Son of a Boy Dad - Assassination | Son of a Boy Dad #216

Episode Date: July 16, 2024

Assassination | Son of a Boy Dad #216 -- #Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- #Ad: Son of a Boy Dad is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/SON today to get 10% off your first month. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Yeah. Okay. All right. Are you guys all recording? Should be good. I wish you boys could smell me right now. I smell like cigar from last night. Oof, that's tough.

All right. We should be good to go. This is recording on everything. Let me just double check. Yeah, it's recording on this. My audio is recording. All right. Yeah, it's recording on this. My audio's recording, all right.

All righty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is July 15th. It's the afternoon, late afternoon, early morning for Roan out in Las Vegas. Because I'm in sunny Las Vegas, I wish you guys could see what I see right now. On the left is treasure Island. And on the right, I'm looking at the Trump.

Oh, the Trump tower. So famous. Trump tower. Gold head to toe. Trump really fucked up my day. That's for sure. It will be a prayer. So pretty much what happened was we banked an episode because Rone's in Vegas and we

didn't want to do Zoom. So we recorded an episode on Thursday last week and we were like, let's just not talk about anything topical. Like we'll be good. And then Trump got shot in the head. And it was like, well, that kind of like we couldn't imagine if we put that out and it was, we just didn't address it. We just acted like we just didn't talk about it at all

It's kind of funny honestly. Yeah, but we tried to sneak one by everybody and then Trump fucking brought us to life But Trump wasn't the one that fucked up our day. It was the it was that underbitten fucking Anarchist that what's it was the dude's name? Should we remember his name or should we forget his name? I have no idea I just saw a bunch of like random shit online like all the they're trying to find some sort of story with that kid And there's just nothing They're like I just bored. Yeah, they're like well. He was bullied a lot Okay, I don't think getting bullied makes you try to assassinate the president It's not like also

also We we can just assume that at this point. Yeah. Like, you don't see a whole lot of like, school shooters and presidential assassination attempts from a guy wearing a varsity letter jacket. Yeah, yeah. Until Tyreek Hill commits a mass shooting, I don't think we have to worry about people who aren't getting bullied committing mass shootings

Everybody down on the hill. It's it's the prom king Holy shit, is that Tom Brady? It's the point guard and the quarterback He's the lead guard and the quarterback He's trying to make a decision on a Broadway school or a basketball school god I you know, he's so he's so popular then he must have been struggling with the fact that he's gay Because his popularity wasn't the issue. That's not what made him buy an AR-15. I saw a bunch of shit that just couldn't have been true. There was one that said he tried out for his high school's rifle team, but he didn't get

accepted because his shot was bad. I was like, I don't think high schools have rifle team Maybe they do in some places Alaska sort of I don't know where you'd have to live that they're making cuts to that team. Yeah, it's true They're like we got a full roster. We've already got like JV's full the freshman team's full We can only we can only show his coach. Yeah I'll show you I'll kill the fucking president oh my god I guess it's funny now I mean we have to make it funny like right isn't that our job?

Or is it not? I don't know. I didn't... Like there's funny parts. It's pretty insane. I was more on the side of like... That was pretty badass. Like the fist bump thing was like... I didn't fuck with... I thought it was pretty weird that every single person

was just posting the exact same picture It's like yeah, we've seen the photo. You don't have to upload it to your feed on Instagram Everyone's seen it, but but it's it's uh I Think I said this to you guys. I mean I maybe there's a recency bias here, but it to me it feels like the iconic image of the last, since 9-11. I can't think of, I don't know, like a more enduring image of American whatever.

What do you got, Ron? When Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. Yeah. It's up there with that But as far as as far as like American history and leadership. I mean the blood streaks down his face the Defiant fist the word mouthing the word fight Is that what are you saying you're saying fight fight fuck I thought you have to say fuck yeah

It's close we'll have to get John boy to read those lips I Don't know if there's a look I mean you know look I I let's I'll just say for myself I'm not like a pretty down-the-middle guy on politics and like a lot of people probably was a little disenchanted with both candidates before yesterday and like I would I found it stirring and proud and, you know, it's just like how you would want your presidential candidate to react in a perfect

world. In the seconds after it happens, like I would be I'm trying to think about how how would you guys react? Like what what would you try, I would be, I'm trying to think about how would you guys react? Like what would you do? I would- Start crying immediately.

I'd be telling the Secret Service agents, guys, there's a little gap right there, can one of you scooch over? Like- Yeah, yeah. It's pretty fucked up. I'm not moving until we get 15 more people to create a cocoon of human bodies

to wheel me out of here. I mean, they killed that guy in seconds. Oh! Which is what, I don't understand how they didn't know he was there, but then they were able to locate him and put like 40 bullets in his head the second that he shot his gun. I think that speaks to the skill of the snipers

that are assigned to protect a presidential candidate and the fact that, and this is just total guesswork, the fact that he was using an AR-15 and they had sniper rifles. Yeah, that's true. I think another fun thing, not even what we would have done is fun to think about, but I think it's fun to think about what Biden would have done. Well, Biden wouldn't know. I think he would have died immediately because his because the only reason that Trump lived was because he moved his head to the right.

Biden, when you if you watch any Biden speech, he stands like a like a statue. He's he doesn't move his neck his head anything for an hour straight like it would have been You could have shot him with a BB gun in the head and he would have died It would have been watermelon salad all over that stage. Oh, yeah Also, everybody knows that people that old when they start bleeding it doesn't clap. No It doesn't clot. No. No. I mean, the ear to an elder of that olderness is an artery.

