Son of a Boy Dad - Ashkenazi Bowel Syndrome | Son of a Boy Dad #235

Episode Date: September 19, 2024

Ashkenazi Bowel Syndrome | Son of a Boy Dad #235 -- Ad: Get up to 55% off at https://Babbel.com/SON. -- Ad: For 10% off your order & FREE Shipping, head to https://JackBlack.com/BOYDAD and use code BOYDAD -- Ad: Head to https://DrinkCann.com and use code SON30 for 30% off your order of Cann and get free shipping. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon music. All right, shall we? Alrighty, welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast. Today it is September 18th. It's 2 p.m. We are here live from HQ3. We are not live. This is not live.

We are here from HQ3. People always say live. Reporting live. Well, I'm live right now. Almost never. I'm alive. Barely. I know.

Sass, I always city bike by your apartment. By my dock. I make a point to take that street cutting through the West Village, and I look up at your window and wonder if you're in there, and I envision myself stopping and getting off my bike and throwing little pebbles at your window. You should. I'm always in there. Much like Fritz and Sound of Music. Did you go by today?

No. Wow. Maybe a boombox like John Cusack would be nice or something like that. Dude, there was some weird ass shit going down outside of my apartment on Monday. I bring this up by the way because that is HQ4. Dude, I took a video out of nowhere, these people across the street, it sounded like there was a tribe rolling through my neighborhood and I look outside and there's like there's like 50 like old white people like dancing and playing the drums outside of this person's apartment well well these people

like left the apartment it was very strange I thought they were doing like a purge on poor people what are they called the first lines it could be a first line dude I took a video this is that what it's called what's first line a drum line no like New Orleans when someone dies oh oh maybe what is it called is it a first line I'm not sure that has all the markings of a first line and so just die are they protesting here they're all They're all dancing. Yeah, they bring the body through the streets. Oh, there was no body. With music.

What the fuck is that? Oh, maybe they did. Isn't that weird? You think they cremated? I don't know what it was. Were they saying like, buyer, buyer, gentrifier? No, they weren't. I thought it was like a climate change protest

or something like that Because that's the apartment across the street. That's worth like $20,000,000 or something like that an apartment is yeah, like a horse house that person they had it's like they have every floor There's a basketball court on the top floor. What yeah, I've told you guys this who's gonna get that home I don't think anyone died, dude Why would they be having a first line You know higher there was no French horn York City, I watched someone died They weren't going

No, there's no horns. It was all it was all and they sort of sway gently with the coffin. No, no coffin Bro, I you just show me the video that is all the markings of a first line. I think it's a first line first line It's gotta be first line. Oh, and is there any chance that you first people's maybe indigenous peoples involved? First line front line where they There was no there was no sound there was? There was no sound, there was no singing, and there was no horns. They don't always sing. It was just drums. Have you guys ever seen the start of that one James Bond

movie where they're having a very slow, sad funeral dirge or something like that, and then the guy's like, who's this funeral for? And the one guy's like, you. Stabs him, they throw him in the coffin, and then it turns into a huge party. Yeah, I haven't seen that. No, that's cool though.

Is it one of the older joint? Yes. Yes Old James Bond's are so fun to go back on one. I haven't watched a lot of the bond Bro that as you as you germinate into full manhood That's gonna be such an amazing journey for you to go on once you get obsessed with fun Watched is the one Moon rake one? Octopussy. It might have been Octopus. A View to a Kill?

It was the one with the... No Time to Die? ...sign track. Oh, that's one of the newer ones. Yeah. That's with Daniel Craig. Yes. That's probably Skyfall.

Skyfall's great. It was good. But if you like that, then you should watch Casino Royale, because that's the best of the Daniel Craig's, and maybe the best James Bond movie of all of them. I'll have to check it out. You could make that argument. Did you like Casino Royale? Of course. I've never been a huge action movie person.

No? No. That surprises me. Yeah, I mean, I like war movies, which I guess are technically action. Sure. What's your favorite? I like Transformers. You do? That's the most action possible. But Transformers is also funny.

Yeah, because it's got LeBuff. It's a little campy. It's great. We watched. I watched Transformers in a hotel recently. I watched. I remember watching it in Hell's Kitchen one night and being like, I forgot how good this movie was. And then I rewatched it in a hotel and I was like, this movie is so fucking good. Because the first one in disguise. Yeah.

The first one? The first two. First two are good. Yeah. Once they bring in Marky Mark, it really falls off. It's tough. Marky Mark is not LeBuff. No, he's no LeBuff. I remember there was an interview with Shia LeBuff about

the Transformer issue, like the Transformer movies, and they were basically asking him, how do you get into character when there's so much green screen stuff? How do you like method act the situation? And he was basically like, I don't method act at all. I just try to look scared as fuck, which I honestly appreciate it. Cause a lot of Hollywood actors just like to crawl up their own ass and they're like, Oh, I sit with the car and I've well, have you ever heard him in like fury? No, because in fury he was definitely not just acting scared. He was like cutting himself and shit for the role So maybe he's like he has like a massive gash on his oh, yeah, we thought it's like that. It's real

I guess mmm, but that was kind of when he was going off the deep end There was a video. I just saw of him squaring off and trying to fight people on Dublin. I saw that he's amazing He threw his hat. I saw that. Why? He's probably it's probably for a role. He's probably getting into it. He's probably method acting for a role. I mean, whenever when I was about to fight because they might be running back

Transformers. He's going to go fight MGK to win back Megan Fox. I forgot how bad of an actor Megan Fox is. Didn't matter. Yeah, I know. But I don't know why. I Megan Fox is. Didn't matter. Yeah, I know, but I don't know why I always. It's the hottest anyone's ever been. She's like 17 and that, isn't she?

No, we're not gonna go there. She might be freshly 18. We're gonna go a little too young for me. We're north. She was like, isn't she like 12 years older than you? 18 is too young for you? You're 23. You're the only person for whom 18 is utterly appropriate.

18 is so weird dude But my little sister's like 18. That's weird 21 21 to your 20 child No 21 is not young but 18 I think is weird I agree I agree with your weirdo if you're dating an 18 year old Even if you're like 18. Even if you're 18. If you're 18, date up. It's the only way. Like if you're going to date an 18 year old, you may as well just date a 17 year old. Well, then I would argue if you're going to date a 17 year old, you might as well, you might as well date an 18 year old. I get that. Because then you're looking for. You're going to date a 17-year-old? That's what you're looking for. You might as well date an 18-year-old.

I get that. Because then you're crossing back into legal territory. But when you're dating an 18-year-old, you're never going to scratch the itch that you're looking for because everyone knows deep down you're looking for a 17-year-old. Why do you say that? Because, dude, who is dating an 18-year-old? Grown men dating 18-year-olds, you're looking for a kid. Genuinely.

I don't really know why I'm trying to play devil's advocate on Genuinely. I don't really know why I'm trying to play devil's advocate on this one. I don't like this position I'm in. Yeah. I don't think I could talk to a girl who is under 28 at this point in my life. Yeah it's I don't know. 28 is probably about the youngest I could tolerate. Supposed to be half your age plus seven is like some, I don't know, pedophile magic that they came up with. Yeah. It's Shia LaBeouf also method acted in the movie Disturbia. When he- That's a great movie.

Isn't Rihanna in that? That's a fucking good movie. I don't know, she sings in that. It's the modern remake of Rear Window. Yes. Yes. But he used to bang Rihanna. Is that so?

