Son of a Boy Dad - AreYouGarbage? | Son of a Boy Dad #441

Episode Date: October 1, 2026

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Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad free on Amazon Music. Guys, this episode is brought to you by High Noon. High Noon. Our partner, you see them on the sign right here, you see them in our hands, and rest assured, they are part of our lives. High Noon is going to be your go-to drink. If you're hanging out with your friends, nothing pairs better with a great conversation and some buds than some high noon.

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I've been hearing such nasty things About this Chris Hanson movie Oh yeah Good stuff for bad stuff I heard it's terrible I heard it's like It's like pedophile sympathy Yeah yeah

What? Well they make him look like a dick guy Yeah The tweet I saw was like How is the movie About the guy catching pedophiles Yeah I don't get what happened With that whole thing

I thought he was like a good guy Like a hero Yes I thought there too Well I think the way he did it It was mainly To Dick the Avenue It was He knew

what he was doing, they weren't going to get arrested and stuff like that. By the way, he was doing it. And it just pushed him into a star. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of similar to the pedophile catching now that they, like, are they just beat those guys up in Walmart? That's why I miss dog to bounty hunter. He was in it for the fucking level of the game.

I had the idea yesterday. If I had any motivation about like social media and comedy anymore, I would, I would do Scott Hansons to catch a predator from NFL Red Zone. Oh, yeah. We're going to go to the quad box. I've got four different predators in the kitchen right now. That's good. What are you all doing here?

Red zoning. I like it. They tried to do that with LivePD. They tried to make Live PD. Life PD sucked. It wanted to be cops. Yeah. It wanted to be Red Zone cops.

Yeah. It never really worked out. Just do cops. Yeah, they should. It was awesome. And I don't know if you just can't film people anymore. They won't act up as much anymore. I don't know.

I'm a first 48 guy. The best. The best. The best. First 48. a hotel room. It's so fucking hard. It's on Netflix now too. I'm just crushing them at the house when my kid goes to bed. Oh, that's so nice. Yeah, you just really get lost in it. Always New Orleans or Memphis. There's a lot of Memphis. It's a lot of like Oklahoma City, Tulsa. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Just you can't get away with that. They, it's so nothing like the movies. Those cops are so undramatic and whatever and they just get you. They're machines. They get you. And what are they doing until somebody calls? You know what I mean? Like, are they just at the, on the hotline, like at a cubicle? I think they're work in a lot of cases. Yeah. I think. And so what?

You just ditch another case? I think so. I think it's just like we got a shelf, you know, Terry or whatever. Move on to the next one. The cameras are here, you know what I mean? They're doing a lot of like the kind of investigating you like in seven or something like that. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

It's weird. It's all cameras now. It's all cameras. They go, hey, where were you shot? And they ring cams. Yeah. And they trace the car and they go, oh, this is, it's, you know, they get you in like a couple of Couple of hours they got you.

Oh, yeah. I mean, now they get you in 10 minutes. They'll find you. Should we start? All righty. Oh, I thought. Cool, we can conclude some of that. Already, welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast.

Today, it is Monday, September 28th. And we are here with, joined by the hosts of R.U. Garber. Hey, guys. Thanks for having us. We weren't started before that. That was great. No, no. That was the first 48th, the whole night.

Great. Shit sucks. Get it out of here. You a couple of times. Yes. Good stuff. RJ. A lot of bite to that J.

Thanks for having us, fellas. It's great to be here. We've never been upstairs before. Oh, yeah. Welcome. Yeah. Much, uh, are you guys like, is it everything you dreamed of? Pretty cool.

Yeah. It is. They're going to shut it down in like a month. That's right here. Really? What do you guys are out? They're shipping us all out. Chicago?

No. Memphis, actually. Memphis? First 48 cases. Crout cold cases. Wait, you guys are closing us off? office? No, I mean, there's talks of it. Huh. But I don't think it will.

I follow heavy. Oh, yeah. I'm big on Twitter, but I'll do my whole, my whole Twitter is, I'm like walking through seeing like, producer, so I'm like, I know that guy. That's like, you're in the burners, like shut the New York office down. Yeah, it's mostly all my, my Finstals. Wait, so are you guys going to be doing it sound of like Sass's apartment in a couple of weeks? Yeah. And we did that for a bit. No shit. Yeah. All right. It was great. It was fun. I like, I mean, I loved it personally. If you were rent you a little space over at Are you Garbage studio.

Oh, that would be. Right. Sure. Yeah, you guys do have a studio. Are you guys in the same studio you always were? Have you upgraded studios? No. Yeah, we got a really big, kind of probably two big.

Are you still in the one that's pretty close to here? Yeah, a block away. I've been to that one. Yeah. I think pushing like 2,500 square feet, it's big. That one's huge. Two studios, offices, storage, kitchens, bathrooms, lounge. Two bathrooms.

I got my own bathroom. We each come. Have you guys ever slept there? Has there ever been one of those, like a full night? If we're bringing that up, Ron. We had a staunch no sleep in their rule, but, you know. Who implemented that? And what did you know?

Where's my camera? Yeah, there's a staunch no sleep in there rule that kind of got over the past. 3,000 feet. What the fuck? 3,000 feet is an apartment. Yeah, I got a bad home life. I thought I had it crashed in the studio a couple of times. It's not like it was fun.

My place is definitely hauntit. And you hear fucking creaking and crack it all night. I don't have my CPAT machine. There's an Asian church next door that starts early, too. And they're there all hours of the night. Just hear a Korean woman howling in the middle of the night. Dude, it's fucking. When you slept there, did you wake up and were there people like at the office?

No. It's not like an all-state office. Like I heard the copy machine. A typewriter. So just clacking it. Hello, are you garbage? No, no, I would make sure I got to brush my teeth and she'll, like, I only have it a couple of times. I just moved in with Ian Fydance.

I live in his basement. Hell yeah. He's going well. But I couldn't like accept it for a little bit. So I stayed there one night when I was supposed to like the first night I was supposed to stay there. I stayed there one night and then I got a hotel for a week and then finally accepted it. Yeah. And then moved there.

And it's been awesome. That's great. Isn't that where Ian does his pod is in the basement? Right there on the set, baby. I'm in the room next door Okay, yeah Yep Close to show business

You can possibly get Jigsaw rides his bike around there In the middle of the night too It's great It's so funny I don't want to sound Like a pussy

But every fucking neighborhood In New York You can fall in love with it You really can Sure Like his neighborhood On the surface You know, I live in a story

A story is very aesthetically nice Manhattan The buildings All that stuff His area is not really it has a little bit of a Ukrainian kind of, you know what I mean? Like, you could, you could imagine a couple of drones in like a MiG 29.

What neighborhood is he in? He's on the end of Williamsburg. Oh, okay. It's really nice. And yeah, once you like get used to it or like, you know, like once you like see it clearly, it's always awesome. There's some parks around there. Some what?

Parks. Yeah, yeah. I remember. I did. I'm going to a place where they do physical activity. I'll tell you what, they got a fucking, they got a baseball field right there. And I went down there one day on a Saturday.

And it's like high school girls softball. And these girls are throwing heat. And it's all, Dominican, Puerto Rican, and they have these teams. They take it very seriously. All the parents are there. They got fucking,

they got the grill going and shit like that. Awesome. Have you ever been to the parks? Sorry to cut you off. In Brooklyn where they play, uh, it's always like under like five foot three like central. Central American guys and they play volleyball, but like you catch the ball.

Dude, they love that. They played on the, they played in Riverside Park too. It's like Nukum. It's crazy. It's like you catch it. It's new. You catch the ball and you just throw it over. So there's no like bump set spike.

It's just what's the how do you mess up or what's the? I think it's just like you try to throw it past. I think part of it is they drink a bunch as well. At least the ones in my neighborhood. They're pretty sauced up after a couple of coronas. I think you end up dropping it. I've seen it by the Bronx Zoo and they had they used to do it in. Is that mic good?

That's crazy. It's under my armpit. Can you hear? I love how there's also like nine producers and seven professional broadcasters that have no one picked up on. I just have it under my fucking armpit like a continental soldier. It was like that Drake pick that got leaked. Why don't you and I switch? I think this is.

It's fine. As long as he can hear me. He's got headphones on. Can't you guys you guys are closing. Full. It's like a billion dollar company. I got a

He's doing his homework He doesn't even work here I got a A fun game for you If you go to one of those You know Women's or like high school softball games again

Okay You'll be in the bleachers And some some dad's gonna be like So which one's yours And you should say I haven't made up my mind yet That's good That's good

I did ask a dad What was going on And he just explained I don't kind of I don't have that vibe come across. I tell you what, I don't think I could hit off one of those girls,

I'll tell you that. They were really throwing like that? Yeah, and they're throwing underhand? The underhand. Damn. Throwing heat. I feel like underhand.

It's just... Comes so fast. Yeah. I'm going out of the park. You think? Yeah. No, dude, we went to the batting cages together

and... To a high school girl throwing underhand? By Wrigley. I'm sending it to play sports? I'm sending it to Manhattan. No. You know,

from high school Williamsburg. He's sending it to a neighborhood he'd want to live. No, I didn't play sports. I mean, I played some sports. Do you genuinely think you could fucking go yaw? Hell now. Yeah.

I would miss. Baseball. He was claiming the other day, not that long ago that he could get in the, he could do 80 in the batting cage. That I can. It's not, I'm not bragging about it. I can hit 80.

Wait, wait. Dude. So you think you could hit 80 out of the batting cage, but you couldn't get off one of the high school girls. I'm talking like a straight 80 speed. Oh, they're throwing curves and shit. Yeah. They got action.

They got action. They got action on it a little bit. But yeah, I can hit 80 in a fucking batting cage. you really? No, he failed doing it. Two at the line right now. That's not true at all. Yeah, you were having trouble at 60.

Yes, that was, that's exactly. No, I wasn't. You weren't even fucking there. You went to watch his name, walked over to the fucking golf thing as I was about to go in the cage. We were at the 5K for Bert and Tom. They had a batting cage set up. Which did not throw 80.

About 60, 65. And it was working. It was raining too. I don't want to say that. You give me 10 tries. I can connect with a couple. I believe that. That's all.

10. Straight 80. You think 10? No curve. junk. Not talking about splitters and sliders. No, no, of course not. Yeah. Nothing.

I don't know why I need to bring the post-Badding cage snack into it, but, you know. I don't think I'm hitting 40 at a batting cage. No, no. I just like, I mean, I could barely even hit off the kids when I was like, yaw. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. I sucked at eight. That T-ball.

They were throwing that stinky cheese. Yeah. That was stationary. They were thrown 25. Did you get a lot of hits when you were in, in that like baseball? Were you in a softball league or baseball league that Derek Dresherst? Oh, oh, that was softball. But I mean, I got a hit pretty much every time I was at bat, but that's because

that's slow pitch. That's slow pitch underhand. Coach pitch. Yeah. And I still couldn't get it out of like the diamond. I don't think I got on base once the whole season. Dude, did you know what I learned about Derek Dresher recently? He's a crazy person.

That he is the nephew of Fran Dresher. What? Really? The nanny? I don't know who Fran Dresher is. What? I don't know what's a crazier fact. He's crazy.

Both. Wild facts. Who's Fran Drescher? She's one of the most probably famous comedic actresses ever. You never seen that, Brod? No, never.

