Son of a Boy Dad - Bank Holiday | Son of a Boy Dad #304

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

Bank Holiday | Son of a Boy Dad #304 -- #Ad: Download the Gametime app today and use code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase -- #Ad: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster at https://RocketMoney.com/boy -- #Ad: Connect with a provider at RO.co/SON to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you and get $15 off your first order -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. All right. It's literally a fruit fly. You see it. Yeah, I could barely see it. So it's shadow. Yeah, it's walking on me. I don't have the heart to kill it. Do you? Yeah. I saw its shadow. Yeah, it's walking on me. I don't have the heart to kill it.

Do you? Yeah. Sociopath. Alrighty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today is Memorial Day. Correct? Yeah.

Yeah. Shout out to all of those who have served our amazing country, all of those who have fallen, all of those who continue to serve. We are so grateful and your sacrifice allows us to live in this kind of bubble where we care about, you know, our ranking in Call of Duty and we sort of mimic the amazing things that you guys do and get very uptight about it. No, I wouldn't say that at all. Oh, you don't think they're heroic?

No, I don't think that anyone that's playing Call of Duty thinks they're mimicking military U.S. soldiers. Cosplaying? No, because actually a lot of times you're playing as not even the U.S. What are you playing as? Russians. Oh, you're committing treason? It really depends. You're killing American soldiers? playing as Russians. Oh, you're committing treason.

Really killing American soldiers. You know, it depends on what there's a 5050 chance on most Call of Duty is you're going to be playing as the Russians. I mean, I developed some soft I bought one of those packages, those patches to make sure that I was always an American. I don't know what that is. It's a patch. It's a bot. A patch? Yeah, it's called the... For good boy scouts. The red, white and bot, that's what it's called. The red, white and bot.

That's interesting, I didn't know they had that. Did you guys see today on HBO, they're showing all band of brothers? Oh. It's on, isn't it just always on HBO? I guess. I don't know. But like they're just playing it straight through.

They're really emphasizing it today though. I woke up and just like, as soon as I opened't know, but like they're just playing it straight through. They're really emphasizing it today though. I woke up and just like as soon as I opened my eyes, I threw it on and it was just the beginning of it and just was powering through having Band of Brothers on in the background the entire time. Did you know who was in Band of Brothers as a background actor? Not Tom Hardy, not Jimmy Fallon. There's another person that I noticed just watching it back Alec Baldwin that's not who I'm thinking of Vince Vaughn young Osama bin Laden background actor now yes he's too tall no he's a he's not a

background young handsome Osama bin Laden. His body was in the background. His head was surely above the frame. No, that's what they were looking for him while they were shooting it. And it was actually Bin Laden was a background actor playing one of the the boys from the Airborne. I watched that documentary. Same. What'd you think? I loved it. I loved it too. I will say there was a, I feel like I knew most of it. You know what I was really interested in that I wish they'd talked about more was the stuff pre 9-11. No, you should read The Looming Tower.

I've seen the show. That's a dramatized show. But they talk about like, they talk about the Kenya attack, they talk about the Yemen attack. A little bit. But there's a couple that they don't talk about. If you're the Kenya attack. They talk about the Yemen attack You're actually interested that's Lawrence, right? He's the I think one of the best biographers of Middle-eastern Already that I actually will I will read that you could also read black flags. That's more that's more Isis The looming towers great. It's about the 19 hijackers. 15 of whom were Saudi. You

believe that? Now, it's crazy. But somehow we're just in bed with the Saudis, I guess. I got radicalized by watching Charlie Kirk debate against a bunch of kids from... That dude sucks. I hate that guy. He went against a bunch of kids from what's the British famous British school? Oxford. Oxford. Was it the Oxford Union, the debate club? Maybe. I don't know who's going head to head with all of them. And usually he's like mowing down like,

just morons. Yeah, but then he went head to head with some kids, some dudes from Oxford and they were fucking body. He was like, do you know that there's a genocide in the South? He's like I've read about Myanmar, too Contrary to you, mr. Kirk. I know about Sudan my research It was fucking amazing It really took all my fancy the my favorite part of that documentary was the part where he's where I've I texted you guys about it but the part where

911 happens and then they're like, they put Bush in Air Force One and they have the jets out that because I was like, you never would think about it, but it's like that is obviously the safest place for them to be if the country's under attack. But they get them in the air. Yeah. They said he took the steepest descent. Yeah. It's crazy.

The other jets were going to like throw themselves in front of him. Yeah. I. It's crazy. The other jets were going to throw themselves in front of him. Yeah. I don't think that's what they were doing. I don't know if that's what they were going to do. I think they have rockets and shit. That's a guy that watched Independence Day right before they filmed that documentary.

Yeah. When he said that, I was like, I don't think that's what their plan is. They have the most high high powered military planes. No, it wasn't Independence Day. Was it Air Force One? There is a movie where a fighter jet intercepts Star Wars, maybe?

The missile and takes it so that the president doesn't get killed. Because I think it might be Air Force One. Probably. Think about Independence Day. Yeah. I mean, that movie is really unrealistic. You know, the president of the United States.

What if Trump just got behind a fighter jet, just a wheel of fighter jet? Cause wasn't it the president that went? He gets in a fucking fighter jet to go fight at the end. Yeah. Since, I mean, that's what it used to be though, I guess. You really want to go fight at the end. Yeah. I mean, that's what it used to be, though, I guess. You really want to take it back in time.

What it used to be? Presidents used to be on the front lines. Not while they were president. They're not kings. It's crazy. That scene was nuts. I got the chills when they did that, when they were up in the air. I got the chills when they when they did that, when they were up in the air.

I got the chills when they were talking about the flight 93 passengers, taking over the flight and saying we're gonna crash this thing. We're gonna storm the cockpit. Yeah, I'm honestly surprised they even I mean, I know that they thought to do that because they had found out about the other had they? Yeah. Oh, that's why? Yeah. And I believe so. I'm pretty sure that's why. Right? Didn't they hear about the other attacks?

Maybe. I mean, they played some of the voicemails that were going back. Yeah. I think it was 2001. There was TVs on planes and shit. And then they were looking for him the whole time. And he was just an extra in a band of brothers.

There were the phones that you could pull out of the seat rest, which was another one of those things that our parents were like, if you so much as touch that phone, our entire college fund for you will be drained with a one minute phone call. Though it was those mini bars and hotels. Yeah, those were big. Well, cause they say those,

it's like if you actually do touch them, you get charged. And then moving and then ordering a movie at a hotel rental. Yeah. I was at a hotel recently where the lady was like just a heads up the, it was like a nicer hotel. I forgot, I was on the road somewhere and they were like. Citizen M?

