Son of a Boy Dad - Boss Men | Son of a Boy Dad #158 ft. Hank Lockwood & Nick Turani

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

Boss Men | Son of a Boy Dad #158 ft. Hank Lockwood & Nick Turani -- Ad: PIE Wine, Pizzas new side piece. Visit https://PIEWine.com -- Ad: Son of a Boy Dad is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/SON today to get 10% off your first month. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What is this, HQ5? No, this is HQ3. Isn't the New York office HQ3? Yeah. That's HQ2. No, that's 3.

So what was HQ1? Milton. Milton, bro. Milton's tough, bro. Jesus Christ. You don't remember the Milton days? No, it wasn't there. I always forgot that you didn't work there i was trying i never got invited to milton mo wouldn't hire me set us off says

uh welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast this episode uh is i don't know the date i'm not gonna say the date because we're pre-recording it. Somewhere in the future but for you somewhere in the past. Truth. It is Christmas Day. Honestly, this might be coming out on Christmas Day. When's Christmas Day? On Monday, right? I think it's Sunday. Or Tuesday.

It's definitely a weekend. Yeah, whatever. Handsome Hank is in the building and he's here to tell us about his concealed carry that he's about to get to defend himself on the mean streets of chicago i don't trust myself with a gun why do you think you could kill yourself yeah just like i get i don't know get bored i feel like i would get bored play around with it yeah shoot something by accident maybe someone i think i would shoot myself just like i had a temptation in the head yeah i think i would like i don't want to kill myself but i think if i had a gun i would having a gun is the same as

standing on a balcony is the same as a white person with n-word yes like you're always just like an inch away like if you're a bad impulse away from ending everything it's true yeah balconies i like balconies i have a balcony every time i'm like am i suicidal because i think about jumping doesn't that like the they say that it's like uh you're not no one's actually scared of heights they're afraid that they're gonna jump that's so fucking real or like walking on the ledge like i walk on the ledge of my sofa sometimes i'm just like i'm not scared of falling off the ledge of the sofa like i can like teeter on the edge it's not scary but if i was in a completely different situation on an even wider ledge i'd be fucking spooked the hell out like on a subway what if i just jumped

i know jumped in front i think about that sometimes yeah just just like letting my body fall i want i read a george clooney interview in like gq like fucking probably 20 years ago where he like said that as his like big secret he's like yeah i've always had these twisted thoughts like what if i just fucking jump off the balcony it's like dude you're just that's just a regular human emotion i think that is he's trying to otherize himself and make himself into this like fucking dark and brooding dude it's like no dude you're fucking george clooney yeah bill burr has an old bit about like the fucking when you when you pull down the the string on like a lamp or like a fan like a ceiling fan and how to like go back up and twirl around it's like a noose that's like

oh he's not suicidal but he's thought about just sticking his head in that and killing himself it might be fun. Dude, but look at what George Clooney looked like when he was 15. Looks like George Clooney. No, he doesn't. He looks like a girl. He has the exact same face. He looks like a 70s girl.

He looks like he tried to have a John Lennon haircut and couldn't really pull it off. That's why he got into acting. True. Because he wanted to be hot as fuck? I don't think that. george clooney considered a hot dude yeah what he's like apex hot the hottest really george clooney peak hot that's crazy i don't think george clooney's hot at all no offense to george if he's listening you're showing your age bro you you don't think that look at his like soft ass eyes yeah not really he's not really

doing anything for me. You never saw Ocean's Eleven? There's never been less blood in my penis than right now. And he was the Hawkeye. Bro, that guy will fuck your bitch. Big time. In her mouth. That looks like Jimmy G there.

Yeah, his eyes are so pretty. And he's the first one to be gray hair. He's like a win. And what was he on? What was the doctor show that he was on? ER. ER. Was he hot in that?

He's definitely not hot here. That's top right. That's ER with the little shaved head. He's way uglier in that than he was in the other photo. You think he's ugly in that? Yeah. Bro, I think you're straight, bro. Yo, bro.

This dude is fucking straight. Yeah, I just don't really get turned on by dudes. I don't really know what you guys are doing out here in chicago but over in new york we kind of uh we don't really putt from the rough multiple multiple dudes in this office have been talking about getting concealed carries though oh yeah which means you guys need to have either there's a security problem or a mental health problem in this office probably the latter yeah probably both concealed carry was so fucking nuts for the dunces that we have working at barstool that jerry told me that he's getting his concealed carry like this week yeah he just came up to us and said that jerry's oh yeah i mean that that jerry doesn't surprise me big t is the one where it's like dude you don't need a gun

is big t live in Chicago? Yeah. I thought he was staying in New York. No, what are you talking about? He's been here. Oh, really? You've never, you haven't seen him in New York? I thought that Big T and Jake Marsh were both not moving.

And I didn't see Big T today, but I saw Jake Marsh. Both here. Oh, damn. You haven't heard the rumor about Big T? No. He unicycles into the office every day. Holy shit. Really?