How crazy is that? LaBeouf? Early on LaBeouf was bang Rihanna. Is that so? How crazy is that? LeBuff? Early on LeBuff was banging Rihanna. Wow. Was this pre or was this pre Just Do It? Let's Just Do It. You know, here's something. That was kind of the first video that everyone was like

always out of his mind. We always honor men who have an incredible history of incredible women that they've dated. Derek Jeter. Yes. What about a woman, at some point, wouldn't we say that Rihanna's history of dating is really impressive? Yes, we have to give her credit for it. I think that's like in an ideal world, that's what we would do, but instead we're just like that slut, right? No.

Right. Right. I mean- Not me, I don't say that. I don't- We're all like that. No, you said it, I hadn't thought it. I was thinking only Drake, Chris Brown,

obviously that ended a little rocky, right? Yeah. ASAP Rocky. Rocky, which brings me to ASAP. Let's get there as soon as possible. And then, now we're adding LaBouf to the list? Yeah. Where'd that come from?

She has some other gems on there too, I think. LaBouf might be sneaky top dog on that list. Did she used to bang like a fucking, there has to be like a Saudi billionaire in there somewhere too. There you go. I think there was. There we go. Yeah.

I think there is. Isn't that the photo of her making out with some dude at the pool? At the pool, yeah. Did I? Assange Emile. Assange Emile, that's what I'm thinking of. That's awesome.

Yeah. That's very Lady Di. It's very Princess Diana. Just for like a little nibble, just to of. That's awesome. Yeah. That's Lady Di. It's very Princess Diana. Just for like a little nibble. Just to see what it tastes like. Yeah. And then she came back to the dark berry. Who?

The Weeknd? No. Ace of Rocky. Who's dating The Weeknd? Selena Gomez? Oh, she was, but now she's dating Benny Blanco. Benny Blanco. She has a fucking thing for hobbits.

I don't know any celebrities. Angelina Jolie, Selena Gomez, Angelina Jolie. That's The Weeknd? Damn. Angelina Jolie, Jolie? We should just become like a celebrity gossip podcast. I'm having a blast. You're getting Fran on here to fact check us.

I'm having so much fun. It is fun. Someone who does get credit for it's Taylor Swift. For dating men? For having a deep, a big little black book. She's got a deep roster. Jake Gyllenhaal. Model deaf.

Yeah, Jake Gyllenhaal. Gyllenhaal, Harry Styles. Harry Styles was on there? Oh yeah. She had a Kennedy just for a taste? Yeah, she tasted a Kennedy. What? For reals?

For a couple years of just tasting Kennedy. She was like, Kenny Bunkport. That's Bush. Oh, well no, it was definitely Hyannis. She was in Cape Cod. Yeah, she was in Cod John Mayer. John Mayer. John Mayer. Didn't she date a high schooler? It was the Kennedy. That was the Kennedy? She was an 18 year old and she obviously wanted a 17 year old. I think he was like 15, wasn't he? Maybe. Different times. They were just doing hand stuff. Yeah, wasn't he? Maybe. Different times. They were just doing hand stuff.

Yeah, just hands, just rubbing. They were just getting handy. And now Travis, I mean, she's got a, she has a wide- Travis is washed though. She's gonna break up with him and start dating Hunter Henry. Brock Bowers.

Yeah. The rookie, the bald rookie on the fucking- Hunter Henry's the next Travis Kelce. No, Brock Bowers is already the The rookie, the bald rookie on the fucking. Hunter Henry is the next Travis Kelce. No, Brock Bowers is. Brock Bowers is already the best tight end of the league. No, Hunter Henry is. No. How many yards does Hunter Henry have this week?

110? I don't know, less than Brock Bowers. And how many did Travis Kelce have? Six. Six. She can't even be watching the game, because if she was really watching the game, she'd be dating where she writes. Exactly. She'd be dating Rishi Rice. Exactly.

She'd be dating their number one option. And he's a bad boy. Now does Taylor Swift have any black men on her roster? I'm not gonna answer. That's too, I can't, I don't know. Yeah, you guys are diving into some deep territory. Because. Talking about Chris Brown

and now asking why Taylor Swift hasn't dated any black men. I mean, if it was a white guy, I think that they'd be asking that it sure they hit John Mayer with that did they yeah, I Think he also just said that he prefers white women Piece of shit Fucking scumbag Yeah, I wonder why Taylor Swift's who would be the best black dude for her to date? If she's doing football players, she's like, that's almost the answer.

I was speaking to Taylor Swift, who just backflips over Taylor Swift. I can see you're switching leagues going for someone like Ja Morant. Ja Morant would be incredible. Ja Morant would be really cool. What a link up that would be. Taylor Swift just strapped up. That would be incredible. John Maran would be really cool. What a link up that would be. Taylor Swift just strapped up. No, but it would be an elder statesman.

Bonnie and Clyde. It would be somebody like Chris Paul or somebody like that. I think she's definitely, I'd say if she's gonna switch leagues it's gonna be the soccer. Messy. Baseball. Or Juan Soto or something like that. Judge, Aaron Judge. Or. Baseball. Could Juan Soto or something like that or a judge. Judge, Aaron Judge. Or a Shohei. Shohei, I mean if Shohei gets 50-50 she's gonna it's

gonna open up her eyes. Yeah. If he gets 50 home runs, 50 steals, that's gonna have Taylor Swift salivating. Has anyone ever done that? No. No one's ever? 48-48 right now. No one's ever done it? No and he's right right there He's two and two away. I mean he's gonna get it That'd be huge for Taylor Swift that'd be so big for brand in Japan dude, I when we went I went to the Yankees game Yeah, written Yankees Red Sox game last week. We were we sat in the bleachers with the bleacher creatures and Aaron judge is probably the biggest person I've ever seen. I had it.

He sat next behind me at dinner. Dude, he is ginormous. You were in the bleachers. I had him four feet behind me. He was like 30 feet in front of me. Was he facing you? I was facing him this way, but I took a selfie. I didn't.

My friend did. And he was next to me and had him in the background. I can show you the picture. I'm picturing him picture just hovering over your shoulder like sitting directly behind you like I was picturing that scene in like always sunny when Charlie and Mac make eye contact across the restaurant. Yeah I'm thinking of that shit. That's the kind of shit. I'm thinking of he's a big man, but dude I Nothing gets under my skin like the fucking bleacher creatures. Dude, it sucked.

They suck. Their little thing that they do where they call out every single- Derek G. It makes my skin crawl in a way that- I hate how they fucking cheer. I hate how every cheer is- I didn't like that at all.

And they all think that they're like, they think that they're more important than like half of the lineup. Oh yeah. Dude, Derek was, was like pumped on it. And he was like going along with it. And I was like, dude, isn't this like, aren't you guys like distracting the team by doing this? God damn, he's big.

Where is that? Luke Alley? No, that's Mark Bellottootto's Emilio Bellotto's nice One of the top five Italian restaurants according to the ultimate disrespect He's in public first amendment, right? You're no fucking I didn't take it It should have gone up and said what do you do for a living? You should have been hit me a home run funny guy Give me a home run, funny guy. No. Hit me a home run. Hit me a home run, big boy.

Big bat boy. Bat boy. So can you hit a home run for me right now? I'm thinking of getting into baseball. Do you think I could succeed? Yeah, you think I could go baseball? You think I could make $700 for the Yankees? I could probably catch a pop fly.

I've always wanted to be a professional baseball player for the Yankees who's an all-star. What tips would you give me to get to my dream? It was funny when like the Red Sox would be in the outfield and like a pop fly would come towards them and all the Yankees fans would be like, drop it. And it's like, dude, they're not, they're never going to drop it. It's like the easiest part of their job. And they've done this their entire lives. I heard, and I don't know if this is right because I'm not a huge baseball guy, but that pop flies are actually statistically far harder to field than grounders.