Probably, yeah. And they were like, if you move the mini bar, you will be charged. They're like, it's weighted. So they can tell if you moved anything. That challenge right there would immediately have me trying to do what Indiana Jones did. Where I would find a similar weighted thing

to the bottle of whatever Belvedere and I would see if I could swap as fast as possible Do you have a and what if it's too heavy, you know Are they an alert do they owe you money if you put back twice as much belt Belvedere? Exactly replace the nip with a a magnum that'll fucking show them that was citizen. Oh Idiots, I went and saw mission Impossible last night. How was it? fun Okay, playful. Oh, I was actually playing the Mission Impossibles right now. They're they are really fun. This one was fun I think that they benefit when they have some behind-the-scenes

Shots of the stunts that Tom Cruise has done. So we all know going in like, oh, this thing where he did this, he actually did this. That motorcycle one from the previous one was such a big part of what drove the marketing for that movie. They had to do it again. Rides the motorcycle off the cliff.

Yeah, you get it like 10 times or something like that? They did it so many times. What was the one where he broke his ankle? He was on top of the ship with his arms straight out. Yeah. Tom Cruise, that's the name. Yeah. What was it, though?

He broke his ankle. He was jumping across a building, and he came up short and smashed his foot into the thing. Damn. And they had to suspend filming. Those movies are such a blast. They're fun. Oh, some quirky British guy. Okay, I will, I have one gripe, which is that whoever's writing those movies,

and maybe it's a different writer, but they adhere to this technique over and over and over again throughout the movie, which is that there's a room full of people. It could be the room that the president's in or the room that Tom Cruise is in and it's like a briefing or something. And they're laying out what the plan is or why what they're facing is so problematic. Every single person in the room

takes a turn saying part of the sentence. So this is how it goes. They popcorn it? They go like this. Imagine that it's not even that, right? Let's say that the three of us, did you watch the Knicks game last night? Yeah.

Did you watch the Knicks game last night? Yeah. Great. So let's tell you that, let's just do this for fun. The second half. Yeah, great. Let's talk about the fourth game last night? Yeah. Did you watch the next game last night? Yeah. Great. So let's tell you that, let's just do this for fun. For the second half. Yeah, great. Let's talk about the fourth quarter, right? Okay.

What we're gonna do is we each get to say like a fragment of this, and this is what happens in Mission Impossible. Carl Anthony Towns was not having a very good game. He didn't turn it on until the fourth quarter. Yeah, man, he showed up in a big way. He was playing with five fouls, but. Those Indiana Pacers are pesky as hell.

And good. And yet the Knicks held on for the win, pushing the series. To two games. To one. That is how so many scenes in Mission Impossible go. Yeah, I don't like that at all. And it gets really annoying. That's like anime.

I never got into anime because the inner monologue pisses me off. Like it would be like we would be having a conversation and then in the show it would be like, Francis's shirt is striped today. Uh. Like it's just like the dude talk, it's just his thoughts constantly.

Yeah. It sucks. This gets so corny in these movies, and they do it in all of the Mission Impossibles, I think, or at least the last couple. But it's like the entity knows that the time is ticking down. Tick tock, tick tock. And that would mean the end of humanity as we know it.

It says Ving Rhames rhymes. Sounds like this movie sucked. I don't know. I mean, you definitely can't be watching it for the dialogue. You need to watch it for the ass-whippin' and ski jumps. You've got a lot more negative things to say about it than positive. This thing, it was one of those things where,

I didn't even notice it the first time it happened. And then it happened probably four more times throughout the movie. And then I realized, this has happened in every Mission Impossible movie. And I've never been in a room of six people where they played that fucking improv warmup game. Yeah.

Where like, let's tell a story. And you've got to build off what the previous person said. We're all sharing the ball here. I don't like movies or shows that have a thing. Like a little, oh, this is a reoccurring thing. Sure. Or if you can notice it, it's like a little like oh, this is our reoccurring thing sure or if you can notice it It's too much like you did you guys ever watch that Vince Vaughn show on Apple TV? No, the new one bad monkey

There's a there's a part of it where he says he says he'll look something bad will happen I think I've said this on the podcast before but he'll be like fuck nuts And he like enrages me Cuz you're watching and you're like clearly this is like they're really trying to have this whole fuck nuts thing like take the show To the next level like they want people to be walking around and be like fuck nuts. Have I got fuck? Yeah, not hats. Yeah koozies From the show fuck not wait. Wait, you watched two? Cause no one says that.

That's not a thing that people say. No, I know. It's not like, it'll be like in the show, he'll find out that he just lost his job and he'll be like, fuck nuts. I could see. And you're like, why? I could see the Apple executives

coming back with the script with red line rewrites to the writer being like, I think we should hit him with another fuck nuts here. The writer's like, dude, that's the seventh time. I think that's a little too heavy handed. And the Apple execs are like, you don't understand. Next year we're putting out a new show called Fuck Nuts. And it's actually gonna be franchised

with a package of corn nuts that you can fuck. That's literally what the show feels like. It's like, I'm trying to think if there's any other shows that I can think of that have something like that Well that did that show the Big Bang Theory. He would say bazinga all the time. Yeah. Yeah, like a catchphrase Yeah, but that show I mean and then they probably ended up selling a lot of shirts that said that on it They did yeah thousands millions probably it got syndicated into oblivion. Yeah. Those people were making a hundred million dollars per episode by the end of that thing.

Yeah, it's crazy. They're all so rich. Sheldon, what's Sheldon doing now? I don't think any of them can even get other jobs. Wait a second, is that show Young Sheldon a spinoff of the group? Yes. It is?

Yes. Are you serious? Yes, that's supposed to be Young version of Sheldon. Is Sheldon the lead? Yes. Yeah. He's Yes, that's supposed to be the young version of Sheldon. Is Sheldon the lead? Yes. He's the Bazinga guy. He's the weaponized artist.

I did not know that. I haven't seen either of them. I've never watched a single episode of that show. And I'm not saying that to be cool either. No, I just never, I don't know anyone that watched it. I've also never watched How I Met Your Mother, nor have I ever watched Parks and Rec. Oh, Parks and rec is great I know these are holes in my life. I've never watched how I met your mother either. I

had a family member that would watch or a bunch of my family used to watch Big Bang Theory all the time and then someone in the family stopped watching it because they pointed out that everyone was autistic in the show And that shouldn't be a reason to stop watching it like people are allowed to autistic characters are allowed to be represented Yeah, not in your house, though Look at the last of us that girl's autistic we found out they were all autistic so we went back to the office Wait till they find out about Michael Scott now there's. There's only two autists in the office. Who's the other one?