Yeah, I actually saw. I walked in the other night, I like left my bag and I came back late and all the lights were off and he was just over on the turf, like unicycling. Really? I turned the lights on. I was like,

Big T, what are you doing? Are you serious? No way. He doesn't want anyone to see. So he shuts the lights off when he comes in. Is this a real thing? We tried to pull the footage and it was,

you can't see it. You can't see it. Yeah. That's insane. I'd kill to see Big T on a unicycle. It's like a real thing or you guys fucking knows you can't see it you can't see it yeah that's insane i'd kill to see big t on a unicycle it's like a bear at the circus we when we were when we were ubering from the hotel to here we saw fasoli peel out on a fucking scooter so dude it's like 10 degrees outside and he had nothing he had like nothing on he was wearing like short sleeves yeah all he was wearing was a smile well fasoli's one of those dudes who 100 is like i only wear shorts

even if it's 30 degrees outside i wear shorts only yeah because he has the thickest legs known to man yeah that boy's sitting on tree trunks he just needs a couple of fucking mud slides and he'll be good and then fucking spiders talking about getting his concealed care he's probably he's been playing too much call with jerry i bet you that's where those conversations are happening neither of them are going to be able to get the concealed carry why isn't it like wildly hard to get a concealed carry especially in like a major city i have no idea no cops are stoolies out here that's true yeah yeah jerry told me that he has a guy that you pay him 270 bucks and he just gives you a concealed carry the same way he got his vax card? Like a flimsy-ass concealed carry?

How hard is it to get a concealed carry in Illinois? A CCL? There's a whole lot. That's a big-ass paragraph. Yeah, I'm not reading all that. Mook, give us a little... I'm happy for you. Sum that up for me.

75 hours of inpatient counseling? What the fuck? Yeah, dude, that's awful. No, that's if you have uh a dui well yeah guilty yeah i do yeah i mean no it's been expunged bro i was 10 years old but the summary is it's relatively simple really that's interesting i don't think you can even get can you get a concealed carry in new york uh no you can't it's like a mandatory minimum of possession like possession in the tri-state area or at least like i think new jersey but definitely new york is like a mandatory minimum if you don't

have a gun on that's how they should so they should keep it we don't really need guns in the city in new york because we're not fucking we don't live in a war an active war zone unicycles and guns what are you guys doing are you guys gonna when are you guys gonna cut the shit and move back to new york never because this is getting out of control no i think this experiment has run its course i was here today it's a lot of just jungle gym and games gym class yeah we got to get you guys back to the city get back to work parcel recess travis mccoy out here gym class heroes these boys are fucking crushing it but i i feel like everybody is getting a little bit nicer at sports. Even Nick's jump shot was kind of wet.

But I still think New York takes you guys in basketball. I don't think so. We've been having runs Friday afternoon. All the producers play basketball for three hours. Yeah, I see McKenzie crossing people out of their socks. I think it would be a good game. I think no Titus. Obviously, that would be unfair. Is Titus that good? Yeah. think no Titus obviously that'd be unfair

but is Titus that good? yeah why no Titus? he played in college he played in college D1 athlete Ohio State

oh he's a walk-on no but he was I mean he was good in high school still? put Titus on your team I think New York still wins that yeah easily dude we get Pat Bev

yeah Pat Bev puts Clams on it yeah Pat Bev puts Clams on it i would like to see the battle of the millers though that'd be fun tyler against reed yeah they are uh identical those are hoop boys those are real hoopers yeah they walk and talk like they're hoopers dude do a little bit of a tyler impression his tyler impression's so good it's so funny now i don't have a tyler impression you're a fucking lion it's like bitch said like bitch was like what the fuck is that bitch what the fuck is a bitch talking about yeah tyler is like more black than pat bev

when tyler and pat bev hang out pat bev must be like dude this guy needs to chill out yeah he like slides tyler the glock just kidding none of them have guns none of us need guns out on the east coast now it's kind of more of a peace and love out there midwest thing in New York is fucking tranquil as hell but Hank what we really wanted to have you on to chat about was uh your impending uh your impending hour of stand-up comedy yeah yeah it's uh it's really set in this last week i've been you know i'm sure sass goes through this you're just constantly thinking like oh this could be stand-up i'll make this part of my set yeah um but so explain what what you're doing and why

you're doing it we do every year on pmt we do like a year-long picks contest so every friday we make nfl picks in the past the loser It's always like we've done loser and second place have to do the punishment. PFT and Billy. That's why they had to drive from New York to LA that year, last year, Max and Jake lost. They had to do bowl of 300. And then every hot dog they ate was like minus 10 pins or something.

So they ended up having to eat like 18 hot dogs just to, just to do it. And then this year it's split into two sections me big cat and pft hat for an hour and then memes jake and max for the opener so the loser between us the the two groups has to do either 50 minutes or an hour i basically lost unless i win out for the rest of the year and pft and big cat lose out for the rest of the year like the magic number numbers one essentially uh which obviously i'm gonna lose so i'm gonna have to do an hour of stand-up in vegas the tuesday of super bowl week that sucks or an hour i haven't it's an hour live show i it's an hour live show that sucks so it doesn't have to be stand-up but like i don't know what else i would do that would spook the fuck out of

me and they made it because pft was in it so they're like you you can only do one song because otherwise he might just do songs the whole time so i have one song you know to to do i was gonna say really all i have planned yeah what the fuck the craziest thing is that you said you told me you were doing it in front of like a mini theater of 500 people. Yeah, and it's going to be on pay-per-view. Dude, this is awesome. But that part I'm not worried about because it's like it's going to be a bomb. It could be 500. It could be 5,000.

It wouldn't matter. It will matter. And it will be more than 5,000 for sure. It will absolutely matter. But it's not like I'm going in it with confidence. I'm not going in being like, this is going to be great. They're going to love me. I know it's going to be awkward.

Yeah, you know, when you start looking deep into the back of the crowd and you realize you can't even see all the way into the back, that's when you're going to start fucking going staring down. Oh shit. Yeah. Or you like hear someone cough. It's like really quiet. Yeah.

