credit I'm gonna have to look this up Brother you're talking to someone who stick to layman's bro Stick to the family of the Opera.

You keep trying to make, see, that's a good one. That works, that works. Phantom of the Opera, I mean, doesn't get much better than that. That movie or that play, sorry. That movie. My bad. That book. The book is incredible.

That showing is phenomenal. Yeah, okay, look at this. Oh, this is a full circle moment. You guys ready for this? I was right. The low level of seating in a theater or concert hall is called the orchestra because it's historically the area where the orchestra or chorus would perform

in ancient Greek. Amphitheaters. Amphitheaters. Amphitheaters. And they call it the pit.. amphibian-eaters. and the term evolved to describe the seating closest to the stage. Alright, I'm going half credit for you on that one.

They never mentioned the pit? No. Interesting. You ever see Phantom of the Opera in the round? The only time I've ever seen Phantom of the Opera was when our high school did it and it was phenomenal. They did, that's a big play to put on. It looks like Christine Dyer. My sister was in the pit. She was in the orchestra. What'd she play?

Violin. God damn. The Phantom of the Opera is here inside your mind. All right, I'll be in Kansas City. Oh, we're ending it. First weekend of May. I was just getting heated up. I thought I had some more juice in my tank.

I need to go. I'm starving. You guys are going to do that? This is... You're going to do that? You're going to make me look like the guy who fucking called it quits? You know what?

Let's do it. All good, I guess we'll just end it. Let's keep talking. Now let's end it. Let's keep singing show tunes. Let's end it. Keep going. On you.

I'm done. I don't have anything left. I got nothing left. Sherry Yin. Well, Tank just went to empty. I am going to be in Winnipeg this weekend. Which is just north of Minnesota. And it sounds like I'm going to be doing a Verdanck Call of Duty stream April 7th, next Monday with MOOC and Hank.

What? And potentially my buddy Matt, but he probably won't do that. So we'll see. Maybe Jerry. I've got all kinds of stuff. Providence is April 11th and 12th. West Nyack, New York, that's April 27th. Kansas City, May 2nd and 3rd.

Dallas is May 16th and 17th and 18th. Chicago, big Chicago weekend in the first weekend of June. On and on it goes. So tickets to PunchUp.live.sas.francisco. Thanks guys, we'll see you. Thanks everyone who came to my shows in Stanfordamford too, they were very fun. I had a great time. Thanks for coming. Goodbye. Close was over, still, still underground So I looked older to you