Toby? What the fuck? They all might be autistic too. No, I think it's just Dwight. You don't think Creed and Meredith are? No. I think they definitely might be. No, I think Meredith is like, I think Meredith and Creed are both like alcoholics, aren't

they? Yeah, but that's not mutually exclusive. I think it kind of I mean that that's nothing would about them would point out that they're autistic. I think that their lack of like social skills in like major situations would maybe point to that. No I think that's just like they're old and they're drunks. It's kind of the whole point right? I don't know. What are you saying? Break the tie. Well, I would, I don't know that that I have, there's something wrong with them and I don't know,

but I don't know that I would say it's autism. Yeah, but everyone knows people that you're like, Oh yeah, that guy's retarded, but he's not actually. I think that Meredith is an alcoholic. Yeah. Creed is just. Old. He's always playing solitaire, so that would be a point in Ron's favor, right?

See? Why? Solitaire's great. You know most sluts are autistic. I think I've played solitaire for, I think when I was younger, I used to play for like four hours at a time. Hairball.

With the, not even online, just with the cards. I would set it up. I don't think that You are our shining example of someone who is Decidedly not autistic. Yeah, definitely. I think I'm actually like one of the least autistic people on the planet really they're not I Don't believe it. Hey, you guys are all all autistic. Who's you guys? Tyler is all three of you don't even fucking look at Tyler. I was killing everybody about me. No, bro. They say that the first

step in knowing you're not autistic is admitting that you might be. Yeah, That's a sure sign. That gives you a chance at it. You're talking about people that have like addiction problems and like. Talking about psychopaths. And yeah. I was applying that as a joke to that.

I've heard a few. But it might work, it might be the same. Autistic people might not know they're autistic. These days you find out by getting cast in a TV show. Yeah. Someone will just tell you after the fact. Do they make out on that show? Do they end up making out with each other? In Love on the Spectrum? Oh I was talking about The Last of Us. The girl was told she was autistic by someone with them like Prue. They're hey, I'm pretty sure you're autistic

Definitely thought you were talking about love on the spectrum. They do make out on the show. There's like a bunch of first kisses and That's the only part that feels a little bit predatory about the show Uh-huh, cuz there's a dude filming with a $50,000 camera who wants to stick zooming in and out. Yeah. And they like kind of like break the music. So you just, it's just like, Ew, gross. Dude, one time I was in,

one time I'll never forget this. I was in the subway of, I was in the Union Square subway station and it was July. So it was hot, steamy waiting for the train, right? There was a couple teenagers, and they were of Latin origin. Wait, like Rome? Do you have a little loss on the Latin part as well?

Yeah. I went up to them and I was like, In pictura es quella Romana, e me ne corria. Are they speaking in tongues? Etiam in pictura es Fl... That's pretty good Latin. Flawia, as... No, they were, you know, they were a couple of kids

that went to whatever, they probably were, had just gotten out of school. I'm guessing 16. Couple punks. Couple. Couple Latin punks. And you know, acne riddled kind of like peach fuzzy mustache on both of them.

Oh yeah, of course. You know what I mean? And- Two mustaches sticking together like Velcro. Sweaty, just sweaty kind of, ugh. And they were making out so in a way that you could hear it above the trains. Dude, it was, I was, I couldn't look away.

I was just transfixed. It was disgusting. Have you ever done a show and there's been people making out in the crowd? When we did fucking, when we did San Francisco, we had to get those people removed because the girl had her hands down the guy's pants. Yeah, in the front row.

They met at the show. They didn't even know each other. They were sitting next to each other. It was joke-friendly. We only had one opener and you went first on that show. Yeah, by halfway through my set, he was finger blasting her. And that was like they had been seated for like 40 minutes, probably, at that time.

So they moved quick. They didn't. And they can't speak. So, you know. It was all hands. What was the joke? Do you remember what you're talking about? Because if they get married,

that could be like their wedding joke. Yeah, instead of a song. I gotta say, just listen to it on Francis' album. No one's ever accused me of my material being particularly erosic. Erosic. Yeah.

It's a romance novel, the joke. But every time the weird thing about, I don't know if this ever happened to you, maybe I just do it in a bad way, but every time I ever had that, I don't know if I've ever had it during a headlining set aside from when that was with you, but you were there and you addressed it before I got on. But I had to happen at the stand multiple times.

And I remember I would, I said something every, I had to happen at the stand multiple times and I remember I would say I said something every I was like are you guys gonna I was like there's not a lot of people in here you guys are making out it's one third of the crowd is making out and every single time it would just no one would think it was funny. Are you guys eating a peanut butter and jelly? Super uncomfortable and then I usually would bomb the rest of the set. Well what are you supposed to do? Just let him. I don't know.

I guess you're just not supposed to acknowledge it. Yeah, they think they're at a movie. Yeah. That's what it is. But it's like, I'm sitting, like I'm above them and I'm just watching them make out. It's kind of freaky. Yeah, it's like, it's crazy for me to not acknowledge that. It's voyeuristic for me to not,

it's weirder for me to be up there and just to be watching that and just be like, anyways, you know, just go on with my set. It's not it's weird for me to be up there and just to be watching that and just be like anyways You know just go on with my set Yeah, anyway, so the you I was a you haul the other day excuse me Hey guys The guy drops to his knees and they always they look at you and like you're fucking nuts. They're like always they look at you like you're fucking nuts they're like the dude how about some privacy buddy yeah Jesus Christ bro putting me on the spot I'd

tell you to get a room but I kind of need you here yeah you guys are half the crowd that is freaky as hell I was at I took my children to the doctor's office and I saw a dog walking by it was a seeing eye dog. A woman was guiding a blind guy and she commented on the stroller beautiful stroller that we have. And she started saying the blind lady the the seeing eye woman. Oh, also was had the dog and there was a guy and she introduced us to the guy he was like 75 years old and she explained that he's also a twin and that he had

Too much oxygen in the womb. So he's been blind his entire life. I didn't even know that was a thing that you could be over Oxygenated and we had just a lovely conversation with these guys. And then they went in, did their thing, and they were on their way out. They said bye to us. And I made a fatal flaw. I hit him with a, -"Nice to see you." And I felt so fucking dumb, dude. I felt so fucking embarrassed. Question.