She was in the nanny. She's a very grading voice. She was very, very hot in like the late 80s, early 90s. And that's Derek's aunt? No, I made that up. Yeah, that would be crazy.

But brings us to a good little opening. Do you know who Arthur Fonsorelli is? You know what the Fons is? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I know the Fonzs. How do you know the Fonzs? You don't know the nanny? That was.

like 20 years before that. I have no idea. The Fonz was way bigger than that. Do you know who the A team is? I mean, I've never made the A team. No, you don't know who the A team is the show? No, no idea. What about Knight Rider?

That sounds familiar. Damn. Dude, your, dude, his world, Foley's world is folding in on itself right now. They think, how old are you? Like Harry Potter and shit like that when you were at King? Yeah, yeah, of course. I mean, I didn't read it. I watched your, you're twice his age.

Yeah. You're 25? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Whoa. I could be your dad. Yeah.

I think I am. I hope you like sleeping in the end's basement, son. Get over here. Yeah, get up with me. How old's your dad? Older than 50. Yeah. Whoa.

Legend. What an absolute beast. Yeah, that's tough, bro. I mean, you're a young man. You just never watch those shows. A team is rock, rock solid. Rock solid.

I don't even think I've ever heard of that one. Yeah, but I mean, you were reported what? Yeah, I know. 2001? Yeah. But I've watched like Casablanca and fucking. Yeah, yeah, of the longest day and shit like that.

I see teams on a classic. Not every. You insult this? Not every episode. I don't know how. I mean, there was a couple when Dwight Schultz left. Classic theme song, for sure.

Classic. And it's Mr. T. And that's when he was fucking Nancy Reagan. Well, what is the end up even on? Yeah. He was fucking. Mr. T was banging Nancy Reagan.

I'm pretty sure this is confirmed. Tyler, can we get to the bottom of this? I think that she was, she was sucking. She was sucking him. Oh, yeah. Well, she was like, she's great suck or something. Yeah.

Nancy Reagan, Ronald Reagan's wife? Yeah. Yeah, she was blowing everybody. They said that that was like her thing. He was an old lady. No, that was her thing. What do they call a super head or something? Look, she's kissing him on the forehead.

He's dressed up as Santa. She's sitting on his lap. He's rock hard. What was her name? Her name was like they called her like. They had a name for her. Broko. The throat goat.

No, but not back then. I think that's what they call her now. No, they had like an actual name. There was an actual nickname for her. Yeah. While he was the president. He might have been a throat goat. I don't know.

Maybe it was like right before. I'm sure she overlapped. Damn. Good for her. Good for him. Good for him. I'd tell you what, Mr. T so much of a gentleman, I bet you wouldn't come out and say nothing.

Yeah, exactly. It came from her side. I wonder who she leaked it to. Damn. Gossipy assed. The president. Fucking wicked leaks. Probably wrong.

That's crazy. Knowing that he had dementia, just saying shit to him. I blew Mr. T. Just a check of the dimension real. Just 40 years later. Damn. Remember Mr. T?

I sucked him off. And she's like flopping his pillow Just to really fucking piss him off Who is Night Rider? Is that Hasselhoff? Haselhoff dog Haselhoff. She probably sucked off Hasselhoff too

And the car And the car Hasselhoff did all right See in the 80s They would incorporate like a car Or a helicopter And like make that like a thing So they could

merchandise it Like the 18 van was very specific Night Rider Airwolf Oh Blue Thunder Classics Yeah When you stay with me this weekend, I'll tell you all about it.

We'll go over and check out those Oregon checks. We'll watch the 18. I'm sure the court-appointed supervisor is going to love watching the 18. Howie Howells are your dad? He's in his 50s. He's 50s. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. My dad's in his 70s. Same late late 70s. Oh, yeah, I guess mine's in a, we don't speak, but I assume he's still in 70. I still sounds old. Cheers, cheers. Port-a-low out. That's like, I mean, you're also, too.

I mean, I think you're my... You're gonna be an older dad. I'm an older dad. Yeah. But my dad wasn't even older dad. He was like fucking 40 when he had me. I'm your age. And I have no children.

So you'll be the oldest. Let's go to a week from body armor real quick. I'm sorry? I want children more than anything. Yeah, you would be a great dad, dude. Did you miss your Adderall or something today? You seem down. Do you have the blues?

This subject in particular, hams. What? Children? Yeah, midtime. Yeah. Why? You're killing it. You're good-looking guy.

You got cash? Well, why are you bringing up all this good stuff? You're rubbing it in. I'd trade it all for some children. Really? You could do that, though. Maybe not all of it, because then the children would be really expensive. How much does a kid cost if you were to buy one?

Mine, oh, what? I don't know. I don't know. It depends where you're looking. If you were to adopt. You got to go to the pound. Yeah. They're giving them way.

You could trade the Rolex for a kid. Yeah. You could be like a sperm donor. You could have a thousand kids. Well, what would be the use of that? I don't know. I'd be cool to have a bunch of Francis. Yeah.

But I wouldn't know them. But you'd know. Yeah, you'd know. Yeah, you saw one. Yeah, they'd sore thumbs. She's judging you as you walk by. That feels like Francis. I've seen that.

I've seen that spell before. That would probably fuck with you big time. You just called me poor at Whole Foods. Are you one of mine? Stinct feeling might be related to me. You could just knock up a stripper or something like that and just have the kid. Yeah. No, you want to do like that.

I don't want one of those. He wants an Olympian. Yeah. He wants to see that. human. So you got to pair up with somebody. Yes. Another perfect specimen. Yes. That exists out there. Yeah, no, no. Listen,

I'm only, well, it is my focus is that I really do want to become a father quite soon. What do you want him to do? Like what? Oh, I don't need it to be a boy. In fact, I'd rather have a horse. I kind of wanted, I was kind of leaning girl. I wanted a girl a little bit. Not a, but why? Because all

like the firstborns in my family were boys. So I just kind of know that and I was just like, oh, it would be the different energy to have a girl like to have the girl yeah they thought i was a girl until i came out really i swear to god yeah really great i don't hit him up he set them up oh he said them up oh he got it got it for it had the room painting and everything really yeah my mom tells me all the time why did they think you were a girl did you have i don't know fucking couldn't see the couldn't see the fucking you know i don't know what it was because sometimes isn't that a thing i remember freaks

and geeks were the girls born with a dick and a guys watched freaks and geeks but hasn't seen well that's a lot of that's a lot of that's a watch that's a watch that's a watch That's a one-off class. Wait, there wasn't her, Matt for dinner, freaks and geeks? Yeah. Really? Yeah, the, she plays the French horn. No kidding.

I believe so, yeah. Huh. There was one on nip tuck as well. Really? He, like, bang someone. He's like, and he like takes his dick out pissed off and he was like, you used to be a man. Like, you could see me. Surgeon.

Yeah, exactly. He was like he could tell by the inside. That's brutal. He had that perceptive of a penis. Wow. Huh. Yeah. A lot of nerve endings.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess. That's when, how many. pumps does it take to find out? I think that you... That doesn't feel right. You kind of know right away. Then you're lying to yourself for like 30, 40 pumps.

Like, nah, it's probably just like, you know, pubs or something. Either way, I'm marbly in there. It's like I'm fucking a church. Well, Francis, I'm sorry. I didn't mean the... Don't be at all. He needs the exposure therapy. Are you dating anybody?

You seen anybody? I, you know, who knows? I don't want to get into that. I got you. Yeah. But nobody that you'd want to... No, I'm not, I'm not ready to have children with anyone I know right now. Is there anyone that if they were like, is there any, I'm going to go with professional athletes.

I know that's kind of what you're looking for. If there was like a, like a, I don't know who to say, but some very well put together professional athlete came to you and said, I want to have a child this week. That, I don't think so. No, you can't say Mr. T. But you can blow them. What about like Albert Poolehost or something like that? If Albert Poolehold wanted to put my sperm and his sperm in some kind of a one of those things you spin. Yeah.

Dr. Doom. Mix it up and a magic bullet. We won't even know. Do you want to have like a champion or they just tease me about that? No, that's 100. No, that's 100% of it. I want to have like a division one. I mean, that's that's in, dude, that isn't all division.

My family's kind of currently doing this with their generation of kids. Everybody's like that. It's crazy. It's like there's. they're going like lacrosse like girls lacrosse like number one recruit in the country like in my other cousin is just made the national team for the he's the u.s soccer team he's 16 that's like fucking they like they're like breeding these kids to be international super there's no way i would get in college today no way yeah it's important well they do let everybody

into some level of college but it is bullshit that everybody has like four letters multiple extracurriculars yeah i never would have done any of that show no have you written an essay like for like to get into school, do you write an essay? I think you have. Yeah. I think that's like the one requirement. I think I wrote hundreds.

Yeah. Yeah. Like a theme like the paper, a theme. Oh, I think it'll be just like, it's pretty vague, right? What are you talking about?

Like a notebook. No, like a prompt. A theme paper. It's like a theme paper. Yeah. Is that what an essay is? That's not a thing.

That's like more medial English. Like I have a theme do. Like you like draw like a story or something. like that. Can we get that? Are you sure not thinking of a thesis? A thesis? No, you've never written a thesis. Theme paper sounds familiar to me. That would be like right on clowns or something. A college? Oh, no. I'm imagining like an essay. No. Just write, just do theme paper without the rest of it. Don't give him all of that help.

Theme paper. Paper. That's paper theme. Digital tools, templates and designs depending on the platform you're using. Is that that's, are you referring to Shopify e-commerce? I believe I am. We're a Shopify company ourselves. I think we might be as well. Also good for brick and mortar. After 20 stores,

located to one single. All right, forget it. So you had to write a thesis or you had to write an essay? Yeah, for college applications, it was always like a personal statement. They'd have you write.

Huh. Roan did you? Where'd you go, Rutgers? I went to Penn State. I think I probably wrote some, like, some bullshit like that. I probably thought it was like way better than it was.

Huh. They used to, I mean, I did my, I think it was like, it had to be, I'm making what, like, 500 were, like, had to just be something. Which is nothing. Something, nothing. It's like something you have to overcome, something, you know, this. And then, like, 18, it's like. Yeah, you don't, you're just right.

You're just right. I'm like, oh, my parents got divorced or whatever instead of away. Shout at the Temple University, dog. I'd be done. Like, my brother takes my nephew and my niece. They have, like, club things on the weekends and this, that fucking. It's a lot. There's a lot of like,

you gotta be in, you can't even just take regular classes either. You gotta take all the APs. Never. What was yours, Francis? What'd you write about

in your, in your theme paper? I wrote about an experience I had, I used to go to this soccer camp in France. Whoa. I was a kid because my mom was a French teacher. Oh,

very cool. So I just would go over there and I was the only American and one time they had earmuffs area. They had the Palestinian national team under he's so coach madame it was like the under 19 Palestinian national team and we they selected like 14 kids from the soccer camp to

play against them and we played in a game and like I wrote about how I was like the only American playing with a bunch of French kids from all these like former French colony countries against the Palestinian team and afterwards we like all took a picture together. Were they cool? Yeah, yeah. Everyone got on really well, which was like the point of it, I guess. It was like a very cool international. Gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah.

Who won? I think we tied two, two. Very nice. Yeah. No tiebreaker? I had overtime. I was playing defense and there was a, there was a shot on goal where it was like a looping ball

and the goalie was down. He'd fallen on the ground and I was on the line and I headed it away. So I prevented a goal. Save the day. There you go. Love that. save the day exactly. I wasn't going to save, but I'm glad someone did. Yeah, you know, kept my foot on Palestine.