Harder to field? Like from an out perspective, as a pitcher, you're supposed to try to get people to hit grounders as opposed to pop flies. Doesn't that seem crazy? That makes sense. I would think the most ideal hit would be like either a home run or like a line drive.

No, no, no. From a defensive perspective. I think a home run is the most ideal hit. I think you might be right about that as a baseball fan. I think that that's probably right to hit it out of the field. See bro, what you didn't understand was that I was joking. And you didn't catch the joke.

So then you doubled down and tried to make me look like a damn fool. No, I agreed with you. This is what this podcast used to be in the early days. Is that Rome would be like, he'd be like, did you see Wayne Gretzky had three home runs last night? And then I would just, I would just go along with it and then it would get clipped out and they post it on the, this was back when they used to promote our show and they put it on the main page and they would and then all

The comments would be like this guy's a fucking moron Yeah, and I'd be like are you got you guys are morons? No, no your revisionist history in it I was slipping fast ones past the goalie and I always and now you're like I was letting you score I always heard it and always understood it. No, I don't know if you did I absolutely but I do like this this riff. This is a good riff This makes me think the sorting house would put you in the house riff and door Tell me if I'm wrong, let's clip that and get that on the main page Ten points for riff and door

Ten points for riff and door. Fuck. Yes. I Think that the biggest proponent of the bleacher creatures or whatever is Tommy Smokes too. Like he definitely thinks they're so fucking cool. Does Tommy sit in the bleachers? He definitely just thinks that like doing a whatever Aaron Judge. Yeah, but I don't understand that. They think it's like that's like the coolest thing you could do at a game. How do they not dislike that? And then they got to turn around and be like, like while they're in the middle of the first inning, it's really crazy to go to an American. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. It's crazy to go to an American sporting events sporting event and hear our chance.

Yeah, just the guy's name and then go to a fucking European soccer game and hear the entire stadium singing every word to a brand new song that who knows who wrote that week and they've all learned it and it's some crazy thing honoring one of the players. Yeah, that's true. I guess they do get pretty rowdy. Their chances are unbelievable. and they've all learned it, and it's some crazy thing honoring one of the players. Yeah, that's true. I guess they do get pretty rowdy. Their chants are unbelievable. They shit on Aaron Judge. So good. It's like so... It's so much better than that.

Yeah. And then you go to, like, international sporting events for US teams, and all we do is chant, USA, USA, which to me is like, you wouldn't go to see Mexico and have them be like, Mexico, Mexico. Yeah, but the USA chant is top tier. You think so? Absolutely. I think that someone being like, whoa,

Patty the baddie is so much harder than the USA chant. I'm not saying the USA chant. I fucking love the USA chant. USA chant, like I have a hard time not chiming in any time I hear one of those. What about J-E-T-S, jets, jets, jets. No, that one sucks. It's all just us proving we can spell.

E-A-G-O-E-X. Just a song that is helping people untangle themselves from dyslexia. I'm also close to being out on Sweet Caroline. Oh, yeah. Sweet Caroline, I kind of tuned out at. Can't handle it. Beaten to death.

I guess if you're like 18 to 22, Sweet Caroline still hits. Yeah. But if you're trying to relive your glory days of hearing Sweet Caroline, a song about probably a 17 year old cheerleader. Can't be good. There's something nasty about sweet Caroline. It stopped being good once the Red Sox reversed the curse of the Bambino because up to that point it was almost a protest song because it was the Red Sox that really made Sweet Caroline their thing.

And they would sing it in the seventh inning, right? I believe so. Seventh inning stretch, they'd sing Sweet Caroline. And it was a way of burying all the angst from losing all the years. Yes. If I'm at Fenway, I'm definitely singing Sweet Caroline. With your brothers, you'll probably crack a beer for that.

That's family. You'll probably break a beer for that. That's family. You'll probably break sobriety for that. Yeah. You ever see at the, what was it? Was it a Conor McGregor press conference where like some Irish dude just start singing like, I love you, baby. And the whole crowd starts singing along. So good. They might do it better than us, as far as just cheers. I mean, in like a Serbian basketball game,

they're literally like letting off flares and setting the fucking basket on fire. Like they're setting shit fucking ablaze. They're not fucking around over there. One yellow card from the ref and they murder his entire family. Same with like a Brazilian football game. Like they'll chase the ref, not even just out of this pitch.

They'll chase him up the steps of a Flavilla. I mean, the Irish have some pretty good, the Irish have some pretty good jants. Yeah. Have they? Yeah. Just like in general, like they go to bars and they're all just singing like old ass,

like sailor chanties. I like, I agree with that. That is nice. Remember that video that that dude made about going back to the pub after COVID ended? Oh, yeah. And everyone. I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy.

That video was awesome. Be everything that you need. That's the rule. That is really good. Or when they're like, In a bog down in the valley. Oh, the ratling bog down in the valley. Oh, there's always like an Irish woman at a bar who could be like, and the bog in the tree and the tree and the rat and the rat and the hole and a hole in the bog and the bog down and they'll go like for 15 straight like they can they can

on the flea there was a rash. Yes, rare rash ratlin rash And they could do so many in a row It is very impressive when an Irish broad can pull that out Yeah Rash from the flea and the flea on the tar to not appreciate that leaf on the branch and the branch and the limb and the limb On the tree and the tree in the box in the box She's spitting we used to do that. That was a song that we used to sing in Pachanga Which is a Spanish for the gathering?

And it was this thing we used to do on Wednesdays in at the private school I went to from first eighth grade before I realized I had to be a man of the people You went to put you you had a Spanish thing where you spoke or you did Irish It was a it was a full lower school gathering in the gym where the headmaster And the music teacher had acoustic guitars and would lead a sing-along and the entire school would sing first through fifth grade kindergarten Excuse me, and it was about an hour and we had all sorts of song but many of the songs that we sang were actually slave spirituals and

that troubled me Have I told you this before? We did the water. No, it was, follow the drinking gourd. Yeah, we sang that though. Follow the drinking gourd. For the old man is a coming four to carry you to freedom. Yeah, we sang that. We sang that in chorus. If you follow the drinking gourd. Would you guys sing it in like... And there was another one that went like this. Come on up. I

got a life long. Come on up to this train of mine. She said her name was Harriet Tubman. Yeah, but the problem, the problem is and then we would like go and get picked up by our parents at 330 and like and be like there is not a single black student at the school and I'm not sure that we should be singing these things. You'd be in the back seat and be like, mom, can you play follow the drinking gourd

on the series of accidents? You can put on Puff the Magic Dragon and reset us back to our privilege in this Honda Odyssey with full-bound DVD screens. Even Puff the Magic Dragon, I think, isn't that about drugs? Allegedly, I think that's't that about drugs? Allegedly. I think that's all from Meet the Parents.

Oh really? Which I started watching again. It's so fucking funny. It's a great movie. What a great movie that is. They all are great. No. That's like, dude,

that's like one of my favorite like comfort movies. It's unbelievable. It's literally the most uncomfortable movie. That movie is so good. That's also, that's not what comfort movie means. There's nothing comforting about it. Dude, that's like comfort food. All of those foods make me have explosive diarrhea. Yeah, but that's they're not learning foods. He said that his stomach has been so bad that instead of a doctor, he's going to like an anthropologist. No, I ordered an ancestry.com test to figure out what percentage of Ashkenazi Jew I am.

