Son of a Boy Dad - Beastiality | Son of a Boy Dad #152

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

Beastiality | Son of a Boy Dad #152 -- Lil Sas, Rone & Francis riff, ramble, reminisce on their weekends, etc. -- Ad: PIE Wine, Pizzas new side piece. Visit https://PIEWine.com -- Ad: Son of a Boy Dad is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/SON today to get 10% off your first month. -- Ad: Head to https://Rent.app/barstool for $50 off your first rent payment and download Rent app in the App store today -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #100K #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. A blast from the past here on Son of a Boy Dad. We're tuning in on some Rush. Kicking off the weekend the right way with some good old-fashioned Rush. This is the Tom Sawyer where they don't say the N word. I like Rush. And I like Son of a Boy Dad. And I like

the Smiths as well. Sue me. That sounds like shitty taste. I'll take one of the three please. And I'll let you decide Son of a Boy Dad listener. Sucking on my daddy's dick.

Alrighty, we are back. We are here at HQ4. It is November 29th, I believe, correct? No. No, that is not, that cannot be right. It's the 27th.

It's the 27th. I'm a damn fool. You damn dunce. You blundering dunce. But we're here once again i was peeing earlier have you guys ever peed and you lose control of your penis mid-piss yeah like the grips the grip de-grips like a fire hose and then it's just an unleashed spray and there's nothing yeah it's like a fire hose exactly like that it gets away from you and then it's just spraying all over the place that's what just happened to me in the bathroom did you clean it up of course where did it go

where'd the pee go my toilet seat acts like a funnel or like a drain of sorts but it just gathers in it pools it's angered in yeah you ever have it happen so bad that you piss on the floor that's happened no but i pissed all over myself before your pants yeah my pants that's because your penis is shaped like the shoe of an elf and it curls back up towards your body now it's shaped like a gnarly ass wave that you could hang ten on that's just simply untrue i've seen it a million times Do you think it's weirder for a parent to bring their daughter into... I guess this is my question. I was in LaGuardia Airport and...

Heard. Huh? Heard. Heard. Like heard that. You did? Like been there. That's what some of the kids are saying these days.

Heard. Okay. Yeah. And that's on period. Yeah, exactly saying these days. Heard. Okay. Yeah. And that's on period. Yeah, exactly. Heard. So you're supposed to continue when I say heard. Well, it was very confusing.

Because I didn't know what that word meant in that context. Heard? Seen. Seen, exactly. Yeah, like I see you. I think you need to save that for Roan. All right. All right. All right. All right all right continue unheard i reversed my herd well there was a dad that brought his daughter

into the bathroom at la guardia yeah and they were like 20 dudes pissing oh yeah piss steam how old was the girl a lot of dicks out. 17? No. Josh Giddy age? She wasn't coming in there. They weren't like offering her up. Oh, okay. I see. No. She was just a little child.

Yes. Okay. So he brought her in. Yeah. She's, I don't know, nine, eight, six. I don't fucking know. And I guess to me, it felt like that's so traumatic. And I don't know what the option is as a father.

Yeah, there really isn't one. I mean, I used to have to go to the bathroom with my mom all the time. Wouldn't you rather that you bring your daughter into... Could a man bring his daughter into the women's bathroom? Definitely not. Why not? Absolutely not. Just you got her by the hand, you go into one of the

stalls. It's all stalls. I'm sure dudes have tried it. I'm sure dudes have tried it. That's, to me, less traumatic for the daughter. It would be more traumatic when the father gets arrested and brought into an interrogation room at LaGuardia.

You claim tea in that situation, though. No. No, you don't understand. Not at LaGuardia. You claim tea in that situation, though. No. No, you don't understand. Not at LaGuardia. Wouldn't most of the women in there acknowledge that he had a young daughter? And hey, guys, I'm just bringing her in because I don't want her to be exposed to 13 penises in a row at a urinal.

Women do act like, if you go into their bathroom, that they're just spread-eagle vaginal lips flapping in wind. Like, you're not seeing shit in a women's bathroom. Nothing. The most traumatic thing is you hear a fart. You hear a woman farting and you're like, I didn't know you were capable. Common misconception that men piss loud.

Women piss like a fucking fire hydrant just exploded. Is that right? Dude, our bathroom in high school was the women's and the men's bathroom were right next to each other. And there was probably a three-inch barrier between where you would piss and where the women would piss.

And their pisses would be going through the... You would hear it through the wall. And you see the steam rising off of it. It literally sounds like hot piss. Yeah, exactly. Rising up off the seat. Yes, it would sound like someone was fucking fucking like someone just poured a bucket of water into the into the toilet i can offer two better options for your la guardia your la guardia guy one there's got to be family bathrooms yes oh

yeah right there you go three better options two it doesn't matter how old that kid is just let them go to the fucking bathroom on their own. Nobody's snatching them up in the women's bathroom, especially a woman. Or three, just ask a woman that's going in, being like, hey, go buddy system with this. Just hold the girl's hand. Because that's what I was thinking, is that you get some kind of a seeing eye person. Women do that all the time, and they can't go to the bathroom on their own anyway. Can you accompany my daughter?

Hey, yeah, come here, sweetie, because women are not genetically capable of being pedophiles. That is true. They're not. It's only men that get that unfortunate disease. If a woman fucks a child, it's like, yeah, she got some young dick. Yeah, women in the bathroom are like high-fiving her. Like, oh, beast, you're the top bitch.

You're the top bitch for that. What? Yeah. What was it like? Describe it in gory detail. How'd you two meet? Well, I actually married my pedophile. That's a TLC show.

Yeah, good for you. I married my pedophile. Good for you. Wow. Wow, you're a boss bitch. Rob the grave you're serving cunt what a ceo you're making her story you're rewriting her story it's true though they're not and like uh i mean it's obviously it's based by everyone everyone has heard this before but it's awesome for the kid it's in certain situations yes actually bad for the i think we talked about this on that one episode where francis where rome was late uh-huh we're talking about how like kids like fucking

the teacher in high school how they all end up like trying to kill themselves like 10 years later oh well they're always uh because they're probably just know they're never going to get pussy like that again mustachioed latin americans yeah like almost exclusively with sperm so strong that like the pre comes making triplets oh yeah 100 but that's why she's attracted it's biological there's a fucking sticker on my hat buy this barstool merch for sure it's not going to be 20 off when this comes out though so just know you missed out big time yeah i guess you can wait until next year uh fucking johnny come lately's but yeah the uh the the woman teacher who does that i mean there were there were teachers i've been starting rumors about kids in my school that they fuck teachers

yeah well yeah i know that you had that one kid who's in the nfl now who's fucking the professor right no he's fucking or he was smooching who was the guy that was on tv yesterday and you were like he went to my school olamide zakias yeah and he was yeah he didn't smooch nobody bro he was he was celibate through all of high school he was smooching dudes no well men dudes smoking bone we had uh we had a history teacher named uh deacon gin who uh kissed boys on the lips and he uh he was a larger black fellow and his uh his chair had like uh is that like a black thing though it had like a grease stain where it's i don't think that's a thing it isn't well birdman was doing that birdman was always kissing lil wayne yeah you're thinking of like italian mafiosos like

little kiss on the cheek they'll kiss each other yeah yeah like in the godfather when he's like i knew it was you fredo and he yeah on the cheek while cuba's falling have you seen godfather 2 godfather 2 is so good I watched it this weekend Oh it's amazing I watched it at like Four in the morning This weekend That's a classic

Yeah it's so fucking good I'd actually be able to I think that's an instant classic And you always find Something new You always find A little bit something extra You mean

When you say that That's an instant classic As opposed to what It means you watch it once And you go That's a fucking classic That's a fucking classic. That's a banger.

But I thought instant classic means it was a classic as soon as it came out. As soon as it came out. Do you mean to say that when you watched Godfather 2, you just liked it immediately? I liked it immediately. Instead of it taking a while to grow on you? Yeah. That's what you mean? 100%. It immediately took.

Dude, you got marks on your wall, dude. Yeah, from you. No, that's you, man. He's fucking insane. There's shit everywhere. The place is a goddamn mess because of you two. No, it's not from us. You don't even let us come hang out here.

By the way, we went to Roan's house last night. Watched a little ball. Watched some ball. Good hang for the fellas. So we did Roan's last night, and then we're at Sass's today. I guess tomorrow, that means we got. Good hang for the fellas. So we did, we did Roan's last night and then we're at Sass's today. I guess tomorrow that means we got to go

hang in my place. Yeah, we do. We have to hit the trifecta. Get over there, Sassy boy. Nah. Come on,

dude. Nah, I'm never going to Brooklyn again. That was probably the last time I'll ever go to Brooklyn. I picked up Sass. I was driving back from New Jersey

and I came through the Holland Tunnel and just as I was coming through the tunnel, he texted our group, all right, I'm leaving now to come over to Roan's place and Roan and I live in the Holland Tunnel and just as I was coming through the tunnel, he texted our group, all right, I'm leaving now to come over to Roan's place. And Roan and I live in the same building. So I said, hey, Sass, I'll come pick you up.