I heard they never bounced back. That was the goal, yeah. So you used to go there every summer with your mom? Yeah, well, I did it, I did it for like three years or something like that. But I was like, it was in seventh grade. So I was really young. And the first year I went, there was a hurricane while I was there and a tree fell on our dorm into the room that I was sleeping in. It was like bunk beds.

And all of a sudden the tree came crashing through. And there was rain just pouring down into our room. So each of us had to grab our little shitty cot, you know, mattress and go into someone else's room and sleep on the floor for the rest of camp. That should have been the essay. Yeah. I think I included. I think I included that.

Of course. Yeah. I liked the way you told it. It was like a ghost story. The French guy was really smelly. Yeah. That must have been a pretty shocking experience, mid-sleep, tree coming through the roof. You know, I distinctly remember that we didn't sleep that much because, like, the boys would, we would all just be talking.

And that was how I got to, that's how I got pretty handy at French was that like, you just lie awake listening to everyone just conversing in French. You guys wouldn't sneak out and look for chicks and stuff like that? We were like 12 in the middle of nowhere to. Hey, just say you're a loser. You're a gay loser. It's like fine. Also, that's a very classy. That's how I got pretty handy with French.

That's a very, that's a unique way to look at what would, look. look at the world. The first year that I went to this, the bathrooms had the shitters had no doors on them. I hate that. And there were no toilet seats on the toilet. French style. And I was so put off by this that I held it in and didn't shit for four days of playing soccer. And it got finally to a point where it was so bad and so uncomfortable that I went into the woods. What? Over the toilet? Yeah. That should have been the essay. Poor guy. That's fucking brutal.

It was really bad. That was one of the things I distinctly remember. I've only shit outside once. Same or not. Yeah. Mine was also had can. It's horrible. What was the occasion?

I was fucking landscaping and this old man wouldn't let me in his house. He used the bathroom. And I just went to the woods and made a doo-do. What'd you wipe with? Leaves or just closed up shop? A couple of leaves, but I remember not that well. It was the end of the day. It's so vile.

That water does a lot. Oh, yeah. I got food poisoning while I was at sleepaway camp, like the day I got there. And I shit my pants in the middle of the night. I woke up in the middle of the night running to the toilet. Like I woke up mid run and there was shit coming out of my ass. That's my nightmare. Did the kids other kids see it?

No, because it was the middle of the night. Nice. And then I took my underwear and I threw it away. in the bathroom. It was like a communal bathroom. And then I had to run back to my room ass naked. No shit. Yeah. And then the next morning we had, I was golfing. And this was like, it was like a golf sleepaway can. It was like a golf sleepway. Next morning tea time. Yeah. Tea time for right and early. Well, they probably wanted to know whose underwear it was. They probably like pinned it up or like raised it up the flag. No, I buried it in the trash. They never found it. I hope they didn't find it. That would been a terrible thing to find.

With your name written on the phone number. And then the next day, I was golfing and I shit my pants on the third hole in the woods. And I had to wipe with a scorecard. That's rough. It's like wiping your mouth on the McDonald's bag. Yeah, it was terrible. That's the moment where you hope your score cards in your back pocket and all sweaty. Because otherwise it's crisp.

Yeah, no, it was crisp. It was glossy. A glossy card. It was like wiping your ass like a menu at a diner. You got to have laminated. Your ass. That's bad. I was the best golf I ever played in my life.

Because I wasn't thinking about golf at all. There's a fine. Yeah. You're a flow state. Yeah. The guys on my team were like, they're like, you're playing unbelievable. What is it? I'm going to go shit in the woods.

He's in his own, man. After your shit, did you get worse? No, because I had food poisoning. I immediately had shit again. Oh, really? Yeah. Do you think it was camp food? No, we went to like a movie theater and I got like, or no, we went to a bowling alley and I got chicken fingers and I think that's what did it. Huh. Yeah. Because it was pretty much right after that. When you go to college, everybody obviously shits from the food that you get right there. But then there's always the rumors. I don't know if you guys had this at Temple that there's laxatives and the eggs type shit. Never got those.

I don't remember that. Our food was awesome. It's excloyalent. Was it? Yeah. Really? It's awesome. Really? The food that we had, I mean, I only went to school for like six months, but the food that we had was so... Where'd you go? DePaul in Chicago. Oh, yeah, wow.

The food was so unbelievably bad. Like, I would, like, take photos of it and, like, send it to my, like, friends and be like, this is, like, unbelievable. Ours is pretty brutal, too. Like, the eggs were, it was just one egg. Francis, you want to get some microwave egg. Yeah, Francis's food appeared on his table. Ours was good. Did you have a cafeteria, cafeteria?

Yeah, cafeteria. I mean, we called them dining halls. Yeah. Ours was good, but I wouldn't say... A picture like an owl flying back in the floor. Yeah. I don't know that I would say that like it was any better than anywhere, like another college. I don't know.

Bowden, for example, Bowden College. Ah, yes, Bowden. 15 minutes from where I grew up was noted for having the best food of any college in America. And it was like they would source vegetables from local farms. farmers markets and shit like that. We didn't have that. We had like frozen. Yeah, that's all you need.

Just somebody back there to do it with care. Yeah, yeah. But, like, I remember eating boiled chicken breasts. Yeah, that's what it was every day. It was boiled chicken breast. Boiled chicken breast. It was so bad. Yeah.

It was literally like eating a napkin. That was freaked out. You paid all that money for boiled chicken? I don't think you're 18. Like, it shouldn't matter. It didn't matter. You just fucking need some food. And also we, I was so hungry all the time.

because we were exercising right so much sure I mean truly we had lifting conditioning in the morning and then practice in the afternoon yeah so that by dinner it was like I was operating at a huge caloric deficit I just like lining up all the glasses you know they only gave you like the small glasses

you get like fucking 15 Gatorade's all lined up dude those Gatorade's out of the fountain was that hungover hits at a different level yeah where'd you go I went to a school called Widener University to Division 3 school in South Eastern PA, Chester.

Yes. Yeah. Beautiful, horrific school. Great school. You were of shit. I played football on the cross. Yeah, that's what I thought. Man.

Yeah. At Penn State, they had, they had like bags of milk in these, like, in metal containers. With the big lever. Yeah, a lever and like a little rubber. Yeah. Did they still have those Tyler when you were there? No.

Those things, you'll never get a better glass of milk than that. Yeah. Did they have, did they have the chocolate too? Yeah. I went to Rutgers and cross can. And that was the first time I ever saw one of those. Oh, so good. I almost stole it and brought it on fucking great.

That's a real stainless steel for you kids out there. Yeah, that was a vault of milk? It's awesome. But was that powder milk or do you think that that was real? That's like that. 100%. Just came, most milk comes in a bag. That makes sense.

Like, you know, smaller milk producers, it's in a bag. Canada's all bagged milk. Canada's all bag. Yeah. Nothing but bags. Does that tell you? Tommy's. I don't actually know.

I wonder what that would mean. about them. You know what that means. Square boxes. They're out of square boxes. They have no cardboard. Yeah. Do you remember cartons of milk that you would open?

Like, I remember. Me? I know you do. Yeah. Yeah. Why do what does that mean? It's an age thing.

10 years younger. Oh, I see what you're saying. No, yeah. We still had cartons when I was a grown up. Did you have a landline in your house? Yeah, of course.

Huh. He's not from the future. But also, for what it's worth. What am I thinking right now? Go, says. Who went. the Super Bowl this year.

They still have cartons of milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cardboard is not obsolete, guys. It's actually people are moving back to cardboard. I thought there was just... Yeah. I remember when they had the carton of you and twist off on the side, that shit sucks,

except for orange juice. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, they have cartons of milk. Like, if you're going to get it like, like, creamer, that's always in the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, even in school, we had the true moo. True moos are right?

Oh, yeah, true moo in a little carton. And then they had a little joke on the back. Oh. We drank. O'Curst. O'Curst. O'Curst. Sounds like another Ivy League school.

Sounds like an investment firm. Ocurs. Money's safe here with O'Cir. A subsidiary of Raytheon. Ocourst. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's all right. We were Rosenberg.

Rosenberger or Rosenbergs? We've definitely had a corse. Rosenbergers. Rosenbergers. I would call milk, yeah. Great job. There it is. Yeah.

Good job of milk. My father called it something else, but it was still good milk. That's Jew milk. I'm kidding. You would have to bleep that. I don't know. No, no, no, we're okay with that. What's the one that you drive-through?

Oh, dude, they're in Long Island. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, they're like Swiss farms. Something forms. Drive-through milk? Yeah. That can't be a thing. Yeah, it's a dry-through and you get milk.

People don't need milk that bad anymore. The dairy bar. No, there's something else. You guys are quick on the draw with the Google. Yeah. Did you guys go to college? There's another one that, uh, uh, uh, something.

Something farms, I don't fucking know. But it was surreal because all you, I mean, you could, I guess you could get like backwoods there or something to or game cigars or something. Get a little milk in a couple games. A couple white out. White Al's show bangs. Yeah, get a wide out. When grape white owls hit, I was up the all-time dirtbagness of my life. Get a grape white owl and a gallon.

A couple Russian creams and a gallon. A DJ Who Kid Nick's A called a fucking day in the back of a Bonaville. Do a blunt cruise. They had one in Havertown. They had one in that we were drive to. Is that where you were from Havertown? I was from like Radner but it's close to Havardtown

Yeah yeah Where's that at in Pennsylvania? Because he always tells us He's like I'm from the city, city It's like, does he really? Yeah, yeah No, he says it He's on the main line

He's on the main line He told me he grew up in Kensington That's not true That's not true I always say Philly suburbs That's good That's classic I like the suburbs better

Be honest with you Yeah That's a big thing Oh, in the inner city Of Philadelphia in that way That's shocking I mean North Philly has its purpose

is obviously. Shout out to Felton Street. Shout out to what was the boxing gym up there that they turned into a mattress store? Where? In North Philly. I don't know. I lived at North Philly for four years, five years. You know what I was going to say earlier when you were talking about Manhattan

about it, you can fall in love or fall in love with anywhere in the city? I lived in Hell's Kitchen. That's so crazy. Do you like that? Do you like that? When I moved out of my place with my wife, that's where they put me. They put me in Hell's Kitchen. And I never really spent a lot of time there and I fucking loved it.

Oh, really? I was going to say, that was one place I could not fall in love with. What? I lived there for a year. That's where I'm going to get a apartment. Miserable. I'm going to get an apartment over there. Well, where, like, are you going to just get it further away?

Yeah, okay, that's better. Yeah, I was right on. Between 42nd or 49th, it's banging. I was right next to Times Square. I was right off Times Square. Walking next to Cookie Monster every morning. Oh, that's crazy. It was hell.

Yeah, that's bad. But if you're further off of Times Square, it's good. Yeah, of course. When I like Times Square. Really? It doesn't. Here's the thing. I thought about this and realized it.

When I was a kid, the movies that I would watch, like Tutsi, Ghostbusters, it was always that opening shot of Times Square of people like, you know, the seas of people going to work. And then when I was like in it, walking through it and stuff like that, I'm like, yeah, I do like this. Yeah, that is nice.

Yeah, I can deal with it. I don't hate that. Yeah. You're the only person who I've ever heard, like, Times Square. I understand what you're saying. I get the, I get the connection of it. But it's like, I mean, it's mostly just, it's not even people walking in it.