It's like, it's the worst place to be shot. Have you seen an elder's ear? It's blue. It's baggy too. It's just filled with blood. The second, a paper cut would have given the exact same wound to Trump as the bullet did. Well, that's why they stopped piercing ears after a certain age. Yeah. There's an age limit on it's like their driver's license you have to

get tested again. Dude, I was at my mother-in-law's birthday and everybody there was in MAGA hats already. And she had just gotten a birthday card that was like a Trumpagram. Like it was like a singing Trump card. She had gotten like two seconds beforehand and like everyone's eating cake and like half the people have migrated to the living room and

her new husband's kid was like, Dad? We all like gathered in there like in horror but like still mowing down chocolate cake. It was the perfect audience to be around for such a historic event. It was kind of exciting Yeah, that's thing that's crazy to me though. So it's like it was live on I wasn't watching but it's like it was live on TV so like if that did hit him in the head He would have just been shot in the head and died on live television like on like CNN. I Think so I guess it's like 9-eleven when they showed like they they were like it looks like there's another plane heading to

the towers and then that's just on live TV so I mean it's just it I think it goes to show that in today's age we're never gonna have as a pruder film to analyze the grainy fucked up footage of now it's everything will be documented and clear I think but but even that being said dude there's still so many conspiracies already oh yeah they saw or he's a CIA plant or the entire thing was staged like there's a billion levels of conspiracy thought Even with it all having been on camera like we saw 15 angles of the whole fucking thing happening and people I mean Billions but yeah the time of their life

I was with Gardini when it happened and and billions bought yeah and billions bought text to him and said enjoy the show But yeah and Billy and Spud texted him and said enjoy the show It's so funny, it's it's just an exciting time because it missed and He's about to put in fucking so much work, dude. He's about to whip ass so badly When is he speaking again it's the Republican National Convention is this week damn that'll be crazy this week he played golf yesterday yeah if I get like a little lower back pain I bail on golf yeah let alone shot Dude, I'm trying did you see the video they had a video of the sniper?

The the prep like the guy protecting him and there's this split second When he sees the the bad guy yeah, I saw that video and he does this thing where he's like He kind of like he's like he't... You can see it register like, what the fuck? And... He kinda pulls back from his gun and then hones in. I don't know if he was the one... I think he was the one who got him. But, um...

I think they probably just like, the first person hit him and then they kinda just ragdolled him after. Just like, all just empty to clip into them. Yeah. Because that's what they did. That's what their train. They're trained to kill. It's not like the cops where it's like you're supposed to like shoot them in the toes and shit. You're supposed like you're watching like a war movie like a one like the Navy SEALs they go and they and they like they're like working through a building and they shoot someone they don't they shoot them like 30 times Right like they shoot them they fall down and then they put like five more shots in their head to make sure they're dead

It's crazy Yeah, Ben Laden got lit up oh yeah came for him I think the ear is the perfect place to get shot I think the arm would have done him like bet like I think if he if he got the like I know everyone's saying that cuz he got shot like he's guaranteed to become president I think if he got hit like in the arm or something where like you'd have to have like a big ass like Unless he shows up to the Republican convention wearing like one of those massive head wraps. That would be hilarious Just a full head cast.

I really believe that he'll, like everybody's putting it behind many men. Like I think that he's so self-aware that he'll come out to many men. Like I think that he'll lean into it and like have 50 cent walk him out or he'll do something that's like culturally fun for the fact that he'll lean into it and have 50 Cent walk him out or he'll do something that's culturally fun for the fact that he got shot.

He should do. Have you ever seen Get Rich or Die Trying? You know the scene at the end when they kill the dude that killed his mom and then he goes out on stage and he takes the bulletproof vest off and throws it into the crowd? That's what Trump should do. Trump should just go out there with a big ass bulletproof vest on Just toss it into the crowd. Do you guys think that on a human level? Swipe away all the sort of bluster and the confidence and all that. Do you think that now?

Trump takes the stage and is nervous I would assume so I would be I'd be fucking terrified I mean I you know it's his own rally like I would have thought that would have been that's what I don't understand it's like like it's people are like well it's an assassin like I guess it is an assassination attempt because they didn't kill him but like I think any recent assassination attempts are like One of those ones where they find out like they already know that this dude's planning it and then they get him like at his Apartment before that it even happens not like a dude missed the shot

Like I don't know when I did it Yeah, I don't know when the last time that's happened is we're just like it wasn't like It wasn't like it's like he had it like he could have killed Trump so easily He blew it like the Secret Service totally fucked up Yeah That's a real problem. It's pretty bad The girls it's it's the gals It's pretty bad

The girls it's it's the gals It's like they thought it was like a fun like cute little job I need to find those girls Instagram accounts because you know that they just have like a billion pictures of them like holding the gun That one girl dove on top of Trump she was human shielding him The car girls are the car girls fucked up I don't know I think it's pretty that that must be fucked because it's like that's probably one of those jobs where you like you sign up and you know that that's part of the job but like you probably think well I'm never actually gonna have to do this and then next thing you know you're laying on top

of Trump as a human shield hmm there's got to be a better system like maybe like some sort of blanket that they could throw over him. Oh Yes, you're saying not something where they're gonna have to like pull the dead Secret Service guys off Is this shit a bulletproof like is his suit like does it have a layer of Kevlar? Oh, yeah Absolutely, I think is thick as hell That suit is probably this thick It's a phone book I'm adding being Trump and you're just like in the center of a fucking of it. Just like a pig pile and You're just like what the center of a fucking of it. Just like a pig pile and You're just like what?

must be so fucked Just a bunch of hot girls like laying all over you yeah, you know his ass got horny Absolutely, yeah, absolutely You said boobies in his back. He got fucking boned up over there. It was uh, I had to do irony which is the the photographer who captured the most enduring Images was from the New York Times and I really he had his finger on the shutter doing the rapid fire Right as the moment was happening and that's how he got what I think will

be maybe I don't know if it's I don't know which one will be more iconic that the one with the blood streak in the fist or but or the one with the actual bullet the actual bullet one is insane it's crazy it's truly insane and he got that I haven't seen the photo though without that big-ass red circle around the bullet I'd love to just see the actual picture go it's on the New York Times yeah I'll have to look at that and obviously Trump in the New York Times you'll have to subscribe friends yeah but you know that guy's gonna win the Pulitzer I would think for

Photography journalism and I truly think that's gonna be like the enduring image of the decade If not the last 20 years, I mean, yeah, we snake Should we snake draft our two round snake draft of our lasting images of the day? Oh, that's not a bad idea That shake that shit will go fucking viral if we snake draft it. lasting images of the day. Oh, that's not a bad idea. That shit will go fucking viral if we snake draft it. I don't know, I'm trying to think of any aside from the ones that we just talked about. Well, there's like four, go ahead, Francis, first overall pick. Of American history?