Same dorm. And trying to coordinate with Sass where I was going to pick him up because Sass doesn't like to talk on the phone. Yeah, he doesn't like to communicate or he'll just not answer. He'll text you, you call him, he doesn't answer. Yeah.

So I said, listen, why don't you start walking down 8th Avenue? I'm going to come through the Holland Tunnel. And I will start driving up 8th Avenue to meet you. And he goes, okay, sounds good. Bye. Hangs up. Yeah. And then we met up.

So now it's just a question of like me driving with my head on a swivel, trying to spot Lil Sasquatch on the busiest avenue in New York City. First of all, not even close. 8th Avenue actually doesn't even exist. It's not even a real thing, especially in this area. It's one of the eight most busy avenues. Top avenues, for sure. And there's no way that Sas is walking down the street with his head up.

I was. I was walking around because I lost my headphones the other day in the Uber. So I'm walking around and I'm looking for Francis. I'm looking for that Tesla. And then I finally see it. Flies by me. Yeah, but we did another call. We did another call before that.

And I said, what street are you on? You're like, I don't know, man. You were annoyed by my question. No, I really couldn't figure it out. I couldn't see because my vision is so poor. You were annoyed that I was asking you where you were as I was trying to pick you up so you wouldn't have to take an Uber. Untrue.

Untrue. And then I was like, okay, well, you're there. Okay. I'm almost there. And then, of course, I went past him. You guys said that you're going to be over at 345. You got there at 550. I genuinely think that coming from the West Village to your apartment, Ron, took us an

hour and a half. It did. It probably took took us an hour and a half. It did. It probably took us like an hour and 15. And we were in the front seat, and Kojai, our little French bulldog, as soon as Sass got in the car, he immediately climbed onto Sass' lap and wanted him to love him. And I said, Sass, are you a dog person? And he said, yeah, we've got lots of dogs. And 10 minutes later, Sass was like, I can't handle this anymore.

You said that? I like big dogs. Get the dog off of me. And 10 minutes later, Sass was like, I can't handle this anymore. Well, I mean, I like big dogs. Get the dog off of me. I didn't say that. You said that? I said, I'm going to move the dog. The dog.

Get rid of the dog. I can't take this anymore. What? Well, it was because I was trying to watch because the game had already started. So I'm trying to watch the game

and then my hand's falling asleep because the dog is sitting on it and it's a French bulldog. So they're all fucking It's an upper respiratory issue that they can't control the dog was the dog was sitting on the chair that was the dog's seat until sass gets in the car to displace the dog who then just wants to love this you know young man so much hair on me too and he comes and sits on his lap and sass just says get get this thing off of me.

You said get the dog off me? I was having trouble breathing because it was on my stomach. You were having trouble breathing? Think about the fucking French bulldog, dude. That thing's having trouble breathing. That thing's having way more trouble breathing than I am. Be a little bit considerate. One time, you could have watched, you could have fucking wedged your phone in the back of the French bulldog's neck folds or something like that and been able to kill two birds with one i know it's

actually not a bad idea i was resting it on its paw i gotta believe that if sass had been part of michael vick's crew he would have been the one holding them underwater he would have been like what's a more creative way that we could do this boys yeah we're not having enough fun with our our executions i like dogs i'd probably be holding it underwater with one hand and then patting it with the other that's crazy trying to lull it into a sense of security yeah i like dogs i have i have two dogs my sister has two dogs so every time i'm home i'm with four dogs it's a lot of fucking dogs you told me yesterday that you don't you bathe your dogs once every three years that is probably not every once i'm also never home so i don't know how much we bathe them but i remember growing up we weren't

bathing them every week that doesn't sound like the behavior of someone who loves dogs how often do you bathe your dogs once a week probably that's crazy yeah because you boys are city scum what do you mean city scum i don't want the dogs to be city scum. No. Stinky ass dogs. Out on the farm, you just let them run free. No, for what it's worth, we need to bathe the dogs more when we're out in the country. Really?

Yeah. Are those fucking dogs going by right now, or is that a gaggle of high schoolers? It's probably a combination of both. What time is it? Yeah, it's three. High schoolers? Let's go check it out, Francis. What do you see, boy? Hey, boy. What time is it? Yeah, it's 3. High schoolers. Go check it out, Francis. What do you see, boy?

Hey, boy. What do you see, boy? What's that out there? That doesn't open, and neither does that. No, don't. That's sealed shut. Don't open it. Well, you can if it's sealed.

That one's fully sealed shut, too. That one you can't open. So one of them must be a little bit open. All right, don't break the window. I promise you it doesn't open. I think we can get it. No, it's painted's painted over no i think you could have been able to get that one's never been able to open the big one opens but i sealed it i sealed it shut so that the critters couldn't get in i could get that open well the critters were getting in i thought

they were getting in from there but i don't think they were i think they were getting in from the kitchen but no critters dude every time i come home from like a week at home every time i come back to the city i'm expecting it to just be fucking like the mice like that scene in the wolf of wall street where barbara robbie comes home and there's the gay orgy happening in her apartment that's what i expect to be happening with mice in my apartment i'm gonna get home there's just gonna be thousands of mice all over the place yeah just gay gay little fucking rats running train on each other yeah i, yeah. I always think of the mice as the girls and the rats as the boys. Yeah, I could see that.

Like the rats fucking mice. You think rats fuck mice? Or is it like, what would they make, a zebra? Rats actually eat mice. No. Yeah, I looked it up. Because I looked it up and I was like, are rats and mice like friends? Yeah, you'd think that they'd be friends.

And they have very similar habits. If it were to become a baby, would it be called a rice or a matt wow matt rice whose special was incredible i fucking love this thing sass you didn't watch it i did watch it i loved it top comic matt rice no i didn't watch it are you giving him top comic for the year no but i i don't know i didn't watch it i know his fans got really mad about it and you know you know you got the wrong fan base when they're throwing out shit they were so he made apparently he made a domestic violence joke and anytime that that the twitter mob is is like uh shortening i forget what the what the word is when they're when they're calling it dv they're like he made a dv joke abbreviating yeah when

they're abbreviating shit like that, you know you're in trouble. Oh, yeah. Second, someone calls it a DV joke, that means you're fucked. Because the whole word is a trigger word. Yeah. You say domestic violence.

You're not allowed to say the whole word. That's basically committing. That's literally what it is. That's committing domestic violence. They call sexual assault SA. They do, I swear to God. These poor South Africans, dude. Imagine committing an SA, an SA. Here's a I swear to God. These poor South Africans, dude. Imagine committing an SA in SA. Here's a question

about domestic violence. Is it still domestic violence if it happens outside of the home? Maybe that turns into battery. Hmm. Interesting. Like, even if the couple's together? No, it's definitely still domestic. I think if it's anywhere,

if it's a couple, I think it's more about the domestic partnership than the domicile. Got it. It's more about the bond. Bogged down in benign details. But if you went on a date with someone once and then you just got into a fucking brawl with them, is that domestic violence?

That's a good question. Or is that just like you just met someone and fucked them up? And they're like, I can't believe you committed domestic violence. And he was like, we hadn't even had the conversation what are we about we weren't exclusive there was no one saying i couldn't do that it's definitely not if you're dana white no if you're dana white you just do it and then just go and bust with the boys yeah yeah she's

you're getting pounding each other's faces in and you're like like i think we should just keep our options open dude are you getting beaten up by anyone else right now i don't know i mean i don't like labels i had a gay dude tell me that him and his boyfriend i don't know if we talked about this before but that him and his boyfriend broke up and they just brawled and then they and then they just yeah i know i didn't know if we were allowed to say that or not he said it on he said it on podcast okay gay pat told me that that he had him and his boyfriend got they broke up and they got into a full-on brawl and then we're just like all right see ya yeah and he's got way better reach than his boyfriend yeah 100 that's gotta be a good way to end a relationship though it's gotta be

cathartic just smashing each other's skulls through the drywall. Closure. And then once you get tired, you're like, all right, I'm going to grab my phone charger before I leave. Or they're probably like, you want to fuck once? You want to fuck one last time? 100%, yeah. How?

I think domestic violence is another crime that women cannot commit, right? Of course not. Pretty much. Hope Solo did. Oh, but that- Hope Solo beat the shit out of her husband oh was it on a man oh yeah i thought oh it might not i thought it was oh i'm thinking of britney griner because britney griner got in trouble for beating up her girlfriend

or they got they fought each other britney griner is not someone i would want to get in a fight with did hope so that reach is yeah i would be over there and she'd be nailing uppercuts wasn't a guy she beat up her husband her man her boyfriend he was like crawling through the gutter like coughing up blood hope solo yeah that's fucking crazy hunted him in his balls you fuck is that right no apparently he threw out one of her weed carts really those can give you um really those can give you um those britney griner those can put you in the oh okay yeah because she went to prison for the weed carts i i was thought i thought you're talking about hope solo so i was confused we were flipping back and forth between solo and griner yeah uh al sakira said that she used to get in fights with her uh her boyfriend at the time, and she would throw out ounces of his weed and flush them down the toilet.

The power move? No, that's mean. That's a waste of money. Yeah, that's such bullying. Like fucking hide them or something like that. Just throwing them down the toilet. That's the toxic type of fighting that only a porn star can get away with.