There's like nobody is like going to work, really. it's all just like tourist and shit. I would go as far to say it's probably my least favorite place on the planet. On the planet? It's one of those things where you like make a wrong term. Overla, no. Yeah, yeah, I'd rather go to Fallujah. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. Time Square just doesn't do it for me. I'm right there with you, big guy. It is. It's not a lot of... What about the Margaritaville? Shout out to a Margaritaville. Shout out to it. I mean, great establishment.

What about the M&M store? What about the Lego store? Is maybe the biggest scam of all scams. It's crazy. They're all the same flavor. Yeah, but you get your... picture on it. Yeah, but like you go in and they're like, oh, look, we got unlimited blue M&Ms. And it's like, but they're this, those are the same as the brown M&M. Do they have a different side? Like, do they have a big M&M like the size?

You do know it's not for 25 year old. Ain't up comedians, right? But it is. For seven year olds that want to pick all blue M&Ms and put their picture. No, chicks go there all the time. Yeah. I mean, I got tiny brains everyone. I've been. And I'm just like, look at that rainbow of M&M's. Spoiler. They all taste the same. You know what's popping up now? You hear that kids? Tin fish pop-ups are happening a lot. They're just put one in Times Square. Really?

I'm sure you're a big tin fish guy, right? Love TIFs. Of course. Yeah. What's tin fish? Like canned fish. It's really so tuna. Oh, you're talking about actual fish in a tin. Yeah, it's like a big thing.

You got really cool. Some girl started like a handful of years ago, right? And it got like really cool. Okay, I'll be honest. I had no idea what it was. Really? And guess. I figured you'd be all over this.

I figured you were eating sardines every day. Yeah. Yeah. That's like high-end cool sardines. Yeah. That's how you know we're cooked as a fucking city. It's like it looks like a cool sardine store. It looks like a bookstore.

Like it looks like they'd be books. Yes. But they're sardines instead. Yeah, it's weird. I went somewhere upstate in like the cat skills and there was a place and I was getting like a coffee and they looked and they had all these canned fish. And I thought they were fake. And then I realized they're all, this is all just real tin fish. It's a big thing.

It's taken over. The branding the cans. Yeah. Yeah. I kill you. You're not on this. Well, I should be. Yeah.

I say it's sardines are incredibly good for you. Oh, they're incredibly good for you. It's cool. It's edgy. It's edgy. All those tough guys eat can't fish. It is a little edgy. If you bring out, if you bang out a can of sardines at lunch, they're like, oh, your culture.

Yeah. You're French. Yes. Yeah. You can tell them to the time when you used to summer in France. Yeah. You're telling me you haven't been to a house, the loft party recently where they had pig fish. We're going to roll back to top of a tin.

What's like the best of a tin? best fish they got in the tin because the sardine is obviously the standard. Sardene's the best. What about a nice? An anchovy. What about a nice? Antchovies are nice. Antchovies not bad. I think they do gold perhaps. Salmon and they do a pepper trout and stuff.

I've seen the tin trout. Yeah, I think they do all of it. I've seen tinned muscles. Oh. Yeah, I don't know guys. Fucking food poison. I don't know about that. Did you guys ever go to American sardine bar in Philly? It's at like, South Philly?

Yes, in South Philly. Like 19th like Tasker or something like that. Ben it's Oylas. I have. My buddy used to live right there. They had, but they would have, I think they would throw like sardines on like burgers and shit like that.

Does it have the can, the sign is like a can, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the corner there. They would have like sardine, like little like sardine sandwiches and stuff like that.

I think they did like a spam sandwich. It was actually kind of good. It was actually. I'm making me hungry. I only have only had them once. I've only had a month out of my Zepbound shot. I fucking need it. Really?

I started tearing it through the city. Why are you out? You ran out? Ran out and I got to go get it. Where do you got to go? Storia. You got to meet a guy or is that like a pharmacy? You got a sardine plug or no?

I got to go to the pharmacy again. How many days a week do you take the shot? Two days or three times a day. No, once a week. Oh, okay. All right. So you haven't missed your next dose? Yeah, I think I have.

Oh, which is okay, because then you lose your tolerance and you get juiced up again. Love that. Oh, love that. Yeah, love that. He's self-prescribing it. Intravenous drugs. That's the way to do that. I thought that's kind of how it was, though.

He's lost, can you share how much weight you've lost? It's 120 pounds so far. What? Let's fucking go. That's 4-50. That's so sick. That's awesome bone marrow. Apparently I was close to death.

So you were what? Close to death or whatever. Fucking asshole. On death's door. some bullshit. Morbilly obese. Any negative side effects? Has it annoyed you at all?

Yeah, fucking fucks you up. It's like diarrhea juices. Really? Diaryia you don't want to eat. Oh, Sass, maybe that's what you've been taking. I honestly could use that. I could use some diarrhea right now. What are you all jammed up?

I'm clogged up bad. Really? I thought you were a battery machine. You were the oldest 25 year old I ever had. You went to golf camp and you're fucking constipated. You got the posture of a shrimp? What's going on with you? That's a Nick DePollah.

Um, it's nothing I haven't heard. Wait, what about metamusole? You take that or some, some, uh, I took a, Silium husk or whatever it's called? Why don't you help just get out? I try. Why are you saying anything? I have said everything.

And you should take it clothes on. I have, I have given up on helping him. They've all got like perfect stomachs. They don't have stomach issues. What's your diet day to day? It's not good. The run of run. Nerds coming clusters.

Literally that. I love them. What was for breakfast today? Yeah. Just say it. I'm trying to think if I've even, I don't think I've even had anything. A granola bar. Okay.

Then what's, what's your next meal going to be? You're going to leave here and do what? It'll be a burrito bowl next. That's not bad. From where? Chipole? No.

I don't know where. From somewhere in Astoria, probably. But then I... That's weird. A burrito bowl and Astoria? That's like a Lebanese burrito baronkers. No, no. There's so good spots.

Hot peppers. I'm just saying that they have lots of different cultures of food. That's all. I'm aware. I'm well aware. But I'm not going to have chicken teeka masala for lunch. Well, so what's making your stomach so fucked up? You said nothing but normal things.

Yeah, I don't know what it is. I mean, it's something new every day. These goddamn kids, I tell you. You know what I'm crazy. It's the adjective. Traffic. My wife. You need some fucking fibers, son.

No, that is what it is. You're taking into it in useful. I know, I should. They're rock solid. It's great. I really should. Because I took a laxative on Saturday night and then yesterday. What are you a model?

What the fuck? No, I'm so. fucking, it's like, yeah. It's a lot of cheese probably, though. I don't know what? You're doing a lot of cheese? I'm not. I'm really not. I try to stay away from it. He's lying about something. He's said a perfect diet and there has to be something.

It's late at night. I eat a lot of gully. What do you don't? Percocet? Yeah. You're on something. It's fucking up. It's Uncle Hank. This is how I raised you? Make me sick. I'm not, I'm not taking any opioids, but I am.

I do. I do. I do. I do. smoke weed at night and then I eat a lot of gummies like candy. Jolly Rancher Gummies specifically. Really? And Friday night I probably took down a whole bag. That's that's crazy numbers. I think that's what it is

though. To share bag. You know what I've had a re-killing with the original Jolly Rancher? The original Jolly Rancher is unbelievable. They're all right. But have you, are you familiar with what they're doing in the gummy world? Young man. You get rid of theme paper. I mean, they're changing the game. It's crazy.

What Jolly Rancher is doing in the candy industry, a lot of people are not aware of. You got the Skittles gummies are phenomenal as well. Phenomenal, but kind of a rip-off of the Jolly Rancher gummy clusters are crazy. Shack is getting into that market. Shacklicious. Dude, I'm telling you right now. The shack-licious showers. I'm telling you right now.

Maybe he is your son. It's crazy. Yeah, I mean, the candy right now is at an all time. You guys could really, my mouth is watering. If they would bring back bonkers, we'd be all set. See, I've never seen. these Jolly Ranch or Gummy Zero Sugar That's got it. That'll kill you. You know what? You never

will in my house. Yeah, those will kill you. You'll have the worst diarrhea you've ever had. So pop a couple of them. You'll be you'll be too sweet. You know what I mean? Mix a couple of those. Hey, you go do half and a half. You could get that stuff from that you get a prescription for that stuff that you have to take when you get an endoscopy. Fucking drink that down. Oh, I don't want to drink that. I have the stuff that makes your shit glow or whatever. No, no, that's what when you're getting it.

No, no, the stuff that makes you clean yourself out. Yeah, it wipes the I did that one day felt great. Were you getting an endoscopy or? Yeah, I got an endoscopy and a colonoscopy at the same time. Fucking spit roast. Hey, it's the mouth, dude. Factory reset. My fucking gastro doctor, so pretty too.

It was so embarrassing. Really? No shot ever with her now. Not that I had a hell before, but what I look like naked, unconscious. Face down. Yeah. Like it plugged into the Matrix just like ass and mouth. Just probably so bad.

like rolling me over my balls sticking on my fucking thigh like bologna no shot with his bro I mean you look at Indian chick

Was she trying to meet people at work? No, not like that you never know I had a little swagger going in there at first but the next thing

you know you got to be funny you waking up still thinking yeah they're like hey what did you see down there trying to get trying to catch us

catch the tent of it pretty clean asshole huh you see a lot like that you ever having a Dostcombe Francis

yeah I had an upper endoscopy. Is that when they got to go deeper? Even that sounds rich. I don't know. That's a township is wrong. From upper endoscopy? Not to be mixed with a low level.

I do remember it was at, you know, some gastroenterologist that I had seen on the up on the upper east side. And it was in his. Can't be classy. Oh, I say that because it was in one of those doctors offices you see in New York City where it's like a residential building. and then the bottom floor. How do you feel about those?

They're rich. That's rich people shit. I think so. And I think it's great if it's like a psychologist or a psychiatrist. But I think that like for this guy, I'll tell you why it troubled me. An entering kind of thing is tough. Well, a doorman, there's a doorman for the building that lets you in. And then you're like, I'm not going into your building.

I'm going to see the doctor. And then they give you a look of like, why did you waste my time? but anyway I saw this guy and scheduled the endoscopy did it they knock you out there yeah yeah getting general anesthesia in a brownstone and fucking

the upper east side it's a little Epstein well I'm not getting you I woke up I woke up and he had I presume his either helper or anesthesiologist next to him and I realized I had just been unconscious in this home

In a house. You're in an apartment. She a check? No, two men. Oh. And I was like, I, there's no way. That's 2026, baby, roll with it.

I'm just. It's a vulnerable position. Fully trusting. Did you feel like they were playing around with you? There's no oversight. That's the thing. It's not like you're in a hospital where there's like, there's another room right next door and another one and another one.

It's like you're just in some guy who's fucking one bedroom apartment. Were you going down? Yeah. Huh. I think so. Yeah, that should have been illegal. They should have their way with me. Yeah.

It should be like cosmetic. They probably definitely took a peek. Yeah. I would. I'm taking it. I don't mind that. It's like, I would.

You know, why was my dick wet when I woke up? Really? They were playing around with you. There you go. Yeah. They were probably like, look at me.