Like here's someone like sniffling their nose like a little bit. It's just, oh no. I don't think it'll be that bad because I think people would know what they people are going they know what they're gonna see a train wreck yeah and that's what they want to see but also i think i think that runs it's i think that runs its lifespan very fast yeah i mean like bombing and people being like that's like it's like you can do like it you can do like in like an hour long set you could have like a joke that bombs and be like oh that one sucks and the crowd like laughs like yeah that does suck yeah i was talking we're trying to do that for 10 minutes straight they're like oh no you just

are bad at this it's gonna be bad obviously i'm just more thinking like we were talking to stava on pmt about the planning process and i'm curious obviously two stand-ups in the room moose in here as well like is it a thing where planning 60 minutes you plan x amount of jokes like is it like uh is there a way where i can mathematically plan it where it's like all right i need to plan i need to plan you know to try and have 80 things to talk about or like no because if you've never done it before and you've never done any of the jokes before you have no idea how long it's going to be like the first time i ever did stand at the first open mic i did i wrote down like four jokes and i was like this is easily five minutes it might have been 25 seconds but now that you've done it do you have a better like if you had to do 60 minutes would

you be able to have a an outline of like all right i mean obviously you would but like you have 60 minutes you need to write like the first write 50 jokes. The first time I ever did 30 minutes, I wrote down on my phone in bullet points every single joke I've ever written, and that was barely 30 minutes. So how did you stretch it when you ran out of time? Well, I only had to do 30 minutes. But I'm saying, so you got to 30?

Yeah. But it was probably like 25. Or how about the first time when you had four jokes and it wasn't five minutes how did you stretch it it was an open mic oh so you just got off stage you can do it can do a minute and so you can't get off stage no i have another question how do you write like what goes into writing a joke dude i don't know i i don't really write jokes there's no formula i really don't write joke like i'll i used to write jokes all right jay-z no but i you know i i write jokes i just go in and freestyle it no i write jokes but

i i used to like write out like word for word jokes and then i realized that that was just like making me fuck up and like killing my confidence and then i just now i just have an idea and i'll go probably like all right this might work and then you kind of just workshop that over and over again until it becomes like a good what if you practice a couple times like what if you go to a couple open mics and practice i am going to do that i'm definitely going to be working with mook a lot i want to give it you know my best my best effort i know it's not going to be good but at least i can at least it's it's an opportunity i'm trying to look on the bright side of things like what if you murder i think like bring the roof down i think

if i can just get through an hour that would be a win here here are your advantages you have a screen right so you can break it up into segments you can do like a roast segment you can do like a slide show or like a uh like inspirational speech like a grant cardone 10x or something yeah i was thinking about that there like if you're just like what you have to do is fucking this like fucking screaming at the crowd like a drill sergeant or something like i was thinking about that but if you did like a character like if you did like a character you could do like 30 minutes on that just fuck around with the crowd and be like in the character yeah no if you character actor hank lock yeah that's that's

this is where like the uh the charisma and everything's coming into play where it's like i on friday night i was i didn't go out and i was like all right i'm gonna start like i'm just gonna start planning sat down on my computer open up the notes app and was like and just stared at it for like 20 minutes i truly don't know how to start like i don't know how to start i don't know how to write a joke i don't know what goes into like writing a joke i really really think you just gotta do stories. Just write down especially if it's gonna be all Barstool fans who are there because of Part of My Take

just write down or come up with 10 good stories and that'll be at least 15 minutes. Or just everything good that you've ever said on Part of My Take. just say that again make it like a soft mate like make it like a like a bragging thing just go just go and just do like a highlight reel like go back over old part of my takes and like look at like things that people like times in the comments when people have been like hank that was hilarious that hank said that and just

say that shit over again it's like one-liners yeah just say one-liners that pft and big cat usually yeah bro that i mean that would kind of be fire if you just diss pft and big cat you shut you want me to write like a battle rap verse for each of them yes yeah i mean that's that that's definitely that's the thing i i do i i obviously want to help and i want i want help from like from from mook and obviously i'm sure nick would help me too but i don't want it to be like i'm just reading their material because it would be obvious that it's not me like i do want it to be i'm gonna ask for help and try and work with them on my material but i do want to at least have it be my own thing i think because i think that's kind of a cop-out to be like if if like nick or mook writes like a really funny five minutes and i just i just you know read the lines like it'll be obvious that

yeah bro but you're gonna need like fucking 12 people to write a funny five minutes for you well what is my thing is like are you gonna go out there and try and do like like jokes about like barstool and part of my take are you gonna go out there and start talking about like fucking the windy city is crazy like are you gonna do like just like raw jokesosh appelle talking about trans people yeah shit i think that has a bigger chance of people being like what is this yeah i mean that's what's that's the thing that's what i'm not worried about that's what it's gonna be like no matter what i think the one thing that i have that i might like the one thing i haven't talked about on pmt like i have kept like my private life and dating life like i haven't talked about it even though

like the funny stuff is happening that is a that is a avenue where like there's stuff that i mean girls part four like what's up with next dating life like i could at least but there's jokes and there's like stories and stuff that like would be funny that i've like been you know stuff's happening like this would be funny to talk about the podcast but i don't like i don't i don't go there anymore so it's like that is at least something I can kind of unlock and like, just go through, you know, five minutes.