His stomach's so fucked up, he's like, this has to be Because I always have a religious problem. This has to be generational trauma that I'm going through. Because I always thought that it was a stereotype, and then I looked up Jews' stomach problems, and it said that Ashkenazi Jews have Like they're very prone to Crohn's disease and like IBS, which I obviously I have IBS But I want to figure out if I have Crohn's you can buy and then I looked at my dad's ancestry comm

He's 80% Ashkenazi. So I was like, I want to figure out what percent I am But you keep on saying I was can actually the tables gonna start floating, bro So I was like, I want to figure out what percent I am. But you keep on saying, I was gonna actually the table is gonna start floating, bro. I'd assume I'm probably like 40%, 50%. Cause man, I mean, dude, it's so unbearable. Why don't you just eat a salad? Dude, I do.

I ate a salad yesterday and I drank like a gallon of water. I took fiber gummies. No, you're doing something wrong. And I drank and I ate a salad yesterday and I drank like a gallon of water. I took fiber gummies. No, you're doing something wrong. And I drank and I took Gas X and it's like, dude, I wake up and it feels like there's literally a bag of fucking cinder blocks in my stomach. Yeah. I mean, I think it's what you just described isn't right. I don't think you're supposed to be taking Gas X.

I don't think you're supposed to take five fiber gummies. I didn't take five. I thought you said five. I said I five fiber gummies. I didn't take five. I thought you said five. I said I took fiber gummies. Oh, sorry. I took the dose recommended. Okay. So to me, and I'm no Ashwagandha Jew, but I think that taking Gas X and fiber gummies

are like counterintuitive. But I did that after the, it's not like I'm doing that every day, I did that after the stomach ache started. Well maybe you got a first day, the first day I took fiber gummies nothing happened and then I was like I got it and then I took fiber gummies and then like eight hours passed and I was like dude something's got to give so then I took the Gas X. You gotta throw some traditionally Jewish remedies at it like some matzo balls and gefilte fish. Yeah, maybe that'll help Maybe that's why they have like the traditional food

Maybe you need to smear some last night. I don't send me over some some traditional Rihanna dated him to little gas ex before It's so brutal dude, there's I'm unfixable It's so brutal, dude. I'm unfixable. No, you should just- I can't be fixed. Next time you and I go on, I don't even buy this. Because when we go on the road,

you have a burger for lunch. And that doesn't make my stomach hurt. And I have a grain bowl and I shit the right way. But this dude, the burger, it's like at a point where it's like the burger's the only thing that doesn't make my stomach hurt. Oh. Yeah. You gotta have my grain bowl.

Dude, that's worse. I'm gonna feed you the right bird seed. If I eat a salad, I'm pissing out of my ass for the next hour. You know, he's always making fun of me for eating my bird seed, my grain bowls and all this. I've never heard you complain about your tummy. No. Because you're not Jewish, bro. You're 0% Ashkenazi.

Stop trying to gatekeep stomach problems. Dude, this is something that's deeper than just like IBS. This is something that stems deeper than just like IBS. This is something that stems back thousands of years. I did the fastest shipping on the DNA test. Really? Yes. I need this shit done by Sunday. By sundown. Yeah. You need it by the Sabbath. Why are you, why is it not possible for you to just calculate how much Ashkosh B'gosh you are from your dad's contribution to you? Because my mom is zero. All right, so you take his 80% and her zero, and that puts you at 40.

Am I wrong? No, because in the Jewish faith, it actually puts you at zero percent if you didn't come out of a Jewish vagina. No, that's not true, because Judaism is a... You lose all your... It's an ethnicity, it's not just a religion didn't come out of a Jewish vagina. No, that's not true because you Judaism you lose all your It's an ethnicity. It's not all your Ashkaban Jewishness That is a sad side effect of the ask a bunny Very funny dude laugh it up making fun of my culture

You're the one that is calling him the dump dumpster dumper ooze When the hell did I say that? You were saying it right before the camera started. That's not true at all. Dumping their pants. They're calling it the dumperoos. Crohn's disease, IBS. Dude, it got to a point, because this is, I'll tell you what it is. This stomach ache that I get,

I have diarrhea. Yeah. So like I had diarrhea the morning before we recorded. then I left and I said fuck dude my stomach kills and then when I got home I had diarrhea again and I knew there was more in the tank but I didn't go again. I didn't go again the rest of the day and then I spend the rest of the day getting up trying to go nothing happens go back sit down get up like for like hours. I've

already done that four times today, probably. Yeah. And eventually, it's for some reason, it just it's not happening. Like I can't shit incomplete bowel movements is also a thing. Whenever people are like going through different symptoms, they're like, IBS incomplete bowel bowel movements. I think that's what you're going through incomplete bowel movements. But no, but this is a reoccurring stomachache that I get. I get it. I probably get it once a month. Like the software? Computer, like how? Yes. And then...

That is also a side effect, by the way, of the Azerbaijanis. Yeah. And then eventually the diarrhea, it fizzles out, it's gone. But now I just have this fucking steel rock in my stomach. And it's like, I shit this morning, didn't help at all. Because now it's just trapped gas. Okay, let's play a game. Be honest. You have to be honest. What have you eaten today? Today? And what have you had to eat? What have you had to drink today?

I had a croissant and iced coffee. That's it? That's all I've eaten today. Doesn't sound, that doesn't sound too good. Doesn't sound too bad either though. It doesn't sound, the black coffee could hurt. I didn't have black coffee, I never drink black coffee. I'm thinking of myself I guess.

Yeah. Splash of half and half shot of caramel, brother. Okay, so maybe that therein lies the problem. You're having a milkshake with a ball of butter. Yeah maybe that there in life, a milkshake with that's all the butter, flaky butter ball with a milkshake for breakfast. And how long ago did you have it? That was probably three hours ago. What time do you, what time do you, when did you go to bed? Went to bed at one

last night. Did you eat not too long before bed? Do you eat late? Yeah. Yeah, you eat late. Of course. Yeah. It's all I do. And what are you eating at like- A sleeve of Pringles last night.

Yeah. At fucking midnight. You put a sleeve of Pringles down at midnight. I bring them into bed with me. It almost feels fucking anti-Semitic to me that you would blame this on your fucking people when you're putting down full sleeves of Pringles. Okay, I'll tell you what it was. That's like blaming the Jews for the weather.

I'll tell you what it was. Which is their fault. But yeah, I'll tell you what it was. It was Sunday night, I watched football. And then I was like, I'm gonna get some pizza, right? That's a fun Sunday night activity. And I got pizza. And I got I got two slices of cheese. And I got some garlic knots. I ate two slices of cheese and I got some garlic knots. I ate one slice of cheese and then I ate all the garlic knots. Then I woke up the next morning, I mean shit like immediately. It was one of those ones where you open your eyes and you're already

sitting up and you'll start walking to the toilet as you open your eyes. Like your butt had to throw up. Yeah. Yeah. And then I had a Clif Bar and a Red Bull came here. And then that's when it all began. That's when the stomach ache began. So it was something that I ate on Sunday. But all I really ate on Sunday was I had a breakfast sandwich, a coffee, and then I had a slice of pizza and garlic nuts. I have a thought. Have you tested yourself for celiac disease?

No, you're eating a lot of gluten. I know I have a gluten problem. That's obviously. But you continue to include in every single meal, khaki bread. But then I'll have, but then I'll have. You're eating full pairs of khaki. But then I'll have. Kanye West's clothing color palette.

But there's other shit that makes my stomach hurt. That's why I don't understand. You're eating the outfit choices for Burning Man. Yeah, dude, it's definitely gluten. I definitely have a gluten problem. You need to eat the Pride Parade. So what am I supposed to eat, just meat only? No.