I went to Harvard. Yeah. Look, let's make them watch TV. I played soccer in France. Yeah. That's all right. Let's make him the doctor.

put the stethoscope on me I can't really remember no they would have told you they never do they didn't I didn't they just like to knock people I just told a scan they never find

shit I have a little bit of Barrett's esophagus you know what that is nope it's like after your acid reflux gets so bad it like irritates your esophagus and somewhat of a

pre pre pre pre precursor of cancer you're gonna watch interesting you're watching isn't that called like silent reflux I got to go I have no idea

I just know it is Barrett Sosophagus Interesting What do you boys know about Gerd That's what I got I got Gerd Is that Gerd Talk about Gerd all day

Yeah I had a bunch of people People were complaining at this wedding I was out of Gerd It was like bubbling up People were just Gerd I don't know what it is I had it my whole life And didn't realize it

I had that in anxiety Since I can remember Didn't know what either one of them were I feel like they go real hand in hand Yeah Gerds anxiety You know what GERD is? Nope

What is it? It's just like acid reflux. Yeah. Basically. I have it. Like I get it like chronic digestive condition. With a stomach and frequent flow, Francis, read that. Gastroesophical reflux disease.

Chronic digestive condition where stomach acid frequently flows back into the tube connecting your mouth and stomach irritating its lining. You believe that doctor didn't want to bang me? This guy's vibrating with gurd. It's very unobrated. You know how bad it is because the word is so shitty. If it was anything else, you know what I mean? I've never had an attractive thing.

You know what I mean? It's all bad stuff. Gout is a tough thing. Gout is a tough. Gout is really bad. Gout's out there with Gerd. Gout's a bad word gout. I had impetago and a ringworm in high school.

With a Philly accent. Yeah, you got that impetago. Ringworm is. You got impotagin. Ringworm's tough too. Ringworm's probably the worst sounding thing you could have. Never got canker sores. Let me get canker sores.

All the time. Yeah. Cancars sore. Those are so gross. You get cancars from like eating too much candy. Yeah, I've got especially, especially sour candy. Oh yeah. Sourpatch kids.

Sourggyz. If I saw a kangarsore in my gums, I would jump out of window. I bet. I would get them on my gum. The gurd probably kills it. The gurd probably like melts it in there. It's like the acid of the gurg. I never got them on my gums.

Very nice. Yeah. And they got them, Francis? When I was eating candy, I would. Yeah. You get cold sores? No. Good to know.

Kiss at your own risk. The cold stores are outside the mouth, right? Can be inside too. And on your wiener, according to Foley. What's, then I don't know. I mean, I get them in a cold sore. Yeah, like fever blisters. I get them in my nose sometimes.

I don't get those. I got cold stores in college and I got, like, the first outbreak of them was like literally, like, it was like the worst, most painful thing. Brutal. They fuck you up. I thought I was going to die. Yeah, they fuck you up. They make your lift don't swell up. Yeah.

And it's like you can't eat anything. You can't drink anything. It's like. It's like someone just took a razor blade and just started just cutting you up. So you get cold sores every once in a while. I don't know how I got this. I don't get them. I probably got him like twice since then.

Really? Yeah. That means you got herpes. Yeah. Yeah. That was the most accepting. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, everyone that has cold sores, it's herpes. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone's had chicken pox. Except it. Herpes. Also herpes. The first time I got.

Different complexes. I got them on my neck because I'd stayed up all night. and I got bit at a wrestling match. You slept weird on some pussy. I got bit on a weird wrestling match. And like two weeks later, I stayed up all night and did acid. And I woke up or like, you know, it was in the morning and like my immune system was worn down. And I had two sores on my neck.

Freaked the fuck out. Oh, yeah. My mom put, oh, my God. Fucking took me to a dermatologist. And he was like, holy shit. He's like, yeah, that's herpes. I like almost passed out. Neck of the neck?

On the neck. Yeah. I didn't know you could get it there. All kinds of weird shit. You can get it anywhere. Really? HSB1? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I get it in my nose. Sounds like a visa. From doing blood. See, hot stuff. That's kind of shit. I got in that. Hot stuff.

And I'm going to wear compression socks on a plane. She had a cool disease. There's no. But what cool diseases are you? There aren't. Melit, mesothelioma? Nah. At least get paid with that shit.

Yeah. It's like, you let my week on that. It's like that water at Campbell's Union. I'll tell you a cool one. Sickle cell anemia. No. That's a cool name. It's a cool name.

You can't say that that's not a cool name. Sickle cell? That just sounds like one you're going to die from. You're not in a good spot with it. Anything cellular is tough. Yeah. It's not, but it's just.

Sickles are pretty cool. Yeah, exactly. But it's also the grim reaper. Yes. Right. And the grim reaper is a cool thing. Maybe not cool, but like something, it's got a little honored to it.

You know what I mean? Sickle's got a little. When people are like I have sports asthma. Hotchkins. Hey, sports induced. Right over here. It, mate. Hotchkins has a little honor to it.

Or Lou Gehrig is like, Lou Gehrig. Oh, good one there. Lou Gehrig's disease. Sports injury is always good. Sure. Tommy John. Yeah. Rotator cuffs.

Yeah. That's a good one. I'd love to get Tommy John surgery. I was over rotating in my prime. You probably could get elective Tommy John. You think? I just do it on a Patreon. on doctors.

Hit us up. Most of us guys come back faster. And like, what do you, what do you need to throw fast for? I don't know. I'm going to throw heat. You're going to hit the 80 mile an hour. That doesn't fuck that up. What if he goes both weight?

Yeah, you're rookie of the year. You're just snapping that thing. I always want to be a baseball player. Planner fasciitis. That's not bad. That's a pretty cool one. What is that? It's like foot nerve pain.

You know, it was the worst at high school? Shin splints. Oh, yeah. Only girls on the cross-country team. got that shit. Yeah. Peroodle. And fat kids

that played football. I used to get chins playing so bad from jogging that there would be like it would like my chins would actually like swell out.

When did you jog? In college. He jogs in fucking like vans and like no, not anymore. Then I got my own in sambas. He does. These are,

I hate these shoes. I want to be clear about that. I'm wearing these because my other shoes got destroyed. They're nice shoes, but I did get some new balances. Yeah. All the cool kids are wearing.

Are they cool now? Shout out new balances. I love new balances. These, these are too, they're too thin. I feel like a girl. You look European. Yeah, I feel like a girl. I was saying, I feel like I have like ballerina shoes on.

Yeah. It's dainty. It's nice. Francis boots, look like they came from West Elm. What kind of boots are that? Do they think Red Robbins or whatever they're called? They are called Truman Boot Co. Shout to Truman.

It was kind of funny. He's got, he's got a brand new pair of all black murdered out. Tim's about to fucking pull a bank jobs. And you want, he was called new boots. I went all murdered out. Tim's is a, I'm like, that's a, a choice for the way you know just saw them when we were in the and then you walked down and i could just see your feet coming down there's francis and that's a pair of boots with the

salvage denim is that what they are salvaged denim i i don't know you do stop it you know stop hiding who you are you know the thread count yeah you're good looking put together funny charming what's happening right now i feel like i'm being assaulted for for for good things compliments he's good salvage denim like that. These are not salvaged denim. Yeah, they are. These are from free note cloth.

They're made in America. Wow. Isn't that what the shoes were from? I don't know what salvage denim is. This usually indicates salvaged denim. What? Oh, really? Yeah.

Then I trust you. Means I got it from a shipwrecked. So those are. Okay. Oh, all right. There you go. Interesting. What does it mean?

What does it mean? What does it say? Where were they salvaged from? Special type of, it's not salvaged. Salvation Army denim. It makes a self edge or something like, I don't even really know. I just need. thick jeans because I bust them out.

I usually rip this. Oh yeah. I need thick. I need heavy materials. I'm a hot on. No, I don't. I'm a fat guy and I move through his zipper. Wait, so you need the salvaged jeans. I need thick denim. I need anything else like I rip through. Interesting. Very quickly. I need like I need like I'm going to, you know, like heavy. Yeah, yeah. Like a welder could explain underneath your dick. The fat guy jeans are brutal because they're thin and they're also stretchy. So after like a couple hours, it looks like you shit your pants.

They blow out. They pull up. Yeah, it's tough. Does it like thin? Does it like wear through a little bit? It does. Yeah. Eventually, you know, it only has a small shelf.

Yeah. That in the, in the DXL t-shirts. They usually, I usually get like, it's a little bit different these days, but maybe four out the eats in it, and then it's all fucked up.

That's a wild way to count on. That's a wild way. It's a wild way. It's a thing. Can you wash it or is it? Nah. That's about two and a half day. Yeah.

You get like that, you get that vodka sauce on there, you're fucked. Yeah, you know what I mean? I mean, if you get vodka sauce on a lot of stuff, it's fucked. Yeah, you're bad. That's a tough one to spill. My dribbles are always in like, like, you can't even, like, hide them. Like, it doesn't look like I, like, I'm sweating. It's in weird places.

I just sent a few, I just sent a few Hail Mary things to the dry cleaner. Really? Yeah, just like. You get stains on your shirt when you're eating? Yeah. You know, you know. It's crazy. Just being out, like, you know, yeah.

No. You're trying to find common ground. You also get stains on your shirt. We're not so different, are we, Francis? You spilled things on your shirt while you're eating. Of course. Really? Yeah.

No shot. So did it go through the napkin you had tucked into your neck? How'd it get through your escorts? It frustrated me that the slave I hired as my human shield couldn't absorb the blow. That's crazy. I thought that was just a fat guy ailment. I can't keep food off of my clothes. Yeah.

It just happens. I don't know. I mean, I run around. What's your move right away? Let's say you're out on a date and you're eating and you get something on your shirt. It would just depend on how much I cared about the shirt. Like, you know. Are you embarrassed at all in front of the lady?

I would be able to make a joke about it. Yeah, you would. And you're a charming funny guy. Yeah. Will you dip in the water in him with a napkin? Sorry. No, no. I was, by the way, I was on a date not long ago.

And I had some sneakers on. and out of nowhere, one of the sneakers started squeaking with every step, every step. And we were going for a walk.

And I had to pull a fake pull a hammy. I had to address it. I was like, I just wanted to know. Yeah. I was like, just want you to know,

like this doesn't usually happen. Like, she's like, it's all right. You should have done that thing where you're like, it's really embarrassing. You run a little bit

like you're testing them out of the story. Yeah, yeah, if you draw them off that, I always do that when I walk. I was walked into, or Ross, maybe like a couple weeks ago, and it was raining.

It was happening with every step. And then after I addressed it, it continued to happen. And then it just became something that was funny and inescapable. Was that to date, the walk, a walk? No, we were, I don't know where we were. We were in Battery Park walking around the water. Okay. A little 9-11 date?

Yeah. Had you gone out to dinner before? We were going to dinner. really? Yeah. Is that what it looks like? If you took me out on a date, if I was a hot chick, what am I looking at?

You're meeting me there? Are you sending a car? A lot of that depends. I wouldn't, if you lived in New York City, I don't think I would send you a car to get there. I live in Brooklyn. Yeah, so do I. Huh.

So what would you? I would find out where you lived and I might find a restaurant that was convenient for you. Oh, thoughtful. Go closer to you. You make a res or you walk in cold? Reservation. Reservation.

Unless I'm confident about walking in cold. Sharing appetizers and stuff? We share food? Yeah. I can't see you going to a place that doesn't require a reservation. Yeah, you're probably right about that. Where are you going to that doesn't require a reservation? That is.