No, no, no, of this day specifically. Okay. Okay modern history No, he said yes that day or two days ago now Modern super modern history yeah I'll take the one with the bullet the bullet in the air behind his head or like heading for his ear all right So there's one left. Who wants it? Hahaha! Hahaha!

Hahaha! Or are we all just going to pick different angles of the same photo? Hahaha! Yeah, yeah. Hahaha! There's multiple, there's one where he's on the ground, between everybody's legs, there's the one where he's like, is given like a fist pump, there's the one where he's like, is given like the fist pump.

There's the one where like you have the American flag in the background. And then there's the one where the fucking, the dude's laying on the roof with his body riddled in bullets. Or there's the closeup of the shooter's head. I mean, I'm not trying to give away my entire draft board. Yeah.

I haven't seen that. I've only seen, I've seen the one with the shooter up on the roof looking like someone threw old clothing up there and forgot. Yeah, that photo was pretty graphic. Yeah, pretty awful. I was about to go on stage in Austin and Gardini goes, this doesn't look like the guy that they're saying it is. And it's just a photo of just a dude with his brain spilling out of his head Jesus it's like I thanks man. Appreciate that

Let me get up and do some fucking funny jokes, dude Uh, can can you guys believe the content Olympics that happened as this was unfolding? Oh, yeah people rushing to get their tweets out the comedians who are like I see like I can't believe so many people have clips already You see column even a Jordan Jensen column fucking that MOOC like everybody is fucking well, call it a column tweeted the thing that he said like What did he say? He didn't he didn't post anything about but he didn't do any he didn't post a clip he posted that everyone's gonna do a clip Mm-hmm, and it was it was it was very yeah He said he said great night to hit a comedy club

Do you hear some of and hear some terrible topical jokes that will go viral in the morning? Nice that sounds like a guy who isn't bitter at all well, I mean, it's true. It was everyone posted one. And there's really, there hasn't really been, like even on Twitter there wasn't really that many funny jokes. No. The best one I saw was a guy on Twitter who said like, you know, if it had been Biden he wouldn't have even flinched. Yeah.

Did you see that? No. The basketball ones were funny to me. Like the Ben Simmons trended on his own or we were like one for eight. Like that must have been Bronny James out there. That's funny. That's funny. I think.

Yeah. Oh, the Bronny James once was funny Dude my my muse of the entire event immediately like within 30 seconds of seeing it was the fucking magician behind him that the dude in like the top hat or whatever Who the guy like the bowler hat and the vest who was fucking right behind him who like barely ducked. Did you guys see this guy? Now he's like, you have to watch the ship back because he was literally a fucking like a low rent magician. Like he was wearing a bowler hat and then he immediately had lore. There's like articles about this guy from like 2019 that he's like a fake Kennedy or people think

that he was JFK Jr. or some shit like that. Like it's he was the goofiest looking human being and if there's anything that points to it being a false flag, it's this absolute fucking goofball that was behind him like not even ducking, filming the entire thing. I wish you guys saw him so we could share in the revelry of how goofy this bastard looked sounds like a clown It was a cloud let's play the conspiracy theory game though for a second. I think there's two routes to go Obviously like let's say that we we took one thread just for fun and said okay. Well Like let's say that we we took one thread just for fun and said, okay, well

You know the Democrats or whatever are trying to kill Trump and they hired this crazy guy to do it But then there's another route which is that Trump is so aware of political theater That he hired the most accurate shooter in the world Hit his earlobe hit his earlobe. Hit his earlobe. Ha ha ha. And turn him into an icon. Yeah. I mean, it's possible. I mean, look, if you're playing the conspiracy theory game along the rules of that, to me, that is the more,

that's the more compelling one. That's the one- You. That's the one. You know how in wrestling when dudes have like, you like bite down on a capsule and blood pops out. Yeah, it's a boresign. Like you can bleed from your mouth. Some shit like that in his ear, I mean, is exciting. And the fact that the shooter was wearing like,

it's a little bit on the nose for him to be wearing a t-shirt of his favorite rifle brand. Yeah, that's a little weird. I mean, I think the most obvious one is clearly New York Times was having a bad month. Clicks was and they got their best photographer out on the field and they said, go get a photo of the bullet whizzing by Trump's head. So I think New York Times probably set up the hit.

It could be there. I'll tell you that if that's me on stage, which it never would be, running for president. Could be. If it is. You never know. I am wearing 14 Secret Service agents who are trying to whisk me away. I'm not sure that I'm putting my shoes back on

Now and Trump was very adamant. Let me get my shoes. Let me get my shoes. Let me get my fucking shoes Those must be some nice fucking shoes. Well, they're probably just a damn good pair of loafers that he's been breaking in over the years Yeah, it's tough to find it's tough to get a good shoe that fits like that. No blisters. My shoe. Yeah. He knows better than to walk off in socks. I'm confused about what happened to the shoes.

He got shot in the head and his shoes just flew off like a fucking cartoon. Like a car accident yeah by a car and your fucking yeah how did his shoes come he must just be rocking them real loose or he's got very slippery dress socks on which that's true that's true yeah well dude you guys you guys heard the audio of the of him saying let me get my shoes, but then in the video It's you you see him like doing the fight fight thing But there's no audio of him saying fight which means that he's like mouthing it which means he's like lip-syncing it

Which I think is almost equally weird that he's like They could have just cut they could have just caught audio yeah during that moment because the Secret Service was all around him and they probably don't want people to hear what they're saying no you hear all there's audio recordings I unlike it was a two-drive back for my in-laws house and they played audio of everything like a long extended audio I think he was just like mouthing the word fight but I also wonder when if he lost his shoes like that and he was so adamant to get them back on it's like a guy like with a hairpiece or some shit like that like trying to like what is it what does he

have to hide with his feet does he have weird feet does he have weird toes you probably like my toes a guy who's self-conscious about his baldness and his like hat gets like snatched off or some shit like that. Yeah. And like before he gets like, before he leaves the fight, he's like trying to get his hat back on or some shit like that. Like what is, what's going on with his feet that he's so adamant? But I think it would be a damning image if he's scuttling off and dress socks and we see exactly what he's wearing on his feet It could be nasty. Yeah, you might have had some weird socks on to like some fucking like Spencer's gift shop socks Like weed leafs all over them

So he's probably like get me my fucking shoes Miss match like baggy Nike socks like socks. He's got one. He's got one Hanes and one dry fit They said that ankle socks, yeah, they said that uh, they said that Biden called Trump yesterday Yeah his rotary phone. Ahoy, ahoy. Hey, hey, I got to start over. He's probably just being like, can I join you? Can I be your vice president?