That's just insane. But I guess that's what you're signing up for. You're right though, Francis. A man cannot experience that at the hands of a woman can't really yeah that and so talk to hope solos man okay well this is my question right so then how big and and how big does the woman need to be she needs to be a pa for professional for you as a man to actually say like i was beaten up i feared for my life and then and then to take your side i mean does it need to be i mean well think about this if you if your wife decided that she was going to start fucking just destroying you physically you probably wouldn't you'd probably

just take it you probably wouldn't be fucking lining up headshots on your wife no i'm no i'm not so then that's a case where you're like that's domestic violence and my that's the women's fault domestic violence is when you hit back you're saying no just take it yeah if you just take it i think that's a domestic violence charge on the woman i just feel like the court's not gonna care they're gonna be like come on dude look at the two of you yeah they're like well what did you do yeah well she must have had a good reason yeah You didn't know it was your half anniversary? Come on. You were asking for it.

Yeah, it's my half birthday today. I was asking for it. You see a guy in some fucking size six skinny jeans, you know he's asking for a fucking domestic. You know he's begging for a nice hot domestic charge. I've never understood that joke, to be fully honest. I don't know what size 6 skinny jeans are. Well, size 6 is theoretically on the larger side.

But it's not, though. I mean, for the purpose of the joke, it would make more sense if they were bigger jeans. Sorry, size 14? Yeah. The idea is that they're skinny jeans, so they're extremely, extremely tight,

but they are being worn by a woman who, in his mind, is a bigger woman. All right. Size six is perfect, though. That's an insane joke. I'm going to let you... Have you ever listened to when Dave went on Bill Burr's podcast and they talked about that? No.

It's very funny. Oh, that's cool. I didn't even know he was done that. Yeah, it's really old. Explain what you're saying, Dave. Yeah. That's funny as hell. So anyway, these guys come over to my house and i have a new dog yep yeah i got a new dog it's called josie josie's on a vacation far away is that what that song is yes oh that's awesome

because uh there's josie and the pussycats and there's a i just found out there's a blink-182 song about josie there's also smiths have a song about josie and i Pussycats. I just found out there's a Blink-182 song about Josie. There's also... The Smiths have a song about Josie. And I think Rush does, too. Fuck the Smiths. The Smiths are great, dude. I'm surprised you don't like the Smiths. I have a shirt that says the Smiths on it.

I'm sure you do. You're a poser. I'd like to get back to what Roan was talking about before you went elsewhere. But the only way that... So these guys came over to my house and the dog just uh had the most explosive and violent uh diarrhea as soon as i walked in the door as a just like

right on the carpet it just like hot lava came out and it was uh it it was a little bit distracting but probably pretty funny to see me just running around like just scream literally screaming at the at the top of my lungs not screaming at the dog just screaming like oh my god i can't believe what the fuck is happening right now when you were in the other room and it was happening in real time i was laughing really hard because we have a guest bedroom that we have made into the dog's pee pad room and the dog tried to poop on the pee pads but it backed up against like this like a basically a fence that we set up in the room and so it was over a pee pad but the angle the angle that it was at had exit velocity that was literally sending it through the fence over the fence like basically like you losing control of your dick earlier like a fire hose just going in every

direction i'd never seen anything like even the sounds that were coming out of it it's just it's Basically like you losing control of your dick earlier. Like a fire hose just going in every direction. I'd never seen anything like it. Even the sounds that were coming out of it. It was just... It's gotta be crazy to be a dog. I can't imagine losing control of my asshole. That's a whole different fucking level. Imagine you're shitting and you just lose the grip and it's just spraying everywhere.

It was like hissing. Yeah. Like too much pressure coming through a gasoline pump. Yeah. It sounded like a radiator in New York. It's like that scene in the Fast movie where they fly the tanks by firing them in the air and it sends them the other way. It was exactly like one of the Fast movies.

But it was a fun weekend. And honestly, the funnest part was that we were sucking down pie wines. Pie wine! Three guys over the house. I had a handful of these last night. And I'll tell you what. We won a lot of wonderful bets. Yeah, I think it was the pie wine, honestly.

Sass hoarded up some za. Didn't share it. Okay, what's the best thing that you could pair the za with? A little Papa J's and a little pie wine. P&P. Yeah, pie wine, pizza's new sidekick. I was having the red. You had one of the whites, I think? I was drinking whites. I had a lot of the whites. Yeah, the wine, pizza's new sidekick. I was having the red. You had one of the whites, I think?

I was drinking whites. I had a lot of the whites. Yeah, the whites, fantastic. But, I mean, one can, two glasses, and you're looking at, what, 10.5% alcohol? Close to 13. 13 in the red. Yep, the red's 13. 13 in the red.

Fantastic. Make you feel pretty good. I was feeling real nice last night. Yeah, there's something about pie wine that just has you feeling absolutely incredible like we said it's pizza's new sidekick and it really it really kicks kicks butt whenever you're having some you're like wow am i enjoying myself as much as humanly possible right now and also the owners of pie wine are allowing everybody who wants to you can invest in pie wine so you can join the

pie wine shit you can get your slice of a 46 billion dollar pizza industry by investing in pie wine today you can find out a little bit more about that with at pie wine.com but i mean we're talking about the og pizza wine so you know that stuff is good yeah that's bomb ass dank ass you know that stuff is good oh yeah i crushed that pie-ass dank-ass. You know that stuff is good. Oh, yeah, I crushed that pie last night. I came home and I had the whole, I finished the rest of it. Did you actually? But that was a little mini pie.

Yeah, and some wings. And I was hungry. I didn't eat any of the wings. Those were too saucy for me. I think that was actually a bad move of you to get... Papa J's? In the middle of Brooklyn. Why?

Because there's like, you're at the nexus of good pizza. Yeah, but I was saying this earlier. You guys live down a dirt road, so it takes the bikers and the fucking cars an hour to get there. Yeah, we live off a dusty trail in Brooklyn. Seriously. It's like, if I ordered a pizza, it would be here in five minutes. There, the Papa John's was the closest thing.

Everything else was like 45 minutes to an hour. I didn't have an hour hour in me and hathaway lived in our building for a lot of years no i didn't know that do you think she lives at the end of a dirt road in brooklyn yeah to escape all the fucking paparazzi you ever see love and other drugs no how about a miserable no how about a miss congeniality no that's not her what? Oh, you're thinking of the Devil Wears Prada. Devil Wears Prada or also Princess Diaries. Yes, Princess Diaries was your breakout. What? No, these are fulls.

What? Heard. Heard. You saying heard to me saying mid means that you agree. Yeah, that is mid. No, I'm saying full heard. No, you can't heard yourself. That's not how it works.

Not a half heard. Not a mid heard. That's just simply not how it works. Not a half heard. Not a mid heard. That's just simply not how it works. Full like her frontal nudity in half of her movies that she does. Princess Diary was a banger. All the sheep in the herd. You know who I liked in Princess Diaries was her security guard. Trivia.

Here's a little bit of trivia. Isn't that the dude from Breaking Bad? Bryan Cranston? No, I think it's Michael Caine. Yeah, I think it is Michael Caine. Or are we thinking of Batman? My name is Michael Caine. Yeah, I think it is Michael Caine. Or are we thinking of Batman? My name is Michael Caine. I don't know who it is.

What was the name of the fictional country that she lived in? I didn't know she lived in a fictional country. Brooklyn. No. Our apartment. Dirt Road. She was the princess of Genovia. Genovia.

Sounds real. Sounds like a security company. I know the princess of Genovia. Genovia. Sounds like a... Sounds real. Sounds like a security company. I know. Or like an insurance company. Wachovia. Yeah, Genovia. Or that's a bank, Wachovia, I think. Oh.

Sounds like a bank. Genovia could be a bank. Or like a Belgian chocolate company. Genovia Chocolates. I'm surprised you guys have seen those movies. I feel like those were more my age time. I watched it on a bus. That's a good bus movie.

What, were you going to a lacrosse tournament or something? No, I used to take the bus from school home. Like from Boston all the way back to Maine. Was it playing on the bus seats? That was back when the buses had a TV every four or five rows. That's so crazy. And they'd show one movie, and they showed princess diaries that was awesome they used to have it on planes too and you just plug your phone you plug the your

headphones into the seat dude you may be too young to remember i do you remember there was a time when there were planes like if you took an international flight and there'd be there'd be a movie and i i yeah there'd be a movie every four or five seats, and you'd have to plug your headphones in to listen to it. I just said that. No, this reminds me of on planes when every, say, sixth, fifth, fourth seat, there's a monitor, and you have to plug your headphone jack in. And they would tell you which channel, one channel would be like music jazz you're the only one who has

headphones on so i can't even hear sad trombone but then but then you guys are putting out mid right now this section that was right before like let's say business class they wouldn't have the t the one in the middle would have a big tv on the front i didn't even know that they'd have the big tv flights that i was flying when i was younger was we never flew on long flights we were always going to chicago so it would always be the crj 900 does it worry you when you get on to me like delta flights i can tell how new the plane is based on the type of tv screen they have in the headrest and which games they have. Because the newer planes have an even better version of chess.