I don't know, but that, that's something there's definitely the barstool, like the inside barstool stuff, Dave, you know, stories and shit. You could tell like a hundred stories about Dave, like yelling at you or like,

or like if you segmented into like lists and like make stories of the list, like the 10 times that like the craziest 10 times Dave yelled at me or some shit like that, like 10 top 10s or some shit like that, rip through them. I also think that doing your life story would play. If you just start at the fucking beginning, here's what I did. That's how you should open, like how I got here, yeah. With PowerPoint, fucking with videos, videos of you overlaying the shit flick that jewel pod bro what would really be funny is if you guys like promoted the show like on like ads

and it's just like a comedy show and then it's sold out with just no barstool fans that would be like super bowl week yeah like did it at like a big vegas venue like the luxor or some shit like that that would be awesome the mgm yeah are you gonna take like a xanax beforehand or something no you're not nervous about that about like stage fright at all no i mean i i never really been scared about like public speaking or whatever and i know it's that it's one thing if you think like you get nervous you probably get nervous before a stand-up show because you're like people expect me to be good and i want to be good and i plan on being good i don't really plan on being good i just need that's the tommy smokes stand up he's like oh i'll be bad on purpose so

there's no pressure on me to be good which is a cop-out by tommy smokes yes i just want i my biggest goal from the takeaway after people watch is like that wasn't as much of a train work as i thought that's like a win i'm sure it will feel like that i mean if you get like five laughs it'll feel like that and then you'll watch it back and you'll be like that was worse than i could have possibly imagined oh yeah but i do i think i'm gonna try and i'm gonna try and write some stuff down maybe like practice in front of a camera and stuff just because like that part i think i'm a big I'm a big, I'm a big light guy back.

Yeah. But I got, I got, I'm going to, I'm going to give him my best shot. Like, I think that's my only chance to at least get through an hour. Like is a big issue.

I got to get the like out of my, my language. One big light guy. Yeah. I don't think people will notice that that much though. They might, if you're nerd, if you're like,

if you've never been on stage before, they'll probably notice. How do you feel about crowd work? I don't think he's allowed to do it. Yeah. I was asking Sass, what does that even mean? If you're like, if you've never been on stage before, they'll probably notice that. How do you feel about crowd work? I don't think he's allowed to do it. Yeah, I was asking Sas, what does that even mean if you like plan it or whatever? I think you could do crowd work

but not question and answer. You could like be like, what's your guys do? A Q&A. A Q&A would be huge. He's not allowed to. But like if you're like, what do you guys do?

I like if you initiate the conversation, I feel like that would be legal and just like rip down the front row. Just call people like fucking. Or you could pull a Matt Rife and just be like, oh, like you guys are so cute. And just be like really sweet to people. You guys know Matt Rife? There's not going to be a single girl there.

A couple of girlfriends. Yeah. Who's Shane Dillis. Yeah. It's like all the girlfriends are here with their fucking boyfriends that hate me. You guys know Matt Reif had a facial surgery? I didn't know that.

I just found that out this week. Have you seen him on Wild N' Out? He's disgusting. No, he wasn't. He was cute. His teeth are all banged up too. Everybody, let me see a little now and then of Matt rife but i don't know how anyone could have not know like why are like matt rife's secret jaw surgery did they think that

was a natural jaw so that's his old him he like who thought that was natural on the left he has like a decently okay jaw it's not like he has like a fucking shit oh i thought that was him on the left yeah me too maybe this guy should fucking get a jaw surgery yeah bro he needs an eyelid lift bro this guy's a plastic surgeon now do uh do matt rife zendaya oh yeah yeah yeah what you're talking about yeah that one was where i was like oh wow he really just did he doesn't look as bad in these pictures he doesn't look bad at all you guys are being like matt rife is gross no i wasn't saying he's look at look at that he definitely doesn't look like matt rife well that's a different person jesus that's just yeah that's bad teeth yeah but honestly he's also like 14 in that yeah that's what i i think he could have got away with just being like puberty

has yeah fixed everything up for me people go OD with the fucking veneers these days, though. Yeah. So people are just throwing veneers on, like, pretty okay teeth, and they're just, like, coming out like fucking... Yeah, big old chompers, too. The mask and shit. They gotta figure out a way to shrink those things,

the veneers. I also heard that you have to get new ones every, like, seven years. It can't be every seven years, but maybe 14 years or something like that? I think it depends on what you get. Yeah. I think there's cheap options and you can tell

yeah that's crazy Mickey Mouse teeth I saw it was like Kyle from Nelk and Lil Yachty yeah that's what I was like how much were yours

he was like 10k Lil Yachty was like yeah mine was 100 what and so Kyle probably had the cheap version and Lil Yachty's are good to go

those people were ripping on Kyle's veneers that's when I saw it you can tell yeah tell when people have them well it's like their teeth suddenly are two inches longer that's what i don't get is why they're so big i guess they're for people want wouldn't you want just like normal looking teeth but yeah like i don't know if you just get like a little fucking busted up like half half busted tooth, like a little chip tooth. I wouldn't want fucking like a dead straight line with like no. They don't even look like real teeth. Like I saw an actor this week who like had like a kind of like charming smile with like

his like it was like it wasn't really crooked, but it fit his face very well. He's like a very good looking dude. And then he got veneers and he just looks like a fucking ventriloquist. Oh, yeah. People are terrible. Yeah. I don't't know i guess it's just the wave i guess it's just like brazilian butt lifts for dudes yeah i would get all that shit let me see if i could just if i could just like not have to do the actual surgery someone was like you could have a perfect jawline and perfect teeth i'd be like yeah you would get a jawline surgery you get jawline 100 you don't like your jawline no i

don't have a jawline join the club i think it's cute though no i hate it you would get the surgery and just square your shit off like fucking uh but look how bad fucking zach efron looks i don't think he's got Botox and shit. Love Zac Efron. Isn't he a friend of your guys' podcast? Huge friend of the podcast. Great dude. I don't know.

But he was like... Matt Rife's a friend of our podcast. He is. He was super hot. And then just got way into like the Botox and shit. But was that for... He's a monster. I couldn't tell if that was for the movie. No, he got...

Look at the bottom left. Up one? Yeah, that one. That's a new dude. Yeah, that's the Botox. Dane Cooks is pretty bad. Look up Dane Cooks. Dudes are salt to weigh their hotness.