Yeah, like he knows this shit is chopped. They should collab. That would be so be such a crazy ticket. Them too. I mean at this point, I think Biden should stay in the race because the Democrats aren't gonna win no matter what. So they might as well just punt.

Not try to throw like someone they actually wanna keep and continue to groom a little bit for the next election or whatever I mean Biden can run again in four years at one he's gonna look like the guy up on the roof yeah bleeding from his mouth bleeding from his ears I'm surprised he didn't bleed from his ears just old and fucking bandaged up Old people are always waiting from somewhere Once they can't stop yeah Or they always have like a wrist like like a wrapped up wrist or some shit like that

And they're always wearing up they're always wearing a band-aid that doesn't fully cover the wound. And there's just like wound seeping out and the skin is yellow from iodine or something. My grandparents always have like 10 band-aids on at least. It might be swaggy for them. Yeah, I don't think it's like all rightable. It's not even on wounds It's on like places where they're they're just assuming. They're gonna get hurt that day Yeah, I'll put a real thing there Feeling tender on the back of my hand

I'm feeling tender on the back of my hand. Like on their hand. Oh man. It's a crazy look. So what should we do with this episode? Should we put this at the front of the episode? Let's just tack this on the front. Yeah, let's just tack this on at the front. Yeah, I could talk about my day yesterday a little bit.

I had a wild day. Wait, hold on a sec. Sass, are you thinking we do a full episode like of this? We're halfway there. We're halfway there. And I got a lot to talk about still.

So we could. All right. Fine. Yeah. All right. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When life goes so fast, it's important to take a moment to celebrate your wins and make

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That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash sun. Now back to the show. Alrighty, let's talk about game time. Did you know that you could get tickets right now to go see the Foo Fighters at Citi Field for just $62? Well, now you do know if you didn't know. That's right, with Game Time, the official taking partner of Barstool Sports and the Son of a Boy Dad podcast, you shouldn't have to worry when you buy tickets to your next big event. Game Time is the fastest way and easiest way to buy tickets to all sports, music,

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Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account, and use code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase term supply. Download the Game Time app today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. So I was out in Austin this weekend, the comedy capital of the world. Yeah, how was it? And it was good. It was fun. The shows were good.

The shows were really good. But going home yesterday was a fucking nightmare. I flew United, which I feel very bad about because last week on the podcast I was saying that United was better than Delta. And then we just had just a nightmare of a day on United We are more like you not it you not it. That's exactly that's so fucking good That's what I said to the pilot when I was getting off the plane

Everyone clapped they said holy shit that was brave They said you should run with Trump with that kind of attitude. You could be the next Veep. So we're flying and I'm watching something on my phone and I have the map pulled up on the TV and I notice that we just take a hard left, just a full 90 degree angle left. And I was like, that's a little weird.

Maybe we're just going a different route. And then pretty much they go over and they're like, And I was like it's a little weird. Maybe we're just going like a different route and then Pretty much they go over and they're like there's storms in New York right now Newark's not accepting any flights, so we have to land and we've been holding for an hour So we have to land in Rochester to refuel and then we land in Rochester We refuel within like 10 minutes, and they're like we're good to go We're just waiting to get to go ahead to push push off we should be out of here within the next 15 minutes and everyone's like alright cool it's not a big deal and and I'm pretty tired so I fall asleep when we push off and then I wake up and we're back at the

gate and everyone's getting off of the plane so apparently the engine broke like but like right when we were before right when we were about to take off, the engine just broke. And they're like, it's gonna be like 45 minutes, maintenance is coming, they're gonna come fix it, and then we're gonna, so everyone can get off the plane, like get some food, or you can stay on the plane, whatever you wanna do.

So I get up and I get some food. And then everyone's kinda just like hanging out by the gate. And then they bring in this whole new kind of just like hanging out by the gate and then they bring in this like whole new team of just like Just people just like nasty just like they brought like they brought him in for the purpose to just like fucking ruin Everyone's day just like a bunch of nasty nasty people like there's because the whole time It was just this one girl going around being like we haven't gotten any updates yet We should be getting back on the plane soon And then they bring in just this like pack of like 400 pound dudes, and they're like it's cancelled

Looking people in the eye being like get your bags. It's not happening and Everyone's like what the fuck is going on and this was like we had been in Rochester for three hours at this point and So then they're like the flights canceled the pilot left apparently that's why I got canceled out there pilot time out Yeah, yeah, he's like he clocked out He's gone so the flight and we're in they dropped us off in the smallest airport Rochester is like a four Gate airport, it's tiny So they drop us off there and they're like, flight's canceled, everyone goes downstairs like immediately to go rent a car.

And the line for that is long as hell. It's like these two 90 year old ladies running it. They're like, Hertz is turning people down saying they don't have any more cars. And then there's like dudes in the back of the line being like, we'll see about that when I get up there, I'll make them find a car It was so funny and And then we're waiting like I waited to get a car for an hour and a half and I was like fifth in line

it was just that you know how slow those fucking people are and Then there was like me Latinos. No, it wasn't latinos, but it was those people the people that do the cars feel that cars out it's always like 90 year old ladies and And so it's like it's probably split into like 50 50 it's like half of the people are trying to rent a car to get home and then the other half the people are like we're just gonna stay in a hotel and fly out in the morning and those people are all waiting for their luggage at baggage claim and

It's like probably like 40 people waiting at baggage claim and they're waiting there for like an hour and no bags are coming And then they're like going up to these like random dudes who work at the airport not people that have anything to do with these There's like war like custodians being like hey where our backs at like we've been waiting here for an hour and they're like looking at the thing and they're like our planes taking off right like the plane is just leaving with everyone's luggage on the plane yeah I didn't check a bag people are losing I Didn't check it back people are losing their minds Like dude, I never really got angry because I was kind of just I was kind of just like cracking up at how

Absurd the situation was like we we were flying to Newark They drop us off in the smallest airport in all of New York And then they just are like good luck. We're not we're not going to help you guys out anymore after this so it's just like they were just like abandoned in Rochester and then The plane didn't take off because someone got in contact with them. It was like you guys still have all the luggage and As I'm getting my key to rent the car some girl runs over and drops her key back off. She's like, our plane, our flight's back on. She's like, it's happening. And she returned her car.