And the newest planes in the Delta fleet have Bluetooth connectivity. Really? For the headphones? For the headphones. Oh, that's awesome. I've never seen that, though. That's huge. It's amazing.

That's actually one of the main reasons I don't watch movies on planes, because I can't use my AirPods. Exactly. Because I need my noise canceling. But I put the wired headphones inside of an over-ear headphone. That is smart. That really insulates the sound. Wow, that's amazing.

That's big moves. That's money moves. Heard. Heard. Heard. But I also... Heard? Heard.

Yeah, throw a Heard in there if you need to. Okay. I bought an adapter that you can add the Bluetooth to, but the fact that they're having the Bluetooth, I mean, they just have to assume that everybody has Bluetooth headphones now. Oh, you got one of those little things that you plug into the thing. Dangles. Like a little dangle dongle.

I lose those things like they're hair follicles. I've never even heard of these. I lose them like follicles. It like hangs off. You like plug it into the jack it hangs off and you can sync bluetooth with it so you're just dangling it's like uh one inch are you thinking of dongle uh it's like no this is a it dangles but it's not a it's like a dongle what is like a dongle a dongle is like what you would use to plug your old headphones into... It was like a connected...

Like you plug... I'm trying to think. It would... Yeah, you would plug your old headphones in. It would plug into the base of an iPhone. A new slot. A little fucking slot. This is good podcasting right here.

This is ass. Just describing what a dongle is. You're too... Pretty much what you would do um i think you gave up too soon we were on we were just about to get to something good there we were we were coming across something strong there's something there we'll rework we'll rework up that what's your what's your go-to drink when you're not having an alcoholic beverage on a plane what do you get dc die coke yeah or the water what you run

ga ginger ale yes sir that's a good one dude it used to be bloody mary mix but then that like that's 78 of your daily salt content yeah you're basically frank the tank if you're having a bloody mary mix that's you might as well lick a brick of salt like you're a fucking donkey bloody mary mix is heavy on the so you really can't drink more than two Bloody Marys. I had those two when we were flying to San Francisco, and I had a brutal headache. Oh, two on the plane? Brutal headache.

I can't even drink a Bloody Mary mixed with vodka on the plane. Like, putting vodka in it turns it into a disgusting drink. Oh, I love it. I like a high-end Bloody Mary, like you stick a fucking chicken wing out the top of it. No, I hate that shit. Just give me the mix and the vodka, dude. I don you stick a fucking chicken wing out the top. No, I hate that shit. Just give me the mix and the vodka, dude. I don't need a fucking bacon and celery and shrimp.

But if a place is doing that, that means they're making their own Bloody Marys. A cheeseburger hanging out of the side. No, and there's probably like horseradish. There's probably like a well-made. Health dealers. A human finger just lingering at the top. No, that shit is nice, dude. I want a homemade Bloody Mary mix.

I don't want some fucking canned mops Bloody Mary mix. That's more likely to have a finger in it, some fucking poor factory worker. You ever slam a V8 here and there? Sometimes I'll go to a bodega and just pick up a V8, crush it. Love a V8. So much veggies in it, too. So healthy.

You must be nutrient deficient because those shits do not taste good. Your body must need vegetables so badly. I've always liked V8, and everyone always says that they don't like it. The vegetable's not good. There was a time when V8 was coming out with other juices. Oh, terrible. Do you remember those? Yeah.

The fruity ones? Those were bad. But we thought they were healthy. Yeah. Just sugar. They're probably more sugar than a a can of coke my drink on a plane is an apple juice apple juice is good i actually had some with the little girl next to me to make sure her dad knows it's okay for her to come into the men's bathroom with me two straws

for the apple juice please she and i will be sharing i'll take her you've got your hands full you enjoy yourself Watch the movie. You probably don't even have to go. Don't even unplug your dongle. And now we've come back full circle. I'm glad we established what a dongle was. Yup. It all comes around to pedophilia.

It all comes back to Francis being a pedophile. There's always something funny about pedophilia. I hate to say it. That's so funny, dude. bringing a kid into the airplane bathroom. Offering you a dad, I'll take your daughter. Say, you're enjoying it. And he's on the aisle, so you have to climb over him to fucking take a kid. He's like, no, it'll be easier if I take her.

Order your couple roads back. I got this. Hey, you sit down. You sit down. Me? You're a full-time parent parent i can't even imagine you sit you relax you probably like full-time parenting is probably hard enough where like you probably be like yeah what are the chances that he's actually now there's a 50 50 chance that he's just a good guy i'm willing to roll the dice on this one it's crazy that there's not beast bestialityists

the way that there are pedophiles there are but no i don't think people care but you don't have to like worry about your dog getting like like when you take your dog to like a dog walker a dog sitter like a dog walker they have to be some of the creepier individuals that are walking around yeah i would say there's probably a good amount of dudes out there there probably is not dog is like top of the line like if you fuck a dog people get mad if you fuck a deer no one cares if you go out into the woods one day and you just start laying pipe against a deer no one would ever think of that because i'm just thinking of like another animal that you would see. Like a fox? If you blew the back of a fox out,

no one would give a shit. You're like, bro, no one would care if I fucked this deer. But it's true, they wouldn't. People hit deers with their cars all the time. You don't think someone's ever thrown it in the back of the truck? You'd fuck the dead one? You're telling me a narcoleptic beastiality?

I bet it's a shocking High amount of hunters That's why the white tails It's just someone finishing on it How'd you get that Lyme disease I forgot to wrap up Hold on a second I was going to say that I think

If you get caught For bestiality There could be a uh a sort of like a different set of punishment for that you know if you get caught for pedophilia it's like you get put on the sex offenders registry yeah really bad if if we if we got we got people for bestiality i almost think there could be a thing where it's like, yeah, we send them out in the wild with just like a knife. Dude, that's like sending a serial killer to like a sorority house.

No. Sending a fucking bestiality guy out to the woods. Grizzly country. Let's dream come true. Grizzly country. Grizzly country. Bestiality is a dying wish. Okay, fine. Go out in the woods by myself polar bear pit at the zoo someplace yeah yeah yeah it's like if you can catch this and subdue

the animal you get to fuck it yeah but dude i bet beastiality i bet that's like they like they know what they're doing they've been around the block he could like if you're top if you're a top dog if you know what they're doing dude if you're if you block. If you're a top dog... They know what they're doing. Dude, if you're such a... I don't know what is the right word to use here. If you're a bestiality pro, if you've been around the block so many times that it's caught on to the public...

If you worked your way up the food chain. Dude, it's probably pretty easy to fuck an animal and get away with it. Who are they telling? If you've fucked enough animals that someone found out and caught you you've probably fucked so many animals that you've built like a bond like you're like cinderella where you're just talking to the animals i don't know if that's how it works i don't think that's how it works i bet that there is a argument that people who do bestiality could make that a vegan who does bestiality is more ethical than a hunter.

Because they're like, I'm just fucking it. You're killing and eating it, Jeffrey Dahmer, you fucking psychopath. That is a good point. I like where you're going. I'm making love to it.

You're fucking eating its flesh to absolutely unhinge psycho. Try this one on for size. Both of us got off. You know how a lot of people like to say, You know how a lot of people like to say, you know how a lot of people like to say, I hope when I die, I get reincarnated as a dog. Yeah.

Imagine if you got reincarnated as the one dog that gets fucked by its owner. Constantly. Oh, no. Oh, fuck. I didn't mean this. I would say bestiality. Man's best friend, not man's lover.

Dude, bestiality is probably one of the worst things like i would rather get caught murdering someone and like like say you get caught murdering someone you go to prison for however long you get off early you're like 60 people are like well he had a fucking rough upbringing, blah, blah. If you get caught fucking an animal and you got to go back home for Thanksgiving, everyone's looking at you like. Yeah, they are. But I also think bringing their dog closer to them. Dude, I think you make a good point. Keep the turkey away from him. You make a good point, though.

It's like, okay, you get caught fucking a dog. Everyone hates you. If you get caught fucking a mountain lion there's respect there's respect there's a begrudging respect it's like well that's not my thing but how i need to hear the story of how you did that and it's still i agree with that i agree with that i agree with that fully it's so crazy that the ethical onus is on the human to not fuck the mountain lion. Because what if the mountain lion truly seduces the human? What if the mountain lion is giving it cat eyes and you're like, dude, I didn't want to.

I was literally seduced by this mountain lion. I had too many drinks. It's on us to be the ones that are so ethical that we won't do it. But it's not on them at all. They bear no brunt of this. What's the animal where, let's say you found out, I don't know, your dad had fucked an animal. What's the one, the species where you're the most under... Yeah, best case scenario.

It's a goat. It takes a couple years years but then you start to accept him again. It's a sheep. I would say horse. No, horse is the least. Horse is tough. That means you're getting

blown the fuck out. Are you saying fucked or fucked by? I thought we were saying like they fucked the animal. Topping. Topping the animal. I think it's...