Why was the 75-year-old man seeing your pediatrician? It wasn't a pediatrician. Oh. It's a doctor specific to twins? It was, no, it was, um... Since one of them was, like, one was up and one was down. Traditionally, with the one who's, like, feet down, you do at, like, between six to eight weeks, you do an ultrasound to make sure their hips are good.

So, it was an ultrasound place. Oh, so that guy was getting an ultrasound as well, presumably? I believe so. Yeah, I think so. Gotcha. But I was just embarrassed to hit him with a nice to see you because he's never seen anything in his entire life. Yeah.

I felt so fucking dumb. Well then there's even more of a reason for it. You're saying it was nice to see you. I'm gonna be like, hey, I'm gonna keep it honest and it was nice to see you. Yeah. I'm not gonna hold back. I just used nice to see you. Yeah. I'm not going to hold back. No.

I just used nice to see you so interchangeably. Or I use it instead of. Nice to meet you. Right, because you don't know if you've met someone before and it's become such a default that I always hit with that nice to see you. But I can't be using it on a blind guy that's bragging. Well, it would have been a lot worse

if you had just said nice to see. Yeah. Yeah. It was nice to be seeing. Then you're rubbing it in. But you're specifically saying, nice to see you, sir. And he was like, good looking out.

Yeah, it was. But he was he was born. He's probably like, I hear that. Yeah, that's more likely. Daredevil? Yeah, he probably heard me fucking thinking about the fact that he was Born like that and there's he was 75 years old though. He was born in 1950 So he just has gone 75 years of just not being able to see a damn thing, which I guess is better So he's always been blind always been blind

He was loving it. The lady was just ascribing everything play by play Too tired too blind just ascribe and everything play by play. Too old, too tired, too blind. I wonder what the life expectancy is for blind people, whether it's higher, the same or lower. Probably similar. Why do you say that? I can actually see it even being higher.

That's what I was wondering. Yeah. Because they take less risks? Because everyone's so, well, people are just cautious and there's kind of like a general Like idea like there's in society P if you see a blind person, you know You're not gonna let them walk in front of a car. Well, not only that but my eyes have gotten me into a lot of trouble True, right the one if I were blind I wouldn't be chasing

Destructive whores the way Huh, I wouldn't be chasing destructive whores the way that I have. You don't know about that. Huh? You don't know about that. Well, fucking Pacino did. In the sense of a woman. Yeah. But that was a fiction.

I'm getting a soap and water smell. That's what he says. I bet blind people sin less. That's what I think, yeah. I think you'd be surprised. Or I guess, but I guess Pacino was, he didn't used to be blind. It's probably harder to exercise and eat good though if you're blind. Really?

True. To have like a lot of leafy greens. I feel like the best, the most important thing if you're blind is feeling physically good. They're probably always even helping. How are you going to even be on a treadmill? Walk? You know how to walk. Yeah, but it's like being in the straight line.

Like I close my eyes on a treadmill for 20 seconds. I'm falling on the side of it. Toast. Maybe you also haven't been blind for 75 years. Do you think they walk in perfect straight lines? I'm assuming they probably adapt pretty well on how to how to move I bet it's harder than you think they might need to keep their hands on the thing which as we all know Less exercise. When you're doing an incline is less. It's cheating. Yeah, but you can do push-ups when you're blind You can do a lot of exercise. You just need to do them naked so that you can use your penis to tell you when you've gotten close to the ground.

Yeah, you don't know if you're just gonna go through the floor. Otherwise it'll smash your face. Yeah, yeah. Into the ground, yeah. You probably have a pretty good idea of like, you know, where like you have good awareness. You'd think. Like I think if your face is this close from the ground,

you'd probably have a good idea. They just can't see, they can feel. They can sense whether a light on a room is on or not through the pineal gland. Really? I could see it. So like you can sense the lighter dark, but you don't know what light and dark are. You know what a light is on two different glands in your brain. So you do know what light and dark is? Because if you know if a light's on, you know that's light. But like if you know if a light's on, you know it's light.

But if you've never seen it, it doesn't look dark. It doesn't look like anything. Hmm. Sounds like it does. I mean, it's not me saying this, it's the blindfold. But they're saying they know when it's light and dark. Does their pineal gland also differentiate races of people? Probably. Would they be like, wow, Francis,

you're looking particularly pale today? Oh, I wonder. That's what I'm saying. Maybe. I think it's like, if they were in, like, a blacked video, they would know. Like, it's like more of a surrounding of darkness, as opposed to just, like, a window being open or a shade being open and a little bit of sunlight

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If prescribed, new sexual health patients get $15 off Sparks on a recurring plan. Connect with a provider at roe.co.sun to find out if prescription Roe Sparks are right for you. That's roe.co.sun for $15 off your first order. I forgot mine at home. Really? Yeah. That's a big step, forgetting it.

Yeah, I guess. I would say that that's progress. I don't think so, I forget it all the time. And then what happens? Buy a new one, which I didn't do. How much are they? I don't know. It really depends. You go through one a day?

On where you're at. A jewel? Yeah. There's pods. Right. The actual battery lasts forever. You go through a pod a day? Depends on the day.

Sometimes. Memorial Day? We'll see. You never know. You wake up early to say Set your alarm so you can hit one 10 episodes of Bandit Brothers. You better believe Battle through a case tonight old cases yoga pods Fucking winters bro. That guy was a legend. I know he would have loved the jewel

You imagine if they had jewels over there. Yeah The German soldiers before you mow them yeah, yeah Man can you guys do do you guys know the ranking or the hierarchy of? Leadership not even army like literally not even close every day. I learn a new one Like literally not even close. Every day I learn a new one. There's 7,000 of them. There are a lot. Because General, Captain. Nope.

Really? No. There's more. There's like 18 between General and Captain. Yeah, but I think if you were excluding like, you know, the whatever, the sub ones within the... whatever. The sub-ones within the general tier. I'm thinking of a Reed Dallas freestyle where he's like, Reed he the general,

Reign he the captain. So, I just thought it went, that was the kind of order that I thought it went in. Do you know it, Francis? I don't, but Colonel is above Captain. Yeah. Colonel sounds goofy as hell. I know.

Like Lieutenant Colonel. Just leave me a Captain, all right? Don't make me fucking wear Colonel on my fucking shirt. Colonel is Lieutenant above Captain? Lieutenant is usually a sub of a denotation of each of those ranks. I think Lieutenant Colonel is above Colonel. And isn't it different branch to branch?