Yeah. It's so crazy. It's crazy to be that obsessed with being a hot dude. Dane Cook looks like an alien. You gotta be like a devil may care hot dude. Becoming so obsessed with your own hot dude. Dane Cook looks like an alien. You gotta be like a devil may care hot dude. Like, and just be like, becoming so obsessed with your own hotness

and turning yourself into that is so fucking insane. Because he looked pretty good on the left. He looked way better on the left than he does on the right. Didn't he go

Josh Giddy mode too? Oh, now who's, wait, what is it? Big time. Josh Giddy mode? Yeah. Yeah. DC?

I think he dated like a, well, I think he's married a girl who's what 26 right now but they knew each other when longtime girlfriend she's currently 23 yeah they i think they like knew each other when she was like 16 damn good pull on his behalf though yeah dude it's all about the long game putting in that work he was at the fucking sock hop dance yeah he was at the harvest mixer fucking scooping up scooping up baddies while they were scooping up punch out of the bowl yeah that's fucking she looks young there's something some i mean yeah you just really can't

can't figure it out i was at the sixers game last night, and there was just this over-the-top, like, loud, like she had, she had, like, festival energy. And she had a pirate flag tattooed on her upper left shoulder, but just, like, these slick leather pants, bodacious, like, body all over the place. Body-yada-yada? Body-yada-yada. With just, and just drunk as fuck, just screaming.

But she was with a dude who was like 25 years old or just like looked completely washed up. And they were getting along great, like making out through the entire game. I was like, okay, he's crushing it. What better place? He's doing really, fuck yeah, the Sixers game, fucking row two of the Sixers game underneath the basket like they'd stop making out to be like why'd you fucking miss that rebound

paul reed they both would yell and then go back to making out and then after the game three members of the wings lacrosse team came over and started hugging her and the guy like the older guy just like faded to the background like their hands like they were taking pictures like hands like pinky on her ass like oh she was like touching touching chest i felt so fucking bad for the dude it was so fucking yeah i mean he's chasing this young thing like the franklin the mascot came over and she fucking uh she like put her legs straight up in the air franklin like covered his eyes that's brutal walked away she was thotting it up and then this guy thought he was going home with like a bad fucking wild child bitch at the fucking sixers game watch how woman excuse me says

at the sixers game and then fucking three members of the wings came up and they had obviously known her from time and did they go home together no she uh like she talked to the dude for like five minutes and then like they didn't know each other i think no they knew each other but they didn't go home together oh it was like a first date type thing wait uh what are you talking about the guys from the wings or the old guy the old guy oh the old guy i don't know if it was a first date but uh they i think they must have known each other for a little bit like they they were making out of the sixers game that's crazy Could have been the very first date. Like they were in the second row.

People were leaving at the end of the game. Sixers games will do that to someone. Yeah. Honestly, it turns out the thotties. Yeah. That's crazy. Making out at PDA is insane.

Like that's something that I just can't wrap my head around. Like people just make, like I've been, I've been, I've done shows like at, like at the stand where I look into the crowd and there's just people just like fucking like dude, like grabbing tits, like deep making out. And I'm like, what are you doing right now?

Yeah. What about this show got you to that level? Who is it for? Yeah. Maybe it's you, honestly. Just go home. Like, are they trying to show you? Are they trying to show everybody around them that they like don't care?

No idea. Or are they just trying to- I think it's like, you got to be everybody around them that they don't care? No idea. Or are they just trying to- I think it's like you got to be like- I don't think anyone's sober doing that. These people were off the twisted tees for sure. Yeah, off the drink. Yeah, they were fucking- They were loving it though.

I guess more power to people if they can just abandon self-awareness. Sometimes I wish I had less of that. Sometimes I wish I wasn't always thinking like, damn, what do people around me think? I don't. You like thinking that? Yeah.

I would not want to be someone who's just making out in public. But I think there's like a fine line where it's like, there's some people who are concerned about that. They're like, they think everyone's always thinking about them and looking at them. And then there's the other people who are fucking, their titties are falling out of their shirt at the sixers game and they're fucking hot mouthed but i feel like they know that people are looking at them and they like they like that yeah the one time the dude they were making out and the guy like

instead of like looking back to the game he like stopped to make out and like look back at me and like it wasn't like he didn't like stare at us but like he went this way first that's crazy yeah because he knows everyone's looking at him he basically gave us see what i'm fucking working with yeah some ass good ass right yeah good piece of ass i've got good poon this is some great poon that i've got here yeah we're going home together later yeah i only had to pay her 30k that basically was the energy she had like that's that i respect more if she was i respect more acknowledging it like making out with someone and then be turning around to the crowd and being like you see this look what

i got get a load of this need a sip of my water so i can go in for round two getting a little perched i'm a little perched parched begging to get on the kiss cam yeah finding the camera guys i'm gonna lay one on her oh my maybe you need to this is fucking bullshit we've been making out the entire night how are they not coming to us over here dumbass maybeass. Maybe you need to plant some people in the audience doing crazy and weird shit. Yeah. So you can fully pass back. Nick, come on in, Nick. Nicky.

Nicky, come on, Nick. Come on in. What's up, good brother? We're just doing a little Son of a Boy day. We're talking making out right now. This is kind of your thing. Oh. This is kind of your specialty.

Dude. He's hot. He's hot. We're talking making out? Yeah, dude. He's hot. He's not talking making out. Yeah, we're talking Mac and. All righty, let's talk about better help. This show is sponsored by better help. Sometimes in life we're faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear.

For example, speaking of clear in the airport, if you're in the airport that which you'll hear about later in this episode probably unless you've already heard about if you're in the airport and clear decides to ruin your entire day and honestly question like your manhood because i feel like they just took your man card away from you they call you if clear calls you buddy. If clear calls, if clear calls you pal in a really condescending way, that's a good time to download the better help app. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships or anything else, like getting absolutely demolished by a clear employee.

Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want, like TSA PreCheck, while you navigate life. So you can now move forward with confidence and excitement. Trusting yourself to make decisions that align with your values is like anything.

The more you practice it, the easier it gets. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sun today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash sun today to get 10 off your first month that's better help h-e-l-p.com slash sun wait uh this weekend update was brought to you by pie wine pie wine pie wine pizza's best friend in the world a crispy dry white and a pretty good wine too uh it's we got a bunch give me hand me a red why

don't you throw me a red a can of some red i believe this is also white i don't know if we have red oh that's definitely it all depends on your appetite brother this is the red but this is uh let me just say this is pizza's new side piece can i say that you can say that it's a that's a world famous red it's world. This is sweet za white. The sweet za is really good too because I usually, I tend towards the drier whites. Yeah. But the sweetness of that one is, it's not overpowering. No.

It's enjoyable. It's what you want with a pepperoni pizza. To me, if you got that sweet pepperoni with the honey on it, compliment it perfectly. Oh, hot honey? Hot honey. Because it diffuses some of the spices. Hot honey and a sweet za white. They go hand in hand.

And every can of these. Oh, Lord. Oh, my God. God damn, this wine's good. Every glass or every can has two glasses of wine. 10.5% alcohol. 10.5% alcohol, gluten-free. Ooh, this one's 13.1%.

Hold your horses. God damn. That's a fun drink. You know, that's a fun drink to throw on some video games, have a pie, and just sit there and sip on one of those. That'd be a fun night. What a different evening for you. We love pie wine. Yeah, pie wine has bought in with like a lot of the stuff that we're doing and it was such a pleasant surprise to find out that it's freaking delicious

yeah that it is so good it's pizza's best friend you should be ordering some today treat yourself to some pie wine today yesterday yeah yes go to pie wine.com pizza's new side there's a pie wine.com pizza's new side piece hell yes nice lucy nicotine gum pouches and breakers all of three things in common no tobacco powerful nicotine and delicious flavors lucy's breakers are nicotine pouches which post up in your lip and chill there, releasing sweet, sweet nicotine. Breakers have something that no other pouches do. A little capsule inside each one. You break it with your teeth to release nicotine way faster than other pouches. Lucy's pouches, on the other hand, are heftier than other nicotine pouches and they don't get all wet and slippery.

And their gum? It tastes and feels like normal gum if normal gum had a nicotine kick what's my favorite flavor all of them i love every flavor i'm really i've never really been very picky when it comes to the lucy pouches and gum i see one i pop it in my mouth i get that good sweet sweet nicotine. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age-verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. I love Lucy. I use it all the time.

I like the breakers. They're better than any other nicotine pouch I've had. They're gum. It's great. The breakers, the pouches, it's all. I mean, it's great stuff. It's a good product that they're making over at Lucy. Visit Lucy.co and use promo code SUN to get 20% off your first order.

Shipping is always free, and there's a 30-day return refund policy if you change your mind. That's L-U-C-Y dot C-O promo code SUN to receive 20% off and always free shipping. Neat. Everybody said I'm the best. Why don't you show us right now? Is it a lot of biting? A lot of biting? I know in movies when they're making out, it's a lot of, no, I spell my first name with

my top lip and my last name with my bottom at the same time. I spell my first name with my top lip and my last name with my bottom at the same time I heard that all the Blackhawk players like grinded to a halt in the middle of the game they had to stop the game they just iced up and fucking stared

the Blackhawks got a technical dude Connor Bedard yelled yucky yeah I'm really I'm really good at it I have heard that yeah it's going around it's going around all Chicago, that mouth of yours. And people in New York have been asking,

they're like, what happened to that dude? Yeah, what happened to that good kisser? What happened to that good-ass fucking make-outer? I saw a report on NY1 that making out is severely down over the last three or four months in New York. I don't know. There's definitely a correlation, if not a causation. these lips have sunk in many a ship relationship oh it's the kiss of death it really is those man squawks but it's it's uh it's real nice i wish you were at the sixers game the other night i

was watching yeah me too man you were a court sideers game the other night. I was watching this guy. Yeah, me too, man. You were a court side. Thanks for wanting me there. But there was a guy in front of us who was making out with his babe, and he had no technique. And he was like, he needed a sensei. Dude, I should have broken up and just be like, watch this, and I kiss him. Repeat after me. Let me tap in.

Tapping her out. Mind if I cut in? No, you're doing it all wrong wrong this is what you should be doing Hank you a good kisser? no obviously he is no no no but we're gonna save that for

Hank Lockwood live in Vegas yeah he's gonna be doing his whole kissing special oh for real? yeah he's gonna do his whole technique breakdown like uh breaking down the the all 22 film yeah maybe i'll just ask for a volunteer

come on up what are you better does your is your mouth is your mouth game good like downwards kissing cat peter chris look at his bottom lip he's got a his bottom lip is fucking real nice and and the coloring on it shows that he's a vivacious young man that's right a lot of blood pumping into that yeah your lips get real hard i'm so fucking hard right now you're talking about your two fucking lips i gotta ice my lips they're fucking bursting oh your cold shower lips just cramped you have my lips fucking throbbing my lips are so wet right now

oh my god is it but i bet that the longer beard is like uh probably better than like a short beard as far as uh making out i don't know oh yeah short beard's probably a little bit more dude you do not want to make out with a dude with a short beard no been down that path prickly many times yeah yeah scratchy what scratchy scratchy as hell razor burn she's scratchy you think there's any technique to getting your pussy eaten that's a really good question harry her like is there a technique to getting head because i've yes definitely there is yeah do tell it's about timing your grunts and you have to talk it's like it's reverting to like being a neanderthal it's uh you have to time your grunts to