Where are you walking into? I don't think I would risk it. For a first date, I don't think I would. And what are you using resi or open table? They're both. They've got some like hidden. secret app that we don't even know about. Do you, what's the coolest place you can get into?

And are you banging me out on the first night? You're not? I don't think so. Oh, what the fuck? No, I don't want to do that. With me. You're a good guy. No, just like it ruins it.

It's over. That's a guy who's had a lot of pussy. Buddy, it ain't never ruined it. I was like, this guy's on the fritz. It ruins it. No, I understand. It ruins the connection. I read something, I heard something recently about how like the, you know, and I'd never

considered this, but like more dates builds intimacy and anticipation. Yeah. And I think that like fundamentally by the third date, you know each other way better that if your clothes come off, one, it's not as awkward. Two, like, you'd have an easier time being like, I like this. or I like that or whatever, you know what I mean? I agree. I swear to guys.

You guys haven't been single in a long time, but like, I don't know. That's been my experience. It's all towards the big climax. Yeah. Does sometimes the girl want to go home and you're like, no, I don't think so. I wouldn't be that. Oh.

She wanted if she. Obstant about my policy. It's not. If someone was like, come home with me, I'd be like, all right. But then then it's like, well, I don't, I don't know if we'll see each other. How long this will go. I don't know. you'd have to, it depends.

Pretty good, Francis. You like the chase? Yeah, it's not like I adhere to some kind of, I wouldn't judge. I don't think like, oh, someone had slept with me on a first date, therefore I don't respect this person. Do you have other chicks that you're banging on the side while you're letting this build up? Right? Jesus. There's a way he not it.

Why don't we go out together? Because I know you're single. Really? You're picking up that check for sure. Or I am one of the other I got a steak sandwich to go please I gotta get Ian something Francis you think you're gonna fuck this chick

We'll wear our stainproof shirts I'm in love but I'd like to double date with you Oh well done I didn't know that yes Oh wow okay great amazing I think we'd have a good time before him Sure sure yeah well sure That would be great

He's never gonna call No that's him thinking of 50 years I went on a date with our buddy Rico Bosco recently. I heard about that. Listen, I'm a fan of the enterprise. I was, my brain exploded. It was great. Who picked up to check? This is feature content. He and I, he and I split it. Francis picked it up and then Rico had to. That's not true. He picked it up and I Venmo him. Oh, really? Privately afterwards. Yeah. So you didn't, did you try to get credit in front of the girls? Like,

oh, I'll Venmo you. Or did you just? Yeah, yeah. He was gracious enough to be like, we'll work it out after. We'll work it out after. He gave me credit. We're not working out after. Yeah. Now, this is the thing we've been asking on the show. You're a classy guy. You roll around with, you know, higher class people than we do.

You know what I mean? I think that's always the assumption, but I don't know that that's necessarily true. I roll around with you guys. I know, not to say you, not to say you don't, but you're, you know, you're, he's living in a man's basement. We're calling a ball and strike see your guy.

What the fuck are we talking? We got to call balls in. He's going to hit you up for cash after that. Listen, I got divorced to. I crashed on a. buddies pull out couch for a few nights. It was dark. We're way past a few nights.

Yeah. Well, he's now, he's chosen to live it. That's paying rent. Like, I was, I was marooned. He is not paying rent. Oh.

Cut that. Ian's going to be, Ian's probably out front right now. No, just what is the, what is the kind of etiquette to like not argue over? How many times can you go, if someone picks up the check,

is there like a thing where you're like, because I feel it where something. times where you're like give it to me come all like nah nah come all like is there a thing of like how many times he asked me for you're like this is just weird and obviously we all have $220 here or whatever it is we do not yeah yeah i mean uh i i don't know how many times will you are if i'm like i got it it's me my wife and you and i think it's weird i mean if you were insistent i wouldn't stop you but my thought would be that like hopefully we could do it again and i'll get the next time. He doesn't look at it the same way. It's not like, uh, I also think that more often men

have this thing where like, they'd almost be insulted if you didn't let them pay. Um, men, with other men, with other men. I'm saying that's where it's coming from from us. And I don't have, you don't have that. I'm like, okay. Yeah. It's, I, Rone will always pay for me. And I think that's fucking cool as hell. Yeah. I don't go pride right. He always insists. I tried. I like to pay for people as many times without ever any expectation of them paying back. Love that. But I also think that there's an understood implicit hierarchy

that's like if I'm going out with someone that I know has a fucking ton of money I'm not going to wrestle for the check. 100%. It's like if you got a bag, fucking go ahead, have at it. Who's the richest tier? What, one, two, three? I'm deep. Sound? Yeah. It's one

two. What if we, would a couple of the producers do you roam? No, no, it's Francis Really? What are you talking about? You're talking about like net worth? Or are you talking about like earnings? What's the difference?

Roan's getting paid like 10 mil a year. It's not true at all. Did you make a bunch of cash off of music or no? Not a bunch of cash, but I made money in other ways before a bar stool. Nice. But not a ton of cash off music or TV writing. I've made a bunch of cash off surviving barstool.

Shout out to it. That's how I made a bunch of cash. Freshly good. But he also made a bunch of cash off the fucking internet invitation. That is true. We are winners here. Yes. I will fucking get your fucking head out of your head.

I have not one. Yeah, your stomach issues. Well, what about the game in Bush? No, you guys are doing well. I don't get any of that money. Okay, never mind. Cut that. I know it's a touch you something around here.

I'll be at the blue room this week. Dickin's still available. That road is getting tough to move. Ooh, we. The bubble hat. First, boy. Brantz just picked up and ran out. I saw that announce when I said,

what if I didn't know we could fucking do that? I need a fucking pandemic and a stimmy check. I care what you're jabbing me with. Are you guys, would you say the boom is over? Because I've been saying it's over. Tickets wise. I mean, you know. Yeah, here's, you know, I think so.

I think it came, but people were like fucking all locked in. This is my bullshit take on it. I think everybody was all locked in and then so happy to get out. Yeah. And comedy, digital comedy boom podcast, fucking all that shit. Was that its highest or is I, you know, really grew. And then everybody's like, oh, I want to go see fucking Norman, Samarrell,

AYG, Chrissy D. Soder. Timmy D. Timmy. All. Shane. Her time. Everybody's moving tickets really quick.

And then it's like, okay, well, I went to, I can't afford every year to go to 17 comedy shows. Like, and I think it's just like, you know, it's like, I also saw AIG five years in a row. Yeah. I might take a year off. and I'm going to go to Norman next week. I just was driving back from Philly

and I saw a huge billboard of the two of you coming to play the Parks Casino. Hey, tickets still available. Sick. And I saw that and I was like, oh my yesterday. God. No, it was last week. Last Thursday. I saw it yesterday. That's sick. Yeah, weird.

I was blown away. I've only ever seen, whenever I've seen a comedian being advertised on a billboard off the highway, it's like, you know, fucking, yeah, or that caliber Las Vegas residency level comedians. How great would that be? You got a residency in Vegas?

I know. That's the dream. I was just in Vegas too and like Bargatsi's got one now. Like these guys. They're going there. I think we should be doing that here and make it like, make it like Broadway. Well, that's a one-man show. Berbiglia did that. Didn't Joey Diaz do that recently? You don't need to call it a one-man show.

Just you come to New York. You can either go see fucking laymise or you could go see. I don't know, soda at the, you know. But Biggley, it does that. But dude, think about that though. Like, that's, that's no, everyone knows him as a comedian, right? Uh-huh. And a Broadway theater is what, 2,000 seats, at least 1,800 seats?

Oh, what the fuck. And it's like, he's doing, he's doing the show six nights a week. That's so many fucking tickets for what is still stand-up comedy. Yeah. That's crazy to try to move that on a, on a, what, a three-month run? All right, well, just two spots in the city of them. I thought it was a good. idea.

Well, I just don't know what I'm saying. I don't know how you brands. That's the cruise ship. Yeah, I don't. Cruise ship and there'll be the people there. You can do your residents. You can do those shows.

I don't know how you. Maybe I will, Kevin. I don't know. Yeah. Francis will take me. Have you guys done the cruise ship stuff? It's birds crews.

We did birds crews and then we were during the height of the fucking. Yeah. We were like, they were like, would you want to do an AIG cruise? And we were like, like this is perfect. Yeah.

Uh, but they did like, yeah, it's like a, So they were like, we're going to have a meeting with, we're like, oh, let's just do it. We'll figure it out. Everything's going great. You know what I mean?

We haven't missed anything yet. Like, let's just keep shooting. And then we had to have a meeting with them. I think that's enough. I wasn't even want to try. I wasn't going to try you. He's not, he doesn't usually sit in the business end of stuff, right?

He's a showman. Yeah, yeah. And he sat in on this one and kind of gotten a, kind of gotten a div with the lady. Because they're like, he's fucking broad and salted. Dude, they have to invent. No, they didn't. No, she didn't at all.

She did not. She did lots of mindballs. If you felt insulted, she insulted you. Thank you. After I just go, hey man, I think, like, you know, you just let me take the lead on the, you know. Do you agree with that? Yeah, I don't know. You're everyone wants to do.

Do you think your liability is? Do you think your liability in business meetings? Huh? No, no. I mean, he, we've, we've. We've assesses. And we talk about this a lot on the show. I'm not just like,

I'm not like fucking blindsiding him. He's not great with getting information. My ability is in Korean barbecue. Yeah. You know what I don't know any of that stuff. Yeah, Kipi runs his ship. He runs your show. That's nice.

At least you guys are good with the division. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't. Would you have had the book other comics on the, how would that have worked? Yeah. So it was like we were going to book a bunch of friends.

Oh, sorry. A bunch of friends and stuff. And, you know, do a bunch of fun stuff. We're going to have like, I don't know, just all trash. you kind of shit. That machine where you get it and it blows the money

and you got to like, but just chick her in her mouth and blew it. Yeah. And then she was just like, well like above stand up and podcasting. Like there's got to be like a bigger

attraction. Like people are spending some of these things like $4,000 to go on. And it's like they're not just going to come see everybody do 20 minutes sets. Like you have to have like a bigger what's your thing.

Yeah. And what are they looking for? Like a fucking Circusole act or like a dance contest? Yeah. I mean like there's they have like a lot of stuff build in but you know Bert did it great. Bert did great. I think it was our size like I think they were like in order for you guys

to like really move tickets you're gonna have to have a little something bigger than like Bert was already doing fucking United Center and shit so it was like they're like they're gonna come to him. You guys are gonna have to throw a little fucking razzle dazzle at him. Yeah. And he didn't like that because we just unverrooed that to mean that that we're not big like he was like oh fuck we're pitching to you were not. Like he it was like really turned on him

He was like, I thought we were the fucking guys in control here. Oh. They were like... I thought you were selling me, lady. I see. I see. I'm surprised that Barstool hasn't tried to... That would rattle me, too.

Yeah, well, I'm terrible. I'm infuriate me. I'm a complete idiot narcissist fucking war. That's why Kibbe does that stuff. If you call yourself a narcissist, I don't think you can be one. No, I don't think you can either. I think that if... No, I'm pretty sure.

Go check to the last couple weeks. Patreon. Bad news, which I'm learning. I was listening to your guys Patreon the other day. Yeah? Yeah. I subscribed. Oh, shout out.

For the $10. For the big. For the big. For the big to do. For the big episode. For the big episode. Wait a minute. What was that?