Because then that hurts my stomach too. No, don't, don't. You need to have some vegetables, some complex carbohydrates, some fucking rice. You can even eat white rice. Dude, the other day I had, the other day I had- Let's do white rice, a little bit of veg. I had rotisserie chicken.

I got a rotisserie chicken and I had some fruit. Yeah, that's so much fiber, dude. You need something to like, you need some rice. I want you to eat some rice. I'm trying to solve this thing. But I do eat rice! I eat rice every day! No you don't! Yes I do! You just described it!

I had rice last night! You said you had a whole sleeve of Pringles! That was a joke, dude. I didn't actually eat an entire sleeve of Pringles. How am I supposed to know when you're telling the truth? I probably had half a sleeve of Pringles last night. I also had, I had chicken, rice, and what's it called? Fucking, what's the vegetable?

Eggplant? I don't know, man. I'm done trying to like- Brussels, I had Brussels sprouts. Figure it out for you. That's a healthy balanced meal. I'm trying to help, but I actually think you're at a point where you enjoy having diarrhea all the time.

No. Well, it is satisfying when you go to the bathroom with diarrhea. It's not, dude. It sucks. It's a relief. It's very relieving. There's something to do, too, you know? I leave, and I'm like, I fucking hate myself.

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It sounds like your eating habits are terrible. But they're not that bad. They're pretty bad. They're not that bad. They're bad compared to you. Yeah, I don't have great eating habits. You just saw me house a whole bunch of candy right before we started.

Compared to what, like, I know what Owen and Tyler are eating. I know they're not eating fucking chicken and rice for every meal. Dude, if you ate Chipotle bowls every meal, you wouldn't have this problem. Dude, all I eat is dos toros. No, you don't. You just told us a whole litany of things,

and none of which was- All I eat. Every single day. Dos toros. No, you don't. You just told us a whole litany of things, and none of which was. All I eat every single day. I eat, I eat, I eat something. I either eat a croissant and coffee. You gotta get rid of this croissant. Stop eating croissants for breakfast. Dude, the croissant is like this big. It doesn't matter.

Have a bowl of oatmeal, do something. Even a breakfast wrap. Okay, I'll either have a bacon, egg, and cheese and coffee. Dude, I'm literally have a bacon, egg and cheese and coffee. Dude, I'm literally telling you, cause I eat the same, I eat one of these options every single day. I've never heard someone so inconsistent.

I only ever have this. I have this, oh then I have this. Dude, there's options for breakfast. It's either a Clif bar and a sugar-free Red Bull. If we're recording around like 10 or 11. If we're not recording until the afternoon, then I'll walk to the coffee shop and I'll get a croissant and a sugar-free Red Bull, if we're recording around like 10 or 11, if we're not recording until the afternoon, then I'll walk to the coffee shop and I'll get a croissant and a coffee,

or I'll have a bacon, egg, and cheese and a coffee. And then for lunch, it's almost exclusively Dos Toros. Yeah. Burrito bowl. I don't even have the fucking burrito because I'm like, I don't need that tortilla. I think that's smart, yeah.

And I'm not having like a bad burrito ball. I'm having I asked for extra fajitas Are you putting peppers you putting sour cream in there? Occasionally yeah, I think you're doing a lot of sour cream your guts just busted, bro It's busted and then at night like I barely even eat dinner like I'll have It's usually something along the lines of a burrito bowl again. Well, what does your daddy? Salmon.

Maybe you just gotta get on your daddy's diet. Salmon for every meal. Yeah, maybe that's what you need. And then he'll have, but he like, he like, he'll try to eat healthy, but then he'll be like, all right, I'm eating granola, or I'm eating like, I'll eat an apple, and then I'll eat like 12 apples in one sitting Where his shit have to be crazy. We're both of his parents 100%

Alaskan Airlines, you I don't know. I don't know. I don't really know his parents You didn't meet them. We've been through this a thousand times I know what Francis was on the pot not close to them at all. That was this was old son of a boy dad Lore, I don't know this I'm not close to my on the plot. I'm not close to them at all. That was this was old son of a boy dad Lore, I don't know this I'm not close to my dad's side of the family Sorry to hear that. It's not Doesn't matter. I mean imagine what they're going. I mean, yeah, I'm sure they're I if my dad's 80% Ashkenazi Jew I'm sure they're probably like a hundred percent Ashkenazi Jew. Yeah

Well, if he's anything more than 50 both of them have to have a taste exactly But imagine one Kenazi Jew. Yeah. Well, if he's anything more than 50, both of them have to have a taste. Exactly. But imagine- Obi-Wan Kenobi Jew. Imagine what they're going through though with a literally- I got a condi- They live in New York City. I should go find them and say, what are you guys doing for your diet? And maybe that's why you guys aren't close because they had had 80 years of stomach problems that's affecting their mental every day. Imagine if you went on for this for another 65 years. I mean my dad's the same way dude. It's like every single, I have such vivid memories of my dad being in the bathroom for like three hours straight.

But that's just maybe. And then he would leave the bathroom and it would be like the whole house would smell. But that's just dudes being dudes. Like going to hide in the bathroom I think is a rite of passage. Once people have kids, they just like go spend a bunch of time in the bathroom. To save space. You need a little bit of personal time. Dude, my dad shits for two hours minimum, and my mom is like gluten intolerant.

Like, dude, I'm fucked. I'm literally like a genetic abomination. I'm fucked. I mean, it does explain a lot. There's no curing what I have There has to be unless I literally just start eating like chicken with no seasoning on it and like an apple for every meal And maybe like a couple like this much rice like one rice ball What works for me and I know you don't like to hear this is eating pretty clean foods

And then my treats are sweets. I do eat a good amount of sweets. But I eat pretty clean healthy foods for my staple meals. You need to start getting that Cheesecake Factory cake that has 163 grams of sugar in it. That'll get you right. Sounds amazing. It's like 1300 calories and has 163 grams of sugar in it and they showed how much sugar and it's a pint glass of sugar in every single one of them I had a chocolate cookie yesterday amazing But that's the amount of sugar and butter that goes into anything that's baked that actually tastes good is Almost terrifying. Yeah, It's so fucking good. I'm so addicted to sugar now that when I finish a meal,

I immediately need to wash it down with something sweet. It's like a cigarette after a meal. Like a Frankie Tank with salt when you're just doing a sugar cube. My bite hasn't even gone down my mouth and I'm standing up out of my chair to walk up to the snack closet and see what's in there. Oh, you keep sugar in the house?

No, here in the office. Oh, oh, oh. I don't allow any sugar in my apartment. Yeah, keeping it in the house is dangerous. Well, I used to, I had a problem. I mean, I think I've told you this, where like one night I was so high and I had bomb-proofed my own house for myself

from a sugar perspective. And I was so frantic that I ate a jar of jam. Oh my God. Just jam. That's crazy. Yeah, it was really bad. It was really dark. It was as bad as big of a wake up call as like I've ever had. That's crazy. That's actual addict

But he's crazy a jar of a jar of jams No, I thought you're gonna say peanut butter. No jar of jam Strawberry is disgusting strawberry with With like the did it have like the chunks of the strokes. It's homemade. Oh my god I've tried to start replacing candy with fruit That's like my new thing my problem is that if I wanted that I eat so much fruit that I get it I do get a stomachache I'll eat like a whole bowl of cherries. Yeah the other then you get a string of hoops you get the sort of like

The snakes like you could you could Write a message on a cake in them. Happy birthday, Amelia. We love you. From your butthole. You could frost a gingerbread house. Yeah. The other night, I...