I mean, I think that there's been videos of goats where they're like... People are like, hold on. Like the goats like... I think you're right. Goats are like asses. I think that there's been videos of goats where people are like, hold on. I think you're right. I think it's like you're a lonely shepherd in the middle of the...

Or what about a gorilla? They have human-like features. That's exactly what I was going to say. It's the closest thing on the evolutionary chart, right? Then you're like, well, they had five fingers. They gave me a proper handjob. You know that whole thing where it's like you're around a group of people for long enough and suddenly some people that you didn't initially find attractive,

they start becoming attractive. Yeah, the thing literally cupped my balls with one hand. It had the same technique that my less hairy girlfriend did. Like you can probably get a hickey from a... I bet you a female chimpanzee knows to cover its teeth with its lips while blowing a human man. Yeah, totally. 100%. Dude, if you went out into the woods for like two nights and you and the gorillas were partying,

like drinking... Yeah, dude. Fermented wine. There's no way you're going two nights without fucking one of those gorillas. At that end of the night, they all fuck. If you brought a couple handles of Captain Morgan out and you're just getting absolutely shit-faced. You're seeing how they can put down a banana in the wild and you're like, holy shit. Like whittling a dildo.

Yeah, if that was my penis. Next thing you know. Yeah. Well, this portion of the podcast is brought to you by pie wine. Yeah, we can't beat that. You're finding yourself in a throng of gorillas drinking a bunch of pie wines and starting to say, hey. That was our weekend recap.

I mean, what animals did you guys see fuck when you were out in South Africa? Lions. Lions. I saw some lions. I saw lions, too. Lions, actually, I would. Ooh, but lions lions because there's that one lion and lion came that everyone always makes jokes about that it's attractive no nala

nala right is that's what i'm saying in the woods stop bro stop stop heard heard heard heard heard of nala's i have to peel bear pack okay go for it okay all righty let's talk about better help yes this podcast is sponsored by better help this time of year can be a lot it's natural to feel some type of sadness and anxiety about it but adding something new and positive to your life can counteract some of those feelings. You're talking to a BetterHelp customer himself. And one of my favorite things about BetterHelp is it's completely on your own schedule. It's completely contained within an app on your own phone.

You can go in there, find a therapist that's right for you. What are you giggling at? The radiator. The radiator is hissing. But sometimes your mind can be hissing and there could be background noise that you need to silence exactly the same as that radiator so honestly the the perfect uh analogy it's it really speaks to what's going on in the in this world and in all of our bodies at times but better help is so simple don't shut that off francis it's so straightforward it's so simple. Don't shut that off, Francis. It's so straightforward.

It's so simple and it's so straightforward. What happens is you'll get matched with a therapist who will talk to you about the things that you want. You kind of click or let them know what's going on, what kind of issues you want to address. And then sure enough, you can set up a call with them. You can kind of like message with them. You can get on a video chat with them. There's so many different ways to interface. And BetterHelp tailors it all for you to be able to do it at your own comfort level from the comfort of your own home. It is honestly one of the better sponsors and one of the better features that I have on my phone.

It's really just absolutely fantastic. BetterHelp is a... Find your bright spot this season with better help visit betterhelp.com slash son to get 10 off your first month that's better h-e-l-p.com slash son son of a boy dad is sponsored by better help all righty let's talk about rent app oh my rent app is teaming up with with Barstool HQ to give one of our producers a free month of rent. Wait, Sass, you've been producing this podcast? That's true. Tune in to the NYC Officewide Campaign, led by Kelly Keegs on Barstool Radio,

for all talents to pitch why their producer deserves free rent. Here, I can say right now, I think that Sash deserves free rent because look at this place, man. Look at the state of this place. Look at the neighborhood and look at how hard he works. Those are the types of things that make me think, wow, Sash deserves free rent. But even if not, I think that the rent app is legitimately one of the better deals that I've heard.

It makes it so easy for you to be able to pay your rent. It's not like your landlord has to register for it or anything like that. It's just very straightforward. You get on there. You can pay your rent. No more trips to the ATM. No more mailing checks. No more managing balances in multiple different apps.

You can just set it up so easily and get this. There's no fees. There's no weekly limits. The rent app is completely free for you to use. No need for your landlord to create account. Just like I said, it's completely free for them too. And the benefits don't stop there. Rent app is about helping you build a brighter financial future by optionally reporting your on-time rent payments to three major credit bureaus. Rent app brings you one step closer to home ownership and helps boost your credit score so why wait go to rent app doc rent dot app slash barstool for 50 off your first rent payment and download rent app in the app store today this is usually where ron and i talk about something uh high-minded you guys don't have to talk. We can just put an ad there.

No, I think we'll talk. I think we'll talk. We'll talk. What do you know about Fermi's paradox? That real thing? Or what's the law that you could never touch something because you're always cutting the distance between everything in half? Oh. Is that a thing a thing yeah that is too

fuck i'm trying to think of some some shit that harry can come back in and just be like hey what's the well i mean the one from interstellar is great uh murphy's law murphy's anything that can go wrong will go wrong yeah and i think it's like it's been becomes more cynical but i think it's more actually like whatever can happen will happen and it's not supposed to just be bad stuff right like that's the negative part of it but anything that can go right will go right maybe it's z what's xeno's paradox i'm thinking of Zeno's Paradox. A set of four paradoxes dealing with the counterintuitive aspects of continuous space and time. Okay, that's tough. That's a complicated one.

That's tough for me to get. Achilles goes to an infinite number of places in an actually infinite number of... Okay, yeah. To catch a tortoise. Yeah, I can't fucking wrap my head around Zeno's Paradox. Is it the one about the half of you never get there because you're halfway, halfway, halfway, halfway? That's one that was in like a movie called IQ. That was Walter Matthau playing Albert Einstein.

Meg Ryan was in it. You guys know who Delilah is? The radio lady? Delilah. Yeah, I remember that. Was that a romance person? She's like the romance lady. i remember that was that a romance person she's like the romance lady late at night she's syndicated on like five channels yeah right and she's like hey guys like here's i got a song queued up for you love can be hard and she do you know that that bitch who gives she lectures all of america on love and romance she's been divorced cooper

it's basically like grown up grown-ass alex cooper this lady started her career in 1984 when she was like in her 20s so basically alex cooper so alex and now she's in her 60s or some shit and uh like so imagine alex cooper in her 60s still just talking about the same shit which she will be. Definitely. But this woman has been divorced four times. She's lecturing all of America on love. She also has had 15 kids. What?

12 of them adopted. And three of them have committed to, or have died. Wow. Which is too many. But what was the difference there? Because one of the things you were about to say is a lot different than them dying. Well, I think maybe one or two committed SSI'd.

It's a word I don't even want to say. Because I don't want Matt Rice fans descending on me. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Heard. We're basically like nesting dolls right now. I'm low. You're right in the middle.

Francis is the tallest. Francis is the tallest. Francis is the tallest by just a hair, though. Francis, straighten that spine out. We get a little waterfall action going on. I will say I'm very worried about my posture on the, what's it called, on the video that we recorded in the office today. I think my posture was extremely bad, and I think it's going to show the video that we recorded in the office today i think my posture was extremely bad and i think it's gonna show because you were sitting in a stool it's hard

to have no posture in a stool when i sit on a stool i go full shrimp fucking my chin is touching my knees yeah you turn into a c-clamp shrimp it up should be shrimperson yeah you do and that's probably why your dick is just fucking losing absolute control of itself i had full control when i was in the bathroom just now really wait yeah you just pissed why are you pissing so much because i drank a lot of water at the office that's gonna break if you break my couch i'll fucking kill you i don't think you will i will you'll just be like oh no let's get another one i won't this couch is a lot of money how much a lot like like two grand no one grand it's a lot of money get off of this you're gonna ruin it you told me to get up top

ron did yeah i thought it was creating a funny visual dude i thought that it was creating like a nice tic-tac-toe type of situation this isn't a visual podcast it's an audio podcast i watched the lord of the rings again all of them really how was it i've never seen any of them oh it's an audio podcast i watched the lord of the rings again all of them really how was it i've never seen any of them oh it's good man yeah it's really solid and i'm not a huge you know fantasy guy fantasy guy um but it was good although the merlin character he confuses lord of the rings it's not merlin gandalf yes what confuses me about him is why he doesn't use his magic more. I completely empathize. Any magic movie where it's like there's someone,

like there's like poor people in magic movies, or like in fucking Harry Potter, like someone doesn't have like nice clothes or fucking enough food. It's like make some out of fucking magic then, you fucking goofball. Yeah. Like, why not just fucking use your magic at all times? I mean... They could, like, use it sometimes.

He's fighting orcs hand-to-hand combat. And then there are other times where he, like, summons fucking the trees to come fight with him. Right. And you're like, wait a minute, dude. You had that in the bag and you're brawling you're like getting punched in the eye there's a scene where they he goes out

to get a bunch of um the bad dinosaur bird things away from like the soldiers that are on his team coming home to he's trying to fight them off and he rides out with his staff, and he shines this gigantic light, and they all fly off. It's like, dude, why didn't you do that when you were in the trenches doing Taekwondo against orcs? That is goofy as hell. I've also never finished one of those movies, though. I always try to start, and it's like I just cannot keep focus on this fantasy shit, these dragons. When you guys watch those magic movies, like Harry Potter and shit like that.