No. You can obviously get into it. No, we don't have to get into it. It's public at this point. I'm a fan. Francis, let me do it. Yeah, sure. I think we're talking about the same thing, right?

What the fuck else would we be talking? All I'll say, we don't even have to talk about. No, no, it's totally fun. I'll say is the during the month of August. You're saying you had to hand your card in like it was your gun and badge. It was like the hardest. We talked about it on Matt and Shane a little bit.

We all have me, him and everybody on the team has a platinum amex business cards. Yeah. Now, I never had a platinum man. Man, let's see the yarn he's about to fucking speak.

I'm not, I'm not a businessman. All right. I don't really know as a comedian where business expenses and life expenses stop. Yeah, a meal, for example. And that'd be crazy. And that'd be like also nuts too if I didn't have a conversation with them in July about that.

It was like, hey, let's just, you know, stop using the car. I excessively overused the business card in the month of August, which Kevin didn't know about it. It hurt his feelings, which I completely understand. I didn't know about it until I lost my credit card. I left my credit card in a car. like in an Uber. I left my whole wallet. So I went on to the fucking Amex

to like make sure nobody was charging my card. And I was a very... Is that what got me? Yeah, very... It's always something, though. Very hefty. It was like, we're not even on tour.

We're on tour. It's like we travel six guys. Yeah, of course. Six hotel rooms, six flights. It's like, it gets very high. There's 20 grand. That you alone had, as your balance. Yeah.

And what percentage of that would you say was legitimate versus illegitimate? Who the fuck is this guy? What the fuck is this guy? cake. I'm not going to assume that you spent $20,000 entirely out of line. There's not any business-wise. If we literally, he has one to like honestly.

Uber's. Yeah, Uber's. It's in his Uber account, which is like, okay. Yeah. I mean, that's a lot of Ubers. Yeah, yeah. That's Cross Country. That's Cross Country.

That's Chris' country. Ubers right there. Thanks, Sanger. Completely my fault. Kevin was very gracious about it. I know that it hurts his trust and all that kind of stuff. and, you know, I just, I turned in my card. No, I didn't, yes, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't even ask for it.

I just said, we need to, I said, we need to, I mean, after. And now I know. After like an hour and a half of screaming in my house. I was like, you, I said to text, you need to, you got to turn. I was like, hey, I got, I forgot exactly what it was. It was more like, hey, we need to talk about the Amex. When I get those from him, I know how much trouble I'm in because it's so subtle and low. I just said, we need to talk about the Amex.

$20,000 in the last 28 days is crazy. And you were like, no one man should have all this power. I knew I was in trouble because he said, I just wanted to get my, I just wanted to get my feelings out about it. We can move forward. And that's what I knew. I heard move forward.

I knew I was dead. Check out the Patreon. He did try for an hour to flound around. A little bit. What made you guys say, like, let's make this content as opposed to just like trying to bury it

we don't know how to do that man that was my side yeah he really wanted he really wanted this to be a hand like I thought that was a good idea oh let's keep this in-house at a certain point

you got to protect the structure but that's what the politics corporate structure is all about and also you guys called the show are you garbage like he's fucking feeding into the fucking ethos of the show the fans weren't

so pleased about it. Not at all. Which I understand. No. What the fuck do they care? They were mad at you. No, they were mad at him. Yeah, they were fucking mad at me. What do they cares? I could see that both ways. Put your sweater back on. You're getting dumber. You're not getting a fucking man to me. I could see them. I could see that both ways. No, um, sure. I, you know, yeah. Um, no, it was all me. It was all me. Yeah, it was just me being

reckless. We don't know how to not, uh, really. This is what we're doing. it's been it's been a show on ourselves yeah he's he's going through a transformative phase it's it's been a very bum not that but other stuff oh you know sure i know i mean stuff to lead you to spend i think i can say we spoke we had a very interesting conversation i won't leave it at that yeah we're going through divorce drug addiction yeah like that so it was touch i'm sorry i'm i'm cool i'm pretty sure dude he's like you got an hammocks card no we spoke for a while it was it was yeah that was last summer i was really going through it yeah

Yeah, you were very, you gave me a lot of good advice. I didn't take any of it. What did he say to you? What was the advice? He said, get attractive. Get some veneers. Start shopping at cool schools. Black, timber list you could offer?

It did not offer that. It was fantastic. Francis is a good friend. Yeah. That's so nice. I was glad we did speak. Yeah. I just think it's like so, it's like weird word to use, but like generous to be like,

yeah, here's this fucking. crazy shit that happens. This is what, and this goes back to like, it kind of came up. It came up on, it came up on Matt and Shane when we were, because it had just happened and we were away. And it was like, well, we have to fucking, we're promo in the special. So I'm like, we have to. American garbage on YouTube right now.

Yeah, check it out. I'm like, we have to just kind of, we got to keep this in house at the moment. And then he kind of let it spill a little bit because it was like, I mean, it's hard to keep it under wraps. It's hard to keep it under wraps, especially when we're like two explosive idiots. We're not like... And he would have been so mad at me that people would have been like,

why has Kevin me such a dick to... So that kind of went... That's not fair to him. Yeah, so like in the dealing with a lot of his... We call him the bugman trials and tribulations over the past. Got a drug and alcohol problem. Two years or whatever. I had one.

I got one now. You know what I mean. We do. I'm clean and sober, ready to work. Shit. I got movie offers coming in. You don't. You don't.

You don't. Blackball. You are a very good actor. Very good. He's doing it right now. It is shocking. I'm actually Asian. So it came out on Matt and Shane.

So we had to then, it's not fair. We built our Patreon, top 10 Patreon. No big deal. I would argue top five on they get everything. On the episode, the hard feelings, the show we do on Patreon, they get the real fucking feel. So to like kind of mention it there

and then to not mention it on Patreon would have been very disingenuous to what got us to like we call them the homies what the homies deserve you know yeah yeah um so we were like i think it was also cathartic for us because i'm like i wasn't it's cathartic for me i was which is cathartic for me it was it was damning because i'm like i can't go on just have people thinking i'm mad like i'm just disgruntled when like there's this huge thing behind that has affected the team you know so we kind of what she's really and i'm not saying this because he's here or uh you know he is like the best friend ever

Like he's been so generous. Apparently taking applications if you're out there. Generous and kind to me through all of this fucking shit that I've gone through where anybody else would, I mean, that would, you know, that's, you know, when you look at her from, when you look at that in a vacuum, that's, you know, it's a bad thing. Without the voices and the charming personality. It's a bad thing. On the statement, it reads pretty tough.

Yeah. But very, very great. Best friend you can ever have. And I mean that. Son of a boy dad is brought to you by Revolve Man. You know when something pops up last minute and you need an outfit that just works, that's when you go straight to Revolve Man. It feels curated and not chaotic.

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off your entire order. Offer in soon. Don't sleep on it. Is that a thing that we're allowed? Are we allowed to expense the Uber's to work? No. No. No. What's up at that? What? I don't know. It's crazy. I feel like I'm missing out on something here. We get lunch and everything for our guys. Dude, lunch breakfast. They got full health care.

I have never taken an Uber to work. Maybe unless I was like had to bring my golf bag because I was going to work and then going on a trip for foreplay so I couldn't carry my bag on the subway. Yeah, that's monstrous. In which case, it's like, okay, well, I had to take an Uber to work because I'm going on a work trip after this. And that would be the only time.

Who's watching that? You guys ever have a accounting department on shit? Yeah, we do. It's not like Frank the tank in there. No, stretching a number. No. No, Frank's not on that. Shout out to Frank.

So on that stairs. He looks amazing. Oh, yeah, he looks good. Yeah. You guys gave him a very warm hello. Of course. And he didn't really know what to do with that. Wasn't sure.

That's like he's goddamn superstar. You don't know him on your show? No. I would have him in a heartbeat. Do you guys know him? No. Yeah, just don't from here. I see.

He's famous for giving half. If you're like, hi, how's it going, Frank? He'll be like, hey. Yeah, I respect. Or maybe like a quarter. You know, he's not going to give you 100% back to, no matter who it is though there's nobody that's yeah he's not a bit also i drank one of his sodas one time this was like a couple years ago when we were doing uh that friday night pints yeah would yeah and i i think i was i think i was taking

i think i was taking a shot at sobriety then um well half shot more of a kick but uh he had like a fucking you know pineapple frusel frazzle frasel soda that was left in there and uh k k fc let me let me have it and then i was like halfway through it. I turned around and I fucking Frank was standing there like fucking like fucking Razal Gould

oh shit dude I was talking about the soda I filmed the soda reviews at the time and after that incident he started to put his sodas in a cage like a crab trap and he would literally lock

these sodas in a cage that would fit inside the fridge so they would stay cold but he could pull out the fucking lobster trap of soda like a soda Francis will you have a soda

yeah I like to on an airplane. I'll get a ginger ale or something. Really? I love a ginger ale too. I used to like Bloody Mary's on an airplane. Oh, yeah. Get fucked up.

Oh, I would just get the mix. Mix is all right. Tomato juice is coming back a little bit. V8? Love a V8. Love a V8. Love a V8.

Could crush a V8 in a second. Mm-hmm. Delicious. That's crazy. You're clean and sober now. Yeah. How long? It's been six months since my last relapse in,

I relapse in Austin. on tour. Not the best shows. Good for you, man. Thanks. For being that sober, though, for that long. Six months is something to be proud of. Yeah, it's so sober, yes, but my behavior got a lot worse over the summer.

And up until recently where we had a, you know, I wasn't intervened again, but I was like, you need to shift because, you know, what I was doing was just numbing what was really going on inside of me. So my behavior got bad of not having. anything to numb that. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. That's what the credit card thing happened was, was, you know, pretty recently. Right. Okay. Are you a therapy guy? I'm in therapy. I do two therapies a week plus a group therapy. I got to start seeing a psychiatrist.

I have to start going to a, uh, the monitoring place, a sober or something where I get tested every week just for, um, accountability. Um, yeah, that's good. And yeah, I go to meetings and you like that. I'm starting to work the, uh, the steps. Nice. Which I love. It's crazy. You would love that book. What book? The big book.

The A.A. book. The Bible. You would find it's fascinating. I'm sure I would. Fascinating. Yeah. Yeah. I bet.

Because I didn't put much stock in it until I actually read, to start a reading. And I was like, damn, this is really well written. And it's like a fucking Jedi guy. Crazy. When did you start losing weight so precipitously? Was that in tandem with like that pivot? Over the summer.

You talked about that shift? Yeah. I mean, yeah, probably. Yeah, over the summer. I started taking that pound. It's weird when you're with them all the time. And then it's like, you forget, like it comes off gradually. Yeah.

And then like, you got, you haven't seen them so long. And you're like, oh, yeah, I guess you did fucking lose 100 pounds. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, 120 pounds is really dramatic. Sometimes, yeah, sometime after the relapse. Oh, yeah, I went on it and back on it in June. How far are you going to go with the weight loss?

You're going to be like fucking Ryan Seacrest? No, I just want to be healthy and live long and all that stuff. I mean, I'm still disgusting. my clothes are off. It's, poof, man. Bad. So I know we're not, it's not like that kind of thing. It's just I want to be healthy and be around,

hang out with this guy. And see my son. Yeah, really trying to extend his life on. You know what I mean? I'd love to see you get down to like 120. 120. I like that. Ariana Grande.

120. Just sharp. I'd like to get back to my high school weight of 189. That'd be cool. Nice. Jesus. I just wanted, right now I'm just focused on getting under three which I'm at 320 right now.