It is, so that's the tricky part. But within the army, which is Band of Brothers, right? Or they're paratroopers, is that army? Air Force? Airborne? I think it's army. So disrespectful on Memorial Day. I think it's army. I think it's Army. It's so disrespectful on Memorial Day. I think it's Army. I think it's Army, yeah.

Aren't they Marines? Roar! Are they Marines? I thought they were, but they might not be. I have no idea. Fuck, man, we are exposing ourselves. I've never claimed this enough. This would be my guess.

Pull up the Army one, okay? Roan? Yep. This would be my guess. This would be my guess. Pull up the army one, okay? Rone? Yep. This would be my guess. You have corporal at the beginning. Maybe. Private.

Corporal. Okay. Private, corporal, then maybe like sergeant. So you missed one. You missed private first class. So it's private private first class specialist, corporal sergeant. Oh, I did. I did well with that. OK, sergeant. Then above sergeant is. There's like four different sergeants. Yeah, OK.

But but ignoring that, right? Because there's like gunnery sergeant. Do you think if you're in the military, you know all this? I do. Yeah. Yeah, for your branch, certainly. Staff sergeant, sergeant first class. But then above sergeants is captain, I think,

and then major. I think it's saying in the army that it just goes, these are all sergeants. So, it's sergeant, staff sergeant, sergeant first class, master sergeant, sergeant major, sergeant major of the army. Oh, shit. And that's all... Then that makes me think Band of Brothers is not,

because it was captain winners and then major winners. Yeah. And then he was colonel. Oh, wait. That's enlisted. Then it was... And then if you're officer. Oh wait. That's enlisted. Then it was. And then if you're officer, then it can go second lieutenant, first lieutenant, captain, major. Captain, major. Lieutenant colonel, colonel, brigadier general, major general, lieutenant general, general,

and then five star general. They are airborne. Yeah. Band of brothers, they are airborne. Which is what? Army? We don't, they are airborne. Which is what? Army? We don't, we didn't, that's what we did. We knew they were airborne. God, we're so disrespectful. I love that stuff.

I think airborne is army. Airborne army. Yeah, it is. Okay, good. Glad we got that. Glad we got that straightened out because I was getting a little uneasy. Some people out there are listening right now. Pissed. Oh man, I got to join up.

It's about time. It's about time for me to quit these games. You ever get close? It's a little sun. Oh yeah, obviously. Yeah, I got close. I had COVID over the 4th of July week two years ago and I was on the website. It was on the website I walked into a recruiting office. Oh really? Yeah

You saw a chance to do pull-ups. Yeah, I walked into a recruiting office and I remember where the fuck what I was out in like LA And I remember where the fuck, I was out in LA and we were in this mall and I walked into a recruiting office and there were all these young guys in there and they were looking at me like, what the fuck are you doing in here? And I was like, I'd be interested in, you know. What was going on in your life?

Does it have any pamphlets or anything like that? Did you have a bad set or something? No, I was 21. I was a senior in college and I was doing, it was in between my fall semester and my spring semester, I had gotten a grant, a fellowship to go out to LA to look around at like the entertainment industry. Yeah, yeah, I remember you talking to us about that.

I didn't really like it that much and I didn't know what to do with my life. And so I was like, well, I've always really admired the military. You saw Harvey Weinstein and you were like, this guy gets all the pussy. I know. I need to get out of here.

That's what they were saying. I need to join up. I think joining up would not be a bad idea for me. Like I think if I just shipped off for four years, you guys took care of the podcast, I'd come back in four years. I think that would really do good things for you. But what if I was just like a hard ass when I got back? I think that'd be great.

I think you'd be disaffected. I think you'd be like, it's all bullshit anyway. Like you think the podcast, do you think we could just pick up from where we left off? I just had, but I just had more interesting stories. Yeah, it'd be cool. I know. That's what people wanted you to do early on.

Oh yeah. When people were like, get some life experience. Why don't you fucking go to Kuwait? Oh man, I would be such an interesting person. If I was a comedian and then I joined the military and then I went back to Barstool after. You reversed, you did a tillman? We'd just be having a casual conversation. I'd be like, dude,

that reminds me of when I was in Iraq. And you're like, dude, I was bombing the other day. We're like, what kind? Yeah. Are you allowed to say that? Is that what that was? Dude, I was actually in Kuwait. So this was, well, this was six months ago. I was in Kuwait and- We were clearing a house Already I'm so much more interested in the stories that you're telling I'm not surprised it would be sick

I swing around the corner and it's this grandmother. Yeah, and I'm like, I'm a I'm gonna have to fill her with lead I'm like is that a lasagna under her shirt, or does she have a bomb strap? So I shoot her, and it was a lasagna. Yeah. You've got to join up. One of us is going to have to. Those guys at that recruiting center I went to

looked at me crazy. Did you tell them where you went to school? Well, that's the thing. They were like, are you in college? And I was like, yeah, and they were like then you need to go to the officers Yeah, they were probably like this is bullshit there was another there was another recruiting office a few doors down that was for officer training school So if you have a college college degree, you go to college you go to officer training school Yeah, yeah that happens in Band of Brothers.

Remember the dude from West Point shows up and he's an officer and they're all like this fucking kid? It's, what's his name? Hanks. Colin Hanks. It is funny that you get to become an officer and have to do less just because you partied for four years. Just because you went to frat parties at Penn State,

you earned your stripes. Pretty insane to think that Chet Hanks is more well-known than Colin Hanks. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, yeah. Colin Hanks, I mean, in Band of Brothers, I know that's the character he's supposed to play, but he sucks.

He's stiff. Everyone hates him. But Chet Hanks crushed it in Band of Brothers. Is he in it? When he was like, Rustamun! Bud-Mun from the 45th Airborne! He crushes it in, uh, Curb. You ever see that one where he plays the U.S. Soldier? Oh yeah. Yeah. You have ever seen that? The one that gets PTSD?

No, he comes back and they're having like a Dinner or something and Larry David's there and he comes he's one of the dates He's expecting him to be like, thank you for everyone saying to her the service and then Larry goes that's to meet you Yeah, yeah, yeah really? Yeah But isn't at the end of that one doesn't he don't they have the like music and stuff at the golf course? Yeah, the PTSD I Don't really remember. I Just remember that one scene. Maybe I'm mixing up episodes

Bravo company stand up He was in your honor did you ever see that show no, I'd like that show or I like the first season of that show Yeah, an introspection of the beautiful city of New Orleans Brian Cranston Brian Cranston that guy can't fucking miss. Have you guys been watching the studio? I Only watched the first three. I gotta pick it back up. So good Cranston kills it in the last step. I'm having a hard time fucking sticking with anything, man. I can't keep, I can't. Don't say that, bro. I'm talking about shows.