I did watch Harry Potter the other morning because I'm waking up at six now with this dog. I'll just turn on the sci-fi channel. Unbelievable. I threw on the Goblet of Fire the other day. Unbelievable. Cedric Diggory's hot ass. Cedric Diggory's hot ass. Cedric Diggory's so fucking fine. Yeah, he looked so good.

Girls went nuts for him. There was a girl in my class that had a pin-up. She ripped out a piece from a magazine and put it in the inside of her locker. That's so funny. And then she had Usher, too, holding his shirt up and showing his abs. I remember that poster of Usher. I know people actually did that. We never were allowed allowed to do that so i always assumed it was just like a disney channel thing like putting shit in your locker she did it that's funny yeah people used

to do that or the or the so what were you about to say oh when i was little i used to watch like harry potter and then wizards of waverly place was very big when i was a young one and um i would be like i would get like genuinely angry that i couldn't do magic did you ever try no because i knew i would never like i i would like have dreams where i had a magic wand and i would wake up and i would be like fuck dude ever did you ever go out into the woods though after watching star wars and hold your hand out at a tree yeah yeah and try to do the force yeah but i never got it with the force as much as i did with the magic like i do just like in wizards waverly place they'd just be like i want a fucking sunday and

they just sunday that's awesome that's crazy though because you weren't, like, for me, when I went and tried to do it with trees using the force, I actually stilled my mind. I sort of tried to do some breathing exercises, and I was very patient with it. I held my hand out for a long time. Really? I did, like, the remote thing, like the old meme. I tried that here and there, but nothing passed that. Well, to me, I mean, it sounds like you wanted immediate gratification. I did.

You weren't ready to work at your craft. No, You wanted a Sunday like that to appear whereas I actually took the time to learn it. I used to do it in church.

I would like stare at people and be like, can I make him like move? And then like sometimes people would like look to the side and I'd be like, yeah.

Did I just do that? They probably looked over and saw you just fucking eyeing them down just trying to force them to move with my mind it is a great it is a great thought having a good dream that just ends like that is the worst feeling like a dream where you're fucking flying and yeah it's too bad i've never i never have dreams like that where I'm flying or I can go to outer space. All my dreams are ridiculously practical. I had a dream that I was dating Sidney Sweeney and then I woke up and I was genuinely angry. I remember this. Like mad.

I believe you've talked about this before. Like a year ago. It pisses you off. Oh, dude. Think about it every night before I go to bed. I think Sidney Sweeney's pretty cool. Yeah, me too. If you're into her type into that stuff.

Pretty hot for a girl. For a girl? Yeah. Not for an animal, though. She's no lion. If she was a zebra. Do you think a bestiality pro would look at Sydney Sweeney and be like, Not enough hair.

I don't get all the hype. Where's the fur? Where's the hair? She's a biped? Only two legs. You don't even have to lift her tail up. I'm noticing her lack of fangs. She's a little bit off-putting.

Her endoskeleton. What's the skeleton on the inside? The opposite of an exoskeleton? I don't fucking know. It's probably an endoskeleton. Endoskeleton?'s the skeleton on the inside the opposite of exoskeleton i don't fucking know it's probably an endoskeleton endoskeleton endo endo that's got to be what it is what i've been fucking smoking um dude but whenever i watch harry potter i'm always just like voldemort is such a fucking bitch oh yeah i hate he's getting like deuced up by it like a basically an eight-year- Yeah. Like a little boy like keeps on

foiling him movie after movie after movie. Well it's because he's the chosen one. But he'll just like get him like one on one and he'll be like

I'm gonna take my time this time and I'm really gonna fucking torture him. And then like he gets out he slips out of the grass and he's like blast!

Yeah. How has this happened again? Also keep in mind you're a bitch the original is just him getting fucked up by a newborn baby yeah because of love yeah but that's not really the original that's just a flashback that's just a a bit of i mean like i mean like they're right their original their original duel is when harry potter was a baby and right but it was it. It was Lily Potter's love

that protected Harry. Yeah, but I feel like if you just ditched the whole magic thing, he probably would have been pretty easy to take it. If Voldemort was just like, oh shit, I actually don't even need to use magic to kill this infant. He would just put his wand down and like... Just take a pillow and just go...

That should be the flashback. I'm going to do this the analog way. Or just leave the baby there for a little bit. Yeah, for two hours. Leave some Legos out. Put the baby on its stomach. The boy who lived is going to be fucking cooked. By a single erector set.

By an open window and let him crawl around. Throw one Lego in that crib yeah done but instead he's like trying to use he's like his magic won't work yeah he's like it's it's an ancient magic i should have seen it coming love it's like no like you leave it with like a newspaper bag and it'll fucking kill itself probably like a single plastic bag will end this baby have you probably just like random an infant random infant death would probably do it have you guys been have you guys seen this trend that parents are doing where they will have like a friend of theirs dress up as the grinch and come in on christmas oh and scare the fuck out of their kids and the comments are all like this is is traumatizing. Dude, I think those videos are genuinely the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Why? Dude, let me show you guys. Why do you love to see a little kid crying scared? Let me show you guys this one. Idiot. I'll put it up on the screen so we can watch, so the viewer can see it. But it is so goddamn funny. Let's talk about RentApp.

Oh my gosh. RentApp is teaming up with Barstool hq to give one of our producers a free month of rent wait sass you've been producing this podcast that's true tune in to the nyc office-wide campaign led by kelly keegs on barstool radio for all talents to pitch why their producer deserves free rent here i can say right now i think that sass deserves free rent because look at this place man look at the the state of this place look at the neighborhood and look at how hard he works those are the types of things that make me think wow sass deserves free rent but even if not i think that uh the rent app the rent app is legitimately one of the better deals that i've

heard it makes it so easy for you to be able to pay your rent. It's not like your landlord has to register for it or anything like that. It's just very straightforward. You get on there, you can pay your rent. No more trips to the ATM, no more mail-in checks, and no more managing balances in multiple different apps. You can just set it up so easily and get this. There's no fees. There's no weekly limits. The rent app is completely free for you to use. No need for your landlord to create account. Just like I said, it's completely free for them too. And the benefits don't stop there. Rent app is about helping you build a brighter financial future by optionally reporting your

on-time rent payments to three major credit bureaus. Rent app brings you one step closer to home ownership and helps boost your credit score so why wait go to rent app doc rent dot app slash barstool for 50 off your first rent payment and download rent app in the app store today of all the things in life one of the best has to be getting hot getting high wherever you want whenever you want without the paranoia of consuming some sketchy black market bunk What's the best way to do that? With 3C, of course 3C has the highest quality cannabis products

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looking to for green animals to fuck because he's been conditioned into thinking that's the intruder i need to tame this thing yeah yeah you're right you might be right that's the intruder. I need to tame this thing. Yeah. You're right. You might be right. That's how it starts. Or they'll just have this underlying distrust of intruders and shit like that. There's going to be... That video is so funny.

The kids are fucking badass for fighting him. The one kid is so brave. Yeah. He'll probably kill someone at some point in his life. Like if it was the grinch he would he would drag him outside and fucking the grinch around fucked kids for sure let's say uh you're sleeping in your home yeah and you hear your door open and there's an intruder in the house what weapon are you getting right like in my apartment right now yeah you're but you're in your... That's tricky for you. Yeah.

There's nowhere you can go. I mean, you're going to have to just face him immediately. Because this place is so small. Honestly, dude, maybe take one of these microphones with the cord on it. Get a little... Oh, really? I mean, I don't have much to work with. No, totally.

You're like... The no totally you're like the best case scenario is like the edge of my laptop can you ron think like yeah what about you ron has i mean dude the shapes lying around his apartment that are just made of fucking concrete that's my best bet is like breaking one of those with the shape what's the shape like ron's got all those shapes my wife just like buys shapes What do you mean shapes? Like the decorative shapes that they have Like they're the most random Triangles and stuff?

Oh yeah, there'll be a triangle, a sphere Statues? You could call them statues No, they're not even statues though They're like decor shapes Yeah Oh When we were moving I had them like lined up in a row

And it's preposterous how many shapes this woman has bought Look around next time you're at rose or something there could be it could be a portkey if we're talking harry potter shit on that you might be transported to another dimension but some of them are like fucking like curious knots and some of them are just like an oval with like a top and a bottom like there's just like some of them it's just like a u or a fucking rainbow or just a vessel or a fucking vase it's so many fucking shapes i didn't even think i had anything honestly i could like pelt shapes at them like a snowball fight yeah i could just have a stack of shapes and just be

fucking throwing them at somebody because i have that many just weird ass oblong shapes in my fucking house what would you use well this use? We're talking apartment though, not house. House would be a different answer. That's why I wanted to ask. I guess if I could get to my knife block, I have a pretty good... I don't know why I didn't think about knife either. I have a pretty good kitchen knife.