The other night. Dude, I go out and the thing is I go out and I buy fruit. Like I'll get like a thing of, I'll get a thing of blackberries and a thing of raspberries and a thing of plums perhaps, or maybe some oranges. I'll eat them all. This might contribute too. But I'll eat them all.

That's not okay. I'll eat them all in one day. That's also a problem. Like dude, I don't understand how you're supposed to open up a thing of blackberries and not just clear the thing out in one sitting. I agree. It's like two handfuls.

I agree. Well, you know what you could do? I have a suggestion. Do you like two handfuls. I agree. Well, you know what you could do? I have a suggestion. Do you like yogurt at all? Yeah, love yogurt. I've slammed the Chobani's on the regular. Okay, so what if you did some Chobani with your blackberries on top as a topping?

No, I don't want to mix them. I want to slam the Chobani and then take down an entire case of blackberries. I think if you mix them, then you would be full. Or I'm taking down like fucking like rips from 7-Eleven. Like just like plastic candy. It's one or the other. I'm never gonna stop doing that. All right, well, we would be good eating buddies

cause I get into a slippery slope. No, dude, it's truly insane. My bingeing is bad. Like I'll throw out candy and then I'll walk to the deli and just buy more candy. Like I got to pick up a pack of twin snakes. Like the amount of the amount of gummies that I eat. Like when I was younger, I everyone my friends used to make fun of me for eating so many gummies, but it would be like I would eat gummies like when it was like a weekend and we were

like out walking around, like when we were like young, like eighth grade. And now it's just like every night I'm eating gummies. How are your teeth? Are you, are you've got like cavities? Dude, you haven't been to a dentist in years. I've been to a dentist five years, but I am, I am doing better with that. I'm a floss every single night. That's not what I mean.

I would think that if you eat candy that regularly you it's not getting stuck in your teeth It's eroding the core. I brush my socks after I eat my gummies. I Don't know that it's you know, that's a band-aid right right now I'm sweating cuz I want gummies so bad just this conversation. Yeah Four loose Reese's cups a snickers and a Twix bar and an apple. You saw me eat this. Yeah. And then I got up and went back and got more. I'm starving right now. Would kill for just a pack of Harborough smurfs.

Haribo. Haribo. Haribo smurfs. Gushers? No now that's too much. Are they satisfying to you? The Smurfs? Yeah, they are satisfying. Do you like the gummy bears? I love them.

The golden package. That's good. People say that if you put that in a fridge, it's really good. I'm sure I do. You ever had those on ice cream? No, phenomenal. Really? Phenomenal.

What do you say on ice cream? It makes it seem like you're like had those on ice cream? No. Phenomenal. Really? Phenomenal. When you say on ice cream, it makes it seem like you're, like, on the drug ice cream. You ever try them sober? You ever try them on ice cream? I saw a good, uh, I saw a good, uh, grammatic joke the other day, and then I looked to see if anyone liked it,

and Francis had liked it. The Indian dude who said, uh, the joke about, the joke about, uh, getting drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, I'm I'm so drunk, and saying that it should be, I have drunk. You would do something so much that the verb becomes the state of being. He's like, we used to say, I drink, I drink, we drink, you drink. And then one day someone was like, I am drunk.

That's hilarious. Are you saying that you should just say, I have drunk? Yeah, I have drunk, but no. You become the thing you've been doing, yeah. Damn, that's biblical. That's pretty funny. I'm alcohol incarnate. Correct, you embody the action.

God damn, well I hope you get your shit right, bro. Yeah, I'll figure it out. I'll go to the doctor. You'll go to the anthropologist, and get to the bottom of this. The thing is, I don't even know what to. I'll go to the doctor. You'll go to the anthropologist and get to the bottom of this. The thing is, I don't even know what to say when I go to the doctor. I have a stomach ache every single day. Just play him this episode of the podcast. Yeah, true.

And he will be able to prescribe it pretty quickly. I've got a doctor in the city now and I go a lot. Really? I'm always there. That surprises me. That's good though. Yeah. I'm happy that you're doing me. That's good, though. Yeah. I'm happy that you're doing that. Anytime something's wrong, I go.

You need a dentist. I know. I do need a dentist. I was worried about, like, I definitely had a period of five years where I didn't go to a dentist. And I was scared that they were going to be nasty to me. That's what I know. They're going to be like, what's wrong with you?

I found a nice one, though. And they're, like, so nice to you. Give me what I know. They're gonna be not they're gonna be like, what do you what's wrong with you? I found a nice one though, and they're they're like so nice to me that wreck Leaf dental leaf. Yeah, fine. That's where I go No, I've been going there ever since I first went to find dental sounds hostile already finds good. It's fine Finds for like Harvard grads only no, it's the one that most of the people at Barstool use it's where everyone goes They're all the cleaners are free. I don't want to go to the fucking Barstool dentist. With our dental plan.

In the middle of a cleaning. So where's Dave at? I told you they have a guy that they have a guy you can pay 20 bucks to for to do a foot rub while you Get your teeth cleaned. Oh, that's that guy? What the fuck was that? Yeah. Never got that sound ever on my phone. What was that? Yeah. Never got that sound ever on my phone. What was it?

I've been having I've been getting notifications on my phone for things that I certainly did not sign up for notifications from. It's fucking creepy. Like what Uber Eats? He'll just be like time to eat, buddy. Yeah. So that shit is weird. When they do that, I switched to DoorDash. Yeah, it's insane.

I get seven Kamala shame messages a day. I don't get any political messages. You are our last hope. Well, this is it. We're never talking to you again, because you didn't sign up for a Kamala's petition. Like, OK, yeah, don't talk to me ever again. I keep getting emails about voting.

The NFL is sending me emails, being like, it's the last day to sign up to vote. That's got to be because of your draft video. It's gotta be. No, I think it's probably because I buy shit from the NFL store all the time. That could be. All the time, yeah. What are you buying from there, jerseys?

Referee jerseys. I got jerseys. I got a new Patriots cardigan that's become part of the Sunday ritual. Nice. That's huge. I'm loving the Patriots gear that you're in. Well, I had to rep it today just because they play the Jets tomorrow. It's going to be huge. I think we're going to smoke the Jets.

Must win. I think we're going to smoke them. Someone commented, I saw a post that was like, who do you think the Patriots, like Patriots Jets, who do you think takes this one? And someone commented and they were like, you think the Patriots are going to be Aaron Rodgers in his prime? Prime. Dude is rinsed. Who do you think takes this one and someone comments and they were like you think the Patriots are gonna be Aaron Rodgers in his prime prime

Dude is rinsed. Maybe he's they're talking about it's gonna be on Amazon Prime is what they're true about Thursday night football sure that could be a possibility That's gotta be what they mean, dude Have you noticed that like like bars and shit don't really play the Thursday night games anymore because it's on Amazon It could also be that he drinks Logan Paul's Prime. With KSI. We got to get one of those packs. The new Lunchables. The Prime packs.

I'm dying for one. Maybe that'll cure my stomach problems. Just a Feastable and a Prime. Crunchable? No, Mr. Beast has his new food. It's called Feastables. Oh really? Yeah.

That's fun. The kids love that shit. Oh yeah. He's getting sued right now. Beast, Beast. Beast can afford it. Buy someone something big. I'm sure he'll be okay.