to set her pace yes exactly that makes sense when i was uh one of the first back when you were getting head one of the first times that i uh jerked off when i was like probably like 10 years old how old are you i was very late i was a freshman in high school for 10 years old is very young is it eighth grade okay so maybe maybe closer to that maybe closer to eight ten is very you were you molested yourself yeah dude well i used to try and jerk off and just pee i think i came that's crazy i think you just had to pee man that might just be peeing no i know but it was like you know everyone was talking about it like my friends were like yeah i jerk off all the time like damn like i want to jerk off like let me try i was like i just pissed like

did you come i was like yeah i was like in my head i was like no when i remember the first conversations i had with about jerking off with my boys i'd be like dude there's nothing that feels better and they'd be like taking a big dump feels better i was like bro you might be you might be gay yeah something coming out but i remember one of the first times when i tried personally uh i was home alone and i was like maybe moaning makes it feel better and so i i tried to like uh how high pitched uh i think it was i think did you say your own name oh no i definitely didn't say my own name but i was definitely like just lying on the floor moaning dude what if like what if we have a hotel what if we share a wall in uh at the super bowl and you just hear me saying my own name

that would be like that's like btk type shit that would be crazy if i found out that one of you guys did that i probably wouldn't be able to be friends with you no chance dude you're incredible oh my god you are so good nick i get nervous when we're on the road that we're like right next to each other now if I ever hear you jerking off I'd kill myself wait what about him hearing you jerk you just know he's jerking off way more we're both jerking off

you would never be able to hear me I'm quiet as a church mouse do you think you could could you like secretly jerk off without people knowing yeah 100% that's how my entire childhood like if you're in the middle of a dark rave yeah i could beat off and come off yeah 100 what about just like a dark lit italian restaurant could you beat off without anybody noticing yes or like a mass when everybody's

head was bowed for for the prayer yeah 100 all of these are easy. Dude, when I jerk off now, when I jerk off now, it's like there's no sound. Like I don't even breathe. You're like putting on a silencer? Screwed. That's just an uncircumcised dick. My face the entire time I'm jerking off is just like...

I could have been coming right there. So you're the Charlie Chaplin of jerking off. That's it. I swear to God, that's it i swear to god that's it because i well i used to always be very paranoid do you jerk off again what do you're jerking off impression again that was me coming he just came that that was like a really huge bust yeah that was big yeah you don't enjoy it at all sometimes it'll sometimes you'll just hear it oh we're doing circus music to it no way i'm thinking like

oh chopsticks or is that the entertain that's the entertainer yeah i'm thinking the entertainer yeah wait do jerking off straight face jerking off straight face to the entertainer wi-fi's moving slow one second but do you uh so it seems like you don't even enjoy it sass no i do freaking love it can't you tell no i i genuinely was just always so scared of getting caught jerking off that i would just make the least amount of sound that i possibly like you're on the underground railroad yeah it was literally like i was in fucking a quiet place like my parents were the monsters though if i made any sound they would burst through my door you're such straight face brother dude but honestly when you're experiencing like the most pleasure entertainment like whether it be a book a good movie jerking off you're're straight-faced quiet.

Yes. Do you think if you were in Anne Frank's attic and the Nazis were raiding your house, you could... I would have came twice. You would have gotten carpal tunnel in Anne Frank's attic. That's paradise. No expectations. Now, what was that? Are you going cans? Cans? you're wearing cans when you jerk off

no i don't listen to anything no sound no go no sound pornhub yes you go volume down or use subtitles i don't think i've ever used sound while jerking off what yeah ever do you that's like the best part sometimes when i was really sometimes i do no video just sound now that's because i don't even get into the porn i just you know the interactions in the beginning just get me going it's off the thumbnail just the fucking sound that's yeah it's crazy to turn you guys are jerking off to sound bites you're jerking off like a deaf person you're gonna start jerking off to the talkies man of the breasts you're jerking off like a deaf person. I jerk off to the visuals. You gotta start jerking off to the talkies, man. Of the breasts. You're jerking off like DK Metcalf. You need to fucking enjoy yourself, dude.

You need to give just a listen. And I'd change everything for you. Don't worry about me, man. But you'll start moaning like a deaf person and not realize yourself once you start. That's how you know. Once you start hearing it. Dude, if I'm busting hard enough,

I'm sounding deaf and my hands are doing sign language too. You're doing the two injury hands? Yeah, two fingers. Dude, when I bust, I look like I'm doing like the blood thing with my hands. Damn. My wife put me on punishment from talking about jer jerking off you brought it up wait i walked in you're like tell us about jerking off you know we're talking about kissing okay we were doing a very pg you know it's a slippery slope pg pg 13 type of vibe but we couldn't help ourselves just naughty ass boys just tell her not to listen

just be like we're not talking about jerking off. Just don't listen. Yeah, yeah. Just shoot her that text. Just a heads up. We did not talk about jerking off on the last episode. So you don't even have to worry about it. There's nothing for you to even hear.

I got in trouble when I was a kid because I liked a tweet that said, if cheerleading is a sport sport then so is jerking off and my mom followed me on twitter and it came up on her timeline and i was in like eighth grade harry's my mom harry's sexist i'm gonna delete twitter she couldn't stop you though she could only slow you down yeah it was from like a fucking blue mountain state like what is that guy's name chad what's his name thad castle that was from a thad castle fan account that i followed oh i gotta follow this guy he speaks to me he's fucking dead right dude my first ever tweet was a response to chad ochocinco he was just like talk to me tonight and i was like

my girl fucking broke up with him and helped me out and then i think i hashed what was his what did he always say something about lovers i don't know i hashtagged with what he said that's hilarious like hashtag i love you or something it was something my first ever tweet was me voting for tj oshi to be on the cover of nhl. Good one. Yeah, it was a good one. It was a great tweet. I saw him when I was making out at the Blackhawks game. You saw Oshie there? Yeah. I was just in his stomping grounds a couple weeks ago.