It's big. It's a big knife. Yeah, I do too. But the question becomes, would you feel would you feel okay stabbing fighting someone with a knife no a knife fight no you know what i'd be really worried about would be my fingers cutting them getting like uh like slipping or something and hurting my like i don't know that would freak me out also i would not want to stab someone but that's my that's right yes what i I mean? Like the feeling of entering them.

Like you're just as susceptible to have that shit come in. That's why if I'm stabbing, I'm going like. You're going Michael Myers. Yeah, backhand. You're backhanding. Would you slash? Would you guys do any slashing? I would probably slash.

I feel like slash would hurt more. But then they're going to hold their hands up. And this is my point. Like you cut someone's hand open. You see like sinew and tissue and tendon and stuff hold their hands up. And this is my point. You cut someone's hand open, you see sinew and tissue and tendon and stuff. It would make you icky. It would make you nauseous.

To be honest, none of us would know how we would react. What if you see that and all of a sudden you get the hunger? You lick the blood. You kill them and then you cut off a piece. Next thing you know, you put fucking 70 holes in this dude. George Harrison's house got broken into.

I think it was in New York. And his wife smoked the dude in the head with a baseball bat. And she talks about it in the documentary. She's like, my dad always told me to follow through. So I was just thinking about it as it happened like make sure you follow through and fucking just hit him as hard as she could

with a follow through are you sure that's not the plot of Signs Abigail Breslin is told make sure you follow through from her dying mother who's pinned between the car and the tree and it's a foretelling of when the alien is in the house and she leaves her water cups everywhere and she starts swinging at the water cups is signs based on george harrison's wife who could

be smoked an intruder well george harrison was the executive producer of signs he him and shamalan got together it wasn't by the way um the girl who swings the baseball bat it's joaquin phoenix oh really joaquin phoenix isn't signs sure is never seen signs have you seen signs no then forgive me that joke fell flat is it scary i knew you weren't thinking of signs oh no i knew i knew you knew i wasn't but also i've never seen and i've seen most of sean malone's work that is my grade school i think i guess, Signs is number two. Really? It's absolutely number two.

It's scary? Oh my God. Does it hold up scary though? Absolutely. All right, maybe I'll watch that tonight. I think you should watch it. I'll watch it tonight. You're not ready to be spooked like that.

Dude, I love horror movies. I watch horror movies. I watch like three horror movies a week. It's also, yeah, it's a horror movie. I would watch Signs. I would make sure you watch Sign week. It's also, yeah, it's a horror movie. I would watch Signs. I would make sure you watch Signs. Don't miss that. Twitch is pretty good too.

Twitch? The one where James McAvoy plays like 19 different characters. Because he has that multiple personality. I think so. Split? Switch? Split is the one where that dude, yeah, the personality one. Is that what you said?

Isn't it? That's what that's called dude, yeah, the personality one. Is that what you said? Isn't it? That's what that's called? Yeah, it's called Split. That's a three-part trilogy. Oh, yeah, because then it's like Broken Glass. Unbroken and Glass. And then Unwritten, I think, is one of them, too. No. That's Natasha Bedingfield. I'm thinking of Natasha Bedingfield.

Glass, I actually loved. People hated that movie when they become superheroes. I don't know anything about that one. That's the one where... The first one is Unbroken, I believe. Unbroken is definitely the first one. Is it Unbroken or is it Broken? Unbroken is the fucking movie with Louis Zamperini.

Unbreakable is what it's called. Unbreakable. With Bruce Willis. Unbroken is that Louis... It's Louis Zamperini, right? Louis C.K. movie with louis zamparini yeah unbreakable is what it's called unbreakable bruce willis unbroken is that louis it's louis zamparini right louis ck special no no no no unbroken is the louis zamparini movie he's the olympian who goes to the war and he gets stranded on a boat and then he gets taken in by like a book yeah oh i that book. There was a part in that book. Did you see that movie? Yeah, in the book.

Did you see the movie? I did not. Did you read the book? What? Unbroken? No. We had to read it in high school. Did we talk about this?

No. There's that moment. I've said this somewhere. There's a moment where this war guy, Louis Zamperini, I guess that's his name, they crash in a plane they're plane pilots and they crash into the ocean they ditch and then they're adrift in a small dinghy and for for days days

and days and days in the pacific ocean and in the life raft is one tin of of rations it's it's like a bar of chocolate it's like three bars of chocolate. Dark chocolate, which is meant to be their sustenance for as long... They have no idea how long they're going to be at sea. And there's a guy in their group

who has a voracious sweet tooth, which I relate to. Oh, yeah, yeah. I know this scene. And they talk about him. They have like a nickname. They call them like Pies McGee or something.

Yeah, Fatso. Yeah. Lard ass is there in the mess hall before they leave on the trip all he eats all day is pie he just only eats desserts he says he lives on desserts a little foreshadowing yeah so they crash this is a true story and they crash into the ocean they're drifted sea and they say okay they open up the tin of chocolates and they're like okay we have two bars so each day we're gonna everyone's gonna get a quarter of a square and they're like okay good that'll last us you know 31 days we have this much water hopefully by the end of this like chocolate someone will

have seen us and they all go to sleep that night and they wake up the next morning yeah and fat porky has eaten us all of the chocolate yeah the whole like all the in the in the first night while they were asleep oh did they kill him uh no they they i think they were mad but he like felt but he was so ashamed. But I can totally relate to that. I mean, if sugar is as strong and addicting as people say it is, then you can't blame him. Do you guys have sweet tooths?

No. Yes, but I'm off the candy right now, and I've been off the candy for like a month now probably. Who's there? I'm off the gummies. He's staring right at us. He's probably a guy. He's probably listening to the pod right now.

Should we get him in here? I do have a nice sweet tooth. I'd rather enjoy it, especially if I'm going out to dinner, dessert. I'm not having dessert every night. I don't have pints of ice cream laying around, but if I'm going out to dinner, I want to complete the... Really? I never... My problem is I have a shit food tooth. around but if i'm going out to dinner i want to complete the uh really i never i'm i'm my problem is i'm a i have a shit food tooth like dog you have a shit tooth you have a shit food tooth like

like four beers i'm going home and i'm i'm waking up covered in taco bell wrappers damn dude that's freaking weak i shouldn't have even let you bring home that fucking papa john's last night. No, there's no guilt involved if I'm sober. Well, you should have been guilty because that shit was disgusting. Because you think you have agency over what you're choosing to eat? Yeah, I mean, it's Sunday football. I'm going to have some slop. Slop it up? Dude, on Saturday night, I go to bed and I go, I'm slopping it up tomorrow.

That's good. Yeah, I'm getting pizza. I'm getting wings. I was looking forward to the slop, but I didn't even go that hard on the slop. I crushed a couple, what? I had maybe five wings. I had one wing, came back home, barely any wings left.

I had about five wings. Oh, I didn't even know you had one. I had one. That makes sense. So there was seven, eight missing. Is that crazy? Is that going hard on the slop with these tiny ass fucking,

the chicken was probably four days old. Yeah, those wings were not impressive. Those were the tiniest wings that I've ever seen in my life. Those were some of the worst wings I've ever had. Are you mad at him for eating your wings? No. He hosted us. No, I asked him.

I said, how many wings are you going to eat? He said eight. Yeah, you got 16 wings. Yeah, no, I'm not mad. I was just saying you slopped it up. I said I didn't go that hard though. That's decent hard. I think no, I'm not mad. I was just saying you slopped it up. I said I didn't go that hard, though. That's decent hard. I think seven wings is not that bad.

Especially these tiny-ass bitch Papa John's wings. To do pizza and wings, that's really bad. Well, I did a whole pizza and one wing. You only did one wing? Yeah, I didn't like those wings. They were not good. And by the time they got home, they were probably disgusting. They were ice cold.

I think all of us hanging out... Brown, stop. As we do... Everybody can see in so much... I feel like I'm in a fish hanging out. Ron, stop. As we do. Everybody can see in so much. I feel like I'm in a fish tank right now. Because you are in a fish tank. It's also 150 degrees in here. Dude, that thing does not quit.

That thing is like that radiator. You could save someone who's dying of COVID with that thing. That is a life support. One of those things that they ran out of. Yeah, it's a big ass fucking radiator. And it just pisses. It's a climate changer for sure. It pisses like this all day and then it shuts off and it's fucking freezing.

Can we get it to shut? Let's call your landlord about it. Oh man, I can't do that. There's nothing you can do about that. That's how radiators work. They can drain them. I don't need them to drain. Does it clank?

Does it clank away? It clinks a little bit, but it more just does that. There's a knob. we could turn off the knob brother not one not one knob on a radiator has ever worked i don't agree i think you can shut it down when will this shit be obsolete and they'll like have to do something else considering that thing is probably from the before the great depression happened probably never all right that's what I mean. That is, even just the design of it is so old looking. I've always wondered, what is the little butt plug on the top right?

What is that thing? It's like a lion. It's a reading lamp. It's a reading lamp? That you would have in a business class seat on Air France. Is that another knob? I thought you were talking about the thing in the middle. I don't know.

I'm so hot, I need to take this flannel off. All right, well, we can end it anyway. We're already at a minute and 10. Why? Everyone's having a good time. We're having a good time. You're going to end it prematurely like that? Wow, Sass, you want to end it now? Bruh. Y'all trying to get me to work overtime?