Nice. One day to time. Yeah. Yeah. That's sick. Frank's walking his dick. He'll do like 30,000 steps in a day though. He gets an insane amount of steps.

He's definitely, he's got to be hitting himself. Yeah. He's got to be off the juice. But 30,000 steps is you're walking all day. That's crazy. You can't do anything but walk. No, it's literally a full day of hiking or some shit.

Like I've gone on like 14 mile hikes where it's literally the entire day and that you end with 30,000 steps. That's nuts. But he must be walking the length of Manhattan Or something? No, he's coming from Jersey. He's coming from like Nutley in the Is he walking through the Holland Tunnel? He's beeping at him.

He's got his met stuff for him. But there's people Like there's Instagram people that will do 150,000 steps in a day. That's crazy. There's a guy who's trying to do New York and he failed like trying to hit like 100 and something a day. Yeah, I've seen it work for like 24 hours.

What is he running? You would have to wake up and just start walking. immediately and just never like you don't sit down for more than like 30 seconds at any time 150,000 steps in a day I've seen multiple people do 100,000 and then I just saw one guy do 150 what is it like there's got to be some sort of like cheat taking shorter steps I don't think so I mean I have 2,000 steps right now today 20 to 23 hours would be 150,000 and they know like halfway through they're like oh i can't get there like the ones i've seen they're like i'm not going to make it really because they're like i'd have to i'd have to increase my pay

like i'd have to make up 50 000 steps like i'm already behind in the count so are they going home like yeah the one kid the one kid like walked up from manhattan to the bronx down to the queen's before he got the broken he's like that's around i'm not fuck i got this phone didn't even start i don't know how many got it's the second phone i've broken like a month i have i want to just go back and quickly add something through a conversation we had earlier which is that the cool guy move at a restaurant if you're with your buddy and he'll do this is you say I have to go to the bathroom

and you get up and you give your card to the waiter so that you avoid the whole conversation and then when you're like all right let's let's hit it be like what about the bill and you're like I took care of it and you're putting your coat on and nobody can do anything about it hillbillies you're not yeah

that's cool that's how they did it back in the day to go back to another conversation we were having even before that remember when you're Like the wrap-up show in the real time. Remember when we were talking about fucking... Please don't be about the credit card. When we were talking about... The LAMS charges.

Bring up from MX.com and log into my account here. We can go over at line by line if you guys like. When we were talking about trees falling through your French boarding school. Yeah. Or the camp, yeah. You French boarding school. Do you guys feel like trees ever fall during the daytime or do you think that they only fall at night? Because this is a hypothesis I'm working with that they only fall at night.

Wow. I see a big branch fall during night. yesterday. In the daytime? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It scared the shit out. So we're debunking my hypothesis. I like that. Not a full tree though. I like the way you're thinking. That trees only fall at night. I would definitely argue more fall at night. Right. But I think I've, I mean, I've seen it with my own eyes. Just seeing him fall during the day. Really? Yeah. Are you sure it wasn't the evening or twilight? I was at my neighbor's house. I was very young. And, and his older sister walked outside and a tree fell and it landed like right at her feet. It almost got her. It almost got her. I would say for sure, though.

more fall at night than during the day. Definitely. It's always you wake up in the morning. God damn tree hit the Mahoney's house. Yes. You know? You wake up in the tree, hit the Mahoney's house.

Nighttime less, less than daylight. Yeah. It's got to be just the weather. You're fucking crazy. What? Wait, you're saying the trees fall more at day?

No, I'm saying why is that? It's even statistically harder because there's less nighttime. There's less night. It's got to be the weather's got to be worse. I just assumed you're arguing. But that doesn't make any sense. That doesn't.

It doesn't. But I think it's true. True. No, the weather is worse at night. Use his brain to get to something. I mean, that, that argument that there's less nighttime, I don't agree with that. Okay. Because.

Well, cut that then. I mean, it was like, it's like dark in from 4 p.m. until like 8 a.m. That's more of an outlier. I think there's a lot of parts. Well, maybe whatever. Tyler, forgive me. We're talking about New York City, New York, New York. Do they're trees falling in New York?

Trees do not. I saw one yesterday. Fall more at night or during the day. They don't. based on a strict biological schedule. Rather, they fall whenever weather conditions. This fucking dumb ass.

Yeah, now they don't get it. They don't get it. They don't understand what we're saying. We're too advanced for them. They don't understand this high level thinking. They definitely fall more than they say AI is going to take over. Can't even take it when the trees are falling.

Never woken up to a driveway covered in logs. Yeah. In timber splinters. Yes. Yeah. That is what it's like, though. It's like there's a storm and you wake up and it's just like it's like someone just shook the whole world. Maybe it's just because we're not outside when they're falling during the daytime because the storms are so bad.

You'd be seeing them all the time. But we would be seeing them all the time. Yeah. I feel like you guys agree with me and I appreciate that. I do agree. It did say the logs, they get wetter after a while. So it's raining all day and then in night they're heavier. So there you go.

And they're not drying off because it's so cold out because the sun's down. See, how we're getting somewhere. This is really... Now we're really getting somewhere. Can you ever see the Instagram videos where they show it looks like the trees are walking through the forest? Oh yeah. I love that.

You guys are walked into the same algos. Oh yeah. You follow Dave too? Yeah. The trees are walking? Yeah. What type of phantasia shit is this? They're talking about ants.

Yes. Trees, that trees are moving. Is this what we're talking about? The trees have legs. No, those are actual trees that do move. I can't remember how. Something with the root system. But I'm talking about videos where it looks.

Like the trees are like walking. I love the when the trees plug into the ground. I feel like that's all was happening in the Carolinas and shit like that, Georgia and shit. They plug into the ground where the tree like the like the root systems like go into the ground. Like external. Yeah. Oh, you can see it. Yeah.

Yeah. That shit is beautiful to me. I don't think I've ever seen that. They say that wood might be one of the rarest things in the universe. Wood? Wood. Huh. There's no one.

There's nowhere that we can see in the visible universe. This couch is really debunking. What's the technology we have, that would show wood. There's only certain amount of planets in the capital zone. There's only certain amount of planets that have, you know, carbon-based. Oh, okay. I see what you said. I thought you meant like here right now.

No, no, no. I was going to say, I feel like that's pretty common. Trees? This table's wood, I think. Definitely less gold than there are trees. But isn't there? There's like golden outer space, though. Tons of it.

There may well be, yeah. But there might not be wood. That makes sense. Guns and they're golden. diamonds or a diamond does it out there. Yeah. Right. We got to get out to space.

Do you know what I heard that I thought was super cool this week, which I learned for the first time and I have no idea how true reactions is. If it's about something bad I did, please don't say. No, no, no. I heard that Elon Musk, his whole plan, is to put the sort of data centers or like the servers in space because what makes those so expensive and difficult is that they need to be cooled constantly and that's why they require so much water that's why they're so environmentally unfriendly or whatever they eat up all the water for the cooling but in space it's like

freezing zero Kelvin so they don't need to be cooled and if you just puts them all in orbit or whatever then there you go there's your storage and your servers and i dig it and do you put you're saying that idea intrigues you well i thought like man it's it's pretty cool to me I mean, you can put them up there moduli with the reasonable rockets. Oh, yeah. Correct. Probably be tough to move a data center. Where do you plug them in?

Right? Where's the plug? Is it just a big long? I bet you could do some solar powered stuff. For sure. Up there, solar panels and stuff. But the risk of those going down up there seems like it might be at a certain point as we get more dependent on it might be an issue.

Yeah, true. That would be bad. A lot of them are in Iceland, though. I think that like in colder places, I think that they like to throw a lot of shit up there. That's why the internet's so good in Iceland. Yeah. Internet is great in Iceland. Really? Yeah, you got service everywhere. It's crazy. Like, you could be in a glacier and you'll be able to get a notification on your phone.

It's pretty insane. But it's helpful because, like, if there's any type of, like, natural disaster out there, you're going to be able to get the notification relatively easily. Sick. Because that cold ass. Were they got 6G? What are they doing? Yeah, I got fucking tons of Gs out there. Yeah, I mean, Starlink is really awesome. Is that cool? they never get it on the plane they added it to United yeah I like seeing it too United flights out

pretty damn good too it's just better to see yeah it's just nice to see is that who has it like you know when's that when's that take over everything when we start we can all probably soon my folks just

put it in their house they have to pay for it yeah but I don't think it was free what the fuck no it's expensive I don't think it's it's expensive I don't think it was more than their other internet oh no

it was constantly I thought it was going to yeah it's probably the same as that kids in Africa yeah they gave it to them they're not Bill in the fucking African kids. Mailboxes. Yeah, you can get it.

Like, anyone can get it now. Like, you can just tap into it. I think you have to get like that little satellite ditch. Get the receiver. Yeah. That shit. But it's small. We're doing that again?

No, no, no. It's not like the massive ones. It's just like an antenna. It's like a little small one guy in the neighborhood. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, fuck. It looks like a nuclear weapon.

Crazy. Can you get an image of like the receiver that you need? Can you put it on like a car and then have it? Yeah. Yeah, people like bring it like camping. Can move it anywhere you want. People put it on boats. That's not bad.

That's not bad. No, it's pretty small. Ooh, look at that. Is that the way it looks? That thing's creepy as shit. Yeah. Oh, fuck that. I don't like that.

Yeah, you can see it going in the sky. That's just an illustration. No, yeah, you can see moving. It doesn't actually shine the Olympic rings down on Earth. Oh. Oh, no. I'm out. If I saw some shit like that is going out of the day, dude.

That's what we need. But yeah, I mean, that would be cool if they did that with the data centers. Or if they just, why don't they just use air? air cooling. I've always wondered that as well. What does that mean? Well, you can still blow on it like soup? No. If you got selected to colonized Mars, would you go? I have

no desire or experience with space. You have no experience with space? Oh, that's news to me. Why would I go on me? New York City stand of comedian. Hey, thanks for yes and to that by the way. I didn't even study like... A little light on improv, too, huh? I'm not going to lie.

I mean, you'd be a perfect, you'd be a good specimen for it. Oh, I like this. If they were trying to get a comedian, you know, they always send up, like, in a stranger in a strange land. They sent up a doctor. Yeah. And, you know, they. To start a new. Yes.

A new. You run your own club up there. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. That's actually good idea. That's the one is he get to Mars. Sick of the woke bullshit on Earth.

You know, you can say what you want on Mars. Talk about zero walk-ins, huh? Yeah. It thought there'd be more foot traffic. Jerry. I think that that's, I think we're good. Love it. Yeah.

Yeah, that was great. Thanks, boys. How can we find your most important things going on right now? We got your special. We are a special American Garbage, which is on our YouTube page. It is, uh, we filmed it in Tampa. It's not a stand-up special. It's us playing, are you garbage at the crowd.

The things that people share are incredible and it's all celebrated and we have a great time. And it's very fun. American Garbage on our YouTube page. And we're also on tour right now. It starts next week in Appleton, Wisconsin. Then we're going to San Jose, San Diego, Tacoma, Atlanta. Mars. Mars at Francis's Comedy Club.

All dates and stuff. Tickets are available. Philly. We're back in Philly. Shout to Parcicino. This December. All tickets available at RUGarbage.com.

Yeah. Thanks for having us, boys. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Appreciate it. Cool. That was awesome, fellas. I'm sorry.

That was fine.