I just can't see them. I can't even watch them. Dude, these episodes are like 25 minutes long. I don't care. I don't give a shit. I need a show that is so captivating that I won't look at my phone or feel the need to change to something else. And I

can't find that. The looming tower. Lord of the Rings, the looming tower. Yeah. It's on Hulu. I watched it. Oh, you've seen it? I thought you just read the book. I'm definitely going to read that book though. Yeah. Gonna have to crack that open. Gonna get busy this summer. How many books you think you're gonna hit this year if you had to guess? I don't know. I just ordered, well I already started reading it but I got the hard copy version of, of, fuck what is the book? I know that you're gonna double digit books. I got the Art of Living. What's that? So it's like a meditation book by a monk.

Showed up the other day. Let me show you the box that it was in. This is what it showed up in. Have you ever heard of this book, The Art of Living? I don't know. I think so. This is the box that it showed up in. It looks like your coffee table. The book was in the corner on the bottom. Why is it that big?

I have no idea. How much was shipping? $75. Are you serious? Yeah. What? Yeah. And the book was only 19 bucks.

What the fuck? I don't understand. You paid $94 for a book? Yeah. Why? It came in that big-ass box? I'm not sure can you get it on Kindle? Yeah Do they have a big-ass Kindle? I don't think you need a big-ass Kindle Why why did why did they do that? It's a marketing marketing ploy?

No, I'm kidding. It's that it didn't come in that box But I did order the book and then it did cut and Then I showed up the next day and there was a box With that said the art of living and it was massive and I took a photo of it You guys missed it hit it. I already hit those boys with it No, I saw it in the chat, but I was giving you the benefit of the doubt just so I sent to you guys too Yeah, I was just giving you a gracious audience No So when did I send it I just giving you a gracious audience? Did you see it? No.

So when did I send it? I don't know. Do you want me to find it in my texts? No, you don't have to. I went to DC this weekend. Really? Yeah. You hit the Smithsonian?

No. What'd you hit? Jewish museum? No, I didn't hit much. We went to a nice dinner to celebrate my dad's birthday. Oh, yes, yes. How did that letter come out that you wrote for your papa? Well, I ended up not writing anything

and I spoke extemporaneously. Well, he would respect that. He did. Off the top? Yeah. Did you have like a specific story you were trying to tell or was it just a waxing poetic of a ball washing of your father?

It was a nice thing because we had sort of talked about his career a little bit to that was sort of what we were remembering and thinking about. And then my sister gave a speech and then then I gave a toast, and I... I said that my dad is the only person I really know who, as his career really started to take off and do better and better, he was home more. Yeah. He was like, the better he did in his work,

the more present he was in our lives. My dad... when I was in seventh grade, I went to a school in Maine called Wayne Fleet. Yeah. Okay, it was a very progressive private school. Uh, super, super, like, liberal, kind of funky, you know, whatever.

Artsy maybe. Sports were not a fucking priority at all. And yet my buddy Michael and I were pretty good athletes. And we were big, we were big dudes. And we could compete. We would play against all the public schools in soccer, basketball, and lacrosse. And we could kind of compete with them

because Michael and I were big. And we played, you know, travel and all that stuff for all those sports. And we had a huge rival, we read with Freeport. That was where I was from. And all those kids, Danny Mailer, Luke Charest, there were a couple other, there was Eric something. Thomas Leonard, Luke Garadini, I think.

Either way. Dave Gambone. Either way, these kids were, I think. Either way. Garadini? Dave Gambone. No, either way. These kids were, they all played travel together. Away from school. So they were like trained. They were a unit and they were good. Danny Mailer was tough as nails.

Tough as nails. Tough as nails. Dude was special. He was. Danny Mailer, tough as nails. Long stick midi. No, he didn't even play lacrosse, but he was a good, he played soccer and he played basketball

and he was a problem on the basketball court. Big guy. Guard? Big guy. Shooting guard? No, no, forward. Forward, of course. Really, and-

Gotta take care of that. Gotta use that size as an advantage. Yes, stayed in the paint. I think he wore the Llewellyn Sandor Rexbecks. Angel of Beast numbers. What? He wore theual Senor Rexbecks. What? He wore the Kareem Rexbecks. Really? Yeah.

Antimattal. Well, anyway, the point is, is that we would play them. The goggles? I would get so almost sick before these games because I cared so much. And my dad, when we went to play basketball, we had a coach who was like the math teacher.

And this guy didn't know shit from fucking shingles. Yeah. You know? Anyone who signed up for the basketball team played basketball. Yeah, yeah. And he would sub five in and five out. Oh. Like hockey line changes?

Yeah. No game plan. Well, we'd be, we'd be like in the game and contending. And then it's like, all right, everybody, next group up, purple group. Go ahead. Purple group. And then fucking all of our dweebs would go out and Danny Mailer would drop his nuts all over their fucking foreheads.

You're like Joe Kik. And you're like, okay, well now we're down 30. Yeah. And I don't think we're coming back from this. Didn't that happen in the last round of the playoffs when like every time Joe Kik would go off the court, they'd go down by like 20. He'd take like two minutes off.

I didn't even watch that six. Down by 20? Yeah. Yeah. It's gotta that. Down by 20? Yeah. Yeah, it's gotta suck. Well, the point is- I was never that kid. I was never good enough to be like, if I was back out there though. For the most part, it was like, keep him off.

If we want a chance at this. Yeah, I'd be on the purple squad. Yeah, yeah. I'd get in and I could leave with a battery. And I'd be like, well, I really wanted to play. So thank you guys for letting me in. I know we're pissed that we lost. Yeah.

There was always a moral. It was always like, well, we lost. But the important thing is that we had fun or that everybody played. It was sports socialism. You know? That's what it was. So we had one or two games the beginning of the season.

And I remember somehow, Michael and I convinced my dad that he should be our coach. Oh wow. And the math teacher didn't care, you know. I think they were paying him 75 bucks for the season. That was his salary to coach the basketball team. He was like, yeah, please relieve me of this duty. So my dad came in and then my dad was able to schedule two additional games against Pine Tree

Academy, which was the seventh day Adventist school. And then some other school so that he could load up the playing time for our dweebs and therefore their parents wouldn't write letters to the school. And he explained all of this and played those kids. And then that allowed him to And he explained all of this and played those kids. And then that allowed him to win the big games. Keep me and Michael in longer and give us more playing time against Freeport and against. Well, why can't you and Michael just get the brunt of the minutes and then rotate everybody in those other three spots?