Washington. St. Louis. Does he play for the Cavs? I thought he used to play for the Blues. Maybe from St. Louis? Didn't he used to play for the Blues? I don't think. TJ Oshie didn't play for the the blues i don't think tj oshie didn't i don't think i don't think you did i don't think you were why'd you vote for tj oshie

was it because he saved all those dogs in like russia i don't know i think i liked his name to be honest wait there he is in a blues jersey yeah he played for the blues for the blues does he not play for the blues still he's on the caps i didn't even know he still played hockey isn't he old you can play hockey for a long time i guess like brad marshall still plays hockey does he or do you retire he still plays he's what is he fucking 50 he's old he's he's the last of the last of the good ones yeah oh yeah are we going to the mr ice meetup or what boys yeah it sounds like a fucking banger ice con yeah you haven't heard about icecon? I don't know about Icecon. Where is it?

Florida? Florida Panthers game in March or April. Just a bunch of ice heads going to a Panthers game. Does that mean meth? In white shirts. In Florida, it definitely will mean.

There will be confusion about what it means to be an ice head. Oh, is everybody ripping up in their white shirts? Fuck yeah. Once it hits over, just going absolutely nuts.

It's going to be sick. Are you guys going to IceCon? Yeah. Dave's flying us out. Yeah, he's flying the PJ. He's going to scoop us in HQ4. He's going to land the... Dave loves HQ4.

He does? Yeah. He must not know about the incident that happened yesterday. HQ4 took a massive fall. Yeah. The week after Dave complimented us. George Bush getting fucking whispered in his fucking ear.

It was terrible. HQ4's falling. Truly just a nightmare of a day. I tried to play Fortnite. Okay. Keep going. I was going to try to put it in perspective, but I was like, wait a minute, did he lose in Fortnite 2? No, I was going to let the laptop charge for a bit,, I was like... I was going to try to put it in perspective, but I was like, wait a minute.

Did he lose in Fortnite too? No, I was going to... I was trying... I was going to let the laptop charge for a bit and I was like, I'm going to play some Fortnite and I played half a game and I was like, I got to get off. I can't do it.

Like, I was like, this is so stressful. Yeah. And then it never came back on. Just chalked it up as a no. I don't think people appreciate, like, the stress. Like, they don't understand. No, they don't get it. They don't get how fucking hard this job is.

It's a real fucking it's a gig man it's a fucking tough ass fucking grind of a gig just played a golf simulator for like four hours no cameras even on were you down there doing it yeah that was the cut how was the stroke unbelievable everybody's saying 270 sass is butter sass is absolute butter with that thing i think people were very surprised to see me driving 270. I'm doing it myself. Yeah. Brandon was struggling today. I've heard rumors that he drives like 350.

I don't even think he broke 200 today. No, he didn't. He had one that was 290. Yeah. That was his best one. And then the rest of them were fucking line drives. Like he was breaking house windows. Yeah.

Yeah. It was fucking. I mean, what can you do? He struggles. He's not a good athlete. He's not. you do? He's not a good athlete. He's not. He's a stud athlete. Where are we at on time? We're at 46-ish.

That's plenty of time. Just the holidays. And you've got to pump ads in between, too. We've got some Chinese food coming. We've got Chinese food coming. We're about to pump a ton of ads. It's the holidays. Thank you for listening. Hope you guys all have good holidays. Happy got Chinese food coming. We're about to pump a ton of ads. All right. It's the holidays. Well, thank you for listening.

Hope you guys all have good holidays. Hank, crush that shit. Happy Kwanzaa. Nick, keep that hot mouth hot. Keep that shit hot. Mook, someday we'll find out about your making out technique with that little top line of hair on that mustache. I'm giving out dirty Sanchez's over here, brother.

Isn't that a turd? I forget. I think that's when you wipe your ass and then put it in a girl's mouth. You wipe your ass with her underwear or something like that. Wait a minute, no way. You've never Dirty Sanchez?

That's how I lost my virginity. Really? Is that even a sex flag? I lost my virginity with an Alaskan pipeline. What is that? You shit in a cond act? I lost my virginity with an Alaskan pipeline. What is that? You shit in a condom and put it in the freezer and then fuck someone with it. Oh, God.

I was moaning. Derry Sanchez after anal sex, the act of drawing a mustache on the recipient's face with the object of penetration, usually a penis. I don't know if my handwriting would be good with a penis. With my own. No, we were talking about this, too. No, we were talking about this too. I think we were talking about this when we were playing Fortnite.

But that's not enjoyable for the girl involved in any... Not one step of that process is enjoyable for them. But how is it enjoyable for the guy? Autograph seekers. Just be like, you look so good with my shit on your face. You're getting fucked in the ass, which I don't think feels good for anybody. And then you're getting shit on your face after never sign it's your own shit baby's your own shit after a dirty sanchez you busted didn't you you can't sign a girl's face

with a blue marker either that means that she's just trying to transfer it onto another girl's face what is this it was coined during the Mexican-American War when American soldiers would often wipe fecal matter under the nose of foreign soldiers. This is going to get dark, yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Everything's got a dark past like that. You just got to ignore it. Alright.

Alright. Thank you guys for listening. See you soon. Whenever that is. Sorry for interrupting, guys. No, it's great. was over still still underground