We got to go back to the office and I got to eat. We got to go back. What should we eat? I don't know. We should go to Getz Food somewhere. Would you guys want to sit down somewhere and eat? Potench. We have time to kill. Where are we going to go, though? Get some slop? Let's slop it up. No, I don't want to get slop. I want to sit down somewhere and eat patej we have time to kill where are we gonna go though get some slop let's slop it up no i don't want to get slop i want to get a nice something nice a place that where we could have like a like a cut of fish francis oh my god you guys are going so huge i haven't eaten today all i've had is half a quest bar

no you were eating other shit you were eating a bag of I had a bag of smart food Yeah Or skinny pop And so you had something else too Nope No? Mm You had a conversation with Dave True I did Wow

So this is the last episode Of Son of a Boy Dad Thank you guys No I'm kidding It's been real It's been a real run Should I play way too much? Yeah you're out of fucking pocket

Seen Heard I gotta stop playing like that Unacceptable What are the other sentences? Touched Touched Yeah, you're out of fucking pocket. Seen. Heard. Gotta stop playing like that. Unacceptable. What are the other senses? Touched. Touched.

Blessed. Tasted. Go Jets. Seen. I guess we could do a little ball recap of the weekend. The Patriots should not be allowed to play in the NFL. I genuinely think, and I know this is always a thing where they're like, they're like afl a college football team they're like you know people are always like well what if like michigan or alabama went up against fucking a bad nfl team i think the patriots might be the first nfl team

that like i think michigan actually would have a good chance beating them mac dude dude like or not even like georgia or like georgia who's the quarterback on georgia right now i don't even know it used to be stetson bennett for the last couple years now he's he can't even start in the league or he's like he's not even on he was like drafted by the rams he's not even on a roster and he won multiple championships for them and he can't even make a roster so it makes me think that you're wrong about this there's got to be there's a college quarterback i don't know enough about college football all i know is that there's got to be a college quarterback right now who is significantly better than mac jones it's crazy

how there are quarterbacks who play for national championship teams and then just disappear in the nfl and then you have guys like justin herbert who come out of like Onondaga Reservation League. Yeah, I mean, isn't that what... Playing for some Native American... Totally. Or like Tom Brady was splitting time at Michigan. Wasn't Josh Allen on a shitty... Wasn't he... Went to what, Wyoming?

Justin Herbert is from the Waxahachie tribe, and he played off of a reservation in Texas. That's right. He's a Native... He's got 13 kids, and each of them has two kids. Yeah, he's an American Indian grandfather. Josh Allen played for the Police Benevolence Association. Against the Little Sisters of the Poor.

It was a co-ed flag football league. And he didn't even play quarterback. He was a fucking defensive end, just running around tackling women. And in order to play you had to bring like a dozen muffins to sell to try to renovate the gym yeah he was selling there were ads on their t-shirts for plumbing companies and shit like that yeah i mean dude i'll say it does suck it sucks that mac jones is this bad because i've been mac jones's number one supporter all season no for one week and he got jersey. Some say you touched him with the kiss of death.

I was his number one supporter. Even this week, dude, I was like, dude, it's the offense. He doesn't have anyone to go to. And then they put Zappi in, and he just runs down the sideline, and they score. It's like, well, A, that showed how bad the Giants are too. But at the same time, it also showed how bad Mac Jones is playing. It's crazy how you guys can't

accept that your team is just bad well they are bad i mean they're the worst team the panthers would beat the patriots easily the fans are like yeah the giants are just bad they're just gonna be bad this year it is what it is we'll wait they got saquon so it's like it evens out no when you got a good guy like that dude i think there's some hope that nobody's holding on to hope for a running back they're like oh the running back's gonna take like they need a full like revamp of how they do things for the giants now honestly it's lucky for the patriots that they lost so hopefully the patriots can get some talent when they get rid of that fucking bum bill belichick they gotta get rid of belichick but the patriots need to redo everything too and i from from my

lips to fucking Robert Grassi's I knew the Eagles were going to get rid of that thug coach that you guys have What are you talking about? That goddamn punk bastard The Italian-American hero? What's his name? Nick Sirianni Sirianni

Yeah, that guy's a punk How is he a punk? He's got no respect Who's he supposed to respect? The goddamn punk Who's he supposed to respect? The other teams Did you guys see the players players on uh on the bills like

going into the stands basically trying to like uh shove one of the guys because the bills were supposed to win but they didn't pay vegas enough to fucking get the dub you know what i like about that fan was that he didn't back down now yeah he wasn't like did you see this did you see this player oh wow all the comments are like yeah he should have fallen over like yeah that fucking pussy josh allen and pretended he got hurt the way that josh allen barely got breezed on and he acted like he got fucking melted what dude there's nothing wrong with doing what he did there that's what you're supposed he uses the rules to his advantage that's a smart move same thing same with sirianni same thing with the tush push same like it should be the same thing one is should be illegal physical football and the other one is it should be illegal but they're using it to their advantage that it's

not illegal make a make an argument why it should be illegal cheat code how is it a cheat code because they do it better than other teams why don't other teams do it because they they respect football enough to not do it and the bills i mean dude the bills don't do it the bills don't do it dude josh josh josh do it. Josh Allen has what? He has the most rushing touchdowns of the season. Josh or Jalen Hurts. Jalen Hurts does? Yeah. Not a single good rushing touchdown.

What about the game winner? Yeah, dude, because the Bills they were called off. Oh, they were called off. McDermott had to be like, guys, I'm sorry. I know you guys wanted this dub, but our season's over. We have bigger fish to fry. Someone's talking shit in the stands. Let's go fight him. The refs paid us a billion dollars to throw this game. Well, blaming the refs is truly the lowest thing a football fan can do.

And I'm not even a – I wouldn't even say I'm a diehard Bills fan. I'm more of a diehard Patriots fan. You're more of a fair weather everything fan. You were an Eagles fan last year and a Bills fan last year. I'm a Patriots fan. I was not – I was neither. I thought I was. I thought I was. I thought I was.

How does that work? It's just you think you are, and then you watch the Patriots crumble, and you break down to tears every Sunday. We should have ended this when you originally said, because you've done nothing but dig yourself a hole and embarrass yourself. I have not dig myself a hole. I think, I mean, yeah, Sirianni is a great coach, but he doesn't stop that he's a thug.

Thug? He's a thug.ug he's a thug trash talking chiefs fans that's coded racism against italian americans italians are thugs he thinks he's in fucking goodfellas out there brother you you keep on saying this italians are thugs you you wind up with the fucking horse head next to you in your little fucking bed over there yeah by me You'd probably want to fuck it. Which hole would you fuck it in? Would you fuck it in the hole where it got cut off? Definitely the neck hole. Yeah, because you couldn't handle the teeth.

Like a real Italian American. This podcast is definitely going to get demonetized. There's no way. I would be surprised if YouTube even lets us upload this episode. We're asking the hard questions that people aren't ready to say. The name of this episode is going to be Nick Sirianni is a THUG in all caps. And also, I'll sprinkle in a little insider information. Roan bet the Bills to win last night.

Ooh. You're going to want to cut it before I show my actual bet slip. This is crazy. You're going to want to cut it before I show my actual bet slip. This is crazy. You're going to want to cut it before I show my bet slip. Well, yeah, you can show the wins. I'll show the – Roan said yesterday at halftime, he goes, I did not bet the Eagles. That's all I heard.

But I don't think he bet the Bills. And I did bet the Eagles. Brother, I know Roan. He's got action on every game. If he didn't bet the Eagles, he bet someone. Moneyline, Eagles. It's not going to focus. And I think the camera just died, so we're not going to be able to get it to focus.

That's not a, what's it called? Look at all these wins. Win, win, win. Yeah, you guys cleaned up yesterday. Win, loss, win, win, win, load more. We hit the same fucking bet. Load more, win, win. And they all lost. The only bet that I won was the Gabe Davis bet. Loeb Moore, win, win. And they all lost.

The only bet that I won was the Gabe Davis one. Oh, really? Yeah. My last loss was the Eagles against the Chiefs over. Jesus Christ, bro. Am I fucking nice like that? I must be so fucking nice. That was a week ago today.

That's so long ago. That ain't even a hot streak, brother. I'm on the cold You didn't hear how many times I said win? I heard win like five times maybe I was like I was reading fucking attendance at a Vietnamese school Alright Thank you guys for listening to the podcast

Go Jets I mean dude I'm not saying I know the Eagles are great They're probably the best team in the NFL All I'm saying is the Jets are right up there with them because they exposed them for the frauds that they are facts all good teams win every single game that's known I'll be in Toronto this weekend tickets at francisellis.com Providence the following weekend also tickets at francisellis.com

I got nothing I'm to be in Louisville, but no one on this. No one in this podcast is from Louisville. So that's not true. Jack Harlow, bro. That's where Jack Harlow's from. They also pronounce it Louisville, Louisville,

like a Louisville slugger. I'm going to be in Louisville in two weeks. Sometimes on the Louisville slugger. All right. The ball. Thank you guys for listening. Goodbye.