Because we still had, we had a John Watson was solid. Hillman Norbert was OK. Ben Borenstein solid. There's no way Hillman Norbert was good. Hillman was pretty good from deep. Dude was trash. Hillman Norbert was okay. Ben Borenstein, solid. There's no way Hillman Norbert was good. Hillman was pretty good from deep. Dude was trash. Hillman Norbert. God, when we got Joe Stockmeyer in eighth grade,

man, cause he came over from King Middle School. Did they ever bring kids in to your high school? Well, there were a bunch that came in. Like a little shady stuff, all of a sudden the coach has some new roommates. We had that a couple of times. All of a sudden the coach would have like six black dudes living with him.

We did not have that. No. We did, all the other schools would be like, well yeah, the St. George prep recruits. Like out of nowhere. They'd be like, we got a new student in class, jacked dude, seven feet tall. You're like, he's clearly 30 years old.

That's not who we recruited. In our place, it was like, oh, the art teacher now has six new sound therapists, finger painting prodigies. Someone's just rubbing the outside of the bowl. All of a sudden, the chess team needs a translator for the four new recruits we got from the former Soviet bloc. So anyway, we, why did I bring this up?

Because you were saying how your dad- Oh yeah, my dad ended up coaching my basketball team and he definitely coached lacrosse because he had played lacrosse in college. And then in eighth grade, he ended up coaching all three, soccer, basketball, lacrosse. Full-time job. Which sounds like an overbearing parent, but it wasn't that at all. We begged him to do it. Yeah.

And he made it fun. Yeah. And it was amazing. It was amazing to have him do that. It is wild that sometimes one dad, one athletic dad, becomes the dad of the entire neighborhood or the whole school.

Was your dad very athletic? Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. He played football in lacrosse at Amherst College. Damn. A friend of mine who played college football was visiting me this past weekend and he was saying that the other kids, like the moms in the neighborhood will be like, can you

teach Timmy how to swing? Which has to be brutal for their actual dads? Oh, yeah They're just outsourcing it to like the hot athletic dad in the neighborhood Yeah, just kind of be the one who's like getting behind your kids hips teach them how to swing a baseball bat I would be so furious. I just rather the kid be bad at sports I have like a be like father-cucked by someone else's dad. Yeah, that's so insane. Imagine Yeah, that means imagine like seven years from now Your wife's like we're gonna bring someone else in to teach him how to throw. Yeah

Throwing coach like throwing is the most fundamental Yeah, they might need it but I mean it's like that's fine. No, that would be DJs. That's fine. I'm 100% fine They might need it, but I mean, it's like, that's fine. That'll be DJs, that's fine. I'm 100% fine with them being DJs. Let's get them on the ones and twos early. Yeah, that's the only way. We had some battles in middle school. I remember my middle school athletic career

better than I remember my high school. Yeah, same, because I didn't have a high school career. One time we played Freiburg Academy, it was in a game where for whatever reason the better players, this was before I think before my dad was coaching. So it was like the, at this time we had different blocks of like the team or like 15 dudes on the team. And the block that had all the other good players was sitting out this game. Yeah.

And, uh. Well, yeah. So Freiburg, you're playing against them. Freiburg was solid. They were solid. We lost the game 36 to 34, right? Yeah. Some fat kid on Freiburg threw up a over-the-shoulder blind prayer from the elbow that bounced all high off the rim, just like Tyrese Halberton's game tire,

and dropped in at the buzzer to beat us 36-34. I scored 32 of our 34 points. Against Freiburg, it must have been so nice for that little Augustus glute boy to have that moment in the sun though. I knew it was special because I overheard their coach before the handshake line telling their players to make a special effort to congratulate me.

And they were like giving me hugs. They're like, I've never seen someone score so many of his own team's points. And I was passing. Really? Doesn't sound like it. Well, I would bring the ball up the court, I would pass it to someone,

and then they would pass it back, and then I would drive. They were sound like it. Well, I would bring the ball up the court. You pass it to yourself. I would pass it to someone and then they would pass it back and then I would drive. They auditioned it off to you. Yeah. That's why you wanted your dad to be coach. I said, get it back to my boy. Get it back to my son. Yeah, I got to hear this story from another perspective.

Yeah. Fucking Francis was glued to the court. Guess who? Guess who? Guess who scored the other two? Who? Hillman Norberg. Oh. Yeah, ask him. Good for him. Ask him. So this, anyway, the court. Guess who? Guess who scored the other two? Who? Hillman Norberg.

Oh. Yeah. Ask him. Good for him. Good for him. Ask him. So this, anyway, I realize I'm getting old because now I'm starting to regale people who have no interest with my tales of heroism from fucking middle school.

How pathetic is that? Well, maybe they're retelling the stories too. Maybe they're telling it like Wilt Chamberlain's 100 point game. See that guy who's on that host of Son of a Boy Day? 32. Out of 36. I wish Washington scored 32 out of 34 points. Yeah. Out of 34.

Out of 34. We still lost at the buzzer. Freiburg. Freiburg Academy. Freiburg. They probably have like your name upon a banner. I don't think so. At Freiburg. Because I didn't stay through high school at Wainflate.

But at Freiburg, they might. Yeah, that was at Wainflate. We did that at Wainflate. Freiburg probably took the whole team out for matzo ball soup afterwards. Yeah. I took the whole team out for latkes. I don't think it was a Jewish school, actually.

Sounds like it, but it wasn't. Yeah. We also played played Poland which is famous for the spring you played Poland Poland Poland Poland spring that's where Poland spring is from that was a lot of people think it's in Poland right I always do they just have big-ass water jugs put it this way that is most hydrate it they could run for fucking days. They called timeouts so their players could go take pisses, you know? Well, I really didn't know that that was in the United States.

Let me find out that Fiji water is from Fiji, Maine. Maine is filled with, it's gotta be the laziest state as far as naming our towns. There's a Paris, Maine. There's so many fucking towns named It's got to be the laziest state as far as naming our towns. There's a Paris, Maine. There's so many fucking towns named after elite European cities. There's also a lot of- We don't even have a post office in Paris, Maine.

Also in New England, so many towns have the same name. Yeah. Plymouth? There's a lot of Plymouths. 75 Plymouths in Maine alone. Why? I don't know. Because of the Plymouth Rock?

I guess. There's Falmouth, there's a bunch of Falmouth, there's a Falmouth, Massachusetts, Falmouth, Maine. Apparently the Plymouth Rock was ranked number one worst... Destination? Destination. Really? I went when I was a kid.