And me, and like, so then people just start sprinting upstairs to get to the plane. And in my head, me and like 10 other dudes are like, there's no fucking way that that plane is taking off. It's been four hours since we landed in Rochester. So I'm like, there's no way that plane is taking off. It's been four hours since we landed in Rochester. So there's no way that plane is taking off. And people are like returning their cars, sprinting up to the gate.

I left and in my head I'm like, I really fucking hope that that plane did not take off because that would suck if I'm driving six hours back to New York now at nine p.m. and that plane takes off. And dude, I was checking the entire time never took off It just kept on getting delayed further and further. I was I was so pumped That sucks so bad for yeah, that is yeah

So I drew I had to drive six hours last night at 9 p.m In then I got home. I got I got back to my apartment like 230 Dude, I have terrible news for you sass it rained for like Not even ten minutes in New York. Yeah, that's what everyone was saying But I think in New Jersey and Philly it was like full-on like thunderstorms But that's not why like we only got we were only supposed to get affected by that for like 30 minutes It was the fart. It was the fact that the plane broke and then the pilot clocked out

Yeah, that's why we got fucked a series of unfortunate events. Yeah sass you illustrate a very interesting sort of Psychological thing which is that as you were driving you kept checking the flight To see if it was not taking off. Yes. Which, at that point, you've already made your decision, right? Yeah, but you want to feel good about your decision. But your feeling good then comes at the expense of the happiness of those who made their decision to go that way.

Absolutely, yes. So there is an element of self-serving... ...Shadenfreude, I might say? That was the word word that I was gonna use as well was Shad and Freud and you know I Am not like that. I'm not built that way. I don't my choice is not further affirmed by the Sort of a same time downfall of those who chose the other route. Now, you're lying. I know you and I know you would have done the exact same thing. If you rented a car and you were taking off on a six hour drive and after already doing a five hour flight, you would there's

you would have been pretty bummed if you found out that the flight happened the second that you left the airport. And here's why I wouldn't have. Because I know that I would have been too afraid to see that the flight had taken off. And so I would rather just put blinders on, move forward and take pride and happiness in getting closer to home with each passing minute. Yeah, I know what you mean.

I unfortunately was not feeling like that at all though. I wanted to- I might have checked once I got home to see if the flight had gone. I just needed to, I needed to reassure myself that I made the right decision. Cause it was expensive. But if it's not going, or if it is going,

then you're just gonna be filled with more anger and resentment as you're driving that whole way. Yeah, I wasn't very angry when I was driving. It was an easy drive. I had that shit on cruise control and steering assist, which is hilarious. You weren't angry because you saw that the flight wasn't going. Well, I still could have been angry at the fact that I had to drive six hours. But I know you. You're not like that. No. I had never done cruise control or the steering assist thing. It's like you're taking a train.

It's hilarious. I'm just sitting there with like my arms in my lap. Like, just like looking around as we're like barreling down the street going 80 miles per hour. Your feet flat on the ground. Yeah. It was like. Recline your seat, jerk off. It was like I was in my own personal fucking Amtrak. It was insane. I had never done that before. It was like I was in my own personal fucking amtrak it was insane I had never done that before it was crazy

It does get a little out of control sometimes though There's it struggles on some turns and then you know you got a car. Did you have I had a Nissan? Well, I didn't know they I didn't know they did that I didn't know the new Nissan's had Let me let me see what the model is I didn't know the new Nissan's had Let me let me see what the model is Dude new cars have everything and it's like the shittiest cars like ever made Like now have the most beautiful features standard like a fucking Subaru or a fucking Kia

Like all these have like incredible features just baked in but it's that's I think up I would have been in the same boat as you because yesterday I I Was on the tarmac trying to put in a bet on Argentina to win Copa America I just wanted to watch something on the flight and I couldn't get the bed in and so since I couldn't get the bed in for Argentina, I started rooting for Columbia. No, yeah. Because it's almost like a win if the other team like, it's like you're winning money if the other team wins because you've like subverted your own instincts or whatever. But the woman who has to have it the worst though is the one who returned her rental keys when there was a limited amount of rental cars. I... And so so... cars. And so, so.

Yeah. I can't imagine. I almost like, I don't, because you get to a point where it's like, you're just, everyone's talking to each other, which I hate that. I'm not a big fan of talking, but like, it got to a point where everyone's just,

you gotta turn to someone and go, this is fucking bullshit. Like, you just gotta get it off your chest. You can't hold it in for that long. and when she did that everyone like everyone that was in line was like that was a huge mistake by her like she waited in line dude she waited in line for like she was probably two people in front of me she waited in line for like an hour and a half and then as soon as she got the key she returned to the car and went up to every why would you think that the plane?

Was going to take off right? Hand is worth two in the bush exactly a bird and yeah So it was that means sass have you heard that one of course I think I came up with that What does it mean it means a bird in the hand is better than two hens in the bush. No, that's it. That's not it. That is a weird, just a minor alteration to it. What do you think it means? I don't give a shit what it means.

But it's important, I think. I think it's important. I don't think it is. You say words that I've never heard from anyone but you. So it's only important in the sense that when I'm talking to you, anyone else, I'm never going to hear that again. So it doesn't matter. No, you'll hear it. And what it means, Sass, and we're doing this for you. So is that it means when you've when you've got something assured. Yeah, having that assured thing is worth more

than the possibility of gaining more of an unknown. Exactly, exactly. So if I've got a winning lottery, it's basically the entire basis behind the game, deal or no deal. Are you familiar with that game? I am, yes. If you familiar with that game. I am yes. If you open your briefcase and it says you've won

the $500,000 prize and or like you whatever you've you've eliminated it and then there's there's two up there left and once $1 and once 500 grand the banker calls you and says I'll give you $200,000. You should take that. Absolutely. It's like, have you ever heard the saying a bird in a hand is better than two hands in a bush?