Yeah, I think that he'll just be able to put out a single video and pay for everything. You guys ever joined a class-action lawsuit? No, I Saw one recently that looked. Oh wasn't that the NFL had a class-action lawsuit that like They were supposed to be putting Games on TV for it was like a billion dollar lawsuit that you could get for because they were they weren't playing games for everybody Or something like that. I think it got rescinded. I almost joined the one against Jewel. Really? The jewels are exploding. There was a class action lawsuit against Jewel for making kids addicted

to nicotine. You could have done that. Yeah. But then I started filling it out and I was like, I don't really give a shit about this. What is this for? Like $10? That's always the issue. Yeah. You think it's going to get watered down, the pot's gonna be so big that the people stop doing it. So many people are applying for such a small pot. But you have to prove you're the most addicted, like in Aaron Brockovitz. They were asking like weird questions. A ton of money. Yeah.

They were asking a bunch of questions about... You should tell them your stomach issues and say that it's from the mango pods. From the mango. The mango pods got you good. Yesterday I got stopped by two Japanese men on the street and they were like, we'd like you to join our Bible study. I am. Really? And I was like, really?

Well, what were they talking about? And they started breaking down the scripture to me right there on the fucking street. It was insane. But I have their number. That happened to me in the building. If you guys want it. What did they say?

A guy come up to me and he was like, excuse me, I just want to, have you ever, has anyone ever talked to you about like the word of God or something? I can't, like what happened in the, like, to that these two Japanese bros came to America and then just got turned out to Christ our Lord? They did what Columbus did. They mistook it for a different part of the world where they were on their way to a missionary It really might have been some shit like that Like it was like a Bible study that they were that they were at like they I guess they're just

Evangelizing they didn't even want that much from me. They're just like gave me their number They're like, yeah, text me like it wasn't like I thought that they were gonna Ask me to sign up for something or give them cash or something like that. But I guess that's how it starts. By the way, do you believe him? About nothing. There's nothing I believe him about.

You don't think? Yeah. I don't, I don't, because I'm giving him what I think are viable. I took him seriously and I'm giving him viable insights on his diet. Some people just like to have problems. That's right. Some people don't want to be helped. Yeah. Some people can't like, you could tell them a million different things. He's like Joshy Crocs. You remember who Joshy Crocs was? No, no. Joshy Crocs was a guy who was, he worked at Barstool and then he became an influencer who would like pour milk all over the subway as like a prank like 50 gallons of milk and that I remember like I used to try to like give him advice and his eyes would just glaze over like

He's just is like these are some things you could do to be a successful content creator And he just would like his brain would turn off. I hate that and that's kind of way. He's doing he's like no I do exactly what you're telling me already. I mean for me to go through his diet and And the fire and Rogers to continue to throws the in his prime Lose to the Patriots, which Garrett Wilson, you know, you guys talking ball. Yeah, I'm on ball Yeah, it's gonna be sick man. Ramon Dre Have fun. Have a good ball. Yeah.

It's gonna be sick, man. Remandre. Thursday night. Two TDs. Two TDs. Yeah, take it. Book it. We should go to a game. Yeah, I thought about going tomorrow, but I don't wanna go to MetLife so far.

And plus me and Francis won't be there. Oh, I was gonna go with my buddy Matt. He's getting here tomorrow. We're going to, uh, Peters? For the big weekend. Peters? The big Sebastian Matt. He's getting here tomorrow. We're going to Peter's. For the big weekend. Peter's? The big Sebastian weekend. Oh yeah.

Yeah. You guys go to L train vintage to get your tuxedos yet? No. Buffalo exchange? No, we already ought, we'll have them already. Where'd you get them? Just had one. Lie.

Now I'm gonna wear my suit. That'll be sweet, but it won't be a tuxedo unless you get a bow tie. True. I'm probably not gonna actually wear. I thought we were kind of all joking. And then I was talking to Bo yesterday and I was like, I'm probably just gonna wear like pants and a sweatshirt.

And he was like, are you serious? I was like, dude, I'm not actually gonna wear a fucking tux. You should though, like sit through a two-hour show It would be like awful. It would go so much harder if you did though Yeah, but I don't really I'd rather just enjoy the show than like be like doing a bit at the show I got a bad feeling you're not gonna go at all. Why just knowing you why I have the tickets on my phone Good seats to where game time hooked it up. Where?

Like, I think we're on the floor. What? Yeah. Nice. So he might call you up. And he's on a, he's center, he's doing the round center stage. Yeah. That's big time. I'm so pumped.

Yeah. You're going to be watching his back, bro. It's going to be sick. I'm going to record it secretly and upload it on YouTube. Or at least the audio. Yeah, I think those little yonder bag you guys you think they will I think so do that whole stadium then bring an extra phone. I was wondering about that I'm gonna have to talk to game time about that But you got to bring an extra phone like in the dark night when the guy can't fathom that he has an extra phone Where he's it's sewn into his stomach No, when he when they go when they go to the when they're in like Asia and the guys like we have to take

Your phone and then he brings another phone in the dark night rises No, yeah The one they say where they want or they go to know it's the Dark he goes to Hong Kong the dark night. I thought yeah, he like Pulls the guy out via the airplane. They will not extradite one of their own You remember that? Now I gotta rewatch them cuz right doesn't he goes name loud he like Morgan Freeman goes to negotiate a business deal I know I thought that was the I just thought that was Dark Knight Rises.

No. Bro, come on, dude. Interesting. We're gonna have to rescind your Dark Knight poster that's up in your bedroom. We're gonna have to seize that from you. That movie's so fucking good. It's great.

How would you know? So I've never even seen it. Seen it like 20 times. And you don't remember Mr. Lau? No, I remember when he gets taken on the airplane. They will not extradite one of their own. You don't remember that? Is he the one they always have the video conferences with and he's on the TV?

Yeah. I've taken some precautions. Surely you'll understand. For a second I thought you were talking about now you see me. Because he also, Morgan Freeman also has a second phone in that. Remember he records the magic show? And the the usher comes over and he's like you can't record and takes it I couldn't tell you that he pulls out another recorder isn't that crazy no one expects you to have two thoughts

Morgan Freeman has two different movies where he's recording something secret look that's fuckable that's his best role. That's his best role. Okay. Maybe that's like, maybe we just cracked an Easter egg. Maybe it's in every single, like maybe in like night of the museum, he's fucking. It's two phones. He's two phones. Are you fucking shit?

What? Museum? Night of the museum. Do you think this is an Autobot or a Decepticon? That's definitely an Autobot. What? Decepticons are all like tanks and fucking planes and shit. But that's like a red mean car

Dude bumblebee literally is a yellow mean car. You think that that's more of a lightning McQueen or more of a bumblebee? That's definitely more of a bumblebee. That's like a lightning McQueen That's exactly one for one lightning McQueen basically not even close lightning McQueen is much more round. I Don't even think I ever finished cars. It's a great movie. It's Pixar so it has to be but I just wasn't I just like wasn't buying that the cars could talk. Yeah that's true. It's unrealistic. I love Chitty Bang. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or what's another movie where the car is a night rider or the car is can talk I guess that's a TV show. Wasn't there, what was that one movie where the girl is like, she drives the punch buggy and it's alive?

It's not Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? I don't think so. Let's look it up, talking car movies, alive movies where cars are alive. Oh, Kirby, yeah. Kirby Love Bug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Herbie Goes Bananas. I guess that's the sequel. There's a surprising amount. Christine, the car, duel, Knight Rider, Transformers, Cars 2, Herbie Goes Bananas, Maximum Overdrive, the car, Road to Revenge. Herbie Goes Bananaland, the day of Port Noisier. Herbie Goes Bananaland. Herbie goes banana land. The day of Portnoy story. Herbie goes banana land.