I remember thinking it was okay. It's pretty bad It's smaller than this table. Yes more than the box you got for your book. Yeah Tiny and you're yeah, it's not great Oh speaking of tables if there are any stonemasons out there listening. I am in desperate need of a new dining table I need someone who knows their way around stone. I'd like a stone table. If there's anyone who knows how to operate stone

or tables of any kind. I have a friend named Mark Jupiter who might be able to help you. Now we're talking. Is he a stone mason? He does like a lot of live edge wood, but he could probably do stone. He could probably work stone.

Do people who work live edge wood know their way around stone? If you know live edge wood would they say picking up stone is It's like transition from a clarinet to a saxophone say guitar to sort of man. Yeah, banjo It's the foundation piece that you just build off exactly Carpentry off of hmm. I guess it's not a carpentry. I guess it's masonry masonry, but you need a new table What was wrong with your old table? Well, this is from my place, upstate.

And I am having a banquette built. Really? A little breakfast nook? A nook. That sounds so nice. That's such a nice way to maximize a small, a tight area. Big nook guy, yeah. Because you can't put a table up against a wall like that

unless there's a built-in nook. That's right. It's gonna be cozy as all hell. Like a booth? A booth. That's gonna be sick. Right? I gotta get a booth.

I'm excited. Maybe I'll blow out my kitchen and make it a booth. Just a single booth. Yeah. One booth? John Wilkes. Booth by Harbor? Yeah. That would be so nice. You don't need your kitchen. Your kitchen is such a fucking waste.

It is. It's a waste of space. Or just make it a loft. Get rid of it. Yeah. Wipe it. Yeah. Put a booth on the top. That'd be so nice. What made you settle on stone? The colors of my place. I think stone's kind of the one. well I have a marble countertop, but I don't have a I have so much wood that to do a wood table feels, it's gonna get a little too woody. What is it, a log cabin? Pretty much.

Exactly. Got to get some stone. So anyways, just to clarify, we are looking for a stone mason. If there's any stone masasons that listen to the podcast. Unless Mark Jupiter can help you. Please reach out. Unless my close friend Mark Jupiter can. What are you trying to get the stonemason to do? Just come do some measurements. If there's a stonemason who just has some excess piece of slab,

a nice slab of some limestone or something like that, maybe something that has a little bit of a chip in it where he's like, well, I can't use that. Yeah. Listen, I don't mind a chip. In fact, I think it adds character. Okay. If it's like straight rock.

Like, are you looking for more of a marble or like rock? I want rock. I want a table that weighs 4 billion pounds. It's gonna be tough to like do anything on that. I wanna get a table that requires like a crane. Like if you have like dinner on it. Lift it through the window. Like your plate's gonna be all uneven.

No, it's a flat stone. It's gonna be nice and smooth. Well, you're saying you're asking for secondhand stone here. You're asking for some. Okay, well then, sure, there's gonna be a little bit of a crack or a notch maybe, but hopefully that'll be on the underside. Even if it's just a chip that's right there on the front,

it's noticeable. How thin are we talking? I'm picturing a thick- I'm picturing a rock, a boulder. I'm picturing a boulder with like an iron pipe holding it up. That's kind of what I'm seeing too. I want the base to be stone and I want the top to be stone.

Got it. This sounds like an expensive table. I found one- I want the base to be stone and I want the top to be stone. Got it. This sounds like an expensive table. I found one. This sounds like a table that people would be like, how do they even make this? I found a bunch on Etsy that are like 1500 bucks. That's cheap stone. Probably.

I'm not trying to like- You want obsidian. You're looking for obsidian, an obsidian slab. Yeah. Onyx maybe? What about concrete? Concrete's definitely cheaper. I would think about concrete.

Concrete's kind of cool. But it's just you pour it. I'd rather have stone. I want stone. Yeah, you don't want concrete. Concrete's nice. You know what I like about stone? Here's what I like about stone.

On a hot day, you're sitting there, you're working on your computer, you put your forearms down on a stone, and you cool off. Yeah. Here's what I don't like about stone. You roll your ankle a little bit in your living room, you trip and you fall, and then the stone goes through your forehead when you fall down.

Yeah, true. That is true. You can't live if you fall onto stone. Yeah, you're not wrong about that. Or, but I mean, it is- Concrete, too, though. Possible deniability. Well, I've got renter's insurance. Smoke someone's head off of it or something like that and it's like oh they fell. They hit the stone. I have renter's insurance.

Yeah you do something about that stone. Another positive, you could put a sword right in the middle and maybe only the strongest local could pull it out. But it's just a secret hatch underneath but you're the only one that knows about it to release the sword. Right. So you have a bunch of people come over and everyone tries to lift the sword, and then you go in.

Or I have whoever can do it get some kind of a prize, right? Fuck my wife, whatever. Yeah, yeah. And then when it's finally the guy I actually want to watch do that, I'll hit the button. Okay. Oh, my God. Andre.

Wow, what a lucky day. You pulled that right out. So easy. You've been lifting? Mr. Ellis, why is your foot on the lever? Uh-huh. This? Oh, no. This thing no way Andre If you want me to fuck your wife you just ask

Alright perfect ass Andre. I gotta get out of here. Okay. We've been going for over an hour and 20 I was having fun. Yeah, I was just having a good time. Oh, it's Memorial Day. Yeah, right I gotta go pay respects. Well, maybe you study up on the military bone up on the Organizational structure of the Navy or something like that. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Shout out to my grandpa, fought in fucking D-Day, Omaha Beach. Really? Yeah, brother. My grandfather was Admiral Kinkade's flag lieutenant. It's fuck, buddy.

All right, you watch out now. You watch your damn mouth these are the troops these are the troops All right, all right, thanks that son of a boy dad Come see me in Chicago. Yeah, come see me in Chicago. I'm at Rosemont Zanies all weekend I'm at Rosemont Zany's all weekend, June 7th, 8th, 9th weekend. And check out Tires on Netflix, Season 2. Pick tickets for that or at punchup.live.sashfrancisels.

Sweet. And I have Knoxville coming up and Oshkosh. I'm gonna be in Oshkosh. Knoxville is right around the corner. I'm gonna beat Oshkosh. was over still, still underground so, I looked older till you came around I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Days were drifting Before was I So, so then you listen

Now I come alive I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Fetish to your eye Did you realize No one could take me alive

I was only falling one way See it just a distant light, feel it fast forever bright Call it just a memory, take my hand and you can see I'm We are one We are one We are one We are one We are one Oh Did you realize? No one could take me alive.