It reminds me of that. Again, you're sort of thinking too literally about the hands being in the bush. We're not rooting around in shrubbery. A common one that I've heard that it actually, there's a lot of questions and controversy around it is, is a bird in a hand better than four hands in a bush? Because then you start to wonder, does that even out?

Because maybe you could come out with four birds at that point. It's all about the birds. It's not about the hands. And this is why I'm glad we got into this. I think it's about the potential amount of birds Yes, yes, so in in my mind honestly if yeah four hands in a bush is better than one bird I think one bird might feed one man four birds could feed a village

You've heard that one It takes four birds to feed a village one it takes four birds to feed a village is it the bush I'm just thinking of it now doesn't the bush that you think it refers to like the African bush like a bush walk like not it's not like a burning bush like Moses style I think it's the bush like I think it's a hedge. I think it's a dense hedge. And you just assuming that there are two birds living in there that you can have, if you turn down the one you've already got in your hand.

I don't think you're going out bush hunting with the crocodile hunter to find two similar larger birds. Oh, see, I think it's a Overgrown pubic mount. I think it's just like a bush like I've heard this one a Thou or a dense thatch of pubes yes It could it could well be and I've always thought that pubic hair would make for a wonderful nest oh Absolutely for all manner of species yeah if birds get their hands on pubic hair It will change how they see the human they might fucking rip us to shreds

I mean imagine just a nice young yeah, just a nest inside of you, right? Imagine going to take a piss and just like six crows fly out of your pants Like oh what the fuck is this an omen go down on a girl and it's like that scene in Batman did you guys ever watch birds the movie yeah of course Hitchcock yeah I watched that with my grandma on VHS. She was like, this is the scariest movie of all time. It is. It was back then. And then, and Psycho too.

Psycho was really the one that people were fainting in theaters. Yeah, I didn't think that movie was that scary. I mean, obviously I didn't think it was that scary, but I get why it was scary It's like Jaws like people say Jaws is one of the scariest movies ever But then I think it's cuz it's like that like it it was so What they did was pretty advanced for the time and it put the shower scene. Yeah

Yeah, the soundtrack was doing the heavy lifting to of all those. Apparently that Long Legs movie is supposed to be horrifying. What's that? It's in theaters right now. Everyone's saying that it's like... super scary. I watched that movie, Host. Did I tell you guys that? Everyone talked about this, this movie, Host. It's a movie that's entirely shot on Zoom meetings. Oh dude, those movies are so bad.

It was not what I had hoped it would be. Any movie that's shot on Zoom or like Skype or like those ones where it's like the detective movie but it's just like from like the father's point of view of him just like, what was this email about? What did she write? Who was this email? Those movies are all terrible. I didn't like it very much, to be honest. Why'd you watch it?

Because someone really recommended it to me and it was rated by some publication as the scariest movie of 2023 or something. New York Times? I don't know, probably not. They're doing great. But I'll tell you that it wasn't, New York Times But I'll tell you

It wasn't good and It was very they were trying to be paranormal activity. Yeah, that's what it was trying to be I rewatched Moneyball on the plane to Austin Maybe one of my favorite it might be top three favorite movies of all time for me Yeah, when he turns around, cause his daughter is singing to him through the car, and he's crying. Yeah, no. The funniest part of that movie to me is when you see.

That's in the movie, Sass. He doesn't cry, eh, and he doesn't turn around because of the song, he turns around because his daughter tells him to turn around I don't think you're right about that. I just watched the movie three days ago. I think Francis is right about this He's not they play the song plays at the end of the movie the scene where he turns around I'm pretty sure it's a completely different scene What's the song?

I don't remember. You're just too good to be true. Can't keep my eyes. My kind of town. She's just doing Sinatra covers. Ba da ba da ba da da. That would be so funny. Why you filming? Shut the fuck up.

Oh my god. My favorite part of that movie is when Jonah Hill still fat raises his fat fist and just yes When they get yeah, yeah, his fist is so fat in that fucking moment I'm a sucker for a good sports movie. I've been watching I've been watching all the net of the ESPN 34 30s They're good. Yeah, I watched the Ford not four days in October Red Sox. I watched the Cubs one where the That dude catches the ball Bartman yeah Bartman. I watched the Duke lacrosse one. Oh, that's big. Yeah, that one was pretty good and Can I just convicts is a good one? I haven't seen that you I

Cataclysm convicts is a good one. I haven't seen that one you I haven't seen that then I started the Figure skating one the what's her name Tanya? I'm starting. Yeah Yeah, I heard I heard I haven't seen that movie really watch that Dude my favorite piece of media that my favorite piece of media that came out over the last day or so was the dudes who were sneaking into the Copa America through the ducts. Did you guys see that? No, I did not. It was swaths of Colombian dudes who were fucking breaking into the Hard Rock Stadium

in Miami like it was fucking Blue Streak, like it was Oceans 11, like it was fucking No Country for Old Men. They were literally climbing in through the ducts trying to fucking access the stadium. Really? Like, dude, it was so funny. There was like, they were like lined up and there was no security anywhere close to stopping them. It seems like as a nation, we're really struggling security wise right now.

Well, that wasn't us. Where was that? That was somewhere else. No, that was Miami. It was Miami. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's trouble. Those are some big ducks.

I always thought that if I had to sneak in anywhere via the ducks, I'd have to like really, you know, shimmy a lot, but they were just fully climbing. Standing up, yeah, they're standing up inside the duct. I haven't seen that, I gotta check that out. Granted, they're Colombians, so you know. It's in their blood.

Little tiny guys. So I was in Austin and I did this, I did the Vulcan, Vulcan Gas Company. Yeah, of course. The shows were fun. It's not really a comedy club. It's kind of just like a venue. And there was a lot of problems leading up to it. Like they cancelled my show on Friday night, my late show, because they double booked me

with EDM night. And like really, like the day before. And it was very, like dude, like they were all nice, like everyone there is nice, they're all nice guys, but I think they just don't know how to run a comedy, like it's not comedy. So they're like, it's like the show, we had one show, 7.30.