Herbie has Herbie's. What? Just Herbie's stuffing a fucking engine into a tailpipe. And seeing his doctor two weeks later. Gross. That's fucking gross. Cars should be able to procreate though. You think cars will be on the human side in the robot war? Do you think that

they'll be on their own kind of? Or will they just rock with the robots? I don't know, probably the robot side, right? Because we kind of just like use them. Yeah. But I guess I guess it depends on if you treat your car well, right? Maybe if you like regularly clean it, take it to the car wash once a month, get the oil change. Now you take the oil, you get the oil change. Like if you treat your car well, I'm sure it will be on your side.

Do you fundamentally understand what an oil change does? Not at all. Do you? No. I think people will come at us for this, but I don't know what the fuck they... I think it makes it so the engine runs smoothly and doesn't overheat. Is it a lubricant? I thought... Well, you really went out on a a lubricant? I thought it was a lubricant.

A thousand bottles of KY. I remember when we were driving back from Wyoming to Denver and my buddies, the car that we were using had low fuel and we stopped at an auto zone and we just topped it off with fuel because we were like, we don't have time to do a full oil change but at least if we top it off your oil oil oil oil oil different than fuel. Did I say fuel? Yeah. Oh, my apologies oil not to be confused with the Upton Sinclair novel that turned into There Will Be Blood. Ah, that movie was

a snooze. I disagree. I can't disagree with you more. I didn't love it. I think it's one of the best movies of all time. I didn't love it. I can't believe how good that movie is. I watched it and I was waiting. I watched the whole thing. I enjoyed it. Would you do me a favor and try it again? I watched it probably two months ago. Okay, nevermind and I said I Think it's really one of the best movies ever made You choked on a dick What was that sound effect? I? watched that movie and I said I

Was trying to snore but it came out the wrong way. Yeah. You know? No. Bro, you're on some goofy time today, bro. I think this is one of my favorite episodes we've ever done. Really? Yeah, absolutely. That's crazy. This is one of my least favorite episodes we've ever done.

Yeah, well, you and I don't typically agree on much. I think it's been a good episode. I think every episode's a good episode. I think this is probably the best podcast there is. Come see me and Rhone in Austin tomorrow night. I'll be at Creek in the Cave for two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, and we're gonna head over to watch Pup Punk.

Where are you guys, what's the name of the bar you're performing in Austin in Austin? The Boston bar of Austin, Texas Austin bar. You cannot miss this We're gonna do the best damn comedy jam while we're out there. Are you guys gonna pay your respects? I Would I would kiss the star by Oh Jenny flex I've been the need of comedy I'll bet ledger made to Hans Kim and yeah you should stop by Mitzze's pay your respects I got spots in the mothership Thursday Friday Saturday 1140 mothership damn so you could joke all you want, but we are going to pay our respects. We're literally going to go. I was just there.

Not going up, not going up though, just observing and going studying, rolling my eyes. Nudging the person next to you being like, you should see what I could do up there. You guys wouldn't believe what would happen if I would do way better up there than these guys are doing. Then these guys, the best comedians in the world than they're doing going to that super hostile green room with 700 dudes with AR 15. That will go so on. Dude, you got to go it you go in there's like 40 cops just at just the entrance. I was at the bar and then I left the bar to go to the bathroom

and then I came back and literally dude, you know, like in like movies where like you're like someone's trying to walk like in like, we were trying to walk through the gate and there's like two guards and they like close in so that you can't get around them. They did. They pulled that on me. Really? Closed in and they were like, hold what's your name? What's your number? Yeah. 252. I don't think so. You have to pull up. You have like a tattoo of your like the holocaust. Two forty-nine. Alright. Wait a second. This is counterfeit. You scratched off an extra zero. You get you get branded when you go there. Yeah, it's like joining a black fraternity. They're like outside. It's like being a Zeta. You get stopped team that you get stepped teamed in. There's a secret code when you go into the green room. Yeah.

Reenrum. Yeah. A number, a numeric code, and it's your number on the 250. It's Buford's in Austin. Buford's. Buford's. Buford's. Good spot. Oh, really good spot. Some of the best Micheladas in town. Say hi to my boys when you're down there. Gardini, La Mer. Sean? Sean, Marshall. Just pop by, say what's up. They'll appreciate it. Where are they going to be? It goes a long way. Where are they going to be? Probably the mothership. Really? Yeah. Holy shit. Who's on your show? Luke Tuma.

Oh, nice. Yep. That's great. I like him. Is he hosting? No, he's featuring. Who's hosting? I don't know. How about the mothership shows? Do they have the full lineup out or you just know that you're going to be one of the... I think that's disclosed. I don't think you're allowed to say.

I don't actually know who's on the show. It's all part of the... Mystique. Yeah. Wow, we shouldn't have even said that you're on it. I know. No, I know. It's going to be fucking incredible.

We'll bleep it out. Come see me. They don't have a problem telling tickets, so come see me before at the Creek in the Cave. Yeah, that'll be great. When you go there, make sure you get the Wagoo Sliders at the food truck. I'm going to take Ron out to dinner. If we can find a time, I keep texting him about it.

Because there's a restaurant I want him to try. Suerte is my favorite restaurant. Suerte is very fun. It's very fun fucking amazing although I've heard really good things about Another place called like car. Yeah, or car. J or something. Oh, I've heard of that It's a I think it's a like Haitian restaurant or something. Mm-hmm. Jamie Spears semi-finalist Okay All right. Well, we'll see you guys next week

Nice Ronan Francis probably won't be on the episodes next week though Because we're doing surviving bars to you know, because we're derelict on our duties because they decided that they're gonna slack off this week Francis going back to Amsterdam So it'll be me Maybe KB and Nick they're coming to New York what and then we'll figure it out Are you going to talk about Diddy's thousand bottles of Lube now? Oh, we totally forgot to talk about the freak offs.

For Out of Order? Out of Order will be in Chicago coming up in October. So go check that out. All the other shows are sold out though. Boston showed all the other shows are sold out. Wow. Good job. Yeah.

That's going to be amazing. stay tuned for SASS to talk with KB and Nick about the freak offs. We'll talk freak offs and whatnot. That's honestly, that's where you guys are going to survive. Surviving Barstool is kind of a freak off. No. Yeah. There's only gonna be like 500 bottles of lube. How many freaks are in Surviving Barstool? How many people are in the cast? 24. 24? How many out of those 24 Do you think our freaks 1111? Yeah, you already know I'm just under name them. Name them. Why talks Dave freak? Certified freak? Wallow and Gilley. Wallow and Gilley. Freaks. Biz. Yeah, Dave. Biz freak. Absolute freak. Wait, I the whole... Arian Foster. Foster. Is Arian Foster a

freak? Oh yeah you never listen to, you don't listen to enough Mastro-dosing. Mastro-dosing? Caleb. Is Caleb a freak? What? Seven days a week certified freak. I've been getting freaky. You know Francis is one. Francis, no Francis you're not a freak. Beat my dick. Be honest you're not a freak. I've been beating itaky. Francis is the one. Francis is the one. No, Francis, you're not a freak. Beating my dick. Be honest, you're not a freak. I've been beating it. He's been beating his dick.

There's two more freaks. Who the fuck am I not thinking of? I mean the general sometimes, Smitty. Smitty's a freak. At times. Smitty's a low-key freak. Yeah, about... Sneaky freak.

Once you unleash him. And then Robbie Fox. Freak. Yeah, there's your freak list. The 11 freaks. All right. Sounds good. We'll touch on that this week, next week. Thank you. Goodbye.