It started late. I got there at like 7.20 and there was a line out the door. It was not even close. They hadn't even started seating. So the show started late and I had Gardini and Nate Marshall and La Mer, but La Mer didn't do that one because there was not enough time.

La Mer, but La Mer didn't do that one because there was not enough time and and The owner comes in like right after the show started and he's like what time is this gonna end? and I was like an hour and a half from now like it just started and he was like Okay, we I was like is there a hard out and he was like yeah There's a hard out a very hard out at 9, you know, okay Well, that's that's an hour from now. That's one hour from now So that's not gonna work at all and he's like, alright He's like didn't no one he's like has no one told you like what's going on and I was like I Mean, yeah, I know there's I know there's a show after this and he's like

It's EDM night. It's like and he's like, it's EDM night. He's like, EDM night is after this. He's like, we just got EDM night back. We lost EDM night because of comedians going over their show time, and they didn't wanna work with us anymore. We just got EDM night back. If you go over, we're gonna lose EDM night again.

We can't lose EDM night again. And I was like, all right. Well listen, that's on you, Sass. I mean, let's be honest. The EDM community is an incredibly punctual crowd. Dude, I was talking to Chris O'Connor about it. He was like, he's like, does EDM night really care about starting their set like 30 minutes late?

Like don't they go until 7 a.m.? Like those guys be like, what are those guys be thrilled about having to go 30 minutes shorter? Or do they have like, we were saying, we're like,'re like do you have like a designated set where they're like? Yeah, I guess I'm gonna have to go short. I guess we'll just skip over who let the dogs out Back in my EDM days the getting there early was the best part I love to watch them plug in their computers

and do sound check. You got a good standing place. You got a good stance up at the front. Yeah, that's when you see what's under the hood and all the wiring and take your drugs early and then leave early. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, yeah. So we did not go over. Take your drugs Early Yeah, so we did not go over we saved EDM night lives on forever Because you did a 20 minute set no I had to guard Dini go short and then I did like 45

Texting me about this slay the stage dying laughing Yeah, I was pretty pissed off about it I don't want to say I don't I don't want to get too nasty about Vulcan because they are nice people over there But it was kind of a shit show, but the Saturday shows were awesome. That was it was super fun I went to the mothership both nights Which was scary as fuck Did you perform? No, no I went and hung out because I mean my shows didn't end till late and

It's like dude, it's intense there the Saturday night we were just hanging out at the bar and I was having a blast and I was like I got to go to the bathroom Where's the bathroom and I go to I didn't realize going to the bathroom was gonna Like a whole thing I go to the bathroom. I come back I had to go through like six levels of security just to get back into the bar like arm like dudes with like Pistols being like whoa whoa were you already in there? Just to get into the bar

I was like yeah, and then I got in and then another dude was like were you in here before it was very intense but it's pretty cool it's pretty cool place yeah it's special man it's special out there it's different oh my god the shit that Hinchcliffe built out there it's fucking incredible it's different he's a legend for that did you have any chance encounters with any comedians that are household names to the comedy community? No. I think all those big guys go on the road on the weekends.

So it was just, I just hung out with Nate, LaMare, Gardini, and Chris O'Connor the whole time. But it was fun. It was nice to see everybody. I had a blast. Was it hot as, it was nice to see everybody. I had a blast. Was it hot as hell? It was hot as fuck. Did you get some tacos? No, I got a burrito bowl.

I got a burrito bowl that, so I landed. I actually had delays landing too. We had to sit on the fucking tarmac for like an hour and a half. But I landed and I did this on purpose because I was like I landed I wanted to uber eats myself some food Because I didn't have a lot of time and I was gonna get your polt le and then I was like everyone you guys always shit On me for not trying like the local food So I was like, let me get like a local burrito bowl like something like like it's awesome

They have yeah, they have a store have, yeah they have great Mexican food. Let me get like a traditional Austin burrito bowl. Dude, it was the worst burrito bowl I've ever had. In Chipotle was, is miles better than the place. It was like diced chicken. You gotta, you gotta do some research. Burrito bowls are not traditional. There's nothing like, that's like being like,

I needed a traditional quinoa salad. I thought I was gonna get at least like some good pollo de gado, pollo de gallo, carne asada. Dude, nobody's ever been like Austin, Texas, the city of burrito bowls. Oh, I think everyone thinks of all Texas. It's like they have good, they have good Mexican food. Yeah, sure, but you know, you gotta like,

do a little research. Do you ever research? Not the bowl. No, I don't research, I was hungry, and I saw Chipotle, and then I saw some other place, right below it, and I clicked on their menu, and they were like, John's tradition, like John's legendary burrito bowl.

And I was like, well that's gotta be pretty good, it might hurt my stomach, but's got to be pretty good it might hurt my stomach But it's gotta be pretty good fucking guacamole was like brown it was awful It had like salad bar chicken like just those like little perfect cubes of chicken Oh, this is fucking disgusting, and I'm not picky about food at all Yes, you are bro. No. I'm not our patch kids. You need your fucking Yes, you are bro. No, I'm not our patch kids. You need your fucking Domino's pizza and you're you know all you whatever our enemies. I don't give a goddamn I don't give a rat's ass, but here you are bitching about the burrito exactly

readable was all The next time you're not meal. I had go to swear day swear day. I'll have to check out so right there Go to swear day swear day. I'll have to check out so right there That's where they food I Got upgraded to first class on Delta my favorite airline on the way there And I had a southwest chicken bowl that was miles better than the burrito bowl that I got in Austin Understood, I mean be real guys be real Let's get on understood. I mean be real guys be real Let's get on it. Yeah, I mean Burrito Bowl was not the order. I've recently noticed that every time I get a burrito bowl

I am unsatisfied because what I really want is a burrito I like I'll I'll have a burrito bowl and then I'll get like a bag of tortilla chips like I'll like that's That's the tortilla like it's right there it's just crispy I'm not saving myself from the tortilla I might as well just have the tortilla wrapped up and just fucking be the fat piece of shit that I am I'm not a huge burrito bowl because every time I get a burrito bowl I'm like well what I really wanted here was a grain bowl one of Francis's one of Francis's legendary grain bowls listen

There's not enough says I got a feed a lot of these birds in the bush When I get a burrito bowl, I'm eating it. I'm going hmm not nearly enough bird seed in this Yeah, bird seed where all where all of the raw sunflower seeds. Yeah, well listen I'll tell you this you know what I've started doing when I get burritos guys I take the excess flap The final fold because there's so much there that is a redundant Packet and redundant casing of the burrito and I probably rip maybe two full inches of tortilla off and then I eat it. And I'll tell you, it does get dicey because you no longer have coverage.

But it is very much that I am circumcising the tortilla and I get a perfect tortilla to innards ratio. And it makes it skinny and makes me feel better about myself. get a perfect tortilla to innards ratio. And it makes it skinny and makes me feel better about myself. Yeah, been there. You wanna watch those carbs. Yeah. Carbs of the devil. I do the same thing, I would do the same thing

rolling a blunt or rolling a joint. You rip off the excess paper, you're putting a little bit less paper in your lungs. Exactly. Same ethos, same ethos same ethos exactly that's why I've switched over to just glass strictly eliminating all the paper I'm more just a bong guy these days Francis Francis gave me his ball his old bong bongs away yeah he passed it down he said this was my grandfather's and then

it was my father's and then it was mine and now it's yours He smuggled it out of Auschwitz up his ass So much resin I've been taking this a resin. I've been taking just the fattest revenue resin hits lately. Oh Yeah, the res bowls because I've been all out of I've been all out of flour, so I've just been just taking resin hits to the dome You guys have a flower guy that I can get in contact with because I've been running low on flour And I'm not really a big oils guy Pretty dry landscape for bud right now pretty dry

Everybody used to be dry like in college it would be like to stay college is completely dry right now yeah like they're waiting on it like as if there's only one person that brought all the weed into Penn State yeah it was preposterous I mean now Penn State's dry as hell they're saying there's a flood at Villanova though me my boys are gonna drive down Driving down Fucking Noah's Ark down there. They did a whole episode of entourage We're like allegedly the entire city of Los Angeles was dry of weed That's insane that would have been like

2005 2006 how does that happen? What is it like the cartel just bought all of it or some shit I? Mean it's just before weed was legal so every yeah Everything was like but I just can't imagine a world where calif Anywhere in the state of California has ever been dry of weed well They're shutting down all the smoke shops in New York right now. They did no they're not yes They are all of it. No way. Oh, yeah, dude They're keep because they're a new smoke shop pops up every five seconds. Oh, yeah, but they're closing them down left and right

All the smoke shops around me gone you go up to them. They got the fucking wall the board the doors boarded up It's dry in New York right now Yeah, you're doing I went to a place recently to get jewel pods like right by the train station by me And the dude he goes you smoke weed and I said no I do not and he goes You ever decide to start? He was like he was like you ever need anything you come here. It's dude, I'm not buying, like there's real dispensaries here. I'm not buying fucking Delta nine from you. His sketchy ass. Yeah.

I mean, you're sketchy ass, honestly, that you're attracting that kind of behavior that would never happen to Francis. That would never happen to Francis. It would happen to you for sure. And then you would be over there like buying like Whippets and fucking Oxycontin. I don't know if I ever told you guys this story. One time back when I used to buy weed from one of those like bicycle delivery services where they'd unroll a yoga mat and there'd be 48 different

pouches and it was so cool. Um, they'd open a pizza bag or like they'd'd come dressed up as like a Buffalo Wild Wings delivery guy. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I wanted to be friends with them. But I had a guy that I'd gotten his number and one time he came and he was really cool and I bought some weed and then two hours later he I was pretty high and he came back and rang my

doorbell and I lived on the second floor of a walk-up and he goes I'm talking to him through the intercom of the place and he goes hey I think I left my bicycle in your apartment. And I was like, no, you definitely didn't. And he was like, are you sure? Can I just come up and take a look? And I was like, are you fucking with me? Your bicycle? And I think he was just trying to like, I got the vibe that

he was like trying to find a way back in which made me think he was gonna kill you. He was a bad, bad dude. But I also was like you never, you never, I think maybe he had brought his bicycle into the downstairs like foyer and left it there because he didn't want to chain it up. But to say that he had brought it up to my apartment was insane. And I was like, this is too far fetched. I was also very high. So it's very suspicious. And I, and I wouldn't let him up.

And I wouldn't let him up. What did you say? You're just like, sorry, man. I'm sorry. I just said, sorry, I don't feel comfortable with that. And that was check, check Facebook marketplace in two days. I'm selling it. You can buy that. It was a really weird exchange and it was uncomfortable. Yeah.

Do you think that he thought, did he like leave weed there or something? And he thought like the feds were listening. Like when you texting code to your weed guy, like I'm gonna take two slices of pizza. Oh, what was bicycle for? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

It felt too literal because he had ridden a bike those guys are airheads those guys multiple times dudes just either I didn't pay and they just left or like they would take out the weed to show me what they have and they just like leave a ton of it on the counter and be like all right I'm out of here. Yeah. It's like look side to side and just take it. They had no idea. I mean, it's not like they have like some drug dealer

or like pimp that they're going back to to fucking count the stash or some shit like that. There's no accountability in the weed man business. Boys, I got a skedaddle. I have a busy, busy Vegas day. But such a pleasure talking to you fellas. You too. Yeah, we should just start doing Zoom for every episode.

No. Just going straight from this to Call of Duty. Actually, I already have NCAA downloaded. It comes out in two hours. They had to pay 11,000 athletes. Did you see that in order to get the game going again? No, it's not surprising though. I don't know, I'm not sure how good it's gonna be. I mean, I don't like Madden,

but I liked the last NCAA that I played when I was like 13, so we'll see. Good luck. Good luck. Send me over those audio files. I will. And I'll work on that this can I exit the zoom? Yes, but do you know how to stop recording on the audio file? No talk to me all right?

I'll just facetime you all right. I'll see you guys. See you boys. All right. We'll see you guys on Thursday. Bye. Yeah, bye.